#this week sucks. i hate everything

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#this week sucks. i hate everything #i dont wanna read all these fucking papers #i dont wanna fucking talk about them #how tf am i supposed to generate a hypnosis and be like oh ill use X methods when i barely understand wtf is going on #like??? this is y u dont take classes outside ur specialty i guess #rip my fucking gpa i guess bc this semester is not starting off on my side #fuck it. im going to bed. ill try to get a lot of sleep and hopefully wake up in a better mood #i just wanna do lab work. y make me suffer reading? #ugh. its a good thing im on mood stablizers #unrelated

[why-the-heck-not]

the pure embarrassment of sending a ”oops I fucked up & will send this assignment a couple days too late sorry abt that”-email :’) noooooo

#I guess it’s better than to just send it late with no warning #I hope I gave myself enough time bc istg if I’m gonna have to send ANOTHER one of these I’m just going to change my name & move I think #this is a personal reminder to myself that sometime procrastination has consequences even tho im good at getting away with it usually #istg my thesis advisor hates me at this point I’ve returned basically everything a bit late #idk what has happened to my time management skills like why do they suck so bad rn #very much in a ’’just gotta get through this week’’ mindet and it’s only monday #march 2024 #2024

[skoulsons]

im suffering in joel emotions ok listen

I cant get over his nervousness in the birthday flashback. The last birthday he experienced, his own or someone’s else’s, was his. And, in under less than three hours after it technically ended, the apocalypse hit their town and Sarah died

There are no good memories associated with his birthday, but I also think birthdays in general. I believe the idea at all has left a sour taste in his mouth. And especially after twenty years in the apocalypse with no one and no reason to celebrate a birthday, why would he even care?

But then there’s Ellie. His second chance. She turned 15 either on the road depending on how long we think she was 14 for when they met, or she turned 15 not too long into Jackson, before they were comfortably settled.

So her 16th is the “big” one. And despite this man who, to me, had gained a hatred and general disinterest in birthdays or celebrations in general, puts one together for Ellie. He says “Maria. She, uh… she told me about it. Figured It’d be right up your alley” but I really think he outright asked her about the surrounding area and anything regarding dinosaurs and/or space that he could use for her birthday :’)

But he puts a little trip together. A few days—ride out, there, and then ride back. He clears out the whole building to make sure it’s safe. Ellie’s notebook says “Joel said he‘a taking me on a camping trip next week for my birthday. He found something he said I’ll love. He’s acting very proud of himself. Smug old fogey.”

Again, I think he’s become very disinterested in the whole idea of birthdays and celebrating. But then, lo and behold, he and Ellie are now together and they have a safe life in Jackson and he gets to spoil her.

And he does. Clears the building out. Finds an old space launch tape for her Walkman and writes “HAPPY BIRTHDAY. love, Joel” (im telling you right now when I found this out I sobbed for hours im not kidding I SOBBED). He makes it as perfect and special as he possibly can.

But then in the space shuttle. He’s nervous. Just… something about him screams that he’s nervous to me. The little hitched breath after telling her “it’ll be worth it” if she closes her eyes to listen (which?? did he steal her walkman briefly to listen to it to make sure it worked?? maybe that’s a dumb thought). the way he has tears in his eyes like the whole scene? “I do okay?” Because he doubts himself and is scared that, somehow, it wasn’t a good trip. And her “are you fucking kidding me?” Is enough for Joel for an answer because he knows what means in Ellie-speak

but for a man who had his last birthday ruined in unimaginable ways, it was repaired in the way he went all out to make Ellie’s 16th as good and memorable as he possibly could. for her birthday, maybe the first proper one she ever got, to be as special as he could manage. to make it something good for her

#hmm does this make sense #every time that post of Joel in the shuttle comes up on my tl #EVERY TIME #im thrown into hysterics looking at him #and I just. think. #and I hate thinking #I miss tlou2 joel did you guys know that #actually just game Joel. #I miss game joel. #everything sucks without him #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #joel miller #I could talk on this for hours I’ll have you know #HOURS #I COULD GO OOOOOOON DUDE #ON AND ON AND ON #I have before #I talk about this like once every few weeks but it’s so #it’s so profound I hate my life #L analyzes #tlou rot

