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noosayog · 6 months

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003 the grudge

✧ wc: 4.1k

✧ warnings/content: itoshi rin x reader, no gendered pronouns used but lease lmk if I missed any! sfw, angst to fluff (hopeful ending), arguments and lots of swearing. another fic where I project bc of messed up things my old romantic partners have said to me, hope y'all enjoy!

✧ GUTS masterlist, regular masterlist

divider from @/cafekitsune

“How come you never ask me how my day is?” you ask. It’s quiet, like you’re scared of how he will respond. But you can’t help it. Every day, when Rin comes home from practice, you’re there to greet him at the door. You always have dinner ready no matter how tired you are. And every day, Rin grunts. On a good day, he gives you a peck on the cheek. On bad days, he throws his gym bag down and heads straight for the bath. Then, he comes to sit at the dinner table and eats silently.

Just once, you’d like him to ask you how your day was. Maybe come home with flowers or a cake from the neighborhood bakery occasionally. You wouldn’t think it too much to ask, but the years of this routine make your question your every thought. You start to forget that being in a relationship shouldn’t consist of you walking on eggshells every day.

Rin looks up from his meal, swallowing before responding, “because you always tell me whether or not I ask.”

It’s a reasonable response. But it’s cold and callous. Not the answer you were looking for.

“But why can’t you just ask?”

He cocks his head. Confused, not annoyed.

Not yet at least.

“Why would I? If there’s something you wanna tell me, just say it.”

“I just want you to want to ask sometimes. Makes me feel less like I’m forcing you to listen to me.”

“You’re not.”

“I know, but that’s not the point.”

“So what’s the point then?”

You recognize the change in his tone. He’s starting to become irritated.

“The point is that I just want you to show you care sometimes. Without having me to ask you to do it.”

“Jesus,” he mutters under his breath, but you hear it loud and clear all the same.

“Is it that unreasonable for me to ask that of you?”

“Fine. How was your day?” he grits out, forcing a smile that looks more like he’s baring his teeth at you.

“Rin, this isn’t what I want.”

He puts his chopsticks down loudly. “You just said that’s what you wanted. So I’m doing it.”

“Not like this, Rin,” you say frustratedly, not sure how else you can communicate. “I just want you to want to be here with me. Act like you’re my boyfriend and that you’re happy to do it.”

“I wouldn’t be here, living with you, if I didn’t. What else do you want from me?”

It’s condescending and patronizing. It makes you feel like you are being the childish one here.

“Is it so hard that once in a while, you do something extra to show it?” you ask, voice small. “Like getting me flowers or even surprising me with a treat from the bakery I like?”

Rin runs a hand down his face, not even bothering to hide how foolish he thinks this conversation is. You feel the sting behind your eyes start to build.

“If you want flowers and a cake or something, just tell me. I’m not a fucking mind reader. How would I know you want those things unless you tell me?”

“I’m not saying I want flowers or a cake specifically. But-”

“Then what do you want!” He's yelling now. “I’m telling you I’ll buy the damn flowers if you ask. You’re always expecting people around you to read your mind. Use your fucking words!”

At that, you shrink away, closing in around yourself as you recall the phone call between the two of you months ago, having very much the same conversation.

“You always expect the people around you to read your mind. Why don’t you use your fucking words when you want something?”

That’s unfair, you think. In every other situation, you would agree. You do have a problem with communicating what you want. You know that. But should you really have to ask to have Rin tell you he loves you once in a while? For him to just show he cares by taking initiative and doing something nice for you? To want him to want to do something for you, even as simple as asking how your day was when he gets home without you having to ask?

But your insecurities get the best of you and objectively, he’s right. You answer in a small voice, “Sorry, Rin.”

There’s silence on the other line and for one second, you think that he’s going to apologize too and the floodgates would open and you two would open up and share everything that’s been building up.

Instead, you hear a click. Rin had cut the line.

When you have nothing else to say, Rin stands up, storming towards the bedroom, muttering, “Jesus, you’re always like this. Don’t start an argument if you can’t finish it.”

The bedroom door slams.

–

Rin is used to silence, prefers it actually. He gets enough noise from the daily racket the Blue Lock team makes. So at night, when he comes home to you, he appreciates the way you let him be. He’s content to sit there, listening to you talk quietly about your day. Your voice is a soothing one in comparison to the rowdy, grating ones of his teammates.

So when you ask him to take initiative to start the conversation sometimes, he’s uncomprehending. Your daily routine is fine as is; don’t his nods and noises of acknowledgement show that he’s listening to you? He gets enough nagging from Isagi and Bachira to talk more; he really doesn’t need to hear it at home too.

He can’t understand what it is you want him to do, because you were the one who strong-armed yourself into his life, persistent in trying to converse with him at the coffee shop you both frequented, until he finally asked you out on a date. You were always the one to initiate conversation.

So when you propose change to the relationship dynamic, Rin feels like you’re throwing a big wrench in the cogs that seem to be working perfectly fine.

After a long, hot shower, Rin goes back into the bedroom, expecting to find you curled up in bed. Rin isn’t worried. Regardless of whether you were still sulking or ready to go back to your usual self, he knows from experience that he just needs to reach his arms out and you would be eagerly pushing yourself into his side of the bed to get as close as you possibly can.

But when he enters the bedroom, the room is empty and the beddoor he slammed shut before remains closed. It’s then that he hears some shuffling in the living room, a couple of muffled sniffles and the quiet click of a door shutting. That wasn’t the sound of the spare bedroom door. That’s the sound of the front door.

Immediately, Rin bolts out to the kitchen. There, he finds all the dishes cleaned and put away, the dining table wiped down. You are not to be found.

Waves of frustration wash over him again. If you were going to be so upset about this, why won’t you just come find him and tell him? Rin thinks you could not have proved his point from your earlier argument any better than just up and leaving in a tantrum.

He should call, he thinks. If it were him, he’d just prefer space, quiet, and some alone time, but knowing you, he thinks you’d appreciate at least a gesture.

No, he rethinks. Just give them some time to calm down.

Pushing down the wave of worry, he slumps onto the couch, telling himself you’ll come home soon. The seconds drag by like hours so he puts on game footage to rewatch to pass the time. The seconds do not pass by any quicker as he continues to glance at his phone between plays.

Finally, he can’t handle it anymore and dials your number. The line rings once, twice, then he hears buzzing from the kitchen. Rin walks towards the source of the sound and finds your phone on the kitchen counter. It sits there, the buzzing continuing, mocking him.

Rin lets it ring for a couple of moments longer before he grabs a coat and bolts out the door.

Stupid! Who leaves without their phones?

It’s well after sunset and dark outside. Even if the two of you live in a nice neighborhood, you should know better than to wander around by yourself after dark. Without your phone no less.

How long has it been since you’ve left?

As he runs by all the convenience stores in the area and the minutes go by without being able to find you, his irritation at your irresponsibleness morphs into guilt. He should’ve come out much sooner to find you, shouldn’t have let you cry by yourself. Now you’re out somewhere, crying all alone on the night streets of Tokyo. Irrational panic wells up in his chest at the thought of someone taking advantage of your vulnerable state.

When he exhausts all of his options, he sighs, knowing the only place left unchecked is one of your friend's places. The same friends who he knows dislike him. The same ones who think you can do better.

He reluctantly pulls out his phone to give your friends a call; if they pick up, he’ll come get you and the two of you will go home together. But the first thing that greets him is a text saying you’re fine and that you are indeed at a friend’s place to crash for the night. Unsure of where that leaves him, he returns to your shared apartment.

And as Rin sits with the sterile kitchen and unusual quiet of the space, for the first time ever, he really contemplates the idea of you finding someone better. He dimly remembers a similar conversation the two of you had, perhaps over the phone a while back? Through all the years he has known you, he supposes it is a habit of yours to want things without vocalizing them. Like the times the two of you are watching a movie together and you look between his cup of tea and the kitchen until he gets the hint to go make you a cup. Or when you’re eating together and you stare at his plate until he spoons some of whatever he’s having into your waiting mouth. Rin’s not too sure how those unremarkable situations are different from what happened at dinner tonight.

And while Rin has never minded taking care of you and learning all the ins and outs of your body language, he’s realizing that these little things that rarely register in his mind may have been snowballing in yours.

But on days when he comes home, totally spent from practice, he acknowledges that he won’t be able to put the effort into fulfilling your unsaid desires. And that’s almost every day.

So as he sits on the couch, visualizing a life of yours without him, he thinks it might be for the best. He waits at home for you. When you come home, the two of you can have a mature conversation about a future where you are with someone who can make you happy.

–

It’s late morning when you return home, unsurprisingly but not unexpectedly finding the apartment empty. Rin has gone to practice.

You berate yourself for even wishing for one moment that Rin would have skipped practice to wait for you.

You suppose it’s like all your expectations of Rin: things piling up that you wish he would do but you never ask him for.

You busy yourself cleaning, reading, watching TV, napping. The day passes by painfully slowly. You finally hear the click of the front door right as you finish preparing dinner – an elaborate meal of Rin’s favorites as your way of meeting him in the middle.

You greet him at the door and after he takes off his shoes and drops his bag, he meets your eyes. There’s no detectable expression; he doesn’t look particularly surprised, upset, nor happy to see you at home waiting for you.

What he does do, however, is walk up to you and pull you into his arms.

His gesture overwhelms you. It’s not exactly what you’ve been asking for, but it’s enough. You sniffle lightly into his jacket. He just holds you and you let him – it’s precisely what you want and need.

After a while of the two of you simply standing together in the entryway, your arms around his waist remain tight as you ask, “what are you thinking about, Rin?”

He’s silent but squeezes your shoulders.

A smile overtakes your lips. That’s when you remember you had prepared dinner for him. This seems like an appropriate time to offer it up as an apology, but Rin doesn’t seem to be ready to move.

You let go, intending to lead him to the dinner table, but even as your arms unwind from around him, his hold remains tight.

“Rin?”

“I’m thinking about how I’m going to let you go.”

You freeze.

Rin doesn’t say anything more. He lets the words hang in the air and no matter how long the two of you stand there, the words don’t change.

“I thought you came home to make up with me,” you say.

Rin still refuses to let go. “I’ve thought about it,” he says quietly, slowly. “I think I finally get what you want from me. But I can’t give you that. I can’t be different and that might mean that I can’t be what you want. At least not in an emotional partner.”

You shove him away. “You don’t know that! How can you know what I want! I never-”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t think I can give you what you want without needing you to ask for it. And I think you deserve someone who can.”

You shake your head, different tears rearing to make an appearance. “You said it yourself, Rin. You’re not a mind-reader. I know I have to do a better job of telling you when I…”

He shakes his head too.

“No, I don’t think you’re asking too much. I think you’re completely right. But I can’t do it. There’s definitely someone else out there who can do it for you.”

“If it’s not too much to ask, then why can’t you try! Why are you just giving up? You’re so unwilling to try that you’d rather break up?!”

You’re hysterical at this point. Rin’s calm demeanor just makes it worse.

“I love you,” Rin says solemnly. “but I can’t keep hurting you like this. Especially when I know I can’t change.”

Rin says every word deliberately, with finality. Every word drains more and more fight from you.

“Cant? Or won’t?”

Rin only meets your gaze steadily.

There are no more words, no more fight you have left. What more can you do but say okay?

–

For Rin, everything has gone exactly as he had expected. He would go even as far as to say that the night the two of you agreed to break up, he slept dreamlessly. He went to practice the following day and performed just as usual. He had dinner alone, but he’s no longer in a position to wonder where you spent dinner and so he cleans up and showers and falls into another fitless sleep.

