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carulenes · 7 months

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I have so many scattered thoughts re: Blade, Jingliu, and Dan Heng and the entirety of the HCQ after Clouds Leave No Trace

This is gonna probably be long as hell since I haven’t stopped thinking abt it for two days straight and will contain spoilers for the new HCQ quest in 1.4 as well as references to other leaks, this is mostly just a jumble of a bunch of theories and ramblings to get my thoughts out, some of which I already had and others that started to jump out during the quest. obv other ppl may have come up with similar conclusions and i obv might not be right myself but based on the narrative presented to us up until now, these are what I feel make the most sense. TLDR at the end.

Dan Heng vs “running away”

I find it fascinating, and frankly disingenuous, that that both Jingliu and Blade consistently frame DH’s explanations of no longer being Dan Feng and only containing fragments of his memories as "trying to run from his past". I’ve also seen some in the fandom claim that DH’s position on the matter shouldn’t be trusted as he’s an “unreliable narrator”, which could be true, but it’s a stance I disagree with as it goes against the structure of DH’s narrative as it’s been set up since the beginning of the game.

From day one until the present, Dan Heng is shown to be fully willing to atone for the sins of his past:

The moment he was allowed to move freely aboard the Luofu after having quietly accepted exile for crimes he shouldn’t have had to pay for, he decided of his own volition to seek out the current high elder and make amends with both the Xianzhou and his past in general, even when doing so made him a target for even more suffering:

Narratively speaking, he never once backs away from the punishment considered owed to Dan Feng's actions.

Dan Heng, the result of a forced rebirth process that was then manipulated to leave him with combat prowess and broken memories he neither wanted or should have possessed to begin with, was escorted away from the only homeland he knew, after being held in prison for crimes he legally should not have been judged by from the moment of his birth, with only the few possessions his previous incarnation had possessed, forced to jump from spaceship to spaceship without even recognizing the destination. The only reason he ever ran at all is due to the ages spent fighting for his life against an enemy he didn't recognize and never truly recognized him, one that refused to die no matter how many times they fought. One who caused unmatched destruction in his hunt for Dan Heng, fully willing to destroy anyone and anything in the way of his goal— a shadow of his past:

This is why personally (emphasis on personally) I believe that the longing in question from the leak regarding Dan Heng polishing his spear is in reference to the Luofu, as to me, it makes sense that he would long for and think of the homeland he never got to witness thoroughly with his own eyes and could only experience in books while caring for the weapon he uses to keep himself and others safe from the force of destruction that trails him:

In fact, it isn't until after Dan Heng joins the Astral Express that he begins to fight back against the assertion that he must eternally suffer for the past; this is because this is when he finally has something other than himself to protect. We are directly shown this in his animated short, when the memory of the other members of the Express crew serve as the motivation to spur Dan Heng out of the internal conflict he was drowning in, and also as his prime reason for going to meet with the others in the HCQ aboard the Luofu:

This is likely possible largely due both to the fact that Vidyadhara cannot succumb to mara, as well as the fact that he doesn't have the same specific memories as the others, and so he is not shackled to the same chains that now bind Blade and Jingliu.

———

Blade and Jingliu

In Blade’s youth, Jingliu describes him as someone who was “defiant” in a way she claimed not to like. I find this fascinating given that the two are so incredibly similar at present, which I feel is due in part to Blade’s unwavering respect for her even after the pain she caused him, both because of who she is as the former Sword Champion and the amount of Abundance abominations she alone had been able to slay, as well as the pain she inflicted giving him new purpose, a choice to give him a “second chance” despite at one point having wished to leave him to his misery as a fate worse than death, as described in her character story.

Both Blade and Jingliu experienced great suffering in their childhoods

Blade's swordsmanship ability comes directly from Jingliu’s tutelage

His personal oath comes directly from Jingliu, as she forced it into his psyche over and over through death and rebirth in order to force him to remember:

They both took on deals through which they are able to have access to suppression for their mara:

And both are fighting towards goals that are implied to, at least currently, be impossible (following who I believe to be extremely suspicious individuals):

Also, both are equally stubborn, seen both through their refusal to take no as an answer to Dan Heng's wishes to no longer associate with them and through their refusal to listen to anything that may trigger or directly refute their perceptions of reality:

But most importantly:

Blade and Jingliu both became mara-struck very quickly after Baiheng’s death.

It's repeatedly mentioned that mara is linked to to the artificially stretched lifespans of Xianzhou natives, but also that a fundamental aspect of the affliction is tied to the accumulation of painful memories. Given that vast scope of the destruction that occurred during this bane, and the extreme closeness both Jingliu and Blade had to the deceased and beloved Baiheng (in addition to the trauma of being transmuted into another species entirely, in Blade's case), it's no surprise that both of them are affected so deeply. Additionally, a common treatment for mara is avoiding accessing painful memories or suppressing/removing them entirely.

As Blade himself states that the effects of mara affliction are unique to the individual, I can't make a sweeping judgement of the symptoms all the mara-struck; the specific manifestations of Jingliu and Blade's afflictions, however, can be related to the concept of complicated grief:

We see these symptoms heavily within Jingliu, who literally wears a blindfold to avoid seeing anything that can trigger painful memories, has a voiceline describing how she can't remember many details of the time she and Baiheng spent together, speaks how she's plagued with nightmares about Baiheng, and she refuses to not only prohibit herself from forgetting the pain of what happened to her that day, but also the remaining members of the HCQ.

Similar observations can be made for Blade; he notably speaks very little and withdraws from most social situations, not wanting to take part in “annoying conversations.” His particular form of mara affliction is, by his own admission, unusual and devoid of any real emotion. The few moments of reprieve are spent either thinking too much or not thinking of anything at all. When his mara strikes, though, he shuts down, going completely numb and lashing out at whatever's in his way- not unlike certain displays of trauma responses in real life. He asks directly, “Why does someone like her have to be buried, burned to ash, and eventually forgotten...? Why!?” And given Yingxing being quoted saying directly during this quest that he doesn't wish for an overly long life, and Blade's intense suicidal ideations in the present, it's not a far reach to suggest that he also wishes that he died with her or in her stead.

And both are unable to find purpose in a life without her:

Blade and Jingliu both accuse Dan Heng of being unwilling to accept the past, but both of them are quite literally and physically unable to do so themselves— Dan Heng was even the only one to have spent extended time in the Shackling Prison, even though he should not have had to due to his rebirth, while both Blade and Jingliu were both wanted criminals who managed to escape. They both walk carrying the pain of the past through the present because they feel empty without it. And, unlike Dan Heng, neither one of them have a future that they feel can look forward to.

On that note, Jing Yuan, the only member of the HCQ who is capable of succumbing to mara and yet hasn't, is also the only member to directly acknowledge Dan Heng's autonomy and existence. This extends to Dan Feng as well, as both Blade and Jingliu most often refer to both Dan Heng and Dan Feng interchangeably with the title of Imbibitor Lunae, rather than their names.

The only ones to continue to deny Dan Heng's existence and rebirth are those who are unable to leave the past behind, such as the mirage echoes forever tied to Scalegorge Waterscape, as well as Blade and Jingliu, forever tied to their own suffering.

[Side note: This is exactly why I believe HYV decided to have 1.3 end with an entire questline based around the showing the process of accepting death and healthy grieving: to act as a direct juxtaposition to Blade and Jingliu, who both are unable to engage in the process themselves.] ————

Yingxing and Dan Feng/Blade and Dan Heng

Yingxing the Furnace Master and High Elder Dan Feng were very close. They were good friends, yes, but they were also bad for each other, according to Kafka:

Which would be easy enough on its to write off as her own interpretation of a story she’s heard but doesn’t know enough to understand. But Jingliu, the living member of the HCQ most affected by their actions, shows agreement with her assessment, pointing out that she’d found it strange “to see someone so arrogant get along with someone so proud.”

