#this is technically also about my asexuality but i find that being aromatic makes a lot of ace content feel non applicable to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sinnohanvulpix · 3 years

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Happy Arospec Day! Being aroace, I’m really grateful that I can have two days in a row dedicated to people in my community, who are often overlooked on the LGBTQIA spectrum.

Even though I’ve never had any second thoughts about whether or not I’m asexual, it did take me the longest time to figure out for certain if I was also aromatic. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had feelings that are similar to crushes, where I’d find certain boys appealing for no obvious reason. I would experience most of the typical feelings, getting nervous when talking them, being unable to stop thinking about them, and feeling comforted by their presence if or when I’ve gained trust in them. The key difference though was what I wanted out of their presence. I’ve never been into the idea of kissing or dating, as that just felt gross and unnecessary for me. All I really wanted was to be close friends with them. This feeling is what I now know as a squish, which is the platonic equivalent of a crush that has all the same levels of intensity, but just lacks the desire for romantic interaction.

Back in elementary school, I had no idea that there was such a thing as a non-romantic attraction for people. I knew deep down that my feelings had a lot of technical similarities to crushes, but I never wanted to admit or accept that this was a possibility, since I didn’t want anything to do with traditional dating.

Eventually in middle school, as I was experiencing a particular strong crush on a boy who I had become acquaintances with (which was the first time this had happened), I just couldn’t take not having a word to describe to myself my feelings for him anymore. So, after days of preparing and bracing myself for what was to come... (sigh) I came out to my family and close friends as straight (yes, it felt this dramatic for 13-year-old me). But everyone was super supportive (and understandably confused), and were able to help me try and make sense of how I was feeling.

I remember this was when my older sibling first brought up the concept of squishes to me. Back then, this term did somewhat resonate with me, other than the fact that it seemed to imply a less intense version of a crush. I knew it couldn’t have simply been a less intense version of a romantic crush, since this boy was on my mind 24/7. But the main thing that eventually drew me away from it was having to explain to everyone I mentioned it to what a squish was. So over the years, this term faded into the background for me. Then as I got to know my “crush” better and become closer friends with him, the idea of being in a romantic relationship with him became more and more tolerable, to the point where a part of me became convinced that this was what I wanted (even though it wasn’t). Nothing ended up happening though between him and I, which I believe was for the best given how unsure I felt about my own feelings.

Fast forward to earlier this year, and my best friend @poofbiscuit comes out to me as aromantic. This surprised me at first since we had talked in the past about her previous, infrequent “crushes”. But when she told me that she’s starting to realize that those crushes were really just strong desires to be friends with those people, I remembered that I’ve felt the exact same way about my own “crushes”. This was an incredible moment for me, since not only was it my first time meeting someone who’s experienced attraction in the same platonic way I have, but that someone also happens to be a close friend who I already feel really safe to talk to about personal stuff like this.

A few days later, Poofy reintroduced me to the term “squish”. This time, since I had a close friend to talk to who knew how they felt and who I didn’t need to explain it to, I was much more quick to embrace this term. And now I can proudly say that I identify as aroace.

And no, I’m not just a late bloomer. Maybe I’ll like someone romantically or sexually one day (although I highly doubt that since I’m almost 20 and have yet to experience either feeling once), or maybe I won’t. But no one has the right to decide for me how I identify. My identity is all based on how I myself feel right now, and the same goes for anyone else reading this, no matter how young they are.

#arospec #aromantic #aroace #lgbtqia #pride month

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ineffablefool · 4 years

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(1/4) hey uh ur bio says that u r demiromantic and if it's not too much trouble could i get some help? so i'm starting high school next year and so far, i haven't gotten a crush or anything. romantic attraction? don't know her. but whenever i thought or pictured myself "grown up" i imagined myself with a boyfriend. (i'm a woman) all the evidence is pointing towards me being aromantic, but a little slice of my brain is still, "oh, you're just super demiromantic and violently straight, all of your

(2/4) super close friends have been girls, you just have to become really close friends with a guy and there! instant boyfriend" but i know that won't happen. i won't have some man come and suddenly i'm head over heels. but i've always figured i'd have a boyfriend. i know i'm ace, and i am calling myself ace, but whenever i go to call myself aro, my brain goes "but what if ur actually demi and then all the people you told u were aro will think you were a liar" which i kNOW is stupid but i cant

