#this is the first thing i've finished in literally months oops
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sewing
So, being back in my own house for a bit, I've been trying to get my sewing area back together. (During the kitchen renovations I had to move things around in great haste and it's a horrible mess down there and I can't find so many of my things now argh.)
The thing I'm really excited about is that Cashmerette put out a pattern for a wireless bra. I can't wear underwires, and to those who insist I've just never had one that fit, well i've been fitted professionally in three different countries, the problem is that I have fucking enormous tits and underwires literally don't work for me, thanks! (Several times after bra fittings I have gone home empty-handed because the specialty bra boutique for special boobs had nothing in stock for my special boobs oops. Yes that always feels amazing, never fails, thanks, everyone loves finding out they're a total freak. Does wonders for the self-esteem. [My boobs are not that huge but my ribcage is freakishly small, as it happens, not that anyone was wondering, but that is what the problem is, and there just isn't room on my sternum for underwires, casings, and a central gore like underwired bras need to have. So the underwires have nowhere to go but my armpits, and that neither feels nor looks good, and in short, I've sworn off them forever because absolutely fuck those things.])
So anyway I have a bunch of supplies for that on order but am making myself do other sewing first, at least until the supplies arrive.
I managed to cut out two different dresses, and finished one, but the one I finished.... alas. So I've been subscribed to the Cashmerette Club for a while now (since it started) getting a pattern a month, and one of the dress patterns was for a kind of shirred-waist dress with a faux-button placket and all-in-one sleeves and bodice, and I made it and it is just as comfy as it sounds but I didn't like the look of it on me. But I thought it had potential. And then I saw an ad on Instagram for a dress that sort of vaguely resembled it, and I thought, oh, I could make that dress, which has a few style features that I thought would mitigate the accidental-schlubbiness of the Cashmerette club dress. So I adapted my pattern and last-minute changed to use some fabric I liked but wasn't sentimental about, and did my whole thing, and.
Well, of the changes I made, a couple worked, but the main one did not-- I wanted to make the waist an inverted V instead of straight, to give the bodice some more oomph. And it did not work in such a way that it's pretty well unsalvageable-- the inverted V just looks like my belly is so fat it's pushing it up, and then I altered the skirt panel to fit better but I got the angle wrong so it billows out in an awkwardly-dimensional shape, and in short I look like I'm about to go into labor. So the dress is really a total loss, I can't fix it without entirely recutting the bodice panel and I don't have enough fabric for that and also I would have to deconstruct the entire dress in order to replace the bodice and waistband.
So i have yet another unflattering-schlubby dress to kick around the house in I guess. Like I don't care that much about things being """"flattering"""" but this one is so oddly-shaped that it is distracting.
However I did come up with a cool way to have huge bell sleeves that i can roll up. Hear me out: Drawstring casing on top of the arm. In this bodice pattern with no shoulder seam, that means I encase the end of the drawstring in the neckline binding, right? And then the ribbon goes down the casing the whole length of the arm, and hangs out the end. And then when you want to push the sleeves up, you just pull on the ribbon, and tie it to the small length of ribbon you also enclosed in the neckline binding. Voila! Tiny bows on the shoulder, huge sleeves beautifully pushed up out of the way, and then when you're done doing work and want to protect your arms from the sun you just untie the bow! That did turn out pretty cool if I do say so myself.
But the other dress I"m working on is probably going to be just fine, it's one I already made and have not altered the pattern for appreciably so I have reasonable expectations of success. I'm using several yards of silk I tie-dyed around Christmastime (to exhaust the dye vat I'd used for some scarfs I made as gifts) and it's very lightweight so I added more width to the body panels to pleat down, and if it's too lightweight and floaty I'll put trim on the hem to weigh it down a little. It looks cool AF and one way or another I'll get something usable out of it.
And I also have a button-up collared shirt to do next, which I think will work well and has already been hacked by a few people to make dresses that I think would finally fulfill my dream of several years to have a sharp-looking shirt dress. And then i figure I'll sew bras until I get sick of trying.
You've come all this way so I'll find a photo. 1) here is the Failed Dress, a detail showing just how awfully I misjudged the shape of the front skirt panel:
[image description: a mirror shot of my lower torso showing a shirred waistband that looks like it's hiked up over a full belly, and the skirt attached to it is standing straight out for about an inch before falling in weird billowy pleats] Yeah that's fucked up, I don't even know what shape to make it be for it not to defy gravity like that. I promise I'm standing straight, I'm actually even sucking my belly in a little bit to try to make it lie better and no dice baby, that shit is So Shaped and nothing I do can apparently affect it.
But here's the dyed silk I'm working with and surely this will look okay?
[image description: a length of fabric dyed in a blocky kind of streaky deep blue lies on a cutting table with a couple of pattern pieces and a yardstick]
yah there's a color theme but it's fine since i won't be wearing them adjacent to one another lol
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LITA Ep. 5 Rewatch Thoughts Part 1
(edit bc I started writing this post like 6 months ago - hi! I'm gonna finish going through the rest of the phayurain episodes of LITA finally! I've lost all sense of shame so these posts are just gonna be love letters to Eul, hope that's ok)
Hi hi hi! I find it absolutely hilarious that the notes on the final part of my episode 4 rewatch post (which contains my best screenshots of That Scene) has like triple the notes of the rest of the parts. I love the thirsty LITA fam <3 I think I kept it mostly clean for the first 3 episodes but LITA brainrot is real and from here on out I'm putting down all my deranged thoughts into words so enjoy
Onwards to episode 5!! Ok so y'all should know by this point that BossNoeul sang the opening right? I added it on spotify and have listened to it on repeat so much over the last week that I could probs (badly, bc my singing voice leaves much to be desired but I can and will belt it at the top of my lungs) karaoke it now. If y'all haven't heard the full version check it out bc they rap a few bars and Noeul has this line "shake your bo- shake your bo- shake your body" that makes me lose it every time
The recap sees us revisiting some rather adorable moments from the previous episode including PhayuRain in the rain and tub. Imagine if they stuck the leg kiss in the recap >.<
We open to sunlight pouring in through the curtained windows on the morning after. I kind of wish the last episode had ended with this scene bc it would have been a soft transition after the intimacy PhayuRain shared rather than the abrupt cut to credits. But I digress.
Phayu's hair looks glorious out and I wish we'd gotten to see it like this more. In fact I think we should've seen Rain push his hands through it and grip it during episode 6's NC scene. Also the definition of that bicep? Sir pls.
I ADORE how sweet Phayu is towards Rain all the time, and this is yet another example. I love it when characters look fondly at their lover (I finally get to use that word for them!!), cover them with a blanket, and then give them a forehead kiss before sliding out of bed. SO FOND
I just think it's really attractive when people do this. Rain was really missing out by snoozing.
The state of Rain's neck and chest sends me into hysterical giggles every time. Phayu you did not have to go that hard with the marking bestie (let's be honest though, looking at the state of Phayu's neck post episode 6 they both have marking kinks) - everyone's gonna know Rain's officially yours soon enough. Also throwback to how like two months ago (or something like that idk the exact timeline) Rain was like hmph I never want anything to do with P' Phayu ever again. I didn't hear any complaining from you last night hmm??? Also I love how confident Rain was in his abilities to seduce Phayu, so true of him
I'm DECEASED
OK WAIT I think I finally get the whole yellow-blue thing. It literally is just that yellow is Rain's representative color and Phayu's is navy blue. So by making Rain put on Phayu's navy blue shirt for the "morning after" they're just reiterating that Rain belongs to Phayu now. Mystery solved :)
Obligatory shot bc he's worked hard for these gains and I think he deserves some appreciation ft. Rain who's making the same face as all of us. I think they spent like 30 whole seconds on Phayu's shoulders and that's so valid of them
Sir, do you have a good reason for striding in here shirtless and sweaty to wake your new bf up? Methinks someone was hoping for round 2
Ok, and we're back to Rain in a yellow t-shirt looking very feverish. He's holding his teal green phone (case) up though which is a combo of yellow and blue, isn't it? I'm sorry my color theory is lacking. His eyebrows look really nice here and I don't know why I noticed. I hope he has a good nap! But oops he misses calls from Phayu...
This episode's title is "the Calm Before the Storm" which implies it's gonna be a mostly tooth-rotting fluff episode and that drama is on the way next week. I'm already smiling so wide my cheeks hurt so the title is apt.
Phayu (dressed in navy blue!) is here to make sure his precious Rain is ok and Mama is already planning the wedding in her head.
The first three or four times I watched this, I was paying too much attention to their faces and probably missed a lot so let's break it down a bit. Phayu comes in, Rain's surprised and sits up, and Phayu sits down next to Rain on the bed but facing away. Phayu is slightly upset that Rain went away without saying anything and he was worried that since Rain was sick that him driving home alone was dangerous. The second Phayu sits down this way, Rain reaches out to grab his arm but Phayu pulls away. Compared to couples in other dramas, PhayuRain depend on touch a lot to communicate so obv the situation is quite serious plus Phayu is not immediately making eye contact with Rain.
