#they say the past is gone forever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-unicorn-system · 1 year

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HERE WE GOOOO

also please give us asks and comment!! people doing that is very encouraging for us and keeps us writing! /gen

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lgbtlunaverse · 6 months

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I don't think we talk about xiyao exes to lovers enough. I understand that in canon the "breakup" ended with death and imo it was never going to end any other way (I have a lot of feelings about how jgy is doomed from the start) but even in aus where survival is an option I barely ever see their full potential realized. The fact that there is this heartbreaking gap that is between them now, and yet that, despite it all, they can't stop loving each other. When you have drama this good, why is the conflict relegated to outside threats and we end up with little to no exploration of internal strife, of the fact that these guys have been living a domestic lie for a decade (I cannot stress this enough, the amount of parralels between xiyao and jgy's marriage to qin su are staggering.)

And let me be clear I will NEVER begrudge anyone their hurt/comfort and wanting their faves who are denied happiness and peace at every turn to find it. god knows I need that sometimes. Or even the less healthy but so emotionally devastating fics where the caring isn't good, and it doesn't fix anything- might only make things worse, actually- and xichen ends up recreating his father's fate. I love all of those things. But. Man. This divorce was over 11 years in the making it should take AT LEAST that long to resolve. What do you do when the person you trusted the most lied to you for years? What do you do when the only person who's ever believed in you loses that faith so completely they'd hurt you over a lie without hesitation? I need me some xiyao who try to get over each other for 20 years and fail. I need them to meet after not seeing each other for years and have it hurt like no time has passed at all. I need arguments where no one raises their voice but that feel like a screaming match anyway. Do you see my vision?? Do you see what we could have?

(if fics that do exacly this are out there, recs are of course welcome)

#mdzs #meng yao #xiyao #lan xichen #jin guangyao #rs: i wish it could've been you #this might make some people really mad #at the idea that jgy has any right to have grievances with xichen but uh...#i'm not interested in arguing with jgy antis. go scream at a wall #or a different camp who DO like xiyao but who are like 'but xichen was lied to jgy wouldn't blame him'#the fact that it was a lie makes it WORSE you guys know that right?#some of you have never been the proverbial boy who cried wolf #and had people assume everything you say is a lie because you've lied in the past #and good for you! You SHOULD be honest with those you love i'm very happy for all of you #but also. lmao. you have no idea how that feels.#i have read aus where they break up and get back together of course #but i always end up feeling like people see the conflict as an obstacle? a thing to get past so we can get them back together #and not.. you know. the most interesting part. the selling point #I think in a slightly lower stakes au xiyao should wait a few years get back together because they love each other and then break up AGAIN #when they realize that the old relationship they had with that easy trust is gone forever. love isn't enough to bring that back #you can build something new. including a new kind of trust just as potent. but that old easy kind is gone.#and i think they should try to get it back because it was the best thing they ever had #and get fucked up about it when they realize they can't #and it should take them well over a decade to mourn it until they're ready to let it go and try to make something new of it #PLEASE let me talk about the xichen qin su parralels please let me talk about how rusong is nmj-coded #not in personality but in the function he has narratively as someone that can never stop haunting jgy.#the fact that nmj's death and rusong's birth were likely extremely close to each other timeline wise LET'S TALK ABOUT IT

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joyflameball · 4 months

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What in the goddamn did they put in Don't Starve to weave so much grief throughout it. I know I've posted about this before but I can't shut up about it. There's so much grief permeating so much of it, so many characters. Grief in the loss of a loved one. Grief in the loss of home. Grief in the loss of yourself. I'm gonna throw up

#cassie rambles #dst #don't starve #i'm serious when i say the grief is everywhere #you could run into it out of nowhere. but you'll run into it. it's unavoidable.#there's grief with charlie. in the loss of who she was #in how winona came to the constant to find a dead woman. one who's just a flicker of who she was. who can never become her past self again.#in how wx destroyed their past self lost their friendship with wagstaff and hated feeling about it so much they tried to destroy that too #and they couldn't. they clearly couldn't.#there's grief in wendy with how she lost her beloved sister and fell into horrifyingly and heartbreakingly deep depths of depression #grief with webber losing his family because he wanted their attention #grief with wigfrid losing herself because nobody wanted her until she was the valkyrie #grief in how warly just wanted his mother to remember him. and now he'll most likely never see her again. she won't even remember his name #grief in maxwell. in how he destroyed his past self because of his desire for power. in how that power started to destroy him too.#and in how that power imprisoned and tormented both him and his love. changing them both forever.#I'M GONNA EAT GLASS #THIS IS THE SAME GAME WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER SAYS LINES LIKE ''LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GONE FROM DAPPER TO SLAPPER'' WHY IS IT MAKING ME SO SAD