It’s only when the weekend comes around that something starts to stir.

As agreed, you decide to move out despite Rin offering the apartment to you. It was a strange feeling when you had told him the apartment had too many memories for you to remain in it alone. He has never thought of it that way before, associating a tangible thing to an intangible feeling, unless it was a soccer ball flying into a goal.

Sae had come over to help you move out.

During your years of dating, Rin was aware that you and his older brother got along well. While your friendship with his brother had never really bothered him, he had also never considered you closer to Sae than he, himself, to Sae.

So he finds it uncomfortable that Sae is the one helping you leave.

But despite his initial reservations, the morning goes by uneventfully, the two brothers packing your things away into boxes.

After lunch, you decide to join Sae to pack your half of the kitchen while Rin takes the bathroom. It takes him less than 30 minutes to separate all your items from his, a variety of colorful bottles and jars that he’s never touched. It takes even less time to pack them away into one single plastic container.

Something strikes Rin in the gut when he realizes how easy it is to pack years into a single box. Unable to shake the punching feeling in his gut, he picks up a bottle of lotion that has been untouched by either of you for years to ask if you’d like to take it. He could care less about the lotion but he needs to walk away from the unfamiliar sight of the sink now only decorated with a sparse scattering of his grey-tone products.

When he turns the corner to the kitchen, he sees you sitting on the counter, dictating items for Sae to grab from the cabinets. The domesticity between the two of you in his home makes the punchy feeling he wants to run from punch harder.

He watches Sae point at a matching set of mugs, ones that Rin remembers easily. He surprises himself with how easily the memory of those mugs resurfaces: a vivid image of the two of you in a home goods store picking your first couple’s mugs. You shake your head and Sae moves to the next items in the cabinet. Rin’s gut wrenches at how easily you make your decision to leave those mugs behind.

The next items are a set of glasses the two of you had bought as a souvenir on a weekend trip to Osaka. They weren’t matching, one of the glasses littered with various cute images associated with Osaka and the other with only printed lettering of “Osaka” on it. Despite the contrasting designs, he remembers you putting the glasses that each of you individually picked out together and squealing over how they look like a matching set. He didn’t understand then but as he watches you direct Sae to pack the glass with the cute images and leave the glass with the simple lettering, he starts to understand. His glass gets left in the cabinets.

When the cabinet has been picked and chosen through to your liking, Sae moves over to where you’re sat on the counter and offers his hand to help you off. You take it and hop off. The scene that unfolds next is what finally makes Rin realize that the uncomfortable feeling in his chest is akin to that of a heart attack, no, even more pedestrian – jealousy.

He watches as your expression crumbles and you bury your face into your hands. It hits him that it’s the first time he has seen you cry after the breakup. And on instinct, he begins to walk to where you are to offer comfort, but it’s Sae who wraps one arm around you and runs his hands up and down your arm.

It strikes Rin then.

It's one thing to think about letting you go be with someone who is the partner you deserve.

It's another to actually do it and see it. It's another thing to go through with it.

And the most jarring realization today is that maybe Rin is more capable of what he had originally thought. Maybe he can’t read your mind, but the years of being with you, living with you, loving you, has taught him that he can understand you without needing you to say anything.

Like right now. Sae has one arm around your trembling figure, pulling you into his side, but what you really want is someone who will wrap both arms around your shoulders. You’d push your damp face into the nearest neck or collarbone when one arm comes up to cradle your head. You’d whimper when the one holding your nuzzles their face against your hair. It’s muscle memory.

For both you and him.

And just like that, Rin changes his mind.

He charges onto the scene.

“I’ll take it from here.”

–

“I’ll take it from here.”

Sae lifts his arm from your shoulder, but by instinct, you cower, stepping behind him, just enough to hide your face. It takes you a few seconds to pull yourself together, school your expression to face Rin. When you look up, you find that the brothers have come to some sort of silent understanding, Sae nodding and patting your head before vacating the apartment, leaving you and Rin and the thick haze of tension.

Sae forgotten, you swipe messily at your face one last time for stray tears, playing it off as wiping the sweat from your forehead.

You turn back to the cabinets, busying yourself by reaching up for the remaining mugs. “We almost finished the kitchen. I just need to go through a couple more cupboards and…”

“Hey.”

You feel him before you hear him. Rin is all up in your space, one hand resting on the counter to your left, caging you against the counter.

“Stop,” his commanding voice tells you.

You turn around.

“Can I take it back?” he asks.

You fluster.

“Oh! Um,” you respond, voice startlingly loud. “The mugs? Which one did you want to keep? I didn’t mean to take-”

“Not that,” he stops your rambling. “Can I take what I said back? About breaking up. I want to take it all back.”

He pries the mug from between your fingers and sets it back into its home in the cupboards.

“What does ‘take it back’ mean?” you squeak out.

“It means I don’t want to break up anymore.”

Your mouth moves faster than your brain.

“You can’t just take a break up back.”

“So how can I do it then? I’ll do anything.”

“You can’t!” you raise your voice then. “You just… can’t.” the last word uttered as a whisper.

“Yes, we can. Tell me what to do. I’m sorry. Sorry. I know you do a lot for me and I thought I couldn’t do that for you. But I know I can. I can do it better than anyone else. So please, let me take it back.”

“Do you even know what we were arguing about in the first place? Do you remember that one time, so long ago, you said the same thing to me over the phone? To use my fucking words? Well maybe you don’t, but I remember every word.”

“I remember,” he says honestly. “And I’m sorry I said it that way. So much that it hurt you. So much that you still remember the exact words I said to you. But I don’t need to read your mind.

“Though I would like you to tell me explicitly what you like sometimes,” he adds thoughtfully.

“But, I’ve loved you for long enough now that I don’t need to read your mind to know what you need. Maybe I won’t always know what you want, so I’ll still need you to tell me sometimes, but I always know what you need.”

A lot of the things Rin says are very matter of fact and this is no different. He knows before you do that you’ll give in.

He closes the small distance and pulls you into a tight embrace. It’s enough to open the floodgates.

“Do you even know how many hours I’ve spent practicing arguments against you in my head? In the shower, in the car, when I’m getting ready for bed? You can’t just say a few sorry’s and think it’s enough.”

“Mhm,” he nods, cradling your head in a way you know he knows makes you the most vulnerable.

“I make you feel so guilty in my imagination. I don’t want to feel like that anymore,” you sob.

“Yeah,” he says, continuing to stroke your hair.

“And you can’t talk to me like that anymore.”

“I won’t,” he promises.

He lets you soak his shirt with tears and after what feels like hours, you finally bring your hands up to clutch tightly at his shirt.

“So how was your day?” he asks.

You pinch his sides. “Not now, idiot.”

You hear him chuckle a bit, the vibrations against your body comforting. He continues holding you, though, just the way you know he knows you like.

#noos writes #blue lock angst #blue lock fluff #bllk angst #bllk fluff #blue lock x you #blue lock x reader #bllk x y/n #bllk x you #bllk x reader #itoshi rin #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin x you #itoshi rin x y/n #rin itoshi #itoshi rin fluff #itoshi rin angst

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gregoftom · 9 months

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oh absolutely, i’ve unfortunately gotten a look up close and personal on the twitter space and like, i do not have the time of day to block that many people. reddit was a disappointment i should’ve expected, i really finished the show and thought time to check out some fun post series discussion and fan theories, only to see it was a cannibalistic black hole of hatred and horrible takes. let me tell you to realize your favorite character who has brought you great comfort over these past four seasons is actually despised by a loud portion of the audience when he’s hardly even the most morally bankrupt character on a show where the point is no one is a good person is certainly an.. interesting experience. i’ve found fanfiction to be the only safe space in that regard really, and links to posts on tumblr in some of them and riffling through those are how i found your blog. if you have some recs i’d appreciate that! i’m much more of a lurker and don’t really blog myself anymore but i do enjoy browsing and seeing that the fandom isn’t completely devoid of reasonable people ❤️

exactly! i’m sorry again that like, your first experience going into the fandom is so horrific and yeah sadly tumblr is the only bastion that is somewhat reasonable, lol, at least compared to other platforms. all i can say is don’t worry because a few people relate, including me like, can’t really think of another hivemind hatred of a character that has happened this badly before to the point of making ppl genuinely adverse to the fandom [obviously i could be wrong i've not seen every fandom ever lol but] apart from maybe mulder from x files? but it’s the same shit really. it suddenly started cropping up, even though he was originally a fandom favourite. i could go into more detail but the point is, you’re not alone but i am sorry and there are some greglovers around!

oh yeah fanfic is a good safe haven for that kind of thing, and a few blogs. okay let me see now, i might miss some ppl out bc there are actually quite a few i know of that are sweet ppl who like/love greg and tomgreg, but i would also hope that ppl who see this post and love tomgreg/greg would please like it/reply so that anon can follow your stuff? would be great! okay.

@gemsofthegalaxy , @racheldowneyjrr , @gregwambsganss , @fantasticskystuff , @jana-ebb , @keinbutterdieb , @purplemotif , @watchfuldeer , @100dabbo , @rebvilla , @waystartoo , @succcesssion , @trwinsome , @dogmotifgreg , @jezter911 , @laysidel-dekie , @sirnortsalot , @duelsong , @lanrre , @tommywambs , @daydreamingleaf , @mushroomheadgirl , @gregkinz , @wambs , @twinge-of-cosmicangst , @swaystar .... andddd i think that's everybody i can think of, but as i said if anyone wants to sound off to announce themselves too please do so!

good luck to you anon and welcome <3

#tomgreg #greg hirsch #if i've forgotten anybody IM SO SORRY SOBBBB #orrrr if you're not on here pls like this post if you are an Avid tg/greglover and i Need to follow you too lmao #if i hadn't forgotten you. WHICH I'M SORRY IF I DID DDD

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esther-dot · 10 months

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We should talk more about the fandom's love of violence as a response to the injustice.

Bcs i think they're (english isn't mother lenguaje 😅) being played by Grrm? He knows we like to escape to fantasy worlds and seeing the evil be defeated, but also he knows of our taste for blood, vengeance and retaliation.

I know what he said about he not being a strict pacifist believer. But is still contradicts his beliefs to burn alive someone for example, crucify a bunch of people, torture of innocent girls, or torture, simple torture.

One of the mayor problems of Grrm is the ethics and morals of his readers(and his).

Oh, I certainly agree that our acceptance of casual violence as a culture (I say this as an American, perhaps it is different elsewhere), has made a lot of fans miss how critical he is of violence in all forms. There’s a disconnect between what we believe the solution is (killing) and how he shows that to be ineffective. As in, Aerys starts killing people in an unjustified way which leads to a justified rebellion, but in that rebellion, innocents die (Elia, her children) and characters like Ned and Robert, who are victors, have their relationships changed, change as people, never recover what they lost--themselves or their loved ones. It's not a happy ending, not merely because both of those men die by the end of the first book, but because we also know that Aerys’ daughter is coming for revenge and will unleash devastation on Westeros in her effort to reclaim it.

