#these moments of mutual understanding are honestly sooooo important. to me

[opalsiren]

stepped aside to let a fella in a wheelchair pass me on the street, he looks at me and my walking stick and goes 'it's like an obstacle course isn't it?' i love disabled solidarity 🥲

#these moments of mutual understanding are honestly sooooo important. to me #disability #chronic pain #.txt #spoonie #chronic illness

[sdyd]

𝑀. sentence starters ... various sentence starters from my own writing. change tense / pronouns as necessary.

I have had many, many years to reflect upon that.

I thought the same, once.

with high hopes and lofty ambition comes the potential for great disappointment.

I do not intend to be humorous.

there is no concrete answer in hypothesis. that is what experimentation is for.

that is a peculiar question ...

it's more miserable, honestly.

I'm on Zoloft.

sorry. but hey ! he's dead.

meet me back here in, say, 24 hours ?

do you have a plane by any chance ?

If the gods tell you to do something, you do it.

what ? no, I'm perfectly sane.

ya ever get the urge t'just beat the $&!# outta your dad ?

life is so unfair, is it not ?

I miss my wife ...

$75 on the strange creature of indeterminate gender.

yeah, if you had a brain.

I do got a brain ! Everyone's got one !

you'd be surprised of what you're capable of when you're being chased by cops. or superheroes.

it ain't a crime if they're rich.

sounds like my college graduation party.

that was a big monologue where a simple "I hate you" would suffice.

I don't speak French.

if the tens of thousands of kilometers of blood vessels that make up your body burn with hate for me, it is not equal to even a tenth of the loathing I have felt for you since the moment you were born.

oh man I sooooo did not sign up for your family drama.

maybe I'm just trying to convince myself more than you.

what I'm trying to say is that — instead of beating yourself up for all the bad things that happened, maybe you should focus on the fact it all happened because you wanted to do something good.

dead moms are great motivators for crazy shit.

what was the end goal of it all ?

I have spent hours pouring over my work, trying to understand the mind of the person who wrote it.

why did you do in the first place?

heed my advice then, and go for it.

ah ! you are shy, worry not, I understand.

to lovers everywhere !

don't take it took hard, she's disappointed in me too.

I love her. I miss her.

I think you're just insane.

I chose you out of millions of others, and this is how you express your gratitude ?

I'm not the best at comforting, but feel free to let it out.

you do not get to die and come back as you were.

dreams are only nice while they last, I suppose.

I require your assistance in an utmost important matter.

psychology is rather fascinating, is it not ? I had long thought it a soft science, but the mind is rather intriguing.

as an expert in these matters, I most certainly see the sparks of mutual romance.

that was the glance of a woman in love !

I was being facetious.

I should have been a comedian, I know.

keep his name out of your wretched mouth!

my dear lady, it sounds like a fairytale !

I am a lesbian with a quest and I have succeeded in it.

I do not forgive you.

I am a rather forgiving person when it is I myself that is scorned. some may say it is a flaw.

ah, I did run into the woods in despair ! but alas, I did return, to this world of horror.

I did attempt to call force an exorcism, but my cries went unheard.

shut up ! you know nothing of me !

I have known you since you were four ! I know everything about you ! like for example, that you never grew out of watching --

remember when you used to drag us all up to the mountains to watch storms ?

that was terrible of me, utterly terrible. it is unforgiveable.

I should have done better by you.

I think the GPS is busted ...

dude ! you crashed into me ! and it gave you a boner ?!

I don't give a fuck about your dick.

why was [ name ] in the trunk ?

wow, you're a huge dick, aren't you ?

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 139 Review Part I: On Eren Jeager and Genocide

Why?

Why is this happening?

Folks, I’m going to be honest here: there are no words for this. The main thrust of this chapter is completely inexplicable. It’s stupid. It’s ill conceived. FML.

Just…just the term itself is laughable.

Eren redemption arc.

Sksksksksksksksksksksk

After everything he’s done, everyone he’s killed, you’re going to try redeeming Eren in the final chapter?

Eren didn’t need to be redeemed. He was a bullheaded kid who didn’t let anyone stop him from doing what he thought needed to be done. He sees the titans outside the walls as enemies to be exterminated. When he learns that his real enemies are other humans, who have a right to freedom as much as he does, he can’t accept it and decides to just exterminate them too. That mindset led him down a tragic path of genocide.

That’s not a bad character arc!

In fact, I’d say it’s very compelling. Nonconformity and obstinance are often presented as virtues; flipping that paradigm on its head and showing the vices of those virtues was legitimately smart and provocative.

