#we are not friends i dont know you i just want to do my job and not be treated like a child by my fucking coworkers can you please shut up

[cottoncandyswisherz]

1-800-CHOKE-DAT-HOE

this is long for no fucking reason im sorry.

chris x dealer!oc

warnings: putting a stereotyping bitch in her place, swearing.

this day fucking sucks. 

its no secret that tasia hated both of her jobs. but amazon was in a special place in her brain that held hatred that she specifically reserved for her father, rapists, and dentists.

but it paid the bills and kept the police off her ass. selling drugs was helping as well, but most of that income went to her college fund. 

yes, she was 20 years old, and in college, and still adding to her college fund. 

but it wasn't her fault. her parents didn't exactly do their job in the education department but she made good grades in high school and she got into college. she wanted to be able to say that everything that happened all meant something. that it was worth it.

that she was worth it.

so for now, she slaved away at amazon. slinging boxed into trucks with the dumbest species on the planet. 

men. 

"bro, earth is FLAT! why do you think the water from the ocean doesnt fall of the earth?"

she stopped listening right there. put in her airpods and blasted her "real nigga" playlist. everything was going smooth for about an hour. tasia was vibing to "catch a b" by maf teeski when the bitch from the front desk came up and tapped her on the shoulder with her bony ass finger. 

"ms. edmond. you have a few boys waiting for you up at the front." 

boys? who the fuck is at my-

tasia couldnt even finish her though when fake blondie started her usual shit. "i usually dont allow visitors during employees working hours. i told the gentlemen that your shift ends 5 minutes and to come back, but they were very... persistent about speaking to you immediately." 

shawty is really tweaking over 5 minutes?

tasia rolled her eyes and began trudging to the front of the large building. because she was loading boxes in the back, her shift would end by the time she got up there anyway. 

when she arrived, she was relieved to see chris, matt and nick literally twiddling their thumbs. when they saw the lanky girl walking up they got off the wall, almost in sync. 

nick picked up a box the size of jupiter while chris fixed his hair and rolled up the sleeves of his blue hoodie. 

seeing the box, made tasia remember her conversation with nick last night. he had to return some furniture.

"hellooo" nick said with a smile. the two had been texting a little bit for the week that had passed since the party. 

"hey bookie." she gave a genuine smile, which surprised her, which is why it didnt last long. she looked at matt and chris gaving them a quick "hey".

"he gets a 'bookie' AND a smile and all we get is a 'hey'?"  chris feigned hurt and pointed at his brothers with his jaw dropped,

this made tasia snort before replying with "i dont know you two bozos." followed by "but let me try again, for your benefit." she pretended to get into character, slapping a huge fake smile on her face. "O. M. G. hi guys! im just so happy to see you!" with that, her face fell and she asked if that was better.

"i think i like the 'hey' better..." matt muttered, with a face of confusion.

"i thought so." the girl chuckled and turned back to nick. "okay let me take this and meet you at the desk.

when they got to the desk she put in the information she needed to identify the purchase. "okay you have the card you used to pay for it right?"

"uuuh yes. hold on." nick search his wallet, eventually finding his card and handing it to his new friend.

when the transaction was finished, and nick got the confirmation text that his money had returned to his account he asked tasia when she was getting off.

"im actually off now. and i gotta hurry and get my stuff before i miss the next bus."

"bus?" nick questioned.

"yes, bus. yknow the big purple thing you get on to get from point a to point b?"

"i know what a fucking bus is. i just dont know why you're taking the bus when we have a car." nick rebuttled.

"because i live in compton and yall live 5 minutes from the hills?" what tasia was saying was a fact, but she said more like a question, mainly because she thought this was obvious.

"well come with us to do a few things and then we'll take you home." now anyone else would have jumped at the opportunity to get a free ride across town.

tasia was not like anyone else.

"why would you do that?"

"because i dont fuck with these two and i need someone else in the back seat with me."

"fair enough."

instagram pictures had been taken, happy ice had been eaten and legos had been bought.

now it was time for tasia to go back home.

"okay give me your phone so i can put my address in."

"okay but i have to stop by the house so i can get jaiyahs earrings." matt said, passing her his phone.

"...why are her earrings at your house?" tasia questioned with a quizzical look on her face.

"because she was hammered the other night and asked me to pick her up and take her home. she took her earrings off in the car and i kept them in my room." matt answered bluntly.

"its true. he asked me to come with him because he was nervous." chris cosigned.

"whatever. but if we're stopping i need to pee."

"thats fine." matt said.

"i know its fine. im just letting you know im gonna be using your bathroom."

-

when they arrived at the triplets house, tasia wasnt even surprised by the size of it. she knew they made good money. she didnt say anything other than ask where the bathroom was, which chris was happy to answer.

she did her business and found her way to the living room, where chris was going through a big box.

"whats that?" tasia asked.