Or we can look at Joffrey killing Ned (unjust), the North going to war (totally understandable), but we’re shown how the smallfolk suffer, that it doesn’t save the Starks from further suffering, and Robb and Cat die. Even when wars seem justified or necessary, Martin refuses to glamorize them the way the fandom wants and might expect. I’ve said before, depicting something isn’t condoning it, and we all land in very different places on certain subjects, “is this for a purpose or is this revealing a disturbing thing about the author”? But justice, mercy, war, peace…that all seems to have been of great interest to him from the get go which means we as readers should try to listen very carefully for that authorial guidance when determining what he is saying about it. Ned chose to save Jon (commit treason), he was ready to defy Robert over Dany, he warned Cersei in an attempt to save her children, and I think fro all his mistakes elsewhere, in these moments, we were meant to see that his was the moral choice:

What strange fit of madness led you to tell the queen that you had learned the truth of Joffrey's birth?" "The madness of mercy," Ned admitted. (AGOT, Eddard XV)

I understand how we get swept up in that feeling of power when a hero can easily kill the bad guy and guarantee a happy ending, but that isn't Martin's world, and in fact, he used Ned to show us how much he valued mercy instead. I recently watched The Last Kingdom: Seven Kings Must Die and Uhtred told someone that if you kill a man it only means three sons will rise up to kill you. It made me think of Ned's death, his children who want to kill Lannisters, of the North's loyalty to him, the reality of Dany returning, there is a cost to violence in Martin's story. Obviously, the good guys kill, you're right, he doesn't create a way to be a complete pacifist, and yet, I do think there may be a misalignment between his generation of hippies and our own which is also anti war but otherwise...shall I say, a little more open to violent means.

If we look at Ned's answer to a potential problem (whether that was Jon being a Targ who might grow to hate "the usurpers" for what they took from him a la Dany, or Jon being a bastard who might resent his trueborn "siblings"), he thought love would save them. That Jon growing up loving and being loved by his children would be the solution to a potential future problem. I've said before, I believe Jon will help in retaking Winterfell, will protect Ned's children when he failed to, because Ned, even if he is naive and people suffered for it, had the right ideals.

I believe this is why Sansa is so important because she has that ability to care and show mercy for enemies of her house and people who wrong her specifically, so it seems to me, that she would be someone who might strike compromises for peace rather than resort to further violence. War, death, that doesn’t seem to be Martin's preferred solution, and certainly, cruel deaths, torture, slavery, none of that is acceptable to him which feels like a silly thing to point out, but it is of course, an unpopular stance in the fandom, nonetheless true, and one we should keep discussing! I quite frequently see people act like those of us who write “anti Daenerys” (a tag we use out of consideration for her fans, a consideration that anti Sansa people have never given us) content are engaging in a ship war, but if one wants to understand what the author is saying, I don’t think you can avoid it? Is it really more reasonable to conclude Martin wants us to be fine with burning a slave alive than that we’re meant to be horrified? Tbh, if he didn’t want us to condemn it, doesn’t that demand we condemn his moral framework? It’s a different kind of fandom engagement, perhaps, but trying to understand what the author is saying is the basic form of engagement with a novel, shouldn’t be as offensive as people pretend.

I say this a lot but I always want to reiterate, I love that people who speak English as a second language still engage with the fandom. I know that English speakers are spoiled with content and ease of engagement, and that it can be intimidating to reach out for anyone, more so if there's anxiety about the language barrier, but I'm very happy you did it anyway, and hope you know how much I admire you for it!

#dot chat

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kafus · 3 months

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okay well i guess i didn’t need my alarms cause i can’t seem to sleep more lmao. it’s 5 am

soooo pokemon presents in a little less than 4 hrs huh? realistically i’m expecting something either johto or unova related and since they’re apparently lighting up NYC today, which is not usual for pokemon day, i’m kind of leaning unova. i have mixed feelings about this since as much as i actually did enjoy my time with BDSP, i was dually disappointed by them and i’m still sad that sinnoh isn’t going to get the HGSS or ORAS treatment ever - if unova remakes were to be of a similar caliber of bdsp, i’d rather them just not exist at all frankly. nostalgia bias and my immense love for sinnoh aside, i think the unova games, especially bw2, are some of the best games in the entire franchise, and if they are remade, or get bw3 sequels, or whatever, i want them to be GOOD. lets not spit on the legacy of gen 5 now!! but. i remain cautiously optimistic. i’m not a super cynical pokemon fan and like i said i did enjoy bdsp despite everything. also a legends kyurem or whatever would be awesome btw i wanna see the og dragon lol. johto would also be cool but i’m having a lot less thoughts on it for some reason. i’m sure if they announce anything johto ayano will have incredibly passionate thoughts about it

now i’m not really one for predictions, the above talk is maybe the most obvious outcome since they usually do remakes mid-gen. instead i’ll just talk about some things i would WANT even if they’re a pipe dream and i don’t necessarily expect them:

a new PMD. not an explorers remake, a new PMD with a fresh story and everything. we haven’t had a proper new PMD story since 2015 and i MISS IT. i’d also enjoy explorers remakes but frankly i want a new game the most and i wanna play as sprigatito SOBS THE PALDEA STARTERS WOULD BE SO GOOD FOR PMD

gen 3 on NSO with full online capabilities and also connectivity to NSO ports of colosseum and gale of darkness. i 100% do not think this is happening but it would blow me away if it did. the amount of gen 3 that so many people were never able to experience as children, especially me… could finally be done online!!! it’d be cool if they removed all the dumb trading restrictions too but unlikely. (as an aside if they released gen 1/2 VC again with stadium compatibility that’d be epic but i somehow expect that even less)

some sort of new stadium-type game with home compatibility that provides single player trials similar to that of the old gen battle frontiers. i just REALLY really miss old singleplayer battle challenges. i want a new one to spend a bazillion years on making wacky teams and winning w them. i enjoy VGC but sometimes that singleplayer experience hits different

i really am a spinoff enjoyer. surprise me with something new! that isn’t a mobile game with gacha elements! just a whole new standalone pokemon idea. no idea what genre just excite me

MAKE A COMFY FRIENDS SPRIGATITO PLUSH OR SO HELP ME GOD (this is barely related to the presents im just thinking about it i want one soo bad 😭)

and those r all my thoughts i think. these presentations r always a treat because i wake up early and watch them with my friends. i probably won’t be liveposting it on tumblr bc i will be lost in the sauce of discord w the besties. i’ll provide my thoughts later though!

#kiki was here #kiki.txt

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knee-stockings · 1 year

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So I’ve been listening to lots of podcasts at work lately to break up the monotony of my office job. Mainly they’re horror, suspense/thriller, drama, that kind of thing. Trying to give ratings without spoilers~

(Check out updated pod recs here)

The Left Right Game (a journalist investigating an urban legend that gets increasingly more dangerous as they go): 5/5, this being one of the first ones I listened to set the bar really high tbh, it was great, immersive sound design, genuinely suspenseful and creepy moments, interesting plot, my only gripe is that I didn’t love the ending but I couldn’t dock a star just for that, highly recommend, maybe I’ll retire to Wintry Bay someday

Alice Isn’t Dead (delivery trucker goes searching for her believed dead wife, comes across supernatural towns and creatures and a conspiracy that goes way deeper than one missing woman): 5/5, so so good, enjoyed a lot, I loved learning the truth about the Thistle men, still don’t completely understand oracles but that’s okay, some delightfully creepy moments, this will be high on my recommendation list (also it’s by the Welcome to Night Vale people, which I actually haven’t listened to lmao)

Harley Quinn and the Joker: Sound Mind (it’s a Harley Quinn origin story basically): 5/5, very enjoyable, sound design great, plot was fun, I don’t know how accurate this story is to the original Harley Quinn origin story but I liked this a lot

The Burned Photo (two women try to fight a familial curse haunting their bloodlines): 4/5, not bad at all, I thought the sound design was great and immersive but I thought the monster’s voice was a bit goofy idk, the plot wasn’t bad though ofc it was pretty bittersweet and sad in the end, tho I think it was never going to be happy for everyone involved

Blackwood (group of teens investigate the town urban legend and uncover more than they bargained for): I can’t decide…3.5 maybe? It was okay. I didn’t love it or hate it, I’m pretty neutral about it. It was interesting enough

Gaslight (girl goes missing and then reappears to her best friend years later with little explanation): 3/5, feels like there should be another season, wasn’t as dramatic/suspenseful as I thought it would be (maybe that’s my own fault tho, from the description and stuff I thought there would be more to it)

Ice-Cream (teens suspect the friendly neighborhood ice cream man of abducting little kids and uncover a dark secret): 4.5/5, interesting and a lil creepy, there’s something oddly funny about hearing someone scream “fuck you Beelzebub” even in context, sound design is pretty good and voice acting is great, finale was also pretty good but I’m docking half a star bc of that very last bit and bc I said so, overall short n’ sweet, no pun intendo (I’m kinda glad that it’s only the one season and not super long, gives the feeling of not overstaying its welcome. Also in awe that they made it within like a month, gonna go listen to their other podcast Cascadia too)

Cascadia (submarine expedition to uncharted waters, gone wrong, we almost died!?): 5/5, by the Ice-Cream people so I expected great sound design and voice acting and said expectations were met tbh, yes god love the drama, ocean depths are inherently scary to me so this is top tier horror, season one was chef’s kiss beautiful and I heard season 2 is coming so I’ll be waiting eagerly for that

Listening now:

Within the Wires (season 1 is relaxation cassette tapes from another world, season 2 is a guided museum tour I think): also by the WTNV people, interesting so far, the plot that unfolded in the first season was cool to watch as it played out, but also I am so sad. I like it so far

Rabbits (girl goes searching for her friend who disappeared because of this mysterious Rabbits game): feels like a really slow start after a few episodes, I kinda wanna get to more action soon please

Wake of Corrosion (apocalypse where characters are trying to find other survivors and also answers): mild shrug, not sure what to make of it just yet. Only like 2 episodes in so I think I need to give it a bit

Ars Paradoxica (scientist accidentally invents time travel and is thrown back to the 1940s): pretty interesting so far, science is fun

Spoiler comment for Cascadia under the cut bc it's the one I just finished and I have Thoughts

As much as I enjoyed Cascadia, when I think about the expedition for more than 2 seconds I get confused. Not the whole alien thing, that’s fine, it’s Badger and Maria and their ulterior motives. Why in the world did Badger spend millions of dollars to make a submarine that’s faulty on purpose? And there was so much media coverage around it so the second something went wrong reporters were practically beating him over the head with microphones, so why risk so much bad press? Plus sacrificing three other talented divers who trusted him with their lives??? That’s the most confusing to me. There’s no way Badger foresaw them getting attacked underwater and losing Declan alone, so he must have been fully prepared to lose captain AND crew. Holden said that he saw Badger as a father, and yet he chose Holden to die? He said he handpicked them, so what did Holden, Alia, or Iris ever do to him to deserve being sent on a suicide mission? Doing all this just to get rid of Declan and be with Maria doesn’t feel right. Feels like there should be something more there. Tldr: surely Badger had another reason for conducting the suicide mission, right? Also since season 2 starts with Lila all grown up, a diver just like her father, I wanna know her opinions of her mother and of Badger. Did she learn about her mother’s betrayal? Is Badger still involved in funding deep sea diving or did the FBI take him out of that? Omg who’s the father of her little sibling…I’m so curious…

#ignore me #mimi reviews #the left right game #alice isn't dead #harley quinn and the joker sound mind #the burned photo #blackwood #gaslight #ice-cream #cascadia #within the wires #rabbits #wake of corrosion #ars paradoxica #i can't believe i had the patience to tag all these...

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missgryffin · 13 days

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Okay so I rewatched the new Bridgerton episodes 1-4, and while everything I said in this post is still true for me, I also kept another bullet-point list this time of all the things I did like now that I'm past the initial shock of the storyline 😂

The queen’s hair pieces are more extra and amazing than ever!!! Huge props to their costume and wardrobe department because they all majorly served.

The queen and Lady Danbury's friendship is so much more meaningful now having watched Queen Charlotte 🥹

Seeing a very socially awkward Bridgerton is actually so refreshing!! I didn't expect to love Fran this much.

