#um and there was more but i literally cant remember rn

[munadyke]

after this week is over i need to go thrifting and go get trashed and dance in a bar or club or whatever and hopefully do something halloween themed. the last week and a half have been hellish and there's still more to go. god.

#present my project on accessibility for the writing center on wednesday and feeling very unprepared<3 #also have a mid semester thing due for my museum studies course that i have not completed at all!! #and im currently working on an essay due tonight that im not even relatively close to finishing<3 #um and there was more but i literally cant remember rn #im so tired #abby if ur seeing this i'll pay u to call off work this friday so we can go out

[transfemlogan]

For the fandom ask game; 2, 10, 16

Positive Fandom Ask Game

a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!

that janus is loveless. i will say my hesitance didn't last very long and wasn't really hesitance, it was more "oh loveless janus is a hc? i can see how people can dislike it, but i love it." (so this option doesn't really count but i quite literally cant think of anything else)

there is a headcanon that janus is loveless/cannot feel love/doesn't love because he is a snake and snakes don't feel love. and as a loveless aromantic I absolutely love this headcanon.

i know people don't like this headcanon because people tend to view love as an inherently positive force and if you don't love or refuse to love that it's negative and offensive. & because people will try to use the lack of love to demonise janus, an already very demonise side. which... the demonising janus one is a valid reason to dislike it, the other reasons aren't.

i only ever consider patton to be loveless and i never see loveless hcs in fandom so knowing there's already a hc for janus being loveless makes me so so so so happy. i think there's something so sweet about janus not feeling love or choosing not to love or being critical about how society views love, but still being compassionate & caring towards the other sides & c!thomas*. that whether or not he loves them that doesn't control how he treats them. that his care isn't controlled by one singular feeling, but a multitude of feelings or opinions; he cares for the sides & thomas, because he knows they need it. & that idea means the world to me.

*obviously, loveless people can care & be compassionate. im loveless & im so compassionate to the people around me. but i mean more that, choosing janus 2 be loveless when he is literally self preservation & cares so much about the other sides & their health is soooo smart & beautiful. i know it probably originated to demonise him (or write aus where he "thinks he loveless but finds out he CAN feel love" eugh), but i like that you can switch it on its head & go "he doesn't feel love but that doesn't mattwe & wont ever matter. he feels so much compassion for the others" & choose not to demonise him.

i probably explained that all strange & worded it so bad i just woke up. BUT LIKE. YOU CAN CHOOSE TO DEMONISE HIM FOR BEING LOVELESS, BUT YOU CAN ALSO RECOGNISE THAT IF HE IS LOVELESS THAT LOVE DOESNT PUSH HIS CARING ACTIONS. HE JUST CARES.

also janus 100% would be loveless in the sense that he's criticising how society views love as the most "important thing" or as an inherently positive thing , as if people don't do horrible things bcuz of their love.

a blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter

UM. HOW DO I LIST A GAJILLION BLOGS.

i was gonna go thru & explain why they r on my list but thats 2 much effort so im just gonna rapid fire:

@sankiisides , @warnadudenexttime , @intrulogical , @edupunkn00b , @lovecorepatton & everyone i know on instagram. i was gonna list blogs that im not mutuals with but i am so tired & couldnt remember anyones blogs . ill just come back (<- is lying & wont come back)

the one blog i am not mutuals w/ that i can list rn is @we-all-horny-here :3

a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

PERHAPS A REALLY SMALL DETAIL, but the way remus pauses & actually thinks about what is being said to him when logan is talking to him at the end of working through intrusive thoughts

maybe im crazy & insane & making things up bcuz i want them to be friends so bad BUT thruout the entire ending scene w/ logan & remus, remus is shown turning his back and reading a book and taking a cockroach out of his ear and eating it. very actively ignoring him.

BUT . IN THIS SCENE:

logan tells remus how he can see how remus can be helpful (albeit. thru gritted teeth.) & then asks him, "but perhaps, you can also see the merit in what I'm trying to do?"

& remus pauses.

he hesitates.

you can see him sit there and actually think about what logan is saying. & ofc he immediately goes back to ignoring him but it makes me crazed that logan tells remus that he can see why remus is doing what he is doing & that it can be helpful & then asks remus, straight forwardly, to try & see what logan is trying to do & remus stops in his little schemes and thinks about that. he has a little moment of hesitation.

though it could also be remus going "hmmm should i eat the tongue lollipop first or should i do the cockroach?" /j

im ill . im ill. im ill. im ill.

Positive Fandom Ask Game

#ask #intrulogical #janus

[rosekasa]

20 questions for fic writers!

thank u @jattendschaton for tagging me 🥺 i love these questions

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 107 on maketea, but with my um. two other accounts i have 128

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

on maketea i have 293,935, but with at least one of my other accounts (one of them is for ml and one of them for another fandom, the latter of which i cant be bothered to log in to rn shdjsk) the total is 313,681!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

miraculous ladybug mainly! but i have also written for owari no seraph. ive written for other fandoms but im not counting it if i literally only have one work to my name for them HSJAJA with ons at least i have 3 on maketea and 12 on my other account

THEORETICALLY. i also write for sailor moon. i have a substantial amount in my google docs. they just havent manifested themselves into existence yet

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

apology gifts, like poles of a magnet, new marinette, a nine-year old (fhfjsj), and i'll marry you! ive actually had kudos/hits/comments stats hidden on ao3 since 2021 so i have no clue how many kudos any of these have which is very funny to me

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to but i always get distracted midway through going through my inbox which is totally on me fjdkka. i always decide to do it when im literally in the middle of class for whatever fuckin reason HAHAHA. i also always feel bad because im like 'oh i havent replied to this in literally two years im too embarrassed to reply now'

i also want to reply with more than just 'thank you' because comments mean SO MUCH TO ME but i think i psych myself out of replying because im too scared i won't be able to express it properly

im trying to resolve to get better at it!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ehemememem. ya'aburnee.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ooh, id say new marinette! in terms of like. the emotional arc or whatever

i was gonna say lpoam, but i think there's still a bit of lingering Sad there

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i want to say no. but ive been writing fics for ten years now and i feel like i mustve done Something weird when i was younger

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yep, for an old fandom on wattpad!

shdkska this is really funny, but back then i made a playlist for the fic, and i remember the person who translated it wrote in their translation of that chapter 'i wouldve done it differently but it's okay' that still makes me laugh

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yep, i did one for owari no seraph and one for ml! i have some others in the works tho hehe

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

guess

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

oh hmm. i think i am delusional and believe all my wips will someday be finished HDJFJSJS so im changing this question to 'doubt you will in the near future'. for that, id say maybeeee my amnesia adrien fic. 40k words in the doc and babe is still marinating

16. What are your writing strengths?

hmm. i think im quite good at writing interactions! i mean, i like the way i write them at least. i love capturing the feeling of being with people and i think i do it well!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

there's something that feels kind of hesitant when i read my docs sometimes? it feels like im worried to hit the point of the plot head-on and skirting around what i actually want to say. i think what i'm trying to do to improve is to be a bit more direct in my narration style and focus on being descriptive only when it's needed.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

ive done it before!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh i dont want to answer this. one direction

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

like poles of a magnet <3

tagging @destiny-with-you , @mozzygan , @asukiess , @ladyofthenoodle , and whoever else wants to do this!!! just say i tagged u when u do it hehe

#♡alizeh talks♡

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ fondness (chapter 16)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5-6k

warnings- swearing, mentions of miscarriage, tae is sad sad, kaito is back, drinking, um i think thats all? lmk if not!

a/n- Lovies!! hi i hope ur all doing good. Im trying to write a lot more because i literally just quit my current job (they treated me like shit) after 2 months. Im applying to so many places rn but in the meantime im having fun giving my tumblr a little luv <3 also apologies for any mispellings, I had read over my previous chapters and cringed at some of the words I spelled wrong. I have been learning english for years now but apparently its still not to a 100, oh well! Anyways, please enjoy! -Nini <3

"I had my suspicions"

You blushed, eyes down on your water bottle as you sat in your childhood bed again, your mother sat comfortable at the end of it as you both talked.

You arrived back home around 2am yesterday, and to say that you already felt a little better was an understatement.

"you did?" you mumbled as your mother nodded, smiling.

