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#watch someone take this too serious
royalarchivist · 4 months
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Phil: Doin' a lot of traveling around the New Years. Oh boy, oof. Oh golly, oh gee. But it should be worth it! It should be really good. I'm looking forward to it, Kristin's looking forward to it.
Random Chatter: What about Tallulah and Chayanne?
Phil: I told them already what's going on. I already told them. They already know when I'm getting back and all that stuff, so.
Random Chatter: The cookies though?
Phil: [Shrugs] So? I'm... physically not here? [Laughs] There's more things - there's more important things in life than feeding a virtual egg cookies, I'm sorry to say, dude. [Laughs]
Random Chatter: Get Tubbo to feed eggs cookies.
Phil: [Laughs and mimics the chatter in an annoying voice] "Get this person!" "Get that person!" ALSO IGNORING THOSE PEOPLE ALSO HAVE LIVES! Jesus Christ. That says a lot about what you think of your streamer. Oh my god, dude. Let them have a fcking week off man! Let the Eggs have a week off, you kidding me? They're people, too, they're admins!
Random Chatter: The eggs need to live.
Phil: They do! By having a week off! [Laughs] Leave them alone! Holy fck! Good lord... If I- if- Dude. If anyone in my chat is genuinely like gonna come into stream, and like - be pissed off that different members of QSMP are just not logging in, I'm banning you on the spot, 'cuz that is so fcking toxically online of you. That is SO chronically online of you. You need to take a break, and I'm giving you that break. I'm forcing you to take a break from your PC. Fckin' get up from the - look away from the screen.
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thwackk · 2 years
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can we have a moment of silence for scott pls. he’s not dead or anything, i just miss him
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dragonofthemountain · 7 months
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after i finish watching Knight Rider all the way through part of me wants to rewatch it again just to count up all the traffic violations Michael makes because HOLY SHIT
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myhyperfixationisback · 11 months
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Sony please release your cruel and un-creative grip on my autism creature game series. I beg of you. Let them at least start naming the series innuendos again… PLEASE. I’m sorry the Future series ever even got released at this point PLEASE go back to the old ways I beg you‼️
#ratchet and clank#the talkinator 2000#I say this as someone who’s first game from the series I watched was Tools of Destruction and who’s first game I played was A Crack in Time#if all it led to was the series getting turned into the next ‘plays like it’s a Pixar game’ bullshit#I would have never wanted them 😭#like this SUCKS man. the old ratchet and clank was full of so much personality it feels like the new ones are a corporate PARODY of it#let them name the games stupid dick jokes again. I KNOW it’s sony doing this. PLEASE#STOP MAKING RATCHET SO SERIOUS. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY#to be clear I’m not saying what makes the old games good is all the dirty jokes.#but I WILL say the dirty jokes prevent the series from taking itself too seriously#which it has started to do.#man at this point I don’t give a shit about the Lombaxes! give me another evil capitalist to throw into the moon!!#and the ‘last of their kind’ trope really is getting milked for all its worth and I’m tired of it!!#clank’s ‘chosen one’ trope story had more creativity man!!#alister was like the one spark of life in the lombax thing and then it went straight to bland again#the main characters don’t NEED this to be interesting. they don’t need greater than themselves destinies.#ratchet and clank and the other characters are interesting and fun without that!!#the thing I always liked is that Ratchet is the gun happy mechanic and Clank is the quipping impulse control with the hero alignment#the hero thing rubs off on Ratchet and he does start being a hero with Clank but it’s not his first instinct lol#also extremely sad that the reboot took away the running joke that Clank is the one getting the glory for their heroics#they don’t have a destiny reason for getting into the hero thing. they just got started and liked it and kept going#a lot of the times neither of them even WANTS to be involved they just get roped in!!#like you can do some background shit for them but throwing out all the rest that makes these characters fun to focus on it isn’t the answer#man I just. miss the fun and weird stuff they used to do with the characters and cast and places#they still do big environments but there isn’t other fun wacky shit to match#it’s just ‘destiny’ and heroism. that was never the point of this series 😭
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seenthisepisode · 28 days
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~~~
#i am close to tears - beware there is a rant about my life in the tags ahead so watch out - it's nothing VERY serious but it's... well#also this is literally about supernatural convention so it's not like a serious problem but it is a problem for me personally#so anyway last year when they announced misha for purgatory con 8 in dusseldorf i was like yes yes yes and i bought the tickets because:#1. i had a whole year to plan a trip 2. going to spn con was this little dream of mine because i've been in this fandom for years so#so i thought hey i deserve a little treat. i want to and deserve to go to a con and they just announced misha and i'd love to go#(and then they also announced jensen. and then jared too so like all 3 main guys will be there so !! a Treat !! yay!) and also Why Not#because it's in germany so it's the closest i would ever get a convention because i am from poland [*] no conventions here sorry#so i was like yeah the stars seem to have alligned yeah AND I BOUGHT THE TICKET. and the thing is SOLD OUT. and 3 main actor men are there#and a lot of mutuals that i'd finally love to meet maybe if they feel like it or whatever but i'd love to meet tumblr people so there's tha#and now. i just spent 3 hours after work looking for flights and everything. and. the conclusion. after 3 hours of looking at every possibl#way for me to get to Dusseldorf at the days of the con. well. the conclusion is i have no way to get there. and i am stuck.#and there are flights and they are not even that expensive. but the HOURS are horrible. i checked different airports and even looked at#flights to dortmund and i literally have no way to get there in a way that makes any sense... because arriving at 4pm on saturday is#too late. and the other option is being there at 8 am - cool - but i have no way of getting to the airport at 4 am. i'd have to take#additional day off from work (not an option). and i literally don't know what to do. it's almost 1 am and i should be happily asleep and i#am trying to solve this problem lmao because on one hand i really want to go and i want to figure out a way to get there 1. on time 2. in a#way that won't cost me 1/3 of my paycheck ; and on the other hand i just want to email the organizer to return the ticket or resell it to#someone because i know there will be someone who wants to go because the event is sold out#WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS HARD......#AS I WRITE THIS I AM FULLY AWARE THIS IS SUCH A FIRST WORLD PROBLEM i know!!!!!! fully aware!!!!#but i just :(( really wanted to go :((( but i am slowly leaning towards the option of not going :((( because money and time :((#and the kilometers between me and the con place :(((((#personal
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hauntingblue · 1 month
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NAMI NEEDS TO GO UP THERE AND FIGHT BIG MOM I AM SO SERIOUS!!! THIS IS A BATTLE FOR THE ROMANCE DOWN TRIO!! SANJI DO NOT DARE TAKE HER SPOT!!!
