#uH i GuEsS

[fairydares]

I've started N*tflix's version of The Witcher and I'm sorry but that second episode had me on the floor. the bard singing about fucking abortion in the beginning in like speakeasy jazz made me laugh so hard i had to pause

#and what a gift it was #takes so much to produce a smile these days smh #the witcher #the witcher spoilers #uh i guess

[sauceless-maiden]

AGAINST THE KITCHEN FLOOR IS SO AROMATIC TO ME!!!!!

#i shout into the void #the void says #uh i guess #will wood #will wood and the tapeworms #wwattw #against the kitchen floor

[thingsarenotgoinhwell]

"i guess" NOAH YOU ARE ON VERYTHINNN ICE RIGHT NOW

#elmax #noah shnapp #byler #like what was that #uH i GuEsS #ugh men #im joking

[maryellencarter]

yo tunglr how goest it

so! things keep Happening. i am like "i should make a post" and then things happen and i would need a whole additional post

so uh. where to start. i was in minnesota. i did not like minnesota. the social services are pretty damn solid but i did not know anybody except john and it was looking like a three year wait to get into housing, and i had to park a mile and a half away from the shelter because clearly letting homeless people park their cars next to the homeless shelter encourages them to remain homeless or something :P

and i have been trying for ten years to get back to the east coast, to the only place where i know more than one person in meatspace in the entire world. and then my tax refund came out to be Enough that i could afford to go to there. so i was like fuck it i will go to there

(can i afford to exist on the east coast? probably not. but i can't afford to exist anywhere that allows trans people. may as well be not affording to exist in a place where i have some sort of a network.)

so first i went to leia's and got a bunch of my stuff. mainly electronics and knitting. and then i came to here. i had arranged with a friend to use her address to receive mail and do laundry and shower and all those fun things you cannot do in a car. also i acquired some car-camping gadgets that plug into my car's cigarette lighter, such as an electric blanket.

(i even found out that my car has a 15amp cigarette lighter circuit like a semi truck, instead of a 10amp circuit like most passenger cars, so i can use a trucker's cookbox to heat up food! very exciting. still don't have an electric kettle but i saw a hopeful looking one at a truckstop, i'm just trying to pinch my pennies.)

anyway SO! got to friend's house. things went well for 2 nights. i successfully tested riding the metro and did not get the motion sickness. this was excellent news as i had to quit my last job in this area due to inability to arrive on time as i kept having to hop off metro and let my tummy settle

then friend's husband decided actually the plan that we thought had been cleared with him was Not okay, because he had managed to hear a totally different plan that only existed inside his head. (he does this. he has not managed to grasp that friend is against the palestinian genocide. they are both jewish so this is. a topic of regular conversation let us say)

so. i have been put up in a hotel for a week. very cozy. i just figured out how to use the coffee maker to make hot water for instant mashed potatoes. the week is running out but i have been looking into options.

so yesterday of course my phone had to go and fucking brick itself. (i think it was yesterday. time has been. somewhat. look i don't have a phone okay i can't exactly look at the date every five seconds as normal)

phone repair place gave me a free diagnosis, which was, the battery swoll up just enough to pop the back slightly open (it is not a phone that is supposed to open) and let water in and now the motherboard is ruined. it cannot be fixed

thank fuck i had picked up my electronics at leia's, thus i was able to communicate via ipad and laptop that this Had Happened. navigation is being *really goddamn hard* because i have to memorize directions from my wifi-only ipad before going out, and then somehow correlate them with very bad interstate signage (the only way i survived getting back from the phone repair place is that i'd been to an aldi in the same shopping center while my phone still worked)

i mean i could take transit but have you ever tried to take transit without a phone when transit maps are digital only

any fucking way. so then i went to the department of food stamps and all that stuff, to ask about assistance. the department told me i would have to be a resident in the county for nine months before i could even get into a shelter. also i got shuffled between several desks that were supposed to help me applicate for food stamps and medicaid before my name just... fell off the big monitor that showed all the people waiting and where they should go.

so my friend mara who is well connected in the local activism community began making Noises and we emailed a bunch of people. there is a place (nondenominational even! in minnesota you had your choice of the catholics, the "union gospel mission", or the sally army) that does free hot meals and helping applicate for shit and sometimes has charities come to give away free phones and so forth. sounds very much like the big central shelter and help center i was at in minnesota, except crucially not catholic.

