#truly the autistic gay experience

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billions could only have a gay man, who was married, and died by the end of that season; only deal with taylor's upending of presumed cishettery by having everyone who's not terrible be automatically down without putting some crisis about it on them, as the better approach to trying to have people talk about it (true, certainly in this case); extent of its room for rian's latent nonbinariness being "never wearing skirts/dresses, always wearing makeup though"....all that is to say, even with neither of them allowed to be "truly" cishet, b/c that's the rewarded realm for superior people, billions could never do winstuk. but they could be kissing right now

#winston & tuk: cannot be cishet in a way that matters (billions means this as an insult. i mean it as a testimonial) #sure convincing that winston's own ideals are like ''wow im the straightest in the world'' after One alleged official dating experience #and Two crushes on nonbinary people. and being the One person who's a) supported tuk b) without telling him to Stop Being A Loser #the one way other characters can Elevate(tm) tuk more than winston: not Really support him; just tell him to Become worthier #while winston: does not do this #anyway nobody at all gets to be ''truly'' ''ideally'' cishet; just like other inventions re the Correctest body/mind's look & behavior #tbt yrs & yrs ago some random lady talking abt ''queering'' her marriage by having a cellphone or smthing like ma'am i agree nowadays fr #winston Cannot have a ''correct'' sexuality even if he's supposedly ''at least'' cishet with it #neither can tuk; next most loserest dumped no gf nerd! neither Unglasses'd; neither Thin; winston's autistic; tuk isn't white.... #show goes ''well just look at & listen to him XD'' towards winston on occasion; usually doesn't ''overtly'' do this; doesn't re: tuk.... #meanwhile the idea that well Non Hot(tm) people who have no place in ideals & fantasy of Correctness & what's most desired? #they can get with Each Other :) that doesn't threaten things haha don't know how wrong they are. or have accepted All They Deserve (less) #billions is so proximately capable of letting these two be Involved in this way lmao. but it also Isn't #can barely handle taylor & just avoids addressing as much outright as often; again: one gay man; neatly married; neatly deceased.... #iconic total hc's: supplementary dynamics the ladies who are also friends they hooked up w/in 6x11 having a fourway abt it #no anxious negotiating of what must be done & must not be done to keep it all cishet ''enough'' lol. congrats to them all #winston billions #winstuk #was already thinking winston could be dating someone we don't know abt till billions tried to reassure us oh he hasn't Of Course lol right #same is true for tuk ofc but he gets the same treatment (ft. ben's utter mysteriousness re: Any mention of past dating history....) #riawin could've been great & was completely welcome; issue became how the abusiveness there would just also manifest re: sex / romance #totally won't find resonance / overlap b/w ableism & homophobia in how winston's sexuality is seen as mere sex drive that's also gross btw #tuk's really also framed the same way like Of Course You'd Be Rejected; and Any desires would become repulsively Too Much #b/c the superior parties have to want it for it to be correct! & they'd never want You! you're just completely wrong & outside of it all #winston talking at all? Too Much. he must be talked To; & that is so usually begrudging & nonideal #other ppl being horney like well of course. pretty epic really #like w/e winston's sucking & fucking & [Saluting] if he isn't dating at all. like good for him. he can make out w/tuk one way or another #''winston can go fuck himself'' (like one bg dialogue person straightup says) Okay. He Is. party for one? this too can be Sex

[drdemonprince]

thanks for your response to my question about knowing what you want. that's broadly what i've been trying to do, though dealing with long covid and being very conscious of not getting it again makes in-person stuff... tricky. i've been trying to do something nice just for myself for my birthday (in kind of a reclaiming manner, as it was a very much not good day for most of my life) and was completely blanking on the question. (i have a lot of difficulty imagining things i've never done/experienced for some reason.) guess i'll keep on taking baby steps and hopefully figure this out better sometime

It's *very* common for Autistic people to have trouble imagining themselves doing something they have never done before. I once had a HUGE meltdown at the doorsteps of a haunted house because I had no idea what the floorplan would be, when actors would be jumping out at me, how long the experience would be, or anything else to expect. I NEVER went to half of the gay clubs in town until someone I was seeing finally brought me, and I finally learned what to expect of going to a bar on my own. I truly did not conceive that public spaces were "for me" just as much as they were for anyone else. I experienced most of the world as this shadowy, forbidden world that I could not understand and did not have permission to access until pretty recently, in the grand scheme of things. And I certainly felt immensely guilty having a birthday and DARING to want to do anything for it, especially not something everybody would like.

But there is a way out of this! One of the ways is to simply try new things - there is no true self inside of us with hidden true desires and habits that we can just magically find and unlock, rather the self is an active becoming, a process of trying new things that sound appealing or that we simply wish to learn more about, and potentially becoming the type of person that does them (or, conversely, learning something about ourselves in the process if we try something and find we do not like it).

If you cannot imagine yourself experiencing joy, happiness, belonging, you can probably at least be curious about something. This was how I became a furry: I was intrigued by the idea of Furfest, and so I went. I didn't consider myself a furry when I went. I didn't put any pressure on myself to enjoy it or to belong there. I considered myself something of an anthropologist studying a cool subset of human culture when I first attending in 2018. While I was there, I also decided that trying on some antlers in the dealer's den might be interesting. It turned out I liked it, and I grew closer with other people in that community too. Eventually through repeated adventures and trials it became a thing I enjoy. Most of my hobbies and passions have evolved similarly -- I wrote a short story because I was bored, and then years later I had lots of writer friends and a career, I attended a local comedy show because I had nothing to do, and then I tried out for one, and then I was in the comedy scene.

We are what we do, and that means that who we are can always change. It can always expand and deepen. If we cannot currently access much joy or genuine passion, we can find it -- by pursuing new things and taking an interest in life, in whatever ways we can. And of course, if you are Autistic, I do recommend doing research and googling about various spaces and subcultures and social mores in advance, so you know a little bit more of what to expect, which will help the concept of going to crystalize more in your mind. But there's nothing quite like trying it!

Let me know what you decide to try as a birthday adventure for yourself. Good luck!

[rayghosts]

Reigen Arataka, world's greatest twink, dilf, milf, and Twitter favorite, had the chance of a lifetime. The Tumblr Sexyman poll - the only poll he landed second place in - was having a rematch on the original blue hellsite itself. With the experience he had gathered from the previous match, Reigen felt confident that he could win first place this time. He forwent the tactics he used last time and instead leaned hard into what he now knew was what made him truly appealing to the Tumblrinas: his babygirl factor.

In his first round, he swept the floor with Beetlejuice by opening his laptop and doing his work while lying in bed like a middle schooler. In the second round, he triumphed over Spamton by placing a hand on his hip in imitation of Jerma and saying, "Sparkle on, it's Wednesday, don't forget to be yourself!" In the third round, his victory over Jack Skellington was locked the moment Reigen used his latest Special Move: getting down on his hands and knees and arching his back so that his butt jutted out in a pose which drove the audience wild.

Having now won three rounds, Reigen was growing eager. He had but one round left before he could have his rematch against Sans. Already he could see that stupid skeleton across the stadium, taunting Reigen with his lazy smile.

