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#external factors like me leaving home would rock the boat enough it was always gonna rejig our dynamic
hella1975
·
11 months
Text
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#be deadly fucking serious rn PLEASE whatttt. that post that's like 'parents will say something that shapes you as a person
#but for them it was just another tuesday' like WHAT JUST HAPPENED
#basically if you've been following me since i went to uni then you know first year was an... interesting time for me and my mum
#we rowed all the time and it's the most unsettled our relationship has ever been and i do truly believe it was just some unfortunate
#external factors like me leaving home would rock the boat enough it was always gonna rejig our dynamic
#but on top of that i was her LAST child to fly the nest which she hated AND my sister was in germany being insanely dependent on my mum
#so i got sidelined a lot which was shitty at the time but i get it now like im still a bit bitter bc being the eldest everything my sister
#does is an exciting first and our age gap means typically our academic big moments tend to cross over
#so my a-levels happened during her first year of uni so for me a-levels were the biggest thing ever but ofc her thing was bigger
#but when she did HER a-levels it was the biggest thing ever and i was /just/ doing gcses etc and germany was the same
#like it was JUST my first year of uni bc meanwhile my sister was living alone in a foreign country. so that sucks and my mum was
#defo focused on my sister and i wasn't in a position to be like 'hey i know it doesn't seem like it now you've got one kid through it
#but going to university and settling in for the first year is still an insanely stressful and lonely time so please pay attention to me'
#and all in all me and my mum just STRUGGLED we fought A LOT and not petty rows either they were really emotionally heavy all the time
#and basically what's caused this post is that she said about america 'it'll be the longest ive been away from you'
#and i know what she meant like a month out of england is the biggest thing ive ever done and im not even in EUROPE so this is huge
#but i kinda said like 'im pretty sure i went a month in first year a couple times without visiting?' AND I MEANT IT CASUAL
#BC I AM PRETTY SURE IT'S TRUE LIKE I WASNT EAGER TO GO HOME I WENT SOME WEEKS NOT EVEN RINGING
#which REALLY shows how strained it must have been at the time. and she responds with confusion so i pointed out that first year
#wasn't a great time for us and again still being casual bc it's such a fundamental truth for me that first year was Bad for me and mum
#and she just blinks at me like 'what are you talking about' what. WHAT. like i knew she wasn't paying much attention to me then
#but it made me MISERABLE for an entire YEAR like boom can testify bc they had to deal with my bs over the phone the entire time
#and my mum just. didn't even notice that we weren't doing well. what. what the fuck even..... baffled by this actually
#like i am REELING from this i feel like she just tipped the fundamentals of my world with that
#hella goes home
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