#this was supposed to be shorter and funnier but. idk.

[crplpunkklavier]

idk. i read an article the other day about how the structure of pop songs is changing. how producers advise artists now to put the best part--choruses, hooks--right at the beginning, or at least within the first 30 seconds of the song, because otherwise people will scroll right past on tiktok and instagram.

idk. the same article explained that songs are getting shorter and shorter because you need people to loop you on spotify to make any money at all, and of course a 2 minute song is looped more than a 5 minute song, just sort of due to how time works.

idk. can i fault artists for wanting to make a living? but how dreadful to make art like this.

idk. i've always been a defender of pop music despite feeling at home in punk, because i don't think there's anything bad in humans sometimes wanting something simple, something easy to listen to, something immediately relatable. it's an idea that dates back all the way to romanticism. sometimes all we want is to dance and sing along and know that everyone everywhere feels heartbreak.

but idk! that's the consumer end of it. do we really want to be catered to like this? do we want to be presented with music that is cut and rearranged and bastardized and bastardized and bastardized all so it can catch our constantly waning attention? who needs to change first? one of us will have to.

and idk! the article somewhat nonchalantly ended by saying that "of course," there are some genres where people will still appreciate longer songs, "like rock and techno," as if rock artists aren't struggling to pay bills all the same.

idk, man. i'm old enough to remember hearing a song on the radio, or even fucking mtv, and going out the next day to buy the full album with my pocket money, just hoping it'll be as good as that one song. and if it wasn't, was that really so bad? i'd rip my favorites off the cd to burn my own mixtape, and then i'd sell the cd to someone else, for them to enjoy. but those were different times. sometimes i find artists that don't offer cds anymore at all.

idk. idk. i'm going to uninstall every app and handwrite a letter to sony to demand all songs be a minimum of 8 minutes long. figure it out.

#idk! #this was supposed to be shorter and funnier but. idk. #i remember being in advanced music in grade 13 with all my punk boys and violin girls and we all vowed to each other to #never write ad jingles for a living. because that seemed like the worst possible thing to do with our talent #selling your soul to profit #now it seems like all popular music is that #so idk #oh yeah article sourced but its german because im german. tschuldigung

[awanderingtortoise]

introduction and masterlist

hi everyone, stil not totally sure how this site works, but please feel free to chat and say hi. below the cut is a list of fics, along with links to their post on tumblr/ao3. for drabbles, snippets, or shorter fics you might want to check my writing tag: #tortoise tries to write or #tortoisememery if youre here for the incorrect quotes/playlists/memes/any of my other attempts at humor. for analysis: #tortoise analysis ; the tags are kinda fucked w the search idk why i think the search works on my blog itself tho

stuff i post: grishaverse (zoyalai-centric), marvel, bridgerton, pjo/hoo, lotr

(all my original posts are tagged with #me; i believe you can use that to sort through them. or not i dont know how these updates work)

I only write zoyalai atm but requests are always very very very (i cant say it enough) welcome, though i may take ages to do so i will definitely do my best to write them out. (anything sfw is fine). i think thats all, will update this periodically. enjoy your existences

1. how we go on (ao3, 1.7k) warning for mc death, angst

summary: It wasn't supposed to be her. It was never supposed to be her. That is all Nikolai can think, the only thing he finds coherent and whole in his mind as Zoya lies in his arms, eyes bright and radiant and blood blooming on her chest.

or: nikolai and zoya both realizing they dont have much time left. takes place some years after rule of wolves

2. even so, my sun did shine (ao3, 1.2k)

no warnings, fluff

summary: A sort of reverse of That Scene between Zoya and Nikolai in the aftermath of the Tavgharad’s-- lets call it a fiery demise-- but less angsty ‘don’t gos’ and more nonsensical fluff.

in which zoya is slightly loopy and quite a bit more clingy in the aftermath of taking a sleeping draught, and nikolai finds himself rather concerned at her lack of spite. hes not exactly complaining, though.

3. laughter in the rain (ao3, tumblr, 2.1k)

no warnings; basically half-crack, half-fluff

summary: in which Nikolai is much too found of puns while Zoya is the polar opposite, and a young, incredibly chaotic Squaller child wreaks absolute havoc on literally everything. (from tumblr ask: how about nikolai interacting with zoya’s students and them finding nikolai’s dad jokes funnier than zoya does (though she does secretly enjoy them))

4. all i ask (ao3, excerpt here)

no warnings, pining/angst

summary: Starlight glints in her gaze, in the jewels that swirl in the waves of her gown. “What do you want, Nikolai?” she asks quietly.