"theyre hoodies for my brand." chris answer, handing her the sweatshirt.

she admired the blue hoodie, with white letting. it was soft. she could tell it was comfortable. so she did the first thing that came to her mind.

she put it on.

and chris damn near lost his fucking mind.

tasia, the girl who'd been haunting his frontal lobe to point of needing a lobotomy, was in his living room, in biker shorts and the hoodie that he designed. he wanted to have this moment forever.

he needed to have this moment forever.

"oh you have to let me take some pictures of you in it." he chuckled.

"absolutely not." tasia shook her head.

"come one pleeeaaase?" chris begged.

"i dont even have social media." she argued.

"then i dont have to tag you. even better."

"fine."

"YES!" chris shouted and pulled out his phone, placing her against the white wall and telling her to smile.

"do i look like the smiling type?" tasia asked.

"well at least pose." he rolled his eyes.

"how the fuck am i supposed to pose." she urged. "i dont know how to model."

"youre not modelling. youre taking pictures in a fire ass hoodie." he laughed and moved to position her in a way that would look good to show off his brand.

they continued this for about 5 minutes, him, positioning her body and taking pictures, her keeping the same neutral expression on her face.

in these 5 minutes the two individuals had realized some very important things.

tasia realized that if anyone was this close to her besides jaiye that she's try her best to remove a limb from their body. but not chris. she was allowing him into her bubble and she didnt even feel nervous about it. it felt natural. like he was supposed to be there.

chris realized that he never paid attention to the was a woman smelled until tasia. he realized she smelled like coco butter. not coco butter lotion but real coco butter. the kind that are in matts candles. he also realized that he'd shoot layla in the face for a chance to see tasia wear his brand again.

speak of the devil and she shall come.

"chrissy?" he heard her dreadful voice call out the nickname that only his mother and grandmothers were allowed to call him.

while chris was trying not to vomit, tasia was holding back a laugh at the sound of his nickname. "chrissy?" she asked.

"dont even think about it." he put a finger in her face and turned to the entrance of the living room, where layla was walking in.

emphasis on was.

she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a girl she didnt recognize so close to chris.

"whos this?" layla asked, pointing at tasia.

"oh thats tasia. shes nicks friend. i was just show-" he was cut off by layla asking

"she cant talk or something?"

tasias eyebrows rose to the tippy-top of her head as she whipped her head in chris' direction, giving him the chance to check her before she does.

"shut up layla. she doesnt owe you a response because you asked me who she was."

"shut up?" layla feigned hurt. "you shut told me to shut up in from of whoever she is?"

taking a step towards 'layla' tasia started with "girl-" but was cut off by chris grabbing her elbow.

"tasia. please." he pleaded with her.

it was at this time that nick and matt returned from upstairs and froze at the situation before them. they had two options.

help defuse the situation and take tasia home as quckly as possible, leaving chris to deal with layla.

or

2. sit back and watch this funny ass shit unfold.

obviously they chose option 2 and skirted around the three. this shit looked like a standoff from a western movie.

only more anticipating.

"layla i just told you her name. i told you to come at 6. its 4:30. why the fuck are you in my house, and how'd you get in?" chris asked, trying to distract her from tasia, who didnt do a single thing wrong.

"i was coming to make you dinner. i wanted to surprise you. but i was the one surprised when i come in here and see you all up on inmate 23-" layla was cut off by tasia slapping the fuck out of her then grabbing her neck in both hands, restricting laylas airflow.

"oh shit!" nick and matt said at the same time.

"now because im cool with your dude, im not gonna fuck you up. but imma let you know right fucking now that if you ever address me as anything other than my fucking name, i wont let it slide." tasia said, then released laylas throat.

layla coughed and caught her breath, then proceeded to do what she does best. annoy the fuck out people. "who the fuck do you think you are bi-"

another slap. "you're not a quick learner are you?" tasia teased and punched layla in the jaw so hard that she fell over, still clutching her face.

"chris, get your lap dog under control before i catch a case." she motioned towards the girl on the floor. "nick, get me something frozen for my hand. and matt, did you get jaiyes earrings?" tasia asked, turning to where the two boys had been sitting on the couch.

they were zoned in on chris, trying to console and scold layla, who was starting to get hysterical on the floor. their jaws were an inch away from the ground and their eyes were bugging out of their head.

"HELLO?" tasia yelled, snapping them back into reality. nick got up and scurried to the freezer, while matt got up and retrieved the previously mentioned earrings from his pocket showing her that he had competed the task they'd come here for in the first place.

"great. now take me back to the fucking hood." tasia ordered.

tasia was now in bed, having showered, wrapped up her hair, and cleaned her piercings.

she was reading her book in a state of peace, not even thinking about the events that took place earlier.

shit like that didn't even phase her anymore. she was black with a face tat and multiple piercings and she went to a pwi. she dealt with judgment every day of her life.

she didnt hit chris' girlfriend because she was the first person to ever disrespect her. she hit her because she couldn't hit the white boys who laughed when she walked into her ethical law class. or any class that she walked into on her college campus.

the situation may have been small but the principle was big as shit.

tasia was pulled out of her blissful book when she heard her phone ring. it was a facetime from number she didn't recognize.

nonetheless, she knew jaiye was out and wasnt declining any phone calls until her bestie was home. so she answered.

only to be met with chris' face.

