#they just dont like being called cis because to them trans is a dirty word so that must mean cis is too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queerlyhalloween · 3 years

Text

Not to sound like the joker™️ but i hate western society. I know that hair and clothes aren't gendered, so do most of my mates, ive been working hard at unlearning the internalized transphobia that's just a part of being trans in the UK and actually ALLOWING myself to think about going on hormones and dressing in ways other than "ambigious as possible" despite the fact im non-binary

i grew myself a little mullet because ive not been working in the pub and wanted solid snake hair, ive allowed myself to look at my face and the long hair around it and not despair because i know that longer hair doesn't make me a woman, but the moment you go into a shop, or get takeaway or pass by people in the street its all "move out the way of this lady!" and "thank you, ma'am"

i dont want the gender option of 'other' on my ID i want to know 1 good reason why gender should be listed on an ID in the 1st place

ive just come back from the range and i had my hair up like some e-thot fuckboy, i had to go BACK to the range because they got my click and collect order wrong so ive got two members of staff looking over my order, im dressed in black jeans and a black masc-looking ripped shirt, mask covering half my face and as the manager's showing the kid who served me the receipt they go "oh I served that guy earlier" and the manager corrects them "its a lady". I say "im niether" and they both just stare at me like im a toddler. Im already panicking because the air feels the same way it did when some cunt came after me in the pub toliets. "dont worry about it :)" i say, they both turn back to the tills and completely ignore me.

Anyway, micro-aggressions, ive experienced a lot of them for many reasons over the course of my life and today ive decided to snap.

Not at the people in the range like, just in general.

I will never pass. That's just an element of trans euphoria i will never get to experience. Not right off the bat, anyway. Not where i live, and most likely not in my lifetime. Maybe for kids in LA or Brighton, and hey power to you guys man im happy for you, but people assume or guess m/f when they look at me and they will never get it right.

So when i see people on this site try and twitter etc rank "who's the most oppressed"™️ like a godamn smash bros tier list it blows my mind because of all the things you could spend your days doing thats what youre expending energy on?!

You could be the exact same age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, you could have the exact same disabilities, mental health conditions and money in your bank as another person on this site and you'd still never understand what they've been through. Our experiences, our families, our morals and lives are always gonna be different and the moment you try to write definitive rules on whose got it worse you've already lost and you're already wrong. Oppressed classes are not a fucking hivemind and pretending they are is only going to cause you more problems. I get the strong sense that some of you looked at the word intersectionality, went "ah yeah, i know what that means" having never read up on the matter, then proceeded to play the pain olympics.

And its creating a culture where kids feel the need to spills their souls online to justify living their lives!

You've not listed your disabilites in your bio so you're able-bodied. You're Irish but haven't listed your race so you're white. You're cis man so you've never played with gender and suffered as a result. You're asexual so clearly you're a cringeworthy baby who's never experienced a wrong-doing in their life.

The reverse is true too, if you list every aspect of yourself then you're automatically honest. The more opressed you are the less likely you are of causing harm to others. Psht, don't have a carrd in this day and age? What are you, a fraud? cishet white man playing make believe? Post a selfie or face the wrath of ozymandaus. What's privacy? It takes me 3 minutes to read the bio on this discourse side-blog so clearly they're an angel.

my mam abused me for years, she did the same to my brother when i left home at 18 and my dad drank himself to death. My nan, his mother, never believed me because my mam's a disabled woman with a lot of trauma, and at 14 how do you explain to the woman who takes you to the beach that it's WORSE because as she's beckoning you to the side of her bed so she can scream point blank in your face, or hit you, you're never truely sure, you're thinking about running away because of course she physically can't chase you but she can throw. And then where would you go if you did buggar off?

"You have to sleep sometimes" she used to say to me when I'd piss her off. Other days she told me horror stories about kids in care, and disabled people having their kids taken away, made me promise that I'd always love her and always be her baby, and I'd do that for her because she's my mam, she'd be satisfied then ignore me for a while. I grew up thinking that was entirely normal until i'd tell funny family stories at school and nobody would laugh. The closest I got to truely running away was when I changed my name and pronouns and her rejection, turned to vitriol one night and I so, so, nearly held a knife to my throat and simply fell forwards in the uni showers. Obviously I didn't do that.

But she's had a shitter life than me thus far so she's in the right, as the online black/white dichotomy states. I keep her at arm's length but I'm unable to cut her away without losing the rest of my family because I dared defy the role of eldest child and care for her as I've done my whole life, as is expected.

we need to take things on a case by case basis, and learn when stuff is none of our business.

"Hey! :) I see you've reclaimed (X) slur, without submitting the proper paperwork. Real quick tell me every trauma you've ever experienced or I'll write a callout post :) delete this anonymous message (as is your right) and i'll assume you as sus ❤"

you can only call yourself a dyke if on your 13th birthday, the moon's tender rays struck you through your bedroom window and gave you your first wet dream about girls.

