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senseichaos · 4 months

Note

Hey, same anon asking about yandere stuff. I'm so glad to hear!! Of course if you want to, may I please request yandere Vox with the reader? Like how they try to run from him? Perfectly fine with it being a female reader as I am one. And I don't mind how you write it. Do whatever you please! I love seeing others' interpretation of the characters 🖤 No rush!

YOU CAN'T RUN. HELL, YOU CAN'T HIDE EITHER.

thank you lovely anon! I love the concept of Yandere Vox! Hope this is good :) let me know your thoughts in another ask if you'd like! Lots of love!

Summary: Vox doesn't often fall in love often, no. Well that was until you came around- and you wanted a job with Valentino of all people? No. That would never fly with him. He'd make you work with him instead, like an intern or something? Hell, anything to make you stay near him. Anything to get him as close to you as possible.

Genres: Angst with a small amount of sexuality

NOT PROOF READ (yet)

Warnings/Tags: Yandere Vox, Insecurity, Reader is naive, manipulation, mind control, exploitation, creepy behavior, masking, contractual agreements, reader lacks hell experience, Vox is violent, Vox lacks empathy, angst, swearing, overall kinda depressing (LET ME KNOW IF MISSING ANY)

Pt 2

_______

You can't believe your eyes when you step into that tower, the pink glass adorning the outsides making your eyes shimmer. You have a job interview with Valentino today, after waiting for (probably too long) to get a job somewhere.

You see, hell worked slightly differently to earth. Where things in earth worked in a more of a 'work and make work' sort of way, Hell is more 'work, make work, and fight'

You'd managed for the past months to live in a small apartment that happened to be owned by someone who got killed in an extermination. It wasn't your plan to impersonate a sinner and squat in their home, but you have to get by somehow, right?

Well- it also wasn't your plan to be a porn star. But no where else seemed to want to take you. You're small, too weak to be taken by anyone else. People on the street told you that you were made for the screen, that your body was perfect. Some even tried to pay you copious amounts of cash just for you to suck them off. And you hate it.

At least the elevator of the building is cozy.

Vox on the other hand was having the best day of his life: or in his definition, a day where Valentino doesn't have a stupid breakdown that Vox doesn't have to solve.

He loves to watch his people as they indulge in his technology, he loves to watch everyone become obsessed with him and his media, he loves to be in control of all of these people. He'll watch every screen around him with focus, taking in their reactions as he bottle feeds them content.

Could he be with his boyfriend, Val? Yes. Does he want to? Hell no. He doesn't love Val. Plain and simple in his eyes. He has Valentino to get his business along. To make him more powerful. He'll do what he has to to be the most powerful he can be. Even if it means toying with people around him.

Val doesn't think he's capable of falling in love with anyone in this horrible underworld he inhabits. Everyone here is fucked. he is fucked. Plus, he doesn't know anyone here who he'd connect with anyway.

Or well that's what he did think until right now. There is a girl in the central elevator that looks awfully out of place, causing Vox to turn the entirety of his attention onto her. She looks like a regular old sinner, yes- but still she stands it like a sore thumb against the few people also in the central elevator. Where everyone's boring physique was her own enticing one stands. Where everyone else's two tone personalities stand her own colorful and bright one shimmer in his 2-D irises.

And then comes that odd feeling in his chest, this weird bubbling feeling of emotions that causes his eyes to tear up ever so slightly. This feeling, it's addicting. He wants to grind her up into a smoothie and drink her up, making the feeling sit there forever.

Something is wrong with him: he thinks.

With bated breath vox looked at the floor the elevator was approaching, figuring out where the girl is exactly going. There are only few reasons a sinner shows up at V tower anyway: to get a job with Valentino, or to turn yourself in if you'd wronged them. The elevator number reads '10'. She's going up to the business floor where Valentino currently is.

A sudden twist finds its way into his stomach, a horrible twist that makes his head burn with anger. Who does Val think he is? Having a girl such as her working for him. He. Couldn't let this happen, no no no no no no no. Why would he even want to exploit such a girl? She's supposed to be loves and cherished for everything she is.

The only reason she'd want to work with Val is because she has no other thing to do. He needs to offer her a job- or something to keep her from giving herself away to Valentino. Something to keep her as close to him as possible- like an intern or an assistant or anything.

Anything: Vox thinks.

Not often is Vox so reckless, not often at all. He likes to think he's decorum and well-adjusted. Likes to think he's a figure of this time. Of his time.

But right now, all he wants is this beautiful fucking girl to look at him in his eyes. Is it selfish? To want something so bad you feel like you could to horrible things to get it? Probably. But this is hell. And as an overlord of hell he can take what he wants. For once he doesn't care.

--- 666 ---

You take a step from the elevator, looking around the rather nauseating long and rounded hallway with squinted eyes. You can barely remember where you're supposed to be going anymore. You're supposed to meet Val inside one of these many, many studios. But soon enough as you start to venture through the halls on light, unsure steps you find yourself unable to read the words and numbers on each door.

Something is wrong, and you're unable to focus. There's this buzzing sound in your ears, a very faint but obvious buzzing that's causing your brain to go fuzzy. You can't feel your body anymore, it's just walking down the hallway in painful circles.

Suddenly that tether in your brain snaps with a loud crack, and your face to face with a television. You're still standing, in this long hallway, but now you're looking into the dark eyes of a TV screen. Wait- Eyes?

"Oh, Hello there sinner, are you looking for Valentino?" He asks, voice weirdly distant yet close all at the same time. His smile is large, almost devilish looking as he stares down at you.

You feel on edge, and your head still has a very faint buzzing lining itself.

"Oh, erm, Yeah.. I can't seem to recall what room-" You flinch as he hooks an arm around your neck walking you down the hallway once again with a smirk. There's a weird edge to him that you can't pin down, this whole interaction almost seems.. forced? Oh, there you go again, putting labels on things. Stop overthinking!

"Don't worry your pretty head about it! I'll take you to him," he says, unhooking his arm from your shoulder; only for him to rather sensually drag his hand across your shoulder blades until it's claws barely rest against your shoulder.

"But you know," Vox begins, swinging himself around so he stands in front of you, hands resting on either of your shoulders. You have to stop yourself from bumping into his chest. "You don't have to work for him." He says, his voice turning slightly more TV like and distant as he speaks.

"What do you mean..?" You ask, pushing his hand off of your shoulder with a painful twist of butterflies. A type of butterflies that you can't understand.

"Well, you seem like the type of gal to enjoy.." he looks you up and down, moving his hands from your shoulders as he grins. "Taking orders," you tilt your head at his words, confused. He shakes his head to himself, looking away for a moment with a slight frown before staring back, smiling brightly.

"No, I mean that you could be my assistant! You can.." He thinks for a moment, tapping the bottom of his screen as if it were his chin. He shrugs, smiling awkwardly with furrowed brows. "Bring me drinks and such! C'mon.."

He leans down to your level again, looking into your eyes. You suddenly feel that wave of disorientation go through you again, the only thing seeming to make sense to you being.. Vox.

"You don't want to be exploited by him, do you?" He says, and you feel his screen radiating heat on your skin. The buzzing becomes more loud as he goes on, all you seem to be able to hear being his words as they drip from his vile tongue. "C'mon dear, He'll break you."

"And you don't want to be broken, Right?"

He is right. You don't want to be broken by Valentino. You don't want to be exploited. But you don't have any other choice-

Until now, that is. You have an opportunity.

You should take it, right?

The headache and buzzing dissipate, taking a chunk of your psyche along with it. You feel your feet begin to give out beneath you from the exertion, lacking balance as you wobble softly. Not wanting to faceplant into the carpet, you reach out to something, anything to hold you. It just so happens to be Vox's chest, grasping onto the fabric of his coat as you begin to slip down to the floor.

"Hey, Hey, it's okay, What's got you out of sorts?" He asks, grasping you by your waist as he lifts you back to your feet. You blink, looking around for a moment with a nervous breath. Those butterflies, again. You hate them.

"I- uh.. I dunno.." You say stutter, pushing yourself away and scratching that back of your neck.

"You're feeling better?" Vox says, dipping his lids as he tilts his head rather attractively.

You nod, looking down at the ground with a nervousness inside of you.

"Good, good.." he turns away, looking at the ground and pacing for a short amount of time "good.." he says softly to himself, turning back around and clasping his hands together as he grins.

"Now how about you follow me and we can get you set up, yeah?" He says, pressing his hand against the space between your shoulder blades as he turns back to the elevator. You look up at him, and for a moment he seems to be in his own world. At least he is until you speak.

"So what's your name, Mister?" You ask, fiddling your fingers against each other nervously. He grins, lids upturning with the smile as well. He leans down again, poking a blue claw on your cheek as buzzing blurs your brain.

"It's Vox, my dear," He says, and your brain goes soft and mushy with an emotion you cannot describe. It feels as though he's making you melt.

"Keep that in your head for me, will you princess?" He asks softly, pulling his claw up the side of your face with a manic grin.

With a sudden movement he pulls away, shrugging his hands.

"Now darling, let's get back to it, shall we?"

Something is off, and part of you wants more of it.

--- 666 ---

Mister Vox's office is large in size, walls lined with screens displaying different things across the entirety of the pride ring. You wonder what Vox may do here all day, seeing the singular seat between it all that doesn't even seem that cozy.

You assume he watches, broadcasts, does meeting, and.. does what he's doing right now, perhaps?

"What do you do all day, Mister Vox?" You ask, looking wide-eyed at the television lined walls of the area. He flinches, grinning awkwardly before bringing back his confident demeanor.

"Me? Oh, you know.. this and that- I go to meetings.. I sign paperwork, I go to meetings.." He laughs to himself, shaking his hand dismissively as he sits in his seat, spreading his legs in a man spread. You turn away from the screens, looking over at Vox as he scans the monitors with narrowed eyes. You wonder if he was doing something important before he found you.

"Uh, Mister Vox, what do I do now..?" You ask, taking a small step towards him. He tilts his head towards you, smiling as he swings his chair to face you completely.

"oh, you? You can just sit there and look pretty.." Vox looks you up and down with narrowed eyes, face blank for a long moment before bringing a small smirk onto his face. He leans back in his chair, clicking his fingers as a bundle of clothing finds it's way into your hands.

"Perhaps prettier, change into that for me will you dearest?" He says, leaning his head on his fist as his voice becomes slightly more distant. You look at him, confused as you clutch the blue and red clothing to your chest.

"Okay.. Where do I change, Mister Vox?" You say, fiddling with the collar of your shirt as your body feels hot. Vox rolls his eyes playfully, pointing a clawed finger to the floor as he shifts his chair back to the screen. "Just change here my dear, no one will see you," He says, looking at you with a side glance. It's almost condescending, in a way.

"right here? But-"

"Here is fine, dear. Hell, here is more safe to change than anywhere else in this building," He laughs. You get this off feeling like you should trust him. I mean, he's one of the people owning this building anyway, right? He would be the one knowing a lot about it rather than anyone else. you should trust him.

"Okay Mister Vox."

You can't see his grin.

Every piece of clothing you peek off feels like this weird symbolism for losing yourself. Off comes your shirt: a piece is lost. Off comes your shorts: a piece of you is lost. And then more clothes come onto you, building something new. On comes a skirt: a piece of you is molded. On comes a blouse: a piece of you is molded.

And then there's this watch, a mobile one with 'Vox Tech' plastered across the side. With a shrug you put it on, struggling with getting it to tightness but ultimately managing to win the battle with the finicky strap.

"Good, good, how great you look!" He says, outstretching his hands with a grin.

You feel yourself blush, one half of you from his compliment and the other half from the fact he's looking completely in your direction. Does that mean he was watching you the whole time?

"Actually my dear, do you think you can grab me a coffee?" He asks, clicking his hands as a streak of blue energy shoots inside of the watch; this causes a mao to appear on the screen, showing where you are currently. "That map should tell you where to go, the assistant there should give you the coffee the way I like it,"

You shouldn't ask it, but you feel your bones ache too.

"How do you like it?"

He grins, tilting his head.

"Sweet with a strong flavour," He states, waving you off.

--- 666 ---

The first week as Vox's Assistant goes by smoothly, or as smoothly as it could working with an Overlord of hell. A rather odd seeming one at that.

Everything feels on edge with Vox, you feel like at any moment he could do something drastic. You've no idea what said drastic thing could be either, which makes it a whole lot more anxiety inducing. Hell, Vox is attractive. That's probably why you're on edge. That's what you keep telling yourself anyway. You're probably in love with him or something.

Vox had even given you housing as close to the building as possible, insisting he pay the rent. Not that you complain, no; less walking for you it seems. The Vox Tech watch he gave you tells you pretty much everything that you need to do. When you wake up in the morning it goes off, alerting you like an alarm, it has a to do list that blares when you're in the office, it maps out the whole space, it even acts as Vox's messaging system towards you.

You do wonder how he controls it, even in the comfort of your own home. Well, he is an overlord, right? He's capable of things even outside of your grasp. You cannot even fathom what he could do with that power.

And that's just the way Vox likes it.

Actually, you haven't seen Valentino around the building the whole week either. Even in a meeting you accompanied Vox to. You'd expect to see him more often with all the prowling in and out of the building you do.

It's as if he's vanished.

"Princess, grab me a coffee will you? Maybe even grab one for yourself while you're at it, on the house," Vox asks, swiveling on his chair to face your own, which sits just off to the side of his own with a small desk in front of it. You'd been doing some paperwork for him for the past hour, mostly reading through stuff, asking him questions, and singing them for him.

"Yeah, sure.. um, I was just wondering.." You utter softly, causing Vox to raise a brow as he leans back on his chair with a confident grin. He tilts his head in question, saying: "What's on your mind, (N/N)?"

"I haven't seen Valentino around the building, I was just wondering if something's up with him?" You ask, looking down at the ground as you begin to regret yourself even questioning. Vox laughs, flapping his hand in dismissal.

"Oh, just that? Don't worry about it! He's just.." Vox pauses for a moment, shrugging his shoulders. "Doing his own thing," He finishes, smiling rather oddly as he begins moving his chair back to face his computers. You intercept.

"His own thing..?"

Vox turns back to you, grinning widely with a manic look in his 2-D eyes. Once again, the buzzing fills your brain. And you fall to your knees against the ground with a painful 'thump'. Vox harshly grips your chin, pulling you closer to him until all you can see is that blaring red eye of his as he speaks.

"As i said,"

You feel yourself wanting to let go.

"Don't worry about it."

He lets you go of your trance, leaving you teary eyed as he smiles softly, brows furrowing in a sort of mocking empathetic way. His eyes drip with affection you find.

"Now, grab that coffee, okay?" He finishes, placing a cold kiss against your forehead before letting go of your chin, leaving yourself to gather your bearings.

It's not often you feel the want to defy someone. But as you stand from the floor, dusting off your skirt and walking to the elevator; you feel that need to be defiant. You'd figure out where Valentino is. He has to be somewhere in the building, right? You just have to find.. him..

In these hundreds and hundreds of doors. You would have to find him. And you can't take so long, otherwise Vox may suspect something.

You'd find someone to tell you where he is, you'd find him, and you'd stop worrying if Vox is going to do something drastic because he hasn't lied to you. Simple as that, simple as that. Right?

As it just so happens, as you begin walking through the studio halls you find yourself bumping into a spider individual, of whom you remember being a popular porn star.

So with an anxious breath you asked him. He explained that Valentino was in studio B-40, but he doesn't recommend finding him. And once again you go against someone's wishes. Plus, you were just going to stick your head in the door. It's nothing to worry about.

So what are you so anxious when you find yourself getting closer to the door? Why does your throat feel so tight? Why do you want to run in the other direction? Why does every step feel so heavy?

Taking another small step to the door, you wonder if you should listen to your conscious. It's supposed to do you good , right?

No, that's baby talk.

You aren't weak. You aren't letting the people in hell get you down! You are going to open the door!

You push yourhand towards the door handle and-

"Ouch! Fuck-" You yelp, an electric shock going through your body, causing you to fall backwards onto the hard floor below. Your whole body is on fire, you can't feel your tongue. You can't feel your brain.

A hum accompanies Vox's words.

"You're not going in there." He says, leaning over you as you push yourself to your knees, pressing yourself to the wall. Your head is throbbing.

"I'll beat him to a pulp if he sees you, you know?" Vox laughs, that sickening pseudo-empathetic look covering his flat features. You feel your stomach twist, this time in an awful way, it's like he's draining you of your soul. You want to disappear.

"I don't want to be aggressive," Vox begins as he grips your face harshly, causing tears to well into your eyes. "But your fucking mine, you got that?"

"And I won't let that sleazy prick get his greedy eyes anywhere near you!"

