#they have some bigger issues to attend blah blah

[marv-el-spot]

You can "rewrite the story"? Cool, why dont you rewrite this season and make you and Sylvie actually give a fuck for each other again?

Give me my ship back, damn it!! Not only they are not developing their story from s1, they´re making behave like total strangers!! When writers decided they would completely change their relationship??

Where are these guys??

what went wrong here??

#loki spoilers #loki season 2 #loki #sylki #im so mad! #and i know their world is ending blah blah #they have some bigger issues to attend blah blah #but still they could had tiny moments during the season #showing they care for each other #but no... why?? #text

[somekindofflowergirl]

Timeless, Hollywoodland, and The Philadelphia Story

I found this old meta I’ve had in my Google docs for years but I don’t believe I’ve ever posted anything about it, since I originally intended to use the idea in a fic. Since that isn’t happening, even though it’s been years and I doubt anyone is out here writing or reading Timeless meta anymore, here you go. Obviously spoilers for both.

Most Garcy fans will groan if I suggest we take a look at Hollywoodland, but considering a certain admittedly fantastic dress:

…and a certain cut scene involving a pool, it’s interesting to consider through the lens of The Philadelphia Story, of which the dress and pool scene are iconic elements. Here is a still from the movie:

Look familiar? This is also poolside.

The Philadelphia Story revolves around Tracy Lord (Katherine Hepburn), a wealthy socialite who is preparing to marry her fiance, George (who matters as little as Lucy’s quirk-of-the-timeline-fiancé Noah in Timeless but manages to be far less likable) in a matter of days. The head of Spy Magazine assigns Macaulay Connor (Jimmy Stewart, oddly nicknamed “Mike”) and his photographer, Liz, to go to the wedding and get the story posing as friends of her expatriate brother, with an actual friend of his as their in: C.K. Dexter Haven (Cary Grant). Dexter also happens to be Tracy’s first husband. They divorced years prior due to his alcoholism—including a nasty incident of him shoving her down—and her criticism of him. Dexter originally seems to be doing this out of spite, but we quickly learn it’s actually to keep the magazine from releasing a bigger scoop about Tracy’s father’s affair and estrangement from her mother, which have devastated Tracy. The rest of the film is about Tracy’s entanglement with all these men.

(Sidenote: there are some very old-fashioned diatribes and comments about the nature of women and marriage and the shoving I found very hard to overlook, but that’s not the point of this post. Just heads up if you do ever watch it.)

On the eve of Tracy’s wedding to George, she dons The Dress to attend a ball in their honor. She gets drunk for only the second time in her life, and she and a similarly drunk Mike spend time together. They mainly talk drunk nonsense, drive drunk, and Mike sings Over the Rainbow. They have a grand time, end up kissing, and jump in the pool for a midnight swim.

Similarly, in Hollywoodland, Lucy and Wyatt share a sweet poolside conversation while she wears The Dress to a Hedy Lamarr party, they kiss, and they would have jumped in the pool if not for wildfire filming issues. They spend the night together, scar Rufus the next morning, then head back to the present. Wyatt soon receives a text from his supposedly dead wife. He takes off, without telling anyone why, and Wyatt spends the rest of the season trying to win back Jessica permanently while still having feelings for Lucy. In the “movie” (reminder: Christmas isn’t canon), Jessica is a pure evil Rittenhouse operative who lied about being pregnant, is killed, and Lucy and Wyatt are hastily shoved back together without fixing the issues between them on-screen. TPTB have claimed that their pairing was always endgame and the reunion would have happened anyway–albeit less swiftly and unrealistically–but they were Made For Each Other, loved each other all along, blah blah blah.

Which brings us back to The Philadelphia Story. The scene at the pool between Tracy and Mike is iconic for a reason. Mike is very “eat the rich” and she calls him out for being an intellectual snob, he tells her she’s wonderful and that the other men didn’t know what they were talking about, and their kiss is incredibly cinematic. It’s truly romantic…

In the moment.

For that moment, that one night, the audience can root for this couple. Mike is saying what Tracy needs to hear, and she’s enjoying letting herself fail by getting drunk and doing the unexpected. It’s sweet.

But it isn’t the endgame. No one means it to be.

After the multiple confrontations that arise out of the pool situation, Tracy breaks off with George just before the wedding. Mike asks Tracy to marry him and she turns him down. Liz loves him, and while he and Tracy like each other as friends, they would both be unhappy long-term. They live very different lives and have different values. And they’re not actually in love.

I don’t honestly believe this was intentional as foreshadowing that Lyatt may not be endgame so much as Abigail Spencer really wanting to wear The Dress. But even as a subconscious accidental parallel, it’s decent. Mike is nice and he and Tracy get along fairly well, but he’s better suited to Liz, who has stood by and loved him for years while waiting for him to mature enough for forever with her. Tracy, having realized that she doesn’t want the picture-perfect (on the outside) life she envisioned—and having seen that Dexter, now sober and much changed, is not the man he was when he hurt her—she forgives Dexter for the pain of their past. He lets go of it all as well and they remarry, this time making it down the aisle rather than eloping as they did before.

And as a book I adore (Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos) says: “Jimmy Stewart is always and indisputably the best man in the world, unless Cary Grant should happen to show up.”

#timeless #garcy #lucy preston #garcia flynn #wyatt logan #anti-lyatt #the philadelphia story #timeless meta #long post #boy is it #christmas isn’t canon

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Hiii :) I wanted to ask you what your thoughts are on the double standard between say bts endorsing a “high end” fashion label vs blackpink doing so. They both were given roles to speak about the environment but Blackpink were called out and made fun of quite frankly.

Blackpink endorse high level fashion that’s frankly damaging to the environment but LV is exactly the same. There is a host of issues with that company and they still use real animal fur and exotic animal skins. BTS haven’t gotten criticised for being ambassadors for this awful label. They’re often advertising the mink fur items. They’re attending the online showcase and again there is no one dragging their affiliation.

Now the issue is the hypocrisy between the two groups. When it was announced Lisa was criticised for posing in a private jet when we know BTS have admitted they use them often. Rose was criticised for using a plastic bottle when Run BTS and Bangtan Bombs show BTS using single use plastic and single use straws like there’s no no tomorrow. BTS said in the interview after the un to use metal straws but I’ve yet to see them heed their own advice. They use fireworks when they do things like the soop and in concerts and the amount of balloons they go through is ridiculous. Balloons often end up in the sea and in consumed by land birds as well.

There is a clear line of hypocrisy here and I know people will defend them by saying they’re not the leaders for climate change blah blah blah. Also I’m not even a fan of black pink but the outrageous hate they got was a lot. They’re not at a suitable for the role no, but frankly neither are bts. We have actual “real” people dedicating their lives to fight climate change, they need a platform.

Kpop encourages mass overconsumption and bts and bp are no different. I say this after seeing someone throwing away 20 butter albums because they couldn’t off sell them. I think tending to the issues within the industry is an important start. Mass streaming is hugely damaging for the environment too, but the benefits for the artists out weigh any moral obligations it seems.

Well anon, you got that right. It's all about double standards and it's obvious how girl groups are criticized for things they do, even if it's the same situation in which male groups find themselves in. Blackpink are constantly made fun for being just models, instead of releasing music, when this is more of a label problem, than it has to do with them individually. In 2021, BTS released 2 songs, had a few concerts, but there was also a big focus on their modelling on the side, with lots of covers and being LV ambassadors. But in their case, they were being celebrated because it's a flex. BTS lost money during the pandemic because they couldn't tour so Hybe did push into another direction, that of endorsements and advertisement.

None of the two groups are known for their advocacy in terms of environment issues and honestly, this shouldn't be an expectation. As you said, yes they're not leaders for climate change and there are others who do some real work because this is an issue that is incredibly important and affects us all, but Blackpink and BTS were chosen for those roles because both groups have a global impact so if they are the face of it, then the message could reach to a bigger audience.

What I don't agree with is making fun of one group, while the other gets special treatment, and that special treatment comes in the form of bending views just because it's BTS, in situations that are the same. It's worrying to see the attitudes in both fandoms and how these young girls and women are talking to each other just to praise their group. And that double standard reeks of misogyny. Yes, it's a result of how the industry is created, in which boy groups have more freedom in terms of creativity and the possibility to explore their artistry, while most girl groups are stuck in catering to male fantasies, but it's a shame to see such attitudes in the fandom, which are closer to what 4chan users would write.

#asks #bts discourse #bts #k-pop #girl groups

[lifeinahole27]

Oh Man... Here we go...

Okay so! I probably said a while ago that I was gonna do a bunch of shit that I never ended up doing! Well! There’s an explanation for all of that. 

Let’s start with a quick recap:

At the very end of July, one of my coworkers no call/no showed and quit. Well, there was this whole shit-crazy story that came out as her “reasoning” but it was all total bullshit and long story short, she gone. THANK GOODNESS. She was the worst. There were more shifts than I can accurately count that I spent hours trying to fix her total bullshit mistakes that she shouldn’t have still been making after six months on the job. Stuff that she was expected to do every single day and mark it off on a checklist that just wasn’t getting done, or wasn’t getting done properly. Like I said, total bullshit.

So she’s gone, and was the last pin that my supervisor would take all her angry frustrations out on. Okaaaay, so what ends up happening? Her attentions shift. And to start, it shifted to me and another of my coworkers, who I’ll name T. T and I both got chewed out one day for not handing over the phone when the gentleman asked for a manager. Now, previously, we’d been told that we should make our own decisions and we needed to stop looking at her for guidance. Kay! So I answered this call and asked if they wanted to be transferred to our GM’s mailbox. She flipped her shit at us, told us we don’t view her as management, that we don’t respect her... Blah blah blah. So I go and apologize and tell her that I do respect her and she’s the one I am always turning to when I need any kind of help or guidance. Chilly, she accepts, but I know right then and there that this is fractured and it’s either going to mend in a bit of time or completely break apart.

Guess which one happened! Over the next six months, things go to absolute shit, and in that same amount of time, I put out what has to be something close to 60 applications at other hotels, at offices, every-fucking-place that sounds good, pays well, and that I’m qualified for. All of it. I legit made it rain with my resume if that’s even possible when it’s digital.

Out of all of those applications, I get something less than 10 callbacks. Which is downright fucking disappointing. But somewhere in there I must’ve reblogged the right “you’ll get good news!” post or my mom’s prayers were answered or the universe heard my sister getting ready to fight it for me to get a new job.

All throughout this, my supervisor is going back and forth on this emotional roller coaster bullshit. One day she’s like BFFS and the next she’s literally throwing things around the front desk in anger and screaming about things that I probably had nothing to do with. One day there was a trailer in our parking lot (don’t even get me started on that policy or I’ll scream) and she’s like WHY IS THAT THERE and I snapped back that the GM was the one to OK it. 

All through this time, also, I was trying to keep my cool. To make it out without getting bitched at or screamed at or really to have her pay any attention at all to me because I was sick of it. She was instrumental in pushing me into several anxiety or panic issues, and I just wanted out. I have a post screencapped from some moment where she posted a meme on her FB about how she wishes her coworkers would do their fucking jobs when legit all of us try harder than I’ve seen her try since I started over a year ago.

In any case. A bunch of those callbacks all came in at the same time. One was for a hotel in the middle-of-goddamn-nowhere Ohio, one was for a hotel down an hour away, and one was for a sales position with a company one of my buddies works for.

The sales position would’ve been double my current yearly salary and it was in a city I wanted to work in. But the phone tag was taking a week between each call, basically, and by the time he returned my call the one time, I’d already interviewed and decided to accept one of the other job offers. The hotel in Ohio would’ve been an Assistant General Manager position which is what I originally applied to be out at my current hotel. But it was seriously in the middle of nowhere. I couldn’t do it. The apartment that I’d scoped before the interview just in case was next to a house that had a confederate goddamn flag outside of it. Nope. Absolutely not.

And then there’s the one an hour away, which I ultimately ended up accepting last Friday. I’m going to be doing the same job as my supervisor, at higher pay, at a bigger hotel, in a city. Yeah, that does feel pretty good, especially when she essentially threw a three day tantrum over the fact that I’d gotten a different job and had put in my notice. 

This includes posting up on her FB literally minutes after she must’ve found out: “I don’t think I have ever been this angry before.”

I found out later through grapevine that T overheard the GM telling supervisor that she had to stop being angry that I’d gotten a job and was leaving. Again, yeah, it feels good. 

SO! What does all this mean? Well, my life is about to become an absolute shitshow. I had to cancel going back to Enchanted con this year, which has been an absolute heartbreak. I also had and lost the opportunity to go to Boston for Ace Comic Con all in one shot. As the lineup keeps beefing up, I get sadder and sadder about what happened to my prospects for conventions this year, but I’m hopeful that a) there will be other comic-cons in the future that I can attend and b) that Jen and Colin will reunite at another convention that I’ll have the time and funds to attend. It would be super cool if it was in the US... Just putting that into the universe and hoping for a good time. 

But the good news is, that any money I didn’t spend on those two things is getting set aside for moving out of my parents’ house. And while it’s still a couple months away, it’s gonna be pretty spectacular to have my independence back and be on my own again. 

The bad news is that all this shit, including holiday depression, the death of a close friend’s father, the general downs and downs and downs of life, all pushed me to the brink with my writing. I am finally down to the last four or so scenes in my rewrite and I only took a breather (I’m at work right now) to write up this post because it’s all been dying to break out of me to talk about all of this. I’m going right back to it in a moment because I am so fucking determined to finish this fic if it kills me. And if I don’t, my beta will kill me, so it all works out in the end!

But the rest of the future is very unclear right now. I still have holiday fic bits I want to post up and soon, and of course this rewrite will enter edits after tomorrow. I’m going to have a solid week off between ending my current job and starting the new one, so I hope to get a bunch done both online and offline. We’ll go from there on everything else, though.

So look for some stuff to be posted soon, and just a general Thank You to all of you who are still here, who still read my posts - whether they are fic or not - and for the support, love, encouragement, kind words, props, and everything else. I legit don’t know where I’d be without any and all of you out there that have done something to help keep me up in a world of downs. 

I hope to be able to post writing soon, right around the corner, so I hope you’ll enjoy it when it gets here. 

#sarah for life stuff #there's a lot in here so like... watch out for depressing shit in some areas #that's a good warning isn't it?

[hayjeon]

Cut Me Open (ft. Yoongi) Part 01 [M]

→ marriedcouple!au, surgeon!au spin-off from CardioPalps → 15k words, rated for sex, possible triggers (talk of divorce/miscarriage/family issues), and medical jargon that took me 5ever to research 

→ part 1 | part 2 coming soon

A/N: So the second part is definitely on its way. It just ended up being way too long together to make it a full fic. But please, don’t think that this is how it ends! Stay tuned for the second part! 

Love. 

Neuroscience and Biology like to tell us that it’s a side-effect of a release of a hormone called Dopamine and oxytocin, the same two hormones released when the guy living under the bridge snorts up another line of coke, and when the horribly suffering and screaming woman holds the human she just pushed out of her vagina for the first time in her arms. 

Doctors like to ignore it, ignore the religious and hippie suggestions that “love can conquer anything,” because we, like many other medical professions, believe in science. 

We don’t believe those superstitions that if a man is diagnosed with a tumor but learns to love his life and fights for it, he is magically healed of his fatal diagnosis. No, we smile and nod at the patient and his family, congratulate him, and then turn around and walk away because we know that it was the chemo therapy and the gamma rays we shined into his thoracic cavity that destroyed all the stomach cancer cells along with his hair follicles. But what the patients don’t know won’t kill them. 

But, aside from love, a reason why the medical field has the third highest divorce rates in the world, is because we doctors are professional line-drawers. 

We draw lines for a living. Not the plastic surgeon, sharpie-a-line-over-your-boob kind of line, but a physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental line. Theres always the line, the one that lies between a living patient and a dead patient. There’s always the line that you mustn’t cross with the people on your surgical table, the difference between a bleeding aorta nicked by the slip of the hand weilding the scalpel and a healthy one. There’s the lines you must draw with your co-workers, the ones who you don’t dare call your friends because then everyone would know that you too don’t have friends outside the workplace. 

And then, there’s the line you draw with those who you love. Whether or not they’re sitting on your table, brain flap open for you to probe, you must draw lines. You can’t operate on someone who’s close or related to you. You can’t offer to waive fees for someone who you once respected back in high school. You can’t be in relationships with your patients, friendly or sexual. 

And you definitely shouldn’t be married to your partner, and co-leader of your department, who currently despises your guts as much as you hate performing rectal exams this far into your career. 

You wished you knew that when you agreed to this job five years ago. 

You park your car and briskly speed walk into the doors of the hospital at 7am sharp. 

Immediately, four people run up to you: Suho, your trusty secretary and friend; Gina, your head nurse; Namjoon, your clumsiest but most hardworking intern; and Jungkook, your most annoying friend, also the head of the Cardio department. 

Suho talks first. “Good morning Doctor. I just updated the board on your surgeries today, and told Chief about the updates you gave me last night on the patient with pneumonia. I also prepared your paperwork for you to sign off of regarding the updates and purchases for the neurosurgery department. I’ll come by later to pick those up.” 

You give him a nod and lower your voice as you step up into the elevator, signaling the others to take the next one that dings open as soon as your doors close. “Any updates on Yoongi’s side?” 

Suho blinks and sighs. “He...he’s hired a lawyer to take care of it. Her name is Ahn Hani, she’s supposedly one of the best in the country.” 

You groan, slumping against the railing. “Is she better than mine? Than Solji?” 

Suho nods grimly. “Unfortunately, when I looked up the statistics, Solji had suceeded in 244 cases. Hani, well, succeeded in 245. Also...I found that she’s also one of the lawyers who helped Dr. Min with his...lawsuit a year ago.” 

You roll your eyes as the elevator dings and opens. “Ah, of course, he had to involve that again. Okay, well, thank you. Please also send me some more information about the merger with the East wing nurses, I want to look more into that before the next head meeting.” 

Suho nods and walks away. Jeongguk beats Gina by jogging up to you. “Hey Y/N! Did you see what I sent you last night?” 

You roll your eyes, walking down the hall towards your office. “Yes, Jungkook, it was stupid. I’m not going to attend any event as Yoongi’s plus one, much less your baby shower. Wouldn’t you want your first baby shower to be one of peace? I don’t think you want me and Yoongi there.” 

He groans. “Please, can you guys just please put your differences aside and just come? She would really like for you to be there, I mean, you were her first resident overseer after all, she’d really be happy to see you there.” 

You huff, “As much as I love your wife, I’m saying this because I love her. She doesn’t want me there, unless you plan on uninviting Yoongi. AND--” You hold up a finger to him, when he tries interrupting you. “I know you won’t budge because Yoongi was your resident when you were an intern here, blah blah blah. So, I’ll be the bigger one here, and send you and your beautiful wife a wonderful gift basket of all the highest quality baby products there is, and spare you two from having to witness one of our fights again.” 

He sighs, and lets you walk by, as Gina scurries up to you and receives your instructions on the surgery you two were going to perform in an hour. Namjoon just hovers around and waits as he listens in on all the medical jargon. You ask him to scrub into the upcoming surgery, and he happily obliges, dropping his pens on his way out your office door. 

Jungkook hovers a bit more, looking a bit disappointed in you, but you shake your head to let him know that you have no intentions of making it to his baby shower, and close the door behind you. “I’m sorry Jungkook,” you sigh, and he nods, giving you your space. 

This was your day, work starts as soon as you walk in, a buttload of problems concerning your department, your surgeries, your subferiors, and the worst one of all, your husband. 

You sigh and change into your coat before making your way down to the meeting room, and taking your seat in the plush leather seating across from all the other men in the hospital helping run their respective department. Jungkook, filling in for both himself and his wife on maternity leave, sits a couple seats down from you, representing the cardiovascular department. Jimin is seated across the mahogany table, staring down at his notes for his upcoming surgery for his Pediatrics devision. Taehyung and his fellow are seated in the corner, discussing their Neonatal surgery division. Jin is playing some stupid game, sitting behind his “Head of Dermatology and Plastic Surgery” plaque, and the owner of the hospital, Dr. Bang waits impatiently as the rest of the department heads file in one by one. 

Suho has faithfully placed your favorite tea, chamomile, on its place and organized your meeting notes in alphabetical order right in front of you. As you flip through the contracts and articles, you bend over to get a closer look when suddenly someone slaps down a thick packet of papers over the ones you were reading. 

Frowning, you look up to see your mortal enemy. 

“What the hell?” You hiss, keeping your voice low. A quick glance at the papers he slapped in front of you was an alimony agreement. You flip through and realize that he was asking for a clean cut, no separation of property, or money. 

He takes a sip of his coffee, not sparing you a glance. “Sign it, and give it to Suho by the end of the week. You make the same amount of money that I do, you’ll be fine.” 

You roll your eyes. “Yeah right, I see what you’re doing. The house is under your name. I want the house.” 

He scoffs, facing you with a glare. “Seriously? I paid the down payment.” 

“We had a joint account! I paid the rent!” You hiss, ready to fight some more about this. 

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen, shall we start this meeting?” Dr. Bang interrupts, clearing his throat. He takes a quick glance around the room to make sure of full attendance before he begins to drone about the updates regarding hospital politics. 

You and Yoongi decide to pocket the conversation, and you shuffle your papers around, placing the alimony agreement underneath your other documents. 