These specific traits are mentioned and attributed to them multiple times— the arrogant craftsman and the proud high elder. The reason for this is also stated by Kafka: “Together, they did something bad— something terrible. It led to horrific consequences.”

The emphasis that they did it together, almost directly after stating that the pair were bad for one another (which was a conscious choice to have her say, as her statements of their shared mistake and Blade's memory loss would have sufficed on their own), is important not simply because they both made and adhered to the plan; it’s important because it implies that it was directly because it took the two of them specifically to create the chaos and unrest that took place and not anyone else. This isn’t a condemnation of either of them as individuals, but Jingliu herself points out that even the smartest people can make extremely ill-advised decisions in the heat of the moment.

If Yingxing hadn’t arrogantly believed himself alone capable of handling and utilizing the remains of the very Emanator it took a plethora of combatants including the entire HCQ to take down (likely leading to the loss in the usability of his hands as a result):

If Dan Feng hadn’t proudly believed his “salvation” more righteous than the autonomy of those mortals he sought to save, "letting" them continue living as though the right to withhold the honor of dying for a cause they believed in was his alone, while also seeming to blindly believe himself incapable of being deceived or misunderstanding something:

None of the resulting fallout would have happened.

Only one with powers like those of the High Elder of the Vidyadhara could have attempted what Dan Feng did, and only an outworlder who has experienced the allure of immortality and experienced the fear of not having enough time would be willing to assist, given the Xianzhou’s stance on acts regarding immortality.

Furnace Master and High Elder, filled with blind confidence in themselves, blind confidence in each other, enabling each other (Yingxing calling out to Dan Feng and implying that they had to be the ones to make a choice, Dan Feng being moved by his human heart’s words and his own exhaustion with watching the deaths of those around him) to make a dangerous choice at a critical moment when their close companion is in mortal peril (more accurately already dead but they couldn’t accept that), and make the decision to ignore the autonomy of everyone involved. They had no contingency plan because they were sure that, with each other, that it would work. Because of this, they both share the blame, their noble intentions not enough to outweigh their unforgivable sin.

Jing Yuan is noted to have “always understood the price better than any of [the HCQ], yet he never spoke up, never did anything”, but anyone who has had the experience of trying to tell an arrogant or prideful person that they’re wrong or making a mistake knows that that’s an uphill battle on its own. Add in that it would be two against one (one of whom he already canonically bickered with constantly throughout their companionship), asking two of the most stubborn people he knew to give up on their desire to save the beloved (for Yingxing, Baiheng; for Dan Feng, his people), the two that were closer to each other than he was with either of them (not to imply that the HCQ weren’t all very close to each other because they definitely were but in obv differing ways) right in the middle of a high stress situation where there’s no time for arguing, and what remains is Jing Yuan with no options but to watch as disaster unfolded before him and everyone else, knowing that their minds were already made up.

Yingxing never wanted to be immortal or to see Baiheng suffering, but his own hubris helped lead to both.

Dan Feng never wanted to endure the sight of meaningless death, and yet directly caused it due to his pride, believing he had the right to play god and interfere with the natural process of death, or to consider that he may be wrong.

They were good friends who were bad for each other, and good people who made an exceedingly bad decision.

In the present, it’s been over 700 years since the last meeting of the High-Cloud Quintet, meaning Yingxing and Dan Feng have been essentially dead for roughly 7x the length of the HCQ’s entire existence. Their new identities, Blade and Dan Heng are clearly meant to parallel each other, but as opposing forces going in different directions, given Blade’s unwavering desire to die, and Dan Heng’s unwavering desire to live and to protect those he cares for. Both were put through immense suffering that, in the same vein, provided the means of “freedom” for them— Blade, through the sword; Dan Heng, through banishment. And both have found new colleagues to consider allies, though even the two groups are opposed to one another.

At this point in time, they’re enemies in all respects, and the chances of any reconciliation between them in my opinion is VERY slim for multiple reasons not limited to how much time has already passed at this point:

1) Dan Heng does not trust Blade at all and actively considers him one of the biggest threats to both his own and his companions’ safety, with good reason. The only way this could feasibly change is if Blade were to stop hunting him, which likely would not happen because

2) Blade is wholly devoted to Elio’s predictions for him, which Dan Heng’s existence would be paradoxical to. One of Blade’s wishes is to kill Imbibitor Lunae specifically in revenge, and he doesn’t (or can't) accept Dan Heng’s existence; if what Dan Heng claims about his identity is true, then that could only mean the future Elio promised must be false, which would strip him of the only purpose he has left in this world, leaving him as an empty, undying husk. This matter is also complicated by the fact that

3) There is still no cure for the mara that afflicts Blade, which would be the only avenue through which Blade could even begin to consider accepting Dan Heng and potentially reconciling. Both he and Jingliu were able to discover methods of having it suppressed, but both were temporary fixes: Jingliu notes that her time is beginning to run out, and Kafka had to use alternate means to reduce the potency of the mara within Blade after it violently flared up after merely being on the Xianzhou, which is likely the only reason the meeting between the HCQ could even take place with his attendance. On top of this, there’s also the fact that

4) Blade’s feelings for Dan Feng are likely very complex as well. Deep down, there’s clearly still some fondness there in the way Blade looks back on the time spent with Dan Feng, but he’s also one of the people he deeply resents and wants to see dead, which I believe could be due to his belief that it’s Dan Feng’s fault that Baiheng died. There is a choice-dependent voiceline from Baiheng deep within Dan Heng's memories that calls out to him to save them from the starskiff, but we know that it crashed. He tried to invoke the Transmutation Arcaneum, but it failed, instead turning Baiheng into a half-dragon monstrosity whose wails of pain echoed all around them. And then, though he wasn’t the one to deal the final blow, he might as well have by giving the location of the dragon’s weak spot to Jingliu. To top everything off, everything ended with Blade within an immortal body, one that leaves him in constant pain, particularly during the healing process after “death”.

From his perspective, it’s easy to see just why Blade could place the blame of Baiheng’s burial and the near destruction of the Luofu solely on Dan Feng, accusing Dan Feng alone of being the one to stubbornly adhere to the plan; it’s also easy to point out Blade’s hypocrisy given his role as Dan Feng’s accomplice. There are multiple potential reasons for this in my opinion: his brain, afflicted by both mara and prior memory loss (though he never forgets Dan Feng’s eyes or “how cruelty burst out from beneath the mirror-like emerald calmness”); his arrogance, leading him to absolve himself of any guilt or wrongdoing because he believes himself incapable of failing; the current youth-like quality of his mind, reduced to immaturely (by which I purely mean the dictionary definition of having/showing emotional development of someone younger) craving nothing but revenge while simultaneously absolving responsibility by saying “He did it! Not me!”. Also, considering Jingliu’s dialogue to Dan Feng where she says to him “If your death can return everything to how it was, I would do it,” and the many ways Blade already emulates Jingliu, it isn’t too difficult to consider that he may have taken that duty on himself out of grief and longing.

Along with these reasons, the narrative emphasizes that even almost a millennium after Yingxing and Dan Feng’s deaths, destruction follows in their wake whenever their new lives cross paths. Dan Heng learned this quickly, hence his fervent desire to keep distance and his relative uncertainty of anywhere that could possibly be safe for him, though he also learned rather quickly that this was futile. Blade was always able to find him, entire spaceships destroyed in his unshakable desire to kill him. On the Xianzhou, not only was Dan Heng dragged into a fight with Blade, but so too was Yanqing. This cycle of destruction is implied to have been so constant for Dan Heng that it’s likely the entire reason he never feels safe or feels unable to confide in anyone so as to not risk putting them in danger.