#big mom just giving birth here on the battlefield.....#do i comment on the incestuous relationship between clouds made of the same soul??? no?? okay...#oh jesus.... goodbye kid and killer.... nami needs to get up there and take control of zeus and i am so serious#HER SKILL IS SO POWERFUL AND SO PERFECT FOR THIS FIGHT AGAINST BIG MOM BUT BECAUSE SHE IS NOT PART OF THE STRONG TRIO SHE GETS STUCK WITH#THE B LIST VILLAINS!!!! LKKE WHY DOES SHE NEED TO FIGHT ULTI?? OKAY THAT WAS MEANINGFUL BUT THAT COULD END THERE!!!!#SANJI GO FIGHT PAGE ONE!!! SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ULTI AND LET LUFFY ZORO AND NAMI TAKE CARE OF KAIDO AND BIG MOM!!! I AM SERIOUS!!!#big mom is inside the castle.... maybe i will get my wish granted (kinda...)#kid and nami against big mom.... maybe sanji can join... i can see it so clearly.... come on now.....#if namo knew armor haki she would have gone up there and taken zeus and dealt with prometheus and his sister wife. let the others w/ big mom#fucking hawkins... end him killer.... calling him domesticated lmao... end his pathetic ass#using conqueror's haki on the weapons..... also zoro having it too.... the flower petals symbolism..... OHHHHHHHHH#nani indeed...... BREAK THAT MACE!!!! YEAAHHH!!!! law is completely baffled#KAIDO GOT SENT BACK!!!! LETSGOOOOO AND THE OG INTRO MUSIC QUICKS IN!!!! law just saw god again....#he said fuck off i got this.... omg.... he is either gonna nearly die and doesn't want them to follow or doesn't want to worry about them#while he fights and they try to defend him.... no other explaination (apart for 4 the plot reasons)#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1028#luffy king of everything that was such a slay#they changed luffy chiquito's design....#i was gonna say luffy swimming...... but he can't yet akdhajsj#yasopp taking care of everyones children but his own...... i see how it is....#WHY WOULD SHANKS STAY IN GOA IF NOT TO TALK WITH GARP WHO LIVES THERE!!! I AM TELLING YOU SHANKS IS IN KAHOOTS WITH THE MARINES!!!!#i was thinking about shanks scar... and thought it might be from buggy with his three knives in between his fingers you know#but it is too small... like the knives would take more space.... but maybei might be reaching and it is from buggy and not like a little paw#or little hand.... however much distrubing you want to paint it....#shanks is testing little luffy's intelligence... he knows his weak spot already akdhjasj#uta calling herself a diva.... ajshaksn might this be the reason luffy was so inclined to having a musician since the start???#episode 1029#that was like a perfectly realistic relationship between an older smartass girl and a younger boy lmao it was spot on
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burinazar · 2 months
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wondering how many more people in my circles i've accumulated enough Recommending-Things-To Credit to throw the hole show at them because i am dying for more sickos to show my things to
that 'write for an audience of thirty sickos' tweet is like aspirational to me because if i had that many (especially if a couple were like, Concrit-giving Sickos) i'd be really happy and not even slightly wish for a bigger audience. but it seems i can at most pull three-to-four sickos at a time and the prior sickos orbit away before new sickos come. Where Are My Thirty Sickos
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mythvoiced · 9 months
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HYELLO~ work's slowed down a little again, but I'm continuing m'hiatus a tad because for whatever reason I've been super low on energy so I'm not really managing to provide the usual energy I offer, SO UH HI I LUB U THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, CATCH YOU SOON
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lesbiansanemi · 8 months
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God nothing hits like early bleach, the substitute shinigami arc and rukia’s execution arc are just. Ugh. Something about the crunchy-ass early 2000s-ness of it that the rest of the series lost (not just animation wise but aesthetic wise), when there was still hope that all the potential would be capitalized on, idk, it was just fun and getting to fall in love with all the characters because pretty much every single one introduced was great and engaging. I just really really wish the series had kept that early vibe that it started losing once the visoreds were introduced, they got the last little tail end of it. As soon as we got to the heuco mundo arc this all vanished and it’s so upsetting, the series just lost a lot of its personality, if that makes sense, I wish it had kept it so badly
#like they’re all the same characters but they all started taking themselves way too seriously after that point#and I do get that that’s when the Big Plot actually started picking up (which is a whole other thing I have thoughts on)#but like… idk the series just lost a lot of its early charm and appeal#which is funny considering the hueco mundo arc is actually my favorite one#but idk I’m watching the first arc for fun today#and I forgot how much of ASSHOLES rukia and ichigo were and how fun their dynamic was#and yeah I fucking miss it it’s just not the same the rest of the series#not to mention tatsuki actually got a lot of focus#even Chad and Orihime and uryu felt a lot more genuine than they did the rest of the series#(though that’s because it was before they were reduce to being Ichigo’s love interest and then cannon fodder to shittily power scale enemies#by getting the shit beat out of them because kubo didn’t know how else to do it)#idk like I said! I just wish the series had stuck a lot better to its earlier aesthetic#like it still could have worked with the more ‘serious’ plot lines v easily considering how well it meshed with rukia’s execution#I JUST MISS RUKIA YELLING AT FLIP PHONES AND ICHIGO BEING BAD AT SNEAKING OUT WINDOWS AND TATSUKI RAGGING ON THEM#AND THEIR NORMAL ASS CLASSMATES TALKING ABOUT HOW FUCKING WEIRD THEY ALL WERE LIKE IT WAS SO GOOD 😩😩😩#imagine that energy being applied to the hueco mundo arc it would have been great#it even would have been fun to see it come back during the fullbringer arc as a bunch of fun callbacks to the early bleach that was#being alluded to that entire arc with parallels#anyways once again weeping the potential this series had#someone watch it so we can talk about it and set up our own insanely convoluted canon for funsies on discord or something lmfao#kaz rambles
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maggot-baggage · 9 months
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I asked my bestie to watch the cat ive basically adopted and i come back to see she absolutely cant stand her cats but they all love to sit and watch one another in silence whenever theyre not fighting
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pepprs · 2 years
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hi
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#purrs#this day has been so stupid and disappointing. my advisor is standing me up rn and i just wanted to say goodbye to him and thank him for eve#everything since i won’t get to see him on thursday now. and i tried to throw myself a graduation ceremony by visiting all my favorite#outdoor places on campus and i could only go to one of them bc someone was sitting in one of them and the other one got super overgrown and#i was scared about getting a tick bite. and i have to start packing my room and move out tomorrow and i want to cry forever about it and i h#haven’t even let myself think about it. and my mom wants to throw a zoom watch party for the graduation livestream and idk why but i don’t w#want it. and my roomie who got covid is like half moving out and her dad just came here and i haven’t been able to go get food like basicaly#all day bc she’s camped out in there w all her stuff and tomorrow that has to be me. i fucking hate this. and i have to work too which is li#like whatever but i do think i should maybe take off to try to heal but i cant until like 2 things get done. and also my sworn enemy ****#******* is still a complete idiot. AND **** is better from covid but sounds like absolute shit and one of my childhood best friends might h#have a serious case of it and need to go to the hospital or something and she goes to my school lol. so all of this is very cool. i am#having a great time and definitely enjoying my final hours on campus before covid and monkeypox permanently bar me from stepping foot#outside my family home again. lol
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armentas · 11 months
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holy shit. delora doesn't exist within the haven universe anymore, but i absolutely need to have someone use the old dialogue i had planned for her.