Reigen's fourth opponent was a character he had never heard of before named Cecil Palmer, who didn't even have a canon appearance (albeit his voice did sound sexy). Cecil was from a podcast from 2012. Learning this, Reigen felt even more assured in his victory. No matter how popular this Cecil character may have been in 2012, Reigen had one over him in terms of relevance.

To Reigen's shock, his match against Cecil turned out to be much tougher than all his previous rounds. He soon learned the error he made in assuming Cecil's podcast faded years ago, for as it turned out, Welcome to Night Vale was still ongoing. Worse yet, Cecil's character writing kept up pace so that he was still as sexy by today's standards as he had been in 2012. Where Reigen cocked his hip in a slutty way and waved his hand around rapidly, Cecil rivalled him by wearing cat ears to work and gushing about his gay husband (who was CANON. How was Reigen supposed to go up against a CANON gay character?!)

But, no, there had to be some other secret to Cecil's success. After all, he didn't make it nearly as far in the Twitter poll. As Cecil paused in the middle of the competition to pull out his phone, Reigen finally saw why: Cecil had a Tumblr account. He had already familiarized himself with the website's culture long before Reigen entered the picture.

As Cecil's votes piled on unrelentlessly, Reigen became nervous. Could he really lose before reaching second place again? Reigen attempted to distract Cecil with a Salt Splash, but Cecil countered him by saying something about "the weather" and causing a random song to play out of nowhere, which disarmed Reigen long enough to gain Cecil another vote.

Now growing desperate, Reigen scanned through the audience, and that was when he saw him: Mob, standing among the crowd of Tumblrinas, watching his Shishou with his usual autistic stare. Reigen's first thought was how embarassing it must be for Mob to witness his teacher lose like this, but then he remembered his last match in Twitter, and what Mob told him afterward. Mob had wanted Reigen not to worry about what other people thought of him.

Reigen suddenly felt ashamed. How could he have forgotten Mob's words so quickly, and what was he teaching his disciple now, by entering a rematch of that contest? His vexation disappeared, to be replaced by a quiet resignation. As the poll drew to a close, and Cecil remained in the lead, Reigen decided to implement one last Special Move: Accepting His Defeat.

One second away from the poll's end, Cecil spoke in his smooth radio host voice, "Good news, listeners: #CECILSWEEP." The crowd erupted into cheers as the round's winner was announced to be Cecil.

Reigen somberly turned to walk off the stage. But before he could reach the end, he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned back to see Cecil standing next to him. Cecil had one question for him... would he like to be mutuals on Tumblr?

Reigen's eyes teared up.

Maybe the true Tumblr sexyman was the friends we made along the way.

@sexymanotd

#sexymanotd #tumblr sexymen poll #cecil gershwin palmer #reigen arataka #welcome to night vale #mob psycho 100 #cecilsweep #mine

[verdantmeadows]

I've been meaning to post this for a bit, but, in the (live action) TV shows I often see in the background that my mom watches (shows like hospital shows, drama shows), the amount of interracial couples, even if the characters are very racially/ethnically diverse, is incredibly small. Not only that, but black characters usually end up with black characters, latine ones with latine ones, white ones with white ones, Asian ones with Asian ones....and honestly not much consideration for people who might not fit into those categories, but, if they are in the show, almost always with each other. If there is an interracial couple, it is usually of people with similar skin tones. Seeing a dark-skinned character with a light-skinned character is very rare. And this makes me so, so sad. Normalization of interracial couples has so far to go. As a kid, I truly thought it wasn't something most people cared about. But as I've grown older, I've learned that most families do care, whether on a small or large level, if their child is in an interracial relationship. Much of many societies do. Within any group or community of any race/ethnicity, it is almost always generally frowned upon or completely acceptable to make jokes about those or directly to those in interracial relationships.

In my experience with ("Western") cartoons, interracial couples are far more common, although still not as common as I think they should or could be. But I am very happy about every year they get more prominent. I do not usually watch live action TV shows, so I don't have as much experience with them, but I think it's often common for cartoons to be more recognizably diverse in their characters, ranging from things like sexuality, gender identity, disability, race/ethnicity, and more (although this still is far from where it should and could be).

That's just a really long amount of text to preface a relationship that means a lot to me that has come about recently, and is canon. In Fionna and Cake, we see a gay M/M couple, which is incredibly rare in cartoons (and if it does occur, usually only happens between gay dads, for meaningless background characters, or is immediately sidelined—I can only think of one gay M/M couple in "Western" cartoons that isn't the first two and is then immediately sidelined). Gay men (as in all MLM) are incredibly underrepresented in cartoons (and in general). All forms of queer people are, but gay men are noticeably represented less in comparison to other queer people, especially in cartoons.

Not only are they a gay M/M couple, they are also an interracial couple and one with a very visible difference with their skin tones. Marshall Lee is inarguably a black person, and Gary is presumably a white person. And their relationship is so, so cute and healing. They are truly loving towards each other. They are supportive. They are incredibly relevant to the plot, not sidelined, and are given their time to shine. We get to see a visible, gay male, interracial couple. One of them is even likely bisexual, and the other commonly and easily relatable to autistic people. They are an on-screen couple. They are relevant. This is the first time the part of me that's MLM has actually felt and been represented in a cartoon that didn't make me feel belittled or frustrated. I'm so, so happy from this.

I have seen very few people talk about how genuinely revolutionary this relationship is for the representation of queer men and queer men of color as well as for interracial and interracial queer relationships. In fact, I've seen many QUEER people be frustrated or upset by it, feeling as if it takes away from other queer people and queer relationships in the particular show/series, which is disheartening.

However, rather than focus on the negatives (although I think it's important to examine why those might come about), I want to focus on the positives. This is genuinely such an amazing push in representation on so many levels that we have. And I am so, so happy about it. I can't even express it in words. I hope that there are other people out there who realize just how big of a deal their relationship was. I am genuinely astounded by it. I don't have much more to say, so I'll just end this post with an image of them.

#book of kells #fionna and cake #gumlee #garylee #marshall lee abadeer #marshall lee #gary prince #lgbt #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #interracial love #lgbtq #queer representation #poc representation #<- dont like the phrasing of that but that's what the popular tag is :/ #gay men #gay representation #mlm representation #mlm

[transmascpetewentz]

I really want to know, why does it bother you so much that there are cis gay men in the world who do not want to have sex with afab people? it triggers your dysphoria and makes you feel bad, I gather that much, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to their sexual boundaries.

especially when there are countless posts made by gay people that are talking about same sex attraction that get dog piled by trans people feeling excluded, when they just are inherently excluded from some peoples sexual attraction.

gender and sex are different yes? and sexuality is based on sex. this seems to be something we disagree on. trans men are men, they have the right to live as themselves and transition, but they are still trans. not everyone is going to be sexually attracted to them, or have them included in their sexuality, especially people who are single sex attracted. I want to know what’s transphobic about this.

your crusade to get cis people to accept any genitals in a partner is actively driving a wedge in the lgbt community, I would like to understand your perspective beyond “this makes my dysphoric, I feel excluded, therefore I will create the term TEHM and make these people into villains on tumblr.com”

I ask this out of curiosity, I am interested to hear what your takes are in one place since it’s hard to find your whole POV across multiple posts. We don’t agree and probably won’t ever agree, but I hope you can see where I’m coming from and I hope I can do the same for you.