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The Destruction Trio

Imbibitor Lunae, Blade, and Jingliu all being on the path of destruction is no coincidence given their histories. The three “sinners” all shared a key trait: being able to cope with death and painful losses. Both Yingxing and Dan Feng viewed her as arrogant and proud, respectfully, which was another commonality between them. This leads all three of them to not only become the orchestrators of their own self-destruction, but the destruction of those around them as well: Dan Feng witnessing countless deaths and being forced to be reborn as another; Yingxing’s loss of his gift and creative abilities as well as the transformation into the immortal Blade who only sees himself as a weapon; Jingliu’s abandonment of her sacred oath and everyone she killed during her time under the influence of the mara poisoning her mind. Only Dan Heng walks a different path, as he is the only one to have directly stated that he accepts the past that happened but refuses to let it stain his bright future.

The three of them are also intrinsically linked in their pain. Dan Feng and Yingxing's mistake led directly to Jingliu's suffering; Jingliu's treatment of Blade led to his becoming a living weapon and catching the eye of the Stellaron Hunters, and also to him being able to inflict similar suffering to Dan Heng by hunting him constantly. Blade and Jingliu both are of the mind that this is inevitable and inescapable, but only Dan Heng is in a position to be able and willing to question whether he really does have to continue feeling that pain.

While it's still very early on in HSR's lifespan making it difficult to make any real concrete theories, for now I predict that Jingliu will die in her attempt to kill the Abundance, and I also believe her to be aware of this deep down, as she likely sees this as a way for her to atone and find her peace. It also makes most sense for Blade to die at some point as well, considering his parallels to Jingliu, his current character and the fact that while Yingxing used to fear not having enough time in life when he was young, he came to accept his mortality in his elder years after the full life he lived with the HCQ; it could even possibly be in defense of Dan Heng, which could provide a full-circle end to their cycle and their story, a form of closure that no other broken pair has seemed to get so far. Their respective character stories, while directly representing their current struggles, can also be viewed as allusions to their fates as well, with Blade's referring to his death and Dan Heng's highlighting him seeing the dawn of a new day. I also think it could be feasible for the discovery of a method to remove Blade's mara and for him to grow content with the Blade of today, even with powers he doesn't want, similar to Dan Heng accepting that Imbibitor Lunae's powers will always be a part of him; a "miraculous cure" sort of ending could be very clunky if not handled well in my opinion, though.

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The Reunion

Though it's phrased in a metaphorical way, I feel pretty sure that not only did we just see the reunion alluded to by the PoWC bracer, but also that this is another remnant of Jingliu’s influence that some part of Blade’s subconscious must have clung to:

Note the usage of “should”, a term with many meanings but the most applicable being “expressing a conjecture or hope,” rather than something like “will”, which would indicate future tense or an inevitable event.

Jingliu’s splash art alone shows her pouring out a cup of alcohol

In Jingliu’s character story, Baiheng is said to have brought Jingliu “divine nectar from the other side of the universe”

At the beginning of the companion quest, in the Seat of Divine Foresight, she mentions wanting to have a glass of wine and reminisce with old friends

She is the one to bring the jade flask that Blade handcrafted himself for her when she releases the starskiff in her memory

When the remaining quartet reach Scalegorge Waterscape, she directly mentions that she never believed the 4 of them, with their many grudges and all friendship lost, would gather again and specifically quantifies the hundreds of years that have passed

She does this twice more, mentioning the seven centuries and how they all did this 700 hundred years ago

She is the one to point out that, in the past, they all promised to meet together again for a drink no matter what happened

She says that she believed “those joyful days would flow indefinitely before us” which also fits within the imagery of drinking

There are multiple visual nods to drinking in her flashbacks as well: there’s the quintet having a toast, as well as Jingliu pouring out the alcohol once again while Yingxing sips off to the side, which symbolically is a good representation of the way she poured so much of herself into Blade (whether intentionally or unintentionally) that so much of him resembles her now, down to the bow on the back of his clothes (and even their similar splash arts). There’s also a glimpse of Yingxing and Jing Yuan drinking together. Because both of them were children when they each met Jingliu for the first time, it makes sense that Jingliu and the others were likely the ones to teach the pair to drink once they each came of age.

Jingliu mentions that they will likely never all meet again, and bids farewell to the HCQ.

Finally, at the very end of the quest, she directly says:

Blade mentions alcohol only once, when he says, "The miraculous thing is that in my brief moment of death... all the pain went away... like when we drank to drown our sorrows." In Jingliu's case, we know that she was affected in much the same way as Blade, becoming more confident and boastful under the effects of drinking, mentioning that the nightmares and pain from her childhood memories were no longer so terrifying. For both of them, alcohol is another form of suppression of pain, not unlike substance abuse seen in real life, which grieving individuals are at higher risk of falling victim to.

While it’s possible this wasn’t the reunion that alluded to and they could technically all reunite once more in the future, the sheer number of references to the contents of the backstory mentioned in the bracer lead me to believe that this isn’t the case, as well as Jingliu stating herself that this would likely be their final meeting before she pays her own ultimate price. Not to mention the fact that very specific circumstances had to be in play for Jingliu/Luocha, the Stellaron Hunters, and the Astral Express to all end up on Jing Yuan’s doorstep at the same time. Specificity like that is rarely duplicated, particularly in HSR’s canon, which features many characters with formerly close bonds being separated for whatever reason with no closure to their relationship. The four of them even getting one reunion was a blessing in itself, even though none of them felt particularly happy about it afterwards.

TLDR: Dan Heng is accused of running from his past, but he is the only one of the three "sinners" capable and willing to do so; Jingliu and Blade are heavy parallels of each other and share the same pains of complicated grief; Yingxing and Dan Feng together (and Blade and Dan Heng by association) bring out the worst in each other and represent a cycle of destruction that neither of them are currently able to escape from; the reunion mentioned by the bracer was likely Jingliu's idea that Blade also began to internalize and we likely just watched it occur; Dan Feng, Blade, and Jingliu were all incapable of handling death and loss and this inability is what lead to the three of them causing so much pain and destruction for themselves, each other, and everyone around them.

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr thoughts #hsr analysis #hsr 1.4 #hsr blade #yingxing #dan heng #dan feng #imbibitor lunae #jing yuan #jingliu #baiheng #high cloud quintet

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oreo102 · 1 month

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Yaz is cool as fuck and people don’t appreciate her enough, a very long ramble

TLDR because this is so long: yaz is really cool and a compelling character and not enough people talk about how good of a character she is, both with and without the doctor, enough

In the first episode we learn as soon as we meet her that yaz wants to help people. She is tired of getting parking disputes and wants something more serious, and after meeting the doctor immediately starts helping her even if she isn’t supposed to be, and later it’s implied (I don’t think it was ever confirmed?) that she originally became a cop because one helped her when she had ran away/was suicidal, maybe?