"when you came to visit a while ago, I saw a lot of touchiness" she giggled "but I minded my business"

"ah this is embarrassing" your hands flew to cover your face, now knowing your own mother knew about your relationship before you could say anything.

"no, I dont think so" she hummed, looking at the carpet. "I just know when a boy is in love, i remember your father-"

you inhaled sharply at her words, biting your lip and looking away.

"-...he would always look at me like I was the center of the universe"

You stayed quite for a moment before speaking up softly, "what happened?"

She smiled sadly, "he chose a different life, and I resented him for so long, but I accept it for what it was, and now that I have..I feel like im free to live again. And thats what you need to do, accept it, accept whats happened." she whispered, calming voice infiltrating the bedroom at such a late hour of the night.

Your eyes met hers, a glimmer of love was bright enough to see through her dark brown orbs. You nodded as she began to speak again,

"Taehyung and you.....I always knew it would happen" she giggled, "I remember once you guys hit middle school, and the moment I caught you sneaking into my closet for makeup before he came over to play video games-"

"oh god, stop" you blush, shaking your head

"it was cute even if you wouldnt admit it" your mother waved her arm at you.

You hummed, crossing your arms over your chest as you got lost in thought.

"so, how is he taking everything?"

"taehyung?"

she nods, eyes burning a laser into yours.

"well...i dont know" your answer was honest as she sat up.

"what do you mean?"

You sighed once more before speaking, "he and I kinda argued before I left paris...im an asshole mom" you offered a sad laugh, looking down. "im an asshole...because, I got mad at him for trying to help"

She tilted her head, listening, "Im sure he just wanted to be there for you, he was hurting as much as you"

"i know, and thats the thing mama...but I just needed to be alone and away....and he got mad when I expressed it...its not like we are married" you roll your eyes

she giggles, "I understand my dove, but listen" she grabbed your hands, "things like this happen all the time, we cant run away from our loved ones when life gets bad. What happened between you both was terrible, and im so sorry sweetheart" she whispered, your own eyes getting a bit misty, "but running back home isnt gonna do anything"

You nodded before smiling, "I came here because its comforting, you're comforting.....now you're scolding me?" your voice had humor.

She laughed, "you are a 23 year old woman, I cant control your actions, like whether you stayed with Taehyung or came back to me, however I can tell you my opinion, and if your decision was right or wrong, not trying to guilt you, just being a mom"

You nod slowly, fidgeting with the heating pad sitting on your stomach to help ease the lasting cramps that only served as a painful reminder.

"you make your own choices hun, but...let me ask you this, do you love him?" she whispered

Your eyes shot up at her, your heart singing with sadness yet love.

"....yeah.." you whispered so quietly it was barley heard. "yeah I do" you couldnt help but begin to cry as she wrapped you into her arms.

A mothers loving embrace.

It could heal all, and this is exactly why you came back.

"You find comfort here, but as you get older, you need to find comfort in new things." your mother began, " life is scary, but its all about changing. Without change, life would be rather boring, huh?" her hands ran up and down your back as your face rested on her shoulder. "Taehyung has been here forever, youve grown together, but these new feelings? they offer new experiences,...amazing ones too. Im sure he loves you just as much, thats why he let you go..." she whispered, "but my dear, you have to fight through the darkness to find the prize, to find why you had the connection at all"

You were full on Niagara falls into your mothers sweater. Her words provided insight, but as well as pain. You shouldnt have left him behind, it was wrong, and you hoped he understood.

you realized that you were your fathers daughter, and not just in DNA. Your first instinct was to run away from your loved ones, run away from family when they would give you everything.

You were becoming your father.

And you hated how much you still loved that man even if he left you. and you hate that you take after him in such painful ways.

But most of all...you hate how you didn't even see it happening.

"shh" your mother cooed, holding you as she rocked back and forth slowly. "my child, life will settle, but you need to find your way, and if thats with him, you need to tell him"

"i know" you whispered, wiping your eyes as you clutched the tiny bear you packed.

The bear.

Fuck, you wish you didnt bring it in your suitecase.

It was the teddy bear taehyung bought the day after finding out you were pregnant, The perfectly placed initial on the middle that always made you remember he thought of you as a Kim, as well, even if you werent married.

It was a reminder he wanted you in any way he could grasp you.

As a girlfriend, a mother to his child, eventually a wife, but always....always his best friend in life.

Your mother looked down at the bear, smiling. "y/n..."

"hm?" you mumbled, leaning back as she put your hair behind your ears.

"im so sorry this happened to you" her voice was quiet again, "you would have been a beautiful mother....and if you decide to have kids in the future, thats exactly what youll be"

You nod sadly, "thank you...."

It was quiet for a moment before she spoke up again, "when I was in my twenties, your father and I decided to try and have another child..we saw how you clung to your pre-school friends and called them your sisters" she chuckled "so we thought maybe another baby would be good. Well- I got pregnant right before your 4th birthday" her voice choked softly as you watched, this being news to you.

"unfortunately I, too, had lost it" she teared up explaining the situation. "it was one of the most painful things I ever went through....but looking back at it" she smiled at you gently, rubbing your back, "im so greatful"

"grateful?" you whispered, in shock

"I had you, my little best friend whos always stuck by me even in the worse situations...you never had to fight for my attention, we were always together"

You wiped her tears as you smiled sadly, agreeing.

"and you have always been more than enough." she mumbled, "so my love, I guess the lesson here is...that once you learn to accept it and know the situation for what it is.....you'll heal"

You hugged her tightly as her words struck your chest with a great force.

She was right, whether you liked her advice or not, shes been through exactly what you have, and if she can make it out and be such a wise, resilient woman today, than you can too.

But you'll be damned if its in the steps of your father.

Later after she went to bed, you were left alone, the covers up to your neck as the tv played some old school tv show that only got airtime in the late hours of the night.

You found your hand resting on top of your stomach as you laid calmly. You had to acknowledge it to get past it. "im not pregnant anymore..." you whispered, feeling an overwhelming sadness fulfill you. Your eyes drew down to your hand as you rubbed your stomach, feeling a bit stupid at what you were doing.

taking a few deep breathes, you opened your eyes and looked up at the ceiling, "its okay to be sad....its okay to cry" you remind yourself aloud, voice quiet and shaky, "but I can heal....its not my fault" you nod, tears falling for the millionth time within the past few days.

You were exhausted, mentally and physically, but after tonight you feel like perhaps you made a breakthrough, you were proud of yourself even if it was just a baby step.

You turned over in bed to look at your phone, the time was 3:55 am, yikes.

You barley had time to register it before the lock screen caught your attention, now all you could think about is how Taehyung was feeling.

-

"why are you already back?"

"dude just give me my fish and dog so I can go" Taehyung mumbled, standing at the front of his friend Jin's apartment.

He laughed and turned away for a moment before returning with Hae swimming around in his tiny tank, the packet of food wedged underneath jins chin. "here"

Taehyung took the bowl and the food, nodding "thanks..."

"mhm" he smiled, "so wheres Y/N? The last thing you posted was a photo of her standing on the edge of some fountain, did you push her into it?" he snorted, trying to be light hearted with his friend.

"no shes just, busy I guess" he shrugged, trying to leave quickly, "wheres yeontan?"

Jin looked behind him and picked up the small dog, putting the leash on him securely before handing it to taehyung, who took it with his free hand.

"thanks for not killing my pets and taking care of them, even if it was probably Stephanie who did everything" taehyung referred to Jin's wife, who stood behind him with a wide grin of acknowledgment. "i'll see ya" he nodded before turning down the hall to leave, Yeontan leading the way on his leash.

Taehyung walked on the sidewalk, his feet finding the familiar path to his own apartment.

He left Paris a day and half after you did, only communicating with you through occasional texts that left much to the imagination when it came to how you were doing.

He unlocked the door and walked in, wincing at how messy you two left it before leaving. His hands gently put Hae down on the kitchen counter as he began to pick laundry up, tossing them into a ball and making a mental note to do a washing load this weekend.

Tae checked his phone for any sign of you, frowning when he was met with 0 notifications.

Would it be wrong to call you? he didnt know anymore, things felt awkward...you left with no closure or definitive answer on what was okay or what crossed the boundaries.

