#to someone who physically cannot understand

[mobblespsycho100]

which one’s toshiro and whys he autistic?

[ID: full body colored illustration of toshiro from the dungeon meshi manga. /End ID]

THIS FREAKIN GUY!!!! anyway

[ID: anonymous tumblr ask: "would def love to hear ur autistic shuro thoughts". /End ID]

awesome. rant under the cut because it will be long

So before we understand why Toshiro is the way he is we must first understand two things abt him:

1. his household situation is a very traditional clan of warriors type situation. his father is very strict and he left his homeland to go to the Island and explore the dungeon to train and become a warrior to be someone suited as the family head

2. Eastern and Western cultures of respect/propriety are different, and Ryoko Kui highlights it well even in her fantasy world.

With that in mind, heres some bullet point rapid fire thoughts that consume my current state of dunmeshi brain:

Toshiro has an avoidant personality. He fears upsetting others due to his upbringing, and rarely tells others how he feels not because he thinks they would simply understand him but because he doesn't want to seem rude and imposing / cause offense to others especially since he's not in his own homeland / hes a foreigner that should respect the land's customs, not his own wishes.

Setting boundaries is hard for everyone, but especially autistic (and some other ND, like those with Avoidant Personality Disorder) people. Those with ASD, at least in my experience, don't want to be isolated from others. So they mask.

They mask what? their desires. their true selves. their opinions. their discomfort. all for the sake of pleasing others (who are often neurotypical)

With that in mind, suddenly, what Maizuru said abt him as a child makes sense. Due to his strict upbringing, Toshiro had to more or less hide his preferences and force himself to adapt to the rigid constraints of his culture and the pressure to be the next family head, this responsibility is his burden to bear and he cannot be someone who expresses his selfish desires instead of focusing on being a strong warrior and leader

"Why did he say he hate Laios and that it should've been obvious that he disliked/found Laios' treatment of him uncomfortable??" BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS. I'm not going to write off Laios' autism/autistic coding, but its baffling (note: definitely racism and bias for white autistic ppl) to me that a lot of ppl don't see Toshiro's perspective and straight up ignores it. This is a lack of wanting to be rude by speaking up that is based on culture difference on Toshiro's part, and straight up ignorant of his microagressions/racism and lack of self awareness on Laios' end. They were both right, they were both wrong too. This is a complicated conflict that cannot be boiled down to simple ableist/the NT vs ND divide. There's something called . intersectionality. Which brings me to the next point

Toshiro never actually hated Laios. He found him uncomfortable, yes. But he didn't /hate/ him, he was speaking out because he's had enough!!! he's done tolerating Laios' racist bullshit, and he's done following the arbitrary Eastern rules of respecting others and not being rude!!! He. Wants. Laios. To Understand. What. He. Was. Feeling. Because he just had enough!!!!! alright!!! he's at his limit hes at his breaking point, the one he loves is now probably beyond saving, and this is a good time as any to break the news to Laios that he thinks that Laios is impulsive and doesn't fully understand how his actions have consequences!!! Hes right abt this. His feelings on this is valid, just as valid as Laios'

General autistic traits I find from Toshiro: his admiration of Falin's indifference towards insects ("woah shes so brave and gentle!! just like me, fr!!!"), His lack of regard for his own needs and wants (needing to sleep and eat and drink) because he was super focused on saving Falin, His lack of like drastic expression changes, his discomfort with physical touch when it's initiated without consent (see: Laios hugging ppl extra bonus art by Ryoko Kui), his manner of like speaking short and concise, people pleasing tendencies, his like quick way of combat, rule upholder/routine following enjoyer, he seems distant from others even those he consider family not cuz of like any terrible reason but hes just. someone who enjoys his own time alone like. yeah

aannnnndd. thats abt it? i think.

