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#theyll come back better than ever
diosanoturix · 2 years
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Welcome to the club, army
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dookerino · 11 months
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koolades-world · 27 days
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i saw the cat and corvid mc ones and i wanna see dog-like mc so bad, like one whos very loyal, loves cuddling with loved ones, if they had a tail and one of the gang came home itd be faster than a helicopter i think, if they see anyone with food theyd just come up to them with their puppy dog eyes, they just lounge around in random spots nearby the characters or even lays their head/body on them. sometimes theyll be playing with something and be possessive over it and a "Whats that in your mouth" situation comes in and they run away taking random stuff they found lying around the HoL, maybe theyre also rly playful and love playfighting and stuff like tug of war
thats just a few things that come off the top of my head lol how the mc is like is up to you, sorry if theres too much or doesnt make sense! xoxo
haha hi!!! yes of course!
this is such a fun idea. i may or may not have based this reader off my goofy goober of a dog. she's so sweet but sometimes i wonder if theres even a single thought in that head of hers haha
enjoy <3
Dog-like Mc
Lucifer
getting lock out of his bedroom always proceeds as such: being sad that you're locked out, sitting sadly in front of the door and scratching at it, lucifer feeling bad and eventually letting you in so you can sit on his bed and ruin the freshly made sheets lol
rinse and repeat the cycle nightly
the puppy dog eyes work very well on him
since he handles his brothers so often, he's good at getting you to listen when you're off in lala land or something along those lines
Mammon
he himself is kinda dog like, so the two of you get along pretty well
both of you would follow the other to the worlds end <33
you probably steal his sunglasses from time to time and he has to hunt you down to get them back, just because when he said “drop it” you accepted that as a challenge lol
the only difference in the two of you, however, is that you’re much more open with how you feel and will not hesitate to admit that you love him even if it flustered him haha
Levi
he's a little wary of having you in his room
he has lots of valuables that he treasures and while he's a little afraid you'll steal and or mess something up, he genuinely cares about you and is willing to get past that
however he did need a day away from you after you drooled on his Ruri pillow haha
after he got to know you better, he really appreciated always having an outgoing buddy to go out in public with someone that wasn't one of his brothers
Satan
sitting with him while he reads!! randomly laying your head in his lap <3
you always check out what's in his mug while he reads despite the fact that it never changes (it's always tea) but maybe one day it'll be something delicious, like chips haha
he's wary of taking you into a cat cafe, but surprisingly, all the cats love you!
now he's questioning if he's really a cat, or if he's a dog person lol
Asmo
you let him do any kind of skincare and treatments he wants on you
and he thinks it's great! until he sees you at the end of the day and it kinda looks like you swam in a mud puddle
he's not going to be the one to subject you to a bath so he always shoos you off and tells you to go clean up before you can get something else done (my dog hates water lol)
if he's ever missing one of his rather tasty smelling skincare products or a brush, or something like that, he just opens a bag of chips and summons you + beel (see below lol)
Beel
please the amount of food you're getting from him
those puppy dog eyes work so well and he can't help but give in every single time
both of you come running every time someone opens a chip bag even if it's on the other side of the house haha. if the others have issues finding you, that's how they do it quick and easy
every meal of yours is eaten together, of course
Belphie
the realest cat and dog dynamic ever!
please there's no way you're not jumping on his bed just for fun while he's sleeping in it. he's convinced it's to annoy him but it's just you being incredible oblivious and wanting to have fun
you guys are best friends. i don't make the rules haha
when you do want to nap with him, however, it's the best nap you've ever had and is probably a very cute pic
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anonymous-eggy · 5 months
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Quest with an artist Mc
bc i cant stop thinking ab himb....
i wrote this very impulsively so. yeah. theres a bit of horny towards the end, but theres also fluffy sweet things
• he learns of you being an artist when you find the time to create bloomic fanart.
• and you got endless showers of praise from him on how good it was (especially if the fanart included Xander)
• he just thinks its so neat. his artistic expression of choice is poetry, so he's not much of an artist when it comes to drawing.
• he can draw some basic flowers, but thats where his talents end.
• no matter your usual art media, buy gold (body safe) paint and paint his scars. kind of like how you paint the cracks of repaired pottery and such? except make it a vulnerable bonding experience.
• he has many scars all around his body from past accidents and gang related violence.
• i feel like he gets really insecure about them sometimes and worries theyll make you think too much about his past
• but seeing you turn them into something golden and beautiful with such ease and affection... gives him a new appreciation for those parts of him.
• he loves it even more when you connect nearby scars like intricate rivers of gold flowing across his body.
• make sure you fill the comfortable silence with lovely soft words of affirmation and kisses every now and then for the best results.
• absolutely call him your golden boy.
• the only issue is that he feels really bad for having to eventually wash them off.
• so take pictures and send them to him for just you two to hold onto ;)
• despite feeling bad about washing them off, he always feels so much better about his scars and body.
• and let him know this is exactly how you see his scars <3
• i feel like during times when you're not able to paint on him because of a late shift or something, he just looks back at the pictures and replays the soft memories for comfort.
• this is more towards the beginning of your relationship with him, when his insecurities about his past bothering you were the worst
• moving on from that, he is the perfect man to reference.
• he would find it so very funny if you ever complained about parts of him that are hard to draw.
• i could imagine just sitting there watching him work out and just... drawing the way his muscles flex and the way his body bends... dear lord those thighs...
• when you first did this, he immediately noticed. he didnt quite have the courage to ask if you were drawing him (after all, forms of art are very personal things)
• but when he sees you're staring at the sketchbook page more than him, he decides to take a break and ask you.
• not because he's getting jealous of the notebook. hes not a jealous person. the curiosity just takes over because the stares mean you're stuck on smthn or you're finished.
• and boy is he beyond flattered. flustered even.
• he's never really... thought much about himself. physically and mentally. so the fact that he's worth being sketched touches his very soul.
• if you're the type of artist who loves gushing over defined shapes and begin to ramble about the shapes that you love about him, his cheeks will be red and he will patiently listen to every word you have to say.
• as weird as it is to listen to someone describe his physical features with such passion, there's something special about the way you talk about it.
• especially if you suddenly realize what you're saying and get flustered.
• he likes feeling like art when its you. he loves the way you map out his body and turn the shapes of him into strokes of graphite poetry.
