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#trans nonbinary specifically but anyways.
WIBTA if I tried to covertly exclude one of my friends from game nights ? 🎮🎧📞
tw: disordered eating, self harm
I've got a discord friend group of about 15 people though only 10 or so are regularly active and game nights often are usually around 6 people but they rotate who participates often. We're all in the 20s and mostly nonbinary / genderqueer / trans one way or another. I'm 25 ftm personally (they them) and the friend this is about in particular is 22mtf (she/they).
Friend is really excited to hit the 1 year marker in her transition and loves sharing how excited she is about her progress - how strangers at her job are gendering her correctly more and more often, how her cup sizes are growing, how much weight she's lost, wardrobe updates, getting to learn girl things from their very supportive mom, etc etc etc. It's all very exciting, I remember hitting my 1 year marker and i'm genuinely really happy for her.
The thing is I struggled with disordered eating in the past. Several others in our friend group have as well and it's something we've talked about both in related and unrelated convos to this issue. Friend keeps an excel spreadsheet with her measurements from bust to hips to weight and will update us frequently whether we've expressed interest in hearing the exact numbers or not. Exact Numbers was one of the things I kept track of and hearing her tracking them (for very different reasons) will often set me off and i'll start taking more and more unhealthy actions, falling back into disordered habits.
Friend has adhd and very poor impulse control. She often joins conversations and talks over people, completely changes conversational topics on a dime, or forgets who is in a call at any moment and brings up someone's triggers. She'll almost always apologize if someone mentions a social mistake she's made, but because the weight/food intake/number watching is so important to them as a way to track their transition it's the one thing that keeps coming back and back and back. I and the others have tried talking in voice calls, mentioning in text chats in the group and even DMing her but because of the topic and this group being the friend group she feels safest in (we were all the first to know and hyped them up on the hrt journey) these are some convos she only gets to have here
and because of the topic, i feel rude or embarrassed when I have to say "hey can we not talk about this right now or i'm gonna have to leave". So on most nights if it comes up I'll just deafen / go afk / just zone out entirely until the conversation has passed. If it doesn't seem like it's going to or they are so in depth that it's genuinely triggering a self harm response i'll fully leave instead so she can keep having her fun and get excited
Game nights are different though
I'm usually the host of game night and so can pick when we play our silly little games. Obviously people can and do still hangout and do things together Not on specific game nights, and we all do, but game nights are my thing. We play party games over discord or multiplayer competition games or lately have been getting into games like content warning and lethal company when there's 4 or sometimes 5 of us (either someone wants to hang out but only watch or we rotate around who plays round by round)
Friend is often working in the evenings and so bc this is an online friend group they don't actually know my work schedule. We usually only have about half the total number of participants be around for game night anyways, so I've been thinking of occasionally lining up game nights for nights when she's mentioned being busy by saying i work the other nights - but only sometimes. I do really like friend. She can be so much fun to hang out with, excitingly competitive and with interesting knowledge to share and generally a good sport no matter the actual game we're playing. But sometimes the worry about the triggering and the trigginering itself are too much. sometimes i just can't handle when she does it and knowing i can't leave and asking her to stop expressing her joy makes me feel like an asshole anyways so i don't want to be around it.
To be clear. I do not think they are an asshole. Friend is genuinely one of my friends. I like her and hanging out with her. they do not trigger me (or any of the others w this same trigger) maliciously. this is solely would I be the asshole.
TLDR: My friends way of tracking her transition sometimes triggers my eating disorder. would I be the asshole for planning game nights that I host and cannot leave / tune out conversations during so that she cannot attend as often in hopes that I am not triggered as often?
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t4transsexual · 2 days
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we need to normalize using certain terms as short hands. theres a lot of ways to stealth and that may include someone medically transitioning to male and telling people hes a trans man, when in reality hes nonbinary or genderfluid or multigender or agender or maybe even just a woman who transitioned, or hes questioning his gender entirely but just knows transitioning and living as a man is the right answer no matter what he is. basically if you thought someone was one thing and they tell you theyre something else actually, even if this was a recent revelation or they were stealthing, believe them
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art-legetable · 1 year
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you ever just accidentally discover you're non-binary again.
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uncanny-tranny · 9 months
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Important tip for trans men/transmascs/whoever needs the reminder: Even if you pass as a man to cis people, you still need to have either some form of self-protection on you (e.g., mace, knives (if you can use them effectively), ect.) or know some form of self-defense. Please take it from me, you don't know what will happen out there at any given time.