Throughout season 11 we see her be the most empathetic/caring (episode 3 with the racism Ryan specially was facing, episode 6 with her grandma’s first husband, episode 7 with dan from kerblam, 8 with the kid who’s grandma was killed for “being a witch”, 9 with the blind kid), and is also very loyal almost immediately (“more of the universe.. more time with you!” “No. I’m with you, whatever happens” and more I’m forgetting)

She also has a very similar sense of justice to the doctor, practically immediately and comes to share her view on a lot of topics (she was hesitant to take the gun in TPOTD, she wrote wwtdd(which is adorable btw) on her palm, she defended Tesla, stands up to the master, once again more I’m forgetting probably)- hell, when seperated from the doctor without instructions/for a long time she takes 13s place as leader

Circling back to loyalty: she spent 10 months obsessively trying to find the doctor, she slept in the second tardis, she probably (I think it’s implied?) neglected her own health, social life, and job (if she still had one at this point) just to obsessively try and figure out how that tardis worked, to figure out how to get back to the doctor

And that was after she walked into a portal to an alien planet, not caring about danger because it’s what the doctor would do if it were one of them (she was already half way there by the time Graham finished asking who was going first, walking quickly and had a very determined look on her face. I really do believe if it had come down to facing the master or cybermen she would’ve to ensure 13s safety), which btw, is one of my favorite scenes in the show

And then s13. Gods I think I could talk about yaz in season 13 and those last 3 specials for days. A) Dan is more her companion than docs, let’s be very clear- they spent 3 years trapped in an unfamiliar time together with yaz acting as the leader (see above about her taking on the Doctor’s role when the doctor isn’t there to)

She handles 13’s outbursts and venom astonishingly well through the whole series but esp in s13, when she is double guessing her identity and even more unwilling to share than before, like it’s downright elegant that yaz is able to ignore 13s jabs sometimes, cuz personally I would’ve thrown hands. Although she doesn’t let the doctor walk over her, she doesn’t just accept the bullshit, she argues with the doctor quite a bit (telling her she is fully at fault for the situation at the beginning of s13 ep 1, telling her to stop leaving them all the time, shoving her when she shows back up after the 10 months)

As mentioned before the “what would the doctor do” being written on her hand is a really good touch and it does well to show just how much yaz looks up to 13 and how much she loves her (a very much amount, like infinitely)

This is getting very long so I’ll try to wrap it up somewhat quickly. Anyway, I really love yaz’s coming out scene (although I detest Dan outing her), it feels very natural and is filled with a lot of great emotions that we don’t see her have very much- like, she cries! Yaz, while shown having emotions, isn’t shown sad very often (which considering she was depressed as a younger teen and might still be, could just be her repressing those emotions) and is shown as scared much less, it’s nice to see those emotions on display

Speaking of emotions on display: “stop leaving us” is one of my favorite scenes/lines. Getting to see just how anxious yaz gets when the doc leaves, just how much she hates being separated from her, is a really nice insight to how she thinks- the doctor has already left her twice before (neither times were her fault, though) so who’s to say it won’t happen again? Easier to stay by 13 than to be crushed by her disappearing without warning

(Also side note but after that the two don’t separate much/if at all, showing that the doc did genuinely listen to her)

I’ve heard people say that they didn’t enjoy Legend of the sea devils that much but personally I love it- both because holy shit they’re so gay, but also because it again demonstrates that yaz is genuinely so smart and capable and there’s really no wonder 13 fell for her so hard (because she did. 13 fell so hard) I also like that this episode shows that the two play off each other and trust each other a lot, even if they aren’t always in sync

And finally onto the power of the doctor! Yaz’s best episode by far and my favorite of the entire series!

Yaz. Is. So. Fucking. Amazing. In this episode. She really shines so much which is saying a lot because she usually shines anyway. She looks so ready to punch the master if only he’d give her a reason, ready to shoot him (maybe not fatally… maybe) if he threatens the doctors or her own safety

She openly defies him, she leaves him stranded on a planet and if not for the plan she might’ve never came back for him, she flies the tardis! All on her own! We can assume that the doctor helped teach her but how much of that knowledge is from those 10 months? (I like to think that the first time yaz helped fly it was completely by accident)

Do the doctor holograms share knowledge? Cuz if not, that implies that she figured out it can change interface on her own and used it in their/her plan.

She saves the doctor! Multiple times! Runs out towards a fucking laser to make sure she’s safe (another favorite scene), she flies everyone home while the doc rests and recovers, she is just so cool in this episode!!

And honestly, I hate her ending. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fantastic that she survived, really truly fantastic, if they had killed yaz I’d have balled my eyes out and sworn doctor who off for a second time, but her ending? No.

I do not think she should’ve stayed with the doc, I believe she loved (romantically, she’d love every doctor platonically but) 13 only, she’d be traveling the stars with 14 or 15 but I think over time she would’ve slid into that grief, that the doctor is still there but hers isn’t. But just having to go back to normal life? Go back to her family and job and life? That’s bullshit

Graham and Ryan got the psychic papers, yaz could’ve too (which btw that’d make a fun spin off I think), or she could’ve gotten the doctors coat (which would’ve been the cutest thing ever), or even her sonic! (Least likely) but- nothing? Nothing? No!!

She and 13 should be allowed to be immortal space wives together (with river, maybe) and nothing bad should ever happen to them

#doctor who #new who #13th doctor #thasmin #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #yazmin khan #outing yaz is bs #she’s underrated #this is so much longer than I meant for it to be #jodie whittaker #mandip gill #she’s great #she is so cool

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fracturediron · 2 months

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I haven't really had any standout favourites amongst the DFF characters and I don't really ship any of the canon ships in the usual sense (i.e. no obsessive brainrot, although I'm enjoying them all from a narrative perspective). But the bombshell that was ep 9 has finally made me latch onto a character. This guy:

Although not I think for the most common reason that has caused Tan/New's surge in popularity i.e. being Non's avenger. Because man, New is so much more than that. This kid is a hot mess who's lost everything he holds dear, filled with guilt for failing Non and then his family, seeking answers, revenge, redemption and now has nothing left to lose. I'm so here for it. New's character and his arc is just fucking fascinating to me. Kudos to Mio for playing it so subtle until now and then knocking it out of the freaking park for ep 9.

This kid was the golden child of his family and favoured at least by his mother, and yet clearly felt the pressure of those expectations.

And then! And then! His and Non's whole deal makes my brain buzz. I love me some tragic siblings with a yawning emotional gulf in understanding between them; of a relationship lost or a closeness that never quite made it, of a relationship of two brothers endlessly set against each other and damaged by their parents. A relationship where he failed Non in a litany of little ways by not being there for him, and one always inevitably overshadowed by the comparisons their parents made between them both.

And when Non disappears, New is overcome with guilt! For failing him, and for not being able to be there for him, and so he resolves to find out what happened to him. And he fucking commits to it! This guy throws away his scholarship, his life in England, to fucking redo highschool and infiltrate the gang of kids who bullied his brother! For two years, he hung around with these people pretending to like them and lied to his parents, only to have nothing to show for it and to lose even more when his mother kills herself, his father disowns him and then does the same! This shit would break the strongest of people (and I'd argue something in New is broken now) but he still finds it in himself to kickstart the plan that will bring hell down on these kids.

This kid has lost everything, and is clearly at a place of desperation and despair. But he's still not giving up. Even in the face of ruination and perhaps his own destruction, I feel like New will keep going on regardless if it means finding out what happened to Non. He'll do whatever it takes, burn the world, immolate himself, if it means making that happen.

I think ultimately, I love that New's a tragic, complex character who's been ruined by life and by his own doing, and through ruination, has come out of it unhinged, perhaps even something worse. Someone haunted by the ghosts of his lost family, by his failures and his guilt. Someone with so much potential for further tragedy, who'll likely destroy themselves relentlessly chasing his end goal and end in misery.

TLDR; I love me a haunted, broken, unhinged, fucked up li'l guy.