"W-what?" You whimper, pushing his hands from his face and backing away meekly. Vox laughs to himself, red dripping from his two dimensional mouth. He humors you with that gaze of his, eating alive any part of your confidence that may still linger.

"Oh, don't you get it, my dear? You sighed the paperwork," Vox leans down so his eyes can bore into your own, his gums showing in that prideful smile of his. "You belong to me now."

You choke on air, standing to your wobbly feet.

"W-what? I don't un-"

The paperwork. The paperwork you signed to get the job. You didn't read it! You idiot. You fucking idiot! You've ruined your own life. You belong to him..

To Vox.

"You- Shit-!" You turn around on your heels, almost slipping as you speed off into the hallway. You hear his voice echo in your ears.

"You can't run. Hell, you can't hide either!"

This was a mistake, this whole thing was a mistake. You want to die. You want to disappear. You want to get as far away from him as possible. You don't even take the elevator down, you run down every single flight of stairs jumping down a couple to save time.

The slip beneath your feet almost makes you topple over as you clutch onto the railing, swinging yourself onto the next flight of stairs. You have to be close to the bottom, right. Right? Yeah. This is fine.

And you were, right, surprisingly. You can almost see the entrance outside. You just have to make it out of this lobby. You just have to make it out of this huge fucking stupid ass lobby! You have to.

All of the sinner's eyes bore at you as you run at top speed to the door. You can't be here. You need to leave immediately. He can't find you If you're far away, right? Just go somewhere without a camera.. it'll be fine.. everything will be fine.

You're so close! Just a few more steps, a few more heavy, headache inducing steps.

You can make it. You just have to believe in yourself, and it'll all work out. Everything will be fine. It just has to be. Hell can't be this cruel, can it?

You're so close to the door you can smell the outside world, hear the cars as they pass, hear the charter hear the-

You choke and fall.onto the ground, a heaviness around your neck and wrists. It buzzes against your skin, making you go light headed. You can barely see it, but it's there. There are handcuffs around your wrists. And a collar around your neck. All of which glowing and buzzing with that electric blue of Vox.

He is right.

You can't run, you can't hide, you can't do anything.

He owns you, he has you. You can't do anything.

You made a mistake.

Maybe hell really is this cruel.

Keeping you forever tethered to this man.

Who knew one mistake would ruin the rest of your eternity.

Serves you right for being so naive.

"Alright now, are we done with our tantrum?" Vox asks.

"Yes mister Vox." You say.

#proship #senseichaos #antishippers dni #senseichaosdrabbles #proship fanfiction #Vox x reader #vox x reader #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin vox #vox yandere #yandere vox #yandere hazbin hotel #ask #sensei chaos requests #senseichaosanons #lovely anon

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strniohoeee · 7 months

Text

Amorous

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader ⚠️SMUT⚠️

Synopsis: Chris and Y/N never have alone time, so they decided to go for night drive, and take a pit stop🤫

Warnings⚠️: this is smut based on my request I just got! It’s obvious there’s sex, but it’s nothing intense. It’s pretty short imagine too🫶🏽

Song for the imagine: Wus good/Curious-PARTYNEXTDOOR

⚠️This is a 18+ imagine so minors DO NOT INTERACT⚠️

Chris and I had been dating for about a year now, and we loved spending time together going on dates, shopping, watching movies together, laughing and overall just enjoying each other's company. However he did live with his brothers, so they would usually join us on certain things like movies and games.

Although Chris had the downstairs room it still made it insanely impossible for us to have true alone time. Matt and Nick always wanted to sleep in his room, or stay with us watching movies till 3am. We loved them dearly, but sometimes Chris and I really needed alone time, and by that I mean we really needed to have sex

The last time we actually had decent sex was a good two months ago, and it was decent because as soon as we finished Matt came barging in the room looking for something of his he left the night prior. So it 100% ruined any lasting mood we might’ve had.

The most we have been able to do in the past two months was over the clothes stuff, and 10 minute quickies in the shower, but we were yearning for some dirty intense love making.

Chris had asked me if I wanted to take a drive with him. Honestly I wanted to stay home, but I know what he wanted, and I knew Nick and Matt would be home soon, so I agreed.

It was 9pm when he decided to take us for a “drive”

“Where are we headed baby?” I asked him as I shuffled his music library

“I’m thinking that little secluded area up on that hill” he said looking over at me

“Ahhh yesss where everyone goes to fuck” I said laughing

He sucks his teeth and looks at me “babe”

“Sorry! I’m serious though. Are you taking me there to fuck?” I said wiggling my brows

“I mean…..we can’t get more than 10 minutes alone, and I really need to fuck the shit out of you” he said glancing over at me

“True. I’ve been needing this too” I said kissing his hand that I was holding

We had gotten up to the hillside, and surprisingly there were no cars, and it was pitch black. All we could see were the city lights overhead

Chris had put the car in park, and turned the outside lights off, so it was extra dark, but he turned the lights on, on the inside.

“You looks so good right now” I told him as the warm light reflected off his facial structure and his blue eyes

“Oh yeah?” He said in a smug way

“Let’s go to the back,” I said. We got out of the car and opened up the back doors, putting down the seats in the van.

We both hopped back into the car, and immediately Chris pulled me down into him to kiss him. As we were kissing Wus good by PARTYNEXTDOOR started playing

“Look at that! It’s a sign” he said with a goofy smile

“You’re so corny” I said before going back to kissing him, he started to kiss down to my jawline and neck peppering light kisses. We slowly started to remove our clothes

I started palming Chris’ dick, but he grabbed my hand and stopped me

“Although this feels so fucking good. I’m trying to cum from fucking you, so please no more with the hands” he said laughing

“Sorry baby I can’t help myself” I said kissing him again

“Want me to fuck you, or you wanna ride” he asked? Massaging my boob

“Can I ride” I asked moaning as he’s groping my breasts

“Fuck yeah” he said. I didn’t need much foreplay because I was so dick deprived just looking at Chris had me wet

I hovered over his cock, and he helped me align himself to my entrance, and slowly I started to sink down onto him. My mouth falling slack at the stretch

“Fuck Chris I forgot how big you are” I said as I bottomed out

“Don’t boost my ego baby” he said, grabbing my chin and pulling me in for a kiss. I began to bounce on his dick immediately moaning at how good this felt

“Chris you don’t know how badly I needed this” I said as I continued to bounce on his dick

“Fuck Y/N use me. Milk me of all my cum please baby” he said running his hands up my sides and gripping my breasts

“Oh fuck” I said throwing my head back

I started to clench down On Chris, and he let out a whine that sent shivers down my spine

“Whine like that again, and I swear I’ll fucking cum so hard” I said looking down at him. He had both his hands behind his head propping his head up a little bit.

“Fuck if it means I get to see your beautiful face as you cum all over me I’ll keep doing it” He said biting his lip

I moaned at this and started grinding against him. My clit hitting his pelvic bone in a delicious manner. I continued to clench down on him as I grinded against him. His dick pounding against my g spot

“Chris im gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, can I please cum” I asked grinding faster

“Yes baby cum, cum for me please cum all over my cock” he said in such a raspy voice, and with that I was cumming all over his cock. Shaking and falling limp down on him.

Chris grabbed my ass and pounded up into me chasing his release, and this made me moan from the over stimulation, and hearing Chris’ grunting in my ear

“I think I’m going to cum again” I said sobbing into his neck

With that Chris came in me whining and moaning and shaking, and seconds later I came on his dick for a second time a mixture of our cum running down his dick

“That was so well needed” he said kissing me as we came down from our highs

“Oh god yes. I don’t know how I lasted that long” I said slowly starting to sit up, so I could get off of him

“Me neither, I needed that badly” he said as I got off of him searching for something to clean us up with

“Oh Matt left napkins in the glovebox” he said, and I reached over grabbing napkins to clean ourselves off with

After cleaning ourselves off we got back into our clothes and fixed the back seats. Chris threw the napkins on the floor outside

“Chris don’t litter” I said getting back into the car

“Oh yeah let me carry around a cum covered tissue to properly dispose of it” he said sarcastically

“Oh shut the fuck up” I said smacking him on his arm

As we got situated and he turned the car lights back on he got a call from Nick

“Sup bro” he said as he put the car into reverse

“Where the fuck yall went we have a car video to film” Nick said

“Oh shit my bad I didn’t realize the time. Y/N and I went out to eat and then went to see a movie” he said lying straight out his ass

“Yeah well it’s 12pm get home so we can film” Matt said from a distance

“Alright we should be back in 20. Be ready to hop in so we can film” they replied with okay, and he hung up

“Chris they’re going to know we fucked” I said laughing

“No they will not! We cleaned everything up” he said grabbing my hand

“Yeah let’s hope” I said blushing

After 20 minutes we arrived at their house, and he reached out to his brothers saying he was ready to pick them up. They got to the car, and hopped in the back seat.

“Y/N I MISSED YOUU” Nick said all giddy

“I missed you too Nick” I said laughing at him

Matt got in the car, but squinted his eyes before saying anything

“It smells like sex in here” Matt said looking at both Chris and I

“What the fuck you saying kid” Chris said

“It smells like sweaty hot sex” he said laughing, and Chris reached back to smack his brother

“Shut the fuck up” Chris said

“Omg omg wait yall fucked in here” Nick said getting loud, I slightly nodded at him

“OH MY GOD YALL FUCKED IN HERE AND I JUST SAT IN HERE AND PUT MY SNACK DOWN IN THE AREA YALL FUCKED IN?? IM SICK” Nick said screaming and thrashing around

“Nick shut the fuck up and calm down” Chris said getting annoyed

“CALM DOWN I DONT WANT TO SIT WHERE YALL FUCKED” he said pretending to cry

“Grow up” Matt said laughing at him

After 10 more minutes of that. They decided to finally drive to a location and film their YouTube video. Nick is ever so often being reminded of what just went on an hour prior.

And all Chris can do is give Y/N small smiles and flirty smirks here and there.

The End

For the person who requested this I HOPE it was good😭😭 as of right now my requests are still open. I’m currently working on Matt imagine, and then I have to work on a friendship imagine again🤭🤭

-J💅🏽

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets imagines #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #Spotify

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doberbutts · 2 years

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Back before Rowling outed herself as a great big TERF and HP became a taboo subject I literally had a [former] friend berate me for several days and then deliberately pick fights about it weeks and months later because I'd let slip that my favorite HP character was Snape. Not because I thought he was innocent or because I wouldn't acknowledge the bad things he's done, but because I like tortured souls and morally gray characters and bad victims and angsty sad boys with tragic pasts. And also Alan Rickman's a snack.

At some point they told me that they just couldn't see themselves being friends with someone who saw any value in the character whatsoever, and I probably should have known our friendship would take the wild downward spiral it did in the years following.

This repeated itself several times with various other media we had in common. Tony Stark. Joker. Every chance they got, they would demand I justify why I favored those characters and not the ones they preferred. Even when we agreed on characters from a specific series, they'd still pick a fight if I said literally anything remotely positive about a different character. Saying I understood where Anders was coming from, even though my choice like theirs was Fenris and I disagreed overall with Anders' methods and extreme behavior, resulted in them not speaking to me for several days and then picking fights every time I turned on my console to play.

Even mentioning my love for Tolkien turned into a fight because they felt the books were unsaveable and unsalvageable because of their lack of POC and LGBT characters (which is a critique I AGREE with) and became a "read better books" discussion.

At some point I had to be like "hey it actually kinda sucks to try to talk to you about anything I like because you're constantly negging on it, can you stop?" and even that turned into an argument because the takeaway was that I was supposed to change the things I like to be morally in line with *their values* rather than be annoyed that they were constantly needling me about how the things I enjoy make me somehow a bad person.

And that I think is why I am entirely done with this stupid fandom bullshit of people trying to assign moral value and purity politics to people enjoying characters or various pieces of media. I know the phrase "let people enjoy things" has been poisoned but also, fucking seriously, let people have their favorites without being forced to justify at every turn why they like something.

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heartateasee · 2 months

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“Four”

Word Count: 10k

(Part four of ‘Goodnight and Go’)

⋆★★⋆

*One month until the wedding*

My phone vibrates as I sit at my desk at home - working on a couple of sketches I needed to complete for some upcoming clients. I finished my apprenticeship at the shop about four months ago, and my books had been filling up more and more. It felt nice to finally be working on my own when it came to something I had been striving towards for such a long time.

I set my pencil down as I grab my phone, and I see the notification is for a text from Harry. Sucking in a deep breath, I stare at the screen - trying to decide whether or not I wanted to read what he had to say right now.

He's been trying to get me to come out for his bachelor party tomorrow, and I've been avoiding giving him a direct answer. It's not that I didn't want to go - I just didn't know if it would be in our best interests for me to do so.

These past few months had been tense between not only Gwen and I, but also between me and my mother. I was still involved in planning the wedding, but Gwen had stopped letting me hang around her place any longer than I needed to if she, Harry and I were all together. Once whatever wedding thing we were working on was finished, she made it obvious that she was ready for me to leave. I obeyed every single time - not really wanting to stick around anyway.

My mother and I were hardly on speaking terms. If she was around for any of the wedding planning, she acted like I was invisible for the most part. All of her attention was on Gwen, regardless if I was contributing my opinion to the situation or not. It was obvious she didn't care about what I had to say or suggest, and she was only going to hear Gwen out.

I was more than shocked when Gwen said that I could invite a plus one to the wedding considering Harry had invited Kieran as a separate guest now, and Kieran would be bringing her girlfriend.

For the sake of comfort, I had ended up asking Alfie to join me. I remember the night I told Gwen that I had invited him. We were working on table charts at Harry's apartment, and she seemed overjoyed that I had asked someone to come with me. It wasn't until she had stepped out of the kitchen to use the restroom that I finally met Harry's eyes after breaking the news, and he had a stern look on his face. We didn't talk about it, and we still haven't talked about it. I hope to keep it that way.

Some higher power above must have been looking out for me in terms of Gwen's bachelorette party. She was traveling to Vegas with all the bridesmaids and, of course, I was supposed to be included in all of that. An opportunity arose at the shop where they were needing volunteers for an upcoming tattoo convention in the area, and I immediately jumped in to help out. It was the same weekend as her bachelorette, and I lied. I told Gwen that I had already signed up previously before her engagement, and that there wasn't any way for me to back out because they wouldn't be able to get help last minute. I told her that it had slipped my mind until three weeks before the trip.

I expected her to be angry - to curse me out and tell me how ungrateful I was that she would even include me, and then I'd just deny her.

But she didn't.

Gwen didn't even care that I wasn't able to go, and I can't tell you how much of a relief it was to know that I wasn't going to get a mouthful from her regarding it. I knew overall she'd probably have a better time without me there anyway, but I still expected her to have something snarky to say.

During her trip away, Harry had asked if I wanted to come over to help him put together some ideas on gifts to get his groomsmen, but I declined. The last thing I needed was my mother to find out that I had gone over there when Gwen was out of town. I would've never heard the end of that.

Harry had tried to talk to me about what happened at the engagement party on a few separate occasions, but I dismissed his invitation to do so every time. I just told him that we both had alcohol in our system, and that I didn't know what I was saying when it came to separating ourselves from each other. Even though I said I didn't mean it, I know he could still feel that I was gradually doing it. It sucked because now I was the one to sporadically text him when he used to be the one doing that to me.

But it was necessary - for both of us.

Deciding not to put it off any longer, I lick over my bottom lip as I click on the notification to open up our message thread.

From: Harry 8:47 pm Hey, are you busy? I wanted to talk to you about the party tomorrow. I know you haven't given me an answer, but I'd really just like to go over the details with you.

I read over the words a couple of times to get them to register - chewing subconsciously on the inside of my cheek while doing so. Almost every part of me wanted to go, to be there for him, but something inside of me was telling me it would be a mistake to go. I had the fear of Gwen overreacting about it, or my mom using it to justify her claim of me playing some 'game' with my sister and her relationship.

Then there was the part of my brain that kept nagging me, reminding me that this could really be one of the last times Harry and I get together - just the two of us. The wedding was in a month, and after that, I knew that I would probably hardly see Gwen and Harry both.

I push myself up from my desk and head over to my couch. I lay myself down on it, staring up at the ceiling as I contemplate whether or not to call Harry, but I know that ultimately I need to.

"Here goes nothing," I whisper to myself as I press the call button next to his contact, bringing the phone up to my ear.

My fingers play with the hem of the cropped tank top I have on, my legs sprawled out across the cushions of my couch in my cotton pajama shorts. The phone rings a few times before I hear it click.

"Hey."

I close my eyes at the sound of his voice - a bolt of electricity shooting straight to my heart. My stomach stirs due to the giddiness I'm feeling just by talking to him.

My body's reaction to his just his voice was enough evidence to tell me no matter how much I tried to distance myself from him, my feelings would still remain.

