#tsukishima x reader smut

[uravitypng]

tsukishima lets you take some kind of control, just this once. you're bouncing on his cock and he's hitting all the right places. tsukishima's got his hands on your hips just looking up at you taking in the way you move. how your stomach jiggles and your thighs are slightly shaking, how you're out of breath and how loud you're moaning. it's a shame you have no neighbours, everyone should know how good he makes you feel. he wraps one of his hands around your soft neck, applying slight pressure, you clench up at the feeling, making him groan.

it's all getting to much much for tsukishima, you feel so good and so warm but you're going too slow, it's infuriating. tightly putting both his hands back on your love handles, he starts lifting you up and down on his cock. he's trusting upwards the same time too, keeping the rhythm.

you always tend to forget how strong tsukishima really is and right now he's proving it as he's using you as some kind of glorified sex toy, pounding into you however he wants and using your body to get himself off. "you were being too slow. fuck." he groans, staring at your breasts as they move along with his thrusts. your moans get even louder, chanting his name over and over again in a whiny voice. "make yourself useful slut and touch yourself," you immediately obey as you bring your hands up to nipples and start touching them and pinching them. tsukishima smirks up at you, taking in all your beauty, taking in how you always listen to him.

it felt good to control the pace of sex but this feels better. plus your thighs were starting to get tired.

#kei tsukishima #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x reader smut #haikyuu x reader smut #haikyuu x reader #chubby reader smut #hq smut #hq x reader smut #tsukishima smut #♡ mine / writing #tsukishima x chubby reader #haikyuu x chubby reader #haikyuu smut #hq x reader #hq #haikyuu #haikyuu x chubby reader smut #♡ tsukki

[tiza0925]

Idk if you take requests but Hinata,Tsukishima, Or Atsumu with an S/o that has a choking kink?? You can write however you want (u dont have to take this req, if u dont want to) :))

how about all three hq men ♡ i loved this prompt, ty for the request anon 

Wrap your fingers around my neck | 18+

Warnings/Tags: nsfw, afab/female!reader, riding, lap sex, raw sex, kissing, praise kink, creampie, finger sucking, degradation kink, dirty talk, pussy eating, squirting, petnames, fingering, needy!Atsumu, pussy slapping, kitchen counter sex, choking kink ♡ SET IN A TIMELINE WHERE ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED-UP AND OVER 18 YEARS

Pairings:  Hinata Shouyou x Female Reader, Tsukishima Kei x Female Reader, & Miya Atsumu x Female Reader

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Hinata

It was an honest accident. 

Hinata didn’t mean to do it—and you genuinely did not think he would follow along after but—

Hinata always loses himself a little whenever he kisses you. 

He can’t help it. 

Your lips feel so nice and soft against his. You taste so good when he licks his tongue inside your mouth and fuck—the little moans you make against him get his head all hazy, and he just wants his hands all over you—

“Shit,” Hinata murmurs, his breathing a little heavy as he pulls on your lower lip with his mouth, and his hands roam up your thighs, the curve of your hips, the dip of your waist—touching you everywhere while you sit on his lap, straddling him, as he sits up against the bed frame. “So pretty, angel.” 

You let out a shaky breath against his mouth, and you grind your hips towards him—pulling out a hiss from Hinata as his cock moves inside you. 

“Keep going, baby,” Hinata groans when you roll your hips again, and you gasp as his cock hits against your g-spot while your clit rubs against his exposed skin, and you dig your fingers into his broad, muscled shoulders for support. 

“Just like that,” Hinata’s hands are squeezing your ass, holding your hips, grabbing your tits—they’re everywhere and he can’t seem to control it when he’s like this. 

He just loves how you feel under the palm of his hand—maybe just a bit more than a volleyball—and his head is in the clouds as your pussy swallows him so perfectly, taking his thick cock like you always do, that he—

He doesn’t realize that one of his hands has moved further up to graze over your collarbone and shoulders. 

He’s too busy focusing on how sinful your tongue feels gliding against his. 

How your pussy is so damn wet—you’re dripping all over his dick—and god, you’re tight, that he’s so close to exploding—

Hinata doesn’t realize that his hand is near your neck—your skin is so soft and nice under his hand that everywhere feels the same—

It’s why he mindlessly circles his fingers around the base of your neck when his palm is there—he just needs his entire hand to feel you.

And you suck in a sharp breath as the feel of long, strong, and thick fingers curl around your throat—so hot and firm—and that’s Hinata freezes. 

Shit. 

He’s ready to apologize profusely—his fingers are already beginning to uncurl from your neck—because he didn’t mean to hold you that way but—

But then he hears you let out a moan—small, shaky, and wanting—and you buck your hips up against him, kissing him more feverishly, causing Hinata’s eyes to droop and roll back, a small groan ripping out of him when he realizes—

You liked that. 

“Yeah?” Hinata breathes out in response to your moan, and his fingers stay where they are—just a little hesitant with the pressure—as you ride him, your lashes fluttering as his heavy hand sits around your throat. “You liked that, didn’t you?” 

You nod, eyelids feeling heavy, and Hinata lets loose a low breath, shaking his head and smirking as he kisses you, murmuring against your red lips. “Should’ve told me you like that sooner, baby.” 

Because now that he knows you like having his hand around your throat like that—

“Would’ve made that pretty little head of yours all dizzy a long time ago,” Hinata rolls his hips up as he says that, shoving his cock a little deeper until you swear you feel it in your guts, causing you to gasp with a wet moan, and he puts a little more pressure on the sides of your neck with the pads of his finger—his eyes focused on yours. “Is that okay, angel?” 

More than okay—fuck, your head feels a little more light-headed now. 

You can still breathe, but the pressure around your throat brings out a blurry fog around the edges of your vision, and your cunt clenches around Hinata’s cock—making him groan—as your fluids leak out, getting him all wet and messy from how heated you are. 

It’s so overwhelming and you love it. 

You nod, moving your hips in tandem with his—languid rolls as his dick rubs your g-spot over and over, bringing you higher and tighter and hotter for your orgasm—

“Good girl,” Hinata praises, breathless, and uses his hold around your throat to pull you in closer—letting him kiss you like he’s greedy for your mouth as he licks and sucks and nips until you feel all woozy from it—then he moves to brush his mouth against the shell of your ear, his voice throaty as he pushes his hips up. “Can you cum for me like this, baby?”

Your pussy throbs around the girth of him when you feel his fingers press against the sides of your throat a little more, his hold around the most vulnerable part of you feeling possessive like he can own you if he wanted to. 

And you trust him enough to give it if he asks.

Your lips part with soft breaths being punched out with every buck of his hips, fucking you to make your mind melt, and he grazes his teeth against your earlobe—your heart leaping in your throat when he gently squeezes your neck, testing it until you moan in approval, losing yourself to how full you feel from his dick. “I want you to make a mess, angel, you always look so pretty when you do.” 

God—

It only takes a few more pumps of his cock inside you, your walls sucking him in, while your puffy clit rubs against your stomach until your orgasm ripples through you—your mouth hanging open with a silent moan as you gush around Hinata’s cock, legs tensing and back arching as your vision goes blurry and white as he keeps his hands where they are. “Fuck—so good for me, baby, look at you—”

He fucks you through it, nearing his orgasm as you pulse around him, and Hinata cums with a guttural groan—sticky cum spurting into your plush walls—

And his hand stays around your throat the entire time—holding and pinning you in place just the way you like it. 

Tsukishima

It’s not news to him that you like the feeling of his hand around your throat. 

He’s been playing around with the idea for a while, now, whenever he’s touching you—just in subtle ways. 

Whenever he kisses you, he places his hand just above your collarbone—not fully on your neck, but the tease is there—and slots his lips between yours with a sigh. 

Or it’s when you two are out in public and it’s a little too busy and you easily become lost in the crowd—Tsukishima guides you with his hand wrapping delicately against your nape, keeping you close while he has you in his hold. 

He always picked up on the way you reacted whenever he touched you there. 

How blown your pupils would get. 

How your breath would hitch with your lips parting with a small intake of breath. 

How dazed you would look in the eyes—making him feel just a little smug about finding out a little secret about you that he definitely plans to use one night. 

It’s when he’s got you lying on the bed all pretty for him—looking up at him with starry eyes as he pumps two of his fingers in and out of your drenched pussy—with his other hand caressing your cheek, his thumb teasing your lower lip. 

And he’s smirking down at you—in his usual lackadaisical way— with one of his knees sitting between your bent legs as he presses the pad of his thumb down onto your lower lip to pry your mouth open. “You always need something to suck on, don’t you?”

He teases you, his voice low and mirthful, and all it does is make your pussy clench as you moan—rolling your tongue out to flick it at his thumb before wrapping your warm mouth around it, your cheeks hollowing as you give his thumb a slow, indulgent suck.

“Shit,” It’s the way you keep eye contact with him as your head moves, leaving his thumb shiny with your saliva as you suck it, that sends heat down to his cock, making him feel light in the head. “You’re a needy little thing, you know.” 

You make a sound that’s similar to a moan around his thumb, and your eyes flutter, going half-mast, as you bob your head and swirl your tongue around his thumb as if it was his cock instead. 

And Tsukishima can’t help it—you look so desperate like this, your back arching against his hovering body, looking up at him so obediently, with your tits all perked up and nipples pert and pretty as you leak all over his hand—

It’s filthy and you—

“A perfect little slut,” Tsukishima lets those words slip out, a groan in his throat, and you choke a little with a whimper when you feel him press his thumb into your mouth a bit deeper, affection lacing his rather filthy words.

And you moan—low and wanting—when you hear him call you that, and Tsukishima can’t help but chuckle darkly as he leans in a little closer, his head tilting almost mockingly as he watches you with desire and affection. “Yeah?”

He curls his fingers to rub your spongey g-spot, his palm pressing against your swollen little clit for friction that sends heat up your tummy and chest. “You like being a little slut for me, sweetheart?” 

Fuck. 

“Looking like the mess that you are just because of me,” Tsukishima hums, his voice low. “You can hear just how soaked you are, you know.” 

You whine around his thumb as your orgasm balances at the edge—ready to combust with how tight your muscles feel—and you nod. 

God—you’re too perfect for him. 

He can’t help the small smile that threatens to creep up on him, trying to focus on making you cum—for the second time tonight—on his fingers before he finally fucks you the way you both need him to and—

And then his eyes widen a little, turning more amorous when his eyes briefly flit down to your exposed throat—

“…You can get a little more messy for me, right baby?” It’s not a question. 

Just a warning worded more sweetly. 

Because before you even get a chance to respond to him—

You feel his thumb slip out of your mouth—making a wet popping sound with your spit connecting a thin, clear string from your mouth to his thumb, leaving you gasping for air—

Only for it to be partially taken away again when you feel long, calloused fingers gently wrap around the area just beneath your jawline—and your eyes widen as you look at him, your breath catching, and he watches you with a knowing look behind his eyes. 

Like he knows that no matter what—you’ll trust him.

And he’s not wrong—you do. 

Enough to let your eyes immediately soften into submission, your lips wet from your saliva, and you let out a small moan as you tilt your chin up—giving him more room for his fingers to hold and cover. 

It brings out a hiss from him, low and breathy, and you see the way things primarily shift in his eyes when you begin to pant, moving your hips as he fucks you with his fingers—encouraging him to push harder and make you lose your mind. 

And god—he listens almost instantly as he squeezes the sides of your neck a little more, and you moan as you get a little hazy in the head, your limbs loose as his fingers move inside you. 

“Fuck, look at you,” Tsukishima lets out a small breath that’s almost a chuckle, and he watches you with his dick throbbing as you let him take the weakest part of your body into his own hands to play with. 

Giving him that trust that gets him all heady and needy to just—

To just kiss you and fuck you and take all of you until all you feel, smell, taste, and hear is him. 

“Always so good for me, sweetheart.” 

He grinds his palm against your clit with more pressure, moving it in circles as his fingers get swallowed by your pulsing walls—and then he’s pressing his fingers into your pulse points a little more, slowly playing with your ability to breathe, feeling his hand heavy around your neck until—

“Oh fuck—Kei—shit—”

You gasp, shaky, and your lower spine draws tight when your eyes get blurry from the brief lack of air—and that seems to snap something deep within you as you cum furiously around his fingers, spasming and gasping with your senses turning numb—

“Just like that, baby—get all nasty for me—“

Tsukishima finger fucks you through it, watching with dark eyes as he loosens up his fingers around your throat—and clear fluids squirt out of your sopping pussy with every thrust of his wrist inside you.

You end up gushing fluids all over the bed and his thighs—but Tsukishima doesn’t care. 

He’s too wound up and high on watching you cum on him to care about how sticky everything is—

It’ll only get messier once he gets his dick inside you anyway. 

You cry, coming down from your high as air rushes into your lungs after your orgasm—your pussy clenching hard from wave after wave of pleasure—

“I’m going to fuck you now, okay?” You hear him breathe that out. “And fill you up just how you like it.” 

You’re still too out of it to respond with anything other than a languid nod, feeling light and a puddle of fire at the same time as he kisses you so achingly soft that you melt against him. 

Atsumu

If he isn’t spending his time practicing or playing volleyball—

Miya Atsumu’s idea of using his time effectively is by having his hands and mouth on and all over you.

Specifically being able to bury his face in between your plush thighs—with his mouth and tongue pressed against your cunt. 

It’s what he’s doing right now as he’s got you bent over the island counter in your kitchen—while he’s on his knees behind you, hands gripping onto your upper thighs to hold you in place, with his tongue running a wide strip from your clit to your hole. 

“God—‘Sumu, you couldn’t have waited—?” 

You moan with a small whine as he sucks on your folds, tongue dipping in and jaw working as he makes out with your pussy from behind. 

“Sorry, baby,” Atsumu is breathing heavily when he pulls back, and he wets his lips as he slides his hands up to squeeze your ass—massaging it before using his hold on them to spread them apart, giving him easier access to your cunt.

And his eyes go half-lidded, his cock hardening in his pants, at the sight of your spit-slicked and soaked folds. “Can’t help it.”

Then he dives back in, jaw slack as his tongue licks your pussy like he’s thirsty for it, and you whine at how embarrassingly close you are to your orgasm already. 

“Ya looked so good in that skirt,” Atsumu murmurs against you, undulating his tongue against your clit before pushing the tip of his tongue through your drooling slit—

And he moans. 

He actually moans while he eats you out—like he’s just so desperate to have his mouth on you, determined to get you utterly soaked as your juices trickle down his chin and your thighs from how much he’s gotten you worked up. 

“Couldn’ wait,” Atsumu pants, swallowing before pushing his tongue further to lick your sensitive clit—flicking it with his tongue until he has you tensing and your thighs squeezing around his face. ‘Fuck—baby, so good—”

A whimper escapes your throat, and you rest your forehead against your arms that are on the counter, pushing your hips back to fuck yourself on his face until that ball of heat explodes in between your legs—and your orgasm throbs through you. 

Liquid heat spreads through your body, and you moan through it all as Atsumu licks and sucks and eats, groaning so low and needy, until your clit twitches with oversensitivity and you’re whining. 

“So pretty f’me,” You hear him mutter, sounding drunk off the taste of your cunt, and your entire body jolts as a sharp gasp slips through your parted lips when you feel a slap against your sopping folds. 

And Atsumu’s head spins when he stands back up—his eyes focused on the way your arousal drools down from your pussy lips, a thin string of clear fluid running down to the floor and—

“God damn, baby, ya drooling.” Two of his fingers strum your slit, getting his fingers all nice and shiny and creamy from your orgasm, feeling your cute little cunt pulse around them. 

Then—

You choke out a broken gasp when he slaps your pussy again, hearing the wet smack against his hand, and Atsumu’s voice comes out in a low drawl right after. “Turn around, love.” 

Your legs buckle when you do—your movements slow with that ache still there between your legs—

But Atsumu is right there—guiding you with gentle touches over your legs and hips—and the moment you’re facing him—

He gives you one, heated look—his eyes lowered and so murky with desire—before he captures your lips with his, and you exhale a sharp breath through your nose when you can taste yourself in his mouth. 

God. 

You kiss him back, though, a little sloppy with how muddled your head is, and you make these tiny sounds that Atsumu eagerly swallows up—while his hands move to squeeze your ass, then move down until they’re at the back of your thighs and—

“Lift up for me,” He mumbles against your mouth, and you follow almost immediately—one leg moving to wrap around his waist after the other—and you use your hold around his neck for support, kissing him with a small grunt when he lifts you to sit your ass on the edge of the counter. 

It causes the cool surface to brush against your bare pussy, pulling out a gasp from you, and Atsumu breathes heavily against you as he grinds his clothed bulge—god, it’s so fucking big—against your pussy, making you all dizzy with it. “‘M gonna fuck you, okay?” 

He kisses you again, his rough hands running up and spreading goosebumps over your legs until they just reach the part where your hips and thighs meet. “And you gonn’ take it like a good girl f’me, yeah?” 

You whimper with a small nod, kissing him and bucking your hips back at him almost impatiently. 

“Say it, baby.” 

Shit—

“O-okay,” You breathe out, too high off the bliss of your post-orgasm to care about the fact that he’s going to fuck you raw—

You don’t even realize he doesn’t have a condom on until he’s pulling his pants and underwear down to let his dick bounces free, and it slaps against your upper thigh—feeling so heavy and hot and smooth and—

Exposed—with his pre-cum leaking from the fat tip and onto your leg, making more of a mess on you. 

“Good,” Atsumu praises you, kissing you as he slides his thick cock through your pussy folds, getting it all nice and wet, before sliding in—pushing the fat tip through your hole so easily and he’s bottoming out in one, fluid motion. “So fuckin’ good, darlin’.” 

Your eyes roll back, and your legs around him tighten as he pulls out—only to roll his hips against you, making you feel the heat of his skin flush against yours as he fucks his cock into your needy walls. 

He fucks you with his hands pinning you down to the counter by your hips—making your body jolt with every thrust—and tiny, wet moans get punched out of you as your mouth hovers against his. 

It causes your juices to gush out with every rock of his hips, making a mess on the counter, as loud and wet squelches fill the kitchen to show just how wrecked you are. 

And it all just adds to the feverish warmth that’s flooding your clit and lower belly—that tension building until it’s ready to snap again with every brush against your g-spot and—

And you don’t realize the fingers around your throat until you feel a slight pressure in your head, and heat pressing against the sides of your neck. 

And when your eyes—all wide and glossy—flit up to meet Atsumu’s—

He’s already looking right at you, watching you, focused to see your reaction—as if he’s waiting for you to tell him to stop—while still fucking your sensitive pussy. 

But you don’t. 

Instead, you let out a moan in approval, your eyelids dropping in response, and your cunt clenches around his girth as you kiss him softly, panting against his mouth with a soft mutter. “Harder.” 

And god—hearing that does astronomical things to his head and dick. 

“Fuck,” You feel his groan vibrate against you, all low and throaty, as his fingers grow firmer around your delicate throat—and his pace picks up as he starts to get needier for your sweet pussy. “Don’ think ‘mma last long, baby.”

He doesn’t let you respond.

Not when he’s quick to hitch your legs higher—and he uses his hold around your throat to push you down until your back is flat against the counter’s surface, and your eyes blow wide with a woosh of your breath escaping your lungs. 

“Ya think you can keep all f’me inside you, sweetheart?” He asks, voice so sweet and cooing as if he isn’t fucking your guts and making you choke as his body hovers over you, and he’s smirking down at you as he takes in just how good his hand looks around your neck. 

“I want this pretty lil pussy to get messy, kay?” 

Your eyes roll back when the pressure under your jawline grows, making you feel light-headed, and—

You should feel somewhat alarmed with how easily he can choke you. 

To hold the power over your body just like that—with no effort whatsoever. 

He’s stronger than you.

So much bigger than you. 

And his hands and fingers are dominating and heavy but—

But all you do is look up at him in submission, all hazy and eyes shiny with lust as your fingers wrap around his wrist as support, laying there and taking his cock as another orgasm rips out of you. 

You trust him to never hurt you—to take things too far. 

He’s always knew just how far to take things with you—to dance on that delicate line of risk and pleasure for you. 

It only takes another few strokes inside you, your g-spot overstimulated, for you to cum around him, electrified and feel like you’re floating as he fucks your pussy—all puffy and abused as it squirts so much on his dick and the counter—

And nothing but the sound of wet skin slapping against wet skin fills your ears, and your entire body shakes when Atsumu moans so desperately against you.

And his hand never leaves your throat, even as he kisses every inch of your face to soothe and praise you while you cry from your orgasm—and he’s following soon after with his hot cum filling you up till your pussy is leaking both of your fluids everywhere. 

Getting you all messy like he said you would. 

end ♡

Masterpost

#haikyuu #haikyuu smut #Hinata x reader #Hinata x reader smut #Tsukishima x reader #Tsukishima x reader smut #Atsumu x reader #Atsumu x reader smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x reader smut #haikyuu fic #Tsukishima Kei smut #Hinata Shouyou Smut #Atsumu Miya Smut #hinata smut #atsumu smut #haikyu smut #tsukishima smut

[oh-katsuki]

the notebook theory (tsukishima kei x reader)

masterlist | ao3

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Summary: Kei has a cynical and jaded outlook on love. When his friend Tadashi figures out that Kei has feelings for you, Kei isn’t sure how to react. After all, love is not something he does but rather, something that happens to him.

"There’s a notebook that Kei likes on his desk. No matter what he does, nothing is good enough to put a permanent mark into the thing. Even if he used a pencil, Kei feels like the evidence of the mark would still be there even after erasing it, a molecular change that can’t be seen with the naked eye. Kei calls it the notebook theory.

He thinks that might be what’s happening to him. A molecular change, imperceivable to someone not looking at him under a microscope. It’s like his DNA is being rewritten and stitched together with bright pink yarn. He feels himself steadily come apart and come together. It’s uncomfortable, like trying to dream when he has a fever. Kei is nearly certain that you’re the reason."

Content Warnings:  fem!reader (gender neutral pronouns), no real manga spoilers, slow burn, one-sided pining, angst, mentions of divorce and broken homes, toxic relationship (kei's parents), smut, fingering, oral (f!receiving and m!receiving), pinching, mentions of mark making, overstimulation (m!receiving), multiple orgasms, hair-pulling

Word Count: 24.8k

A/N: i know i spent forever working on this but it's finally done and while i have a lot of thoughts about it, idk rly what to say. anyway, here's my first attempt at a tsukishima long fic. also i already know that im not beating the tsukkiyama allegations, okay? i tried and failed to beat them okay i just think there is no way to put them in a situation without it being a little homoerotic bc.. they r them okay? anyway, i hope u enjoy and would love to hear ur thoughts <3

The morning comes without warning. Kei thinks he’s read that somewhere, though he’s just sure just where he saw it. He also thinks that whoever said that is right. Morning is always a harsh assault and never as gentle as people describe it to be. 

Kei’s room, the one he rents at university, faces toward the east. In the mornings, when the sun peeks over the horizon, it shines directly into his room and onto his bed before creeping across the light wood floors. His blinds, as useful as they are, always let some through the cracks and the light cuts the ground like butter to a knife. Kei doesn’t think it feels half as romantic as it sounds. 

The light works better than his alarm. No matter how set he is on sleeping in, he never fails to wake up as soon as those slats of light make their way across his bedspread. It wakes him like fever and he’s never quite as comfortable as he felt falling asleep. This morning is no different. 

He rises like he always has, running a hand over his blonde hair and dragging it down his face after sitting up. Then, he stands once in an attempt to gather his bearings before sitting right back down on the edge of the bed. He fights the lingering remnants of sleep, feeling the ray of sunlight beat down on his back. Then, he reaches towards his glasses on the nightstand and slides them up the bridge of his long nose before standing up again once and for all. 

Yamaguchi lives in the other room. His best friend since high school, perhaps his only real friend. They’d miraculously attended the same college and decided to room together, though his other friends from his youth aren’t too far. The arrangement managed to make it all the way until their fourth and final year. Living with each other has become par for the course. 

Tadashi wakes up later than Kei does on most days, except for Tuesdays and Thursdays. On those days, he has an 8 am and is usually in the kitchen before Kei has even stood up for the first time. Today is a Wednesday, so Yamaguchi is asleep in his room. The morning light doesn’t wake him the same way it does Kei. His room faces west, so it isn’t until the mid-afternoon, when Tadashi is chased from his room by the afternoon rays and heat, that he notices the sun on its blinding conquest across the sky. 

Kei’s room is clean and neat. There’s no clutter, no collection of items that don’t have a proper place. Everything is itemized and stored exactly where he intends for them to be. His floor is void of stray clothes, of socks he’d discarded the night before, his nightstand is bare and his desk is surprisingly empty save for one notebook sitting in its center. It’s a room that he could leave at any time, despite living here for nearly two years. If Kei chose to do so, he could pack his things and be gone in a day. 

Yamaguchi’s room is different. It’s lived in and well worn. There’s clutter on the floor, socks and pants he’d taken and tossed away to be dealt with later. Certain things don’t have a place and end up living on semi-crowded surfaces filled with things he likes to put down as quickly as he’d picked them up. Kei envies that way of living. A non-temporary way. He envies the rug in Yamaguchi’s room and the way he fills the space with himself. Kei thinks that even after they’re long gone, future tenants would still be able to feel Tadashi’s presence. 

To say that Kei is cynical would be accurate. He tends to lean more towards paranoia in his own strange way. He keeps things in order to quell the anxiety in it. Things stay where they are meant to be. As a result, he’s earned himself somewhat of an uptight attitude that makes Kei feel more awkward than relaxed even when he’s in his own spaces. Not that he minds it. 

Tadashi’s dish from last night is sitting next to the sink. Kei moves around it as he fixes a tea, making an effort not to drag his feet across the floor because he hates the scuffing sound. Every now and then, the glass of his mug will clink against the cheap kitchen tile and Kei will cringe in some paranoid worry that it will wake his friend. 

As he gathers his things to leave the quiet apartment, Kei wonders where his cynicism comes from. He’s sure he could pinpoint it if he tried. His parents divorce, his previous experiences with dating that have left him jaded, the holes that wore even in his most sturdy of sweaters. Inconsequential nothings that piled up until Kei had developed an undeniably cautious outlook on the world. To him, all of these things are the same. Like the morning, they’re intrusive and unsightly, but none is less important than the other. 

Kei does have things he likes. Art, for one. He likes paintings, sculptures, little pieces of history, and all of the things people make with their hands that he could never do. Kei is hopeless at crafts. His fingers are lithe and long, but they’re clumsy and hard to control. Despite his need for order, Kei has trouble controlling his urges. The subtle twitches of his fingers always mess up whatever it is he’s trying to craft. 

He likes writing best of all, specifically curatorial writing. It’s easy for him to pick which pieces belong together and how to organize them in a space, it suits his talent for compartmentalizing. Kei gets to tell a story that way, be it historical or artistic, sometimes both. The essays that his classmates find tedious, he finds relaxing despite the stress. For him, writing about art and history is a pleasure much like sipping tea that is the perfect temperature, unintrusive and natural. 

By the time he arrives at the library, it’s nearly 9 am. He works better here, in the quiet section at a table hidden by three tall shelves of books. It’s almost never occupied and there are hardly ever people seated in the immediate area. Kei doesn’t go out of his way to avoid others, but he finds that if he doesn’t approach people, they often won’t approach him. He prefers things this way, it makes the good and bad people easier to weed out. 

From this spot in the library, Kei can see where you usually set up shop for the day. You arrive after him by about 45 minutes and he convinces himself that it is always coincidental. 

Strictly speaking, you’re Tadashi’s friend, not his. You’ve known each other for a little under a year and have been by the apartment a few times, but yours and his conversations are limited entirely to pleasantries. How are you? What are you working on? We’re graduating soon, huh? Casual conversation that Kei can weasel his way out of at any time. Like his room, it’s impermanent. 

Kei has had the idea that nothing stays stuck in his head since middle school. The house he lived in when his parents were together, weekdays with his mother and weekends with his father, graduating seniors, the apartment he lives in now. To Kei, all of it is so temporary that he finds it difficult to get attached to it, not that he’s devoid of emotion. He quite loves the little things he has, but his grip on them is loose and half-hearted. Whatever leaves, Kei thinks is meant to leave, so he makes no effort to hold on. 

It’s probably unfair to think of you that way, but Kei can’t really help it. He can’t change what he is. Besides, it’s not as if he doesn’t have a reason to think so. He’s often approached by people for his looks, people who want to get close because they think he’s tall and handsome, people who collect others like trophies. He’s not heartless, so he’s been hurt more than a few times. Kei thinks he owes it to himself to be cautious, not that you’ve done anything to earn that type of subtle hostility. 

“Thought you might be here,” someone’s hand lands on his shoulder. 

“Shit,” he groans, “is it that late already?” 

Kei glances down at the watch on his wrist, reading the time as just past 10:45 am. He’s been here for an hour and 45 minutes and hasn’t gotten anything done. Tadashi pulls the chair next to him out and sits down, resting his chin on his hand. 

“Spacing out?” 

“A little,” Kei responds, tapping his pen against the table and turning back toward his book. 

“Got something due?” 

“Yeah, on Friday,” he exhales. “Haven’t started it yet though. You?” 

“Nah,” Tadashi smiles. “I’m just chasing you around.” 

“You’re like a girl with a crush.” 

Tadashi shrugs and lets out a good natured laugh. It’s a little too loud for this part of the library, but Kei lets it slide, smiling with his friend. 

Tadashi is the opposite of him, he thinks. He smiles often and says exactly what’s on his mind when it crosses it, even if it's a little mean. Tadashi used to be a follower, but in his final year of high school and university years, grew into someone befitting of his somewhat sunny and sarcastic personality. Thoughts and words come easily to him and he has no trouble vocalizing his joy or his disappointment. 

Yamaguchi has freckles covering the entirety of his body. Kei knows this because he’s seen far more of Tadashi than he thinks he should have. His skin is tawny and warm like him. Kei finds himself looking at the ones on his hands as Yamaguchi begins to write in his notebook. Kei can’t read his handwriting because it’s terrible and he doesn’t much feel like working on his own project, so he watches his friend’s hand mark the page. Then, his gaze slinks across the library to you. 

You’ve got your head down and look like you’re falling asleep despite it only being 11 in the morning. Your hand moves lazily across your computer keypad. By the time Kei realizes that you’ve spotted him staring, it’s too late to look away. His gaze was too intentional, so he smiles at you instead, nodding his head a little. 