I was going to delete this ask, but this is the most politely that one of you has come into my inbox. I don't have the energy to write up anything that long about the subject but I'll try my best.

As I have stated many, many times, I don't care if an individual cis gay man doesn't date or fuck trans men. I really don't. The problem arises when cis gay men claim that they cannot be attracted to trans men, or that their supposed lack of attraction to us makes us any less male or any less gay.

A cis gay man making a blanket statement about never wanting to date/fuck a trans man in specific is like an allistic person loudly proclaiming that they would never date/fuck an autistic person, or a white person saying they would never be with a POC. While their individual choices don't matter, their "preferences" reveal that they are bigots.

"Trans men are men" is incompatible with the idea that gay men cannot be attracted to us. Hell, I'm a gay man, and I love my fellow trans men. If a gay man truly sees trans men as men, he will have the capacity to be attracted to us. The idea that sexuality is based on sex can be easily debunked by many examples of cis gay men dating and fucking trans men, as well as the fact that we have documented evidence of so-called "I'm only attracted to biological males!!!" type of men unknowingly fucking stealth trans men.

Now onto my more important point, the issue with TEHMs is not that they embarrass themselves by making a huge display about how they're so obsessed with hating boypussy, but that they try to claim that their own lack of attraction to trans men means that we should not be included in gay male spaces.

Not every cis gay man is going to be included in the attraction of every other cis gay man, but we don't see fem4fem cis gays claiming that masc cis gays don't belong in our spaces, do we? But because trans men are treated like shit even by other queer people, no one comes to defend us.

And as for posts that talk about "same sex attraction" being dogpiled by trans people, yeah, they deserved that. Gay trans men and transfem lesbians experience homophobia, and the vast majority of experiences that TEHMs call "SSA experiences" apply to us. Gay trans men are a very diverse group of people with very different experiences and daily lives from each other.

I also did not coin "TEHM." It was coined in 2017 by another Tumblr user who I don't remember the username of.

And before you go "but what about cis gay men who are trans allies who just aren't attracted to them 🥺" and to that I say, please show me someone. I have yet to meet a cis gay man who claims to have a genital preference or who says he would never fuck boypussy, who is also a trans ally. They all end up going mask off immediately. And so many of them try and make their subconscious biases that make them believe trans men are unattractive my problem.

It's true that we probably won't ever agree on this, especially if you're cis. If you're trans, I wish you the best of luck overcoming your internalized transphobia, and my blog will be waiting for you when that time comes. You seem to misunderstand the problem that I and other gay trans men have with TEHMs, and it comes from the bias that we're just entitled women who want to fuck gay men.

Obviously, when a gay trans man calls out bigotry, he can't ever have a point 🙄 it must just be someone refusing to play along with his fetish! (sarcasm)

#asks #long post #transandrophobia

[floating-above-sea-level]

At request of a mutual I am posting my incoherent ramblings abt this on Tumblr (some headcanon context: my Ness is non-binary, queer, and AuDHD, my Mike is transmasc, AroAce-spec, mlm, and autistic 😋😋😋)

SecurityWaiter/DreamTheory queerness is taking over my brain

Ness is someone who is so all consumingly queer. They are everything and they are nothing. They are a boygirl girlboy who is also a genderless being simply taking part in all the corners of the human experience. They are a butch lesbian, a twink, and every form of multisexual under the sun all at once. They’re gay and straight in every relationship. No matter how they dress, it is cross dressing. Everything about them is queer and they know it and love it and it’s everything

Mike on the other hand, is the experience of being nothing unless he has to be something. He doesn’t really experience attraction before Ness, and then with Ness, Ness becomes everything to him. With labels, he fits into whatever is most comfortable, but at the end of the day, he’s just him. He’s just a guy. Labels only exist for the sake of communication but if he could just exist without having expectations or explanations needed, he would enjoy that far more. He’s a man because it’s what he’s most comfortable with and practically speaking he fits just fine into that role, but he’s not a man in the way a cis man is a man, or in the way ANY other man is a man for that matter. But he’s also not a woman. But he still has experience with girlhood. It’s something that he’s spent so much time and energy getting away from, but he eventually realizes that it’s ok for him to have that. It’s HIS experience, anything can fit inside of it, and he doesn’t NEED to explain anything to anyone or simplify it into a couple words for the sake of what’s easy. He’s him, and that’s that.

Gender and sexuality aren’t things that they perfectly fit into and THATS OK. Ness LOVES it and they help Mike learn to embrace it. They are boyfriends and partners and girlfriends and soulmates and two halves of a whole. They see each other and become blind to the rest of the world. They are everything and they’re nothing and it’s AMAZING. They love every bit of each other and that’s all they need.

Some other general spewing because I have a lot of visual stuff in my head that I don’t know how to elaborate on so just have some key words ig lmao

Exploring each other’s bodies (/nsx or /sx that’s up to you ☝️☝️☝️)

Embracing each other

Gold scars

Heart eyes

In sync

Happy and scared tears

Gentle kisses

Tracing fingers

Saying I love you and truly meaning it

Biting their lips

Slow reveals and realizations

Learning what comfort is

Full laughter

Easy breaths

Only caring about each other’s opinions

Utter adoration

Ugh chat they mean everything to me like actually 💔💔💔

#fnaf #fnaf movie #securitywaiter #dreamtheory #mike schmidt #ness the waiter #queer #trans #neurodivergent #audhd #headcanons

[our-t4t-experience]

I'm transmasc and came out to my transfem GF a couple days ago. She says she's pansexual and that me being trans is great since she can talk about being trans more comfortably around me now

but I can't help but feel like she's kind of uncomfortable/upset about it and she hasn't been doing a great job at using my new pronouns or name.

I'm not really sure what to do because I really think she wants to break up with me now, but I don't want to since we've been dating for a long time and currently live together in a apartment.

is she autistic by any chance? she may be more upset about the new change in name/pronouns because its new and change rather than that youre trans. ive had a couple of people confide in me that theyve felt this way. also, theres sometimes a relationship dynamic change when you come out when youre in a relationship

alternatively she could just be one of those people who prioritize being gay (which is way too much of the queer community tbh) and may be uncomfortable thinking you may identify as being in a straight relationship (which u dont gotta identify as being in a straight relationship but if u do thats cool too) and honestly theres ways to educate those kinds of people into understanding that st4t and queerhet/transhet relationships r like cool actually. but it depends on the person for sure

overall, id give it a bit. a couple of days is a really short amount of time, especially when you've known someone as another name/pronouns for a really long time. if she truly loves you, she will get over her hangups. the autistic opposition to change is pretty short lived if its a positive change (i know this from experience as an autistic person who hates change). and on the off chance that shes like someone who doesnt like transmasc ppl/trans ppl, thats a personal problem for her, and u can always find way better than that. there is no shortage of people to date who will love you just how you are<3

