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wa1tngtill1d13 · 1 year

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#tw depressing stuff #s3lfharmm #sh mention #kinda depressing #crazy #self h@rm #tw selfhate #dark thoughts #depressing life #i feel empty #crack wh0re #tw drvgs

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aspd-culture · 9 months

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Well, since I’m having a massive flare manifesting (at the moment) as the bone-itching urges, I guess I might as well turn it into something productive.

So, mostly for people who are trying to understand what it’s like living with ASPD more than people who know they have it, here’s the best description of it I can give - should be better than most of my previous attempts because it is currently all I can think about anyway!

In my experience, these urges are after things in one of three categories: impulsive, destructive, and disruptive. Note that these are just the categories I personally made up to help me understand what exactly my ASPD is after and how to explain it to my loved ones so they can get an idea of how to help.

Impulsive - Doing something, anything, *right now* with no planning, notice, or thought about it. No questions asked, let’s just go. These tend to be the least harmful and the easiest category to find replacement behaviors in. Examples (both of destructive behaviors and replacement behaviors) are unplanned road trips, large purchases, long/aimless walks, etc. Anything that causes a change in scenery tends to go here, as well as anything that very well *should* be planned out but isn’t.

Coping strategies that may help: If you have ASPD, sometime when you are calmest (maybe right after satisfying one of these urges so you know it won’t be coming again for a while) pack a bag of some kind to keep in your trunk or backseat with everything you might need for one of these including spare keys to your house if your area is safe to do that in/if your trunk locks separately from your car - because really, are you likely to remember them in the moment? - 2 phone chargers (just in case one breaks) with both a wall brick and a car charger, at least 1 set of spare clothes you don’t care about never wearing besides for this, travel shampoo, conditioner, soap, and toothpaste and a disposable toothbrush, at least a day’s worth of any medication you take, enough money to get any essentials but not so much that you mind if it gets lost or stolen - sweet spot of maybe like $20 to $30?, etc. Think “I have to spend a night in a hotel and can’t bring anything but my phone” because you know if you have to remember anything, you won’t and/or the replacement behavior won’t work. If your loved one has ASPD, I can’t speak for everyone, but I would *love* it if my partner did this for me so when I get impulsive we could just *go*. It might be best if you drive tho so they can crank up the music and enjoy the ride without the responsibility. Another would be to set aside some money separate from your normal savings just for this. Whilst it can make money tight and isn’t an option for everyone, it’s important to balance the burden of planning for money to be tight vs coming out of a flare realizing you spent rent money on a console/laptop/tablet/new phone/speaker system/etc.

Destructive - Breaking something, someone, or myself. These are the common ones you think of by the criteria; picking fights, breaking things, hurting yourself/others, sh and sui attempts, drvgs, drinking, smoking, gambling etc. If it can damage person or property, it tends to be in this category. In my experience the most dopamine comes from the first time you do these behaviors, so these things may seem super out of character for the person in question.

Coping strategies are hard to find with this category; really just lean into harm reduction vs stopping them. As much as it sucks, if you have a loved one with ASPD in your life and they are trying to do something destructive, you can’t just stop them unless you have a replacement behavior they seem into trying out in the moment. If you do, you’re pushing it in the direction of causing harm to you because we *need* to fill these urges somehow. I’m not saying just let them harm themselves or someone else - I’m saying reduce the harm as much as possible without taking the “fun” out of it because then it won’t work and the pwASPD will again be forced to find something else to fill this urge. For me, the longer the urges go on, the more intense the behavior has to be to work.

Disruptive - Doing or saying something that would warrant a “what the fuck?”. This includes breaking into abandoned places, lying for the hell of it, buying something you don’t even want or need, yelling in a quiet room, cheating, etc. If it causes a serious change in routine or subverts expectations, it tends to be in this category.

Coping strategies that may help: to be honest many of these don’t need a replacement behavior because many of them are a lil out there but aren’t really hurting anyone. If you see a pwASPD you care about playing Webkinz at 3AM trying to find out which swear words they can successfully name their pet, mind your business. If you do need to replace the behavior, though, lean into the idea of novelty. Is there a mall you’ve never been to around you and you have a bit of money to burn? Go check it out. Do you have a pool that you could swim in despite it being like 65 degrees (F) and raining (not storming)? Go for it. Does sleeping sound lame as hell, but sleeping on your dog’s bed sound more appealing? You got it dude. Wanna read a book upside down? I will be the first in line to tell you how awesome that is once you’re done. Pull a Joey from friends and see how many pairs of your underwear you can put on at once. Move all your furniture an inch to the left to mess with your roommate. This has a lot of overlap with advice I would give to pwADHD as well and a lot of it is basically chaotic neutral activities.