Big part of this is definitely me relating to Shiro as an Asian (specifically chinese indonesian) person who is probably Autistic lmao. I hope this brings more insight on why Toshiro is actually one of the silliest and epiccest dunmeshi characters ever I love him

#asks #dungeon meshi #toshiro nakamoto #dunmeshi #L 👁️‍🗨️🌫️ ! #shuro dunmeshi #(help) #idk if he has tags. does he have fans here. pls say he does

[awkward-teabag]

Was looking at my iPod Nano and thought how utterly BS it is that companies say it takes too much room to have a headphone jack.

I already thought it was BS before but the claim invariably comes down to form factor and keeping the jacks would make the device too big.

My Nano is ~5mm thick with the jack (also it's thinner than that but the glass stands out to make it thicker). That's nearly 3mm thinner than the latest iPhone and even the thinnest iPhone is over 2mm thicker.

You're telling me as components and ports shrink and boards also get smaller, it's unfeasible to do something that was done a decade ago?

It's almost as if it's not that form factor/technology doesn't allow it and it's all about selling proprietary adapters and/or Apple-brand headphones/earbuds/airpods that can be paired without a jack, and removing customer freedom.

#it used to be about removing the option for customers to record music via the jack #but that's been something easily done for ages #'best' is when the claim is a jack is too thick for a laptop #a cell i could possibly understand but a laptop? #the hell is your board and battery if it's thinner than 5mm and you can't find room for the jack #'cause even on compact builds there's dead space #and it's not like optical drives are often a thing now so that frees up even more room #though funny story from when i got my nano #i wanted something to use at work for a physical job so it only needed to play music and fit in a pocket #the staffer (who was probably instructed to upsell everyone) kept trying to get me to buy a cell instead #because 'you can play music off it and do other stuff' #i legit only wanted to get something that did one (1) thing #especially given the chance it could be damaged #also even at the best of times a cell has trouble fitting in afab dress pants pockets #kinda hard to upsell someone on something that costs hundreds more and literally cannot do what they want

[ink-asunder]

I think the one thing about the mentally vs physically disabled argument, the wheelchair bound vs healthy passing argument, the "why am I as an able bodied but neurodivergent person not allowed to say the c slur" argument is just that...

The threshold to be physically endangered via ableism is just really fucking low. Someone who cannot move at all without a wheelchair cannot enter or escape areas that are not ADA approved. But also someone with dietary restrictions and fatal allergies (the most invisble illness of all, it feels like) are CONSTANTLY endangered by negligence, laziness, and malice. You need the privilege of money or benefits to access healthcare, but if you have ANY problem that is not GUARANTEED to get 100% better within 6 months, you are fucked and abandoned by the healthcare system. (Because the healthcare system is NOT designed to treat sick people. It is designed to keep healthy people healthy. But I digress.)

Autistic and psychotic people are physically endangered via saneism and ableism in situations like interactions with police. Anybody who has ANY physical condition that impairs their physical ability will face apathetic or malicious negligence. Anything from food allergies to mild joint pain to literal paralysis, you can be gaslit by a doctor, assaulted in some form, or have a near-death experience that is the result of ableism.

The sooner people figure this out, the sooner a lot of people will stop clowning about the various aspects of disability.

#all that being said dont use the c slur for yourself if youre not physically fucking disabled #physical disability and mental/neuro disability DO have a lot of overlap! #but there are things exclusive to physical disability that need their own space. #also understand that physical disability DOES come in varying degress of severity. but that variation ALSO has overlaps as well. #the same disability often does not limit 2 people in the same way. #but someone who is able to walk CanNot speak over someone who isnt able to walk in terms of accessibility. #also also universal accessibility looks like everybody having lots of options available in order to take what they need. #okay thats all ily bbye #disabled #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #psychosis #autism #saneism #sanism #ableism #ablism #accessibility #inaccessibility

[craycraybluejay]

I feel rly weird around ppl w "maps dni" bc it just rubs me the wrong way that ppl equate others w those feelings to having committed an actual crime or done something otherwise bad for existing. It's like "bpd dni" or "intrusive thought havers dni" its all just thoughts i block people who make me uncomfortable thats it.