Great, cool. I have no interest in calling myself a dyke, i cant call myself a lesbian because it makes me dysphoric, thats why im queer, but i can assure you that when 3 kids from catholic school pinned me under the bridge and threatened to cut me open for being a "dirty dyke tramp" they didn't play 20Qs with me first to check that i was actually a lesbian.

if your first thought is "well thats just misdirected homophobia, so youre not ACTUALLY a victim" log the fuck off and consider what's wrong with you. Because all our oppressors care about is sniffing out the wrong on you and beating it out, they dont care what breed of wrong it is.

so you're going to spend your day, the enlightened adult that you are, frothing at the mouth because some 15yr old dared call themselves butch despite them being OnLY a BiSexUAl? You're gonna say that trans woman deserves to be suicidal because yes she may be trans BUT she's from the UK, so clearly she loves her horrid country and government. You're gonna say that black lad deserves racial abuse because he's trying to focus on his studies rather than go to protests. That 19yr old who's living in poverty deserves it because they work for Amazon. Texans deserve to freeze to death because there are republicans in Texas.

You're going to harass a complete stranger coming to terms with the parts of themselves society has taught them are worthless at best because they're not doing it the way YOU think is right.

This post has not ended where I started it but I really dont care:

Some of you are so fucking desperate to be the bullies you never got to be in secondary school and it shows. But you're cowards. You can't just admit you want to divide and concur so you do it in a new woke way and when your time on this earth is done, you'll have commited the same pain that's been dealt to you and wonder why you died miserable in a world thats more or less the same.

okay to reblog but dont @ me for a debate because i have, like, real problems and will just block you

#tw suicide mention #child abuse #homophobia #transphobia #ablesim #racism #*muffled screaming*#im shit at tagging sorry if i missed anything but im out i think

3 notes · View notes

wuvergirl · 5 years

Text

im sorry i took forever to post this. i wanted to get everything that was talked about the callout and i wanted to post it at a right time. tw for racism, rape jokes, biphobia, and nbphobia,

firstly, my actions range from treating asian people wrong to talking on topics i have no place to talk on, to exposing minors to porn. ive countlessly talked about race hcs, like making a character racially ambiguous to make her more mysterious or using them just to look better, and tried to separate myself from being white. i inserted myself on topics about race and made countless comments about stuff like the n word, calling bindis a “little dot”. i've been nbphobic to the poster of the callout, i used slurs excessively and made people uncomfortable. i've made jokes about someones eating disorder, i made a "i'll shove my girlcock down your throat" rape joke, made lots of sexual comments and overshared frequently. there are many things that i've said and done that are inconsiderate and ignorant, and i know that all of this was very wrong of me.

secondly, i know this was all wrong because i hurt people. i know i hurt asian people because i treated them as if they werent people of color, calling hayley kiyoko white, i looked at her and asian people as if they weren't asian and i know that hurt the asian people around me. i hurt many people of color with my treatment of the topics im not supposed to be even going near. i used race hcs just for brownie points and would constantly try to make myself seem cool by calling out people on their racism even though i wouldnt know what racism is even if it was spelled out for me. i've said some nbphobic things too. im trans myself, so i very well know i hurt this person with those comments because i treated them as if they were cis and said they were a man just because they were AMAB. i've made jokes of a friend about their eating disorder, its obvious i hurt them because i just made light of a very serious thing, and made them feel bad for having something they cant control. i used the r slur a lot around someone who was uncomfortable with the slur, and used lesbophobic slurs towards someone in a joking manner when they said they were uncomfortable with it. i should’ve stopped when they told me to and apologized, and even then i shouldn’t have even thought about that stuff. making the rape joke, i know people were hurt because im making light of a very serious thing, especially since one of the people i made the joke around was a csa survivor. and i know i hurt minors when i exposed them to porn and was making dirty comments because it can lead to bad outcomes, like confusion on the topic and being uncomfortable around it. i know very well my actions hurt people and why they hurt them.

and lastly. i promise i wont do these things again. ive been confronted multiple times, i shouldnt be told that i cant do these things. i know that ive hurt people and i dont want to again. my actions were wrong and i cannot repeat them, especially since ive been told about my actions twice by many people. itd be stupid of me to apologize for such actions and then do it again. im sure ill hold myself accountable and think before my actions, whether it being about commenting on topics i dont know about, or making hcs about characters. whatever it may be, i'm going to think about if i should really say it. i know changing wont be so easy, but i am truly sorry and i must change and grow from this. one thing i'm going to do tomorrow is apologize to people i've hurt indiviually, and from there on out i'm going to focus on growing and changing from that old person. i know that people dont have to forgive me, and i know that i will not be automatically changed after this. but im going to try my best to make things right and change.

i dont control what you do with this apology, but please understand that i know what i did was wrong, and im going to try my best to grow and change from this.

