#they were the most adorable

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt in Memes 5

Once more, have a prompt entirely in memes because I'm too lazy to properly write one right now lol.

#dcxdp #dpxdc #prompts #De aged dan #de aged ellie #dad danny #mom danny #Fuck it make this a Hazmat Au too with a hint of eldritch Phantom form #Hence why no one realizes Danny Fenton & Phantom Dark are different people #No Danny is not ghost king he's just a little shit #Jazz is in Metropolis & Danny is around depending on where the “field trips” are #Sometimes he's in Gotham because Scarecrow or Ivy offers a lecture #Most of the time they're in Central though because it's safest for the baby villains in the making lol #Danny is taking classes for both medical stuff (thx Frostbite) and engineering #A couple of time travelling villains ADORE him and his kids lol #“So u a monsterfucker?” “What” “I mean I saw that ghost hero & I'm just sayin that's not human y'know-” #Tucker stop laughing at him #Tucker and Sam and Val are also in the same villain school but taking different classes #Save for Tucker also being in an engineering class #Sam is fighting for that Ivy internship #Val is in the specialized Anti-Hero course that focuses on teen heroes who are done with that bs #She got in by telling them (not lying) that she's going to take down a branch of government even if she has to blow the whole thing up #Evil College Au #Danny made a mistake & now everyone thinks that he Val Sam AND Tuck were in a relationship with Phantom at some point #Eveery other student now refers to them as the Petty Exes #memes #meme

[useragarfield]

9K MAKE ME CHOOSE:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ @kiddstellas ASKED: Elena/Caroline/Bonnie or Kat/Sutton/Jane?

We’re gonna be better than okay. ‘Cause we got each other forever. Until we die.

#tbtedit #kat x sutton x jane #forbescaroline #theboldtypegifs #usernelly #femalesource #dailytvwomen #tuseranita #usernastya #userjanessa #tuserheidi #atangela #userannika #the bold type #tbt #9kceleb* #mmc #myedit #tv #every time i rewatch vamp d i just #like the three girls were fundementally on different paths after like halfway through s1 #meanwhile these three #no matter how much one or two or them were getting on my nerves #their friendship stayed GORGEOUS and i adored them #they're emergency contacts! richard asked the girls for permission to ask sutton to marry him! #they've all lived together! they help get yoni eggs get unstuck! they go to sex clubs as a trio! they took shrooms together! #possibly one of the most positive 3 girl friendships ever done on tv #despite the mess of most of s5

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

watched Grease the other night with my buddy and. well. obviously i Had To

#this was a good warm up i think. kinda low quality cause its Small and Not Much Effort Went Into It #but i think the fuzziness adds to the charm. or something like that #ive always loved greasers as a concept and general Thing #anyway now im Thinking about what everyone's 'roles' would be #i think the little greaser group would be wally / sally / barnaby #except theyre the most unconventional greasers ever #sally is all bark and no bite. barnaby is no bark and no bite. wally is just there to look pretty #i think theyd fold frank into the group eventually due to Witnessing His Knack For Violence #i can picture them mostly hanging around a diner #where they all share the single milkshake they can collectively afford #scribble garnish #welcome home #in middle school i absolutely adored the outsiders #we even did a thing for the class where we were assigned 'greaser' or 'soc' and i was So Fucking Delighted to get greaser #assigned greaser by 8th grade english class #got to dress up and everything. i had a blast. so gender. #during that time i would even sit there in class thinking 'i was born in the wrong generation'. delusional? yes #one of my ocs is even a fuckin. universe-hopping assassin greaser #their vibe.... 50s punk... #loved the movie btw. made next to no sense. very charming

[starrcrossrose]

I love Rise Leo so much, if I think too hard about him I'll just start crying

#i don't know what the creators put in this show #in these turtles #it's the most “crack cocaine” of shows for my little art brain I cannot even believe #They were made with so so so so much love #rise leo #my beloved blue idiot #I adore him #I need to throw him into the sun #i don't know how to cope with these feelings #except furiously draw and write some more #I have so much content guys #it's bonkers #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #anyway #I can fake normalcy sometimes but today is not one of those days #my chest feels tight #i love him so MUCH #i love all the turtles but LEO #*SHAKES HIM IN A BOTTLE FULL OF MARBLES!* #whAT DO I DO

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance - The Grid

#kingdom hearts dream drop distance #khddd #the grid #scenery #my gif #the general aesthetic of this world makes most areas feel very samey #i was worried that i wouldn't be able to make this set look varied enough but i think it turned out alright #but i'm glad sora and riku were able to wear unique outfits in this world and that they brought back the lightcycle race #replaying this game made me realize that sora and quorra's friendship is pretty adorable haha #she took one look at that kid and was like our names rhyme we're best friends now let's team up and ditch the other characters #guess i'm a fan of sora befriending computer people because the whole thing with tron/rinzler is really interesting to me #imagine my surprise when i played this game for the first time and saw that sora got through to tron but couldn't save him #and that we don't return back to this world to resolve it #he reached for his hand...