like its not my business what ppl r thinking yk. idc. also ive seen interviews n maps genuinely dont care/want to "invade the queer community" they know its a different thing ok. the fight to treat people like people is universal but the fight to do so for people whose thoughts you detest is closer to advocacy for unpalatable mental illness and general freedom to exist with badwrong thoughts than it is advocacy to be in a relationship with someone who can actually consent to you regardless of gender. Like. they know. everyone knows and if u think that would ever be a thing,, it wouldn't. the same way that groups for abortion rights are not the same groups you go to for idk trauma support.

obv sometimes its better not to post certain things even if its harmless text ppl will dogpile u and accuse u of things bc someone got triggered. but sue me if i dont think its a crime for ppl w badwrong attractions to exist and i think its weird that others think it is.

like im a sadist i know how this shit goes intimately. "killing and torturing people is bad." "yes." "you're a bad person and deserve to be hurt for it." "but i didn't kill or torture anyone and don't really plan on it?" "you're evil for even thinking or feeling it. you still deserve to be punished." "but i didn't DO.. ANYTHING??" "weirdo murder fetishizer is triggered lol xd get hit by a truck" "..." "ur disgusting and evil and you should kys for having badwrong thoughts." "but i'm not doing anything wrong." "idc ur a gross evil monster" "i have a feeling this isnt getting anywhere. bye."

^it's like y'all reach argument bedrock the moment someone drops the idea that you CAN HAVE "badwrong" thoughts and feelings that would be unethical to act on irl without acting on them or being a bad person by the simple sin of thinking them. this is puritan nonsense. all of you have thought "sinful" thoughts. all of you have wanted to do things that would be cruel or dangerous; because if you have a brain that just Happens, whatever the nature of the thought. If you want to yell at your kid that's fine, they're annoying you and you have every right to feel that way. If you actually yell at your kid you are hurting them and that's not OK. You want to go harass someone online because they said something stupid? Fine. You actually go and do that? Bad. how hard is this to understand. am i speaking alien.

also if u punch people and go to therapy for it you are not going with the goal of stopping this desire to punch people. you are going with the goal of finding ways to vent this feeling that dont hurt anyone and figuring out the root cause of it with your therapist to better understand how you can work together to prevent this from happening.

#pro para #thought crime #badwrong thoughts #thoughts are not actions #idk if u think someone can be evil or a criminal for having thoughts n feelings #how long before u turn on me and say the same thing for different thoughts n feelings #i dont trust people like that i dont like that #have u ever wondered why verbal/physical/sexual abuse are all real terms but thought abuse isn't #its because thoughts cannot abuse you #that's because thoughts exist outside reality and thinking something does not make it happen #it would be cool if people had telekenesis but i digress people DONT #i wonder what ppl expect when they say go to therapy for ppl theyve convicted in the court of fools as thoughtcrimers #like conversion therapy or? #because a good therapist if u come to them w thoughts ur guilty ab will ask you first 'who is this hurting' #and if the answer is no one or 'just me' the solution is to work on the guilt complex and understand that ur thoughts arent actions #literally the solution is to realize this basic thing #a therapist cannot and should not try to make you 'normal' #thats not what therapy is for #therapists want to make a plan with you as to how to deal with your thoughts and feelings in ways that work best for you without hurting you #or anyone else #you dont fight depression by trying to convince someone theyre wrong and their life isnt bad enough to end it #you fight depression by giving someone the tools and a plan to protect themselves from the thoughts and feelings that distress them #and by helping them accept themselves and fix anything in life thats bothering them #but you don't deal with trauma by telling someone they shouldnt feel like that and you dont deal w anything else like that either #idk point is #u dont go to therapy to be fixed u go to therapy to find out how to live a happier and healthier life #any therapist who claims they can fix whatever you think is wrong with you you should run far far away from #the point of therapy for people w paraphilias is to figure out how to cope and minimize any risk to the person or anyone around them #if its affecting day to day life

[rawliverandgoronspice]

yeah, I just feel really really numb.