You might assume that if you pass as a cis man to cis people, you will be safe from any harm. While I wish that were true, it simply isn't the world most of us live in. Please do whatever you can to protect yourself out there.
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deoidesign · 1 month
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A frustrating development with the growing lack of reading comprehension I've personally noticed is an emerging fervor of insisting things aren't canon unless they are explicitly stated beyond all reasonable doubt.
I can not emphasize enough how harmful a mindset this is to have. Yes, it's wonderful to have characters outright say "I'm trans," but to deny a character's identity for not saying that is dangerous.
Plenty of real people prefer not to use specific labels. Historically, people didn't have our modern terms or modes of expression. Many modern cultures don't use these terms, either, and plenty of people within those that do can't safely openly identify.
If the only representation you accept as canon is within modern (and let's be honest, wealthy white able-bodied American) standards, then you are denying yourself and others a huge amount of representation and seriously limiting the media around you.
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ffc1cb · 1 year
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i’ve always found it peculiar how during meeting the chargers cutscene the game just assumes your character automatically understands what krem is talking about when he mentions binding (though, granted, it’s all very unsubtle). like, this is a roleplaying game. what if i want to play a character who just doesn’t get it
#dragon age#cremisius aclassi#inquisitor trevelyan#at least give me an in game explanation of why the inquisitor would Know this right away#it's not like transgenderism is a widely explored topic in da lore. the most you can find about it in inquisition specifically excluding#krem and seras countless transmisogynistic lines is one codex that mentions that some previous divine mightve been a trans woman#and the way it's written sucks ass. the infamous sex in thedas codex also mentions nothing on the topic of transness. so like#whats up with that#art stuff#before anyone says anything i fully realize how i look critiquing a bioware game that came out in 2014 on its faulty queer representation#please trust me i know. im just thinking out loud#ALSO. in case it isnt obvious. parsley transed they gender. the joke is that theyre a nonbinary femme now#its hard for me to show it through art because it would involve misgendering them but they dont actually start going by they/them pronouns#until after halamshiral. so like technically if i made them refer to themselves as he/him at any point before that it would be canonical but#its not like my art is chronological by any means and cannot be taken out of context by virtue of it existing as an individual post online#if someone were to reblog an art of them saying hi im a dude theyd go cool! hashtag male inquisitor. or something#the tragic case of sacrificing narrative in order to not get second hand discomfort at seeing parsley misgendered#ANYWAY..........
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lucabyte · 15 days
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your ocs!!!!! please ramble about them!!!!
i love your art so much
(GRABS YOU) H. CAN DO BOSS.
So ! My ocs. I guess I'll do an overall explainer for the overall groups. If you check out my Toyhouse (LINK!) there's a bunch of folders up top that are how I categorise them. It's primarily by universe except for the folders that are just "misc."
So folder 1: Blatant favouritism:
These are silly little guys that don't fit in any specific wider universe, but I really really like. So I'll spotlight the two important ones before i get real in the weeds with my main universe.
In here are notably, my Fursona (self explanatory), Ali and Pittsburgh Cincinnati. There's also Hauntkit and Clearpelt who are warriorcats ocs that *is dragged away by airport security*
... So, Pittsburgh, lovingly sometimes called pissbug, is a weird little Thing who I made as like, an homage to characters like happy bunny and Sweetypuss. She (and her weird dog) exist to stand next to strange and offputting captions. I love her. No further context. She's just silly. and violent.
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Now. Ali.
Ali Alighieri has thoroughly stolen the show, and also ties into the next folder along, Making Your MK.
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With over a hundred extra images compared to second place (Sorry, Tabitha). Ali is my fucked up little scrunkly. My little baby guy. They're a shared character of mine and @samhainian's, and is from their Creature Feature setting (A modern fantasy setting wherein Cryptids and Magic are real but in our modern world.) They are as such, a modern human young adult... Who is also a demon + magic user.
Strange little pansexual altersex genderqueer poetry-nerd that they are... The modern setting also means they are literally just a tumblr user. A fellow countryman, so to speak.
HOWEVER.... Ali's true origin was in *Purrgatorio*, a scrapped visual novel of mine set in the MYMK universe! They were simply retrofitted into CF as the joke with Purrgatorio was that a regular human had mysteriously just shown up in MYMK's pure-furry setting.... And then when we scrapped the project we got all attatched to our little not-so-blank-slate protagonist. But I'll put a pin in Purrgatorio for later.
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Making Your MK.
(Guest of honour: My super unfinished website <3)
Okay so here's the big one. The setting with.... (looks at spreadsheet) 109 characters not including so-called incidentals. At time of writing.