You smile and wave, standing from where you sit and collecting your things. They fill up your arms because you don’t bother to put them in your bag, making your way clumsily across the room and setting your stuff down across from him. 

“Hi, Tsukishima,” you smile. “Hi, Tadashi.” 

You use his friend’s given name and Kei feels a pang of jealousy hit his chest. 

“How long have you been here? I didn’t see you,” you ask, settling into the seat across from Kei. 

“I just got here,” Tadashi smiles, looking up from his notes. “He’s been here for a while though.” 

Tadashi motions towards him. 

“Aw, why didn’t you say hi?” 

“You seemed busy,” Kei lies. 

You pout, filling your mouth with air. “Next time just come say hi, ‘kay?” 

“Sure,” Kei nods. 

Tadashi tosses him a sideways glance and Kei shrugs it off. He’s not interested in being teased this morning, though when is he ever. 

Kei doesn’t like the way you make him feel. When you’re around, he becomes prickly. It sets Kei on edge in a way that he hates. His world, previously so rigid and organized, quickly begins to feel cluttered and structureless. 

You make his heart pound. You make it hammer against his chest so hard that he can feel it in his ears and behind his eyes. It goes all the way down to his already-hard-to-control fingertips and the tops of his thighs. A previously pastel colored world goes vibrantly candy-colored like it’s been plunged in saturating liquid. He nevers knows how to hold himself, never knows how to act natural. What does it mean to act natural, anyway? How should he rest his hands on the desk? Would it be weird to lace them together? Does he look as stiff as he feels? It’s entirely possible that he is suffering a massive heart attack. 

You whisper across the table to Tadashi, leaning forward and laughing at something he’s written in his notebook. You can read his handwriting, something Kei is equally jealous about as he is angry. Kei just watches your conversation, unable to really listen into it on account of the stroke that he thinks he’s having. 

The three of you stay like this for a while, earning the occasional irritated whisper or dirty look from some of the more studious people in the library. Kei pretends to ignore them, remaining quiet throughout the duration of your study session with Tadashi. His quiet corner is invaded and painted bright pink with your presence and he doesn’t know whether to feel giddy or irrationally angry. Maybe it’s both. 

“Crap, is that the time?” Tadashi exclaims, hunching over himself when someone nearby shushes him. “I’ve got class across campus in 10 minutes.” 

He hurriedly collects his things. Tadashi does it so fast, in fact, that Kei hardly has time to beg him not to leave him alone with you. So he just watches as Tadashi throws his things clumsily into his bag and tosses it over his shoulder. 

“Bye, ___,” he says in a rushed whisper. “I’ll see you at home, Kei!” 

“Sure,” is all that Kei can muster. His voice cracks when he says it and he immediately avoids looking at you and stares at nothing in particular in his textbook. 

It’s quiet for a while. Kei pretends to busy himself by glancing between his textbook and his computer and you sit with your head bowed as you take notes on a lecture you’re listening to through the single earbud in your right ear. Then, you tap the end of your pen lightly on Kei’s notebook to get his attention. 

It’s only been about 10 minutes since Tadashi left, but the library now feels like an entirely different place. His heart pounds as he struggles to keep a straight face. 

When he looks up, you’re looking at him with a tilted head. Your expression is soft and unintrusive, friendly but a bit guarded. You smile softly at him. 

“You don’t like me very much, do you?” You ask gently. It doesn’t sound accusatory, but rather a casual statement tinged with friendliness. 

“Huh?” Blood rushes into his ears. 

“I just kinda get the impression that you’re uncomfortable around me,” you say. “Am I wrong?” 

“Uh, no- it’s not that I don’t like you.” 

He’s quick to correct you and he feels heat rush to his cheeks. 

“Then what?” you question lightly. There’s no ulterior motive behind your smile, Kei can tell, but your openness makes him uneasy. 

“I dunno,” he calms himself a little. “I don’t really know how to act around you, I guess.” 

You laugh, leaning back into your chair. “Is that all?” 

“Well, yeah…” he feels awkward and his palms are sweaty. He drops them below the table to wipe them. “You’re Tadashi’s friend and I’m pretty different from him so I just…” He trails off, shrugging his shoulders.

“I was worried you hated me,” you smile, chuckling to yourself. 

“That’s definitely not it,” he loosens a little, smiling lightly despite the thudding of his heart. It slows down steadily. 

“I’m your friend too, ya know?” 

“That so?” 

“Well, yeah,” you shrug and lean all the way back, crossing your arms. “I just kinda figured that we would be.” 

“Friends?” His tongue feels heavy in his mouth. His word placement is awkward. 

“Duh,” you laugh a little. “You know, you don’t have to speak formally with me.” 

“That’s just the way I am,” he huffs at being read. 

“Well, you can drop them with me. I don’t mind.” 

“Tall order,” he snorts. 

You tilt your head to the side. “Did you just make a joke?” 

“Uh, yeah…” 

“Funny,” you smile. “What are you studying?” 

“It’s not really studying…” he says, glancing down at the near empty document. “I’m supposed to be writing an essay I have due on Friday. Not going well.” 

He looks up at you through his lashes. You’re leaning forward across the table now, your chin angled upward as you try and peek at what’s on his screen. He turns it so that you can see better. 

“Baroque art?” You read aloud. “Oh yeah, Tadashi mentioned that you’re an art history major. Do you draw too?” 

“No,” he scoffs. “I’m hopeless at it, but I like art. It’s nice to look at.” 

“Huh, you look like you’d be good at drawing,” you say. 

“What’s that mean?” 

“I dunno, like a manga author or something,” you shrug. “You’ve got nice hands too. Like an artist.” 

“Manga?” He laughs a little, trying to play off the color he feels rushing to his face from the compliment. 

“Yeah, you look like the manga type.” 

“Is it the glasses?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Maybe,” you laugh. 

Kei looks down at his hands. They’re big, like the rest of him, and his knuckles are thin. He’s hyper-aware of them now that you’ve complimented them. He studies them briefly, following the barely visible veins up the back of them, following the line of his fingers to his nails. They’re trimmed and somewhat well kept, save for the spots that he tends to bite at when he lays in bed at night. His hands look nothing like Tadashi’s. Tadashi’s fingers are thick and his nails are short on account of him biting them. Kei wonders if you prefer them to his. 

—

There’s a notebook that Kei likes on his desk. It’s only a bit bigger than his fist—a little thing, really—and it’s completely blank. Kei’s never written anything down in it, nothing has ever really been worth sullying the thing. It’s got brown fabric binding and a semi-thick cover. It’s malleable, but not so flimsy that he’d need a desk to write in it. 

Kei’s not too sure why he bought it in the first place. Maybe he liked the size of it, small enough to fit in his pocket, but not so small as to be ridiculous. It’s practical, much like he is. He’s considered turning it into a daily planner and putting to-do lists in it, but Kei isn’t much of a list guy, it’s Tadashi that likes making lists. Nothing has ever really felt like it suits the book. He’s considered journaling in it, but his life is one big routine and he doesn’t think there’s anything worth writing about. 

No matter what he does, nothing is good enough to put a permanent mark into the thing. Even if he used a pencil, Kei feels like the evidence of the mark would still be there even after erasing it, a molecular change that can’t be seen with the naked eye. Kei calls it the notebook theory. 

He thinks that might be what’s happening to him. A molecular change, imperceivable to someone not looking at him under a microscope. It’s like his DNA is being rewritten and stitched together with bright pink yarn. He feels himself steadily come apart and come together. It’s uncomfortable, like trying to dream when he has a fever. 

Kei is nearly certain that you’re the reason, not that he’s about to admit to anyone else that he likes you. Tadashi managed to weasel it out of him, though he didn’t really have to ask. In fact, it was less of an admittance to Kei than it was confirmation of his own feelings. If Tadashi can tell that he likes you, then he must. 

People seem to know things about Kei before he even knows them himself. At least, that’s how it seems. He’s always confronted with his own feelings by other people, not that they’re really ever wrong, but it seems everyone catches onto what he’s feeling rather quickly. He’s not too sure why that is, maybe he’s just obvious and hasn’t realized it. 

Come to think of it, when Tadashi had confronted Kei about his feelings for you, he’d been deeply annoying about it. Kei couldn’t even try to deny it because Tadashi had come out with his guns blazing, cornering him in the living room and throwing facts about you at him until his face was beet red with embarrassment. Then, with a serious frown on his face, he’d simply stated you like them and that was the end of it. Kei couldn’t even deny it. Even he knew that it read plainly in his expression. 

To be frank, it sucks being told in plain speech how he feels about someone. Whenever that happens, it makes Kei feel like he’ll never be able to keep another secret in his life. Sometimes, he wishes that he was able to make the decision to tell someone else on his own, but even Kei knows that that is a little beyond him. Kei can think the feelings just fine, but when it comes to speaking them aloud, he seems to have a padlock around his throat. 

Tadashi knows this about him and if it weren’t for him, Kei would have agonized far longer and far worse over certain situations of emotional turmoil. Most of the time, Tadashi gets it without needing to ask or say anything. It’s nice to have someone understand him in that way, even if it does mean he can’t keep a secret to save his life. 

Feelings lately make Kei a little angry. He’s always known that he’s had somewhat of a sour personality. Kei doesn’t need to be told that he’s smug to know that he is. He’s snarky and usually touchy, picky about the people that he hangs out with. It’s not really a secret that Kei is a hard person to get along with, but lately, he feels like it’s been worse. 

Maybe it’s because this is new territory to him. As conceited as it sounds, Kei has never liked someone first. It’s not because he doesn’t think anyone is worthy, but rather, because there are very few people he doesn’t find grating. Despite how he seems, Kei is incredibly sensitive about things, so naturally, it’s easier to get on his nerves. 

He’s dated before, though not for long, and all of his relationships have started the same way. Kei is approached by them, usually on the premise of looks, and he accepts. He’s not sure why he does. Sometimes it’s because he thinks they’re pretty, other times it’s because the romantic in him hopes that it will actually work out. It never has. 

Most of the time, Kei turns out to be different than they expected. He’s too touchy, too sarcastic, too awkward in his way of trying to love. To Kei, it has always felt like it’s ended just as he was beginning to develop real feelings. 

If he’s being honest, it’s given him a twisted inferiority complex. He’s worried that somehow, on a fundamental level, he’s not enough. Sometimes, it even goes so far as for Kei to think that he’s just generally disappointing. He tries not to be. Kei wants to be relied on. He wants to be someone his friends can go to when they need something sturdy. 

Despite his personality, Kei considers himself sturdy. Well, maybe stubborn is a better word. Kei considers himself stubborn enough to be made sturdy. He’s just a little awkward. That’s all. People seem to mistake that for being unreliable. It’s a peeve of Kei’s. 

Tadashi isn’t like that. Tadashi is bright and warm, reliable in every sense of the word. Kei actually looks up to him a lot, not that he’d ever say anything like that to his face. Sure, Tadashi’s not perfect, but at least people rely on him. At least Kei relies on him. 

Tadashi is more easy going than Kei is. He has an easier time going with the flow, which makes him more personable. Kei thinks that Tadashi is the closest thing that he’s had to a better half. In truth, without Tadashi around, Kei isn’t exactly sure what would have become of him. 

It’s pointless thinking about these sorts of things though. Kei realized a long time ago that thinking about being better won’t automatically make him better. This is just the way he is and Kei’s learned to accept that, whatever it means. Still, none of this changes the fact that he likes you. 

Kei could mull over thought after thought and he doesn’t think it would have any effect on the fact that he’s definitely developed a crush. He’s positive it will go away. In fact, he’s not even sure if it’s real. Maybe Kei is just jealous of you the same way he’s jealous of Tadashi. You’re bright and warm like he is. You and Tadashi are cut from the same cloth, so maybe that’s why the two of you get along so well. 

In all honesty, Kei wishes he could be a little more like Tadashi for that reason. Maybe if he were more like Tadashi, he’d have the courage to fully accept these new and uncertain feelings for what they are. But he doesn’t have that kind of courage, not right now at least. He doesn’t have the courage to solidify and lean into his feelings. Kei doesn’t want to risk what little comfort and security he has. If the relationship between you both is a blank page, Kei doesn’t have anything important to write. What if it ruins the paper? What if when he erases it, it changes the thing on a molecular level for the worse? The notebook theory. 

— 

Despite everything, Kei is rather self-aware. At least in his own head he is. Kei knows that when he pretends he doesn’t like you, he really ends up liking you more. He knows that he’s touchy, that he’s awkward, that he comes across more crass than he intends to. Kei is clumsy, not stupid. That doesn’t mean that he has to acknowledge it. 

You’ve been coming around more often since the conversation Kei had with you in the library. Maybe you’re more comfortable now knowing that he doesn’t hate you, so you’re happier to join Tadashi in their shared apartment. 

Kei feels bad about making you think that he hates you. Actually, he feels really bad about it. Like, astronomically bad about it. Embarrassingly enough, it actually keeps him up at night. So he goes out of his way to be a little nicer to you. The only other person he’s ever done that for is Tadashi. 

He greets you properly when you pass, despite the flare up of a medical condition he’s yet to fully diagnose brought on by your presence. He asks you questions about your studies, partially because he is genuinely curious and partially because he doesn’t want you to hate him. He thinks he’d die if you hated him. Kei’s being brave in his own way. It’s little, but he’s doing it. 

As a result, the two of you have grown a little closer. Kei has your phone number now, though he rarely has any reason to text you. Typing out a message to you makes him nervous. It makes him red in the face when you’re not even there. Somehow, having your phone number feels vulnerable to him, like he has access to you whenever he wants and you him. It means that if you wanted, you could make him nervous without even being nearby. That’s a lot for Kei to think about. 

Kei sees you in the library sometimes too, but he never takes the initiative to speak to you. You always come up to him first, clumsily gathering your things the way you did the day you and him sorted out your friendship and plopping them down in front of him. 

Sometimes, you both go several hours without saying anything to each other. Other times, you’ll chat away about something while leaning forward on the desk and Kei has to pretend that he’s not wildly nervous at your proximity. You’re so friendly. So genuinely warm that Kei can physically feel it when you talk. Despite his nerves, Kei would describe you as comfortable. You’re a comfortable person to him, as alarming as that is. 

His crush is out of hand. It scares him, not that he’s actively thought about that. What started as him noticing you has quickly ballooned into him being painfully aware of you at all times. He kind of feels bad about it. You don’t seem to think that he’s anything more than a friend and it makes Kei feel bad that he thinks of you as anything but that. He doesn’t want you to be just a crush to him. Kei wants you to be like Tadashi, someone he can rely on and be comfortable with. He almost feels like he’s reversed what’s been done to him his whole life, like somehow he’s only become your friend because he wants something more. 

Truth is though, he doesn’t want anything more. Kei wants to stay exactly where he is. He doesn’t want his crush to develop any further. He doesn’t want to confess, he wants to forget. Even now, sitting on a couch in the library, he wants to imagine he doesn’t feel anything at all for you.  

“Hey, are you okay?” You tilt your head at him. 

“Huh? Me?” He questions. “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“You seem a little distracted,” you smile. “You’ve been staring at your computer for like… 10 minutes with this blank look on your face.” 

“You’ve been staring at me for 10 minutes?” He raises an eyebrow, trying to play off the embarrassment of being caught like that. 

“Not staring at you,” you huff, “but I definitely noticed.” 

“Ha, creep,” he tilts his head up a little, blowing air out of his nose. 

“You’re twisted, you know?” 

“Whatever,” he shrugs his shoulders and looks back at his computer screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you shake your head and smile before looking down at your work. 

Tadashi has said the same exact thing to him before. In highschool, after Kei had made a joke about his teammate Hinata’s height, Tadashi had given him a look and snorted that he’s so twisted. He’s been hearing that sort of thing his entire life. 

“Hey, are you cool if I skip out of here early?” You ask a few moments later. 

“Oh, yeah sure. I don’t mind,” he nods, hiding his disappointment. “I didn’t realize that we had like… set times to be here.” 

You laugh lightly. “Well, we don’t, but we tend to come and go at the same time, no? I kinda look forward to it.” 

Kei envies your honesty. You’re so honest all of the time. You say what you feel when it pops into your head. He wishes he could be like that, maybe then he would be able to say that he does too. Instead, he just nods and swallows his heart back down. You smile at him again and then gather your things. 

“You’ll be home on Friday night, right?” 

“Uhm, yeah? Why?” 

“Tadashi invited me and a few friends over, did he tell you?” 

“I think he mentioned it.” Kei has actually been thinking about it for the last couple days. 

“Good, I’ll see you, right?” 

“Yeah, you will.” 

“Great, talk to you later then!” You smile and with that, you walk away. 

You sounded so certain in that statement. Talk to you later. You said it like it was inevitable. Thinking about that, Kei can’t help but watch you go. He even likes looking at the back of you, though he wishes he could see your face too. It feels worse to be walked away from than walked towards. 

Kei can’t tell anymore if what he feels is romance or jealousy. It’s probably both. It’s probably some mix of the two that he can’t quite sort out. He wishes it weren’t that way. Kei gets the feeling that he might be ruined. 

So he just watched you leave the library. Someone is waiting for you at the top of the stairwell. Kei can tell they’re a guy and despite the reluctance of his feelings, his stomach drops anyway when you nudge his shoulder with yours and loop your arm around his. That’s something you haven’t done to Kei before. Touch him. You touch this other person so easily. It makes Kei jealous. 

It makes sense that you might be seeing someone, that there might be someone else. After all, you’re you. Desirable. You look up at the stranger, leaning on him, smiling and flashing your teeth. Yeah, it makes sense. 

Turns out, it’s easier to pretend that he doesn’t feel anything when he thinks you’re interested in someone else. He likes to think it will save him the time of wondering. 

—

Kei has cleaned his room approximately four times today. Sure, it’s overboard, but every time he goes into it, he notices something else that needs to be spruced up. Like a pot with a leak, there is always something that he seemed to miss the last time he went through and cleaned up. 

It’s not like you’ll be in his room tonight anyway, but you will be in his apartment and that’s close enough to his room that he, for whatever reason, needs to make it so spotless that it looks like a set. Kei knows though, that even when you’re here, he’ll be wondering if there’s something else that he missed beyond the closed door and he’ll think about it incessantly. 

He’s been avoiding the thought of him liking you. Instead, Kei cleans and cleans and then cleans some more for good measure. It’s not like he has any sort of claim on you and he knows that it’s stupid to feel jealous over one interaction he witnessed by chance, but his mind is running away with him. Was that person your boyfriend? Has he been begrudgingly pining over a taken person all these months? Do you think that he’s creepy because of it? 

He doesn’t get to be upset over the idea that you’re seeing someone else. Why wouldn’t you be? Kei’s done absolutely nothing to indicate his interest in you (or lack thereof), besides maybe telling you that he doesn’t hate you. He has no right to feel the way he does, but he spirals anyway. His insecurities, the ones that gnaw at him in the hours before he falls asleep, play in a constant loop in his head. His unreliability, his unpleasant personality, his cynicism, the baggage he carries with him like a badge. All of it piles up one by one. 

Kei feels like a kid again, losing himself over such a simple interaction, over something so miniscule that it might not even be considered anything at all. There are a plethora of reasons for his feeling like this and Kei thinks he could draw one of his issues out of a hat and it would still somehow address the situation at hand, but all he really feels is hurt and he doesn’t want to explain it away. Kei finds that liking someone hurts. It hurts more than it feels good and the uncertainty chews at his patience and leaves it razor thin. It’s not your fault, nor is it the person Kei’s convinced himself you’re seeing, but he needs someone to blame and it can’t be himself. 

The idea of you relying on someone else makes him nauseous. He’d never considered the thought before, that you find him as unreliable as others do. Kei wants to be relied on, most of all by you, and that fact makes him upset. He’s afraid of what you think of him and without the confidence to accept his feelings, it threatens to crush him. 

Kei’s got this itch over it, so he tries to distract himself. Cleaning his space to prepare for you helps him delude himself that he doesn’t quite like you at all. It’s not your fault. He’s just confused, like his parents were when they married each other. It hurts. Like they were when they had him to try and fix their marriage, which had started to fall apart even when Akiteru was an only child. He’s confused. He’s jealous over your ability to live the way Kei has always wanted to. That’s all this is. Nothing more and nothing less. He feels like he’s being split in two, stretched thin between two modes of thinking. 

Kei glances over his shoulder and into his room one last time. He’s forgotten to wipe the mirror. He goes back in and the cycle starts itself over. 

—

He’s not proud of his behavior. Kei thinks only a seriously huge asshole would be proud of the kind of behavior he displayed tonight. He regrets it immensely, though some part of him is begrudgingly holding onto the idea that maybe he was right to be so short tempered. Of course, that’s a lunatic’s idea. 

Tadashi is standing by the apartment door, mumbling something to you behind it. Over Tadashi’s shoulder, he sees you shake your head and in response, Tadashi gives a small bow before shutting the door to the shared apartment. Then, Tadashi turns and walks towards him. 

Kei doesn’t want to look at him, but Tadashi, for some reason, commands his gaze. 

“Is there a reason you were such a huge cunt tonight?” Tadashi sort of spits the words. They land at Kei’s feet and roll around before settling. 

“What are you talking about? I was normal,” he answers, though the statement sounds like a lie the moment it leaves his lips. 

“Bullshit,” Tadashi says. “You were being an asshole the second they walked through the door and you’ve been one to me all day.” 

Kei scoffs, his cheeks burning, “I’ve just been tired, dude. Besides, what does it matter? You’re closer to all of them than I am.”

“What? You’re tired so you just get to be a huge asshole?” 

“No,” Kei responds. 

“So then what was that?” 

Kei doesn’t really know. He doesn’t know what prompted him to act so cold or make such snide comments. It’s true, he’d been in a bad mood all day and he knows that Tadashi has borne the brunt of his misplaced emotions, but even Kei is confused as to why he’d acted the way he did. Still though, there is a part of him that knows that it was connected to his spiraling and what he saw in the library. He’d sound insane if he said it out loud, like somehow his growth was stunted in the third grade, but Kei is sure it had something to do with liking you and the hurt that comes with it. 

It’s not as if he’d been outwardly mean, but he had been cold. There are parts of himself that Kei doesn’t want you to see, sections of his personality that he ropes off from you because despite not liking you, he wants you to see the best in him. Tonight, he managed to somehow show off the worst. 

It started with the noise when everyone had arrived. You, Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka, Kiyoko, and Yachi had all piled into the apartment in one large group. Kei’d been sitting on the couch and the sound of the door startled him right off the bat. He assumed that by the time they all had rounded the corner into the living room, his face was already sour, because everyone had greeted him cautiously. 

It’s no surprise that everyone was so loud. Kei has known this particular group for many years and they, having all gone to school or work nearby, pile into his apartment often for events like these. You were really the only new factor in all of it and while Kei is known as a touchy person, he certainly was more touchy than usual tonight. 

You’d been trying to talk to him all evening and Kei, in a desperate attempt to avoid whatever lingering feelings he had for you, had been shutting you down at every turn. Thinking back on it, he’s endlessly embarrassed. You didn’t deserve that. You’d been nothing but kind to him and there Kei was holding a grudge over you for something he had no right to be angry about whatsoever. He had been holding a grudge over something that he’d learned later that evening that wasn’t even true. 

Kei thinks that what Tadashi is referring to, was deliberately picking a fight with Tanaka. Kei and Tanaka have never been particularly close. Even in high school, his boisterous and somewhat obnoxious personality has always rubbed Kei the wrong way. Despite that, Tanaka has somehow managed to maintain a connection to him through university and the two of them have established a tentative but honest friendship. 

You had been sitting on the arm of the couch beside Tanaka, leaning over him to look at something he was showing you on his phone. Then, you laughed a little too hard and Kei felt that familiar sense of injustice rise to his throat, thick and heavy. It’s an ugly feeling, the kind that makes Kei feel sick when he’s in bed late at night. Bile rose in his throat in the form of harsh words. Jealousy in the form of the verbal venom Kei excels at. 

For Kei, Tanaka was an easy target, someone he could poke at and get a satisfying rise out of. In the moment, the rise he’d gotten from Tanaka by making snide comments about the volume of his voice and his particular obsession with pretty girls had been exactly that, satisfying. 

He’d picked a small fight. Nothing physical, but just enough to get him irritated. Kei’s not proud of it, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t done it deliberately. After all, Tanaka has never been the type to be the bigger person and turn his nose up. 

Sometimes, when Kei is experiencing emotions he’d rather not deal with, he decides to obsess over one single thing. Usually, it’s cleaning or schoolwork. Tonight, it happened to be the volume of Tanaka’s voice, which he knows was a shitty thing to do. Despite wanting to be reliable, Kei can’t help but feel that he was endlessly immature, lashing out at someone completely unrelated to the situation just because he could. 

Tadashi pulls him from his thoughts. 

“I thought you liked them, dude,” his voice is even, letting up on the anger. 

“Who?” Kei plays dumb. 

Tadashi responds with your name and Kei stiffens slightly. “I thought you guys had gotten closer. What happened?” 

“Nothing happened,” Kei says. It’s the truth. Absolutely nothing happened. Kei had spiraled all on his own. 

“Why did you ignore them then?” 

“I didn’t ignore them,” Kei says. Again, it’s not a lie. He may have shut conversations down and been a little cold, but Kei couldn’t ignore you if he tried, it’s sort of the whole problem he’s dealing with now. 

“Maybe, but you were cold. Like… needlessly.” 

“I was fucking normal, Tadashi. You should know me well enough by now to know that,” Kei spits. 

“That’s the problem though, isn’t it? I know you and I know that shit wasn’t normal. You’re twisted, but you’re not an outright asshole, Kei. What’s going on?” 

“I was normal, Tadashi. Just because I didn’t bounce around or get rowdy, doesn’t mean that something is wrong,” Kei answers. 

“Yeah, but you were like… majorly fucking weird, Kei. You were being an asshole. Don’t you like them? Don’t you want to be nice to them?” 

“I don’t.” 

“You don’t want to be nice to them?” Tadashi scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

“No, not that. I don’t like them like that anymore,” Kei lies. 

“Oh please, that’s such horseshit,” Tadashi laughs bitterly. 

“Get off my ass, Tadashi. I don’t fucking feel that way about them anymore,” Kei insists. 

“Did something happen?” 

“No, literally nothing happened! Why does something have to happen? I just don’t like them,” Kei feels himself getting indignant. Tadashi doesn’t deserve this either, but he seems to be indiscriminate with his poor behavior tonight. 

Tadashi looks at Kei for a moment, studying him and calculating all of the things only Tadashi could know about him. Kei tries to hide it. 

“Jesus, Kei, you’ve got to stop doing this shit,” Tadashi touches his hand to his forehead. 

“Doing what?” 

“Getting all in your head about every single connection you’ve ever had with a person,” Tadashi raises his voice. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means I’ve seen you do this a million times! You start to really feel something for a person and then you fucking back away like a dog with its tail between its legs!” 

“I don’t do that!” 

“Yes, you do! You sabotage yourself until the other person is forced to do something about it!” Tadashi exhales. 

“I’ve never done that deliberately! What does someone else’s actions have to do with me?” 

“It doesn’t have to do with you,” Tadashi says, “It has to do with your parents.” 

The wind is knocked out of Kei, air sucked from his lungs. He furrows his eyebrows at Tadashi, his mouth slightly open. 

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Tadashi pushes, angry and trying to make him listen. “Not every relationship is like your parents’, Kei.” 

Tadashi knows he’s stepped over the line the moment he says it. If it hadn’t registered before, it registers clearly on his face now, regret settling over Tadashi’s usually bright features. Kei gapes at him for a moment, running through his thoughts and trying to pick out one that best verbalizes what it is he feels. Kei comes up empty. 

“Shit-” Tadashi starts towards him. “Kei, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. I’m just pissed off I didn’t mean to-” 

Kei pushes past him. “Tadashi, I know you mean well, but don’t try to tell me about my fucking parents.” 

Tadashi doesn’t try to stop him when Kei flings the front door open and walks outside.

—

Kei remembers it like it was yesterday. He remembers all of it. 

He can clearly recall the way shattered glass looked on the marble tiles of his childhood home. White porcelain, broken up into multitudes by his mother and father. They never laid hands on each other, but everything else in the house was fair game. Kei’s lost count of the amount of broken glass dishes and picture frames he’d swept from the floor. 

Kei’s parents had always been on and off in their affection for each other. One minute, they were deeply in love and the next, they were at each other’s throats. Neither of them were bad people, but they made each other bad people. The two of them brought out the worst in each other, maybe on account of knowing the other so well. 

Akiteru was an accident. His brother knows this because when his parents argued, they never let him forget it. In their spats, leverage was whatever they could get their hands on, and that just happened to be Akiteru and the unfortunate circumstances of an accidental pregnancy. 

His parents got married at 19, thinking that they’d be able to handle a child, that their marriage was anything but rushed. They convinced themselves that it was love, when the reality was that Akiteru came because they were too young and stupid to prevent it. At least, that’s what Kei and Akiteru had settled on in the evenings after the yelling had died down and they were left to make sense of it in their shared bedroom. 

They had Kei to fix the marriage. Kei knows this because, like Akiteru, his father’s marital “solution” in the form of a second child was constant leverage to his mother. Kei grew up asking Akiteru why his mother and father even had children in the first place. 

Their relationship was rocky and unstable, predictable and toxic. They, like Kei, would do things to get rises out of each other. They’d make digs, do things to get under the other’s skin. They did it for attention, for affection, or out of loathing for the person they’d decided to make their life partner. When things settled, they got bored. His parents often mistakened calmness for complacency in their relationship. His parents loved each other, but they hated each other just as much, and it was he and Akiteru who paid the price. 

They got divorced when he was fourteen and any chance of Kei having a normal family went to the courthouse with the divorce papers. Akiteru was 20 at the time and managed to avoid the brunt of the custody battle. Kei still gets unexplainably angry with Akiteru for leaving him alone, though he knows that it’s not his fault. The only way Kei could make sense of it was through blame and it was easier to blame Akiteru for lying about volleyball or leaving him alone than it was to blame himself. Both Kei’s father and mother tried for full custody, not because they loved him that much, but because they knew that it would destroy the other. In the end, Kei spent his weekdays with his mother because she lived closer to his school, and weekends with his father just because. 

It happens all the time. People grow together, then grow apart, and grow to loathe each other. Kei watched it happen to his parents, he watched it happen to his friends, he watched it happen to himself with his own reflection. That’s just the way it goes. 