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zeb-z · 8 months

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The thing about Forever and Bad is that they don't know how to deescalate, and they start at 100 straight from 0 every time with each other. They will spend hours arguing about semantics that don't matter. They will go to the extreme ends of pranks (which as fun as the audio remixes were, spending hours trying to find the source was literal hell genuine psychological torment). They will go for the throat just to antagonize the other.

So no, I don't think Forever knows a thing about Dapper or the other eggs whereabouts. He just knows better about the way Bad operates, the way he lies and deflects. He's familiar with his crafty words and how he turns a conversation on its head. He knows that what Bad is being accused of is entirely likely, that he is not who he usually is when the eggs are around. And he knows that Dapper, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is who Bad cares for most of all.

This isn't something he can argue hours about, to chip away little by little like he usually does. For both the safety of the worker, because the longer they're locked up surely the worse off they'll be - and for the safety of Bad, who if he wasn't under extreme watch by the Federation, he certainly is now, after Tubbo very loudly accused him in his Federation office.

He goes for the throat, immediately playing a trump card that he knows Bad won't just brush off or ignore, because as much as Bad can be unpredictable, Forever knows that Bad cares about the eggs as much as he does. As questionable as his morals are, as slippery as he can be to pin down, Bad has always placed the eggs as the highest priority - and he needs Bad to have no choice but to be honest, or to knock him off guard enough that he'll give him something to work with.

Is it fair? Maybe not. But when has Bad ever played fair with him?

#I haven’t watched forevers POV these past few days so take this with a grain of salt. this is a ghostie perspective #it’s like. there’s so many moving parts in this scenario. but we can all agree that bad was never morally right for kidnapping the worker #mf tortured them then developed some odd reverse Stockholm syndrome. we been knew bad is not a good person though #like. I’ve said it before I’ll say it again. bad highlights the difference between nice and good. because he is nice he has the capacity to #be generous and sweet. but my god he is not good #also. Tubbo man. the way he’s gone about this is so messy like. he’s caught on to bad that’d be good! if it wasn’t for the fact that #he played all his cards instantly in the middle of a federation office. like fuck man you’ve tripped alarm bells before you even knew the #damn situation. before you even had undeniable evidence. forgetting bad atm since ron doesn’t want to go back to the Feds this places him in #a terrible situation. it’s like it was not handled with tact or care and there will be consequences for acting without more knowledge yknow #also bad getting taken by feds will be bad for the eggs. straight up. as much as he deserves consequences for his actions it’s like the feds #are not who you want giving out consequences ffs #qsmp #mcyt #q!bbh #q!forever #bbh #forever #z speaks #also SORRY REPOST my organizational tags weren’t working you understand <3

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true-blue-sonic · 4 months

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What is even the point of Silver living in the future? It’s not his future anymore and he has no friends or family there. There’s nothing for him there. Now that he has precognition he should just live in Sonic’s time and get visions of disasters.

Seriously there’s no point in his future or time travel. We’ll never see it, Silver only cares about the state of it and he can only go to Sonic’s time anyway.

I find this an interesting question myself. The best answer I can give as to why Silver keeps returning to the future is that him being from the future is "his thing", just like how having PK is "his thing". It's just something very much intertwined with his character; basically every bio he has makes mention of it, for example. But I also agree with the notion that him being from the future opens up some issues. I've seen statements that it is difficult to make Silver relevant if he must travel to the past every time, for example, which I don't disagree with (but for me, the same could then be said about Blaze and the Sol Dimension or Knuckles and the Master Emerald). Adding to that, I do not believe we know for certain if its state is generally 'destroyed' or 'saved' and if Silver grew up in a destroyed world (said in multiple bios) or a good one (I'd argue that is implied in Rivals 1, with Eggman Nega almost certainly having stolen the camera from someone else and Onyx Island being both a paradise and having developed industry on it that I do not believe Angel Island currently has). Furthermore, the Rivals games are also not very consistent to me about if the future has actually gotten rewritten or not (but it tentatively seems to lean that way, since Silver says at the end of Rivals 2 he hopes the new future is a happy one), and we legit just do not know how its alleged destruction goes. Does Silver indeed intervene before something bad can happen, or does the future actively turn bad before his very eyes and he goes back in time to undo that again? I am truly not certain if there's ever been a clear-cut answer from a credible source, though I am pretty sure there's multiple conflicting explanations from non-credible ones... but that really doesn't help make things clear. And lastly, we also do not know what he has in his own era when it comes to friends and family, nor is it ever clearly shown or said how he time-travels in any game other than '06. With all that combined I can see why having him return again and again gets... well, confusing, haha!