#t4t #trans community #tf4tm #ftm4mtf #st4t #t4t mlw #trans

[colcredglass]

ted lasso sexuality hcs

here’s my brutally honest list of sexuality hcs for the characters in ted lasso. if someone isn’t listed, i don’t really feel strongly enough about their sexuality, or their sexuality is explored in canon. disclaimer: i think all of these characters can be hc’ed in a million different ways, but this is me being as honest as possible with what i think works best in congruence with the canon (i also love to say no one in the show is straight, but statistically speaking, there will probably be straight people)

Ted: straight ally (has experimented before and decided it’s not for him, but is also not entirely opposed to dating a man if something changes in the future)

Rebecca: bisexual (heavily male-leaning; hasn’t ever been with a woman before and probably never will, but has some feelings here and there)

Roy: straight ally (hasn’t ever tried anything, might try it once just to see, but not into men; i can see him dating an afab nonbinary person but then breaking up with them cause he realizes the relationship is invalidating and they deserve better)

Jamie: bisexual (might take some time for him to actually date a guy, but has definitely slept with guys before; his crushes on both Keeley and Roy are so real)

Sam: pansexual (sapiosexual lol; just wants someone sappy that he can have deep conversations with, doesn’t matter their gender; i also think he might be on the ace spectrum, in the “doesn’t really go looking for sex, but loves pleasing his partner” kinda way)

Isaac: straight ally (will go to gay clubs with colin and has no clue how to react when men hit on him; has some mild homophobia that he’s trying very hard to work through; listens to audiobooks about supporting your gay friends)

Richard: bisexual (french)

Barbara: lesbian (i can’t remember if she ever mentioned a boyfriend or husband or anything like that, but she’s so clearly into jack and probably has a crush on keeley)

Beard: pansexual (had a crush on ted early in their friendship that he’s gotten over; his backstory is truly wild and i don’t think someone with a life like that cares about gender; i don’t think he’s fully cis either)

Dani: straight ally (his reaction during colin’s coming out scene gave me huge vibes of someone who is maybe a little uncomfortable with talking about gay stuff but is also trying very hard not to seem uncomfortable talking about gay stuff)

Jan: queer (i know they say “he’s not rude, he’s dutch” but let’s be real, he’s autistic, and i think he’s the type that his experience of sexuality is very different from allistic people; mostly sticks with women cause it’s more socially acceptable, but definitely not opposed to being with others)

Nathan: pansexual (heavily female leaning; probably doesn’t realize he’s pan because he just assumes everyone is attracted to everyone and just chooses to date the more socially acceptable gender; too shy to ever hook up with a guy)

#ted lasso #rebecca welton #jamie tartt #roy kent #sam obisanya #isaac mcadoo #coach beard #richard montlaur #dani rojas #jan maas #nathan shelley #sexuality headcanons

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time. earlier tonight, my eyes were cursed with star trek generations, a very very bad movie. if you don't know the big spoiler for this movie (the character death), please stop reading here. or keep reading actually i'm not your mom. fuck this movie anyway.

with the tos movies, i tried to keep notes on notepad as i watched so as to better type up a "liveblog" later. i was a bit spotty at remembering to do that this time, but i have enough to put together a reasonable write-up. here's kind of how it went

cried multiple times during this movie. first time was when kirk showed up because i knew it was the last time we were ever gonna see him. got bonus aftershock tears when i saw scotty and chekov - i was under the impression it was JUST kirk. second time, i THINK, was when he showed up again, though i just misted up a little. big boo-hooing when he mentioned spock, naturally. MORE crying when he finally bit it, though it was mostly because i was angry!!! and finally, even though i promised myself i wouldn't cry over data, i did start sobbing when he was reunited with his cat. gave myself a crying headache.

it was difficult watching kirk be on the bridge and want to be captain and he's not captain. and then crisis strikes and oh yeah he is. and really, the captainly thing to do WAS to go down to the lower decks and do whatever the fuck. needs of the many. he saved that guy's life. that would have been a fine death.

it was a little ruined by chekov going "was there somebody in there?" like to me it struck me more as funny than anything

oh, spotting guinan in the tos era made me absolutely thrilled btw. i missed her so much in s7 it was UNREAL.

OH YEAH AND. sulu's daughter. wah. ik aos sulu is gay do we think tos sulu is gay too. either way i;m very happy for him

apparently one of the guys in this is from succession. i'm choosing to blame this whole debacle on him.

switching directly to a fucking holodeck scene KILLED me. i HATE the holodeck. at first i thought they were giving worf a retirement party to send him to ds9 but they were just doing all of that for fun. deanna's outfit was hot though. also, data shoving beverly WAS FUNNY tng writers just hate autistic people

i have mixed feelings about data and the emotions chip. i was surprised they never covered it in tng proper and i think it would have been handled better there...data having the chip WAS the reason soren got away, which makes it plot-important, but it felt like a b-plot to a normal tng episode and this is supposed to be a feature film. instead it was a tng two-parter with a budget and william shatner. it was fun watching data experience emotions (happiness, terror) and struggle to control them, but there ironically wasn't enough time to really get into it, except when picard gave him the tough love speech, which i think was uncalled for. why is he so against suicide when it's data when he was out here telling worf to kill himself over an empty barrel??

titty klingon sisters. i never remember their names or their faces but i ALWAYS recognize those boob windows. at first it was really annoying because it is pretty sexist but honestly i've become very endeared. it's absolutely devastating that this movie killed them too. they were everything to me 💔

hey, sorry, side bar, were they watching geordi bathe through his visor? freaks.

also, geordi in the bondage gear while he was kidnapped. ALSO, wasn't he growing new eyes in the tng s7 finale? whatever happened with that???

stellar cartography looks better than it did in tng but it brought back memories of picard running around on poor beverly. idk what he's so worried about continuing his family line for wesley crusher IS his affair baby

hey, also, the lighting??? the "distant sunlight" atmosphere when the lights are off vs the brightly lit interior of the show? truly, the upgraded lighting was probably my favorite part of the movie. it looked SO fucking good. i really felt like we were on a spaceship.

no, wait, ACTUALLY my favorite part was data getting to say "oh, shit!" that was really good. they got one bad word for this whole movie and used it in the perfect place

no, my favorite part was the spock mention.

did not like kirk referring to picard repeatedly as the captain of the enterprise. kirk's the real captain here, bitch. picard doesn't have what it takes to die for his ship. he doesn't love his ship the way kirk loved his.

i did like the nexus reference to the tmp wife. in the novel she was named lori but she didn't show up in tmp proper much less get a name so i'm ok with them calling her the wrong name, but i just know it's the same woman. less okay with kirk's nexus dream being all about some random woman we've never met. he's in love with the IDEA of a woman to come home to, sure, but it's just lazy writing. we don't have any reason to care about this girl. at least if it had been carol ruth marcus or something we'd have SOME basis to give a shit on. the nexus was the perfect place for spock and bones! i wish they and uhura and sulu had had cameos...

i also liked him warning picard to NEVER retire/accept promotion, bc retiring wound up being so traumatizing for him. this is not really consistent but i'm making it that way in my mind palace.