delora, comforting heather: if you think about it, we exist in the first place because people care for each other. we exist because people loved each other as far back as adam and eve, and cain and abel.
heather: i think you're thinking of the wrong story. cain killed abel.
delora: i think you can love someone, and still kill them.
HELLO????
#the question is: who would say a line like that#there's a reason it was reserved for delora#she's more poetic. or at least that was her development back then#the implications of the dialogue fit erin but erin isn't poetic enough for it and has no connection to religion#it's actually giving beau vibes tbh and it makes sense given he has survivor's guilt#he thinks he could've prevented the car accident that injured him and killed his best friends#and in his eyes that's the same as actively killing them#WAAAAIT... HOLD ON... I THINK I'M ONTO SOMETHING NOW...#passivity is one of his fatal flaws. and i've been operating under the mindset he is not aware of this issue#but considering he judges his passivity for that action + judges himself for not being able to ''save'' heather#it's obvious he knows. and i feel like that unlocks a lot more character potential to have a character who like#knows what their problem is and they watch themselves cause problems with said problem but they don't know what to do#and he should not only witness when he's passive about others but definitely when he's like that about his own life#bc that's where it's most prevalent. he can take more action when it's someone else but he feels too hopeless to save himself#i didn't even mean to get some brainstorming in there. thought i'd be too tired today#good for me!#ramble#active brainstorming#this also means that josie is beau if he felt no remorse about not taking action and just prioritized himself instead#i already knew they had some serious parallels but hmm....#ok i'm done now. insanity over <3
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she's mean, and he loves her for it.
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summary: your peers wonder how the ever-so-annoying gojo satoru can stand being in a relationship with you pairing: sunshine!gojo satoru x grumpy!female reader genre: angst, fluff warnings: none
Masterlist
"Did you guys know Gojo-sensei is dating-" Nobara looks around left and right before whispering your name in fear that you might be around.
"Ehhh?" Yuuji's eyebrows knit together. "No way. She's so scary and he's so...happy."
Nobara agrees, "She never smiles -- kinda looks like she has a permanent frown, too. She scares me."
"You think maybe she intimidated him to date her?"
Megumi watches as his two friends bicker about whether you and Satoru look good together, not realizing that you've heard everything they said. Megumi notices you've arrived to teach them and clears his throat, catching the attention of his two friends. He glances at you to check how you're doing after hearing what they said, but as expected, you remain professional and stoic. But Megumi knows better, he grew up under your and Satoru's wings after all.
"Shit." Nobara and Yuuji mutter under their breaths.
-----
It's fairly common for people to question your relationship with Satoru. He's this... happy-go-lucky guy who annoys everyone except those on the same wavelength as him, while you keep to yourself, prioritizing your alone time, and taking things seriously.
Sometimes, too serious.
You never let it get to you, though, because you don't really care what people say. You and Satoru are happy, that's all that matters. Until recently, when those jerk Kyoto students came over to train, they started talking about you and Satoru.
"She's so serious all the time, I don't understand how Gojo puts up with her."
"I think he's scared to breakup with her."
"I bet she's high maintenance."
"Honestly, why is he with her when he can be with someone who's... not so difficult?"
You grit your teeth at that last comment. You can't tell who said what, but it doesn't matter. Their words got to your head and now you're angry. Angry because you're scared they might be right.
Does Satoru think you're difficult? You're not entirely sure how to show them that yes, you deserve Satoru despite being the dark, grumpy person you are.
Sighing, you decide to go home instead of joining the dinner. Satoru's not in there anyway, he just got back from a mission and is waiting for you at home.
Once you close the door to your apartment, you immediately feel Satoru's arm envelope around you from behind. He smells like fresh mint -- just got out of the shower.
"Hi darling," he kisses your cheek.
"Hi, Toru." You take your shoes off and give him a quick peck before making your way to the bedroom to put your stuff down.
Satoru watches you slowly, "hm, aren't you supposed to have that dinner with the Kyoto students today?"
Your jaw clenches, taking a second before shrugging. "Decided to skip it. I'm tired."
He just hums, "In that case, you wanna watch Bridgerton with me after your shower?"
"Again?" You groan, "Isn't it like the third time you've watched it?"
"Yes, and?"
"I'll skip, thanks."
He blows a raspberry and leaves you to shower while he lays down on the couch to watch Anthony Bridgerton fall in love with his Kate Sheffield.
While you were in the shower, the words kept coming back to you. Somehow more exaggerated. You're difficult. He doesn't like you. He's just tolerating you. Why would he be with someone who doesn't even smile? Look at him, Gojo is the epitome of sunshine. You're nothing like him. Why would he like you?