It definitely felt uneasy being alone in the apartment, he missed your loud laughing, and the good food you always made for him.

He even missed when you would force him to watch shitty reality shows with you because it meant he got to cuddle with you on the couch for a few hours.

The rumbling sound of his stomach knocked him out of his head as he turned to the kitchen. There wasnt much, other than a few now rotten bananas sitting on the counter.

His hand gripped the fridge handle as his eyes were met with an ultrasound photo hung up by a hello kitty magnet, it felt like salt was poured into his wound...his hand slid off the handle. he wasnt hungry anymore.

Beside the photo was doctors reports hung up for upcoming appointments and reminders.

This upcoming weekend was supposed to be the gender reveal. Deep down Taehyung didnt care if it was a boy or girl, but not that he'd be having neither, it felt more upsetting.

It was a reminder of something that he might never get to experience with you.

He found his way to the kitchen counter, sitting in the quiet room as yeontans tiny pitter-patter paws echoed through the apartment wood flooring.

Taehyungs eyes were drawn to hae, the tiny yellow fish swimming around in his spongebob tank, a toy pineapple placed perfectly in the center for him. For some reason he teared up.

suddenly he felt the urge to hear from you, but he felt selfish for doing so. You should be the one to reach out, right?

He didnt know anymore.

"oh hae....I miss mama" he sighed, leaning down to rest his head in his crossed arms over the table.

-

"are you gonna just sit in bed?" your mothers voice echoed into your room, the lights were off and the curtains were closed as two large blankets covered your body....it was noon.

"I'll get out soon"

She shook her head, leaning against the door frame "Hun, I need to go shopping, I need to know you are up and alive before I leave you here alone"

Reluctantly you sat up, wiping your sleepy eyes as nostalgia from high school mornings hit you.

"there she is!" your mom cheered, directing her cat to follow over to you as she turned to leave.

You smiled at it as you stretch, "hi baby" your voice cooed before turning over and unhooking your phone from the charger

2 notifications

"oh" you mumbled, quickly unlocking it and going to your texts. You wish it was Taehyung, unfortunately it wasnt...

Kaito: hey, I know this is sort of inappropriate to text you like this, I get it, but I cannot stop thinking about you. I cant stop thinking about the baby. Can we please talk about maybe getting a paternity test?

you frowned, petting the cat as she climbed into your lap

kaito: and I know btw that you dont want me to be the father figure, which is fine. Ive taken time to understand that...however i need to know if its mine, I cant live without knowing y/n. please call or text.

Oh thats just great, another person you had to break the news to.

Your mother came back down the hall, knocking on the door frame "so are you coming or not? im leaving" she smiled

"I'll stay here, thanks though mama, hows your back?"

She waved her hand in dismissal "oh im fine honey, I got my brace"

You smiled sympathetically as she turned to leave, knowing she was probably lying about the pain.

Shes always been stubborn, thats where you get it from.

After getting cleaned up a bit, you made your way outside to sit on the front deck, propping your phone up as you sit in the rocking chair. Were you really about to facetime Kaito?

....guess so...

After a few rings, you began to feel the tightness in your chest...the anticipation...the nervousness...

"hello?" his voice echoed through your ears, for some odd reason you felt like crying already.

"hey....are you at work?"

"on break" he smiled softly, eyes looking into yours through the phone screen. It felt odd to sit here on call with him, you havent done it since you both had been dating.

"so..."

He sat down, propping the phone up against a wall as he watched you, making it clear he was ready to talk. "listen, please understand this isnt me trying to make my way back into your life"

You nod, picking at the skin around your fingernails.

"I just want to know if its mine is all, I mean, I figured theres a chance it is, no? so this is warranted right? i dont want to seem pushy...."

You sigh, looking at him, "um, well I called you because I wanted to discuss everything"

"what do you mean?" his head tilted softly

"kaito, I uh, I lost the baby" you said aloud, nodding as you did so. In some way, the words left your mouth a lot easier than just a few days prior.

You were knee-deep in the healing process

"oh." was all he responded, his face appearing confused and unsure, "you lost the...baby?"

"miscarriage" you add, "it happened a few days ago, I never had the chance to tell whether it was yours or taehyungs"

He frowned, "y/n, im sorry"

"dont apologize its fine, im fine"

"god...."he ran his hands over his face, obviously deeply upset by the news.

"its okay" you assured again as he watched you for a moment,

"do you think it was mine? genuinely?" he whispered

You shrugged, eyes dragging away from the screen to look at the cars driving past the house "I dont know"

You did, you were 90% sure it was taehyungs, this was decided last night as you carefully calculated the dates between periods, and the breakup vs when you and taehyung got together.

If it was kaitos, that would have meant you were close to being 5-6 months pregnant, and at the time of the miscarriage, you were about 3-4.

regardless, it was still upsetting, and in hindsight, it didnt matter anymore especially when you had to sit and break everything down to your ex.

He sighed again, "how are you managing?" he whispered

"im good, im at my moms house right now"

"wheres taehyung?"

you scoffed slightly, even after telling him the situation he only cared about you and taehyung. "Kaito I called to inform you about the baby and the baby alone, we dont need to discuss my personal life, you dont get to know information that no longer involves you"

He sat watching you for a moment before nodding "okay....sorry?"

"thank you for being understanding during this, and all I ask is that you continue to be respectful to not only me, but taehyung"

He rolled his eyes slightly "okay"

"okay" you repeated, sitting near the phone, "well...thats all I suppose, text me if you have more to discuss on the topic, have a good shift"

with that, you hung up and couldnt help the slight smile that popped up on your face, you finally stuck up for yourself, and taehyung

It felt good.

so good that you almost called taehyung out of instinct.

would he be okay with that?

you decided against it, putting your phone away as you sat back and swayed in the rocking chair.

-

Taehyung gently creaked open the door of what used to be his bedroom, but was now reserved in the space of a future nursery.

He hadnt been in here in a while, and now as he sets his eyes on it all, he wishes he didnt walk in.

There were boxes of items you ordered online piled up in the corner, he smiled sadly and looked through them.

The crib you bought, he promised he would put it together for you, you were never good at building things, instructions or not.

The thought made him giggle softly as he looked at the other things, the vanity and picture frames. The familiar grief found its way into his chest as he went over and laid on the rug in the center of the room.

It was a lilac purple rug, you picked it out and decided the nursery will be just that color scheme, regardless if it was a girl or not. His fingers weaved through it as he began to cry, eyes scanning over the room that will forever be empty, items put to waste. The small bundle of baby toys that never get to be played with.

He never realized just how much he was hurting, but he had to say not having you at his side made it sting even more.

Yeontan nudged his way into the room and grabbed one of the stuffies, making his skilled exit quickly as taehyung got up

"hey! thats not yours!" he frowned and chased out of the room after the small dog, following him around the living room before running into your room. He gave up and dropped the giraffe by your desk, his tiny legs leading him away to hide.

Taehyung kneeled to pick it up, unable to help the way his eyes scanned over the items on top of your desk.

Unorganized homework for school, binders left open and messy, he smiled a bit at it as he walked over, his arm accidentally pushing some of the books off the side.

"shit" he sighed, leaning down to pick them up.

There was a smaller brown notebook that caught his attention, he didnt want to snoop around your things, but when the front of it says "to my love", its pretty hard to ignore.

He carefully sat on the ground and opened it, feeling wrong for doing so but unable to stop.

The first page was full of your handwriting.

May 11th

so...today I just found out the biggest news of my life. im pregnant, its weird to even write. I just bought this notebook at the flea market because I need to tell someone. Im really scared, and im unsure of what you will think of me. I love you a lot, and I hope I get the chance to gift this to you after all is said and done

suddenly he felt like he was doing something wrong, reading something forbidden.

He scanned over the next page quickly, seeing how you spoke about dedicating this as a future love note for him, a chance to let him see inside your mind.

He tossed it back on top of your desk and sighed softly, he missed you so much and it seems like every second only let that feeling grow.

He wasnt sure what position you two were in, but he loved you dearly, probably a lot more than a person should love another human being.

He hoped you felt the same deep and burning desire.

Thoughts passed into his brain, he realized he was grateful you went through the crazy process of the past few years, in which referred to the friends with benefits situation.