(the catholics are better to deal with than the folks who require you to attend services in order to receive help. but they're still very... catholic about it.)

anyway that place says i can park there and not get towed, which is my largest concern. i have not actually gone to there yet because i did not feel like driving that far from my hotel with no gmaps until i have to. but it sounds extremely promising. i have some other emails to follow up on too but today i went and got one of my roughly-annual migraines so i was flat on my back in a dark room all day.

(at least the migraine had the decency to hit while i have a room and a bed and darkness all available. very polite of it. this has not been the case any time in the past six months and it has been a worry)

anyway i can't friggin get my lifeline provider (aka free government phone service for teh poors) to log me in on their website to look for a new phone without them being able to text my old phone, even though they offer me email verification and then just don't load the next page, so there is a solid nonzero chance i may lose this phone number. my contacts *should* be backed up to my gmail if i can get another android phone though.

so. uh. let's see. a new smartphone and service would run me close to $200 minimum. (i've been checking on a cheap service i had before becoming eligible for lifeline, which i was happy with. their very cheapest smartphone is like $114 on sale and their cheapest from a brand i've ever heard of, which i would strongly prefer, is a motorola running about $140 on sale. it's giant and clunky with a badly placed fingerprint reader but "able to get cellular service and run google maps therefrom" is my main priority right now.)

i have about $200 of my tax refund left in the bank. also i still need to buy gas. and some more food soon, i'm about down to canned chili (very edible cold in tortillas) and instant mashed potatoes (can make with cold water but they are significantly less delicious that way). and probably some other things i'm forgetting, and i haven't even started looking into the emissions test or my maryland ID and license plates. which i also wanted to budget about $200 for in case i have to pay excise tax for moving states like i did in minnesota (i don't know if i was supposed to or if the dmv fucked up). i forgot to ask if the one place does gas cards but i need to.

anyway i have to be out of my hotel room saturday morning so i am planning to spend tomorrow packing my shit back up and hauling it mostly down to my car. also i need another bath at some point. too much has been happening

sleeping in a bed has been very nice though. hadn't done that since august. i can sleep in my car and it's mostly comfortable but i'm fat and my steering wheel does not respect that

anyway. um. until more things explode i guess that is my update? jesus murphy. it's holy week and you can friggin tell. really bringing my catholic out. tomorrow is good friday and i definitely expect something more to explode. hell, my micro sd card was making noises about being corrupted and i was going to transfer stuff off it onto a new one via my computer and i haven't even started that yet because i've been so frazzled. it better not die along with jesus tomorrow, it's got all my music on it

#homelessness tw #uh i guess #who the fuck knows anymore #i haven't actually typed on a keyboard in over six months either so there's that #at least i still have my touch typing skills

[fireflywitch]

i love people with their character analysis of mike and will and their hot takes i really, completely genuinely do bc i’ve never been able to look at them with anything except lookatthelittlebabyBOYSthelittlebabyboyswiththeirlittlecheeksandsadlittleeyesandsoftlittlesmilessquishsquishsquishsquishbabiesbabies and like, no one wants that as character analysis, so just feeling appreciative <3

#byler #uh i guess

[deepinifhell]

All I'm saying is the Warehouse is in the forest, which means there are forest creatures for the detective to interact with:

------------------------------

A sprints to my side at a more human pace than they must prefer with the midday sun shining overhead. Glistening with sweat, they must have come straight from the training grounds. I try not to let that distract me. They stand tense for a moment, though I can't see their expression under their aviators.

"Detective, why do you have a wild animal?" they finally break the silence, voice dripping with disapproval. I look down to the opossum curled up in my lap, gently running a hand over it's back.

"Found it in the dumpster," I say with a shrug.

"Feral creatures carry diseases and are aggressive toward humans you cannot just..." their tone turns incredulous as the reality of the situation sets in, "pick them up whenever you please."

I stare directly into the lenses of their black aviators as I give the opossum a gentle scritch behind the ear. "So aggressive," I drawl sarcastically. A's jaw clenches in irritation.

--------------------------

"Shoo!" I shout loudly from the steps of the back porch, waving the flipflop in my hand threateningly. It was the nearest projectile I could find that wouldn't do much in the way of real damage. "F worked hard on those flowers!"

"Detective?" N asks with concern, peering in through the doorway. "Is something wrong?"