MYMK is home to... Multiple stories. As you would hope when a setting has 100+ characters. I'd wager each story has about 10-20 relevant characters tops but with a big shared universe like this there gets to be overlap between casts!!! Yay !!! 😊😊😊
MYMK is the name of the main story in the setting. Pronounced "Making your Mark", it is centered around Markus Felidae (The purple one) and their family. It's very action-adventure-y. It's also the plot I'm most secretive about the backend of since I WILL!!!!! Turn it into a nice prose story with pictures SOMEDAY!!!!! But for now tee hee hee secrets secrets. Markus' family is strange and ragtag and is keeping something from them... I can't ramble on too long here unless further prompted in asks about specifics but!!! Everyone in the MYMK folder has a fully furbished little profile with a blurb about them. So if you're curious....
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But yeah, I tend to think of the MYMK setting more in terms of its Locations than its Casts, due to the overlapping nature of them all. The Malbranche may be the villains of the main plot, but they're also major players in relation to The Palsgrave who are the antagonists of Moraine, etc etc,
The country everything in MYMK is set in is called New Orphidian, Southern hemisphere little thing, here's a very cartoony map of it.
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Um. Cliffside!
Since it's the best map I have... Here's an exclusive sneak peek of a Zine I'll be getting back to once the fandom brain cools down a bit.... :3c
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(... I REALLY NEED TO DO A TOUR AROUND THE MINECRAFT CLIFFSIDE SAM AND I BUILT..... IT'S SO CUTE....)
Cliffside is situated on a big ol' Cliff.
A tiny hamlet of a place, it used to have reason to exist, and now does not. It's not even a good tourist locale, as the cliff is much too dangerous compared to the nicer tourist spot of Welkin just a little north. Not to mention nearby Moraine's allure as a tax haven with no labour laws place where a bunch of TV and Movies are filmed!
It's where most of MYMK's main cast reside (except the antagonists from the Big City Varmonte), and is as such a location I have a lot of tiny little worldbuilding thoughts about :)
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I won't go into the other locations here just because then this post will SUPER get away from me but... I think most importantly for Cliffside right now...
Is that it's where Purrgatorio is set. Yes, that VN I said got scrapped. It's not dead. It is in fact serving it's original intended purpose as "A (mostly) noncanon exploration of character voice and setting"
It's back and its prose babeyyyyyyy!!! (A BUNCH OF THE EARLY STUFF IS ME BEING SUPER RUSTY ... BE WARNED)
Purrgatorio is currently the most publicly available coherent work I have out of my ocs! It's very low-stakes and serves mostly to bash my toys together and see what character dynamics come out, but you can look if you want to!
(There's also a whole THING on the meta of its Canonicity... It's not canon, but it's also not NOT canon. But if I talk about Metanarrative Timeline Collapse in my normal mundane non-magic setting im gonna sound bonkers ✌)
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Ali's dynamics with the MYMK cast are so goddamn funny to me. Like I literally just handed my OCs some ET shit but ET is a sexually repressed tumblr user with a mood disorder.
But yeah I don't think I can coherently string together much more about MYMK without just actually explaining THE WHOLE PLOT.... Though I will absolutely elaborate on any given character's Whole Deal if i'm prompted. (OH MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN TALK ABOUT CHROME AND TABITHA. WAIT. OKAY THERE'S. OK NO IF I TALKED ABOUT THEM IT'D JUST END UP AN ESSAY ,SORRY..)
So here's some bonafide classic images for the road.
(IF TUMBLR BREAKS THE FORMATTING AND JUST PUTS THESE ONE AFTER THE OTHER INSTEAD OF IN A GRID IM SO SORRY LMAOOOOO)
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... And as for the other folders on my toyhouse!
Misc and Fandom are what they sound like. Self explanatory,
Then, Ysden is @samhainian's fantasy setting. It's where our DnD games happen to be set but it's also a general fantasy setting :)
and Monster of the Week... Is currently being revamped! It used to be a modern world setting with hidden magic, now it's going to be more... Adventure Time-y. Fantasy world get iphone. Yknow. It has a lower Age Rating than MYMK's "anything goes", as it started as a Pitch Bible Project in my animation class. They're a little neglected but I still love them :) The revamp is extemely recent and not reflected in any of the art/writing yet but I'm workin on it. It still doesn't have a proper title..... OTL
So yeah!! Uh. This wasn't as comprehensive as I was hoping but it turns out I have way, WAY too many thoughts on my guys. And no idea what to do when im actually asked about them so !!!! This was not a very coherent ramble but it was a ramble !