also, kirk being a horse girl is FAKE. they just made him be into horses bc picard is into horses. gross. he was really good at chopping wood though lol

the scene with the kids evacuating the spaceship...WHY WOULD YOU HAVE CHILDREN ON THIS SHIP. i also worried about the pets the entire time, which is part of why i lost it when data found spot :(

it's sad that a piece of guinan was left behind in the nexus...does that happen to everyone? is a piece of kirk in there too? i really wanted to write a fix-it for this someday but they have given me so little to work with that it's hard to imagine a fixit that isn't just 80% "yeah we're ignoring that" which isn't very satisfying.

the crash was SO long. also, why was data holding troi? she's got 2 different boyfriends who could be doing that for her

since i was going into this knowing kirk died, i expected that he was gonna die because the nexus swallowed him or something. i was expecting something grand. instead it was like, tos scene, an hour and a half of very mid tng content, and then half an hour of rushed and poorly paced kirk and picard scenes. typical tng episode that it didn't get to the point until it was almost over, but jesus. i can't believe they got shatner for their movie and then barely had him in it. like, kirk at the end was a total surprise narratively (obviously everyone watching it knows bc of the opening at LEAST that he'll be back, but imagine if this guy had been some rando - it would have been so unsatisfying and weird).

see, this is the thing. the nexus actually has the potential to be incredibly compelling. the way picard's scenes were shot were very very good, if one could ignore the clothes from 1790 and the horrific portrait of himself looking like he stepped out of les mis and also how creepy his kids were and WHY WASN'T HIS WIFE BEVERLY I HATE HIM. kirk's were rushed and messy (he likes horses? his dog? none of this connects us to the character we knew in tos...), and picard's involved, well, picard. but the CONCEPT absolutely fucks, and i did love the creep factor in spite of it all. this whole movie had huge potential and instead it's a steaming pile of shit. i could have learned to live with a good kirk death but living with a bad one is gonna kill me. at least he had good last words. "oh, my" right before he dies kinda fucks tbh.

my final note is that i think sir patrick stewart got sunburnt filming some of those scenes near the end. there were a few shots where he looked quite pink. give the man some sunscreen. oh yeah also why did some people randomly wear the ds9 uniforms...what on earth

anyway, terrible movie, 0/10 stars, i'm never gonna recover. tng never disappoints in disappointing me.

NEXT TIME: back to ds9, thank god. we're doing "meridan" and "defiant."

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb #do you think spock could be pulled away from the business in romulus long enough to give him a real space burial...... #like how could they not shoot him into space :( that's so horrible

[autistpride]

The history of ABA and the unfortunate reality of current therapy options

ABA was founded on a basis of hatred and ignorance about autistic people.

Ole Ivar Lovaas created ABA and saw autistic individuals inhuman. He later went on to create a gay conversation therapy.

"In any case, what one usually sees when first meeting an autistic child who is 2, 3, or even 10 years of age is a child who has all the external physical characteristics of a normal child—that is, he has hair, and he has eyes and he has a nose, and he may be dressed in a shirt and trousers—but who really has no behaviors that one can single out as distinctively ‘human’. The major job then, for a therapist—whether he's behaviorally oriented or not—would seem to be a very intriguing and significant one, namely, the creation or construction of a truly human behavioral repertoire where none exists."

"You see, you start pretty much from scratch when you work with an autistic child. You have a person in the physical sense—they have hair, a nose and a mouth—but they are not people in the psychological sense. One way to look at the job of helping autistic kids is to see it as a matter of constructing a person. You have the raw materials, but you have to build the person."

The purpose of the therapy is that autistic people are broken, and should not be allowed to be themselves. That they should be subjected to treatment until “molded” into something deemed more acceptable to society and their parents.

ABA doesn’t actually change the subject into what the program and their parents want. An autistic kid does not become allistic.

What it does accomplish is to essentially force the subjects into acting more like the type of person desired by the program (masking).

After enough bullying, shaming, coercion, and general breaking down of a child’s personality and defenses, that child learns to pretend to be allistic as much as possible, to please authority figures and avoid negative consequences (beatings, denial of food, denial of affection, denial of water, denial of washroom breaks, denial of preferred items etc).

It’s intensive “training” using aversive and coercive methods, to force change in a child’s behaviour. A lot of the time, this is about changing harmless self-sooothing or coping behaviours in autistic children.

ABA is an intensive therapy, usually 35-40 hours a week, of compliance training. Children are often pulled out of school for a good chunk of these hours, missing out on actual education, for what is essentially a full time job.

In these sessions the RBT (who only had to do a few weeks training) has the child do tasks repetitively earning a small prize like a candy or a token to gain a privileges to their favourite items and activities. The consequence is their favourite things and activities are removed, including the encouragement of the removal of their parents attention, until the child complies.

When subjected to compliance training for 35-40 hours a week, autistic children are taught that they lack autonomy. They are taught that they do not have the right to say “no” to something that they do not want to experience.

That’s incredibly harmful and dangerous. This leaves autistic survivors of ABA to be highly susceptible to various forms of abuse both as a child, and later on in life.

Also “pretending to not be autistic” thing is extremely problematic. I'll talk about that in another post.

A study in 2007 found that nearly half of all ABA survivors met the diagnostic threshold for PTSD. Other studies referenced put the number closer to 85%, and also include C-PTSD.

In 2016, Congress funded a report to examine whether the ABA services they have been effective

With 3,794 participants, this is the largest study ever conducted on ABA. The 31-page report entitled, “The Department of Defense Comprehensive Autism Care Demonstration Annual Report 2020” concluded that “ABA services are not working.”

“… these findings demonstrate that … the delivery of ABA services, is not working for most TRICARE beneficiaries in the ACD.”

“ … the Department remains very concerned about these results, and whether the current design of this demonstration, as well as ABA services specifically, is providing the most appropriate and/or effective services to our beneficiaries diagnosed with ASD.”

In last year’s report of over 709 individuals with autism, 76% showed no improvement after one year of treatment, 16% had improved, but that 9% were worse after a year of treatment.

ABA “therapists” - BCBA stand to lose a TON of money if ABA is considered bad. Parents or insurances are paying around $25,000 for 3 months of ABA.

As a society, we realize that gay conversion therapy is inhumane. We look at the type of dog training that most closely resembles ABA to be animal abuse. We look at residential schools - an idea that bares striking resemblance to the concept and execution of ABA - as a dark spot on our country’s history, and one that we are trying to make reparations for now, after the fact.

Unfortunately, ABA is oftentimes the ONLY resource now available to families with autistic individuals.

When given the diagnosis, the professionals hand out pamphlets and print outs of ABA companies. Some have even resorted to fear mongering or threatening families who refuse to use ABA.

Many doctors are not even taught about ABA or therapy options. They are simply told ABA is for autistic people, push it, and they do.

For families that trust their medical providers and have no other knowledge on autism or ABA, they think their provider is looking out for their best interest.

Many parents are just sadly uninformed and think they are doing the best thing for their child.

This is not helped by the fact that there are even facilities that are basically ABA in name only in order to be covered by insurances that will only pay for this therapy and none others.

These facilities are often floor time or play therapy in disguise which confuses people even more due to the fact that they claim to be ABA but are not. This has caused much discourse between people who think that all ABA must be like this when in fact they just got extremely lucky.

For BIPOC families, who are targeted by authorities already, any therapy they can get can be a potential life line that may help keep their children alive.