“A dance,” he says, and though it has barely been seconds he feels as though he’s aged a decade. He forces an easy smile onto his face, holding out his hand. “Nothing but a dance.”

or: a king and his general, and the words they leave unsaid. basically angsty zoyalai ballroom dancing while they play their favorite game that we all know as ‘lets constantly ignore our feelings for eachother!’

5. a heart's a heavy burden ao3, multichapter, 5 chaps and 8.8k so far)

no warnings, post-KoS, pre-RoW pining and angst to come but happy ending

summary: There would always be part of her that wanted more; for better or worse, a part of her that believed she wouldn’t know true satisfaction until she had it, even as she swore off the possibility with every fiber of will in her. She wouldn’t become what he had. She couldn’t. And yet fear of it now roils deep in her gut, old and dark as the scales glinting on her wrists.

(Zoya struggles to control the newfound power she has in her amplifiers and fears that her strength could turn her into something worse. luckily, nikolai is here :)

from anon request: after trying so hard to make sure that she’s unable to feel nikolai’s emotions with her newfound powers something happens that breaks zoya’s concentration and she’s finally feels the weight of nikolai’s feelings for her.

6. as the morining comes (ao3, tumblr, 997 words)

no warnings

summary: "Nikolai, at this moment, has decided on two things: the first being that he is a hopelessly lost cause for Zoya Nazyalensky, and the second being that he does not think he will ever stop smiling again."  part one of a bunch of fluffy zoyalai oneshots ill post under the series waltz of four left feet

7. afterimage (ao3, 362 words)

summary: basically hurt/comfort post-breakup zoyalai in a modern au

8. its always brighter with you (ao3, 748 words)

summary: an excuse for me to write zoyalai banter. basically Nikolai and Zoya going through all the shit Genya sent them and doing the KoS equivalent of Say Yes to the Dress with Nikolai

9. stills of a life tied in blue (that is to say, tied to you) (ao3, 466 words)

warning: grief/mcd

summary: a little fic and musing on the ever iconic blue ribbon and the roles it will play throughout nikolai and zoyas life, from beginning to end.

#tortoise tries to write #zoyalai #me

[locktobre]

bcbd thoughts

right away I see that this is only an hour long, so... it’s not a movie, then. it’s a one hour special, again. I feel like I’m already gonna miss the extra 20 minutes just like dolphin magic but we’ll see I guess. maybe it’ll be a mercy that it’s shorter.

the opening credits/dream sequence was nice. the animation on the city is decent, and the monochrome thing was kind of cool.

her being on stage reminded me a little of Eden, and then immediately I missed Eden so much. they would never let a version of Babs be a bitch now and that’s such a shame.

so now we’re joking about George tracking Barbie’s cell phone? bc that’s fine and not at all an invasion of privacy or anything. also, you can check flight statuses on the internet so that’s really not necessary. also, why the fuck didn’t Barbie call them once she got off the plane? or at least text? I always text or call my mom when I land, and frankly I’m not even as close to my mom as Barbie claims to be to her parents. and I did that when I was 17 traveling alone, too, so it’s not just something I do as an adult. it’s part of the responsibility of traveling to let ppl know that you got somewhere safe so they don’t worry about you. what the fuck Babs.

was that honking supposed to be like censoring the cabbie swearing bc I would love that. let the cabbie say fuck.

I still maintain that this “summer program” thing is bullshit and Babs should have been going off to college. I know they won’t let her grow up but it makes more sense than this does. also, you’re telling me there’s no summer programs for acting/whatever in LA? seriously? she HAD to go across the country for this? and her parents let her? they don’t even trust her! they said that 2 seconds ago! or is tracking her cell phone the reason she’s allowed to travel across the country (to Willows and Florida and Hawaii) by herself in the first place? I hate this I hate it so much already

The Handler Arts Academy... oh I’m feeling emotions

“luck’s got nothing to do with it. you worked your tail off for this” SHOW ME FOR WHEN, PLEASE. this could have been an actual arc of the show, a goal Barbie was working towards that could thread thru multiple episodes... but no. this came out of nowhere. I’m STILL saying that Amelia bought Barbie’s place here bc FUCK YOU SHOW

“I hope I’m good enough” you’re a mediocre rich white woman, you can do literally anything you want.

why is her guitar shoved in a cardboard box and not, idk, in a guitar case? that’s stupid. also, that’s an open cardboard box, so how did that travel on the plane? a closed cardboard box, fine. should be a suitcase, but fine. but this just makes no sense and I am not going to let it slide bc I hate this continuity and everything about it.

however, I will give Brooklyn a pass for the open cardboard box bc she literally lives in NYC and didn’t have to take a fucking plane to get here. she can carry it like that if she wants.