I also loved the early camaraderie between Fran and Pen in ep 1. I wish we would have seen more of that in subsequent eps.

El’s summer muffs 😂

I do like Colin’s acquired wisdom and perspective. I like that he's gotten out of the little London bubble he's in and broadened his mind, and I think it's important to show he has matured and is no longer the boy about to get baby-trapped by Miss Thompson 😳 I just wish he wouldn't be so flat in the delivery of all that!!

Okay the lemonade lesson scene is some of the best chemistry out of them???? The looks they give each other?!?!?!?! WE NEEDED MORE AND MORE OF THIS!!!

At the next ball, on the right track. Playing the game of sending her to talk to suitors. Complimenting her. Laughing together!!! This is the direction!!!

El making friends by being herself!! “You are a most entertaining speaker” she is! She's so funny and personable. I just love Eloise. I'm really happy that she's coming into her own more.

“Your arrogance does not count as two people” 💀 This is such a Lily to James line and I love it so much 🤣 Also the whole side-plot of the Featherington sisters made me giggle every time. It was a bit cliché and tacky, but that's also their narrative purpose? And I appreciated the little glimpses of authenticity despite that, like when Prudence admits she doesn't like sex. Also, did everyone else know that Prudence's real-life mum is Imelda Staunton aka Dolores Umbridge bc I did not!!!

Then they did the leak and it all went downhill….☹️

Okay but the kiss is actually a great first kiss!! All the hesitation, then letting go a little bit, then the hasty "oh shit" retreat 🤌

Nicola’s an incredible actress. The range of emotions she conveys as Penelope is unmatched.

THE DREAM IS WHAT WE NEEDED TO SEE IN REAL LIFE COURTING!!!!!!!!

The post-kiss talk under the tree is the perfect level of awkwardness, doesn’t even need the Whistledown component.

The cupcake moment is great!! WE NEED MORE OF THIS KIND OF TENSION!!!!

So I found the balloon scene in general to be kind of stupid and pointless BUT upon rewatch I must say Colin looks great in this scene. The boots!!! His outfit is really sexy. I mean this scene was obviously an excuse to show him looking athletic, but I think it worked??

The Mondriches! I love them. I’ve been reading mixed opinions online on Bridgerton’s handling of race within the social stratification of everything, so I’m still absorbing information as to that layer of things. But I do sense that narratively, bringing them into the ton was the writers’ easy way to keep them in the main cast, and I do have to say I’m very glad they’re still around even without the duke, and I love their friendship with the Bridgertons! Also they have such a healthy marriage and sweet relationship.

Violet flirting!!!!!!!! And her dress in ep 3 is stunning, she looks incredible 🪭

Lady Featherington’s “No.” to the lamp guy is the epitome of “no is a complete sentence” and I'm here for it!!! 🤣 Someone find me a self-important man I can so "No" to like that, it looks like it would feel so satisfying.

Feeling more invested in Ben and Lady Tilly than Polin at this point lmao. Their banter and tension is so good!!

So I do like the function of Debling’s genuine attention being a big confidence boost for Penelope and helping show her that the problem isn’t with her but with the ton and baked-in mean girl dynamics. I just wish this could have been worked differently to ultimately feed more Polin development.

Colin being interrupted!! And watching her dance with someone else!! Yes yes yes. BUT!!! BUTTTTT!!! This is the kind of scene that needs to not end on the dance, but on more Polin post-dance. Like Colin growing a pair and asking for the next dance, and people being like 👀 and/or Pen following up with Colin about what he had been about to say before they were interrupted. Like a hot dance conversation? And suddenly Pen's the unexpected center of attention because two men are seemingly "competing" for her and one of them is Colin. (Which, imo, is scandalous all on its own — they didn't need the Whistledown leak storyline to create Whistledown drama, the "scandal" of Colin pursuing her publicly while she's excited about his developing feelings would have sufficed for that!)

I adored Fran’s silent moments with John. The way he saw her and they connected on such a deep soul level right away was so sweet and touching. And the scene of all the family watching them 😂 I was grinning!!

The little moments between the Queen and Brimsley!! 😭😭

“Past lives are dangerous places to revisit.” Ugh chills. Such a good line.

I actually really like Lord Samadani. He seems like a great guy, just not the right match for Fran. But he’s better than Colin’s smarmy friends, all of whom I want to punch in the face!

SNOW ON THE BEACH!! 😭 Ugh this is GORGEOUS on strings!! And this should have been used for a good Polin scene!! Not Pen getting told Debling won’t love her and then dumping her!!!! 😩

Colin chasing her into the carriage, yes, we love to see it. Even his speech, there was a lot of good stuff in there. I just think we needed more build-up and different circumstances surrounding this, because the Debling proposal-not proposal was unnecessary imo.

Also I wanted to see more of Colin defending Pen to others instead of always deflecting. That really stood out to me on rewatch.

I'm still bitter about Pitbull. Pitbull is for clubs, not carriages!! 😒

#bridgerton chat

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thehistoriangirl · 1 year

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All the Names of You

Hi! Sorry for not finish the Valentine’s Special quite yet. I wanted to take a break from writing too much (bc writing block) so I was reading... gothic stuff. So expect some updates from my Halloween/gothic fic soon. Hopefully this week will allow me to finish Mel’s, and maybe Viktor’s too, if I’m lucky enough. For now, I hope you enjoy this drabble I made for a friend :3

Viktor x gn!Reader**--------654-------SFW

Summary: All the pet names Viktor has for you, and how he comes up with them.

Tags: Established relationship| Very fluffly| **I put gn bc Reader has no pronouns but Viktor imagines having a family with them so idk (no mention of pregnancy tho)

Taglist: @local-mr-frog

Viktor is very creative—in many ways.

If being an inventor isn’t clue enough about his ingenuity, the endearment terms he thinks of calling you are solid proof of it.

You had to admit it was hard for him, in the beginning, to stop calling you by your first name—the first time Viktor called you "my love" got him blushing so hard you thought he'd had a fever.

But as always, the first time was the harder, and soon enough he’ll just appear at your shared apartment, with the clatter of the keys tossed over the little coffee table in the middle of the living room, his cane thumping steadily with each step he took toward the studio where Viktor knew he’d find you.

While you were scribbling down notes for your work, suddenly, a pair of familiar arms would be tangled around your torso, pulling you against a soft vest that smelled like burned oil and coffee.

Your little gasp always makes him chuckle, moving the hairs around your ears as he tells you the new name he thought on his way home.

One day it would be "my angel", because when he entered, Viktor saw you napping on the couch by the window, the golden sunlight of the afternoon bathing your figure and clothes in a splendorous halo.

Then, days after, he would pass next to the little lake behind the Academy grounds and would see a dove family, with the mother being followed by its babies, the image following him home, perfectly synchronized with the foreseeable future of his own family, with you.

You were back from a traveling business, and Viktor was there at the port, looking all handsome with his black coat enveloping his lithe frame, a childish smile appearing on his pensive face when he caught a glimpse of you descending from the airship.

“My darling,” he said in a gasp, embracing you so tightly you were sure he’d make you a part of him, keeping you safe in his heart. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Your favorite is "my sunflower", not for a logical reason—if there even could be one at all—but because the day he said that to you Viktor appeared with a little bouquet of such flowers he saw from a street vendor as he was walking back to the apartment.

“They reminded me of you, my sunflower,” he muttered, showering your face in light kisses as your hands got entangled in grasping the bouquet.

There are names created specifically for public situations when Viktor doesn’t want to embarrass you in front of your colleagues—like “my darling” or “my dear”.

For those galas when he looked at the other people watching you with a cold gaze, his hand keeping a light touch in your waist, or your hip, or the crook of your elbow.

"My dearest, would you like to dance?" he said in a voice loud enough for the unwanted company to hear, for your cheeks to grow red with a flush while you nodded, hands quickly taking his.

He loves you so much, one name couldn't express it enough. Perhaps a hundred—or a thousand would be more fitting if it is even possible to put into words the vivid, joyful kind of feeling it would bloom within his chest every time he sees you, every time he hears your voice, every time you touch him.

Viktor wanted to remind you every day of how special you make him feel.

Always changing, but all of them keeping the same essence of love, the one he's convinced, it's eternal.

But his favorite has to be "my love" because you are that for him. And your face, turning back from whatever you were doing just to greet him and beam at his loving call would always melt his heart.

And speaking of which; perhaps he should call you “my heart” today.

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yesimwriting · 2 years

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Business Practical

A/N debated writing this bc i already have so many things in my draft i want/need to finish but the new Elvis movie has completely taken over my mind. Austin Butler’s Elvis only though, real life Elvis is super sus. Also this may not be perfectly historically accurate,, but we’re accepting that bc it is not that deep and not worth my stress!! Also this taught me that I will never understand the spelling of ‘colonel’ like it just doesn’t sit right with me.

Summary: After the release of your hit single, you think that the rest of your career is set. Or at the very least, you’re guaranteed an easy release of your next album. Too bad your label thinks your record’s going to fail if you don’t find someone famous enough to record a duet with you. Fortunately for you, your squeaky clean, America’s newest sweetheart image is just the kind of thing Elvis needs around him to protect himself from his own controversy. (i set this up to have a part 2 but i’m on the fence about it lol, so ig if you’d like to be tagged lmk)

Update: Chapter II

Y/n’s POV

I may not know everything, but I know music. I know my music, and I know I know how to perform my music. That’s the only reason I’ve never experienced stage freight when it comes to performing. Because of that, people assume that I’m confident all the time. Now, I’m not one to shy away at the drop of a hat, but my nerves have been tangling my stomach since this morning.

Will had made it sound like the easiest thing in the world when he pitched his idea in my living room. The label’s sending you to his show, you’ll be escorted backstage right after. It’ll be easy for you since we both know you don’t know how to take ‘no’ as an answer. Everyone in my house was ecstatic. Sure, there’s controversy around him, but no one can deny his talent and success.

I might be pushy when I need to be, but it’s not like I can strong arm a phenomenon into recording a song with me. I insisted that he’d be better suited for this. Will is a professional and he looks the part. I still feel like a child whenever anyone starts talking business. Will said that was all the more reason to go. It’d be a learning opportunity and feel much more natural.

Maybe I would have fought him harder on it if he hadn’t dangled those tickets in front of me. Everyone in my house knows how badly I wanted to see Elvis perform.

I didn’t think this through. His performance was as captivating as I thought it’d be, which is a bad thing. There is no way I can go backstage and ask him to record a song with me. I know that his manager is expecting something, but I don’t think they’re picturing me. There’s a good chance that I won’t even get backstage--I look like most of the other girls here.

“Y/n, you alright?” I can feel Maisie’s cool fingers on my forearm. “He’s definitely back there, and I think you should hurry before you miss him.”

I’m frozen, not even my best friend’s voice is enough to snap me out of this. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t? He was amazing, and you saw the way the crowd reacted, he’s perfect for--”

“I know, that’s exactly why I can’t.” She doesn’t release my arm. “He’s like a real famous person and I--I thought coming to the show would be fun, and it was, but now I can’t stop thinking about how good he was and--”

Maisie’s walking forward, pulling on my arm as she moves. “I have never seen you scared to do anything.”

“Maisie,” I sigh, trying to resist her, “This is different. This isn’t some school presentation or even performance. It’s--ugh, it should have been Will. He’s the professional.”

She’s completely ignoring me. Maisie continues to walk, forcing me to take a few steps. “You don’t need Will, you don’t need anyone. Now go back there and don’t take no for an answer.”