7 notes · View notes

coughsyrupcowboy · 6 years

Text

Ok let me just explain something. Nobody is upset that Adam is dead and that someones ship didnt become canon. You guys are really simplifying it and not listening to the actual complaints and have your rose tinted glasses on. Yes this is a story of war, people die, ect ect. But that's not the issue, it's much deeper and more insulting than a character dying.

So a few months ago, the voltron crew were like hyping up so much for the new season and its representation. They said shire was gay and had an defiance that we'd meet. And u know if a content creator says shit like they usually explore it.

Cut to when the new season is released. Adam and Shiro have one(1) conversation and they're having an argument. Here's where that is a bad idea from a writing standing point: this has no emotional effect on anyone. Like, first of all it's not even subtexted. They're stiff and mad and just look like roommates. We never see adam before this scene. We have no idea what their relationship was like before. And the general message there, accidental or not, is that gay people cant be happy with their partner. They always butt heads. But I guess they cant give off that message because they're too fucking cowardly to make them even touch each other or look at each other, let alone explicitly state they're gay.

I'm not sayi g u cant be gay without a partner. God, that is not what anyone is saying. I'm saying they're doing shiro dirty and never fucking stated that ANYONE IS QUEER. (This includes pidge, because her gender arc thing was a huge ass cop out. They could have explored maybe a trans man pidge, a trans girl pidge, nonbinary pidge or genderfluid pidge. But no they pulled a classic shes the man and made her a trans coded cis girl.)

The fans arent mad at adam dying. Look if adam had more lines, an actual relationship with shiro on screen, and his death served for some sort of plot or character development, I can guarantee u no one would be as absolutely livid as we are now. He gets two scenes and hes a bitch in the first and dies in the next. The shiro doesnt even liek bat an eye. He monotony says adam at his grave thingy and is on his way like he didnt just lose the man he was gonna marry.

Yes people die in a war. Yes things dont always work out for everyone. People die, people drift apart, some people arent good for each other blah blah blah. But here's the thing, the crew that worked on this show are basically the all seeing gods of this universe ok. They have the power to pick a character off and give that characters death meaning. But here they didnt choose a character to die. They MADE a character only for him to die and they decided the character that was born to die has to be a gay man. They had two gay men and they thought the best course of action after hyping the shit out of their show and clearly pandering to the lgbt youths desperately starving for any kind of positive representation.

Then only to get a slap in the face after getting THAT NONSENSE. yes people die in a war, but they had the power to pick and choose who dies in said war.

If you're cis het, I doubt this hurts as much as it does to the lgbt fans. When I was growing up, lesbian was a bad word. I thought if you said lesbian you would go to hell. On TV everyone was straight and normal, but the gays got made fun off all the time. They were the butt of jokes, used to make a point on how weird and disgusting they are. Very rarely were there gay movies or gay characters in a movie that didnt end up dying from aids, being killed for being gay, separating from their lover cuz being gay "sucks", or realizing they were gay only for it to be a phase. And as a child this sends me the message that if you are gay, you are disgusting and will never be happy. Straight people love getting off on gay misery and thinking that counts as representation. They get brownie points for killing off their gay characters.

But you know what these movies surprisingly do better than voltron did. They actually give their gay characters fucking personality and lines. Sometimes if a Straight is feeling first theylly actually use the word gay! But what voltron did was absolutely unacceptable. I'm not defending the fucking homophobic movies. I'm sayi g the bar is so so so so low that its hitting the ground and DreamWorks thought "hey if I take this jackhammer and make the worst fucking rep that anyone has seen in a while, fhats still representation and the gays will love it!"

I'm not even a goddamn fan of the show and I'm upset. My boyfriend had me marathon with him and we were both so ficking pissed.

AND ANOTHER THING!!! some of yall dont know what queerbating actually is??? Yall seem to think queer baiting is teasing your ship and not instantly becoming canon??? No it's the advertisement team looking at the scraps that lgbt get in regards to media and shoving a huuuuuuge Turkey leg in their face and then proceeding to throw it in the trash. What I mean by this is that when an advertisement team and production team realizes that a lot of queer teens are their main audience, they'll try to like "introduce" gay shit. Sometimes you get sexy lesbians only there for men to leer at. Sometimes it's two very visibly gay coded men who are bffs and then the writers give both girlfriends. And sometimes its telling fans that u have representation only to take it away immediately.

No one's upset about one person dying. No one's upset about a gay person dying. No one's upset that their ship isnt canon. No one's upset that this isnt a show for romance. No one's upset that we didnt "get the queer content we wanted."

We're upset that we didnt get ANY queer representation. We are livid that we only know shiro is gay from word of god and that people who dont have that context wont know that they were a gay couple. I'm mad that they took the only other gay man in the whole entire series, refused to even say anything obviously gay and or romantic and then killed off adam and called that diversity.