"Hey you," I say back, tucking my bottom lip between my teeth.

"I'm not bothering you at work or anything, right?"

My lips turn up into a soft smile as I shake my head - even though I know he can't see me. "No, I'm just at home. Laying on the couch now, but I was working on some sketches before I called."

"Oh yeah?" I can hear the excitement in his voice, and it causes me to smile even wider. "That's fucking awesome, Carter. The shop's been treating you well since you finished your apprenticeship?"

It stung a bit to know that we hadn't really discussed that accomplishment together, but we've just never had the time to do so. My father was the only one that really talked to me about it, and even though he was hesitant about the whole tattoo thing in the beginning, I could tell that he was over the moon that I had actually completed that goal for myself.

"Really well, actually," I tell him honestly. "I've had a lot of clients come through. Some of them have even booked me on the spot for another tattoo after they see the work I can do. I'm working on two pretty decent sized pieces right now. One is a thigh piece for this girl, and the other is a quarter sleeve for this older guy. He's fucking badass, dude. The piece is for his grandchildren."

I almost hold back from saying what I say next, but I also can't help but let it slip out. "He reminds me a bit of you, actually. His one arm is completely tatted, but the arm I'm tattooing is pretty much blank except for a few here and there. He said he was keeping it clear for sentimental ones."

"Damn, no way," he laughs into the phone, and I can tell that he's smiling just as wide as I am. "Well, if he reminded you of me, how do I look as a grandfather? Tell me the truth."

I burst out laughing, tossing my head back a bit on the pillow it was resting on. "Harry, he doesn't look like you or anything!"

"Sorry, I just had to ask, you know? I hope I'm sexy when my hair is all silver and shit."

"If you have any hair left at that age," I tease with a smirk - knowing that Harry has freaked out in the past several times about going bald at some point.

"I know you didn't just say that," as angry as he tries to sound, his tone is still playful. "You better take that back right now."

I giggle softly. "Or what?"

"Then I revoke the invitation to my party," he responds, and I can see the smug look he'd be wearing on his face right now if I were to be with him.

"The party that I haven't even said 'yes' to, by the way, so your threat is a little low on the scale there."

There's a beat of silence, and I can feel that the conversation is about to shift. I close my eyes - bracing myself for what he could say next.

"Do you really not want to come? I won't make you feel bad or anything if you don't want to. I just...I don't know. I've just always pictured you being there for it since I started planning it," his voice shows vulnerability, and it initiates a tug to my heartstrings.

"It's not that I don't want to, Harry. I just don't know if it's the best idea with how things have been," I sigh, starting to pull on a stray string on my shorts.

I knew that I didn't need to elaborate on what I meant any further. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

"I've already talked to Gwen about it, and I'm not going to lie, she did try to fight me on a little bit. I let it rest for a while before I brought it up again, but I explained myself further the second time, and then she understood. She's okay with you going."

I let silence take over again for a moment as I process his words.

"I just know that we can get a little wild together," I start, closing my eyes as I drape my forearm over them. "I just don't want her to get upset if we get too drunk or something."

"It's my bachelor party, Carter. I think she expects for me to get a little wild," he chuckles. "Within reason, of course."

I'm quiet for a little longer before I speak again. "I just don't want to cause more issues than I already have."

I was never told about what happened between Gwen and Harry after I left their engagement party, and I didn't care to know. I'm sure that he got yelled at. Him being belittled or talked down to was something that I didn't wish to hear about. Harry didn't deserve that. The only person that had tried to talk to me further about everything that happened that night other than Harry was my father. He said that he wanted to hear what I had to say because he knew that my mom was probably exaggerating what she had seen.

For the first time, I opened up to my father about my feelings towards Harry. He had been none the wiser when it came to how I felt towards my best friend. I was surprised that my mother hadn't told him about what she had suspected, but he said that she had never uttered a word about it. Just like Kieran, he actually encouraged me to speak up, and as much as that warmed my heart that he now understood me, it also made me feel guilty. Guilty because now I wasn't just coming between Harry and Gwen, I was also coming between my parents.

One parent furious that I could ever feel such a way, and the other trying to steer me towards pure honesty with the one person who needed to hear my feelings the most.

"I understand where you're coming from, please know that I do, but...I know I've said it before-"

"But who knows when we'll find the time to do these things once you're married?" I ask, dropping my arm back down away from my eyes to rest my hand on my stomach. "Yeah, you may have said that to me once or twice."

I hear Harry sigh through the phone, and I curl my fingers into a fist - knuckles brushing against my skin. Never in my life have I ever been anxious around him like I have been these past few months. It was an odd feeling. I just never knew what he would say next, and I think it's because most of what we talked about had to deal with a lot of outside forces. Our friendship was now being slightly controlled by those around us.

"Yeah," Harry breathes.

My heart is slightly rattling against my chest now, and I don't even know how to respond. I want to ask why it's so important for us to spend so much time together before he's married, but I know that his answer won't match why it's so important to me.

That causes me to swallow the question down.

I try to steer the conversation away from Gwen and my mother being why I'm so hesitant so that it can grow a bit lighter. "Your groomsmen won't think it's weird that you've asked a girl to come along?"

I knew most of Harry's friends, a couple of his groomsmen were guys we had gone to college with, but a couple were also from back home in Holmes Chapel. Those were the guys I had never met before. Harry always talked about taking me there, but we never got around to it after finishing college. I had only met his parents before because they came here to visit him.

"Well, you know that Lance and Gavin will be more than happy to see you. I told them I was trying to get you to come, and they were hoping I could convince you," he huffs a laugh before continuing. "Ross and Shane are aware of who you are, and they don't think it's strange if you're there. They know how close we are - how much you mean to me."

Harry has said that last phrase so many times in our friendship, and it never ceases to cause my whole body to tingle. I know him saying that means something completely different than when I say it to him. It serves as a permanent reminder that I have to take his words for what they are - not what I want them to be.

"You don't have to stay the whole time. Even if you just come for a couple of drinks, I'll be happy. I'm actually keeping it really low-key. We're going to one of the bars that's not too far from you, I think? It's called Chemistry."

I knew of the bar he was speaking of, and he was right, it was only a couple of blocks down from my apartment.

"Yeah, that's just a little ways down from me," I run my fingers through my hair. Swallowing down my doubts, I conjure up all the courage to power through. "I'll meet you there. What time?"

"Wait, really?!" The octave of Harry's voice changes drastically, and I can tell he's both excited and shocked that I've agreed.

"Really," I laugh, still pushing my nervousness down. "Just tell me what time, H, and I'll be there."

"We're planning to meet around ten. Does that work for you?"

"That's perfect. I get off at eight tomorrow, so that gives me plenty of time to come home and freshen up before going back out."

"Fuck, okay," he laughs, and I can tell he's more than excited. "I'm so happy you agreed. You know I'd never make you feel guilty for not coming, but I just really wanted you to be there."

"I'll be more than happy to be there," I say, twirling a piece of hair around my finger. "Always want to be there for you."

"Same with you," Harry croons. "I've got to get to bed, but I'll see you tomorrow night, yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then, Harry."

"Goodnight, Carter."

"Goodnight."

We disconnect the call, and I rest my phone on my sternum as I stare up at the ceiling again. I'm glad that I found it in myself to finally agree to go to his party, however, I'm just hoping that it's everything he wants. I would hate for Gwen to completely change her tune come tomorrow, and go off on Harry for having me there. I'd feel so guilty.

I push myself off the couch to head back over to my desk, and I hesitantly pull out one of the sketches I've been working on here and there lately. My fingertips brush over the paper as I stare down at the design, and I pick up my pencil to continue adding to it.

It was the heart that Harry had said he wanted after the wedding was over. The anatomical heart.

I haven't told him that I was working on this. I was hoping that I could surprise him with it once their honeymoon was over, and have it be part of a secret wedding gift.

After a couple more hours, I had put Harry's sketch away for later, and I finished up on the two that I had been working on for my clients. I store them away properly to take back to the shop tomorrow, and I head to bed - willing away the anxiousness as to what tomorrow could bring.

⋆★★⋆

I've probably changed my outfit at least ten times now, but I think I finally decided on the one I was going to wear tonight.

Standing in front of my full length mirror, I nibble on my thumbnail as I take in my appearance. I've settled on an off the shoulder flowy white top with bell sleeves, and a pair of dark brown trousers that were a bit cropped at the bottom, so I rolled them up a little more. It looked formal enough, but was still casual so it didn't look like I was trying too hard.

I straightened my hair for the first time in a while, and I also put on a little more makeup than usual. It had been a while since I had gone out at all, so I was planning on making the most of it.

Catching sight of the clock out of the corner of my eye, I realize it's half past ten. "Shit," I hiss, quickly turning to dig through my shoes in my closet to find a pair.

I decide on a pair of all white platform Vans authentics, pulling them on quickly before grabbing my jacket and my purse - throwing them onto my body as well. Racing out of my apartment, I turn around to lock it up as fast as possible before I'm heading down the street.

Thankfully it hasn't gotten too cold yet given that it's early November, but today is a bit windy, and it's drizzling - it definitely makes it feel cooler than it is. I pull my hood over my head and shove my hands into my pockets to keep them warm, although I won't be walking very far.

I had tried all day at work to keep my nerves at bay, and thankfully I had a day packed with clients so I was able to keep tonight off of my mind for the most part. This was the first time Harry and I would be around each other without my mother or Gwen watching our every move, and I hope that we can fall back into the same routine.

I just have to make sure that I remember to keep that barrier up between us.

My thumbnail swipes across my cuticle in my pocket as I walk, and I'm nibbling on my lower lip out of stress. I just don't want Harry's night to get ruined because of me coming. I'd feel so awful, and guilty if that were to happen. I just have to hope that Gwen really does stick to her word, and that she won't make a big deal about me coming.

I approach the bar and pull the door open, immediately putting my hood down as I step into the main area. My eyes search over the crowd to spot Harry, Gavin or Lance, but I'm having no such luck. There's a couple different rooms to this bar, so I'm guessing they must be in one of those that's off the side of the main room. I turn my body to make my way through the mass of people, heading towards the room to the left first as I know that's where the dart boards are, as well as the pool tables.

Finally I make my way into the new area, and I catch sight of Gavin. He's facing my direction, and I see a large smile appear on his face once we make eye contact. "Carter!"

Harry's back is to me, and he immediately whips his head around. He sends me the boyish grin that I'm so familiar with - causing my heart to flutter. There's still a good amount of people between myself and the table they've seemed to take over, but I notice that Lance is starting to make his way through the crowd to me.

"No fucking way," he chuckles as he throws his arms around me.

I laugh as I wrap my arms around him as well. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

Soon Gavin appears beside him, and I give him a large hug before we head towards the table to join Harry and his friends from Holmes Chapel - Lance's arm around my shoulders. I send a soft smile over to Harry's friends as I shrug my jacket off. I place my purse onto the table as Gavin takes my jacket, and I see he puts it on the back of the barstool with his own.

I've yet to look over at Harry since I've gotten to the table, and it's mostly because I noticed how good he looks as soon as I set my eyes on him. He's wearing a rainbow striped shirt with a pair of light washed blue jeans that are flared. Looking down at our feet, I notice that he's also wearing white Vans authentics, and I take in a deep breath - the small coincidence having me feel a certain way.

"What do you want to drink, Carter? I was just going to get a round," Lance says, and I purse my lips as I stand on my tiptoes to peer over his shoulder so I can see the beer taps.

"I'll just take a Modelo for now, please," I respond, and he gives me a nod before heading towards the bar.

I figure it's best to stick to beer for my main drink since I'm sure we'll be doing plenty of shots, and I tend to last longer on these kinds of nights if I choose not to drink a cocktail in between.

"Hey," I hear Harry's voice, and I finally look up to meet his sage eyes. "I thought you maybe weren't going to show for a second there."

He laughs softly, and I shake my head. "I told you I wanted to be here for you. I wouldn't miss this after telling you I'd be here. Time just got away from me a little bit."

He nods before stepping forward to wrap his arms around me. I close my eyes and sigh softly as I nuzzle my face into his chest. My arms find their way around his waist like normal, and I can feel his cheek pressing to the top of my head. I hate how at peace I feel when I'm in his embrace like this. We haven't hugged like this since the engagement party, and it's almost embarrassing how much I've missed it.

"Oh, I'm being so rude," I hear Harry say as we pull apart, but he keeps one of his arms around my torso as he turns us to face his two friends that I've yet to meet. "Carter, this is Ross and Shane, my friends from back home that I was telling you about."

"Hi, it's so nice to meet you," I tell them, reaching one my hands out to give them each a proper greeting.

"It's nice to finally meet the infamous Carter," I hear Ross say, and I feel heat rising in my cheeks. "Felt like I already had, especially in the college years since you're all this one wanted to talk about."

He points his finger at Harry as he speaks, and I look up to see Harry blushing as well. "I talked about other things," he tries to say, but I hear Shane scoff as well.

"Yeah, okay," he says jokingly. "We both know that's a lie."

We're interrupted by Lance coming back with a tray of drinks - passing them out to each of us just as we ordered. I see that there's six shots in the middle of the tray as well and he nods to them. "Everyone grab a shot," he says before looking over at me. "We were waiting until you were here to get the first round of them."

"You guys didn't need to do that," I say, but I'm still smiling at the kind gesture. "Thank you though."

"It wasn't complete without you here," Harry shrugs as he holds my eyes - both of us with a shot glass in hand.

I don't know what to say back, and I'm fortunate that Gavin begins to speak. "Shots in the air everyone! Cheers to Harry's last big night out as a bachelor!"

We all cheers our shots together following by tapping them on the table below before tipping them back to our mouths. I wince as the liquor coats my tongue, and I swallow quickly to get the taste away as quickly as possible while reaching out for my beer. I gulp down a few good sips of it before the taste seems to dull.

"How out of commission are you, Carter? You used to drink those shots like they were water," Lance comments, and I reach my hand out to press against his cheek - pushing his face away.

"I'll leave right now if you're not nice to me," I threaten, and Harry is quick to gasp.

"Absolutely not," he says and I feel his arm snake around my waist before he's pulling me into his side. "Stop bullying Carter. She can't leave."

I stick my tongue out playfully at Lance as I curl into Harry's side, holding the pint glass in both of my hands. Gavin rolls his eyes at us before speaking.

"Here we go," he shakes his head. "Just like old times - no one fuck with Carter or else you're going to deal with Harry."

"Damn fucking straight," Harry says, holding his own beer towards me, and I smirk before tapping my glass against his.

We each take another sip of our drinks, and I notice that Harry hasn't made any movement to remove his arm from around my waist. I glance down to my side where his fingers are resting - watching as they slightly curl around my hip as he starts talking to both Ross and Shane.

I can feel a shiver run up my spine at the sensation it brings as his thumb glides over my hip bone, causing me to suck in a deep breath through my nose. This touch wasn't something out of the ordinary for us, but I had gone months without having this sort of contact with him. The absence of it was causing this moment to feel bigger than it was, and I was cursing myself internally for the way it was affecting me.

Every part of me is telling me to move away, and to let his arm fall back by his side, but I can't. It's so selfish, and I know it means way more to me to have him hold me like this. I just keep remembering that this is probably it. So, I'll take a bit of Kieran's advice for tonight, and I'll be a little selfish.

Without trying to think too much into it, I curl into Harry's side even more as I take another sip of my beer as I keep my eyes on both Ross and Shane. They're talking about how Harry is planning a trip to come to Holmes Chapel a few months after the wedding, and I find myself cringing when they bring up Gwen going with him as well. The mention of her name almost has me pulling away from Harry, but I remain.

As Harry is talking to Ross and Shane, I'm keeping up the conversation with both Gavin and Lance. I hadn't seen them in a few years, so it was nice to know what they had been up to since the last time we saw each other.

"Okay, let's take a group photo here at the table, and then there's a photo booth near the pool tables that we can take pictures in too," Lance says as he puts some of our beer glasses together onto the table to create a makeshift phone stand before doing a self-timer.

We step back from the table a bit so that we're all in the frame, and as much as I hate it, I make it a point to stand between Gavin and Lance instead of standing next to Harry. I know this photo will end up on social media, and I know that Gwen would probably blow Harry's phone up if she saw us standing in the photo next to each other.

Once we click a few pictures on Lance's phone, we gather our stuff and head over to the pool tables as the guys are talking about playing a few games. The first game was Ross and Shane against Gavin and Lance, so Harry and I stood against the wall as we sipped our beers. I was almost out, and so was he.

"Do you want me to grab you another?" I ask, looking up at him with the inside of my cheek between my teeth.

"Yeah, in a minute. Do you want to go in the photo booth? We can snap some pictures just the two of us before we take the group ones," Harry suggests, pointing over to it. "And then we can get another round."

