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gaymerasmus · 2 years

Text

Merc's opinions/experience with Marijuana

(TW: drug use, paranoia, Panic Attacks)

Scout

The first time he tried it he was in high school

Smoked it out of an old and gross empty beer can with his dumb friends

He REEKED. Ma's head just about exploded when he walked in the door.

But she wasn't like. Mad that he did it or anything. Just mad he didn't tell her he was doing it.

He fell asleep before he could really get into it.

The next time he tries it it's with a particularly lanky and gorgeous grumbly man.

This time he actually experienced The High.

It's an incredibly strange feeling to have your brain kind of shut off for the first time, and that's exactly what happened to Scout.

Sniper was obviously like wtf who is this man I'm sitting with right now and kept trying to get him to prattle like he usually does.

It inevitably fails and they go lay down and watch kid's movies.

Overall, he'd give it a solid 6 out of 10.

Once he got over the initial high, he was the calmest he'd been in years. No jumping leg, no twitching, nothing. Just Scout, but not Scout at all?

He'd probably only do it again if he had nothing better to do, or if he felt like he just needed a moment of stillness.

Sniper

Started young

No literally. He got into some "special treats" that his parents accidentally left out when he was a baby.

Didn't do it again until he started his career as an assassin.

Do you see this man? Do you see the way he is him? Stoner coded for sure.

May or may not have a pot (pun intended) or two growing in his van.

Doesn't do it very often, just when work stress starts to get to him or he doesn't feel like drinking.

Was pretty hesitant to introduce it to Scout because he's like the opposite of getting stoned.

Sniper def gets munchies BAD.

When he doesn't have any snacks in the van, he can be found violently raiding the mess hall fridge for anything remotely edible.

He's like a little feral animal. <3

Has to be careful about eating beforehand, too.

He doesn't eat much during work hours (like all the time) and he's still a bit of a lightweight.

Because of this there has been times where it has caused him to freak out a bit.

Scout helps him out when that happens because he's a great boyfriend.

When he doesn't freak out his favorite stoner activity is star gazing.

Spy

Tried it in his twenties with a past girlfriend.

Didn't think much of it and still doesn't

Prefers nicotine buzzes (ugh)

Will occasionally do it with Sniper or Engineer if the opportunity arises.

Mostly, though, he smokes with Medic.

It's like their little tea time session.

They gossip hardcore about anything and everything, especially once the joint is finished.

It's like a juicy detail enhancer for him.

He likes when Medic tells stories because they both end up laughing really hard halfway through.

Despite the good times, he doesn't do it often.

Part of his job and just him in general is being constantly ready for shit to go down.

He gets a little paranoid when high, constantly checking over his shoulder or just simply sitting in the corner with a weapon in hand.

He's very private about this and doesn't really look for help when it happens.

Someone please help this man, he needs it.

Heavy

He never tried it until medic introduced him to it.

What with living in the butt crack of nowhere and constantly keeping his sisters in check his whole childhood.

He honestly wasn't all that interested, to him it's just another thing people do.

He loves medic so bad though so he agreed to try it at least once.

They laid in bed together and Medic explained everything to him as it was happening.

Medic def took this as an opportunity to woo him tho. Impressed him with rolling skills and just knowledge of the drug itself.

They smoked and then cuddled, but the silence started to get to Heavy.

They started talking about how they're feeling, how it's making them feel.

"Da. Feel funny."

They hold hands and laugh about things

Eventually, they just end up kissing because it's great.

Heavy certainly enjoyed the experience but more because of medic's boobies

Probably won't do it again, gets flustered remembering the whole thing.

Medic

Oh this man smokes for sure. Dude.

Wether it's after a difficult match, a boring day or right before bed, medic usually has pretty good reason for it.

He's literally constantly working or thinking about work or both.

He kind of uses it as an "escape" though he'll tell you he really doesn't have anything to escape because he loves his job.

His favorite stoner activity is taking a self care evening, cooking a good meal, slapping on a face mask and smoking from a pretty pipe he's got.