Making people rethink what traits are virtues and vices is a great moral to the story, and it paired well with the other moral of cooperation and loving your fellow people.

Then this chapter came out, and they threw all that away.

Eren’s arc once made me think of Aristotle, who argued that true virtue lied between extremes: neither too submissive nor too rebellious.

Now Eren’s arc makes me think of pseudointellectual 4chan philosophy, and dumb teenagers: “He’s not a bad guy, he’s just human!!!”

Eren’s motivations are a mess now. He had no free will, but he also had a plan, but deep down he wanted to do the rumbling no matter what, but actually he really wanted to be with Mikasa.

Oh, and B T dubs, he killed his mom too.

You can tell Isayama is desperate to make Eren as sympathetic as possible to justify making him the anti-hero because he’s throwing everything he can pull out of his ass at Eren.

Really, though, all he ended up doing was smearing shit on the character.

Eren’s plan was to kill a significant part of the human population so the world wouldn’t be as overwhelming a threat as before. Simultaneously, he planned (“planned”) for the alliance to become vaunted heroes to the world when they killed him, thus paving the way to peace.

This…makes no sense?

There is no reason Eren should have believed this would work. During the battle of Trost, Pixis asked him if humanity could unite if threatened by a common enemy. Eren said no.

Eren is a pessimist about people. He sees how much the walldians fought with each other and concluded that people would always be at odds.

And the Tybur family helped defeat the Eldian Empire, but only the Tyburs were seen as heroes by the Marleyans. That good will was not imputed from the Tyburs to the other Eldians on the continent. There’s no reason to think that would happen here when it didn’t back then.

I’m assuming, anyway, that the alliance becoming heroes is supposed to lead to a world where Paradis is safe since that’s supposed to be Eren’s goal.

I’m willing to grant that maybe this part of Eren’s plan was more of a hope on his part. Peace would come only after his death, so he can’t truly “plan” for anything afterwards.

I think it’s safe to say that killing the world’s population was the main part of his plan, since that’s the part he had the most control over.

To the extent he had any control over his actions, which brings me to the next point.

So, turns out Eren had no free will.

Can you not feel Isayama’s desperation?

After all the awful things Eren’s done, Isayama’s brilliant idea to make him sympathetic is to strip him of all agency.

This is done by two routes throughout the chapter.

The first is by building him up as a victim. Eren’s mind is fucked; he can’t really control himself. Any decent person would feel pity for him, which is reinforced by the sorrow Armin visibly feels for him.

Then, like a shotgun blast to the face, we are told that Eren killed his mother in a moment that is clearly supposed to endear us to him.

This is such a transparent appeal for our sympathy. Isayama’s desperation leaps off the page and mugs us of it.

The only thing that this revelation adds to the story is that it gives Armin a reason to take up Eren’s hand, and show him support. You can see Armin’s heart breaking for Eren in that moment.

That’s mostly why this is here: to give the mass murderer a hard luck story so our hearts melt for him.

The second route is that depriving Eren of agency absolves him of blame for what he did.

Eren beat Armin bloody, but you can’t really blame him for it. He was drugged out on the Founding Titan and didn’t want to do it. He was acting on impulse, just going with the flow, so he deserves, at the very least, some leniency.

Eren both having a plan and not having much in the way of free will is contradictory. Everyone still talks about Eren as if he’s someone who is doing stuff even though we’re told he’s not really capable of rational decision making.

I’m going to be nice and assume Isayama’s intent is that when you parse this all out, you end up in a place where Eren is not truly responsible for what he did, and in any event this all ended with the titan curse broken and the world at peace, sooooo break out the champagne everyone, we achieved world peace!

…

Yeah, bub, I’m not partying right now.

Isayama’s ploy to absolve Eren of blame didn’t work. Eren is still responsible for the people he killed and his Founding Titan lobotomy counts for shit. Turns out it helps to know how free will works when you’re writing about free will.

Free will is the quality of being in control of your actions, at least to the extent necessary to be held responsible for them.

Eren was just going with the flow (wonder what Annie thought of that…), acting on impulse, and getting dragged along by fate, but that’s not actually important.

It’s been known for centuries that current events are caused by previous events and that the current events will bring about future events in a never ending chain of cause and effect. One domino causes another to fall causes another to fall and on and on. This is called determinism.

And that’s ok because we free will exists. It exists even if we can’t do anything other than what we are going to do. It exists in spite of, or even arises out of, determinism.

This premise, that free will and determinism are not mutually exclusive, is the foundation for a family of theories about free will called compatibilism.