I smile up at him, finishing up the rest of my beer as we place our empty glasses down onto the table that was near us. "That sounds like a good plan."

Harry places his hand on my lower back as we maneuver through the people to get to the photo booth, and then we step inside. I raise my eyebrows when I realize it's larger than your typical one, but you stand instead of sitting down. I watch as Harry swipes his card to start the machine, and then he goes to adjust the camera.

"Well good thing I wore my platforms today," I joke as he tries to get the right angle to get both of us since I come up just short of his shoulder. "This would be a much worse situation if I hadn't."

Harry chuckles as he gets the camera into a good spot, and then he presses the start button. I move closer to his side as I feel his arm wrap around me. Just before the first picture clicks, Harry pulls me closer and lifts me off the ground so that I'm in the frame better.

I let out a squeal as I was caught completely off guard, and I'm quick to wrap my arms around his neck. He looks up at me, his bunny teeth on full display as he breaks out into a fit of laughter. I'm looking down at him with wide eyes, and soon I'm laughing right along with him as the next picture snaps.

"Wait, hold on, let me get on your back," I state, and he puts me down quickly so I can get behind him.

With my hands securely on his shoulders, he bends down and I straddle his lower back. He lifts up while I lean my head down so my face is right next to his - cheeks pressed together. We're still dying down from our giggles as the next picture goes off. I get a little brave, and I move my hands down from his shoulders to where my hands are now pressed to the center of his chest.

Harry pulls his cheek away from mine to look up at me, and he's still wearing a big smile as we're staring into each other's eyes. At this moment, I've forgotten all about the fact that we're taking pictures. I'm so drawn in by the look that he's giving me with that expression on his face - my pulse quickening just by looking at him.

The final picture snaps, and the flash draws us both of the trance we seemed to have been in. He lowers me to the ground carefully, but instead of letting me walk away, Harry places both of his hands on my hips as he continues to stare down at me.

"I'm really happy that you came, Carter," there's such sincerity to his voice, and I can tell he means every word as he speaks them. "It just feels right having you here. It's like everything about the night is complete."

Lifting a hand up, I do what I've always done. It was a habit I told myself to break, but tonight I choose to break that rule instead. I run my fingers through the front of his curls to move them off his forehead as I tilt my head to the side.

"I'm happy I came too, H. It's been really nice so far."

We move out of the photo booth to collect our photos from the drop, and we're immediately laughing over them. There's two copies so we each take one. I'm quick to put mine into my purse so I don't misplace it, and Harry puts his in the inner pocket of his jacket.

"Another beer?" I ask him with raised eyebrows, and he nods as we begin to head towards the bar.

Once we're at the bar, I feel Harry hook his index and middle finger into one of my belt loops, and I look down at them for a moment. This was something he picked up on doing when we were in college so that we wouldn't lose each other in large crowds, and the longer we've been at this bar tonight the larger the crowd has grown.

The bartender comes over, and I'm quick to lean forward against the surface so he can hear me over both the music, and the voices. I order Harry and I another round of beers as well as a round of shots for our group. I back off the bar a bit as I look over to Harry, and I can see that he's just staring at me with an unreadable expression.

"What?" I laugh, biting down on my bottom lip.

He shakes his head, but he doesn't make any signs of looking away. "Nothing. Just..."

Harry trails off, and I tilt my head to the side. "Just?"

I may be mistaken, but it's almost like I feel Harry's fingers closing down even more around my belt loop, as if he wants to pull me closer, but we're interrupted by a call of my name.

Looking over my shoulder, I'm met with Duncan and a few of the other guys from the shop. "Oh my god, hi," I pull away from Harry as I walk over to them, giving each of them a hug. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Just stopping by for a couple of beers after a show we were at," Duncan says. "How about you?"

"Oh, I'm here for Harry's bachelor party," I say, stepping back to place my hand between Harry's shoulder blades. "You guys remember him, right? I've tattooed him a few times."

Duncan nods and steps forward, extending his hand out to Harry. "Yeah, I remember," he nods. "Nice to see you again, and congratulations on the wedding."

"Thanks, mate," Harry shakes Duncan's hand, giving a small wave to the other guys as well.

"I've got your next round of shots, alright?" Duncan asks.

"Oh, we just ordered-"

"I'll tell them to put it on my tab, and just tell them Duncan has it covered the next time you order some," Duncan interrupts me, and I smile.

"Thank you," Harry speaks up. "You didn't have to do that."

"Not a problem, man. Enjoy your night."

Duncan and the guys head off just as the bartender places our beers down, as well as a small tray with the shots on it. I pull my card out of my pocket so that I can properly start a tab for myself, and the bartender takes it - telling me they'll give it right back.

"No Alfie tonight?" Harry asks, and I let out a hefty sigh.

"He's closing up the shop. We stay open until midnight on the weekends for piercings" I state, already chugging down a few sips of beer. "And I've told you, Harry, it's not like that."

I hardly hear Harry's hum in response due to the volume around us, but I still pick up on it. The bartender comes back over to return my card, and I thank them as I grab the tray of shots while Harry takes my beer for me.

We walk back over to the other guys while Harry's chest is practically pressing against my back. He's not able to grab me in any way since both of his hands are full, so I know he's trying to keep as close as possible.

"Here we go guys!" I announce as I set the tray down on the table.

Just like before, we each take a shot and down them before the others return to their game.

I prop myself up onto the high bar stool that was by our table, and Harry drapes his arm across the back of it. "Carter."

Looking away from the intense game of pool between our friends, I look up into his eyes. "Yes?"

"Thank you for being my best friend," he exhales before running his tongue along the inside of his cheek. "I don't know what I would've done without you these past few years."

I set my beer down on the table and place my hands on his shoulders. "I don't know how I possibly would've survived without you, Harry. I'm so grateful for you."

The corner of Harry's lips twitch into a soft smile, but it doesn't meet his eyes.

"Hey, you two!" Gavin's voice sounds off, and I drop my hands away from Harry as I look over for him. "Shane and Ross lost, so it's the two of you against us."

"Do I have to?" I groan, pushing myself off my bar stool.

"Yeah, does she have to? You guys know she sucks at pool," Harry says as he walks behind me, and I turn around to slap the back of my hand against his chest.

"Don't be a fucking dick."

Harry chuckles as we approach the table, and we each take a pool cue. "You guys will give us some slack since it's my bachelor party, right?"

Lance rolls his eyes. "Yeah, sure...absolutely not."

I giggle at this answer as I hold my pool cue to my chest.

Tonight feels like old times, and I don't think that I realized I missed it as much as I do until just now.

⋆★★⋆

"See you guys in a few weeks!" I call out after Gavin and Lance as they head down the street towards the hotel they had booked not too far away from the bar.

Shane and Ross had left about an hour ago, both jetlagged from the flight as they just got in today. They would be staying here until the wedding, but they were going to be doing some traveling in our surrounding states since it was their first time in the US.

Harry and I now stand together outside of the building, and I look up to see him with a concerned look on his face as he stares down at his phone.

"Everything okay?" I ask.

"Ubers are so fucking expensive right now. The surge has the price way up there. It's almost 70 dollars for me to get home," he shakes his head. "Let me check Lyft."

I stay quiet as he does so, and he huffs out a groan. "Almost the same price."

Pursing my lips to the side, I choose my next words very carefully. "Well...how about you come back to mine? You can hang out until the surge ends, or you can stay the night. I don't care either way."

Harry looks over at me for a moment before he shakes his head. "I wouldn't want to impose."

"Oh, fuck off with that," I say, hooking one of my arms around his. "It's not imposing when you're my best friend. Now put your phone away and let's walk."

We start down the sidewalk, and I'm starting to feel the effects of the liquor I've drank tonight. I wasn't obliterated by any means, but I was definitely feeling the alcohol. Harry tucks his phone into his pocket, and he keeps me close as we walk.

"Did you have fun tonight?" I ask, resting my cheek against his bicep.

"I did. It was all I could've asked for, really. How about you?"

I nod in response. "I think I probably had the best time I've had in a while with everyone tonight. It's so wild to me that Lance and Grace are having a baby."

"Oh my god, I know," Harry gasps. "We make some pretty good matchmakers, huh?"

I giggle at his statement, curling more into him due to the harsh winds. "We really do."

Harry and I had set Grace and Lance up together during our final year of college. We knew they both were attracted to each other, but neither of them would make the first move. We took it upon ourselves to plan a hangout with just the four of us without telling them. At first Grace and Lance were a bit irritated, but after an hour of us all talking, it was like we had all known each other forever.

"I would say maybe I'm a little better though," I blurt out, squeezing Harry's arm into my chest. "I set you and Gwen up too technically."

It's quiet between us for a few moments before Harry speaks. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

We walk into the building of my apartment, and once we approach my door I unlock it. We head inside, both of us toeing off our shoes and shedding our jackets. "Did you want anything else to drink? I have some tequila."

"Yeah, bring the bottle over to the couch. We can just take turns swigging from it - if that's okay with you," Harry says, and I nod.

Harry plops down onto my couch, and I can see that he's manspreading out of the corner of my eye. I let my eyes dwell for just a moment before I look away - heading into the kitchen. I push onto my tiptoes to grab my bottle of tequila off the top of the fridge, and then I fill up two glasses with water. I skillfully tuck the tequila under my arm so I can bring everything over to the couch without catastrophe, and I thankfully succeed.

Smiling at Harry, I put both waters down on the coffee table with the bottle of tequila in the middle. I collapse onto the couch beside him, and I look over to him with what I know is a drunken smile on my face.

"You should just stay the night," I tell him. "Like old times. One last old time, yeah?"

If I wasn't mistaken, I see something almost resembling pain when I speak those words, but Harry quickly covers it up. "Okay, yeah, I'll stay."

"I can take the couch if you want to take my-"

"I'm not taking your bed, Carter," Harry shakes his head as he reaches out to grab his glass of water. He gulps down half of it before setting it back down. "The couch is just fine. I've spent plenty of nights on it already."

"I know," I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment. "It's just...this is your night. I want it to be perfect for you."

The feeling of Harry's hand on my thighs forces me to become more aware, and I open my eyes to look over to him. "It's already been the most perfect night, I promise."

I hum as I look at him. "Well, I'm glad, H. You deserve it."

Sitting up on the couch better, I go to reach out for the tequila bottle at the same time as Harry, and we both break into a fit of giggles. "You do it," he instructs me.

I grab the bottle and pull out the cork before I shuffle onto my knees on the couch. I move closer to him, and I just let my body and mind do what they want for once when it comes to Harry these days. My hand wraps around the back of his neck, and I tilt my chin up.

"Head back," I move my torso so I'm practically hovering over him. "I'll pour it."

Harry keeps his eyes on mine as he does what I've asked. He parts his lips, and I tilt the tequila bottle so the liquor starts to drip into his mouth. I count slowly to five before I stop, but Harry is quick to swallow it all down.

"That's it?"

I roll my eyes playfully, and he snatches the bottle from me. "Your turn then."

My heart skips a bit as I lower my ass down onto the heels of my feet, and Harry moves around so he's over me just a bit. I open my mouth just as he did before I start to taste the tequila against my tongue. I breathe through my nose as the alcohol fills up, and once he stops, I swallow immediately. Groaning, I grab my water to chase it - shaking my head.

"This game sucks, why did I start it?" I choke out, and Harry lets out a loud laugh.

"It's not a game, flower," Harry sets the tequila bottle down. "We're just drinking."

Flower.

It's been years since he's called me that, and I'd honestly forgotten that he ever had. I don't dwell on it though - mostly due to my slightly intoxicated state.

"Can't believe you ever got me into tequila like this," I scold him, although I'm fully teasing. "You're my reason for many, many hangovers, Harry."

Harry reaches out and tugs at my septum piercing. "You love it, don't fucking lie."

I gasp at him, and I push back up onto my knees. "That's not fair. You don't have any piercings for me to get you back."

My eyes trace over his frame, and I smirk as I reach forward. I go to clamp my fingertips down around each of his nipples, but Harry's hands wrap around my wrists in an instant. I let out a yelp of surprise as he pulls them into his chest, and he shakes his head.

"You had four options for that, and you went with the main two? Playing it safe?"

I giggle, going to answer him, but I feel my nose knock against his as I tilt my head up to do so. I didn't realize just how close we were at the moment.

The alcohol is causing my head to swim, and I may be interpreting this all wrong, but I feel him lean in at the same time as me as we keep our sights on each other's eyes.

The next thing I know, our lips are connecting in a soft kiss.

There's a tingle that starts to evolve throughout my body as we keep the small connection - neither one of us really moving. We pull away, and the sound of our wet lips parting fills the room. I flutter my eyes open to look at Harry once again.

Opening my mouth, I go to apologize before I feel Harry's lips on mine once more, and as it deepens, his hands slide down to my forearms until they're dropping to my waist.

He hauls me into his lap, and soon the noises of our lips and tongues clashing against each other is all that bounces off the walls. I can feel my tongue ring rolling along the roof of his mouth as I tangle both sets of my fingers into the back of his curls. Our chests are flush together, and as much as I know this is wrong, the only thing I can think about at the moment is him.

The interaction becomes heated in just a few seconds, and I can feel Harry's fingertips digging into the small of my back from where my top has ridden up. I pull back as he ghosts his hand towards my stomach until he reaches the hem of my shirt. His eyes hold mine as if he's asking for permission, and I give him a nod. My arms raise above my head as he starts to lift my top off my body. He tosses it to the side, leaving me in my strapless bra as I tighten my thighs against his.

"Are you okay?" I ask, my chest heaving.

Harry's eyes look up from the revealed skin to look at my face, and he quickly nods. "Yeah, this is more than okay."

One of his large hands cups my face while the other drops to my thigh, and he pulls me down to connect our lips once more. His thumb swipes over my cheekbone as our tongues glide together.

My mind is absolutely racing, and as chaotic as it feels, I can only focus on how exactly I'm feeling. The one thing that I've wanted for so long is actually happening.

I feel Harry's hands all over me it seems. He caresses my body, treasuring it like I always knew that he would. I moan as I feel his palms encasing my covered breasts - resulting in me rolling my hips against his.

I tilt my head back with a gasp as Harry's lips trail down my jawline, and then my neck. His teeth nip at my collarbone before he works his way back up the side of my neck he didn't tend to before - lips journeying to find mine again.

Harry sucks my bottom lip between the two of his, and I moan. My eyes roll into the back of my head as I grip to his shoulders with an arched back.

"Harry," I whimper, his name muffled as he grazes his teeth along my tongue.

He soon runs his own tongue over mine to soothe the ache, and I can feel his bulge growing against my inner thigh. I trail my hands down his clothed stomach until my fingers grip to the hem of his shirt. He mimics my actions from before with his arms in the air, and I pull his shirt up and off his frame. I look down as I feel my palms in contact with muscles - my hands covering his defined abs.

"Holy shit," I'm dumbfounded at just how fit Harry has gotten. It's been years since I've seen him without a shirt, and even though he's always been very toned, this was another level.

His butterfly tattoo now accentuated his chiseled abs, and I could see the tips of the ferns peeking over the waistband of his jeans - his hips narrowing down into a 'v' shape below the denim. My hands can't stop smoothing across his torso, and I lean forward to have my lips mold against his.

As time goes on, the more I can feel my body heating up, and I want more.

I rock my hips against Harry's with more force, and a groan rattles within him that I feel vibrating back against my hands that are resting on his toned chest.

My lips venture away from his as I begin to tend to the skin of his neck like he did for me - his hands now securely on my hips as he keeps guiding me to grind on him.

"Oh, fuck," Harry moans before I begin to kiss him again.

My hands slide down to his jeans, and I undo the button and pull down his zipper as I lightly suck on the hinge of his jaw.

"That's it," he breathes. "Just like that, Gwen."

My movements cease, and it's like time completely stills as the name that isn't mine leaves his mouth.

I immediately feel tears burning in my eyes as I lift myself up to look at his face - his eyes still closed. After a moment, Harry flutters his eyes open, and he looks at me with confusion before I see the realization take over.

"Carter, I-"

"No, no," I shake my head, climbing off his lap, running a hand through my hair as I search for my shirt. I locate it and tug it over back onto my body as I wrap my arms around myself. "We shouldn't have done this anyway. That...we should just talk about it in the morning when we're sober."

"I didn't mean to, please, I don't want you to go to bed angry at me," Harry goes to reach out for me, but I move even further away.

"I'm telling you, Harry, the conversation needs to happen when we're both in a better state of mind," I tell him. "You know where everything is to get yourself situated."

Racing into my bedroom, I shut the door and press my back against it as I try to catch my breath. I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks, and I give it a moment so I can gather myself before I walk into my ensuite. I've never been more thankful for having a full bathroom in my actual room until this moment.