#i wanna scuttle around in new's brain like a beetle #wind him up and watch him go #dead friend forever #dff the series #dff #dff spoilers #new dff #tan dff

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drivestraight · 7 days

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good morning val drivestraight I have a question for you... can you sell me on lestappen. I follow you for general attitude swag and don't really follow many max blogs (I actually found your blog after that omega George fic lol) but I feel like you of all people could make the greatest ship primer. mostly I'm not very into it bc I feel like the shared history part of it gets overblown by fandom compared to other ships, and they're friendly enough these days that I can't get hatesex vibes form it + Max comes across as really well adjusted and kind of an homeboy. so I'm like what's the hook? what do you like? what's YOUR platonic perfect idea of lestappen? I want to follow u down this road

omg what an honor...

this isn't much of a ship primer but mostly about me talking about why i like them if that's okay <3

i agree that we overplay their shared history, but it also provides a really nice backdrop for everything they are now. they've always been in each other's lives but in a peripheral sense. and it's that sort of distanced familiarity that is compelling to me. also the potential for intense physicality despite their inability to communicate like normal people. that's the hook to me: they are in each other's orbit but they never have been close. but then you get to the racing: and when it comes to the racing, they've really given some great battles. and that alone isn't enough. it's like - combined with who they are off the track: childhood rivals turned awkward work friends, the fact that they can race that hard and that they respect one another so much is just. so good. sometimes it feels like they can predict each other's moves. like silverstone/austria 19 (yes, mentioned to hell) and bahrain/saudi 22, the w2w there went crazy. and once again, this with everything else: that they have this one place and this one medium for them to communicate at such a high level, and are just so awkward everything else is very good. lewis and seb who have said in the past that max goes over the limit too much, while charles has always said with max, it's always on the limit and never above. obviously things might change if they ever get into a real title fight against one another, but i think they have such great foundations that it will be compelling no matter what. also they've lowkey like stood the test of time: look at how people characterized them in 2019 and how they characterize them today. they've changed so much and their relationship has changed so much but still, both of them are at two top teams, they have found each other again in f1.

also aesthetically, the red/blue of it all is really nice. and just like. They look good together. yknow

they also like. say crazy things about each other sometimes. "i will remember it all my life" / "i know max very very well" / etc. etc.

my perfect platonic idea of lestappen Is Not one where they're best friends and where max is his number 1 defender - because he is not, as many people would have you believe (everyone clipping moments from cooldown rooms and quotes from interviews are putting it out of context and putting words in max's mouth and twisting things weirdly), and because that's frankly so uncompelling and kind of pathetic to think that charles needs max to praise him/defend him for him to have any worth as a racer etc. etc. i could go on about this for ages but i won't. tldr max doesn't care enough to do that.

IN FIC my favorite lestappen is basically: an awkward lestappen who like each other so much and can't actually communicate it properly in any way that isn't physical. but maybe the physicality and the shared history and the racing can be enough.

#asks #lestapen asks #lestappen

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lola-legendary · 2 months

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Apology Post (with extra info)

TW! Suicidal thoughts/Intrusive thoughts, poor grammar

(Note: Every hate message I receive referring to the post below will be posted here as well. Pin of shame, bastards!)

I edited this lightly to add some extra information and move the TLDR up here, and added a cut.

Now, with the explanation, things have calmed down a bit. However, due to poor conduct, asks are going to be turned off until Sunday (25/2) and anon asks will be on back at 1/3.

If it continues when I resume anon asks, everything will be off again.

TLDR: I felt guilty and my mental health deteriorated because of the war, so I blocked the Palestine tag and received heavy backlash.

So the post I am referring to is this one. (Note: Said post has now been deleted by yours truly.)

Here, I will detail why I made this post, the events leading up to it and the backlash.

Some background information: I am a 14–year-old girl with unmediated anxiety and depression.

I have always been concerned about human rights. Even when I was a child, I would ask my mom, “Why do we have wars? Why can’t everyone get along?”

I tried to write a letter to my principal asking for more extensive sex ed, but scrapped it once I remembered that I was in a catholic school.

And when the Ukrainian war came along - biggest incident since I got access to tumblr - I was a staunch supporter of Ukraine. When I wasn’t in uniform, I made a point to dress in blue and yellow. No one noticed, of course.

In the early days of the Palestinian Genocide, I was eager to reblog any and all information that crossed my dash, even though I knew I couldn’t do anything to help. If you scroll down deep enough, you can find my posts.

However, as time passed and the war went on, whenever I saw those posts, I started getting thoughts to off myself. Those included, though not limited to:

“Oh, wow, look at you scrolling tumblr while millions are dying. Good job you, why don’t you go and join Hitler in hell, you’re contributing to this mess.”

And it got so bad that I would have mini panic attacks whenever I saw some posts like that.

I blocked the tag last year.

At that time, I sent an anonymous ask to @justagingerwithredhair, one of two people I trusted decently with my mental issues.

I can’t find it anymore, but it went something like this:

“Ginger, I’m sorry but I had to block the Palestine tag, it’s detrimental to my mental health and I can’t deal with it anymore”

and it was received positively.

Yesterday (in my timezone), I posted the post seen in the photo. I had not enough brainpower to realise that it could be taken both ways.

I was blocked by at least one person and received the following anonymous ask.

You can see my response in my blog, but I will repeat it again.

I am not a terrorist, a genocidal maniac, an Islamophobic bitch or a Zionist.

I have spoken out against Israel. I watch videos of Islamophobic people with disgust. I was outraged when the Holocaust was not required teaching in my school. I believe the Israeli Government is in the wrong.

If you keep this up I will be the one hanging from buildings.

You have made me write a post about my life that’s longer than 90% of my fanfictions. Congratulations.

@tobefree-in-palestine

#free palestine #palestine

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kathaynesart · 10 months

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Hey!

I don’t know if you’ve ever answered and ask like this, but i was wondering how you stick with a comic series. How do you manifest plot and such and stick with it without later deciding it’s not good enough for your tastes and completely changing or dropping it as a whole?

Hoo boy, ok here's a bit of a longer one. NOTE this is just what works for me and is in NO WAY educational advice.

TLDR:

Practice

Flexibility

Loving the characters and core message

Getting over your own embarrassment and respecting your growth

Keeping it FUN

If these points seem helpful, feel free to check under the cut.

PRACTICE:

I always hate this answer, but it really is true especially for work in a creative field. You ask how I manifest plot? I'm mostly just throwing ideas at a board and seeing what sticks. Then I take the things that stick and lay them out and find what's important or can support my core message. You will have to do this many many times with a long form story, in which case my brain is constantly buzzing with ideas and working at them like an ongoing puzzle. A lot of people use this method, but it's the experience of having done it many times that helps me know what's been overused, how to apply a fresh take, or what should be trimmed (even if I don't want to haha). The best way to practice I think is through personal experience and dissecting other stories to see what makes them work/not work for you as a viewer. As far as personal experience, I would recommend trying to make a story of your own but much shorter. See if you're able to finish it and once you do, come back to it with a critical (but kind) eye. Find where the moments of lull occurred in your creative process and see what you could have done to improve both the creative and viewing experience. Hindsight is a hell of a drug and pretty good at helping you see where you went wrong. If not, get a friend to help! After all is said and done, try fresh with a slightly longer story, rinse and repeat. Just know that the longer your story gets, the less you need to have the whole story figured out before you start creating. In fact I feel it’s better if you don’t necessarily know the whole plot when creating a long ongoing story, which leads me to my next point…

FLEXIBILITY:

When it comes to ongoing stories, it's practically a given that your tastes and writing style will change over time. You will begin to come up with even better ideas as you go, and if you work at it, sometimes you can find ways to infuse these new concepts into your story. Now mind you, when starting a story you should have a decent idea of the overarching plot and major points of conflict/success. However, I find it helps to be flexible with the sinew that connects them. As you move along with your story you may find themes and concepts growing within the plot and characters that you would want to lean into. Rather than forcing them down the path you had initially set, it can be a lot more fun to play in that space and see how you can improve things.

For example, in my latest post, the flashback shot of Leonardo and his brothers all resting together was an idea I came up with a few weeks ago to a plot point I had set back in January. Little things like that are the spice of life for a story and can come to you more easily the longer you work in that headspace. But what really helps me to keep coming back to that story has to come from a place of passion, especially with...