“I’ve scheduled this meeting because we’ve run into a few issues regarding communication within the East Surgery ward,” Chief Bang continues, frowning at the lot of you, “I’ve heard...that there were a couple of issues regarding our efficiency and the cycling of surgeries, am I correct? Dr. Park, do you mind sharing a bit?” 

Jimin’s head pops up, and he looks around bewildered. “Uh, no sir, my department is doing fine. We’ve updated our system to the new program you introduced a month ago, instead of using our beepers, and although it took some time to get used to it, I think everyone is adjusting accordingly.” 

“Dr. Kim Taehyung, you too?” 

Taehyung gives a quick nod, and so do a few more doctors. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Min?” 

You cringe at the combination of your names. Most of the other people in the hospital besides your close friends didn’t really know, but Dr. Bang certainly was aware of the state your marriage was in. He wasn’t so...supportive of the divorce, obviously. 

“We’re fine,” you clench your teeth, signaling for Dr. Bang to move on, and he obliges. Your shoulders deflate and Yoongi leans over to hiss at you, “What the hell, he knows?” 

You roll your eyes at him. “Of course he knows, he knows everything.” 

Yoongi slumps in his seat, throwing his hands up subtly. “Well there you go again, not even letting me know.” 

Ignoring him, you sit through the rest of the presentation regarding new communications, and the chief introduces a new program and a team of IT workers who’ll be handling the new system. They file in through the door, introducing themselves, and then place individual laptops in front of each of you to demonstrate the program. It was a new alert system, voice activated so that with a simple command and without having to touch your phones, all the doctors could send messages to each other, departments, schedule Operation Rooms, and call nurses. Everyone nods thoughtfully as the head of the program, Jaehyun, steps up to the podium and finishes his powerpoint. You watch thoughtfully at the new program. 

A tap on your shoulder distracts you and you turn to see Suho leaning over to whisper in your ear, “Chief Bang wants to meet with you in his office.” 

“Now?” You frown, and Suho nods, gesturing towards the door. Sighing, you stand and watch as Yoongi doesn’t even give you a side-long glance as he fixates boredly on the presentation. You walk over to the lavish glass office. 

“Chief, you wanted to see me?” You ask, lingering by the doorway. 

“Ah, y/n,” he says, smiling, “Take a seat.” You oblige, getting comfortable on the leather chairs across from him on his desk. 

“Y/n...” he trails off, thoughtfully frowning at his desk, “You and Yoongi...you...have you guys...?” The question lingers in the air and you understand what he wants to ask. 

“Ah...uh, well, today Yoongi gave me alimony papers.” You shrug, twiddling your thumbs. “He wants a clean split.” 

The chief nods thoughtfully. “Are you going to sign?” 

You sigh, rubbing your temples. “I don’t know Chief, I really don’t know.” 

He leans back in his chair. “You know...y/n, it’s been what, 10 years since you’ve been working at this hospital? I met you fresh out of med school as a wide-eyed intern and watched you two fall in love and I even officiated your wedding two years after that. And I trust you two...” He trails off, and you let him finish. 

“It’s time for me to retire, y/n.” He says, and your eyes widen as you lean up. “What? A-are you serious?” You stammer, frowning at him. 

The Chief was a general surgeon, who specialized in Cardiothoracic surgery, and worked his way 20 years up to this position as the Chief of Surgery. You’d watched him age during your own stay here, and he was one of the reasons why you didn’t just up and leave to the other hospitals offering you and Yoongi a hefty salary to transfer. This hospital...it was your home. 

“Yes,” he sighs, rubbing his eyes. “I’m having issues with my vision these days and my wife, she’s...she’s getting a bit lonely, now that the children are off and married, and she’s demanding more of my time. She wants a divorce, you see, and if I don’t take time off now, then I might lose my marriage.” 

“Oh, Chief, I’m so sorry.” You offer, but he waves it off. “No, no, it’s not something to be sorry about. It was my fault...this hospital and surgery wing, I built it with my blood and sweat, and in the meantime I forgot what was really important.” 

He leans forward in his chair, grasping one of your hands. “Which is why I don’t condone this decision, y/n. I’ve watched you two, and you’re still in the stage where you can save this marriage. Me...well I’m 20 years too late. You and Yoongi though, I can still see it. I want to try to convince you just one more time.” 

You sigh. “Chief, what do you want us to do? We...we tried so much. We purposely began taking one more day off per week to make up for the lost time, and even that fell through because we’re always being called in to work. We tried to get pregnant, and we were so overworked and stressed out that it was just putting even more strain on the marriage. Hell, we even took up surgeries together, and that ended up in a disaster when we accidentally mis-diagnosed our patient.” 

You lean back, apologetically removing your hand from his. “I’m sorry Chief, but we were in love almost 10 years ago, when we were in our twenties and fresh out of med school and ready to take on the world. Now...we’ve been working ourselves to the bone for 8 years and leading this division together for 3 within those 8. We’ve...we’ve tried enough.” 

He sighs. “Well, the reason I brought you in here was I was hoping you’d offer to try. I want you two to take my position as Chief of Surgery.” 

Your eyes widen again, and your mouth falls open. “Ch-chief of Surgery? Are you serious? N-no Chief, you can’t retire like that and just leave us here.” 

“Well, I can’t make both of you Chief if you guys are going to get divorced. It’s not professional.” He raises his brows at you and you nod. 

“You two have been here the longest out of all of the department heads, and there isn’t one more person I trust more than you guys to be able to continue what I’ve done here at this hospital. I’ve made my decision to leave, and now I want you to promise me that you will try one more time.” 

“Try? Try what?” You whisper, already knowing the answer. 

“I want you and Yoongi to try and save your marriage, just one more time. Please don’t give up just yet.” He urges, and your heart sinks, as you spin the ring on your fourth finger. 

Was it even possible?

Your romance with Yoongi started out 10 years ago when you walked into Seoul National Hospital, wide-eyed and excited to start your first day as an intern. A group of you had stumbled in with fast-paced hearts and flushed cheeks as you giggled and waited for your resident to come in and give you assignments.

Your locker was placed right next to Yoongi’s locker B6 and B7. You’d greeted him politely when he walked in with a sleepy face, and he’d given you a half-hearted smile and no words as he shuffled over to his locker and began shimmying on his scrubs. Surprised at the cold response, you frowned and slammed your locker shut as you lingered by the doorway instead. 

“Alright, interns, scum-of-the-hospital-earth and from now on labeled 1 through 17, let’s get a move on,” Dr. Do Kyungsoo had snapped as soon as he walked in. 

“You’re from now one named 1, 2, 3...” He goes around snapping and pointing at each intern with a menacing pen tip. You become number 8 and Yoongi happens to be number 12. 

“Alright,” he says, frowning at his clipboard. “There are three rules you must follow before I assign you to your individual residents. One, you move when I move.” He leaves the on-call room, and everyone lingers behind, glancing at each other and wondering what the hell happened. 

His head pops back in, as he yells, “That means now!” Everyone jumps to action and lockers slam shut and scrub elastics are tied tight as everyone jogs out the door to match Dr. Do’s long strides. 

“Two,” he snaps, leading you all to a room with sad-looking bunk beds and cots. “Sleep when you can, where you can. This on-call room is your responsibility and the hospital won’t be taking care of it too often, so make sure you are fully clean as you can be with it. Don’t” he hisses, turning back and pointing his menacing pen at all of you, “Don’t even try to do the nasty in here. I’ll have you arrested for federal public indecency and then I’ll personally neuter both of you.” 

Everyone stares at him in horror, as he drops the menacing look again for a neutral one, and continues on. “Let’s go.” 

“Three,” he says, walking around a corner to a group of doctors waiting near the Nurse desk and turning with them towards the 17 of you, “don’t try to kiss up.” He glares at one particular girl who’d been trailing after his heels and asking him stupid question. “We already hate you and consider you the scum of the hospital, and no ass-kissing will change that. Save a life first, and you’ll slowly work your way up from scum to a sort of algae.” 

You’re lingering at the back of the group as one girl leans over and cringes at you. “I hear he’s called triple D, for Dr. Demon Do, because he’s tiny but is an absolute horror to work with.” 

You shudder as he begins reading off the assignments, listening carefully for your name. Each resident that’s standing by him at the desk, who you remember as Dr. Byun Baekhyun, Dr. Kim Jongdae, and Dr. Park Chanyeol, stands there with their coffee cups and smiling a lot more nicely that Dr. Do was acting earlier. 

Unfortunately, as Dr. Do rattles off your numbers at random, you don’t hear him call 8. All other three residents walk off with their interns trailing after them, and you, number 12, 9, and number 3 are left terrified as Dr. Do turns to the rest of you. 

He sighs, observing your wide eyes. “I’m sure most of you have heard that I’m called the 3D or the triple D here, because I terrorize everyone. It’s true,” he acknowledges casually, to your horror. “But, after I’m finished with all of you, you will be the best interns this hospital has ever seen. So just make sure to keep up. First assignment, we’re gonna go save a life in the ER.” 

He walks off with a flourish, and the four of you just warily eye each other as you all pick up into a jog towards the ER. 

“Number 8, go grab me some sutures for Patient Mr. Jeong in bed 4, now!” Kyungsoo yells, and you immediately spring into action, grabbing a tray, a needle, gauze, and surgical thread and wheel a chair over to the cot. 

A patient there is lying down with a grimace as a huge gash on his leg is being cleaned by a nurse. “I can take it from here,” you assure her, and she gives you a sweet smile as she hands the gauze and alcohol pad to you. That was when you first met Gina, your current and trusty surgical nurse. You loved her to bits. 

Sitting down, you scoot up and begin cleaning the wound. “Alright Mr. Jeong, I’m gonna be cleaning and dressing your wound today, alright? Later, a nurse will come by with some antibiotics that you need to take orally. You said you got caught on a nail at your work?” 

The patient nods painfully, croaking, “Yeah, I was trying to run over to get an order on time, and snagged my leg on this huge ragged nail that was sticking out of one of the walls. It was my damn fault. I’m such a klutz.” 

You smile, and after administering some anesthesia to the area, begin to pinch the skin together and begin suturing. You’d practiced so much at home with some sausages and pig skin, that doing this was normal practice for you. 

“Are you an intern here?” He asks, trying not to think about his wound. 

You nod, smiling. “It’s actually my first day.” 

He grins, “Ever see anything like this?” 

“Yes,” you laugh, “cuts and bruises are a common thing in the ER. You’re in good hands.” 

Cringing, he murmurs, “I feel a little nauseous. Is that normal?”

You finish the stitch, cutting it and starting a new one. “Yes sir, the anesthesia is probably flowing through your system, and you’re probably a little dehydrated as well. We’ll start an IV drip once I’m finished.” 

He nods, his eyes closed and frowning painfully. “I-Is it a little hot in here?” 

“Hey,” one of your fellow interns walks up and hovers over your shoulder. It was the guy you first said hi to. “Uh, did you take a look at his charts yet? Dr. Do asked me to give these to you.” 

“My hands are a bit preoccupied right now,” you say as you focus on cutting the thread. “If you’re not busy, can you read them out for me?” 

He grumbles, “I am.” But opens the file anyway and begins scanning the contents. “Mr. Jeong SaeHyun-ssi, 56 year male, came in for a cut on the upper thigh, and received stitches. What’s taking you so long?” 

You roll your eyes. “Can you just read the charts?” 

He gives you a dirty look and keeps reading. “Uh...wait...WBC count is off the roof,” he mumbles, glancing at your patient. 

“Oh shit, y/n!” He stops you as your patient immediately goes rigid and begins choking, his breaths rugged and loud as his back bows off the table. Yoongi drops the papers and immediately runs over to the other side and holds down the man as he spasms. “Fuck, it’s the tetanus!” 

You also drop your needle and tray and rush to the man’s side to hold his arm down. “What?! No! He already had an antibiotic shot and is scheduled for another dose!” 

Yoongi grunts as the man begins flailing his limbs, shaking the cot side to side, “Well, seems like that shot was a little too late!” 

“Nurse?! Please, help me hold him down!” You yell, and let go of his arm and exchange it with the nurse who anchors him to the bed, while you reach down and feel his abdomen. It’s rock hard, not from the muscles, but from the shock. “Oh my god, he was talking about nausea and fever. He’s having a seizure! Code Blue! Someone page Dr. Do right now!” 

One of the nurses who’s come by to help, frantically helps keeps the man’s legs down. “Dr. Do just scrubbed in for a surgery. We can’t reach him!” 

You panic, “Oh my god, if Mr. Jeong doesn’t get the attention he needs his airways will freeze and he’ll die of oxygen starvation.”

“Y/N! Focus!” Yoongi yells, as the monitor begins beeping like crazy, “It’s started, you’ve got to perform a tracheostomy on him or he’ll die!” The nurse reads out, “His BP is dropping by the second, Doctor.” 

“H-holy sh-shit,” you run a hand through your hair, biting your lip, “I’ve only read about it in textbooks, it’s a m-major surgical procedure and we haven’t gotten a chance to t-train, or to w-watch, I can’t--I don’t know--” 

“Y/N! You can do this! The only one in this ER who can do it right is you. Hurry!” He orders the nurse, “Bring a tracheostomy kit! Pump 100mg Phenobarbital and 2 milligrams Lorazepham.” 

“The Lorazepham isn’t working, and the Pheno isn’t working fast enough. We have to do the tracheostomy first, Doctor, or he’ll die of oxygen starvation.” Gina tells you, frantically trying to stop her muscle spasms. 

“Here,” a nurse runs up with the kit, and hands it to you. Your hands shake with it, and you stare up at Yoongi, who’s now manually pumping air into the man’s mouth, gives you a nod. 

“You want to make an incision vertically, about two fingers long, one inch above the collarbone,” He instructs, staring at you with a steely look. 

You nod, and lean in, measuring about two fingers up from the man’s neck base, and press in, cringing when immediately blood begins to flow out. Nurses rush to press gauze against the blood and Gina swoops in to cauterize the bleeding veins. 

“Alright, good, cut through the fatty tissue and the muscle wall, and then you’ll see a white-ish cartilage-like material, that’s the---” 

“Thyroid,” you cut him off, nodding as you keep cutting. “Got it.” The nurses clamp the tissue to the side. 

Yoongi nods, maintaining his pumping. “Good, now all you gotta do is make a smaller incision, no more than a couple of centimeters to allow the tube in, laterally. Avoid the trachial bones.” 

You nod, making the incision cleanly, and immediately you’re met with a whoosh of air. You scramble to grab the tube and place the outer cannula through the hole, and then seal it with the round cuff to secure it in place. And immediately, the patient draws in a huge breath of air, and the beeping begins to slow. 

“BP is stabilizing.” The nurse reads, patting you on your back. “You did it, Doctor.” 

You collapse onto the chair, breathing heavily, as the nurses surround the patient, closing up the wound and delivering the patient’s final doses of medication. 

Yoongi hands off the plastic bag valve to a nurse, and steps around the cot to stand in front of you. You’re staring off somewhere into space, and he just watches you calmly. “Are you--” 

“What the hell is going on here?!” Doctor Do storms into the ER, dressed in scrubs and removing his surgical cap. He glances over Yoongi’s shoulder to see the patient lying on the cot with a tube sticking out of his neck. “What the fuck?” he observes the procedure, and glares back at the both of you. 

“He was having seizures, and his airways were muscle-locked because of the Tetanus. We had no other choice, Dr. Do.” Yoongi says, and you just stare up at the both of them in a haze. 

“Why didn’t anyone check his charts?” Kyungsoo hisses, flipping through the pages. “Who was responsible for checking them?”

You stand, about to take responsibility when Yoongi steps in. “It was me, Doctor Do. I was supposed to bring them to y/n when you asked me but I saw her doing sutures already and helped out a patient with their Penicillin dose before I went to go get the charts. I’m sorry.” 

“No!” You frown, pushing Yoongi aside and bowing to Dr. Do, “It was me. I was too excited to be doing my first actual stitches that I forgot to read the test results after his chart. I saw all the signs, the rigid abdomen, the heated skin, and the light nausea, but I just attributed it to a first-time reaction to the anesthesia...I’m so so sorry...” You blink away tears as you meet Dr. Do’s angry gaze again.” 

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Look, I don’t have time to be standing here and trying to figure out who did it. A doctor must always check the background of the patient before doing any procedure, alright? Now both of you, get scrubbed.” He turns and begins ordering a surgery. 

“Uh,” you scramble up to him, “Dr. Do? What do you mean? You assigned us to the ER for the entire day.” 

He frowns at the both of you lingering by the bed. “Didn’t you hear what I said? Get scrubbed, this patients gonna have to get surgery for the infection, doesn’t he? Since he’s your patient, you get to scrub in.” 

You and intern #12 meet eachother’s eyes, mouths dropping open at the opportunity. Dr. Do begins walking briskly towards the OR and you two both scuttle after him, a skip in your steps. “Y/n,” Dr. Do comments, “Good job at the tracheostomy. It looked good.” 

You blush as the three of you step into the sterile room and begin dressing. “I’m going to go check on my patient I just helped do a tumor removal on, the both of you stay here and help the nurses prep the patient. Watch, and observe what they do.” 

He exits the room, and the both of you let out your breaths as you begin pulling on your protective gear. You see intern #12 struggling with the strings on the back of his scrub shirt. 

“Here,” you breathe out, stepping up, “Let me help.” 

He doesn’t say anything and just peers at you as he turns and hands you the strings. You tie them for him, going down his back with the other strings. “Thank you,” you whisper, “That guy wouldn’t have lived if it weren’t for your encouragement and guiding.” 

He nods, and solemnly turns around, gesturing to tie your strings for you too. “It’s fine,” he says, from behind you, and you can feel the tug of the strings. “You did good, intern 8.” 

“Y/N,” you say, and hold out a hand, and he takes it. “Yoongi.” He says, and hands you a mask to put on. You smile at him and he gives you a sort of small smile before he puts his mask on. 

“Hurry the fuck up! After this, you guys get to pay for making a stupid mistake by doing rectal exams all night!” Kyungsoo calls from inside. 

You both exhale and take a moment before stepping into the OR. 

That was how you met Min Yoongi.

Falling in love with him, well, that wasn’t hard. 

After that first time where he’d literally coached you through your first procedure as an intern, the two of you were a whirlwind, working together like a well-oiled machine. You completed each other’s sentences, pointed out each other’s mistakes, quizzed each other and were the top duo of the entire intern program within the hospital for the next year as interns.

“Yoongi and y/n,” the other residents and interns called you two, “the dynamic doctor duo, the second gen of triple D’s,” they’d laugh as you two scrubbed in on surgeries together, answered resident questions together, and even got the top marks on the intern test together. You two were unbeatable. 

And naturally, you became residents at Seoul National, and the years following that were years of excitement and big changes. You’d both followed in Kyungsoo’s footsteps to choose neurosurgery as your specialties, and just like he’d predicted, were the best damn interns the hospital had seen, and had followed on to become the best damn residents the hospital had seen. 

“Bipolar forceps,” Yoongi grunts as Jongdae, one of the promoted attending Doctors, watches the both of you perform a tumor removal with a hawk eye. The nurse gives him the forceps and he flips open the circular bone flap of the skull you had drilled. 

“Exposing the dura. Scalpel,” you request, the tool was handed to you and you lean in, making a tiny incision on the thick flap of skin that protects the brain, and Yoongi swoops in with the bipolar cautery, burning closed any bleeding veins that might distract you. “Suction,” he says softly, and the nurse sucks away any extra brain tissue that’s revealed as you take scissors and gently cut away a flap of the dura. 

“There’s the tumor,” you murmur, pointing at the white mass a few centimeters down from the skull. Yoongi leans in again with his forceps, burning away any open veins and you move alongside him across the patient, sucking and cutting away any unnecessary brain tissue and exposing the circumference of the tumor. 

Yoongi continues to cauterize the veins and the tissue, holding it taught as you cut away at the non-bleeding tissue of the tumor. And together, you both snip away at the pale white tissue, working seamlessly as a team, without Jongdae needing to step in to help. “A little bleeding there,” you point at a section and Yoongi steps into immediately cauterize the area, carefully sucking away any excess blood to clear his field of vision while you continue to cut away the rest of the tumor’s tissue. 

Finally, after agonizing minutes, the final cut is made, and no excess trauma or bleeding is shown, and everyone in the surgical ward breathes a sigh of relief as you smile and drop the tumor into the metal plate. “Finished. Reattach the bone flap,” Yoongi nods and replaces the removed dura with some material and then replaces the bone flap and drills in the metal plates that keep it intact. You then follow up with stapling together the skin of the head back, right where it should be. Once the final staple is completed, Jongdae nods at the both of you and motions for the nurses, “Please finish up here.” 

“Good job guys,” he breathes as he walks out of the ward and begins removing his protective scrubs. “That was...pretty seamless, didn’t expect any less of the both of you.” 

You smile and nudge Yoongi who just stoically nods at Jongdae’s compliments. Kyungsoo comes in with a little smile, nodding at the both of you. “Heard you performed a tumor removal all on your own. Good job you two.” He gives you a quick thumbs up and the both of you grin back as you receive yet another compliment from the devil. 

You two were attached by the hip, and after an entire six months of shy smiles and inside jokes, he finally asked you nonchalantly if you’d ever want to grab dinner together. 