(3/4) stop thinking it. i dunno why i can't fully accept the fact that i'm aro. is it society claiming that you need a partner to be happy? is it the fact that being in love sounds amazing and like floating on clouds and i want to feel like that? i have no fucking clue. and it's not something against aros, like, i know that if someone told me they were aro i'd have no problem with it. which makes it worse because why is it so hard to let go of the fantasy that i'll have a romantic partner one

(4/4) day? i know, in my heart, that there is a like a 1% chance i wont be aro. but i still cant call myself aro my brain won't let me >:( when did you get your first crush? when is it normal for a demi to first feel romantic attraction? did you think you were aro at first? also i sometimes feel like i shouldn't call myself ace bc im too young to know if i like sex yet? when did u start calling yourself ace? ugh sorry for the super long ask,,, also fun fact it's "how do u write kisses" anon hiii

Hi anon. I cannot promise you excellent help, but I am still glad you wrote to me again, and I really hope you are about to have a straight 72-hour period of Good Days. (It might take you that long to read this. Oops.)

So, first of all: there is nothing wrong with calling yourself aro now and then later deciding you aren’t. Or realizing you aren’t. (Two different framings for the same thing -- both are good.) Or deciding or realizing that you’re somewhere on the aromantic spectrum which you feel is better described with a more specific term. Demiromantics are still part of the aro umbrella! It’s not an exclusive club where You Must Be Pure Aro To Enter! (Anyone who tells you otherwise is setting themselves up as Decider Of What It Really Means To Be Aro, and where are their credentials for that? Hmm, hypothetical gatekeeping person? Can I please see your certification from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them? Oh. Oh you don’t have one. Because it doesn’t exist.)

Me saying that doesn’t magically make your brain accept the label, of course. I am just trying to gently show your brain the door, and it’s the one that has to walk through it.

Assuming you want it to walk through it. Maybe you decide you don’t. That’s fine! But “yes, I am indeed aro -- I am on the aro spectrum somewhere so I am using the label” is a perfectly fine thing to tell people, and if they are not carrying forged credentials from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them, then they will probably be okay with this.

I am not any kind of expert on being aro, or ace, or anything. I am only an expert in being me. But to somewhat exhaustively answer the questions from your last part...

I had my first crush when I was thirteen or fourteen. When I was about ten, I was friends with two girls who both had a very public crush on the same boy, and I claimed to also have one on him in order to fit in, but I was completely lying. Sorry, Drew. I’m sure you were quite the catch, but I was not feelin’ it.

I don’t know if there’s a specific time when it’s “normal” for a demiromantic person to start feeling any particular way. It just sort of happens if it’s gonna. Maybe it never does. People are complicated and different and that’s wonderful.

I didn’t know what being aro (or being ace!) was when I was your age, because they weren’t really identities yet. “Asexual” was for amoebas, or maybe robots. “Aromantic” was, like, dude, did you misspell “aromatic”? (Keep in mind, there was technically an Internet in approx. 1995, but there was no Google, no Wikipedia, no YouTube, no social media, the concept of what is now called a “blog” didn’t even really exist yet, and often your parents would not let you on the Internet connection if they could even afford it themselves, not least because it was frequently billed by the amount of time you spent using it. It was incredibly hard to know what things existed in the world back then to even begin to learn about them! Now is so much better. I have all the treasures of the world in my pocket via my telephonic device.) When I started to learn about asexuality, specifically that you could be ace but not be “an emotionless robot” (gosh has unlearning that kind of judgement been a journey), I jumped straight on that label and never looked back (this was roughly when I joined Tumblr, so I would have been about 32). I thought I was alloromantic for a while after that, but I’ve come to realize that my feelings on romance probably put me somewhere on the aro spectrum. And that’s where I am now.