I strip my clothes off after turning the shower on, and once the water is scalding hot, I step underneath it. I let it wash over me as I cover my face with my hands - reflecting on what just happened.

I just made out with Harry. My best friend. My sister's fiancé. The man I'm truly in love with, but he doesn't even know. The man who doesn't love me back in that same way.

Gasping to catch my breath due to how overwhelmed I was getting, I reach out to grab the bar of soap, and I start to lather my body. I continue to rub the bar over my skin again and again until I'm starting to truly scrub.

What Harry and I did just now was so wrong, and I need to scrub his touch off of me.

I exit the shower with bright red skin, and I change into my pajamas before I begin to brush my teeth. I stare at myself in the mirror as I do so - pressing a little harder tonight against my gums than I usually do.

His taste is still on me, and I need to rid myself of it.

Once I finish up in the bathroom, I collapse into my bed. I pull the covers completely over my body to hide myself away. As much as I don't feel like I could get sleep after what just happened, I know the alcohol is playing a factor into me feeling tired, and I drift off to sleep.

⋆★★⋆

The next morning, I'm woken up by a muffled voice outside of my bedroom door. I groan as I glance at my phone on the nightstand, and I see it's only a little past ten in the morning. Slipping out from under the covers, I rub my palm into one of my eyes as I open the bedroom door. I recognize the voice as Harry's, and I can tell that he's on the phone with someone.

"I was at Carter's, Gwen. I was going to get an Uber but they were super expensive, and I had one too many drinks at the pub and couldn't drive. I-"

I knew how Gwen could be if she was accusing you of something. I knew that's what she was doing to Harry right now.

She hardly allowed you to speak. It's been that way my whole life. Whether she was trying to say I took a shirt from her closet, or that I misplaced her favorite lipstick - she would always get out what she wanted to say first before hearing anything else.

"You don't believe that I'm actually here at her place right now? Do you want me to go and wake her up because I can? Where else would I-"

I can now hear Harry shuffling around my living room which makes it a little harder to hear the conversation. I'm sure he's trying to gather his things.

"Yeah, I'm about to leave right now. I'll take an Uber back to my car. I'll see you soon."

I give it a few more seconds before I make my presence completely known, and I walk out into the living room to see Harry already by my door - slipping into his shoes.

"Are you already-"

Harry cuts me off before I can even finish my sentence. "I'm sorry, I have to go. Gwen is pissed, and she's not going to hear me out until we're face to face."

I look down at my hands at I fiddle with my fingers, brushing my thumbnail against my cuticle out of a nervous habit. "I was going to fix us breakfast, and then I was going to drive you back to your car at the bar."

"I appreciate that, Carter, but I can't stay. I'll...I'll talk to you later."

I look up just in time as Harry slips out the door, and I feel my heart sink into my stomach.

He didn't even look at me once before he left.

#harry styles #harry styles au #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry edward styles #harry styles ff

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tyrantisterror · 4 months

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You seem to have been enjoying Baldur's Gate III a lot. Would you mind giving your thoughts on the individual companions? I'm just curious to see what your take on them is.

Yeah sure! The game's been rotting my brain for months now in part because of its character writing, so I can stand to gush about the companions a bit.

Before we get to the companions individually, I want to talk about them as a group, because one of the things that makes this game so impressive to me is its commitment to its core themes, and that extends to how the companions were crafted as a group. See, each of the core six companions have the following things in common:

The mindflayer tadpole that threatens to turn them into a monster against their will (i.e. the thing that gets them all together on a quest)

A personal history of being abused and exploited by someone they trusted

A Want that comes as a result of their personal history of abuse that is self destructive but understandable given their circumstances

A Need that comes as a result of their personal history of abuse that they have written off or ignored because their past makes them think fulfilling it is impossible

A point in their character arc where they will come into conflict with the player character if the player character tries to advocate for their Need over their Want. If the player values the Want over the Need, the relationship will initially go smoother, but end badly.

The overall theme of Baldur's Gate 3 can be loosely summed up in one of its major recurring songs, I Want to Live, and that's ultimately what each character's arc is a variation of: the desperate desire to live in a world that has been trying to kill your mind, body, and soul to the best of its ability. Got it? Cool, we can talk about the characters now that we've got this established.

Oh, and, uh, this game covers some... HEAVY themes, given that abuse is one of the common denominators between the companions. I'm going to try to be gentle in talking about it, but this will cover some of that subject matter, so this is your warning if you want to avoid that.

Companion 1: Astarion, My Bisexual Awakening

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I'm going to start with the companion I feel is the most talked about/popular/overexposed I suppose, Astarion. I feel like anyone with even the vaguest knowledge of Baldur's Gate 3 probably recognizes Astarion at this point, even if it's just as "that annoying vampire twink I'm sick of seeing." There's already a growing "he's popular so he sucks" movement about Astarion here on tumblr and at the cesspool of hate known as Twitter, because of course there is, he's popular, ergo he must suck.

...

I think Astarion is one of the best written video game characters of all time.

There's this one great tumblr post that summarizes Astarion's role in the narrative really well, with the great punchline of "Astarion is kinda like if they sexualized gollum," which is not only funny but perfectly accurate. I can't really top that, so I'm just going to talk around some of its points a bit, but I highly recommend reading it yourself, it's more concise and well-thought out than whatever this ramble will be.

But, ok, so, "I Want to Live" is our theme, right? Astarion is dead. Dead to begin with, Marley style. He has been killed, at a young age, before his time. Sure, he was brought back to a sort of life, being a vampire and a member of the undead and all, but the life he knew is gone. All the pathos one can mine from being a vampire is played up here, for as Astarion himself notes, he's not even a full fledge vampire, but a vampire spawn - "All of the drawbacks, few of the perks." Worse, as a vampire spawn, he's magically bound to the will of the vampire that turned him - forced to live out his undead life as a slave to a sadistic monster that abused him in every way a person can be abused.

Which is why Astarion is the only companion who's entirely thankful for the mindflayers kidnapping him and implanting a tadpole in his head - because they broke that magic connection to his master, and gave him resistances to many of the stock vampire weaknesses to boot (hungry tadpole doesn't want its meat suit burning in the sun, after all). Astarion's life was so fucked that getting a brain-eating parasite was a unilateral improvement.

But while the magic connection is severed, the psychological affect of the abuse Astarion suffered lingers. His master made him use sex as a lure to bring victims to his lair, and so Astarion still believes that he has to offer people sex to "earn his keep" - that his body is a tool for others to use for their gratification, and if he refuses their desires he puts his life at peril. Astarion hates putting himself out to help other people not only because no one has done that for him during his long undead life, but because doing so puts his life at risk. Astarion is power hungry - his Want is to be as strong, no, stronger than his master, so that way he can never be afraid again. Astarion Wants to be a true vampire.

His need, however, is to find value in the life he has now. He needs people who love him for who he is, not what he can offer, and who will protect him the way he has needed protecting for hundreds of years. His need is to be shown that kindness isn't a weakness, that charity is possible, that power does not have to be gained through selfish and cruel means. You're shown this in the game's approval mechanic - while Astarion will disapprove of you putting yourself out on a limb for others and revealing sensitive information freely, he has a soft spot for whenever you help someone who, like him, is being exploited. Because while he'll protest otherwise, Astarion wants to believe kindness is possible, and that the horrible things he's suffered don't define him. Astarion may believe he's just a tool to serve others' desires, but that doesn't mean he doesn't wish to be more than that.

And I know the cynics among you are like "Oh, ok, so the cute vampire twink has a ludicrously tragic backstory. How is that original or good writing?" Because that's the thing, right? If there's an effeminate, brooding bad boy character that lots of teenage girls like in a piece of media, it HAS to be shallow wangst at its core. Every tumblr sexyman is just Edward Cullen when you cut past the bullshit, right?

Like, I know I'm not going to convince the "Thing popular so thing bad" crowd on Astarion's quality no matter how many words I write, but, like, there is a reason for the hype. Dude's got fucking layers! The different interactions with him you can have, the dimensions you can bring out of him by how you choose to engage with him, all paint this great tapestry of a character who takes the concept of a vampire and explores it to a depth few pieces of media have every plunged to.

And he's fucking funny! Dude's got some of the best lines in the game, and his voice actor didn't just give him a sexy sultry voice, but, like, shades of Tim Curry that make him endearingly weird and goofy and witty as hell while still being very sexy.

And yes, he's a sexy vampire, that's a big point in his favor and what most people are dwelling on. And I'm standing by the sexy part - listen, for the past few years I've been kind of wrestling with whether or not I'm bisexual, and the question was laid to rest the first time this fucker flirted with me in game. My heart raced, my cheeks flushed, I reflexively giggled and went "Whoo!" like a Southern Belle in need of a feinting couch. Every time he's flirted with me since has given me the fucking vapors. Thank you, Astarion, I'm bi for sure now. you solved that fucking riddle pretty decisively.

Let's move on.

Companion 2: Shadowheart, A Fellow Lapsed Catholic

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Shadowheart is a bundle of contradictions. She's got some of the best quips and quickest wits in the game, and she's also a huge fucking dork. She is oozing with confidence about the role she's been assigned to play and is incredibly assertive in group social situations, but on her own she's a mess of insecurities and is constantly plagued with doubts about her worth. She's constantly preaching about the need to be pragmatic and self-focused, but loves it whenever you are kind and generous. Depending on your choices during the tutorial level, she can become the first ride-or-die party member you get, and she's also a miserable pile of secrets who is terrified of you discovering what she really is.

See, Shadowheart is a cleric of Shar, the Goddess of Darkness, which is both in a literal and figurative sense - that is, Shar is the goddess of night and the absence of light, but, like, also the goddess of loss, and sorrow, and hopelessness, and secrets, and lies. The Goddess of Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss, basically. Being raised to follow the goddess has plagues Shadowheart with guilt over the secrets she's had to keep, the cruelties she's had to inflict, and the distance she's kept from all people in her life as a result of the church's creed. If you're a nerd who comes into this game knowing who Shar is, you'd probably be immediately suspicious of Shadowheart when you find out her alleigance, because Shar's basically one of the more prominent evil gods whose followers are always fucking things up for everyone.

However, I did not come into this game knowing that, but I did come into it knowing what's it's like to be raised in a religion that teaches you that many of your natural desires for companionship are wrong and to feel guilt and paranoia over how your every action will be judged, for like Shadowheart, I am also a Catholic.

Shadowheart's Want is to become a Dark Justiciar, which is basically the Sharran equivalent of the Spanish Inquisition, and to fully prove her devotion to Shar's will. The way she talks about Shar is so thickly coded with the way children of abusive parents talk about said parents that's it's legitimately frightening to witness at times. Shadowheart doesn't blame Shar for hurting her, she knows it's her fault for disappointing Shar in the first place.

Shadowheart's Need is to leave the fucking Catholic church. Depending on your choices, she can accomplish this with the help of two moon-worshipping lesbians, at which point she dyes her hair a color that would piss off her parents Shar and proceeds to indulge in a somewhat hedonistic rebellion of self actualization that only a lapsed Catholic can fully comprehend. I love her.

Companion 3: Lae'Zel, The World's Most Loyal Toad

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Ok, so, brief tangent: one of my favorite games of all time is Dragon Age Origins, and it is one of my favorite games of all time in part because it has Morrigan, one of the best characters in all of fantasy fiction, fuck you fight me. Morrigan is a divisive character in the DA fandom because she is notoriously hard to please if you're trying to be a good person - it was so prominent a criticism, in fact, that "Morrigan Disapproves" was put on a fucking t-shirt to play on/monetize the controversy.

But, see, the thing about Morrigan is that she's 1. incredibly complex and 2. designed to challenge your worldview, and to be challenged in turn. Morrigan isn't just an evil bitch, she has a genuine philosophy for why she behaves as coldly as she does, which in part stems from her awful upbringing by her cruel, selfish hermit mother who was trying to shelter her from an even crueller world that would see her in chains just for being a witch. Morrigan has been taught that love is a weakness others will exploit, that kindness is folly, and that everyone is out for themselves. And you need to contradict her on that - getting to know her inevitably involves fighting her on this point, and you proving to her that the cruelty she's been taught is wrong. If you are willing to listen, to argue, to truly understand this character, she grows because of you. It makes her character arc so fucking satisfying, when you get to the end of the game and she realizes that she does love you, she does want to be kind, and that even though she now feels more accutely than ever how love has made her weak, she can't be without it. It's so fucking good.

I bring Morrigan up because almost all the companions in Baldur's Gate 3 are on her level, in part because they are designed like her - to challenge you and be challenged in turn. And none of the core six are more like her than Lae'zel.

Which, sadly, includes the fan backlash part. A lot of fans of the game hate Lae'zel - she's too mean, they say, too hostile, to proud of her strange and callous worldview, too critical of our normal and kind outlook, too difficult to relate to.

These people are cowards.

If Shadowheart is Catholic, then Lae'zel is, like, Christian Reformed. A fundie. She's been training at Githyanki Bible Camp for years to be her lichqueen's perfectly loyal soldier, only to run into this minor snag of being kidnapped by Mindflayers, the ancestral enemies of her people, and infected with a tadpole that will turn her into one of them, the Worst Fate that can become a Githyanki. Luckily, she's read all of her people's Chick Tracts, and knows that if she can get to one of the Githyanki creches, they can use their special machine to pray the tadpole out of her brain and save her.

Lae'zel has drunk the metaphorical kool-aid of her people, but only to a point. See, Githyankis are viciously racist, but Lae'zel is REALLY quick to accept you and most of the other companions (not Shadowheart, though, as like a true Fundie, she cannot stand a Catholic) despite them not being Giths like herself. Yeah, she'll preen and posture about the superiority of her kind a bit, but she sides with you within seconds of meeting you, and from that point on she is ride or die until you give her a good reason to think otherwise. Lae'zel can be mean, stubborn, and arrogant, but she is above all else loyal.

Her Want is to be a perfect Githyanki warrior, earning the respect of her queen and serving her endlessly in the Astral Plane. Of course, when you actually get to that creche she's pointing you towards early in the game, this all falls apart on her, because just like Fundamentalist Christianity, Githyanki culture is little more than a sham designed to uphold an evil and exploitative power structure where the rich drain the life and resources of everyone beneath them and declare it the will of the divine. In this case, that "drain the life" part is explicitly literal, as the Githyanki queen literally devours the life force of any gith that gets even a bit close to rivaling her in power. If Lae'zel tries to follow her dream, it will end with her queen eating her soul.

Lae'zel's Need is to not only break out of her culture's indoctrination, but to find a way to make her life worthwhile on her own terms. It's heartbreaking to witness, honestly, because unlike the other core companions, Lae'zel has no idea what a life outside of her Want looks like. What is she without serving her queen? What the hell does she want? If you've been taught God your queen is all that is good, then how the fuck you you figure out what good is when you realize she's actually evil?

And while she goes through this seriously traumatic existential crisis, she finds the energy to be invested in the struggles of you and your companions. When the other characters are going through The Shit in their respective arcs, Lae'zel is always quick to note that she thinks they are strong and deserve more than they're getting - even Shadowheart, that fucking Catholic!

Because the first word you'd ever use to describe Lae'zel, the one that most succinctly captures who she is, is LOYAL. She fucking rocks, I love her.

Companion 4: Wyll, The Unjustly Underrated

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Almost no one talks about Wyll and it fucking sucks, man. I mean, we all know why (it starts with a Ra and ends in a Cism), but still it fucking blows dude. And yes, I include myself in this, anyone who's followed my blog can tell that Wyll's not the companion I fixate on the most.

But listen, I promise you, if the game let me take along four companions instead of three, Wyll... would be competing with Lae'zel for spot #4, and Lae'zel might win out because she's an angry girl, but... fuck I'm losing the plot.

Wyll is great though! He's severely underrated! He's one of the nicest companions you'll get, first of all, but he's not just a nice guy. Everyone's got layers in this, right? Wyll is nice, but he's also a bit arrogant - a glory hound, really. He's the only companion who's given himself a superhero name, and he routinely uses it. Dude wants to be fuckin' Batman so bad, it's wonderful.

He's also the most actively fucked member of the party. Everyone's got abusers in their past, but Wyll's is the only one who's followed him to your camp. Mizora, the devil he sold his soul too, frequently shows up to give him shitty tasks and shittier punishments, and is one of the most hateful fucking characters I have ever encountered in my life. Like, to put this in perspective: if you know me, you know that I have certain... preferences... when it comes to women. So if there was, say, a demon lady character who's also a bit of a dominatrix, and I fucking hated her guts, you'd probably be a bit surprised given, you know, my preferences.

But the way Mizora treats Wyll? The way she talks about him and to him? It's fucking heinous. She's not fun evil, she's evil evil, and she's got to fucking go.