"chris? how'd you get my number?"

"nick." chris' eyes were focused on her and she hated that she like it.

"oh."

"yeah." chris said, awkwardly scratching his chin. "look i dont mean to bother you. its just i wanted to say sorry for layla and that i put you in that position."

"its chill." tasia shrugged, closing her book and setting it to the side. "you wanted your pictures. did you at least get any good ones?"

"yeah theyre great." chris replied with a goofy smile..

"you sure? i wouldn't wanna fuck up your hoodie."

"tasia. trust me when i say that you could make a burlap sack look good." chris replied. the smile was gone and he was now dead serious. "but i gotta go, nick wants to watch drag race. but im gonna send you some of the pictured okay?" he said, getting up.

"okay." tasia smiled, which shocked her, causing her to hang up without saying bye, something she hated doing.

not even 20 seconds later she phone dinged again, showing that chris has sent the pictured to her, like he said he would.

to say tasia was shocked by what she saw on the screen would be an understatement.

(pretend its the lue fresh love hoodie pls and thx, management)

chris had made her look so pretty. and the way she wasn't even trying made her even more surprised.

that night, she fell asleep thinking about those pictures.

how much she enjoyed taking them, despite her hatred for pictures of herself. how much she enjoyed chris being so close. how beautiful she looked while in her resting face.

ho. lee. fuck.

she like chris.

niyah speaks💗

okay last one! im boutta knock tf out because its 4 am. comment if you wanna be on the taglist.

remember that if no one loves you, mommy loves you (and my mommy i mean me.)

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo fanfic

[ariseur]

sephiroth w/ a little sister!reader !? I don't see many headcanons / fic / anything of Sephiroth with this type of scenario although I consider it something cute & fun x'D, specifically Seph discovering that his little and beloved (?) sister has several guys with a love interest behind her. How would Seph be in the situation, would he be a protective older brother, would he be the type that scares them away with just a deadly look? My, many possibilities! (⁠☆⁠▽⁠☆⁠)

sephiroth’s little sister hcs 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

sephiroth (ffvii) x reader (platonic!!)

┊ ˚➶ notes ｡˚ 🎼

THIS REQUEST WAS SOO CUTE I NEVER SEE LITTLE SISTER HCS LIKE THIS EITHERR. thank you for the request anon, hope i did it justice !! 💗

┊ ˚➶ warnings ｡˚ 🎼

intended lowercase, mentions of pre and post nibelheim, mentions of hojo (he’s a warning within itself), possessiveness but like not in a weird way.. seph’s just crazy, lmk if i missed anything!!

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄

❥ soooo.. starting off!!

❥ i think that sephiroth with a little sister would definitely be interesting; the war hero now being seen with an ultimately younger girl, it’d be amusing seeing such a difference between the two especially if you’re shorter.

❥ i’m not sure how being sephiroth’s sister would necessarily work considering he was an “experiment” of jenova, and from my knowledge after lucrecia gave birth to him she was crystallized in the crystal caves? but if we’re ignoring that and maybe that didn’t happen or something like that idk, i think it’d be pretty hectic, especially if you were also an experiment of jenova’s cells.

❥ both pre and post sephiroth would love you dearly. pre sephiroth would make it a mission to visit you as much as possible and would try to fit some time in his schedule to go and hang out with you. usually, he’d go take walks with you or if you like food then he’d be insistent on making a trip of trying a bunch of new places.

❥ he is honestly your biggest defender— although i don’t expect a lot of people to disrespect you while a close-to-six-foot first class SOLDIER is looming right behind you. i dont know if he’d let you out of his sight all that often when you’re around him, his instincts just kinda kick in so he’s following you around like a dog.

❥ if you were known by genesis and angeal crisis-core era, and genesis hits on you or even tries to flirt??? ooh sephiroth is right behind you in an instant. he is NOT letting genesis get with you at all, i’m sorry in advance to the self insert x genesis readers that had this idea in mind but i def don’t think that seph would be okay with you dating his friends. even angeal, whom he trusts very dearly and knows that he wouldn’t try anything with you, would have sephiroth feeling iffy.

❥ if you had “suitors” or if you were popular with the boys ( and maybe the ladies too if you’re just THAT suave ), ooh sephiroth would have a heart attack. he’d want you to choose who you want, of course, but be prepared for sephiroth lurking around every corner like a cat. if you bring your partner to meet him? he’s gonna look like the scariest mf regardless if he’s trying to be or not.