“as long as you don’t break [my leg], we’re good” I’ve already seen Brooklyn in a cast, so... does Malibu literally break her leg later on? even on accident... jesus christ.

is this Russian(?) custodian lady gonna be the antagonist/villain? bc I’m already not vibing with that. not at fucking all.

how the FUCK could they show up a day early? why would they not show up on the day they’re supposed to? that doesn’t make any sense! and if they’re NOT supposed to be there yet, then there would be no staff there to watch them, so they should have to come back tomorrow! they shouldn’t be allowed to be by themselves in a school like this! I’m assuming this is to facilitate a day of bonding without stupid things like classes in the way, but they could have written an orientation day or something in that would have made more sense, and as I said, I am not inclined to give them a pass on anything these days. fuck you all.

so, room assignments are alphabetical... I guess that kind of explains them being in the same room, altho it does feel coincidental that they wouldn’t be, like, in neighboring rooms. also they didn’t animate little signs on the other doors, even with nonsense text if they didn’t want to put other names up, so their door really sticks out for no reason. also, shouldn’t it say “Barbie Roberts & Barbie Roberts” or some other way of having both names on the door? also, if the school knows they have the same name, couldn’t they put middle initials or something? we know Malibu is Barbie M. Roberts, and I will generously assume that Brooklyn’s middle name is something else, so that would have been fine. this really feels like the administrators don’t give a fuck, and in a supposedly prestigious school, I don’t buy that.

so, Brooklyn has been training every summer in different programs, very intensely, to get in here... and Malibu trained on the internet. what have I been saying about Malibu’s white mediocrity? hmm?

even after that (lackluster) montage, it feels way too soon for “Before Us.” I don’t believe they’re best friends who warrant a song about their friendship. I don’t believe that at all.

I like the bald fashionista being on the billboard, that’s a nice touch.

Malibu bringing up her vlog like that gives me hives. she has already stated multiple times that she does that to help ppl, not for clout, and yet. here she is. being a fake ass bitch once again.

Brooklyn and Emmie’s story is already way more interesting than this and I’m pissed that’s just backstory.

LOVE that green-haired dude. idk where you’re going with that drum but godspeed my dude.

I’m assuming that’s Emmie incognito in the back, but... what’s she doing here if she’s already famous? pulling an Erika Juno?

Dean Morrison seems cool

(is it too early to ship Brooklyn x Emmie?)

if pets are allowed in this school, I’m SHOCKED Malibu didn’t bring Taffy. truly fucking shocked.

Rafa reminds me so much of Jacques Rousseau

“the only labels we believe in are designer” so Rafa’s gay, right? Barbie’s first gay character? I can only assume

the ballet thing still doesn’t make sense to me, if their goal is to be on Broadway. ballet is an entire art and discipline in itself.

fencing makes more sense, bc stage fighting is a thing.

‘work it’ is even funnier than I imagined. Malibu you’re such a fuck up. and I can’t even cut you some slack bc earlier you said your training was “internet.” you didn’t work for this and you don’t belong here. die.

if this was PCS, Malibu would have been kicked out already. YOU WERE NOT PREPARED FOR THIS. WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING FOR MONTHS.

so, the ‘work it’ montage clearly showed the passage of time, it’s been at least a week, and... Malibu hasn’t talked to Ken at all during that time? this is the first time she’s telling him about Brooklyn?

ok, confirmed to be a week. and she hasn’t talked to Ken. of course. they are so close of course she hasn’t talked to him in a week, especially when she’s been struggling so much and would need to vent to a friend about it. of course.

so, Emmie is pulling an Erika Juno. at least she’s in disguise.

jesus christ, they’re really having Emmie be exploited by her own father??? JESUS.

ok Brooklyn x Emmie is sailing.

Brooklyn’s mom is an airline pilot, that sounds cool.

so the dresses are powered by the magic of friendship? cool. that’s stupid.

of COURSE Emmie’s dad is the board member. jesus christ I hate this dude.

okay, so she DIDN’T break her leg, it’s only a sprain. thank god. poor green-haired drum dude.

saying “epic fail” in 2021 unironically is not cool, mattel. unless I’m even more out of touch with the youth than I thought, but I’m pretty sure about that.

wait, so Brooklyn was dancing... and now she’s on crutches again? what is this montage? they fucked up here.

of all things to kick Malibu out for, they’re saying she pushed Brooklyn? why not all the fuck ups in her first week?

also, Rafa was taping that class so how do they not bring that up immediately? that’s the whole reason they were dancing over there in the first place! (so he might not have caught anything, but still, I have to assume that’s going to fix this bc that’s what these movies do.)