I started calling myself ace, again, when I was about 32, but I didn’t have that label available to me when I was younger. Ya boi was 13-14 years old, sitting in his bedroom writing letters-to-never-be-sent to his crush, which included long sections about how I had already decided I would never have sex so long as I lived, so once we obviously got married because how could we not when I had such Emotions, he would have to find some other way to get that if he wanted it. I had no interest in it then. I never developed an interest in it since. If I had had the knowledge I have now, back when I was in junior high, I am absolutely convinced that I would have taken the ace label then. Was I too young to know for sure? I dunno, we don’t say that people are too young at that age to know they’re heterosexual, so why do other sexualities have to pass a higher bar? (Because compulsory heterosexuality. That is why.)

Regardless of your age, if the label of ace resonates with you, you can apply it to yourself. If the label of aro resonates, you can apply it to yourself. Or a more specific variant of either, or something else entirely. And the day you realize “oh gosh, this is not, in this moment, actually me”, you can let the label go, because its only purpose for existing is to be useful to you.

Finally -- this is not something I can personally speak to, but I have seen people who identify as completely aro also state that they enjoy things that our (my? I do not know where you are from) culture frequently sees as romantic. Like, if you want to have a person who you can snuggle up with, hold hands with, say “I love you” to and have them say it back and both of you mean it -- there are aro people who do all that with their partners, and enjoy it, and don’t see it as interfering with their aromantic identity at all. I believe them, because they are the expert on being themselves, and I have nowhere near the ego required to decide that I know better. So that’s something to keep in mind -- cloud-floating and an aromantic identity do not have to be completely separate, because there are lots of kinds of love and of affection, and people are complicated, and that is wonderful.

I hope you enjoy this novel, anon. It is for you.

#ineffablefool reply #not good omens #if anyone is wondering if i referenced The Matrix on purpose the answer is Yes #Anonymous

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hhollster · 5 years

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hphm traits & characteristics tag game

honestly I love cleo so much-

tagged by @/wilhelminafujita (i saw theirs first so-)

tagging anyone who sees this!

BOLD - all that applies to your muse.

italicized - what is applicable in some way.

[i added little notes on them because I have too much time on my hands so enjoy that-]

she has very light blue eyes

her hair is ashy-brown and really wavy, but it’s really knotty so she has it in a over the shoulder plait

she’s always been really sporty and loves to run, she’s got a good figure and is toned

she doesn’t have loads of freckles and they’re pretty subtle, but you can see them on her nose and random darker ones on her arms and legs

she has kinda light olive skin

she’d figure it out during her fourth year, as she always cringes in disgust at the thought of sex and has never viewed it as significant at all

shapeshifter; she’s a goshawk animagus

(other) legilimen; although it’s apart of her being a witch so..

technically hogwarts is both..

hurt; emotionally and physically, specifically jacob and her, basically obsession, with the vaults. physically she just has a lot of scars from her adventures, and when she was young she fell from a tree and had to get stitches in her cheek because she was in the presence of her muggle friends

ill; if you mean the common cold and tonsillitis then yeah

bullied; in primary school and by merula and people who don’t like jacob

affectionate; she isn’t highly affectionate but it’s obvious when she cared for someone

adventurous; she’s always loved the thrill of new things and exploring

athletic; she loves sports like football, gymnastics and volleyball, but she also really loves to run

brave; she will gladly stand up to someone and is usually the first of her friends to do something dangerous

confident; not so much so confident outwardly and towards people but confident in her abilities

cunning; as a slytherin it’s a given, but she’s an amazing liar and has an uncanny ability of getting out of things

determined; not really with school work, but with the vaults 100%

humorous; she has a pretty dry sense of humour but she’s able to make most people she meets laugh

intelligent; she isn’t really bothered by her intelligence and never really tries hard, but she’s top of the class in most subjects

loyal; very selective loyalty, you have to earn it, but after that she will stick my you 100%

charismatic; she’s very easy to get along with and people tend to be natural drawn to her

calm; more laid-back than calm, she’s very good at handling situations

cynical; she’ll gladly use people to get what she wants, and although she doesn’t really like doing that she will and does do it

jealous; she gets jealous very easily but is good at hiding it, she always feels left out or annoyed when her friends hang out with other people, despite her doing the same thing

impulsive; she can be very in the moment and quick to act, and will sometimes forgets to think about her actions

cocky; it’s mostly all an act, but cleo is very confident in her abilities and won’t shy away from teasing others for their lack of skill