Speaking of which he definitely has like a little collection of pipes he thought were cute or were gifted to him by heavy.

They're next to the sex toys but that's a different story

He coughs a shit ton like every single hit he takes but it's funny and he's ok.

It's not always relaxation, however.

Since all that business with the devil, he's become very slightly haunted by a handful of henchmen he's sent to bother him.

Medic knows that the worst thing they can do is scare him, thankfully, but being stoned and simultaneously being spooked by demonic entities is a recipe for a Really Bad Trip.

Medic's a smart man and caught on pretty quickly that these appearances happen less frequently when he's around someone.

Which is his reason for smoking with Spy and Heavy. Sweet man just trying to be not scared :(.

When Medic has a bad trip it's really bad. Guilt from past patients, fears for the future, and grotesque medical experiments slam around in his head until he either passes out or goes to sober up a bit.

It doesn't stop him from getting some enjoyment from weed, though. In fact, he's been considering doing some experiments including weed!

Pyro

They first saw weed when they were admitted to a psychiatric ward. Lots of rule breaking and smuggling going on.

They never tried it, though, but that doesn't stop them from being curious.

Since they're mostly around Scout and Engineer, it was one of them who got them to try it.

And by that I mean Pyro has the sweet tooth of a child and the self control of also a child and took Engineer's "bedtime brownies" and ate them.

Engineer was on his way to get one and found poor pyro laying on the mess hall floor.

" Oh, Lordy."

Pyro ends up watching kids movies and cartoons all night to stay calm.

They don't get the munchies (much to engie's surprise) but they do get very giggly.

Which is, uh, a lot. Considering they were all giggly in the first place.

They finally pass out around 5am on the living room couch.

Everyone let's them sleep once they realize what's happening.

Soldier

Used to be extremely against any kind of drug. Then, Zhanna happened.

She convinced him to try it to "enhance his patriotic spirit" which just means she wanted to see what would happen.

He completely misses the point, though, and freaks the hell out.

He calls Zhanna a spy and claims he's been poisoned and proceeds to threaten to kill her.

It really cuts deep for both of them.

He ends up holding on to her and tearfully apologizing, he never meant to question her loyalty and trust.

Zhanna apologizes for letting him try it without letting him know how it'd make him feel. She knows what it's like to be left in the dark like that, and she feels really bad.

Overall it's a very sweet and sad situation but they're the best and work through it.

They decide to stick to drinking with Demoman instead.

He has a better insight on drugs now, though. He feels like he's been granted infinite wisdom.

Engineer

Started switching to edibles after abusing the bases infinite supply of melatonin gummies for months

He knew it wasn't good to switch between depending on one thing to depending on another, but man does this guy need some sleep.

Usually, he'd ponder over to the mess hall and make them himself late at night.

He secretly has a sweet tooth for specific things, so it's always a new type of edible each time.

One time it was brownies (they didn't last long), another it was sour gummies, and another time it was homemade Oreos. It really just depends on his mood.

They come out perfect each time. He's a god in the kitchen.

He'll take one once he realizes how late it's getting, usually around 3-5 AM.

He doesn't really wait for the full effect, just that first wave of relaxing euphoria and then he's off to bed.

They do give him strange dreams, though.

He dreams about his parents and family, his past, and all the inventions he has yet to completely design.

He also has very Pyro-esque dreams, but he doesn't mind them. It helps him understand them far better.

He felt so bad for Pyro when he ate his brownies and stayed up all night with them.

He really wished they saved him one, though.

They're a godsend to him, poor insomniac.

He wakes up in the morning and he's always STARVING.

If he's up early enough he'll make breakfast for the team, but mostly for himself.

Demoman

If he had to pick between alcohol and weed, he'd pick alcohol, normally

However there's times where he's looking to get KRUNK

So he gets extremely drunk and smokes a joint/eats an edible and gets cross faded

Getting cross faded makes you all stupid but if you know how to relax it's nice

This man chronically can't relax so he just goes and plays Who's More Reckless with Soldier

He doesn't think much of it but secretly wants to have a sesh with the entire team, like a podcast but instead of toxic masculinity it's everyone being gay and mentally ill together

First time he did it he was already really really drunk and was just kinda like yes. This is the best idea.