In that regard, I also feel there is merit in the idea of him just staying for good in the past. His friends are there, it's consistently where the action happens anyway, and Team Sonic Racing indeed hints at him having a sense of precognition. The Japanese version actually dives into it more, with Silver asking himself at the very end when Eggman's battleship is going down if that is what was causing his bad/nagging feelings. Considering he was necessary there to help carry people and racecars off it to safety, it does imply to me that that scene might have intended to show it as a genuine skill of his. Shame the English version cuts that moment out entirely. So yeah, the point of Silver being in the future is, to the best of my explanations, legit just the fact that's how he has been conceptualised, making it "his thing". But it does cause confusions for me, because of how much there is not clearly explained and all the contradictory information out there from non-game sources. I think having Silver stay in the past for good could make for a nice move on Sega's part, assuming it is within his own decisions (so not forced by A ThingTM that is entirely unexplained to us and removes all his agency, for example). I think it'd be a nice resolution for Silver to see his heart lays in the past, and he can still protect his own world from there too!

#*A Thing*TM is a reference to that Fast Friends Forever website that said Silver travels to the past with portals these days btw #How. Why. What are these portals. Where do they come from. Who is making them. How do they manage to send Silver to the right time-#-in the past when disaster is striking and why are they apparently also totally cool with him going Extreme Gear racing.#bonus points for Silver in the games never having indicated that it is not *himself* sending himself to the past #and a Sonic Channel artwork from way back in the day saying he uses Chaos Control #*and* the comics suddenly writing that Silver cannot control his time-travelling (which directly makes them contradicts themselves on top:#in issue 12 Silver says he is staying in the past as he does not think the real threat is gone; aka actively sticking around by choice-#-which to me does not at all imply that he cannot control his time-travelling for whatever reason.)#but it is contradictory information from various non-game sources like these about topics the games do not explain properly or extensively-#-that do make things more unclear‚ I would say #I myself try to stick to the games as best I can with Sonic Channel as further source‚ but the problem there is there's just not a lot said #definitely things implied clear enough (like Silver just being able to go to the past whenever he wants) but not explicitly shown #and to add to that: I don't think Silver is *important* enough of a character for Sega to begin changing him up in such a way to begin with #I do not think him having the resolution of staying in the past would add something to a story‚ because he is hardly in any focus anyway #so unless we get a story wherein he plays a huge role and gets much attention‚ I doubt anything in this situation will change.😅#silver the hedgehog

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codecicle · 8 months

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Do you know any good qsmp lore supercuts? I want to watch more qsmp content (since i've really only been following along with liveblogs; i only really watched wilbur's vods almost up to when the eggs were first supposed to disappear) but there's so much to watch and it doesn't all hold my attention.

https://youtube.com/@QSMPInfo?si=FUrtOTX89-XRWLvF

^^ this is the official qsmp lore recap channel!! honestly the best source I think you could get they condense so much of it so well. as for more recent stuff they haven't gotten to yet I'd recommend going on twitter (yeah i know I'm sorry 😔) and looking through your language of choices update accounts!! they're all run by official admins and have translated updates on every streamer per day. its a lot of lore but also liveblogging is how most people consume other lore, since there are people constantly streaming on the server. i look through the qsmp tag when i wake up in the morning and get home from school like a newspaper LMAO

typically I'd just suggest the twitter accounts, the recap channel, picking at least 2 or 3 different streamers to watch casually and looking through liveblogs. im a huge charlie guy obviously but I've literally never seen a cellbit stream before despite him being one of my favorite characters, I only know him through other streams and liveblogging. my spanish streamers don't stream on there anymore (cmon mariana and rubius D:) and so i mainly get Spanish updates from Spanish speakers on here!! point is you're doing great already LMAO just watch some of the recaps and look through the update accounts and you'll be fine.