The air outside of his apartment is cool and breezy. He can feel the wind through his sweater, cutting through the gaps in the stitching and into his skin. Kei feels like he can think a little better out here, sitting on the short concrete wall with his back to the apartment building. He stares at his feet, outstretched in front of him. He's still wearing his house slippers. 

Kei did this once when he was younger. The fight that night had been particularly bad and his parents had resulted to throwing things across their bedroom. Kei could hear picture frames shatter through two walls and he wondered which memories they’d decided to trash. A particularly loud shout had sent Kei out of the front door and onto the curb in front of the house. 

He remembers crying, staring at his house slippers on the pavement, afraid because he could hear the shouting even from the lawn. Akiteru had come out to get him, sitting down beside him on the curb and putting his arm around him. 

“Are mom and dad gonna get divorced?” Kei had asked through sniffles. 

“Divorced? No, no,” Akiteru answered. “It’s just a rough patch. It happens to all couples. Mommy and Daddy will be fine.” 

“It’s normal?” Kei sniffled. 

Akiteru paused for a moment. Looking back, Kei realizes that Akiteru was debating on whether or not to lie to protect him. Kei wishes he hadn’t. 

“Yeah, it’s normal.” 

Normal. Kei realizes that he doesn’t exactly know what a normal relationship looks like. He is his parents' son. What they had in them, he has in him. Kei knows that those habits, the digs, the sour statements, the passive aggressiveness, are all things he’s picked up from watching them. Some role models they were. 

He needs to apologize to Tadashi. He may have overstepped, but Kei knows that he’d been an asshole tonight. He’ll need to apologize to Tanaka as well. And to you, which is perhaps the scariest part of this. He wants to apologize for his behavior, but apologizing means that he has to admit that he’d acted the way his parents did, out of jealousy and a pull for attention. Yup, he’s his parents’ son alright. 

Kei tilts his head up toward the sky. Only half of it is visible, the other half blocked by the three story apartment complex directly behind him. It’s a clear night, but he can’t see any stars and the moon is nowhere to be found. Kei wonders when the morning will come. It’s a few hours off, but he thinks about how the sky will look when the sun begins to rise. 

“Kei,” a familiar voice calls from in front of him. 

You’re a few feet away, your hands clasped in front of you. 

“Thought you went home,” he says. 

“Yeah well, I had intended to,” you start, “but you seemed off and I felt weird going back without checking on you. Can I sit?” 

Kei shrugs his shoulders, mortified and angry at being caught like this. He appreciates the thought, but you’re the last person he wants to see right now. It just means he needs to face his shortcomings sooner. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Kei answers automatically. 

“Just decided on some fresh air?” You smile a little and Kei blows air out of his nose. 

“Yup, that’s exactly it.” 

You sit next to him with your legs outstretched the same way his are, your hands are laced together in front of you, hanging down between your thighs. Kei doesn’t make an effort to say anything and neither do you. Instead, he just trains his head back up towards the sky and attempts to collect his thoughts, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

Strangely, tonight he doesn’t feel nervous. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have the energy to. Maybe he’s too preoccupied with being sorry to pay any mind to the heart palpitations he gets when you’re around. Maybe it’s because even though he showed you the worst of him tonight, you still came back. It’s a small hope, but it’s there. 

“Hey,” your voice comes quietly, “I don’t know what’s going on, but if you need- I mean- if you want to talk about it, I’m a pretty good ear.” 

Kei nods a little. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “about tonight.” 

“I didn’t come here for an apology, you know?” You exhale a little. 

“Yeah, but you deserve one,” he says. “I was pretty shitty to you.” 

“Yeah, you were,” you agree, catching Kei off guard, “but it happens to all of us. Sometimes we feel things and just can’t keep them inside, you know?” 

“Yeah,” he agrees, swallowing down his shame. 

There’s another long silence. You don’t move to touch him or talk to him, instead, you provide steady company. Kei, as strange as it is, is comforted by your presence. 

“I fought with Tadashi,” Kei says after a few minutes. 

“Today?” 

“Yeah, tonight. After everyone left,” he says. “I deserved it though. I’ve been pretty shitty to him all day.” 

You hum, leaning back on your hands. 

“I did the same shit in high school too, you know?” Kei starts. “We’ve uhm- we’ve known each other for a while, the group that was over tonight. Around the end of middle school some shit happened and I uh- I took out a lot of what I was feeling on Tadashi and the others, but mostly Tadashi because he was the only one who knew.” 

Kei isn’t sure why he’s telling you this. Maybe Tadashi was right. Maybe this is another attempt at self sabotage. 

“You bullied him?” You ask, a little surprised. 

Kei shakes his head. “No, but I wasn’t very nice either. Anyone could tell you that. I thought I was past it, though,” he admits, a little defeated. 

“Did you ever apologize?” 

Kei looks up at you in surprise. Your eyes are full of something, curiosity, maybe pity. 

“For what you did in school?” 

He nods. “Countless times, and not just to Tadashi either, to everyone.” 

“You know, stuff like this happens,” you say. “When I was little, I used to hate sharing. Toys, food, friends. I’d hate it when my friends were friends with other people. It made me insecure and I’d get mad at them for it. I grew out of it, but sometimes I still get that way and I have to apologize later.” 

Kei laughs. It’s strikingly similar to what’s happening now, not that you’d have any way of knowing. 

“I can’t imagine you doing that,” he says. 

“I’m serious,” you say. “I still get weird over it sometimes.” 

Kei shakes his head a little, smiling. 

“All that I’m saying is that sometimes we slip up, that’s all. It’s normal,” you continue. “Not that I’m condoning it. Just saying that it doesn’t make you a horrible person. It makes you human.” 

“Thanks,” he says softly. 

“No problem,” you respond. 

“So why’d you fight with him tonight?” 

“He was angry with me because I was an asshole,” Kei shrugs.

“And you’re mad that he called you out?” You give a quiet and somewhat incredulous laugh. 

Kei shakes his head. “No, I’m angry about what he said after.” 

“What’d he say?” 

Kei debates on telling you. He doesn’t want to make himself out to be a victim. After all, Tadashi meant no harm, even if his comment did exactly that. 

“The argument kind of switched subjects,” Kei tiptoes around the fact that the subject was you. “He brought up a bad habit of mine and I got defensive.” 

“Okay,” you say, waiting for him to say more. 

“Remember when I said that something happened at the end of middle school and only Tadashi knew about it?” When you nod, Kei continues. “My parents got divorced. They were a bad match and it was messy. He brought it up.” 

You nod again, your eyes wide. 

“He didn’t mean any harm, I know that,” Kei inhales. “But uh- that stuff kind of sticks with you. Well, it’s stuck with me and I didn’t like having it used to explain my behaviors, even if he was right. I’m not deflecting or anything though. I know I was the problem tonight.” 

“Sure,” you say. “I’m sorry about your parents.” 

Kei shrugs. “It’s in the past. They’re both remarried now with new kids.” 

The last sentence leaves Kei with a sour taste in his mouth. His parents are good people, but after his childhood, he doesn’t think they have any business having more children. Maybe they’re capable of being good for them, but Kei doesn’t like to imagine that. It makes him feel like their marriage wasn’t the problem, but he and Akiteru were. 

“You say that like they got a new pet,” you smile a little. “Are you still in touch with them?” 

“Yeah,” he says. “I visit whenever I go back home, though they’re really not too far from here.” 

“That’s good of you.” 

“Well, they are my parents,” Kei says plainly. 

You’re the only other person he’s divulged this to by choice and your reactions, understanding and level-headed, make him feel better. It’s like getting a weight off of his chest. This is the worst of him. This little bit of information, his history of being unable to fully confront his feelings, of taking anger out on others when he was young, is where his problems originate. 

“Yeah, but you’re allowed to feel what you feel about it,” you say. “My mom died when I was eleven. Texting and driving. I’m still angry at her for it.” 

“I’m sorry,” he says. 

You shrug and offer him a wry smile. “It’s in the past, but I’m still angry even though I shouldn’t be.” 

“At her?” 

“Yeah,” you nod. “She made a stupid mistake that we’re constantly warned about and left my dad and me behind. I was so angry with her, still am. I love her though, perceived faults and all.” 

Kei thinks about whether or not he loves his parents. He thinks he does, even if he resents them. Kei can’t imagine what he’d do without them. Even though his childhood had few emotional comforts, he still can’t think about a world where he doesn’t visit home to have his mother’s cooking. That’s a world that you live in. 

“That’s hard.” It’s all Kei can think to offer. 

“It was,” you say. “Got easier though as soon as I started accepting things. Now I just miss her more than I hate her.”

Another bout of silence follows this. It must be close to two in the morning and he’s been outside so long that he can no longer feel the tip of his nose. 

“Anyway, about tonight,” you say, “it’s not a crime to feel what you feel, but if you need help, that’s what we’re here for. It’s easier to accept feelings and get hurt than to ignore them, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah,” Kei says, looking to face you. “Thank you.” 

You’re so pretty. It’s striking. The curvature and angles of your face, the gentle look in your eyes, softened by the conversation. Kei finds himself thinking that despite not wanting to face you a few hours earlier, he’s grateful that you showed up. You’re good in ways that Kei can hardly fathom. 

“You should go inside. Tadashi is probably wondering where you are,” you say, standing up. “Plus,” you pinch the tip of his nose between your middle and pointer knuckles, “your nose looks like a cherry tomato.”

“Rude,” he says, startled by the sudden touch. 

“Payback,” you shrug your shoulders and Kei rolls his eyes. 

“Do you need me to walk you home?” Kei offers, a bit nervous about you walking home on your own. 

“I’d love to take you up on that, but you seem tired and I don’t live very far,” you respond. “I’ll call you when I get home though, okay? Since you’re so worried.” 

Kei laughs a little and then nods, standing up. “Yeah, I am.” 

His honesty surprises even him, but you just tilt your head and give him a small smile. 

“I’ll see you on Monday,” you say. “Thanks for the apology” 

“Anytime.”

“I hope not,” you laugh and Kei follows suit. 

You begin to turn on your heel, giving a small wave. 

Kei doesn’t know what overcomes him, but he calls out your name and reaches for your wrist. Before he has a moment to think about what he’s doing, he pulls you to his chest in a hug. You stiffen and then relax in his grip, wrapping your arms around him. Your body is warmer than his, sending heat through the gaps in his sweater. 

“You can call even if it’s not to tell me you got home safe,” he says. “If you want to.” 

You squeeze him around the middle. “Okay, I will.” 

When Kei lets go, he finds that his face is burning. The cold has been replaced by a flush of blood, making his vision a little syrupy.

“Thanks for coming back,” he says. “Get home safe.” 

“Of course,” you sound a little dazed, wearing an expression that Kei thinks might match his. “And I will.” 

Then, you smile at him, flashing your teeth and giving him a wave. You hold up your phone and point to it. 

“Expect a call!” 

Kei nods and raises his arm to wave goodbye.

He stands and watches your figure as you walk down the sidewalk and turn the corner. When you’re out of sight, he lingers by the door to his building, just in case you decide to come back. You don’t come back, but Kei lingers anyway, considering the conversation. 

He goes inside, intent on apologizing to Tadashi. When he opens the door to his apartment, the lights are still on in the living room and Tadashi gets up from the couch and walks quickly down the hall to him.

“Kei, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” 

“Don’t worry,” Kei says. “I know. I’m sorry about tonight too. And for treating you like that today. And for high school.” 

“High school?” Tadashi says, confused. “Why are you bringing up high school?” 

“Just wanted to apologize again.” 

Kei can feel his eyes drooping, exhaustion creeping into his body and replacing the elated feeling he had moments before. 

“I didn’t mean to bring your parents into it. How you like someone is none of my business,” Tadashi says. “I was out of line.” 

“So was I,” Kei admits through a tired sigh. “I shouldn’t have acted that way. I’ll apologize to the others in the morning.” 

Tadashi narrows his eyes a little and nods. Kei, besieged by that sleepy late night feeling, moves towards his bedroom. 

“Hey, Kei,” his voice comes out a little louder this time. “You’re being surprisingly easy-going. Are we good?” 

Kei scoffs a little, rubbing his eyes. “I just had some time to think, that’s all. And yeah, we’re good.” 

“Okay, are you good?” 

“Yeah, I am,” Kei says. 

Before he closes the door to his room, he furrows his eyebrows and makes a firm decision. 

“By the way,” Tadashi turns to him, cocking his head to the side in response. “I lied. I do like them.” 

“Could have guessed as much,” he responds, laughing a little. “See you in the morning.” 

“Yup, see you in the morning.” 

Kei shuts the door to his room. It clicks into place quietly. His room is spotless. It looks like a room that could be easily emptied at any time. He sighs, stepping into it and laying down on his bed. His phone is on the comforter next to him, lying face up. 

When it lights up, it illuminates the ceiling above him and he answers the phone without needing to check who's calling. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, I got home safe,” he hears your keys clink against something and then the sound of a door shutting. Then, he hears the sound of you laying down on your bed. He imagines you’re lying the same way he is. 

“Good, I’m glad,” he says. “No trouble?” 

“No trouble at all,” you say. He can hear your smile. 

“Thanks again for coming back tonight,” he says, turning over onto his side and letting the phone rest on the bed in front of his face. 

“Of course,” you say.

He doesn’t know what else to say. His nerves have caught up to him and your voice through the speaker sounds so close, like you’re whispering directly into his ear. 

“Okay, well I’m going to go to bed,” Kei starts. 

“Kei?” you say. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m gonna take you up on your offer. About calling you. Just wanted you to know.” 

“Okay,” he swallows. 

“I feel a lot closer to you.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

“Goodnight, Kei,” you practically whisper. 

“Goodnight,” he responds, lowering his voice the same way you did. You hang up the phone and the call ends. 

He blinks at his phone for a moment before standing up and getting ready for bed. Kei goes through the motions while thinking about how the evening got here. He’d been certain before it began that he no longer liked you, that he was confused. Now, he’s certain of the opposite. 

He decides that he’ll like you for real this time. Even if he’s afraid of hurting himself, of hurting you.

Kei lays down in his bed and faces the ceiling. He thinks about his parents, about your mother, about you. The cadence of your voice, the slight tremor in it. He thinks about your expressions, understanding and unintrusive. He thinks about your history, the anger you’d admitted to him and the grace you’d given him in his own circumstances. 

He dreams of braids, like DNA. Coils of pink yarn woven together in an intricate pattern. A molecular change not visible to the naked eye. Morning comes like liquid gold, spilling across his bedspread in slats through the window.

—

Kei’s apologies go smoothly. Tadashi’s friends—his friends—are good people. They know him better than most and field his awkward, stumbling apology with steady hands. 

He’d explained his sour mood in as little detail as possible, deliberately omitting his feelings for you while doing so, and he made a special effort to apologize to Tanaka. He’s easygoing and quick to forget, but Kei knows that even after accepting the apology, Tanaka will lord it over his head for a week or two. Tanaka thinks those kinds of things are funny and Kei won’t try to tell him otherwise. 

You do take Kei up on his offer. You call him twice a week now. Sometimes it’s to tell him something relevant to him, other times, you just whisper into the phone that you just felt like talking. Either way, it’s not good for his heart. Kei thinks that at this rate, it might just give out. 

There are a lot of things that Kei could say about liking you. It makes his days a little brighter. When he remembers that he has someone he cares about like that, he feels a surge of excitement for no particular reason. He finds that he looks forward to seeing you and goes out of his way to do so, more than he did before he was willing to admit it. 

He’s noticed the way you eat, like every bite of food is even better than the last. He’s noticed that you wipe the condensation off of your cups before each sip. He’s noticed that when you’re studying, you’ll pull at the collar of your shirt absentmindedly and then become frustrated when it is stretched out of place. Kei likes all of these things about you. 

Kei has also found that liking someone hurts. It hurts worse than he thought it would. Insecurity weaves its way into even the most minor of interactions. He’s self conscious almost all of the time, adjusting his hair, clothing, glasses right down to minor details. As of late, Kei appears more put together than he ever has, but the reality is that he’s probably the least put together he’s ever been. 

When you’re around, Kei is awkward and clumsy. He drops things, trips over nothing, loses control over his lanky limbs and overshoots things. He feels like a teenager again, not that he’s that far off from one. 

Still, one thing overshadows all of this. Kei is so comfortable around you, so peaceful despite the nerves and insecurity, that he’s able to forget about the worst of it. Forgetting about the worst of things is not something Kei is particularly good at. He’s cynical by nature. You help to ease the burden of it. 

The coffee shop he’s visiting with you today is quiet. The room is decorated with dark oak wood and the tables are accented by the rings of the trees the wood was cut from. The early spring light filters in at angles through the windows letting out onto the street. It falls across your notebooks and the knuckles of your hand, wrapped evenly around a black pen. 

You’d brought him here to study instead of going to the library and Kei can’t help but think that it feels like a date. His tea sits half-finished in a mug beside his laptop, beginning to cool to room temperature. Your coffee sits by your unoccupied hand and every now and then, you’ll reach to take a sip of the warm beverage without even glancing up. 

Kei has spent so much time watching you today, that he’s hardly gotten any work done. His computer is open on a document with a paragraph of writing about nudity in the classical period, which he hasn’t touched in about 10 minutes. He’s been clicking blankly around the page, adding spaces and then deleting them and then glancing up over the edge of the screen to look at the way you purse your lips when you’re focused. 

“You’d get a lot more done if you stopped staring,” you say, not looking up from your notebook. 

Kei chokes on his exhale. “What?” 

You laugh a little, looking up at him through your lashes. God, you’re pretty. 

“The document?” You chuckle. “You’re not fooling anyone by clicking around randomly like that.” 

“Oh,” Kei furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head a little. “Yeah, just can’t seem to focus.” 

“What’s the paper on?” You set down your pen and cross your arms on the table. 

“It’s not really a paper,” he says. “It’s a visual analysis on the Aphrodite of Knidos.” 

“Is that the one without the arms?” 

“No, but they come from the same family of statues,” Kei smiles a little. 

You hum a bit. “Do you like it?” 

“Like, do I think the statue’s pretty?” Kei closes the screen of his laptop to see you better. “Yeah, I do. Learning about the history of it is a bit depressing though.” 

“Why?” 

“Well, Aphrodite was one of the most powerful Greek gods, right?” He says, and you nod your head and roll your eyes because you know that already. “But this statue group intrudes on a private moment of hers. She’s trying to cover up her body, probably just before or after a bath. It’s meant to be humiliating.” 

You tilt your head. “Sounds more interesting than molecular structures at least.” 

Kei laughs a little. “Yeah, I think it’s just a bit more interesting.” 

“Why did you choose to study art history?” You question, leaning forward on your elbows. 

Kei feels awkward at receiving the question. He doesn’t like talking about himself much, let alone his passions. They tend to get away from him. 

“Probably because I’m no good at art,” he smiles a little. 

“Such a shame, what with your artist’s hands and all,” you reach across the table and tap his knuckle. 

Kei feels the color rise to his cheeks. 

“You’re no good at art, so you study art history instead?” You press for more. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I like things that people make with their hands. There’s a lot of human expression in ancient art, good and bad. Gives a bit more context into who we were before.” 

You lean back in the chair, grinning at him. Kei bites the inside of his cheek and tries not to notice the slope of your neck. 

“Why are you studying molecular bio?” He changes the subject. 

You shrug your shoulders. “I want a good cushy job that makes me a lot of money.” 

Kei watches the corners of your lips curl up. 

“Plus,” you continue, “I wanted to show off a little bit.” 

“So you put yourself through four years of torture?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Yup, I’m a huge masochist,” you grin. 

“You STEM kids are unbearable, you know?” Kei snorts. 

“But you like me anyway, yeah?” 

Kei nods, heat creeping up his neck, and watches you return to your work. 

It’s true, he does like you anyway. Kei likes you so much, in fact, that it frightens him. Well, the idea of liking someone has always frightened Kei, whether he’s noticed it or not. Commitment, or lack thereof, make Kei nervous in the same way heights do. He feels like he could lose his footing at any moment. 

That’s probably why he doesn’t want to do anything in particular about his feelings. Kei is content with just feeling them. He’s content to just be able to like you in his own way, even if nothing ever comes of it. He probably shouldn’t do anything about them, considering the back and forth battle he’s waged in his mind over the last few months. He’s too indecisive to do anything but like you, and even that feels herculean to accept. 

Not that liking you is a hard thing to do. You’re easy to like. It’s easy for him to picture touching you. It’s easy for Kei to imagine late night conversations and little intimacies shared over damp pillows. You’re easy to talk to, floating through conversations and navigating conflict with a sure step, something Kei can’t do. It’s not hard to find things to admire. 

Kei imagines what it would be like to be with you. He imagines the feel of your hands in his, how you might look spread beneath him, the inside of your thighs pressing against his hips. He imagines how his glasses might fog up with your breath and slip down the bridge of his nose. What do you taste like? What do you feel like? 

A little alarm bell sounds in his head. This is a dangerous line of thought, a greedy one. Kei doesn’t think he can handle greed, not when it comes to you. He got a taste of it that day when he saw you leave with someone else and again the following Friday. Kei doesn’t mix well with it, with wanting. Still, he wants. 

—

It’s a breezy day. It cuts the growing humidity as the beginning of May creeps on. This is no doubt one of the best times of year, though Kei prefers the fall or winter. Still, even with the slightly sticky air, his walk to class is pleasant. He’d even venture to say that it’s good. 

Light filters through the trees, blooming with their spring flowers, and in the distance he can see a familiar row of cherry blossoms just beginning to bloom. As he approaches them, he finds himself admiring their delicate petals, wondering just how brief their bloom will be before they come cascading down. One tree among the pink rows has yet to open its flowers. The buds sit on their branches, shades of green and gray. A late bloomer. This tree will no doubt flower once the other petals have fallen, and when it does, it’ll become the most eye-catching thing on the street. 

Kei admires it for a moment, standing below the thing and looking up through its twisting branches. It’s so small, much smaller than the rest of its counterparts, and its branches don’t look too full of yet-to-bloom buds either. 

There was a tree like this outside of Kei’s childhood home, the one his family lived in together when it was whole. It would always bloom a week after the others and every year he would worry that it never would. Of course, he kept this fear to himself, but he often watched it from his bedroom window when Akiteru was out. He’d press his face against the glass and pray for the flowers to come so that it didn’t get left behind. Sure enough though, it would bloom without fail and leave scattered pink petals across his yard and doorstep. Kei wonders if this tree in front of him will do the same. 

“Thinking about changing your major to plant sciences, Kei?” 

He jumps, started by your voice and your proximity. 

“Jesus,” Kei turns, “you need a bell or something.” 

“You’re the one standing in public staring at a tree with no flowers on it,” you laugh a little. 

Kei shrugs his shoulders, not really willing to give an explanation for the train of thought he was just on. 

“Where’re you headed?” he questions. 

“Dropping off an assignment,” you smile lightly, “wanna come with me?” 

“I can’t. I’ve got a class in 15.” 

“Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes,” you shrug. “We’ll make it.” 

“We?” Kei raises an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, you come with me to drop off my paper and then I drop you off at class. It’s a win-win.” 

“Sounds like I’m just doing a lot of extra walking,” Kei snorts. 

“Yeah, but you get to do it with me so it’ll be more fun.” 

Kei folds and goes with you to drop off your assignment. It’s an essay assigned by an old-fashioned professor who doesn’t like electronic submissions. You comment off-handedly on what a waste of paper it is and Kei nods, just happy to hear about it. 

It’s strange. Kei is normally very tied to his routine. It keeps him sane, helps him to organize his thoughts and feelings into neat compartments. For Kei, an orderly life is an orderly mind. Somehow though, you ask him to deviate from that and he’s more than willing, eager even, to oblige you. Better yet, he does it without feeling off-kilter. Well, without feeling as off-kilter about his daily life. When it comes to you, Kei is about as stable as a pogo stick. 

The walk to your professor's office is only a few minutes from his classroom, just a few buildings over, but by the time you both arrive there, Kei’s palms are sweating. He resorts to shoving them in his pockets and wiping them on the inside of his pants, mortified at the idea of accidentally touching you like this. 

“Hey, about tonight,” you start after dropping the paper off with a quick bow. 

You’re supposed to come over. It’s the first time you and Kei have agreed to hang out at one of your places alone and Kei has been compartmentalizing his nerves so harshly that he’d almost forgotten about it entirely. Maybe that explains his easy-going mood. 

“Yeah?” 

“So, Tadashi may have mentioned it in front of the others,” you give him a sheepish grin, “and they may have asked to come and I definitely told them ‘the more the merrier’.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Kei’s a little disappointed. “So they’re coming too?” 

“Yeah, is that okay?” You furrow your eyebrows. 

Kei can’t very well come out and say that it isn’t, because his reason for thinking that is entirely about monopolizing your time. Kei says he doesn’t want to do anything about these feelings, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t indulge just a little into the foreign feeling of accepting that he’s ‘in like’. 

“Yeah sure, why wouldn’t it be?” 

You raise an eyebrow at him and Kei misses the message entirely. 

“I dunno, you’re not really a fan of bigger groups right?” 

“Not really,” Kei shrugs, “but I’ve known them for a while so it doesn’t count.” 

You nod your head and then smile. “Great! Now, where is your class?” 

“Social Sciences,” Kei glances down at the brown watch on his wrist. “In about… four minutes.” 

“Wanna run? Can’t be late, can you?” 

Kei does not want to run. He runs anyway. You’re faster than he is and your step is louder. The soles of your shoes thump on the floor with every step you take and your whole body lurches forward with each bound. When you reach the end of the hallway his class is in, Kei is completely winded. Considering that he plays volleyball as a hobby, he should really be in better shape. He attributes his lack of breath to your presence. Maybe he’d been holding it while watching you run. 

You glance into his full classroom, giving him a relieved look upon seeing that the professor has not begun her lecture yet. Then, you bounce twice on the tips of your toes and start jogging in the other direction. 

“Have a good class!” You call. 

“What’s the rush?” he questions. 

“I’ve got class now too, dummy. Just wanted to hang out with you for a few more minutes.” Then, you turn and run off, your bag bouncing against the side of your leg as you round a corner and fly down a set of stairs. 

That’s the thing about you that Kei can’t get enough of. When Kei takes a step back, when he resigns himself to being okay with just a chance meeting and a brief hello, you take a step forward. Whatever Kei lacks, you make up for tenfold. Your outstretched hand makes him greedier. It makes Kei want more than he’s ever wanted before. He goes to class starved for something that isn’t food, a feeling Kei hasn’t experienced often, let alone leaned into. He lets himself feel the hunger. 

—

Day melts away to a cool evening, still slightly wet, but like the dampness before rain. The air loses its warm touch, creeping into something chillier. Kei opens his bedroom window to let the air in. He likes the smell of cool nights. He wants his room to smell like it when he sleeps tonight. 

“Sorry that I spilled the beans about tonight,” Tadashi leans in the doorway of his room. 

“It’s not like that,” Kei rolls his eyes, already irritated with the implication that whatever you and Kei had organized was anything more than two friends hanging out. 

“Sure it isn’t,” he laughs. 

“I’m serious dude,” Kei fights the urge to throw something soft at him. 

“You wanted to hang out with them alone, right?” Tadashi tilts his head. His dark hair falls to the side and around his neck. 

“I just said it wasn’t like that!” 

Tadashi gives an even laugh. “You’re the one making it dirty, Tsukki, not me.” 

Heat floods Kei’s face, painting it red. 

“Caught ya,” Tadashi smiles. 

“When the hell are you moving out?” Kei grumbles and Tadashi gives another good natured laugh. 

“Not until you do. You’re stuck with me.” 

“Not if I kill you,” Kei doesn’t smile when he says this. 

Tadashi barks a laugh. “So what changed?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean with you. You seem a little more upbeat lately,” Tadashi says. “Nothing like the sad sack from a few months ago.” 

“I was kidding before but now I’m serious. I really will kill you.” 

Tadashi shakes his head a little but doesn’t say anything, intruding on Kei’s space until he gives an answer. 

“I just got tired of it, that’s all,” Kei says evenly, though it’s a little hard to admit. 

“Tired of what?” 

“Pretending,” he says plainly, glancing up at Tadashi in the doorway. 

“Because of them?” 

“No,” he starts. “Maybe. I don’t know. Can you leave now?” 

Tadashi shakes his head. “Too curious to leave.” 

“I don’t have an answer for you,” Kei grumbles. “I got tired of pretending I didn’t want them.” 

“Not like you were very good at pretending,” Tadashi laughs and Kei tosses him a sharp look. 

He raises his hands defensively, tucking his chin downwards and laughing lightly. “Okay, fine. I’m gone now.” 

“They’ll be here in an hour or so, by the way,” Kei adds and Tadashi gives a little hum to confirm that he’s heard him as he leaves the room. 

Kei glances around his room. The floor is bare, save for a small mat by the side of his bed to keep the shock of warm feet on a cold floor in the morning away. That notebook, dear to him as it is, still sits on the desk. It’s empty, but Kei likes the look of it. 

The hour before you and his friends are meant to arrive goes by so slowly that Kei worries that he’s gotten the day wrong. He incessantly checks his watch. It’s a brown leather watch with a square face. Thin and somewhat old fashioned, Kei prefers it to pulling his phone out to check the time. His Dad has one like it, almost matching. It had been given to him as a gift at his high school graduation and Kei had accepted it begrudgingly. He’d not been on good terms with his parents then and having them both in the same space for his graduation day was more trouble than it was worth. Still, he wears the watch almost daily. Despite having the impression that his parents never really cared about him, it was a fine gift for him and the brown strap suits his light skin tone in the same way it suits his father’s. 

He walks to the mirror in his room, hanging on the wall beside his nightstand, and peers into it. Kei’s curly hair is somewhat unruly. It’s hard to manage, especially in the warmer months when his waves turn into frizzy curls that he can’t seem to keep down. It’s gotten longer, coming down to just above the bottom of his ears at the back and curls upwards in licks of thick blond. 

Kei fiddles with it for a moment, tucking it behind his ears and then deciding to pull it forward. He could put gel in it to help calm it down, but he hates the greasy look of it and he’s never been one to primp and preen. He adjusts his glasses on his nose, square frames in a tortoiseshell pattern. They look expensive, though they’re only a cheap pair that he’d found at the drug store and had the lenses replaced. 