I start walking, but Maisie doesn’t release me. I guess it’s fair, a part of me still wants to escape. With each step towards the back of the venue, my stomach drops a little more.

Maisie’s confidence can’t be faked, because she’s not even bothered by the security guard that’s standing in front of the door that leads to the backstage area. She continues forward like the large man in black isn’t going to attempt to stop her.

He does, of course, he’d be terrible at his job if he didn’t. Two young girls who just have to have a word with Elvis Presley after his show, that’s not suspicious at all.

“Excuse me, ladies, you can’t come back here.”

Even now, Maisie remains determined. “You should be expecting her.”

The man looks me over with little reaction behind his eyes. “I’m here on Will Walters’ behalf.”

He blinks at me. “You his daughter?” I shake my head, preparing to explain the situation. “Niece, then? Distant cousin?”

“No, sir, I--”

“Oh my,” a voice gasps, “Y/n L/n.” A girl I’ve never met before with styled mousy brown hair. “I heard your radio interview the other day! And don’t even get me started on your song!” She turns towards the security guard before I can speak. “Let her in, David, and her friend, too.”

Maisie squeezes my arm gently. The security guard, David, looks me and Maisie over again, and then he steps out of the way. Being recognized by someone because of my music has brought back some of my confidence.

I approach the girl that waved me in. “Thank you for that.” Part of me wants to let her know how much she’s actually helped me, but that feels awkward, especially considering the way she’s looking at me.

“Oh, don’t even think twice about it.” with a flick of her wrist, she dismisses it all. “If someone like me’s allowed by here, someone like you should be more than welcomed.”

“Someone like you?”

She smiles politely, “I’m not anything special, I just follow the tour around. I’m dating someone in the band.” I nod, following her as she begins to walk. “My name’s Annette.”

“Oh, I’m Y/n, but you already knew that.”

“And I’m Maisie.”

“Well, nice to meet you both.” She pauses long enough to give me a chance to look around. For a private space, it’s surprisingly crowded. I guess that makes sense when you factor in how many people probably have to work on the show and how many have girlfriends and family members in the area or on tour with them. “Now, you must be here t--”

Everything, including Annette’s voice, fades into the background. It all blurs into white noise that I don’t care to distinguish because now that I’m looking at him, everything else feels like it doesn’t matter. I thought most of his enthralling nature came from his stage presence, but now that he’s only feet away from me he’s just as attention drawing, and somehow even more attractive now that I can really see his facial features.

Of course his presence would melt away the tiny bit of confidence of developed, reducing me into the fan girl that can’t help but squeal at his existence. I clamp my mouth shut to avoid falling prey to my destiny. Look away. Stop staring. I don’t seem to have enough self control because my gaze remains frozen.

At least he hasn’t noticed...and he’s turning his head. Of course he’s turning his head, anyone could sense the kind of staring I’m subjecting him to. It’s only when our eyes meet that I find the strength to look away. But those few seconds of actual eye contact...I could write an entire song just about the blue of his irises and the chill that just ran through me.

Maybe I’m not insane, maybe he has this kind of affect on everyone. Maisie moves to grab my forearm, which is a good indicator that she’s seen him to. “He’s over there,” she whispers.

Okay, she sounds shocked and slightly in awe but nowhere near as mesmerized as I am--was, because I’ve snapped out of it, and I’m going to stay that way. I can’t imagine seeing Will again and telling him the reason I didn’t ask his question to Elvis is because he was cute I just couldn’t get the words out.

“Yeah,” I nod, dropping my head, “I see him.”

Annette hums once. “Oh, that makes sense.”

Heat runs through my body. “Oh, no--no, it’s not--” My stuttering isn’t convincing her, and it’s not like that’s unfair. “My manager actually set all this up--”

She nods, “Go on up and talk to him. He’s real nice, not too egotistical like some of the other singers I’ve met.”

I can feel Annette’s warm eyes on me and Maisie’s still squeezing my forearm and everything feels like it’s rushing to my head. “Okay,” I say, making absolutely no effort to move.

Maisie’s hold on me loosens. “Y’know, hon, to talk to him you’re gonna have to walk up to him.”

Good point. I mean he’s just standing there, and the person he’s talking to is walking away. I pull my arm away from Maisie while rolling my eyes. “I would’ve never guessed.”

I start walking forward, forcing myself to take even breaths as I approach him. He turns to face me a little quicker than I expected him to. My mind goes blank, no coherent sentences forming in my mind.

My mouth opens. “Hi.” Really?

The corner of his mouth turns upwards, like he’s trying to keep something in. “Hello, Miss...”

He’s offering me a space to provide my name, but before I can speak, a low sounding squeak interrupts us.

“You’re her,” a soft voice gasps, “Oh, you’re as cute in person as you were in that magazine photo.”

My smile feels awkward. The last thing I need right now is for Elvis to think I staged something to make myself look like a bigger deal than I am. Will has some connections and after my song took off, I did two interviews, both different magazine features. “Thank you, that’s kind of you to say.”

“I love your song,” she continues, her voice raising enough to catch the attention of others near us. “Is it true you wrote it yourself?”

I struggle to not fidget. “Yes, I--”

“Aren’t you the July song girl?”

My posture straightens under the new scrutiny. “Yes, that’s my song--”

“Oh when is your album coming out?”

My lips part, but I have no good way to answer that. “If everything goes well, soon--” After that, the voices of a cluster of strangers beat me out.

“How’d you get your hair like that in your magazine shoot? I’ve been trying for days, but--”

“Do you dress yourself? I love the modern modest look with all that lace detailing, it’s--”

“Are you and Elvis together? You’re both--”

“Your makeup--”

“When’s your next song coming out?”

I swallow. This is what rabbits must feel like when they’re trapped by predators. Where’s Maisie when I need her? She’s under no obligation to be polite to anyone and has more than made it clear that she has no problem telling people to give me some space.

“Hey,” the deepness of Elvis’s voice cuts through all the overlapping rambling with practically no effort, “Let’s give Miss July here some space.”

He places a warm hand on my shoulder. I dig my nails into my palms to avoid melting. With all the confidence in the world, he guides me away from the semi circle that formed with no notice. Elvis keeps his hand where he first put it as he leads me down a narrow hall. I can’t see Maisie but I know I’ll never hear the end of this.

Elvis stops in front of a wooden door and opens it casually. He leads me inside, lets go of my arm, and moves to sit on a stool in front of a lit vanity. It takes me a moment longer than it should to realize we must be in his dressing room. The reality of the situation crashes into me--Elvis Presley just walked me to his dressing room and closed the door behind him.

Okay, I’m being kind of ridiculous. He took me here to save me from having to answer a thousand questions. A thousand questions that people were asking me backstage at his concert. “I am so sorry Mr. Presley, I don’t even know what happened back there. I swear I--”

“I’m just surprised someone managed to pull away that much attention from me.” The corner of his mouth tilts upwards again. Okay--he genuinely doesn’t seem mad. “No need to apologize for keeping me humble, but if you’d like to make it up to me, I’d appreciate it if you told me how you managed that, Miss July.”

His easy going words paired with that half smile of his are enough to almost make me forget why I’m here. Almost. “Well, I should probably start off by letting you know my name’s not July. It’s Y/n L/n.” His expression still hints at just barely being amused. “That girl was just referencing the title of a song I--”

“So you’re a singer?”

The assumption feels false coming from someone like him. I fold my hands in front of me. “Trying to be, at least.”

“Considering the way people reacted out there, I’d say you’re doing a little more than just trying.”

The implied compliment warms my chest, but I’m here on a mission. “I’ve only released the one song.” My hands unclasp, falling uneasily at my sides. “That’s actually part of the reason I’m here. Well, at least the reason I’m backstage here, I wanted to come see your show before I’d even really written anything.” Shaking my head briefly, I take a settling breath. “I’m rambling, sorry, everyone at home’s always calling me out for it.” I try to force a polite laugh, but I think it comes out as more of a sigh. “I um--there’s kind of a long story about my label and my manager that I should probably preface what I’m about to say with, but I know you’re a busy man, so I’m just going to say that my manager sent me here to ask if you’d be willing to record a song with me.”

I feel myself deflate as the question comes out. My own words sound beyond childish and naive in my own ears. What could he possibly get from recording a song with me? One radio popular song is nothing compared to what he has. Even with all the controversy surrounding him, he can fill up any venue he books.

His silence forces me to hold my breath. “Like a duet?”

“If you’d be willing, but I realize who you are and the kinds of things you’re working on and Will, my manager, just insisted I give it some kind of chance, so I did.” I nod awkwardly, taking a step back. “I won’t take up anymore of your time, Mr. Presley. Thank you.”

My hand reaches for the door handle of the dressing room. This may be the most mortified I’ve ever felt. I’m never listening to Will again. From now on, business is business and performing is performing. He takes care of his end and I take care of mine.

“You gonna give me a chance to answer before runnin’ off on me?” His words come so suddenly I almost convince myself I imagined them.

I release the door handle. “Does that mean...you’re considering something?”

Elvis pauses, studying my expression. “It means I’m considering considering something.”

That’s more than I thought I’d get. “Really?”

“Anyone that can cause such a stir up with a single song’s worth consideration, Miss July.”

The fact that he called me that again makes something in my stomach flutter. “I really appreciate that, Mr. Presley.”

“If you wanna work together, you should get used to the idea of calling me by my first name.”

The invitation is coy, edged by his sharp blue eyes and something else I can’t distinguish. “You’re right. Thank you, Elvis.”

He smiles a little easier at that. “Now, I can’t promise anything, I’d need to talk to my manager and then depending on that he’d talk to yours and then they’d try to work out the legalities for both our sakes.”

“I owe you a thank you regardless. Thank you for not laughin’ me off and thank you for pulling me outta there when I didn’t know what to say.”

Elvis’s expression isn’t easy to read. “Like I said, no need to thank me.” He hesitates before searching the vanity for a spare scrap of paper and writing utensil. He finds an old receipt and a pen after a minute. “Just leave your contact information and then your manager’s.”

I barely manage to take the pen from him in order to give him what he needs. After that, I say a quick goodbye, not wanting to give him a chance to regret his actions, before leaving.

I close the door behind me when I leave. There are a million things I should probably be thinking about, but the only thing on my mind is getting back to Maisie and telling her everything.

----

Narrator’s POV

----

The Colonel and Elvis were back at it again, discussing how to turn anything into ‘snow’ in order to move Elvis’s career even further forward. After all, his ability to keep his audience entertained isn’t enough to combat large scale public opinion or keep him out of jail.

Though their conversation veered away from long term strategy in favor of discussing new merchandise and tour opportunities. Elvis even managed to bring up that girl, the one with the soft appearance that seemed like a magnet to everyone in her presence. He mumbled her request to The Colonel, expecting it to get brushed off.

It’s a shame in a sense, the girl, y/n, seemed as warm as the July from the title of her song. He liked the idea of having the excuse to reach out to her. He kept that receipt, tucked it into the pocket of his pants the second she left the dressing room.

“The girl--is she the same one that had all those people after her?” Elvis nodded, unsure about his manager’s interest. “Her manager told me she was coming. He didn’t give me any specifics. I wonder if that was planned or if he wanted to leave it up to us.”

Elvis sat up a little straighter. “Are you saying you think it’s a good idea?”

Tom Parker shrugged. “You know music and I know snow, and with you, that girl could be turned into a blizzard while she fixes our problems.”

“I’m not following.”

“I saw her in the newspaper. She wears knee length skirts and she smiles when she’s supposed to smile. She’s what America wants to love, you are what they do love. Paired together, America feels like they can love you.” Elvis drew his eyebrows together, still confused. “She could be the treatment your image needs.” The colonel stopped, playing through ideas in his head. “I need to make a call and I need you to trust me.”