It kind of reframes Wyll's kindness and cockiness as you experience it, because beneath the showy acts of heroism and the bluster, Wyll is a sad little dog in a burning apartment telling himself "this is fine!" over and over again.

Wyll's Want is to be a hero and make the sacrifice of his soul worth something. He has accepted that there is no redemption for himself, that Mizora preying upon his vulnerability in the past is something he can never recover from, that he cannot be free of her chains, and only hopes to use what time he has to do some good, even if it inevitably comes at the cost of his life.

His Need is to break out of Mizora's control, to wrest his fate back into his own hands, and to prove what has always been true: that he IS the hero he's selling himself as. It's a real Rango arc if you think about it.

Companion 5: Gale, The Friend With the Messiest Fucking Love Life You've Ever Heard Of Goddamn

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Gale... kind of breaks the companion formula, a little bit? Like, for the other five core companions, there is a clear-cut situation where they were abused and exploited by an asshole - Shar exploited Shadowheart, Cazador the master vampire exploited Astarion, Mizora exploits Wyll, etc. Gale's fucked up traumatic relationship is a bit... messier, and harder to untangle, because by his own admission, he was not blameless in it.

Gale is a wizard, and like all good wizards in fiction, he's a bit of a mad scientist. He was so good at wizarding, in fact, that the goddess of magic itself, Mystra, reached out to him, and eventually the two had a little romance. Now, fans have gone back and forth interpreting this, with some saying that Mystra was grooming Gale from childhood and thus is as bad as Cazador/Shar/Mizora/et cetera. I feel that's kind of a bad faith reading of the character, one that's actively ignoring the concept of what an ageless immortal goddess is to try and fit it into a human context.

For nerds who know about the setting, Mystra is NOT an evil goddess like Shar. In fact, she's kind of a vitally important goddess to have around, as Magic is such an integral part of the reality of this setting that not having a god of some sort for it results in an fucking extinction event - which the characters in the game know for a fact because at one point in the past, a mortal wizard killed Mystra and made that extinction event happen. Mystra reformed, as gods do, and eventually things got back to more or less normal, but that doesn't do much for the shitload of people and creatures that died during the period of time where magic was dead.

And that's what ends up souring Gale and Mystra's relationship. Gale, being mortal, felt he had to prove he was Mystra's equal, and so set out to find a source of magical power not unlike that used by the wizard in the past who killed Mystra. And when Mystra saw Gale doing that, she freaked the fuck out because she thought she was going to get killed again - because the wizard who slew her in the past ALSO felt he needed to prove he was equal to a goddess.

Neither character takes the breakup well. Gale feels like fucking shit because he fumbled a literal goddess, and also got a piece of super destructive magic lodged in his chest in the process that's slowly killing him. And Mystra is worried that the super powerful piece of magic lodged in Gale's chest could kill her, and also about the cult using a very similar piece of magic (it's a big plot point for the game I won't go into it this is already too long), and so, in an act of cruel godly pragmatism, she sends D&D Gandalf to tell Gale to use his the magic murder ball in his chest to kill the cult, even though it'll destroy him in the process. "Hi sweetie, please kill yourself on my behalf, k thanx!" basically.

It's... it's a mess.

Gale's Want is to prove he is Mystra's equal by mastering the ancient magic he's found, and either win her back or, better yet, become a god himself and dethrone her. As I said, he's got a bit of a mad scientist in him.

Gale's Need is to move on from this relationship, talk things out with his ex, give her her dvds the ancient magic artifacts back, and move on with his life.

I like Gale. He's got funny lines, he loves his cat, he's a goofy nerd, and while his love life is a mess, his heart is mostly in the right place. He needs some nudges to do the right thing, but he's a good guy deep down, and I always love it when fiction shows a relationship that falls apart not because one person in it was "bad," but because the two people were just not compatible. Yeah, Gale fucked up, but you can understand why he fucked up, and he can understand it too if you help him own up to his mistakes and move forward. Also, he loves his cat, he can't be all bad.

Companion 6: Karlach, the Most Beautiful Woman I've Ever Seen

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Karlach is my favorite companion in this game, which is why I saved her for (sort of) last. And, yes, sure, part of it is because of my aforementioned preferences with women...

she's so goddamn pretty

But it's also because of how she plays with those core themes I've mentioned. Karlach was sold into slavery as a teenager, where her devil master ripped out her heart and replaced it with an engine to turn her into a super-strong gladiator. She's been living in literal Hell for years, fighting every day to survive, and like Astarion she actually views being kidnapped by Mindflayers as a godsend since it freed her from her enslavement.

Unlike Astarion, Karlach doesn't have a long life to look forward to. That engine in her chest can't work properly outside of Hell, and it will eventually break, overheat, and melt her from the inside out. Karlach is the only companion who knows she's going to die soon whether or not the tadpole is taken out - no matter how this adventure ends, she will die.

At least, that's what she's told herself. Karlach's Want is to never return to Literal Hell, no matter what, because she's afraid if she does she will be taken as a slave again, and that there is no hope for a good life if she touches foot on that ground again. Following this want means she WILL die - either by the engine, by her enemies in the mortal plane, or by turning into a mind flayer (because while mind flayers can retain their hosts' memories, they are NOT the same being as their host).

And Karlach is convinced she's ok with this! No, really, she's fine! This is fine! She's got a few days left to live, and she's going to enjoy them! She is unfailingly kind and compassionate, always willing to help others, always cheery and taking the best view of her friends and people in need, a ray of fucking sunshine.

And beneath it all she's terrified and sad. When you get towards the end of the game, and Karlach feels how close the Inevitable End is, she reaches a breaking point where that happy facade snaps and it's... it's gut wrenching, man. It breaks your fucking heart, because as much as she's determined not to risk setting foot in Literal Hell ever again, she really doesn't want to die.

...

Karlach's Need is to go back to Literal Hell long enough to get that engine replaced. Her Need is to find hope, TRUE hope, not just a facade of optimism - a true belief that she can face the worst and come out of it ok, that she can survive, that she is not alone in facing the darkest shit this world can throw at her. Her Need is to find the strength to believe that she can live, even if it's hard, even if it's Hell to get there.

And Karlach is worth it. She is worth Hell.

Companions 7 - 10 Speedrun

I don't have as much to say about the four other companions you can get in the game, mainly because I already love these six so much that trying to take time to get to know four other weirdos who I don't get to recruit until halfway through the game just... like, there's a party limit of four characters and one is me, I can only take three of you along at a time, I'm prioritizing the one's who've been with me since all the goblin shit in Act 1, feel me? The rest of you seem real neat but I've got my nakama all set, we're good.

Halsin is the one I know the most of these four because he helped me at the tail end of the goblin stuff and he seems fine. He's a big nice hippie who turns into a bear and is into polygamy and carving wooden ducks. A lot of people thirst for him, but he's not my type - like I get the appeal but this is a case of Not My Favorite Pennywise Hentai But OK as far as I'm concerned. I like his subplot about restoring balance to the cursed forest, though. Felt like teaming up with Smokey the Bear.

Minthara is the companion that used to require you to kill a shitload of innocent people to recruit, but people found weird work-arounds that involved turning her into a sheep and so the developers sighed and released a patch where you could recruit her without mass murder using only slightly cheesey means. She is Genuinely Evil, but in a complicated way that's still fun from a character perspective. She's also a great comically serious character - i.e. someone who's so serious all the time that they end up being incredibly funny on accident just by their muted reactions to all the weirdness around them. From the clip compilations I've watched on youtube, her romance is basically a Lady Macbeth situation, and that's pretty hot. If it weren't for Karlach, I'd... romance Astarion, but if it weren't for Astarion, I'd... romance Shadowheart, but if it weren't for Shadowheart, I'd... romance Lae'zel, but if it weren't for Lae'zel, I might romance Minthara. Or Wyll. One of the two.

Jaheira is a character from one of the previous Baldur's Gate games, neither of which I've played, so I had no preconceptions or attachments to her going in this game. She basically becomes your surrogate mom as the game goes along, and I mean that as a compliment. She's pretty great and fills a nice emotional niche - I didn't use her that much because, again, I've already got six close friends to rotate out, I'm not going to ditch them for long periods of time to hang out with my MOM, but it was nice having her along for the ride a few times.

Minsc is the OTHER returning character from the previous games, and from what I can tell he's basicall Kronk from The Emperor's New Groove but with a funny accent. I like him, he's fun comic relief, and he throws a hamster at people while telling it to eat their eyes. I don't have a lot to say on Minsc, I just think he's neat.

At some point I might do a followup to this gushing about NPCs from the game, because goddamn the supporting cast is great too. Omeluum, Us, the Emperor, fucking Dame Aylin. Dame Aylin is so goddamn fucking cool, I want to read novels about her adventures, she rocks so hard. All glory to the Nightsong!

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huenation · 9 months

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how are you true / kth

word count: 4,062

genre: silliness (fluff), angst, college au, “enemies” (friends) to lovers

warnings: breakdowns, homesickness, mc is shorter than tae (minor detail but just a heads up), loneliness, ur prof is so mean

synopsis: you’re homesick while at uni and instead of making friends, you have beef with this guy in your class, but it can’t be all that bad, can it?

soundtrack: hug by seventeen

when you started your first year of school, moving thousands of kilometers away from home, it proved to be the scariest thing you’d done, but not once did you ever try to make it known.

for your sake as an always independent, calm, non-emotional person that you’d been dubbed as by your family, for your said family, and overall the new community of students like you.

from not sharing your bedroom to suddenly having a roommate, at least she was kind, but she was never home, so it’s like she wasn’t even there. (it made ample opportunity to release your emotions when you couldn’t hold them in anymore.) from waking up to the singing of your mom or your siblings and smell of delicious food to waking up every hour in cold sweats, constantly looking around for some recognizable feature that told you where you were just to sit there in a weird sort of grief that you weren’t home.

it was hard. you tried to make friends in each of your classes, even trying to join clubs or societies in hopes of boosting credits for your future resume, and it worked to some point, but at the end of the day, you always felt so lonely.

the first few months are the worst, but you keep paddling through with your head held high.

when you meet taehyun, things start off rocky and you struggle to float. all this is because right away, he doesn’t like you. you’re kicked out of your group for the class you share together, and instead of forcing you to stay, your professor drops you in another with taehyun.

you had met the first time on a particularly chilly morning, you both showed up for your first class to see that class was cancelled and you both were at a loss for words, seemingly as the only two people who hadn’t gotten the memo. funnily enough, taehyun didn’t say a word, just scratching his head and rubbing the back of his neck, sighing at most. you were the one who opens up their mouth to ramble about how dumb you feel. his nose and ears were still red. you never quite noticed him before despite sharing the class for a month or two now. you weren’t aware of his name at the time either. one of his hands moves down to grip at the book bag strap on his shoulder. you blinked at him, too, falling into silence.

it was there that you got to see firsthand how he possibly had the largest pupils ever. big brown eyes that hypnotized you a little more than they should have.

it was a wordless conversation you didn’t realize you stepped in, seeing as his eyebrow arches and he scoffed. easily, your expression flipped in offense.

“i’m going home.” “what’s your name?”

both sentences were spoken at the same time. instead of answering like a normal person, taehyun simply walked past you, jaunting like if he doesn’t haul ass, he’d die.

“hello?!” you shouted out, watching his back and him disappearing around a corner. that had been the first encounter. so, you rolled your eyes and just walked away, back to your dorm.

that became the first of many times: many instances in which taehyun really didn’t want to be there with you, but seeing as you had no other way out, you tried to make the most of it. he liked fighting it. after refusing to even speak to you for the first few weeks, it quickly turned into constant bickering. you needed the document for the group project? sorry, he can’t share it with you. he wanted to present the simplest part of the presentation? whoops, you already claimed it. your group mates sucked, so it was always you two meeting outside of class to work on it. you gave each other a hard time, on purpose definitely.

it certainly hadn’t helped that you befriended his own best friends, who forced the proximity even more. you didn’t even get the hype of how they, the sweetest beings, could be friends with him — until one day, you stayed too late at the library and as you were leaving, you caught him walking a very important looking gentleman out the door. taehyun listened carefully to every word the man spoke, every word revolving around theories and fissions, scientific properties you hadn’t a clue about.

taehyun conversed with him like it was nothing. easy words that sounded to you like physicist or engineering jargon, but to him, he did it all with an intrigued smile. a smile. he looked so charming. those big pupils were so captivated. you found him so enchanting.

the man had simply said that they’ll see each other soon and he walked out of your grand library lobby. all while you remained standing behind him. he was quite passionate, a side you didn’t know he’d possessed. his tone soothed you and his eyes lit up.

after that, you quietly started crushing on him. blushing while having to talk to him, though it wasn’t a chore for you. you had to fight tooth and nail to not show the invisible excitement at seeing him. except that you avoided him and avoided the normal arguing. playful arguing that made you both seem childish. it became civil suddenly.

taehyun caught onto it pretty fast, but not the crush part. he only suspected that you were hiding something. the core to every argument had been that you thought he was stuck up and he thought you were annoying. you’d reverted back to where you started.

yeonjun, his roommate, would point out that you both seemed like an old couple who squabbled all the time. taehyun never said anything but simply rolled his eyes. the only time he ever took action was when someone would say that you two fought like siblings.

who knew why that above all seemed to get to him?

taehyun was cold, irritable, always in a rush, wanting everything to be perfect, but he never did anything to hurt you, if anything sometimes he’d go out of his way to make sure you weren’t hurt, despite all his claims that you annoyed the life out of him. that certainly didn’t seem to help your feelings for him that were building and boy, were they building fast. you assumed they were nothing more than attraction to his appearance, his hidden passion, his quick wit, his understanding of boundaries even in this weird frenemies thing you both had going on, and the fact that you were spending more and more time together. practically every night, you came home seething with a very late comeback to what he said, already ready to go to sleep, no time to even realize how homesick you are.

taehyun getting forced to sit next to you and to eat next to you and to hand you everything, by the guys, slowly became something you liked. even if you felt a little guilty and selfish that you enjoyed it despite taehyun not liking it. it was like pulling the hand of fate into your favor.

one night, after taehyun had reminded you to get home safely, with a begrudging attitude, yeonjun pulled you aside to tell you that your little crush on him was pretty obvious and that you needed to do something.

the news of this being obvious hit you like a truck. and the truck turned into a train once you looked over yeonjun’s shoulder to see taehyun’s back, walking away and disappearing over the corner of the living room. he’d heard you most likely.

you didn’t tell yeonjun about this, trying to convince yourself he hadn’t heard a thing. no need to make a big deal out of nothing!

there was no room for this when the next day, taehyun tried to avoid you, just like how you started. when you finally got his attention and forced him to talk to you, after your shared class, he sighed deeply and looked you in the eyes, telling you something that made you shut up instantly.

he had a tight grip on his book bag strap, eyelids lax, but tense in his jaw and brow.

“look, y/n, you need to stop trying so hard. i don’t know how, or even why, you haven’t gotten the memo yet, but this little crush you have on me… you shouldn’t bother. maybe you liked me before we started working together or whatever. you’re so stubborn and insistent, and it’s not going to get you anywhere. i hate to break it to you, but you ought to stop trying with me. just get your nose out of me and my business, alright?”

your eye had twitched, lips had parted, and you wanted to unleash buckets of anger, all that you could do was let out a little, quiet yelp. he blinked at that before walking past you. a part of you felt like he left something out of his little monologue at you, and on purpose. his tone had seemed more of a warning and almost like he was trying to be nice, but like every time he tried talking to you, it always came off wrong.

you didn’t let him off the hook this time though, running after him and blocking his way, almost tripping but letting him catch you.

“what?” taehyun asks a little belligerent and impatient. those big eyes and focused expression could make you swoon. but, you don’t. what you do is put your palm in his face, laughing softly, with “look, buddy. if you’re uncomfortable about me thinking you’re cute, just say that. you don’t have to preach to me about whatever the hell you were saying earlier.”

you miss the way his eyes enlarge, pupils dilate, adam’s apple bobs, and ears tinge like a cherry.

“did you not listen to me? i’m saying — ”

“no, i heard you the first time, kang. no need to mansplain at me,” that makes him laugh in amusement. it’d be a lie to say that you didn’t find that attractive. “what i’m saying is that all i think is that i think you’re cute. not like i like you like that. so don’t get so cocky. besides, we’re working on a semester project, not our vows. so, let’s just continue our work so we can finish strong and not see each other after this, alright?” you’re spouting lies and phrases fused from denial, feeling your stomach twist, still so unaware of how loud taehyun’s heart is pounding in his ears.

“that’s not what yeonjun hyung said last night,” he tries to fire back, but you brush him off, stepping back ready to run off.