[trans-axolotl]

roommate who went to the ER is doing better, but now third roommate is super sick and might Also have to go to the ER bc they cannot keep anything down either. it just keeps happening this week

#personal #medical #emeto tw #:( this sucks i hate seeing my friends in pain #and it's frustrating bc consistently my roommates are some of the only people who mask. #like my house is wearing masks and got our flu shots and everything #but everyone is getting really ill #we have spent so much time at the ER this week! everyone keeps getting really dangerously dehydrated #at this point im like when are my fourth and fifth roommates also going to get sick 😭it seems like all of us are

[hella1975]

.

#be deadly fucking serious rn PLEASE whatttt. that post that's like 'parents will say something that shapes you as a person #but for them it was just another tuesday' like WHAT JUST HAPPENED #basically if you've been following me since i went to uni then you know first year was an... interesting time for me and my mum #we rowed all the time and it's the most unsettled our relationship has ever been and i do truly believe it was just some unfortunate #external factors like me leaving home would rock the boat enough it was always gonna rejig our dynamic #but on top of that i was her LAST child to fly the nest which she hated AND my sister was in germany being insanely dependent on my mum #so i got sidelined a lot which was shitty at the time but i get it now like im still a bit bitter bc being the eldest everything my sister #does is an exciting first and our age gap means typically our academic big moments tend to cross over #so my a-levels happened during her first year of uni so for me a-levels were the biggest thing ever but ofc her thing was bigger #but when she did HER a-levels it was the biggest thing ever and i was /just/ doing gcses etc and germany was the same #like it was JUST my first year of uni bc meanwhile my sister was living alone in a foreign country. so that sucks and my mum was #defo focused on my sister and i wasn't in a position to be like 'hey i know it doesn't seem like it now you've got one kid through it #but going to university and settling in for the first year is still an insanely stressful and lonely time so please pay attention to me' #and all in all me and my mum just STRUGGLED we fought A LOT and not petty rows either they were really emotionally heavy all the time #and basically what's caused this post is that she said about america 'it'll be the longest ive been away from you' #and i know what she meant like a month out of england is the biggest thing ive ever done and im not even in EUROPE so this is huge #but i kinda said like 'im pretty sure i went a month in first year a couple times without visiting?' AND I MEANT IT CASUAL #BC I AM PRETTY SURE IT'S TRUE LIKE I WASNT EAGER TO GO HOME I WENT SOME WEEKS NOT EVEN RINGING #which REALLY shows how strained it must have been at the time. and she responds with confusion so i pointed out that first year #wasn't a great time for us and again still being casual bc it's such a fundamental truth for me that first year was Bad for me and mum #and she just blinks at me like 'what are you talking about' what. WHAT. like i knew she wasn't paying much attention to me then #but it made me MISERABLE for an entire YEAR like boom can testify bc they had to deal with my bs over the phone the entire time #and my mum just. didn't even notice that we weren't doing well. what. what the fuck even..... baffled by this actually #like i am REELING from this i feel like she just tipped the fundamentals of my world with that #hella goes home

[the-acid-pear]

These two lines really make me feel like Susie is only a bully for, let's say, survival reasons. But that's as coherent as i can get so i'm going to ramble the rest of my thoughts on the tags.

#luly talks #FIRST AND FOREMOST LOOK AWAY DONT LOOK AT JOEY'S ICON KUJHNUYHGB i didnt feel like editing ok. nor finding other screenshtos #anyway that aside. #if you think of her parallels with King it kind of reinforces it bc king is as bitter and violent as he is bc he was betrayed and abandoned #and what does susie do when she feels like her at that moment only friend lancer has decided to betray her? she turns bitter and violent #(rip to lancer my man keeps getting his ass kicked to next week someone get these ppl therapy 😭😭) #this all could also be like. turned grimmer if you think susie has a home but it just fucking sucks #bc she's just like me fr and i know living with someone that hates you makes you hate everything too #but there's also the possibility of her being bullied and again shitty family not doing anything for her #some theorize she came from a mostly human place so that's a reason why she'd easily get targeted #and in school her situation is pretty Bad bc she didnt do jack shit but everyone instantly hated her #really reinforcing what she says to kris about your choices not mattering #(btw isnt it fucking hilarious that so many people project on kris even and obviously us too? protagonist curse is strong) #anyway its lovely that she got to see there's more to this gay earth than pain and agony and stuff. heart < 3 #deltarune #susie deltarune