This leaves these families in a terrible situation of having to choose between one or potentially the other.

I'll share some amazing BIPOC voices in another post as I am not qualified to speak on their story due to me being white.

And for some families, it has become a last resort choice before having to move to a more institutionalized setting or in some cases threatened with child services.

A good hard look at ABA should be done with funding and encouraging alternatives like more access to floortime, speech, ot, or pt.

Those therapies are provided for some families but given very few hours in comparison, there are no facilities near them and they cannot afford the travel to them, and for some families, they aren't provided at all.

Some individuals qualify for no therapy options outside of ABA and this leaves some families without any resources or help and left to navigate everything alone as best as they are able to.

Which has been our experience and why it is important to me to get information out there, for those who have no other resources.

And sadly understanding that until acceptance and other resources are available to all families EQUITABLY, some may have to choose between one heartbreaking choice or another.

Either way, there is potential risk in ANY therapy you choose to utilize and it should be something to be aware of. So be aware of any red flags.

#autism acceptence month #autism #asd #autistic pride #autistic #actually audhd #autistic adult #audhd

[boo-cool-robot]

Everything I Watched This Year

I have watched the most movies this year of my life, which is still so few that I can fit them all into one tumblr post, so here they are in approximately chronological order (along with TV shows). I almost exclusively watch visual media with other people, and they're often the ones picking. Favorites get an asterisk (*), and this does not include rewatches.

*Fallen Angels (Wong Kar-Wai): Five loosely connected lonely people chase imagined versions of each other around the Hong Kong nightscape. I didn't go into a plotless arthouse film expecting it to be extremely funny, but it is. He Zhiwu (my new tumblr icon!) deserves to be up there among the deranged autistic blorbos of all time.

What We Do in the Shadows (Showrun by Paul Simms and Stefani Robinson) [First half of S4]: If you're on tumblr you probably know the premise already. I was disappointed that after S3, which felt like a build to huge shifts in the characters and status quo, S4 felt like a walkback. Don't remember much else about it other than crying laughing at the sequence where they try to get baby Colin Robinson into private school.

Brokeback Mountain (Ang Lee): Everyone knows what this movie is already. It's well-made and solid, but it wasn't anything that exciting for me. I expected it to be more striking. Love the 70s home production design in that one scene though, and that kiss truly is good.

*Velvet Goldmine (Todd Haynes): A reporter tracks down the truth of a rock star gay affair that sparked his own queer coming of age. Dreamy, gorgeous, and I could not describe the plot scene to scene if you paid me. Just a really lovely film to experience for me, someone who had latent and unnamed transgay feelings as a teenager about the concept of "emo boys kissing."

Phantom of the Paradise (Brian De Palma): Phantom of the Opera-inspired drama about a songwriter getting revenge on the predatory producer that ruined his life. Total delight of a campy melodrama.

Kamikaze Girls (Tetsuya Nakashima): A delinquent and fashion-obsessed scam artist strike up a lesbian-tinged unlikely friendship. This movie is bananas. Way more stylistically experimental than I'd expected--there's a sequence of the protagonist's birth, people just float offscreen sometimes, the townspeople constantly turn to the camera and advertise for the megamart they buy all their clothes from, etc. A really really surprisingly fun watch.

*Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury (Hiroshi Kobayashi and Ryō Andō) [First 6 episodes only]: Optimistic young pilot of a war machine that she may have an illegal psionic connection with goes to space high school and is promptly drawn into political plotting via accidentally getting gay engaged to a corporate heiress. Highly enjoyed the parts of it I saw - great action sequences, fun character drama, and just enough political substance. Not as weird as Utena, which it's inspired by, but can be brutal where necessary. I should watch more!

*In the Mood for Love (Wong Kar Wai): Two Shanghainese emigrants in Hong Kong discover their spouses are cheating and embark on a tragic affair of their own. God, this movie deserves every bit of praise it gets. I gasped out loud multiple times at the gorgeousness of shot compositions. Top notch acting, gorgeous colors. This tends to be a movie pitched as being about a repressed love affair, but it's also a movie about the positionality about being middle class colonial subjects and the relationships they have with the world. This gave me so much to chew on after I watched it.

Happy Together (Wong Kar-Wai): Two Hong Kong expats living in Argentina have a toxic gay relationship trapped in a tiny apartment. This one felt very opaque to me, and it is allegedly an allegory for Hong Kong being returned to Chinese rule after British colonialism, which I absolutely do not have enough background to really get. Wong is a great director though, and I constantly think about the sequence of the main character seeing the abusive ex walk into the club, beat while he finishes his drink, and then he breaks his bottle off and goes in to screams.

Bound (The Wachowskis): A lesbian handyman falls for a woman married to an abusive mobster that they plot to rob. The first 45 minutes were very enjoyable as a lesbian heist film. Unfortunately, once the gunshots started the torture scenes became so stressful for me to watch that I sweated through my shirt. (I also had Covid).

#hey did you know tumblr has a character limit? #because I hit it in this post #long post

[paperstorm]

I saw on Twitter someone said that tk was autistic and even asked ronen like how embarrassing everything does not need to be a diagnosis 💀 I don’t know how you guys can even enjoy the show when your analyzing every step they take and every word they say just watch the show you guys twist every bone in your body to make the show work and make every character good you not getting a present cause you like the show the show turned to shit

Oh I love that! Mark Hamill said it best: "If you think Luke [Skywalker] is gay, of course he is." Fiction is all about being up for interpretation, it's all about experiencing empathy through storytelling, it's all about seeing yourself in a fictional world even if the things you're seeing aren't something that the author/creator intentionally put there. If people on the spectrum see pieces of their own experience reflected in TK and enjoy the character on a deeper level because of that, that's BEAUTIFUL!!! Truly the point of folklore in the first place. Finding humanity in the stories of others.

#911ls asks #autistic TK rights I love this so much

[pjulian]

Lilac Patisserie - Aptly named for gay nerds

In the mood for some gay brunch and pastry, Saturday morning brought us to the ever fancy “lilac patassery,” as julian calls it.

Like many white people coffee spots in the area, I had been wanting to try it out for a while. A decently long line of people awaited as we got there.

They seem to have a large collection of cakes and tarts and things that made me want to pee myself or something. Truly tempted by the lemon cheesecake but the lemon merengue tarts captured me more. Lemon will always be seductive to me.

Anyways, a cute $80 pricetag for two mains, the tart and two lattes and we were seated.

A wonderfully gay man informed me and julian that he would “recommend that we cut the tart” after he watched us nearly break our forks trying to take bites. Tart pictured here, post destruction:

Things came out pretty quickly, lattes following soon after. I always enjoy cute latte art, although they gave me the GIRL design. Just kidding. The lattes were a decent size, julian’s was his coveted mocha, mine was a caramel latte.

Unsure if caramel meant sea salt caramel? A sip of mine tasted almost salty, however it was quickly fixed with a sugar packet. Very good afterwards.

Post-latte was only another few minutes until the food came out. I got the classic breakfast, something delightfully american. julian got his favorite french toast.