The crew seems to think gay people are just bitter or have no personality outside being gay. Once you show me a stable,happy, more than two lines obviously and proudly queer character then I'll shut up.(again if u mention pidge, fuck off)

And to the people sayi g were acting like shiro died, well here's the thing they've killed this motherfucker like 4 times and if that doesnt speak volumes of how much they enjoy making Gay characters suffer idk how to help you. ALSO DONT ACT LIKE SHIRO IS EXPLICITLY GAY BECAUSE HE IS NOT EVEN SUBTEXT GAY OR QUEERCODED SO SHUT UP AMD LISTEN TO THE LGBT PEOPLE WHEN THEYRE MAD.

#voltron #adashi #sham #adam #shiram??#shiro #takashi shirogane #queerbating #im so livid #lgbt #discourse

17 notes · View notes

brawla · 6 years

Note

What was his childhood like with his brothers and a single mother, and how did he come out to them? Was he well received? How does it affect all his relationships in life, given the time period?

GH okay i can talk in depth about this so its going under a cut. warnin for talk abt dysphoria, blasphemy (only kind of vaguely referred to), vague implications of nonphysical abuse and potential misgendering/transphobia/etc

so like… he was born a fraternal twin which wasnt so shocking to the family dynamic bc there was already a pair of twins But after having a total of 9 kids and One of them being born biologically female you kinda fixate on that yknow? so. elliot was most definitely Pegged to be the odd one out from the start but he kinda never really was. he played in the same way that his brothers played and loved getting dirty and being a general nuisance and he was, in essence, already One Of The Boys by like age 4. i should note also his oldest brother is 10 years older and most of them have like a ½ y age difference

inserting this bit right here to clarify the dog incident happened when he was 6 and four of them were playing in a dry canal n there were wild dogs hiding in the underpass (and up until then hed only known dogs as nice creatures) so he goes to pet em yadda yadda arms and legs get fucked up real bad. forearms are still wicked sensitive and scarred up but his knees recovered merely because he ran. they didnt have money for hospital bills so he was kinda useless for a while though

so anyway. despite her child obviously being a “““tomboy”““ she still attempted to force him into frilly dresses and do his hair all nice and when he was Really young he didnt super care but eventually noticed the difference in how his mom allowed his brothers to behave vs how she allowed him to behave and it upset him??? and granted this was more when he was like 8 or 9 and it was less “elli go play” and more “elli help me with dinner” even though she often didnt include anybody else in that request. so he starts cutting his own hair and disobeying openly and gets kinda mean because of it (thus his inclusion in being a Town Terror with the other brothers) uhh

they fought a Lot as kids bc margaret wasnt the Best at keeping them in line especially when shed get more concerned with sleeping with other men/going out for the nice bc once chase (oldest) was old enough to technically be in charge shed just kinda Leave sometimes an pray they didnt set the house on fire. because of that it was “im trapped in a house with all my brothers lets wrestle and scream until the neighbors call the cops on us because somebody might be dying” but at the end of the day they still had that Sibling Bond that rose above anything else

moving back onto the Trans Narrative: he realizes somethings up mid/end of middle school and hes not sure how to put it into words but he doesnt Feel Good anymore. doesnt like hearing his deadname or being the singular “girl” of the family. his twin, owen, is like, his first Go To for comfort and owen doesnt know either but he doesnt really Care. one time he tries to tell his mom but she waves him off and tells him never to bring it up again and… he Doesnt. goes through his first couple years of high school horrifically depressed and just barely passing year to year if Even passing until the very beginning of junior year he just Stops going. owen and some of the more fraternal of his brothers, when older, are kinda the only thing that keeps him grounded and ultimately he feels Useless ages 16 to 18

spy is his first contact bc he knows his mom who kinda just laments about how useless this kid who used to be so excited to play baseball with his brothers and run around and race freely is all of the sudden, please make him stop. and spys reluctant but also Guilty and has him flown out to nm for various hit and run jobs and elliot doesnt really realize what hes been thrust into at first but it gets to a point where doing Anything (even Crime) feels so good he doesnt care. inducted officially into the team when hes 19 or 20 and also has his name legally changed within that time period (jeremy is his “formal” name his mom insisted upon when he informed her this was a thing that was happening and she couldnt do anything about it, but if addressed by his actual name hed much rather hear elliot except in Official or as previously stated, formal, settings). voila The Scout is born

he technically comes out to the family when hes like 18/19 and already living out of home and he comes back to visit for a gathering where a lot of people are there includin some of his brothers’ dads. and nobody really knows what to do (mom im trans and also stronger than you so dont try any shit) bc most of them are religious and all of the boys were raised christian even if they were just going to church for the sake of going to church. and like… over time they adapt… margaret pulls the whole “this is all my fault my babys going to hell” thing for a while and makes it about her and some of his brothers do the same (william, the second oldest and michael, one of the other twins are the only two who are like “absolutely not youre disowned never speak to me again” and disallow their kids from seeing him EVEN THOUGH his nieces and nephews love him the Most) but eventually they kinda Get It. and dont Agree with it but cant bear to just leave their baby brother behind. so. its like. they fuck up the pronouns a lot but still Vaguely try. he doesnt talk to them a lot and wishes honestly hed never said anything and just moved out and lived stealth (hes stealth in tfi). he sends money home bc despite all his mom did and said to him bc deep down he still cares but. yknow. he avoids them if he can