"Jeremy is being a pest," I explain, gesturing out into the garden where the black bear has his jaws opened wide and hovering over one of F's blooming wild flowers. A warm but firm hand settles onto my shoulder. I turn around and find N with a tight smile plastered onto their face.

"Detective," they say gently but with an underlying tension, "perhaps it would be better if you didn't pick fights with bears."

"It's a black bear," I protest. "This is what you're supposed to do." Well, more or less. Jeremy finally decides the flower is not worth the trouble, closing his mouth and lumbering away from the back garden to climb his usual tree. "See?"

#uh I guess #my fanfic #snippet one was based loosely on #ainsley rice #and snippet two was based loosely on #pax izaz #the wayhaven chronicles

[bun-parade]

I wish blackout curtains were cuter. I wanna have those soft flowy curtains in my room, but I can't sleep unless it's pitch black in the room. Those curtains don't do shit for keeping out light 😭

#buntalk #interior design #uh i guess

[1driedpersimmon]

For da arknights crowd

I now love Sesa too, that’s it

#arknights #I’ve been playing arknights for like a year or more and NOW I finally like it #idk it’s cute #uh I guess #anyways once I find a duo to fixate on in a piece of media it’s all over for me #and #I have found that duo #hello passenger and Sesa :)))) #*I desperately scramble to find art of them* #if I can’t find any… *sigh* guess I have to do what I always do and just make it myself #though… if you guys have any… 👀👀👀 I am all eyeballs

[tracalopsitte]

I actually love the concept behind the starborn and I wanna learn everything there is to know about them please shattered space dlc give us more starborn

#theyre fucking assholes and i love them #starfield #starfield starborn #starborn #starfield spoilers #uh i guess #stfu caloppe

[something-about-sunflowers]

OH.

You ever have a sudden realization for why you feel a certain way about something that actually completely flips those feelings on their head?

I've generally always been pretty sure about what I want out of any kind of gender affirming care I might hopefully get in some nebulous future where that's something I can afford: I want my voice deeper, I'd be delighted by bottom growth, I would like my tits significantly more masculine presenting if not gone completely. I've been ambivalent about the potential for body hair, though I have been much more eager for the possibility of it with more 'ideal transition goals' influence (Look. I want Con O'Neill's gender okay?) in mind.

That said the one thing I've been hesitant about is facial hair? Which is frustrating because it's the one thing that I kind of do have by default? If I don't do anything to it I have noticeable dark wispies on my upper lip and chin (I've kind of suspected for a while that I may have some sort of hormone disorder - I've got other things that lead me to think this too ofc this is just the most easily noticeable - but like. Who's got the money for diagnosing shit like that? Not me, that's for damn sure.) like. T-Boy's First 'Stache kinda deal. It's been my one (mental) sticking point on potentially starting T, to the point where I've argued with myself that I could just do like the trans girls do and get like, what's it called? Electrolysis? Hair removal? Just for that part. But then that adds cost to what I already can't afford and. Like.

I don't think. It. Actually bothers me? I think. I think I'm maybe projecting how I think my mother would react to it? Not even with full on transition in mind but like. How I am now. Like I don't really care how it looks if I don't shave. Hell, I might even like it sometimes? Like a micro-euphoria or something. But my mother is (partially) responsible for my eating disorder. It's completely within the realm of possibility that she would have Something To Say if I just stopped bothering. I don't even think she'd do it on purpose really? Just. Would need to point out the presence of hair on my face and the judgement would be implied. The 'I am pointing this out because it is unusual and I don't think you should look like this' would be implied. She wouldn't need to say it out loud.

And like. The worst of it is? I don't care. I don't care if I do something to myself that she doesn't like or approve of. And. It's hardly as if she's transphobic (Or. Not more-so than the average 'uninvolved in the queer community parent of queer kids' cishet person. Not maliciously so, yknow?) I've got friends she knows are trans - one who she knew through his actual transition process - she's been through the whole 'it's "he", mom' 'oops, he' situation before with relative grace.

But none of those people are her kid. She doesn't see them every day. She knows she didn't raise them and has, at no point in their lives had a say with what they do to themselves. I already came out to her once (Well. I was forced out by my partner at the time's parents, which was. Not fun.) and the thing about that time is? She really didn't have to. Do anything? About that? Except maybe adjust her mental image of who I might wind up marrying some time in the nebulous future. I'm not out to her about any of my Gender Stuff. Because I don't want to have to deal with the 'I just don't understand all of this' because I'm not binary trans (every other trans person she's met has been binary) or 'It would just be easier on everybody if we still called you [deadname] and used she/her' (which, I don't even really have an issue with she/her? I very much prefer they/them but I'm used to she/her and it doesn't bother me to hear it the way hearing my deadname still does).