Groaning, you let the hot water wash away your thoughts -- though they don't really go away. Maybe you should just try to be nicer to Satoru, be more cheerful.
After your shower, you see him lying down on the couch while watching his show, and you sit on the other end, silently dreading having to watch the same show again. But you're doing this for Satoru, so you will.
With a satisfied grin, Satoru saunters over and lies down on top of you, his head resting on your chest. You smile softly, enjoying the tight grip he has on you and his soft hair between your fingers.
"How was the mission?" You ask, "Did you have to go to Shoko?"
Satoru shakes his head, "Sweetheart, it's me we're talking about here."
"You can still get hurt, Toru." You pat his hair gently, "I've seen you bleed."
"I'm always careful. Don't worry." He kisses your hand.
You sigh softly. You know Satoru is always careful, it's just that he always goes on missions alone, and more often nowadays that it makes you worry. Yes, he's the strongest, but you never want to take that for granted.
"Toru," You call him again, a little hesitant, "You know I love you, right?"
He lifts his head from your chest, staring at you with those big blue eyes. "Of course. And I love you. So much."
He kisses you deeply, now switching positions so you're lying down on top of him. "So do you want to talk about it?"
"No.." You mumble. Of course, Satoru knows. He isn't stupid. He can sense when something's wrong with you, just like how you can feel the scar on his hip that wasn't there before. He did go to Shoko.
But none of you say anything. You just hold each other tighter that night. It's more than enough.
-----
Satoru is on another mission. It's supposed to be easy, at least that's what he said 3 days ago. You haven't heard from him at all in 3 days and you're beginning to worry. Your frown is deeper than usual, you sigh more often, and your fuse is shorter.
Everyone's more scared of you.
You let the kids take a break while you try to collect your thoughts. You can't be seen so distracted, not when Satoru left you in charge of them.
"You doing okay?" You hear Megumi's voice approach you.
Blinking away the tears that almost fell, you turn around to face him. "I'm fine, Megs."
"I told you not to call me that..." He sulks as he stands next to you, leaning against the wall. He can see you're distraught, and growing up with you, there's only been a handful of times he's seen you like this.
"You know he's going to be fine, right?"
You sigh. "I'm just worried."
You remember once when Satoru didn't come back for a week. He couldn't be reached, no one could track him down, and you were just at home, taking care of Megumi. The boy's more like you than Satoru, he's not exactly sensitive or cheery. But he knows when you're feeling sad, so he'd stay up with you, praying for Satoru's safety.
"Guys!" Yuuji runs towards you and Megumi.
"What is it, Yuuji?"
"It's Gojo-sensei-" He pants, "He's back!"
You run as fast as you can with Yuuji and Megumi, and you can finally see your white-haired, blue-eyed boyfriend limping his way back to the school grounds.
He raises his hand and waves to you with a big smile despite struggling to walk. "Tsk-" You frown even more, feeling the tears pooling again as you walk towards him and catch him in an embrace.
"Umph-" He groans. "Hi, baby."
You let go of him and check his injuries -- he's healed most of it himself, thank goodness, but the bruises are still there. "We need to go to Shoko-"
"Mm, that can wait." He pulls you to sit down on the soft grass, hugging you once again. "It's okay, I'm here now."
You choke on your own sobs and hug him tighter, sitting between his legs and burying your head in his chest. "You idiot."
"'M sorry for makin' you worry," he smiles gently, leaving kisses all over your face.
As you cup his face in your hands, you're suddenly very aware of the 3 pairs of eyes staring at you both. Noticing it too, Satoru covers your red, embarrassed face. "Okay, nothing to see here. Go.. do something. Scram. Skedaddle."
Once the kids are gone, he chuckles and thinks you're being really cute. "They're gone, sweets."
You glare at his teasing smile.
Satoru wipes away your tears, kissing your frown away. "What took you so long?" You ask after kissing him deeply, not letting him go.
A smirk lingers on Satoru's lips. "I took a detour to Kyoto after the mission to teach some kids a lesson."
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kissitbttr · 9 months
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holup— ima need a moment with my thoughts 🥵🥵 miguel sending reader’s ex a photo mid-sex is so petty and so him!! he would follow up with a video of himself giving you back shots (he’ll hide your face because he’s a gentlemen (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)), flip the camera around to show his face with a smirk and say “lose her number” because he’s a cocky ass mf
MAAAN you’re onto something anon, cuz a waterfall just breaks down in between my legs🤤🤤
-
“hmm, you like that huh, baby?”
his lips pulls into a lazy smirk, heavy panting as he pounds you from behind. both of his hands gripping onto your hips, talons digging slightly into the skin giving you the perfect pain of pleasure,
“yes papi—fuck yes” you mewl, mouth slightly wide open as you release another moan that makes his cock twitch. “i love how deep you get inside me”
he exhales a dark chuckle as he pounds faster, “sé que te gusta. dirty, dirty fucking girl.” then he leans slightly to whisper on your ear. “only for me, hm?”
you nod, biting down onto your lower lip as you’re running out of things to say. your brain tends to fogged when you have his cock deep inside your cunt, but you wouldn’t have it any other way,
as he about to fist your hair up, he hears a ‘ding’ coming from your phone. his brows furrowed curiously, because who the fuck is hitting up your phone at this hour? couldn’t be someone from work,
“who’s that?” he asks breathlessly as he watches you pull your head back before grabbing your phone and check,
“aw fuck”
“what?” he asks again, hearing you groan. “who is it?”
“remember Jonathan?” you ask as you look over your shoulder at him
oh man, he does not need to be told twice.
his expression then slowly formed into anger and annoyance, grunting in disgust as he snatches your phone,
“i’ll teach him a fucking lesson” he says through gritted teeth, hips snapping back into yours as he continues to thrust even faster,
miguel unlocks your phone, pressing the camera before he starts to take a video of your backside. the sound of your dirty moans are filling the room as he plunges deeper, his other hand coming to give your ass a smack.
the word ‘papi’ and ‘miguel’ keeps falling off your lips like a prayer, and it just feeds his ego even more. because he knows that Jonathan will watch this video and learns that you don’t belong to that sorry excuse of a man anymore.
no. you belong to him.
“tell me, baby” he adjusts the camera to the back of your head, making sure that your face isn’t in it. “who’s pussy is this?”