He looks normal. Kei looks like himself, if not a bit flushed in the face from his nerves. His reflection is one he is oddly unfamiliar with, despite it being his throughout his entire life. At some point during high school, he’d stopped recognizing the man in the mirror as Kei and started viewing him as a separate entity. Kei Two, a version of him that can make a home out of a space and find things to write in his notebook. Kei Two’s family is still whole and unbroken, and he likes to imagine that he’s a little more friendly than the real-world version. He looks away from the mirror, content today with being the original. 

Kei is in the living room and around the corner when the front door latch clicks open and is followed by a symphony of raucous voices. He takes a sharp inhale, unsure of why this feels so different from the hundreds of other times you’ve all piled into his living room. 

“Where’s Kei?” He hears you call, dragging out the syllable of his name in a soft hum. 

That’s why. It’s because this time, you’ve come here to see him specifically. You’re not here to see Tadashi or by chance, you’re here because you’d made plans to see Kei. That’s what makes it different. 

You round the corner and Kei is hit full force in the chest with his emotions and his nerves. It happens all at once, keeping the air from his lungs. You’re smiling, beaming even, and Kei thinks that maybe it’s because you can hear the hammer of his heart against his chest. 

“Hi,” you breathe, plopping down next to him on the couch. 

“Hey,” he chokes out. 

Kei chides himself for his nerves. He’d been doing better about getting weird around you, but today he feels closer to blowing up than he ever has. 

Hinata, Kageyama, Yachi, and Noya make their way into the kitchen, each one clapping Tadashi on the back as they do. They beeline for their fridge, opening the door and flooding the floor with artificial white light as they pull out enough beers and sodas to supply a small army. Kei wonders why he and Tadashi ever bought so many of them. Kei hardly drinks, but he supposes that Tadashi just likes to host. 

“Tanaka and Kiyoko?” Tadashi questions as he makes his way into the living room with the group. His beer cracks open with a satisfying pop. 

“Date night,” Noya says, sinking into one of the arm chairs situated around the coffee table. “So annoying.”

He groans about Kiyoko, someone he’s all but worshiped since high school. 

“You’re just mad it isn’t you,” Kageyama quips, giving a somewhat mean grin. 

“Not true,” Noya argues. “I am the happiest person in the world for them! But now they go on dates and I can’t come. It’s like I lost a bro.” 

“You’re so overreacting,” Yachi adds, her lips forming around high pitched syllables. “They’re here most of the time.” 

“Yeah, most but not all,” Noya pouts. 

“Give the same energy to Daichi, Suga, and Asahi next time, kay?” Tadashi laughs. 

Their friend group is a large one, consisting of most (if not all) of their highschool volleyball team. While Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi are the same age as Kei and Tadashi, Tanaka and Noya are a year older, and Kiyoko is two. Daichi, Asahi, and Suga all went to universities outside of Sendai, meaning they hardly ever see them. All in all, the rest of the group is pretty bummed about it. Kei just finds that he misses having Daichi around to reel everyone in. Now that he’s gone, that job has somehow gone to Tadashi, who is more of an enabler than anything else. 

“They’re different and you know it,” Noya frowns, opening his open beer with a hiss through his teeth. 

You lean to the side, bumping your shoulder against Kei’s. 

“Who’re Daichi, Suga, and Asahi?” You ask softly. 

“You’ve never met?” Kei furrows his eyebrows and you shrug. 

“Maybe, but if I have it was only once or twice.” 

“They’re friends from our volleyball team in highschool, but they’re two years older.” 

“Okay, so one year older than me?” 

Kei blinks a few times. “You’re a year older than me?” 

“Yeah?” You laugh a little like it’s obvious. 

“But aren’t you a fourth year?” He furrows his eyebrows. 

“I took a year off before starting college,” you shrug your shoulders. “Thought that I had to get my sillies out.” 

“Your sillies?” Kei laughs a little. 

“Yeah,” you smile, “and I had to save up some money. It makes the world go ‘round, you know?” 

“What are you guys whispering about?” Tadashi gives Kei a wry grin over the top of his beer can. 

It’s only then that Kei realizes the way you both are leaning into each other. He’s tilting his head down to hear you better and you’re leaning forward. It gives off the impression of two people conspiring, of closeness that Kei hadn’t even realized had crept up on him. 

“I was asking who Daichi, Suga, and Asahi are,” you shrug off the moment, leaning back in the chair. 

This prompts a chorus of disbelief, everyone jumping in to describe them to you. Kei takes it as a moment to breathe, inhaling and exhaling. He can feel your thigh against his, just barely there and bleeding warmth through the fabric of his jeans. 

They delve into stories about nationals, little details that Kei had forgotten a long time ago. Every now and then, someone will bring up Kei’s more-than-sour personality and he will feel the need to hide the embarrassment on his cheeks. Even though you know about it, it’s still mortifying for Kei to hear. He wants you to see the best in him, but any hopes he had of you forgetting are quickly washed away as someone brings up Kei’s relentless prodding of Kageyama’s easily pushed buttons. 

You laugh along with them like you were there, amused to hear stories about your college friends in their high school years. Kei finds himself thinking that you fit very well into this scene. 

Still though, despite the fun he’s having, Kei’s battery begins to run out quickly and after a long game of cards, he gets up to take a quick break in the kitchen. It’s not that he wants the night to end, but rather that he just needs a minute to himself and uses the idea of more snacks as an excuse for it. 

He reaches into a cabinet, pulling out a half-finished bag of chips and setting them on the counter. They’re clipped with a bright red chip-clip from the grocery store and Kei thinks that because of that, they shouldn’t have gone stale yet. If it were the peak of summer, Kei might think twice, but this time of year, they should be fine.

Then, he bends down to get a large white mixing bowl from a lower cabinet. Their plates and bowls are kept in various different cabinets, though the only reason they stay somewhat organized is because of Kei. 

“Done already?” You lean your hip against the counter. 

“With what?” Kei struggles to keep his eyes from following the line of your body. 

“Hanging out,” you smile lightly. 

“Not really,” he says. “Just needed a minute and decided to get more snacks.” 

“Wanna go sit outside for a bit then?” 

Kei glances into the living room where the group chatters away. He’d hate to be stopped on the way. 

“Relax,” you laugh. “They’re so caught up they won’t even notice that we’re gone.” 

Kei furrows his eyebrows and then shrugs, swallowing his heart down with the spit that has pooled in his mouth. He follows you out of the front door, shutting it with a quiet click and heading down the steps of the complex and to the concrete wall lining the shrubbery outside. It’s the same place you’d come back to talk to him at all those weeks ago, though he is in considerably better spirits than he was then. 

It’s a cool night, the gentle heat of the day completely burned off to make way for a crisp breeze. He inhales, wishing that he had brought a drink to fiddle with and sip on to distract him from his nerves. 

You sit beside him, leaning back on your palms with your legs outstretched in front of you. Your hand is only a few inches from his and Kei sucks in a breath when he accidentally touches it while he gets comfortable. You only offer him a little smile in response. 

“Sorry again about bringing the troops here,” you speak first. 

“That’s really okay,” he says. “Contrary to popular belief, I actually really like them.” 

You snort. “I hope so.” 

Kei inhales louder than he intends to and when you look at him like he’s going to say something, he just holds his breath and shakes his head. The air only leaves him when you finally look away. 

“Kind of a bummer though,” you start, “I was kinda excited about just hanging out with you.” 

Kei’s breath catches in his throat. He swallows to move the metaphorical blockage. 

“We hang out all the time though,” he says like it’s enough. Of course it’s not enough. 

“Guess so,” you smile a little, though Kei can hear the distinct turn of disappointment in your voice. 

“You know,” he starts, already embarrassed at what he’s going to admit. “I wanted to be your friend for a while.” 

“Oh yeah?” you smile, opening up again and turning towards him. “Why?” 

Kei shrugs, resisting the urge to shut down completely. It’s embarrassing admitting to someone that you wanted to know them before you actually knew them. 

“You kind of reminded me of Tadashi,” he says. “And you both got along so well.” 

“Tadashi? I’m nothing like Tadashi,” you laugh, shaking your head. 

“What? No, you two are so similar,” Kei insists, lacing his fingers together. 

“What about us is so similar?” 

“Well, you’re both sociable and warm and…” Kei trails off. He can’t really think of anything else. You look at him with an expectant look in your eyes. 

“See?” 

Kei realizes that the two of you are not similar at all. Your warmth is where the similarity stops. He’d been likening you to Tadashi this entire time, not because the two of you are similar, but because you make him feel similar to the way Tadashi does. Safe and comfortable, though with the added addition of deeply awkward. He realizes that without the safety net of you being like Tadashi, he’s never had any ability to deny his feelings and with that they rage full force around the corner and slam into his chest like a heavy blow. 

“We’re nothing like each other,” you laugh and lean back against your palms. “Though, it would be cool to be like Tadashi.” 

Kei experiences the sudden realization that he doesn’t want you to be like Tadashi. Kei wants you to be like him. He wants you to be greedy and want him the same way he wants you. He wants you to be able to keep up with his turns and his moods, something he didn’t realize he wanted in the first place. If you’re like Kei, then Kei doesn’t have to be afraid of showing you the worst. You’ll have already seen it. If you’re like Kei and he loves you, then what is stopping you from loving him? 

“Even if you’re not like Tadashi, that’s fine.” His cheeks burn. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I like you all the same,” he admits quietly. 

“The same? As Tadashi?” You purse your lips a little. “I thought I was a little different. Was I wrong?” 

Kei wants to kiss you. Kei wants to kiss you so badly that his mouth has gone dry and his lips feel like they’ve separated from his body. Anything he’d thought about not wanting anything with you flies out of the window with your proximity. You’re so close to him. Close enough that if he leaned a little to the right, his shoulder would be against yours. You’re so close and you’re looking at him like you’re waiting for something, implying that somehow you’re different from Tadashi. Implying that you want him to like you differently than the way he likes his platonic friend. 

“No, you’re different,” he says, taking the bait you’ve laid in front of him. His heart pounds and he can’t look at you. He thinks he’ll kiss you if he does. 

“Am I?” 

Kei can hear the smile in your voice. It makes what you’re saying sound honeyed and curved. 

“Yeah, you are.”

“How so?” 

Kei finally raises his head to look at you. You’re grinning, leaning towards him like you’re watching a show. He feels the way his nerves rise into his throat, pressing against the very back of his tongue. He doesn’t know how to answer or what to say. Well, he does know what to say, he just doesn’t think he can. Kei is good at thinking about emotions, but when it comes time to speak them outloud, it seems that he’s still got a padlock around his throat. So he does what any logical person would do. 

Kei leans forward, pushing against his screaming nerves and trying to ignore the tremble in his hands, and kisses you. It’s awkward and his teeth click against yours before his lips fully settle against your mouth. He feels the breath you draw in, like surprise and relief mixed together, and he finds that he does the same. 

He can see the way your eyes flutter closed through his barely open ones and he realizes that your lips are so warm. He screws his eyes shut when you dip your head forward to move your lips against his. Yours are so warm and soft, like satin. A kiss has never felt like this to Kei before and he finds that he wants to catalog every single one of your reactions. Maybe that’s what he could write in the notebook. Maybe he could write down every single thing that you do that leaves him winded and wanting more. 

Neither of you reach for the other, but he can feel the knuckle of your pinky against his as you slowly kiss each other, tilting your heads side to side. There’s hunger within him, the need to take more than what he’s receiving and a greed he isn’t quite familiar with, but there’s also romance. It’s like a spell that’s yet to be broken, fed by the click of your mouths as they move together. Kei sighs, flooded with the relief of this kind of physical affection, of being honest with himself at how much he likes it. Kei loves the feel of your mouth. He loves the way your lips and tongue feel and he loves that they’re all that he can feel right now. 

The kiss lasts longer than Kei thought it would and by the time he pulls away, you’re both steadily panting and attempting to keep your breathing even. He wants to do it again. He wants it so badly that it makes his chest swell. He wants to do that with you forever, but he swallows down the desire. It’s a temporary fix, but it’s enough for him to choke out what it is he wants to say next. 

“I think I’m in really hot water,” he squeaks. 

“What do you mean?” You breathe out, the playfulness from a few moments earlier long behind you. 

“I think I want you way more than I thought I did,” he admits quietly, the first out loud admittance of his feelings to you. 

You smile a little before speaking. “I think it’s only hot water if the other person doesn’t feel the same way.” 

Your face is still so close to his. “Yeah?” 

It comes out a bit desperate, like he needs reassurance. Kei does. He’s so afraid that he thinks he could die. Afraid of the spell breaking, afraid of losing whatever moment this is and being forced to return to his one-sided pining, afraid that you don’t feel the same way.

Your face moves closer to him, breath trembling lightly. “Yeah.” 

You kiss him again, pressing your lips against his lightly before parting them. He’s so overwhelmed and so immediately lost in it. Kei feels the way your tongue teases the inside of his mouth and it makes him feel like a teenager again, swelling with desires and emotions that he can’t name. You move your hand over his, placing it lightly on top of his, and he reacts by lacing your fingers together and pushing forward more. 

Kei wants to touch you so badly, to reach up and hold your face, to touch your waist and your legs and your chest. He wants to do it all, to feel you right here under the cover of night, but he doesn’t. Instead, he kisses you and stews in the desire, letting it swell in his chest as he listens to the clicking of your mouths. You kiss him so slowly, moving your mouth at a languid pace. It drives him crazy. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough of this.

“We should go back inside, I think,” you break away, your bottom lip shiny with a sheen of spit. “The others might think something’s up and Tanaka isn’t exactly good with discretion.”

Kei automatically reaches up to swipe it with his thumb. He doesn’t know where this affection comes from, where the possessive action found its origins, but he finds that he likes the way it feels to be able to do it in the first place. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Kei responds, though he would have been happy to continue sitting out here with you, kissing you silly. 

You stand first, dusting off the back of your legs and waiting for Kei to follow suit. When he does, you reach quickly for his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before walking in front of him. 

Kei is not sure how he should act when he goes inside. He’s tense all over, desperate to pick up where the two of you left off, and unsure if his face betrays that thought. 

“Where’d you guys go?” Tadashi asks as Kei closes the door behind him. 

In the time you’d both been gone, the living room has been transformed into something nearly unrecognizable. Empty beer cans are strewn about the tables and the blankets and pillows from the couches are now haphazardly laying around beside the couch or over people’s bodies. Then again, maybe the room always looked like this and he was just too busy thinking about how close you were to him. 

Kei doesn’t know what to say. Why had they gone outside in the first place? He’s not even sure that he remembers. 

“I wanted a cigarette and I made Kei come with me,” you answer evenly. “Why? You jealous?” 

“Of inhaling second-hand smoke? No, thanks.” Tadashi laughs, but he tosses Kei a sideways glance. Tadashi knows him well enough to know that Kei wouldn’t voluntarily stand outside with a smoker unless he was particularly fond of them. 

“Aw, man, I thought you quit?” Hinata pipes up, tilting his head. 

“I did, hot stuff,” you respond, sitting down on the couch. “Don’t worry. I won’t smoke anymore.” 

Hinata huffs and Kei takes the opportunity to sit down next to you. 

His thigh is pressed against yours, warmth seeping through his pants and into his skin. Kei feels like he could explode. You’re so close to him again, closer than before, and he can’t stop replaying the kiss in his head. He’s desperate for it, fidgety with his desire. He keeps thinking about the hot press of your mouth and the languid motion of your tongue. All he can imagine is the few points of contact between you both, mouth and hands, and how badly he wanted it to be more. He needs it. 

You touch him a few times throughout the night and the tension is so palpable that Kei is convinced he can see it. It’s like there is a rope pulled taut between the two of you. If he doesn’t stick his ground, he’ll go flying towards you, grabbing and touching and taking in the way he’s desperate to now. 

After an hour, his friends begin to grow restless. Their faces are flushed with alcohol and the things they’d been amusing themselves with are no longer enough stimulation. 

“Hey, we’re going out to the bars. Who’s coming?” Hinata speaks up. 

A chorus of agreement rings out, but the last thing Kei wants to do is go out.

“I think I’ll probably stay back and start cleaning,” he says somewhat disdainfully. “It’s a mess in here,” Kei tosses you a small glance. It’s unintentional but he’s glad for it because Kei is hoping that you’ll stay back with him, that you both can pick up where you left off. 

“I’ll stay and help too. I’ve got an early morning tomorrow anyway,” you smile and Hinata pouts. 

“You guys are so boring,” he protests. “Leave the mess for tomorrow and come out with us.” 

“I’ll pass, pipsqueak,” Kei scoffs. 

“Fine, but don’t complain to me when you’re full of regret tomorrow,” he points a finger at Kei and then moves it over to you. “And you’re too nice for your own good.” 

“Do you hear that?” You say, beginning to usher the group to the door. “I think it’s the sound of the bar and all that alcohol calling to you guys.” 

“You guys are so full of shit-” Kageyama starts, speaking up for the first time in a while, but Kei just waves him out. 

“Yeah yeah, let the grown ups clean while you guys have fun. We’ll see you tomorrow.” 

The rope is so taut between you both that it’s unbearable and by the time the door closes, you are spinning around on your heel toward Kei. 

“We’re not cleaning, right?” 

Kei shakes his head and starts towards you. The tension breaks when his hands find your hips and he hungrily leans down to press his mouth against yours. 

This kiss is different from the first, desperate and full of desire. It’s fast and your mouths move together quickly as he starts to walk you back towards his bedroom, his hands eagerly roaming up and down your hips. Vaguely, he acknowledges that his glasses have been moved out of place, but he pays it no mind as you turn the knob to his bedroom door with your back to it. 

There’s an urgency to his movements. Kei feels it in his chest, this desperate desire to be closer, to consume everything that you’ve laid out in the palm of his hand. You stumble backwards into his room and Kei catches your shifted weight with a hand around your waist. His other hand comes up to cup your cheek, feeling the warm skin on your jaw and neck. His fingers tremble where they touch you, half out of desperate need and half out of the nerves that threaten to spill from his mouth. His lips though, are occupied with yours, clicking together, all tongue and teeth. 

Kei kisses sloppily down your jaw, his lips smearing across your cheek and dipping down below your ear. He sucks a trail there, unsure if he’s leaving marks, all the way down to your collarbone. Every part of you tastes better than he’d expected it to and with every push he delivers, you pull. 

You make small sounds, little pants and groans that make Kei’s hair stand on end with wanting. Your voice, so familiar and fond to him, spills out in small, breath-like bursts that make Kei want to coax more out of you. Kei’s never been one to want this way, but right now, it’s all that he feels. So much tension and impulse that he feels like he can hardly control himself. 

You reach blindly behind you for the bed and Kei guides you down, placing his hand on one side of you as you sit. Then, without disconnecting your lips, he guides you up toward the wall. 

He feels the cool tips of your fingers at the hem of his shirt, pulling downward and then upward to get him to take it off. Kei obliges you, leaning back on his knees and pulling it off over the top of his head. You eye him for a moment, the two of you slowing down enough as the urgency settles into something heavy and lingering. 

Kei leans forward again, one of his hands reaching for your hip. He slips his fingers underneath the hem of your shirt, sliding his long fingers up your stomach as he kisses you again. You’re so soft and he can feel the way your chest heaves against his palm. His touch is feather light and he slides it up evenly until it reaches just below your breast. When you nod, Kei moves it up over your bra and he feels you shudder. Kei does the same, overwhelmed by your pliability. 

He can feel the goosebumps that have raised on your skin, little pinpricks of skin that indicate that some part of you feels good. When Kei squeezes your breast, you gasp into his moan and he groans his response, letting you bite at his bottom lip. 

He feels you suck at his lips and swipe your tongue along the ridge of his mouth. When he opens it to let you in, he’s overtaken by the warmth of the soft muscle. He groans, tilting his head down to kiss you deeper, letting the taste of you spread over his mouth. It’s hot and your breath fans across his face. 

Kei hands drift from your breasts along the sides of your body. He feels the heave of your breath there against your warm skin, his palms resting on your waist. You raise your knees, the sides of them pressing against Kei’s hips. He shifts downwards slowly, dragging his mouth along your skin, past the cloth of your shirt. 

His hands make their way from your waist to your hips as he dips lower. Kei takes off his glasses, already fogged up and in the way. When he meets your eyes, you nod your permission and Kei slips between your legs, his flat palms moving to spread your thighs. 

You’re so warm and soft, so pliable in a way that Kei can’t articulate. It makes his mouth water with his desperation and he’s grown hard against the bedspread beneath him. 

“Touch me,” you breathe out. 

Kei nods into your stomach, looping his fingers around our waistband, and pulls down your pants. Your panties come with it and it’s with a slight wave of regret that he realizes he won’t get to see the way you stick to them. 

When he sees you, his heart leaps into his throat. His eagerness and his nerves catch up to him and he lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. You shudder when the air hits your exposed cunt, an unintentional side effect of Kei’s nerves that has him grinding down against the bedspread. 

He slides his palm to rest over your center. It’s warm and sticky, wet beyond what Kei had imagined and he gingerly presses a finger between your folds. You gasp, mouth falling open above him. Then, he slides his finger into you to the first knuckle, curling up. Kei goes deeper on the second pump, curling his whole finger inside of you and feeling the way you tighten around him. 

You arch your back up off the bed and Kei groans and rolls his eyes, resting his head on the inside of your exposed thigh. He curls his fingers in you, watching the way they coat with your pleasure. His eyebrows are knit together, like he’s asking whether you like how he touches you or not, and you seem to pick up on his insecurity, nodding your head before letting it tip back against Kei’s pillows. 

Kei thinks your expression is incredible. Your eyebrows pull up in the center, pretty face twisted and mouth slightly open in an expression of undeniable pleasure. Kei’s stomach winds at the look of it and he ruts his hips against the mattress to quell the growing ache of need. His fingers, which curl at a slow and even pace inside of you, are warm with your enjoyment. It leaks between his knuckles, sliding down the back of his hand like a slow moving syrup. He wonders whether you have more to give and how you taste, his gaze slinking from your face to the place just above where his fingers disappear. 

He lowers his mouth to you without thinking, curious and needing the taste of it. Sure enough, you have more to give. Your voice comes quickly, a small gasp that is stifled by the back of your hand when he sucks sharply on your clit. Your hips push forward against his hands and then you arch up off the mattress with a small cry. Kei wonders if you’ve cum. He wonders if he’s sent you over the edge, but if he has, you’re taking all of it so well that he doesn’t dare stop. 

The taste of you spreads on his tongue, tangy and warm. You invade his senses violently, like you are gripping his throat. Kei holds his mouth to you, pressing the length of his cock into the mattress and moving his hips like he plans to fuck it. 

He moves his free hand down your thigh and onto the inside of your leg. Your skin is so soft. It’s so vulnerable, something easily pierced and bled. Kei’s pointer finger rubs gentle circles there, feeling the slight pull of the soft skin with his fingers, so thin that it almost feels like tissue paper. He’s sure that with a little pressure, you would bruise. 

The thought surprises him. He works his tongue across your clit and his fingers against that gummy spot inside of you, but his mind drifts to the softness of your inner thigh, the way it would be so easy to leave a spot that might hurt later when you press on it, remind you of exactly where he was. Then, Kei pinches you on the inside of your thigh and when you cry out, tightening around his fingers with a tapered moan, he pinches you again, harder this time. 

You whimper slightly, like you like it. No, you sound like you love it and Kei finds himself holding back a choked moan as he tries not to cum prematurely. He pinches along the inside of your legs and around the back. Not too much. Only when he feels like it. Only when he wants to hear what kind of sounds you’ll make. 

“K-Kei wait, wait,” you pant, grabbing him by his tufts of blonde hair. It hurts. He doesn’t think you mean to hurt him, but it doesn’t matter. He likes it and he twitches in his pants. 

“Huh?” He hums, detaching from your clit and slowing the movement of his fingers to a halt. Your legs shake around his handiwork. “You okay?” 

“I’ll cum if you keep going like that,” you breathe, screwing your eyes shut like you’re still on the edge. “Drag it out for me, yeah?” 

Kei furrows his eyebrows and sucks in a sharp breath.

“Cum if you want to.” He tilts his head down to reattach his lips. 

“Not yet,” you tug at his hair. “I like chasing it.” 

Kei stares at you, unblinking and awestruck. Your chest heaves and despite the pleasure on your face, you look uncomfortable as your orgasm slips away from you. Kei likes that look on your face and he finds himself growing greedy. 

“Come here,” you coax him onto the mattress. 

Kei watches as you slip your hands into the waistband of his jeans and pull them down, leaving him on his back with his tented boxers exposed. You crawl down his body and settle between his legs with your arms between his thighs. He shudders when you run your hands up them and he briefly sees his boxers jump. 

You smile, pressing your mouth to him through his boxers. Kei can’t stifle the groan that escapes him and heat floods his face when you raise your eyebrows in response. 

“You don’t have to,” he says through gritted teeth as you slip the waistband of his boxers down. 

“But I want to,” you mumble, taking him in your hand and placing a kiss on the side of his dick. 

Kei’s head falls back against the pillow and he swears under his breath when he feels the warmth of your mouth close around the tip of him. He jerks his head up to see, awestruck by the way your lips look around the head of his cock. 

For some reason, Kei is already so sensitive. He feels everything, and when you swipe the tip of your tongue along his slit as you bob your head, he makes a noise he didn’t think he could make. His fingers knot themselves in the bed sheets, white knuckled and trembling while you bob your head over him. 

Your mouth is so warm and wet. It’s a little messy, dripping down the length of him and onto his balls. Kei feels the warmth, the heat of you. He can still taste you on his tongue. Kei can still feel the stickiness left behind from your arousal on his mouth. The combination of you between his legs and the taste of you on his tongue is overwhelming. 

Kei can feel his orgasm growing in his lower stomach, turning over until he’s bringing his long fingers to your head in an effort to steady himself. There’s nothing he can do but give in, watching you through damp eyes as you watch his expression. 

It’s embarrassing how quickly he cums. It doesn’t take long and he teeters on the edge for a few moments before fully cresting over. Kei can’t help the way he lifts his hips from the mattress, his voice caught in his throat as it hooks on a high pitched groan. His voice cracks and he feels the way his cum collects on your tongue and across the tip of his dick in your mouth. 

“Fuck,” he mutters, red faced and panting, “I didn’t mean to- I didn’t mean to finish so quickly, you’re just-” 

“It’s fine,” you come up, your eyes glassed over and lust-filled. “I like making you feel good.” 

“Yeah but-” 

“No buts,” you crawl over him and straddle his waist. Kei winces when your weight briefly nudges his cock. “There’s still fun to be had. Can I kiss you?” 

He nods and you lean down to do as you’d asked. Your tongue moves slowly against his, less desperate this time, like you’re trying to work him down and back up again. You place your hands on his chest, settling your weight down so that your bare cunt is pressed against his sensitive cock. Kei thinks he might die. 

He brings his hands to your waist, the fatigue creeping from his bones as he digs the pads of his fingers into your fleshy sides. You draw in a breath when he does and it makes Kein feel like he’s tipping sideways with arousal. Everything that you do, right down to the involuntary twitch of your hips or eyebrows, is sexy. 

Kei turns you over, growing hard between your legs again, and gently pins you to the mattress. He kisses you for a moment longer, his lips working clumsily across yours before he pulls away to catch his breath and find his bearings. 

You chase him with your mouth, tilting your head up to kiss him. Kei feels his chest swell with arousal and his cock strains almost painfully against his pants as he peers at you. You’re so pretty. Everything about you is so pretty. On his chest, he can feel your fingers, splayed over his pecks, across his collarbone, and grazing the side of his neck. He leans closer, loving the pressure of your body and the desperation that pours from your skin. 

Kei kisses you again. He kisses you the way he wanted to outside, dipping his tongue into your mouth with a desperation that he can taste. You take control back, reaching between the two of you, and Kei shifts himself upward instinctually to give you access to him. He feels your fingers fumble for him and there’s a pause in which Kei doesn’t know what to do. He wonders if this might be the part of him that you like. The awkward part, the one that doesn’t know what to do. Kei’s thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of your hand wrapping around him and tugging upward. 

His head drops and a low groan escapes his lips before he can even think to stop it. Kei’d almost forgotten his sensitivity, how desperately he wants to be touched, how overwhelming it feels. He shivers, looking down at where your hand wraps around him and pumps. When he looks back up, he finds that you’re looking at his face, your eyes glassed over and observant as you commit all of his expressions to memory. 

“What?” he says, letting out a shuddering breath and the slight overstimulation. 

“Your face is red,” you reach up with your free hand to run your thumb along his cheek. 

Kei huffs, dropping his head and you fiddle with something between the two of you.

“No,” you pick his chin up. “I like it. It’s cute.” 

You tighten your grip around him and Kei feels his expression twist, a new rush of heat and desire flooding his belly as he realizes you’re sliding a condom onto him. Then, you guide the tip of him between your legs and he feels the wet press of your entrance against him. 

“Christ,” he groans. 

You smile slightly, shifting your hips a little and then placing your hands on his shoulders. Kei pushes forward slowly, his thighs twitching. It takes everything he has to keep from cumming again and every muscle in his body screams with a desire to let go. 

Kei is so overwhelmed, partially because you feel so good, but also because there is some part of him that knows this feels different. Kei feels different about you, about being intimate with you, than he has with anyone else. There’s something alive in him, something with its own mind. Something greedy and vulnerable that stirs when your face is this close to him, when he’s buried all the way in you to the base of his cock. Emotional and sensitive, Kei feels it kick. 

His first instinct is to run. Agreeing to let himself like you, to let himself do something about it, was not agreeing to letting something live inside of him. Kei’s first thought when he registers the difference is to cut it off and suffocate it so that it stops thumping against his chest. He’d grown so used to the hollow feeling that the feeling of living emotion makes him nervous, it puts him on edge. But when he pulls out a few inches and fucks back into you, the anxiety dispels into insurmountable pleasure. A pleasure Kei can’t describe, something fulfilling and whole. 

He picks up his pace, letting himself do what he wants while you grip his shoulders with blunted nails. He likes the expression you wear. Truthfully, he likes all of your expressions, but this one is new. Pressure and pleasure, a newness to the feel of him inside of you that you can’t quite keep from your eyes or lips. He kisses you as if he could taste it, slipping his tongue between your lips. 

“I really like you,” you mumble against his mouth, breath hot as it fans across his cheeks. 

Kei’s heart hammers and his hips stutter a little. 

“Me too,” he chokes, trying to think about volleyball to stave off a second orgasm. All that comes to mind though, is you. 

“Are you close again?” you breathe, voice laden with pleasure. 