(plus every stream they have to relay old information from one person to another so eventually you will get a lore info dump if you want to or not)

#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#AUGUAHJGFHH IM SORRY I DONT HAVE BETTER ANSWERS LMAO I WISH I DID!!#best recap of the story over the past couple of weeks that no channels have really covered:#the federation (big bad) kidnapped the eggs from the parents while everyone was asleep. this wasnt this first time theyve done this but!!#this time felt much different. like they were really gone for good.#forever was given brainwashing pills by cucurucho (federation worker/census bureau for the island)#and these pills fucked him up BAD. he keeps hearing a ticking clock sound and whenever it gets the loudest he snaps and takes more drugs #bbh has been grieving and every stream he loses a little more color. he lost all of his color and streamed his 'acceptance' stream #where he kidnapped the drugged members and put them in cages along with torturing fed members to get them to talk #phil finally logged back on and with tubbo and fit's (? I think) help they covered the main federation building in cobblestone and lava #essentially just griefed the server as a threat LMAO #phil wrote and delivered a note that essentially said 'give the eggs back by the end of the week. or else'#then we got cryptic messages that cellbit decoded #they said: 'the answer is not in the center'#that all leads to todays stream where charlie tubbo and roier went to the center of a maze they found through coords #(that fred not the feds gave to them in 3 seperate books)#and there was a wheel in the center surrounded by all of the eggs items. tubbo spun it and it landed on 5 #then lava poured from the ceiling and mobs spawned kicking all three of them out #now this saturday (or tomorrow i think?) is a huge stream that was teased a couple says ago with the roman numerals 2 #and the spinny wheel in the maze was written in roman numerals #so we think todays stream and all the lore is leading up to something with the eggs tomorrow/Saturday i forgor the date #and thats basically whats been happening this past few days!! theres a LOT more lore than normal dw we have just been experiencing.#The Horrors. this isnt normal LMAO #qsmp #<- forgot to tag this

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elliesbelle · 9 months

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lol

#humungous trigger warning for the tags in the post #but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this #or to get too worried and all...#tw: mentions of death and weapons and mental illness and suicide and sh-ing and abuse etc.#please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent #anyway i'm just so sick of being alive fr i've been so massively suicidal this past week and i'm so tired #having bpd AND bipolar AND depression AND ptsd and etc....#it really hurts so much #and my personal life is in fucking shambles like i just don't know what to do anymore #i feel so fucking alone all the goddamn time #so many friends don't give a fuck about anymore like they straight up just don't check up on me or anything #and my ex... i just. why can't you be more fucking understanding of what i'm fucking going through because of you #how the fuck did you turn my months-long depressive episode into me not caring about you cause i couldn't open about what i was going thru #i get you were fucking lonely but i was trying not to fucking die i was over here being talked off ledges #and then sending me a voice memo saying that you were lonely and trying to make an effort but i just didn't care about any of it #it's not fucking about you!!!! i didn't even let my own girlfriend or best friend in!!!! that's what fucking mental illness is!!!!!!#you promised that you'd be more understanding about my mental illnesses when we started talking again #what the fuck is this then?#why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text #like... she's gone back to calling me by my name instead of calling me 'baby' like she always has #she hasn't called me by my name since we first started talking it's been literally fucking years #and not saying i love you to me anymore...#and how can you fucking promise to stay in my life and still be my 'friend' and then fucking ignore me and don't answer my text messages #how the fuck am i supposed to feel that you haven't responded to me in over 24 hours but you react to days old ig messages from me #i fucking hate having borderline for fucking real i hate that she's my fp it hurts so fucking much #i feel like a fucking child i can't deal with this #i literally woke up from my sleep at like 3 or 4 am this morning nearly screaming #and then my gf found me on the living room couch crying and cuts all over my arm and a kitchen knife next to me #my left arm has been stinging all day from the fresh wounds #too painful to bandage them at the moment

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floral-hex · 2 months

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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void #shits rough dawg #I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts #haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier #it’s cold #saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours #guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left #even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are #I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh #my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week #maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting #woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside #hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning #can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience #anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments #I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now #ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever #you can ignore this #text

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the-jam-to-the-unicorn · 3 months