#elvis #elvis presley #elvis x reader #elvis presley x reader #austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin! elvis x reader #x reader

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releasemefromthevoid · 3 months

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MY ATLA LIVE ACTION S1E2 THOUGHTS

EP1 - EP3

We all know that ATLA’s character arcs and just. character building in general is one of if not its absolute biggest strength. This show has a lot to live up to on that front, and if it can manage it, then that’s all the better. I’ll probably be critical of this aspect in particular, keeping in mind that this is generally meant to be an alternate canon which leads to Some changes in order to fit a shorter form.

Without going too far into it, I’ll say I will continue to be a little worried about the new spin on Aang’s character arc until I can see it play out all the way through.

I’m also a bit worried about Zuko’s character. He seems a bit more willing to hurt people than in the cartoon, so I think they’re gonna have to play that pretty carefully moving forward.

There are, of course, some things they’re doing incredibly well. Zhao’s character is On Point, and Suki feels about right too. I also am generally liking how they’re adapting plot points so far. There’s at least one episode from the original cartoon that I can tell won’t be adapted because of something in this episode, and it feels natural enough, I guess. I don’t have too many complaints on that front.

Stay tuned for episodes 3-8! Live reactions/spoilers under the cut!

really fucks with me to not start with The Monologue

still don’t know how i feel about this iroh yet. is it just bc he isn’t mako? idk it’s like. uncanny valley iroh

also still not a fan of aang being so serious already. hopefully there will be a substantial enough character arc to replace that

katara so far is reading the most like the original to me

MOMO

gran gran. just had a waterbending scroll?? i mean. i guess. bringing back the southern waterbending style. i do think i like the original more in this case, it’s just a little more horrifying to have that style basically wiped out completely. that being said this is definitely a way to consolidate the waterbending scroll episode right? i shouldn’t expect to see pirates?

ok the iroh and zuko dynamic in the marketplace was on point

there is NO unagi, where is she

SUKI!!! suki looks GREAT no notes.

suki’s. mom? interesting.

kyoshi island seems a lot less welcoming to aang, even though they know he is in fact the avatar, which does a lot to remind us that they were supposed to be a neutral party in the war. this is not a bad change

zhao definitely has the right vibes

omg, suki 😭get some queen

okay so we finally get to see aang being a kid for a minute (please just let them be kids sometimes it’s okay)

SUKI IS EATING AND LEAVING NO CRUMBS. love that we still get the classic suki beats sokka’s ass scene

oh,, is that what they’re doing with aang in this series?? not a learning to be serious thing,, he’s learning to deal with the fact that he is powerful and he has to control that so he doesn’t hurt people. that’s interesting, so i’ll reserve judgment until it plays out. it just. doesn’t feel the same

the sukki romance is almost playing out in a more believable way than the cartoon, so that’s pretty great

so like. what happened to avatar roku? is he just gonna be replaced with kyoshi? like she’s a badass and we love her, but. why?

sokka is not hearing a goddamn word suki is saying. he is Too Entranced. i have never been more on board with this ship

how are they dealing with this without the unagi

gotta say the spirit world appearance is really cool. chromatic aberration was a good choice

oh yikes kyoshi that’s a bit harsh. i miss roku

was zuko. about to kill katara?? he would never. tell me he would never.

ok so this is a winter solstice at the fire temple moment. happening now so it doesn’t have to with roku later? interesting.

“only call upon the past avatars when i’m at their shrines” lol okay. fair enough. roku did Not adhere to that in show

zuko’s digging himself a hole with zhao here. bro IMMEDIATELY called the fire lord

ngl i’m loving this iteration of zhao. absolutely despicable vile man. hate that guy. great character.

liking: SUKI <3, Zhao's characterization, set designs, sokka and suki's relationship

worried about: aang's character, zuko's character

disliking: roku's absence (though i do love kyoshi, god bless), no unagi :(

#atla #atla live action #avatar the last airbender live action #avatar the last airbender #gonna keep chugging along #expect to see another one of these in just over an hour #long post

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free-my-boy-grumbot · 1 year

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Ranking the ASOUE parts because I’m bored and my friend isn’t online

i would love to keep it extensive but i also don’t want tumblr to crash so i will keep it brief. spoilers, obviously. also charcater death.

13. The Grim Grotto

Listen just because it’s 13th doesn’t mean it’s BAD, it just means i’m kinda indifferent to it as opposed to obsessing over it like i do with the others. It’s just that I’m not THAT into nautical themes and I have 2 nautical-themed assignments to do in school today so I’m a little sick of it.

Also, I’m just not that big on Fiona as a character. I didn’t really like the two-girls-hate-each-other-for-no-reason thing that she had going with Violet (especially because it was really out of charcater for her), her romance with Klaus seemed out of place, and her being related to Fernald just seemed like it was pulled out of nowhere to get an emotional reaction. Again, I get why you’d like her and the part, it’s just not for me personally. Also esme’s worst outfit was featured here. Also in the netflix series it just wasn’t as funny as the other ones and that’s a huge thing for me

12. The Wide Window

Honestly didn’t expect this one to be so low, but it’s difficult to choose between these bc i love them all </3 anyways I actually liked Josephine as a charcater, I like the idea that she wants to help the children but is rendered basically incompetent because of her fear, they really popped off with that. HOWEVER they did a very similar thing with Hector but way better so alas </3 12th place

Also like I said, not a massive fan of sea-themed aesthetics. Also also I LOVE all of count olaf’s disguises but I’m kind of indifferent to captain Sham so that also might be why. Also, again, the rest of the netflix series was way funnier

11. The Carnivorous Carnival

Honestly, not much to say about this one. The “not really feeling strongly one way or the other” section has come early this year apparently. Esme and Olivia both SLAYED in their outfits and we got introduced to the circus crew which was cool as fuck. Sadly I have knocked SEVERAL points off for horny count olaf. The scene where he describes madame lulu as buttered really makes you appreciate how little force it takes to rip one’s ear off. It provides me with a new and informed understanding of the phrase “skin crawling”. other than that it’s pretty good :)

10. The Slippery Slope

Now I was one of those people who didn’t know what Mount Fraught syndrome was before reading this book, and the reveal of why the mountain was named that fucking eviscerated me. I was used to this series pulling shit like this constantly and yet this one destroyed me for some reason. If you already knew what mount fraught syndrome was before reading/watching this scene then you didn’t get the full experience and i’m sorry for you.

I also don’t LOVE quigley and violet. I know i just said that about klaus and fiona so it kinda seems like i hate romance, but i really dont. i hate forced romance. romance just isn’t daniel handlers strong suit but he insists on writing it anyway, and that’s fine. it’s what i do with basically everything i write about. Especially since in the netflix series duncan also has a crush on violet so it’s kinda ??? for her to end up with quigley. like do you guys think when quigley and duncan reunited quigley told him about this really cool girl called violet he met and duncan was like “…”. anyways imagine getting cucked by your presumed dead twin brother could not be me

9. The Austere Academy

okay so i felt bad putting this lower because i know someone that really likes this part but i’m sorry it’s just kinda there. i mean it was super funny and the dead horse bit is literally everything but that’s pretty much it. idk maybe there’s a metaphor in there that i’m missing who knows

also olivia was introduced so bonus points for that i guess. she reminds me of miss honey from matilda <33

8. The Ersatz Elevator

honestly i feel bad that this is only 8th but there are so many good ones imsorry. anyways esme and jerome got introduced in this one which gives is a LOT of extra points. i love esme and i pity jerome which makes me also love him. also shoutout to günther for being the only count olaf disguise that could theoretically get it.

my only issue with it is that jerome disowning the baudelaires was kinda forced yk?? like i know it had to happen for the plot to carry on but i don’t think he had a good reason to do it. i guess points for doing something other than just killing them off again?

7. The End

OKAY so you might be thinking “oh, this part is exactly in the middle! surely that means you’re neuteral about it” LMAO I WISH i have extreme positive and negative opinions.

okay so first off it took me a couple of rewatches to get this one because when i first watched it i didn’t know about the quote that it was referencing (“religion is the opium of the people”) but MAN they mentioned that quote in class and i was catatonic for like 2 minutes because oh my god. not only did the incredibly deadly viper come back (yippieee) but they also implied that in the bible adam and eve were actually saved from something by eating the fruit?? the 4chan atheist that lives in my head really likes this one, is what i’m saying. also i know i say that about all of them because my sense of humour is basically based on this series rn but it was so funny. i live and breathe for olaf’s lil christopher columbus moment.

sadly it does have its downsides (olaf and kit) (i really hate olaf and kit) (i don’t think they’re good together). i mean SURELY kit has better taste than that. i mean don’t get me wrong they’re both my favourite characters but they have no common ground on literally anything. plus this is biased but i liked him better with georgina or esme because they remind me of several songs i really like. they literally just pulled the kit x olaf thing out of their ass so that olaf would have some semblance of a reason to die. oh yea i also think olaf didn’t need to die, i know Kit didn’t eat the antidote because it would have affected the baby but olaf could have totally eaten it!! he was offered it!! he wasn’t pregnant!!! it was so out of charcater for him not to eat it!!

6. The Hostile Hospital

Okay this one is SUPER biased because as y’all probably know i love the mad scientist trope it is my favourite trope ever AND i love count olaf so seeing them get put together was so cool. I know I keep bringing this up but i really do love the aesthetics they’re so cool. also also loved all the horror film references. most importantly (actually not that important) esmes outfit went so fucking hard literally i will never recover from the sheer power and moxie of Knife Heels. When I become actually talented at textiles i will recreate her outfit and probably ruin my carpet with those heels.

5. The Bad Beginning

a classic <33 the netflix version of this was literally one of the funniest eps of anything i ever watched i could feel my brain chemistry being rearranged as i watched it. also count olaf’s best era idc what he did he was literally just being sillay. also it has one of the best songs in the series honestly. OH ALSO justice strauss <33 and the troupe <333 literally all the beloveds are here there are no flaws

4. The Reptile Room

MONTY <333 HIIII MONTYYYY <33333333 literally my fav character he has never done anything wrong in his life ever. Also I love his fucking house it’s so cool if I had that much money I too would base my entire house on my special interest. also one of the only parts of the nickelodeon movie i didn’t hate so that’s fun.

3. The Miserable Mill

Lots of cool shit here!! First of all Shirley served astronomical amounts of cunt she had zero bad lines. Also I honestly think Georgina and Olaf were so underrated they remind me of several songs i like also they’re both fucked up and evil <333 she’s like esme but without the ulterior sugar bowl motives. also the fact that her name is GEORGINA ORWELL like ok. queen of subtlety. Like I get it if I was named that I would prolly start hypnotising people too. I also kinda love orwellian themes yk those are always fun.