The next couple of shots are just back and forth where Phayu asks why Rain left and Rain tells him what happened and apologies for worrying him. He looks v v soft and fluffy here
Gonna take a second to appreciate the background music bc it sounds so serious and doom-y right now but they're literally about to clear it all up so it was unnecessary to go that hard. Sound artist I love you
Throughout this conversation, Phayu starts far away (which for PhayuRain means there's like 1.5 meters of distance between their faces instead of 0.15 meters) but he moves closer and tilts his body more in Rain's direction as Rain gives each justification. He also lets Rain grab his arm. It's very subtle but I like the acting choices here.
Phayu, Rain is sick. Can you pls stop staring at his lips bff give him some rest (spoiler alert I counted like 5 lip-looks in the next 10 seconds, Phayu didn't hear me)
OK this hug. Exquisite. The gap has been bridged, all parties are happy again, and they both absolutely sink into each other.
Boss' little shoulder rub here is so soft and gives us more PhayuRain believability. We can see how worried he was and how relieved he is now that Rain is safely in his arms again.
Rain's cheek-smushed nod agreeing to never disappear from Phayu's side ever again is everything to me.
I don't actually think this was what I was supposed to get out of this but there's something about the symmetry of this hug and them being in the shape of a triangle and how technically their first encounter as a couple involved Phayu's triangle tool etc. etc. etc. Also headpat alert!
More subtle and soft gestures from Phayu. Rain is down bad.
HANDS!!!
We really heard the MWAH here and I want to forehead kiss whoever placed the mics
Everyone needs to observe Rain's expression right after Phayu asks this question bc it's very sus
(I couldn't get it in motion but Rain straightens up a bit and raises his eyebrows. Someone thinks they're about to get spanked like before)
Except this is not that kind of punishment and I can't believe Phayu really brought along a rectal suppository. To his credit though, I believe they're supposed to be more immediately effective than oral medicines because they absorb more directly into the body so he just wants Rain to be healthy faster. Although I wish Phayu would've not proceeded to yank Rain's pants off without permission, it's fiction and I hope if Rain had shown signs of major discomfort he would've listened. I do have to wonder if Mama put on headphones though bc Rain was really loud with his protests. I also think this must've been funny to film bc if you look closely before it cuts to Rain's mom, Rain looks like he's holding back laughter.
Uh-oh, Mama it's better if you walk away now
This sequence was actually so adorable and funny. I love purrito!Rain and Phayu is looking way too smug. Mama Rain walked out of there trying to name all the yellow and blue flowers she could for the wedding centerpieces.
omfg Phayu calling Rain's mom "Mama" is so friggin cute and I love how smoothly he just slid into son-in-law position
Rain's like excuse me I'm sick I should NOT be slandered right now
To part 2 with all the cute shots!!
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I felt like writing something a little more ✨introspective✨ than usual, so here we go haha >_<;;
So! This year I was able to release two projects in relatively close succession: Fragile Feelings (1st image; a cute yuri VN about a teacher and a nurse) and With Eyes of Ice (2nd image; a dark otome-inspired VN set in Iceland which has a bunch of pretty boys who Suffer).
Though I released both of these stories in 2023, I actually wrote them all the way back in mid 2020. I wrote them back to back, actually: Fragile Feelings first, and With Eyes of Ice right after.
I liked both scripts a lot, so i decided to turn them both into VNs...
But working on VNs can be pretty difficult, even with very small teams like mine, as the people involved can be busy with other things, priorities change, etc, etc...
And, in the case of With Eyes of Ice, I might've pulled the character artist off the project for 1.5 years to work on a self-indulgent BL VN about my two best boys, Yuel and Tavi, when Eyes of Ice was almost at the end of production hahaha oops.......
I was working on these two VNs on and off for such a long time, I was wondering if I would be able to actually finish them...
So, I'm very relieved that I did get them both done after all, and they both shaped up to be projects I'm proud of! I think everybody involved worked really hard; I love how they both look and sound. The character artists, background artists, UI artists, and composers all worked very hard, and I think these two projects are among the prettiest and most polished I've worked on!
Now, I tend not to talk about the financial side of VN dev too much (because it's not much fun haha), but for all of the money and time invested into these projects, they weren't wholly 'worthwhile' endeavours.
It's too soon to tell with Fragile Feelings, since it literally only just came out, but With Eyes of Ice hasn't really been doing so great sales-wise. It might have something to do with the fact that it's a weird quasi-otome thing which doesn't 100% fit the genre, but it's also prooooobably related to the fact I didn't talk about the story at all until like, 4 months before I'd finished it, despite having been working on it for 3 years already...
Just maybe haha 💦💦
It's always a bit unfortunate when something you sink so much money, time, and love into doesn't get much attention, but that's the reality of VN dev. Making commercial VNs is pretty difficult already, because commissioning all the art + music can be quite pricey, and the sales tend to be rather low.
Profit margins are slim already (and it's not uncommon for devs to fail to turn a profit at all), so I'm not wholly surprised.
It's unfortunate, but I don't regret making With Eyes of Ice. I still love this story and these characters a lot, and I'm glad I stuck with it and finished it, even if it took me a few years! 💪
I'll probably continue to write weird stories which don't necessarily have a lot of appeal in the future, because that's what makes me happy, so I apologise in advance if I put out more stories which aren't too interesting to large swathes of people...
But I'm very grateful for everybody who has offered me their support over the years! Some of my proejcts are successful enough (Blackberry Honey, Sweetest Monster, The Language of Love) that I can afford to invest my time and money into more niche things without having to worry toooo much about turning over a profit.
I wouldn't be able to tell the stories I want to tell without all of you, even if it can take me a while to finish things up, and I'm very appreciative!
I guess that's about it haha 💦💦💦
Thank you! 💙
#text#with eyes of ice#fragile feelings#indiedev#visual novel#but in summary#don't go into vns expecting to make a lot of money#because in most cases#you won't haha#but working on the projects you love can be rewarding regardless#and i feel very blessed i can still devote so much time to telling these silly stories of mine!#i was working on these two projects for A While so#i'm a bit emotional that they're both finally done haha...........
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@sohereswhatyoumissedlastweek replied to your post “Bro i'll have my own kitchen soon. I don't have to...”:
I need the full story!! I don't think I saw it on my dash
I only mentioned it in passing while yapping about Kierkegaard's philosophy of hope.
Basically I've been living in this student flat since 2017 and it's fine. I am fine. I got very lucky from the start, since I have my own bathroom, living room and bedroom. All together it's around 23m2, so yeet. Then I share a kitchen, a shared space, a washing machine and a dryer with 5 others. And I never thought I'd move, partially because I was supposed to stop studying in 2023 and you need to be a student to live here. But then after finishing my master's degree I added another 2-year master's degree WHICH I then extended into a 3-year master's degree cause stress (lol) and initially I planned on living the full extra years here as well, since again, this place is fine. The location is great. And it's affordable for this city.
But then last December I met up with my ""sister"" who lives in another student flat of the same organisation and her place is around 10m2 bigger with her own kitchen and only, like, €20 a month more expensive. And my mind started thinking. The reasons I never looked into moving before were a) the aformentioned graduation b) the expenses and c) this current one has a separate bedroom from a living room which gives me so much peace for some reason and I was under the impression this was the only building that offered that (as in, the others offer studios or single rooms).
But a) the aformentioned second master's degree + you can live here for around 9 more months after graduation, b) de kale huur scares people but with huursubsidie it's doable (aka the new apartment is even around €100 a month cheaper!!!) and c) my sister showed that there were more buildings that do this lay-out, but with a kitchen.
So since January I have been reacting on places. It's a lottery system, so completely random. A computer puts all applicants in a queue at random and the one who's placed first gets the offer bla, bla, bla. I have been looking at the building my sister lives in. That is the one I really wanted, but not the one I got. Then there was one on campus, aka my second choice. This one I got was my third choice and there was also a fourth choice that I actually genuinely didn't like so oop. So I've just been reacting weekly and hoping for the best (aka Kierkegaard would fucking hate me).
The fact that I got this one is so fucking wild to me, because literally yesterday I had to be talked out of withdrawing my application. And not only that, but I did this application last-minute. I applied every Wednesday, when the new applications opened. The thing is, a week ago I applied for an apartment at my first choice building, only to find out on Sunday that it's an apartment for disabled students. The whole thing was that there were currently no students needing those accommodations, so non-disabled students could apply, but there would be a clause in the contract that says that the moment a disabled student needs the room, you'd move out with the organisation seeking a new place for you. I didn't like that, so I withdrew and then was wondering if I should either sit this week out or apply for my 3rd choice building.