CHARACTERS AND CORE MESSAGE:

You need to make sure that when you sit down to create a story (especially a long one) that it has characters you love and a message you really want to tell, because these are themes and people you are going to be spending a LOT of time with. It's like... going on a trip. There are many people you could easily share a trip to the the mall with... but a six month trip across, Europe? You better make sure the person you're going with isn't someone you're going to want to strangle half way up the Eiffel Tower. People change... tastes change... YOU will change. So I find it's wiser to make sure that you stick to messages that hit you at your core that you already have tattooed on your heart and will not be changing any time soon. Some people use storytelling as a method of therapy, which can be great especially for short stories to get feelings and emotions out. But with a longer story, those strong feelings you have may drain and no longer be relevant by the time you're only half way through your story. I see this happen with a lot of stories that come from a place of "angst." Great for short form! Not so great when drawn out into an ongoing exhausting experience. That's not to say angst can't be done well (there's PLENTY of that in Replica), but it's not the underlying THEME of this story. Just a byproduct THAT what comes from surviving the apocalypse. So stick to those evergreen themes that you know are important to you whether you're fifteen or fifty and make sure you have characters who you WANT to see succeed and are rooting for, because it'll make you want to help them on their way all the more.

EMBARRASSMENT AND RESPECTING YOUR GROWTH:

Hoo boy. I think this is something every creative can relate to. Looking back on your old work can be a cringing experience. Having that work be the beginning part of a story you are STILL currently working on can be even worse! You may hate the way you used to write/draw or find certain elements that no longer jive with who you are now or represent you as a writer/artist. Heck there may be plot points that you wish you could change/cut because you have an even BETTER idea now. All of that can be really hard to stomach and can lead to a lot of unfinished works being abandoned. Now if the work truly does have that strong of a response, it very well may be best to cut your losses. But if you have taken the steps I mentioned above seriously, then there should be a lot to love about your story still. If so, then you have several options before you.

Try to work within the limitations of your early work to make it even better by finding ways of twisting the plot to match your new ideas (difficult but satisfying). Example: one time I had a comic where a side character had to suddenly be available for an extensive period of time... I realized this was shortsighted since I had setup how important he was within a company and there was a conflict of interest. My co-creator and I mulled over it for weeks then realized, that we could just have him get fired! Which was great because it formed more tension with the company (future antagonist) and freed up his time to be a more integral part of the story. So analyze your work and pinpoint those parts that you do not like and see if you can put your improved skills to work to make it even better.

If there's certain things that are unforgivable, then it is always within your power to go back and edit/redraw/change what happened before. I've seen it done before and it CAN work, but be careful because this is a rabbit hole you can fall down where you're just constantly editing the past rather than working on the future. I've seen many stories end simply because they get stuck in an editing loop. However, if the changes are small (but integral), it can help relieve some of the stress. Just be sure to communicate these changes to your followers to avoid confusion.

Redo. This is an extreme method, but I have seen stories be completely overhauled in this manner where the creator will take what they learned from the first iteration and make a new version of it from the ground up that is even better. However, this method is very time consuming and also a pothole that can lead to burnout. It's hard having to redo a story that you've already started telling. So if you really want to start fresh, make sure it's changed enough where you don't feel like you're just plotting over the same points you're already tired of.

Finally... be kind to yourself. Rather than being upset by looking at the early portion of your story, be proud in seeing how far you've come. One of my favorite things to do with webcomics, is to hop from the first page to the latest page and see how much they've improved. I'm sure for the creator it's a harsh experience, but as a VIEWER it's super exciting and makes me want to read even more to see that progression. Long form stories are cool because they are a living, breathing thing... a time capsule of its creator's prowess and a representation of how far they've come. Respect that. Respect yourself as a creator, and be happy to know how much you've improved.

FUN:

Ok, did you absorb all that? Get everything down? Cool, now I want you to take all that knowledge I just gave you and throw it out the window. Ok not literally. Like, keep it in your subconscious, but don't worry about it too much and remember that you're doing this for FUN. If you get too caught up in the idea of "practicing" and "due dates" it'll just burn you out. I actually hate the word "practice." It's like... the word "jogging." Most people don't jog for fun, you jog because it's good for you. But if that's the only reason it's not really great incentive. I wasn't drawing for months on end outside of work because whenever I did I saw it as "practice." So of course I'm not going to want to do it. You have to come at this with the intention of having a good time.

So instead of jogging... treat it like running around a theme park. I know it sounds silly but it does wonders for me. I've been having so much fun drawing Replica and other content for this fandom but at the end of the day, it's sneakily tacking onto my skill sets as practice. I'm not making money off of this.. but I'm learning and getting better and looking back at my old stuff I already know I've improved. It makes me want to keep going and see it to the end! Just make sure to not put too much pressure on yourself. Give yourself rests when needed and make sure to do other things in your life to balance out the workload. You'll be much happier for it.

Or at least that's what works for me. I hope some of this might work for you too. Thanks and good job if you've made it through my long-winded explanation. Gold stars all around.

#q&a #writing tips #creative advice #I don't actually know what I'm doing #just really good at faking it #so grain of salt #kathaynesart

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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WIBTA if I move out with my roommate without telling her I have feelings for her?

So I (21NB) met my friend E(23F) in my 2nd year of college. We have a mutual friend who introduced us, and we got along like a house on fire, and became roommates along with than mutual friend in a house of like 8 people. E and I were nice and friendly with each other, and closer with each other than any of the other roommates.

Fast forward 3 years to now, where E and I are living together in a new place with only one other roommate, and we're a hell of a lot closer now that there aren't so many of us. We have a lot deeper conversations, we have a lot more platonic physical contact (hugging, grabbing each other's arms, friendly roughhousing, etc). And I realized that oh shit, I think I actually like her like her.

For context, for all of my life until now I thought I was aromantic. Never had any crushes, never wanted any of that. Romantic feelings are fucking confusing, but it's *because* I've never felt that way before now that I'm able to identify that what I'm feeling most likely is romantic attraction.

Anyways, both E and I are graduating this spring, and we've been talking a lot about what we're gonna do after. E is also aromantic, and she said she doubts she's ever gonna look for a romantic partner, so I brought up the idea that maybe we could keep being roommates post-grad (this was several months ago, before I caught feelings). She was cool with it, and has kept that conversation going, so I definitely know she's chill to be roommates together.

However, she signed up to be roommates, platonically, not romantically interested.

I do think I could live with myself and my feelings if I didn't say anything to her, but I almost feel like it would be dishonest/under false pretenses if I *didn't* say anything. But I'm also terrified to scare her away because, again, I know she's not interested at all.

TLDR I wanna ~ruin our friendship~ but I also don't wanna ruin our friendship if I'm wrong about her not caring about living together if I have feelings/not wanting to be more than friends. Is it bad if I keep my feelings to myself?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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rosypenguins · 30 days

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My last post didn’t do my thoughts justice. I have more to say regarding this.

First, I have to talk about this boy’s insecurities. Because my god does he have them. His egotistical and cocky attitude? It’s all a front.

Because whenever we see him brag about himself, it’s usually either about his money, his possessions, or his achievements. He never brags about his own qualities. Likely because he doesn’t view himself as anything worthwhile.

It is also confirmed Drew has issues at home, and just based on his controlling attitude and his atrocious comforting skills (“Whoever recorded you did you a favor.” DREW NO-) I believe his parents are either absent entirely or neglectful as hell. (They probably shoved a credit card in his face every time he cried.)

Anyways, this is all to say that Drew doesn’t really find happiness in himself or his family. So who does he turn to for emotional stability? His friends.

And when TMF started, Drew was at his high point. He was confident in his friendships, and had a sense of security, which is why he had the motivation to dress nicely. He felt good, so he wanted to look good.