There's things like essays on Chrome and Tabitha (Link) and also The Queer Gender Identities Of The Whole Cast (Link) hiding around on my toyhouse, and once again, Purrgatorio (Link) serves as my sandbox for playing with how these characters act in situations.
But..... ! I did try to make my toyhouse approachable for the average layman. Every character in the MYMK folder (Link) has a *blurb* of information, rather than a giant wall of text explaining everything about them. I want people to be able to understand their general vibe at a glance rather than be overwhelmed.
In any case ???? Uh. Fun game for everyone: If you know your homestuck classpect, every single MYMK character has a classpect and lunar sway. and a birthday. Try and find your andrew-hussie assigned kin! As a Prospitian Witch of Heart, I share my classpect and lunar sway with Chrome. No I don't know what this means. It worries me honestly he's kind of an asshole.
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dkettchen · 1 month
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My most male trait is the "ye I can do that" attitude abt stuff I have no means of actually knowing whether I can do
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bumblingbabooshka · 1 year
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Having Nonbinary Sapphic Tuvok Brainrot Lately…
You're the realest motherfucker on planet Earth and I hope you know that.
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Here's a bunch of bullshit I doodled on the topic of Nonbinary Sapphic Tuvok !!!! And I HOPE you will share YOUR personal brainrot with the class (my ask box, the masses, a text post....whatever gets the word out.) If you've been paying attention you KNOW I love a 'Tuvok discovers he's trans while in the delta quadrant' story Guy who likes girls and has always liked girls...but....not in the same way OTHER guys seem to like girls... Tuvok who never quite fit in with 'other' men even Vulcan men...always preferred spending time with women and girls but never felt precisely LIKE a woman or OVERLY uncomfortable with being identified as a man and Vulcan society doesn't seem like it would be heavily gendered so he never really questioned it seriously. Tuvok who found comfort in titles like Husband and Father...those fit, those are good. Then in the delta quadrant he isn't able to be a husband or a father any more and is just some guy surrounded by humans...hmmmmmm....
Still doesn't really seriously think it's worth questioning or exploring his gender identity (partially out of a desire to return home as he left...what will his wife and children think? He's experienced a LOT of sudden change in regards to his personal identity and life, he doesn't really want to undergo more.) until Seven of Nine comes along and also begins to go through a "Questioning Her Gender" arc. Tuvok thinks about it on his own time for a long time and then finally goes to Janeway for support and assistance and together they spend like SEVERAL months just the two of them seeing what this whole gender thing's about. Tuvok slowly exploring expressing himself in a more feminine manner because he's spent his whole life adhering rigidly to one sort of Look. Unexpectedly struggles with anxiety about this. Neelix: Don't be nervous Ms. Vulcan! Tuvok: [nervous] I am not nervous. Tuvok and Seven BOTH exploring masculinity/femininity and their own nonbinary gender identities...late night slumber par- experimentation. Painting each others nails is...very scientific. It's important. Talking with Janeway was good because she's his friend but talking with Seven, another person actively questioning their gender is....well, it's something else.
#Tom: Tuvok?#Tuvok: [towering over him in Seven's heels] Yes Mr. Paris?#Tom: I'm gonna kill you.#anon I hope you know I was in the middle of a completely different drawing and IMMEDIATELY stopped it to answer this#some people wait literally weeks for me to re ply to their things but sapphic nonbinary tuvok??? he gets top billing#Tuvok is SO gender he's EVERY gender and Ilove him for it#Tuvok is a trans man a trans woman nonbinary genderfluid a secret thing etc etc etc infinitely#T'Pel finally sees Tuvok again says 'you've changed' and he stiffens and goes 'yes...'#then she extends her hand out towards him and they kiss. 'yet this remains the same' she says/assures him#st voyager#Q&A#trans Tuvok#your commanding officer shows up out of nowhere one day with a beautiful bust and no comment on said bust wdyd#love thinking about nonbinary tuvok...not only nonbinary but also an alien who doesn't have the same concepts/ingrained markers of gender#Also sorry let's make this about something SO specific to me for a second but one of my personal little fantasies is#trans femme Tuvok/Neelix and man...I don't...even know if I can really explain it#something about Neelix makes me think he'd be like 'That's no way to speak around a lady!!' (scolding The Boyztm) and Tuvok would sigh#or whatever but internally she'd be charmed....she be faking like she don't have a crush but she does....she likeshiiim....#SORRY. AS IF IT'S MY FAULT?????#anyway....I hope this was.........any thing. I hope this was literally ANYTHING.#anon#bee doodles#oh another is trans femme Tuvok x Janeway but that's mostly onesided angst on Janeway's part (delicious)
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matoitech · 1 year