The reason I was doubting is because, as I mentioned, the applicant who places first gets the offer, but if they decline, the offer goes to the second place, and then third, and then fourth, and then fifth.... and I was no. 4 on an apartment of my first choice AND that ad hasn't finished processing yet after 3 weeks, which means no. 1 and possibly no. 2 rejected the offer. If no. 3 were to reject as well, the apartment would be mine. And I really REALLY wanted that apartment. So I did apply, but as I mentioned, I was this close to withdrawing EVEN THIS MORNING (you can before 11:00), because I was wondering if I should maybe take the chance on it. After all, there was a 3% chance I'd get the current one. And this was my 3rd choice. Monday and Tuesday I basically spent all day writing down the pros of this 3rd choice to convince myself to keep the application going. It's a great neighbourhood. It saves money. It's not 10m2 bigger, but around 7m2 and that's still a lot. I HAVE A BALCONY.
And people told me I needed to keep the application running just in case, because that 3% would still be more likely than 3 people rejecting an apartment, especially since a rejection means you are barred from applying for 10 weeks. AND THOSE PEOPLE WERE RIGHT, CAUSE I GOT THIS ONE.
So yes, it's wild to me that I spent months dutifully applying for my first or second choice (or not applying, if they weren't available) and then the week I apply for my third choice and I go on a rollercoaster of emotions because of it, I get it. I was a bit in a shock, and even though it's my third choice, I am still very, VERY elated. I have accepted the offer. They need to send me the contract and then it's official.
FUCK YOU KIERKEGAARD.
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just a few things (oops longer than i planned)
parents are very supportive of my mattress purchase. i stripped my bed to wash my sheets etc including the mattress pad i've been using for about a year now. i went in to talk to my mom and she was like, "that mattress is HORRIBLE. i had no idea." this is so funny bc truly it's like -- how do you know that your mattress sucks? it starts sucking gradually and unless you spend sufficient time on a different kind of mattress (which i have probably only done once or twice in the last two years), you have no frame of reference. i didn't realize the mattress itself was causing pain until i slipped my hand under my back, initially just to provide some support, and realized the springs digging into my back felt like a bunch of rocks wrapped in some thin padding. i am now wondering how much of the back pain i am frequently experiencing could be relieved just by getting a new mattress.
i am reading the circle by dave eggers. this is the first book i have picked up since the outlier (a few months ago, failed to finish; will return to it eventually). i got a kindle on black friday. thing is, i saw the movie adaptation of the circle before i realized it was based on a book. the movie is Not Great. and i am by no means a movie snob. it was confusing b/c by the end i realized the bones of the plot were really interesting but something about the execution threw it off (and the acting. we don't talk about emma watson. she is my beloved, but.) tom hanks couldn't even save it. THAT SAID, the book is great and i'm not at all put off by knowing the main bullet points of the plot, though i can't stop picturing one of the characters as karen gillan bc she was a great choice for the role, i fully hear the dialogue in her voice. i am 40% through it in less than two days!
on friday night, i came home from the holiday party socially exhausted and trying desperately to come down from this wave of overwhelm that i've been riding since, like, october. i wanted to turn my brain off. i planned to play euro truck simulator. but i could not find the actual usb connector for my controller. i looked everywhere. could not find it! i literally cried in frustration. then i remembered i have coloring pixels installed, which is a great color-by-number for pixel paintings. i haven't touched it in probably over a year, at least, but holy shit was it a great decision because i needed an actual break and it worked. turned brain off. actually felt relaxed. i have been looking for a way to unwind/decompress that does not necessarily involve tv or video games (though this technically is one). if you have not heard of it, it is free btw, with 99 cent themed packs for extra pages. also nice relaxing background music-in game. i highly recommend it!
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chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ october 2022
☆ STATISTICS.
words written: more than last month. that must count for something
projects worked on: Andromeda Rogue, Andromeda Rising
proudest accomplishment: hit 100k words written since the beginning of 2022 across all my wips!!!
books read: Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir; The Oleander Sword by Tasha Suri; Memoria by Kristyn Merbeth (in progress)
☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.
(i know i said i was gonna make a separate post for reading updates but then i didn't oops. if more than like, 5 people say they're interested i'll make an effort. maybe.)
(both Nona and Oleander Sword were 5 stars btw.)
writing continues to be hard (both for writing reasons and also Life reasons) but on god imma do it. i'll emerge shaking and covered in blood perhaps but imma kill this draft before it kills me.
more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.
☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE (rereading)
i'm about halfway through this reread! i sort of stopped near the middle of the month as i switched back to AR3 but rereading this draft right away was actually such a good decision. it's been nearly a year and a half since i finished it so i'm constantly finding little things i'd written and forgotten about. like finding 5$ in the pocket of an old jacket.
i've been pleasantly surprised at how... not bad it is lol. obviously it's a first draft, there are plenty of things that need patching up, but while i thought i was gonna have to carve out its guts in the second draft, turns out it only needs a bit of a facelift. maybe even just a new haircut. if anything, it's motivating me to keep going.
one of the most jarring but amusing things is being reminded of how all the characters have developed since the beginning of their story. ESPECIALLY the dynamics between Finn and Petra hehe. let's say they've come a long way from being begrudging, mistrustful teammates.
☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA RISING (drafting)
this is probably the worst decision of my life but i'm gonna try to finish AR3 for nano and just. clenches teeth. get it over with. lord help
at least i've figured out .... something for the rest of my outline (climax + epilogues). deciding what the gang is up to after everything was really hard and i'm still not sure i'm satisfied with it. oh well it can always be changed later! (<- repeated to myself under my breath as i rock back and forth on the floor hugging my knees to my chest)
hopefully i can take advantage of the collective writer energy of nano to blitz through it before i start doubting myself and paralyze myself with fear! head down eyes closed full speed no regrets !!!! (please give me all the encouragement, i'm gonna need it😭)
☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.
it is literally impossible to post AR3 excerpts at this point bc even if i find something that's not spoilery, it would require 3 books of context to understand, so here's some AR1 i rediscovered in my reread.
this scene is SO funny to me for some reason. for context this is Petra and Finneas within about fifteen minutes of knowing each other.
Petra placed her hands on her hips, hoping it would make her look more authoritative. “All I’m asking is for you to not insult anyone at team meetings.”
“Do I have to attend team meetings?” Finneas groaned.
“I’d like for you to,” Petra replied, although she was pretty sure her scowl said otherwise. “You’re part of the team.”
“I don’t do teams.”
“You could at least try.”
“Mm, hard pass. You may have your job, but I have mine,” he said finally. “And I’m just the pilot.”
With that, he whirled around and started for the exit.
Petra wasn’t sure what it was, but something prompted her to call after him. “Pilot.”
He paused in the doorway without looking back.
“I’m not expecting you to like me,” she began.
“I’m not planning on it,” he replied curtly.
Petra bristled, but chose not to engage. Now was not the time for a fight. “But as long as we’re on this ship together,” she went on, “I need you to try to respect me, and I’ll do my best to respect you. Alright?”
Finneas remained silent for a moment, his back still turned to her, and Petra wondered what was going on in that hard head of his, behind those cold green eyes.
Finally, he said, “Whatever you say, Commander.”
From his tone, Petra had little reason to believe he meant it at all.
...and we all know how THAT'S gonna turn out 😏
🦇thank you for reading and happy halloweeeen!! 🦇
☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to either.
general taglist:
@nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthorr @stormharbors @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation @chazzawrites @bardolatrycore
andromeda trilogy taglist:
@bebewrites @nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @stormharbors @akindofmagictoo @quilloftheclouds @nora-theteawriter @ashen-crest @corpsepng @writeblrfantasyy @toboldlywrite @celestepens @stardustspirall @pepperdee @cheerfulmelancholies @extra-magichours @writeouswriterr @cilly-the-writer @lefttigerobservation @rose-bookblood @drowsy-quill @chazzawritess @cynic-and-chief
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TAG 9 PEOPLE YOU'D LOVE TO GET TO KNOW BETTER
I was tagged by @10millionotters, thank you so much Maru!! I haven't done one of these in so so long holy moly.