If it never happened, you would have never been this close now.

Little does he know, that miles away from Busan, you laid on the floor of your room too, looking over older texts between the two of you and giggling

even if it was about groceries, or a small message asking him to pick you up from class, it made you smile.

Taehyung and your mom have been the only ones that you can say have never left you, the only ones who are there when you need them.

were you going to let him go over something that can be talked over and fixed?

you looked out the window and silently spoke,

"i'll see you soon”

-

Going back to your old doctor in Gwangju was an odd experience, you had too have been no older than 18 the last time you visited her.

“It seems that everything is going smoothly, and you said you’ve stopped bleeding?”

You nod, fidgeting with the gown you put on as the doctor wrote down everything.

“Your tests seem good, i would say you are coming along healthily after this, which is a good thing, right?” She smiles cheerfully, “do you have any questions for me?”

You shrug, looking up at her “I don’t really know”

She sighed and sat down “y/n, what you went through would be hard on anyone. You are so young and you already are stressed with work and college, and this being thrown on top had to have been difficult right?”

You nod, resting your head in your palm.

“Do you think seeing a therapist would be helpful to you?” She asked sweetly

You quickly sat up “well…im going back to Busan eventually and-”

“I can contact your doctor in Busan and have them find you a therapist”

You sighed deeply, therapy was something you never really considered. Would it help? Maybe. But bottom line was that you never liked discussing your problems, you have always been closed off and the thought of being vulnerable with some stranger is terrifying.

“Look y/n, I’ll send your doctor a note and you can discuss it with her once you go back, how about that?”

You nod reluctantly “okay….”

-

Once you arrived back with your mother at the house, she began to cook something up for lunch as you laid on the couch, cuddling the cat.

She purred in your lap, making you smile.

"how was the appointment?" your mom spoke from the kitchen, peaking over to you as her hands chopped veggies up on a cutting board.

"well...It was fine I suppose"

"just fine?" she smiled, adjusting her glasses, "did she say anything bad?"

"no, no, nothing bad, but just...she wants me to do this therapy thing and I just-"

"oh that sounds like a good plan...I think therapy would be beneficial"

You sigh, looking down at the cat, "well I probably wont be doing it so..yeah"

She stopped cutting, looking over at you "and why is that?"

You simply shrug in reply

"you know theres nothing wrong in getting help...right?"

"yeah but im not sure im ready to go talk to someone yet"

She laughed softly, "thats when you should talk to someone, when you are unsure, get it out before its all locked up"

sitting up a bit, you look back at her, "I guess, I dont know, we will see...."

Your eyes returned back to the tv in front of you as your mother continued to create a meal for the two of you. As a mom, she felt defeated, she knew the other alternative here but knowing you, the reaction may be less than ideal.

The last thing she wants to do is interfere with your current situation, but hey.....

what is a mom if she isn't nosey?

taglist!-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts smut #kim taehyung #kim taehyung fanfic #taehyung #taehyung fanfic #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook #bts taehyung #kim taehyung series #taetae #tae fic #kim taetae #tae smut #taehyung drabble

[youremyheaven]

AHEM. I WILL BEGIN MY INFODUMP ON THE FREAKINESS OF SOLAR MEN NOW. this is just a pt. 1 because idk how y'all will take this so um i'll just to do the most tame stuff rn.

to preface i'm a lunar woman down & a masochistic sub. that's relevant bc all of my exes are solar doms who happen to also just be doms in the bedroom TT. and i need y'all to remember that when you read this bc all of this is consensual & i dont want to paint it as otherwise because like i said i'm not here to slander them!

anyways so to start these men get off so much to psychological & physical domming of others. literally anything that falls into this category of domming they're into - roughing you up, degradation, wildly imbalanced power play etc.

the weirdest part abt it is that they can sense submission in others from the get-go. despite all my solar exes being doms surprisingly i've never met them off any bdsm dating sites/apps. i met them all in an organic very meet-cute kind of way and yet when we get into the relationship eventually and reflect on our early days like talking abt things like our 1st impressions they will alw admit they could sense that i was submissive from the jump. so that's another thing they can smell that on you immediately.

so i'm going to talk about my latest ex specifically bc i think he exemplifies what i'm most trying to get at here. he's a uphal moon, krittika asc, and pbp sun. and like all my other exes he was a dom too but he took it to lengths i had yet to seen till him.

1st of all solar men's sex drive is insane. mind you no joke i'm clinically a hypersexual myself but it's a lot trying to keep up with them omg. they constantly want it and will shamelessly go for it. it seems almost unconscious to them even (e.x. feeling you up mindlessly)? so with my last ex we were fucking like rabbits so much that it got to the point where i exclusively wore dresses and skirts around him because it was just easier. and we eventually agreed to have me forgo wearing anything underneath if we were hanging at his or my place tg because it was kind of like ... what's the point? we're just gonna end up rolling around with each other at some point today💀

that's why when you said that you love sex i felt so seen because im the same way. it quite literally feels like turning my brain off and i get so dopey happy and calm afterwards like it'll put me straight to sleep. i get rly whiny and sad if i go even a day without soooo stay strong sister you will get through this

anyways a lot of semi-public sex too with solars. like in the car before events, in bathrooms if we can sneak away from said events etc. and they get turned on really easily like it's just not difficult to get them in the mood if they're not already in the mood. solar men also rly like the whole daddy/dad thing. you can literally see their whole face perk up when you acknowledge them in that regard. i cant speak on ddlg specifically because that's not for me personally but in my experience with my exes they've explained the whole daddy/dad kink as just feeding into their powerplay kink so that's how i've come to understand it for them.

the last thing i'll touch on for now (that is if i ever decide to be brave enough to continue sharing with y'all ummmm) is impact play! they seem to like this kind of thing. but not in the way i've seen it manifest for other naks like not in the same way it's depicted in 50 shades of grey for e.x. - in fact i think that guy is a mercurial so def different. solar men are a lot more fun with it. like when they spank you, gag you, slap you etc. it's not rly because they're trying to discipline you or quote on quote teach you a lesson or punish you. it's just bc it's fun to them to see you in that position and it thus feeds into their ego (which is i think at the root of why they like the kind of sex they like. it's an ego thing ultimately) - and personally i'm the type i'm in a giggling fit when i'm getting roughed up like that so it's truly just two ppl having fun and getting off in a weird grossish way one another.

thank you for sharing this 😳I miss sex more than ever and now I'm also intrigued by the idea of banging a Solar man 😳😤

[munamania]

ok and now i need to talk this out on here cause like in all reality idc that much but this is just a little. awk. i might do this under the cut just so i can talk in a bunch of little paragraphs if thats chill ok ty

sooooo right ive mentioned that sam has been talking abt having beef specifically w his roommates but also that friend group at large bc they went on spring break trips w/o him. The roommate took a duo trip with fellow dyke and everyone else did like a big thing together erm

right thats just the context idrc except for the amount of times sams vaguely alluded to it and idk any other details. um but he has called his roommates like the 'poison pills' of the whole ordeal since they literally live together (but they havent been that close. prob since their freshman year when sam was out for a semester. which isnt inherently er bad but hes acting like hes been victimized for the last few years)

and like last night after this long sesh of working on our assignment sam and i r walking to the bus stop and he says something about finding out just like shitty awful drama and how it sucks having to live with 'two of those people' lmao sorry im not laughing im just like. whatever

this said i have plans to see. should i name sams roommate. ok i cant do that rn but we have plans to hang on monday and i would be seeing sam like immediately after for class. and esp if we're hanging out on campus like we might have a repeat of last time where sam spots us out and im not sure if he'd approach and hang this time. but hes obviously aware that me and them like chat

so it's like not so subtle that hes trying to get me to either ask abt the roommate or flat out not trust/see them anymore and i just havent engaged which might come across as "fake" but like. well ill be honest man theyre all a year younger than me and that doesnt mean much but it does feel very immature to handle things this way idk the whole story but im not gonna get roped into the like Omg i cant talk to this person bc of beef idk about...

and maybe i should feel worse abt not being #loyal to someone who is or at least at one point was considered a friend esp when it comes to someone that yeah ig he does know better than i but i dont... sorry ive been talking abt this bitch like cady and regina george except im not psychosexually obsessed im just like. hes been more insufferable than i remember lately yk.