SORRY THAT GOT LONG onto other tidbits

he never did baseball in school but played recreationally with the boys every time he got the opportunity to but he did run track when he got to eighth grade/high school and was really fantastic at it. hed run and began exercising initially as a way to beat his brothers but his mom makes some off-handed comment about how its good hes finally doing that, he could bear to lose somea that chub, nobody likes a fat girl (hes 12!) and is like Ah. and hes less self conscious about his weight now bc hes accepted the fact most of his weight is muscle and hes naturally curvy partly bc hes pretty and partly bc hes a runner. hes very very secure in himself and his identity even if he cant just tell people hes trans

he probably wouldve continued religiously if he hadnt been told by multiple sources that the “behaviors” he engaged in would upset god and get him banished to hell for life so he stopped going to church when he moved. of course, god only confirming he was his gift to the earth made him (silently) rub it in his familys face and he stopped uhh. believing in what was taught at churches simply bc he was convinced hed met god and proved all of them wrong? anyway

at the age and place he is he tends not to make lasting relationships with many people, at least romantically, because hes positive one of these days hell move to a place people dont know him and hell have had surgery and suddenly fit in with the cis and be able to settle down then. god knows he has the money for it; but for where hes at he tends not to care, not to tell anybody, n probably hasnt uhhh yknow Bonked for several years which is whatever he lives. He Lives. i think thats all i have to say on this IM SO SORRY but. this ask is very important to me

#Anonymous #➫ＰＯＰＱＵＩＺ！| ASK ♕#➫ＫＩＮＤＯＦＡＢＩＧＤＥＡＬ．| MUSE ♕#➫ＯＨ，ＷＥＤＯＮＥＡＬＲＥＡＤＹ？| OOC ♕#[ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK i think about trans scout every day of my fucking life ]#[ i could probably have put this into better words if i looked back and found my hc threads on twitter but this covers essentially -#- all of the bases So ]

1 note · View note

winterywitch · 7 years

Text

anyway heres a summary of my discourse beliefves:

cishet aces/aros do not belong in gay spaces, bi spaces, lesbian spaces or trans spaces

for me my whole life the LGBT community has been more than that. my perspective is not that of some sad brainwashed child, forced into being more ~tolerant~ than i should be. i genuinely believe and have always believed the LGBT community is more than that, and im not just gonna drop that anytime soon, because i dont think the right to only consider the LGBT community as for “SGA and trans” people is liberation.

therefore cishet aces/aros belong in ace/aro spaces, which for me, count as LGBT.

but not gay, bi, lesbian or trans spaces.

there will be overlap because they are LGBT. but no, cishet aces/aros should have no claim to anything specifically for the L, G, B or T of the community.

for me the community is

Lesbians

Gay men

Bisexuals [SGA or not - as an SGA bi person, i get to speak on this.

Pansexuals

Trans people

Nonbinary people [counting agender, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc. non-cis, non-binary identities]

Intersex people (of course should they want to - the point of this list isn't YOU HAVE TO BE LGBT it's You Can Be Included)

Queer people [anyone who isn't cis or isn't het, including aroace people. non sga bi people im a little iffy on re: them 'reclaiming' queer]

Allies [i think this is important for people in the closet, as long as we dont let cishets get too big for their britches]

Aroaces

and hell, here’s a + to include anything i might have forgotten

aroaces are not functionally cishet.

straight privilege is straight privilege. it isnt not-homophobia privilege. to experience straight privilege you must be straight.

they definitely benefit from not experiencing homophobia. they can be absolute dumbasses abt homophobia for that exact reason.

but they dont experience straight privilege, because they’re not straight. that is all straight privilege has ever meant for me in my LGBT community.

cishet aces are cishet, and also aces. this means they benefit from cis privilege and straight privilege, but aphobia weighs down that straight privilege because they dont perform straightness in the Right way. i dont believe this necessarily makes them systemically oppressed the same way we are. but i dont believe aro or ace identities are privileged either.

there is no coherent Ace Community boogieman that is unanimously a bunch of homophobic, transphobic, racist jackasses, and if you believe that, you are a complete dumbass

yeah, the ace community is comprised of white cishets but, im gonna wager even more commonly, its comprised of literally every LGBT identity and race you can imagine. the ace community is not the white cishet community. it’s the community of everyone who IDs as ace or aro. this is not white cishets as a rule, as a majority, or even half the time.

that being said, inclusionists can say some stupid, shortsighted shit sometimes that is completely ignorant of LGBT history/oppression. i dont agree with the implications that i dont stand for every single thing they say and will not be held accountable for every single thing they say.