But in episode five, his outfit changes. And the first thing we see him do is talk about how Zoey’s been acting odd. And only a minute or so later, he accuses Jake of preferring the company of others over him.

This interaction immediately shows Drew’s growing insecurities regarding his relationships, and as mentioned previously, without these relationships, he essentially has nothing. When Drew’s relationships feel unstable, he feels unstable. And he loses that motivation to put himself together, instead opting for something he can feel comfortable in.

As the series progresses, we don’t see too much of Drew and Zoey’s relationship, but it doesn’t exactly seem like it’s functioning well. Zoey seems more interested in spending time with Lia, and anytime Drew’s with them, he seems bored out of his mind.

I also believe Drew knows he’ll never be as close to Henry and Liam as they are to each other. Even though they’re all friends, we mostly see Liam and Henry stick to one another, and I’d imagine it’d leave Drew feeling almost like a third wheel. Especially knowing Liam and Henry went to middle school together, while Drew didn’t. (Due to the fact Henry didn’t recognize Hailey in the comic episode, meaning he didn’t go to middle school with her, and by extension, Drew.)

The relationship that seems to mean the most to Drew is his and Jake’s. Jake’s his best friend. Jake’s the one he sits next to in class. The one he whispers to and gossips with. The one he partners with for assignments. The one he’s the most protective of. It’s obvious that this relationship is the one that means the most to him. The one that gives him the most security. And from this point onwards, we see this relationship crumble. Jake continues to avoid him, and the more possessive Drew becomes, the further it pushes Jake away.

And I find it interesting how Drew is almost unable to fathom Jake leaving him for someone else. Specifically, for someone they both bullied. Instead of questioning Jake, or even himself, he villainizes the Music Club. He doesn’t want to believe Jake would leave on his own, and instead comes to the conclusion Jake is being manipulated. Until, of course, Jake accuses him of the recording and fails to apologize even AFTER finding out Drew was innocent. (Jake why?)

And after everything, Drew breaks things off with Zoey, and cuts Jake out of his life. Two people he thought he could trust, gone.

TLDR: Drew is co-dependent on his friends and his clothing reflects how slowly but surely, both his relationships and his own mental state crumble, until he’s left with nothing.

#tmf #the music freaks #freakblr #tmf drew #tmf drake #druffering

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wildpeachfarm · 10 days

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my personal tldr of all this is:

- george (and hell i’ll throw dream in here too) needs to be smarter with who he flirts with and decides to trust because we saw how easily ppl can become back stabbing pricks given enough leeway and public pressure (won’t name names but ifykyk). I almost selfishly am glad this happened because it’s one hell of a wake up call for both of them. THESE BITCHES CANT BE TRUSTED. THE CC WORLD IS FULL OF SNAKES!! protect yourselves bc yall have been testing your luck waaaayy too much for my liking lately (still love them tho my stupid little munchkins)

- caiti needs ACTUAL adults in her life, ones that will tell her to talk about it in private before making public statements that ended up hurting her more than helping (well, i guess she got an apology that she refused to look at and then claimed it didn’t exist so whatever) and for the love of all that is holy drop those bitch ass friends that care more about their personal vendetta than your own safety girl 💀 they left you alone in a room with a person they thought was groomer (drallegations weren’t beat yet) and left you on a couch cuddling with his best friend. bffr. YOU. NEED. BETTER. PEOPLE. IN. YOUR. LIFE.

[bonus] hope her parents also restrict her access to those people in the meantime, get her in some therapy bc clearly this has fucked her up and just help her live a normal life away from those brighton bastards because i doubt they’d improve her life in any way.

okay yes I think unfortunately this is a good wake up call for dnf to realize they need to stop messing around with other CCs because it is only going to end badly

and I think caiti needs to completely gut her friend group and surround herself with better people because they only used this situation to make themselves look better and fueled their dteam hate boners

#ask #anon #anti drummyache tag

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incognito-lionbeast · 1 year

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one of the fic ideas in my current daydream rotation is like-- Shang Qinghua’s out & about and espies Madam Meiyin, just sorta doing her thing. Peddling fortunes. It’s then that he gets a little curious -- not about his future, mind, but if she can see into his past life and tell him anything about who, if anyone, he would have been with if things had been different.

Probably can’t, he figures, but it’s worth trying. He jokes to himself that he’s supporting a local small business.

So, anyway! She can actually, because the thing is. Shen Qingqiu was wrong before, the thread that had been cut wasn’t Shen Jiu’s but Shen Yuan’s. Madam Meiyin makes The Face™ of all time, and has to ask Shang Qinghua what his relationship to Shen Qingqiu is... because their past threads were cut in the exact same way. They’d match up perfectly, if only both were there for her to prove it.

TLDR Shang Qinghua finds out that his soulmate in his past life was his goddamn hater. Who just so happens to still be around. Frankly, he’s really not sure what he’s supposed to do with this information now that he has it.

Other than maybe go tease Shen Qingqiu about it. Pretend it’s the funniest news he’s ever gotten. Naturally, his former Fated Other does not fucking believe him -- until abruptly forced to, because he can’t leave well enough alone & confronts Madam Meiyin later.

This leaves both of them conflicted. Not that there’s a chance in hell that either would leave their current partner, but there’s an odd sense of loss... of things that could have been. Nostalgia, maybe? For a past life. And Cucumber-bro, for one, absolutely detests these feelings. On principle.

And yet they somehow end up becoming better friends because of it, prompting conversations about who they were before.... and mutually agreeing that Luo Binghe must never know of this.

#SVSSS #Shang Qinghua #Shen Qingqiu #Shen Yuan #airplane shooting towards the sky #Scum Villain's Self-Saving System #bay mumbles

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toxicpineapple · 7 months

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the big amamota essay

the age old question. why do i ship kaito momota and rantaro amami from new danganronpa v3: killing harmony. two characters who have one mildly hostile onscreen interaction in chapter one, a few interactions via the anthology, and now a shorter than short dr:s scene. is this deranged? maybe. but i've been in the fandom for a long time and as such i've had a while to do a lot of thinking, and kaito and rantaro are my favourite characters of all TIME, which basically means i live in their heads. i am them. they are me. they exist in my heart and brain. even when i eventually leave danganronpa behind, i will be taking them with me.

there are a lot of reasons and we're gonna get into the messy details down below, but for the ones looking for a true thesis style TLDR: i think they could act as a mirror for one another's weaknesses. i think they have opposing strengths that could complement each other. i think they would just straight up get along. i think they embody so many of the traits that the other admires most in people. they could take care of each other SO well. they're both asexual. and most importantly, i think they are both two people who have suffered so much and grew up so fast and together maybe they could have a little bit of fun.

