#unless its someone close to me

[timmisny]

i miss my mom

#and ive got a new roommate now which is. well it is #shes really nice #a bit germophobic and a lil extra but shes nice enough #but she throws off my routine a lot #which is not autism great #like she said she wants to cook dinner for me once a week which is like please god fucking no #i have a list of safe foods and i guarantee the stuff shes cooking is not on the list #shes like a chef #but im a vessel that lives only on carrots and ranch with the occasional chicken nugget #also i like to not talk to people ever #unless its someone close to me #speaking of which i had to say goodbye to jimmy today #weird. that was this morning. feels like days ago #i miss him so much too #if i had a mom she could guide me. give me too many snacks. you know #mom stuff #i wish jimmy moved in with me . we understand each other and theres no judgement #things are so chill with him. i can be myself around him. he cares so much for me #for a while there it felt like we were drifting apart but i guess thats just because were living life on the phone. #well move in together one day. we will #and itll be fantastic #for now my social battery will have to run on empty for at least a year

[druidonity2]

King

#world of warcraft #anduin wrynn #varian wrynn #Llane Wrynn #Barathen Wrynn #Wanted to see if I could duel wield on my rouge the kingslayer and the sword that killed Barathen so I looked and to my dissapointment #it appears they used two different one-handers for reference in the comic so you can kinda get close but its not the right sword #they used the design of one and the shape of another uggh #Let me run around ingame with the swords that killed Llane AND Barathen please is that too much to ask #anyway #All three of the last Wrynns were killed in the same area #their breastplates aint do SHIT to protect them #which is why i am now gonna go off into a 10k rant about how this prooves there is NO reason for Anduin to be forced to wear plate armor #infact prehaps he would be safer in cloth like a proper priest #UNLESS sayyyy the little lion gremlin face on Anduin's breastplate is enchanted and anytime anyone gets too close it breaths fire at them #Someone gets too close and an alarm goes off and the little lion mouth moves up and down with a loud 'STAND BACK- STAND BACK- STAND BACK' #Anduin forgetting about hte annoying lil shit until hes getting back to his room after a long day and his bf wrathie is there and they get #a littttle tooo close n touchy before Anduin can remember to undress and the fuckin lion alarm goes off and guards rush into the room #anyway ive never done stained glass before and tried a new way to make shattered glass so i think this was good #that said the canvas size was maybe too small and it got compressed to hell on twitter and it bothers me so much #cuz anduins face is really nice but it looks blurry when i upload itttt aagh

[enden-k]

im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)

on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?

i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)

(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)

ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there

#i dont feel attraction to ppl irl mostly bc im just not comfortable around ppl #and the ones i am are my friends and theres obv no romantic attraction #so when i saw haitham and learned more and mroe of him and how he and i share so many traits and ideas and things it was #instant comfort and the feeling of being understood #that its like #if he was real i would seek out his warmth and presence instead of getting away frm it like with my ex partners when it was too much for me #knowing that he would understand me therefore knowing how to handle me without making me uncomfortable or upset #uhh so basically. he made me realize all i want is just someone who perfetly understands me and knows how to treat me #when to come close and when to give me space #perfectly knowing me and reading me #i cant speak and in the rare moments i am able to im often struggling to form my thoughts into sentences that make sense #so he would still understand and put together that garbled mess and know exactly what i mean #not misunderstanding and acusing me of things or tones i never said or used #ppl and things messed me up quite a bit in the past that im having trouble w lots of things unless im alone #only when im alone i feel truly comfortable and safe bc nothing can hurt or upset me but even then you kinda realize in some moments that #you actually want someone with you but it has to be smn you trust and who knows you inside out and all that #i dont have anyone like that and idk if i ever will but rn this character is jsut rotating in my head giving me these things i crave and #thats enough #sorry that was a lot of gay rambling there but yea idk if it sounds stupid or nah but my #mental health issues got way better and balanced ever since haitham so he really #grounds me and gives me strength and comfort to deal with things i would have be unable to do in the past year #bc even if i dont have smn who truly knows and understands me #inside me there is someone #reply #tags tbd #in case i get embarrassed LMFAO

[skoulsons]

the father-daughter relationships where they start off pointing their weapons at each other not liking the other to literally flying home together in the span of like…two days. or less. no but really. I’m dying over here.