similarly, unless you wanna be held accountable for every single thing your side says/does before being allowed to call us out, uh, dont expect the same of us. the onus for this is on exclusionists, i have been around long enough to know you guys started this one. it is up to you guys to start being decent on that one, and then we’ll follow suit. those of us who dont are jackasses.

you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their abuse or rape took place. that is called gaslighting, and no, you don’t get to throw a fit when someone calls this what it is. when you call a rape/abuse survivor an annoying disgusting freak for daring to talk about why their rape/abuse happened (since they factually know why it happened and you dont) and then proceed to insist that your headcanon of their trauma is the correct interpretation and theirs is not because theyre a filthy cishet ace (which they rarely are), that is quite literally the definition of gaslighting. and hey, don’t do it.

you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their parents forced them into Therapy Specifically Designed To Convert Them Away From Asexuality (which may have a more efficient, shorter name). you dont know how that therapy worked or how the therapist worked because you werent there. you dont know that it was only because of homophobia so therefore this person has no right to claim their own trauma.

not everyone you hate is a cishet ace. don’t call people cishet aces unless you know for a fact they are cishet aces. i imagine you wouldnt want to call a trans lesbian a cishet, which exclusionists have done too many times for me to count. your platform should not be “you said something stupid and harmful, youre a cishet ace,” it should be “you said something stupid and harmful, end of statement.”

for some reason this is a controversial point in some discourse circles, but no one owes you sex. your partners don’t owe you sex. relationships do not equal sex. relationships do not even equal romantic love. relationships are a decision between multiple people on closer emotional intimacy.

if romantic and sexual aspects of a relationship are necessary for you, that’s understandable and okay! but you aren’t OWED that. people don’t need to out themselves as aro or ace for you. people dont need to feel pressured to give you anything they dont want to give. and you dont need to stay in relationships that dont make you happy.

allosexual privilege is not real. no one but white cishet men are 100% celebrated and privileged for experiencing sexual attraction. even white cishet women are oppressed for their attraction in many ways, and repressed from early childhood - so you can imagine how absolutely horrific sex-based oppression is for the LGBT community. we are not celebrated for sexual attraction, we are treated like we are dirty, and we are sexual predators.

WITHIN THE COMMUNITY, yeah, sometimes we are definitely, blatantly favored over aces, and people run around saying asexuality is unnatural, and sexual attraction is what makes us human. this is harmful and damaging, and it shouldn’t happen. i dont consider it systemic oppression and it definitely does not make allosexual privilege a thing.

calling people allosexuals is not something i condone. its not comparable to “cis” as a label, because cis people are an actual oppressor class towards trans people - non-ace LGBP folks are not towards ace people.

intracommunity bigotry is real and it is traumatic. people devalue it constantly and pretend it’s just a slap on the wrist, but it is an absolutely traumatic thing to have to face every day of your life. but it isnt the same as OPPRESSION, and we dont have to conflate the two concepts for intracommunity bigotry to be treated with the seriousness it deserves.

similarly, dont call people REGs unless they are not only aphobes but also truscum or TERFs. i also personally dont really believe in equating aphobes with truscum/TERFs but i dont believe in silencing trans people who openly talk about the similarities, either.

dont call people AERFs unless youre a trans woman holy shit

as someone who was directly affected by the truscum discourse when it happened [not debatable, by the way], this is pretty much recycled truscum discourse in my eyes. you dont need to lecture me on how its not.

just because someone on the “other side” called something you did ableist, misogynist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc., does not mean you get to shut your eyes and plug your ears. ESPECIALLY if you are part of a privileged class relevant to that accusation. for example as a white exclusionist you dont get to ignore the concerns of inclusionists of color or lecture them on the racism of the ace community. for example as a cis inclusionist [or honestly, even just a non-trans-woman inclusionist] you dont get to ignore the concerns of trans exclusionist women or lecture them on the similarities between TERFs and exclusionists.

“aspec” is not exclusively for the autistic community and i have NEVER seen claims that it was until ace discourse started. thats transparent as fuck to me and youre not fooling anyone. dont just make shit up lmfao

jokes about how Oh Lol Cringe aces inherently are, arent funny especially considering how many of these Jokes are steeped in anti-autistic ableism

idk when this happened but recently ableist jokes are the new Hot Topic of Comedy and thats like, mind-numbingly bad

i dont care what side youre on, IF YOU ARE USING THINGS LIKE FICTIONAL CP/PEDOPHILIC SHIPS/INCEST/RAPE CONTENT TO COPE WITH YOUR TRAUMA, YOU BETTER BE DOING THAT SHIT IN PRIVATE, ONLY SHARING IT WITH LIKE-MINDED, ADULT SURVIVORS, AND NEVER LETTING THAT CONTENT CIRCULATE OUTSIDE OF THAT GROUP. end of story. no ifs, ands or buts about it. speaking as a survivor who uses stuff like this to cope, being a survivor does not give you a free pass to, inadvertently or not, contribute to the pedophilia and circulation of grooming material on the internet. it is your RESPONSIBILITY as a survivor to not continue that cycle. if you avoid that responsibility, you have no right to play victim or pull the “im a survivor ;-;” card when people call you out on this.