• .... he wouldnt mind if you drew him suggestively as well... so long as its for your eyes and his eyes only...
• of course there would be teasing about just how much you seem to adore his body, but never in a way that deters you from sketching him more.
• which, knowing Quest, his teasing quickly veers into horny territory. at the very least deep kisses.
• he says he just want to "give you more inspiration" and that "its his job as your muse"
• he definitely develops a fixation on your hands specifically. the way your hands trace his body delicately as if trying to memorize every line of him while making out with him on his lap.
• it absolutely drives him insane.
• the way his large hands encircle your wrist while his fingers press on your palms in bed. or when his fingers tangle with yours. and he can see you looking at it. memorizing every moment of it. of him. of the emotions tied to the image.
• that part he loves the most about your art. the pure emotion of it captured so perfectly
• oh yeah it definitely awakens something in him. especially if he finds you sketching those the next day peacfully at your desk.
• honestly i think you being an artist just changes the way he sees things. in the best of ways.
• he also finds himself massaging your hands absent mindedly while cuddling. and softly kissing them... they work so hard and he wants to take care of them for you.
• he is just so very happy to be your favorite muse.
~sigh. time to make a Blooming Panic section on my masterlist...
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angrelysimpping · 1 year
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The DoL server was talking about how Kylar will comment on the PCs dick size in class when it was mentioned that theyll do it even if they havent seen it before so can I request a a scenario/drabble with a F!Crossdresser!PC and a M!Kylar breaking into the orphanage at night to check "your size" only to find out your a girl and omg they can breed you and― oh fu k you just woke up―
Warnings: AMAB Kylar (he/him); AFAB Reader (you/your); noncon; pregnancy talk
Words: 641
It's for art. That's what repeats inside Kylar's head over and over as he hovers over your sleeping form. He wouldn't do this if it weren't for art. 
He'd…he'd respect your privacy. Wait for you to decide when to share your body with him on your own terms. But…This is for art! He can't go around reciting lies about you, can he? So….he has to know. He has to know now how big your penis is. If you're a shower or a grower, cut or uncut, thickness and length and the color of your head. 
The taste he'd keep to himself. And how precum leaked from your tip, the thickness and smell. And, and how it felt. Yeah, he’d keep that to himself, how you felt inside him. 
Not that it would get that far! Not tonight! No! He’d just, peel back your blankets and take a peek. He could control himself, he could. 
Except, he can’t, not when he actually does it. Not as more and more of your skin comes into view, his own cock starting to harden. But then he’s face to face with your crotch and…you don’t have a dick. 
Kylar had spent days coming to terms with it, not being able to fulfill his biggest fantasy of breeding his darling thoroughly, getting you pregnant. But it was you, you. He’d give up anything for you. 
But that pretty pussy staring back at him? Just begging for his cock to fill it up. Why hide it, though? Why make him think you were- oh! You must be keeping it a secret! A surprise, just for him! That was the only explanation, really. Otherwise, you would have told him, right?
Drool pools on his tongue, cock now painfully pressed against his trousers. He has to fuck you. He has to. He’d dreamed of having his first time with you, and it wasn’t anything like this, but he has to.
“Huh?” Kylar jumps at the sound of your voice. How hadn’t he noticed you stirring awake? “Kylar? Wha-”
He doesn’t think, climbing on top of you and quickly shimmying out of his pants.
“Ky-Kylar don’t-” You try to push him off, but you can’t, limbs still sleep weak.
“It’s o-okay, love,” Kylar coos. “I w-won’t tell. Our s-secret.”
“W-wait, I don’t-”
Kylar presses his mouth to yours, cutting you off. Small, cold fingers stroke over your pussy, finding your clit and rubbing clumsy circles around it. 
He should…do more. Finger you, maybe? Get you more prepared, make sure you’re wet enough for him that it doesn’t hurt you when he sinks into that warm, heavenly heat between your legs. But, the thought is a dim one, barely flickering to life in the back of his mind. It’s hard for him to think of anything but getting inside you. Especially when you’re gasping under him, the head of his cock pressing against your cunt. 
You go still under him as he pushes forward, tucking his face into your neck and whining into the skin as you take him in. Good. You feel so, so good. Better than he’d ever imagined. Of course, back then he’d fantasized about sliding into your ass, fisting your prick. If he’d known you had a pussy-
“Stop,” you wheeze, “p-please. Stop.”
Kylar stills, gears turning sluggishly in his head. Stop? Why would he ever stop? Was he hurting you? But, it felt good. He’d make sure it felt good for you, too. “D-don’t worry love,” Kylar says, bottoming out. “I’ll t-take, ah, care of y-you.”
He starts up a frantic pace, fingers finding their way back to your clit. He thinks it works, your whimpers quieting, pussy hungrily sucking in his cock. If there are tears on your face, it must be from pleasure. Why would you be crying at a time like this? 
His hot tongue traces the salty streaks up your cheeks, voice hauntingly soft as he speaks. “I-I’ll take care of y-you. G-get you pregnant and, ah, you’ll n-never ha-have to leave the h-house. Just us. To-together. Forever.” 
You cry harder, sobbing as Kylar spends himself inside you. Tears of joy, he knows. Because you love him. You love him and want to be with him and carry his child. It's the only reason he can think of why you’d react like this, so it must be right. 
“L-love you,” he says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. 
And your silence means you love him back. 
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witchykittyy · 3 months
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Agreement 💖
@marcyyywukinnie asked: Hi could you make a fanfic Yandare Blitzo x reader x Yandare Stolas where they just fight about reader, before coming to terms that theyll share them??
I am soooooooo sorry about how late this is!!! I really am. Life's been really hectic and I went through a very depressive episode but I promise to be on top of stuff more often! I really hope you like it! ❤ Sorry if its not really enough fighting per say. 😅
TW: Demons, Hell, Blood, Arguing, Cursing (lots of it), Mentions of kidnapping, Stalking, and other yandere themes.
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"Damn that was a fuck ton of clients!!!" Millie jumped up into Moxxie's arms pumped and covered in blood. "Yea it was and it was so fucking awesome! But I think imma head in for the night." You're the newest member of I.M.P. A few days ago you saw their help wanted poster and decided you needed the extra money so you decided to join. You got along really well with Moxxie, Millie and surprisingly Loona. The only person who doesn't seem to like you is Blitzo. He was always staring at you. Watching your every move like he's waiting for you to do something wrong. So you always tend to keep your distance.