The breakfast was good. Being a bakery, they had some thick fluffy bread for toast which was its own experience. A little sugary for my taste but, good nonetheless. The potatoes were my favorite part, mostly nice and soft and well seasoned (with the exception of one half raw piece). That being said, Lilac makes an interesting decision to pair the potatoes with a sea of roasted onion and bell pepper. Honestly I didn’t even touch the onions, not wanting to deal with the monstrosity of onion breath for the rest of the year. The apple chicken sausage offered was a little bland, but good. Not an exceptional amount of flavor but I just love sausage. Overall the food was decent but not spectacular.

Most of the points for this place come from the atmosphere. Nice lavender walls and a really clean and dainty french feel. I don’t know how often i can justify a full breakfast at the price point but it’s definitely a place to return to. Campy and gay enough for me!

★ ★ ★ ★ / 5

Warm wishes,

pj

Read julian’s thoughts on his food below ⬇️

i was most surprised by the speed of the service as pj already pointed out, everything was delivered to us pretty quickly and paced out well. the tart itself i enjoyed but im also not really one for messy food and the gay guy telling me how to cut the thing was embarrassing so i cant really give it too glowing of praise but its also a pretty personal thing, if you like creamy desserts and gay men humiliating you then its probably great. the mocha was good just a little too sweet, i prefer it a bit more bitter but again thats personal taste it was still very good. i liked the leaf on it was very sad when i drank it to the point of complete dissolution.

the french toast was served with a cup of butter, syrup, and a side of assorted fruit. pretty average presentation but strawberries with french toast is like crack to me so i cant bring myself to care too much, dont need anything too exotic to enjoy the meal with.what definitely surprised me though was that i typically hate blueberries but the ones served here were actually great with a very consistent ripeness and sweetness to the point that it may have turned me around on the fruit a little. like sorry blueberries i didnt realize you could taste like that. the toast itself was pretty decent too although i wish it was served with a little more syrup, it was like a tiny cup i need the whole gallon.

despite lilacs pattassery not entirely aligning with my autistic inclinations id say it was a pretty good dining experience overall especially if youre normal. you got to hand it to white people. but only sometimes. id give it 3.5 stars out of 5.

best regards,

julian

Lilac Patisserie: 3.75 ★

[dakotadawn]

Hello! My name is Dakota Dawn, here's some info about me!

About me:

🌸 I am a transwoman, if that fact alone makes you uncomfortable then do not follow or interact.

🌸 I consider myself gay, same-sex attracted, I consider sexual orientation to be based upon sex and not gender identity. Don't like, don't follow.

🌸 I am autistic (diagnosed).

🌸 I consider myself a radfem/radfem ally. Don't like, don't follow.

🌸 As of 8/16/2022, this post has been amended to include a link to me and @truffette's Discord server! Join if you want to debate controversial LGBT+ topics, or just hang out! (Do not join if you are not LGBT)

My beliefs:

I'm new to much of this so my beliefs may be lacking or poorly formed. I am anti-porn, anti-sex work, kink-critical, anti-BDSM, if you don't like these beliefs, then don't follow me. I believe that sex positivity and sexual liberation is, intentionally or no, a men's rights movement. I believe that liberal feminism can hardly be described as feminism.

Some would say my beliefs align gender-critical, although I do not identify myself that way. I believe that sex-based oppression exists and that I do not experience it, but that as a transsexual I experience oppression and hardships that other males do not face. I believe that societal transphobia, as well as homophobia, originate in patriarchy and misogyny, feel free to inquire further and I will elaborate on this belief.

My understanding of transsexuality as a phenomenon is that, well, I don't think we really know *why* it happens, but my understanding is that, for some of us, dysphoria about your sexed body exists independently of gender roles or stereotypes. I've seen some unremarkably masculine males become transwomen and some unremarkably feminine females become transmen, so they didn't transition to avoid being GNC. For a fact I consider myself androgynous in a lot of ways, and transitioning truly is just out of discomfort with my body being male. Where this dysphoria originated, I do not know. Maybe some crossed wires in the brain? I'm not one to buy into the whole "male brain/female brain" thing because I don't believe in innate gender, but sex dysphoria could potentially be the result of some neurodevelopmental errors in body perception. IDK, just a thought.

I am a trans person myself as I have previously mentioned, I support the bodily autonomy of trans people to pursue hormone therapy and surgeries, but I am critical of transgender activist ideology. I believe we trans people deserve respect and dignity, but that it cannot come at the cost of others. Transsexual males (transwomen) should not refer to themselves as lesbians, and transsexual females (transmen) should not refer to themselves as gay men, validation of these identities has given rise to new-age homophobia. If you're a heterosexual trans person that identifies as gay, you may still interact with my posts, just be forewarned that these are my beliefs.

I will refer to someone with whatever pronouns they like (although I have a tendency to misgender misogynistic males sooo I make no promises 🤷‍♀️) but I frankly do not believe in the concept of gender identity. I am sex dysphoric, but I do not believe I "identify as a woman", as I do not believe womanhood is a feeling. When it comes to material class analysis, internal identity must take a backseat. I do, however, believe that materially transitioning puts you in a new position in society and this must be acknowledged. I believe acknowledging trans peoples' positions in society must also be with regards to material social status, and not to unfalsifiable internal identity. Basically, I assume these beliefs will piss gendies off.

Feel free to inquire further about my beliefs. Another post explaining some of my beliefs can be found here!

#feminism #radical feminism #radfem #trans #transsexual #mtf #gay #lgbt #discourse blog

[the-official-account]

Is it just me, or does lesbian fandom have a problem?

My name is Edil. I've been a medium-sized name in several small fandoms, especially podcast fandoms. I am also a women appreciator, and enjoy media that centers on women. I'm going to mostly be talking about my experiences in two fandoms: The Strange Case Of Starship Iris and Pasithea Powder, both podcasts with central wlw ships, though I've also seen these same issues in Goncharov (1973) of all places.

When I go into fandom I go hard. My brain, which is very autistic, breaks down information of small details for fun. It's the reason why I wrote a dwarnian (TSCOSI's fictional alien language) dictionary for the podcast. The reason why I have a massive notes document on all of Pasithea's season one and the reason the wiki...looks and reads like that. It isn't owned by me, but most of the formatting, fonts, content: yours truly.

And I'm proud of these projects, which took time and effort and skill building to do! But I haven't finished or caught up with either of these podcasts, and that's because the online spaces that center around them have been overwhelmingly hostile.

I have a strong emotional connection to this issue — of whether or not sapphic fandoms tend to be more hostile to diversity, especially race and nuerodivergance — so I can't make a distinct analysis, not without more distance and more information. That's part of why I am making this post.

Mods and members of the TSCOSI discord circa 2020 will know me, and know why I left. That being a series of unwarranted criticisms and bad faith readings that left me with anxiety even interacting with the fandom I loved.

I am probably a lot less known in the Pasithea fandom, because I wrote fewer fics for it and left more quickly. After TSCOSI, I recognized resentment faster. But the Pasithea notes document that I've posted here before and the wiki, three fics, fan art and that one comic that's still to this day the only comic I've drawn: me.

This is not a callout post, not for individuals or for groups, and I don't have screenshots. I am only trying to open a discussion.