“yours” you say without any hesitation, knuckles turning white from gripping the sheets far too hard. “and no one else’s”
“good girl” he then flips the camera to show his face. his expression is dead serious, eyes locked into the screen as if he’s staring Jonathan in person. and for the icing on a cake, his fangs make a tiny bit appearance just to creep him off.
“lose her number, tú hijo de puta. or i’ll kill you” with that he sends it to your ex, throwing your phone to the side. “now he fucking knows to not text you anymore ”
hearing that makes you flush as you giggle. miguel’s hand slowly glide down against you back and pressing you onto the mattress so he can lay his body down completely on top. “my woman” he whispers lowly into your ear,
“hm, maybe next time if he does it again, you should take a picture of me sucking your cock, right papi?” you suggest with a sly smirk,
he groans at that, his hand coming up to choke you as the other supporting his weight beside your torso.
“ay, that’s why you’re my everything, mami”
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osaemu · 5 months
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GOJO SATORU: ❛❛ FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS! ❜❜
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.ೃ࿐ streamer!au: the user "gojoslittleslut" tries to make a move on your boyfriend, but she doesn't stand a chance
contents: fem!reader. it's not too serious, nobody gets angry/jealous (except the comments lol). if u haven't already read the other streamer!gojo works u probably should so u understand the dynamic between satoru and his commenters !
author's note: reader is actually a mature person who doesn't pick fights with random ppl on the internet and i think we should all be more like her ꨄ︎
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satoru leans back in his chair, idly chatting with people who pop up in his comments after he finishes his last round of the co-op game. his viewers are eager to chat, and some even shoot money satoru's way to draw his attention. whenever someone donates money, he gives them a quick shoutout and has a small back-and-forth with them, and he does that for everyone.
that is, until a user with a questionable username donates to his stream.
gojoslittleslut has donated $100.00!
gojoslittleslut: notice me pls
"shit, a hundred dollars?" satoru says, raising his eyebrows in mild surprise. "thanks, gojoslittl— oh, fuck, what is that?"
you look up from your laptop and see the way your boyfriend's cheeks have gone bright red. satoru laughs a bit nervously, so you get up and walk over, making sure to stay out of sight of the camera. you sit on satoru's desk beside his computer and peer at his screen curiously.
gojoslittleslut: im ur number one fan~
satoru's eyes flicker to yours for a second before he looks back at his monitor. "ah, well, thanks for the donation!" he replies, completely ignoring the user's advances.
suguru-geto: he has a gf ...
gojoslittleslut: yeah
gojoslittleslut: me
you cover your mouth to suppress a giggle, scrunching up your nose at satoru to let him know that you really weren't taking it too seriously. after all, it's just some random person on the internet—they don't stand a chance with your boyfriend. 
satoru reaches over and takes your hand, twining his fingers with yours off-camera. he ignores the sudden burst of comments that litter the corner of his screen, instead watching you intently. in response, you roll your eyes playfully and blow him a kiss, snickering when satoru pretends to faint.
eventually, he turns back to his screen, cerulean eyes doing a quick once-over of his new comments.
toji-fushiguro: ill take his gf any day
inumaki: we know gtfo
gojoslittleslut: toji i get gojo and u take his girl. deal?
toji-fushiguro: bet
"alright guys, settle down," satoru huffs, rolling his eyes. "for the record, i still have a girlfriend and i don't plan on changing that anytime soon," he clarifies, addressing the current feud going on in his comments. 
satoru's a good streamer—he does his best to keep things cordial and lighthearted with his audience, but he also knows his limits. one of his limits involves people trying to separate you and him, his one true pairing (of course satoru's otp is his own relationship).
your boyfriend leans closer to the screen and scowls good-naturedly, holding up the hand still wrapped around yours. "this isn't gonna change, so don't even think about it!"
satoru says his goodbyes and then ends the stream, turning to you with a sigh. "how down bad do you have to be to name yourself 'gojo's little slut?'" he grumbles, clicking through his stream analytics and finding the user. he opens gojoslittleslut's profile and studies it for a moment before hovering his mouse over the block button.
he leans back in his chair and tilting his chin up at you. "she just gave me a hundred dollars, so i kinda feel bad about blocking her," satoru muses, tapping his foot on the floor. he looks up at where you still sit on his desk, twirling a strand of hair around your finger. "c'mere," he mumbles, slipping his hands around your waist and hoisting you into his lap with a soft grunt.
satoru rests his chin on your shoulder and nudges his face into your neck, breath tickling your skin. "you know that i'm all yours, right?"
"of course i do," you murmur, settling into his arms. he's warm and comfortable, like always. satoru smiles warmly and kisses the side of your face, letting his lips linger.
"good. 'cause no fan account's ever gonna change that."
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theostrophywife · 4 months
Text
green with envy.
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pairing: theodore nott x reader.
request: omg i need more of theo x reader with a hint of flirty draco
song inspiration: jealous by nick jonas.
author's note: ask and you shall receive. here's draco scheming to make theo jealous, which we all know won't end well. happy new year's my loves. we're staring 2024 off with a bang 😉
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“Merlin, they can’t possibly be serious.” Draco muttered in disbelief. “Those two truly aren’t fooling anyone.”
Blaise glanced up from his book, searching for the cause of Malfoy’s offense. The Three Broomsticks was packed, but it wasn’t hard to spot the reason for his friend’s griping. Tucked into a secluded corner of the tavern, you and Theo gravitated towards each other like magnets, leaning into one another, foreheads pressed together, talking and laughing like you were the only people in the world. 
It had been this way ever since Blaise could remember.
As always, Theo wore that stupid love-struck expression on his face as he listened to you talk, chuckling softly as you waved your arms around animatedly. You, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious to the pining and yearning coming from Nott’s end. Anyone with an ounce of common sense could see that Theo was clearly in love with you, yet you remained blind to his affections. 
“They’ve made it very clear that they’re just friends,” Blaise replied, repeating the same tired words that you and Theodore declared over and over again over the course of your friendship.
“And you believe them?” 
“Of course not.” Blaise affirmed as he flipped through the pages of his book once more. “But who am I to burst their blissful bubble of ignorance?” 