For me, my urges don’t always pick one category, sometimes anything from any one of these will help. However, I find it best to try and take the thing my ASPD wants to do (said thing is almost always a bad idea for one reason or another) and look to replace it within the same category. The only thing is that you want to have the ideas for this on deck for when the urges hit because if your brain has to come up with a replacement behavior in the moment, good ideas will become useless because it doesn’t *want* to replace the behavior, it wants to do it.

Again, these won’t all work for everyone, but they are at least how I experience my urges and tricks I use to keep them from getting the better of me. As always, ymmv and I do not take responsibility for anything that may come of how you choose to respond to your urges. Many things mentioned in here are examples to describe the urge, not suggestions, and therefore things that are illegal and/or dangerous have been mentioned. I do not advocate for anything illegal or dangerous. Still, I hope this helps someone.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome #tw drvgs #tw drvg mention #tw sui mention #tw sui #tw sh #tw sh mention

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greenunoreversecard · 3 months

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promo for my fic (fic has TW, be warned)

Chapter 8 out on something in the orange.

Please check the tags, heavy trigger warning.

please, don't read if you get triggered. Has very serious topics, like sh, sa, and si, as well as drvg usage.

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brainwashboy · 6 days

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I'm a fairly good boy who's never really had weed before. I thought I never would. However the more and more I see drippy tboys talking about how wet and horny it makes them the more I wanna get high and act like a slut. Edging all tranced and dizzy is already so euphoric. I wonder how it would feel fuzzy and high 😣

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samijami · 3 months

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I have a problem and can't access my fake account, so I will let you guys know if I need to make a new one

But other than that, the plan seems to be going well and I'm somewhat relieved as of now

My friend irl is 100% going along with and even helping fake evidence to pin blames on the bitch named KJ

Just so you guys can know the full context of that, last week KJ tried to spread a rumour that my bf was cheating on me, so i have a grudge against her and i hate her (she's always been rude and really upset my bf). So this week when my friend irl told on me sending her snapchat messages when I was having a mental breakdown and wanting to die, then proceeding to get high off of painkillers, and I got into all of this shit because of that, she felt really bad because she didn't intend for it to go this far. She was just really really worried about me (but I can't help but be mad at her, but not take it out on her ofc cuz she's bending hell to help me rn)

So even though the counselor and CPS (which the school called) know that my friend reported it and the messages were real, the principal and other staff aren't aware of who reported me..or that there are messages. Although we are pretty sure that with my principal looking into it, he'll find out my friend reported me- so we're lying to say that KJ faked SnapChat messages and told her to concern her and get her to start drama with the office as revenge for me snitching and getting her a Friday school.

But during all of this, my father called the school to know who called CPS, and the principal ended up spilling about me being LGBTQ and having a trans bf, so I need to cover up two huge things here that can fuck me over. My home life would be a living hell and I'd kill myself to not live in the environment where my father knows I'm LGBTQ, and he wouldn't let me attend a vocational school i wanna go to if my bf went to it, so he'd be uining my only hopes of having some form of a future. So it'd be useless

And as of today, I had a talk to the principal where I had to be really transphobic about my bf so I can appeal to his ideologies and get by convincing him I wasn't gay so he'd convey it back to my father. Since I'd previously told him KJ 'started a rumour about me and my friend' (that being the cheating rumour) i decided to utilise that fact to my advantage by saying the rumour was us dating, and that it wasn't true. I had to deadname and misgender my bf the whole time and I felt awful..but he believed me and that's what matters

I told the principal about the 'hunch it was KJ who started this' and she was called to the office at one point. She came back in guitar class and she almost seemed like she was crying?..but the look on her face and the way she stared at me read that..she was pissed. So I started to play 'Ode to Joy' really loudly on my guitar as she walked past, then a smiled when she looked away.

She kept looking over at me, and didn't even play guitar but instead was on her computer the whole class. She always gave me this dirty fucking look.

She kind of did ask me to throw her under twenty buses when she fucked me over before, and she's my only logical blame since it'd make sense for her to do something like this

I got my bf to delete some emails we've sent to each other so our lazy ass principal won't find em (of me comforting him about our relationship over the cheating rumour), and now we can't be out at school (atleast until my father and his chatting chills out). Cuz the principal wants me to stop being so close to him, and will report back to my father with any shit we do together.

So we're tryna get our friend to sit with us in lunch more so it dont look like us watching our show at lunch is a romantic thing

And I lost a part to my wired ear buds we were sharing (and it's kind of awkward with the wire) so since I had a shit ton of money on me today and went out to the mall (and spent 100 fucking dollars), I stopped by another store and bought some wireless earbuds and a case

So I spent like 130-140$ plus gave my friend 60$ to buy me a phone, which she will give me the change to a 50$ (+tax) phone on Monday.

Also same friend got me a bag where I shoved a lot of my gay and illegal items in so the principal won't see the gay magnets in my locker, nor will CPS find it (since they said they'd report it to my parents), and I definitely don't want CPS finding my illegal shit (vape, cigarettes + lighter, and painkillers I abuse).