Doesn't really trip out at all but DOES get munchies, but if he knows Engineer is cooking in the morning he'll wait

Fav stoner activity is napping <3 he literally is such a good napper I have to make some hcs for this now

This one wasn't a request but I literally never see any other marijuana headcanons and that's such a missed opportunity for so much Good Shit. Thanks for the read and send in ideas/requests if you have any!!

#tf2 headcanons #tf2

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zims-left-shoe · 4 years

Note

Hello, I had a really cute idea for a request if you dont mind. Since it's been lockdown and stuff could I get a Zim x S/o where they're finally able to see eachother after isolation. Bonus for fluff if that's ok with you?

This request??? Amazing. Absolute perfection. And of course there’s going to be fluff!! Chaotic and feral Zim is great, but I love me some soft Zim.

Oh, and there’s no specific age here. Could be high school, could be adults, I’ll leave that up to the reader.

Blinking furiously, your eyes eventually settled on a squint as your phone cast painfully bright light into your face. The surrounding comfort of darkness was fended off by the harsh screen you continued to stare at. Nothing had changed in the past hour, nothing new was written. You weren't sure what you were hoping for.

A simple 'FINE' within a chat bubble marked the end of your conversation. Normally, you would snicker to yourself about how he flat out refused to write in lowercase, but the anxiety gnawing at your stomach prevented you from doing so.

Sighing, you rolled onto your side, hanging half off the bed in order to plug your phone in for the night. After that was accomplished, you flopped onto your back, staring into the black abyss that was your bedroom ceiling.

Quarantine had been a lot more difficult than you had originally thought. At first it was fun, you could be as much of an introvert as you wanted and could take care of your responsibilities on your own time and schedule, for the most part anyway. But once the weeks turned into months, and those months began to increase exponentially, it became a problem. Going just a bit stir crazy was bad enough, but the worst part was being unable to see Zim.

Again, at first, you didn't think it would be such a bad thing. He tended to get a bit clingy and possessive, so you thought a little me time would do you some good. But as time stretched onward, you realized that you missed the little roach bastard more than you had anticipated.

Of course you couldn't see him, considering not only the high human-to-human spread, but neither of you were quite sure to the extent Irkens would be affected, if it would be much more dangerous for Zim than an average human. As if that factor wasn't bad enough, Zim was already a huge germaphobe, so he rejected the idea of even socially-distanced hangouts with masks and all that.

So, being responsible and considerate, you had agreed to stick to text communication. It was fine at first, and you both talked regularly. Until about a month ago. Your worries began at the occurrence of two solid weeks of radio silence. Assuming the best, you waved it off as maybe he went to space and therefore couldn't get Earth cell reception. Finally, he had contacted you again, but brushed off any questions regarding the period of being off the grid. However, any response he gave you was short and simple, often a yes or no without elaboration, even to prompts where those answers weren't even valid.

This is where the unease began. Your mind began to run rampant with thoughts on the matter. What if he had gotten tired of you? The reasonable person inside of you told you that if that was indeed the case, then his loss, but that didn't mean you had to be happy about it. Just when you would convince yourself everything was fine, you managed to come back with something else, always a variation of the last negative thought. What if he had realized that he liked being alone, that he missed being a lone wolf soldier focused on destroying the world with no one to care about? You could never fully refute that one. After all, was a genetically modified alien soldier truly content being tied down by something such as a relationship?

The only thing that brought you any solace was that he had reached out to you that morning, requesting your presence at his base. Things had gotten better, allowing for the two of you to meet with contact, person to person. Well, person to Irken. Of course, your brain wouldn't let you enjoy that. It just had to spin some tale that would send you into a spiral of dread. Now, as you laid in your bed, sheets bunched in your fists, you were convinced that he wished to break up with you. Well, at least he had the decency to do so in person, if that even was the case.