"Yea I think me and Millie have had enough excitement for today as well. Goodbye sir! Goodbye Y/N!" "Bye Blizto! Bye N/N!" Moxxie and Millie wave goodbye as they leave. "Whatever, bye." Loona continues on reading her magazine. "Bye guys!" You wave goodbye to them sweetly. "Bye lovebirds! Don't get too kinky while I'm away!" You can almost hear Moxxie rolling his eyes at those words and you chuckle. Now its just you, Loona and... Blitzo. Though your back is turned you can feel his eyes burning into info our skin, its very unsettling so with out turning around you decided to say your goodbyes and leave. "Bye Blitzo! Bye Loona!" "Bye dork." Blitzo doesnt say anything and you start to walk off sill feeling his gaze on you. Suddenly he says "See you soon Y/N"
You got home and were extremely exhausted as you flopped down onto your semi comfortable bed. Due to only recently having a job you dont have that much money to buy yourself a nice place so for right now you're stuck in this crummy apartment. Even though you didnt mind your situation someone else did.
Stolas has been watching you from the day he saw you in the I.M.P headquarters while he was visiting Blitzo. He's been obssessed with you ever since he saw you and has stalked you finding out your likes, habits, dislikes and everything else about you. He truly believes that you deserve so much better than what you have. He loves you and believes you deserve to be treated like a queen. A problem with that is that Blizto is also in love with you. Stolas notices the stares he give you and the longing look in his eyes. He's sure Blitzo has noticed his interest as well and thats probably why Blitzo hasnt spoken to him. But nevermind that.
You change into your PJ', get into bed and start scrolling through Helltok. "Ah shit its getting dark and I have to work tomorrow" you sigh. "I guess I should go to bed as Moxxie would say thats the responsible thing to do." You turn off your phone and go to bed. Stolas stares at you from the window wishing that he were next to you.
After a while he sees someone climbing onto your balcony. He's about to go stop him but then the two lock eyes. "Stolas?! The fuck are you doing here?!" He almost tumbles off the balcony from the surprise. "I should be asking you the same question Blitzo." "Look dipshit im doing the same thing you are but going inside." Blizto starts opening the window. "Wait! We shouldnt do that it invading her privacy." He goes to stop him but then Blitzo slaps his hand away. "Oh and stalking her isnt invading her privacy?! Look just leave ok if you dont wanna do this. Not like I want you stealing my girl anyways." He grumbles the last part but Stolas is able to hear him. "Well I sure as hell am not leaving her alone with you." "Then come in with me." He grabs Stolas's hand and stealthly brings him into the room. Stolas blushes at the sudden contact. 'Wait why'd he blush? What the hell is happening to him?'
You're dead asleep on the bed. "So smart ass what do we do now?" He tries to cover up the fact that grabbing Blitzo's hand made him blush. "We look around bird brain." They start looking around the crummy place, dodging the clothes thrown on the floor. Eventually after looking around for a while Blitzo decides to look your computer as Stolas watches you sleep peacefully. Out of the corner of his eye Stolas sees him breaking into your computer. "Hey!" He yells silently. "What do you think you're doing?" "I'm looking through her computer dipshit." Blitzo rolls his eyes as though its obvious. "Well yes I know that but why?" "To make sure she ain't seeing some other loser."
Blitzo searches and suddenly stops dead in his tracks. "You need to see this birdie." They stare at the computer reading you're messages with some guy named Dennis. "Oh hell no" they growl out in unison. You whine and shift in your sleep as they go dead silent. Once they're sure you're not awake they continue. "We can't let this shit happen." Blitzo growls with malice. "I completely agree. This dirt bag isn't good enough for our Y/N." Stolas nods. "Wait, our?" "Well yes I suppose we'll need to team up to stop this guy and ensure that she stays with us. Is that an ok arrangement?" Stolas questions. "Yea.. Thatd be great." Blitzo looks down blushing madly.
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magnolianv1nce · 9 months
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(hc) Being a Spring Sibling Includes . . .
pairing(s) : Tori / Charlie Spring + Sibling!reader
synopsis : how being siblings with tori + charlie would be !
warning(s) : sibling dynamics , fluff + comfort ideals , mentions of self harm ( broad / undetailed ) , implied homophobia , h*rry gr**ne , mentions of the f slur .
authors note : i sadly will not be including oliver from the osemanverse books , since i cannot accurately portray him as i havent read the books he features in . hope you enjoy regardless !
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✦ firsts things first , sibling age hierarchy .
✦ regardless if youre eldest , middle , or youngest , tori will always feel like an older sister to you by the way she very deeply cares for you in such a . . . blunt manner .
✦ charlie , however , can either be an older brother idol or a younger brother you care about just like tori .
✦ you basically have an amazing emotional support system in the form of tori and charlie .
✦ tori and charlie constantly remind you that you can always text them or talk to them .
✦ sometimes you feel like you dont deserve either of them , but they make sure that you shake that mindset away .
✦ whenever youre in a dump , theyll offer to take you to the mall or arcade , or anywhere you like to go .
✦ god forbid you ever self harm , but if you do , nick and charlie are there for you .
✦ theyll never shame you for doing it , but they will make sure you try not to do it again .
✦ theyll help you patch up your scars , get you something to drink , and overall just make sure you are 100% comfortable .
✦ on the other hand , whenever charlie or tori has a breakdown or a bad day , you try your best to be there for them .
✦ youll sit there and let them vent or soak your shirt in tears , just as long as you get to see your sibling better than their previous condition .
✦ you three made an old joke about saving up for therapy , but at some point , you three actually ended up making an actual communal therapy fund .
✦ napping with these two are great .
✦ usually , if youre tired enough , youll pass out on either of their beds , and theyll just shove you to the side before napping next to you .
✦ just like your siblings , you also have a nickname everyone calls you by , just like tori from victoria and charlie from charles .
✦ coming out to either of them would go absolutely swimmingly .
✦ charlie would obviously be happy to have another alphabet mafia member in the family , and now tori knows to purchase those god-awful rainbow socks during christmas as your present to annoy you .
✦ the sibling group chat with these two . . . is something ! . . .
mental asylum char — nick said he can come over ❤️ char — also did either of you take my charger tori — ew more snogging y/n — LMAOOOO char — tori did you take my charger ?????? tori — [y/n] can u bring me stuff while him and nick r snogging y/n — if i dont die from cringing then ok
✦ while charlie was crushing on nick , you and tori had to watch the endless pining and yapping .