Three ships:
The Big Three that're living rent free in my head right now are Cynonari (Genshin Impact), Steddie (Stranger Things), and Fair Game (RWBY)
The first two have been rattling around in there since August and the last I fell into unintentionally just this month. Though I should have seen it coming from a mile off honestly, my first ship in a fandom literally always includes my favourite character adhjkgahdksj
First ship:
It would've been GiroKuru from Sgt. Frog and honestly? If I'd got into that series now instead of when I was like 13? It would have made no difference asjkdhgjk it really set the stage for the kind of dynamics I'd grow to love. Very very Kimcore ship
Last song:
youtube
One day I'll see this song performed live and I will cry real, wet tears
Last film:
Everything Everywhere All At Once!! (Maru I'm giving you a high-five through the screen, what're the odds aghkajsdhg)
Watched it with my brother and very nearly cried. Like I was so, so close. Such a good movie oh my god
Currently reading:
I haven't read a proper book since finishing my English lit studies like two years ago, it's literally just been fanfic oops ashdgjkhagkd
I've been reading through a wip fic I'm trying to finish up if that also counts maybe? 👉👈
Currently watching:
Well after blasting through the whole of RWBY in a week, then starting Ice Queendom and giving up halfway through, the next thing on my list of shows to watch with my brother was Teen Wolf... but we may actually be watching the whole of The Clone Wars next! Which I'm very very excited about
I've seen a lot of it but not like. Season-by-season, episode-by-episode. Sequentially. So that's what we're doing
Currently craving:
Sweet treats always. Halfway through doing this I remembered we had leftover apple strudel and have just eaten that, so the cravings have been settled for now ahdgkjadhgk
I'm tagging anyone who's read through this and wants to do this!
But I'm also tagging @50centlighter, @fluxxies, @marshonthemellow-primary, @kagakutsukai, @artistic-shell, @cakebytheocean-syndrome, and @spookyfroggi specifically hehe
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I told myself I'd turn this into a tradition, so here I am throwing all my art in one place again.
All the art featured here is what I had on my art flash drive since that's mainly how I keep track of when I drew what.
Explanations for all the boxes under the cut:
January: Ok, so, turns out I didn't draw shit in January except a fun little doodle of Goldic (the character) fighting one of my friend's ocs. Not gonna throw it down here because it was for a friend. (I also never finished that one thing I was eluding to in the last progression post, big sadge; it would've been so funny if I finished that, or at least enough of it so I could put the other half at the start of this one)
February: Ah yes, playing Uno with Silent Magician and Silent Swordsman. The best way to spend Valentine's Day, tbh. Oh yeah, the GoldicSoulless emote also came into existence.
March: Oops, didn't draw anything. And if I did, I doubt any of it was Tumblr-worthy.
April: Oops, I did it again. I just didn't feel like drawing around that time. It was a nice art break, I guess.
May: Back to drawing and I... didn't draw much, but I did draw a redesign for Moon! ...That I never shared until now:
I also designed regional variants of Riolu and Lucario for fun (and for my fake region, Avnou, that you don't get to hear any infodumps about yet, I'll share that when it's more "complete"; Riolu is Ghost type while Lucario is Ghost/Ground):
and here's the shinies, hehehe (click to see the sparkles better):
June: PRIDE MONTH, WOOOOOOOO- *ahem*, I drew a lot of shit in Pride Month, like:
- Me holding my giant af flag made of multiple flags
- Note and Symph being cute and gay
- Mew and Mewtwo designs for the comic I didn't make yet
- A bunch of Pikachu sketches for no reason in particular
- and this as a little treat for myself since Sonic's Game Anniversary and my b-day are so close together (literally two days apart):
July: My current profile pic was drawn here, as well as a new (and currently unfinished) ref sheet for Goldic! Here's what is done right now:
though, I'm tempted to just redo it again with all the improvements I've made to my art since drawing this...
August: I just drew a bunch of doodles around this time, tbh. I even colored a couple of them. Also drew Angora again:
Beyond that? Nothing of note.
September: Cyno. Just Cyno. Definitely my best attempt at soft shading in recent memory. Also, you're not tripping, I did design an Ash (and Goh) for that Mewtwo comic I didn't make yet (Ash's design is a mix of his Unova and Journeys designs with some creative freedom mixed in; Goh's ref isn't done yet, but he does have a doodle here!):
Friendly Reminder that Ash has Aura Powers™ and Lucario, the Aura Pokémon, can read people's thoughts (just in case someone wonders why Ash seems to read Goh's thoughts in the above image):
October: I... didn't draw shit in October, but I did draw some all-digital doodles with my mouse! (because no art tablet, lol); I can't share most of it because Angst and NSFW™, but I can share what I haven't shared already:
November: I also didn't draw shit in November, but when I did, I made two whole characters: a catboy (Kitari) and a duelist, yu-gi-oh style, that I didn't share yet (Yune). Fun Fact: Yune is the first Yu-Gi-Oh oc I've ever made, despite loving the series for years, and all I have to show him off is a colored headshot and some messy sketches:
Outfit design isn't final yet, but hey. He exists. Yes, the scarf (and hair) will stay.
December: S Q U A R E - The Puyo Puyo Brainrot returned and so did me drawing Squares. I also drew a bunch of emotes for Kitari (of which only half are done) and another little something that I'll share later~
Overall:
- Very productive year in terms of art improvement (mainly anatomy and color choice; character design quality has also improved a lot)
- More brainrot fanart than in previous years
- Less art overall, but more got shown off
- 10/10 quality (compared to older art), hell yeah
#goldic's drawings#2022 art progress#thrakkymor#long post#goldic rambles#enjoy all the doodles hehehehehehe#new year's resolution: draw more art. post more content in general. maybe finally infodump about Thrakkymor so much it'll flood the blog#try my hand at animation a bit. maybe make a comic series that I'd actually want to finish#finally slap some sense into myself so I can post those things#cuz let's be real here: the main thing holding me back right now is myself
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3, 9, 14, and 25 for the fic asks! (I hope none of those are repeats — I actually wrote down the ones I saw you answer already to try to be sure 😅)
aaaaa, thank you! :D :D :D (haven't answered these ones yet! *cracks knuckles*)
3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written? Oh man. This is a tough one. I think I'm probably proudest of Empty Vessel, because it's the first properly long story I've ever finished, but I am useless at picking favourites. Although out of the Barduil Month stories, I think Yesterday, A Hundred Years Ago and paint the sky and burn the stars are my favourites, and I'm very fond of a kiss in the cold and dark 'verse because it's letting me unearth all sorts of ridiculous teenage memories (and indulge my 'modern!Bard is a biker' agenda) :D And outside the Tolkien-'verse, Six Bottles of Wine was huge fun (2011 Three Musketeers) and I am very fond of we could be happy can't you see (That Thing You Do!) and oh god like literally everything else I've written, I love my stories, I really do. :D
9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written! Sometimes. If I'm doing NaNo, or Writers' Month, or something like that then yes, otherwise, much as I'd love to, I just don't quite have the spoons at the moment. But I have done some writing today (instead of working, oops), and here's a bit:
He talked about them as he drew, telling Thranduil - or at least, his presence - about their personalities, their hobbies, what they liked and didn’t like to do, and he tried his best not to include the shadow of grief that covered all of them now, darkening their eyes, pulling back at their mouths every time they tried to smile.
Thranduil said nothing, and as he put the finishing touches to his drawing of Tilda, Bard began to feel self-conscious, as though he’d been talking to himself all this time.
“Are you still there?” he asked, almost despite himself, and after another long moment of silence, Thranduil’s voice sounded in the centre of his mind.
“I am here,” he said after a moment, sounding impossibly sad. “Forgive me. It is only - I loved them as my own, so long ago, and I had almost forgotten their faces. I cannot remember their voices, the sound of their laughter -”
14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick? Oooooh. I would LOVE to see Empty Vessel-'verse done with the movies' cast. :D :D :D
25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing? Not as a general rule, but Never Forgotten made me rather wobbly. (on the other hand, The Last Watch, which directly precedes that one, didn't - probably because I'd been thinking it over for a long time by the time I actually got down to writing it)
Thank you so much for asking! <333333 Anyone else fancies asking me questions about fic, do feel free!
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sleep tight
(nothing prompted this except for my own brain. this is 1.5k words of mostly-platonic bed-sharing. it is tooth-rottingly fluffy. this has not been beta’d and it’s almost 1 am so i can’t promise there are no errors.)
--
“Do you remember when we used to do this as kids?”
Rhett’s patting his freshly washed face dry with a hand-towel when Link says it, and he glances sidelong at the hotel mirror to get a good look at him where he’s fluffing up the pillows on his side of the bed. When his eyes meet Rhett’s, his glasses are already off.
Rhett raises an eyebrow at him. “What, you mean when you came on vacation with my family?”
He tosses the damp towel back onto the bathroom counter before turning off the bathroom light, leaving the lamp on the bedside table as the only light in the room. With the room’s only light source streaming directly onto Link, his hair looks even more silver than usual.
“Not that,” Link continues. He’s in joggers and t-shirt as he climbs into the room’s single bed.
It occurs to Rhett that when the concierge informed them that they’d been booked in a single, neither of them had even thought to ask about getting a second room.
“I mean when we used to have sleepovers.”
He turns over on his pillow to face Rhett as he slides in beside him, and it occurs to him how much younger Link looks without his glasses, how vulnerable. “D’you remember — I think it was maybe the fourth time you’d come over? Or maybe it was the fifth. It was definitely at least the third though—”
“Light,” Rhett interrupts, as he rolls onto his side. He glances up at the lamp.