[endlesslytired]

#didn't know much about stan until cooking with valks got me curious and now I absolutely adore him and durandal #from what i found by looking about they have the most real cat and owner relationship and it overjoys me #i need to read hi3 manga. does anyone know any places i can read them? #honkai star rail #hsr trailblazer #hsr stelle #hsr gallagher #hsr acheron #hsr black swan #hsr dr ratio #hsr asta #hsr topaz #hsr natasha #hsr bronya rand #hsr serval landau #hsr gepard landau #hsr pela #hsr cocolia #hsr servalia #hsr dunn #honkai impact 3rd #hi3 dreamseeker #hi3 entropy #fr is that the name or nah? i never got an answer on that post #hi3 fu hua #hi3 rita #rita is british and now thats another character i liked immensely before i knew they were british coded (im from uk) other is lil gui #hi3 durandal #hi3 stan #hi3 bronya zaychik (for the bunny bit lmaoo)

[thescrumptiousstuffs]

I’m compensating from the lack of SandRay sweetness in OF episode 7 with some amazing fan service done by FK during their Fanmeet 🤣😂

GMMTV FanDay in BKK X FK 2023

23/09/2023

Credit on the photos

#khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #firstkhao #firstkhaotung #also I think they were quite surprised to find out that most of the fans that came were international fans 🥰 #they deserve all the adoration #I mean look at them!!!! #GMMTV fanday in BKK X FK 2023 #only friends the series #expect me to dump more photos from their FanDay 😅

[khaopybara]

Trust a Lesbian to Judge You and All of Your Life Decisions While Looking Hot AF

It felt dishonest to make compilations of all of the main men in this show and leave Cheum out of it when she's part of the Messy F4. To be honest, Cheum dresses simply, but Lookjun makes all of these look very good, to be honest. I really had high hopes for Cheum before this show aired, but at least she delivered when it came to her outfits. Also, her favorite pants (the jeans with a hole in the back and one in the front) was used around 11-12 times that we can see it.

LOOKJUN BHASIDI as NAMCHUEAM ( ONLY FRIENDS 1-12 )

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #namchueam #lookjun bhasidi #thai drama #thai bl #gmmtv bl #th: only friends #:: mygifs! #:: onlyfriendsoutfits #:: fashionbaby #cheum doesn't appear nearly as much as the others for me to make posts like i did for the guys #but she still slayed her outfits were so cute #and lookjun is seriously so pretty #HER HAIR! #serious question do we think lookjun will finally get that side sapphic couple in part 2? #because alongside maybe janhae i think she's the one who was paired up with women the most #GIVE HER A GL #also excuse me i had to add april in ep 12 bc she looked the cutest in her blue shirt nonnie is seriously so adorable

[scatterbrainedart]

Guess who just found the clip of Con O'Neill talking about how Taika Waititi said that Ed's and Izzy's relationship are like Jesus' and Judas' in Jesus Christ Superstar? THIS GUYYY

#i watched the musical with my mom a few years ago #it was fucking BANGER #Judas and Jesus were both played by a queer man #and you can only imagine the drama. the tension. the energy #but anyway #it's literally SO fucking them I'm losing my mind #Jcss!judas is literally SO Izzy coded #and jcss!Jesus reminds me a lot of that calmer version of Ed #and well. Jesus dies and it's Judas' fault #the soft side of Ed is also dead in the beginning of the show #at least partially by the fault of Izzy #and they both come to regret that #but most importantly #they both adore the other so very much #at the same time as they hate him #GAHHH #ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #edward teach #blackbeard

[manitapaleta]

post-mission-break-room-nap nark ❤️

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #dndaddies #dndads s2 #dndaddies s2 #nark #lark oak garcia #nicholas close #nicholas foster #nick close #nick foster #nark nation #my art #yes nick is petting/playing with larks hair #originally was gonna draw them both sleeping but i always project my love and adoration of lark onto nick and i made him awake and staring #lovingly at lark bc i would b doing that if i were him tbh #too lazy to fully add shadows or anything besides a lil hilight and some random gradients i slapped onto this WHATEVER idc it looks fine #i was challenged to draw them soft and not sad/angsty bc i never make them happy and tbh i love it but i get so AUUUGHEHHHHGSGDF #THE MOST INTENSE HEART SQUEEZE AAUGGHHH #like it feels like a heart attack makingn them soft and tender oooouughhg