✦ charlie was dropping way too much info to document , so you just kept voice memos of him talking about nick .
✦ you showed them to him afterwards , and yes , he asked for you to send them to him .
✦ even when charlie didnt confirm his relationship with nick , you and tori just sat back and watched it unravel .
✦ you had something akin to tori's older sister magic , in that you turned up with anything either of your siblings needed .
✦ if theyre looking for that old pair of converse , youll have it . if theyre looking for that old copic marker , its in your drawer . that old usb stick from birth , yes , its in your backpack .
✦ you and charlie have great jam sessions .
✦ if you play a musical instrument , great ! he finds something both of you can play .
✦ if not , he'll buy one of those cheap karaoke machines with the microphone or grab a hairbrush so you can be his vocals .
✦ tori will occasionally join in after charlie insistently asks , singing along with you .
✦ you three have a group playlist together titled ‘trilogy done wrong’ filled with an amalgamation of all your favorite songs .
✦ you three often times bake together , although . . . its a hassle .
✦ charlie is constantly smearing flour onto you and and tori , you constantly keep moving the ingredients around the kitchen while grabbing stuff , and tori threatens to add too much flavoring or ingredients just to throw some chaos into the mix .
✦ mario kart . mario kart , mario kart , mario kart .
✦ if theres ever teams, its always you and tori versus charlie .
✦ you and tori swear he cheats but regardless , he'll slow down and pretend his controller bugged out just to let you three win ( you both realized this pretty early , but a win is a win . )
✦ movie nights !
✦ prep time before movies are a disaster . someone stole someone elses snacks , the blankets have gone missing in the dryer , and somehow , the remote vanishes and ends up in the bathroom upstairs .
✦ when you finally get to pick the movie , its a split decision between rom-com , scifi fantasy , or horror .
✦ charlie likes to say hes brave , but whenever horror is selected , expect the pillows nearby to be placed in a makeshift visual shield .
✦ tori likes to knock down said pillow shield during the jumpscares . its quite fun to watch . not so fun to have charlie erratically kick you out of fear .
✦ whether you attend truham or higgs , youll have a sibling on campus . take this as a blessing or a curse .
✦ ESPECIALLY if you go to school with charlie , you keep reminding him to tell you and tori if harry and his rugby mates ( that title sound so stupid to you and tori ) mess with him .
✦ tori and you wont physically deal with him , but its the thought that counts here .
✦ when you and tori caught word of harry calling charlie a fag , you both almost contemplated posting it on her blog just to ruin his life .
✦ you opted out of it . . . but the idea is still in your notes app .
✦ with the mention of tori's blog , tori will OCCASIONALLY let you post on it . this is basically a ‘what did we end up doing right’ kind of situation , but youre thankful nonetheless .
✦ studying with these two is amazing . or hell . like a lot of things .
✦ if you have flashcards , they wont go to the next one until you end up getting the current term right . doesnt matter if it takes all night or how many hints , theyre not skipping flashcards .
✦ writing an essay ? tori will jokingly nitpick at your word choice , loudly sipping at her already finished glass of diet lemonade .
✦ charlie would second guess himself and , in turn , make you second guess your OWN self .
✦ he profusely apologizes after but still giggles at it .
✦ back to the diet lemonade thing , there is 100% a designated place in the fridge or pantry just for the gallons of diet lemonade . just for tori .
✦ once , you and charlie finished the diet lemonade gallon , and tori was pissed . or , it seemed like she was .
✦ you and charlie ended up paying for an extra few more gallon fulls of diet lemonade just because you two felt bad .
✦ whenever you three go shopping , if you set a budget , either expect to spend way below it or way ABOVE it . there is no in between .
✦ the whole receipt for charlie is just converse and some other trinkets he ends up placing on his shelves .
✦ tori either buys cables and sd cards for her laptop , or spends it on an unhealthy amount of diet lemonade .
✦ you on the other hand , spends it on whatever you like at the moment .
✦ and regardless , these two dorkheads make being a Spring just a little bit better . ( you tell this to charlie or tori and it gets to their heads !!! )
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haet-sal · 1 year
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Want Yandere tutor Sunwoo or Younghoon to fuck me and call me names because I was acting like a brat 🤤
Want them to make me suck them off while drool is dripping down my mouth because of how they just keep on thursting them inside my mouth down my throat
Want them to suck my tits and make me moan like a porn artist
I just want them thursting in my tight vagina while I am begging them to stop because of overstimulation but they just increase their speed the more I whine 🧍‍♀️🤌
I am going crazy thinking about this 😭
T W O tutors who make your life hell. You know I've seen asmr where the guy is a tutor and he starts corrupting the listener with his "bio education" ...
TW DUBCON & CORRUPTION & a teeny bimbofication?
Epilog
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Theyll fuck u separately tho, both are fire signs that don’t like to share...
First u got sunwoo, who broke the tutor rules first. Bet his dick was semi-hard from the minute your mom said "learn a lot, y/n" and closed the bedroom door on you two. Everyone trusts him with the dumb little bimbo he wants to ruin so bad, hed be such a bad guy if he corrupted you, right?
Imagine he starts off by massaging your legs. "We need to get you relaxed so you can focus better" God hes resisting the urge to fucking LICK your thighs, your school skirt is just sitting around on your waist getting in the way, DO YOU KNOW how fucking satisfying it would be to just hike it up your waist and start pounding you??!?
Then he massages your neck... and instead of his hands, it's replaced by his lips, hes kissing the back of your neck??? His hands are now under your shirt, tightened fists around your boobs jiggling it like he saw in videos. you’re like "um what are you doing" he's like shhh
And now it’s time for physical bio education, he teaches u how to suck cock... not that he wants u trying it out with ANYONE ELSE, EVER. He teaches you to suck cock the way he likes it, asks you to "get more fucking spit in there, yeah fucking drool on my cock, dumb little bunny"
Sunwoo is a PRO at holding his moans apparently. None of your family members will hear him say anything while getting sucked off. With a stray hand he locks the door, and then his hand is back on your head, fingering through your hair. "Good girl, good slut, I always knew you were—"
Your mom knocks and you just scramble, he starts fixing his pants. It doesn't go further than that.