“But Yoongi!” You mock him, laughing as you can visibly see him die a little on the inside at the thought of actually asking you out on a date, “We’ve gotten dinner together so many times before!” Clasping your hands in front of your heart in exaggerated mockery, you snicker at him as he rolls his eyes, toeing at something on the hospital floor. 

“I mean,” he grumbles, hands shoved into his white coat pockets, “Like something to actually count as dinner, not cup ramen shoved down our throats in a matter of minutes in the on-call room. Dress nicely, all that stuff.” 

You laugh, sauntering past him. “Alrighty then, pick me up at 6?” 

He nods without even looking at you, and you laugh again. 

That night, he’d showed up reluctantly with a bouquet of purple Irises, and you’d received them happily as you let him into your apartment. “Mmm,” you take a big whiff of the flowers and place them in a vase. “You remembered?” 

He grumbles, “Yeah, you said they were really pretty that one time our patient’s mom brought them in for her son.” You smile at him, and smooth down your dress as you pull on your heels. “Ready?” 

He finally looks at you, looking down at your black dress that accentuated your curves, and your nude heels. Your makeup was light, and natural, and your hair done nicely, different from the bun you always had when you were working at the hospital. “You...you look good,” he says lowly, and his eyes rake over your figure, and you have a thought to just ditch the nice dinner and jump him right then and there. After months of incessant flirting and sensual glances, you could eat him up right then. He was dressed in a nice suit, trading in the boring blue scrubs you always saw him in for a nice gray pair of slacks and black dress shirt, and a matching gray jacket to top it off. His black hair was tousled nicely, effortlessly, and he looked so good. 

But you swallow it down and smile prettily, whispering a quiet, “Why thank you,” and let him lead you to his car. 

You had always assumed that Yoongi was the type of guy to take you to a nice steak and wine dinner and call it quits, but actually he knew exactly what kind of person you were when he pulls up to the date night. 

“Sushi?” You frown as you step out of the car. “I didn’t know you like sushi.” 

He helps close the door after you and leads you into the expensive looking restaurant. “I have a friend who works here,” he grins gummily, “and he agreed to let us choose our own sushi, and get this--we get to cut our own and play with the knives.” 

You smile wickedly as you scramble after him. “Min Yoongi you know me so well.” 

After a night of yummy sushi and learning expensive sushi cuts from Yoongi’s friend, you leave the restaurant full and sated, a little tipsy off of the expensive sake he ordered you both. 

“How do you afford all of this with a resident salary?” You ask, frowning as he signs the receipt. 

He chuckles, “Uh, I get a little help here and there.” 

You joke, “Don’t tell me you’re a heir or something.” 

He just laughs it off and leads you outside, to where his car waits. He drives you two to another place, and you laugh as he pulls in. “Classic,” you giggle, as he parks next to the Bodies exhibit that’s been touring the area for a while now. It was an anatomical exhibit with preserved bodies, fetuses, eyeballs, the likes. He just grins at you, “You’re a workaholic, and you love bodies. Couldn’t think of something more fun to do on our first date.” 

He tucks his coat over your bare shoulders as you two walk into the exhibit and you lean into him as you both peruse the aisles of jars and showrooms. 

“Why haven’t we done this sooner?” You whisper at him, and he turns to look at you with a look so dark and earnest, that your knees begin to shake a little. Halfway through the exhibit, you stopped looking at the preserved body parts and more at him, wondering where and how the hell Yoongi had dropped into your life to become the man you’ve always dreamed of. A little aloof and grumpy, yes, but he was a great friend, partner, and cared a lot more than he let on. 

If he’d taken you to a traditional dinner, your hopes would’ve been crushed. And if he’d driven you after to a musical symphony concert, or a regular movie, like other dates have done in the past, you would’ve been disappointed that he didn’t know you better. But this first date was the day you knew you wanted to marry Min Yoongi.                                           

He stares at you for a long time before whispering back, “I wanted to make sure,” he says lowly, and reaches over to grip your hand. “It was a bit scary at first.”

“What was?”

“How alike we are.” He fiddles with your fingers, turning your smaller hands in his and gnawing on his lip. “How well we fit.” 

You step forward, gripping his hand. “Yoongi,” you murmur, even though you two are far away from the other visitors at the exhibition. “Let’s go home. Please.” You stare up into his eyes and bite your lower lip subtly, and it takes him just a moment before he’s gripping your hand and heading straight for the exit to his car. 

You can’t keep your hands off of him, giggling as he grips your upper thigh from the driver’s seat and you retaliate by leaning over and nibbling on his ear and tonguing his jawline as he presses on the gas to get home. “Don’t s-stop,” he murmurs. You two run up the stairs, laughing and grabbing butts and whatever skin you can before he’s punching the code in and throwing his apartment door open. You don’t even get a chance to admire the size and beauty of his place. 

He barely gets the door closed before you throw off the jacket around your shoulders and pounce on him, and he presses you against the door, tongue searching your mouth earnestly and swiping across your lips desperately as moans and ragged breaths are released into the darkness of his studio. He groans at your taste, and you moan loudly as his hands rake lasciviously over your breasts and stomach. 

His tongue works wonders against your swollen lips, drawing out moans and licking boldly into your mouth as you suck on his lower lip.  

He quickly works the zipper of your dress down as you unbutton his black dress shirt, not even bothering to slide it down his shoulders in your desperation, but just roaming your hands wide across his white milky torso, scrapping your nails lightly as he tongues against your exposed neck and collarbone. “Hurry!” you ask him, quickly removing your straps and letting the dress slither down your body and pool at your feet. You step out of them and jump as Yoongi catches you, pulling your thighs tight against his hips as he walks you blindly towards his bedroom. 

He drops you onto his mattress and you laugh as he grins at you and quickly undoes his pants and climbs over you, starting to kiss you at your bellybutton and tickling you as he climbs up your body. Reaching behind and unclasping your bra, his gaze grows darker as he stares down at your naked torso. 

“So beautiful,” he mutters, cradling them in between his hands and fluttering kisses all over them and tonguing at your heightened nerves until you’re breathing heavy and stuttering his name, your core clenching around nothing and the wetness making you uncomfortable. “Yoongi,” you moan, grabbing at his boxers, “please, I need you...” 

He understands quickly and obliges, looming over you on his elbows and distracting you with a kiss as he removes your underwear and swipes a finger up your folds to feel your wetness. You’re panting and moaning incoherent things, desperate for the feeling of him in you, for him to touch you, to kiss you. The pressure he puts against your clit with the swipes isn’t good enough, and you mewl for him to hurry.

“Fuck,” he breathes, groaning as he settles between your thighs, “You’re so wet. How long have you been waiting for this?” 

“Too long to remember,” you whine, hiking your thighs up over his hips and anchoring him to you. He groans and your voice hitches in your throat when he finally slides into you, fitting into you like a glove. Your jaw hangs open on his shoulder and your hands are gripping whatever you can grab, the hair at the base of his neck, the bicep that’s pressed against your cheek. 

“Holy shit,” you croak, throwing your head back at the pleasure. It’s dark and you can’t see him but his groans huskily tickling your ear let you know he’s going as crazy as you are. He presses in and out, slowly taking his time and rocking his hips against you in a way that stimulates your clit, rolling his hips against you when he sheathes in and then pressing on his downstroke when he moves out. You retaliate by leaning up and mouthing at his neck and his collarbone, sucking hickey’s into the pale unmarked skin like your life depended on it. 

You remember that night you were almost moved to tears how he loved you, held your body like fine china, kissing and drawing moans and sweet promises from your lips like he couldn’t live without them. He’d moaned your name and muffled his moans when he came by kissing you hard, nibbling lightly at your lower lip as his hand came to tangle in your hand and his hips stuttered. 

He’d murmured “God I can do this for the rest of my life,” against your lips before he fell asleep, and you’d watched him fall asleep, smoothing back the black locks of his hair behind his ear. 

He was beautiful, in a way that you’d never expected yourself to be attracted to. His skin was absolutely pale and milkish, so clean and white that you wanted to spend the rest of your life running your lips and fingers and tongue over them and marking him as yours and learning everything about every inch of his body. 

He had smaller eyes, that crinkled when he smiled, but were dark and held so many promises and loyalty in them. His eyelashes that framed them were as dark as his hair and his eyebrows, so black and thick that you couldn’t resist running your hands through them as he dreamed. 

Although a bit on the skinnier side, Yoongi’s body was beautiful as well. The arm thrown over your waist was still thick and had definition, and his torso well built and broad enough to make you feel like you could sleep on his chest forever. Which you did, at least that night.

And the next morning, he’d woken up to you prancing around in his black dress shirt, making breakfast with a sweet little smile. That’s how it all started, as cheesy as it sounds.

Dating in the workplace, was difficult, at the least. But it helped that you worked in the same hospital, and your schedules were more or less the same, being able to enjoy your days off together at home, or even just sleeping together on the same bed in the on-call room whenever you were both available. 

It wasn’t forbidden for residents to date each other, as long as the relationship didn’t deteriorate performance. And in you and Yoongi’s case, your performance soared together, conquering complicated surgeries and hundreds of patient care issues together as a pair. You both weren’t too romantic elsewhere, and it was your own personal enjoyment to be able to finish eachother’s sentences and complete the most difficult surgeries without a hiccup. 

Getting married with Yoongi was the easiest part of your relationship. Saying yes was so, so easy. 

He’d been thinking about it since the first night you shared together, and two years into your relationship and three into your friendship, he invites you nervously over to his place and cooks you an amazing dinner with wine and candles and the works, and gets on his knees, proclaiming his undying love for you. 

He wasn’t good with words, but it was moments like these that he saved whatever sappiness he could muster up with his skinny little body for all at once. 

“I think...” he begins, watching the way your eyes widen at the sight of him on one knee. “I think a lot. And it’s sometimes hard for me to just feel emotions and stuff. I wasn’t raised like that, and I never really had an experience that forced me to do anything otherwise. But you...y/n, you...you make me feel. You make me excited to see you, you make my heart race when you perform your famous whipping stitch,” he laughs as he reaches up to cup your face and wipe away a tear with his thumb, “and you make me never want to live anyway else, besides the way I’m living right now, here with you.” 

“Will you marry me?” 

You’re crying ugly tears and getting your makeup all messed up, but you nod as you whisper, “Yes,” and let him slip on the beautiful big wedding ring and stand from the chair to meet him in a passionate kiss. 

That night, with your wedding ring the only thing you’re wearing, he proclaims his love to you through his actions, through his hands and his lips and his touches, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you submit to the ecstasy of being completely and actually loved by someone so wholeheartedly. 

You felt at that moment, that you had conquered the world. You had a great job, an even better workplace, and the best fiancee you could ever ask for. He was your partner in crime, your trusted best friend, your husband-to-be. He was your everything. 

Planning the wedding...was easy. 

Both of you weren’t complicated, nor extravagant people. You simply chose a nice venue, chose steak as the dinner, a normal white wedding cake, a nice dress that complimented your figure, and you both had a great relationship with the Chief, so you asked him to officiate the wedding. Your friend took your pictures for you, and you were able to make your wedding playlist in 30 minutes in the waiting room right after a surgery. A couple of your fellow residents and childhood friends were the bridesmaids and thankfully, the ones without medical jobs that sucked out the life and time out of their days, were able to step in and plan the rest of the details of your wedding like the color of the silverware and the texture of the table covers.

No extra musical quartets to play your wedding song, no extravagant flowers besides the nice green ones decorating the tables and your bouquet, and your honeymoon was going to be a nice week-long trip in a tropical island, far far away where the both of you could just enjoy the moment together. 

Simple.  

You found and planned to buy a house, which is when you discovered that Min Yoongi came from a pretty well off family. It was a nice four bedroom place, with a big kitchen and an even bigger living room, and since the both of you were were always tired and busy, you made the finances to hire a maid and gardener to come every weekend and clean your house inside out. 

The only part was...his parents, weren’t easy. At all. 

His father was a strict businesswoman, with a degree in law and economics who’d started his own company from scratch and had built it up to be one of the biggest tech companies in the country. His mother, although not a working woman, was a daughter of another mogul who’d raised her with all the perfect etiquettes required of heiresses like her.  

Meeting her made you almost piss your pants, as you fiddled with your coat for the upteenth time that day, and Yoongi reaches over to grip your hand in a firm hold, leaning over and murmuring, “You look beautiful, don’t worry. She’s gonna love you.” 

That, to this day, was probably the biggest lie your husband ever told you. Well, in addition to the whole “til death do us part” lie he told you at the altar. But you’d go through a thousand of those lies if it meant you didn’t have to deal with his mother. 

She was a fierce-looking lady, with eyeliner sharper than you’d ever been able to master, and pearls hanging from her dainty neck that looked like they’d be shiny and strong enough for her to choke you with. She’d walked in with a piercing stare, giving you a once over at your new Givenchy dress and Chanel coat, and pursed her lips before taking a seat. Damn, an hour of preparing completely unappreciated in seconds, 3,000$ down the drain. 

Yoongi’s father was a bit more loveable, a tired old man who loved to take you camping and outdoorsy stuff that his mother refused to even talk about. You enjoyed fishing and hiking with him whenever you got the chance. But Yoongi’s mother...she was a whole different story. 

The moment she approved of your marriage, she took over. She planned another wedding, much bigger and more lavish than the first friends-and-family-only one you and Yoongi had originally planned for. She hired one of the most popular wedding planners to come in and re-do the entire thing, renting out a traditional huge church for the event and re-doing the entire sanctuary in draping colors of white and pale pink and gold. 

The wedding cake was taller than you, and the food was made by a Michelin star chef who had dozens of professional waiters and waitresses at his beck and call to deliver the plates going around. 

She invited almost four-hundred guests, all important men and women in Yoongi’s father’s business. Potential investors, politicians, local celebrities and moguls, the Board of Trustees, important managers and team leaders from the company, and even families that shared good relationships with her own. 

Immediately, your week was chock-full of scheduled facials, nail salon appointments, dress fittings, and meetings with the planner that your mother-in-law insisted on attending. 

The only thing she let you choose in the entire wedding was your underwear, which you insisted on not wearing the thong that would probably render you sterile for the rest of your life. 

But you gritted your teeth through it as she drove a whirlwind through your once-normal marriage, and you smiled through clenched teeth and did the whole six hours of greeting and nodding and waving alongside Yoongi. Little did your mother-in-law know that at the end of the night, you fucked Yoongi in her kitchen while she was out drinking with her friends. 

It was your dirty little secret.

Your once-normal house was sold quickly and she insisted on you two moving into a huge estate that was much closer to hers, and immediately hired the both of you a set of maids, gardeners, and cooks to make sure the “house was running properly” since you never “have time to do it anyway.” 

If it meant that she’d stay out of your house and not force the both of you to move in with her, you were satisfied. 

All you needed was Yoongi, and you had him through it all. He was the one who coaxed you not to panic when his mother forced you to do a chemical peel for your skin that made you want to die of pain, and assured you that it would all be over, and even offered to run away with you whenever you wanted, whenever you decided that doing this and putting up with his mother and her antics wasn’t worth it all. 

But it was, worth it all. He was worth it all. And so you insisted on just doing it. Your marriage and your happily ever after was worth all the hours and hours of scrubbing your skin clean and lasering your body hair off and squeezing into a corset for your wedding dress. 

You were determined to make sure your marriage with Yoongi was perfect.

Which was probably why when Dr. Do Kyungsoo decided to amicably transfer 5 years later from his promotion into attending status, and 3 years into your marriage with Yoongi, he chose the both of you to head the department in his place. You two were surgeons who worked well together, were happily married, with leadership skills and great relations with the Chief, and it also helped that the both of you together had incredibly high surgical success rates. 

It was a no-brainer, pun intended.

And so you step up, pack up your stuff and move into your own immaculate offices side-by-side, enjoy the perks of being the leaders of the neurosurgery department, with your own assistants and resting rooms, able to access even more surgeries and benefits. 

But also, simultaneously, 3 years into your marriage with Yoongi, was when the questions started. 

“When are you planning to have children?” 

“Are you guys thinking of expanding your family?” 

“Have you been taking those uterine enhancing vitamins I sent to your house last week?” Your mother-in-law would call you, and you’d wince, scrambling up to the fridge in your office to suck on the plastic pouch of useless Eastern medicine as you mumble, “Yes, mother. Everyday now.” 

She huffs over the phone. “Why can’t you get pregnant yet? Have you and Yoongi been trying, even?”

You sigh, “Uh, mother, I can assure you that Yoongi and I have been doing this together, and we will take it at our own pace. I promise you, I’m thinking about this rationally.” 

“Rationally doesn’t mean you agree to leading the department together with your husband. Rational means you, as a woman, let him lead and take a break so that you’re not always running around that hospital and making your uterus less elastic.” 

You don’t even bother explaining how wrong that was medically, because the uterus did not loose elasticity because you were working harder, as she continues to berate you for not taking the traditional role of a wife. 

It...it was complicated. You were raised in a family much different than Yoongi’s. Your parents were high school lovers, who’d married right after graduating college and started their family with your older brothers. After having you, and after 10 more years of marriage, they’d decided that it wasn’t worth it, and that the problems that continued to arise within your family weren’t solvable. 

So they divorced, shuttling you and your two brothers in between them for holidays, and you’d lived your life getting used to having two sets of clothes, two desks, two houses, and two bedrooms. You couldn’t complain, there were children out there with much worse circumstances than yours. But nonetheless, the brokenness of your parents marriage was probably why you were so desperate to prove to everyone that you weren’t like them. 

You wanted to be different. You saw how your mother had rotted at home, lonely and waiting for her surgeon husband to return home. He rarely called once he got promoted to Attending status, and was always late to family events. He always missed dinner, and you distinctly remember walking out into the living room late at night after peeing, and seeing your mother asleep at the dining table, a full meal laid out for him as she slept on the spot next to him. 

Staying at home, rotting away like that...it wasn’t your thing. You wanted to be great, you wanted to excel and prove how good you were, not only to yourself and your own family, but even to Yoongi’s mother. Because of your parents’ divorced status and not-on-the-wealthy-side financial state, she’d looked down at all of you when you first met her a while ago. 

But then Yoongi had graciously taken a moment with her the night after, explaining to her calmly how hard working you were, how you refused to let him help you with your debt, working tirelessly and passionately to support your parents and work off your debt and bills. Only then did she agree to the marriage. 

“...make sure that Yoongi is eating his vegetables. I know I hired you both a chef to make sure you both got your nutrients. He knows and I’m sure he’s doing a great job, but Y/n, a wife should be cooking for her husband from time to time. Go make him some chicken bone healthy soup, I hear its very good for the male body...” she continues to babble on as you see your office door handle twist open and Yoongi lingering in the doorway. 

You spin in your chair to look at him and he smiles apologetically at you.

“My mom?” He mouths, and you nod sadly. 

He walks over and leans against your desk, and you lean forward and press your forehead against his stomach, breathing in his scent. You stay like that for a moment, the smell of Yoongi’s skin calming you. Although the both of you used the same body wash and laundry detergent, there was still something so Yoongi about his smell. You could never replicate it, even though you sometimes secretly spritzed his cologne in your bedroom when you missed him a lot. Hoping that maybe his scent rubbed off on you in the process was all you could do. 

The phone is still pressed against your ear as you mumble out acknowledgements to his mother and he chuckles as he smooths your hair back with one hand. He lifts your head to lean down and deliver a deep kiss, one that makes your lashes flutter and your heart stop. 

You open your eyes to him staring down at you funny, and then a big grin stretches across his face as he holds the mute button down. “Hey,” he grins at you gummily, “let me sit on the chair.” He lets go of the button.

You frown and continue to talk to his mother as you oblige and get up out of the chair to perch against the edge of your desk while he gets comfortable. He grips the back of your head and pulls you down for another searing kiss, one that makes you smile and frown confusedly down at him. 

He just grins and presses the mute button again, “trust me,” he whispers, and begins to kiss at your jawline. 

You hold the phone away from your ear and out of earshot as you hiss, “Oh my god, Yoongi, no.” 

“The doors locked,” he murmurs as he stands up and curls over you against the table to grind his hips against yours. “Keep talking to her.” he says, and his eyes glint with mischevious intent as he continues to travel down your torso. One by one he undoes the little buttons on your blouse, kissing and licking at each new inch of skin that’s revealed. He doesn’t even bother taking off your bra, just hiking it up out of the way and immediately diving and tonguing at your nipples until your struggling to keep your harsh breathing under control and your practically dripping down your thighs. 

“Always so sensitive here,” he smirks, flicking a thumb over your sensitive nipple. 

His mother’s still droning on and on about how your gardener was the best, whatever awards he’s won and what she thinks he should do with your backyard....all while her son is currently getting comfortable in between your legs. 

He pulls up your pencil skirt and snaps the waistband of your panties against your hip, grinning up at you cheekily when he sees the dark spot that reveals your wetness to him. Without even pulling them off, he pushes the band aside and slides two fingers into you without warning, making you choke on whatever agreements you were babbling into the phone. 

“Yes, mother, I think so to---” you completely cut yourself off, literal seconds away from moaning out loud into the receiver. You immediately punch your finger into the mute button, glaring down at Yoongi. “What the fuck?” you hiss, staring at the weighted phone in your hand as you can hear the light crackling of her frantic voice on the other end. “Yoongi, oh my god, we’re gonna get caught.” 