i feel the Tiniest bit bad and like oh have i taken advantage of u bc yk we've hung and smoked and had dinner together often at ur place and def wormed my way into talking to the roommate via u etc but then i remember the way sam talks abt like anything and i dont feel all that bad

and theres this whole thing abt the eclipse i dont have plans to go see it it might happen last second but now after sams asked me abt it and messaged me like yeah idk we (him and his bestie) could maybe take a bus but we'd need a place to stay (asking to stay w my family bc i mentioned it like once on my close friends) and then theyre like going to a diff city anyway like oh my gooooood it's gonna be seen as shady and i dont really CARE i just need assurance that this is stupid as hell and its ok if im a little bit of an asshole about it. i dont think being mad abt the eclipse would hold up but w/e

has not been at the top of my worries and still isnt but now that this is all coming up in the next week im like frank g*llagher voice (sorry) oh Jesus Christ. you know

#abby talks

[thatrainyydayfeeling]

ok its rant time!!!! about ttpd ofc so be prepared lol

i just finished it (and immediately started relistening) and oh. my. god.

i think 'peter,' 'the bolter,' 'down bad,' 'the albatross,' and sm more were my favourites!!!

but peter by far the most bc ADHJKAHSF. THE BRIDGE. IM UNWELL. 'forgive me, peter, please know that i tried to hold on to the days when you were mine, but the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light.' STOP THIS RIGHT NOW. WHAT. literally sobbing wtf. bc i cant go a moment without referencing percy jackson, this one rly reminded me of piper and jason's break up from piper's pov (just replace 'peter' with 'jason'!!!).

um. ok anyways :) now imma talk abt the bolter!!! so!!! (im unironically listening to it rn - ttpd is on shuffle and it just came on lmaoo). i dont have much to say abt this one; just that its good and idk i liked it lmao. but omg the 'but as she was leaving, it felt like breathing.' idk it just hit different and i loved it sm. THE BRIDGE TOO OMG<3 its so catchy i love it.

'down bad' is so incoherent screaming. i love love love that song aaaahhh!!!!!! the first verse was so good; 'did you really beam me up, in a cloud of sparkling dust, just to do experiments on?' and also 'for a moment, i knew cosmic love.' im unwell.

'the albatross' ok i'd also like to say, out of all the bonus track edition thingys, i liked the cover for the albatross edition the best!!!! it was just so ttpd to me idk. 'and when the sky rains fire on you, and you're persona non grata, i'll tell you how i've been there too.' ugh i loved the bridge for this one^ (side note - "persona non grata" means unwelcome person).

oh and also!!! 'chloe or sam or sophia or marcus' RIPPED MY HEART OUT. dont mind me just violently sobbing to 'so, if you wanna break my cold heart, say that you loved me just the way you were' like actually stop this i cannot. and omg 'could it be enough just to float in your orbit?' NO. sTOp. i cant anymore that entire verse was just gut wrenching.

i also liked so many others but i cant remember those rn so um. thats it for now!!!! overall i loved the album (or double album bc like WHAT??)

#somehow jason grace finds his way into every song i listen to #i just love him ok :( #anyways #back to taylor swift #i also liked 'florida!!!' and florence + the machine's verse was so good #as for what i was disappointed by - i can fix him (no really i can) - it just wasnt what i expected and yeah!!! #still good tho #taylor definitely delivered with this one #tho tbh i did like the second half of the album (the anthology) more than the first half im sorry😭 #'guilty as sin?' is incredible too!!! #ok i'm gonna stop now lmao #i could go on forever #taylor swift #ttpd #the tortured poets department #down bad #the albatross #the bolter #peter by taylor swift #ts11 #tortured poets department

[aroace-polyshow]

I'M REDOING IT AGAIN

FUCK THE POLICE FUCK HOMEWORK HW IS MORE IMPORTANT.

*cough* greetings I have come to explain the Don't Erase Our Memories hw cover in detail because it's amazing check it out I'm manifesting Kanamafu cover rn.

IT'S SO THEM AND IT'S KIND OF LIKE I IMAGINE NENE COMPOSING SO YEAH 👍👍

Ruinene looking back at their childhood when they where blissfully unaware of The Horrors™. The "for all time" basically translates into "for forever" in most cases and they have been together since day 1 so.

Here either the monologue is changed or it's just default Miku/VS stuff. You said the Sekai had already existed for a while, probably since Tsukasa's childhood. IMAGINE HOW LONG MIKU HAD TO WAIT. LIKE... SPINEL STEVEN UNIVERSE FLASHBACKS. ESPECIALLY SINCE MIKU HAS SOME KIND OF FUTURE VISION. imagine how happy she was when Tsukasa finally came and with a whole troupe.

This one usually translates into "don't erase/scratch our memories" and let me tell you IT'S THE TENMA LINE EVER. because Tsukasa was taken away from the memories he made and Saki's was privated from the memories she never made.

"our greedy souls—" RUIEMU RUIEMU RUIEMU. "What we didn't have" BEING UNDERSTOOD BEING SUPPORTED BEING LOVED BEING ACDEPTED.

The next one usually translates into "searched" instead of "wished" which is just... So Tsukasa.

I... I don't think I need to explain (transmitting my blight via our shared wxs fan brain canal)

*head in hands* THE GUILT THE "I DON'T DESERVE YOU" THE "I NEED YOU" THE SELFISHNESS THE FAILURE THE AWKWARD SILENCE—

THIS CAN ALSO BE EMU I FORGOT TO PUT HER IN THERE. BUT YEAH, THIS IS BASICALLY THE OPPOSITE OF TSUKASA'S FAÇADE AND WANTING TO BE PERCEIVED AS FLAWLESS AND FINE AND THAT'S WHY IT FITS SO WELL.

Also the "I don't even know" AUGH THE "you'll never be a star" THE "I think you should rethink your career choices" HE LITERALLY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT OR WHY HE'S DOING IT HE IS TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF IN RIPPED PIANO SHEETS AND BROKEN SCRIPTS AND BURNT PAGES PLEASE HELP ME

Also he would absolutely slay the high notes. Thank you thank you I know I'm right

Also Tumblr doesn't let me post more but the end of the song is BEAUTIFUL it fits so well go check it out you won't regret it.

Anyway... Yeah. Um. My fucking fingerssss

hi sorry it took me a while to respond but i am eating this. oh my god . i have some additions to add btw:

yeag tsukasa + virtual singer. yeag

theres something here. i cant place my finger on what it is but there is something here. this line is good.

i forgot to use the coloring thing like you did but. 1st line virtual singer 2nd tsukasa 3rd emu 4th rui or nene but i’d like it to be both 5th tsukasa (i think its like. a vow he will remember. a vow he won’t forget the things that are important to him like he did before.) and last two all together. tyty for this.

#asks #hollow ☆ wonderland #the ask sent twice btw?? weirdly enough ;ldfkhjgufjdksll

[cloudninetonine]

I'm literally such an idiot coz me hyped up on pain meds last night forgot that most people don't think decomp is cool and actually think it's quite gross 🥲 It's currently like half 6 and I have school in a bit so I'll try my best to remember everything else I sent and leave out the decomp stuff. Realising literally now after a 4 hour nap after the meds wore off that it was a really dumb idea. Banging my head against a wall rn.

Um, yeah, I'm really sorry ab that, must have been pretty bad for you to see in your inbox. You must think I'm a weirdo, but i promise I'm not, I just fixated really hard on becoming doctor as a kid.

I DONT THINK YOURE A WEIRDO BABES honestly, I love stuff like this do you know how useful it is for writing? I've always been a horror/gore fan (in literature cant stand films or such) so I love writing stuff like that so you best believe ima be using it.

I've seen you sent another so I'll save the more detailed one and post the less detailed if you like?