❥ he especially doesn’t want you to do anything with his job. if you have jenova cells or if extraordinary strength then he might feel a little better if you were to be involved with the SOLDIER program or shinra, but if you’re a civilian then he’d rather not get you involved with his duties. there’s too much on the line and he can’t risk you getting hurt, also another reason why he prefers to keep you on the down low or for him to only visit you.

❥ also another thought, but i just keep imagining zack flirting with you or meeting you and thinking you’re absolutely GORGEOUS ( because if you’re related to sephiroth.. you gotta be pretty let’s be honest that mama so beautiful ) ( we don’t talk about hojo though, there’s no way he’s related to seph. vincent gotta be the daddy ), but then once he sees that sephiroth is your brother he literally goes WHITE. starts trying to subtly be more friendly and lowkey apologize for his behavior.. spoiler alert; zack is not subtle.

❥ now whatever you do.. don’t imagine sephiroth meeting you the day before heading out to nibelheim. whatever you don’t, think imagine you guys walking at night as he talks about how worried he is for his friends, and how he thinks zack is going to do. and whatever you do, don’t imagine reminiscing after the village burns down, your mind trailing back to the last hug he gave you before he found out what he really was.

❥ if you were to still stay with post nibelheim sephiroth, he wouldn’t let you out of his sight. he can’t lose you at all, not now— not now that he knows you’re the only thing he has left. he’ll go through the motions of being very cold to you sometimes and then being very overprotective

❥ he’d come home one day from only the lord knows where, and wake you up in the middle of the night. and when you finally awake, he wouldn’t let you go. i imagine he’d feel conflicted. sephiroth was dehumanized from birth and ostracized from a normal life as he never met his true mother lucrecia and hojo had no interest in claiming him other than for his own benefit as a scientist. if you were dealt with such things as well, or maybe you were separated because sephiroth was the superior experiment, it wouldn’t matter; sephiroth contained these feelings that he didn’t know how to feel or express himself about.

❥ he wouldn’t understand why he felt this way, especially having no sort of concept of family brought to him within the early years of his life, but all he knows is that he has you

❥ he only has you— and he’s not willing to risk losing you anytime soon.

#ffvii x reader #final fantasy vii x reader #ffvii fanfiction #final fantasy x reader #ff7 x reader #final fantasy 7 x reader #ff7 fanfiction #ff7 sephiroth #sephiroth x reader #sephiroth fanfiction #ff7 sephiroth x reader #ffvii sephiroth x reader #ffvii sephiroth #final fantasy vii sephiroth #i’m just in a silly sephiroth mood guys #sephiroth crescent x reader #final fantasy 7 sephiroth #sephiroth ffvii #sephiroth #sephiroth crescent #ffvii rebirth #ffvii remake #crisis core #crisis core reunion #ODOTTIE *･῾ ᵎ⌇ ⁺◦ 💘 ✧.* #kiss kiss

[doobledabbadoo]

got around making some more htf ocs!! i honestly cant stop theyre too fun to make actually

#dooble moment #my art #cw happy tree friends #cw htf #happy tree friends #htf #htf oc #htf ocs #GOD i love making ocs for this show so much #like. theres so many fun character ideas you can incorporate into the show #dont question the ethics of cerise’s attire. shes far from the most moral character #ive wanted to develop scurry a bit more to not make him just an orange generic tree friend #but i think just giving him a lot of things to do shows that hes a lil disorganized & yk what? #we love a disorganized king #also love the idea that scoffy & scoldy are like. HUGE rivals when it comes to their jobs #but theyre good friends outside of work #maybe even lovers? who knows!

[opikiquu]

aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

#★ arin rambles #‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you #AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY #OH MY LORD #OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS. #MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I #AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video #‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE #I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY #Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute #HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO. #Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever #any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU #IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY #IM COVERED IN DIRT #IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN #oh goodness me oh my #im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick #Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE! #guys…. he my favorriet… #my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything #hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM* #yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW #IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY? #oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut #ly DOOMED #yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton #TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE #i womder how crazy i look right now #Sighs lovingly at him..

[harvestmoth]

heres my one page thesis on why hinomori mafuyu real

#back on this again. apologizes but the newest event hit me across the face #they found her in a wet cardboard box all alone… #also all of l/n call her babygirl its just that mafuyu only knows this from kanade who in turn has only heard honami say it #anyways heres my thoughts on the hinomoris and why they should get to keep mafuyu #uh. #so everyone knows how mafuyu has the mask she puts on yea. but i dont really see people mention how shiho and shizuku. also have that #in different but still similar ways #with shizuku putting on a perfect act where shes always smiling for her idol job and as to not worry her friends and shiho #while shiho puts on her act of not caring and pushing everyone way so they dont have to deal with her or the people who target her #so as we can see here. they both put on a mask and are self sacrificial about it for the sake of others #mafuyu does that too but instead of doing it for her friends and those that actually care about her. she does it for her mom who does not #idk. anyways something something these three have a similar way of dealing with things by bottling it up until they no longer feel it #do you get me #do you understand what im on about #if not idk i might be making it all up i havent had a chance to watch all of the events and ive been kind of skipping around on them #like watching the newer ones first which is probably not the best idea #okay im done now i just want others to see the vision and do my work for me #project sekai #mafuyu asahina #shiho hinomori #shizuku hinomori #oh last thing. shiho and shizuku absolutely beat up asahina its what they all deserve #asahina mother i mean. not mafuyu. they beat each other up in the losing at card games way while they beat up asahina mom with a steel chair

[spockoholic]

weird birthday vibes this year, wonder if my brother is gonna text me back (we are twins) or if he’s just gonna ghost me again this year

poll????