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REALLY wish ppl who talk abt how they ‘read lio as nonbinary’ whatever way they say that know that it is not the epic transgender ally win they think it is to say that, at least not the way they r saying it (like sometimes the way ur saying smth or why u believe smth is transphobic/homophobic!). like the character who is just a feminine gay man who has no comments made abt his appearance no question abt his gender he isnt identifying or is read any way but as a man like just rly isnt the appropriate choice for u to say hes ‘basically not a man’ bcuz of his appearance. bcuz thats just kind of fucked up and shitty. esp in promare where galos love interest is a man for a reason (and if ur saying ‘well i Read lio as not a man so promare isnt GAY exactly’ like okay well thats just homophobia dude). also when theyre like ‘lios nonbinary bcuz hes androgynous not galo tho cuz galos masculine so galos Very Male’ like just. big misunderstanding of what nonbinary even is or means or ‘who can be nonbinary’ like.. how are you fucking up this bad is all. reading chars as trans isnt ‘bad’ inherently (OBVIOUSLY??) its like the way u go about this the way u explain urself the way ur viewing gender n presentation n how ur talking abt gay men... like i think galo and lio r trans and their writing n characters become expontially better and work in a much cooler and more fun way thru that but saying 'lio is not a man bcuz hes too feminine’ is bad!
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knifeslidez · 2 months
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it seems like some people on here think life's purpose is to emphasize that they have things *so much worse* than other people
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domorebemore · 6 months
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uncanny-tranny · 11 months
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I'm still so amazed at how far medicine has come for trans people... being able to take hormones and get surgeries that are life-saving and life-affirming are genuinely such amazing feats and I wish more people understood that. Like, even if those aspects of transition do not appeal to every trans person, it is still so important to recognize just how important it is that trans people have options.
If love were a language, it would be science.
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the-trans-dragon · 11 months
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Could a person with mental illness do THIS?
*spends 20 minutes trying to respond to a text, too anxious to commit to a first word such as "Hey" versus "Hi!" versus maybe a unique catchphrase I should incorporate into my personality like "Banjo bonjour!" or, if it would be more logical, "Bonjour banjo!"*
#🙃#its a specific person who i never really decided what kind of relationship we have#maybe she was technically one of my bosses? but we started on the same day and bonded over#trying to adjust super quickly and not make mistakes (or to learn from them very quickly) and then we#had some really nice chats about our lives and families and partners#so its like. we are casual coworker acquaintances and we are Girls Who Are Friends (im not sure if she#knew i was trans and nonbinary. i think she assumed i was a woman. but the way she perceived and interacted with my gender was comfy in a#very specific way that makes me feel Okay Being Seen As A Girl. it still doesnt feel like ME. but i can fit inside it without#contorting and hiding parts of myself. kinda like the pants i bought at goodwill that definitely didnt quite fit but#my wife hemmed them a bit and i could squeeze my butt into them if i held my breath and they were a great pair of work pants for $7#anyways lol she was like a peer/mentor/cool aunt's even cooler best friend/woman you sat next to at the ER one time and she felt like you'd#known her forever but it was probably just because it was 2:30AM and neither of you had slept and were both lowkey curious if you were gonna#die before getting medical help/drunk woman who accidentally says something you've needed to hear for the past decade. lol#so idk if its a “hello” situation or a “hiya” or a “hey sup” or what. :3 well there went another ten minutes while i#rambled in the tags. okay byyyyyye.#sorenhoots
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riftclaw · 6 months
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re: that last post
i got curious on the percentages in amalgam's current OC count so i did a quick count
64 total = 26 female = 11 nonbinary/genderqueer = 27 male
that's. actually a way better ratio than i thought. w the caveat that a few of the women are kinda butch but you know. still women.
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martianbugsbunny · 7 months
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So a political ad that I've seen a lot recently has smthn in there about how one of the candidates supported (quote) "gender-mutilating surgeries" (unquote) and honestly that is just like so telling of...certain people's views on gender. It's something that they pin so deeply onto these arbitrary bodily characteristics, which can be fairly neatly changed by a good surgeon anyway, that to them gender is something that can be mutilated, because it's housed solely in a physical form. From my point of view it's impossible to "mutilate" gender because it's a part of the soul, the spirit, the anima of a person, which can't be touched by corporeal procedures and exists separate from the physical characteristics that are generally used to describe it.
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