#thoughts #trying to not overspill on here #but the current world events are truly sending me down the mental health gutter right now #it's not even like I didn't know what kind of nightmare world order we live in but #yeah can't focus on anything #I'm really physically isolated too and cannot leave my house for the whole week #so I genuinely cannot do anything beyond giving donations that are kept from reaching destination #and pretend everything is fine and dandy at work as if I had it in me to care about videogames at the moment #while my government reveals once again how much a fascist conglomerate of US-bootlickers white supremacist pieces of shit they really are #sorry it's normally not the tone here but I just... it's so disheartening #witnessing utterly inhumane violence branded as righteous and inevitable #and I know it's in moments like these that it's vital not to give up on people and to band together and believe in democracy etc etc #but god are we being tested right now #and I'm not even... affected like I'm not someone who might get directly hurt as a result of all this #but even this unearned privilege feels rancid and rotten and so fucking wrong #I don't understand how so many people can just... go on with their day as this is happening #as everybody's place in the system is being cemented and enforced by all manners of violence #I mean I do understand helplessness is a thing we truly cannot do much individually especially when your country banned protests #but yeah #might delete later

[binch-i-might-be]

"I'm not subscribing to another streaming service" girl how many streaming services are you subscribed to???? maybe reconsider your choices

#sorry to be so salty lol but this is such a silly point to make #i'm not subscribed to any streaming service because when i want to watch something i take my ass to soap2day like a normal person #or you know. buy physical media #also to be so entirely fair with the discount code the first YEAR costs like 40 bucks #100% understand when someone simply cannot afford paying for that but. people who already have other streaming services? eh #rayrambles

[buriesitsteeth]

I was having a good day today for the first time since like…august and then someone said something and I’ve spiralled into anxiety grip ‘imworriedimworriedimworriedimworried’ brain and I’ve spoiled my night fr

#I’m just exhausted of existing this way #I’ve asked for advice and everyone tells me I need therapy or a doctor or something but I can’t make myself book an appointment #I need someone to *care* enough to help me do it but there’s no one who’s bothered and that just fucks me up more #*more #I physically can’t ask for help. I fill out the web form and then delete it before I send it. I start the conversation and then cant explain #how I feel or what help I need or I downplay it or joke my way out of it #and none of it is on purpose I just can’t ask for help #never have been able to #even when I was at school if I didn’t understand something I’d just…sit there and not understand instead of asking for help #idk I just #it’s like barriers come down in my brain that say NO SHARING NO #if I’m mid convo trying to talk about my feelings my tongue physically cannot handle the words #it feels like it swells up or something and I can’t get the words out or make the noise to talk and it sucks #I do agree yes talking therapy might be good for me but again like #where do I go? How do I find the right person to listen who will hear me out? how do I afford it? why would anyone want to listen to me? #thorn screams into the void

[punkwixes]

lmao christ what a stupidly insulting poll

(didn’t get all the options in there but you get the point, the last two were like “i don’t read at all”/“see results” or w/e)

anyways. lmao. they apologized for calling it “foolish” but like only because they realized that Some People Can’t Get To A Physical Bookstore

and it’s just like. lol. lmao. i’m a guy who 100% prefers ebooks! the small screen size of my phone is PERFECT for holding my attention — this is a problem that existed Before I Owned A Smartphone, even, because as far as i can remember i’ve made my internet browser window as small as possible to read articles or w/e.

anyways i love being able to read ebooks on my small screen, i love changing the font and text size and page color, i LOVE easily searching through books for quotes with keywords, i love being able to highlight and make notes with all the space in the world. i love being able to screenshot what i’m reading and crop it down to share things quickly.

and i LOVE being able to buy ebooks for cheaper than the cost of a physical book and/or quickly rent them from the library! i love having dozens of books stored on a device the size of my palm! i love reading them wherever i am, but also nobody Has to know what i’m reading (the last time i took a physical book in public i removed the dust jacket, lmao.)

and they don’t take up any space in my h no ouse! i have like…. idk, 40-50 books on my phone? maybe more, idk, a lot of them are On Here but not downloaded because i haven’t read them in a bit. i have to move across the country in a few years! i am already dying abt it & would die more if i had to pack and carry boxes of all those BOOKS.

and i DO own some physical books, and will buy more, but they’re books i Deeply Care About/Would Read Multiple Times.

oh! AND! i love not having to worry about where a library book has been. i love getting a book from the library and it’s a nice ebook & not a physical copy that has Weird Stains on the pages. and i hate the library book smell. it’s my second least favorite thing that these people performatively brag abt loving, right next to Flipping Pages. what is it abt these people and NEEEEDING to Flip Pages?