Compatibilist free will is the most popular theory of free will. There are a couple of variations on the basic idea, but the gist is that free will exists when your actions can be linked to an aspect of yourself that you identify with.

For example, if you had no choice but to do something, but you’re ok with that because it’s what you wanted anyway, then you have free will.

Even if I didn’t know you’d stop me in the end, I think I still would have flattened this world. 

-Eren Jeager

That’s all I needed to hear.

EREN, FUCK YOU!!!!

Eren had free will, at least as much as necessary to blame him for his genocide.

Isayama threw this curveball at us and all it did was ruin Eren as a character while leaving him just as repugnant as before. Incredible. It’s the worst of both worlds.

Before this chapter Eren was a guy who believed in something and followed that belief no matter who got in his way. That was great! It was tragic and sad, but great storytelling.

Where does this chapter leave us?

What we learn in this chapter is that Eren didn’t really believe in anything. He may have free will enough to be a shithead for what he did, but that doesn’t mean he has free will enough to be an interesting character.

Eren coming to grips with him not being free, in an absolute sense, would have been so much more interesting than what we got. Eren started the series comparing humanity to cattle in a pen. He ends the series being literally sheparded by fate to his death like cattle to a slaughterhouse.

And yet we get no exploration of that at all.

It’s lame. Everything about this is lame. From a storytelling perspective, Eren was just along for the ride. Who would want to reread this series now? A story about a boy who’s quest for freedom neither ends tragically nor happily, but is just forgotten about by the end. What’s the point?

There is none.

Eren’s journey ends up lost in the author’s own ignorance of the very thing this is supposed to be about.

Unfortunately, SNK isn’t interested in 80% of the world being dead. If it were, Eren wouldn’t have gotten such a warm send off.

I was honestly shocked when I read this chapter.

I thought it had been made clear. SNK had come firmly down against genocide. I never imagined Isayama would try a 180 in the final chapter.

And, well, he did, and here we are.

SNK is pro-genocide.

To wit:

Once Eren’s abominable plan is explained to everyone, he is lavished with love and comfort by his friends.

Armin did punch Eren for being callous about Mikasa, but overall all Armin had nothing but sympathy and understanding for Eren. They held hands and hugged and gave Eren a tender farewell.

All they talk about is how great a sacrifice Eren is making.

Not the sacrifice of 80% of all people, but the sacrifice that Eren personally is making of himself.

I don’t know what deranged mindset Isayama has that made him think this was sensible, but no, Eren is not sacrificing anything. He was always going to die. We’ve known this for several dozen chapters. It’s not a sacrifice to befall the fate you were always going to suffer.

He lost nothing. If anything, he gained from this ending.

Eren died knowing he was loved and appreciated by his friends. What more could a dying man ask for?

Eren is rewarded by the story for killing 80% of humanity.

His ultimate fate was no worse than was expected even before he committed the genocide, and he went out in the knowledge that his friends loved him for it.

It doesn’t even make logical sense that his friends would be so receptive to what he did.

There is no difference between Eren’s plan and what we thought Eren’s plan was before this chapter came out.

Armin thought Eren’s plan was to murder humanity to ensure his safety, and Armin was appalled. Armin was willing to sacrifice his life to ensure Eren failed. He was truly acting for the greater good of humanity.

In this chapter, Armin learns that Eren’s plan is actually to murder most of humanity to ensure his safety, and Armin loves him.

Again, hand holding, hugging, “thank you.” No mention of the unfathomable harm caused. The 80% killed are not even a footnote in this chapter.

Even after the fact, Eren’s friends showed no qualms with Eren essentially winning and procuring their safety through genocide.

When previously the mere thought of that was what motivated them to lay down their lives to stop him.

I don’t think Isayama believes this genocide is supposed to bear on how we think of Eren. I say, having just read the chapter that’s all about Eren, in which his genocide doesn’t bear on how his friends think of him. At all.

Was that too great a leap in logic? I apologize if my rationality offends you.

Eren may have died, but he won in the end.

His friends are safe and the world looks set to conclude a peace treaty with Paradis.

I don’t buy for a second that the world is a threat to Paradis anymore, and I don’t buy for a second that there won’t be a peace shortly after the end of the story.

It’s very telling, to me, that it’s the world that’s come to grovel at Paradis’ feet, begging for peace, when previously it was the other way around.

The contours of this “peace,” if you can call it that, were made pretty clear in the epilogue. The world is in ruins while Paradis is stronger than ever, so the world sues for peace for fear of Paradis attacking further. 

This is the moral of the story. Frankly, it’s been staring at us in the face the whole time.

How do you end the cycle of violence?

The answer is to win. To be stronger. More determined.