I really like Malibu’s leather jacket look, but she does look a little bit old I think. Brooklyn’s leggings look is nice, too.

okay, so Brooklyn suddenly believes the unnamed witness over the girl she sang ‘before us’ with? okay. I told you this friendship was a crock of shit. they don’t trust each other at all! Brooklyn should have been angry when she first fell, and it builds to thinking that she was sabotaged, but she brushed it off... and now she’s pissed. that makes no sense.

this friendship breakup song also means nothing to me bc their friendship fell apart for such a stupid reason. fate didn’t tear you apart, you tore yourselves apart by not trusting each other. stupid little children.

if Brooklyn’s ankle isn’t completely healed aka still painful, she should not be dancing on it, she could injure herself more or at least prolong the healing process.

ok, so NOW, after Malibu has already been expelled and sent back home, they remembered the video. these kids are so fucking stupid. and of COURSE the unnamed witness is Mr Miller! Emmie, you ALREADY KNOW that your dad is shady as shit and wants you to get the Spotlight Solo! HOW DID YOU NOT PUT THIS TOGETHER IN 5 SECONDS? I DID

so, Mr Miller thought Malibu was Emmie’s biggest competition for the solo? Malibu, the spectacular fuck up? not Brooklyn? or any of the background extras? I refuse to fucking believe that. I REFUSE.

how did George and Margaret just let Malibu get expelled without flying out there to fight the charge? seriously?

how is is Brooklyn singing ‘before us’ in-universe such that Malibu recognizes it? you’re breaking the conventions of musicals! I don’t get this!

I like Brooklyn’s mom being a pilot less after it’s been used to facilitate this bullshit part of the plot.

again, just “Barbie Roberts” makes no sense. where’s a middle initial to differentiate them! SOMETHING! I know they’re doing the finale together, but still, it’s STUPID.

shipping Rafa x green-haired drummer dude bc I can

where’s the Emmie doll for this movie?????? I’m so disappointed. also the other outfits, the leather jacket and leggings ones, I swear those weren’t dolls either. what the fuck

I see more fashionistas on billboards at the end! I really like that

so the custodian wasn’t a villain... then why that introduction for her? that went nowhere

is “Big City Big Dreams” supposed to be Emmie’s song? that Malibu lips-synced to on her vlog (apparently)? I can’t tell by the voice and they don’t list the voices for the songs in the credits

overall, once again it largely made no sense. idk if it would have benefitted from 20 extra minutes of screentime bc nothing really happened.

also, what the fuck happened to Mr Miller? he just keeps on exploiting his daughter? and for that matter, what happened to Emmie’s mom? bc she lived with her, and then all of the sudden her dad was in her life again and exploiting her, so... what did mom die? did he kill her? what am I supposed to think? and Emmie’s STILL stuck in that situation? girl. what the fuck

also of course they were too cowardly to confirm anything about Rafa. of course.

#mel irl #barbie babbles #bcbd #barbie spoilers

[mc-slowwalker]

MULLET MULLET MULLET YES

philza being 100000 years old is something I can get behind tbh. my least favourite age hc, which I think I actually hate with a burning passion, is the tommy and tubbo were 9 during the first l’manberg wartime actually ignites a visceral rage in me

yeah!! I managed to make it to pink’s bedwars stream the other day and it was great. yeah lol I was lowkey upset too when foolish was added cause I had no idea who he was but he’s super fun so that’s cool! I like high energy stream more too cause I zone out super easily. unless it’s dream, he can stream anything and I’ll try my hardest to pay attention the whole time

ooooh vet that’s cool. oh my god c!dream going into the dentist after months in prison😭😭😭 I’m imagining c!techno as a beefy pig sitting in the kind of small couch/seats we have in the waiting room. Tommy would 100% bite and then get really mad about getting a toy that we give to little kids after their treatment lol

omg the pet wars 😔😔😔 so sad. everyone in the dsmp is emotionally attached to their animals than anything else and what can I say, I’m the same