YOUNGHOON is the college exam tutor who comes by next day, and you start asking him questions. Like "how do you like to get fucked by your college gfs?" And glancing down the bulge in his pants the entire time. You ask him to "please let me pleasure you?"
you’re now bouncing on his cock as he lies on his back on the carpet, just watching you. "Little girl knows everything now, huh?" He scoffs and slaps your ass, even your face, palms your tits roughly like they're just playthings, his playthings...
Hes got you legs spread sideways hanging onto the bed while he pounds your tiny little pussy, thrusting so hard bc hes soooo jealous that you went and learned all that from somebody. "Mm, tell me who makes your dumb little cunt twitch, huh?" While his own dick is twitching inside you
🤐
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kindestegg · 1 year
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What do you think of Collie going back to the sky. Because the way I see it, he's either all alone up there (probably not good for a young child) or he's gone back to living with the other collectors/archivists (which is probably also not good), Maybe he has found a guardian up there who aren't like his old siblings, an entire species of people can't all be bad, right?
hmmm... well first of all, i would like to say i personally never was a fan of the whole "collectors are emotionless assholes by default but our colly is ⁂⁕special⁕⁂ so hes different" like THATS SO STUPID!!! AND DEFEATS SO MUCH OF THE PURPOSE OF IT BEING IMPACTFUL HE CHOSE BY HIMSELF TO BE GOOD! i think the collector/archivist species is likely very very complicated and has a very rich history and hierarchy we just will never know abt in canon bc 1. theyre not the focus here and 2. well it kind of. ended. so.
BUT WELL. RIGHT! COLLYS FATE! SO UHM.
well. i have good n i have bad feelings about it.
ill start with the bad: i do wish we had seen more of him in the future timeskip, and that he had gotten a more permanent residence. i thiiink the archives are still intact around the titan skull (dont quote me on it though id need to look again), so, no reason why my future idea couldnt be canon with him living there n repurposing them. i think theres definitely a better solution than just sending him away, he couldve still had his little corner to learn stuff, just closer to the ppl he loves n that DO love him back.
HOWEVER.
heres where the good starts: i think it was actually a good idea for him to not become a noceda or a clawthorne. first of all because there was not enough of a bond between himself n those families to want to adopt him, specially there was a lot of trauma involved that cant be erased with how much he wishes to be good for them now. they still clearly care about each other, but theyre not family, maybe theyll never be, n thats fine. theres also another reason, but going into it would require... me being pretty bold about something thats been nagging on my brain ever since the episode aired, and actually talking about that might devolve into a bigger post in and of itself. i MAY make that post in the future and lose my fear of talking about, but im being cautious for now. all im gonna say about it atm is that if they had made him a noceda or a clawthorne, making him kings sibling, it wouldve made things... very awkward. and bad. so.
i think theres also a pretty fatalistic pessimistic way the fandom seems to be viewing this end: its never stated colly went back to the archivists at all, just "the stars", and its not even immediately after the finale events neither is it permanent- he had to have stayed around at least long enough to make that new portal door, and he visits frequently if king mentioning him being around to do something for luzs bday is any indication (not to mention that book lilith was holding that seemed to be about titans and collectors - i think colly mustve helped with info for that right).
me and the archive house server have actually been discussing this quite a bit, and we have reached the conclusion that the best way to describe this was that they "pulled a snufkin". collector is a space vagabond that travels around once in a while and then eventually always comes back to tell of their spoils to the people he still cares about most. and while that may not be satisfying to people who wanted him to be lovingly adopted into a welcoming family, i think its a good enough fate considering he might not even want a family out of the clawthornes, but rather just to be close to king.
and im sure maybe in the future he might decide to settle again at the isles for a more permanent residence. the future is in OUR hands now! we decide what to do with these characters and their future lives, and ive got a LOT of ideas.
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penguin--person · 5 months
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ok how would’ve swap ended
heres my outline for the chapters ill never write, and here you can find a bit of chapter 11! fun! in my own words, under the cut.
we left off with sanyas place being bloodied and filled with a few corpses, dmitry nowhere to be found. chapter 10 ends. chapter 11 starts with yura, with some reflection on what happened and on his feelings, where its revealed dmitry has been taken by the facility. sanya told him this. sergei told her that.
yura and sergei meet up.
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basically that. sergei says he and sanya cant stay at their place now, so theyre staying at some hotel for the nearby future, until their flat gets cleaned of all the blood and gore and dead bodies. hes more upset than in canon, because, he could have died! yura should have known better! says math tutoring with sanya is overrr and asks if he still wants to go to the zone. yura says hehe yeah then we get some more reflection. thinks about katya. and. man. ok. tarts cleave made me put some yurima in this, like, internalized homophobia. so this is a sort of yurima fic, the way that yuras like ohh what is this fucking feeling!!! and dima hates yuras guts, but tolerates him bc hes his only source of food and resources.
then the chapter would switch to anya pov. school is ending, her classrooms packing up, when she hears some of her classmates talking about this gorey event. apparently, some runaway mutant killed some people!! this classmate lives in the same complex as the kazarins maybe idk who knows. anyas like woahhh what the hell!!! and when she comes home talks to kt about it. anya exegaterates the gore a lot. katyas uncomfortable. she knows this mutant could be, and is most likely, dmitry. she doesnt reveal her own mutation. anya is in the dark. chapter 11 ends!
chapter 12 is sanya pov, shes very angry at sergei. focus on her grief, sorta. she feels dumb for letting dima get caught. he trusted her, and whatd she do? trust the wrong person. boom. angst ten thousand. of course she doesnt tell sergei that she knew dimas a mutant. hes pissed too, but not at her rlly, hes very detached from the emotional business. the chapter would end like false disposition does.
chapter 13 is the mill. not much changes. nikita still dies, yura still kills.
chapter 14 is strike 3. olya still took the blame. basically goes the same as canon. sanyas probably even more fucked up now, because she not only lost dima, but also nikita, and olya to jail. chapter 13 would have probs been very long, so strike 3 would be shorter.