AND OMG HOW COULD I FORGET CHARLESSS i feel so bad for him constantly he has never done anything wrong in his life and is also inexplicably british i love him sm

2. The Penultimate Peril

I love a good reunion episode tbh i love seeing all the characters together <33 also like this episode is so fun to dissect? (is that the right word?) i loved figuring out who JS was i loved finding differences between Frank and Ernest I loved figuring out what the fuck was going on it was so fun it’s like the best thing about this series.

of course that’s only partially true tpp would be nothing without those sexy sexy monologues

1. The Vile Village

TVV BELOVED <33 I have a separate post about the but they literally have everything. it’s a metaphor for autism it’s a metaphor for religion it’s a metaphor for the school system is there anything they CANT do. Also this is like my 5th time saying this but there are 300+ characters and i’m an indecisive bitch so i will do it again. Hector the actual loml is literally my fav charcater hes so me. don’t worry dude i cant openly defy authority despite knowing its unjust either <3 literally we would be best friends irl. she’s RELATABLE she’s MORALLY AMBIGUOUS she has SEVERAL INTERPRETATIONS I AGREE WITH she’s STRANGE she’s everything you want in an asoue book honestly

Also detective dupin and officer luciana kinda slayed what was Wrong with them <3

#cameron monologues #asoue #a series of unfortunate events #the bad beginning #the reptile room #the wide window #the miserable mill #the austere academy #the ersatz elevator #the vile village #the hostile hospital #the carnivorous carnival #the slippery slope #the grim grotto #the penultimate peril #the end asoue

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reaperkaneki · 2 months

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ok here are my Thoughts on gin noto

under cut bc it got long lol

first off, he is very strong representation. as in, i think this might be the platonic ideal of a transmasc character. which has its good points and bad.

sweet-p’s arc was rooted in some obviously transphobic jokes/points/etc but at its core, her arc felt well-intentioned and overall she was definitely portrayed as one of the most sympathetic of the musicians (who are antagonists but certainly not outright villains, which the musician route makes abundantly clear). she also is not, like, described as trans per se, mostly as a crossdresser who loves cute things and wishes she were a cute girl (so like, she’s trans) and honestly her arc is about self-image and body dysmorphia in general (weight and age and outside perception are all major factors). and that’s what sets her apart from gin, gin is very much about Gender Dysphoria And Conforming To Societal Gender Roles first and foremost.

unlike sweet-p’s writing, gin’s doesn’t have any overt flaws to point to, which is why i had to mull it over for a while to figure out what was missing, and i think it’s because it is very much aimed at a cis audience. the narrative itself is perfectly fine, it’s the meta-narrative that bothers me.

when gin confesses that irl, he was assigned female at birth and presents as female in his day-to-day life, and asks the player, does this change anything, there is a right answer and a wrong answer. the wrong answer is to tell him that you don’t care what gender he is, it doesn’t change anything at all; gin perceives this as a half-assed, dismissive response said without thinking and becomes upset and it locks you out of the rest of his character episodes. the correct answer is to tell him that you don’t know, you’re not sure. maybe it does change things between the two of you. gin feels that this is a understandable position to take, like, of course it might be a big deal, it certainly feels like a big deal to him!

and yes, to someone who hasn’t encountered a trans person before, that’s probably a reasonable response. to me, specifically, a fellow transmasc person, i think i sorta laughed at this part because, like, the only thing that would change if a coworker or friend or whatever told me that they were actually stealth trans this whole time (and that’s being generous bc gin is Not Slick lmfao the foreshadowing for him being trans is super obvious to anyone who knows) i’d be like cool! love that for you. etc etc. bc transgenderism is Normal to me.

but the game assumes You Are A Cis Person Who Isn’t Sure How To React To Trans People. the game doesn’t let you be trans. there’s not a nonbinary option, despite having a cyborg for an antagonist and, more egregiously, a canonically nonbinary character in your party. (i’d say pronouns, but that’s not quite the same in japanese.) not that i was expecting that to be possible, but it is a clear separation of gameplay and story that hinders roleplay (in an rpg where your character’s backstory is almost completely undefined)!

this is not to say that gin is poorly written. like i said, he’s like the platonic ideal of representation. he’s easy to clock specifically because his experiences ring true; he’s always, always, always overcompensating and posturing “as a man”, he’s trying to conform to his own personal image of “what men do”, “how guy friendships work”, “what guys are interested in”. when asked why he gets along with women so well, he lies and says it’s because he has an, uh, older sister! so he’s spent a lot of time around women! he dresses trendy, but not too fashionably (because that’s feminine, he’s function over form allegedly), and the cut of his clothes is soooo. well. the silhouette is masculinizing, or at least androgynous, let’s say. he even wishes he were taller.

i’m pretty sure i’ve done most of those things. this is writing that either speaks from experience or understands the prompt and has done the goddamn research.

it is, however, very, VERY cool that he actually turns out to Not Be A Man, at least in the sense he’s always wanted to be. REALLY good nonbinary arc that i wish wasn’t constrained to, like, the last two character episodes. it’s the one interesting ‘twist’, and i love that it explains a lot of things about him! when he talks about working as a woman irl and busting his ass in heels, he sounds proud, even as he admits that presenting female always made him uncomfortable. and lo and behold, his catharsis effect sports a pair of gold heels! if he was just a hypermasculine trans man, that would be super uncomfortable, as if it were some sort of transphobic indicator of his ‘true self’ being feminine. but no, it’s because he’s hiding that aspect of himself. he repressed his masculine tendencies to conform to social norms, and then inadvertently did the same to his feminine side, but both are important. he likes the heels.

i also like that he’s bi and acknowledges that his relationships never worked out bc he hadn’t figured out his shit yet. it do be like that sometimes.

unfortunately, i think he’s also kind of boring? like, besides her wanting to be a cute girl, sweet-p had other stuff going on, she had that boke/tsukkomi routine with stork, she had a genuine love for yume-kawaii (whereas while gin has many interests, a not-insignificant part of those interests is male posturing), she was even a musician! i understand that gin’s blandness is On Purpose because he dislikes rocking the boat (but he hates posers, which was a genuinely interesting reaction from him that didn’t feature as strongly in his arc as i wanted. even kiriko comments on it), but doesn’t change the fact that he ain’t weird enough! can’t even be an only sane man bc he goes along with everyone’s bs lol

anyway gin is cool and well-written as a trans character but missing a bit otherwise. i’d still definitely love to hang out and get beef bowls and boba with him :)

#im tired as shit from work so like this is rambly nonsense rather than well-written analysis #but yeah. caligula effect good #caligula effect 2 spoilers #i guess. its below a read more.#this post is for like No one but me and janelle #niche jrpgs my beloved…. niche hrpgs can save me i know it

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evermoredeluxe · 8 months

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i think its bc of miss americana and what she said about doing more that people expect more from her vs other celebs who haven't really said anything like that although people are generally harsher on her to begin with

i do agree that in lover era she was being more political because she was tryna drive home the point that she’s gonna speak if she wants to. but i would like to point out that even then, So Much of her focus was on voting (equality act and marsha blackburn in MA being the two big examples), and she has continued making voting the thing she encourages the most always so sometimes im ??? by the whole thing. not being muzzled = not being quiet, which she isn’t. anyway, also, maybe this is just me (and i know A Lot of people disagree) but MA by no means was a political doc at all - it was a “im not gonna be a quiet, little, “good” girl anymore” doc, and politics was just a part of that message.

#anonymous #replies

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sleepyheadscompany · 3 months

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TW: DID struggles, fear of faking, mention of long inpatient stays

hello!

It’s been a while since i’ve posted anything DID so imma just type I guess.

I’ve been having some of the worst DID imposter syndrome ever and i guess that’s sort of expected for how my system functions.

I discovered my system in 2021 during covid. I was actually in the best place I’d ever been in right before covid. My spiral downward was pretty sharp. My system kicked into action and I wouldn’t really hold front for more than a few days at a time. This would go on for a few months.

I went inpatient for that and similar issues, got out, went in again a few months later and stayed in inpatient mental health treatment for more than 7 months straight and then post hospitalization for exactly a year immediately afterwards. Traumatizing as it was, it made systemhood pretty easy to spot.

I’ve been doing better. My system activity is very much based on necessity. When things are good, my system is pretty much quiet. But once things get bad or I get triggered, things get fuzzy or I might even black out.

Like right now, the last time I remember being triggered and switching was in October/November. (a lot of the time switching happens without me realizing until after i get a date wrong or miss some information) I’m doing pretty normal. It feels too good to be true honestly.

Now. the crux of the issue: was I just faking? Was I just searching for an answer to my problem all those years ago and, like, gaslit myself into believing it? When I first talked to a therapist about DID I didn’t really have social media or know it was a big trend to fake it.

My high school psychology 101 class had a DID unit. That’s how I learned what it was. I didn’t even suspect that’s what it was until a therapist laid out all my symptoms for me and told me I was also severely dissociating. It clicked, I mentioned alters as a possibility, the rest is history.

I feel like my DID is so different to tiktok’s version. (yes, eventually I caved and downloaded tiktok to see what the community was like. I promptly closed out of the app./j) I’m not officially diagnosed, but multiple therapist have referred to what I have as DID. Before that, I never would have actually called it that out of fear. That’s part of it I think.

I’m “medically recognized” is the best way I know to put it. I feel like my experience with systemhood is too different. I don’t have stellar communication with my alters or access to headspace or a little paper that says i’m super extra valid as per a doctor I could never afford on my own.

We don’t have different hand writing or different accents or different IQs as far as I know. There aren’t 100+ of us or even more than 10. I hardly even know what my alters look like?? i mean how do people even know that stuff??? Do they guess???? I can imagine what some look like because they’ve said stuff in passing but i’ve never ‘seen’ them.

I feel all this pressure to pretend like I do have all this stuff because i’m worried someone’s going to harass me if i don’t. Some “your DID isn’t the right super edgy aesthetic” type bs.

ESPECIALLY now that my alters don’t really talk to me now that life is better. Oh and GOD forbid a system have a normal, not agony filled life. I feel more fake than ever bc my DID is ‘wrong’ and it’s not causing me constant immediate distress. I’ve cried and yelled and hurt myself over this disorder. Like ptsd breakdowns with a side of looking in the mirror and not recognizing my own face. But it doesn’t feel good enough.

I’ve ACTUALLY had issues with severe dissociation and derealization and fuge and it’d be really embarrassing for none of it to have been real yk? So i’m worried.

But I guess, in the same vain, I’ve cried and yelled and hurt myself over this disorder. If that’s not real struggle, I’m not sure what is.

-Saturn🪐

#did system #actually did #Mio isn’t here right now. Only me😈

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stilldancewithyou · 2 years

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Okay so, I thoroughly appreciate the level of detail you put into your responses, and I would love to hear your thoughts on some of the looks that Conrad gave because I cannot stop thinking about them. The more I see them, the more I just… whew.

The first one, and I will never recover, is when he goes to the Club after the almost kiss. When the camera pans to Conrad, before Belly sees him, he’s just looking at her, and it is… one of the softest looks I have ever seen. It’s like watching a private moment almost, it gives me butterflies. It’s criminally underrated in this fandom and it makes the switch later in the episode that much more heart breaking for Conrad. Because it is so clear in his face when he looks at her that he is enamored with her. This two second softening of his eyes, and the half smile to himself, just threw me into the sun. God bless Chris.

The second look is during the actual Deb Ball when they are dancing and he gets down on one knee and she walks around him. The look on his face as he watches her for a brief minute and then the absolutely reverence on his face as she comes full circle. My god. That’s another one that really struck me but is kind of like blink and you’ll miss it. It felt like he woke up and knew right then and there for sure that she was it for him, that there would be no one else.

The third one is the way he watches her when she jumps into the pool. It isn’t the same as the others obviously but it felt intimate, like that whole scene did. He tracks her movements with his eyes and it felt like… like he was seeing Belly as this girl who he’s seen do this a thousand times but he never really seen her.

There’s so many small looks and nuances with Conrad and the way Chris played him, I am always seeing something new.

First off, thank you so much for this! I'm so happy to know I'm not screaming into a void and people are actually appreciating it.