“Not if you keep quiet,” he says, lightly kissing the skin above your bellybutton and continuing to languidly move his fingers within you, curling upwards to press against that spot that has you curling into him, gripping his hair for support, the phone still dangling in between your fingers. You keen, “Oh Yoongi,” you’re shuddering at the onslaught of such direct pressure and squeezing your eyes shut at the sensations. 

The transition from residents to Attendings had been busy, and you’d been coming home with Yoongi only to collapse onto your beds without any energy for anything else. You were starved. 

His mother’s voice crackles loud enough to draw you out of your haze. “Shit,” you mutter and turn off the mute, “Y-yes mother, s-sorry, I choked on some water there.” 

Her voice calms down as she hears you on the line again. “Oh Jesus, I thought you’d passed out or something. Don’t do that again, you’ll stress out your body and stress isn’t good for the baby. Anyway, what was I saying, oh yes. The gardener wants to install a fountain that’s made out of genuine Greek volcanic rock....” 

You tune her out as your head tips back and your eyes close to the feeling of Yoongi’s mouth close over your clit, hot and slick against the drenched fabric of your panties, and making you tremble at how quick he drives you to the edge. Your heeled feet are perched on the handles of your chair, and your clothes in a complete mess. The only thing you can focus on is making sure you mumble a “mhm,” for your mother-in-law to know you’re listening and anchoring Yoongi’s face against your core. 

He moves his tongue slowly, tracing patterns into your flesh, making you all hot from the inside out and making your thighs tremble with the exertion of trying not to buck into him. 

Clenching your jaw, you determine, is the best way of not letting any noises escape and you angle the receiver a bit away from your nose and mouth to make sure his mother doesn’t catch on the heavy breathing. 

Your breaths are labored and shuddery, trying to compensate for the overwhelming sensations Yoongi drives through your system, his hands cradling your hip and the other roughly palming your breast and raking down your body to curl into you once again and press right against the spot only he knows this way. His hair is twisted tight beneath your fingertips but it only spurs him on, and you can literally feel the smile that he grins into your core, as he becomes even more naughty at the nasty thought of you accidentally letting his name slip as a moan in a conversation with his own mother. 

But you manage to hold it in, cumming fiercely and silently, tears pricking your eyes as you curl into Yoongi’s mouth and your jaw hangs open in a silent scream as he tongues and laps at your wetness through it all. 

You’re still shaking and shuddering as you come down from it, and Yoongi waits, leaning back in your leather chair with a satisfied and triumphant grin, his lips shining slightly from your wetness, and you snap. 

“I-I’m sorry, mother, but I h-have to go. There’s an um, emergency p-procedure I have to perform! Right now! Sorry, I’ll call you later, so sorry, bye!” You ignore the frantic questions and slam the receiver down on the cart, and pounce on Yoongi, kissing him and roughly tugging at his hair and grunting in to the kiss to let him know how much you hated and loved him right now. 

“Fuck,” you mutter, tonguing at his lips that are still salty with your taste. “You’re so much nastier than when we first married.” 

He chuckles huskily against your lips. “Says the one who’s kissing me right after I ate you out.” 

You grin down at him. “Switch,” you command, and he obliges, and you put your clothing somewhat back in place before taking his seat and unbuckling his pants. He’s already hard, probably from eating you out and the excitement and thrill of doing so when you’re on the phone with his mother, and you sneer at that. 

You grip him at his base, squeezing tightly and slowly jerking him off. He bites his lip as he watches you, leaning against your desk. “You think you’re real cute huh?” You sneer, leaning forward to wrap your mouth around his tip and suck harshly, making him moan and buckle, his hands flying into the edge of the desk and in your hair. 

You detach, though, before he can get any further pleasure from it and stare up at him. “You know that if we got caught, it wouldn’t even be you in trouble, but me?” 

You reach over and grip his balls, playing with the weight in your hands and rubbing the space right where his cock meets the heavier skin. He groans, biting his lip and you smile wickedly when you feel him jump within your hands. “Fuck,” he groans, watching you with narrowed eyes. He knew he deserved it, and he was loving every bit of it. 

“Next time,” you lean forward and wrap your lips around him again, sucking harshly and then pulling away in a tease, “You’re gonna fuck me in her house, make sure that she knows it’s not me thats nasty, but its all you.” You finally oblige, leaning in and swallowing his length as far as you can, letting him settle heavily against the back of your tongue. You swallow around him and fight the urge to gag, your other hand coming to his base and stroking whatever else you can’t reach with your tongue and mouth. 

Yoongi’s completely at your dispense now, moaning and clenching his eyes shut as his breaths become labored and his hand becomes a bit too tight in the strands of your hair. But you ignore it, rubbing the texture of your tongue against the underside of his cock and moaning to send vibrations straight down his length. 

“Oh sh-shit,” he buckles, “T-too much, t-too fast y/n.” He cringes, but you keep going, bobbing your head back and forth and smoothing your tongue harshly against the spot right on the underside of his cock that makes his stomach muscles clench underneath your hands. 

He cums within seconds of doing that, groaning loudly and fisting his hands in your hair. You continue to stroke him through the orgasm, letting his cum drip down your tongue and you swallow loudly around him, making him buck forward from the extra stimulation. “Fuck,” he breathes out, grinning as you stand and wipe your lip, “That was hot.” 

You roll your eyes, walking over to your closet and stripping off your ruined undies. The offices were nice, and personal, but even better because you and Yoongi could get some actual work done together with the nice locks they provided on your doors. You kept a stash of clean laundry here just in case you needed them for surgeries and important meetings, but your underwear stash was getting suspiciously depleted faster. 

While you’re putting on a clean pair, he surveys the contents of your desk as he observes the packet of Uterine Vitamin Eastern medicine juice. He cringes as he turns over the packet and surveys the contents printed on the back, grimacing at the odd combination of multiple herbs and spices. 

“No wonder you tasted bitter when I kissed you,” he curls his lip in disgust, “what the hell is in this thing? Are you sure it’s not doing the complete opposite of enhancing your vagina?” 

You sigh, closing the closet door. “Imagine what it’s like to have your mother call me every night to remind me to take them.” Walking over, you slot yourself snugly in his arms. 

His voice vibrates in his chest, calming you as you press your cheek against it. “You know, just say the word, and I’ll tell her to stop. I can go tell her that I’m the one who has sperm issues or don’t want kids or something. She’ll stop and listen then.” 

You shake your head, closing your eyes as Yoongi’s chin comes down softly against the crown of your head. One more thing you loved about Yoongi, was that he was the perfect height for you to snuggle into his neck. “I don’t want you to lie to her.” 

His chuckle buzzes against your ear. “I mean, it’s true that we want to wait a little bit, right? With the department changes that are going on and all...it’s okay to wait a little isn’t it?” 

Resting your chin on his chest and peering up at him through tired lashes, you pout, sighing. “But if it happens, I guess it happens. I’m happy either way.” 

He leans down and pecks your lips. “Me too. I’m happy either way.” 

To think about where it all went wrong...well that’s not easy. 

You’d spent three amazing years alone with Yoongi, enjoying your time together as residents, then promoted to Attendings. And although the transition into becoming department heads together was anything but simple or easy, especially with Yoongi’s mother nagging and turning her nose up at your decision every chance she got, it was still bearable. 

But...maybe it had been the extra stuff in your lives that had driven you apart. 

Your google calendar looked like a kid had just drawn squares everywhere with different colors. Your schedule was a mess, not that Suho was anything but organized, he was great. But your schedule was chock-full of important meetings, orientations, interviews, and even hospital events that took up a lot of your time. All you wanted to do was go back to your surgeries with Yoongi, but naturally being a bit more organized and better with human beings than Yoongi was, you ended up taking a bit more of the official part of the job, while he was equally stressed out by the extra patient-meetings and demanding surgeries. 

You couldn’t complain about having to just attending meetings in person and greeting people and sipping champagne while Yoongi was having to deal with rude and stressed out patient families and even a lawsuit regarding one of the surgeries his patient claims could have been done better. Which, was ridiculous, because you and everyone in the entire country knew that Yoongi was one of the best specialists to deal with that patient’s tumor the way he did. 

And neither did he, even though he stumbled in half awake into your home at 3am in the morning with eye bags dragging down to his chin and equally so weak from not being able to eat or drink anything during his surgeries, collapsing onto the couch. 

But you still tried. You made sure that the both of you had Sunday’s off, no matter what, calling in favors from other departments to make sure that your positions were covered. 

Sundays...naturally became a routine. 

You both were up before 7am, just by habit. Yoongi would go into the kitchen and sip on some coffee silently while you went on your morning jog. By the time you got back, Yoongi was taking a nap, which is when you’d shower and get ready and leave the house together by 8:30 towards his parents’ place. 

From 8:30 to 9, you’d help his mother prepare an obnoxious breakfast, full of beautiful cooked eggs, perfect waffles, little salmon and cheese crackers, and even sometimes she whipped out the caviar. 

And together, you’d prepare for Yoongi and his father, who would just discuss a few things here and there while the women cooked. And then until 10, you and Yoongi would share coffee with his parents while his mother nagged you about children and his father would tell one of his fishing stories. 

By noon, you’d both be back home, and Yoongi would groan about how tired he was and collapse into sleep again, and you’d quietly read a book or clean until he woke up around 4, and you’d go watch a movie together. It didn’t matter what movie, but you both just sat there in the darkness watching whatever stupid indie film was popular that week in your local theatre. 

Since it was dark after the movie finished, you’d both make your way over to a small diner or something to grab a bite to eat. And then you’d curl up together infront of the tv or the fireplace and just silently cuddle. 

But at one point, the cuddling didn’t feel as warm anymore. 

Yoongi stopped bringing home flowers randomly. Instead his first words to you when he entered your office or when he came home would be something about the hospital. Sometimes, he was forced to even miss out on the precious Sunday times together because he was called in for an emergency procedure only he could do. Or you’d have to bail and reschedule your silent Sundays together in order to make it to an important hospital event. 

The sex...well it was just sex. 

You both tried changing it up here and there. But being married for three years...really had depleted a lot of your options of your boundaries and the things both of you were comfortable doing. The 15th time doing bondage and tying your hands to the bed just wasn’t as exciting as the first. Just...naturally. 

And that was probably where it went wrong. 

You accepted it, just acknowledged that things becoming like that were normal for any other couple. Great. But what your mistake was, you didn’t do anything about it. You didn’t dare ask him to attend marriage-counseling with you, in fear of disrupting the silence and peace you finally had obtained with his mother, and also, you had access to his calendar. It was impossible to do it together without his mother somehow finding out. She had his calendar too. 

Little by little, you stopped asking. You stopped pressing him to take time off for dates, to separate and designate some time for just the two of you, without having to worry or talk about work. You stopped telling him about your day. And instead, you began to resent the way he always somehow managed to turn a blind eye to the passive side-comments his mother gave you. 

It became a nuisance to hear that his partner in surgery was a beautiful new graduate who was all busty and fresh and innocent  and remarkably good at surgery, and conveniently, working right next to him. 

It also got busier. The hospital began a new TV program to raise public finds for the free clinic. The chief had brought up the idea, proposing a weekly talk-show-ish program where doctors and PA’s would sit at a panel and discuss important health issues and offer the best advice. Naturally, as one of the senior representatives of the neuro-department, and as a woman who was used to being on screens, you were asked to be on the show. 

As your life picked up faster than ever, you had totally missed that, somehow, the marriage you had dreamed of, and had protected with your life, was crumbling with every step you took in your polished Louboutins. 

And then, you took a test. Six weeks after your last pregnancy.

The two lines on the stick you peed on shined bright blue back at you, and you bit your lip as tears welled up in your eyes at the thought of finally starting a family with Yoongi. Almost four years of marriage, and you’d finally decided to stop taking the pills. You knew he wanted children, he’d always stare longingly at the children in the park or linger in the children’s toys section in the department stores. 

But it had finally happened. 

Telling him was glorious, he’d cried and kneeled and kissed your stomach until you were giggling and telling him to stop, and he was cooing promises of a family and eternal happiness and gratitude to you. 

Telling his mother...well...was pretty extraordinary. Once she knew, she gathered all family and friends, including...basically everyone at the hospital, and had announced at a brunch party that you and Yoongi were expecting. 

But nonetheless, it lead to a month of a happy marriage. Yoongi began delegating, switching his surgeries off to others to make sure that he was home to have dinner, often bringing home the same bouquets of flowers that you used to receive back when the both of you were interns. He began decorating, and even though you’d laughed and told him that it was still technically risky in the first trimester, had settled for buying a white crib and completely stocking the closet with unisex products, like shower products and carseats and diapers. 

The sex was better. Yoongi refused to do anything to you even a smidgen above vanilla, scared to do anything to the baby. 

“Yoongi,” you moan, head thrown back as he rocks his hips into you, “Spank me.” Begging had always been a secret little kink of Yoongi’s, but this time, he was adamant about not doing anything to stimulate “even any amount of pain for my wife.” 

“No,” he pants, holding his upper body above yours, careful not to drop his weight on you. “What if it hurts the baby?” 

You roll your eyes, throwing your legs around his back and pulling his hips close so they roll against your clit deliciously, and you curve your spine up into him so that your chests rub together. Moaning, you shake your head. “It...it’s okay.” You pant, and Yoongi finally finally relents....into doing doggy style. 

“Switchin’ it up,” he grins, sliding back into you with a moan, and you roll your eyes half from frustration and half from pleasure.

It was fun. It was four weeks of feeling glorious, four weeks of feeling like finally, you had your marriage back. Yoongi was back to his normal, chippy self, finally able to get some more sleep and not throwing himself into his work. Your own work schedule was now a bit more lenient, people understanding when you had to skip out on important meals or appointments because of morning sickness. Co-workers and other subordinates were gushing constantly with blushed cheeks at how jealous they were of your marriage, congratulating you with every chance you got. The mother-in-law had finally stopped hounding you, and instead showed her interest by constantly ordering catalogues to your home about baby products. It was still meddlesome, but it was definitely better than calling you every morning at 9 am to make sure you took your uterine enhancing vitamins. 

And those four weeks, you might have completely forgotten that your marriage had gone through a rough patch. No, a gaping hole and a horrible mess that you both had somehow just glazed over with the thoughts of a baby. You should’ve known that it was too good to be true. 

After a particularly hard day of meetings, you suddenly felt a sharp pain in your side, and wince as you stumble a bit. Suho is at your side, a worried look in his face. “Y/N,” he says, “are you okay?” 

Cringing, you take a breath before hesitating. Normally you would have dismissed it for a momentary cramp or a twinge from hunger. But this...you felt something was wrong. Your heart begins to beat faster as your breath becomes short. “S-Sehun,” you whisper, grabbing his arm for support. “I need Sehun, now!” 

You’re ushered into his office and Sehun comes to meet you halfway, a frown on his worried face. “Y/N,” he murmurs, “You don’t look well.” 

You’re crying, anticipating the worst. “I...” you pant, worriedly looking up at him. “I don’t feel good, I-I felt a sharp pain in my side, like a cramp, and all of a sudden...I-I don’t know S-sehun, please just check, I’d f-feel so much better if you would just ch-check...” 

“Okay, yes, of course,” he murmurs, urging you towards the table. 

You settle against the cushion, the papers rustling behind your back as you lay down and you hike up your blouse near your ribcage so that Sehun can smear the gel onto your abdomen as he turns on his Ultrasound. 

The next few moments seem to happen in slow motion. 

“Y/N...” he trails off, turning from the screen to you. His eyes are sad, his face fallen completely as you stare at him in horror. “It...it was embedded in your fallopian tube. If it had stayed there...” he breathes out at your stricken expression, “your tube would have torn open. Its a miracle that you miscarried it naturally.” 

You lay there for a moment, staring up at the blank white ceiling, the bright lights bruning into the back of your skull. And that day, you quietly cancel the rest of your schedules and trudge back home, dazedly walking into your place and seeing that Yoongi’s shoes are in the doorway. 

You pad into the house, hoping that he’d be waiting there with the news, or even if he didn’t know yet out of Sehun’s politeness, just waiting for you to fall into his arms. 

But when you walk into the bedroom, you see a lump of hair and a tired, limp Yoongi sleeping soundly. 

And the sight breaks the dam. You crumple onto the floor, shoulders racking at the sight, and you press your fist into your mouth as you attempt to silence the shudders and cries that pass your lips. The tears dribble down endlessly as you rock yourself back and forth, holding your abdomen close as you pray silent prayers and apologize, over and over and over. 

That night, you fall asleep on the bathroom floor, after hours and hours of just crying and staring at the dots of blood on your underwear.

Months later, all the sad smiles and apologies have stopped and you and Yoongi have lapsed completely back into the same routine. 

Wake up, eat, work, sleep. 

“So,” Wendy grins at the camera, flashing the audience a big smile, “Y/N,” she turns to you, “I think the rest of the panel and the audience have desperately wanted to know since the day you joined our show. What is your marriage like? I assume that being married to another successful surgeon isn’t easy. How do you and Dr. Min manage to make it work?” 

You smile nervously, curling a hair behind your ear. “Uh,” you chuckle, “I-I don’t really have any secrets.” 

Wendy laughs, just playing along to the script. “Oh, don’t tease us Y/N, we know you have a few tips! Please, c’mon, the female audience has been dying to know since your husband guested on the show with you.” 

You clear your throat, plastering on a smile. “Well...it may sound generic,” you begin, “but rule number one, never go to sleep angry.” 

Wrong. 

“Rule number two, always make time to have personal dates, and personal time together.” 

Wrong.

“And rule number three, always remember...never forget the way you fell in love.” 

Wrong.

Yoongi comes home that day, dark circles down to his mouth and not even bothered to have changed out of his dirty scrubs, the door slamming and locking shut behind him. He leans heavily against the doorway, eyes shut as he groans and kicks off his shoes. 

You’re in the living room, waiting for him, but he doesn’t even see and breezes past the area straight for the bedroom. 

You set down your tea and pad after him, watching him slowly undress as he walks, leaving the soiled scrubs behind him as he stumbles into the bedroom. He faceplants straight into your shared bed, naked except for his boxers. 

“Yoongi,” you whisper, tossing the scrubs into the laundry hamper. “We need to talk.” You grab a fresh set of boxers and a t-shirt for him to wear. Walking forward, you nudge his shoulder until he groans and sits up. 

“What.” he says tiredly, cranky as you hand him the clothes. 

Frowning, you cross your arms. “I know you’re tired but this is important.” 

He wipes his face with his hand, lingering and pressing down a bit on his eyes and temples before tiredly frowning up at you. “Go.” He breathes out, and you fight the urge to pick at his tone. 

“Today,” you whisper, taking the seat at the vanity across from the bed. “The show asked me about my marriage.” 

He just watches you, elbows on his knees as he clasps his hands infront of him. “Mhm.” He mutters.

 Swallowing, you cross your legs, blinking down at the grey of your sweats. “And...I lied.” 

Time seems to stop. You know he knows. Yoongi graduated at the top of his class. He was a genius, and was married to you long enough to have everything about your relationship engrained in his bones. He wasn’t stupid. 

“What...” he trails off, taking a moment to choose his words carefully. “What did you say?” 

You notice he doesn’t repeat the word “lie” again. 

“I told them we were perfect.” You whisper, eyes tearing up for the third time that day. 

You had finished up schedules quite quickly and had rushed home, excited and giddy that hopefully, today would be the day that would transform everything back to its rightful place. Yoongi’s schedule was clear and that would mean only one thing. 

From 6pm for an hour, you’d showered, shaving and exfoliating, and then had put on a mask while you styled your hair, and had taken utmost care to apply your makeup beautifully and choose the outfit that you’d never thought you’d be wearing again at this age. And then you’d waited. 

Sitting against the couch, you had waited, and waited, and waited, calling Yoongi to no avail. At 10pm, and the fourth hour of him not picking up nor responding, you’d given up. 

“Do you remember what today is?” You whisper, shoulders drooping with the effort. It was just so...hard. You couldn’t take it anymore. 

He doesn’t respond, and you answer him before he does. “Our anniversary. Yoongi, its our fourth year married...did...did you forget?” You ask him, eyes brimming with tears. 

His mouth falls open a little and that’s enough to answer your question that hangs in the air. “Oh Y/N,” he says lowly, eyes sadly looking up to you. “I-...I’m so sorry, there was an emergency Craniotomy and my phone was off the entire day and...” He sighs, head falling down. “I’m so sorry.” 

You notice that he doesn’t make the effort to stand up and walk over to you. 

And just like that, you realize that the few feet that stand between the bed and the vanity, and subsequently you and your husband, exemplifies the way you both grew apart. 

All the frustrations, the resentment, the hatred, the pent-up-anger comes up all at once. 

“I....I want a divorce, Yoongi.” 

#bangtan bookclub #bts fics #bts smut #yoongi smut #yoongi angst #fics #writing #cut me open #bts angst #doctor!yoongi #surgeon!yoongi #bts fluff #yoongi fluff #marriage

[scribblrhob]

the 'fucking nerd' question prompts: 5, 25, & 56?