“i don’t want to hear it. i’m not arguing with a man with big brown eyes like you. so, i disagree or you’re wrong, or whatever you say, gorgeous, but i think we’re done. i’ll see you next class or at your dorm if the guys invite me back.”

you do your best to saunter off with your chin up high, turning the corner to fall apart, while taehyun is still reeling from what you said. it’s one thing for someone to be so sure of themselves and call him cute, but it’s another for you, who’s borderline never sure, to say that about him to his very face.

after that, taehyun stops showing up to class and you stop getting texts from the guys to come over. it was a jumble of your worst nightmare.

you do try to message, disguising your fear as curiosity, and soobin replies, telling you that you all can’t hang out at the dorm because it’s too messy but can hang out outside. the excuse felt a little off, so you don’t bother. you don’t even have taehyun’s phone number.

why should you hang out with them when they’re his friends? why should you do whatever you want and be fake when you’re just lonely and are trying to distract yourself from everything?

things go static after that.

you regret trying anything at all in the first place.

fall break comes around, the week before finals prep then actual finals. you had purchased a round trip ticket to fly back home to be back with your family, since you couldn’t find inexpensive flight tickets for the holidays. this would be your only chance to see your family until spring break, or summer break at the latest.

of course, right when you’re ready to go, your professor emails you to tell you that none of your group mates posted the work that was due right before break. it was up to them to have done it. this is the same group you and taehyun shared, so the fact that no one did anything killed you. if nothing was turned in by tomorrow night, you would be dropped with a fail as your grade. your flight left tomorrow morning but with layovers, you’d be on a second flight at the scheduled time. you hadn’t even packed and it took hours to get to the airport. not to mention it was four weeks worth of work.

it wasn’t even the final, but it still was a quarter of your entire grade. you always showed up and did every assignment, but you had failed a few tests. you were alone in the dark.

despairingly, you realized what you were up against. you didn’t stand a chance. not when you didn’t understand the material to the depth needed to complete it before this quick deadline, thoughts full of taehyun and insecurities long pushed that room away.

so, instead of taking the night to pack and get ready to go see your family, you simply leave your dorm with your book bag, trudging over to the vacant library. through blurred vision, your thumb finds the contact you’re looking for easily and your breezy, little walk that you are used to taking everyday becomes one full of regret and guilt. it’s worse because your mom doesn’t let you get a word in, all too excited, going on about what she’s done to prepare for your arrival, how your siblings are getting your room ready, how everyone is cooking your favorite foods, and how everyone is getting ready for the drive to pick you up.

when you make it to the corner of the library, the little nook you always gravitate to, not a soul in sight, you find that you can’t bear to let this go on any longer and, painstakingly, you tell her the truth. your voice sounds unfamiliar to you: hoarse, confused, uneven, broken. your mom’s silence buried daggers in your heart.

your dear mother does her best to pretend like she isn’t too saddened, but you know the truth. she apologizes deeply, asking if you’re okay and taking care of you when that shouldn’t be the case. you’re the one who disappointed their mom and entire family. it’s difficult saying goodbye to each other, but you manage. the wind is howling outside, fog setting over the field and empty parking lot from your window view. you’re utterly completely alone.

you let your hand that is gripping onto your phone dangle by your side. there’s no words or movements, even any thoughts, you manage, too overtaken with the tide of frustration, anger, guilt, and sorry you feel. after a few long minutes, a cry erupts from your throat, magma comes forth in the form of hot, thick tears, a runny nose, and the most broken wail you try but overall fail to suppress. you double over from the pain of it all, dropping your phone and hunching over the chair. you’re not sure whether it’s because it’s so quiet or you’re so loud, but the ringing in your ears run over sharp, white noise. everything is so loud.

the rapid breaths you draw in to stay breathing sound so far away, like you’ve got water in your ears. your hands are clammy, fingers numb, and looking foreign the more you look at them. it all seems like the tunnel you’ve been trying to get through is never ending. where’s the light? you can’t breathe anymore, let alone hear them.

something in the distance all of a sudden shuffles, and you feel the shift even from inside.

“y/n?”

there it is.

you lift your head, film of your eyes too thick and blurry to push through to see the one person you never thought would willingly appear before you. your ears take him in for you. taehyun.

footsteps tread closer and with them, you feel his warmth despite the slight chill to his clothes from having been outside. he stands beside you now. you must look so concerning since you’re gripping onto the chair as you fail to remain steady over it. taehyun swallows down the fear and other mess of emotions he’d been feeling. seeing you this way is much too painful. he doesn��t know what to do internally, but his body knows before him, making his way over to you, trying to grasp everything in spite of your silence. your sobs settle, but you’re still crying, face dropping back.

“ — i miss my mom so much,” you say through choked words, fingers shaking. “i wanna go home…”

taehyun gently guides you to stand. it’s a gesture you comply to without a care, accepting the way he seamlessly shifts you up to now lean your body in his embrace. his arms wrap around you, rubbing your shoulder with his rhumb and the other moving in soothing circles on your lower back.

he doesn’t know what to say, but he doesn’t think anything needs to be said. your hushed down cries seem to agree, now diminished to muffled sniffles and quiet sobs. it’s enough. it’s more than enough.

“use my sweater as a tissue, why don’t you?” he mutters, feeling your fist of his hoodie loosen, your head pulling away, before he squeezes you: his way of reassuring you despite his ill timed joke.

taehyun lies his cheek on the top of your head, closing his eyes with relief when you quiet down.

“you’re okay, i promise. i promise,” he offers in a whisper and you mirror his actions, hands fisting his clothes a little more in agreement.

minutes pass. neither of you are sure how many, but neither of you seem to care until you do.

your hands slide down now to your sides as you’re the first to slowly move away, taehyun hesitating to let go. those large, round eyes bear right into yours. he doesn’t shy away from you even if you think that it might have killed him to have had to comfort you like that.

“sorry you had to see that,” you apologize, rubbing your cheeks and corners of your eyes with the back of your hand hastily. he doesn’t say anything. “and that you had to deal with me like that, too.”

taehyun draws the line there, scoffing quietly, and you pause.

“i didn’t do it because i felt obligated. you think i, kang taehyun, spend my time with you, bickering, struggling, working together with you because i feel like i have to?” the seam of your eyes, nose, lips are either swollen or red. your eyelash framed sclerae are hued in pink from your cry, but even in this moment, they astound him.

you might have commented on his pretty eyes once or twice, but your expressed thoughts have nothing on the way he thinks about yours. they shimmer, glow, and somehow never tell a lie; taehyun thinks your eyes are one of the most beautiful things about you.

you blink at him and he sighs. doubt and maybe a little insecurity flows through his veins. for a braniac like him, the things that taehyun says to you never come out the way they’re supposed to.

“i do everything with you because i want to.”

oh.

you say that much, shy for the first time that he’s seen.

“a-anyway,” taehyun’s stutter makes your heart do the fifth backflip it’s done since he arrived. “i got the email from our professor, too. don’t think the other jackasses did, and i went hunting for them, but looks like they’re gone.”

it’s implied that he looked for you. you remember his previous statement and try to fight the blush.

“yeah, they beat me to it,” you comment, sniffling a little, sinuses still fresh. he nods.

“were you planning on doing all the work, y/n?”

you manage a nod, moving to sit down, still facing him.

“i was supposed to go home for the break, which reminds me, i’m shocked to see you’re still here.” your tone lights up when you mention him and taehyun brushes that off with a hand. “and then? you decided to stay to do it all?”

a moment of silence falls and you nod again, wordless so suddenly. he doesn’t say anything for a moment either. he stays still, arms crossed, pensive.

“we should probably — ” “go.”

“huh?” “i said to go. you should go home.”

you move to stand now, confused.

“taehyun, i’m not leaving you to do it all. i can help you at the very least — ”

“no, y/n, go. i know it’s a lot, i know what exactly we have to do, i know what i’ve been missing since i was skipping class, i know what to do, which is exactly why you have to go.” you’re too caught in the lull of his voice, the intensity of his gaze and words to realize the meaning behind them. you blink before you give a big grin.

“so, you were skipping!”

taehyun rolls his eyes at that, ready to retort but softens once he sees your teary eyes.

“are you sure? it’s so, so, so much work. i can’t let you do all of it.” he smiles a little and his dimples spring to life.

“and i can’t let you stay here to do it,” you both stare at each other for a bit before you have to look away, all too shy. “we’re going to be okay, i promise.”

even if this change in character is giving you whiplash and it’s feeding into your delusions from some time ago when your crush was bad, your heart still manages to beat something quicker, touched at his courage and will. you feel evil in going forth with something like this, something he told you to do, but it feels so meaningful, your heart is so full.

you nod again, stepping forward to give him a hug with an arm around his shoulder (or what you can reach) and the other around his waist. maybe it’s too intimate. maybe he’ll be grossed out by how forward you are with this. maybe —

“i’ll be right here when you get back.” he whispers and you shiver.

“okay,” is all you say, pulling away with a smile, thanking him to infinity, rushing through your discussion of what you wanted to accomplish before he’s nearly pushing you out of there and you have to actually run to do what is needed to to go back home. taehyun watches you leave before settling in to work on the project.

while you’re away, you finally get to relax for just a little at being with your family. taehyun manages to get your number, texting you a picture of the graded response: an a minus and a selfie in which taehyun looks exhausted. he later adds, ‘i took 6 shots after this’.

(the other groupmates received f’s in their entire grade for the class, once taehyun did as much as he could and have the explanation that was much needed.)

you thank him in every possible way, even trying to send him money, but he shoots it all down. so, when you beg the question, ‘isn’t there anything i can do to thank you?’

well… there is one thing.

taehyun takes you out on a date. it takes you five of those days to figure out that he’s liked you all along.

not bad for your first semester away from family. you find a new one in your made friends and a second in taehyun. he was right. it was all going to be alright.

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

　　　. 　　˚　　　　*　　　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　　　　　　 ੈ✧̣̇˳·˖✶ ✦　　

ending note: so this is soooo bad but i had this idea or rather scene and it sorta got away from me and i think it’s pretty obvious that i wrote this backwards but 😄 anyway i hope you liked it at least :< please have a good day!

#txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt x reader #txt angst #taehyun x reader #taehyun imagines #taehyun angst

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thecapricunt1616 · 3 months

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Chapter One The Bear & His Honey

Summary: Carmy + Winnie meet, He obviously tries to weasel his way into her heart by cooking for her.

A/N: Eeeep! I am sooo excited to be writing again, i've written fic's since like 2010 & stopped for quite a while, But Carmen has awoken the beast in me once more LOL !!! It's not without much thanks and love to @daysofyellowroses - Her encouragement & excitement for my ideas has inspired me in the most beautiful way. Give her a follow please! Her fic's genuinely are sososooooooo good that they made me want to start writing myself again, The theme and overall organization of her works is immaculate, I admire her works so much! I highly encourage any Carmy lover to take a look!! She is also such a doll!! And so so sooo sweet!!!

Anyhow, I love longer fics - this chapter is nearing 6k words & it initially started as a one shot, so reader be warned I am very wordy!

Warnings; Cursing, ehh I think thats it? Oh! Smoking Cigarettes & The green stuff, but thats all! *We will be getting VERY spicy, angsty, and sickeningly fluffy in this story - if that isn't your cup, ask me anything if you like my style! I am only writing for Carm at this second, but I will be writing ACOTAR & likely other things as I wet my pallate - it's been years for me, but if you have an idea that you want to throw my way, or just wanna talk (even if you just need someone!) I'm here for you peeps! Without further ado- let the show begin.

(Comments + Reblogs + Kind critiques are not only appreciated, but heavily encouraged!)

𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 𝒪𝓊𝓉 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉!

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One

I took a deep breath, the dry, late winter air sticking my nostrils together momentarily- fuck. I hate this god-damned weather. I shuffle across the street, my boots mushing through the late-winter Chicago slush. I slosh into the alley, my boots squelching with every step. I trudge across the street, nearly gagging at every soggy step, feeling my socks ever so slowly become wet.

I sludge my way finally to the (god-blessed, shoveled) alley across the way, that connected The Next Page to the street in front of it, and hear a muttered “fuck” & my eyes lift from the locked spot on my salty, wet boots. They meet the side-profile of an undeniably handsome curly dirty blonde male, my eyes rolling, as he pats his pockets down. I assume he forgot his light.

As I approached him, I piped up. “Missin’ somethin’?” I flick my pink lighter to life with my thumb, My eyes meeting his large blue ones. He leans forward, gently lighting his cigarette between my thumb and the flame. “Thanks” he muttered, sucking on the cigarette between his lips, his eyes locked on me.

“Y’ smoke?” he questioned. I shook my head gently, “Not cigarettes, but I’m bout’ to eat, s’why not?” I slipped the small tin from my pocket, pulling a shorty from the box. I put it between my lips, leaning in close, touching the joint tip to the burning end of his cigarette gently, and took a slow drag once it was fully lit.

“Work here?” I motion at the building next to us with my chin, smoke spilling from my lips as I speak. His white t-shirt made me guess he could be a line cook or a bus boy at the restaurant that had been crowding the block the past few months. He nodded, a large puff of smoke leaving his lips, the edges of his lips upturning a bit into a smile.

“Mhmm, own it.” he said casually, taking another drag, my eyebrows raising. “Hmm,” I hummed, smoke puffing from my nose obviously in the winter air. “Wow, from the shirt- thought you’re a busboy, quite the humble owner mm’?” I teased, a smile dancing on my lips as I pulled another puff of my joint. “Yea- guess so” he teased, shrugging lightly.

“My boss comes by once in a blue moon, so either you’re a grade-A asshole, or have crippling OCD and you think your business is gonna fail.” I teased, blowing smoke past his left as I leaned against the brick wall. He chuckled, “Alright, well- Sugar says I’m OCD whatever the fuck that means, so you got me” he shrugged. I laughed. “I can so see it, what’s your name?” I asked.

His eyes flutter to my lips, before meeting my eyes again. “Carmen.” He replied, putting his cigarette back to his lips and taking a deep drag. “Winnie..” I replied nibbling the inside of my lip gently. Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. The word echoed in my mind like an invocation. “Winnie” he repeated, smoke spilling from his lips in tendrils.

“Full name?” He questioned. A heat rose to my cheeks and I rolled my eyes, gaze flicking to my sneakers as I took another drag of my joint. “Winnow. Shut up, if you laugh, I’ll cut off your dick. My parents were never married, not sure what they were thinking.” I mutter, the tips of my ears heating in embarrassment. “Mmm” he hummed.

I look back up at him, “No slick comments?” I asked, genuinely surprised. He shrugged. “Winnow is pretty, people make fun of that?” He questioned, dropping the mostly burnt cigarette to the ground and crushing it with his chef's clog. My cheeks felt like they were on fire. “A dude named Carmen, not used t’ people pokin’ at your name?” my glance meets his.

His arms were now crossed over his chest, his delicious biceps becoming more prominent. “Go by Carm, mostly” he shrugged. Carm. “Hmm.” I hummed. “Carm. Suits you.” I said, my eyes grazing over the tattoos adorning his arms. “Yeah?” his tongue grazed his lips, a smirk pulling at the corners.

“Mhhmm” I reach out, my finger brushing over the ‘773’ on his arm. “From ‘round here huh?” I questioned, my eyes meeting his blue ones once more. “Ye’, east side” he said, to which I nodded. “Sorry, don’t know too much, from New York.” I said, my arms crossing over my own chest.

“Yeah? Where about? Did culinary school out there.” he replied. “Rochester” I nod, my accent coming out slightly. “Ah, alright. Like yourself a garbage plate?” he teased. I laughed, a real laugh, something few and far between these days. “Wow, so you really went to school out there eh’? I do actually, know how that came to?” I asked my fingers finding a loose string on my jacket to fiddle with.

“Not at all, thought it was a myth- you really eat that shit out there?” he joked. I giggled. “Don’t make me hit you, Yes! We do, so story goes, frat guys stumble all drunk in to Nick Tahoes, and they tell the line cook to give ‘em the plate with ‘all the garbage’ on it. And so, since it was closing time, they took all the carby leftovers they were gonna throw out, and threw em on a plate- the guys loved it” he grimaced playfully “eugh! Guys never heard of a burger?”

I laughed again “there is a burger, Carm! mmm,” I hum my eyes closing and head falling back at the memory of such a comfort meal. “oh my god, mac salad, cold! Has to be cold, Carm, then you do baked beans,” I paused at his brows furrowing “Don’t look at me like that, asshole” I shove his shoulder playfully, earning a chuckle.

“No- nope keep on explaining your… catastrophe” he teased, I gasped, feigning a shot to the heart. “Wow, Carmy, you know how to flatter a girl huh? Insulting the indigenous dish of her homeland?!” I joked, causing him to really laugh. A beautiful sound I wanted to hear more often. “Ok, ok, so then you add the homefries, then - the house chilli, ohhh my god!” I groaned my head falling back “Soo, so good, then, you add on a burger patty, or a hotdog, or both if you feel frisky” he laughed again, his eyes crinkling adorably.