“They’re clearly in denial,” Draco remarked, watching intently as you picked a nonexistent piece of lint off of Theo’s quidditch sweater. “It’s been seven years of this pathetic teetering between will they or won’t they territory. I can’t stomach another day of it, Blaise. Someone needs to do something.” 
“Whatever half-arsed plan you’ve cooked up in that ferret brain of yours, I want no part in it.” 
Draco tapped his fingers against the wooden table, a familiar smirk curving at his lips. Blaise sighed in exasperation. He knew that look. He hated that look. It usually meant that Malfoy was hatching a scheme that spelled nothing but trouble for Blaise. 
“I’m serious, Draco.” Blaise said in a stern voice.
“So am I,” the blonde replied. “Those two need a push and I’m more than willing to provide it for them.” 
“I already know that I’m going to regret asking, but what exactly are you planning?” 
Draco smirked. Blaise swore to Salazar that there was an evil gleam in his friend’s eyes as he turned over to face him. “I’m going to flirt with Y/N.” 
“Are you mental?” Blaise exclaimed. “Nott will send you to an early grave. Did you see what he did to Pucey for trying to chat Y/N up? Poor bastard had to eat his meals through a straw for weeks.”
“Then I guess it’s your job to prevent that from happening, Zabini.” 
There were a million protests on Blaise’s lips. Everyone knew that Theo was overprotective of his best friend. It was an unspoken rule that you were off-limits and Blaise had seen first hand the consequences that befell anyone that dared to hit on you. It usually ended with someone in the infirmary and that someone was never Theo. 
Draco was well aware of this fact as well, but he seemed to have a death wish. Before Blaise could stop him, Malfoy scooped two glasses of butterbeer from the counter and made his way over to you just as Theo excused himself for a smoke. You looked up just as Draco slipped into the booth, sliding beside you to take up the vacant spot your best friend left. 
“Fancy seeing you here, Y/N.” 
“Hi, Dray.” You greeted the blonde with a smile. “I didn’t know you were here, too.” 
“How could you?” He drawled playfully. “Theodore seems content keeping you all to himself.” 
You rolled your eyes fondly. “You could’ve easily just come over to join us.”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing, darling.” Draco set a mug of ice cold butterbeer down in front of you. “And I brought your favorite.” 
“How sweet of you.” You beamed, totally unaware of his schemes as you clinked your glass against his. “Cheers, Draco.” 
“Cheers, Y/N.” 
The sweetness of the butterbeer lingered on your tongue and the foam rested on your upper lip as you savored the taste. Your tongue peeked out, trying to lick the remnants away. Silver eyes flashed mischievously as he clocked the action, a smirk curling against his lips. 
“Here, let me.” Draco brushed his thumb over your upper lip, wiping away the foam with ease. His fingers were soft and featherlight and nothing like the calloused feel of Theo’s hands. 
Your best friend had a bad habit of burning his fingertips from the countless blunts and cigarettes he smoked. Despite the fact that you offered to heal them with magic, Theo always refused. He said it made him more manly. Though you rolled your eyes at him, you found that you didn’t really mind his scars and calluses. It only made him that much more endearing. Why you were thinking of Theo while another man was touching you, you had no idea. Or perhaps you did and you were just in deep, deep denial about it. 
“Have I lost you, love?” 
With a blink, you found yourself staring back at Malfoy. “Sorry, Draco. What were you saying?” 
“I asked if you were using a new shampoo,” said your friend. He twirled a strand of your hair between his fingers, using the ends to tickle your cheek. “Your hair smells divine.” 
You paused, narrowing your eyes at Draco. “What are you doing, Dray?” 
“I’m not doing anything.” 
“You’re up to something.” 
That much was obvious to you. Years of friendship told you just as much. Draco was currently plotting something. Before you could question him further, a shadow loomed over the both of you. When Theo had left for his smoke break, he was carefree and grinning, but now tension colored your best friend’s features. As he glared down at Draco, Theo clenched his jaw and balled his fists at his side.
“Keep your hands to yourself, Malfoy.” 
“Teddy, he was just helping me with—“ 
“Draco doesn’t need to help you with anything.” Theo’s eyes flashed with anger, the blues and greens of his irises turning stormy as his gaze dropped to the lock of hair tangled through Draco’s fingers. “What he needs is to walk away before I break his fucking jaw.” 
Draco raised his palms up. “I don’t want any trouble, Nott.” 
Despite his statement, you sensed that trouble was exactly what Draco was aiming for. Instead of walking away like he should’ve, Malfoy leaned over and kissed your cheek in parting, which only further incensed Theo. If you hadn’t grabbed hold of the end of his coat, Theo would’ve hurled himself at Draco and punched the cocky smirk off of your friend’s face. 
You tugged at Theo and placed yourself between him and Draco, watching as the blonde returned to the table Blaise was currently sitting at. For good measure, he winked at the two of you as though Theo wasn’t already pissed enough as it was. 
“What the hell’s gotten into you?” Theo’s gaze flickered back to you, his eyes darkening as they met yours. 
“Why the fuck are you letting him touch you like that?” 
The bite in his voice puzzled you. Theo never snapped at you, so you weren’t quite sure how to react. He almost sounded…jealous. Not that Theo had any reason to be. Right?
“What are you on about? Draco was literally just wiping the foam off of my mouth. It’s not a big deal.” 
Downplaying the interaction seemed to rile Theo up even further. “Yes it fucking is,” he gritted out. “He’s flirting with you, Y/N. How can you not see that?” 
The accusation of Draco Malfoy flirting with you was entirely laughable. Though you were accustomed to Theo’s overzealous tendencies, you usually didn’t mind his overprotectiveness since it deterred creepy guys from making advances towards you. But this was Draco, for Godric’s sake. You’ve known each other since you were in diapers. There was no way in hell he was actually trying to make a move on you. 
“You’re being ridiculous, Teddy. Malfoy was not flirting with me.” 
“Of course he was! Did you not see the way he looked at you? The bloody git was all over you, playing with your hair, touching your lips. I should his bash his fucking head in for even glancing in your direction.“ 
The rest of Theo’s rant was incoherent, a mixture between English and Italian curses that drew the attention of those around you. With a grimace, you tugged Theo towards the back of the Three Broomsticks. He continued swearing as you led him away, dead eyes filled with fury as you ushered him into the bathroom. 