5. Someone who can always make me smile:

My little brother, he’s perhaps the biggest nerd I know. He’s super passionate about airplanes, he knows all the names of all the elder models from the first half of the 20th century, plus all the spaceship models from Star Wars. He can draw them really well too. This afternoon I got to sit and listen to him explain in deep deep detail to me the differences between the X-wing from episode 4-6 and the X-wing from the latest episodes, one of them being where the motors are placed, plus facts about which country flew this plane and which plane was the fastest until the late 40’s when another model came about but it wasn’t used for long since the war ended soon after and blah blah blah…and I couldn’t stop grinning the whole time. It’s so delightful to see him so passionate about something like that. PLUS, OF COURSE, I’m proud of his drawing skills!! I really think he should attend a serious course…

25. Role model.

ROLE MODEL. Uh… my dad has been a good role model in some aspects, like seeing the world through realistic lenses, not taking crap from people, do your best and don’t let illogic get in the way of your goals and your self-confidence. My stepmom too has been important to me in terms of how I’ve improved through my life so far.

Family members and the like aside, not that there’s anything wrong with having family as role models but just to add someone different, I’d also like to mention Martina Stawski. She’s a YouTuber with her husband Simon (EatYourKimchi) with whom she lives in Japan, where they record videos about food and adventures to different interesting attractions and areas around the country…and lately, on a few occasions, about fighting to keep yourself happy despite being in pain and going through hard times. Martina, you see, has a rare and incurable illness known as EDS (Ehlers Danlos Sybdrome), which among other things causes chronic pain. Her pain is ever present and has made her go through seriously dark times, and still is - though she claims not quite as dark as before. She gets through it, because she decides to keep her thoughts on the things that make her happy and to keep engaging in what she loves so that her life with that illness can, at least, be manageable. At best, she’s as happy as she can be.

What I love about that and about her is that so many people out there go through bad things, - we all are really, it’s life - and it can easily make us miserable. But she taught me you gotta remember that you got more control over your life than you think. If you’re unhappy, sure it can be outside forces that’s part of it, but it can also be you standing in the way. You need to acknowledge that in order to reach the things you want in life. What’s so cool, though really sad too, is that Martina simply moving around causes her more pain than her just sitting still all day. Does that mean she should not enjoy her life? No, she decides. She’s still at least gonna make it down the stairs this morning, and if she’s /really/ strong, she’ll even go out for some fun activity that she can keep as a good memory in her life. Yes, in the end, that adds up to more pain than if she’d stayed in bed, but in the long run it’s worth it because she gets all those sweet memories to keep in mind the next day when her body is aching for her to just stay in bed.

And that’s why Martina is my role model. Now, I do not have EDS. But I have had pretty rough anxiety issues, still do but significantly less than a year ago because I got support from family and friends, AND because of Martina, seeing her go through her share of rough in her life which is truthfully much bigger than mine, and she still makes it in the end. That meant a lot to me.

(I’d totally recommend her and Simon’s channel Eat Your Kimchi on YouTube. They also got a Tumblr @eatyourkimchi , a podcast and a blog with the same name. They’re a hilarious pair.)

56. Favorite foods

(phew, after a dead long answer here’s a simple one)

Meatballs and pasta with ketchup and a glass of milk. It’s pretty significant fo Sweden, maybe all of Scandinavia but I think Sweden mostly. Brings back my childhood. Sushi too. I could also mention ramen but I’ve only tried that in one place here in Belgium so it doesn’t feel quite legit.

#eatyourkimchi #ask scribblr

[menfenced]

So, I make about a decent wage, though still one you’ve got to do some extra budgeting magic with to cover all the expenses of living in a city. It’s doable. You make some cuts to your fun budget, your eating out budget, and/or you choose an apartment that is a little older, a little more run down, and a little smaller than what you’d really like, and I’ve still got enough money to lead a fairly comfortable an relatively financially secure life. My co-workers make about the same amount that I do.  

Which is why I’ve been so irritated with the way that one of my co-workers has been talking about money lately. 

She’s still living at home in order to save up for college. She doesn’t pay rent, power, or internet, and we have health insurance through work. So basically, she pays her phone bill, gas money, and whatever fun spending she wants to pay for. Everything else goes into savings. She also got a pell grant that’s going to cover most of her tuition when she goes back to school this fall. So money wise, she’s in pretty good shape. And until about 2 weeks ago, she was planning on continuing to work part time with us while she was in school. She was also planning to get an apartment with her new fiancee, who was also going to be working part time and going to school this fall. So, you have 2 people pitching in for a 1 bedroom apartment, both working 20-25 hours a week at jobs that pay pretty decent, and one of these people has been able to save the VAST majority of her paychecks for the past 7 months to help with any expenses that may come up. This is a good place to be, monetarily speaking. This is a lucky place to be, because not everyone has that much financial security. 

Which brings me to the number 1 frustration: While searching for potential apartments, she kept finding apartments in the range of $500 per month as well as apartments around $800 a month. They looked pretty comparable in quality, so like any sane person, she decided to go with the cheaper ones. That’s when she discovered that those apartments were for low-income housing. And she got pissed. Complained for weeks about how low-income housing shouldn’t exist and shouldn’t be restricted because it wasn’t fair that she had to pay more of her money on an apartment. And I just... bitch, there are people making half what you are in this city and working twice as hard and twice as much to get there. They fucking deserve a roof over their head, and that wouldn’t exist without low-income housing options. 

frustration 2: She started dating this guy 6 months ago, got engaged 1 month ago, and is getting married 3 months from now. Which is fine. Whatever. Maybe they’re in love. Maybe they’re just your average young Mormon return missionaries who are feeling the pressure to get hitched and pop out some babies. I don’t know and, frankly, that’s none of my business. But then she started complaining about the cost of the wedding on top of college and how she just has no time to plan everything before August and like... that’s fine, but... it was 100% her decision to get married right now. She didn’t have to. No one forced her. She could have said, “sure, I’ll marry you, but let’s save up some more money first” It’s not like they’re going to BYU where you can get a scholarship for being a married student. If this doesn’t make financial sense for them, they have the option of waiting a year. Or just like... buying a cheap dress for the temple ceremony, which only like 10 people can attend anyway, and then having a wedding ceremony with all the bells and whistles and reception and everything at a later date if they’re THAT hard pressed to be married right away. I mean, I get that you’re sad that you can’t do whatever you want without having to think about money issues, but welcome to the real world. Everybody deals with that shit and a ton of people deal with that shit on a much bigger level than you do. 

frustration 3: pretty much ever since she started working there, she has complained about not having enough money and blah blah blah. She has made this complaint to two people making roughly the same amount she does. One of those people (me) pays for rent, food, power, utilities, internet, etc. She spends money on none of those things. The other person she complains to pays for all of the things I mentioned for myself, PLUS all of that for her 14 year old son. Need I continue? 

frustration 4: As she complains about all of this money shit to people who have more financial responsibilities and get paid roughly the same amount, she also let’s us know that, “Oh, I need this Friday, next Monday, and then all of the last week of the month off. I’m visiting friends in San Francisco, New York, and Pittsburgh.” Oh, ok. So not only are you not going to be at the job that pays you all this money that you are in such desperate need of, but you’re going to spend more money on a bunch of trips. And you’re going to make these trips every month because... you just couldn’t possibly go a whole month without seeing those friends. So in the mean time, we do all of our work PLUS your work and then you’re going to come back and complain more to us about how unfair it is that YOU don’t have more money?

frustration 5: I’ve only worked this job for 2 months longer than she has and I’m going on my 3rd raise now. Why? Because I work my ass off. This girl spends literally all her time watching Netflix shows on her phone at her desk. She tells people she’s way too busy to do anything but urgent tasks, lets everything get backed up to the point where it’s entirely useless. She comes in late most days and takes at least five days off every month for... whatever. Then she wonders why she’s never gotten a single raise. 

And all of this shit is pissing me off even more lately because she had told us that she was going to leave in August, then she was informed that we were letting go one of the other ladies at work at the end of April, which we did, which meant I got promoted to that position, which meant all of the work I had been doing before ended up being spread between the two other girls that worked the same position I had been working. This girl got super annoyed about all this and asked the other person, “So like, who’s going to do all her work now,” and was informed that whoever wasn’t busy would work on those things. And of course, this girl knows she’s never busy, ergo she will be busy now working on all of these things. Five minutes later, she puts in her two week notice. So not only does she respond to getting more work by quitting, but she does so when we’re already short staffed. And she acts like it was all part of the plan for a long time, but if that was the case, FUCKING LET YOUR SUPERVISOR KNOW BEFORE THEY FIRE SOMEONE ELSE! Not that that would have saved this other person’s job, but they could have put it off for a few weeks so that we weren’t down two people in a job that is difficult enough to do when fully staffed. So the supervisor asks her to give us 3 weeks because of the difficult position we are now in. She agrees. Except, not really, because she has come in late every day since then, has left early on three different days, asked for one full day off, and then tells us halfway through the second of the 3 weeks she promised us, that she got another job and, actually, she can only work 2 days of that last full week she promised us. 

So maybe my rage is a little more than it should be, but I am so fucking sick of her selfish, entitled ass and I just cannot wait until she is gone. 

[soysaucevictim]

Wrapping up with Week 5 of things. As well as the start of some new stuff.

(Even though this is going to cover a few more days than that.)

-

Nov. 16

I woke up a bit before 11AM, today.

Did a bit of the usual, before getting in my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 3′ side leg raise hold with EC (from floor). I find this an enjoyable exercise, it feels real nice in knees and hips. =w=

(After eating and letting it digest a bit...)

Second. Day 24 of the 30DoHIIT. Ab Work, Level 3. This was left untouched since old version. This was pretty doable - but the flutter kicks and scissors were when it got real. Was a little dubious since I ate a lot of Chinese food not long before - but I think it was long enough to not have much issue.

Third, Day 24 of the PGC. 2′30″ overhead flex hold. This is getting painful enough to get my eyes watering - but I could still manage it. And in all honesty, sometimes I get dry eyes and that actually felt pretty refreshing! Swings and roundabouts.

Though I did get some more drawing done... I didn’t gt to bed on time. Again. orz

-

Nov. 17

I woke up a bit before noon today.

Most of my day was spent on the usual, but I did do dishes, make dinner, and my exercise.

First, Day 25 of the 30DoHIIT. High Knees, Level 3. I got through it by the skin of my teeth and my pace did slow down a lot. Let’s just say, it was pretty intimidating - doing effectively 1′30″ high knees multiple times. Hard to definitively say whether the new version was very much easier than the old (which had less active time per set, but more sets). orz

Second, Day 25 of the PGC. 2′40″ un/clenching fists. I can feel myself approaching a plateau with this - but I was able to will myself to keep going at a decent pace (hovering around that .gif). Forearms felt the burn real good.

Third, today’s DD. 30 plank jacks with EC. This was pretty doable, though weird for me to do after my workout. Which kicked my butt. But I got through it. :U

Last, Day 22 of the G2B. Finally got back on track and hit the yellow zone. Let’s try not to drop off the wagon like that for awhile.

-

Nov. 18

Been up since a bit after 10AM.

Spent a bit of time with the usual and organizing some stuff, before getting in my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 flute flexes with EC. Not much to say other than I found it very fun to do! :D

Second. Day 26 of the 30DoHIIT. Active Plank, Level 3. This was left untouched since the old version. This was very doable with steady breathing - but the last set got pretty real. Push-up form wasn’t amazing - but I felt it! :,D

Third, Day 26 of the PGC. 2′40″ overhead flex hold. This was also manageable work - with a return of watering eyes. Probably will be the case for the remaining days of the challenge.

Last, Day 23 of the G2B. This time I went to bed in the green zone - mostly because I knew I had to get up earlier tomorrow.

-

Nov. 19

I woke up around 8:30AM, today.

Got to the facility a bit too late for group today, but that’s okay. I spent my time there drawing and socializing, before heading back home.

At home, spent some time with the usual, before doing my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 20 push-ups with rotations with EC. Push-up form wasn't stellar, but acceptable. Being a bit sleep-deprived did make things a touch harder than it needed to be, but mission accomplished. :P

Second. Day 27 of the 30DoHIIT. Cardio HIIT, Level 3. Was a bit dubious, because I was pretty tired from not enough sleep. But I managed to get through it okay.

Third, Day 27 of the PGC. 2′50″ un/clenching fists. I pretty much strictly followed the pace of the .gif, which I only just realized goes at a rate of 1 rep/sec. At first, I thought that was easy, but in the last minute or so was pretty tough!

Last, Day 24 of the G2B. I think it was largely due to tiredness- but I was able to get to bed in the green zone.

-

Nov. 20

I got up a bit before noon.

Spent a short time with the usual before the internet went out. Happy the PSPS Warning didn’t lead to a power outage for my place. But it did suck not being able to get some ref pictures, catch the DD, and whatnot.

I did end up playing a couple games of rummy, did some dishes, and made dinner before exercising.

First. Day 28 of the 30DoHIIT. Half Jacks, Level 3. The main difference with the older version is not incorporating a squat - so it used to be a bit harder. This was super fun, because I like jacks a bunch.

Second, Day 28 of the PGC. 2′50″ overhead flex hold. This was pretty painful, but I got this.

(After spending some time working on art and listening to music...)

Last, Day 25 of the G2B. Another day I managed to get to the green zone with, which I was happy about.

-

Nov. 21

I woke up a bit after 8AM again, today.

Got to the facility, did some drawing, socializing, and attended WRAP Group.

Got home and not long after, the internet came back on. So I spent a few hours with the usual before exercising.

First, yesterday’s DD. 30 single leg deadlifts with EC. I ran with assuming a foot drop was still good - so it was pretty doable with my energy levels and sore lower back muscles (probably from those glute flexes).

(I also attempted today’s DD, but I was way too tired for an elbow plank hold. orz )

Second. Day 29 of the 30DoHIIT. Ab Work, Level 3. Untouched from old version. But it was pretty challenging - by the time I got to those knee-to-elbows, I felt like my abs would fail on me and lose my balance. I managed to get through it in one piece!

Third, Day 29 of the PGC. 3′ un/clenching fists. I think I matched the pace of the .gif. This always get my forearm muscles feeling stiff and somehow bigger? Muscle fatigue does funky stuff to the proprioception. :,D

Last, Day 26 of the G2B. I managed to get to bed in the yellow zone, this time.

-

Nov. 22

I wke up a bit after 11AM, today.

Mostly did the usual, before doing some dishes and making dinner. All the exercise I did today was catch up on the DDs.

First, yesterday’s DD. 2′ raised leg elbow plank hold, without EC. I did try this yesterday but was too sleep deprived. I did better today - but indigestion made it untenable. So this was split into about 1'20"/40". Blah. orz

Last, today’s DD. 25 W-extensions with EC. This was far more manageable - but not super nice with that indigestion.

I also did not go to bed on time.

-

Nov. 23

I woke up a bit before 11AM.

Spent a bit of time on the usual before starting on my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 1′ chest squeeze with EC. This was fun, definitely still gets the arms trembling near the end.

(After FAR too many distractions...)

Second. Day 30 of the 30DoHIIT. Cardio HIIT, Level 3. 3 pretty explosive cardio exercises, this time. It kicked my butt and I was a bit worried about some indigestion I had going in... But I got through it in one piece. (Not sure how this matches up with the old version - while it did have more sets, it had side-to-side jumps instead of [basic] burpees.)

Third, Day 30 of the PGC. 3′ overhead flex hold. That was certainly a willpower game - but these 10″ increments definitely made this more manageable. It did get some waterworks going, too! Pffft!

Fourth, Day 1 of the Daily Gratitude Challenge. I think this will be a good thing to try to incorporate more regularly, There may be repeated items - but I’ll try to come up with new stuff. But to start off, I’m grateful:

That I had the help I needed to get some benefits, over the course of the last few years. I’m still trying to process this.

That DAREBEE exists, it made it possible for me to keep exercising for more than 4 years now.

That I have been able to create art and continue to try fostering a growth mindset in this front.

(After some time doing last minute planning for what I’m going to do next...)

Last, Day 27 of the G2B. This was a yellow zone, day.

-

Nov. 24

I woke up a bit before 11AM, today.

First, today’s DD. 40 scorpion twists with EC. This is still among my favorites. It's very easy to find yourself shimmying backwards on accident, though. :,S

Second, I reattempted  Day 23 of the 30DoHIIT... But I was just not up for it. Like at all. I’m not a fan of planks and I’m mildly annoyed that THIS was the only time I did Level 2 with in this program run. But it still puts me above my PBs in challenge levels (though, because of version changes, that may be not super accurate for comparison.)

Third, Day 1 of the Kick Master Challenge. I wanted to pick a challenge that was fun legwork and relatively aerobic. 40 turning kicks (20/20) and 40 side kicks (20/20) in one workout. I pretty easily managed doing this in one go. Maybe I’ll alternate sides to make it more challenging. :Ic

Fourth, Day 1 the Dead Hang Challenge. I think this would be a good upper body challenge to complement the KMC and helpful for progressing towards pull-ups. Today was 2x10″ dead hangs. It’s surprisingly challenging to do so for even 10″, but manageable. We’ll see if I can keep up with the increments, either way I’m going to see some progress!

Fifth, Day 2 of the DGC. I’m grateful:

For the things that inspire me to make art, be it Sanders Sides, ask blogs, or more.

For my friends online and off, I feel like I should reach out to them more, though.

That I’m able to get mental health support from the local community.

Last, Day 28 of the G2B. Yellow zone again.

-

Nov. 25

I woke up a bit before 11AM.

I did my exercise earlier today.

First, today’s DD. 1′ calf raises with EC. Counted 67 reps, this time - I wanted to stay above 1/sec and oof... that pace was pretty tough! :,D

Second, Day 2 of the KMC. 2x 10 slow side kicks (5/5) + 10 fast side kicks (5/5). I think I kept the rest period shorter than prescribed, because it was a bit easy.

Third, Day 2 of the DHC. 20″ dead hang. That was pretty tough. It might be nice to get some distraction set up to make this a bit more tolerable. But I still did manage.

(Because I was a bit thrown off by some news... I didn’t get to the DGC. But I did shower and some of the usual before winding down again.)

Last, Day 29 of the G2B. Just barely missed the green zone, but good enough.

-

Nov. 26

I got up a bit after 8AM, today. I’m quite tired.

I got to the facility, attended group, got frazzled by a conversation (nnng, gotta let that one go), went to the diner (because I could actually do that... and I kind of wanted to chill out, even if it was raining), and did a bit of drawing.

Got home, spent time on the usual and baked some pizzas before getting in today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 2′ elbow clicks with EC. I counted 129 reps, happy I managed to stay above 1/sec.And it certainly got pretty challenging to will the elbows to touch in the last ~50 reps. :,D

Second, Day 3 of the KMC. 2x 20 turning + 20 side kicks. I just did it in one superset - and this was pretty fun.

Third, Day 3 of the DHC. 2x10″ dead hangs. O think this was modestly more tough than the first time - probably due to being a bit sleep deprived and overfull. But again, doable!

Fourth, Day 3 of the DGC. I’m grateful:

For my therapist and their insights.

Whenever I have (electrical) power.

That I haven’t had any acute episodes of hip pain, since I started exercising.

Last, Day 30 of the Get to Bed on Time Challenge. This was yet another yellow zone day.

---

I think this is a good place to end this post with a summary about my experience, here. Since I’ve started and finished everything I meant to for now, it’s a bit of a jumble.

I finished the 30 Days of HIIT Program and the Power Grip Challenge a couple days later than I meant, by Nov. 23. I managed to get Level 3 for every day other than #23, which I got Level 2. Mildly disappointed about that. But in terms of Levels, I definitely beat my PB, for what it’s worth (I think that generally, the older version was harder in structure). This challenge was pretty fun and painful in a good way (the tears were nice for dry eyes... pffft!)

I finished the Get to Bed on Time Challenge, several days later, by Nov. 26. Obviously, had a few hiccups and failed to get to bed a few more times than intended. But, it can’t be said that progress in sleep hygiene hasn’t been made, as a result. I hope I can actually keep this up, going forward.

I started the Daily Gratitude Challenge in Nov. 23. I think this was an opportune time to try to do this more often. I see the value in taking inventory of good things.

I then started the Kick Master & Dead Hang Challenges in Nov. 24. I figured these complemented each other in terms of focal muscle groups. Former is just fun leg work, for unsurprising reasons. The later will help me work towards being able to do an actual pull-up.

Now, these new arrangements are a bit easier than a full-blown workout. But I’m going to make space for this year’s holiday events. Hopefully I don’t miss out on most of them. Might periodically do old DDs.

#adventures with fitness #long post

[lalka-laski]

Bored at work

r1.What is that thing that no one, not even your partner, your mother or your best friend, knows about you? I talk to myself when I’m alone. Like A LOT. 

2. What would make you feel embarrassed in public? Almost anything. I’m easily embarrassed. 

3. What do you think is your biggest flaw? What have you done about it? I’m a pushover for sure. I also overthink situations and needlessly worry. I work on all of these issues in therapy (though I should probably attend more regularly). 

4.What is your biggest strength? How did you develop it? I’m gonna say my greatest strength is my kindness and gentleness. And it’s developed from my desire to make other people feel how I’d like to feel. That’s it. 

5. What do you have to put up with in your life? How long have you been tolerating it? That’s strange wording. I was sexually assaulted as a child and as a teenager , so I’ve “had to put up with” that trauma. I also suffer from anxiety and OCD (partially related to those events), self-esteem issues, body image issues... 

6.If you could change your name what would your new name be? I love my name as it is. It suits me perfectly. 