#cloud answers

[lorienwhats]

You were writing a Lorien Legacies fic with an OC in it, right? How's it coming along? I'm really excited to see how things play out

i couldkiss you. um. but. i'm soooooo not consistent. my process is like....okay i insert the character directly into canon. then i go hey what about original writing scenes! what changes from canon! thats where i am😇but my memory of the books has decayed so much i literally need to reread them so badly. fun fact is that i almost made eight live because im insane but i didnt know what to do with him so hes staying dead. sorry eight fans. but OKAY ok what im excited abt is trying to take it more from an adult perspective. like YA books are all ooh teenagers/kids fighting stuff yay. i love it. but i also love being a hater. why do kids have to fight? i want to tackle this in universe. my sense of lore is weak tho like i really need to reread the series😭like rn the whole series to me is from meeting nine -> eights death. but i always thought when we first meet five he should've said something along the lines of like why did the whole PLANET only send 9(ish) CHILDREN to RECREATE lorien. he brings up not understanding the process of picking them, but not the fact they were kids? not a criticism of the books, like, its YA. thats how it goes. but it would've been more effective and realistic imo. i also want them to be traumatized 😭 it sounds so evil but nine is one of my favorite chars partially bc its so obvious how much mog-capturement effected him. (plus the idea my oc has a similar experience but it effects her differently). but it never goes deep into it? or some of his thought processes im interested in. like why the switch from "i hate bullies" to "haha five is fat"? honestly just five and nine make me crazy and i'm unable to explore dynamics without making an oc so i can personally meddle with them. like it still blows my mind five thought of nine as an ANIMAL who needed to be put down bc he thought he killed his cepan to prevent betrayal. just add like the SLIGHTEST bit of communication about that and the world would explode. i also have this scene im thinkin about where its when four sarah six go to meet five and he drops the whatever stone (sorry i cant spell) i can't remember when i read that he didn't actually drop it but ik i did. anyway the idea is that my oc stuck with him for most of the fight and realized umm he did NOT drop that shit! so cue like quiet confrontation? does she not trust him? how does he change from his first attempt at lying failing? etc. i'm slow at writing and have never finished anything so i don't know how its coming along but i love to talk about it thank you for asking .

#honestly ever since reading those child politics harry potter fanfics YA just doesn't hit the same. i have to adultify it. #thank u again for the ask #asks #i can tag that now!

[cerealmonster15]

🫵 ALSO SPONTANEOUS GAME TIME BASED ON YESTERDAY 🫵

What month was each twst boy born in :^)

HELP damn i mightve had exactly 5 if i couldve cheated with the twins LOL. you said one of these bitches had a bday near yours and idr which one it was, and that you kept mixing them up w/silver but i do NOT remember when his bday was when i looked that up either!!!

cater - feb 4

trey - oct 25

jade [and floyd] - nov 5

riddle - aug 24

azul - feb, and im pretty sure he's a pisces so that puts him at late feb... feb... 24? or am i just saying that bc riddles 24 is over there LOL uhhh. no. feb 22. 23?? 23. oh god im doubting it the more i think about it but i know hes a pisces in feb at least!!! whatever ill say feb22 idk!!!

vil - april

ruggie - april [i know this bc i know azul is in feb w/ cater and once i made a post about birthstones for cater and vil, and i had noticed tecnically azul and ruggie were in the same slots with them jsdklfdjsl and diamond is for april/you mentioned vil being 2 months after cater like Yesterday LOL] [HE ALSO LITERALLY JUST HAD A BDAY BUT I DIDNT REMEMBER THAT TIL LATER IN MY GUESSING LOL]

i cant fuckin remember many others so it's guessing time, but i AM going to use a zodiac chart for characters whose bday i dont remember but zodiac i do [thats like. 2 more LOL]

jamil - his bday book ending with riddle so he had to come before riddle but technically after aug 24... i thought for some reason they were both aug bdays but now im not sure LOL ...and i had it backwards earlier when i was gonna say like aug 8 so um. i feel like hes either like aug 30 or sept like 2 or 8 o rwhatever LOL.. um. um. im gonna go sept.

i know ortho and leona are Leo zodiacs bc they are my friend's zodiac buddies but i CANT REMEMBER which months they were. i feel like ortho was maybe july...??? leona can be august idk LOL. if i got them both wrong i want half a bonus for at least knowing their zodiac KFLJDSKLJFSD

ummm. fuck. i remember looking the other day and that lilia and malleus were in dec and jan but i forget who was where LOL umm. one of them i was like "oh wasnt he like a new years day baby" but then i failed to actually check jkdsjfldksjf i THINK lilia was january, im gonna guess jan1- WAIT YES JAN 1 bc i think it was actual lore that he doesnt know his actual birthday, so he just picked that one. jan 1 for lilia blease. december was malleus.

opens list of characters uhh who else is left

ace- fuck if i know. i think hes a summer baby? floyd were you taking zodiacs into account when you named him crabby, is he a cancer... uhh let's go with july idk

juice beloved son juice spade: SOBBING AND SCREAMING ABOUT HOW I DONT HAVE A DAMN CLUE DESPITE HAVING TWO OF HIS BDAY CARDS IN MY GAME!!!!!!!!!!!! wait. engtwst is still cycling through the bloom cards rn. i have his first two but i dont THINK we've gotten his bloom card yet, and i know engtwst started with cater in terms of bday cards and so he started off our bloom cards. that means juice's bday is not feb thru april 27... that only helps a little LOL bc i already knew the only ones in those months um um. hmm. god i remember standing in target when i was summoning for one of those cards but idr what time of year it was bc i was buying recycle bags and thats not a seasonal purchase!!!! um. september?????

jack: uhhhhh ummm uhhhh uhhhh. i dont know. december???

kalim: I DONT KNOWW!!!!!!!! juuuuuuuuuuuuuune?

epel: im in hell i dont know LOL these are truly random guesses. uh god what month havent i said yet. may?

rook: 🧍 ....december???

idia: another i feel like i just looked up and forgot lol. uh. january?

silver: did lilia make one up for u too.... what day did he find u idk man ummmm u feel like a summer bday. surely if i keep saying june ill catch someone. june again!!!!!

sebek....................... wait a second. i was wrong earlier. broom sebek is def in the game bc my friend just got him fairly recentlyish [which means his bday was somewhat recentlyish!!!] so either i cant remember where we are in the bday cards in engtwst bc i usually dont summon for them lol, or sebek is also between feb and april and i just forgot about him bc i didnt mention - wait no. i forgot march existed. he feels like he could be feb but i have to stick to my guns bc i didnt mention him in the birthstone thing so im going with march for sebek!!!!!

ok thanks bye!!!

#asks #felix-the-lemon-king

[ambrosykim]

.

#self harm tw #my parents lecturing me for the past hour: its all in your head and you have to get better by yourself #yeah i know its all in my head its called being mentally ill??????? #my father telling me i have to set goals and 'study from 7 to 10 everyday without distractions' like i havent been #diagnosed w adhd literally 2 weeks ago???? like im sorrry im literally incapable of doing that rn??? #and they really thought they were helping me by trapping me in the kitchen and lecturing me for an hour straight #i genuinely dont remember the last time i hurt myself this much bc i was scratching myself for the whole tmime to keep me from breaking dow #like.... i literally stopped uni bc im not doing okay????? what do you expect my guy? should i miraculously be okay after 2 weeks??? when i #ive been shaking and sobbing for like 10 minutes now i cant even function #and i was planning to like actually do some stuff today before i turn off my phone and laptop for a week but i literally cant do anything r #and they were saying shit like 'go out more' and 'you have to be better mentally' like um??? #ok whining over im fine :) #personal #will delete

[munamania]

just because im watching an emotional scene. im going to rant about my father now. apologies

he’s insane. sooo right we have mice. shocker. he’s kinda somewhat willing to take care of the traps thank god. but there is literal blood like mouse remains under our sink that he just. didnt wipe up. and i was like hey uh dad. were you gonna like. get that. (yk bc a normal person would probably like wipe it up naturally after taking care of it.) and he was like what do u and your mother have some kind of problem ive told her a million times that she cant take boxes out to the mudroom and she needs to just bring them to me and i was like ok. so what does this have to do with the literal mouse guts though.

and he was like well if she’s gonna be like that im not taking care of it and i was like ok word well thats not a productive way to think abt anything (barely holding back going insane bc this is how it’s been in this house for a billion years) and he said well im not gonna be productive if shes just gonna be counterproductive

he frequently blames us. mostly my mom but both of us. for this house being so shit. my mom has literally had three foot surgeries in the last few years like she was not mobile and he didnt give a fuck abt helping her out like she’s fallen and we had a new puppy right after the one surgery and he just didnt take care of it so that she wouldnt have to get up yk. he is RETIRED!!!!!!