oh yeah I also tend to take c!dream criticism to heart more idk why. I’m definitely way more defensive of c!dream apologists than any other they get so much unnecessary shit. though from your other anons it looks like c!sam apologists are getting more shit too which sucks but solidarity ig. oh man I get you I have to tell myself to like take a step back and not take everything so personally. another thing on twitter is that people who vehemently hate c!dream will sometimes just refuse to use /dsmp /roleplay tags like it’s not that hard, tweets without that have already been misinterpreted to hate on cc!dream which just pisses me off like you can have your shit opinion just tag it properly. and like when people tell them to include it they’ll be like “ohh the dream apologists harassed me.” and yeah people genuinely go around calling c!dream apologists abuse apologists and it’s terrible. like I don’t care if you have your bad takes and aren’t willing to discuss them, just tag it properly and don’t shit on c!dream apologists it’s not that hard. though it’s funny the other day, the first time I replied to some shut take on twitter, in a lighthearted manner too, I got instantly blocked and there’s this on person on twt, they’re also on tumblr, that blocks anyone that even slightly disagrees with them. oh well ig

also did you see about that lore that foolish did? it was certainly something

sorry for the late and shorter reply I got halfway through writing this then went to do something then just fell asleep and I just got a notification that ponk is live! and I’m awake so Imma go watch them

Jack Mulletfold I’m on my jack manifold mullet truther arc

The 9 year old thing was bad and I also hated the c!dream was 13 during the l’manburg war thing too like no this is all so much funnier if they are the ages that they are now. And like father like son fundy tried to set a timeline up too (his it’s been a year comment) like no dude stop time doesn’t exist unless it’s real world

With watching streams I’m the exact same way but I usually tune into quackity and tommy’s chill streams as well. I think it’s because I know them enough to care about what they’re saying so the lack of mental stimulation is made up for by my want to care

Wait fuck with the dentist thing would c!techno actually have to go to a vet instead because of anatomy stuff or-

C!Dream is probably missing a few teeth and after not brushing so long ugh

I would joke that c!sapnap’s done nothing wrong but I haven’t forgiven him for henry

I simply don’t user twitter I tried to post a shit post but I don’t understand the tagging system so it flopped. Stopped using it there and then. say what you want about me but you guys gotta know that I’m a petty bitch first and foremost. With the “harassment” stuff I’ve had my fair share of sending anons asking people to tag stuff right and half the time they just say why and then don’t do it. You wanna know why? Please thats why. I have a real issue with the abuse apologist stuff because like bro that’s a serious accusation and it’s overall just seems super inappropriate. It usually doesn’t get to me but if I’m in the wrong mood it can really fuck me up. When cc!wilbur said that every character was morally gray and that c!dream apologists were right & wrong about somethings I was kinda like “oh thank god a streamer I like doesn’t hate me for liking c!dream” and was hella embarrassed that I even let it get me that far skdhfk. Oh yeah about people blocking you there are so many people who have me blocked on here and while I totally encourage using your block button liberally and often I still notice and its like aw man… creeper…… so we back in the mines…….

You’re gonna have to be a little more specific I feel lije foolish has done a lot of lore, though I think I’ve missed most of it. Are you talking about truing to break into the prison? Hilarious that every character despite their opinion on c!dream has at one point attempted to break into the prison. If only c!dream knew that the only common enemy the server needed was a building they were supposed to stay out of

dont say sorry that’s illegal (/j) also the thing I like about anon is that you can come back and respond when ever is best for you? Makes me feel like an old western bar tender who is just vibing. That’s the dream social interaction tbh

#anon #ask #long post #ponk tired from the first vaccine #phizer buddies though #also how they promounced ohio is a+ I think we should all pronounce it that way from now on

[therealandian]

I Just Had the Stupidest Dream

Right. so. I’m going to try to write this down, but my God, this was ridiculous.

There were like. 3 different parts to it? so I’ll try to talk about them all separately.

The Beginning - On a Movie Set

So it started out with me on a movie set. i have no idea why i was there, just that i was. also Jonny Sims was VA’ing the MC? i went in and started singing drunk space pirate, but he didn’t seem to approve. so let’s just move on, because that was about it

The 1st Time - No Idea What This Film Is Supposed to Be

So Jonny just straight up disappeared and now i was the MC, which i guess makes sense because dream logic? anyway, there was a lot of color themes going on -- different colors related to different aspects of reality? pink was life, which was the only thing that actually made any sense because red was called INTERDITIUM which is just stupid and blue was even worse: FROMATOLOGY. green was perception or something, but it wasn’t called that and i really don’t know why.

anyway, the red chick - Victoria - is a badass and might have also been a cyborg? she’s vibing with some other color-coded people. blue and i think green? except the “plain” guy was supposed to become green later so idk. plain guy was named something super generic, but it surprisingly wasn’t any iteration of Jonathan. which is good, since that was Jonny’s character. i think the dude’s name was James Smith or something? idk. doesn’t really matter.