7.If you could change your appearance, how would you decide to look? I’d be thinner with bigger breasts for sure. And I’d like thicker and longer hair on my head. 

8. What colour dominates your wardrobe? I’m partial to pastels and soft, feminine colors. But I wear a lot of black too. It’s slimming and I like how it contrasts with my blonde hair and pale complexion.

9.Which song do you sing only when you’re alone? What DON’T I sing is a more appropriate question... 

10. Who do you secretly envy? Why? At almost any other time in my life I’d have an immediate answer for this but you know what? I don’t envy anyone like that anymore. I like my life and the person I’ve become.

11. What do you really want? To lose the 50 lbs I’ve (semi recently) gained. And I’m working on it... 

12. What is the way you often sabotage yourself? I overindulge. I drink and eat too much or too little, I love too hard, I obsess like crazy. Take your pick! 

13.Who would you like to please the most? My parents and sisters, my partner.

14. What do you think a stranger’s first impression of you would be? I think generally people think I’m friendly and bubbly. 

15.What reoccurring dream do you have? What do you think is the message your subconscious is sending you through that dream? I have a few. I have a recurring dream that I have overdue library books, I’m late for class, I missed the bus home (never TO school), or that I cannot for the life of me remember my locker combination. It might be telling that most of my recurring dreams center around school... what that means exactly, who knows. 

16. What would you try now if you were sure you wouldn’t fail? Singing/composing music 

17. What was that thing you never tried because you were afraid of failure? See above. Among several other things. 

18.What was your greatest disappointment in life? Not sure if I’d categorize my trauma and abuse as “disappointments” but maybe those? Or I guess being cheated on was a major blow. 

19. As a kid, what did you dream of becoming when you grew up? An author or writer of some kind. That’s still the goal! 

20. What are you really good at? Writing

21. What can you do better? Writing 

22. What worries you the most when you think about your future? Losing my loved ones. Also, working in a fertility clinic has instilled in me many fears about my own ability to conceive, carry or raise a child. 

23.What really sucks in your life? Who has the power to change it? Blah blah blah....I don’t feel like answering this. 

24. What is your life really about? What is your purpose in life? Love, passion, goodness. My life is about creating, celebrating and sharing all of those things. 

25. What fear could wake you in the middle of the night? I have anxiety so that’s a very long list. 

26. What joy could wake you in the middle of the night? My sweetheart 

27.What are you grateful for? My loved ones. My angels. My health. All the opportunities I've been afforded throughout my life. The second chances I’ve been granted. My future.

28.What time of the day do you feel the most energetic? And what do you usually do in those moments? It really varies based on the day. And when I have a burst of energy, I tend to clean or organize something. 

29. If you knew you had only one week to live, how and with whom would you spend it? With my family, my boyfriend, my closest friends and my babies.

30. Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? Well, my favorite movie is Legally Blonde. I wouldn’t say I find it “touching” as it’s mostly just a fun, good-natured chick flick, but I do find it inspiring. Elle Woods is everything I aspire to be. 

31. If you could be a fictional character from a movie or a novel, who would you want to be? Why? How coincidental! I’d be Elle Woods because she’s smart and successful while never compromising her values. She’s friends with everyone she meets and she lives a deliciously PINK lifestyle. My dream! 

32.What are you really bad at? Sports or any kind of athletic activity, really. 

33.Who would you like to forgive and forget? I struggle with this question.. 

34. Do you often hear your inner voice? What does it usually tell you? I do. It often tells me to calm the fuck down. 

35. When was the last time you cried without anyone seeing you? Why were you crying? The other night I cried in bed reliving old memories that I should absolutely not fixate on. Bad habit. 

36. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? I’d like them to think I’m a nice person 

37.What’s your most striking physical attribute? Do you like it? My blonde hair is usually what gets noticed/commented on. And yes, I like it. 

38.If you had the opportunity to go back in time and make a change, would you still want to have the same parents? Of course 

39.If you could go back in time and change things, how would you alter the last ten years? I’m truly in a place where I can say “I’d change nothing.” I love where I’m at in life and everything I’ve endured up until this point was necessary to get here. 

40. If you could get rid of one of your responsibilities today, what would that be? I’d be at home instead of at work right now filling out a pointless survey. (Ok, I actually love these. But I’d rather be filling it out from home....) 

41. What is the biggest lie you tell yourself? I’ll start my diet tomorrow. 

42. What do you think is missing in your life? I could use some more willpower and self-control. Working on it... 

43. What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? I already answered this. 

44. What type of person angers you the most? Bigots of any kind. Arrogant people, too! 

45. Who never fails to make you feel good about yourself? MY BABIES 

46. If you could start all over again, what would you want to study? I love my degree and I’m even considering grad school. 

47. Which type of intelligence do you wish you had: kinetic, visual, interpersonal, linguistic or mathematical? Linguistic 

48. What is your biggest pet peeves? Walking behind slow people in a store or other public place makes me wanna scream!! 

49. What was the one opportunity you always believed you’ve missed out on? Eh... I’m not sure. 

50. What do you like about yourself the most? My heart 

51. What do you regret the most? No regrets anymore

52. What is the most hurtful thing you’ve ever witnessed? Why did it affect you? I don’t care to elaborate 

53. What would you like most to be acknowledged for in your life? Being a kind person who made other people feel good. 

54. What is the first thought that usually crosses your mind the second you open your eyes in the morning? “It’s too early” 

55. What is that thing about yourself that you’re sick and tired of? My anxiety (although it’s definitely at the mildest it’s EVER been!), my lack of self-control when it comes to food

56. Who really depends on you? Why? No one *depends* on me that much. I have a lot of close relationships with people who lean on me for support when they need it, but I’m not anyone’s sole provider of anything. 

57. What was the main factor that played a role in your biggest mistake? I don’t really understand the question and I don’t think I even want to answer it anyways. 

58. What was the main factor that played a role in your biggest success? The support of my family

59. What childhood memory sizzles your heart? What does that even mean... lol. Is a sizzling heart a good thing or a bad thing? 

60. What was the most frustrating period in your creative life? The writer’s block that I’m currently suffering. It’s maddening. It’s depressing. I’m SICK of it! 

61. Do you love yourself? I’m getting there!

62. If you were your own life coach, how would you guide yourself? Well we are all our own life coaches, are we not? 

[hellofastestnewsfan]

Colleen Brown of Cleveland, Ohio, has been known to post on Facebook now and again about the dangers of not vaccinating kids—local news stories about schools closing because a student has been exposed to the measles, she says, that kind of thing. A few years back, she remembers, she shared an article on her Facebook page about a 2015 measles outbreak that originated at Disneyland and resulted in 125 new cases of the measles.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 20 percent of the patients treated in that particular outbreak were eligible for immunization but were unvaccinated “because of personal beliefs.” Sharing the story on Facebook resulted in one of the bigger disagreements Brown, 21, has had about vaccines with her sister, Colette Carroll, who lives a little more than an hour away, in Toledo. Carroll’s two daughters—Brown’s nieces—are unvaccinated.

The two sisters didn’t talk for a while after that Facebook post, according to Brown’s recollection of it. They both describe their relationship as pretty close otherwise, but radio silence after a disagreement over vaccinations has happened on a few other occasions, too. “It’s been really rough on our family at times,” Brown says.

Carroll, 27, sighed when I asked her about the Disneyland-story debacle. At the time, she says, she had just started to believe that parents should have a choice in whether to vaccinate their kids, she said, and she was sensitive about it. Her husband, Matt Carroll, 27, grew up unvaccinated. Matt says people who blame unvaccinated kids for putting other kids in danger of infectious disease are just using “scare tactics,” and believes that he and his children have stronger immune systems and get sick less often than their vaccinated peers. Colette had started to share his point of view around the time their first child, now 5, was born.

Today Colette still doesn’t love to see her sister, or anyone, post memes ridiculing anti-vaxxers, as people who don’t vaccinate their children are often called. But she makes an effort not to comment on Brown’s posts anymore or to call her on the phone to object. Colette, by her own description, has matured in the past few years. At this point, she and Matt “either just don’t say much about it or let it go,” as Matt puts it. Both sisters told me, on separate phone calls, that when they do talk to each other about the issue of vaccines, they both just want a little more respect for their point of view.

Vaccine hesitancy—the reluctance or refusal to immunize oneself or one’s children from a host of preventable communicable diseases—is once again in the national spotlight, as measles outbreaks in New York, New Jersey, California, Michigan, and Washington State have turned the public eye toward the small but vocal anti-vax community and the controversy about whether vaccinating children should be a duty or an option. In 2019, vaccinations can feel like just one more topic that people can’t stop fighting about, online and elsewhere. But the dispute over vaccines is unlike some of the other polarizing issues of our time: Because people with skeptical or hostile attitudes toward vaccination can be found all over the political and demographic spectrum, they sometimes share neighborhoods, schools, churches, and households with those who don’t agree with their views. As a result, tensions over vaccines can create stressful, uncomfortable situations—not to mention potentially hazardous environments—within social circles, congregations, and families.

Eve Dubé, a medical anthropologist and researcher at the Quebec National Institute of Public Health, studies the sociocultural aspects of infectious-disease prevention. In her work, she’s found a few effective strategies for how to have productive conversations about vaccination, many of which sound eerily like the ways relatives who find themselves on different sides of the aisle politically are encouraged to communicate about their differences.

Because vaccines are such a polarizing topic, Dubé says, “being harsh or not listening” is just plain “not helpful.” “People with really, really strong convictions against vaccinations are really few,” she says. “It’s not common. Most of the people who have doubts and concerns are feeling unsure,” perhaps because they’ve heard some troubling stories about injuries and illnesses believed to be linked to vaccines, or because they might believe that vaccines are being pushed on patients by the pharmaceutical industry.

As a result, Dubé recommends starting a conversation with open-ended questions. Family members who are concerned about their relatives’ hesitance toward vaccines, she says, might start with questions such as, How did you start questioning vaccines? What makes you uncomfortable about them? Have you had something bad happen to you that you believe was the result of a vaccination? The crucial first step, she says, is to “get at where this is coming from.”

And it’s important to remember, Dubé adds, that many people on both sides of the vaccine controversy are profoundly influenced by emotionally moving personal narratives about the consequences of vaccinating or not vaccinating. And many of the most charged narratives, she says, come from parents who tell of “adverse events that are assumed to be due to vaccines … People tend to see those stories and relate to the parents telling them.”

[Read: How story trumps science when it comes to anti-vax beliefs ]

Sure, “there are cases of parents [whose] kids died of a vaccine-preventable disease, and they can share their story,” which would support the pro-vaccination point of view, Dubé says. But the majority of people whose lives have been positively affected by vaccines have no disturbing or inspiring story to tell, because, as Dubé puts it, when vaccines work, nothing happens—and that’s good news.

Compelling narratives can also have a much more potent effect on a listener, Dubé says, than a deluge of statistics and scientific facts. One of the worst things family members who disagree over vaccinations can do to one another is engage in what she calls “facts ping-pong,” in which “you push one side, and then the other will reply with, ‘Well, I saw this video on YouTube, and it showed blah blah blah.’”

“I think it’s really an emotional topic, much more than a scientific topic. And those people who are questioning vaccines, it’s kind of part of their identity,” Dubé continues, noting that populations that doubt the efficacy or safety of vaccines—despite plentiful, credible evidence that demonstrates both—often mistrust government or medical authorities on other subjects, too.

Of course, these tense family arguments get only more stressful when the actual safety of one or more relatives is, or is believed to be, at risk. One Manhattan parent told the New York Post, for example, that he’s refusing to attend his family’s annual gathering for fear of exposing his two kids, the younger of whom is eight months old, to their unvaccinated cousin during a measles outbreak. “Besides my child getting [measles], I don’t want to be the one who gives it to their kid. The virus can be on me. If I hug their kid, I can transmit it,” he told the Post.

However, fear of endangering someone they love is actually one of the few things that Dubé has seen change vaccine skeptics’ outlook. For instance, in one study she found that pregnant women were more likely to consent to being vaccinated when they considered it a protective measure on behalf of their fetus, rather than on behalf of themselves. She also recalls an interview she did with a woman who had refused to let her newborn baby’s vaccine-skeptical grandparents visit unless they’d had a flu shot, for fear that they might pass the flu virus along to the baby. Upon hearing that, the grandparents relented.

[Read: I used to be an anti-vaxxer]

Colette Carroll and Colleen Brown will likely have to have a similar conversation someday soon.

Matt Carroll, Colette’s husband, is one of five children in his family; one of his brothers, he says, was vaccinated in accordance with the traditional vaccine schedule, but he and his younger siblings got only “one or two” vaccinations as kids. As adults, some of his siblings have vaccinated their kids, while others haven’t. Colette and Matt’s daughters’ unvaccinated status has never been an issue with his family, Matt says; the only time their daughters have been unwelcome anywhere was at a doctor’s office. “We went to a certain pediatrician that a friend had recommended and they did not allow us to take her there, because we refused to vaccinate her,” Matt says.

“That hurt a little bit,” Colette said.

Brown, who describes herself as “super germophobic in general,” is due to give birth to her first child in August. After her baby is born, she wants everyone who visits the hospital to have had a flu shot.

Brown hopes that she and her sister can have a respectful conversation about practical safety measures, one that doesn’t come across as an attack on Carroll’s family, or her parenting, or her children. “I respect her opinions,” Brown said. Still, she and her husband have talked it over, “and we don’t want our baby to be exposed to anything that could harm him.”

from The Atlantic http://bit.ly/2DpI64e

#Blogger

[whateverpendejo]

I am literally the devils daughter

 So yesterday July 6th was a day i never thought would have happened to me. My devil mom called the cops on me and here’s how it went down. 

So yesterday was grandma Barings funeral viewing because they’re going to send her to the PI to get burried so its kind of a formality to people here in hawaii to say goodbye to her. Anyways, the plan was that the funeral started at 5pm (well the mass for the funeral) and so i would drop the devil off to go attend cause it’s shame if we’re all not there. Then i would go back home since I usually pick up paula at 6pm anyways so i can get to her working place at 6:30ish maybe earlier. - I went home fed the nanas milk because there was no time to actually feed feed them with actual food. Then Audrei got ready cause she was coming with me. My mom said she was ganna drive to the funeral by herself to make it easier but didn’t wanna make it look like there was no one home since no cars would be there. At this point the CPS workers (people who check if carehome people are in the wrong) would not be out making house checks because i’m pretty sure they are done with work at 5pm. It was already 6pm when i left so i was positive we wouldn’t get caught with no one at home. 

Now we’re at the funeral and we see grandma Baring, say our goodbyes, hug the family and then we go to eat in the cafeteria. The church is huge but the cafeteria is tinyyyyy AF! Literally there was not enough tables so we (me, paula, audrei, and devil mom) decided to go eat outside in the dark. There was a bench and we used the table as our table to put our plates on. But clearly it was a little kids school so only 2 people could fit on the bench. Someone else followed us and took the other bench so it was too late to realize we all couldnt fit. I decide to stand, paulas sitting on our table and audrei and the devil are sitting on the bench. Now we’re done eating. We throw our plates away, put back the stuff and then we go back inside to get some more food to balloon and bring home. BUT BEFORE THAT... I had parked the car in the grass because there was no more actual parking spots left. That’s why while we where eating, i asked them if i should move the car since a lot of people where leaving the parking lot therefore the car wouldnt be as dirty. like would you rather have a dirty drivers seat floor vs 4 dirty floors? So i moved the car to a place right where you can exit. 

The devil lady saw some people and she decided to talk to them. While we where grabbing whatevers left of the food mostly desserts, we head to the car because we already told the devil we’re leaving. So we all decide to wait in the car. And then the devil lady calls paula, and paula kept telling her to go to the same spot where we where eating, look right, and you’ll see the car right away. Plus i used my high beams so she can see what direction the car was in. 

BUT THIS DUMB ASS LADY is so stupid she doesn’t know how to follow directions. So she doesn’t go exactly to the same place were we were eating and she goes to the railing area in front of it. so we kept arguing and telling her to walk to the place and she kept telling me to move the car but how am i supposed to move it if we don’t even see her in the first place like where would i even move it to??? So that’s why it was so annoying. she was like drive back and fourth so i can see you like??? what?? why don’t you just go to the place we where eating so you don’t get wet first of all (since it was raining) and then you would actually see us!!!! So then we see a body moving all in black (duh cause it’s a funeral) and i get out of the car to wave at her and then she’s like just drive forward so i don’t get wet. LIKE WE DIDN’T GET WET WALKING TO THE CAR???? shes so fucking weird. Like we’re only going home and you can’t bear to get fuckin drizzled on??? who are you!!!!!! you’re not the fuckn queen of england! Again, she’s the fucking weirdest!!!!!

Anyways, now we’re in the car and were talking to each other arguing and my moms already threatening us like you watch if i find you blah blah blah like ok whatever fuckn anger management lady. This car ride is literally a 2 min drive home!!!!!!!!!! So she’s yelling at me at this point so of course i’m going to yell at her back like she thinks shes the only one with a voice. and i’m not the only one talking to her it’s me and paula but i’m the driver. So we’re literally screaming at each other at the top of our lungs and paulas now just saying stop screaming, stop yelling but i’m telling the devil lady to just admit that you where wrong and you miscommuncated and the fact that she doesn’t have to yell like that to me. I literally have to bite my tongue sometimes with her but with this, it’s just a really dumb excuse to get mad over! Like really, we just came from church and you’re acting like this. you’re really the devil! When we where on the road home, she was going to throw all the food at me in her fricken lap. So i was yelling at her to just do it! Like just go, because if youre ganna do something then do it. why hesitate or why even say it. So then she was telling us if you have kids something.... about them and fighting with them. but i said does it look like i have kids right now???? like we’re clearly not her being 22 and getting pregnant!!! 

So then we get home and i remember at one point i made her flinch because we do it to our patients to pretend that we’re going to hit them but don’t. So i’m already getting pissed cause usually i find her yelling really funny like really you’re going to do this today... which means she has bigger issues. But that’s when the real fight started to happen. She started to actually hit me. And of course i was defending myself. BUT i couldn’t really because she was attacking me and all i was trying to do was to put the car in park!!!!!! Literally my foot stayed on the breaks the whole time!!!!! like omfg. and at that point she had her fits wrapped around my hair and i was yelling at paula to put the gear in park because if not we would slam into the plants then the wall in our driveway. LIKE LITERALLY THE DEVIL TOOK OVER HER SOUL. i don’t even get why she had to get so angry at me, literally i wasn’t the only one saying stuff back to her. I think it was cause i was closer to her in the car and reaching for paula while she had food in her hands didn’t work for her. So then i’m pulling her bracelet, anything for her to let the fuck go of my hair. 

Then I look back and i see paula them getting out of the car and thats when the devil lady gets out of the car too. THEN  she starts yelling that she’s going to call the cops, and she even calls the cops and i’m like wtf okay go ahead i don’t care because if you compare her injuries to mine, mine are ALOTTTTT worse, i have 2 scratches on my face, 2 long ass scratches on my arm, a bunch of scratches on my wrist and elbow area where it bends. where she pulled my hair she gave me a hematoma, i had to ice it and i couldn’t even sleep comfortable last night because it hurt too much to lay on it. like i took so many pictures after. and idk what i did to her but i clearly didn’t pull her hair or even hit her i was literally defending myself. You can even ask audrei she’ll tell you the devil started it first!!!! 

Then comes the cop part - I was wondering why bryan didn’t text me goodnight until i realized it was friday, so he stays up a bit longer. I decide to facetime him praying he’ll pick up and he did. Then i just burst out crying, like the most painful (from getting abused emotionally and physically). And then i hear audrei at the door telling me to open. So i open and the cop is there, and i’m telling him what happened at the place but he said to not tell him all the details just to hell him what happened when she attacked me. he even asked me if i wanted to do anything like press charges or anything because you can clearly see she fucking assulted me so bad that i’m bleeding. Then he left and then i called bryan back and then the cop came back so he just got my info and asked about my age, and ID but i showed him the post of me when i graduated cause it’s clearly my face and my whole name. so he said oh you can find a good job with that, and then he asked for my age and i said 23 and i was like i know i need to move out and get a job. so he was like ohh you’re unemployed to? lolllll and i said i was helping my dying grandma but he told me that he did it all on his own. went to the navy and paid for his education all on his own. but i don’t think i’d be able to do that just yet. i even told the officer should i apologize or anything and he was like no we usually tell people who get into arguments like this to steer clear of each other for the rest of the night like if you have a boyfriend or a friends house that you can go to i would just leave. But i don’t want people knowing my business and like if airra was home then i totally would. but she’s not so...

So then he left and i kept crying and crying to bryan and i told him i don’t know what to do, like now i have to find a job and i have to move out. so now i’m job hunting and she always told me and my sister if we want to just pay rent and pay for our own food then we can do that too so we don’t have to help her with the business so i think i’m going to do that. 

When the devil was yelling at the cops when she was calling them paula said there was a tata outside and a car that was watching us and i never even noticed them at all. which is weird for me buy maybe it was a black car. When we went out of the car i stopped yelling already but she still ketp going like ???? the argument is over and done just shut up. 

anyways so here i am the next day after, at kahala mall trying to send out job apps because i don’t wanna be at home with the devil before she fucking shoots me and i die.I will honestly try to find an apartment at the end of this year and i know i can do it. I’ll ask paula if she wants to move with me but i doubt it because she hates working. If i honestly had a job and some money saved i wouldve left yesterday night and went to a hotel for the night or maybe 2 nights just to spend the whole day in and separate from each other. she’s really the devil and the fact that she always tells me that someday audrei’s dad is going to get bad karma, one day she’s going to get the worst karma of her life! like i don’t even want to call her a mother because honestly she’s just a big monster. 