educating kids on asexuality is not pedophilia, grooming or sexual abuse. jesus christ lmfao you dont have to assume people word it in a way thats inappropriate or predatory just because theyre pro-ace. kids NEED label/identity options, they are discovering who they are and without a label that fits for them, theyll likely feel like shit. let them have their labels. knowing about asexuality might greatly improve their life if it fits them!

for this reason, stop being weird about mogai labels/trying to “ban” them from everyone’s vocabulary/trying to turn them into some Cringe Joke that is only about Cishets Trying To Be Special. they didn’t fuck over EVERYONE.

inclusionists, in advising kids and questioning people who ask you for answers, be more open-ended. the insistence of “oh youre not a lesbian you’re a quioromantic demi-homosexual!” without also making it ok to just be a lesbian is what hurt and confused so many people on their journey to discovering their identity and its why they resent the whole mogai thing, fairly so. make it okay to just be a lesbian, or just be gay, or just be bi, or just be trans, while letting people know their other, more specific options.

asexuality is not an NSFW or TMI orientation

ace headcanons arent INHERENTLY homophobic, racist or ableist. they absolutely can be and ive seen that shit with my Own Two Eyes [pure innocent baby ace autistic papyrus headcanons back in the undertale fandom (shudders)], but they are not INHERENTLY so.

headcanons for characters with marginalized identity labels that arent identical to the ones you headcanon that character with are not oppression. and you dont get to police this shit as if its factually wrong

absolutely zero sexual interactions with minors ever, thanks!

trying to Bother The Pure Aceys by talking about sex is unacceptable

posting bullshit in ace positivity tags is unacceptable

stop calling people doing nothing but talking about their experiences “freaks”???

dont engage in the whole Oh There Are Valid Identities And There Are Special Snowflake Identities thing its not a very good look

biphobia is its own thing independent of homophobia

biphobia perpetuated within the community isnt necessarily systemic oppression but its traumatic and wrong and shouldnt be treated like some Lol Cringe Joke

you cant just say UM THAT LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENS???? when someone calls your side out on shit lgfkhghgfh especially when it literally does, all the damn time

ace [IRL person, whether or a celebrity or god forbid a flat out bigot] moodboards arent funny

you shouldnt agree to sex that you as an ace person dont want in a situation that you can control if the sex happens or not, but the pressure to provide sex to a non-ace partner is very real. stop blaming ace ppl for that pressure lol speaking as a victim of coercive sexual abuse, you cannot blame the one who didnt want it, even if they COULD have spoken up.

you’re not a bad person for wanting sex if your ace partner doesn’t. there is nothing immoral about not being ace. you just dont get to have sex anyway and you arent owed it if you are set on this committed, monogamous relationship - if sex is a big deal to you, you need to leave that relationship or work out an open situation.

laughing off peoples’ experiences as The Discourse is completely unacceptable, it encourages people to shut up and never analyze themselves and their identities

its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the ace character is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their non-ace partner

similarly its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the non-ace partner is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their ace partner

you dont get to tell people “ok you identify as heteroflexible but ACTUALLY you’re [insert identity]” literally ever, i understand the concern with people using “safe” identity labels to avoid facing their LGBT identities but acting on that concern in that way is not concern, its concern-trolling and its not fuckin okay.

legitimizing your own identity by delegitimizing the identities of others is bad

DO NOT, AND I REPEAT, DO NOT, BLANKET-TERM PEOPLE AS QUEER, LITERALLY EVER. DONT DO IT

DONT FUCKIN DO IT!!!!! NOT EVERYONE HAS RECLAIMED THAT SLUR, AND IT IS 100% A SLUR ON TOP OF BEING A CULTURE WITHIN THE COMMUNITY

JESUSS CHRIST DONT FUCKIGN DO IT!!!! WHEN YOU REFERENCE THE QUEER COMMUNITY YOU BETTER ONLY MEAN PPL WHO CALL THEMSELVES QUEER AND HAVE RECLAIMED IT/ARE PART OF THAT SUBCULTURE

we need more nonsexual, non-alcoholic spaces for LGBT folk that are safe for minors, trauma survivors and ace people, but thats not our fault, the prevalence of sexual and alcoholic spaces exists because we were literally not allowed to exist anywhere else until very, VERY recently, and even now it’s a Barely thing

you cant tell someone their experiences didnt happen like my god

we think ace discourse is about more than cishets because exclusionists make it about asexuality as a whole. you guys cant make it about more than cishets and then be like But Ok It’s Just About Cishets You IRrational Crazies?? :/

yes self harm through exposing oneself to the discourse tag is possible, no it’s not funny, no it’s not just ~cishets~doing that, triggers are not exclusive to PTSD survivors, shut the actual fuck up

you dont have any room to comment on the validity of quasiplatonic relationships if you’re not in one, most of the time you guys complaining about them and saying theyre Special Snowflake Things dont actually know what they are. mind your own business lol let people live

if youre not intersex, you dont get to tell people that the intersex community doesnt wanna consider itself LGBT, so they are wrong for saying intersex people are allowed to consider themselves LGBT. youre not being a good ally. sit down, shut up and let intersex people talk amongst themselves.