so this entire thing, they’re all running around a dystopic world that’s just. really shitty. and at some point, the goal became to help everyone find Jesus? except people really weren’t into that, and also there was a guy who was unironically color coded as black named Grimoire chasing us. he dressed like a mix between the black power ranger and the grim reaper. it was kinda weird. Grimoire was just trying to keep all the different colors in balance, though, and all of these people taking to them were getting superpowers and everything was ridiculous. he caught James at some point, but let him live because he wasn’t aligned at all and seemed to be a regular dude.

eventually they get to this other place, and REG SHOE of all people is there trying to spread the Jesus around in this place where literally everyone is stealing from each other and no one gives two shits. he’s giving up when James starts busting out a song in FRENCH. like, i speak french, but even I don’t know what he was saying. the vague concept was that Jesus saved his life, though? somewhere in the background, the theme from Ratatouille started playing, too. idek. except no one really cared, and James got super fed up  with it and ascended into becoming the avatar of the green aspect? i’ll get back to that in the 3rd act of this stupidity, because it happened again later and it was way funnier.

The 2nd Run-Through - Now Animated and Also Less Jesus?

the second version had significantly less Jesus. it was also animated, so i was watching parts of it every now and again while hearing Jonny’s actual voice instead of just. literally anything else.

this bit was much shorter, but it involved James at a university(?) instead of some dystopia, and also he was an animated little bean who wanted to learn more about the different aspects. 

at some point i was showing my parents the “trailer” (which wound up just being the movie??) and they said they’d watch it, even though my mom hates animated films...

also, at some point, James crashed the Millennium Falcon? i have no idea whatsoever as to what was happening.

The 3rd Version - DOGPOCALYPSE??? (ft. Carl Sagan)

so it all started over again kind of? except it was mostly just the scene of ascension again, and this time it was less fun but also a lot stupider. the first time James ascended, he became this freaky-looking Doodle Bob-type thing that you couldn’t tell if it was far away or right in front of you because its perspective was all weird. hence the whole perception thing for green ig? it kept coming toward me, and it was super weird.

the second ascension was like it was trying to recapture the first time but with significantly less success. this one involved James falling through a bunch of colors before eventually everything went green and a similar thing happened, but i guess i was actually a bit more lucid this time because it wasn’t nearly as fun.

so then some other character snaps James out of it, and he winds up crashing through and breaking a brick wall. and then everything starts to get a bit weird. did i mention that this entire time, we were concerned that Grimoire would reappear, but he never did? yeah. good times. we love characters that pop in, do one important thing, and then never come back.

anyway, everything suddenly starts spilling out of the room we’d all been in into the “Real World”. like. everything literally just started flying out. and at some point, i’m now showing some of my high school friends a journal with all this shit in it? i must’ve used so many glue sticks. entire page was covered in “debris”.

and then everything morphed into dogs.

literally doge was everywhere.

and then, to top it all off, the final page had a background of doge, some debris (bits of construction paper) scattered all over it, and an AWFUL, pixellated, blown-up image of CARL SAGAN on top of it.

the next few moments involved me, now partially lucid, trying to talk to my friends about it so i could remember some of what the hell happened here.

and that is my story. wild ride, that. i have no idea wtf was going on. but it happened.

#dream #stupid dream #jonny sims #carl sagan #?? #wtf is wrong with me #so many questions #so few answers #the carl sagan image wasn't actually carl sagan #it was a gamer called carlsagan42 #but more people know who carl sagan is than those who know about a mario maker streamer #so no one really needed the disclaimer #there were so many references in this thing #i don't know what's going on #but i mean #sure i guess

[pipsketches]

Is there anything you’d change about the characters in Three Houses for fun? Such as, height, age, clothes, body type, hair, or even their house? I find myself unintentionally imagining Caspar buffer and taller then he actually is ^^,

 I’d make a lot of them older. The teacher student thing would have been a lot less of a weird issue if they were all at least 18-20. I mean Sylvain and Mercedes were in their 20s from the beginning so idk why they felt everyone else had to be like 16. Except maybe Lysithea whose need to be seen as mature would benefit from everyone being 20 somethings to her 15-16. It would also make her backstory, imo, sadder being the youngest by that many years and still being the most likely to die. It would make her look smarter and play up the whole prodigy thing. Like all around her character would benefit from everyone else being older.

And I’m going ahead to say this got longer than I intended lol. I’m so sorry! The rest of my long rambling mess under the cut

I don’t really know a lot of the character heights. I know I’ve looked at the heights even charts people made with all of them lined up but I guess cuz their fictional I don’t keep that in mind to much. I’m probably imagining a lot of the character heights wrong to but it’s whatever to me. Caspar funny enough though I had checked and I swear I remember seeing he was 5′9″, which was fine that’s taller than I am lol, but I checked again and he’s actually 5′6″ which is shorter than me but only by an inch so it’s still fine like it’s hardly a noticeable difference. I do prefer guys my height or taller though so I guess I’d make him taller??? It just seems kind of ridiculous cuz it’s just an inch lol.