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Because the week wasn't sad enough, there had to be a new Lenny interview that broke my heart a lot more. 🥺😭🥲

youtube

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aeon-knight · 1 year

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relistening to the trial arc makes me ILL bro /pos

its just. the way its so unfair. the way it feels so inherently wrong. how both we as the audience AND glenn learn about nicks true character, setting him up to fix these problems and properly connect with his son, only for everything to be ripped out from beneath our feet. its jarring. it feels like everything is going too fast. any shred of hope for a second chance is gone. glenn tried, goddammit it he tried, but he fucked up, and he was never given the chance to fix it. i cant express how dreadful that is, to realize your mistakes just too late, knowing full well the negative effect they had on the person you love most, right before that person as you know them is taken from you forever. you have to live every day seeing that person and thinking "you used to be mine" and knowing that your relationship will never be the same. and nothing you can ever do will change that. what the fuck.

#dungeons and daddies #fucking. i think about glenn a lot #specifically post-meth bay glenn #imagine seeing your fucking child but hes not your child anymore #the person you love most #the last remnant of your past life #virtually gone from your life #ofc it does end up working out in the end and hes still part of nicks life #but his decisions forever altered that relationship #as well as nick himself #i see ppl say that they dont like the trial arc bc of how it gave nick actual personality before not doing anything with it #but i actually love it #it really makes you feel how glenn must've felt in that moment #learning these things about his son for the first time and then being helpless to do anything about it #it makes me feel so much dread in an “holy shit this is good storytelling” kind of way #mia mumbles

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godsfavoritescientist · 2 years

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you’ll always be my favorite ghost - Big God, by Florence + The Machine

[Image description: Lineless digital painting of Ford kneeling in front of the stone statue of Bill, hugging it and crying. He is in the woods, surrounded by birch trees, with beams yellow light streaming down from the treetops. The grass around Ford is shaded to be reminiscent of the shape of the portal.]

#original art #billford #god I havent drawn in ages let alone lineless art #i dont know how to draw tears or anatomy at All #I looked up 'man hugging dog' to find a good hugging-while-kneeling reference image.#sometimes you gotta say fuck it and draw the thing before the idea of it eats you alive #i'm writing a fic about ford confronting the statue. the feelings are just so Complicated #he is so angry and relieved and exhausted.#angry at everything bill did. angry that hes gone forever. angry at himself for spending any energy on thinking about bill #most of all angry at himself for missing bill. he doesnt even Miss Bill #he just misses the version of bill that he thought he knew pre-betrayal. but that doesnt make the complicated feelings any less real #i imagine he would avoid the statue for a long long time and then one day accidentally walk past it #and feel a ton of repressed feelings bubbling to the surface #and he would want to kick the statue or run away or yell at it but all of those feel so silly to do to a statue. basically a gravestone #so he ends up hugging it and feeling like an idiot for hugging it but he just has to sob for a little while #sometimes you gotta cling to the tombstone of your horrible toxic ex and sob about how much you miss them #and sob about how bitter and angry and lost and Tired you feel. there will Never be any Resolution. he's just. Gone Forever #i can picture him laughing through the sobs and muttering 'we'll meet again huh. as if.'#'i never want to see you again you asshole. and having the chance to meet again would be too good to be true.'#he's just So Heartbroken about it all. and he wishes he could get some kind of closure or something. but there IS none.#even if bill came back what would he say? nothing new. He would keep feeling no remorse about any of it. he would keep being horrible.#ford is kinda mourning the final tiny little irrational ray of hope in him that got crushed when bill died.#the irrational hope that maybe bill Could end up regretting what he did and become better and then he could have his best friend back.#the irrational hope that the betrayal was all just a bad dream and any second now he will wake up and bill will be benevolent and good #none of these feelings are things that ford can admit to himself. not even all these decades later.#but it Does Something To You to see your ex-closest-friend's tombstone!!#regardless of how deep and terrible the betrayal was.#ford so badly wishes he could stop having any kind of feelings about bill anymore. especially the lingering remains of fond feelings #but i dont know if those feelings even Can be completely gotten rid of. hes stuck with the knowledge that he feels upset about bills death.#and he hates it. he hates feeling upset about the death of an evil dream demon who tried to destroy his family and his dimension.

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the-unicorn-system · 1 year

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tamago means egg btw and no im not adding pee to the list :sob:

#rottmnt #rottmnt poll #rottmnt au #rottmnt fic #rottmnt fic au #rottmnt au fic #rottmnt future leo #rottmnt leo #peepaw multiverse #peepaw leo fanfic #rottmnt time travel fic #led astray #la #they say the past is gone forever #yall all fr went “NAME HIM PEE”#we did really need that laugh tho i genuinely thank you guys #and we've never gotten so many asks at once!! that made me so happy you have no idea #woomy post #spread this around!! name the boy!!!