You wanted nothing more than to be overjoyed that you would finally be able to see him after all this time. You had become quite attached to Zim, more than you ever would like to admit. You should be filled with excitement. However, you felt nothing but a sinking feeling that made your skin crawl.

"Just...please let me have a good night's sleep, would you?" You pleaded with your mind, shifting onto your side to face your wall, letting your eyes shut tight.

(more under the cut)

Unfortunately, you and your brain have two very different ways of defining 'a good night's sleep'. Trudging into the bathroom to get ready for the day ahead, you couldn't hold back the massive yawn. Stretching, about ten different joints popped as you remembered tossing and turning for a majority of the night. The worst part was the two or so hour period of staring blankly at the ceiling, mind racing with ideas of nothing at all.

Staring at your reflection in the mirror revealed you to be looking like hell...and not on wheels. More like hell discarded on the side of the road next to an empty shopping bag. Dark circles rested under your eyes, which weren't only from the previous night. Your sleep schedule had been almost non-existent thanks to quarantine, some nights you wouldn't surrender to slumber until three in the morning, and other days you would succumb to sleep's tantalizing claws at four pm.

Not to mention that you could barely remember the last time you had worn anything but pajamas or sweats. Groaning, you pulled on presentable clothes, as if this was the largest inconvenience you could ever be faced with. Not that Zim would care, but you didn't want to be shown up in the outfit department by a being from beyond who wore the same saturated pink military uniform every day.

You didn't even bother to glance at the time, it wouldn't matter. Either way, Zim would most likely chide you for being late, even if you were an hour early. You weren't sure if the construct of time even existed in the reality that was Zim's mind. Now that you thought about it, you couldn't say for certain if you had even set a specific time arrangement. All you had agreed upon was to be there some time in the morning.

It didn't matter regardless, he would be there whenever you decided to show up. He hadn't left his base once for the duration of quarantine. Zim had patience when it came to being cooped up for long periods of time, you would give him that much. It was about the only time he had patience, but it counted nonetheless.

That negative feeling wouldn't cease tugging at you as you meandered your way to Zim's base, quite literally dragging your feet down the sidewalk. Occasionally, you would come across a stray stone or pinecone, and you'd strike out with a half-hearted kick, watching it skitter across the pavement.

The entire walk was forgettable, and you had made the trek enough times for your brain to transition into autopilot until you made it to the fence line. The first few times you went to his place were unsettling. Now, you were completely unfazed as the security gnomes eyed you when you padded up the sidewalk, approaching the door. Their beady laser eyes tracked your every breath, but by this point you were unbothered. Besides, you were fairly sure that Zim had put you on the white list, so they shouldn't shoot at you unless it was a direct order.

You pressed the doorbell, folding your hands neatly in front of you as you waited for Zim to answer, scrambling to get a heartfelt speech together in your head. Whatever string of words you had managed to stitch together was thrown out the window when the door swung open, revealing a very animated GIR decked out in his doggy disguise. He frantically waved a black 'paw' to you, a grin splitting his face.

"Hi, Sparky!!" He hollered in your face, greeting you with a name that wasn't yours, per usual. Before you could even open your mouth to respond, he began talking again, in very much an outside voice. A chip right off the old Irken block. "Didja bring the pizza?!" The little robot inspected your arms curiously, stepping around you to make sure you weren't hiding the greasy pie behind your back.

"I, uh, wasn't aware I was supposed to be bringing pizza." You knew this was just an instance of GIR being GIR, but you went along with it anyway. He couldn't help himself, it was just the way he was wired. Or, maybe it was the fact that his brains consisted of useless pocket junk. It didn't really matter. GIR moved back to stand obediently in the doorway, you peering around the frame to see if Zim was anywhere to be found. He wasn't, which only made the nerves worse. Despite your worry, you kept your voice even and neutral. "May I come in?"

"Mhm!" He hummed, jumping aside to let you in. You closed the door behind you, standing around awkwardly for a moment before turning back to GIR, who was already shimmying out of his doggy suit.