Hair though! That’s all Felix and Raphael like holy shit do they have terrible hair. Felix more so than Raphael. Like Raphael just needs it maybe a little less fluffier and shorter. He highkey looks like a hobbit post time skip and tweaking it a little could remedy that. Felix on the other hand has like three different parts to his hair. Idk if that’s suppose to mean he’s trying to look good or if it’s suppose to show he isn’t trying at all but Pre-Timeskip had the perfect “I don’t care about my look” look. It was pulled back in a messy bun with strands sticking out everywhere because he genuinely doesn’t care about the superficial. It perfectly told us that he woke up pulled his hair back and called it a day oppose to his timeskip look which seems like he took more time for??? Judging from the little ponytail it’s also shorter which is a good choice. I totally believe Felix just got fed up of dealing with his hair and just cut it to not waste his time on it anymore. So maybe they could have gone shorter. Maybe like a more messy version of timeskip Claude’s hair? Or keep the short ponytail but just don’t have the three different hair parts to get to the ponytail.

Clothing wise I’m gonna say they should have let Raphael l have a boob window! Like it looks like they were gonna let him have one but then added another layer to cover him up. Like if Bernie of all people can have a boob window why not Raph??? I’d also change it so Caspar could maybe have at least his arms exposed. He’s very proud of his muscle (which is why I think a lot of people draw him beefy) so I would think he’d want them out for people to see. He literally has a tea time line drawing attention to his arms being muscular but we can’t even see them??? The generic warrior class, which is his cannon timeskip class, is also pretty revealing so he more than other male character could have been showing off some skin. Change his unit class color to something other than brown. I want to say blue but I think they might have not done that so he wouldn’t be confused as a blue lion,which I get but it also didn’t stop Marianne. Green or teal would be nice to if we can’t go blue (which are Lynhardt colors but their besties so its fine).

Speaking of going blue and being mistaken for a blue lion. If I had to change Caspar’s house it be to blue lion. I’ve seen a few posts on here actually of people making a case for why he’d be great in that house and I can’t say I disagree. He has a lot of potential dynamics there (three of his supports are blue lion with only two yellow deer already) with the most important to me being with Felix. Those two would immediately fight for sure but I think come out as best friends at the end over their love of fighting and even world view. They’re both characters who don’t care about nobility or what others think of them just doing whats right for them and looking out for people. A support with Sylvain could also be pretty funny considering how his C-support with Dorothea and A-support with Hilda went. He’s lovable but not particularly flirty or even good at catching on when someone is flirting (shout out to the random girl who tried to get him to the goddess tower) but clearly interested in flirting, sex, and romance based on his reaction in Dorothea’s C and B-support (personally I think he really thought he was getting to first base until he was made to move furniture lol) and how excited he got in Byleth’s S-support. So having Sylvain try and teach poor oblivious Caspar would be great! Idek if it be funnier to have it end miserably like Dimitri’s or in actual success. A support with Dimitri would be…Something. If you have Caspar, which of course I did, Dimitri personally apologizes to Caspar about Randolph and Caspar didn’t really seem to care but maybe seeing that conversation in more detail could be interesting. Theirs also the whole justice and violence conversation they both could have with eachother.  Other than Caspar idk who else I’d move maybe Lyndhardt to yellow deer? The house is a lot more chill so it seems more his speed. Mercedes being a black eagle could lead to very interesting interactions with Edelgard and Huebert.

For body types I’d make Leonie and Petra have a more visibly athletic build. I honestly think Caspar is suppose to be muscular. Based solely on that one tea time line and his support with Raphael but if he isn’t then I’ll make him muscular! Like the only reason he isn’t…Shown? Is because they gotta have the characters with mostly the same body types to make all the unit class modeling and animating easier. They did this in Fates to with the most glaring example being Saizo. The portrait clearly shows him as this really buff very muscular ninja but give him the towel and all of a sudden his like really lean??? I think that’s what’s happening in three houses. The brawler and grapplers show this the best because Raphael and Dedue who are clearly bigger than the whole cast still have the same model as everyone else. It’s honestly a little weird but I get why they do it. So while I don’t think Caspar is anywhere near Raphael or Dedue he is beefier than what his brawler/grappler/war master class would suggest imo

#thanks for the ask! #I also saw the other one! #I really appreciate it #I'm assuming your the same anon #reply #anon

[fic-dreamin]

5.0 out of 5 stars It was like a shot of Kahlua you didn't expect in your ...