So as of right now, the plan is doing fine. I'm not going to speak ahead of time, cuz my room is still going to be looked through and all..but there's a slim chance that CPS will just drop the case and not return. But that's also a call for a miracle. However if CPS were to fuck off, then this whole situation would subside and everything would be fine

I just hope they'll fucking drop it

#tw cursing #tw cussing #tw romance #tw drugs #tw drvgs #tw drug mention

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sweet-like-saccharine · 4 months

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when i expect the stimulant to hit like hours of writing and focus but it hits like let’s get pretty and cvt

#saccharine shitposts #screaming saccharine #vent #tw drvgs #tw cvtting #tw sh mention #tw sh implied

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ashonmyfood · 1 day

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bringing my last speed to school cause i have a long day, and my dealer isn’t responding arghhh

#girls who do hard drugs #drugs mention #drugs cw #drug girls #drug blog #drug abuse #drugblr #tw drvgs #tw drugs

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tapiokauwu · 1 month

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When I was younger I thought I only had brother issues because of my bad relationship with my older brother who was a drvg addicted and is now an alcoholic... he was and still is violent with me and my parents, he threatened my mom and me saying he would kill us, he used to beat up my mother and sometimes he still tries to.

Now I realize I may have some problems with my dad too... he never really tried to take care of me or listen to me, after all those years he only got worse, he began ignoring me and my mom, sometimes he doesn't even want to have lunch or dinner with us because he has to play videogames. When I'm using the ps4 he gets annoyed and goes in his bedroom to watch films on his smartphone. He says I don't need his attention and never listens to me or even falls asleep because he's bored while I'm talking to him. He once said that everything children need to grow up and live happily is money (he's the only one in our family who works, my mom left her job when my brother was very little to take care of us since she didn't want to leave us with a babysitter), then he yelled that since he earns the money he doesn't need to do anything else to take care of me and my brother. In a couple years he'll turn 60, I can't believe people say that when you get older you become more mature... doesn't he act like a child? I use my brain more efficiently than him and I'm 20 (I mean, I was probably more mature than my age as a child too because of some things that happened when I was a baby, but you get the point).

I honestly don't know how my mom finds the strength to go on, she's always so optimistic and tries to help everyone, she smiles to encourage me and my brother, she just wants her children to live peacefully. I can't help but think she deserved a better family than us.

#tw vent #vent #family problems #brother issues #family issues #tw drvgs #tw alchohol mention #jirai kei #jirai onna #landmine girl #地雷系 #jiraiblogging #vent post

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freakoffuckingnature · 3 months

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I've come to realize I'm nothing but a drug addict anymore and I'm not even sure if I care enough to fix it. I sorta hope I overdose

#tw drugs #tw drvgs #tw dark content #tw depressing thoughts #tw od mention #tw overdose #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #tw sui implied #tw sui talk

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b100dyygutz · 10 months

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i wanna od on soooo many drvgs at once i bet the trip would feel amazing

#🌸posts #tw self h4rm #tw drvgs #drvgs #tw overdose #tw self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #tw self destructive thoughts #tw sui implied #tw sui attempt #tw sui mention #tw sewerslide

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aspd-culture · 9 months

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ASPD culture is doing anything- SH, video games, daydreaming, drugs, making psychosis/dissociation worse, whatever- as long as it'll stave off boredom and impulsivity and urges to do reckless/violent/illegal shit

i dont want to be jailed/arrested, sounds boring

aspd-culture is

#tw drvgs #tw sh mention #tw psychosis mention #tw dissociation mention #aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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kurushimiangel · 6 months

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Summary for the updated KOMO AU!

Tws: Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of Drug/drug use(?)

In case it's too blurry: AUBREY couldn't find a way to move on without MARI, so 1 year after her death, AUBREY killed herself. Before she did so, she created her alter ego, KOMO. AUBREY has asked KOMO to go into the others' dreams, to make sure they don't forget her. She has a one-on-one talk with everyone in their dreams, and appears mostly in SUNNY's dreams, in HEADSPACE, so she can watch over SUNNY - also because AUBREY couldn't talk to SUNNY the year before AUBREY died. ❗ Sunny figures out Aubrey died from: ~ KOMO talking to him/OMORI ~ A voice-mail from Kel. ❗ CANVAS ROOM still exists, it's where KOMO goes when she isn't visiting others. ❗ KOMO and STRANGER are friends.

#omori #omori au #omori au art #omori fandom #tw suicide mention #tw drug mention #tw drvg mention #my art #lyis' rambles !! ⋆⭒˚｡⋆₊ ⊹

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notmikehasfleas · 7 months

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Bruhhhh the only substance I have rn is weed and I want a hype high rn not that laze around bs 😒

#plus ive been binging all fuckin night im litterally gonna kms #more like eating like a normie but still #tw ana shit #male ed #☆ving #drvgs #drug mention #litterally we dont even have wipped cream for a stupid-teen high #self mutalition

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