Link seems to take the hint, because he moves immediately to turn it off, even as he keeps talking. “—Anyway, I think it was maybe a little after Halloween, ‘cause we had that big bag of candy that I hid under my bed, so my mama came in to make sure we’d brushed out teeth an’ weren’t eatin’ candy in bed.”
“And then Mama Sue told me she didn’t like me sleeping on the floor, so she put my pillow at the end of your bed—”
“—And then you thought it was funny to kick me all night!” Link’s voice ticks up at the end like he’s still irritated about it, but even in the dark, Rhett can see the corners of his mouth twitching like he’s trying to fight a smile.
Rhett gives him a gentle little kick, barely more than a bump of his foot against Link’s, and says, “Yeah, I remember that.”
He expects Link to retaliate, to kick him back, to continue the story, to… something.
Instead, Link is quiet. He shifts closer to Rhett, so that only a few inches are separating them, and rolls around to face the ceiling.
He’s so uncharacteristically silent for so long Rhett would think he was asleep, if he didn’t see the occasional fluttering of his open eyes against the darkness.
At last, barely audible, he says, “Why’d we stop?”
“The sleepovers? ‘Cause we were roommates, man.”
“Not that. I mean the,” he gestures vaguely at the air above his head, “the sleeping in the same bed thing. It felt like one minute it was okay and then the next it was like — it was only okay if we had to, and only if we pretended to hate it.”
Rhett remembers being eleven years old, remembers Cole tugging him aside in the hallway after Link’s mama came to take him home, remembers him telling him you oughta stop letting letting another boy sleep in his bed before people start sayin’ you two ain’t right.
He didn’t know what his brother meant by that back then, but it was still enough to scare him back into bringing a sleeping bag over to Link’s house.
“Just outgrew it, I guess,” Rhett says instead.
“Mm,” is Link’s noncommittal reply. “Guess so.”
After thirty-five years of friendship with him, Rhett likes to think he’s gotten pretty good at reading Link. More importantly, he knows that on the rare occasion he’s gotten something wrong, they’ve always bounced back from it.
So when Rhett scoots in, closing the last few inches between them, and lifts an arm to give Link a chance to cuddle in closer, he figures — at the absolute worst — Link might get indignant and tell him to get back on his side of the bed, might maybe assume Rhett is just messing with him. Might even kill the conversation for the rest of the night, but nothing worse than that.
It turns out, thought, Rhett’s Link-related instincts are perfect this time, because he immediately feels the warm, solid press of another body next to his. One of Link’s hands lands lightly on Rhett’s chest, right over his heart.
Link makes an indignant noise at the back of his throat. “Man, why ain’t ‘chu wearin’ a shirt?” He doesn’t move to pull away, though, and even hooks one ankle over Rhett’s.
“‘Cause I get overheated, man.” Rhett curls his arm to brush the pads of his fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s hot in here.”
“You are basically a furnace,” Link grumbles. It sounds like he’s complaining, but from the way he turns his face into Rhett’s chest and presses his cold nose into Rhett’s collarbone, he has a feeling Link doesn’t mind it too much.
“You like it,” Rhett counters mildly. “Otherwise you wouldn’t’ve kept tryin’ to spoon me while you were sleepin’.” He can feel the last of the tension eke out of Link’s shoulders as he keeps combing his fingers through Link’s hair.
“...Wasn’t always asleep,” Link says. “That time I latched onto you and you said you couldn’t get me to let go so I just stayed stuck to you all night? I was awake for that one.”
“You coulda just told me you wanted to snuggle,” Rhett teases, he knows it’s a mistake the second the words leave his lips.
Right on cue, Link’s whole body locks up. “Yeah, I’m sure that woulda gone great back in our Campus Crusade days,” he snaps. “Or maybe you mean back when we were teenagers, when the only time we could touch without your dad or Cole shooting us dirty look was when we wrestled?”
“Hey, I’m sorry—”
“Screw you, you’re sorry.”
Rhett feels Link start to roll away and immediately locks his arms around him, pinning him in place against his side. Link’s legs go to move next, and Rhett immediately wraps one of his long legs around Link’s, his ankle tucked around the other man’s shin to keep him from pulling away.
“Let go a’ me!” He keeps wriggling, but can’t get enough leverage to get away. Eventually, he settles for pressing his face into the side of Rhett’s neck and huffing. “I don’t wanna cuddle anymore, I’m upset with you.”
It’s a ridiculous sentence, like something Link might say to Jade for peeing on the carpet, and it’s a testament to Rhett’s self-control that he keeps himself from laughing at it.
“You can cuddle and be mad at me,” Rhett says, voice somewhere between genuine and patronizing, as he reaches the hand not holding onto Link back toward the nightstand.
“Ugh,” Link groans. Still, he seems to have resigned himself to his fate, and starts to relax back into him. “Wait — what are you grabbing?”
“My phone,” Rhett says. He holds it in front of Link, like it will somehow ease any suspicions Link might have about what he’s up to rather than exacerbating them.
“And why—” Link grabs for it, but Rhett just holds it higher, fully out of Link’s reach, as he unlocks it one-handed. “—Do you need your phone?”
Rhett doesn’t answer, just clicks the shutter button once and lets the flash burst into the room, illuminating the blue of Link’s eyes for one brief moment before it disappears again.
In the picture, Link’s face is set into a deep frown, half-buried in the blankets and tucked neatly against Rhett’s chest. He’s never seen any one person look so adorable and pissed off at the same time.
“What’re you doin’ with that picture?” Link reaches for the phone again, and Rhett holds it out above his head. “If you post that to instagram—”
“I’m not putting it anywhere public, don’t worry.” Rhett has the New Message box open, gets about two seconds into typing C-H-R when Link starts struggling for the phone again.
“Oh, no, don’t you dare send that to my wife, she’ll never let me life it down—”
“—I was also gonna send it to Jessie—”
“—Oh, so she can post it to twitter to gain clout with our fans? That’s even worse than sending it to my wife!”
“Sent,” Rhett announces, his thumb making contact with the Send Message button just as Link finally manages to grab the phone out of Rhett’s hands.
Jessie McLaughlin is typing… pops up onto the screen almost as soon as the message enters the cloud.
“Man, therapy has made you into an insufferable ass,” Link grumbles, shoving the phone back into Rhett’s hands before he can see Jessie’s no-doubt delighted response to his predicament.
“I was already an insufferable ass,” Rhett says evenly. “Therapy just made me into an insufferable ass that’s okay with cuddling with my best friend. Now go to sleep, Link.”
#rhink#my fic#i'll clean this up and post it on ao3 tomorrow probably#this is the first thing i've finished in literally months oops
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10, 12, 25 & 30? ✨
ty rabbit!! :3
10. what’s something you’re excited for?
I WANT to say the first session of oops all dwarves: the squeakuel but I honestly think I'm more nervous than excited. I'm not even really nervous that y'all won't have fun bc I know you will, I'm more nervous that I won't be able to handle it. I dunno. I guess the news abt my movie being released is pretty exciting
oh, you know what I'm excited about? I'm excited abt the chat jd and I had about teague last night. in a beautiful moment of samebrain e pitched something I'd been thinking about for months but hadn't mentioned yet bc this campaign is like three human years away from starting lmao. but that's something I'm excited about. everything else in my life is so nebulous and abstract and theoretical. I don't have a ton that's concrete to hold onto
my dad and his partner are going to argentina for a week in april so I'm looking forward to having the house to myself. I'm looking forward to making a lot of music
12. how are you?
restless and insecure lmao. I pushed really hard to finish cotton and then I fully crashed and I feel like all I've done in the last few days is look at all my other unfinished projects and wonder why they're not done and what if they're cringey what if they're mediocre (why does meh feel so much worse than bad) what if I never get out of this rut
25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)
I mean. when I get a card or a letter wherein people have said nice things about me I literally put it up on my bulletin board so I can look at it forever. so yeah probably that. I dunno. anything. anything unexpected. something someone made for me for no reason or something they stumbled across that made them think of me so they just. wanted to share it. any little reminder that I am known and I am seen
I don't listen to it often because my brain is very particular w/r/t how it consumes music but I have that playlist you made for me bookmarked. I mean I also have the cirrus/twins playlists bookmarked but the day you messaged me out of nowhere to say "hey I made a playlist of songs that remind me of you" I fucking sobbed
30. what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?
the ocean. sage green and mustard yellow. crabs. red doors. anything that reminds me of my mom. the soundtrack to grosse point blank (1997). blondies. this must be the place (naive melody) by talking heads
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J Watches Arcane: Ep. 4a, Random Thoughts/Play-By-Play
Oi, only took me fucking months to finally get off my arse and watch the next episode, oops. What can I say, I'm allergic (and yet addicted) to sadness? Anyway, these are just thoughts that I have as I watch, with timestamps. Nothing super in depth, but I just enjoy keeping track of what I notice (might forget otherwise), and it helps with forming bigger pictures with the scraps later on.