“I have been since we started,” Kei admits. 

“Cum then,” you say softly, reaching behind his head to pull his mouth back to yours. Kei likes the control you exhibit. He groans his approval.

“You first,” he mutters.

There’s this possessive part of Kei that wants to watch you fall apart on him. He wants to see it, to watch you feel good too and commit it to memory so that he can always keep it. He thinks it’s a pride thing, something attached to his desire to succeed, to his reliability. Maybe though, it’s just because he thinks it’ll look hot. 

He reaches down and lifts one of your legs up by the back of your knee, pressing it down to give himself better access. You whine and Kei feels the way you clench down around him, your fingers knitting into the hair at the back of his neck. It hurts in a good way. 

Kei slips his hand between you, rubbing circles on your clit to get you there faster. Frankly, he doesn’t know how much longer he can last like this, staring down at your face while it twists with pleasure. You’re so attractive to him. Everything about you is sexy. It makes Kei a little crazy. 

He listens as your breathing quickens, as your voice wavers further. He feels the way your cunt begins to flutter faster, pulsing around him until you attempt to cry out and warn him. Then, you clamp down around him, arching your hips up off the mattress and pulling at his hair. Kei moves his head with you, relishing in the way you tug and scratch. 

He builds up to his orgasm so fast that it hurts. There’s pressure and then the mounting feeling of nearing the top, and then the peak and crash. He cums so hard that it hurts, pushing his cock as far as it will go into you and feeling the warm spill of his cum in the condom. He moans a long, drawn out sound that you mimic, his fingers knitting into the pillow behind you and his head dropping so that his lips sit near your neck.

He lets out a shaky breath, letting himself sit inside of you for a moment. You turn his head towards yours and kiss him. It’s gentle. A smooth and languid kiss that neither of you moves to deepen. Your lips move against each other and Kei closes his eyes to savor the taste. 

You tap his shoulder and Kei rolls over onto the bed beside you, snapping the condom off with a small wince and tying it up in a quick motion. He places it in the trash bin beside the bed. When he turns over, you’re already moving to slip under his arm, resting your head on his chest. 

There’s a passing moment of silence, not unlike the ones you both have fallen into before and you sigh lightly against his exposed chest. Kei follows suit, watching the way you move with his breath. 

His skin is sticky against yours and Kei can vaguely register the smell of sweat in the room. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since everyone left, nor does he know when they’ll be back, but he estimates that it won’t be more than an hour. Kei briefly wishes that he could pause time so that he can stay here with you, just like this. 

“I’m not good at this kind of stuff,” Kei admits quietly. 

“What stuff?” You ask, tracing your finger along the ridges of his lean abdomen. 

“Liking people,” he says. “Dating.” 

You give a small laugh. “No offense, Kei, but I could tell that from the moment I met you.” 

“Shit, seriously?” 

“Duh,” you breathe out. “It’s a little charming to me, though. I like that part of you.” 

So it’s true. You like the parts of Kei that he’s always worried were the worst of him. 

“Huh,” he says. “Could you tell?” 

“That you like me?” You ask, shifting your head to look at him. “Yeah, it was obvious after we established that you didn’t hate me. I always noticed you staring in the library.” 

“Really? I thought I was being a little slick with that,” Kei feels heat and color flood his face. 

You let out a good-natured laugh. “People can always tell when someone’s staring, Kei. It’s like a sixth sense.” 

“Good to know. Hindsight is 20/20 and all.” 

Another bout of silence follows. 

“You can keep staring though,” you say, “if you want to. And calling.”

“Okay,” Kei responds, “I didn’t really plan on stopping.” 

“Ha, freaky,” you laugh a little and Kei reaches up to flick the side of your head. “Wanna start going out?” 

Kei thinks about this for a moment. He thinks about being able to hold your hand, brush hair out of your face, watch movies on the couch and fix your breakfast the next morning. Then he thinks about not being able to do those things. 

“I think I’d be a little upset if we didn’t,” he admits. 

“Good,” you say. “Me too.” 

He’s fighting off sleep. His eyelids are heavy and he tries to blink away the shroud of rest that’s falling over him. Kei knows you’re fighting it too. Your breathing goes in and out of that familiar breathing that comes with sleep. Kei likes the way it sounds coming from you, restful and quiet. 

“We should… really get up to clean just a little,” he mumbles. 

“Five more minutes,” you say softly, your voice heavy and laden with drowsiness. 

“Okay,” he says. 

It’s just five more minutes. Kei fights sleep to hear you breathe like this a little longer. 

—

There’s a period after which Kei doesn’t know what to do with himself. Like the awkward start to a new hobby or passion, Kei finds himself enthralled with his budding relationship while simultaneously stumbling continuously along the way. You’re gracious with him though, letting him make mistakes and fumble until he finds his footing. 

It’s all very awkward for him, very new. He finds that it’s easier to just do the nice things he wants to do for you than to agonize over it and slowly, he begins to grow comfortable in the relationship that took you both so long to begin. 

At first, only Tadashi knew about you both. Kei thought that there was no point in hiding it from him, since you were over at the apartment all the time. Of course, Tadashi somehow already knew. That’s how it usually goes anyway, and Kei is relieved to find that his internal change did not trigger some global shift that would turn his life upside down. Everything is normal, save for the fact that Kei now tries to love without hindrance. 

Kei discovers that he’s possessive. That’s a new trait of his that he didn’t know belonged to him. Before you, before Kei had found something he so desperately wanted to keep, he’d been rather detached. Possessiveness was rare because Kei hardly ever got attached enough to want. Now though, he wants so badly that it hurts. You lean into it. Kei suspects that you like it when he wards off people who hit on you, when he pouts a little because he wants to be close to you, when he gets a little jealous. Kei doesn’t really mind it either. After all, despite his possessiveness, he never feels insecure. The both of you make sure of that. 

This sunny period with you, the one Kei worried would only last a week, drifts easily from one month into two and before he knows it, it’s been five. Kei had worried about that fundamental change. The one imperceivable to the human eye. He’d worried that slowly, it would begin to spoil what is so good between the two of you. 

“Kei,” you snap him out of it, placing a hand on his shoulder, “you okay?” 

He sets down his cup of tea, barely touched. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet?” You give him a wry smile. “This was your idea, after all.” 

“Yeah, well it was a pretty shit idea actually,” he breathes, “My parents aren’t exactly easy.” 

“You want to cancel?” You ask, your eyebrows pulling up in a clumsy attempt to hide your disappointment. Kei can see right through it.

“No,” he shakes his head. “I want you to meet them. I just don’t want you to meet them.” 

The truth of it is that Kei would like to cancel. In an ideal world, one where the sun rises on the opposite side of his bedroom window, he’d forget the whole thing and take you out to get dinner and see a movie. Things would be simpler that way, less uncomfortable for the both of you. But as uncomfortable as it is, Kei wants you to be a part of their lives too. You’re too important to not introduce to his parents and Kei can’t see it any other way, though he’d like to. 

You snort. “What does that even mean?” 

Kei gives you a pointed and somewhat irritated look. 

“Okay, sorry,” you raise your hands defensively and walk over to place them on his shoulders. “I know you’re worried, but I think it’s going to be okay. I’m excited.” 

Kei huffs out a laugh, unable to vocalize his nerves in their totality. “Excited to meet my dysfunctional, divorced parents that kind of hate each other?” 

“Yup. I’m excited to meet the people who raised you.” 

Kei smiles a little. “You should meet Akiteru, then,” It’s an exaggeration, but for some reason the prospect of seeing both of his parents together has him feeling a little more bitter than usual, even if it was his idea. 

You give him a little grin through narrowed eyes. There’s an understanding that passes from you to him, like you’re acknowledging that you haven’t forgotten what he’d told you nearly six months ago. Kei feels the tension in his shoulders relax a little. 

His parents are already at the restaurant when he arrives. It’s a swanky Italian place. The kind you go to on birthdays or for anniversaries, where the pasta dishes are things like lobster mushroom ravioli or truffle oil fettucini in tiny portions. Kei made sure to book somewhere that his parents would have trouble making a scene in, not that they ever had much of a mind for decorum when they were married. He’s surprised to find them chatting cordially when you both arrive. 

“Kei,” his mother stands from the table and crosses to give him a hug. He pats her back gently.

“Hi Mom,” Kei responds and she gives him a small smile. 

Kei’s dad adjusts the lapel of his suit, the same one he’s had for years, and reaches to give him a hug around one shoulder. 

“Guys,” he inhales, “This is my partner, _____.” 

You grin at Kei and then introduce yourself formally to his parents. Kei watches in awe as you blend right in, like you’ve known them for many years. He sits down while trying to keep the nerves from his face. 

“We’re so happy to meet you,” his mother starts, “Kei’s never introduced us to any of his partners before.” 

“I’m the first?” You smile a little, raising an eyebrow at Kei as if to tease him. 

“There really haven’t been that many to begin with,” Kei grumbles as if that somehow makes it better. 

You laugh again and the ball of conversation begins rolling. His mother tells you how pretty you are and his father nods a quieter approval. They talk about his university’s graduation ceremony, which they attended separately, as if they were together the entire time and then ask about your major, if you graduated with him, where you plan on going. You tell them what you want to do and that you want to go wherever Kei goes. He marvels at how smoothly the evening moves onward.

There are moments where the tension in his family becomes obvious. Little swells or comments that bring up a sour or shameful memory that cannot be ignored. Moments when the air thickens and it feels like the hammer is about to come down. It never does though. The tension, rather than snapping, simply fades away. 

He’d expected everything to blow up for some reason. Kei had expected that, like his childhood, the restaurant dishes would end up smashed on the floor. The glassware always ended up broken in the house, why shouldn’t they be broken here to shatter the illusion of things being good? He braces himself for a ball that never drops.

It takes him until the ride home, after a successful dinner, to realize that the dishes haven’t been smashed in years. Not since he was fourteen and his parents fought for custody. Not since his mother got remarried to her now husband almost 6 years ago and his father met his new wife. Kei wonders why he still feels like he lives in that house. The one his parents were at their worst in. Why can’t he feel like he lives in the apartment he rents with Tadashi? 

“I think that went well,” you say softly on the drive back. 

Kei nods his agreement. “I think so too.” 

You don’t bring up the fact that they didn’t fight, or that they spoke about their new kids with each other as if they were old friends. You don’t accuse Kei of being wrong, of being paranoid even though he most definitely was. 

“I’m glad that I got to meet them,” you say. “You look so much like your mom.” 

“Really?” Kei asks. 

“Yeah, you’ve got her eyes and her nose,” you smile a little. “It makes you two look similar.” 

“Huh,” he says. “I never really gave that much thought.” 

Kei turns the idea that he has his mother’s face over in his head. He’d spent so much time dreading that he was like them on the inside, that he never paused to consider the outside. So much of his life has been spent worrying that he’s just like them. That he breaks the plates and lashes out and acts cruelly even when he’s trying to love. But he has his mother’s eyes and for some reason that unsettles him. It’s like evidence. 

“You don’t really act like them though,” you say as if on cue. “You’re a little gentler.” 

“Me? Gentle?” Kei scoffs. 

“Yeah!” you say. “I mean, sure you’re prickly, but there’s a goodness to you that’s really obvious if you look.” 

Goodness. What a strange word to use to describe someone. Kei thinks that if there’s any goodness in him, if there’s anything that hasn’t been tainted by his parents’ sour personalities, it’s from Akiteru. Kei likes to believe that whatever good he got was from him. No matter how strained his relationship with him might be now, Kei is certain of that. 

“That’s a relief,” he admits in a flat tone. 

After a long pause, he speaks again. “Thanks.” 

“For what?” You laugh. 

“Bearing with me… and with them,” he says. “Couldn’t have been easy.” 

“It was easy,” you say. “Because I wanted to meet them. And I care about you.” 

Kei feels color rise to his cheeks. He turns to look in the sideview mirrors as he pulls the car into a parking spot in his apartment complex’s garage. 

“You say that stuff so easily,” he huffs. 

“What? That I care about you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I do,” you laugh a little.

Kei’s face grows hotter and he distracts himself by putting the car into park and taking the key out of the ignition. 

“Me too,” he says quietly, waiting for you to catch up so that he can take your hand in his. “Sorry that I don’t say it a lot.” 

“Not to be rude,” you say, “but even if you never said it at all, it would be obvious. You’re kind of a sucker.” 

Kei supposes that that’s true and he gives a small laugh before nudging your shoulder with his. The parking garage is humid and stuffy, but he holds your hand in it anyway. 

—

You’re half asleep in bed beside him and your breathing comes in even sweeps the way it does just before you fall asleep. Kei listens to it for a moment, admiring the sound of it and the way your chest feels expanding against his. 

He thinks about dinner, about how good it feels to have introduced you. How real it makes this relationship feel despite the uneasiness surrounding his familial situation. Kei thinks about his parents. He thinks about their inability to be good for each other. He thinks about the worst of them, something he’s familiar with, before thinking about the best of them. Kei imagines the way their faces looked at dinner, talking about the children they’re raising properly. They’re good people, they just made each other bad. Molecular shifts that changed them for the worst. The notebook theory in its most frightening form. But they were good too. 

Kei thinks about loving you. His reluctance to do so originally isn’t quite beyond him yet. He’s unsure, in fact, if he’ll ever really get past the fear of the fall, the fear of becoming what his parents made each other. But he also thinks about his promise to love you for real. Love is not something that Kei does. He knows now that it's something that happens to him, like it happened to his parents. They loved each other once, even if it made them so blind that they couldn’t see just how bad it made them. 

Kei still resents the fact that he was born to fix a marriage that never would have worked in the first place. He resents being a fix rather than a gift, but at the very least, his existence is proof that his parents cared enough about their family to try. Even if it was misguided, at least they tried even a little. 

In the quiet after of an emotionally charged evening, loving you seems like an easier task for him now. It’s not hard to love you. What’s hard, Kei thinks, is not hurting you. He carries a lot of baggage that, for a long while, felt like too much. Kei thinks he can manage if it’s for you. He’ll bear the brunt of it. He’ll put in the work. 

Yes, Kei is his parents’ son, but he’s also Tadashi’s friend, Akiteru’s brother, the person who loves you. He doesn’t live in the house with a bin full of shards and no glassware anymore. 

“Are you awake?” He whispers across the pillow. 

“Mhm,” you hum, pushing your cheek into his arm.

“Let’s move in together,” he says. 

You tense against him and slowly attempt to blink away sleep. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he responds. “I want to live with you.” 

“Okay then,” you smile a little. “Let’s do it.” 

—

In the fall, when his lease with Tadashi ends and his friend gives him a tearful, yet somewhat silly goodbye, Kei moves into your new shared apartment. Two small rooms in a modest part of town, a shared kitchen and living room, one bathroom, a mismatch of furniture from both of your old places, and an empty fridge. The first night is spent eating take out on the floor with you in front of a TV with no proper stand. Kei has never been happier. 

And in the morning, when the sun comes through the slats of his window, broken up into gentle dots by the orange-leaved trees outside, Kei rises slowly. He rises gently. Kei doesn’t want to wake you, not before he’s made breakfast. He pads out to the kitchen, where boxes are strewn about, half unpacked, and grabs the little brown notebook from the box it’s been temporarily living in. In it, he writes a grocery list full of the things you like. It’s a good enough reason, a good enough change. 

The notebook theory. 

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader smut #tsukishima kei x reader smut #hq x reader #tsukishima smut #tsukishima kei smut #tsukishima kei fic #[ 📕 – writing ] #she is finally finished i hope u enjoy and that u find it romantic and fulfilling #tw: overstimulation #i may add more warnings and such if i remember to #and pls lmk if i forgot any

[tsukkisloser]

nnnfphh just sendai frogs player tsukki fucking you in the locker room after vb practice, his blond hair wet and his body hot and glistening with sweat- his exhaustion from hours of hard work making his movements slower and messier. Already out of breath as the tip of his cock meets the entrance of your dripping cunt, needing to stop to catch his breath as he’s got you up on the counter- long cock rammed deep inside of you as his chest heaves. His worn out body turning his usual sharp mind into nothing but the overwhelming desire to rail his cock into you- expelling dazed groans every other second. His hand gripping your thigh so tight it leaves a mark in the shape of it as he wearily fills you with his cum, pushing your face into his neck with your nails digging helplessly into his back. In his sleepy state he presses his lips to yours, still coming down from both of your highs- his cock still inside of you as he messily sucks your lips.

#I need him inside of me #I need to be stuffed full of his cock #I need it. #why is he so nnnnffhhggggg #I need him to manhandle me #I just know he’s so fucking big #i am on my hands and knees #give me this man #hornee #tsukishima smut #haikyuu smut #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima x reader smut #haikyuu x reader smut

[a-kaash-me-outside]

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭

♡ sure, he has a girlfriend, but she just isn't you ♡ (aka how hq men would react to you asking them how their gf would feel about what you're doing rn)

♡ featuring: ᴀᴋᴀᴀsʜɪ, ᴀᴛsᴜᴍᴜ, ʙᴏᴋᴜᴛᴏ, ᴛsᴜᴋɪsʜɪᴍᴀ cheating, nsfw mdni, afab reader she/her pronouns, individual tags for each~

♡ i will write a part two to this if people want it (send me an ask with a name and i'll do it, really, i swear), and maybe even if they don't because i'm obsessed with this concept fr. ♡ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ♡

♡ the song that inspired this entire thing (xxx) ♡ wrote this same vibe w atsumu but its a whole fic (xxx)

♡ akaashi ♡ 1 day // guilty fucking, just can't help himself

“f-fuck, we shouldn’t be doing this,” he tells you, voice not nearly are strong as you’re sure he means it to be. he pushes his hips forward again, sliding his cock slowly inside of you, thumb spreading your lips apart so that he can watch himself disappear inch by inch.

he’s nearly crumbling in front of you, fucking in and out of you, one word punctuating each thrust. “we… shouldn’t…. be… doing…. this….” his voice is just as shaky as his forearms bracing you.

his forehead falls against your shoulder, moaning into your soft skin. he presses kisses wherever he can reach, trailing up your collarbones to the sensitive areas of your neck and the underside of your jaw.

akaashi is really not the type of guy to cheat on his girlfriend, he swears. but he just couldn’t help himself. when the opportunity presented itself, he really had no other option.

not when you looked like that, sitting so pretty on his couch when she wouldn’t be back for the entire weekend. not when you smiled like that when he pushed your hair out of your face. not when he could convince himself that it really meant nothing. it couldn’t have, not when he’s thinking about her so much.

and then he kisses you, warm and breathy and sweet enough to give you a toothache. not a fucked out, gasping for air, desperate to touch you just to touch something, but one that gives you butterflies and makes you feel closer than his skin on yours

lips pressed against yours, meticulously thrusting into you so he can savor every second. he can barely breathe.

when he finally pulls away, looks you in the eyes, gaze confident and unwavering, and you let it slip past your slightly parted lips. “how would your girlfriend feel about it?”

it’s quiet and low, softer than the sounds of his moans or the obscene smack of his hips against the inside of your thighs. you watch the blush spread, up his chest and neck to the highs of his cheekbones, but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t falter for a moment, speaking confidently now, but no less indulgent.

“she wont find out.”

♡ atsumu ♡ 8 months // little bit toxic ngl, blatant disregard for their partner

the first few times that you and atsumu slept together, there was remorse on both ends. over time, though, it just started getting easier to justify and to excuse. the two of you melded perfectly and the more nights you spent together, the better it got.

neither of you have felt bad about it in awhile.

“fuck me any softer and i’ll mistake you for my boyfriend or something,” you huff.

in fact, you both horribly go as far as to teasing each other at your own partner’s unknowing expense. you wrap your arms around atsumu’s neck, pulling him down until you’re able to press your nose into his shoulder, breathing softly against it.

“hey, no talking about your boyfriend. you know i get jealous,” he says, dragging his teeth against your collarbone cautiously so as not to make a mark. he doesn’t bring any attention to how his pace picks up, fucking into you faster as the insides of your thighs start to sting.

"yea?" you say, rolling your hips in time with his thrusts, "and what about your girlfriend?"

the scoff that erupts from his chest nor the thought of his girlfriend disrupt his rhythm. "you're the one that brought her up. what about her?" he asks, placing soft kisses against your chest where he can reach.

you shake your head, arm leaving his neck to cup his face in your hand, pull his eyes to yours, "not good enough."

he knows what you're looking for, can see it in the devilishly sweet smile on your face as your eyes scan his features. he almost wishes that his reason for hesitancy wasn't what it was. the pauses, the insufficient answers, he knows they aren't in the name or regret or guilt, they're just to tease you, to keep you waiting for the answer he knows you want. "she’s not here, we don’t have to worry about her," atsumu teases, leaning forward to kiss your lips this time.

you turn your head at the last second, let his gentle kiss press against your jaw instead as you repeat yourself, "not good enough."

he sighs, faux and dramatic, reaches his fingers over to nudge your face back towards him once more. when he leans down again, his tender grasp on your chin begs you to stay put. you lean up towards him as much as you can to meet his kiss. when he pulls away, his forehead is still pressed against yours, sentence is murmured against your lips, "well, it’s no competition, really, between the two of you."

"yea?" you ask again, core fluttering, tightening as your walls grip him desperately. "only one of us has your heart, right, tsumu?"

"fuck," he says, hips stuttering as he nods, "fuck, that's right, baby."

♡ bokuto ♡ 2 weeks // super desperate, only somewhat guilty

“god, when do i get to see you again?” he asks, all teeth and tongue and desperate, throaty pleas against your chest. his hands are just as frantic as his facial expression, roaming over every part of you without rooting once.

he isn’t even inside of you yet, and he's already looking forward to next time.

it was supposed to just be a one night thing, you and him. and if it was one night out, complete mistake, he could’ve explained it with alcohol or a lapse in judgement. but that was 2 weeks ago.

because no one told him how much he’d be craving you every single fucking night after that. no one told him how much he'd remember your touch and the weight of the backs of your thighs on his hips and how pretty you sounded and how soft your skin was and how fucking tight you were.

no one told him that he'd need to see you 5 times in those two weeks, like you were his new obsession that would quickly turn into a bad habit.

you’ve kept quiet about it, the fact that you knew he had a girlfriend in the first place. you've honestly just been enjoying yourself, skating around the topic or deliberately avoiding it, fearful that if you mention it he’ll run.

you don't really know where it comes from. truthfully, it just slips out because it's on your mind, because he asks you as if it's not on his mind at all, "how does your girlfriend feel about it?"

he stops for a second, movements ceasing, facial expression thoughtful, only constant his chest rising and falling at the same pace as before. you're convinced, all at once, that your fun is over, that tonight won't go as planned, maybe you should've at least waited until you were finished.

his response is softer, more contemplative than the desperation fueled plea before, "how do you feel about it?"

you can't help but laugh, eyebrows furrowed, "i- i mean? fine, yeah, i don't," you take a deep breath, mentally flinching at how horrible it is before it even comes out of your mouth, "i don't really care. i'm having a good time."

his hands are back on your body, assured and quick, leaning down to place kisses against your chest and shoulders once again. "good, so when can i see you again?"

♡ tsukishima ♡ 4 months // tsukishima is an asshole, toxic and blamey, degrading almost, hot

“stay just like that,” he orders, arms crossed over one another, each of his hands on your opposite hips as he holds you still. no hand to guide his throbbing cock, he lets it slip between your lips a few times, missing your sloppy, drenched hole, grinding against your puffy lips. it feels like he’s almost missing on purpose, just loving the feeling of his length dragging across your messy pussy.

when he pushes inside of you, he does so slowly but forcefully, rolls his hips and thrusts his cock as deep as it’ll fucking go.

“fuck, you’re so goddamn tight, perfect for my cock,” he mutters aimlessly. you’re half convinced it’s just instinct, no purpose other than he couldn’t not let the words slip.

“how would your girlfriend feel about that?”

he is so ready with a comeback, it almost feels like he’s been waiting for this for your entire affair. you’ve never brought up his girlfriend before. too timid to say it aloud or afraid it would result in him leaving, it didn’t really matter.

over the last couple months, you’ve grown to know tsukishima pretty well, have learned to roll with the punches and throw a few right back at him and he’s so focused now, not too much attention on you, or at least not in that way, and as much as you want to chalk it up to an accident or slip of the tongue, you both know how deliberate it is

“aren't you just as much to blame as i am?” he retorts, not slowing or missing a beat, digging his fingers into your hips harsher, pulling you onto his cock harsher.

you open your mouth to protest, but he cuts you off.

“i think it’s pretty much your fault, actually, looking like that and expecting me not to want you on the spot,” tsukishima mutters, can barely get it out with his smile turning into a smirk.

he wraps his fingers around your shoulder, other hand around your forearm and guides you up towards him, back pressed against his chest, head craned to the side so you can see the devilish look in his eyes. uses gravity and your weight and the small thrusts upwards to fuck you like this and your protest is mashed between whimpers and affirming moans.

“not-” huff “not my fault,” you gasp, pushing off of the bed in time with his movements until only the tip is inside of you and then falling completely seated onto his thick cock. “she’s not my girlfriend,” you reason.

there’s still no hesitation, fingers clenched onto your jaw to force eye contact as he speaks, “but you know about her, right? doesn’t that make you just as bad as me?” he grunts as he buries himself inside of you, teeth sinking into your shoulder. “maybe worse.”

it hits you softly and then all at once, this guilt. and then he starts fucking you harder, changes positions, moves both of your bodies until his weight is on your back, your chest pressed into the mattress as he fucks into you, hand around your throat and waist holding you tightly in place. it’s harder. and it’s faster. and it’s better than you’ve ever been fucked before, even than the other times you’ve been fucked by tsukishima. you’re clenching around him, stomach tense, and breath bare.

and then it’s gone again. you don’t even remember her name.

#hq smut #atsumu smut #akaashi smut #bokuto smut #tsukishima smut #atsumu x reader #bokuto x reader #tsukishima x reader #akaashi x reader #atsumu x reader smut #bokuto x reader smut #tsukishima x reader smut #akaashi x reader smut #haikyuu smut #hq x reader #hq x reader smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x reader smut #toriwritesshit #TORI ADD THIS TO UR MASTERLIST

[forusomimiya]

@h0neymustardwh0re ship & prompt: “More, please. I want more” w/ Kei Tsukishima ˚₊˚✧🐦‍⬛✧˖°🌙

“It hurts good, doesn’t it?”

"God you're killing me, don't stop please don't" he whined.

"I won't, I promise. It's such a delight to see you like this, Tsuki"

Yes it was. Fuck, you had your fucking boyfriend under your control. That fucking vibrator was the best buy of the month.

What was not in mind was that damned bastard would get so fond with that toy, that he would beg you to let him endure every orgasm until he cums hard every time he uses it. Mind you, only you could have control over him.

“U-up, up up!”

"Here?" with the head of the vibrator you massaged the tip, stroking the glans and stopping at the frenulum as he squeezed his cock and struggled to contain himself.

"hah fuckyes, right there" the knuckles of his hand turned white. His hard cock was still firm under him, but his abdomen contracted every time he felt his orgasm near. The struggle not to cum was still hard, especially if you had stopped him from doing it three times before.

"Ahh…. go down honey" you positioned the toy under his balls, prompting him to squeeze it with his thighs to replace the grip on his cock with your own hand.

"God Tsuki, your moans" his fucking moans. He wouldn't stop moaning, and your pussy was thanking you for it. By the time you wanted to realize it, you were salivating as you rubbed desperately against the sheets. Tsuki wasn't torturing you, but god, you felt like your pussy at some point or another was going to explode from how swollen it was from the situation. You couldn't deal with the image of the head of his cock hiding between your fingers every time you pumped it, and you couldn't deal with the image of Tsuki exhausted, red and sweaty, praying internally that he could cum soon.

"Ohhmygod, more please, I want more" his long, drawn out moans let you know what was to come.

"Keep moaning pretty for me baby, keep it up" every compliment was answered with a moan. Only this way you could make Tsuki cum, letting him know what a good boy he was. "C'mon pretty boy, know you're close… give it to me" and spellbound by your words, he let himself go in a long, high-pitched moan that churned your insides, speeding up your hand movements, leaving you engrossed by the amount of cum that kept pouring out with each pumping, and would soon flow down your fingers.

"Ohh… that was great" he still had energy left to smile at you and look proudly at you behind those half crooked glasses.

"Yes yes… I hope you liked it but, now I think I'm the one who needs a hand" you claimed crawling towards him and kissing his full-swollen lips as you let him feel the wetness he had created under your shorts.

#haikyuu smut #hq smut #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x imagines #tsukishima smut #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x reader smut #haikyuu tsukishima #hq tsukishima #tsukishima kei smut #kei tsukishima #kei tsukishima smut #kei tsukishima x reader #Kei tsukishima x reader smut #ship & prompt haikyuu #ship & prompt smut

[deiitsukki]

Tw//cnc

Oh how he loves having his cock burried deep inside of you, slowly moving his hips, you try to push yourself closer but it ends up with your hair being bruttaly yanked and forced to looked at him. He Stares at you, your pretty eyes were half lidded and tears brimming out of it from how overstimulated you are, You're a whimpering mess as you try to move but only got spank as a result “C'mon doll, I know you like being in my lap, Specially with my Dick inside of you” pulling his arms around you, he smiled “I love having you cockwarmed me angel, you take me so well." He whispered lraving soft kisses in your flushed face

One Piece: Luffy, Vinsmoke Brothers, Zoro, Law, Shanks, Kidd, Ace, Sabo, Smoker, Marco, Rob Lucci, Crocodile, Mihawk, Doflamingo

Haikyuu: Oikawa, Kuroo, Brazil!Hinata, Tendo, Iwaizumi, Tsukishima, Terushima, Miya Twins, Daichi, Matsukawa, Bokuto, Suna, Futakuchi

Tokyo rev: Draken, Mikey, Baji, Taiju, Haitani Bros, Wakasa, Kakucho, Sanzu, Takeomi, Benkei, South, Izana, Smiley, Hanma, Kisaki

AOT: Erwin, Levi, Miche, Jean, Reiner, Zeke, Eren, Connie, Porco, Eren Kruger

KNB: Aomine, Kise, Midorima, Seijuro, Takao, Himuro, Imayoshi, Hayama, Mayuzumi, Kyoshi, Hyuga, Kagami, Kasamatsu

#one piece #one piece fluff #one piece smut #monkey d. luffy #one piece luffy #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima x reader smut #taiju × reader #tokyo rev smut #haikyuu smut #knb #knb x reader #knb smut #attack on titan smut #erwin smith #levi ackerman

[chikaras-garden]

🌹tsukishima

Tuskishima loves brats. He’d rather get hit by a bus than admit it, but electricity goes down his spine every time you tell him “no,” “I don’t want to,” or (gods save him) “make me.” Give him an excuse to manhandle you, to give you a good spanking, or to call you his little whore—it’s all he dreams about.