chapter 15 is! yura talks to sanya. shes like hey what the fuck dude youve been avoiding me ever since nikita died. thats not cool. he ignores her and instead tells her about katya (they already met in the written part, only for a brief moment, but yura remembers). this is sanya pov so we wouldnt get much yura 'objective feelings', but hed be very insistent about blackmailing katya into helping them get dima back. sanya calls him dumb. its dangerous. yura ignores her, says hell do this with or without her. sanya agrees. basically this part of convergence
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(ignore titulky,thats just subtitles) sanya is also like. invested in getting dima back. righting her wrong, you know? feels very responsible for his capture.
then, katya pov! shes scared, a bit. what if olya reports her? what if she already has? sure, shes nice, but like. she knows. she said its fine, and katya would like to believe it, but with dima getting captured. shes anxious. so she asks anya to run away with her. anya is hesistant, but kt calls her a chicken, rubs in how much anya complains about it. so she agrees. theyll leave tomorrow.
chapter 16. sanya, for the first time since dimas capture, goes to dimas hiding place. overindulgence in grief is only immature and stuff, but also, maybe she thinks she can find some stuff of his or smth. she umm. well. we get a flashback from dimas pov. its chapter 10. sanya just left him alone with sergei. sergei goes to another room. hes talking to someone. dima is so out of it. then, police busts in - with kt, there was too much, a whole swat team. with dima, there was too little, just your regular cops checking out a disturbance. they manage to shoot dima a time or two, but ultimately, he kills them and runs away. he runs all the way to his hideout. hes so scared. so angry. so upset. its just like comfort zone all over again.
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somehow, he makes it to his hideout. theres not many people outside at the time, and those who are arent too keen on confronting an obvious mutant. blue sparks around him. dima thinks Im safe here im okay im safe. his thoughts are so jumbled and incoherent. he doesnt want to die. he either bleeds out or has a stroke and dies.
cut back to sanyas pov. its been at least two weeks since his 'capture'. she smells his rotting corpse before she sees it. she feels terrible. so bad. she cant even burry him. what will she tell yura? why didnt sergei tell her the truth, that he escaped? did he think shed go out looking for him? she would have. could she have saved him? why did it take her so long to go here? why did she let him die? so so much angst and grief. shes had enough.
chapter 17 is convergence. katya and anya are packing up. yura comes there, says anya wasnt responding to his messages and he got worried. this is either katya or anya pov or both. probs katya. he starts talking about dima, and the girls recognize the story. hes talking about how dima was his friend and hed like to get him out of the facility. takes out the cube, asks katya to help him get out. switch to yura pov. katya refuses. wowww what a brat. anyas so so upset with him. he doesnt listen to her, ignores her as much as possible. he talks about olya. mentions shes in custody or smth rn. that he killed a man. if katya doesnt help him, hell report her and olya will be in trouble. he takes out his phone. he doesnt show them the screen. he tried calling sanya, but she just woudlnt pick up. so, he just tells them hes on a call with her, and if they hurt him, shell report them in his place. and olya will be in trouble. he understands that hes being stupid. understands katya is just a kid. understands anya cares for her. understands her mutation could be dangerous. but so whatttt dude.. why are you against this.. you homophonbic?!?!?? you dont want to see yurima 60fps kiss?!?!?!
switch to anya pov. shes so fucking mad and upset and betrayed. hears katya counting to ten repeatedly under her breath. yelling at yura. yura fights with her a bit. he sets his hand on katyas shoulder. she pushes them both away. and just like that she turns into a monster! will somebody show up to save the day?
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(drew this earlier this year, like, february/march or smth - i could redraw it better but i dont wanna lol)
chapter 18. yura calls sanya again. she picks up. he tells her its all gone to shit, asks her why she didnt pick up. anya is yelling at him, screaming for him to get out, katyas meat exploded all over olyas plcae, anyas in shambles, trying to get through to katya. shes unsuccesfull. yura basically begs sanya to come over, that its went wrong. sanya is.. well, she seems faraway. like she just saw some shit. no time to think about that tho. sanya, pissed off, because yura now made this girl cry for nothing, comse over and Oh she didnt just cry! awesome! she gets super pissed at yura. shes done. yura asks her to help, what to do. he didnt know this would happen. sanya rlly shouts at him so bad. mentions dimas dead. that she found his body. that it was all for nothing. anya would be yelling t her to get out too, but shes too exhausted. shes just hanging out with katya now. begging her to turn back. she doesnt care that shes a mutant. they can run away right now, just please, turn back, itll be okay, olya will be fine, you just have to turn back, istill love you, please turn back, please dont leave me. yura is. man. he feels like shit. dima is Dead? so he doomed this girl for nothing? doomed his relationship with his sister for nothing? wow. sanyas so pissed off and done with everything she just leaves. yura tries to call sergei. it goes straight to voicemail. what the fuck are they going to do
chapter 19. katya pov. its all fucked up. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 yura touches her shoulder and she explodes.. it fucking hurtssss. anyas so louid it hurts. someone new comes over. it hurts. someone leaves. yura calls someone again. nobody comes. it hurts. anyas crying. it hurts. yura calls somebody else and anyas screaming again. yura tries to drag anya away. shes screaming. it hurts. yura leaves. more people show up after some time. anya screams at them. they take anya away from the flat. they take katya away, too.
chapter 20. epilogue 1. yura and anya life after the incident - like a month maybe. olyas gone. shes stuck at home. sergeis so fucking done with him. anya didnt tell the containment services about yuras outburst, because, he has the recording. maybe if they dont know that olya let katya stay, they'll let her go.. but, they dont. shes in jail. yura hasnt even thanked her. yura is.. hes dealing with the death of dima, nikita, anyas grief too, and sanya. yura and sanya. sanyas pissed at him. he did to his sister what sergei did to her and dima. but hes her rfiend. shes lost so much. she cant lose him too. it sucks. theyre not happy together. yura hasnt said sorry. they dont talk about dima. they try to forget about it all. sanya and sergei. ermmm. not cool.
chapter 21. epilogue 2. sanya and anya. they talk. they hug. the end.
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hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...
(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....
also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.
i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.
i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....
i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.