Also, the fact that Audrei’s dad had to call audrei about the cops and audrei told him that we got into a fight is annoying because she couldve easily said i don’t know but after she told him that he hung up. So i told audrei yesterday if her dad asks again what else happened just say the cops came and then the problem was solved. but i also told audrei that i’m going to stay out the whole day today so don’t tell the devil lady where i went. but she can’t even leave because who’s going to feed and clean her nanas?? lol, im literally the only one who helps her so much at home and she fuckn this shit already. i’m done. bye

[ronaldmorton]

Dog Winter Safety Check List

Do you have a dog winter safety check list handy? We do! Dogs are more resistant to cold weather because of their fur, right? WRONG!!!!! With terms like bomb cyclone infiltrating news feeds, dog moms and dog dads wonder how to keep dogs warm in cold temperatures. Thankfully, we have over two decades experience on this topic AND we’ve put some products and theories to the test.

Rule of Dog Parenting: If it is too cold for you, it is too cold for dogs.

This post contains affiliate links for which I earn a small income if you click through and purchase something on the links. Please see my disclosure policy for details.

Dog Apparel

There are many myths out there about dogs and winter coats. Dogs and cats get cold, particularly short-haired breeds, senior citizens, puppies, and pets with medical conditions. Look for an insulated sweater with a turtleneck, that covers the belly, and that allows for protection from neck to tip of tail.

Just because a dog has a fur coat does not mean it protects them from the elements. Some breeds can withstand the colder temperatures, as my blogging pal Jen Costello, of My Brown Newfies explains in her recent blog post on the topic: Newfies in the Winter.

Sizing is an important factor in dog outerwear. Keep in mind that many stores will not allow coats to be returned, so measure your dog adequately before making any parka purchases. Here’s how: With the dog standing up, run a tape measure from the base of the dog’s neck (where the collar would sit) and to the base of the tail. The majority of dog clothes use this measurement. Knowing your dog’s chest measurement will ensure a good fit, too.

You can also have a custom coat made, as we did from coats Made by De. De Hufford started her own company of making dog jackets and coats as an alternative to the big stores, where the sizes are Small, Medium and Large and you can’t find “dachshund” or “bulldog” or “skinny mutt” anywhere. Over the years, she expanded the line to include dog cooling coats, dog raincoats, dog britches and belly bands, dog specialty wear and dog pajamas.

What I like about De’s custom coats is that the outside is waterproof ripstop nylon with Windro fleece lining for warmth, Velcro neck if desired, tummy panel Velcro, and you can mix and match options like D ring, fleece turtleneck or snood, and more.

Some dogs were bred with a thicker or a more dense coat, including the Idiatrod-savvy Siberian Husky. But other bigger breeds might benefit from a coat, so assess each individual dog. Greyhounds are more sensitive to the colder weather, for example, so this particular breed could use the extra layering.

Here’s our dog, Dexter, in his custom coat. If you want something custom and with specifications to keep your dog warm and protected, stop by and see Coats Made By De.

Paw Protection

Chemicals can be absorbed through a dog’s sensitive pads. In turn, those chemicals (such as what’s found in antifreeze) can be licked by dogs and cause severe problems. I use Musher’s Secret Pet Paw Protection Wax on my dog’s feet and have given this product as a stocking stuffer to dog-loving friends and family in the past. Some people opt for dog booties, which is a smart idea in the winter months. Wash dog pads off thoroughly after a walk, perhaps using some warm water and a washcloth to melt any ice balls that may have formed on the bottom of their feet.

BONUS: I am not one to be easily sold on claims of a product being a miracle, but this one sets the bar high. Dr. Harvey’s Organic First Aid Healing Cream for Dogs is a combination of healing herbs in a base of organic shea butter. This cream is used for minor skin irritations, hot spots, rashes, cuts, sunburn and itching. It is great for human bug bites, too! I use it on Dexter’s paw pads: They are oh so smooth and soft now. Toss this in your dog’s first aid bag right away.

Some of our favorite dog paw recommendations for coverage like boots include:

Pawz Purple Water-Proof Dog Boots Poochie Boots

A common myth in among dog parents is that a dog’s paws need no protection; after all, they’ve been walking around without socks or shoes for thousands of years, right? True, but a dog’s paws do need protection. There’s a way to treat the feet and a multitude of dog paw problems that can ensue if you don’t.So massage your dog’s feet: the tops of the feet, pet the legs, and do so in a positive and reinforcing way. Some dogs don’t like their feet touched, and if this is the case with your dog, don’t scold him or get upset. Don’t bug him.

We even use Pawz boots in the summer on hot pavement, as you can see. A little tip we learned from our pal Rosalyn Acero over at Golden Woofs is to poke small holes into the Pawz so the paws can breathe.

A post shared by Dexter and Carol B. (@fidoseofreality) on Jun 18, 2016 at 11:26am PDT

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Read all about dog paw protection here.

Dog Winter Weight

Not all dogs are created equally and not all dogs should gain weight to “stay warm.” An overweight dog is more prone to heart disease, cancers, diabetes and a host of ailments, not to mention a decrease in metabolism. Dogs should stay active with indoor games, brisk walks, and activities to stimulate their bodies and minds all year long, despite the season.

Generally speaking, dogs (and people) are more sedentary in colder weather.  If a dog is very active and a high performer, then talk to your dog’s vet about boosting his nutritional requirements through diet. However, most dogs, do not benefit from additional weight gain. In general, consider that each pound of weight on a dog is the equivalent of five to seven pounds on a person. Feed as you normally would but watch the snacks and increase the indoor activity.

Here are some low calorie snack options for dogs in the winter (and year round):

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Cabin Fever

Winter blahs don’t just affect people: Pets get them, too! Dogs can become irritable, depressed, sleepy, and generally bored in the winter months due to lack of activity

The following activities are designed for dogs who are overall healthy. If your dog is immobile or has movement or joint issues, then you should modify or avoid some of these. Use your own best judgment in how much your dog can do and be sure to have fun. These games to keep dogs active indoors are also designed to enhance the human-animal bond. (Plus if you travel, many of these activities can be done in a hotel room, too):

Here are 8 Ways to Keep Dogs Active Indoors and some of our favorite indoor games below:

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Skin

Dogs need extra moisture in the winter months due to: • Forced heat indoors • Lowered humidity inside • Dry heat • Cold temps outdoors

As a Cocker Mom of nearly 25 years, I know the importance of essential fatty acids to support a dog’s skin hydration. A lot of pet parents may not realize that good health starts from the inside out, but that the outside coat and skin are imperative to proper health, too.

I brush my dog regularly and dogs do need baths in the winter, but often times the frequency can be lessened. Here are a few of our favorite bath time products and dog skin care products:

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Supplements

Vitamins and supplements are part of the daily rituals for millions of people, but should dogs take them? In some and many cases, yes. In fact, my dog takes certain supplements. Diligent dog parents need to understand what their dog needs first and foremost and why.

We’ve blogged extensively on this topic and here’s our take on the Reality of Dog Vitamins and Supplements along with some of our picks for winter and year round care for dogs:

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Indoor Warmth and Drafts

As the temperatures drop, the thermostat rises indoors. The usage of an electric heater or fireplace should be done with caution. Tails, fur and paws that come too close to flames, hot surfaces or the coils of an electric heater can be damaged, and an unattended heater could be knocked over by a curious pet. To make sure your dog is warm indoors, and that fire hazards are diminished, never leave a heater on without someone in attendance.

Check drafty windows and door jambs and keep dog beds away from drafts.

Final Facts and Dog Winter Warnings

Provide your dog with plenty of fresh water to stay hydrated and to prevent its skin from flaking and itching in the dry weather.

A humidifier can help dogs and people during cooped up winter months. Dry air in the home can make pets itchier, cause dry noses, upper respiratory infections, more dander, and dry throats. Consider a humidifier, talk to the veterinarian about skin conditioners and fatty acid supplements for healthy skin.

Dry eyes can happen in the colder months, too, and not just to people, but to our dogs. Since the air outside is very dry and indoors, heaters are pumping out dry air, eye dryness can occur. Talk to your vet about eye treatments like artificial tears or dog safe lubricants.

Not all ice melts are created equal and just because it says ‘pet safe’ does not mean it is 100 percent safe for pets. Pet safe means safer for pets, but not 100 percent. Wash your dog’s paws if he doesn’t wear boots in the winter outside. Ice, salt, and chemicals can burn their feet. Here is the ice melter we use: Safe Paw Non-Toxic Ice Melter Pet Safe, 8 lbs. 3 oz.

Car coolant and antifreeze chemicals are both lethal to animals, so clean up any spills or leaks immediately. Don’t let dogs lick off the ground during walks, as you have no idea what they may be inadvertently ingesting.

Stay warm and have a safe winter!

 Note:  This post contains affiliate links from Amazon, meaning if you click on a link above and then make a purchase, Fidose of Reality will receive a small commission with no extra cost to you. You help us keep the site up and running and in exchange, you get to shop for items you love. Wags!

The post Dog Winter Safety Check List appeared first on Fidose of Reality.

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[disruptiveawesome]

Some HC FAQs from a CRUX HC regular.

I guess First…What is HC? HC is Homoclimbtastic. HC is a group and, more specifically, an ‘event.’ It was founded by blah blah you don’t care about this part. Go to the HC website if you wanna read more directly  

So why are you writing, Matt?  Someone asked me some specific questions about HC as relates to CRUX… and I’m on 10 of literally 22 hours of flights right now… so I figured I’d put them in a doc and share them for everyone. Please bear in mind that all of the non-hard-facts in here are just my opinions. I don’t work for Homoclimbtastic. I am fortunate to count some of the organizers as friends and climbing buddies and I’m trying to do right by the spirit of the event… But I’m just a dude who has been 4 times and likes the event a lot so for you NYers who I love, to provide some context in case you haven’t been and are interested. I figured I’d give you my perspective on some of the Frequently Asked Questions…

Where ‘is’ this area?

This is “more-welcoming-than-makes-a-NYer-feel-comfortable” Fayetteville, WV. It’s situated in the heart of the New River Gorge. Good hiking,  white water rafting, kayaking, boating (on Summerville lake–I’ll get to that), sight seeing, natural beauty, and, of course, climbing.

Where do we stay?

But like, okay. Lemme show you the place we stay at. This is Cantrell Ultimate Rafting, or as we call it “Cantrell’s.” The thing to note is that this isn’t a ‘nice camping’ area like what you’d get staying in a state park, or an AAC campground. It’s the extended lawn/back yard of a white water rafting outfitter. The cool thing is that it’s central, small and pretty much *ours* (the HC campers/climbers). I’ve only seen other campers there a few times and usually they keep pretty to themselves and away from us–and anytime they get near us, they are given a thorough ‘explainer’ by the Cantrell’s staff that this is *our* safe space and weekend (I’ve seen them do it myself). 

Green is cabins. The office/bar/club/drag stage/and some restrooms are upper right in the red. Blue is anywhere you may wanna park. Yellow is bathrooms. Pink circles are where I’ve seen CRUXers (including me) pitching tents. But you can see there is a lot of space. Now, it should be noted that if there is a ton of rain, some of that open space, like where the ‘parking’ area is above the big cluster of CRUX tents are, its a bit waterlogged. Bring raingear/a rain fly. Oh, and bug spray. 

The whole place is pretty small and you can go everywhere in under 2 minutes’ walk (See the 50′ key)

What’s the address?

Cantrell Ultimate Rafting is located at  49 Cantrell Dr, Fayetteville, WV 25840

What size tent can they accommodate 

As you can see, ANY. The area that Cantrell’s has is pretty huge. :) 

Can you cook on campsite 

Yes, many do. 

Do they have fresh water

Yes. You won’t need to bring your own in. 

Do they have electric onsite or nearby

They do. They even have a camper hookup if I’m not mistaken. Electricity is available inside the bathrooms, and there are some exterior outlets at the bar/office/club/breakfast nook space.

Bathroom facilities? 

The restroom/shower facilities are right there on the campsite. The restrooms and shower facilities are gendered, however Cantrell’s and HC have (I thought stated somewhere, but now I can’t find it) rules that people should use the restroom they feel comfortable in/fits their gender identity/expression. I would refer you to HC on that one to get anything more specific. 

Are CRUX all together?

Not exactly. Some of us stay in cabins some in tents dotting the landscape of Cantrell’s. But we do try to keep everyone going to Cantrell’s so that we can have time with each other. 

How far is parking from the campsite?

Super close, again, as you can see. 

Any fast food places like McDonald’s nearby? 

A few. But also wanna let you know that breakfast is made for us for a decent cost at Cantrell’s which is enough for me. And I personally like Tudor’s Biscuit World for to pick up cheap and easy pre-made crag foods (though I know some people find it gross). But omg I can’t wait to have sandwiches from SSS! AND PIES AND PINTS OMG. 

Any hiking areas if I wanna just go off and do my own thing? 

Yes, omg so many. <- Link from the site of Stav Basis, an adventurer/web genius/sometimes CRUXer, and I think fellow ‘this’ll be 5-years’ HCer who hikes a ton. Hey CBF! Another thing to note is a lot of the approaches at the NRG are longer than at the Gunks or a few other places we go to regularly. If you’ve been there, think maybe not as strenuous as some of the longer approaches at Rumney, but just as long. Up to 30/40 minutes, so if you’re climbing you’re getting a bit of a hike in anyway.

 Are there swimming areas?

Oh god yes. It’s one of the best parts of that area. Typically, on Friday or Saturday, a WHOLE CRAP TON of HC basically spends the whole day at Summersville lake just climbing and swimming and hanging out on pool floaties:

And usually on Sunday we go to a different part of the lake and Deep Water Solo there:

I heard that this is really only for hard climbers! 

This touches on a bit factual data and on the history of HC and its evolution. The New River Gorge doesn’t have a ‘ton’ of ‘easy’ crags. the area really opens up if you’re a solid 5.11 outdoor climber–that’s just the truth of the numbers. But like *everywhere* the places shown on the guidebook aren’t climbs that many of us more casual climbers are ready for (yet). Another fact: HC was originally founded by climbers who *could* climb pretty hard. Which is great inspiration for all of us queer climbers! But that doesn’t mean there aren’t *ANY* places for easy/moderate leading. We have found a bunch of great crags over the years with a bunch of ‘easy/moderate’ sport routes and bigger areas to spread out in which can accommodate groups.  And, like, there is so much fun stuff and there isn’t really anything like this anywhere else, so, over time HC has grown from a more strictly ‘hard climber’ thing to a more all-encompassing thing with lots of different levels. Over the last 5 years, the attitude of the organization about ‘non hard’ climbers has changed. 

But know yourself: If at HC, when there are tons of people around, when maybe you drank a bunch last night, and you’re nervous about that one person you think is hot not thinking your butt looks good in your climbing shorts, or whatever… maybe that isn’t the best atmosphere to get on your first 5.11 where the guidebook states that if you blow the crux move you could deck. If you don’t know how to clean/rappel, *AT HC, TAUGHT BY SOMEONE YOU DON’T KNOW, AT THE TOP OF A CLIMB, ABOVE 20 LOUD PEOPLE, IS EXPRESSLY NOT THE PLACE TO LEARN IT*. There are a few more snarkyish things written in several posts/manifestos/etc. by the dictators. The ‘chaperone/guest’ thing is ‘strict’ but I think the best way to think about it is if you’ve not climbed outside, you should partner up with someone who has their skills dialed in. 

And, just like at CRUX events: Leave No Trace is the order of the day. 

So is being good crag citizens and don’t put top rope on all 5 of the moderate routes right next to each other if another group looks like they may want to get on them, too. 

And though we’re well known (HC, not CRUX per se), it’s always good to remember that not everywhere is universally friendly. 

Edit/Addition: It should be noted that the fact that there are a ton of awesome climbs in the 5.10/5.11/5.12 range should be a really great motivating factor, so even if you’re not yet there, once your skills are dialed in, you can star going for those harder grades. Many of us HCers did our first 10s 11s or 12s there, but the key is to have your safety (and belay skills) TOTALLY ready:) But I get that it's something people sort of have to 'be in' to believe, just like climbing in general. How many times have we all replied "come and I'll show you that's not true" to that person who, when presented with "i'm a rock climber" says "OH I COULD NEVER..." that's what an outdoor 10/11/12 can be.  

I also heard that you have to like be a super social justice warrior or else you’re not really welcome. 

Not true. 

(EVEN THOUGH I PERSONALLY WOULD BE FINE WITH THAT BECAUSE I’M A BRATTY SJW AND I DON’T CARE *CACKLES SOCIAL JUSTICELY*). *cough* 

Anyway, this is a ‘national’ event. There are various levels of ‘wokeness’, or whatever you’d like to call it, present within the ethos of the various groups and people who attend. But as an organization the people involved are from my perspective, *deeply* interested in making sure that HC expands its attendees’ horizons and isn’t simply a gay, white cismale experience and event and they are rigorously pushing for a higher degree of inclusivity, and representation (including in their leadership) to make sure that happens. 

What does that mean, really? I think that in spirit, it means ‘don’t be an asshole’. In practice, I think it means: don’t talk about/make jokes about people whose groups you’re not part of. Be how you are within CRUX and you should generally be fine. If there is an issue, someone will say something, but I don’t think of that as a thing CRUX members have typically had issues with on the whole–everyone is capable of having issues, but we’re a good group of good people.

And we’re all adults. So, assume positive intent, and if you get called out just listen and don’t be defensive. Even if you think you’re right/it was just a joke/but, but: It won’t hurt you to listen to someone without having to respond/defend yourself. It’s an exercise each of us should probably do more often.  Anyway. This has gone on long enough. See you there. Climb On. 

#climbing HC Homoclimbtastic

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Have you had an argument with anyone recently? If so, do you still have issues with that person?

No.

2. Are you talking to anyone while filling this in? How about texting / chatting on Facebook?

Nope. I’m just doing my own thing.

3. Have you done something recently that helped someone else, in any way?

My cousin texted me earlier asking for help with some school related. She’s coming over tomorrow so I can help her in person.

4. What kind of mood are you in atm? Is someone else responsible for that mood?

I’m in my usual blah mood.

5. Has someone of the opposite sex been getting on your nerves lately?

No.

6. Who was the last person that asked to hang out with you? Tell me the story of how you met that person, everything you remember.

My friend, Arynthya. We had a class together a few years ago and we also both attended the after class study sessions with the TA. We just got to know each other and became friends.

7. If you knew that one of your friends was considering suicide, what would you say to them?

I have been in that situation with a friend. I was there for her, listened to her, and let her vent about anything and everything. I was just there for her and let her know that she wasn’t alone.

8. Have you ever felt so depressed that you were struggling to carry on? If so, what would you say to someone else who was in that situation?

Mhm...

9. Have you ever worn coloured mascara? If not, would you ever think about trying it? And if you have, what is / was your favourite colour to wear?

No. I just like to wear black mascara.

10. What do you remember about your first day of secondary school? Were you more nervous or excited about it?

I was suuuuper nervous. The school was bigger, and I’d be thrown into classes with new people and that’s scary. I went to a K-8th grade school with majority of the same people throughout, so yeah. I was worried about getting lost on the first day, and about my teachers. Also, movies about high school did not give a good impression, and that scared me as well.

11. Who was the last person to pay you a compliment?

This lady at Wal-Mart.

12. Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing. Is it one of your favourites?

I’m wearing a gray sweatshirt with Darth Vader on it. It is one of my favorites.

13. Is there anything that’s happened in the past month, that you wish you could go back in time and change?

Yes.

14. What colour is your purse / wallet?

My purse is gray and black, but it has an Alice in Wonderland design on it that’s super cute. I get a lot of compliments on it. My wallet is white and has colorful giraffes on it.

15. What’s the closest item to you that’s black?

My Ninja Coffee Bar.

16. Do you think guys see your mother as a ‘yummy mummy’?

Wtf. My mom is beautiful, but what an odd question to ask. I don’t want to think about guys thinking of my mom that way.

17. Is there a certain name that you think seems to have become really popular, and you know lots of people with that same name?

Not that I can think of at the moment. I’m sure there is. When I was in elementary school, my name was quite common. There were like four other Stephanie’s in my class.

18. What’s the most expensive item in your make-up bag?

I’m not sure. Probably the eye shadow palette I got for Christmas, but I don’t know how much it is.

19. Think about what you looked like 5 years ago. How did you look different, compared to the way you look now?

My red hair is the biggest difference. Other than that, I look the same.

20. Who was the last person of the opposite sex to text you? Do you think that person is attracted to you?

My dad, and uh no absolutely not.

21. Before Facebook became popular, did you use any other social networking site, like Bebo or Myspace?

I used MySpace. Funny how that was like the thing back in the day, and then it just literally died.

22. Has anyone ever asked you out, and you turned them down? If so, did you feel guilty about it? Why do you think you said no?

Yes. I felt bad when it was someone I knew, but I’ve had a couple random guys I didn’t know at all come up and ask me and I didn’t feel bad about saying no to them.