#HIM CALLING HER LITTLE BIRD?:?:!?;:?;’vdv?:?:? #AND THEN BIRDIE?:?;??:?;? #‘were you going to give me to them?’ #‘no.’ #him thanking her for helping with his arm 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #AND THEM TALKING ABOUT STREAMER GIRL???? AND THE SMILE ON HIS FACE????? #‘I shouldn’t tell you unless you read it someday’ #‘seems I must’ #‘you must think I’m strange’ #‘not at all. it’s quite impressive’ 😭😭😭😭😭 #‘well you can’t…you can’t think like that. you go down that path it’s…it’s not good. you need someone to blame- blame me’ im blubbering. #‘my name is cee’ #‘ITS NICE TO MEET YOU CEE’ #him saying hold it like you love it and remembering that parallel on here to Joel ep6 talking about squeezing the trigger #that one guy was probably gonna kill her (and him) but Ezra said ain’t no way you’re hurting a hair on her head #‘you run fast and you don’t stop’ AND HE GETS SO CLOSE I SWEAR THEIR HELMETS TOUCH #‘YOU NEED TO GO. YOU GRAB THE GUN YOU GO. YOU CAN MAKE IT. GET OUT OF HERE’ JOELELLIE EP7 #AND SHE GOES BACK FOR HIM AND THEN THEY GO HOME TOGETHER #im fine everything’s cool I’m not going insane over them I’m not. #prospect 2018 #prospect #ezra prospect #prospect ezra #cee prospect #ezra and cee #pedro just adopts little kids left and right and it’s so. so good.

[bangcakes]

.

#.... seeing him monday NDNDNDJJDJFFJJF #personal #with other ppl but still !!!!!!!! #n ive been like. twisting everything in my mind like oh you know maybe he liked someone else n not me. but #theyre not even in the country. and he had previously told me he didnt wanna see any of them again #and so. the logical conclusion is that. hes going. for me NDJJDJDJDJZJZM #I JUST. UNLESS HE REALLY LIKES SUSHI?????? #idk im freaking out. ive never got this far. im just NDJJDJDJDJDJD #the past few days..... tellin me his job news.... confiding in me.... now goin to a dinner with ppl he doesnt like.... to see me.... #i cant handle it NFJDJJDJDJDJDJDMX #like god this is so weird. i never thought this would happen to me im just NDJJZJZJZJZJDJZJ #hes so cute..... #i hope we get to sit near each other at the dinner NNDNZMZMZMSM #im not gonna overly try. and like with his bad luck JDJDDJMDDJSJSJ idk idk lmao #but...... GOD. he was just some guy with a seagull icon and a name on zoom.... then like he was just some guy that sat near me #then just like a guy i talked to sometimes and now we're friends and i JUST....????? MAYBE GONNA BE MORE???? ITS SO WEIRD. IDK. IDK #i cant believe we're this close. im literally NJDJDJFJXJMXMMM #HHHHHH #i like. ... i also looked at job stuff today. bc u know. i could actually FOCUS. bc i wasnt like. sherlock holmsing whether he liked me or #not bc i think its pretty clear at this point. im just NDJJDJZJZJJZJZJZMSMSMSMSMMZMZ IDK. IDK. ITS SO WEIRD. #I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME #AND WITH HIM???? SO WEIRD. IDK JDNDJJDJDJDJXJ I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED IM JUST. YA. GONNA TRY TO STAY CALM.

[majorshatterandhare]

Thinking to myself “man it’s a good thing there nine mechanisms to project my disabilities onto, wouldn’t want people to think I’m headcanoning them to have an unrealistic amount of issues.” When it’s like, I have all these issues! And some people have way more comorbidities than me!