reckless; she’ll do anything to achieve her goals

mistrustful; she’s never been able to trust people, mostly because her experience with bullying and her brothers disappearance, but as her years at hogwarts progress it‘s gotten worse

paranoid; people keep trying to kill her, enough said

sarcastic; it gets her into a lot of trouble and she finds it difficult to contain

swears; would make a sailor blush

rebellious; hates rules, she thinks they’re boring and restrictive, always challenges them

argumentative; she loves arguing and will gladly argue with you over the smallest things

only with her mother, as her father left when she was younger

sibling(s): sister(s) | brother(s) | none | other

jacob thomas kersey

she isn’t affected much by her crush on jae because she can act pretty normal around him, she honestly finds him to be the most interesting and entertaining person going

sleep disorder; insomnia and night terrors

she has misophonia, which isn’t an official metal disorder because of how little is known about it, she hates noises

stolen; theft from shops (an extra few sweets), her mum’s purse, stuff from the greenhouse and potions class, etc.

gotten into a fist fight; in primary school, and had some with merula in years one, two and three

gone to hospital; she got stitches for falling out a tree

played hooky; slips class all the time because of the vaults

someone tried to kill them; hmmmm

#harry potter hogwarts mystery #harry potter: hogwarts mystery #hogwarts mystery #hphm #jacob's sibling #jacobs sibling #mc #tag game #hphm mc #hphm jacob’s sibling #my character traits #cleo kersey

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anti-mistajules · 5 years

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For the aromantic asks, would you pick which ones you want, or if you could do all of them? I’ve never heard about it before but I’m really curious and would like to know more from your point of view

Well bc you’ve never heard of it before here’s a little definition I got from here (if u wanna read more about it):

An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.

What arospec label(s) do you identify with?

I’m just plain ol Aromantic

Sexual orientation?

Bisexual

Are you romance-repulsed?

To a degree? I don’t usually mind seeing romance in media, I just get a little uncomfortable with seeing PDA and when people view me in a romantic way I feel like physically sick.

Do you relate to voidpunk?

Do I relate to what now?

What kinds of attraction (romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, platonic, etc) do you experience?

Sexual, aesthetic, and platonic definitely! Im not too big on sensual attraction and I don’t feel romantic attraction at all.

How do you like to show people you (platonically) love them?

I’m a huge ‘acts of service’ and ‘gift’ person! I do whatever I can to make things easier for my friends and try to give them gifts they love and deserve! I also like to spend time with them when I can and talk about whatever! Basically if I can talk to you on the phone or in person past 12am, I love you friend!!

Do you want to remain single all your life or do you want to have some sort of life partner?

I wanna remain single, I really need my alone time I couldn’t imagine living with someone for an extended period of time.

If you want one, what is your dream partner?

no!

Which is your favorite of the 3 aromantic flags?

Uhhh fuck im not too flag savvy??? I like this one:

Your opinion on soulmates?

allonormative as fuck and perpetuates the idea that you need another person in your life to ‘complete’ you which is complete garbage!

Your opinion on shipping?

Shipping is fun but I don’t get too into it.

Do you ship characters in romantic/sexual relationships, or do you only ship characters in familial and platonic relationships?

Honestly all of the above but mostly platonic and sexual.

Are you out to anyone in real life?

My close friends and my immediate family. Or at least I tried to come out to them but they were just like “you won’t get married?? Ya right lol ur stupid” and I didn’t use the word ‘aromantic’ so I guess technically im not out to them?? Its not something I hide, but when explaining it to others I don’t use the word bc I don’t wanna explain or want people to think im one of those “tumblrinas’ who ‘make up orientations’ bc there’s a lot of negativity to unpack there so I just don’t bother

How did you come out?

Once I found out what aromanticism was I immediately related to it so I told my best friend first and we had a conversation about it and then Id just be like “hey I don’t get why people date people…I don’t wanna do that” to everyone else.

Do you know any aromantic people in real life?

Nope! I would love to meet some!!

How do you feel about your aromanticism?

Honestly its so freeing…I feel very validated knowing there’s a whole community of people who feel the same way I do about romance. Im pretty proud to be aro with my friends and online but irl to my family and acquaintances Im not as open with it.