#all the energy is off and a #lil shitty ngl #my two friends who live in my city are asking me like what do you want to do tonight what are your plans like???? i worked all day today and #the previous four days i dont want to also have to plan my birthday that’s YOUR job #if imma be completely honest #y’all know #me very well #i am very tired and do no want to have to plan this #perhaps a little bitchy of me but 🤷‍♀️ #but yeah did double birthday text my brother this year which kinda feel like shit i wish he’d at least send an emoji back even if he doesnt #want to talk to me #anyways happy 26 🙃 #ALSO my long term partner and i finally decided that we’re gonna call it quits and just be roomates a couple days ago and like it needed to #happen and i’ve been ready for a while it still feels weird everything feels weir’d we’ve #we were together for almost 6 years

[early-october-skies]

Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

#lizzierants #had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly #caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because #theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry #that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing #good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me #someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with #my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am #overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back #this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf #i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec #ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help #and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here #most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much #anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking #terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine #is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because #they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate #this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start #crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3 #i will heal and ill be okay <3

[anaalnathrakhs]

i keep looking at posts like "i stopped a binge" "i prevented a binge" and all of them are like. "i waited until the urge went away". buddy. the urge doesn't go away. there's no urge. there's just nothing else to do. i don't have anything else to do. every time i stop eating no matter how long i sit with the feeling or not, i always go for more food because there is genuinely nothing else in my life. nothing is enjoyable anymore. the world sucks. no matter what i force myself to do it's the only positive thing i can ever find.

#like okay cool i let the people around me guilt me into eating whatever they think i should be eating #i get it. i'm so fucking stupid for missing out opportunities to try new food. i should never buy the same food twice. #i should always buy all the variety i can and try everything. #i'm so stupid for having eaten the same stuff in a loop for years and years #i'm a massive fucking weirdo for not eating when other people are eating #i keep stealing food from my parents and the people around me i keep taking way too much of stuff intended for a group #nowhere i go will be free of obligations #i have to keep buying my own poison because everywhere i go there's other people's food waiting for me anyway #my parents keep looking at me like a freak no matter if i eat dinner with them or not #they see me binge and nothing happens #we just ignore it #i just eat until Designated Eating Time is finished #hunger doesnt ever have anything to do with it i just eat when food's in front of me #i need the ritual i need the structure it brings to my life #both meals with other people and my ritual binges #i dont know what to do with myself when i'm not binging #and it's like i'm not allowed to not want food #to other people #it's like i must necessarily want all food and anytime i refuse it's restriction #my friends are always like ooooh you can grab some of my fries if you want #or oooooh do you want the rest of my cookie #or ooooooh and how about you are you ordering something #and i'm like :) yeah sure :) like anybody else would :) #and to myself. to myself i don't know. i think i just want to give up. i want to suffer and i want to fuck up so badly. #so badly that no one can deny i need help #i want to be proven right. i'm just a little weakling and all i'm good for is to haunt the halls of a mental hospital. #no responsabilities no pressure nothing but a pitiable suffering victim #i want somebody or something to swoop in and save me #but nobody will come. it's my job to ask for reasonable help from the relevant authorities. and currently they can't offer that care. #so fuck me i guess

[haven-gum-rockrose]

going through it lately. and by it? i mean absolutely nothing actually.

#guys i need therapy #not that itll work #it wont #the last one didnt #and the ones before didnt but my mom only let me do one or two session each for those so i dont fault them #its been years tho so maybe? #idfk #i dont really care #i do #i probably do im just tired #yall know what type of tired #ugh i should really keep my vent posts to my vent blog so people dont have to see them #<- has made many vent posts here and actually not used the vent blog in months #my foot just fell asleep #yall lukcy i dont have a gun #i lied about quiting my job btw #something came up and it got complicated #it might turn out good tho #probably not #but if it does i might be able to move out and room with my oldest friend #oldest as in time known #not age (im older by like four months hehe(and like a head shorter but we dont talk about that shh)) #but that would also mean rent which means philly will take a lot longer #and also ill have to look for shops in a whole other city so im putting off quiting for another month or two or three maybe #i dont like change. i dont like genuinely regularly thinking 'id rather die' to things that i really do want #tw vent #thats probably important #i dont like decisions #did you guys know Animal Jam got shut down? #i miss my necklace. everything else seems so- not barbaric but maybe unclean. which i guess is appropriate