(you know you're in deep when the tldr is too wordy. essay below!)

so one thing you probably don't know about rantaro unless you've done his free time events is that the motherfucker is evasive as hell -- but not to a fault. i'll explain.

first, here are some screenshots from rantaro's free time events with shuichi.

these screenshots are from rantaro's first and second free time events respectively. as early as his first hangout with shuichi, rantaro drops a mention of his biggest trauma, but quickly pulls back when questioned. then he continues to dodge talking about it, even when shuichi tries to inquire further. rantaro is secretive. he has a pretty good reason for this -- twelve missing sisters is a doozy -- but he does eventually open up to shuichi. later on he admits that the reason he dodged talking about it in the first place was because he was terrified that shuichi would judge him or tell him to give up on his search. rantaro is an incredibly dedicated person, so being told that he needs to quit the one thing he feels personally responsible for doing... yeowch. but it's obvious especially from the bonus modes where rantaro does NOT share information about himself that these free time events with shuichi are a rare occurrence. rantaro doesn't often share those kinds of personal details about himself.

which brings us to kaito. the biggest and best example i can point to, other than kaito's repeated attempts at hiding weakness throughout the game (from his ghost fear to his injury to going so far as to try and confront ouma himself rather than wait for the class to save him) is his harmonious heart event.

kaito clearly also struggles with lowering his guard around people. he does NOT want to accept help, especially from his sidekicks, but that's beyond the point of this essay lol. the point is kaito has a repression complex, but there IS a part of him that wants to be heard. he responds most positively to shuichi telling him that he can be weak.

which brings me to my first point as to why these two work so well for each other. we can see here that kaito and rantaro are both incredibly resistant to accepting help from people for their own reasons. rantaro has been doubted his whole life, dealing with a deep inner shame and fear of judgement for his mistakes. kaito doesn't want to be viewed as less-than or weak, but a part of him does want support and validation... do you see where i'm going with this?

kaito is the luminary of the stars! he's THE believe in you guy. if rantaro even started to hint about being a useless older brother, much like shuichi in the ftes kaito would not leave him alone. he'd persist until rantaro opened up, and when rantaro eventually does open up, he'd encourage him. he'd reaffirm that rantaro is doing the right thing, that he CAN do it, that it's possible and that kaito believes he will do it. it's the kind of support and validation rantaro hasn't received from anyone, even people who are well meaning, in such a long time. getting it from kaito would impact him deeply.

now on kaito's end, rantaro is very very observant. in his first fte with kaede he lists off really shrewd observations about miu, kiibo, and korekiyo showing he's good at seeing people are more than meets the eye. which leads me to believe seeing kaito he'd understand that while kaito does genuinely have passion for being a hero, he also has difficulties showing his weaknesses to others. rantaro is very tactful. i believe he would be very patient with kaito and let him open up on his own time, but seek him out. while he's scared of ghosts, while he's sick, you name it. he wouldn't have to say much. just that even heroes have their weaknesses. and i think that eventually, kaito would listen to.

the other part of this is that these two both have incredibly high eqs, so they WOULD be able to see that the other is struggling. they WOULD see that intense fear of vulnerability, of expressing themselves... and they'd recognise it in themselves, especially through witnessing or even dodging the others' attempts at helping them. rantaro is smart, he would call out kaito's attempts at helping him without accepting anything for himself, and kaito would NEVER accept a hand from someone who he couldn't support in turn. and as they get closer they'd start to think... maybe a little bit is okay. maybe if it's for his sake, it's okay. if i can help him, then i'll let him help me.

kaito and rantaro also have complementary strengths! kaito is inuitive, outgoing, vocally encouraging. rantaro is shrewd, observant, and a good listener. kaito is highly trusting to rantaro's distrust. rantaro is measured and careful to kaito's recklessness. kaito has temper issues, rantaro is extremely calm and rational. rantaro struggles to take up space, kaito will boldly make himself the centre of attention. kaito runs hot and rantaro runs cool. kaito conquers the stars and rantaro conquers the earth. kaito is the home that rantaro comes back to after every failed search for his sisters, and rantaro in turn is the home kaito wants to return to when he's out in space. they complete each other. they both have high eq but in different ways, with rantaro skilled at reasoning out why people are the way they are and kaito good at knowing where someone's heart lies. you'll notice this is also the thing they're missing. in canon rantaro never knows who to trust or how people will react to him. kaito struggles to understand ouma because he has no idea why he is the way they is. they can help each other to grow and cover each other's blind spots.

my next point is that they really would just get along! rantaro is incredibly tactful, never the type to be insulting or rude. you can see it in the way they interact in dr:s, when kaito is saying downright ridiculous stuff about looking for rantaro's sisters in space rantaro just thanks him for the help. he wouldn't call him stupid or belittle him or target his insecurities. and on the flip side i think kaito has so much energy and positivity, rantaro would really enjoy that. rantaro is so exhausted and beaten down by the world, meanwhile kaito looks at it with starry eyes. but it's worth noting that rantaro ISN'T a staunch pessimist. he DOES believe impossible things can happen, or he wouldn't be on his search. they would mesh in that way.

beyond meshing, i also think that the two of them really do mirror each others' admired qualities. we see this in the artbook, where rantaro comments that he likes space and kaito says something along the lines of "we should fight!" i think saying that he wants rantaro to join him in fighting the monokumas lol. kaito can tell at a glance that rantaro is formidable and could potentially hold his own in a fight, hence inviting him into the squad. furthermore, just take a look at rantaro's backstory. the dude is an adventurer. he travels the world by boat and survives close calls with spies and assassins -- KAITO WOULD THINK HE IS AWESOME.

rantaro also i think really would admire kaito's passion and expertise when it comes to space. he's a hard dedicated worker and rantaro would be able to tell, as well as recognise his talent in his field. i think he'd really admire that and want to learn more, especially enjoying space himself.

it's also worth noting that we see in kaito's love hotel that his romantic ideal is someone who can challenge him. someone who he admires who will be neck and neck with him... and who better than a seasoned adventurer who hasn't quite lost his spark yet?

as well as admiring each other, i also think kaito and rantaro would just be really really good at taking care of one another. kaito is such a high eq person and a good listener, highly attentive to the specific ways to reach out and comfort people, always there to lend a listening ear when someone's upset. he's really good with his words, and would be really good at offering rantaro pep talks when he's weighed down by his search. kaito is also very physically affectionate as his main love language with his friends, and i think that would really be good for rantaro who is so lonely and withdrawn.

rantaro as well is excellent with his words, perceptive, and caring. we see from his love hotel event that all he wants is somebody he can protect in some capacity. he'd want to take care of kaito and help him more than anything. in utdp we see him bringing back thoughtful souvenirs and making sure to show up for every major school event even with all his travels. he's attentive to other people's needs and what is important to them! he'd love to listen to kaito's space rambles and bring him gifts from all over the world as he continues on his journey.

kaito having someone who will listen to him is SO important to, because so many of his classmates and even his closest friends oftentimes brush him off or call him ridiculous for the things he says. i think rantaro would genuinely enjoy just hearing what he has to say. they pay attention to one another and enjoy spending quality time together. and i think kaito would absolutely insist on helping rantaro find his sisters, too, to the best of his abilities. travel montage :]

this is a quick note lmao but i think that kaito and rantaro of everyone have really strong asexual coding. i made a whole post about rantaro once but the long and the short is rantaro's aversion to sex in the salmon mode as well as his love hotel being nonsexual give me vibes, and then kaito's response to maki's confession as well as the utdp scene where he talks about peeping with leon and hifumi but ends up just talking about adventure the whole time... they're ace4ace. they are so comfortable in their own bodies together.

finally, i really do think these two could just have so much fun. kaito is so competitive! he'd challenge rantaro to all sorts of games and physical tests, bring him along to training, bring him out to enjoy the stars and go for outings. rantaro on the flip side will whisk kaito away to all kinds of foreign destinations and fancy restaurants. they can talk together in other languages and tour america, they can play fight, they can laugh together... i would like rantaro to read aloud to kaito and scratch his hair, or for kaito to carry rantaro on his back and jump into a lake...

it's the little things like that, you know? they just both grew up so quickly. we see how kaito ages in the killing game alone burdened by an illness and all the people who need him. we know he feels that way even outside of a killing game setting. and rantaro has this quest to find his sisters and NOBODY around to support him. when they find each other they can take the weight off each other's shoulders and really just... play. have a good time.

i know i'm insane. i know that there are people who ship these two because they're two attractive hunks or because one of them can take care of the other or whatever but for me it has always been about give and take with these two. mutual exchange. mutual vulnerability. mutual growth. they don't just add to each other, they learn from each other. they don't FIX each other, they CHOOSE to heal because when they get close together, they finally have a reason to. they finally have someone to heal for. they finally have a home again.

thank you. stan amamota for clear skin.

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