“How often do you feel frisky mm? Or are you a more tame girl?” he teased. I smacked the side of his jaw gently with a large bashful smile adorning my lips, “Carmen! You do not ask a lady how often she gets frisky!” I giggled, poking his muscular chest gently. “Ok, ok, keep going- or is that the end of the abomination?” he questioned and I dug my knuckle into his chest playfully.

“Nope!! Then you add chopped onions, ketchup, and mustard!!” I grinned and he grimaced jokingly. “Holy Jesus, your breath could knock out an army after that I’d bet” he teased earning another true laugh from me. “I swear, you own his place? If you thought you were busy before- add a garbage plate to the menu, and you’ll be rich, Carmen” I adjusted the Saint Anthony chain around his neck gently, so the pendant was facing front.

His cheeks got a bit flushed. “Well, i’m makin’ a new dessert menu, if you wanted to come in and check it out, How bout’ I make you a garbage plate, well, the Carmen-Garbage plate, we don’t do chilli here, but I think you’ll like what I pull together” he offered.

I took another drag of my joint, contemplating. “Alright. Shops been slow today so, Mel won’t notice if I sneak an extra few minutes in” i put out the nub on the wall, before dropping it and crushing it under the toe of my boot.

“C’mon” he nods, pulling open the large metal door that leads into the kitchen.

Read Chapter 2 Here!

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maemisnippets · 2 months

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Lil Update

Apologies for the inactivity. Here's a pouty Yujin as a sign of life from me.

Just a lil update below (be warned: kinda sad)

You writing again?

To be honest with yall, the last snippet I posted (the one posted just now) was written last December. It's actually unfinished, just missing a humorous ending or witty finishing sentence or smthn, but I got too lazy to think of one. Thought I'd post it now cuz I do kinda miss being on Tumblr.

Anyways, in all honesty, I don't feel like writing anymore. While I don't know why exactly, all I know is that I've lost a lot of motivation in writing and reading smuts in general. If anyone has checked my blog the past few months, yall might have noticed that I have closed requests for a while now, and it will stay closed for a long while. Asks and commissions are still open tho.

How am I?

Can't say I'm good, but can't say I'm doing bad either. College is still taking most of my waking hours. I'm almost done tho! Just about halfway through my last year of college, but this shit fuckin sucks. Glad it's almost over.

If anything, I can say I'm doing better. I visited family these past few months and that went well. Did a lot of stuff with them, caught up with cousins I haven't seen in a very long time, and overall had a really great time. Makes me realize how grateful I should be for even the little things in life.

Boonker?

Yeah left that shit. Not coming back.

I've already said my reasons on why I left to a few people, but in short, it's just not the same place it used to be. I still keep in touch with some people I met here tho, and my discord and tumblr DMs are always open for those who still bother having me around.

Any chance of a comeback?

Not in the near future, but not impossible. It seems to be a trend among "retired" writers to come back eventually so, maybe someday I'll come back as well.

Yujin? Kep1er?

Yujin (the Choi variant) still the loml. And Kep1er always in my heart. STAN KEP1ER YOU FUCKS

If you made it here, have another Yujin

#update

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wc-m0ch4 · 1 year

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Shadow the Hedgehog x gn! Reader NSFW Headcanons

I forgot that you have to reply to an ask directly so he's the image of said ask lol

(Separate note but I kinda wanna do some of the rottmnt or 2012 tmnt bros so I might be doing some stuff on them next lol anyways–)

Shadow is on the dominant side I feel like this is obvious LMAO

Like he might occasionally sub but it'd be like a power bottom sort of thing

He'd definitely be into forcing his partner into submission

BRAT TAMER

sorry

Anyways

A close runner-up is having a S/O that willingly submits to him from the get-go

Send nudes/ revealing pics to this man PLEASE–

Imagine you're texting Shadow asking him when he'll get home and he's all 'it's going to be hours before I get home, be patient' yada yada then you send a pic in some lingerie and he just:

"Be ready."

Then like 10 minutes later you're getting railed LMAO

He's got a folder of every dirty picture you've sent him and he'll tease you about them

You walk in on him sorting through them and he laughs when you get embarrassed

"You're the one who sent the pictures. Did you think I would waste such works of art?" And he's got a pic of your ass on screen LMAO

I think he'd be into photography during sex

Not sex tapes but like he's got a Polaroid camera specifically for when you two go at it

Also I think he'd like punishment

Okay imagine Shadow makes a bunch of rules for you to follow in the bedroom that day but he purposefully makes it so you can't AHAKDNABKAND

"Aw, couldn't do it, love? I guess I'll have to fix that."

And there rules to follow during the punishment and if you don't follow them.... sheeeshhhhh

Like let's say he spanks you, you have to count each one, thank him properly each time, you're not allowed to squirm or whine, like you are so FUCKED (LITERALLY)

I don't think he's really into bondage exactly but let's talk about him tying your hands and then telling you if you want to cum you have to figure it out yourself OMFGGGGG

You try to hump the heel of your foot and he mocks you the whole time

Adding on to that, he's into orgasm denial/control

If ya want your orgasm, ya gotta work for it, thems tha rules

He'll use toys and give you tasks to do

He'll have you sucking his dick while he controls the remote vibrator inside you

If you want him to turn up the speed, you better get to gobblin that cob yfm?

I think Shadow would prefer missionary so he can see your face, so you can wrap your legs around him, so he can grab at your hips and nipples, etc.

Okay so outside of the bedroom–

Shadow manspreads and it's just MMMMM

He'd do things in public that turn you on without even thinking of it lmao

Like he'd grab your hips when he's trying to move past you

Or whisper in a low voice in your ear

Or say things without realizing the double meaning (a perfect opening for 'that's what she said' jokes)

Okay continuing on,

I think he'd have some sort of claiming thing going on

Cum inside you/on you, mark you (bites, bruises), writing on you, etc.

I mean like you're your own person, of course.... but your his

Okay I know I've been going on about his kinks but overall I think he'd be pretty vanilla is just occasionally he'll get more risqué

That's when all the kinky shit pops out

Not entirely related but Rogue would probably ask you some time into the relationship if y'all have done the deed LMAO

And if you say 'yes' she's asking for details lol

Anyways that's all I got for today, thank you my dear anon <3

Happy Holidays to everyone! I wanted to do a holiday themed thing but that might be coming later (like months later lmao)

Requests are open currently and I'll see y'all soon ;)

#fanfiction #sonic headcanons #sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog x reader #sonic x reader #shadow the hedgehog x reader #shadow headcanons #shadow the hedgehog #shadow x reader #shadow x reader smut #shadow the hedgehog x reader smut

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reilliane · 3 months

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This is my personal obligatory post and apology for my poofing disappearance- if you're not up to read things like these, then feel free to scroll past! Have a good day/night!

—

the poofing, the poofed, and the un-poofing.

TLDR; Bad stuff happened for the entire past year, stopped college just a few months ago to learn the materials myself and market myself in the graphic design industry soon, and got a whole dose of religious epiphany that threw my life around. Wrote in a different account a few months ago to ease and destress without much expectation. Will continue to write albeit there won’t be many updates, had/have to drop original writing plans [right now focusing on a short story for Wanderer, though it doesn’t mean I won’t be able to write for others when I get the time]. May unfortunately discontinue ongoing AUs but will provide a summary for them [I think it’s only Tyranny-?] Will also open writing/art commissions soon, maybe set up a kofi account, but I won’t be ‘gatekeeping’ any content I plan to post. I’m thinking, if ever, it’d only be standalone specials or maybe nsfw [gosh I’m really saying that?] in kofi, buuut that’s just a maybe. Everything else is free to read of course <3

A really detailed and long [I MEAN IT, MAYBE 1.3-.5K?? WC] exposition under the cut, but of course, it’s optional to read!

PS. I opened my drafts and had one or two finished works there, I will publish those soon. Get ready. Because they’re angst AHAAAAAAAAAA-

PPS. I won’t be able to respond to everyone’s sweet shucking messages in my inbox forgive me But know that I’M REALLY SO TOUCHED YALL I really didn’t think anyone would look for me that much 😭 Someone said I vanished like the avatar and it’s sending me crumpling to the floor.

ALRIGHT STORYTIME LET’S GO—first of all, I haven’t been on Tumblr for so long, nor have I interacted with anyone and coming back,, the web interface bamboozled me.

Anyway- the past year was roooough, like settling in and getting into college.

From the start, my brother and I have known of our depleting resources but couldn’t stop because of our mother’s insistence and my father’s very.. volatile attitude. Double the latter since he has cancer and has been nothing short of cranky and infuriated for the past years—knowing that the money is facing a downward slope because of his expensive medicines and learning that we’ll stop because of it would’ve,, been terribly bad and that's understating the nature of my headstrong, independent, and prideful father.

There were times when he was very somber about his state, but then mad—it was just a really bad time, but my brother and I finally convinced our mom that we had to stop for real a few months ago because money was just tight. Until now we’re hiding the fact from our dad that we stopped under the pretense that we’re only taking one course for the semester :v

We were very lost and torn.

I knew I had to go out and look for a job, but my brother would be doing the same, too—the thing was that we knew our mom couldn’t handle our dad being sick alone, so my brother opted to be the one to find work outside.

I’m learning materials and courses on my own at home, but finding a remote job without a degree is no doubt near unimaginable with how remote setups are almost nonexistent now. The time was just bleak at home, too, my father would ask for bad things to eat that would worsen his health and then blame it all on my mother when he felt body pains and repercussions—it was just BAD, that wasn't all of it, but I digress. Cancer sucks.

Just a few days ago, I lost my uncle to the same thing, and now there’s an overall family dispute over who gets what and it feels like I’m living a kdrama fever dream [pls get me out hfasjdkfhdsaf]. I don’t recommend it if it’s not romance lmao.

Things were getting so out of hand and I also couldn’t get back into writing or socializing with everyone in my writing socials—but I still wanted to write without the expectation of being able to deliver as I used to. It was a de-stresser for me, so I opened a new account in ao3/quotev and wrote in.. November or December, I think. It was nice, I got to just type away and post and leave it at that.

I think one of the reasons why I didn’t go to Tumblr for that was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to commit to updates, and I love you guys, I didn’t want to say something and promise it’d be given but then nothing. I’ve done it back then and I just, don’t want to do that :(

Despite how heavy and dark the past year was, however, something really unexpected happened—okay here it goes.

As a child, I’ve been taught about Christian doctrine and was brought up to believe in the existence of a God. I didn’t have my heart in it though, of course not, how was I to believe something that I only knew because someone said it to me?? I did attend church out of duty and had a shallow fear of the greater being, but as an authentic believing person? Naw.

Not until June at least.

I don’t know how to explain it rather I, out of the want to give my mother the chance to go somewhere she wanted to for Sunday, decided to join her for church. I was ready to just daze off and think about some solution to our problems, but then the sermon spoke to me—you know, that feeling when someone is passive-aggressively referring to you in a complaint or something?

It felt like that, only it felt like that message was something I was meant to hear, and boy I couldn’t believe it—neither did my mother [lol]. She told me how shocked she was when I listened throughout the what, an hour and a half of preaching that I usually just dismiss.

It’s cliche, but my life really changed after that one simple Sunday.

All my tweeeeenty years of living, I’ve asked if God really is real and whatnot and I never got answered until July of 2023. What really cemented my belief in knowing that he is real, is when I decided to genuinely pray—then for seven consecutive days, the Bible would lead me to a page [like just randomly opening a part of the book after prayer] that answered my questions and/or convicted me of something. I'd wake up every day and an event would happen that would answer my confusion and I'd sit in the night thinking 'no way that just happened', but it did. Boy, when I tell you I thought I was going crazy.

Not to mention opportunities such as baptism and ministry suddenly popped my way when I only had the idea in my head and I kept it to myself. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence, but when it ‘popped up’ more than thrice in a single week, I knew it wasn’t. Think of it as like, the thing in fanfiction when it seemed like the universe was saying something to you. Yeah, I felt that for myself. Mindblowing.

I could go on and on about the other life-changing things that occurred, but this would be so long LOL.

But I never regret coming to faith and accepting Jesus for real that day, and although life is still dark for me these days, the burden feels light. It’s an amazing feeling. He's really changed everything.

I’m not going to force anyone these beliefs—I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end and it could get very annoying, rather I just spoke on it to say how wonderful it was to know him, and it would be nice to let others know about my side in case they'd also take the faith. Who knows?

Also, I think I understand what those people were saying now. Again, I won’t force anyone—just reminding and asking you to try if you want, because it’s amazing. Bombard me in my inbox if you’re interested, but no pushing here, because I’m a firm believer that things shouldn’t be forced if it’s not the right time yet.

Anyway, that was my source of strength and hope to go through these days—and I believe it’s also the driving force that led me to write this out in.. in Tumblr of all places lol. If someone told me this would happen two years ago I'd laugh in their face 💀

Rather than just getting back into writing and opening my social circle again, there’s that bit in me that wants to say that religious epiphany. That said, I know how diverse everyone is in their beliefs so I’ll say it very tersely that, no, I will not be parading and pushing people to believe this and that—this space is, after all, my space for writing :)

Ah, and nor will I ramble about it like shuck lol, but I will, in private, when prompted.

With that out of the way, back into writing—I was floored when I first opened Tumblr and saw all the notifications and messages about my disappearance and I could’ve cried, really. It touches me poor heart :sob: and I wanted to thank all of you for such caring messages—I wouldn’t be able to reply to all of them [there were many!

Like maybe more than fifteen or twenty, not even counting the direct messages] but know that I’m very- very grateful for every one of you.

I could crawl out of your screen and hug yall but I won’t because I can’t and it’d throw people off KJHFSADKJFHALJSKDFHA

Life is, again, still hard—and navigating it is still difficult, but I’m managing these days. I can no longer return to my usual days of sporadic updates and teasers lol, but I’m happy to say I will still be writing, though it won’t be my entire focus nowadays. When I open writing commissions for genshin and art commissions, it’d get me going, of course.

I have to let go of most of my beloved works because I realized that sticking to them would take up most of my time when I need to be out there upskilling and taking initiative to start earning money to support the bills. I still wanted to write though, and in my downtime I even got to watching One Piece and writing a currently on-hold fanfiction for that in Ao3, but fuuully realized that, no, I’m no longer cut out for really long written stuff unless I commit to writing a long piece that would take weeks for it to be published.

In the end I settled for a single character [wanderer bb] short story that I get into writing without much hassle, and make myself happy, still :) I have ideas for other characters, too, but getting them out to be posted would take longer than usual.

My other AUs, as well, since my focus is just.. God, life, expenses, work, then hobbies. I don’t guarantee finishing them [I think Tyranny? And others, like Smite/Mercy/etc.], but I have in mind to write a summary because I meant it back then when I said the plot was really finished. Sighgisghsighs

Opening art commissions, I’d do that soon—writing, too.

Maybe a kofi account, as well—but I won’t be having any posts I want to be posted to be locked behind some tip or pay. I’m thinking of only adding specials there, specials like, standalone oneshots from an AU, or an nsfw piece. Oh golly, writing that is so beyond me, I think that’s the only reason why if anything is going to be in kofi, it’d probably be the nsfw. I plan to keep this writing blog sfw, still.

But we’ll,,, we’ll see [dying]

So yeah! That’s.. Everything. For the writing thing, I think I’ll technically just be .. here, lol, with a focus on that story with wanderer. Gone are the 7k worded oneshots, now we’re just around 1.5k unless I commit to the creation. The story is so fluffy too [not angst? Surprising]

But again, I will write for others eventually—can’t say when, or how, or who, but I will in time.

I have so many plans in my head about my life, and I’m glad to say going back to Tumblr is a check off the list. I have an original novel in mind, but would you all be interested in such a thing? I don’t honestly know—other than opening commissions, I also plan on a Youtube Channel, but that’s uncertain. A Webtoon for my original plot too is a maybe, buuuut those are just what-ifs. Time will tell!

Those are just my two cents and I don’t regret sharing that—you guys have been with me for so long, even if I don’t really know you all beyond that screen, you all really became a part of my life, too :”))

If you reached the end of this post, wow, I’m touched. I hope you all have a good day–oh wait, what do I say? Ah yes.

I wish you all a good mornight [fhkadjsfhiajhgf].

God bless yall sweet people.

#moonlitrambles #queued #i actually navigated my tags and was gobsmacked.#i thought of a new and more organized blog but i aint got the time for that pls bear with me fhdajskfhas #plus i am so unwilling to leave this behind- i kennat

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