[autisticlee]

I know it's wrong and bad to say this, but sometimes I really hate when my friends have other friends. (specifically when I can't also be friends with those friends) because every time I want someone to hang out with or talk to, the only couple friends I have are always busy with their other friends. when I want to plan something with them, they will always choose the other friends over me. they will cancel plans *with* me as soon as other friends ask, but won't cancel plans *for* me when i ask. they will use up their social spoons on other friends and leave none for me. always putting things with me off or simply not responding at all.

i'm always told by random people when I say I want mkre friends "it's better to have a couple great friends than many aquantances" or something like that. but honestly it sucks because you can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there for you every day or every week when you want or need someone. if you keep asking, you're seen as annoying and clingy and they will ignore you eventually (or worse)

it's annoying that they get to fill their social needs at all times, but I never get to. because i'm never the one that gets to go first in the social queue. and when it gets to my turn, it refreshes and i'm pushed to the back again.

the only solution I can ever think of is being friends with my friends' friends too....but for some reason!!!!!! that never works out!!!! (if my friends will even share their friends with me to begin with)

#and dont even get me started on when i share my friends with each other and they choose each other over me and kick me out lmao #WHY ARE FRIENDS SO HARD #why am i just a little creature that requires certain amounts/types of social interaction that never gets met #and no one wants to do anything about it. and im forced to sit here feeling bad about it because i cant fix it either fbbdbdfghhdhjrhfdj #this whole friend and human interaction and bonding and companionship bullshit is going to be lifelong issue and im not here for it #NO ADVICE IM GIVEN WORKS. IM TIRED OF ONE SIDED BULLSHIT WHERE ONLY I TRY. HUMANS ARE ANNOYING #im like a non human creature that wears human skin and everyone except me knows and they dont want me and i domt know why #i also dont have the energy to do the whole new friends song and dance where you small talk to get to know each other #and share your life stories. i rather just hang out and become friends through enjoyment of mutual enjoyed activity???? #or something like that idk #i tried so hard to be friendly to friends' friend last weekend when we all hung out so i can be adopted into their friend group but #they didnt even tell me it was nice meeting me and hanging out and didnt even say bye to me. only to my friends #and i was too sad about that to say it to them instead as they walked away. theyre way more social and good at words #and i was overwhelmed and struggling to speak so i was waiting for the queue to say those things or something #i expected it like an idiot loser becuase i thought i did a good job being a cute gremlin that fits into the group that seems to have #other goofy gremlins like me. i thought maybe they can be “my people” or something. but then they turned around and left #after telling my friends bye. and didnt acknowledge me. and i juat kept smiling and turned around and walked away too #PRETENDING IT WAS FINE. BUT IT FELT BAD. BECAUSE I FAILED TO MAKE A FRIEND WHEN I THOUGHT I DID GOOD WITH THEM FOR ONCE #so “being confident/believing in yourself” like im told to do DIDNT WORK AND IT FELT WORSE THAN DOUBTING MYSELF. YOU LIARS. ugh fhdhdhfhjssk #WHAT DO. WHY LEE BAD AT THIS. WHY IT FEEL BAD. WHY NOT JUST ACCEPT BEING ALONE 99% OF TIME AND GIVE UP. WOULD BE EASIER #lee rants #autism things #i know its rude to invite yourself into a friend group but what if i try anyway 🤪✌️

[straykats]

sometimes i entertain the thought of like. everything ending up okay and then i get even more scared and anxious and idk why

#like what if i get a stable job what if i dont have to worry about everyone the way i do rn #what if i do manage to move out what if i do come out and its okay and what if i do get the #confidence to build new relationships and stuff and what if i can cope with my friend moving interstate #and what if my parents splitting becomes the new norm for me and i can manage it and dont break down every second day #and what if i manage to actually work on my original wip on the side #and what if idk i can get published as well #and what if i can come to terms with and move on from all the things that happened in childhood #and what if my brother and i are okay and we can actually have good conversations and what if #im able to reconnect with my cousin and maintain our relationship despite all #and what if my parents are civil with eachother and i can see them in the same room and not worry about whats going to happen #and i can be in their presence without wanting to rio my skin off and i can relax and not mediate every single conversation #and what if i can hug them and what if my friends are right and im not actually a burden #and what if i can still be friends with them and or be at peace with changing relationships #and what if i do manage to pay off all my student debt and other loans i'll probably incur #and what if its like. okay. like. #its such a scary thought and it kight be because it seems so far off and the possibility of it being okay means #that i need to survive this and get through this and thats just another expectation put on me and maybe its scary because #i dont know if i'll be able to meet this expectation either yknow like #its. its a good thing but it seems so stupidly out of reach #you cant imagine what you dont know etcetc #anyways. assignments first existential dread or whatever later #kat talks