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bunnihearted · 1 year

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#i hate my brain bc if i go 1 week without talking to someone i've already gone thru the 5 stages of grief #& im in the process of moving on #like im actually in morning every day i dont talk to them. i mourn whatever connection we had & im sad & miss them everyday #**mourning #fr my brain is like ok they're never gonna talk to u again!! that was the last conversation u ever had. say bye to them bc it's over forever #but if my brain goes thru the entire thing w/ interruption ie interaction from them #i will *feel* less (much less) for them. and i'll just be like oh hey a ghost from the past what's up :|#and im aware of how fkn irrational & dramatic this is like wtaf?? this is not healthy nor normal but ig that's just my brain :')#i need constant & intense & 24/7 or else my brain just shuts off. which again isnt normal #this is why im scared of moving out & not living w/ my mom. i fear i will grow detached from her just bc i dont see her everyday...#think this is part of why i isolate myself too lol #my sisters also havent talked to me in weeks and im like?? damn i actually kinda dont care abt u anymore lol

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listening-to-thunder · 2 years

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You don't have to think something is good to love it.

#hi my guardian feels #and how it makes me entirely befuddled to see the drama defended from loving mocking and legit criticism both #by those claiming it's good through and through #it's...not that #and it's okay!#it's GREAT at making people have feelings and it has some amazing concepts to play with in fic #and nobody could have asked for better lead actors #(better dubbing of the supporting cast would've helped but they all really tired at least?)#also this is my space so i can say i hate the ending and wish most things past ep 38 had gone differently‚ not just for feels reasons #but because it takes the central themes of dixingren are the same as haixingren and deserve better #and shen wei should know he is more than a weapon #and runs those through a wood chipper #let's separate dixing and haixing forever!#and shen wei has to literally blow himself up to stop the brother he was trying to save #wtf #no thank you #no thank you so much #that is not a good ending #tag rant over

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milo-is-rambling · 7 months

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Damn yesterday me telling my friend I could bring her a stick of butter today but now all I want to do is day drink and smoke weed and watch sunny and cry about everything

#got in a weird fight with my mother that wasn’t really a fight and was more her saying you need to stop being a dick about my boyfriend even #tho this is me being good like I have so many worse things to say in my head I am just barely being rude #they’ve known each other for like at most two months #and this dude is talking about going on out of the country trips he keeps saying to my mom ‘we need to get you a passport’ and like dude #1 you barely know each other and just started dating 2 my fathers urn is ten feet from you. he is in my peripheral vision while you say this #3 I have serious abandonment issues and the idea of my mother going strange places with strange men seems. frightening. to say the least.#4. he’s talking about taking this trip in a year or maybe two from now #5. it feels like he is changing my mother and if they stay together I don’t think I will ever get the version of my mother I’m familiar with #back and that triggers my abandonment shit which makes me think about my dad which makes me cry #and then I’m crying and my mom is mad at me and she feels different and I feel different and the version of me that my dad knew is gone and #everything is going to keep changing for forever and my dad is in the past forever and there’s nothing I can do about it he’s just dead and #I want to scream and cry and drink and smoke until I throw up but I have to stop sobbing and go put shorts on that don’t have a hole in them #and bring my friend a stick of butter

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theghostofashton · 9 months

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. (maybe slight tw for loss)

#leaving in a couple hours and i feel like crying lol #we saw so many relatives this trip that may not be around when we come next which was. Something #and like all of them are in their 90s like no one lives forever i know that #but it’s a just a lot i guess #i have enjoyed this trip so much i feel like i genuinely disconnected and i needed it #and the thought of going back is a little bittersweet #i miss my bed and my shower but that’s like it #the food and coffee here are so superior #idk like every other time i’ve gone to india it’s been something i’ve dreaded and this time i set out to truly enjoy myself #and i feel like i did which is such a relief #but now begins the goodbye routine #and in my family my mom doesn’t say bye she says ‘we’ll go and come’ in telugu and just thinking about it is making me cry rn #just a lot of emotions lol ignore this #i have seen things in these past two weeks that i’ve never seen on any of my other trips #and idk how to deal w that #delete later #neha rambles

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