Under read-more for length and spoilers (obvs). Seriously, tho, I had a lot of thoughts on this one, even if you ignore the parts that can be summed up with "J, your gay is showing" or "J, your gender envy is showing". I mean, seriously. I mean, like, I had to break this into two parts for formatting reasons. It's kind of absurd. Ends at roughly 22 minutes into episode 4
(1:53) WHAT IS THAT. I WANT TWENTY. FLUFFBALL. Why have I not heard of this fella before?
(4:29) Right up until this shot, everything post-intro/opening gave me low-key Bioshock Infinite vibes. I really should finish that game...
(4:42) Well, first of all, let me just say that I'm glad Caitlyn's mom is still a milf, I guess. Second of all... I know that there's a timeskip between episodes 3 and 4, and I think I read it's somewhere around 7 years, but the contrast between hearing Cassandra talk about Jayce now compared to the last time they interacted is just. It's there. I'm thinking about it. She's a politician, tho, yeah? Feels like she's got experience with putting reputation/public image first. Guess I'm just noting that here in case it pops up again- good source for conflict, yeah?
(4:52) MY WIFE! My wife has a dumb hat!!! I love her dumb hat!!!
(5:29, "we really have descended to anarchy") I am going to melt over her smile oh my god. Also, I appreciate her and Jayce's friendship/basically being siblings (which I have heard a bit about). The way that Cait is so clearly miffed about her post/things with her mother, but still softens up to joke around with Jayce- and the fact that Jayce took the time to come over in the first place :D
(5:55) OH IS IT MY BOY? IS THIS THE FIRST GLIMPSE OF MY GROWN UP BOY? I legit don't know if Ekko's role in the firelights (is that the right name? I have been trying to avoid spoilers) is, like, a huge thing/big reveal, so I don't know if I'll be upset that I got spoiled on it ages ago
(6:22) MY OTHER WIFE. Not to, like, make 50% of this post about how gay I am but-
(6:40) oh hey cool, I got the name right. also just want to say I fucking LOVE the firelights' designs, everything from their outfits to their tools to their sick ass hoverboards
(6:58) that was the smoothest fucking thing I have ever seen oh my god. if I was there to witness that, I would be proposing on the spot. marry me, cool mask man
(7:42, "oh no, she's here") is it my other other wife? is it time for me to start crying, from here until the end, as the chances of recovery slip further and further out of her fingers? will I weep neon pink tears of grape soda gamer fuel glimmer, as the echoes in her skull overwhelm? oh, to be so small, in a world so big and so loud, to feel like one must scream onto the void until their lungs give out, if only to be seen at all- if only to prove that you exist-
(8:52, "... hi")... I mean, like I said, it's a build up, ya know? the end of the rope doesn't feel as bad if you never saw how long it was to begin with, after all
(8:53, *click*) lmao never mind, love my poor, poor feral lass
(9:24) and so it begins. Or, well, it doesn't so much begin as it starts to rear it's ugly head. One thing that I've noticed, and will probably make a separate post for at some point (so the thought doesn't get lost in this jumbled mess), is that the little flashes we see of Jinx's hallucinations here aren't new, per se. Literally in the very first scene of the whole ass show, when the enforcers are walking through the smog, their masks glinting in the firelight, we see those flashes of comic-esque facial expressions, the sort of "signature Jinx graphic". From a design standpoint it's neat, but more importantly, recalling that from the first episode is a great way of showing two things.
Firstly, Jinx has been going downhill for a long ass time. It's not that what happened at the end of 3 completely broke her, it's that life stuck its fingers in the cracks of her mental state, and starting tugging until everything split apart. Also want to say that the fight scene between Deckard + crew and Vi + crew in ep1 also highlights this, specifically with the way everything goes into slow motion, and we Powder at the center of it all, back against the wall, eyes wide and panicked, unable to do anything- because poor girl is probably remembering that shit on the bridge
Okay, tumblr is making me break this up a little, please ignore this random thing, something about a characters-per-block limit?
Secondly, that whole opening sequence sets up the entirety of Powder/Jinx's trauma. Violence, flashes of light, clutching desperately to those who offer her comfort, culminating in the first major loss: Her parents.
Point is, this shit hurts my emotions. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, and please remember that I am not a psychologist/therapist, just a writing nerd with a skeleton full of closets :) yes I know that I fucked that one up, but honestly I think it's funny enough to keep
(11:13) oh. oh, Viktor, time will never be your friend, will it? Deep breaths, love, what you do with what you have will be more than enough. Also look at the little fluffball, back again. Look at them, Viktor, they will give you serotonin
(12:00) these are forbidden candy. I will fucking eat them. Jinx would take one look at these and cronch on one too
(12:35, "the next chapter of Hextech") oh, so you make it stable and the first fucking thing you build is a weapon? please tell me I'm looking at this incorrectly, but that looks like Vi's punchy gauntlet. *three seconds later* okay cool, it has other applications. had me worried there. I mean, I know it will be used as a weapon tho, so... it's a mixed bag :)
(14:00, "a decade?" "it zips past you in the blink of an eye") Heimerdinger, my dude. I know you're small and maybe can't see Viktor's face as well, because you as so close to the ground and so far away, but look at him. Are you really telling me that Heimerdinger is not at all aware that Viktor's health is declining? Has he grown so accustomed to the endlessness of his own life, that he has no concept of the fragility of humanity? just feels a bit insensitive, don't it?
(15:13) why hello, Ms. Bond okay, glad cameras are a thing, even if they're kinda basic at this point. wanted to make sure that my eventual dumb fics can include cute couple photos
(15:44) Cait. Cait. my god. Was that really the best landing you could do? What the fuck. Do they not make sure enforcers know how to get around a little? God, that landing was so loud. Loud landings = hard landings, hard landings = painful landings. You want soft, quiet ones, and not even just for stealth. The process just makes it a hell of a lot easier on your joints!
(17:16) um. okay. sorry, did... did Silco turn The Last Drop... into a night club?... no no no, it's okay, that's fine, no worries. I am just... surprised, is all.
(17:22) is this that one very minor side character that some folks on tumblr are really gay for, but not everyone I've seen can agree on their gender? and also they don't even have a page on the Arcane wiki? and I did definitely check because I saw a picture and suddenly understood tumble's interest?
(18:19, "the world's growing smaller every day") did Silco read that one post I made the other day, when I was having a breakdown at five in the morning?... is he disagreeing with me because I disagreed with him about how it feels to drown, or is he replying to the ending of my post, saying that "hey, no worries, the world does eventually get smaller?". anyway this has been a stupid joke
(18:27) Hawkeye?... oh, nope, just my gf again. sitting in the rafters (very gay of her, if I do say so myself). also, I love that Silco does not react at all to her dropping down directly onto his desk. How many fucking times has she done this? How often did she scare him before he got used to it?
(19:30) this part here is specifically aimed at me. because the creators know I hate eye stuff. I am taking this personally, and not just because it gives me an excuse to pause the show and not look at what I assume is about to be eye needle time. *half a second later* I hated that. Why didn't I just hit play while not looking at the screen? Oh, right, so I could see if I was right and then post about it, duh
(20:28) if anyone is still reading at this point, they're probably tired of me pointing out the fact that I have a crush on essentially every female character. So. Hey look, it's Mel, I can't wait to see what she's been up to :D
Okay, yeah, breaking this into two parts because I've now hit the whatever limit twice, and I have literally never done that before today, so...
#j watches tv#j watches arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane netflix#arcane meta#not super meta but there are parts where I go into it
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hi!! for fic asks: i was curious about how you decide which fandom goes with which story idea, since you write for several fandoms? like, have you ever thought of an idea and were conflicted about which pairing you should write it for? or does it come naturally? (hope this question makes sense!)
also big kudos on all the writing you achieved in february, 45K words is a feat!! best of luck with writing this month, though i hope you find time to rest and chill too! also your ospbb story sounds incredibly exciting ahh, good luck with that too! 💙💙
Ahh! Hi! Wait this is such a good question, I love it, I hope you'll allow me to ramble just a little.
For most parts, it comes very natural which pairing and fandom I want to write about for each idea because the ideas usually come into my head with someone already attached to it. I think it's because of the vibes and the chemistry I want in the different fics are so deeply tied to the characters. Ideas I get usually starts with the characters first and the world or the plot comes secondary to support around them (I hope that makes sense). While I'm sure some of my ideas, especially the AUs that take the characters away from their original setting could be applied to multiple fandoms and pairs, there is something intrinsically binding me to the characters that sparked the idea from the beginning.
That being said I have had instances where I've changed it up. My biggest instance of this is an enemies to friends to lovers story about a hunter and a winged creature that originally started out as a phanfic idea - but I had only written a couple of thousands words before it felt like slightly off? It turned out that one wanted to be a completely original story instead, with female leads (I've got a trilogy planned out and book 1 is sitting at like 180k words, I swear I should get back and finish it, I love that world and the characters so much).