[andoutofharm]

various findings from scrolling through almost ten years of pete’s instagram in search of an entirely different post

#there were many more of the seat selfies with the band and i adore them #also not linking these directly but most of them have the dates on them and theyre all on his instagram i promise #anyway. love them #fall out boy #pete wentz #andy hurley #joe trohman #patrick stump #fob #also the ones that are marked as me liking them were ones i liked when they were first posted and i have no memory of liking them lmao

[princelancey]

I want what they have

#f1 #formula 1 #aston martin f1 #lance stroll #esteban ocon #They're so fruity together #Is it gay to tenderly cradle your best friend when he gets a podium? #Nevermind upon research that first pic is just them in Parc ferme #Neither got points #They're just like that™ #They're story even just on paper is adorable #But when you SEE how tender they are with each other ahhhh #Like Lance is physical touch love language person that is clear as day #And just how close he is with esteban #Gah I love them #Sakhir podium you were the most beautiful thing

[ladybeug]

MAN THE MUSICAL NUMBERS CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD I HAD TO PAUSE AND STARE FROWNING okok!!! so the thing was that one time agessss ago you said liking ml fanfics is just wanting to read the same story over and over again and after that textbook 2016 post reveal final kiss that sentence just flashed in my mind and everything that happened in the movie (the ladynoir patrol fighting in the rooftops, the adrien snapping at his dad, gabriel being actually decent) just shifted in context for me and the realization of how fanfic coded the movie is and how that directly related to my enjoyment was so clear i couldnt stop laughing hdhshsjs

WOW ACTUALLY

i remember saying that and its STILL TRUE!! And honestly you're putting it in perspective for me, thats why i liked the things i liked about the movie. like the ladynoir patrol fighting on the roofs also did lowkey make my dreams come true they could have done whatever they wanted in the rest of the movie, that scene is what i live for.

And that last scene really did feel like it was out of a fanfic, A 2016 FANFIC, its OLD FANDOM VIBES. back when we were still chewing up the concept of a reveal and not picking apart the bones of adrien's identity like mad scientists.

I remember thinking im sure ive read this scene somewhere. idk where but i have. all of it in different pieces a million times.

Anyways thank you for sharing this i love it?? good take

#sorry it took me so long to respond even though you like WARNED ME IN ADVANCE you were gonna send this i havent been online much #but i love thinking about the movie im excited to rewatch #im so hot and cold on it #ive heard great takes about it im on board with most of what ive read #i had fun but severely missed the character + relationship depth that the show brings us #they tackled too much to do any of it well!! but what a fun time and i kind of loved seeing chat noir be a little rascal #hes so fucking nice all the time in season 5 and i adore it and would die for him but do you remember he also gets to be a scamp sometimes? #as a TREAT???? #SCAMP TREAT FOR CHAT NOIR!!!! HES HUNGRY and deserves it #he contains multitudes and one of those multitudes is kind of a little bitch #ml movie spoilers #ml movie #what are the tags we're all using #miraculous awakening #also you know what it’s a day later and I’m adding more tags bc #back in the day we WERE still obsessed with adriens identity but it was more exploratory #like gently unfolding a complicatedly wrapped gift #now it is mad scientist we are in the package dissecting

[waitineedaname]

To Greed's surprise, Mei became more than comfortable with him – she actually started seeking him out. Not just when he happened to be the one piloting Ling’s body, but actively asking for him. She’d call him over to show off a new alkahestry technique she’d learned, knowing he’d gleefully cheer her on, or she’d tug on his sleeve to whisper a joke that matched his sense of humor more than Ling’s during formal meetings, or on the rare occasions when she’d bring them gifts from home, she’d make sure to bring two – one for Ling, and one for him. Despite all that, he was still surprised when she first referred to him as her brother.

I am pushing my "Greed is Mei's favorite brother" agenda, please enjoy

#fma #fmab #greed fma #mei chang #may chang #my writing #they are FAMILY!!! #if ling and greed are like brothers. and ling is mei's brother. then by transitive property greed is her brother too. #I think greed deserves the opportunity to be a big brother to siblings that aren't absolute nightmares #he had four younger siblings but hated at least half of them and was like. ambivalent at best about the other two. #mei gives him a new opportunity to have a little sibling he thinks the world of #because she 1) she is extremely cool and I think he'd enjoy how badass she is #and 2) no one can resist her adorable charm. every adult that meets her wants to adopt her and greed is no different #and mei on the other hand deserves older brothers that will hype her up and stick up for her #considering most of her half siblings were trying to kill her or each other #greed (and ling) are a nice change of pace because they will instead kill For her #not that she needs it. she can handle herself. but it's the thought that counts #anyway enjoy this fic!