Send me a 🌹 and a character (HQ, RE, or Batfam) and I’ll tell you one of my NSFW headcanons about them

Ask game is closed!

#tsukishima smut #tsukishima x you smut #tsukishima x reader smut #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader smut #haikyuu x you smut #🌸— mine. #🌸— tsukishima. #🎈— ask games.

[h3yl4dies]

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE ABOUT BULLY!TSUKISHIMA KEI WITH A F!READER WHO IS TSUKISHIMA'S CRUSH AND THEY BOTH HAVE SEX ON THE LOCKER ROOM?? LIKE CAN Y'ALL PLEASE?!?!

#haikyuu #haikyuu request #haikyuu fanfics #haikyuu fanfiction #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukishima smut #tsukishima x reader smut #CAN YOU ALL PLEASE WRITE THIS FOR ME #I GENUINELY WANT TO READ IT #PLEASE I AM SHITING RN

[6eeznut]

GIVE ME MORE BULLY!TSUKISHIMA KEI X CHUBBY READER. I FUCKHNG NEED IT LIKE HOLY SHIT. IF YOU'VE EVER SEE ANY BULLY!TSUKISHIMA KEI X CHUBBY READER PLS DROP THE LINK BELOW I REALLY NEED IT 😩

#anime x chubby reader #tw.bullying #bully!tsukishima #bnha x chubby reader #chubby reader #chubby girl #chubby reader smut #haikyuu x chubby reader #plus size reader smut #plus size reader #plus size!reader #tsukishima smut #tsukishima x reader smut #yandere tsukishima #dark haikyuu #haikyuu dark content #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x black reader #haikyuu smut

[hispipsqueak]

Heyooo, I wanted to ask for something a bit different. If it's okie with u, can you do some tsukishima content with a female reader. Like the 2 are having sex and tsukishima starts with his habit of degradation. But like the reader doesent like being degraded cuz she's sensitive like mee ends up crying? Like nsfw hurt to comfort? I've just seen a lot of tsuki content but it's all degradation. It's kinda killing my drive for the guy :}.

BIG BRAIN TIME.

Sorry this took forever but I was in my feels. BUT HOLY MOLY I AM NOW SO SOFT FOR SOFT KEI. I hope you enjoy this. I agree we need more soft Kei. He's precious. 🧡🧡🧡 Thank you for requesting, lovely! - Pip

F!Reader x Kei Tsukishima - NSFW

TW: F!Reader, hard smut to comfort smut, rough sex at the beginning, crying, slight degradation at beginning, me just simping for this man. 

EVERYONE IS OVER 18+

The clatter of the door pulled your eyes away from your phone. Your lanky boyfriend, Kei Tsukishima, pulled off his coat and placed his things in the closet by the door, methodically but with a little more force than usual.

“You okay?” You asked, noticing the twinging muscle in his jaw. He stayed silent, taking time to put his bag and keys away before turning to you. “I’m fine.”

Hopping up from the couch, you went to him. Hands rubbing his shoulders, you tried to ease the tension from him. “Bad day?”

You could feel him stiffen underneath you. “It’s whatever.” His eyes were unfocused, staring into space.

Hands roaming down his chest, your fingers massaging his lean muscles, you grinned. “C’mon, I can make you feel better…”

No sooner had the words left your mouth, was your back to the wall. He towered over you, and pressed a tight grip to your neck, his other hand next to your head, pinning you in place.

“Then do it.” His voice was cold, still reeling from the day.

Sinking down, your hands found his zipper, tugging down his slacks as you reached for his hardening shaft through his boxers. He made a frustrated groan and you pulled out his cock. The angry red tip was glimmering with precum, and you licked a stripe up the shaft, avoiding where he wanted you most.

“Fuck, don’t be a fucking cocktease.” Kei growled, his hand finding your hair as he pulled you towards his cock. You let out a shocked yelp before your mouth was pressed against him, precum smearing across your cheek. Clearly, he wasn’t in the mood to be played with. His golden eyes glared down at you and you squirmed, trying to continue and put his aggressiveness out of your mind. 

It wasn’t that you minded Kei being aggressive, well not usually. It was something you often found yourself drawn to, his sharp tongue and dominant presence. But sometimes, on days like today, you wanted to appreciate him, savor the feeling of him and show him how much you cared for him. Fingers sliding up to his abs as you swallowed around his cock, you tried to pace yourself and he ground his hips against you, causing you to cough and sputter, and you found yourself slapping your hands against his thighs in a panic. 

“C’mon you can do better than that– wait what the hell?” His voice lost its usual snark as he looked down at the wet streaks trailing your cheeks. Your head was tilted forward, not meeting his eyes and you tugged your sweater close around you, arms wrapped around yourself.

“Hey…what’s going on?” He knelt down, tentatively playing a hand on your shoulder. “Y/N?” 

The words erupted out of you before you could even think. “Fuck Kei! I get you had a rough day but I’m not a fucking fleshlight! I have feelings too!”

The silence in the air was heavy and your face burned as you waited for him to respond. Finally, you peeked up at him.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet. “I don’t think you are some sort of sex object. I just…I didn’t think.”

“Look, I don’t mind it some of the time, but sometimes it feels like I’m worthless or fucked up. Like…after you get called a ‘fucking slut’ every night by the person that’s supposed to care for you, it makes you think.”

“Holy shit Y/N. I don't mean those things. That’s just…fuck. Shit. I…fuck.” He was tripping over his words, something he rarely did. You could see him wringing his hands as he tried to figure out the right words.

“If I ever thought you weren’t into it or…I wouldn’t do any of that. It’s not to…”

“Kei, do you love me?” Your voice cracked and you could feel fresh tears brimming in your eyes.

Immediately his arms were wrapped around you. Tucking you into his chest, he rubbed circles on your back, the way he did when you were half asleep or sick in bed. His voice was quiet, but clear. "You know I love you." 

Burying your face into his shirt, you let the wave of tears fall, soaking the fabric. He stayed quiet, thoughts swirling around in his head. Kei felt like he was underwater, the lump in his throat growing as he listened to you.

God, you were the best thing that ever happened to him. If you were doubting his feelings for you, he must have fucked up.

"I'm not good at this. I'm not…I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm gonna fuck up a lot. But I don't want you to think that I ever stopped loving you." He rolled the words in his mouth trying to unravel the mess he had made. "You are…you are everything to me."

Sniffling, you lifted your head up and fixed your red-rimmed eyes on him. "Really?"

He busied himself brushing stray strands of hair from your face, feeling raw and vulnerable but god he'd take that feeling a thousand times over watching you cry like this. 

"Of course. I'm not gonna lie to you, I don't know how to do this perfectly. I'm probably going to fuck up. But you make me want to be better. Fuck, that sounds cliche."

A small smile tugged at your lips. You could see he was trying. He pressed his forehead against yours, his hands interlocking his fingers with yours and the two of you sat silently, the quiet broken up by your breathing.

His lips found yours and he could taste the salt of your tears mixed with the taste that was you. He poured the unsaid words, the emotions he couldn't express verbally, not yet, into the kiss, hoping you could understand. You were his home, his reprieve from the rest of the world and he wanted to kiss you forever. 

His hands gently pushed against yours, until you found your back against the wall, and still you kissed him back, your tongues 

intertwined, a language its own. Kei could feel himself getting aroused, but didn't want to ruin this moment. You glanced down as he pulled away and your eyebrows raised. A beat passed and you pulled him back to you, closing the space between you, your hands running down his shirt. He wrapped his hands around your waist and could feel the sliver of your skin as your shirt rode up. You felt like fire and he craved touching you, feeling your body pressed under his. You must have felt the same way because you pushed his shirt up. He broke the kiss to tug off his shirt in that stupidly attractive way men do and when his eyes met yours, he could practically see your pupils turned into little hearts. He'd tease you if he could but he knew he had to have looked the same.

The two of you were lost in each other, hands roaming only stopping to pull off the rest of your clothes, leaving them in haphazard piles around you. Never leaving the floor, he eased you onto his lap, his hands caressing your lower back. Your thighs were wrapped around him and you could feel his cock pressed against you. 

"Fuck…I want you so bad, Y/N." He whispered into your skin as you rutted yourself against him. His fingers dug into your hips, and he groaned as you positioned yourself on the head of his cock.

You and Kei had had sex plenty of times but this time he felt more exposed. If anything, you were in control and Kei felt his body heat up with anticipation of you. He wanted you to feel his desire, understand how much he wanted, no, needed you. 

"Look at me, baby." His pupils were blown out, large and dark and you met his gaze. 

"I love you, Y/N."

You slid yourself down his cock and he let out a growl as you rode him. Your thighs clenched around him and he pushed his lips to yours in a messy kiss. Moans spilled from both of you, swallowed by the other as he fucked up into you, his cock kissing the deepest parts of you with each thrust. All the while, whispering

"I love you…I love you…"

He could feel himself reaching his peak embarrassingly quick, but you were so close too. Your hands were wrapped around each other, gripping at skin like you would fly away if you didn't. His mouth found any piece of you he could reach as he kissed and sucked marks onto you, knowing he could never fully mark you to his satisfaction but fuck was he going to try. He wanted every inch ofyou to be explored by his hands, his tongue, his teeth. He could feel your fingers tugging at the longer curls on the nape of his neck, and he knew you were close. You were clamping down on him so tightly it almost hurt and his vision blurred…fuck was he crying? 

It didn't matter, he just had to have more of you, more, more, more.

"Please." His voice was strained and your back arched under his palm. "I love you so fucking much."

"Kei!" Your voice cried out as your lower body twitched and he felt himself exploding into you as your pussy throbbed around his cock, milking him for every last drop. He dropped his head into your chest as you rode out your respective orgasms and you both panted, trying to catch your breath. You maneuvered into his arms, your ear pressed against his chest. You could feel his heart pounding and grinned.

His hand lazily stroked your shoulder and he cast a glance down at you, only to see you already looking up at him.

"Hey." He whispered.

"Hey yourself." 

You were both silent, goofy grins on both your sweaty faces. You didn't have to say anything but he did anyway.

"I love you, you know?"

And you did.

#haikyuu smut #pip asks #tsukishima x reader smut #kei tsukishima smut #tsukishima kei smut #requests

[uravitypng]

bully tsukishima who gets extremely jealous when he saw you laughing with hinata one day and for the next week he was especially mean to you as punishment. he cornered you after you left hinata and like a deer in headlights you froze while he glared at you, shoving you against the wall calling you a slut. tsukishima who is such a bully he laughs in your face while you're at the vending machine, sneering at you because of course you'd be at the vending machine where else would you be. while he's there he can't help but look at your plush thighs when you bend down to get your snack wishing that you had your skirt rolled up higher so he could see your ass. tsukishima who thought he was jealous before but then he thought he saw you and yamaguchi checking each other out when getting food from the vending machine, leading to him following you around all week as he calls you a whore and a slut while you tremble and try to hide from him whenever you spot him, only resulting for him to do it more as you tear up and shake. he's making you cry so much this week that all he can think about is every time he hears you cry and sniffle he wants to shove his cock down your throat as you look up at him with tears running down your face.

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x reader smut #kei tsukishima #hq x reader smut #haikyuu x reader #chubby reader smut #tsukishima smut #hq x reader #tsukishima x chubby reader #bully tsukki p3 <3 #haikyuu x chubby reader smut #haikyuu x reader smut #hq #haikyuu #haikyuu x chubby reader #haikyuu smut #♡ mine / writing #♡ tsukki #tsukishima x chubby reader smut

[heavenlymarie0]

MDNI!! SHOO GO DO SOME HOMEWORK OR READ A CHILD APPROPRIATE BOOK!!

slight exhibition, soft dom aki and sorta kei, childhood friends, usage of princess and slut like once, afab(mentions female parts) no i didn’t read through, see bottom for more stuff

xoxo happy reading

“why do you have to take what’s mine kei!”

“cause it’s fun to see you get mad”

tsukishima kei, has been your best friend, predestined way before you were born. When your parents met the tsukishima’s they immediately became close, basically considering one another family. A few years later akiteru was born, then kei, and then just a few months later you. life as the youngest had its pros and cons. you and kei walked together everyday, ever since primary school so that means no ever bothered you. but, that didn’t stop kei from messing with you….

“your edges are a lopsided”

“kei…go somewhere and leave me alone, unless you learn to do hair don’t comment on mine”

“i’m just trying to help, also your glasses are smudged”

you side eye him with extreme distaste.

but there was one pro that you loved the most about this relationship with the boys, and that was aki. you have been smitten with him ever since you could see colors, he is the complete opposite of kei, laughing at all your terrible corny jokes, watching movies with you, letting you practice your braiding.

“OW Y/N CHRIST THAT’S TOO TIGHT!!”

“aki don’t wine! i’m almost done, hand me the braiding gel please”

You loved the boys in different ways but still equally, y'all would always spend one weekend a month together. even when everyone went to college. it definitely wasn’t hard, being that you and kei were roommates. when your parents found out y’all were both interested in going to sendai city they were able to arrange you both to be roommates. which was the biggest mistake ever.

“KEI!! how many times do i have to tell you?!? KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY STUFF”

“I didn’t touch your stuff Y/N and even if i did who cares, it’s just a couple hair products”

“oh really!!! well next time i order my stuff you can swipe your card so you can see how expensive they are”

“whatever. just cleanup, niichan will be here soon”

the three of you are all sitting watching a movie, kei on the ground using the couch as a pillow, and you and aki cuddling. cuddling with aki is so normal to all of you since you’ve been doing it forever. but tonight was different.

everyone falls asleep, but you feel your throat getting dry and also want some more comfortable clothes. you walk into the room and put on some shorts and the oversized t-shirt you stole from kei a couple days ago. walking back towards the kitchen you try reaching for a cup on the top shelf, but you feel something warm behind you. immediately you noticed it had to be kei, since aki is a little shorter

“k-kei…what are you doing?”

“Y/N why do you prefer niichan over me?”

kei says while his hand roams your plump waist, softly rubbing every part of it, admiring it.

“is it ok for me to touch you like this?”

“yes..it feels mhm~ really nice”

your head falling onto his chest, sinking into his warm touch that now surrounds you. You turn around to make eye contact with him. As you open your mouth to ask him what’s this all about, his soft lips meet with yours. His hand placement draws you closer, worried that you would slip away. He needed this moment to last forever.

He breaks the kiss trying to give you a chance to breathe. His eyes glaze over as he looks at the girl he’s been in love with forever.

“wh-why did you do that kei…”

“wow your slower than I thought, as big as your head is you have a small brain Y/N”

you roll your eyes at this comment, but kei bends down, making close contact with the shell of your ear, immediately it gets hot.

“i want you.”

you look up, mouth wide open, staring at the large boy in front of you. the only thing in your mind is how great he’d feel, touching and worshiping your body.

“take me then kei.”

almost running out of the kitchen he drags you inside his room. you’ve been inside it multiple times since you steal his stuff practically everyday, but this time you felt more nervous and anxious. he pulls you around the side of his bed, pushing you back so you fall. while you lay there his soft hands begin to pull up the shirt to exposed you stomach

“you complain about me taking you stuff only to walk around in my shirt.”

he smirks looking up at you, only to start kissing your stomach. he pulls the shirt even further and makes his way to your chest. his lips opening and latching onto them. a small moan exits your mouth, to which he responds with a bite on your nipple.

“fuck! ow kei what the hell you dick”

“if you’re gonna moan, it needs to be loud enough for niichan to hear.”

“you’re so sadistic mhm~”

before you could finish your sentence, kei interrupting you by rubbing his hand on your wet clothed cunt.

“did niichan make you this wet or was it the way i was holding you?”

the blonde hair boy asks while he pulls down your shorts revealing your pretty pussy.

“no panties? nice choice”

licking a soft line up to your clit, he begins to swirl his tongue around the bundle of nerves. Your hands fall down to reach his slightly curly blonde locks, pulling him closer. He removes his hands from your thighs, only to hold yours back.

“ahh~ kei please”

“sorry but hands off my love”

his gentle slow licks speed up. unable to hold back anymore your voice echoes off the wall.

“mmm yes kei right there”

his glasses starting to fog up from the heat of your body, he removes them and places them on you. you look so cute, face all flushed, his glasses on you, and desperate for the pleasure he’s giving you.

“hey Y/N, look at me ok.”

trying to reposition yourself on your elbows. you notice how truly handsome the boy in front of you is, especially as ravages you. tiny beads of sweat appeared on his forehead causing his hair to stick to his face. his long fingers hold on to you so tightly. you were so focused on his charm you didn’t notice the slight flood of light entering from the door. but kei did.

“looks like we have a guest”

your eyes instantly shoot towards the door, as you begin to reach your climax and feel the twisting in your stomach.

“AKI!”

your eyes see white and your body twitches. aki mesmerized by the way you lay on the bed. heavily breathing, bonnet slipping off, just a mess.

“oh no Y/N seems you woke up niichan, and you’ve also caused him a slight problem”

you look down to see the hard on aki has. motioning for him to come over to you, mustering up the strength to move, you crawl over to him and slowly pull down his plaid pajama pants. he looks down at you, the girl he grew up with. tugging down his boxer you are surprised by aki’s dick. it’s not long but it’s extremely veiny, with a blush pink tip, and an impressive amount of girth. your mind begins to wonder what the other brother’s looks like. but before you could even look at it while you were distracted he had begun rubbing it on your wet cunt, teasing your clit and entrance. trying to turn around aki grabs your head pushing himself all the way into your mouth and kei pushes himself into you at the same time.

“wow Y/N it’s like this slutty pussy of yours was made for me!”

aki lets out a soft moan as your mouth vibrates in response to kei’s lewd remark.

“mm you look so pretty Y/N my little princess”

as if in unison both blondes began slowly thrust into you. feeling full in both holes, your moans rise in volume but muffled by aki dick. focusing on kei pushing in and out of you manage to imagine what it looks like. kei’s isn’t as girthy but definitely long! it feels as if he‘s in your stomach with every thrust. the slow hard thrust turning fast, almost completely unable make sense of anything. you let the two boys use your body. trying to reach your climax you feel kei stop.

“mhm kei why did you stop~” your words slurred.

“don’t cum until I say so…both of you”

you look up at aki face, similar in confusion to yours, but you both nod anyway and continue.

eventually you reach the same highness you felt earlier.

“I guess you wanna mphm~ cum huh slut?”

“does our little princess wanna cum?”

PT. 2?!?!

THIS IS MY FIRST WRITING SO PLEASE SEND REQUESTS!!! I LOVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM….but don’t be a bitch <33

#tsukishima x reader smut #haikyuu #tsukishima kei #tsukishima akiteru #haikyu smut

[chatterbox-73]

Twelve days of Smutcember 2022.

Day 3 - the pleasure of presents.

Kei Tsukishima x GN!Reader

This story is a smut story for Smutcember, I’ll be writing more characters x reader one shots for Smutcember and if you want to see a character please let me know...

finally I think it’s important to note, I might be a person who celebrates Christmas, however I know not everyone does so I won’t/try not to mention or reference any particular festive holiday in these one shots, out of respect for everyone.

You must be 18 years or older to read this...

🔞⚠️NO MINORS ALLOWED⚠️🔞

A/N: ‘Saint giving day’ is obviously a made up holiday…😁 fill it in with whatever holiday you want/celebrate.

Summary: Tsukishima finally cashed in the one the favour card you give him every celebration, and what he asks for is more then what you bargained for.

Word count: 633

CW: time-skip!Tsukishima, swearing, Oral (m!receiving), facial and slight begging.

“One free favour card…?” Tsukishima sighed and reached into his pocket for his wallet, before pulling out two more matching paper cards like he was just gifted by you, “I still two more of these, one from the last ‘saint giving day’ and another from my birthday” he rolled his eyes and you had to hold back your laughter, Tsukishima turned over the card and read the writing on the back out loud. “Good for any one favour… can only be cashed in be Tsukishima Kei” your friend hummed before taking a moment to think, “I wanna cash one of these in” he held out the card for you to take, “oh yeah… that’s great, what am I doing?” You smiled and he only chuckled as he placed the other cards back in his wallet and back in his pocket. You stood to take the card but you were stopped, “you said ‘any one favour’… so any favour I want?” Tsukishima asked, you smiled and nodded, “yep… any one favour, tsukki-chan” you grinned and grabbed the card, “alright… seen as it’s anything I want… I’m feeling a little tense… I could use a massage” he sat back on the couch behind him, you put the card in your back pocket and roll up your sleeve, “alright one massage coming right up” you go to walk behind the couch but Tsukishima stops you once again, “let me finish… I want a special kind of massage” he smirked and you tilted your head, “ummm… are you sure I should be giving you a special massage, maybe I could pay for a professional to do it” you scratched the back of your neck and your friend only chuckled, he grabbed your arm and pulled you towards him. “It’s a massage I know only you can give me… the type of massage I only want you to give me…” Tsukishima placed a hand on your shoulder and pushed you on your knees, he grabbed your face and traced your lips with his thumb “…I want you to give my dick a massage with your tongue and lips” he let go of your face, before leaning and resting his arms over the back of the couch, your face went bright red as you finally understood what he asked of you, your eyes darted over his slender frame, only to land on the large bulge forming in his pants. “Get to work, it’s not going to suck itself.”

You knelt down in front of Tsukishima, your lips wrapped around his hard member, your head bobbing up and down while you hummed and moaned, Tsukishima held your face in his hands as his hips thrusted up uncontrollably, “that’s good… keep going” he groaned and gripped onto your shoulders, you felt your face heat up as he groaned out your name. Tsukishima pushed your head back and grabbed a hold of his member, you sat on your knees with your thighs pressed together, Tsukishima watched you carefully as he slowly pumped himself, “come close… watched me… beg me…” he groaned and you leaned forward with your hands flat on the ground, “please… please Kei” you whined and watched him with half lidded eyes, Tsukishima threw his head back and let out a deep sigh as his load spilled out onto your face.

“What a mess…” Tsukishima chuckled as he watched you wash your face, “you think?” You quipped and he stood before walking over to you, “thank you for such a thoughtful gift…” he hummed and pulled another card from his wallet, “but I’m not quite satisfied…” he stepped right behind you and rolled his hips into your ass “…and I know you’re not either, so let’s fuck…” he hummed again the skin of your neck and held up the card.

Day 2: cold air and warm eyes - Shigaraki Tomura

Day 4: cold shoulder - Jean Kirstein

Smutcember masterlist.

#haiykuu!! #hq smut #haiykuu smut #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei #Tsukishima x reader smut #tsukishima Kei x reader smut #haiykuu Tsukishima #tsukki #tsukki x reader #tsukki smut #timeskip Tsukishima

[tsukkisloser]

Patience | Tsukishima Kei

You'd been in public around people all day and Tsukishima had been secretly telling you how horny he was as the day was ending & he fucks you good when you get back home :)

Tags: NSFW, MDNI, x reader, fem-bodied reader, nipple play, soft dom!tsukishima, cervix fucking, mild dumbification themes, timeskip!tsukishima, praise receiving, orgasm denial

As soon as you both stepped into your bedroom you sit down on the end of your bed, hands eagerly resting on your thighs as you gaze up at your boyfriend. He’s slowly taking off his jacket by the bedroom door with a small smile on his lips, his back towards you. He hangs his jacket up and then finally walks over to stand in front of you, his head cocked to the side slightly with his arms crossed as he looks down at you, his gaze soft and heavy-lidded. So close that your knees press against his thighs, the print of his half-hard cock obvious against the fabric of his pants. He reaches down and holds your face in his hand. 

“You’ve been such a good girl waiting so patiently for me..” He hums, a roughness in his voice as he studies your pretty face, the pad of his thumb dragging along your lips carefully. You whimper as he presses his fingertips to your chest, his other hand snaking to your hip as he leans you back against the mattress. A small smirk turns up his lips upon the sweet noise that leaves you. He presses his palm to the mattress next to you, leaning over you. His right hand trails down your body and reaches under your skirt, hooking his long slender fingers under the fabric that covers your cunt that’s already soaked because of him- pulling them to the side. A pleased smile graces his lips as his fingers brush against your wet folds, already ready for him. He dips the tips of two of his long fingers inside of you, making you shudder. 

“Such a good girl..” He sighs, cheeks flushed as his cock grows. Whimpering beneath him from his touch, his eyes meet yours again as he pulls his fingers from your wet folds, bringing them up to your lips. 

With his eyes on your lips, “Open for me love” He slurs, the softness in his voice intoxicating. You open your mouth and he presses his fingers coated in your slick to your tongue. You close your lips around his fingers, tongue swirling and sucking them with his pleased eyes on you. 

“Fuck, that’s a good girl” He sighs, pulling his fingers from your mouth- his mind running slow and euphoric as he leans down to press his lips to your neck. Hot breath against your skin as the blonde sucks and licks your neck slowly, the moans that leave your lips send blood rushing to his heavy cock. His right hand reaches beneath your shirt, fingertips smoothing over your warm skin before his palm reaches your breast. His fingertips rush to feel your hard nipple that pokes out against your bra, his cock throbs upon the sensation as he pinches it between his two fingers softly, squeezing the rest of the soft flesh in his palm as a breathy groan leaves his lips and grazes your ear between his messy kisses. Your own soft sounds combine with the sound of him, your left hand in his pretty blonde hair while the other snakes under his shirt to grip his back. 

“Want me to fuck you dumb, baby?” He breathes against your neck between heated kisses. Your legs wrap around his, pulling him closer to you. You moan in response to him. Your hips begin to gently move without your control, desperately needing his cock against you. He feels your movement and snakes his hand down to your skirt, unzipping it and pulling it off of you.  

“Words please love.” He hums, distracted. He pulls away from your neck for a moment to pull your shirt over your head. You unlatch your bra and he takes it off for you, throwing it to the floor before rushing to press his lips to your now exposed soft skin, soft moans spilling from his lips like breathing. He pushes your breast into his mouth with a groan- his tongue swirling around your hard nipple. 

“Yes mm- fuck- yes kei.” You whimper beneath him as his left hand finds itself massaging your soft breast in his palm, his long fingers mindlessly playing with your hard nipple as you whimper helplessly under him, only making his dick ache harder for you. Your left hand snakes its way down his sensitive body until your palm meets his long aching cock that pokes unapologetically out against his pants- making the blonde expel a heated moan against your breast, squeezing your left one tighter in his palm- his hips involuntarily roll against your hand. His sweet mouth leaves your chest, roughly pressing his lips to yours. Your hand trails up to his belt buckle, weakly trying to undo it as your legs hook around his waist. He pushes his tongue into your mouth as his hips roll against yours, the friction of his aching dick against you driving him crazy. Small spurts of cum drool from his swollen achy slit as you suck his bottom lip- making him moan into your mouth. Your hands are gripping his back- the task of unbuckling his belt long forgotten about as his tongue swirls hotly around yours with his hips grinding his long cock against your wet cunt like it was getting him drunk. 

“Need my cock baby? Need it to make you dumb?” He breathes, his lips barely leaving yours for a second before he’s licking into you again. 

“Mmm- mhm..” You beg, your pathetic moans breathed into his mouth. 

“Fuck-“ He mewls, his left hand rushing to unbuckle his belt as you suck his tongue- your nails dig into his back desperately in response. You hear the jingle of his belt unclasp and his long fingers frantically unbutton his pants, roughly pulling them down along with your panties. His long cock is already coated with his milky cum- his long fingers wrap around it, sloppily spreading his slick up his long shaft as his groans spill out into your mouth. The fingers of his right hand dig into your hip, positioning you better for him as he pulls away from your swollen wet lips- pushing the head of his long cock passed your soaked folds with a relieved groan as he sinks into you. You gasp, shuttering upon the sudden fullness, raking your nails against his back and shoulders as he falls over you- forearms pinned to the bed on either side of your head as his hips rock against yours slow and deep- making a nonstop slew of desperate moans spill from your lips like breathing. His blonde hair falling against your forehead, his face contorted from the shockwave of the sudden pleasure of having your tight walls squeeze and massage his cock. Soft groans leave his lips as he steadies his pace, his left hand snaking down to your hip to hold you in place. 

“Fuck you feel so good y/n- shit-“ The blonde breaths against your ear, his hot skin glistening with sweat as his rhythm becomes consistent.

 “Kei- Oh F-fuck- Mm-Deeper-“ You whimper, craving the feeling of his cock head pounding against your limit. His chest heaves as the euphoria of his cock inside of you dims enough to snap him out of his trance- a smirk snakes itself onto his lips. His teeth nip at your earlobe, lips brushing against the shell of your ear as he roughly slams his hips against yours, the swollen head of his cock hitting the spot that has you seeing stars. You cry out in response, eyes rolling back as your fingers grip his back harsher, nails raking down over his shoulders. Your walls tighten and contract around his aching dick. 

“Kei-“ You mewl breathily, already making you see stars. His smirk grows, pressing wet kisses to your hot neck. 

“Yeah? You sure you want me this deep?” He purrs teasingly, pounding his cock head against your sweet spot at an intoxicating pace- leaving you unable to form words. The only thing able to leave your swollen lips a string of lewd, pathetic moans and whimpers along with his name. 

“Aw.. is my pretty girl dumb now?” He breathes hotly into your ear, his right hand moving from your hip to press the pad of his thumb against your slick covered clit- making your back arch as a pathetic moan spills from your lips. 

“Kei- fuck- mm-“ You whimper, shockwaves flooding your senses as he rubs sloppy hearts against your clit- cock throbbing against your tight walls as he groans into your ear, his hot breath fanning out against your neck. Kei pulls his lips from your ear and slides his glasses off, reaching over to place them on your side table distractedly as he pushes his lips to yours roughly. You immediately moan into his mouth, his pace quickening as his hips slam against yours audibly. Cum drooling from his aching slit from within you as he groans into your mouth. 