I think another idea why I find it easy is that I don't really take prompts from other people where it could be a case A and B does something. Because I will say the openness of such prompts are overwhelming. I'm doing a writing thing with my wwc pals with a prompt with an alien and a vampire - and for that one, I did have a whole three pairs in mind when I saw the prompt. They could all work in different ways (phan, wangxian, taegi) and each would bring a different flavour to it. In the end I landed on taegi for a couple of reasons - another person was already writing wangxian, and I thought most of us having different pairs would be fun and I am currently writing two long phanfics and adding a third version of phan into my head seemed a little excessive.
That got long oops (is anyone surprised?). Thank you so much for your kind words about my February, I was really happy with all I got done that month - it felt a little more like my usual gear. My demon/witch AU is so much fun, I'm having a blast with it. I'm about to reach a part that's quite a bit out of my comfort zone (smut) but I'm really excited to try it out and it's going to be a shift in the relationship and tied into the story in a cool way.
Thank you for always being such a warm and kind presence when you come into my ask box. It's literally always a pleasure <3 I hope you have the best day/night!
My ask box is always open if you have questions about my stories
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LOL ok here's a chapter, oops, my bad, sorry guys. Glad to be back.
I'm actually feeling quite motivated to write, so I'm optimistic about finishing this fic before I hit my next major wall, but no promises--I've learned my lesson about setting expectations too high for myself. I do, at least, have the next chapter partly written, and the rest of the fic planned out.
I'm not here to give a whole sob story or make excuses--I know I don't need to. Y'all are great. But if you're curious, read on, and I'll tell you the gist of what's going on and give you some more detailed thoughts on this new chapter and where the fic is headed.
I never stopped wanting to write this fic! Like, I think about it nearly every day. I certainly didn't stop reading fanfiction, although I delved into quite a few different fandoms over the last few months. But for whatever reason, I just couldn't write.
There was writer's block, definitely--I got frustrated with how the plot got away from me in places, how my lack of planning meant I had to dig for inconsistencies, how I got bogged down in the details.
But I was also mad depressed, and writing about suicide was not a good way to deal with it, at the time. Like, last year, when I wrote Wish I Hadn't Got So Much Better, that was cathartic, because I was feeling that way. Like, I was counting my pills. Read the fic. Idk. But then, I started to get a little better. I moved, and stopped breathing mold 24/7, and things were looking up.
But reading and writing about suicide were like picking at the wound, keeping it open. I thought I'd take a little time, recover, and then go back to it. I started looking for a therapist.
Then, someone who is very very close to me very nearly committed suicide. I dropped everything and hopped on a train (dedicated readers might remember Izuku's thoughts about Shouto in Wish I Hadn't Got So Much Better) and for a while, I was so focused on my best friend, I tried not to think about me.
But, like Shouta said at some point in this fic, there's something intoxicating about despair. It's dangerous, for people like us, who spend our lives fighting in its hold.
Anyway, I'm in therapy now. I'm not going to kill myself. But I got kind of close there a few times, you know?
But I've talked to my therapist (I really like her!) about how I use reading ansty fics as both catharsis and self harm, and she's helped me. I'm eating better. I'm starting a new job soon. We're past the darkest night of the year (literally--I hate winter).
And I started reading my own fics, and the comments. I remembered how much fun it was. I got caught up in the story again, remembered how many things I'd written that I didn't get to post yet. I thought of things I could have done better.
So I started a note on my phone, which was how this whole thing started in the first place, and today before bed I just...opened the document. It felt like such a hurdle every day of these past five months, and it was so easy??? But like my therapist said, I don't need to stress about what I "need" to do, I'll do it when I'm ready and capable of doing it. And I did!
I do think I'm going to make a few edits to the older chapters, but nothing major. I probably will do a comprehensive edit at some point, but eventually I want to get to some of the other fics rattling around in my brain. I want to milk as much pain out of this au as I can, first.
I thought starting this chapter would be hard, because of the gap. But I opened the document, and I'd already written a page at some point in the past few months. And it just started flowing? I only stopped because I have to go to sleep.
I really need to go to sleep. Just a few more things. Damn this post is too long. No edits, sorry.
I previously had a basic outline for the rest of the story, but I've fleshed it out a bit, and done myself some favors in terms of planning for consistency and saving myself work later on.
I also started a section in the outline labeled "painful nuggets to include" and it's just little snippets of ideas or phrases or details that are especially agonizing. I'm going to build the rest of the fic around those nuggets. I'm so excited.
Thank you for having me back! Happy to be here.
#bnha fanfiction#suicidal izuku#ao3 author#dadzawa#dadmic#my hero academia fanfiction#fic update#new chapter
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I just want you to know that I think about From Eden at least once a week and I've lost count of how many times I've reread it. If you ever wanna share what comes next amd what other ideas you had for that universe i'm here to listen op 👀
Thank you, I love you! When I first wrote that fic, I had two other parts (at least) that I wanted to go with it, and since they’re partially written I’m happy to share those bits with you:
From Eden Part 2
“It’s just unfair, you know,” the girl said. Her words were slightly slurred. To be fair, they were in a nightclub after midnight. Everyone was slurring. “I was there for him, and I paid his bills while he went through college and now! He has a real job and he dumped me for his secretary.” She started sobbing.
Damen, who was six foot three, strongly built, and also carrying a loaded weapon, took her hands and made a sympathetic noise. “Lykaios,” he said, because he --unlike Laurent-- had actually listened when she’d introduced herself. “I think the best thing for you now is to forget about him. He didn’t deserve you.”
Lykaios sniffled. “You think so?”
“Of course I do,” Damen said. “I’ve only known you for a few minutes and I already can see that you’re incredible. Right, babe?”
“Right,” Laurent deadpanned. He glanced at his watch. “It’s quarter to.”
Damen nodded. Still holding Lykaios’ hands, he turned to Laurent. “Security?”
“Just the two.”
“Great.” He looked back to Lykaois. “Listen, doll, we’ve got to get down to business, but I want you to remember what I said, okay? You’re worth a lot more than that guy gave you. And your mascara is running a little. Maybe you should go fix it up in the bathroom and wipe your tears?”
“Okay,” Lykaois sniffed. “Thank you.” She left.
Damen gave Laurent a grin, the crooked, teeth-baring one that appeared whenever they were about to do a job. “Ready?”
“You never call me doll.”
“Do you want me to?”
“Try it sometime and see.”
Damen yanked him in by the jacket and kissed him, slowly and bordering on indecent. “Alright,” he said, after he pulled back. “Show time.”
As Damen disappeared into the crowd, Laurent grasped his --still full-- drink, turned, and threw its contents at the roughest looking guy in the place.
“Hey, what the hell?” The guy squared his shoulders; he was intimidating even covered in lemonade.
“Fuck you,” Laurent replied.
At this point, three months of travelling and stealing and, most importantly, Damen, Laurent had become pretty efficient at inciting fights. He didn’t need to see the punch coming to know that it was, he just sidestepped and let the man stumble into the back of another patron. It took less than thirty seconds before half the clientele were involved in an all out brawl.
The two security guards rushed in, and were immediately overwhelmed enough that the only bartender -- a youngish lad with a crooked nose -- had to join in to get everything under control. Laurent punched him.
Eventually, the fight got calmed down enough for fingers to point to Laurent and the lemonade clad man as the inciters, and guards hauled them both out into the parking lot.
“Let me go!” Lemonade guy yelled. “I’ll fucking kill him.”
“You can try,” Laurent said, a lot more willing to be subdued by the guard that had him by the arms.
“Don’t make us call the police, man,” his guard complained. “The both of you can go your separate ways, come on.”
The door behind them opened.
“Sweetheart,” Damen said, chidingly. “I step away for two minutes and you get yourself into trouble.”
---
They go back to a motel after this and Damen reveals the money he stole from the tills while Laurent was being a distraction. Sexy times ensue. Damen eventually falls asleep and Laurent stays awake with the tv on. The news comes on and an interview is shown with Lykaios being interviewed about the robbery at the bar -- she gives a completely inaccurate description of what Damen looked like, and Laurent reflects on how easy it is for Damen to charm people to taking his side.
From Eden Part 3
Their most recent car was a much older model. The aircon was busted and they had to wind down the windows themselves, but at least the radio worked. It was hot, despite it being a couple of hours past sunset.
Damen was singing with the radio. He wasn’t going to win any awards, but his voice was deep and he had a nice enough sense of the music. He grinned at Laurent. He was always happy. It was part of what made him so magnetic.
Laurent smiled back. After two years with Damen, the expression felt natural.
Except for them, the road was empty. Damen reached over and took Laurent’s hand in his.
“Watch the road,” Laurent said.
Damen laughed. “But you’re my favourite view.”