[silenthillbunni]

📖🖊❄️

#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind #1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like #2) ​i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read #but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really #3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me. #everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored #and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing) #i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money #then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/ #ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is #im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything #4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it #everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :(( #i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it #5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them #except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/ #but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again. #i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333

[dreamyprinx]

♥︎ ah, yes, good etiquette demands I remain soft and accessible in the face of my own ending ♥︎

a redraw of this, an alternate version of the portrait can be found under the cut!

✧ reblogs are appreciated ✧ | ♡ buy me a kofi ♡ | ☾ commission info ☽

♡ oh, icicles don't soften when they die they sharpen into sabers, and they stab you in the eye ♡

#whimsy whispers #crystalart.png #crystals ocs #dnd #d&d #dungeons and dragons #dungeons & dragons #cashmere #cashmere heartfilia #i can tag their last name now cause I’m not in the campaign anymore so ‘spoilers’ don’t matter anymore #tiefling #tieflings #tiefling oc #tiefling ocs #this is when I started hating everything I draw and I’ve not recovered #actually I started hating everything a bit before this #like early august is when I was like ‘wow this all sucks’ #everytime I try to edit a draft tumblr queues this specific post and it’s getting really annoying hi #I’m scehdiwling it for 5pm and taking a fucking nap #expect art this week or something bye

[starpros-sunshine]

See this is why I like enstars because usually the issue would be done now and I'd return back to my usual state of listless apathetic semi-detachement but now I'm invested in getting this card home and if I don't I will continue to be at least a bit sad about it isn't it fascinating how people work isn't it just marvelous that a mobile game can do that to you

#the slate won't be wiped blank again I might actually feel some genuine emotions I'm!!!!! uwaaa #i hppe thats the case I want to feel thibgs again I remember how during element week I was just full of those #feelings I mean #and positive ones too that was an experience I miss it.... #was that this year? or last? this year right it must've been this year #yes yes it was this year #I'm breaking character here but i will be honest (doing that once in a while could probably do me some good even if I hate it and it sucks) #i forgot what it was I wanted to be honest about. hm. #ah yes right #I'm not very present in my own head a lot of times so i kinda forgot what character I was supposed to be anyways #not in a dissociation way but in a 'otherwise occupied' way #because everything i do feels so insincere i mean #it's just nice to feel stuff again like a normal person #which i am #otherwise I'm perfectly fine #promise :) #vent #ish kind of #it's more open than if like to be #and I'll delete the tags later #but this is fine #i think

[hershelchocolate]

Oddly enough I feel like now is the perfect time to write my next Lyf fic. I've been wanting to do it for a while, but Whisper Court has kept me too busy to write anything else. Now that that's mostly done, I'm free to write some fic and my cold is mostly gone so my brain isn't melting anymore

I'm still hurt I am still Injured but oddly enough. It makes writing the fic I have in mind more appropriate. I just still, after all this time, cannot come up with an excuse for why Monsters Lyf would be injured for multiple days in a row

#i gave them regenerative abilities AND the ability to numb pain if they need to #how the hell am i gonna write a fic where their arm Remains injured for a long period of time (like a week #randy rambles #a little bit of personal stuff past this point but. being injured sucks ass #i hate it here man i fucking hate it here i injured myself AGAIN in a desperate bid to feel normal again #which. is exactly why i feel like i need to write this #everything im thinking and feeling right now is exactly the kind of thing i wanted to explore in this fic #i just. kind of wish it didnt have to happen to me to get me to make it #i just want to go through a day without pain again. at least lyf gets that choice #edit: i wrote oddly enough TWICE in this post im going to fucking explode