#ebook haters do not interact people who feel the need to defend why you like physical books do not interact #not as in ‘i think physical books are somehow bad & you have to defend your stance on them’ #but as in I Am So Tired Of Everyone Thinking That I Dont Understand Why They Find Physical Books More Appealing #as if by explaining enough times suddenly i’ll realize what i’m missing #i’m serious! i understand! i love when people are like Well I Just Can’t Because Of Brain Stuff as if i cannot relate #which is like. again. it’s 100% fine to enjoy physical books that is the MAINSTREAM opinion #but all i ask is that you do not come into the post of someone who is talking about why they like ebooks #& go ‘well ACTUALLY —‘ i understand! i get it! but Make Your Own Post. like i am doing rn. #& like. once again. i get the majority of my ebooks from my library. when i but physical books i buy from indie bookstores #this is not the issue hurting libraries/bookstores lol

[xadial]

uk nationalism makes me sick to my stomach actually 🙂

#rambles #'banning immigrants would fix homelessness' actually i think that you simply have more racism than hatred for unhoused people #and if we had zero immigrants you would still be abhorrent towards unhoused ppl actually #i know im privileged to be able to feel rage instead of just... having to live with it #but learning the visceral extent of how entrenched the righ #uk right wing* is entrenched w racism. and like its not news i KNOW but #its the cognitive dissonance of. i cannot concieve looking at someone and immediately going #'ah yes Evil' where is the critical thinking. #physically cannot comprehend the mindset of The Evil Them #and rw politics cant be compared to minority groups bc one is just trying to exist and the other is an organised pipeline to fascism #'woke agenda' 'left wing' I JUST DONT WANT TO ALLIGN MYSELF WITH BLATANT RACISM??? IS THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND??? #careening towards fascism for real #i just need people to understand that they are more likely than not one misfortune away from homelessness. #it takes one housefire or one medical thing or one fireable mistake at work or one unpayable bill or- #your advocacy for the removal of human rights also affects you #a human who has those same rights! #screaming into my pillow

[vampire-nyx]

I do think there is a very real issue and a conversation that needs to be had about this phenomena in disabled spaces where things quickly become disabled people with physical disabilities vs disabled people without physical disabilities (but even that isn't quite right, since that concept almost immediately always becomes visibly physically disabled people vs invisibly disabled people, physicality being irrelevant for the latter group)

#there should be solidarity not competition #and there will never be solidarity if each group cannot understand the problems of the other #solidarity will never happen if physically disabled folks refuse to acknowledge that wishing one's invisible disabilities were visible is a #very real and valid feeling invisibly disabled people often have #and if invisibly disabled people (esp those without physical disabilities) refuse to acknowledge that they can traverse the world easier #than people who are visibly physically disabled #and that they need to be there to back up visibly disabled folks when there are accessibility issues and discrimination #that they dont personally experience because they're not visibly disabled and/or physically disabled #I want to be involved in disability conversations in cri/ppl/epu/nk and m/adpu/nk spaces but both are so shitty to each other all the time #^typed so strangely because I do Not need this to be in those tags and hopefully that'll achieve that #and neither feels safe for me as someone who fits in both and is capable of compassion for people who are not exactly as disabled as me #sunny speaks #obviously neither are safe for me as a radqueer either but yknow. that goes without saying #there is very nearly no space ever anywhere that will be safe for me as a radqueer

[florenceisfalling]

don't worry guys if you're ever in a bad place emotionally and seeking guidance some woman with an entirely different outlook on life than you will thrust shitty advice upon you whether you like it or not and then make you feel completely fucking awful about her wealth of wisdom that she is so genuinely convinced she has despite not having any idea . this will make the bad place so much more bad also