#the mechanisms #i don’t only hc my disabilties onto them #like the LM/MC. someone i am close with has that. not me #but still i project *mostly* issues i have or similar #like i definitely dont have ocd but i have enough similaries in symptoms and my anxiety has previously manifested with ocd tendencies #as well as anxiety driven delusions. that it makes sense to just. like. tick it up a bit more for the hc #obviously research is done re conditions i dont have #but also the words are easier that way #it *hard* to explain my symptoms that overlap and muddle with other disorders so it doesnt make sense to do so for a hc #not when im describing it for my own purposes and not typically if i were to be discussing it w #it with someone else #anyway its ivy. i think that makes sense #part of me also wants to headcanon her to be a hoarder #because i struggle with that #but i think shes a good archivist and those seem to be mutually exclusive #unless she is hoarding non library/archive things i suppose #this isn’t just about ocd this is about many many things #my body doesnt work right and it does so in ways people just Never Talk About…. #the point is that if i headcanoned one character to have all the same exact problems i do it would seem excessive #when its not its just my life #and again other people have way more comorbidies than me! #fun fact: all your body shit is connected to all your other body shit

[autisticlee]

having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

#chronic pain #chronic exhaustion #idk what else to tag #another day of why was lee walking normal and barely pain at work yesterday but then today so much pain and exhausted #wish i knew what was exactly the problem. was diagnosed with “generalized hypermobility” but doesnt do much #not a real diagnosis. basically just a thing to tell me “theres nothing wrong. exercise more” but how???? i keep trying but hurt myself #my job is physical labor and therefore exercise. it hurts. is exhausting. no energy to do more. walking is exhausting #have to focus so much energy on not popping hips out of place and twisting knees and ankles and falling. never hurts less #still think about how failed the heds test by 1 point but had several people with heds or who have close friends/family with it who told me #they think i have it and should go het diagnosed or just ask me if i have it because they recognize the symptoms #and every time i tell them the doctor i saw about my joint issues and stuff denied it they get super confused and tell me to try #another doctor. unfortunately i have to go through my designated health system and they dont have multiple doctors of each specialty #and i in general have no clue how to navigate health stuff or how to advocate for myself and have no help or support system at all so 🤷 #anyway. it makes me wonder if i *do* have that or if my floppy bendy joints are just similarly bad and exercise will cure me #and im just bad at it because i have no clue what is right and wrong movement unless someone watches me and corrects me the whole time #and no i wont learn or get better. im so disconnected from this body that i will never learn what feels right and wrong. #still cant even tell when im hungry until i almost pass out!!!!!!! of thirsty!! or even have to pee until its emergency level piss!!!!!! #so no way to tell when hypermobiling joints when exercising or when form is slipping and not correct anymore. #been trying things to get better at that but still hasnt improved at all #what was i talking about......right. dont think ill ever get heds diagnosis since cant pass the test for that. so cant get much support/help #am on my own with youtube tutorials and hoping i dont keep hurting myself wishing exercise will cure me and “good days” become permanent #also why are video tutorials SO HARD TO FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM. im sk bad at it yet everyone tells me its the best and only way to learn but #its SO HARD FOR ME 😭😭😭😭😭 MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED AND UPSET

[sweet-milky-tea705]

Trans people can refer to me as she in a cunt way, as a treat. Cis people cannot, i will look at them confused and sad like a kicked puppy.

#it happens so often tbh i dont actually react unless its a close friend #today someone kept referring to my deadname as my real name/actual name after i corrected them thrice and said deadname in the first place #‘yeah u can tell them my pronouns i guess but dont tell them my deadname. i dont need some transphobe freshman referring to me that way’ #‘oh yeah i wouldnt tell them your actual name’ ‘deadname’ ‘yeah like LOL i accidentally said your real name when talking about you’ #‘its my deadname not my real name. my real name is jayce and has been for 3 years almost 4’ #she was well meaning but . dude. #not exactly how the conversation went but literally she said some variation of ‘real name’ three times

[nerdie-faerie]

Why is it when I have a big task to complete that should take days to do, I procrastinate the hell out of it when I have plenty of time but when it comes down to the absolute last minute, I can do a couple of days work in a couple of hours? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why couldn't I do it casually over a couple of days but can do it in matter of hours?