[to be added to at some point im sure]

asexuals STOLE dragons from CHILDREN to make themselves seem PURE AND INNOCENT, the MONSTERS

#discourse tag

64 notes · View notes

kawowru-nagisa · 7 years

Note

(1) i dont get it. why does everyone have some sort of mindset that you have to be persecuted in specific ways/ a specific amount to be lgbt. I realize that there has been some pretty ridiculous comments by certain people in the aro/ace spaces but honestly most people i know aren't like that? and it makes me sad to see people picking those specific instances and spreading them. i dont think its fair to make statements about what’s “worse" since that's generalizing people and everyone's

(2) experiences are different and weigh differently for each person and their set of circumstances. but i DO acknowledge that there are more systematic ways of oppression for other lgbt members. idk it makes me really sad to hear all this because people seem to always brush things off/make jokes about being ace/aro without actually trying to understand or talk about things. it feels like people are trying to be exclusive, which is ironically what other people have done to the lgbt? i’m(3) rambling i guess, but i guess i'd like to hear clearly what your feelings about this are since i cant see your full thoughts in the tags and also you seem to identify as (grey) aromantic yourself.tw for mentions of rape and general overall homophobia woohoook so i finally got onto a computer so i’m gonna answer this as shortly as i can so everyone knows where i am in this whole debate lmfao. you’re correct, i am aromantic. and i think that aromanticism and asexuality are real and valid things. but they don’t make one lbgt or automatically qualify a person to be part of the community. like i’m part of the lgbt community because i am trans and pansexual, which means i am not cis and not heterosexual or heteroromantic. i’m not part of the lgbt community because i’m aromantic, as if i were aromantic or asexual and otherwise heteroromantic/heterosexual and cis, i would not be oppressed as i would be straight and cis and there is no system of oppression built around not wanting to date/have a long term relationship/have sex if you’re a straight (heterosexual or romantic), cis person. the only true instance where i see asexuality and aromanticism as being part of the lgbt community is if the person who is asexual or aromantic is otherwise not heterosexual/heteroromantic and/or cis. straight cis people have built this idea that the lgbt community is dirty for having sex, but it is also weird for them not to have sex, so if one is a gay cis female, for instance, she would be given shit by straight cis people for wanting to have sex without a relationship, and she would also be given shit by straight cis people for wanting a relationship without sex, because for some reason when you’re not straight or cis that means that your entire relationship has to be built up around sex that is “dirty” (so if one is aro and not dating someone but just having sex, they’re “dirty,” but if one is ace and not having sex at all straight cis people will question the validity of one’s relationship) while also not being sexual at all as to not make cis straight people upset. that ties into oppression against cis gay women specifically, therefore making her oppressed for her asexuality or aromanticism. this applies to gay, bi/pansexual, or otherwise sexually fluid humans as well. on the other hand, if someone is a cis straight person, regardless of whether or not they’re a man or a woman, there is obviously some taboo around not wanting sex or relationships, but there is no real oppression, as straight relationships comprised of two cis people are not inherently expected to be sexual, and when two cis straight people have sex it is not considered “dirty.” to put it simply, when people who are ONLY aromantic or asexual but are otherwise hetero and cis try and reclaim words like “queer,” say stupid shit like “i could be having DIRTY gay sex but instead i’m not doing anything at all !!” or literally anything else that they do on this stupid website, it ticks off people from all stretches of the lgbt community and it’s awful. then they claim oppression when we get upset with it, and then they turn off their computers and their “oppression” about their sexuality goes away. asexuals on this site have also tried to use the term “corrective rape,” a term coined by gay, lesbian, and trans people for when someone tries to “fix their gayness” by raping them, to describe sex they’ve had and have been uncomfortable with or even sexual assault. like i’m sure that there are some instances of sexual assault or rape because someone said they’re not interested in that stuff and obviously any sexual assault is absolutely horrible and nobody deserves that, but going so far as to call that “corrective rape” when you’re not homosexual or trans is really truly pushing a line in my opinion.

anyway this is starting to get really long and i’m starting to just kind of become annoyed so i’m gonna end this here lmao. if there are any questions or if i didn’t go into enough detail about something, feel free to shoot me an ask and we can talk about it.

tldr: being aromantic or asexual doesn’t make you lgbt !! sincerely, an aromantic person

thanks for the ask !!

1 note · View note