There was a murderous expression on his face as he spewed threats and curses. You locked the door behind you, sighing as you surveyed the angry boy before you. Knowing Theo, his constant ranting would only fuel the fire of his anger. You needed to calm him down before he made good on his promise to pummel Draco into the ground. 
Unfortunately, Theo had already worked himself up to a fit. A frown was evident on his face, his knuckles turning white as he clenched his fists, the veins on his forearms protruding as violence threatened to spill over. You said his name a few times, but he didn’t seem to hear you. He was too angry to take notice. 
While dealing with an angry Theo was by no means a new occurrence for you, it seemed harder to pull him out of it this time. You had never seen him this furious. A small part of you was mad at his overreaction, but another part of you was oddly flattered that he cared so much. 
Perhaps it was foolish to do so, but you relished in the fact that such a small action could elicit such a response from him. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve surmised that Theo was acting out of jealousy. His possessive behavior had always given you a strange sort of thrill. It made you feel wanted, it made you feel desired, and that in itself was more dangerous than any drug. 
“Theodore.” 
Theo paced back and forth, contemplating acts of violence against one of his oldest and closest friends.
“Theo.” 
He wondered how much trouble he’d get into for beating Draco into a bloody pulp. Would they suspend him? Theo reckoned it would be worth it. 
“Teddy.” 
The sight of Draco brushing foam off of your lips flashed through his mind again, playing on a torturous loop. Malfoy didn’t get to touch you like that. No one got to touch you like that. At least not without Theo breaking every bone in their hand. 
“Oh for Salazar’s fucking sake.” 
You grabbed the front of Theo’s sweater and dragged him down to your level. There was absolutely no thought process behind your actions besides stopping his rant. With your lips pressed firmly against his, you accomplished just that. Theo froze for a second, his eyes fluttering close as you kissed him. The tension left his body, his anger melting away to give room for a different sort of heat to spread through him. 
The minute his body language changed, you pulled away. Theo looked down at you, his dead eyes burning with searing passion. You felt his gaze piercing right through you. There was danger lurking within him. Like he was the predator and you were the prey. You’ve never seen him look like that before. Theo looked…feral. Theo looked hungry. 
“I’m sorry, Teddy. I was just trying to calm you down—”
You reeled back as Theo cupped your face in his hands and smashed your lips together once more. This time, there was no surprise in the kiss. There was just fervent passion, arduous desire, and mutual destruction between you. Theo didn’t kiss you like he wanted you. He kissed you like he needed you. 
As he pinned you against the wall, Theo gripped your hips and pressed his body against yours. The kisses grew sloppy and desperate, the two of you scrabbling for more. You groaned as his erection brushed against your thigh, leaving him the perfect opening to slide his tongue past the seam of your lips. You were vaguely aware of banging into the pictures on the walls, the sound of them clattering to the ground registering somewhere in the back of your mind. 
The two of you were like a tornado, knocking decor and toiletries around as you continued to sloppily make out. You were sure that you were making enough noise to alert the whole tavern. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to care as Theo bit down on your bottom lip. You moaned into his mouth as he set you down on the counter. One hand gripped your throat while the other slipped underneath your skirt. 
Theo dragged you closer by your thighs, wrapping your legs around his waist as he grinded his hardness against your throbbing core. 
“Malfoy couldn’t touch you like this, bella.” The low rasp of his voice sent shivers down your spine. His hold on you was possessive and utterly fucking sexy. Heat rushed between your thighs as his fingers tightened around your throat. “Only I can touch you like this. Do you understand, dolcezza?” 
“Yes,” you answered breathlessly. “It’s you, Teddy. Only you.” 
Pleased with your response, Theo smirked as he ripped off your tights. Your eyes nearly rolled to the back of your head when he rubbed his hand against your clothed sex. He palmed you through your panties, swearing when he felt how wet you were for him. 
“You’re fucking mine,” he growled against your ear while he slid your panties to the side and teased along your folds. Slender fingers curled inside of you, eliciting a filthy moan that echoed through the walls. “This is all for me.” 
Watercolour eyes seized the breath from your lungs. The declaration hung in the air with finality. There was no room for question or doubt. Theo was merely stating the truth.
You were his. You always have been. 
Theo withdrew his hand, fingers dripping with your arousal. He refused to break eye contact as he stuck them into his mouth, licking each digit clean. 
You whimpered, pulling him in by his belt loop. He moaned as you impatiently tugged his jeans down, palming him through his boxers. He felt big. Bigger than you’ve ever had before. 
But you wanted it. You wanted him. 
“I need you, Theo. Please.” 
“I’m yours, Y/N.” Theo panted into your mouth as you released his cock from the constraints of his boxers. “Always.” 
You swallowed thickly as you looked down at his impressive size. His cock was hard and throbbing in your hands, precum leaking from the tip. Theo was massive. You had no idea how he was going to fit. Still, the challenge thrilled you. 
Spreading your legs open, you bit your lip as Theo positioned the head of his cock at your entrance. He kissed your lips sweetly before pulling back and nuzzling his nose against yours. 
“Deep breaths, baby.” You nodded, inhaling and exhaling as he pushed the tip in. “You’re so tight. Gonna let me stretch you wide open, bella?”
Tears pricked at your eyes as he breached your walls, stretching you just between the line of pain and pleasure. “You’re so big, Theo. I don't—I don't know if it’s going to fit.” 
“We’ll make it fit, Y/N,” he promised, pushing further in and groaning as your walls hugged tightly around him. “Just like that. You’re doing so well, sweetheart.” 
Once Theo was fully sheathed inside of you, his movements stilled. He caressed your cheek and pecked your lips. “Can I move, baby?” 
“Yes,” you exhaled. 
“Good girl.” 
You fluttered at his words and Theo cursed as your walls gripped him like a vice. “Fuck, pretty pussy’s squeezing me so tight. You drive me fucking insane, you know that? I get so jealous of anyone who even looks at you.” 
“I like when you get jealous,” you admitted, wrapping your legs tighter around his waist. “You’re sexy when you’re angry.” 
Theo flipped you over so that you were facing the mirror. As you gripped the marble countertop, he thrusted sharply inside of you and watched as your face contorted into pleasure. Whispering praises into your ear, Theo picked up the pace. He intertwined your fingers together and placed each palm against the mirror.