#ace is a mess #Tag talk #personal #i started to organising/clearing out my room at my parent's four days ago did half of one aspect of it did the other half of it two days #later then did nothing else and yet today ive done pretty much everything else that shouldve taken days in 3 hours? wtf #im losing my room when i go back to uni its being repurposed for someone else and so i needed to actually all of the sht i havent organised #since we moved in in 2018 then made even more disorganised when i moved to uni in 2020 i havent organised ANYTHING the entire time weve bee #here because i was supposed to be getting different furniture and then that just never happened and then im rarely here and just end up l #living out of my suitcase and between switching out cold weather and hot weather clothing over breaks its just become more chaotic and has #been too big of a job for me to even contemplate tackling and now im leaving tomorrow and i have literally choice and have done 5 years wor #in a couple of hours like why? why do i intentionally stress myself out like this? why cant i make decisions if im not at peak stress level #why dont i have any motivation unless im literally feeling ill with stress? why do i work like this? #also yes i know its ridiculous ive been living like this sincee sept 2018 but consider most of the problem was closed inside drawers and #therefore i couldnt see it so it didnt exist. that and im not here much i guess

[dirt-str1der]

Btw shinada is by far one of my favorite yakuza character, i think he is one of the very few characters that got an actual decent closure

Yeah ...... it didnt un-ruin his life but like it was satisfying at least .... but his whole story arc was crazy (in a good way) like god ...

#Thanks for the ask ! #Yakuza liveplay #this isnt about shinada because i want to talk about kiryu but he seems like a walking horror story to me. a man with his strings cut will #just keep falling ... like theres nobody to catch kiryu and he made sure of that himself #i think kiryu wont die. people will just keep throwing themselves in front of bullets meant for him until the group of people he can trust #and talk to slowly dwindle to nothing. he knows its because of him. i think kiryu will eventually stop trying to force his story in another #direction. he will keep walking until theres nobody behind him to follow. there is literally no end in sight for him no valiant death or #sacrifice he can close his book with. someone will keep bringing him back he will keep walking into pitfalls he cant afford the #gravitational pull of a big problem itll just keep drawinf him in until hes right in the heart of it and then he can pull it all apart and #he starts all over again with the next city the next family the next villain. kiryu will never rest and its in part his fault. just a little #he said it before. men like him dont get to choose what to do with their lives. they dont belong to themselves. like kiryu has stayed alive #in the scariest possible way. hes dead on record hes basically a ghost among the living. he cant live as himself his name doesnt belong to #him anymore (unless hes inputing his high score for karaoke) he drifts along until the next guy hooks him out #of the flow and puts him to work. and hes always happy to work because theres literally nothing else for him to do #i know people want him to retire but the lack of closure for him is so compelling to me .... #kiryu will die alone. he’ll see to that himself

[wavetapper]

interesting vid

#disagree with some points like 'input lag doesnt matter' (it does to an extent although i agree most modern games #do have ways to counteract small amounts of lag) #also extreme nitpick 'ddr has been doing (colour coded notes) since the beginning' WRONG ddr 1st ac only had flat #unless IM wrong. i might be. but anyway #any further criticisms about scope and Not Including The Games Im Diseased About have been offset #by the fact that he said this isnt for high level rhythm game shit. which i get #but also someone needs to talk about pacemaker i love pacemaker im sad that barely any games have anything #even CLOSE to pacemaker its such a good systemmmmmm uwauauauau #its good that it mentions adofai as well. htat game hasnt clicked for me yet but its so cool seeing what people can do with the engine #and the gameplay looks fucking insanely fun. just need to give it another shot i think

[itsashowtime]

Where can I read Johan’s dream part 5-9 I tried finding them but oddly cant

⋆「☾」⋆

The whole thread is on Twitter!