“I won’t be happy if you kill us in a car wreck.”
Obediently, Damen looked back to the road. And then, because it was Damen, the car sped up.
Laurent’s hair flew about chaotically, longer than it had ever been when his uncle had been keeping a hand of Laurent’s appearance. It needed a trim, but as much as Laurent trusted Damen, he didn’t trust him to do that. Damen had offered to take him to a salon, somewhere quiet where there was no chance he’d be recognised, but Laurent wasn’t fond of the idea of being trapped in a chair like that. He was too used to freedom by now.
-
“Left here,” Laurent instructed.
They’d had to slow down once the got near the town. It was best to avoid anyone’s attention for as long as possible. (An admittedly difficult feat when traveling with someone like Damen).
They drove a little way past the house, until they found an obscure little dirt road to park down. It wouldn’t do for someone to see the car. They grabbed their things, and looped back to the house on foot.
Quietly, Damen was still singing.
“Stop it,” Laurent said.
“You love it,” he replied. “This is your birthday present, baby, at least look like you’re having fun.”
“This is literally the worst place we could get caught.”
“No it isn’t,” Damen replied. “I checked out the police station last time I was here. Breaking out of the cells would be too easy.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“There were no lights on when we drove by. No one is home.”
That was true. And they’d timed it perfectly, assuming schedules hadn’t changed in the last two years. The house was silent when they got to it, not a light in sight as promised.
Laurent took a deep breath.
“Chin up,” Damen said. “Let’s go rob your uncle.”
-
The spare key wasn’t where uncle used to keep it, so they went around the back and Damen fucked with the lock until it opened. It was almost hard to walk into the house, full of so many bad memories, except it had never truly been Laurent’s home and he could just tell himself this was another job.
“The study,” Laurent said, leading the way.
They crept up the stairs together, torches on their lowest settings.
The study was a formidable room with the big, mahogany desk, and the shelves of books that existed solely to make visitors feel stupid. “Look at this,” Laurent said, pulling out one of the books. “War and Peace in Russian. He doesn’t even know Russian.”
Damen reached past him, and nonchalantly, tipped a stack of books off the shelf. They clattered noisily onto the floor. “Oops,” Damen said. He turned away. “Where’s the safe?”
“Under the desk,” Laurent replied. He was busy searching through the books, finding any early editions to pilfer. They’d probably be able to sell them to an antique store for a bit of quick cash.
Damen worked away at the safe for a bit, guessing potential codes Laurent had told him about. “None of these are working, sweetheart.” The safe made a beeping noise. “Oh, wait. Got it. Wow, he really deserves to be robbed.”
“I’m sure he thought I’d never come back here.”
Damen made a vaguely angry noise. He didn’t like reminders of what had happened to Laurent in this house. He’d even tried to convince Laurent that they could just murder his uncle while they were here. Laurent wasn’t sure he wanted to add cold-blooded murder to their repertoire just yet though. However tempting.
Damen stood up, suddenly. Hands full of Laurent’s uncle’s emergency cash. He grinned.
“Happy birthday - to - you,” he crooned.
Laurent couldn’t help it. He laughed. “I love you, you beautiful fucking bastard.”
Abandoning the books, Laurent moved in and kissed him. Carefully, Damen put the money down on the desk so that he could cup Laurent’s face in his hands. It was always intoxicating to kiss Damen. There was something about him that made Laurent forget himself until there was only the press of their lips.
“I love you too,” Damen whispered, pulling back a little. He’d stopped smiling; it was a moment of complete genuine emotion. He did that sometimes, always out of the blue, and it always made Laurent want to clutch him tighter and maybe cry.
“Let’s finish up here,” Laurent said, “and then we can go find somewhere nice and fuck under the stars.”
“You always know just what to say to seduce me,” Damen said.
They bagged the money, and the books Laurent had picked, and then they made their way down the stairs again.
“Wait,” Damen said.
“What?”
“I’m hungry.” He turned into the kitchen and opened the fridge. “Oh hey, chocolate.”
Actually, that was an idea. Laurent followed him into the kitchen and went straight for the pretentious temperature controlled wine fridge. “Pinot noir or Shiraz?”
“Whatever is more expensive,” Damen replied. He was adding strawberries and oranges to the bag as well. Cream?”
“It’ll go warm too fast.”
“I feel like we should unplug the fridge before we go, at least,” Damen added. “If you’re still against me putting bleach in the milk.”
“Wouldn’t that make it curdle?”
Damen shrugged. “I don’t know. I had a cement mixer in a bar once but that was lime juice.”
“You can unplug the fridge. If he dies from food poisoning, that’s on him.”
Damen started to look for the cord to the fridge.
“Wait,” Laurent whispered. “Did you hear that?”
They froze, listening.
There it was. The soft sound of the stairs creaking. Fuck. Silently, Laurent gestured towards the back door. Damen nodded. He was carefully reaching over to the knife stand.
“Renaud?” came a small voice.
A young boy, no more than thirteen, stepped into the kitchen. He was wiping at one eye sleepily in a childlike gesture. Less childlike were the bruises on his arms. Laurent knew he and Damen had matching expressions of horror.
The boy’s eyes widened as he took them in. “Who are you?” he said.
Damen’s expression was one of barely concealed fury. He looked at Laurent. “I’m not leaving until that man is in a shallow grave.”
“Don’t scare the boy,” Laurent admonished. He turned to the child and tried to look as non-intimidating as a late-night home invader could possibly look. “What’s your name?”
“Are you Renaud’s friends?” The boy asked.
“No,” Laurent said. “Definitely not. I’m Laurent.”
The boy was frowning. “You used to live here.”
“Yes.”
“Well,” he straightened up, suddenly hostile. “You’re not allowed to come back. He doesn’t want you anymore; I’m better.”
“Where are your parents?” Damen asked.
“We’re not giving him back to parents who-”
“They’re dead,” the boy said. He didn’t sound upset.
--
The boy is obviously Nicaise. They hear a car in the driveway and Laurent locks Nicaise in the pantry. Laurent’s protective instinct rears up and he insists they kill the uncle now. Damen is fully down for it. Murder ensues. They let Nicaise out and keep him away from finding out that the uncle is dead in the next room. They tell Nicaise to pack a back and discuss what to do with him. Damen suggests dropping him off at a hospital or somewhere like that where someone can get help for him (since they can’t exactly go to the cops).
Nicaise overhears and says that he doesn’t want to have a new foster parent; at least his current one has a big house. Laurent hearing that feels too wary to risk Nicaise getting another bad household. Damen is like, well I guess we can keep him if you want??? Laurent agrees. They go get in the car and drive away.
-
Anyway this AU was directly inspired by the film clip for Hozier’s ‘From Eden’, you should watch it bc that’s the story I intended to write
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Ah it's okay..it's okay..don't get nervous..what ideas did you have? Is there a celebration you really wanted to do?
Yeah she shouldn't have gone on your blog. How did you know she went on your blog?
Ah yes.. that's exactly how I look every time I'm fighting allergies✋🏽😭 but i feel better now :))
❤️😘
I just feel prettier and confident after all the subs. But everytime I am confident that I'll get my desires, I react to the 3D..yesterday I was so confident that I'm getting what I want, and my aunt just insinuated that I might not get it. Broke my heart honestly. She always says negative things whenever I feel good about myself..so subs are how I make myself feel better.. sorry I ranted there.
Yes I'll buy Tokyo ever after.. somebody asked me to buy The Secret and I realised it's abou law of attraction? Law of Assumption just seems much better and easier..idk
😘
-👽
babe i still don't know. i've decided to give up and just do a celebration when i have an idea for one :( also after i get rid of all my celebration asks. they're quite a few!
she literally said my username to me and i was like :0 oops.
i feel like manifesting now is easier than ever. especially repeating it to yourself. for some who begin manifesting, and even some who just aren't secure in their manifestations, they feel like they're lying to themselves in the beginning. but the beauty of persisting is that, at some point, if you do it enough, it won't feel like lying. your aunt is your aunt - and everyone is you pushed out. so, technically, believe she's like you. believe she's positive and radiant, and all the other things that you are. and she will be. ii know deep in my heart that you have everything you want. so why would you let somebody else tell you who you are and what you stand for?
did you buy it? since i finished that book, i've read two others, the first two from the selection series. they were wonderful... my friend's bringing the third book for me to borrow on monday and i can hardly wait, so i'm going to write my book in the meantime, and maybe even get to some celebration asks! anyways, yes, i have the secret, too! it's actually on my nightstand. law of assumption is way easier. it's why i've had a bookmark in the middle of that book for months. law of assumption, you just think and it's there. i don't truly believe in law of attraction. to me it seems like a waste of time. it's like when people say "you have to love yourself before others can love you". it's untrue, and just extra effort into achieving something you would've achieved regardless. does that make sense??
how have you been, angel, tell me everything!!
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