#this is the last thing i am posting related to the events of my day i dont think i will ever get over just how insane it was but i hope #things will improve bc the lady is someone who i am very close with #i just always sorta balanced her out with my mother and that is not currently possible #i dont want to be angry at her anymore but it was so genuinely bad. like what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck #yknow a lot of bad things have happened where im able to put myself in the other persons shoes and go ''yeah sure'' like #theres a reason i forgave most the ppl who made my life hell ages 6-14 #but this was so unreasonable. i literally cannot even fathom why she would do that outside of ''she wasnt thinking she was just doing'' #because people arent reasonable and thats usually the explanation why stuff happens that you can't understand #i would not let anyone else speak to me like that and i honestly should not have let her speak to me like that but we live on #its not the healthy or godly thing to keep this on my chest nor put it out for others to see but it literally shook me so bad #on the bright side #usually i shake when im angry like literally physically shake #and i didnt this time! cried though! not when she was in the room idk what my body was doing #i like definitely was not the guy in control of my body for a while there #i still dont think i am i keep doing little things and going hmmm i dont think im florence rn #but it was . something.

[birthday-of-music]

ughhhhjajsjajahshdhdhdb

#im. no thoughts head empty #when the burnout is bad enougj i dont have the energy to play rhythm games.. #or talk. or. think. i was meant to do Things today but atp im glad i got sick for some reason so i can get away with doing absolutely #nothing… i wish i could just. go a day without having to talk to people. like. speaking words talk to people. #is saying stuff usually so. weird? draining? idfk. i wish i had the confidence to just say to my family like. #“ive got no energy rn can i not talk” because for all the support its never really the same as if they understood #you havent done your assignment? wdym you “cant” you just have to try harder #youre zoning out a lot is this because youre on your phone too much? why arent you talking #is something wrong? are you feeling sick? dont be sarcastic with me #because you “know” what youre doing #i do not in fact know. i physically cannot make myself do your damn assignment. i dont know why im zoning out. it isnt because of the phone #im not talking because sometimes i just cant find words and it all feels wrong. sorry that you “dont understand me” and im “being a pain” #god this was not meant to turn into a vent im just. tired. i want a hug :( #or someone who actually understands who im brave enough to talk to about this.. ugh fuck. #tw vent #migjt delete..

[vote-for-eggman]

Probably have complained about this before but never have I liked being called “cutie.” Even by a hot as fuck guy. Like just call me a slur.

#personal #seriously I cannot think of a word that makes me feel more small or belittled #I do not like being referred to by my appearance at all #I’m not even insecure much anymore frankly I just find it weird #I am not going to talk to someone who I don’t find physically attractive #so I don’t feel the need to idk prove it through how I’m talking to someone #it never feels like a compliment even though I totally understand someone’s intentions

[ploncc]

Really not a fan of the assumption in language learning that everyone wants to learn (or can learn) the Four Main Language Skills(tm) of reading, writing, listening, and speaking. Bring back that one dude in the 70s that was teaching English readers how to read (and maybe write?) French through a slow gradation of English with some very basic memey sounding French grammar and eventual vocabulary through a book about a schoolboy getting into hijinks, that guy knew what was up.

#“if you don't' practice speaking you'll never learn how to speak” who said i wanted to speak because it sure as hell wasn't me #“you won't be able to understand this language as you're listening to it spoken” buddy i see my bank account and with the area i live #there is a less than 0.05% chance i ever meet someone that speaks this language. being able to only ever remotely know #someone through reading their words may be a kind of loss but it's not the end of the world #“you won't be able to write” some of us cannot physically move a pen or pencil around #“but you won't be able to read anything” well wouldn't that be a hell of a moment to learn your internet friend is Blind/VI #language learning #because i mean honestly like i'm talking about this in the main post as if it's all up to taste and what you think you'll use in life #but like a lot of this is ableism. call it what it is. it's fuckin ableism. #“if you don't master all four then you'll never REALLY know the language” ok so Blind/VI and/or Deaf/HoH folks don't know their languages? #people that can't write due to disability don't know their languages? #are you sure you really want to die on that hill? because buddy i'd much prefer to kill you somewhere else.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

ok i need. need. NEED. you all to understand what high support needs autism actually is. not just higher support, but highhhh (high) support.