"Do you know where Zim is?" Something seemed to click with GIR, however, it was not something that would answer your question. The poor robot burst into tears, which also wasn't out of the ordinary, falling face first into the floor and pounding his metal claw on the tile.

"That boy missed you so much!! He so sad, he even cried!! He loves youuu...!" He wailed, loud enough to draw Minimoose into the room who offered a soft and sad 'Nyah', seemingly agreeing with the statement. You couldn't confirm, since only Zim and GIR were fluent in the language you lovingly called 'Moosinese'. Tears continued to stream down the robot's metal face as he screamed, Minimoose resting a comforting purple nub on his back.

"Is that true?" Your response was calm, having dealt with GIR's outbursts many a time. You couldn't attest to the accuracy of his words, considering correct information was almost similar to a Russian roulette wheel when it came to GIR.

And as if nothing had ever happened, the robot immediately perked up, popping up to his feet with a smile, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. "Yep!! Master's been down in the base the whole time!! Just sittin' there all shmoopy-like!" A giggle followed, pushing his previous bout of sadness into the past.

"Nyah!" Minimoose showed you a bucktooth grin as he looked to you purposefully.

"Really? Fascinating." Again, you couldn't speak Moosinese, but still, you nodded. The purple moose appeared to be satisfied with your response, floating off to who knows where.

"You wanna come play with the piggy with me?!" GIR bounced up and down, eager to drag you off to roll around on the floor and have a tea party with whatever pig he had brought home this week.

"Maybe some other time, GIR." You weren't opposed to spending time with the little robot, but he wasn't exactly who you were here to see. He didn't seem offended, all he did was shrug his metal shoulders.

"Okie dokie!" He brought his claw up to his forehead in a salute, turning away from you and making a mad dash to the kitchen. You heard a noisy metallic clang echo from the kitchen, and you didn't need to witness the event to visualize GIR smacking face-first into the cabinet.

"Careful, GIR! My milk squid experiment is in there!" A familiar voice rang out from the kitchen, and two immediate questions sprung to mind. The first was why in the name of anything would you keep milk in the cabinet (even if it related to a squid)? The second being just what in the hell had he been doing all this time?

The whiny complaints had quieted to low grumbles as just the alien you wanted to see paced into the living room, eyes cast downwards, antennae drooping. The words that had been forming in your throat were choked into barely a squeak when you got a closer look at him. Zim still didn't seem to notice you, red bug eyes trained on the tile, hands clasped behind his back. That wasn't the surprising bit. A jacket you thought you had lost some time ago was thrown on over his invader uniform. You couldn't remember if maybe you had left it there or maybe Zim had taken without your knowledge, but either way, he was swimming in it. The sleeves were rolled up to meet his wrists, gloved hands peeking out from the fabric. Most of the jacket itself was well past his thighs, stopping just above the knee. It had been just a bit big on you, so of course it would be massive on him. You felt any unease you were feeling immediately leave at the sight. Clearly, he hadn't been enjoying the separation as much as you thought.

"I was wondering where that coat went." A chuckle slipped past your lips. Finally, Zim seemed to notice you, head snapping in your direction, antennae perking up to attention.

"Eh?" He didn't quite register your phrase, almost as if he had been wearing your coat for so long that he had forgotten it wasn't a part of his usual attire. "Y/n, I don't-" Zim looked down at himself, finally realizing why you were staring at him like that. He wriggled out of the jacket faster than you could gush about how adorable it was, throwing it forcefully behind the couch. "YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!!" He shrieked, pointing a clawed finger at you, antennae flattening against his head in curt embarrassment.

"So, you like my stuff, huh?" You asked cheekily, relishing in his refusal to look at you as he unknowingly clutched the hem of his invader uniform, scuffling his boots on the tile. You couldn't help but snicker. It wasn't often Zim would let himself be sheepish, since he normally knew nothing of shame.