and furthermore he only takes care of the outside of the house like the yard and whatever. my mom (and i) do the cleaning if it can ever get done. we’ve had a broken cupboard door for years. he frequently leaves pots on the stove until literal mold grows on them if we dont get them. we had a leaky pipe that made our kitchen cupboard disgusting for years and rendered half of the sink unusable and if we said anything about it he’d scream at us for using the sink lol. we cant leave our fucking toilet water running rn lest it like flood the basement and he refuses to get it fixed. so! we have to only turn it on if we can while using it or fill up a bucket to flush

this is not even digging into his health issues that have caused this house and our furniture to be. godawful shit constantly. and the amount of money it’s wasted. and the amount of money he keeps away from my mother.

meanwhile im supposed to just be like. what normal? toward him? try to have a normal relationship? a healthy one somehow? he has the emotional capacity of a three year old. and all of this is just. like. idk. i have to just not argue with anything otherwise he starts yelling and i get like sooooo anxious so. did i mention one time we didnt speak for a week. and one time i literally went to my uncles house bc he was talking to me like i was 5 years old over something stupid and wouldnt just let it go. and i just sobbed and tried to call my mom. typing this all out sounds insane anyway i remember i had this insane callout last year like that’s my bad truly but that was on a day where i was a total airhead bc i had a huge fight w my dad so misdirected um energy idk. whatever lolololol

it’s hard bc. he does take care of us kids yk. financially. and i know he somehow in his own little ways like........... loves us. so i feel guilty constantly for not trying more but like. what. idk

#abby talks #i might need to go back to therapy. my last therapist was chill but when it came to my dad she was just like #ah well he's a narcissist what can u do. like i mean. yes what Can i do bestie

[mackenzielovee]

girl!!! i have to agree w anon that said ambivalence is one of the best series they’ve read on here bc it’s so true. it really is and im so so glad you wrote it <3 i remember during s1 of obx trying to find rafe fics that i hadn’t already read yet and it was only until around s2 that i started seeing your fics and when reading i remember when id smile to myself like there is no waaaay i have stumbled across writing this good like WHAT? and usually i like to stay far far away from series (mainly if they’re continuing to be updated bc im impatient and love to read 😭) but idk what possessed me that day to read one of your other series regardless im glad because i LOVED it and i just knew i wouldn’t care if you updated every few weeks or so bc i knew i was going to love each chapter and i did. so much. you had the right amount of angst that had me screaming internally wondering how reader/rafe were going to solve whatever it was and the perfect amount of fluff that had me laying in my bed wondering why i don’t have my own sweet rafe cameron :(((( the blurbs are FANTASTIC by the way like i am loving the pre-relationship blurbs too it’s so interesting bc we are really seeing rafe fall in love with reader - he says it all the time how he’s loved her since but actually reading how he would be staring at her from afar while she was with john b or whoever not paying him any attention whatsoever just made me ??/?/?/?/ like i wanted to protect rafe 😭

the epilogue too? um. what a beautiful way to end the story 😭😭😭😭 (ik there will be more blurbs in the future) but damn. that epilogue hit me hard im gonna miss ambivalence!yn&rafe so much. also the doctor telling her she’s pregnant had my eyes widening i was NOT expecting it in the slightest pls and when yn was preparing to tell rafe i was literally on the edge of my seat like what is he going to think but rafe loves this girl so much how could he have said anything otherwise <///3333 crying bc i don’t have my own rafe cameron (drew starkey tbh) anyway sorry this is so long but just wanted to tell you how AMAZING you and your writing are. cant wait for your new story <3 (and don’t rush to write if you need that break girl, look after yourself!)

um wow so i’m crying rn!!!! wow

thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. wish i could print it out and frame it and read it every day. you are the sweetest in the whole world to type all this out and send it my way. it really makes me so happy. i’m so so so glad you enjoyed <3

#sobbing over this #thank u so much #sweet anon<3 #ask!

[perqabeth]

first impression of your moots vs current ?

if i miss anyone watch me move to antartica, get plastic surgery and change my identtiy to gaston. including the ones im close close to😿

@shoyotime : you prolly alr know everythiung im gonna say bUTT ANYWAY,, we met on wattpad in the comments section lip bites and ngl i thougth u were like 18 or 20 then pls bc u sounded SO MATURE. and d9ont get mad at me but the first day (AS IN THE DAY WE FIRST MET YKYK NOT WHEN WE STARTED TALKINGON IG) when we gonna make gaso gang acc ykyk i thought you were kinda bossy goodbye i will leave now im so embrazzed I WAS STUOID AND ONLY 14 THEN OKAY hahahahhaa nervous sweats anyway BUT NOWWWWWWWWWWWW PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ur like on of my (even my only, maybe) closest friends or wtvr 😒😒😒😒and i l*ove and care abt you or wtvr 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 and you make me bvery very happie or wtvr 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 vvvv smort and sexc and HONEST!!!!!! person AND FUNNY ASF ty for existing smh and not dropping me and aleesha on the first day😟

@srkuv : thoughts r being thunk rn I DONT REMEMBER HOW WE MET HOLYYYYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT i think it was on ig when u were added to gaso gang gc?? or was it on wp?????? I KNOWI MET YOU THRU INEZ????? first child: smal impression.... wAIT *FIRST IMPRESION: SMOL CHILD 🤡🤡🤡 must protecc vv sweet :( okay uwu,, it hasnt changed much 👍ur still my smol childn't but ur like mature for your age!!! and like sm0rt ngl, still muct proteque but you can fight anyone you want. you arent afraid to say what you want!! mwah mwah

@maipxilia : MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY FAV CHOILD OMG SCreams okay okay ngl when i first met you/saw you on my dashboard bc we had the same moots ykyk i thoguth you woulkd be 16 or smth PLEASE also hoLY SHIT PRETTAY ASS BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH AND HELLAAAAAAAAA FUNNY OMG. AND?#$%^& YOU READ RIORDAN BOOKS TOO T A S T E I TELL YOU. current imp: maia my beloved ilusm you like my typos :(((((( DO U KNOW HOW HAPPY THAT MADE ME B R O I ALMOST TRATED CRYING did i tell u i ranted abt that on my spam twt acc l0l ,, YOURE SO PRESHUS TOO MAN I CANT BELIEVE MAIA IS REAL but im so glad she is omg MAIA BEST GIRL OMLY OMLY ONLY shes so NICE AD SWEET AND chaotic sweet and awesome pls i want to cry and cradle you and protect yo form everything mwah maiko my QUEEN,, not saying i would drop everything just for you but... thats exactly what im saying 💘💘💘💘

@mysterystarz : novAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMG HI QUEEN <333 hru ☺🤲 i thought you were really really sweet and sophisticated when i first ur blog omg AND UR WORKS???? CHEFS KISS EVERYTHING TO ME she writes so well omg i cannawt. vv nice too and loves akashi a lot pls. i still think you're very VERY VERY sweet and awesome AND CALMING BRO ur so so nice i cannot stress rhat enough :((((((( another person who's very very precious ok an angel i tell you AND ALSO ERY FUCKING PRETYY LIEK WTF...... MA;AM HAND IN MARRIAGE??????