23. Name the last three people of the opposite sex that you talked to. What did you talk about?

My dad, brother, and... it must have been my other brother. I haven’t talked to any other guys besides my dad and younger brother in awhile.

24. Who is your most recent text message from? Has that person ever told you that they love you?

My dad. Yes, he has.

25. Have you ever asked anyone “Do you love me?” If so, did you get the response you wanted? Do you think when someone says “I love you”, you feel obliged to say it back?

Not anyone in the romantic sense, no. I ask my mom that sometimes as a joke. I’ll be like, “You don’t love me, do you?” if she doesn’t want to get me fast food or coffee or something lol. Other than family, I haven’t said it to anyone else. I feel weird. It’s not something I just throw around. I’ve had my friend’s mom say that to me, and I was just like, “Awww, thank you.” Ahahaha.

26. I know it’s a depressing thought, but have you ever actually tried to imagine what the end of the world might be like?

I try to not think about that because it sounds terrifying.

27. Which Disney princess do you think is the most beautiful? Why?

Hmm. Ariel because she has long, flowing red hair and that’s goals for me.

28. Someone tells you that you’re wasting your time with the person you like. What do you say?

Well, maybe you’re right. However, I don’t consider spending time with someone and having someone in my life who brings me happiness and seems to genuinely care about me, whether it’s just as a friend or not, as time wasted. We’ve had a lot of good times together.  I miss that a lot, and I hope we can get back to it soon.

29. Has anything happened in the last 7 days that you’d like to forget?

Not particularly.

30. Has someone of the opposite sex ever sang to you? If so, how did you respond to it?

Yes. It was sweet.

31. When did you last hug someone of the opposite sex?

A couple weeks ago. That reminds me, in regards to the other question about the last three males I talked to, it was actually my cousin and not my older brother.

32. Have you ever seen the film “Casablanca”? Did you like it?

I have not.

33. If you’ve had a bad experience in a past relationship, did you find that you were scared to get into another relationship, in case the same thing happened again?

After the Joseph situation, I was scared to fall for someone else again and open my heart to someone else with the chance of getting hurt again.

34. Are you friends with the last person you hugged, or something more?

He’s my cousin.

35. Do you ever post song lyrics as your Facebook status?

I used to that now and again. I haven’t in a long time. I rarely post statuses anymore.

36. How many girls do you know with the name ‘Georgina?’

Zero.

38. Do you drink alcohol on a regular basis, or do you prefer to save it for special occasions?

I don’t drink anymore. It’s been like four years.

39. Do you have a relative whose name begins with ‘L’? Tell me about him / her.

Actually, no I don’t.

40. Did you play with Barbies when you were a kid, or did you prefer something else?

I was obsessed with Barbies.

41. Are you a secretive person?

I keep to myself a lot in “real” life, but online I share a lot.

42. When did you last eat?

A couple hours ago.

43. If you were going to buy a present for the person you love / like, what would you generally choose?

Hmm. I don’t know at the moment.

44. Do you plan on kissing the last person you kissed, again?

No.

45. If I’m going to buy you a box of chocolates, which kind should I definitely NOT get?

I don’t like dark chocolate at all.

46. If you met the celebrity that you most admire, what would be the first thing you’d say to him/her?

Oh man. I’d be such a nervous wreck I probably couldn’t come up with something coherent.

47. Has anyone ever told you that you are special? If so, do you think that person meant it?

Yes. One I don’t think did and was just saying what he felt like he should say, and the other I do think he meant it. At the time.

48. Is there something you generally always ask for help with?

Yes.

49. If you had to give up your phone or your computer, which would it be?

My phone. I spend all my time on my laptop.

50. Has anyone called you gorgeous / beautiful today?

Ha, no. Not with the way I look.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[thegrumpypenguin]

  Jamarcus at four weeks

  Look how tiny he is!!!

On August 24, 2017 I showed up for my second “Keeper for a Day” prizes – this time with the lion keepers (I talk about it briefly in this post about Kanzi) – which began with the opportunity to attend the Morning Meeting (“Hill Street”, as it’s affectionately known to the Keepers) in the Atrium at North Service, the Admin building at the Zoo. Among other news and updates the Keepers logs from the previous day are read out to all assembled. As luck would have it, a baby bactrian camel had been born the day before so I was among the very first people to learn about it! I don’t recall if we were told his sex or his name at this time – likely not – but I know it didn’t take long to have that information because I was already labeling photos of him by his second week on this planet. His parents were Alice and Goober (yes, seriously) and I went over to Eurasia to see him as often as I could early on because when his sister, Jozy, was born I didn’t see her until she was six or seven months old.

  Already a charmer

Most of my early shots of him were through the fence around the “camel palace” because by the time he would be big enough to go out on the larger exhibit it would be winter and none of the camels would be out there (likely due to slippery conditions for both the camels and the Keepers, because it clearly wouldn’t be a weather-related issue). But he was a precocious young lad from the very beginning and always seemed to be in view. In fact, he was almost too precocious because I needed him to be farther away from the fence to be able to blur it out, whereas he often came over to see the people whenever anyone was stopping by. It was pretty difficult to be frustrated with anything that cute and that close by. I don’t know if this high energy caused, resulted from, or was completely unrelated to the fact that he had to separated from his mom early on because she became too aggressive towards him. The keepers were already supplementing Alice’s nursing schedule with bottles of her milk that they had expressed themselves; it became a matter of simply bottle-feeding Jamarcus exclusively from then on.

  Jamarcus snuggling with “Aunt Sally”

But Jamarcus was not to be totally abandoned. The Keepers decided that he should be paired with the sweetest, most laid-back adult female of the entire flock (I prefer “caravan” but it doesn’t make sense here): lovely Sally, who is typically the go-to camel for behind-the-scenes tours and close encounters in the main body of the Zoo. As hoped, the pair got along swimmingly and Sally exerted quite a calming influence on the young lad. Most of the times I visited them I saw a very similar image to the one at left: Sally relaxing comfortably and peacefully, with Jamarcus seldom very far away from her side. I would also hear Alice elsewhere in the palace area – often inside or around back – bleating to let the Keepers know it was time to come and collect some of her milk! I was lucky enough to witness a bottle feeding on a couple of occasions; however, these took place in a spot that did not lend itself to decent photos at all.

  Spindly legs and peach fuzz

Jamarcus was eating straw at quite an early age: this photo was taken when he was just seven weeks old and was certainly not the first time I had seen him at the feeder. We had an unusually hot and dry summer here in Toronto in 2016 which extended far into the fall; I took this shot on our Thanksgiving Day weekend in mid-October. This gave me plenty of wonderful opportunities to catch a glimpse of the adorable calf without having to be concerned with him being inside and out of the cold or snow until quite late in the year. By that time, he was clearly hale and hardy enough to withstand the chill and never really had to be specially sheltered on his own. I didn’t always take photos of him, though – at least not decent ones – because of the aforementioned issue with the fencing. Also, the area around the Camel Palace is not exactly huge so my views of him became quite repetitive. I began to count the days until the flock was once again given access to the main exhibit where I could have a much better opportunity to take pictures that were relatively fencing-free. (If not actually “footloose”. *BA-doom-tish*. Sorry.) I did grab one awesome shot that the amazing Sarah was able to “tweak” for me to remove the grid-marks of the fence. It probably would have been the photo in the calendar had I taken it in time (this was shot in early January):

  Don’t you just wanna skritch that fuzzy head??

  Aunt Sally in the snow

While I was waiting, I did have one really great experience with the camels. In February, the Volunteers had their annual “Winter Blahs” which is an opportunity, while the Zoo is not busy, to have a meeting and then a behind-the-scenes of our own, just as a little pick-me-up in the dark of the winter. Our Friday group was given two choices: the giraffes or the camels. I had been BTS with the giraffes on more than one occasion so I chose the camels because: 1) I had never been in the camel barn before; and b) there was a baby to spend time with! When our little group arrived we were led into the back paddock where, as expected, Sally was waiting to greet us. We each had an opportunity to come in contact with her and the Keeper, Jennifer, gave us an excellent run-down of the whole camel program since the Zoo first opened. (There’s a side-story here which I will share at the very end of this post.) When things appeared to be winding down, cognizant of the fact that we had time left for our session, I asked Jennifer if we might visit the inside of the barn since I had always wanted to see it. She said, “Of course!” and took us in there for a few minutes where we met up with Tilly (who spent the entire time trying to eat my baseball cap, to my delight) and several others. Suddenly Jamarcus made an appearance at the half-door at the front of the barn. He was his usual feisty self and mostly made life miserable for Jennifer by attempting to bite her leg when she wouldn’t pay attention to him. Despite this annoyance, she graciously allowed me the chance to pet him before we left the barn and it was absolutely heavenly. His curly fur felt soft, scratchy, and bumpy all at the same time and his chin was feather-soft. It was transfixing…until he broke the spell with one last nip at his Keeper, which was the final straw for her. Still: a wonderful morning spent with this baby!

  Jamarcus and Sally

Finally at the very end of April I headed over for the Eurasia Wilds area of the Zoo and went to the Camel Palace. The numbers there were very thin – and no sign of Jamarcus! Excitedly I quickly went along the path to the vast grassy expanse of the exhibit and found, to my great joy, Jamarcus hanging out with his Aunt Sally, his half-sister Jozy, and Suria, a two-year-old female who had arrived from Quebec before Jamarcus was born. He had been spending more and more time with the young girls in addition to Sally through the latter stages of the winter, so this wasn’t a surprise to me at all. He was considerably bigger – and very much more woolly – but he seemed to still be full of that impish delight at simply existing, which I can only imagine was increased exponentially by the new access to the hills and grassland, and full exposure to the soft sun of the early spring. He was lying tightly against Sally when I first encountered him, but after I called his name out he wasted no time in showing off his exuberance:

    Eventually he got to his feet and worked his way over to where I was standing…

  …before heading up the hill to hang with his “sisters” for a while.

  (L-R) Suria, Jamarcus, Jozy

  I didn’t see him again for quite a while, mostly due to the Zoo being closed for five weeks from early May to mid-June. When I did get back there I was stunned by this sight:

Where’s the rest of Jamarcus??!

My goodness! Jamarcus had gone through such a shed it looked like he had been struck with alopecia or something! Quite a shock to the eyes.

Now he is nearing his first birthday and has grown to a healthy size (although he has a lot farther to go), but he clearly hasn’t lost an ounce of that curiosity or boyish impishness:

  Next month is a very special “Baby Boom”: four of the most adorable little boys you have ever seen in your life. I’m very much looking forward to writing about them! See you then!

  Oh, that’s right. I owe you a story. Ok, here goes: when my group of Volunteers went behind-the-scenes in February one of the very first things Jennifer told us was about another Volunteer who had come through with a group (although it was unclear if he was leading a tour or had come with a different BTS group) who had come upon Jennifer cleaning up the paddocks around the barn and blurted out something about Keepers “spending all day cleaning up poop”. Absolutely disgraceful – and all of us there that day gasped in shock at the insensitivity and ignorance behind that event. She appealed to us to please, please not do that when we lead tours – although she definitely handled the affront brilliantly when it happened, it seems. We expressed our solidarity and apologized for our fellow Volunteer.

A little later on in the talk, Jennifer was telling us about the camel program over the years at the Zoo. She mentioned it the numbers were dwindling and she was concerned that there might be consideration given to phasing it out down the line. She mentioned that there had once been a huge number of bactrian camels at the Zoo and, in fact, there had been 30 when she had begun working with them. After a while she asked if we had any questions, so of course I immediately raised my hand. When she noticed it was me, she kind of sighed a little and said, “Yes, Steve?” in a bit of a sing-songy voice, obviously reading ahead a little bit.

I asked her, “Did you say there were 30 camels when you began, Jennifer?” She warily confirmed that this was, indeed, true. “Wow,” I continued. “That must have been an awful lot of poop to clean up, right?” Jennifer laughed and put her hand up to her face, shaking her head from side to side. Almost at once, the other Volunteers groaned and one of them smacked me on the shoulder. “We almost made it!” she said to me.

“Almost made it??!” I chortled. “Have you met me? There was no way we were going to get out of here without me asking a question about poop. In fact, I’m a little ashamed it took me so long to ask it, to be honest!”

And yet, I still got to see the barn and pat Jamarcus after that. I guess it pays to know your audience.

2017 “Baby Boom!” Calendar – August Story On August 24, 2017 I showed up for my second "Keeper for a Day" prizes – this time with the lion keepers (I talk about it briefly in…

#Animals #August #Baby #Bactrian Camels #Calendar #Camels #Eurasia #Jamarcus #Zoo

[thegrumpypenguin]

  Jamarcus at four weeks

  Look how tiny he is!!!

On August 24, 2017 I showed up for my second “Keeper for a Day” prizes – this time with the lion keepers (I talk about it briefly in this post about Kanzi) – which began with the opportunity to attend the Morning Meeting (“Hill Street”, as it’s affectionately known to the Keepers) in the Atrium at North Service, the Admin building at the Zoo. Among other news and updates the Keepers logs from the previous day are read out to all assembled. As luck would have it, a baby bactrian camel had been born the day before so I was among the very first people to learn about it! I don’t recall if we were told his sex or his name at this time – likely not – but I know it didn’t take long to have that information because I was already labeling photos of him by his second week on this planet. His parents were Alice and Goober (yes, seriously) and I went over to Eurasia to see him as often as I could early on because when his sister, Jozy, was born I didn’t see her until she was six or seven months old.

  Already a charmer

Most of my early shots of him were through the fence around the “camel palace” because by the time he would be big enough to go out on the larger exhibit it would be winter and none of the camels would be out there (likely due to slippery conditions for both the camels and the Keepers, because it clearly wouldn’t be a weather-related issue). But he was a precocious young lad from the very beginning and always seemed to be in view. In fact, he was almost too precocious because I needed him to be farther away from the fence to be able to blur it out, whereas he often came over to see the people whenever anyone was stopping by. It was pretty difficult to be frustrated with anything that cute and that close by. I don’t know if this high energy caused, resulted from, or was completely unrelated to the fact that he had to separated from his mom early on because she became too aggressive towards him. The keepers were already supplementing Alice’s nursing schedule with bottles of her milk that they had expressed themselves; it became a matter of simply bottle-feeding Jamarcus exclusively from then on.

  Jamarcus snuggling with “Aunt Sally”

But Jamarcus was not to be totally abandoned. The Keepers decided that he should be paired with the sweetest, most laid-back adult female of the entire flock (I prefer “caravan” but it doesn’t make sense here): lovely Sally, who is typically the go-to camel for behind-the-scenes tours and close encounters in the main body of the Zoo. As hoped, the pair got along swimmingly and Sally exerted quite a calming influence on the young lad. Most of the times I visited them I saw a very similar image to the one at left: Sally relaxing comfortably and peacefully, with Jamarcus seldom very far away from her side. I would also hear Alice elsewhere in the palace area – often inside or around back – bleating to let the Keepers know it was time to come and collect some of her milk! I was lucky enough to witness a bottle feeding on a couple of occasions; however, these took place in a spot that did not lend itself to decent photos at all.

  Spindly legs and peach fuzz

Jamarcus was eating straw at quite an early age: this photo was taken when he was just seven weeks old and was certainly not the first time I had seen him at the feeder. We had an unusually hot and dry summer here in Toronto in 2016 which extended far into the fall; I took this shot on our Thanksgiving Day weekend in mid-October. This gave me plenty of wonderful opportunities to catch a glimpse of the adorable calf without having to be concerned with him being inside and out of the cold or snow until quite late in the year. By that time, he was clearly hale and hardy enough to withstand the chill and never really had to be specially sheltered on his own. I didn’t always take photos of him, though – at least not decent ones – because of the aforementioned issue with the fencing. Also, the area around the Camel Palace is not exactly huge so my views of him became quite repetitive. I began to count the days until the flock was once again given access to the main exhibit where I could have a much better opportunity to take pictures that were relatively fencing-free. (If not actually “footloose”. *BA-doom-tish*. Sorry.) I did grab one awesome shot that the amazing Sarah was able to “tweak” for me to remove the grid-marks of the fence. It probably would have been the photo in the calendar had I taken it in time (this was shot in early January):

  Don’t you just wanna skritch that fuzzy head??

  Aunt Sally in the snow

While I was waiting, I did have one really great experience with the camels. In February, the Volunteers had their annual “Winter Blahs” which is an opportunity, while the Zoo is not busy, to have a meeting and then a behind-the-scenes of our own, just as a little pick-me-up in the dark of the winter. Our Friday group was given two choices: the giraffes or the camels. I had been BTS with the giraffes on more than one occasion so I chose the camels because: 1) I had never been in the camel barn before; and b) there was a baby to spend time with! When our little group arrived we were led into the back paddock where, as expected, Sally was waiting to greet us. We each had an opportunity to come in contact with her and the Keeper, Jennifer, gave us an excellent run-down of the whole camel program since the Zoo first opened. (There’s a side-story here which I will share at the very end of this post.) When things appeared to be winding down, cognizant of the fact that we had time left for our session, I asked Jennifer if we might visit the inside of the barn since I had always wanted to see it. She said, “Of course!” and took us in there for a few minutes where we met up with Tilly (who spent the entire time trying to eat my baseball cap, to my delight) and several others. Suddenly Jamarcus made an appearance at the half-door at the front of the barn. He was his usual feisty self and mostly made life miserable for Jennifer by attempting to bite her leg when she wouldn’t pay attention to him. Despite this annoyance, she graciously allowed me the chance to pet him before we left the barn and it was absolutely heavenly. His curly fur felt soft, scratchy, and bumpy all at the same time and his chin was feather-soft. It was transfixing…until he broke the spell with one last nip at his Keeper, which was the final straw for her. Still: a wonderful morning spent with this baby!

  Jamarcus and Sally

Finally at the very end of April I headed over for the Eurasia Wilds area of the Zoo and went to the Camel Palace. The numbers there were very thin – and no sign of Jamarcus! Excitedly I quickly went along the path to the vast grassy expanse of the exhibit and found, to my great joy, Jamarcus hanging out with his Aunt Sally, his half-sister Jozy, and Suria, a two-year-old female who had arrived from Quebec before Jamarcus was born. He had been spending more and more time with the young girls in addition to Sally through the latter stages of the winter, so this wasn’t a surprise to me at all. He was considerably bigger – and very much more woolly – but he seemed to still be full of that impish delight at simply existing, which I can only imagine was increased exponentially by the new access to the hills and grassland, and full exposure to the soft sun of the early spring. He was lying tightly against Sally when I first encountered him, but after I called his name out he wasted no time in showing off his exuberance:

    Eventually he got to his feet and worked his way over to where I was standing…

  …before heading up the hill to hang with his “sisters” for a while.

  (L-R) Suria, Jamarcus, Jozy

  I didn’t see him again for quite a while, mostly due to the Zoo being closed for five weeks from early May to mid-June. When I did get back there I was stunned by this sight:

Where’s the rest of Jamarcus??!

My goodness! Jamarcus had gone through such a shed it looked like he had been struck with alopecia or something! Quite a shock to the eyes.

Now he is nearing his first birthday and has grown to a healthy size (although he has a lot farther to go), but he clearly hasn’t lost an ounce of that curiosity or boyish impishness:

  Next month is a very special “Baby Boom”: four of the most adorable little boys you have ever seen in your life. I’m very much looking forward to writing about them! See you then!

  Oh, that’s right. I owe you a story. Ok, here goes: when my group of Volunteers went behind-the-scenes in February one of the very first things Jennifer told us was about another Volunteer who had come through with a group (although it was unclear if he was leading a tour or had come with a different BTS group) who had come upon Jennifer cleaning up the paddocks around the barn and blurted out something about Keepers “spending all day cleaning up poop”. Absolutely disgraceful – and all of us there that day gasped in shock at the insensitivity and ignorance behind that event. She appealed to us to please, please not do that when we lead tours – although she definitely handled the affront brilliantly when it happened, it seems. We expressed our solidarity and apologized for our fellow Volunteer.

A little later on in the talk, Jennifer was telling us about the camel program over the years at the Zoo. She mentioned it the numbers were dwindling and she was concerned that there might be consideration given to phasing it out down the line. She mentioned that there had once been a huge number of bactrian camels at the Zoo and, in fact, there had been 30 when she had begun working with them. After a while she asked if we had any questions, so of course I immediately raised my hand. When she noticed it was me, she kind of sighed a little and said, “Yes, Steve?” in a bit of a sing-songy voice, obviously reading ahead a little bit.

I asked her, “Did you say there were 30 camels when you began, Jennifer?” She warily confirmed that this was, indeed, true. “Wow,” I continued. “That must have been an awful lot of poop to clean up, right?” Jennifer laughed and put her hand up to her face, shaking her head from side to side. Almost at once, the other Volunteers groaned and one of them smacked me on the shoulder. “We almost made it!” she said to me.

“Almost made it??!” I chortled. “Have you met me? There was no way we were going to get out of here without me asking a question about poop. In fact, I’m a little ashamed it took me so long to ask it, to be honest!”

And yet, I still got to see the barn and pat Jamarcus after that. I guess it pays to know your audience.

2017 “Baby Boom!” Calendar – August Story On August 24, 2017 I showed up for my second "Keeper for a Day" prizes – this time with the lion keepers (I talk about it briefly in…

#Animals #August #Baby #Bactrian Camels #Calendar #Camels #Eurasia #Jamarcus #Zoo