"Nonsense!" He waved a hand dismissively, eyes still refusing to meet yours, although without his contacts, it was a bit hard to tell where exactly he was looking if his head wasn't turned. Crossing his arms tight to his chest, he wracked his brain for possible excuses. "I was just, er, working on repairs and didn't want to get my clothes dirty! Yes! I found this filthy piece of clothing and figured it would suffice." You rolled your eyes, knowing full well he would never admit to the true motivations behind his actions.

Lucky for you, someone else chimed in to voice your exact thoughts. "That's a lie." The computer spoke up from nowhere in particular, monotone voice bringing a growl to rise from Zim's throat.

"YOU'RE LYING!! There is no evidence of this!" The Irken jabbed a claw up towards the direction of the many cables and wires strung across the ceiling. This wouldn't be the first time you've witnessed him get into a spat with his computer. They could be quite entertaining to watch, actually.

"Proof." The computer said in a matter-of-fact tone, the gargantuan TV screen buzzing to life, static clearing to reveal a recording of internal base camera feed. The date was in Irken, but you were wise enough to surmise that it was from some time over the quarantine.

The screen displays Zim begrudgingly wandering over to the voot cruiser in the hangar. In the video feed, he looks decently depressed, antennae slack and hanging limp, posture slouched. He climbed into the ship, looking for something. Whatever it was, his search came to an unresolved end as he lifted your jacket from the seat. Apparently, you had left it in there the last time he had taken you for a flight. His eyes darted around to make sure he wasn't being watched, slipping on the coat and hugging his arms to his chest. The sleeves extended well past his hands. He brought them to his face, sniffing them. A delighted smile ghosted his mouth as he rubbed the sleeves against his face.

"Why would you record that?!" His voice cracked at the end, and you were trying your best to hold in a laugh as the TV faded back to static for a split second before opening on another instance.

This time the video depicted GIR and Zim sprawled out on the couch, watching something on the TV. Zim was wrapped in your coat as if it were a blanket, seeming to be content enough with it. GIR had reached out a claw for the article of clothing, wishing to share. Zim hissed, yanking the coat away from his grip, swiping a clawed hand out like a cat. Clearly, he wanted it all to himself.

This time you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing. You tried to apologize, especially since the Irken standing next to you looked absolutely horrified. You were sure he felt his dignity had just faded away right along with the video feed.

"Oh, and my personal favorite." The computer added helpfully as yet another recording presented itself on the TV. This one was a bit tougher to make out.

Zim was down in the depths of the base, and much was dark, the only light being cast from a large monitor just off screen. You were able to see Zim, sitting on the floor, sporting your jacket. He stared longingly at the sleeves that covered his hands. After a moment he shoved his face into his arms and knees as tears slipped down his face. You could only make out the tears due to the light being thrown from the monitor, making them glisten like jewels. Separation appeared to be much harder on him than you had thought. Maybe that was why he had been ignoring you, although it seemed counterproductive. It was possible that texting you made him miss you more.

Zim was not amused in the slightest by this particular clip. He stamped his foot on the tile, making frenzied cutting motions with his arms.

"COMPUTER!!!" His voice was high in volume, but a nervous chuckle laced each syllable. "I think that is quite enough!"

The computer groaned, cutting the feed back to static, eventually switching the TV off completely. "I was just trying to be accurate."

"You only seem to care about accuracy when it is of no benefit to Zim!!" You could only imagine what was going through Zim's head in the moment, because from the outside, he was a ball of red hot rage. However, the computer was having none of his antics, going dormant once more.

"Zim? You're up here." You raised a hand above your head to indicate his anger level. "I need you to be down here." You lowered your hand to your abdomen, knowing that was a complete stretch to ask for. Especially since he was so upset he was stringing together curses in Irken. He would only speak in his native tongue around you when he was incredibly furious. His teeth were gritted tightly, foot tapping audibly on the tile.

"That damn computer." His growl was closer to that of a feral animal, and although he was calm enough to speak in English, he still required some de-escalation.

"Relax, we'll just pretend it never happened."

"Good. Forget about those recordings." His eyes were narrowed, but he was relenting his irritation.