“Taking me so fucking good baby- fuck-“ The blonde groans against your lips, saliva connecting the both of you at your tongues before he pushes his back into your mouth. Teeth clicking together as he sucks and licks your tongue hotly. His balls slap against your ass as he rails you faster, his rhythm calculated and selfish as you cry out moans into his mouth, tears starting to form in your eyes from the persistent overstimulation of his cock. The hearts he rubs messily against your clit pull your coil so tight it hurts. He feels as your kiss becomes messier and unruly against his lips, 

“Gonna cum baby?” He rasps against your lips, pressing his forehead against yours. You nod, your hand sliding from underneath his shirt to instead rest against his jawline, pushing his lips back against yours. 

“I love you.” You sob, the tears from your overstimulation drip down your cheeks as the blonde smiles against your lips. 

“Then hold on. I’m not done yet.” He commands- words spilling onto your lips in the form of a breathy groan. Your eyes roll back as he rails you harder all of a sudden, stars in your eyes as you feel your orgasm get closer and closer- whimpers leaving your lips pathetically. 

“Kei- I can’t- mm- too much- g’nna cum-“ You cry, tears running down your cheeks- his face is buried in your neck, teeth nipping at your sensitive skin. Your left hand tugs at his blonde hair. 

“Do your best for me. Just a little more- shit- mm-“ He groans, lips brushing against your ear. 

Cum drools down his aching cock and down your fluttering walls as his face contorts in pleasure. 

“Fuck- mm-“ He slurs, eyes rolling back as his movements against your clit become messier and faster, sending your back arching higher- crying out his name in response, pulling on his blonde hair. He picks up his pace as his own coil pulls so tight, spurts of cum drooling from his swollen slit and dripping from you as his own moans begin to spill from his lips just as much as yours do. The sounds of both of you mixing before he presses his lips to yours once more. He brushes your hair damp from sweat from off your face, raking his long fingers through it. 

“Want me to stuff you full baby? Stuff your tummy full of my cum?” He teases breathily, reaching the palm of his right hand to press against your lower tummy, feeling his cock inside of you. You whimper in response, making his lips turn up again- he’s fucked you so good you can’t even form words. 

“That’s my good pretty girl.” He slurs raggedly, his cock now so deep it pounds harshly against your cervix- your nails rake down his back weakly. 

“You wanna cum?” He teases, taking his left hand and wiping your tears with his thumb. Sweat glistens on his hot skin. 

“Mm-Mhm-mmph- please kei” You whimper, feeling like you might just burst from the overstimulation as you look into his heavy lidded eyes. He smirks weakly, 

“Then cum for me.” He rasps roughly, pressing his forehead to yours. He slams his hips against yours once again and your breathing hitches. Shockwaves pulse through your body as your back arches underneath him, eyes rolling back as your fingers dig into his shoulder, your right hand pulls on his blonde hair as your coil snaps, biting his shoulder. 

“Fuck- good fucking girl- mm-“ The blonde moans shakily, burying his face in your neck as he fucks you through your orgasm- your fluttering walls massaging his cock and sending stars in his eyes. 

“G’na fuck my cum into you baby- shit- mm-“  He groans, pace quickening and then suddenly staggering, moaning as his lips brush against your ear- eyes rolling back as his right hand grabs yours, pinning it to the bed harshly as his long fingers intertwine with yours. Ropes of cum shoot from his messy slit, coating your walls full. His seed dripping from your aching cunt and out onto the mattress as he shutters, his hips still slamming against yours as they shake- pace staggering to a far slower rhythm. A slew of groaned curses spill from his swollen lips and out hotly against the sensitive skin of your neck. His grip on your hand tightening as the other pulls at the strands of your hair his long fingers have threaded themselves in- chest heaving as moans leave his lips generously. Your other hand threads your fingers through his pretty blonde hair, pressing a kiss to the shell of his ear- riding out his high just a minute after you. He sighs into your neck, the grip he has on your hand loosening as his hips still. 

“I love you too.” He breathes against your skin, lazily pressing a kiss to your neck as he groans. You smile, dazed as you feel him pepper more soft kisses against your skin- untangling his fingers from your hair to instead rest his hand against your face. “You did so good for me, love.” He coos, pressing a messy kiss to your upturned lips. He starts to pull away but your hands snake to his back, pushing him closer to you again. The blonde smirks, dazed. “What? You want me again?” He teases, lips brushing against your ear as he nips at your earlobe. You nod, the grip your legs have around his waist tightens once again as he feels blood rush to his cock again already. “Fuck you’re a good girl.” He teases, smile on his lips as he peppers your neck with wet kisses. 

#I am in love with him #so in love with him #tsukishima smut #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x reader smut #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x reader smut #soft dom!tsukishima

[a-kaash-me-outside]

not fair - ch4

in which your boyfriend is perfect in every single way... except for one and kei can't just sit back and watch you suffer...

previous | ch4 | next [masterlist]

// "what? you want to watch me fuck your ex?" ~ ᴛsᴜᴋɪsʜɪᴍᴀ ᴋᴇɪ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ x ʏᴀᴍᴀɢᴜᴄʜɪ ᴛᴀᴅᴀsʜɪ ~ 12431 ᴡᴏʀᴅs

a look into this chapter/tw: 18+ minors dni super nfsw!, cheating (seriously, major plot point), threesome, cucking, vouyerism, size kink, weird feelings, use of character first names, degradation, oral m!receive, dom/sub undertones, coming untouched, stop light system, dirty talk, name calling, coming twice, plot-heavy, cross posted from ao3, afab reader she/her pronouns

send an ask and i’ll add ya to the taglist! ~ ♡ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ♡

If you could’ve never returned to this place, you wouldn’t have. If you could’ve left it all behind, ran away from the thought of confrontation and explanation, honest to God, you would have. 

You waited it out as long as you could, made do with the things you had at Kei’s place so that you didn’t have to go back to that house, to the space you and Tadashi had once shared. It was annoying, sure, having to figure out how to function without any of your things, but it sure beat the alternative. 

You wanted to convince yourself that this was the rest of your life, living down the street from everything you’ve ever known and owned, but never making any attempt to bridge the gap. 

But you couldn’t survive like this, you knew that, not without your entire wardrobe and your laptop and all of the furniture that you could have considered yours. 

So, yes, if you could’ve never returned to this place, you wouldn’t have. And, absolutely, if you could’ve left it all behind, ran away from the thought of confrontation and explanation, honest to God, you would have, but unfortunately, that’s not how it works, this whole having an affair with your boyfriend’s best friend thing.

So you were there, begrudgingly, standing in front of the front door that you used to push through every single day without a second thought, the key weighing heavy in your pocket as you opted to knock instead because it wasn’t yours anymore with Kei in tow behind you to lift all of the things that you had no interest in moving and also just because you’re not sure you could have done it on your own.

When Tadashi answers the door, when you see him in front of you for the first time in two months you realize that maybe you’re not the only one that’s been sulking in dread since the moment you made these plans. He looks good, better than you expect him to look considering the circumstances, but maybe you just had low expectations.  

He doesn’t greet you, doesn’t acknowledge Kei behind you. He barely looks you in the eyes as he speaks, detached, but not nearly as annoyed as he has every right to be. “Most of your stuff is still upstairs except for the few big things in the living room and kitchen.”

You can see past him inside the house, can see everything in seemingly the same way that you left it, picture-perfect and undisturbed, but you don’t make any move to break the barrier, not even when he turns on his heel and nods towards the upstairs. It’s not until you feel a strong hand on your lower back, encouraging, but not pushing, that you snap out of your own thoughts.

“I’ll start on the few things in the living room and kitchen and you can get whatever you need upstairs. We’ll be out of here fast,” Kei assures, because he knows that you need some type of affirmation just to step inside the house. 

“Right.” 

You expect it to be this big feat, this huge mountain to conquer, stepping back into what was once all you knew, but it’s not. You step over the lip of the front door, carefully and cautiously, and when the tip of your shoe skids across the welcome mat, you feel no different than you did on the car ride over. You can still feel the tightness in your chest and your palms still feel clammy, but that’s it. 

There isn’t any realization that hits you as you walk into the living room, nor is there a huge revelation that takes over you as you peer up the stairs and imagine your old room just the way you left it. When Kei’s hand leaves your lower back, when you’re on your own in foreign grounds, you’re okay. It’s not this dramatic, overwhelming experience. It doesn’t have to be. 

It’s the same thing walking into your old bedroom. This task that you’ve been dreading for as long as it’s been set in stone, and even before, feels, dare you say, manageable. It’s not the same as how you left it. For one, the drawers to Tadashi’s dresser are closed neatly and his bag isn’t lying open on the floor with miscellaneous clothes hanging half out of it. But more than that, the bedspread is completely different down to the sheets and the pillowcases and the curtains are changed, the ones that you helped Tadashi pick out, and the entire room smells like him. This room is no longer a culmination of the two of you, it’s undeniably his just with the pieces that you left behind. 

“I would’ve packed it all up, but I didn’t really want to touch it,” Tadashi comments, sliding an empty box towards you as you approach your dresser.

He’s not lying. You notice, now, how your things are all untouched, strewn across your dresser in the same way that you left them before the fight: a bottle of fragrance with its cap on the other side of the dresser, an open moisturizer, a burnt-out candle, things that could have been tossed without a second thought that he couldn’t so much as push to the side. 

“No, yeah, that’s fine,” you reply, shaking your head as you start to clean up the mess you left all those months ago. 

It’s not a monumental feat, sure, but it is so disgustingly awkward. 

The room is quiet save for the sounds of scrapping furniture from the floor beneath you and the sounds of drawers opening and closing. You have nothing to say to one another anyway. No, that’s a lie. You both have things that are clawing at your throats, things that are fogging your heads so badly that it feels almost hard to breathe, but neither of you is saying any of them.

For you, it’s mostly apologies, better ones than what you left him with that night or what you left on his answering machine numerous times, ones that you’ve thought endlessly about, ones that you mean wholeheartedly even if he wasn’t to accept them, ones that are trying so hard to come out, but are trapped. 

You don’t know what it is for Tadashi, what’s going on in his mind right now, or why he looks so conflicted and distracted. You have a few guesses, inclinations that feel right given the situation you’re both in, but you don’t prod. You move in silence, slinking past him a few times before you notice that he hasn’t moved in a while, stuck in the same place with the same facial expression with the same book in his hands.

You stop pacing, stop packing your things. He doesn’t notice your cease in movement, or if he does, he doesn’t show it. You want to say his name, call out to him and ask if he’s okay, because you’re not sure that anyone’s asked him that in a while, but you can’t get it out of your throat. Instead, you reach out, gently wrapping your fingers around the book and pulling it out of his grasp. 

The contact doesn’t shock him, but it does prompt his moving. He lets his arms fall back to his sides and he turns to look at you, really look at you, for the first time since that night. 

“I don’t,” Tadashi sighs, “why?”

“What?” you ask, because those three words, despite how filled they are with emotions that you can’t quite place, aren’t enough for you to understand. 

“You said that it was bad… with me… but how bad was it?” he asks, so slowly that you’re sure he’s handpicking every single word.

“I-,” you start because you don’t want to leave the question that he’s been internally struggling with all day unanswered, but then you stop because you just can’t fathom answering a question like that. Out of all the things you thought you were going to talk about today, your failed sex life with Tadashi was definitely at the bottom of the list. “Sorry, what?” you ask again, not because you needed him to repeat, but just because you needed time to think.

“How bad was it? Our sex?” he asks again and you struggle to identify the tone that he’s trying to convey. You want to hear the annoyance, the hatred, the disgust, the judgment, but you can’t find any trace of animosity. You don’t reply, still trying to conjure up some sort of response, so he keeps talking, desperate for an answer, “How could he be so much better?”

And then you hear it, not sadness or betrayal, but confusion, no, curiosity.

“I think about it a lot and I can never come up with an answer that makes sense, but I think it’s just because I don’t know enough,” Tadashi continues, mumbling now.

“Dashi,” you start, hesitating for a moment only because the nickname feels so foreign on your tongue, “I don’t really know how to answer that.”

“Honestly,” he says, the curiosity still lingering, but a sense of urgency and entitlement motivating it, “That’s a good place to start.”

“It might be because you don’t know enough,” you offer, using his own words to try to soften the impact. “Kei knows what he wants and he’s precise and he takes care of me, not because he has to, but because he gets just as much pleasure from it as I do.”

He flinches at the sentence but nods along anyway. 

You feel like you’ve said too much already, but Tadashi’s facial features have morphed into a look of intrigue and you can’t help the details that continue to spill from you, “I think with us it was like we were both…” you trail off, trying to find the right words, “Kei has this control, this power over me that I can’t explain, one that you never did.”

You watch the intrigue shift into something else for only a split second, something that looks eerily familiar in this setting nonetheless. He shakes his head, brows furrowing as he fights off the conflict that he’s feeling. “I just, I don’t get it. It doesn’t make sense to me and I wish that it did. I wish that I could understand how he could be so much better than I am,” he says, exasperated and frustrated. “If I could just see-” He doesn’t even get the chance to finish his sentence. 

“What? You want to watch me fuck your ex?”

The voice comes as a shock to both of you, backs turned away from the doorway that Kei now stands directly in the center of. His arms are crossed over his chest and he doesn’t have to be towering as tall over top of you as he is for you to feel as small as you do, but it definitely doesn’t help. 

You’re not exactly sure why you’re feeling this embarrassed. It’s not you that the question is directed at and it’s not you that’s almost pathetically incriminated by your own words. It feels like Kei knows something now that he shouldn’t. That conversation was private, the things that Yamaguchi was admitting to you were private, and now Kei knew them all. You don’t know how much he heard or how long he had been standing there, but you know that it was enough to warrant the permanent cocky grin on Kei’s face. It’s borderline ironic, the embarrassment you were feeling from the lack of privacy given that this is exactly what landed you here in the first place. 

“Is that what you want?” he asks, louder this time, a patronizing laugh following right behind it. 

“Kei,” you begin to object, but he puts his hand up, pointer finger extended up to quiet your attempt to de-escalate the situation, and it works. Whatever argument or defense that you were going to spew has dissolved into nothing.

Kei walks forward, slowly, towards the two of you. He doesn’t say a word, gives Yamaguchi ample time to protest, but he doesn’t. Yamaguchi is standing next to you, stuck in place, his eyes perfectly on Kei as he approaches you. 

“Do you want to watch me do all the things to your ex that you couldn’t? Do you want me to physically show you so that you understand?” Kei asks Yamaguchi, but he’s staring directly at you, closing the gap between his lips and your face, leaning down so leisurely, waiting for some sort of objection from either party. 

His lips brush up against your ear, his breath floating over top of your skin so lightly. Your eyes flutter closed, your breath already uneven as you wait for the contact, but it never comes. Instead, it’s just words, confirmation and the antecedent that you’re so used to by now. “You know the scale, baby. This works the same way, okay? If you get uncomfortable, just say the word,” he says into your ear, soft enough so that Yamaguchi can’t make out what he’s saying. 

You nod and he presses a kiss to your ear, “Good girl.”

He pulls away far too quickly, his absence just making you want him more, but he’s facing Tadashi directly now, forcing his gaze, not physically, but just from the command of his stare. “I’m going to need some sort of verbal consent before I destroy your ex right in front of you, Tadashi,” Kei says and the tone of his voice is so perfectly reminiscent of how he used to talk to you in the beginning, stern and abrupt enough to elicit a response from anyone, especially someone as awestruck as Tadashi.

“Yes,” Tadashi answers, finally. You’re expecting some sort of withdrawal, or regret at the very least, to settle in after and you think Kei is too, but it doesn’t, not even in the pause that Kei allows once Tadashi’s finished speaking. 

“Yes, what?” Kei asks, tilting his head to the side.

“Yes, I want to understand,” Tadashi responds, the confidence in his words quickly decreasing as he realizes how humiliating it all actually is. 

“No,” Kei denies, his attention fully on you once again, his hands sliding up the sides of your neck to cup your face between his palms. 

“What?” Tadashi asks, evidently confused as he watches Kei begin to touch you. 

“No. That’s not what you’re saying yes to,” Kei explains, softly stroking the sides of your face, “You’re saying yes to sitting there and watching me fuck your ex. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Tadashi says, dimly and not nearly as confidently as the first time, but it’s an agreement nonetheless. 

The second that the confirmation comes out of Tadashi’s mouth, you hold your breath. You don’t need to see the way Kei’s wicked grin spreads across his face or feel the way that his fingertips dig into the back of your neck to know that he was going to put on a show for Tadashi tonight at your expense. 

Kei steps backward, your face still clutched in his grasp as he drags you with him, 4 long strides until he’s colliding with the edge of what used to be your bed. Tadashi’s left standing in place, his back to the dresser as he watches Kei sink into the bed until he’s seated with both of your legs on either side of his own. 

Kei hooks both arms around your waist, pulling you into him, hard, until your stomach is pressed against his chest, and then down, slowly, so that your body rubs against him until you’re seated in his lap. He nudges your head to the side, exposing your neck and humming at the clean canvas in front of him.

He drags his teeth down the side of your neck just hard enough for you to feel the path even when he’s pulled away. He replaces his teeth with his tongue, running the tip of it against your skin before sucking patches of it into his mouth. You let your eyes close gently, focusing on the feeling of his tongue repetitively swiping against the sensitive areas of your neck, and for a moment you forget that Yamaguchi is in the room with you entirely. 

Kei molds his hands around your body, letting them conform to your curves as he slides them to your waist and plants them there, tightly. His fingertips dig into your sides, holding you perfectly still as he grinds his hips up into you. You couldn’t hold it in if you tried, the whimper that escapes your lips at the feeling of his growing length. 

Kei laughs loud enough for everyone in the room to hear it, shows you both how pathetic he thinks you are for acting the way you do in response to such a small movement. He moves his fingers, grabbing at the hem of your shirt and lifting it over your head, quickly throwing it to the side. You have no time to even think before he’s unhooking your bra, kissing down your neck to your collarbones as he discards it as well. 

You’ve been naked in front of Yamaguchi plenty of times before, but it’s so different now. Kei is undressing you as he wishes, stripping clothing off of you at whatever pace he wants. You have no control of what Yamaguchi sees or doesn’t see and it’s making you flush in a way that you never have. You’re sure that they can see it, both of them, the way your body is reacting so involuntarily to whatever Kei wants to do to it. 

He pulls off his own shirt so that he can feel his skin against yours so that he can show Yamaguchi how in control of the entire situation he actually is and you’re so acutely aware of how fast everything is moving. His fingers are on the button of your pants, working so effortlessly to undo them, kissing down your chest as he does so before pulling away. 

“Go on,” Kei states, a smirk pulling at his lips with his hands planted firmly at your hips, “Show Tadashi everything that’s no longer his.”

You hesitate, not moving despite the fact that Kei’s thumbs are pressing into your hip bones, pushing you backward. He doesn’t push harder when he feels the resistance. He stills, cocking his head, holding back a scoff as he speaks again, lower, almost offended, “Do I have to repeat myself?”

You shake your head, standing up from his lap and slipping your thumbs into the waistband. “My underwear too?” you ask because you don’t want to get it wrong. 

“What do you think, Tadashi?” Kei asks, looking past you now at Tadashi standing in the same frozen place that he was minutes ago. 

“Yes,” he answers, perhaps too eagerly for how quiet he is. 

“Wrong.”

Tadashi jumps, unaware that the question of what he was thinking had a wrong answer, but he tries again regardless, “No?” It comes out more like a question. 

“Wrong,” Kei repeats.

Tadashi opens his mouth, brows knit together in confusion. Kei doesn’t help him, doesn’t offer guidance, but you know exactly what he wants to hear. It’s quiet in the room for a few moments as Tadashi tries his hardest to understand, to get it right. 

“What do you think, Kei?” he finally answers.

“Good boy,” Kei praises, only letting the gentle cadence linger for seconds before directing his attention back at you, hand slipping into his own waistband as he strokes himself to attention inside his pants. “Take ‘em off.”

You pull them down, facing towards Tadashi as you discard them. You can feel eyes trained on you, both Tadashi’s and Kei’s, and it’s causing a heat to rise into your core and the highs of your cheekbones. You don’t have time to revel in the feeling of exposure that’s taking over you, because Kei is already calling you back over. “Come be a good girl for me.”

When you turn to face him, you watch him spread his legs, his head tilting down to the floor between them as he pushes his pants and boxers to his ankles, exposing himself completely. He doesn’t look any bit remorseful or embarrassed. If it were at all possible, you’d be convinced that he looked somehow even prouder than before, being on display in front of your ex as he barks out commands that you listen so well to.

And you do listen, walking over and taking place between his legs on your knees, sitting back into your heels as you wait for whatever he tells you to do. You know this game well, know how perfectly obedient you have to be when he gets like this, how small of an error you have to make to be punished. “Be on your best behavior, now, okay? We’ve got guests,” he coos at you, sliding his fingers under your chin and curling them against your skin. 

You nod, once, just a short movement of your head for him to know that you will, indeed, be on your best behavior. No taking your own liberties or trying to get a rise out of him on purpose or pushing the boundaries of what you could and couldn’t do, you were going to be good. 

You sit there, perfectly still, not moving at all as he wraps his hand around the base of his cock, angling it down so that his head rubs across your lips, smearing the beads of precome that have already accumulated. He places it gently between your lips, parting but not passing them. 

“Lick your lips, baby. Taste it for me.”

You run the tip of your tongue against your bottom lip and then the top, staring directly up at Kei as you do so, savoring each drop that he left behind. Your tongue barely makes it back in your mouth before he grabs your face. “What do you say?”

“Thank you,” you say, urgently, overlapping the end of his question, but he doesn’t seem to mind, not when your gratitude to him is so instinctual. 

“You want more, don’t you? You want to feel it down your throat, don’t want to be able to breathe, right?” he asks, already lining himself up between your lips. 

You answer without hesitation, “Yes, please, Kei.”

In an instant, his hand is on the back of your head, fingers laced into your hair as he pulls you down on his cock in one fluent motion. It takes everything in you not to gag at the way his head jams against the back wall of your throat. He holds you there, your lips at the base of his cock as he groans at how warm you are around him. 

You’re waiting for him to pull you off completely or, at the very least, give you a moment to catch your breath, but he doesn’t. Your hands are gripping onto his thighs and your eyes are shut so tightly trying not to tap out, trying to show him and Yamaguchi how good you can be for Kei. 

“Stay there, baby, you’re doing so good,” he praises, but you can barely focus on the words. The grip on his thighs is getting weak and he can feel you trying to gasp for air around his cock and he still has so much more planned for you so he pulls you forcefully off of him. He uses the fistful of your hair to guide your attention, your chest heaving and mouth agape trying to get in as much air as you can. You can feel the spit dripping down your chin and are only now aware of the tears streaming down your cheeks. 

“Look at Tadashi. Show him how pretty you are when someone knows how to use you,” Kei coos. 

You turn your head just far enough to make eye contact with Tadashi and however you thought that he was going to react is completely thrown out the window. He’s staring at you, wide-eyed and timid, swallowing thickly as his eyes scan every inch of your face. He might even be more affected by Kei using your throat than you were. 

“Isn’t she pretty, Tadashi?” Kei asks, talking about you as if you weren’t sitting right between his legs. 

Tadashi nods but doesn’t say anything, too shocked, you’re sure, to form thoughts, let alone sentences and responses. 

“Back at me,” Kei commands, any ounce of adoration gone from his tone now, “Open.” You move to turn back to Kei and you catch it so briefly, the tent in Tadashi’s pants that twitches at the sound of Kei’s voice. 

You open your mouth as wide as you can manage, breathing consistently as you wait for his cock. He slips back into your mouth, more attentively this time, letting the underside of his cock slide against your tongue so that you can feel every pulsing vein and wrinkle of skin. “Close your lips around it, nice and tight like a little hole for me to fuck, okay?”

You hum around his cock in acknowledgment and form a tight ring around him. “I’m going to get as deep as I can and you’re going to swallow around me.” You hum again, the vibrations of your lips causing him to shudder. “Keep your eyes open, look directly at me.” There’s this authority in his eyes, one more intense than the ones he’s had in the past, one that’s so sure that you’re going to obey him. 

And you do. And you will. 

He pulls you deeper onto his cock until your face is pressed against his skin. You struggle to keep eye contact with him in this position that he’s forced you into, but you still do, desperate to keep listening to him. You swallow around his hard length, allow the ring you’ve made around his cock to loosen for only a moment as you suck in all the juices that you’ve created so that you can swallow again. Your throat massages his length and his head and you know how good you’re being for him because the fist he has in your hair tightens, his fingers shaking as he mutters a fuck . 

“Fuck, look how well she listens,” he groans, talking about you, not at you once again and you can feel yourself flood because of it, from being talked about, over top of, as if you’re not even in the room, like you’re not on your knees being used like a whore. “I’m going to fuck her throat now. I think she’s earned it, being such a good girl for me.”

Kei continues, “Watch closely. You’ll see how much she loves being used like this.” He starts moving your head up and down his cock, letting your spit coat his cock and drool onto the base. It’s forceful, but it’s not the worst that you’ve endured with Kei’s cock in your mouth. Until he lifts his hips off of the bed to meet your face, thrusting upwards to slide down your throat as far as he can and as hard as he can.

He wraps his fingers around your neck to feel the bulge that he’s created. He presses his fingers into it, groaning as he massages his length through your throat, simultaneously not allowing you to breathe. “God, you’re so fucking good.” You swallow around him again, trying to pleasure him in whatever way you can, trying to prove to him that you’re so fucking good, but you can be better. You stick your tongue out, gagging at how deep he is, convulsing around his thick cock. 

And then your mouth is empty. 

You look up at Kei, clearly now that your head isn’t bobbing violently around his cock. You can see his toned chest rising and falling and the look in his eyes of fading composure and you feel much prouder than you probably should given the amount of control you even had in that situation. “What?” he asks, breathy, but still just as much of an asshole, “Do you want a prize for doing what you were supposed to?”

He doesn’t give you time to answer. He leans forward, his mouth positioned directly above yours and you know what’s coming so well that you open your mouth before the word has even finished coming out of his mouth. He spits down your throat, harshly so that you don’t even have time to appreciate the taste. 

“Thank you,” you say without prompt. 

“On the bed. On your back. Legs spread. Heels into the mattress,” Kei barks out, paying no mind to your gratitude, despite how much he knows you want to be praised for it. He stands up from the bed, giving you room to crawl onto the middle of it into the exact position he’s described. 

“This is how you liked to fuck her, huh, Tadashi? Missionary? Was it so that you could see her pretty face while you fucked her?” He grabs your face, rests your chin in between his thumb and his pointer finger and then claws all five digits into your jaw. He jerks your head in his hand, showing you off to Tadashi, your eyes half-lidded just waiting for Kei to finally fill you. 

“There’s no way it could look as wrecked as it does when I fuck her, so I don’t really see the appeal for you,” Kei says, and then he stops moving, turning with your face still in his hand as he looks at Tadashi, “Or was it because you just didn’t know any better?”

Tadashi doesn’t answer, not with words anyway, rather, he mumbles something inaudible. Kei ignores whatever he’s trying to say. It was a rhetorical question. He didn’t need Tadashi to answer. He already knew the answer. 

Kei moves onto the bed, right in between your legs. He hasn’t touched you, has only used your mouth for his own pleasure, and yet, you’re so dripping wet that there’s already a dark spot on the blankets below you. He places an open hand on your stomach, pressing down to hold you in place as he rubs the tip of his cock between your lips, moaning at the feeling of your wetness slicking his head. 

“Sit,” Kei commands, but it’s not to you, it’s to Tadashi. He doesn’t point or gesture, just stares at the edge of the bed that neither of you is occupying. 

Tadashi listens after a moment of reluctance, taking slow, careful steps towards the side of the bed that Kei was looking at, as if moving any faster would result in punishment. You can feel the dip in the bed and you turn your head to look at him. There’s uncertainty painted all over his face, but the curiosity still remains. 

Your attention returns when you feel Kei push inside you just enough for you to swallow his head. He moves his hand from your stomach and his hand from the base of his cock and he uses them, now, to grab any part of your body that he can touch. He lets his fingers curl over your skin, kneads your tits and brushes his thumbs against your hard nipples, scratches red marks down your neck and chest, anything to keep your focus on him and not the third-party observer. 

You’re so busy focusing on how handsy he is, on thinking about where his touch will float to next, that when he slams inside of you without warning, a high-pitched scream tears from your abused throat. His hips are pressed against the insides of your thighs and he doesn’t move, just stares down at your doe-like eyes as you silently beg him for more. 

He pulls out of you, leisurely, feeling how tightly you’re squeezing around him, suctioning him back in. When he fucks into you again, you’re more prepared this time. The sound that leaves you isn’t a surprised scream, it’s a thankful groan. You know that if he wanted to, he could make you come in seconds, but he’s drawing it out, letting Yamaguchi watch how destroyed you get from such slow, methodical movements. 

When he sets a nice pace, fucking in and out of you, purposefully missing your g-spot so that the pleasure is coming only from how deep he’s going and how full you are, the surprise aspect fading away, for now, you’re intently aware on how close Tadashi is sitting next to you. If you were to reach out your arm, you could touch him. He was there, sitting on the bed, watching you get fucked better than he could ever manage. 

You turn your head to face him once again. You want to know what he looks like while he’s watching you and it doesn’t disappoint. His lips are parted so slightly and they’re sheened from spit as he keeps licking his lips and swallowing harshly. Your eyes follow his neck and his heaving chest and you catch a glimpse of how hard he is for only a moment before Kei’s hand is grabbing your jaw, forcing you to look back at him.

“Don’t look at him,” Kei snaps, his hips slamming into you harsher now, the sound of them slapping against your thighs getting louder, “Look at me. Focus on me. Don’t pay attention to him. He’s just there to watch. I’m fucking you.”

You stare up at him, eyes unfocused as they dart around Kei’s face and you want to listen to him. You want to be absolutely faultless for him, but when Kei mentions that Tadashi is just here to watch you, Tadashi whimpers. It’s soft and you can feel the embarrassment radiating off of him the second that it happens and you want to see him.

Your eyes wander for only a moment, flicking to the side to see if you can catch a sliver of whatever Tadashi looks like right now. The entire situation is so new, everything is developing so quickly, and you want to listen, but you’re just as curious as Tadashi is. Kei’s fingers dig into your chin harder, his hips pressed flat against yours in an instant as he speaks through gritted teeth, “Do you want him to fuck you?”

You start shaking your head, verbal disagreement coming out of your mouth, but he interrupts you, “No, that’s fine. He can fuck you and I’ll leave if that’s what you want.”

“No, no, no, no, please, Kei, I’m sorry,” you babble, the words leaving your mouth on pure necessity, “I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave. Please fuck me.”