(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)
sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better
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drpeppertummy · 8 months
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it's not just a want but a NEED. a lusty, dusty desire I have for Dark Sunny Lore
You Sicko . The Dark Sunny Lore [warning for illness death suicide self harm child abuse/neglect etc]
his dad never wanted him bc he only wanted 3 kids & sunny was an accidental #4. was always very open about not wanting him bc hes a shitty old bitch
additionally sunny was sick all the time & frequently in the hospital (asthma + other respiratory ailments) & dad was resentful bc he never wanted this sick kid taking up all his time & money
his mom was super loving & wonderful but she died when he was like 12. she died from some kind of respiratory situation & the question of Was It His Fault And Will It Kill Him Too is always in the back of his mind
not long after mom died his dad tried to passively let him die too by refusing to take him to the hospital when he was really sick. his sister giuliana finally took him after coming home from school one day & seeing how awful he looked
was good about being in the hospital as a kid & was always like the nurses little darling bc he was such a sweetie but now has a medical phobia bc in his brain its associated with all that misery & pain & fear
outside of his home life pretty much everyone always liked him & he always had a lot of friends & was popular etc but nothing ever made up for the damage his dad did to him mentally
he knows people like him on a superficial level bc he knows hes cute & charismatic on a superficial level but hes scared that if people get close to him theyll realize hes just annoying & hate him
secretly terrified that his friends hate him & are just tolerating him
prone to bouts of depression, often spirals into a terrible mental state if he stays up late. Night Brain hits hard esp when its mixed with rsd
when he was in college he tried to kill himself by taking a bunch of random medications with a bunch of vodka & it made him sick & knocked him out for a while but miraculously didnt kill him
he woke up in the same spot he left himself in & realized nobody found him or noticed & therefore nobody could care. wanted to tell someone so bad bc he Needed somebody to care & hug him & say they were glad he was alive but he was scared to bc he thought theyd get mad at him or think he was too much or not care since he was "fine" so he just peeled himself off the floor took a shower & went to class like nothing happened. his professor scolded him for coming in hungover
(he eventually told gray about it years later & gray held him & gave him that years-awaited love & care & it was like a soul-healing moment for him)
(gray knows more about him than anybody & he worries about him a lot & sunny feels bad for worrying him but he also appreciates that grays always there for him)
as a kid he would bite himself a lot if he was upset/frustrated/overstimulated & he still does sometimes but only when hes alone. its almost like a reflex & if anyone saw hed be mortified
once in a while tho he like actually cuts himself. if someone asks what happened he gives some absurd excuse like "i got mauled by a bear" & refuses to elaborate bc hes scared & ashamed
hes trying to get better but he almost certainly will attempt suicide again someday. he wont succeed but he Will be so so terrified that his friends are gonna be mad at him for it when he comes to (spoiler: they wont be mad at him)
apart from gray his friends dont know the extent of his mental health problems bc he tries to keep it to himself bc he doesnt wanna worry them & bc hes ashamed & afraid they wont want him anymore. the most they really see of it is him being moody sometimes
once in a while somebody will see him break down over something & they know his dad sucks & they know he misses his mom & they can piece together that hes gotta be hurting but hes usually so bouncy & bubbly & cheery that they dont realize how bad it is
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asbestieos · 1 year
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my tablet refuses to let me draw anymore its simply not cooperating >:( so you can have these sketches of pre-grad asta. the cringe high schooler era. ok i rant endlessly below now
the name changes between 1st -> 2nd is simply for convenience!! others found it hard to pronounce ‘thien’ correctly so it shortened to ‘en’ to make it easier ^_^
if first year asta looks considerably more skrinkly thats because he is!! the essence is she wants to be an idol soo bad but bc reimei’s student population is literally All Guys and its a bad idea to have a fem-presenting idol intermingled in there, it goes undercover in guy uni 👍 which theyr totally cool with whatever gets them to idoldom fastest. hence the girlier vibe and the messy short haircut
they actually have to retake 1st year due to personal circumstances (get Child of Divorce’d). only reason theyre allowed to come back is bc they kinda Are pretty girlslay when it comes to idolisms + since they were first allowed into reimei on a scholarship, theyr allowed to return but only if they shill a hefty tuition (father’s child support payments all go to tuition <3) + another condition wherein theyll deliberate with reimei’s school board directly with the express intent of suppressing nonspecial student rebellion but we’ll talk abt this later
1st year pt 2 and 2nd year they get their shit together becos she fixates on The Guy Ever of course becaus im incapable of being normal and not putting entatsu everywhere i go but theyr dynamic is more teacher/disciple than romantic or anything . originally en is the one teaching tatsumi the ropes of reimei, but it becomes Very Clear that tatsumi needs not help learning to be a good student hes already ballin on his own (however he needs plenty help learning to Be Normal) and the dynamic flops with en now becoming tatsumis follower / admirer by the time second year rolls around and the roots of the revolution start to be planted ^_^ they turn a blind eye to tatsumis activities and pretend to not be affiliated with him in anyway to avoid either orf them getting in trouble
oh fuck in getting tired anyway 3rd year en grows out her hair bevcos she misses tatsumi and its fruitu.. also has to deal with doublecrossing the school board as revenge while also assisting ibaba with his sort-of revolution. ibara had a revolution right? or at least he like changed reimei for the better i think that happened . anywhow i sp sleeepy goodii no tht
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ultimateloserboy · 1 year
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my life has been very bonkers as of late and honestly i find it a bit strange when people act like the main three puppets are suffering sooo bad. like bro they pay no damn bills. they never die. their fridge is always magically stocked. if they run off theyre brought back home and tucked into bed. lesley spoils the fuck out of them. duck was so real for not wanting to leave. i mean a naked man literally does his dishes for him!!! hes living the dream!!!! i wish i was him fr. i dont know why everyone acts like theyre so bad off. i mean they technically are but our world is so much fucking worse fr. i wouldnt want to be in the webseries world but id take the tv series world any day.
i could go on all day about how the house is awful BUT its the best thing they have and how thats a reoccurring theme in canon but thats not the point rn im too tired for all of that. i just think its ironic that whenever they run they want to come back eventually. because there truly is nowhere better. the house is the least-bad place, or its more familiar at least. theres nowhere else to run. it must feel hopeless. and damn is that relatable
but it makes me feel better about my own life in a way tho, because their lives might not necessarily be as bad as real life, but in a sense thats worse than real life, because they have zero chance of ever finding anything better. theyll run from the things hurting them only to find no hope anywhere else either. at least in our world there is hope out there. it inspires me to never give up. these characters will never find peace but i can someday, if i run fast enough. goodnight applejuice nation. never stop running.