@sumerag1 : ri 😕😕😕😕😕 you CLOWN when i first met you i thought you were only here for may and didnt wanna talk to anyone else yk 😀👌 also i thought u were not very good at texting bye,,, BUT YOU HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS THAT MAKES ANYONE FEEL COMFORTED AND WANTED????? MA'AM HOW. now omg ilysm ur so FUCKING N I CE you always text me first anf :((((( check up on me :(((((( aND ME FEEL APPRECIATED OKAY ILYSM THIS WORLD DOESNT DESERVE YOU RI BEST GIRL AGENDA also omg supreior headcanons i must say

@kodzukoi : KOI KOI KOi KOIIIIIIIII you came in my ask box right1!!!!!! PHEW IF U DID IM SO GLAD BC UR SO :(((((((((((((( AWESOME MAN YOU MATCH MY ENERGY >:))))))))))))))))) AND UR SO NICE TO TALK TO i thoguth you were like vv calm and laid back and stuff at first AND U ARE!!!1 BUT LIKE MORE CHAOTIC I THINK :DDDDD UR SUPER COOL 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 EVERRYTING YOU DO >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

@elitparadox : omg ele loml hi you are so nice!!!!! and calm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you seem liek the mom friend who always showers her chirren w love and grounds everyone yk??? BUT UR STILL SO SO FUN AN DYOU HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE I LITERALLY WANNA CRY :(((((( YOURE SO SO SO SWEET I CANNOT breaksdown i swear you make everyone feel loved :((((((((( I HOPE UR GETTING THE SAME IN RETURN BC U DESERVE THE SAME OKAYU ur so loving i cannaut stop sayng that <33333

@sakusaxwindex : girl youre literally m ycousin...... um annoying ass mf dont knwo who she is bullie <///3 but the only person i tr*st or wtvr 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 smh #vros💯✨ or wtvr 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 only cusin i genuinely l*ke and look forward to or wtrv 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 smh r0t

#phew done #i love yall a lot or wtvr #so many typos im #im so sorry fr #so many repetitive words too cr1es #sobs #breakdown #ingliss is an illusion anyway

[undermattsun-archive]

japan national team x reader | w.c 1.3k

a/n: omg guys here’s the super cute epic collab fic i made w all my frieednsies <33 we all worked superrrr hard on this so pls don’t be mean!!!!!!!!! pls enjoy its xoxox and don’t forget to follow everyone here on this kidnapped by hq collab <33333333333

warnings: not proofread bc who does that xD (guys pls free me from this hell i’m in so much pain i didn’t even look at this i skimmed over it i left it as is, gg)

Read this while lsitening to the best song evar!!!!!!!!!!!1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_cXhBy78T4&ab_channel=JonasBrothers if you dont listen whil reading ill eat ur family MONCH MONCH MONCH

i go dwnstars, yelling ‘by mum!’ bfor laceing up my wite convrrse hightops (NOT blck becauz u cant sharpi on it) wth 1d lyrics scribbled on it. i rmb to draw a directioner infinite sign on mywrist. perfect, i think to mysdlf.

I never thot i would get to go to the olympics all the way on the other side of the planet in toky o japan! It was a dream come true for a simple, average, run of the mill girrl like me, who is 5’7 with naturally wavy hair, that’s not curly or strait and eyes as blue as the dark blue part of the ocean. 

I been dreaming of the olypoics since fetus. I just knew I had to be here, but I never thought it would actually happen. The only thing that would make it better is if I had a smezxy smexy boyfrwend! (A/n: Tee-hee! Maybe even two! (Or five! <333) haha! Aren’t I so quirky? <3)

I’m Wearing A Mint Green Crop Top That Ties In The Front And Some Denim Shorts With Black Converse. I Don’t Need Makeup Because My Skin Is Naturally Smooth And Clear And My Lips Are Already Red #wokeuplikethis And I Listened Only To MCR And P!ATD On The Plane Ride. I Bet You Dont Know Who They Are, THey’re My Favorite Banxds And Are Super GOod And Like Underground Bands. (A/n: Okay But If You Don’t LIke Welcome TO THe BLack Parade GTFO Of My FIc I Don’t Need YOu Here xoxo) 

ok so like,, im on my way to the olympics but then like, i get kidnapped !!! the car i was in was like super expensive and i cant see anything with the blindfold on. i hear voices of men all around me though, for like, a whole 30 minutes before they bring me somewhere and tie me up? "Take Her BLindfold off," one of them say, i hear. and im so nervous. but it's like a dream when they tug my blindfold off and im met with the prettiest emerald orbs ever looking back at me.

my stomach knotted in fear (more like an angry swarm of butterflies fluttering around ) i feel like screaming or squealing or both bc those eyes belong to someone so gorgeous . even more gorgeous than harry styles. hes like a god. i woukd so worship his foot. or something. (squee omg i can’t believe this is happening. i bet you wish that it was you huh?) 

bro who tf has emerald orbs green eyes im blanking rn

^ yo i was gonna ask i cannot for the life of me remember who

his #afff14 sppheres peered into my soul i really just felt seen. i took a deep breath before fainting he was just so pretty. *one hours later* i woke upa nd saw the pretty viridescent peepers staring into mine. like he was literally two inches away from my face omg i could feel his minty breath on my lips it smelled so good.

“My name is atsumu miya,” he said gruffly, the gruffness in his voice so gravely. “And me and me mates here think yer the most gorgeous girl weve ever seen. I blink up at him, orbs gleaming amd full of tears. 

“What do u mean, i’m just a normal quirky girl?” I say shakely, biting my lip. I bit my lip as the piss blond man spoke.

“You don’t know ur beautiful.” YOUR INSECURE DONT KNOW WHAT FOR YOUR TURNING HEADS WHEN YOU WAlk THROUGH THE DO OO OOOOOR

“U may be a normal quirky girl but ur OUR nroaml quirky girl now” his friend said with a deep voice. It was so deep that i almost thot it was like the ocean, he had curly balck hair and his eye were sooo mysterious (a/n i loooove sakusa i can’t believe him and his friends kindapped me omgggg XD)

“Stop it go away” osamu said (hee hee i can never remmber  tell which twin is which LOL i think its osamuuu) “no u have to share” sakusa responded angrily. I starred at them and didn’t know what theyd do next!

I looked over to he side ans see sakura pulling out hand sanitizer passing it around to his teamates. The green orbed boys huff as they put it on. i wished i could see his whole face hes so sedy, look over here pretty girl, i gasp pulled from my thoughts by their captain kita walking into the room with his hands on his hips and was theat aran? “You look even better in peroiusn” aran said to me, walking over to me “how do you know who i am?” i ask.

“listen bbygurl...” he yealls, pulling out a chair to sit acros from me. “you dont get to ask the questions, we are your new masters, and you shall do as we say.” i gulp nervously, my stomach feeling like a sharkndao is happening inside. “we hope u will be worth every penny we payed foru.” 

“M-m-m-masters?” my head felt like it was spinning in a teacup from disney land as i thought about what he just said to me. what did this mean? was i gooing to miss the olympics?? I wanted ot hate him with his super smug look on his face but i cant deny that he looks kind of hot and i’m into guys who look just like him,, the other guys r also relly attractive it makes my heart race. I look around trying to find answers when i make eye contact w a really really reall y tall guy who i thinks name is gao only to see another really really relly tall guy next to him,, hyakuzawa?

“what are yo going to do to me then?” ((*lenny face))

you ask, stomach bubbling. maybe i shoudnt have ateen that stale pizza earlier and washed it down with watermelon-lemon minute maid because now i felt like it was gonna come up. ((ew gross um tw vomit mention hehe)

“Dont worry were going to grab seme din din soon lil one,” one of them says. His name espapes me. Hes a ginger. They wont answer me for some reason and i suddenly miss my freedom when i would go to school (i go to an expesive private school for rich kids ahahah).

“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ME??” i yell again batting my fists against the ginger but he doesnt even blink. Ive decided hes hot but in a short king kinda way. His hair reminded me of of like cheeto coloured fine thread woven into waves.,,, like the ocean xD (ans...this has an ocean theme)

sudenly there was another voice it was yalling “BOKE HINATA BOKER” i looked with my stricking dark blue orbs and there wasd inother pair of stricking dark blueor bs like the ocean and blck hair. his voicde was veryy deelp an sexxcy (a/n lololol i luv u gakeyama kun *w*)

theres suddenly a loud voice in ur ear screaming directly into ur eardrum " BAKA KAGYEAMA BAKA"  (wtf our they communicating ????  ? )    i cringe at the yellign and another pair of strong arms bulls me away . i land against a hard, solid chest, i can feel the six pack thru his track Suit. 

and then my alarm clock playin what makes u beatyful goes off n i woke up. 

amen.

i rub my eyes wakng up, starrn into the mirror at my super borng brwn ugly eyes and brsh my equaly borng brwn hair. i lok up at m wall and see harey stylz and niallr starinf back at me on t walls. i sigh dreamily. they wud twll me my brwn uairs beatufil. 

#i'm gonna kermit #my eyes hurt #my brain is dying #where am i #kidnapped by hq #tw wattpad