"What recordings?" You shrugged, a smile playing at the corners of your mouth. Zim seemed appeased, and in a split second, all of his anger was gone and replaced by something else entirely. All the fight seemed to leave his body as he looked to you, red eyes softening completely when they caught your own. He seemed relieved to see you, as if being away was one of the hardest things he had been through in years.

Wordlessly, he strode over to you, wrapping his arms around you and burying his face into your chest. Soft Zim was a rare occurrence, but these moments were something you absolutely treasured. It almost made the months of isolation worth it.

You returned the action, and the second you put your arms around him, every muscle in his body relaxed. It was a bit strange, really. To have a hardened alien soldier all but melt in your arms. He wrapped his legs around you as well, clinging to you like a koala. It wasn't hard to maintain balance since he really wasn't all that heavy.

"Couch." He mumbled, his chin resting on your shoulder as his arms were draped around your neck, your own arms supporting him under his legs. A chuckle fell from your lips at his behavior. At first it seemed like he had no energy, but in reality, it was closer to him being soothed by your presence. You were about the only living creature, scratch that, the only thing in the entire universe that could ease him like this; even he wasn't sure why you had this effect on him.

"Sure thing." You walked him over to the couch, using one arm to snag your jacket off the floor before sinking down into the cushions. There was a bit of a strange smell emanating from where you sat, most likely due to GIR spilling countless snacks, messes that weren't completely cleaned up. It wasn't super potent, and in that particular moment, it wasn't one of your concerns.

As you sat on the couch, Zim remained cuddled into you. A snicker slipped out as you tossed your coat over him as if it were a blanket. At first you assumed he would protest, proclaiming that he wasn't cold, nor a weak little smeet who needs to be cared for. So when he removed his arms from you, you were bracing yourself for a lecture and/or rant. However, all he did was tuck the jacket around him better, silently snaking his arms back around you afterward.

"You really did miss me, huh?" It was a redundant question, since without even saying, you both were aware of the answer. Still, you wished to hear him say it. It would put you in good spirits.

"Your absence was...not pleasant." His voice was uncharacteristically hushed, muffled by your clothes. His words were chosen delicately, as they always were when he didn't want to admit to something that he knew to be true.

"So you missed me." The smile that was spread on your face shone through your voice.

"If that is what you would like to think." Zim made an attempt at being snarky, but any mockery in his words was half-hearted at best. Breathing a sigh, you let your head fall back against the back of the couch. You knew full well that was the best you could hope to glean from him, even in his current subdued state.

"For the record, I missed you too."

"As you should. Zim is very great." Looking down, you were met with a sight that melted your heart. The coat still wrapped around him, arms still clinging to you as if you would walk out any minute. Zim's eyes were closed as he laid his head in your lap, quiet purrs rising from his throat as your fingers absentmindedly played with his antennae. You almost thought he would fall asleep.

"I know. You're the coolest Irken I know." You may have only known one, but still. Zim was pretty amazing in your book, despite being a self-absorbed idiot at times. A pleasant silence settled over the room for a moment as you continued to twirl his antennae between your fingers.

His eyes still closed, Zim spoke again, mumbling, "Zim's next plan is to eradicate these abhorrent human pandemics." The words slurred together a bit, and although you knew Irkens to not sleep due to lack of biological necessity, whenever he was completely relaxed, he tended to get drowsy.

"Good luck with that. I support your efforts one hundred percent." Despite the first statement harboring a twinge of sarcasm, the second was completely genuine.

"Does Zim detect a hint of ridicule?" His words may have been a challenge, but not a single eye opened even a crack, not a single muscle in his body so much as twitching.

"All I'm saying is I haven't seen much progress on your original plan of eradicating the humans, and it's been how many years?"

"Quiet or I'll steal another one of your inferior human zip-cloth thingies." He may not have technically stolen the first one, but you had to make a mental note to keep track of your jackets and hoodies. Or at the very least, make sure to keep the ones you wore often out of reach. You supposed in the end it didn't really matter. You would know where to find them if they did happen to go missing. And besides, he did look rather cute in them.

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