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electrificata · 7 months
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Here is what i have been listening 2 lately yes im avoiding something no i dont listen to a lot of """new""" music
"This corrosion" the sisters of mercy - nothing revolutionary here, its a goth (sorry eldritch) classic with the big stupid jim steinman bombast that i love. If you want a good time search "andrew eldritch interview" on youtube, he's a huge bitch its so funny
"My lady of mercy" the last dinner party - a cute fizzy indie pop song that splits open into huge, triumphant stoner rock choruses. Its my understanding this band has weathered "industry plant" rumors despite being like, not. Anyway if industry plants made shit like this id be ok w the concept
"Kybalion" killah priest - my friend sold this wu tang associate to me by saying a) he's into the occult, b) not sure if he's actually any good, c) hes making animal noises on the new album. "Hermes trismegestis of lyrics that specialize in physics and pyramids" literally what else do i have to tell you
"Blood makes noise" suzanne vega - i love when a singer songwriter chick has one hard track on her album and this one sounds urgent and clanging and ominous im having a great time
"You aint no celebrity" jungle - everybodys losing their shit over "back on 74," and rightfully so, but this is the ass shaker on the album, its like an update on all those 2000s sean paul hits i liked before i heard at too many bar mitzvahs (it actually knicks the buzzing theremin from "get busy," which was always better than "temperature")
"Naked eye" luscious jackson - 90s crunchy touchy feely divine feminine radical vulnerability nonsense
"Come together" primal scream - these guys were kind of narrowly revolutionary in the 90s and i dont hear anybody under 40 talk abt them ever but i loooove the early 90s uk "what if classic rock was dance" shit that was happening with them and i guess kind of madchester?
"Obsession" animotion - this is the loud obnoxious goofy 80s pop hit all the other ones want to be. The boy-girl vocals are really fun BONUS the singers fell in love and are still married, go look up a recent performance of this song theyre so old and so horny for each other i love it
"The big sky" kate bush + "chains of love" erasure - two very different 80s pop classics, but i listen to them the same way, and frequently right after each other. I have a theory of art and fiction i call, for the moment, "mythological awareness." I use this to refer to work that knows what old folkloric/mythological/archetypal symbols and narratives and images it evokes. Work that knows that any love story is every love story, every mad scientist is a wizard and a shaman and a hacker as well. Kate is singing about the things we pay attention to as children and forget as adults, the sky is a marvel its easy to forget about because its there every day, but that doeant mean its any less a marvel. This might be the most straightforward u2-ish rock single bush ever put out, but it feels like shes marching at the head of an army of zeppelins and airplanes and rockets powered by the laughter of gods. Andy bell of erasure is singing about a fictionalized pre-aids era of gay utopia like its something that used to be real and can be real again if we all clap our hands. He details a world of "sisters and brothers" open to the pleasures of the world, fucking and loving and worrying about what theyll do for dinner rather than whether they can get into the hospital to watch their loved ones die. And over an unstoppable synthesizer bounce, falsetto floating over clouds of gospel-inflected backing vocals, you believe him. He could be talking about atlantis or hobbitton or erewhon or the greek age of heroes and he knows that, the halcyon past is a myth none of us can get away from, maybe we need to understand it and use it rather than disavow it. I was born years after both of these songs hit, and my parents didnt listen to either of these artists, so they come to me fresh and bright and veiled in the light obscuring mist of morning, for me and no one else (everyone else)
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abimee · 1 year
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ive also long since walked on from that fanartist mentality of ''people should support me rather than just lurking in the shadows cause i need validity to keep going''. you know those posts asking people to reblog and like peoples art or else theyll leave the fandom and all the content will disappear because like
i sort of fundamentally understand thats not true. because the reason my art isnt liked much at all is because theres just an oversaturation of content (fanart) because its thousands of people making art for a shared interest, and so theres people whove been doing what im doing for long mucher, much better, much quicker, and more interestingly than me. i aint going to get much engagement because my art is low quality repeat of years old content, and people already have their favorite artists and fics that have tread this ground, theyre not going to give a shit if i make it again because im not that artist who effected them first, so im always going to be a low barrel smuckers artist churning out content for myself in a cave and maybe like a handful of people will throw me a chance but i know deep down im never going to be good enough, because im lazy and not skilled and not as good at envoking emotion or intrigue like those artists who do have the followers and stuff
and i dont really give a shit, i used to eat myself alive when i was younger and being made fun of and compared to better artists as the ''worse version of them'' but at this point i see no reason to immolate myself or cry out ''reblogs over likes!!" because ive stepped back, looked at what i was making, and genuinely asked ''who would give a shit about this besides me?". and that answer is nebulous and far reaching, and maybe some unknown entities out there do love all my work and follow me with an intense gaze of respect, but im not going to shoot arrows at a flying target and then cry when it doesnt land, because why just poison myself with self hatred and basing my emotional state on how many reblogs i get on a drawing, when i can recognize im one fanartist in a big freaking ocean of people whove long since gone and more coming in who will always swim faster than me. and does it matter to me??? should i truly base all my worth over the images i make for a piece of video game media thats not going to exist in maybe 40 years? did god really give me life on this planet just to cry myself to sleep at night because my art isnt getting the attention i think he deserves?
like yeah it hurts to know when your shit doesnt do well! it makes me really sad! i miss the engagement being semi known in the utdr community brought but what i realize im missing isnt the attention on my art but meeting people and engaging with them, having conversations over anonymous messages over a shared interest, learning other peoples headcanons and surprising them with a drawing! i miss the sociality of fandom and getting to fuck around, i dont care about compliments or notes, i miss being en extrovert talking to people about the video game, not my goddamn ego getting fanned by strangers!
so will i ever care if my 50 hour art piece failed in getting attention? no, because thats not what i want, what i want is to meet people and talk to them and have fun with the connection something like a video game can bring us, and when i first tried for those connections in utdr i was met with people so blinded by their fascination and love with my art that trying to just fuck around and be friends with them felt like i was at a wall of having to be the artist they appreciate me as rather than just some bum online making headcanons, so leaving utdr behind was both very good because i no longer had to deal with that wall when talking to people, but it also means i now lose a ton of social communication that came with being well liked amongst a group of nerds and now jumping into a new group of nerds as a nerd who hasnt been around for long. so i guess i just miss that. its why i enjoyed going to sacanime as just a random cosplayer and getting to talk to the cooler artists and random cosplayers, i love the community that comes with fandom and not at all the ''attention'' or what have you of fanartist. if that makes sense
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