[oatbugs]

i feel conflicted abt my relationship...need advice etc . in tags . pls i need input sm

#i love my gf a lot and i think our relationship is doing rly good rn . i miss her a lot bc im in a diff country to her but ill see her #in a few weeks etc. anyway things are good....HOWERVER. i am worried abt . our future #like u are supposed to live in the moment and have fun and be young etc etc but this is like..the fact that its going well #is making me consider how our life paths would go tgth and if it would be fair to stay in a relationship u know wont work forever. like #this was one of the reasons why i felt hesitant at first etc. basically i swore to myself i would only date an academic or at least someone #who like. has. A Thing. that they are working towards that they are rly rly passionate abt. bc i thought it just wouldnt work out otherwise #and it seemed after a while of talking that she IS like that...shes applying for a graphic design degree and she seems to genuinely #love art etc so much and also she is amazing at it. HOWRVER...she hasnt drawn in a while #and is working a min wage job despite meaning to quit for ages...and as far as im aware #she still hasnt made a portfolio...etc etc. but im so confused bc like...shes great and ik she can do it i just dont #understand why she wont. she could also get an internship etc in the relevant field but i still dont get it...and its not my place to be #pushy abt it. like i already suggested these things and asked abt them but i dont want to ask any more bc like. its her choice #what she does w her life etc. but anyway its like...am i being pessimistic/impatient and everything is gonna #go well for her or do i hold genuine concerns. and if the latter/both potentially...is it unfair to be like #hey babe ik things are amazing rn but we have to reevaluate bc idk if in 10 yrs i would be happy w where we are #my friend was like. Break Up W Her from the beginning bc he thinks u shouldn't get into a relationship w smn whom you think will not also #elevate u in some way..and ur life paths dont align etc...but he is genuinely married to his academics like hes sworn off #love so i didnt rly listen bc hes rly extreme w his. love gets in the way of academics. etc #but also his point was valid i think? that you want the person u spend ur life w to elevate you. u want them to challenge you and make you #want to work harder and be better and achieve more and more...and i do want that and i have been trying to be that for them #but A) i can only be that to a reasonable extent for them before it starts being like nagging/being pushy and #B) i feel like if they end up going the way they are rn they can never be that for me. is that bad #like am i a horrible person for thinking this way. obviously i am not casting a moral judgement on her or anyone #for whatever path in life they choose to go down but also is it like...Silly to give up on a perfectly good #relationship bc ur like. as it stands i do not see you walking alongside me in 10 yrs etc #like im lich rally 20 . but what if it DOES end up going rly well and it DOES end up being thr case that we end up staying together #and then im like. feeling discouraged bc my partner in life is just not the kind of person i imagined being w when i was 19 or 20... #like in terms of careers etc. more importantly is this a discussion i should have w her . bc i literally do not know how to raise this #without sounding like a dick but is that bc i...am being a dick? is this a bad thing ?? is this thought not that of a good person ? #it sounds so WEIRD to be like hey babe either u have to start being more ambitious and insane abt ur art or i might break up w you. like :/

[bangcakes]

.

#ive finally calmed the fuck down NDNDDDDJN #realistically... we've only been buddy buddy like the past 2 months. #and like i think i was doing a lot of assuming. like he may be playing it cool bc hes not sure if i like him... Like That. you know NDJDJD #IDK. i think i was rishing bc i was scared id never see him again #hut now that i saw him... after graduating... and being out of school.... and we have semi plans to meet in feb.... #really dont think theres a need to rush. like i want him in my life and i think at least that feeling is mutual JDJDJDJKDMDMDM #like he basically signed up for double hang outs with me. idk if he realized it JDJDJDJJD #bc every month or 2 we'll have plans with the bigger group AND ones with just me him n our other friend (that wants no part of the #bigger group JDJDJJDJDJD) so !!!@@@@ ya.... #feeling much better and calmer !!! #i do miss him tho JDJDJDJDJJD. i wanna message him but idk what to say. but ik i'll think of something heheheh #and who knows... he may message me too !!!!! ya.... #gotta focus on getting a job anyway HDJDJDJDJDJDND #my applied to count is still 1 LMAO #a lot of the companies.... dont seem real????? idk being a software company and not having a website.... or having a website #and having lorem ipsum or like the dedault wordpress blog post on pages.... its giving scam JDJDJDJJDDKDKD #but ya... the search continues... #personal

[arthur-r]

need to poll my friends, does anybody drink black coffee like just coffee from inside of a coffee pot and you don’t put anything in it?