4.0 out of 5 stars "And, well that's my story. I'm sorry that it's so, you know. Retarded." It's the damndest thing.. For some reason, for these last few weeks, it's like the world is filled with grotesque monsters. But not everyone sees it. Others tell me they see happy faces. But I've been seeing the smile of crocodiles. With a voracious, world eating hunger that can never be sated until all living things are torn apart and digested in the..Oh yeah, and there's also dick jokes in this. If I ever outgrow a good dick joke, you should just shoot me.I had already seen the movie a while ago, but I got the book because so many reviewers were saying how much the movie got wrong. I completely disagree. The movie was one of the best things I saw in years; easily 5 stars imo. The film told a lot of things out of sequence, and some of the things the characters did was jumbled around, but I was amazed at the level of detail in the movie and a huge amound of dialog was repeated verbatim. *small spoilers that I don't think will actually ruin anything for you*.. I'm very glad the wig monsters weren't included or all the Bible/holy water stuff. I think adding the shadow people would have made the movie too convoluted. As would the Pi symbol stuff. After reading some of the book reviews, I thought maybe I had completely misunderstood the movie, but I believe I understood it just fine. The main thing though that I thought the movie didn't really capture was John's personality. From the movie, I thought of him as.. idk, perhaps a bit like Dr. Venkman (bill murray) from Ghostbusters. But in reality he was supposed to be kind of a half maniac half zen smartass who is sort of a genius and you can fully understand why the book has his name in the title.Okay, so here's why I gave the book a lower rating than I'd give the movie..Read more › Go to Amazon

2.0 out of 5 stars Tedious garbage; the extra star awarded for a few genuinely funny lines buried in the miasma Very difficult book to finish; I'm glad it's over. Post-modern silliness; tedious and unrewarding; not really horror mixed with comedy, as it's nearly all comedy (a total, for me, of one scary scene) and nearly all the comedy is of the apathetic slacker/pubescent potty mouth variety. A thousand jokes is, like, 900 too many, dude. The episodic plot feels patched together from the author's unpublished short stories, so the continuity suffers. For instance, I could swear that the character/narrator Dave describes himself as tall in chapter one or two but by the end of the novel reveals for the first time that he's actually shorter than his sidekick John. Felt like an error due to cut and paste. There's almost no forward momentum here, and only one interesting character, and she doesn't appear until near the end. Only one tiny twist in the "plot" struck me as having been nicely, even admirably planned in advance, with all the rest just seeming random change. There are too many minor characters: when one late character is introduced as being related to "Big Jim," I just couldn't remember who Big Jim had been; and when, still later, Big Jim's fate is recalled by the narrator, I actually couldn't remember that it had earlier played out in fictive "real time--which is sad because that forgettable episode turns out to have been fundamental to poor Dave's character development. And finally, author Wong is really bad at describing action; the big Las Vegas scene, for instance, was impossible to visualize. Did I mention that the narrator promises to reveal the truth about the universe but never does? Go to Amazon

5.0 out of 5 stars It's like Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure in the Netherworld, but funny If the movie Alien was “Jaws in space,” then John Dies at the End is “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure in the Nether World.” Except that, unlike Bill and Ted’s, Wong’s book is hilarious.The gist of this book is that two likable anti-heroes ingest a drug, “soy sauce,” that gives them the ability to pass into an alternate universe. They’re inexorably drawn down the rabbit hole (so to speak, there is no actual rabbit hole in this book.) What they find is not what they expected. It’s not what anyone expected, because it’s so mind-boggling ridiculous and richly complex.The title character, John, oddly enough is not the main character. The author, David Wong, uses a self-named protagonist as narrator and lead. The book unfolds as Wong (the character, not the author) tells a skeptical journalist about the strange goings-on in his small, Midwestern hometown.We see John mostly through the lens of the narrating Wong. We know that John is a storyteller. Which may sound a lot like “liar,” but that’s not the case. Have you ever known a person who would never deceive you for personal gain, but will never fail to engage in hyperbole to make a story funnier or more interesting? That is John. He has one of my favorite lines of the book:“We’re talking about a tentacled flying lamp f@#%er, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?”Despite the fact that John is a booze-hound and exaggerator, he remains an endearing character. As Wong gets to know Amy, a classmate who lost her hand after they knew each other in school, we get an insightful testimonial about John:“Let me tell you something about John. The reason I was surprised by your hand was because John never once described you as, ‘the girl with the missing hand.Read more › Go to Amazon