[sleep-nurse]

this school sucks ass holy shit

#sunflower rambles #i think this is like the second week #honestly everything has been fine except for my fucking MATHS TEACHER #(which is great because i suck at maths) #people say my class got the most severe maths teacher out of the entire school #(the school is really massive it's like an entire fucking hospital) #not only does she explain really fucking fast (the entire class also is scared of her and hates her) #but today she UNREASONABLY fucking moved me (and others) out of my place #which was near my friend and near my sister. for the record we legit don't disturb during lessons #we just know eachother and also we're like. 3 girls + 2 we don't know #so it's only 5 girls out of the entire class which is like 19 classmates #AND ALL THE BOYS FUCKING SUCK. SO SHE JUST MOVED ME WITH THIS FUCKING BOY WHO I DON'T KNOW #FOR BASICALLY NO REASON?????? and also it's in a shitty corner i can't even see the whiteboard well #and she claimed this is for all the subjects too. i hate her so much #i hate this fucking school i hate it. i hate her

[hazmatazz]

google.. how to stop. anxiety..

#head in hands #i don't Wanna practice piano even if that might help #i don't Wanna ask for validation from others. i can't rely on ppl complimenting me everytime i'm anxious #i don't Wanna do work. thinking of school makes me anxious #i don't Want to read or chill. the fact i'm being unproductive makes me anxious #oughhhh head in Hands. i wish the school would get back to me about counseling already. it's been over a Week #i understand there are sooo many kids and so much shit butnuuyggghhhhh it always takes forever #hate like. country and it's school underfunding shit because nobody wants to work here so i everything sucks #anyways. #babble #complaining #vent #<-??? #everything sucks today. everything sucks so much always. everything has sucked for Years #and there's no escaping it despite how Hard i try to be happy #anyways. if you want to like compliment me a bunch like. go ahead. it'll make me feel better even if in the long run it's probably not good

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan #i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch #shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else #even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress #but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside #academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project #i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send #myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it #but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or #maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something #just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there #it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so #tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing #ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position #and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle #sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux #i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices #even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany. #and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it #unrelated

[freetobezii]

Not to be that bitch but I literally need some assistance to afford my doctors appointments and food 🙃

So uh if you wanna little icon or something? Hmu my commission's are open ❤️

https://ko-fi.com/ziiteara

Email me here if you wanna chat like a character commission or something [email protected]

#ziiteara #e begging #i hate having to do this but literally not being able to work 1 week screwed me up so bad i have no savings left #i need to get my car serviced #this shit sucks but moving has been the best thing for my health #im so much closer to everything i need but its still all so expensive oh my god

[thingswhatareawesome]

what the everliving fuck? did i do so wrong? i tried difficulty ONE of swarm disaster, says for team lvl 66, i took in 4 80s, and on the second stage kafka pasted my entire party?? (trl phys, qq, dhil, and luocha). i just...that is the literal BEGINNING after the tutorial?? what the fuck? how did i fuck up so *badly*

#i was trying path remembrance and it seemed to be doing fine? #and then everything just fucking blew up in my face? #if i can't get through baby level one how am i supposed to finish one chapter much less 13?? #god i hate sim univ shit anyway #i literally said on their survey they have us spending too much time in it #so we get this massive sprawling event that looks overwhelming as fuck and was intimidating me all day #as i read on literally every social media i use people boggling at being party wiped but at least mid-high lvls #not shitty baby level like i just did? #and it's literally jam all the sim universe to the extreme down your throat like you hate sim universe well bend over and take it #am i going to have to lose out on this whole event? #i'm already behind everyone else so badly like i'm so far behind on getting my whole crew to max lvl and shit #but i've been working on relics and on light cones and i took in four of my good people? #i guess i just suck ass that bad goddamn #i love this game but wow idk maybe it's telling me i'm not good enough #sorry just wow my confidence just nosedived to negative digits and i feel discouraged as fuck and a game is supposed to be fun #and this is NOT fun #and i'm going to have to force myself to do it and it's going to take so much time #fuck #i still have to do another regular sim univ for the week too #i hate this T__T i'm never going to finish in a month

[clits-and-clips]

How did I leave my psych app more irritated than when I got there

#txt #i dont want to to weekly even tho the 2 weeks between the last one felt like forever #i hate having to go places #its even worse now i dont have my ex #everything sucks man #to go*