& honestly me, am not even fit to talk about this!! but knowing popular (often low support) autism content creators & authors tokenize me & include me in justification “well i listen to high support needs people and they need—”

high support needs not just need remind take meds, not even need remind eat, need remind shower. if you think “high support needs” & those struggles come first in mind & see those as most represent of HSN, most classical way of be HSN, then you wrong. you wronggg.

many HSN autistic, not even “advanced” enough (for not have better word) to able use reminders. on average day often need physical help. for a lot, need complete physical help. need complete physical help hold spoon n fork, or not able be a part at all and need other people do it. need be told open mouth chew swallow sometimes. need other people clean up drool & spill from mouth & mess.

they have worth. deserve all the fucking help they need.

“difference between low & high support is not actual amount struggle because all struggle inside same but that high support show more external outside struggle & those struggle more annoying for people around them” hear this so often and make blood boil because cannot be farther from truth yet some you all so loudly proclaim.

then tell me why only hear LSN say this. why only hear LSN on internet. why all big content creator big authors big autistic speakers all LSN.

tell me how someone nonverbal and no robust communication no functional language struggle even nonverbally communicate not even AAC not yet or not ever ever, how that same inside as someone who able speak who speak fluent who able communicate want needs dreams have conversation with words

both struggle. but not fucking same struggle.

many people in between. but you not get use people like them like me to give self shiny credential of “i know high support needs because i listen”

don’t use me. you embarrass me.

#not vague post of mutuals #angry not able write as clear but just want grab people and shake them #loaf screm #actually autistic #high support needs

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

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#going to rant ignore if u want but mutuals can respond/dm #update after writing the whole thing: i think i have solved my own problem. keeping this up anyway for entertainment #literally i feel like i’m going insane. straight up i do not understand this. what the fuck. #on the one hand. i met this guy. seems super nice. i see him semi regularly. i have crushy feelings abt him and it’s fine #except for the fact that i physically cannot picture myself doing any of the relationshipy stuff with him. #EVEN THOUGH I ACTUALLY HAVE THE FEELINGS THIS TIME. #meanwhile. #two weekends ago i went to a party. and one of my best friends kissed me. which is all fine and dandy since it was a joke #and she was kissing everyone so it didn’t matter. except it was my first kiss #which i kind of wanted to throw away my first kiss anyway so it’s fine #i didn’t really like it when it happened bc it was very very wet and i wasn’t expecting that and i am a germaphobe so i freaked a little #but anyway. i don’t have any actual feelings for her. but i had a dream last night where i kept kissing her and #doing all of the relationshipy things with her. BUT I DONT HAVE THE FEELINGS. #literally why can’t my relationship wants every line up with who i actually like. ever. #so essentially my problem is i can’t tell who i actually like bc you would think i would want to do relationship things with someone i have #feelings for but i fucking guess not bc i would rather do them with my best friend that i physically feel absolutely nothing for. #and then there’s the added stress of what if i don’t actually like either of them and in fact what if i don’t like anyone at all #and i’ve just been arospec without realizing it this whole fucking time just like with my asexuality #and like. as much as i understand that being aro is a normal thing to be (a great thing even) #i feel like i wouldn’t want to like someone this much if i was. like it can’t be that internalized right #OH. OK WAIT I HAVE CREATED BOTH A SOLUTION AND A NEW PROBLEM #what if i just. qpr with my best friend. this would solve the problem of no feelings but want cuddle #only thing is i have no idea how to bring up the idea w her #also this doesn’t solve my guy problem #hopefully he just ends up either being a dick so i can stop liking him or initiating the relationship stuff so i don’t have to have the #internal debate about it bc then maybe my brain will catch up to itself and be like ‘see u can do this with more than just people you’ve #already done it with’. idfk. anyway this was a good stream of consciousness enjoy the crisis