[raredrop]

as someone who went from fearing chargers, to sometimes using chargers, to maining them (and by them i mean mostly just the e-liter scope i used more in 2 than i do now)

watching people who do not play chargers play the e-liter for the first time or any sort of reason i just go YUP THATS IT START CRYING UNTIL U HIT A SICK SNIPE AND THEN BASK IN UR SECONDS OF FAME THAT NO ONE ELSE CARES ABOUT

#like i was a shooter main through 1 and 2 with some dabbling in various weapons in 2 usually chargers #during the rock paper scissors splatfest i said this was gonna be the start of me actually maining the eliter #id say in 2 my main was like...the jr..... #im also not into competitive play...i like watching videos going into things but im casual and ranked is something i only...sometimes play #but not enough to rank #chargers are like either confidant in their playing or like me stressed #and tho i cant say im like a pro charger despite the time i put into the eliter....i mean its still me after all #it is very...different from the other classes bc most of the time ur not gonna be good at holding a fight up close unless u get VERY lucky #but thats just me and i am maining the slowest charger with a scope #also watching someone talk about the comp nature of splat and how chargers will probably pick up the ballpoint like #i DO not like splatlings...way too awkward for me to play #i get one in salmon run its over its over hang up ur slops bc its over #the cool thing about the eliter is that sometimes you'll match with people who just want to leave you alone #the not cool thing is that people will also very much want to chase you down bc u got caught #mid repositioning #again im not a splat pro i just play casually so ur not gonna get actual good tips from me #also sorry if anyone acutally reads my tag rants bc they can get really long and idk why i dont kjust put all of this in the post itself any #anyway....

[stupidnaturals]

.

#GAH hate not knowing how ppl feel about me #bc i used to be SUPER close friends w this person like they were ~25% of th reason i came back to my uni town after moving away last summer #and i keep texting them like ' hey we should meet up sometime! ' and they respond ' omg YES 100% i have SO much i need to catch you up on ! #unfortunately i am out of town every single day. also so busy. ' #and like yeah okay college very busy life very crazy. but how are you out of town every single day and also why have you NEVER reached out #and i saw them in person at target and they seemed genuinely pleased to see me! and also said something like #' we gotta hang out i have so much to tell you!! *ill* message *you* ' in a way that seemed to convey guilt at ^^ all that #but then how in the WORLD do you happen to be driving out of town immediately after the one event i know we'll both be going to??? #and also casually gracing over the fact i also mentioned getting dinner beforehand?? #also i dont know any reason they wouldnt like me unless its one of those ' im autistic and didnt notice you getting fed up w me ' #or if theyre just actually that busy or too anxious to see people or anxious to reach out or fucking whatever #and like even when i saw them at target they told me a bunch of stuff that i dont tthink youd say to a random acquaintance #which if they do still like me makes sense! bc we were super duper close once! but doesnt make sense if they dislike me/want me to go away #like UGH just either ask me to hang out or say yes to a hang out or tell me to fuck off already!!!! #oh and ALSO the one time we DID have plans we didnt set an exact time but they texted me at like 11 and said ok we can hang out now until 2 #or they texted me at 11 and said ' i work at 2 but i dont think thats gonna be a problem also are you okay w hanging w my roomies too ' #and i know their roomies so thats fine but i was like ??? WHAT shouldnt be an issue? r you gonna call off to hang out for more than 3 hrs? #or are you gonna friend break up w me so it wont take 3 hours #anyway i was like uhhh shit we didnt set a time so im actually at a tattoo place like an hour away w my roomie? #so we rescheduled for the next day when uh oh they hung out w someone who was exposed to covid so had to cancel again! #i cant think of a single reason they wouldnt like me except that they never did but we had an activity together so they were stuck w me #and they seemed genuinely happy to see me and also seem upset declining plans but like if thats true what the FUCK is happening???? #anyway this was a mile long if you e read this far i love u if you have tips feel free to reply or dm me