What is the worst part of being aromantic?

The lack of representation and the constant erasure. I highkey hate being grouped with asexuals so much bc not every person who is aro is ace and vice versa! They’re separate orientations but they are NEVER treated like it and its so annoying. (THIS IS NOT ACE HATE!! I SUPPORT ACES WITH ALL MY ARO HEART!!! LOVE YALL!!)

Also the constant fear that you cant be friends with the opposite sex bc they’ll always want to be romantically involved and that your allo friends will leave you for their S/O lol

ALSO WHEN UR PHONE CHANGES AROMANTIC TO AROMATIC >:///

What is the best part of being aromantic?

Not being in a relationship lol people complain so much about their relationship troubles and im like ‘damn COULDN’T be me’

How did you find out about aromanticism?

I found out through either Tumblr or google I cant remember which??? Or maybe I saw it on Tumblr and googled it? Either way Tumblr was a factor

When did you know you were aromantic?

I tried dating my best friend and ended it in like 3 days bc I felt so fucking weird about the whole thing like very uncomfortable??? Like I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about certain stuff anymore and just being called someone’s “girlfriend” makes my skin crawl. I always had some weirdness around romance but I thought it was just bc I haven’t “found the right person yet” but if anyone was the “right person” it was my best friend and I couldn’t do it. So I did some research and found out about aromanticism, related so hard, and have been very happy with the label ever since.

Do you have any aromantic headcanons?

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND BRUCE BATMAN WAYNE ARE AROMANTIC AND YOU WILL PRY THOSE HEADCANONS OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD HANDS YOU COWARDS

What would be your dream representation of an aromantic/aro-spec character?

An aromantic character who is allosexual (preferably bi) who loves their friends and family and would do anything for them! Doesn’t go “EW!!! GROSS!!” At romance but is just like “nah ill pass, loving my friends is all I need!” and isn’t super oblivious to romantic gestures or infantilized/made into a joke for not being interested in romance. Also if they call out allonomativity that’d be tight

Who is your aromantic icon/idol?

NOBODY BC THERE ARE NO AROMANTICS IN MEDIA

What is your favorite song that relates to aromanticism, or is simply not about romantic love?

Analysis Paralysis by Awake at Last (At least I don’t get a romance vibe off of it??) and Sonic Youth by Crush 40 for all you Sonic fans out there. (And honestly most sonic songs are aromantic BANGERS)

What is your favorite movie that is not focused on romance?

BATMAN V SUPERMAN !!!

What is your favorite tv show that is not focused on romance?

POKEMON !! Im gonna be honest with y’all I think the reason Im aro is bc I watched nothing but Pokemon until I was like 10 (I didn’t stop I just also watched other things) and it is the least romance oriented show ever like….while y’all where out watching Disney princesses ‘fall in love’ or whatever I was crying over Pikachu’s Goodbye so don’t talk to me about heartbreak. Also Ash and Pikachu’s friendship (and of course his friendship with all his traveling partners) really fucking resonated with me and I think thats why I hold my friends above all else.

What popular romantic pairing do you see as only platonic?

SONAMY

Do you experience squishes?

I think I’ve had maybe one or two but they went away quick once I realized that I just like this person bc I think we’d be good friends and I get excited at the thought of making longterm friends.

Do you own any aromantic pride merch or outfits? What are they? If not, what would you like to own?

I do not but id love to own a flag or two

Do you have any advice for anyone who may be questioning if they are aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum?

Just own it. I’m actually actively trying to take my own advice bc like I said I don’t use the word irl but like,,,if you think you’re aro or somewhere on the spectrum, find a label that speaks to you and just own it. Being Aromantic isn’t cringey, its a valid orientation just like any other and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Ive spent too much time pretending to be alloromantic just to fit in, I’ve embarrassed myself too many times by pretending to be allo, Ive gone too far into my life pretending to be something im not just because its easier for others to understand. Ive gone through too much to discover my orientation to have some fucking losers on the internet tell me that its ‘not a real orientation’. Im aromantic. I feel comfortable in that label and no one can take that away from me.

#ask anti #Anonymous

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