She doesn't listen to me when I talk about things that actually matter to me. When I talk about shit that she's done that hurts me. Hell, when I tell her she doesn't listen to me she stops listening. I know it'll be a fight if I correct her on my name/pronouns. I know she'll 'forget'. I know when I get emotional about it, because I know I'll get emotional about it, that I'll start to raise my voice (gotta love the struggle with vocal volume regulation huh? I literally can't help it and I barely notice it until someone tells me) and that she'll say 'You're always yelling, I'm not going to listen to you if you yell' and that it's just code for 'I wasn't going to listen anyway because what you have to say isn't important enough for me to try to listen, and you're giving me a convenient excuse to opt out of the blame for that by speaking "too loudly"'.

Anyway. I'm not coming out again until I'm out of this fucking state and living on my own (or at least away from her and the rest of my family).

But I do think, now, I might actually be comfortable with my facial hair/the potential for more pronounced facial hair then too. It's not my problem, it's hers.

#the dork is being a dork #uh i guess #tw eating disorder #since i mentioned mine for a second there? #idk #gender thoughts #nonbinary #transgender #idk what to tag this as lmfao #i'm also probably not going to be pursuing any kind of specifically affirming care until i'm away from it all too #like #i'm not going to start going without shaving while i'm still here #i'm not going to get a binder or try voice training or anything #friends can know that i'm arty/artheme but if they can't call me by my deadname they can't meet my family etc #and it sucks yeah #but it does give me something to look forward to i guess? #this is all to say 'i was apprehensive about a mustache because i didn't want my mom to be weird/annoying about it' #'and now that i realized that's why i was apprehensive i'm much less so' #idk like #if you think there's some aspect of transition you might not want don't just write it off outright #give some thought to why you might not want it and consider if it's because of how someone ELSE would feel about it #the person who matters most in your transition care is YOU #yknow?

[koroshiyayusei16]

this is literally how Jounouchi plays his first turn

#screenshot dump #i guess #sonic x #jounouchi katsuya #mentioned #uh i guess

[everswift]

saw a video by a music reviewer (not a swiftie) discussing how taylor won over all her opposition. she won the sexual assault lawsuit, scooter braun recognized buying her masters was a bad move, and kanye west outed himself as an actual nazi.

and like. um. i thought it was some misguided swifties saying shit like this but how many times is it necessary to repeat that there is absolutely no one who wins when a big public figure becomes a nazi, except for actual nazis

#i fucking hate this take #kanye west #cw antisemitism #cw nazism #uh i guess

[some-creep]

I was thinking about the view I had driving to work at 6am for training.

#doodle time :) #landscape #uh i guess #yeah I'm not gonna fuss about tags on this

[transgender-catboy]

Question artists who focus on character making and such, what are your thoughts and opinions on closed species?

#closed species #open species #uh i guess #adoptable #as well? #free adopts #I've hopped on that trend before tbh #i thought I'd make my own closedish species but it was lackluster and i never fully went through with it #but I've participated in free adopts before #on deviantart and here actually #well one free one art trade one #actually still have both of em and drew them once or twice #posted them here once i thiiiink

[shatterthefragments]

I hate how after like.

Sort of healing my relationship with food a bit I get hunger cues and like. Feel hungry/weak when I don’t eat.

But at the same time. I’m grateful to be at the point I’m at.

Or: I ate. And either I didn’t eat enough (I couldn’t eat much of my breakfast at all bc of the shard of plate I stepped on before leaving for school)

Or I just don’t feel full yet? I ate. Fairly quickly or at least quick enough that I didn’t feel full before I finished anyway (I normally eat slowly enough that I feel full before I finish)

Anyway. Got an appetizer from the food truck that I’ve been wanting to try and I’m feeling full now.

#food #eating #uh I guess #disordered eating #or #eating disorder #ed #currently I’m just angry bc I still feel hungry even though I ate but honestly I probably just need a bit more carbs to fill satiety

[gillionslimestrider]

read my carrd boy

#intro post #uh i guess #read my carrd boy #go my scarab #all that fun stuff