#haven’t tried black coffee since i was like ten and i hated it then and now i have mixed feelings #the biggest problem was that it is way too warm i am all burnt up now #that’s what milk is for really is just to drown out the heat turn it into a regular temperature beverage #anyway it tastes well enough and i guess the point of black coffee is it gets the job done #that being said caffeine usually makes me feel unwell so don’t ask me why i went for it today #pro tip if you don’t want to aggravate somebody’s heart problems don’t pour coffee near them when they’re sleeping #(‘‘sleeping’’ what i mean is eyes closed head on desk still perceiving things. not strong enough to wake me up from a dream or anything) #anyway if you pour coffee near me and i’m currently tired out of my mind i’m gonna ask to have some there’s no way around it #so um not my fault i was aided and abetted and i play no role in my own destruction #anyway i’m also feeling entirely fine shdhdf i’m nearly convinced it’s been a chocolate allergy this whole time #and if i stop drinking mochas then i’ll stop reacting cause it’s not the caffeine that’s the problem. we’ll find out soon #anyway who drinks this. do my friends drink this?? do my friends have tips on how to drink this #for example how do you make it not be warm but also not be filled up with milk #do you just blow on it. like an old man in a fable about a satyr who thinks humans are the strangest creatures #the taste is kind of epic honestly like it’s not good but it’s kind of good #at the very least it makes me feel like an old academic #anyway hi it’s senior skip day and i’m playing the system by showing up at the school building and skipping from here #shdhdf i’m gonna go to class from here on out though. just had to skip physics cause i never did the essay and i’m afraid of confrontation #that’s also not my fault because who assigns an essay in physics class???? i dont know this stuff well enough to write about it?? #although of course that’s the point of assigning an essay is to see if we know everything well enough to write about it shdhdf #so anyway i’m here to ask my friends who drink black coffee (if there are any) what do you do to help it cross the line to just being good? #cause right now it’s like good in several ways but it’s too warm and it tastes a little bit silly. i need pro tips for college #cause honestly i love the taste of coffee and like i said the chocolate might be the problem so i’m turning away from mochas #probably they’re both a problem. but let’s say i start drinking decaf black coffee. what do i do to make it incredible. please and thanks #shdhdf mostly i’m just checking in though. how is everybody? i really hope you are doing well!!!! #i’ll be around for a bit then heading to humanities class eventually i can’t skip on the teacher who invited me to her book club #also like. lunch. and like i said i have integrity now. gonna go to the rest of my classes #but so anyway i hope everybody is doing well!!!! let me know if you need anything!! listen to corrections by poolboy if you feel like it!! #me. my post. mine. #alright this is my last tag but i’ll be around. hope you are well and let me know!!

[the-most-sublime-fool]

I got a job in my field but I had to turn it down because they simply weren't offering enough money. It's beyond insulting to be offered minimum wage when I have a master's degree and relevant work experience.

#i hate it here #they were also like #overtime is expected in this role #fuck that #yeah maybe i'll regret this down the road but i have to at least try to find something better #if i have to give up on working in this industry then so be it. i'm tired. i have rent to pay. i have student loans. #i don't have the option of moving back in with my parents or having my parents pay my bills #which is what all of my friends in my program are doing! literally everyone i know! #this industry is broken & like every 2 weeks theres some new thinkpiece about how to attract minorities to this incredibly white industry #hmmm they just dont seem to be interested what are we supposed to do #PAY THEM. PAY US. #im a white cis immigrant w/o rich parents and that alone is enough to put me at a disadvantage and leave me unable to accept job offers #that simply aren't paying a living wage. #i don't really know what I'm going to do. keep looking i guess. #i'll probably also apply for jobs outside this field. i guess it was stupid to get a degree in it but fuck me i guess #for wanting to do something i love and not predicting massive inflation and skyrocketing rent costs #meanwhile wages in my field have actually gone down ~3% #it's not sustainable. i don't know what to say. #end rant i guess #sorry if you read this

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I kind of want to do a temperature blanket, but I don't care about the temperature, so I'm trying to think of something along the same format that's not as boring as temperature. I'm thinking maybe moon phases? I considered sunrise and sunset time, but it would require a lot of yarn and I'm not sure exactly how I would format it. Any ideas?

#i love knitting. its very calming #and i can do other things like listen to podcasts or music or watch a show while i do it #(it kills my hands because i was stupid when i first started knitting but we dont talk about that) #if you knit please don't push yourself too hard. take breaks. stretch your hands every few rows #ive made two blankets and a scarf and right now im working on a boanket for myself #the two blankets were for my best friend and my sibling. the scarf was for my girlfriend #now im working on a blanket thats just for me #because i realized i should probably stop or really limit my knitting after this #i really fucked up my hands tbh and i like using sign language and playing instruments so i dont want to make them worse #but a blanket like a temperature blanket is only one or two rows per day #its nice and limited knitting so i think i can manage that #but i dont know what to do! #i really do like the idea of moon phases because i love the moon :) #but im not sure. and id like a couple more ideas #my gf recommended tv show genres because im always watching a tv show #but rn im watching two game shows and a crime drama #maybe podcast genres? i love listening to podcasts because im alone so much at my job #and i usually dont listen to more than one at once #oh thats a cool idea #anyway lmk if you have any other ideas #love yall bye