“Then fucking pay attention to me,” Kei pulls out and fucks the breath right out of your lungs, “only me.”

Any amount of curiosity you could feel doesn’t outweigh the need you have to be fucked so rawly right now. Tadashi isn’t even a second thought anymore. 

“Yes, fuck, okay,” you nod, tears filling your eyes as he starts to pound into you again, “only you,” you murmur repetitively as he picks up speed. You don’t ask before clasping your fingers together behind his neck, pulling his head down to your level, and pressing his forehead into yours, but he doesn’t protest. His chin is pressed against his sternum, looking down at your body and the way that every inch of his length is being swallowed by your hole. 

He can feel you tightening around him like you always do when you’re about to come. You don’t even have to tell him anymore, he just knows, but you know that he likes to hear you anyway. You talk softly, the admittance feeling like betrayal given the other person in the room, but your want to appease Kei overrides that tenfold. “Gonna come,” you murmur. 

“You want to watch her come?” Kei asks, and Tadashi doesn’t even try to hide behind reservation, “Like, actually come? Not fake it like you typically see her do?” Tadashi’s nodding fervently, no remorse or apprehension to his desperation. “Well then, let’s show him how good you actually look when you’re coming all over a nice, thick cock, (y/n).”

He picks up the pace, pistoning into you faster than he was before, reaching one of his arms down to rub tiny circles into your clit, and angling his cock to rub against your g-spot right as you reach your edge. You pull Kei into you deeper as you come, your fingers gripping around each other and Kei’s neck as you clench around him. Thank yous are leaving your mouth incessantly, one after the other so quickly that they’re overlapping.

He doesn’t stop after you’ve finished, keeps going with his repetitive motions that brought you over the edge, knows that you’re already feeling sensitive from your first orgasm and uses that to his advantage. “That wasn’t enough. Come again. Show him how much power I have over you that he never did.” And you do. You’re screaming this time, nails digging into the back of Kei’s neck as he brutally fucks into your hole as it floods even more. 

“Look at Tadashi when you’re finished. Tell him how good it was,” Kei says, and you don’t see his face, not when you’re so delightfully blissed out from two consecutive orgasms, but you can hear the smirk in his tone. Kei pulls away from your grasp and without the grounds that his strong body was giving you, your arms fall to your sides. Your head falls against the pillow, ear flat against it as you look at Tadashi.

“It was really good, Dashi. He made me feel so good.” It slips out of your mouth without much thought, your brain on autopilot, just listening to Kei’s directions and you only notice the weight of them as Tadashi’s eyes widen. He’s marveling at the power that Kei has, at how quickly you listen to him, and how harshly he made you come in such a short amount of time and it looks like it clicks. 

It looks like he understands now, the difference between him and Kei, the reason that sex with him wasn’t as good, how Kei is so much better than him, why Kei deserves the attention you’re giving him, why he deserves to be ignored, and he’s not mad. He wants more. 

“How else did you like to fuck her?” Kei asks and when Tadashi doesn’t answer right away, he continues, “I know that there aren’t a lot of options to choose from, so this shouldn’t be too hard.”

Tadashi speaks, stammers through his words because no matter what answer he comes up with, it won’t be a confident one, “Um, I- Doggy style.”

“Yeah?” he asks as if he didn’t know all along what his answer would be. “On all fours,” he orders. “Face Tadashi so he can actually see what you look like when you’re getting wrecked, okay?”

You turn over, positioned on the bed on your hands and knees with a direct line of sight on Tadashi who is staring at you in awe. No matter how humiliating this is for you, it’s nothing compared to what Tadashi is sure to be feeling right now, but it seems like he’s soaking in it. You feel Kei move behind you, hear him spit onto his cock and then line himself up, pressing forward between your lips.

Kei roots both of his hands onto your shoulders and you close your eyes in anticipation. He pulls you back onto his cock, thrusting his hips to meet you halfway. He uses the grip on your shoulders to control his movements so precisely, to dictate how much of his cock he’s giving you, no matter how much you’re begging.

“You want more, sweetheart?” He lets the name drip off of his tongue like venom-laced honey. You’re not sure if he sees the shock that washes over Tadashi’s face or if it even matters to Kei, the exact reaction that it pulls from your observer. All you know is that you get to see it in full view. You watch the astonishment settle in first and then the disbelief, all followed by betraying arousal. The tent in his pants twitches, a small dark circle forming at the very top and you can’t take your eyes off of it. 

Kei’s thrusts are getting rougher, the sound of his hips against your ass matching the volume of your moans and drowning out the tiny whimpers that are coming from Tadashi. Kei’s name comes out of your mouth, breathy and sandwiched between moans that he’s coercing out of you, but that won’t do. 

The sound of his palm flat against your ass fills your ears before the sting sets in or the warmth starts to spread. “It’s okay. Say my name nice and loud while you’re getting fucked from behind,” Kei coaxes, the back of his hand making contact with your already red cheek, “It’s not like he hasn’t heard you say it before.”

Tadashi groans, embarrassed and trying to hold back how turned on he is by the whole situation. You close your eyes. You can’t bring yourself to look Tadashi in the face right now, can’t muster the courage as you listen to Kei. His name leaves your mouth much clearer now, actually audible this time. “Because who’s the only one that can make you feel good?” he asks, fucking into your g-spot with such purpose. 

“You, Kei, fuck, you’re the only one that can make me feel good, Kei,” you moan, “You’re the one that’s making me feel so good. ‘m close already, Kei, fuck, all because of you.”

“Already close?” Kei asks, snickering as he does. “You’re about to come for the third time, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

You nod because all he has to do is say the word and you’ll come around him again. You want it so badly, for him to let you come again. You’re waiting for it, breathing softer so that you don’t miss the words, but they don’t come, not in the way you want them to, at least. “Why don’t you ask Tadashi if you can come? He’ll tell you when to come.”

Your first thought is to ask why, but you know that’s not your place. You open your mouth to obey, to ask Tadashi if you can come, but Tadashi is the one questioning, “Wh- What?”

Kei answers so matter-of-factly that you’re sure his intention is to make him feel stupid for even thinking it. “Well, you’ll never make her come so you might as well have the privilege of telling her to come and then watching her actually come.”

Tadashi doesn’t look any less confused than he was when Kei first said it, but he listens nonetheless. He doesn’t wait long, the falter probably coming from him trying to find the right words rather than to control your orgasm. “I- Yo- You can c-,” Tadashi stutters through. It feels awkward coming out of his mouth, any sort of power. You can tell how much he hates having this sort of control, how uncomfortable he feels telling you what to do. 

But you’re still close. Kei’s still hammering in and out of you relentlessly. You’re about to let go, reveling in the feeling of Kei slamming into you while waiting for Tadashi to finish his sentence just as you would let Kei finish his when Kei pulls out of you in one quick motion. 

“No,” is the first word to leave your mouth followed by the same word over and over again, “no, no, no, no.” You were so close, completely on the edge, only needing permission to actually come and it was ripped away from you so easily. You feel so empty, clenching around nothing now as your high leaves you so quickly. 

Kei laughs from behind you and you’re not sure who exactly he’s laughing at, you begging so desperately for him to let you come, to slide back into you so that you can just feel him inside of you, or Tadashi who is sitting there, so fucking hard, like his life has been changed in that single instant. Control was dangled in front of his face and it was gone instantaneously, or maybe, it was never there in the first place. 

“You’re nothing,” Kei laughs, “You have no power over her. Only I do.”

Actual tears are forming in your eyes. You arch your back, trying to get his attention. You just want his attention. “Kei, please, please, no, please make me come, Kei, please,” you beg. He lets out another breathy laugh, clicking his tongue at how pathetic both of you are. 

It all happens in the same moment. He grips onto your hips, digging his fingers in so harshly that you can feel the crescent moon indents that he’s making. He pulls you backward, violently, but controlled. And he commands, so spitefully that doing anything else would have felt like you were personally wronging him.  

“Come for me.”

He doesn’t fuck you through your orgasm, but you don’t need him to. Just the feeling of him filling you to the brim with his fat cock is exactly what you need. Waves of pleasure ripple through you and you can feel it in every inch of your body, but somehow, that’s not the most important thing that just happened.

You’re about to close your eyes, to just relish in how good Kei can make you feel from doing so little, how grateful you are for him, but then you see it. You see Tadashi’s face scrunch into ecstasy, the dark stain on his pants growing as the tent throbs and twitches, untouched. The strangled noises that are coming from his throat demand to be listened to and you can’t take your eyes off of him as he comes, unabashed only as he rides his high. His hips are thrusting upwards into absolutely nothing and you’re positive that you have never seen him look this wrecked while he’s come ever. 

The second that he stops grunting, the moment that his cock stops twitching against the fabric of his pants, he places a hand over his mouth. He breathes heavily against his palm and the distress sets in. His cock is still hard even after he came, untouched and unintentionally in his pants to a command that was meant for you. Kei notices right away, pushes past the surprise that even he’s experiencing to taunt Tadashi in this perfect state he’s in right now. 

“You just fucking came and you’re still hard seeing me buried deep inside your ex?” Kei asks. Previously,  Kei let Tadashi’s captivated eyes answer the questions. He didn’t need words, not when he knew exactly what Tadashi was thinking and what he was trying to say without even really saying it, but this time, he wanted to hear him. “Answer me.” The strictness in his voice makes you tighten around him on instinct. 

“Yes,” Tadashi answers, his voice fragile as he continues because he knows it’s not enough to satisfy Kei, “Yes, Kei, I’m still hard.”

“So you are capable of lasting more than one round? (y/n) said that you couldn’t,” Kei smirks, knowing fully well that he has an entire arsenal of things, just like this one, that you told him in confidence, that you thought would never get back to Tadashi. “Well, you might as well come on purpose this time.”

Tadashi’s voice is as shaky as he is as it leaves him, “C- can I?” 

“Can you what?” Kei questions, tilting his head to the side. He knows exactly what Tadashi wants, but he wants him to work for it. 

A flush falls over Tadashi’s soft features, intensifying until you can see it in the tips of his ears. “Can I touch myself while you fuck her?” It’s the clearest thing he’s said all night. It’s quiet, but each word is crisp so that Kei can’t miss a single one. 

“Are you going to listen as well as (y/n) does?” he asks. 

“Yes, Kei,” Tadashi answers, quickly and assured. 

“You better make yourself last for once. I saw how quickly you came without even touching yourself. Make sure you don’t come as quickly as you usually do, understand?” Kei asks, pulling out of you, slowly so that you can feel his entire length as it leaves you.

“Yes, Kei,” Tadashi repeats himself, his voice wavering as the realization hits him, how much Kei knows about his sex life. He fumbles with the waistband of his pants, pulling them down as quickly as he can manage. 

Tadashi isn’t small. You know that. You’ve told Kei that. And yet, compared to how much bigger Kei is than him, how much girthier and how much longer his cock is, you can’t help but notice a difference, to feel like Tadashi should be insecure with his size. Kei scoffs as he watches Tadashi wrap his fist around his cock. “I guess (y/n) wasn’t lying when she said I’m able to hit all the spots you never could. Might be difficult for you to.”

Precome drips from Tadashi’s head, his cock twitches at the mention of his inadequacies, and he’s nodding right along to Kei’s humiliation. His strokes are unsure at first, hesitant and slow as he adjusts to the thought of touching himself to you getting fucked by his former best friend. 

There isn’t a single part of your sex life with Tadashi that Kei doesn’t know about, Tadashi realizes now. Every tiny detail and major part of your intimacy has been laid out in front of Kei to nitpick and assess. He knows everything. He didn’t even get to consent to it, to the humiliation that he’s feeling so heavily now, and somehow that just makes it hotter for him. 

He’s in such a submissive headspace now, feels himself slipping with no regard into a place of listening and only doing what he’s told and he doesn’t want to go back. 

“C’mon, baby, you gotta show Tadashi how good you ride me,” Kei says, helping you to your feet before lying on the bed, his hard cock standing straight up for you. “Give him something to jerk his small cock to, yeah?”

You swing your leg over top of him, pressing your knees into the soft mattress as he lines himself up with you. His head is sliding between your lips, slipping so messily against your pussy from how wet he’s made you and how many times you’ve come around him. 

You arch your back, pushing backward until you feel his head enter you and then you don’t stop. You keep pushing backward until you engulf every inch of him with your warm walls. Your chest is resting on his as you slide up and down, your tits rubbing against him as you fuck yourself with his cock. You run your fingers through his hair, pushing stray strands out of his face as you look down at him. For all the talk that he does about how ruined he makes you look, he hasn’t really taken into account how he looks when you have an ounce of control.

“You never rode him like this, have you?” he asks, swallowing thickly as you circle your hips and shake your head, biting down on your bottom lip as you fuck yourself as meticulously as he normally fucks you. 

“No, baby,” you shake your head, a look of faux concern gracing your features as you coo down at him. This is what happens when he gives you an inkling of control. The smirk that’s normally on his lips finds its place on yours and the dazed look on your face finds its place on his and typically he soaked in it, in letting go and giving you the reins if only for a few minutes, but he had a reputation to hold up, one of demands and steadfast power. 

He sits up, one arm wrapped tightly around your waist and the other arm extended behind him, giving him some sort of leverage as he pushes you up as well. You’re fully seated on his cock now, can feel it so deep inside of you that you never want to move. His fingers mold around your ribs, pressing into the bones as he picks his hips up, lifting you with them. 

He leans his forehead against your shoulder biting small nips into your flesh as he raises you up enough to fuck his cock into you. Any amount of control that you had moments ago is gone now as grips onto you tightly, grunting as he moves both of your bodies in time with one another. 

He never pulls far enough out to make you miss the feeling, fucks you by moving only inches, but you’re crumbling so quickly paired with everything else. You can’t move, don’t want to even if you could. He has such a death grip on whatever he can reach of you and you can feel his hot skin in every single place that it’s making contact with your own. You have no idea how he’s managing to fuck you so brutally when he’s so close to you the entire time. The backs of your thighs feel like they’re on fire from how hard he’s thrusting up into you. Your legs are shaking and you don’t even notice how hard you’re breathing until you watch him kiss your chest. 

“Kei, I’m gonna come,” you mutter, swallowing whatever’s in your mouth because your throat feels so dry, “I’m gonna come, Kei, fuck.”

“No,” he scowls, his cock ramming into you harder now, “Don’t. Not yet. Not until I tell you you can.”

“But, Kei, please,” you choke out, “Please.”

“What did I just say?” he asks, impatient and testing and you know that you shouldn’t push it any further, but your core is tightening and your pussy is throbbing around him and you can hear the sounds of Tadashi whimpering as he jerks himself off barely 2 feet away from you and it’s so much.

“Kei, I need- please-”

With the position that he’s in, he can’t reach you with his hands, they’re far too busy. You know that if you were in any other position, his hand would be on your throat or in your hair or against your cheek at the first sound of disobedience, but he can’t. He can’t put his hands on you and also keep destroying you so perfectly, so he sinks his teeth into your neck, rolls the skin between them before migrating down to your collarbone and doing the same thing there. You can feel the imprints of his teeth, the marks that he’s leaving behind with the lingering pain and it’s making it that much harder to hold it. 

“I won’t repeat myself again,” he grunts into your skin. 

“Yes, Kei,” you oblige, closing your eyes as he continues his pace. You try to let your mind wander, to find other things to focus on while you’re getting fucked so good , anything to distract you from how close to the edge you actually are. 

You hold it for much longer than you think you will. You just want to make him proud. You can feel the sweat on his forehead as it slips against your shoulder and you can see the shine of his stomach and feel his grip getting weaker and you’re confident that he can’t possibly make you wait for your reward any longer. Your cunt is clamped around him so tight that you’re not even sure how he’s still able to fuck you so consistently. 

His thrusts slow four times. You count every single one, every slow fuck into you. If you had been with Kei for less time, you’d think he was giving you a break, but you haven’t. You’ve been with Kei for a handful of time now, know him and how he fucks you so well that you’re barely surprised when he starts fucking you even harder. You’re barely phased when he lifts you with his hips so harshly, keeps you in that position with one solid grip, and then rams into you with a force you didn’t think he could muster in this position.  

“‘m sorry, Kei, I-,” you breathe, tears forming as you rest your cheek against his head. “‘m so sorry. I can’t hold it. I can’t. I can’t.”

“Hold it,” he orders, so sternly that disobeying him feels that much more satisfying. Your eyes roll back in your head, your body begins to fall backward, but Kei holds you in place. With the way you’re positioned, how your weight is pushing back on his arm, he can’t pick you up anymore, can’t fuck into you as deeply as he wants to. Instead, he keeps you seated on his cock as he circles his hips, rocks them against you so that you can feel him move inside of you, against your g-spot and it’s absolutely ruining you. 

He lets you fall backward now, flat against the bed between his legs. You’re barely cognitive after how hard you just came, but he pulls you out of it. “I told you not to come,” he says, grabbing your face in his hand and guiding your gaze so forcefully that your neck hurts. His harsh grip fades, but his touch still lingers, soft now, as he scratches gentle lines into your neck. “But you couldn’t help it, could you?” he asks. 

You shake your head, a confirming noise leaving you in response. 

“I just make you feel too fucking good?” he asks, but not really. He’s not really saying it for you. He’s saying it for Tadashi, for him to hear not just once from him, but twice, repeated back how much power Kei has. 

“You just make me feel too fucking good, Kei, I’m sorry,” you apologize, eyes boring up at him as you try to catch your breath.

“See? You can’t make her come even when you try so hard, but she can’t stop herself from coming for me,” Kei says, looking away from you and towards Tadashi on the edge of the bed. He’s nodding along, hanging onto every single word that comes out of Kei’s mouth, wanting to listen to just how much better he is than him. 

“Because you’re pathetic, sitting there, jerking yourself off while I fuck your ex, huh?” Kei taunts, cocking his head. His condescending tone makes Tadashi throb in his own hand as he tugs on his cock desperately, moaning affirmation. 

“Am… Am I doing good, Kei?” he asks, all caution thrown to the wind now as he flat-out requests praise. He wants to hear the same praises that you were being told. He wants Kei to call him a good boy again.

“Are you doing good?” Kei repeats the question, standing up and walking over to him, lowering himself to look directly at his cock. “I don’t know. Show me.”

Kei doesn’t touch Tadashi, isn’t even close enough for Tadashi to feel his breath, or the ghost of potential contact, but Tadashi looks like he’s trying so hard. “Yes, Kei.” His strokes are more methodical now, less haphazard as he pays attention to his grip and his pressure and the way that his thumb swipes over his head. 

Kei’s eyes don’t leave Tadashi’s cock as he directs you, “Come here. Legs off the side of the bed right next to Dashi.”

It takes everything in you, every ounce of strength you still have to move where he wants you to. You’re so close to Tadashi now that you can feel the heat radiating off of him, can hear the sounds his hand is making sliding up and down his cock so well now. 

“You’re doing so good, Dashi,” Kei finally says, his fingertips hovering over Tadashi’s thighs, but not touching. “Such a good boy for me.”

Tadashi’s strong strokes falter, stutters so noticeably that the words that come next are no surprise. “Can- can I come, Tsukki?” he asks, the nickname slipping from his lips unapologetically as you both watch him stroke himself faster.

Kei could have edged him for hours, would have loved every second of it, but you’re not sure if Tadashi could’ve handled him like you could, not yet at least. “Since you asked so nicely,” Kei smirks, “Come for me like a good boy.”

Tadashi nods enthusiastically, thanking him repeatedly as he thrusts up into his hand, his strokes becoming sloppy as his breathing gets heavier. Kei watches him, eyes fixed as Tadashi spills over his hand, coming in thick ropes that shoot up onto his shirt, adding to the mess he’s made on his clothes today. “Thank you, Kei, thank you,” he says coherently as soon as he’s caught his breath. 

Kei stands up, barely moving to get in between your legs. You reach your hand up, letting it fall over his stomach, trying to touch him in whatever way you can. “Are you going to use me to make you come, now?” you ask, innocently enough. 

He doesn’t reply, just slips inside of you so quickly that you can feel him stabbing inside of you. There’s no waiting for you to get adjusted or giving you a moment to take in the fullness, he’s just fucking into you relentlessly now. “Are you going to make me come?” he asks, matching your tone with a bit more arrogance.

“Yes, Kei,” you reply, the words being fucked out of you right alongside your breath with every stab inside of you. You squeeze around him, your tight hole massaging his length, coating him with the slickness from how drenched he’s made you. 

“Play with yourself,” he groans, “Wanna see you play with yourself.”

You snake your hand down to your clit, rubbing exaggerated circles into your sensitive nub, whining Kei’s name as you bring your fingers to your lips and suck your taste off of them. 

“I’m going to come so fucking deep inside her and you’re going to eat it all out. Every last drop,” Kei orders Tadashi. Your pussy clenches at the thought, tightening around Kei’s length as his hips stutter at the sudden tightness. 

“Please, please, wanna feel you come so deep, Kei, please,” you beg, grabbing onto his wrist in desperation. You can see his resolve slipping, can feel his cock begin to throb against your walls. You place one hand on his cheek, coiling your fingers against his skin. But it’s not the touch that does it or the way your throat is so raw that your words come out weak, it’s Tadashi that pushes him over the edge. 

“Wanna eat your come, please,” Tadashi says so softly, so sweetly that even Kei couldn’t deny it. 

Obscenities leave his mouth as his chin falls to his chest, pushing himself so deep inside of you that you can follow the pulses of his cock from the base to the tip. Each throb is another stream, another rope of come that fills you fuller and fuller. He doesn’t move, doesn’t fuck it deeper into you and let it coat his length. He stills, his hips pressed into you until he drains himself completely inside of you, not letting anything drip out. 

You don’t want him to leave, don’t want to feel empty, but you know what’s coming next and the thought is making your toes curl. “Dashi, on your knees,” Kei instructs and you hear the thud instantaneously. “Don’t you dare waste a single drop.”

“No, I promise,” Tadashi swears eagerly, more ready than he’s ever been to eat you out.

When Kei pulls out of you, there is only a momentary second that you can count, a beat of cool air against your sloppy pussy before Tadashi’s lips are placed around it, his tongue diving so deep into you that you’re almost convinced that Kei’s never even gotten that deep. 

Your pussy is so sensitive from Kei’s relentless pounding and your own touches to your clit that you feel a familiar heat rise into your stomach. Your hands are shaking as they part Tadashi’s soft hair, grabbing onto it gently so you don’t disturb him. Though, you’re certain that you couldn’t tear him away from between your legs if you tried.

His tongue is delving into your hole, using the tip as a scoop to coax out any bit of cum that is too deep for him to shallowly lap up. He places his lips around your hole and sucks, pulling any drops that he can’t get out with his tongue, suctioning as hard as he can. And when you’re positive that you’re no longer filled with cum, he doesn’t stop. He continues to run his tongue between your lips, pressing the flat of it so mercilessly into you, flicking the tip against your clit so perfectly that it almost feels intentional.

It’s not, God, it’s not. The amount of times that you tried endlessly to help him understand, to show him what you needed never proved to be successful, but in this moment in time, it’s perfect. Everything about this second, this experience is perfect and it doesn’t matter how convenient of an accident it is. 

“Kei, Kei, I’m-” You’re staring up at Kei, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, swallowing harshly, “He’s- he’s gonna make me come.”

You’re not even sure that Tadashi heard you, so focused on getting any last morsel of the cum out of you, any remnant that Kei left behind, so sensitive, so much. 

“Fuck, that’s so good, Dashi,” you reposition your hands in his hair, not guiding, just to ground yourself. ��That’s so good, don’t stop.”

Kei calls down, tells Tadashi to play with your tits as he goes, tells him that it’ll drive you crazy and he does. It does. It’s not as meticulous as when Kei does it, because of course, it’s not. His fingers aren’t as long as Kei’s and they don’t move as rhythmically as Kei’s, but his tongue is diving into you with an intent he’s never had before and you’re so sensitive and it’s so much and-

You’re coming, hard, right against Tadashi’s tongue, rolling your hips, not because he’s doing anything wrong or because you need something more, but because you can’t help yourself. Your body is reacting on its own, grinding onto Tadashi’s face, fingers so tight in his locks that he’s whimpering against you, but he doesn’t stop. 

Tadashi couldn’t do this on his own. You know that more than anyone. You’re not even sure that he was trying to make you come. You’re sensitive from Kei, on edge from him filling you so full without letting you come, and Tadashi pushed you exactly where you needed to be with the head start he was given.

“Fuck, you’re such a good boy,” you moan when you can finally see straight. He hasn’t stopped, no one’s told him to, and Kei doesn’t look like he intends to, but you’re so sensitive that it almost hurts and you want to see his face, so you rest your hand on his shoulder. “Dashi, you can stop, you did so good.”

“Can- Can I come again?” he asks, looking up at Kei, his face still hovering over your pussy. 

“Are you hard again, Dashi?” Kei asks, overwhelming shock showing on his face, whether it’s intentional or not. 

Tadashi shakes his head, “No, but I- I have to come. I want to come so badly.”

“Then come, Dashi, you’ve earned it. You finally made her come for once. You’re not completely useless after all,” Kei says, watching the bliss take over Tadashi’s face as he speaks, “Come for us again. Show us that you can listen and be a good boy for us and maybe we’ll fuck you again.”

It looks almost painful, the way his eyes squeeze so tightly and his mouth opens so wide as the most strangled noise comes out of it. He rocks against his own hand, his heavy breaths against your sensitive pussy feeling so warm. He just wants you to be proud of him, for both of you to be. 

“So good, Dashi, that’s a good boy,” you praise.

When his eyes flutter open again, when he regains whatever amount of coherence that he can, he thanks you. Neither of you has even touched him tonight and, still, he looks so grateful. You can only imagine how wrecked he’ll look when you actually get your hands on him. The thought stops you in your tracks. You look over at Kei and how he’s looking down at Tadashi in awe and you wonder if he meant it, what he said about fucking him again. 

“Here, let’s get you into bed,” you say, sitting up. It feels weird being on this side of it and not completely in Tadashi’s position, being tucked into bed after being wrecked so hard. He doesn’t refuse. He lets you and Kei help him to his feet and get him into bed. You know how taxing it is to be in that position for the first time, for sex to finally be good for you, even if he barely participated in the actual act itself. 

“I’m still mad at you, y’know,” Tadashi mumbles as you pull the blanket up over his chin. “I have the right to be mad at you, both of you.”

“Dashi,” you say as you exhale, but he cuts you off. 

“I’m not finished,” he says, “I’m still mad at you because it was a really shitty thing to do to me.” He pauses, not trailing off, but letting you both really hear the words, “But I think I understand now in some weird way, not just how our sex was not good at all, but how important it is.”

“I’m sorry, Tadashi, honestly, I am. I should have told you. I should have talked to you about everything and I didn’t and I’m sorry,” you say, letting the apology that’s been in your brain for weeks finally come out. 

“I know,” he says, yawning now as everything catches up to him. “I know and it’s not okay, but it’s getting there.” 

You go to reply, open your mouth to respond, but Kei stops you, shaking his head as he gestures to the way that Tadashi’s breathing is even now and his eyelids are no longer fluttering. Then, he gestures to the door, picking up your clothes from the floor and handing them back to you before putting on his own. 

There are boxes scattered on the floors, an ample amount of things that are not packed up that should be. Honestly, this room is far more of a mess now than it was when you got here, but at least he’ll feel okay pushing your things to the side now. 

You shut the front door, locking it behind you with your key. Kei waits for you patiently, his hand extended out for when you’re ready to grab it. You intertwine your fingers with his. 

“Not necessarily how I thought moving your things would go, but I’m not mad about it,” Kei says, breaking the silence. 

“Of course you weren’t, you had two people to control. What a dream come true for you and your superiority complex,” you joke, though it’s not really a joke. He knows that. He doesn’t mind. 

You walk hand-in-hand, forgoing the car that’s parked in Tadashi’s driveway and making the quick commute back to Kei’s on foot. The fresh air is nice and you’re almost positive that if you were to sit down, even just in the front seat of a car, you wouldn’t be able to get up. 

“I can’t believe it,” you say, “how has fucking you both ruined and begun to repair my relationship with Tadashi?”

“I’m just that good,” Kei scoffs, shrugging as if it were obvious. You push your shoulder into him, letting him lose his balance and regain it all by himself. You squint your eyes at him. He laughs before correcting himself, “I think he just didn’t know that sex could be that good, just like you didn’t.”

You’re about to take his answer as it is, let it slide and continue on with your conversation. It makes sense to you, especially having grown in the same way Tadashi had, albeit more so, but this was his first time.  His response is enough to make you feel content, but he continues, for himself or for you or for Tadashi, you’re not sure. “Tadashi’s never been good at being honest with himself, at knowing what he wants, let alone voicing those wants to other people when he finally figures them out, and that’s fine bu...” Kei pauses, letting you hang onto every word of his observant explanation, “that just means without someone there to help… without us there to help,” he corrects himself, “sex is going to be really shitty.”

You hum. You thought that you were happy with the answer before, but this one sits with you so much better, and yet, even with his mention of you both helping him, your question still comes out not nearly as confident as you need it to be. “Were you serious about fucking him again or did you just say that to make him come?” you ask into the brisk air. 

“I was serious,” he answers quickly, “Have I ever said anything to you just to make you come?”

You shake your head in response, swinging your arms together as you come to conclusions, make connections in the silence between the two of you. “So, do you think we could do it again?” you ask, “But a little different next time.”

“Different how?” Kei questions, and you tell him. Maybe you’re a bit too excited, but as soon as you start talking, the ideas keep coming. They don’t stop, not as you step inside of your house or as you step into your bedroom or as you flop onto the bed or as you get under the covers. 

“Is that really what you want?” Kei asks when you’ve finally finished talking. 

You nod, not saying a word because you’ve talked a lot as it is and your throat is still sore. 

“Then, yes, I think he’d love that,” Kei agrees, pulling you deeper into him and mumbling a final thought into your hair, “And I would too.”

taglist: @daddyjackfrost @karasunoya @girlwith-kalei-do-scope-eyes @itsmeteiiteii @omiivr @cyueksims @kei-tsuki21 @ks-tsukki @snazzyturtles @rinniemybeloved

send an ask and i’ll add ya to the taglist! ~ ♡ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ♡

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima smut #tsukishima kei x reader #hq smut #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #tsukishima x reader smut #yamaguchi x reader #yamaguchi smut #yamaguchi x reader smut #toriwritesshit #not fair!