Um...YES, YES, YES. A thousand times yes! to everything you said. One of my most favorite things about the show is Chris Briney and how well he played Conrad, bc Conrad is such a complicated character and it's so clear Chris really did his homework and BECAME Conrad Fisher. The looks are so important and they were done SO WELL, from a production and cinematography standpoint and from a Chris Briney acting standpoint. In the books I felt like you could feel the pining looks, jealous stares, and just emotion and power of Conrad's expression and the way he looked at her, even from Belly's POV. and the way Chris brought that to the screen...literally left me speechless. so much better than I ever expected. You can even feel the power in the way he looks at her in the still photos they've posted because he did it so well. He served some LOOKS.

All of the looks you mentioned I will never get over.

The entire deb ball dance sequence blew me away. I felt like I was intruding on an intimate and deeply personal moment between them, like I should look away almost. The eye contact alone and the way it is unbroken throughout the dance was enough to set me on fire, but the way he looks at her, the look in his eyes...is so intense but soft at the same time. you can see how he's totally captivated by her, and how he's madly, deeply in love with her and always has been. And at the same time you can see how he cannot believe this is happening and it's a total dream come true for him, like he's terrified she's going to disappear at any moment. No matter how many times I watch it still gives me goosebumps and makes me shiver. It was like no one and nothing else existed in that moment besides the two of them. Laurel said Conrad is Belly's sun but in that scene it's also clear that Belly is Conrad's sun.

The club scene when he's in the doorway waving...first of all, he just looks so damn attractive in that moment. But then you could see how happy he was at the house as he was leaving from the almost kiss and how excited he is to go see her, and then when he does finally get there and his eyes fall on her...oh my LORD. He's so blissfully content to stand there and wave at her. One little glimpse of her gave him so much happiness. And then the way he smiled at her with that softness and all that love in his eyes...I was unwell. I felt SO BAD for Nicole in that moment. Because Conrad hardly notices Jeremiah walking away- though Jere sees him- and it's like there is literally nobody else in the room besides Belly. She's the only person he can even see in that moment.

The pool moment is also really special. I feel like he's always watching what she's doing, like he can't even help his eyes following her and there's this quiet, soft admiration in his eyes too.

Some other honorable mention Conrad looks:

when he's sitting on the edge of the pool in the first episode, as he delivers the "what'll you give me if I do?" line

when she says he can only smoke if she can and he puts the joint away...there's this look in his eyes. it's so soft.

when they almost kiss on the 4th of July, and before that when she's drunk and barges in on him in the shower

the look in his eyes when he's talking to Cleveland about Belly. so sweet, so soft. and the love he feels for her is so clearly written on his face, he can't keep from smiling.

at Nicole's party on Belly's birthday, when she looks across the room at him and he's staring back. he takes a sip of beer but still the eye contact is unbroken. the way you can tell he wishes he was talking to her instead of the dudes he's standing there with

the look on his face when she shows up to the bonfire, and then during the fight with the random guy, right after the guy hits Belly there's like .5 second where the camera slows down on Conrad's face, and the look on his face is just...i can't

the look on his face during their argument, when she's confronting him about his feelings and the way he's acted all summer

when she's opening Susannah's pearls on her birthday, and the camera pans to Conrad to show him hiding the necklace and you can see him watching her open the pearls, watching her reaction closely and then when he sees how happy she is about the pearl necklace, there's this look on his face they show for like 2 seconds, when he's getting ready to give her the necklace right before Jeremiah jumps in. There's this look on his face I can't explain. and then his face just falls as soon as Jere hands her his gift.

the way they look at each other in the final scene...Conrad had me feeling all sorts of things.

also at the family dinner with Cam! when Cam kisses Belly at the table, the camera pans over to Conrad. and the jealousy and sadness in his face in that moment...it's so clear how much he loves her

the dancing flashback...the way young Conrad looks at her while they're dancing, the softness in his eyes when he gets up from the card game, the happiness when they're dancing...I loved it

also want to take a moment to appreciate the actor who played young Conrad in the infinity flashback scene. because the way he looks at Belly as he explains infinity to her...oh my gosh. he did such a good job capturing the same things Chris did and it's such a short scene

There is just something so special and incredible about the way Chris Briney played Conrad and the way he used his eyes and facial expressions to say everything without saying a single word, even in moments that were really just like 2 seconds long...I don't know how he does it. But it's exactly how I imagined Conrad's looks when I was reading the books, maybe even better. He went so far above and beyond my expectations I was in orbit. Every scene Conrad was in, every time he was on screen, I was always drawn to him, I was always watching him and his eyes and face, because there was just something I can't put into words about Chris Briney's performance. Chris deserves all the awards. every. single. award. I will gladly present him with his oscar right now.

#tsitp #tsitp spoilers #the summer i turned pretty #christopher briney #chris briney #conrad fisher #team conrad #this is a chris briney appreciation post

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quillyfied · 8 months

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Okay next batch of episode thoughts that I don’t know that I can expand into real coherent thoughts so heck it we’re doing it live and cramming them together, no chronology just memory vibes, PART TWO:

- “that’s six inches of silver in your scapula” MADAM.

- They’re doing an amazing job of showing Izzy in a pure pathetic state. I still have a lot of conflicted emotions about him but his increased confidence and ease around the ship BECAUSE the crew is taking time to be kind to him is…it’s. I don’t. GOLD UNICORN LEG OKAY. THE CARE THEY ARE SHOWING HIM AND HE DOES NOT DESERVE IT AND HE KNOWS IT AND HE BELIEVES IT BUT IT IS CHANGING HIM FOR THE BETTER ANYWAY.

- once again my expectations are being undercut. Of course Buttons isn’t the rabbit. Silly of me to think that. Of course he isn’t going to screw up turning into a seagull. He’s Buttons.

- …he’s coming back, though, right?? Guys Buttons is coming back at some point, right????

- Hang on have to go giggle about Izzy dragging himself across the floor mumbling existential horrors and shouting at the unicorn and then barking at people knocking on his door.

- Also have to giggle about the two halves of the crew coming at each other trying to help in two different ways and talking it through on their own, without Stede’s direct interference. I’m so proud of them.

- Wee John might just be slowly transforming into a mermaid. And I want his sweater.

- Ed referring to himself and the rabbit as lone wolves but immediately imprinting on the thing—and it not leaving him, either.

- HES SCARED OF SPIDERS

- How instantly Ed is glad to see Mary and Anne though. And the secret handshake with Anne. I cry.

- I also cry over how Anne instantly smells blood in the water with Stede before even knowing his connection to Ed.

- Like I guess Buttons not coming back makes sense bc he gave the most profound advice of the entire show and then flew off as a seagull, thereby completing his life’s dream, but have they considered the fact that I will miss him.

- (And so will the crew)

- I love that Ed and Stede finally have it out and get to a point where they can start to heal. I also find it so interesting to see the difference in what the fandom thought would be important to bring up, and what the show itself seems important to bring up. Stede could have blamed Badminton for his cowardice, but he doesn’t; he owns it and makes a greater stride towards mending things with Ed and being better himself. Ed could have mentioned what Izzy said to him, but instead he’s starting to work at the greater issue of his own self-loathing and how that drove him to harming the crew. It’s entirely possible that those details will come up later, but. I think Izzy has a point when he says it’s better to patch things with fiction (or silence) than never moving on. And maybe the hashing out of this stuff belongs to fanfic, not to canon. Because the events themselves don’t matter so much to canon as does what those events represented and THAT is what is getting fixed and addressed.

- Mary Read’s whole thing about “this is what an adult relationship looks like.” I have so many conflicted personal feelings about it. The summary: never been in a romantic relationship before and now at an age where I’ve witnessed plenty but I’m terrified of how I’ll be if and when that ever happens for me, bc the only experiences I’ve got is watching others and fiction. And I just was listening to both my mom and sister in law talking about how so many women my sil’s age have gotten divorced bc their expectations for what a marriage is were unrealistic, how marriage is more like a business transaction. And I was too scared to ask for clarification at the time. And I really do wonder if Mary has a point, yknow. When the mystery fades and the magic is gone…what’s left? Bc fiction tells us one thing. Real life often tells another. Dying alone doesn’t sound fun but it sounds better than accidentally ruining my and/or someone else’s life based on a false hope, yknow?

- Anyway that’s way too personal time to move on

- TO ANNE SETTING THEIR STIFLING LIFE ABLAZE AND REALLY REKINDLING THAT ROMANCE WITH MARY. HELL YEAH LADIES GET IT.

- I know it’s never gonna be addressed but please can the satanic ship be addressed at some point, even as a throwaway line

- (Also patiently awaiting the literal translation of what the dying priest was saying)

- PUT STEDE BACK IN FINE FABRICS 1717

- The absolute ball you know they were all having with this episode. Rhys Darby your FACE when screaming at Izzy after he reiterates that it’s cursed.

- Just the sheer hope in Ed’s face as he witnesses Buttons(?) fly away, as he submits to the jumpsuit and cat bell, the enthusiasm with which he jumps in to go fishing with Fang. The man is going through it but I love seeing him so earnest

- LUCIUS THO. SO MANY THOUGHTS. First and foremost I want his outfit this season, forget Stede’s cursed suit for a minute let’s talk about how Lucius is SERVING this season (and why it’s making me more hopeful for ABBA on the soundtrack at some point)

- How Pete gets through to him by pointing out that HE LIVED BITCH. TALK ABOUT A PERSPECTIVE CHANGE. Also the various blackbeard doodles I’m dying

- Izzy turning the tables on Lucius. I love a good parallel.

- Pete tho. Marry the F out of that man, Lu, he’s a keeper.

- “Loner artsy types” EXPLAIN CALICO JACK TO ME

- AND ALSO I NEED NAMES AND DESCRIPTIONS OF THESE OTHER ARTSY LONER TYPES

- Fang is such a wonderful character and we are so blessed to have him. I was a little wary that Fang was going to try and off (or offload) Ed just to make the crew feel better, but what we got was so much softer and better. Teaching Ed in such a gentle and honest way to examine himself! To sit with himself and learn to value the company! Telling Ed that he’s been crossing boundaries for a long time and giving Ed space to apologize and process! HIS NAME IS KEVIN AND IT’S A FOUR HUNDRED YEAR OLD TRADITION.

- Listen. Listen. Listen. Shirtless Con O’Niell is. A gift. That shirtlessness belonging to the character of Izzy is a little more of a conflict for me but given that Izzy has entered his “little shit and owning it” phase, I’m inclined to enjoy it.

- Also the SHEER BALLS on Stede Bonnet to manipulate Izzy into teaching him some piracy bits. That little stutter when Izzy tries to act unaffected but still asks what Blackbeard said about him. I’m just. Omg.

- And the way Stede sucks at the practicality but he excels at the instinctive/emotional bits. How he’s so creative and genuine and absolutely won his crew’s respect and loyalty and continues to prove that he’s worth it. I ADORE Stede Bonnet.

- Okay I gotta I gotta I gotta: KISS NUMBER TWOOOOOOO. I’ve only kissed one person in my time so far but I remember the moment after that initial dam break, when it occurred to me that I was allowed to kiss this person again; something about the casual way Ed and Stede both lean in just feels the same way to me. Like this is their new normal and they like it. And ADORE Ed setting a boundary and Stede immediately respecting it. AND. THE FINGERS. THE PLAYING. Comparing their games to what Anne and Mary get up to, it does make me hopeful that a mature relationship can be comfortable and playful and sweet and not just a grind or a business transaction. Idk man.

- Now I fully forgot that the episodes have post credits scenes so my reactions to them are not included here but I’ll be rewatching all five episodes later tonight so maybe a separate little baby post about them later.

#our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #here we go much more timely #mainly bc I want to get these out BEFORE I do a rewatch #so it’s just initial thoughts and memories #more in depth posts will come later I think

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