“Open your eyes, bella. I want you to watch while I ruin you.” 
Your eyes snapped to your reflection, taking in your flushed cheeks and mussed hair. Behind you, Theo fucked into you with a punishing pace. He groaned as he watched himself slide in and out of you, relishing at the perfect fit. It was like you were made for him. As your moans grew louder, Theo stuffed his fingers down your throat and gagged you. 
“God, fuck.” Theo hissed, his eyes meeting yours in the reflection. “Harder, baby. You can take it. Let me fuck out my frustrations.” 
“You. Belong. To. Me.” 
Theo punctuated every word with a thrust, hitting the sweet spot within your walls with each rut. 
“I’m yours, Teddy.” You said breathlessly. “All yours.” 
He smiled, placing a tender kiss against your neck as his fingers slipped between your legs. Theo rubbed at your clit, urging you closer and closer to your orgasm. 
“Are you close, principessa? I can feel you squeezing me, milking me dry. Take it all, dolcezza. You’re mine, but I’m yours too.” 
“My hands are yours.” Theo squeezed your tits, flicking his thumb over your nipples.
“My lips are yours.” He angled your chin towards him, claiming your mouth with open mouthed kisses.
“My cock is yours.” He drove deeper inside of you, making you arch as you cried out his name. 
Theo swallowed your moans before capturing your lips with his. “My heart is yours, too.” 
“It’s all yours, Y/N.”
Your heart squeezed at his declaration. Nothing had ever sounded more beautiful than Theo pledging every part of himself to you.  
“Oh god. Fuck, Theo. Please. I’m gonna cum.” 
“Cum for me, bella.” 
Stars dotted your vision as the orgasm rocked through your body. Theo kissed your neck, marking his territory, while you squeezed around him. The heat of his touch seared your skin as he held you. If it weren’t for his strong arms wrapped around you, you would’ve collapsed. 
“So fucking perfect,” Theo said between pants. “My beautiful girl.” 
Your name tumbled off of Theo’s lips as he came. It was the sweetest sound you’ve ever heard. Coming from the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen. 
The two of you slid down to the floor. Theo wrapped an arm around you, cheeks red and hair disheveled. His pretty eyes fluttered open as he traced over the hickies and bruises he’d left on your body, admiring each mark gently. With his brows scrunched with concern, he brushed a thumb over the bite mark on your shoulder. 
“Was I too rough?” Theo whispered, kissing over the spot. “Did I hurt you, Y/N?”
You smiled at his gentleness, smoothing at the worry lines creasing his forehead. “No, it was perfect. God, you're fucking hot when you're jealous.” 
Theo chuckled, kissing the inside of your wrist. The playfulness in his expression faltered as concern and hesitation bled through. “Did you—I mean, fuck, did you enjoy it? I didn’t—you still want to be my friend, right?” 
“No.” 
Theo felt his heart drop down to his stomach. He’d fucked it up. The one good thing in his life and he’d fucked it up. You brushed your fingers over his cheekbones, tilting his chin so that you were face to face. 
“I want to be so much more than just your friend, Teddy.” The sigh of relief that he released made you grin. You leaned in, giving him a soft peck on the lips. “My heart is yours, too. It’s always been yours.” 
The weight of his smile made your heart ache. “Now that you know how I feel, there’s no need to be jealous anymore.” 
“Are you kidding? I’m going to be even more insufferable now. I need everyone to know that you’re mine.” 
“They already know, Teddy. We were the only ones living in denial.” 
“We made it pretty damn obvious, didn’t we?” 
“You threatened every guy who dared to even look at me.”
“Please,” Theo started, a smile tugging at his lips. “I saw the dirty looks you gave to the girls who tried to flirt with me.” 
You chuckled. “Okay, so maybe we’re both a little…”
“Possessive? Obsessed? Head over heels insane for each other?” 
“All of the above.” You declared, tugging at his hand. “Now come on, Teddy. Before someone figures out what we were really doing in here.” 
“I think they know, love.” Theo teased. “You were pretty loud.” 
“Like you weren’t loud yourself, Nott.” 
You rolled your eyes fondly as he helped you up. Theo straightened your skirt and smoothed your hair down, kissing your temple. He reached for the doorknob with one hand and linked his fingers with yours with the other. 
Fortunately, there weren’t too many people waiting for the loo. You would’ve been embarrassed to walk out together hand in hand, but Theo made sure that every set of prying eyes quickly found something else to look at. With a cheeky grin, he lifted your knuckles to his lips and placed a lingering kiss upon your skin. 
As you walked out into the main hall, a wolf-whistle rang out from one of the tables. Draco raised a toast in your direction while Blaise shook his head. 
“Can’t believe that half-arsed plan of yours actually worked,” Zabini said. 
Theo furrowed his brows. “What plan?” 
“The one where Malfoy flirts with Y/N in an attempt to make you jealous.” 
“I knew you were up to something,” you said with narrowed eyes. “What an idiotic plan.” 
“Is it idiotic if it worked?” 
Theo shook his head in disbelief. “You’re mental, Malfoy. I truly considered tearing you to pieces.” 
“You’re welcome,” Draco said with a smirk. “Clearly that jealousy was put to good use.” 
The blonde winked at you, making Theo’s fingers tighten around yours. “Oh, Teddy’s going to kill you. This time, I have no plans of stopping him.” 
Draco’s silver eyes widened as you released Theo. “Zabini? A little help here?” 
“I’d start running if I were you, Malfoy.” 
Without hesitation, Draco bolted out the door. You snickered as the blonde disappeared down the snowy street, his platinum blonde head bobbing through the crowd. To his credit, Theo gave him a proper head start. 
“I’ll be right back, dolcezza.” 
“Don’t be gone too long, Teddy.” Theo smiled, leaning in to press a soft kiss on your lips. “And try not to hurt Draco too badly, yeah?” 
Despite his pout, Theo nodded as you tugged him down for a proper kiss. He smiled against your lips before peppering kisses on your nose and cheeks.
“Fine, but only because you asked nicely, principessa.” 
You smiled, watching as Theo chased after Draco. Beside you, Blaise grinned. 
“It’s about damn time.” 
With a flush, you rolled your eyes at your friend. “Oh shut it, Zabini.” 
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