See, the pattern that I am seeing is that fandom spaces centering on wlw ships attract fans who are wlw. And while nothing is inherently wrong with that, issues in the lesbian community start to become very obvious.

Firstly, the lack of diversity in sexuality among most of the fan base (As I suspect bi and gay people have largely more popular media that attracts them, and lesbians have to dig deeper for smaller spaces like these podcast) starts to feed this sense of possession among fans. As if there is a correct, normal, or standard way to be sapphic. A set of rules stating that anyone who doesn't obey it hates lesbians.

From Pasithea, I got this in comments about how I was drawing the characters "ugly" (Jane is canonically fat and has a scar, which I made very visible...because I wanted to. I gave her strong Hispanic features because it appealed to me. Sophie is butch, and canonically has or had a buzz cut. Which is what I drew. — The "appearance" section of the wiki? Yup. I wrote that.)

These comments, which were themselves problematic, came from a place of implying I was lesbiphobic for drawing these wlw as "ugly". When in fact, I was drawing the type of characters that would appeal the most to me, and hopefully to others like me.

These expectations of skinny, eurocentric appearing, usually feminine characters... Well it reflects a lot of issues with TERF-y feminism and lesbianism at large. Lesbianism on the internet has an issue with gender essentialism that isn't universal but is incredibly worrying. And when WOC are often masculinized because of their non-white features, that transphobia becomes anti-butchness (or strict standards of butchness) and racism.

While TSCOSI fans were more receptive to my designs, I was drawing in a less realistic style where "ugly" was less of an issue — and, to be frank, The main ship being Southeast and South Asian made it hard to draw them "ugly" from a eurocentric perspective. Realism there would just be...exotic, I guess.

However, with TSCOSI fans there was still a sense of possession around how these characters were interpreted, especially in headcannons, that lead to me deleting more than I posted as time went on. Some of those were genuine issues on my part ("what if the Jewish guy was a vampire in a au haha!" I said. Then went to bed, woke up, googled it, and went "NOPE! NOPE!!! SORRY.") Others were just unnecessary, such as comments on how silly head cannons were "unrealistic", and how I should write more cannon compliant work, rather than what I was doing for fun.

Ultimately these are the ONLY things that made me stop listening to these podcasts. The ONLY reason I put down the projects I poured consecutive hyperfixate weeks into. Part of me thinks it was this enthusiasm in the first place that was the biggest threat others reacted to in how I spoke and acted.

For instance, in trying to write for both the TSCOSI and Pasithea wikis, I had folks try to change my methods of research and writing to a style that worked best for them. When I said they were welcome to work that way, there was no offers to assist. And communication with those who had established work was either non-existent or hostile. I've had people question if my passion projects were necessary, berate me for meaningless mistakes, and treat what could be fun collaborative work like a pissing contest. For TSCOSI, none of this occurred on the wiki, and mostly around documents I owned for my own note taking. Even then, the hostility of Wikipedia culture is an unnecessary and hurtful thing to bring into fandom wiki culture.

The TSCOSI people went on to make a wonderful wiki that I deeply admire, but I still wish I could have been part of that project in its infancy, instead of being pushed away. (I may have made the navigation system if I remember correctly, but I'm not certain. So this is not to say I was not allowed any input whatsoever.)

I love sapphic media, it's my bread, butter, pride, joy, and favorite past time. But time and time again I have found far safer social spaces for media that centers around gay men, even if it isn't my personal first choice.

As a non-white, non-allistic, non-lesbian, not-skinny fan...I have concerns.

I know you all want sapphic media to get more attention. I want that too. But unless you start actively searching for and calling out bigotry in those spaces, it absolutely cannot and will not happen. So much of fandom is powered by autistic people with time on their hands, and I want there to be space for people like me. Who get TOO excited, TOO far from cannon, TOO analytical about race and class and fatphobia and whatever else.

Sapphic media obviously has issues reaching fans that aren't the fault it's its current audience. But the good thing about being part of or close to a problem, is having the power to make incredible, effective change.

I refuse to leave these podcasts behind, I love them more than anything, and the projects I got out of them are still my beloved brain children (The alien calligraphy from the random writing system I made for dwarnian is still up on my wall. "It is what. It IS what, keeps us from the abyss.") I refuse to be shoved aside my racist fans and random people who assume they can act rudely to strangers because they treated characters or lore differently. I refuse to be sidelined from conversations just cause I can act weird.

But I also refuse to spend so much of my beloved labor on people who turn up their noses and belittle it.

This all has had a lasting effect on how I interact with fandom, a legitimate fear-responce to the idea of trying to engage deeply with women-centered podcasts. Something I'm trying to unlearn and overcome.

So. There's my explanation of why I don't do tscosi anymore, which I mentioned on the minibang I'd eventually follow up on. And a criticism of sapphic fandom which, I'll be real, I have a few more essays worth of commentary about, and it's also another expression of how I stare longingly at Pasithea every time it comes up on my dash.

But, most importantly, this is my question of whether anyone else has found themselves in a similar place. If it's a trend or an anecdote.

If you have thoughts, please reblog with them. I'd love to know what you have to say.

#this is going on several sideblogs because its relevant to all of them #edil chats #once monthly discourse post #i guess #everytime i use that tag i hesitate to do it but thats also the point #sapphic #fiction podcast #t3p #the pasithea powder #pasithea powder #the strange case of starship iris #tscosi #yup #this is the kinda post i might have to deactivate over but :P i wanna say what i have to say #goncharov (1973) #elevator pitch podcast #where i expirienced but the same but it lasted me about 4 days cause i learned to see the signs faster

[tim-ee-sis]

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Thanks for celebrating the weeks end up with the cartoon FAGGOT dance. As a smart and talented F-guy, do you agree it's time to give Gay males their own x-clusive letter in the LGBTQIA+ alphabet?

Bc the G is not relevant to males ONLY . . .

LGBTQFIA+

🤔

I do not agree but in a nuanced way.

I think the "all-inclusive" acronym will never truly be all-inclusive for several reasons: our understanding of gender and sexuality is ever-evolving, different cultures have different histories and therefore terms for the myriad varieties of gender/sexuality, and an attempt to be completely inclusive will, invariably, be exclusionary because it's impossible to create an acronym that truly includes everyone in this realm.

I think for academia, the acronym is important and useful, but personally I default to "queer" as an all-inclusive umbrella term, then use a more specific term when asked by someone who identifies as something specific.

I'm also a believer in person-first language because it emphasizes that the person is of more importance. That means instead of saying "a bisexual man" I would say "a man who is bisexual" because that implies his bisexuality secondary to his personhood. I use the same language when working with patients: it's not "an autistic child" but rather "a person with autism" because their autism does not define them.

I feel that too many people, both within and without of the queer community, cling to identifiers as core tenants of who they are rather than adopting the humanist approach where *everyone* is a person, we just happen to have varied life experiences and desires. This doesn't change who people are, but rather creates a commonality among all people without denigrating their chosen words to self-identify.

If that doesn't make sense, I'd love to talk about it some more! These are the things my mind ruminates on in the background a lot of the time.

TL;DR: The acronym is useful but clunky and ever-changing, so I default to "queer" unless asked otherwise to use another term.

#answered asks