The only peace is enforced peace through domination.

Peace through the barrel of a gun.

To be continued in part II (and possibly part III)

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk 139 #snk chapter 139 #eren jeager

[deathishauntedbyhumans]

Into You-A Spirk RP

Stranger: Are you nuts? There's /nothing/ going on between Spock and I. -JTK

You: ...right. So you're telling me that the fact that you and the hobgoblin having eye sex in front of the entire bridge on the daily is just a coincidence? Excuse me for living, but I don't believe you. LM

Stranger: Okay, first of all- who says 'eye sex' anymore? Second of all, we haven't been having any kinda sex at all! Nothing. Zip. Vulcans don't have eye sex. -JTK

You: Tell that to the one on board your ship, because I don't think he's gotten the memo. LM Also, I say eye sex. Who doesn't say eye sex anymore? Is that not a thing you young and hip kids say? LM

Stranger: That's definitely /not/ something us hip and young kids say. How're we having eye sex? What's that even mean? -JTK

You: Are you seriously telling me you haven't noticed the way you two stare at each other? If I didn't know Vulcans were touch telepaths, I'd think he was trying to climb into your brain and live there. LM

Stranger: That's soooo not true. I look at everyone! I look at you all the time. -JTK

You: Yeah, but you don't look at me or anybody else the way you look at Spock. You two just... stare at each other. All the time. LM You spend more time with him than anybody else on the ship. I know the two of you spend your off hours together. Everyone's seen you in the rec room playing chess. LM

Stranger: ...Yeah, playing chess! Chess isn't sexy. Plus, there's not a whole lot to do around here. Y'know? -JTK

You: Chess is probably foreplay to a logical guy like Spock. LM Look, kid. All joking aside, I've seen the way you look at him, and I've seen the way he looks at you. Even if you insist there's nothing going on, that's not going to change that fact that you look at him like he's your world, and he looks at you like you're the sun he orbits around. LM

Stranger: [Delayed] C'mon. He doesn't look at me like /that/. -JTK

Stranger: He looks at everyone like that! -JTK

You: He absolutely does NOT look at everyone the way he looks at you. No way in hell would he ever look at me with that same lovesick puppy expression he gives you, Jimbo. LM

Stranger: He does /not/ give me a 'lovesick puppy' expression. Spock doesn't even /make/ expressions like that. -JTK I mean, he dated Uhura for over a year and he never fawned. -JTK

You: I don't know what he had with Uhura. That ain't my place to judge. But Jim? He definitely makes expressions like that when you're around him. LM

Stranger: You're ridiculous. -JTK Aren't Vulcans, like...all straight? -JTK

You: Hardly. As far as I know, Vulcans form bonds based on telepathic compatibility and a load of other logical junk. I've never seen gender as one of the deciding factors in anything I've researched. LM

Stranger: Well...I don't know! I just figured bonding was all about reproduction. -JTK Plus, if he was into me, he'd just tell me. -JTK

You: Despite what they want us all to think, there's a good amount of care and consideration that seems to go into bonding. LM Would he, though? Would Spock, our emotionally-stunted, rules-up-his-ass XO really just up and tell you if he had a thing for you? LM

Stranger: Well...I mean, wouldn't he? What's illogical about having a crush? -JTK

You: He's half-human too, kid. LM I hate to say it, but feelings are hard enough to deal with when you're all human. Being a guy from a race that feels too much all the time and a race that doesn't feel enough probably doesn't make figuring that shit out very easy for him. LM Y'know, you're pretty interested in this whole thing for someone who's supposedly not interested. LM

Stranger: [Slight delay] ...I'm just curious. -JTK Besides, this is all speculation. Even if we /were/ interested in each other, there's no way it'd work. -JTK

You: Yeah? How do you figure that one? LM

Stranger: You know me. I self-sabotage like no other. ;) -JTK

You: Y'know, I do know you. And in all the time that I've known you, I've never once seen you look at anyone the way you look at Spock. So correct me if I'm wrong here, but I don't think your self-sabotaging would go down the same damn way as it did back in the academy. LM

Stranger: ...You don't? -JTK

You: No, I don't. Call me a fool, but I actually have faith in you, kid. LM

Stranger: You /seriously/ think me and Spock should be a thing? -JTK

You: Why the hell not? I've seen weirder shit out here in space. LM For what it's worth, I'd rather see you two happy with each other than staring off into the distance apart because neither of you can 'fess up and make a move. LM

Stranger: [...] Okay. Valid point. -JTK /But/, if we get together, we're totally gonna have sex in your sickbay. Does that change your mind? -JTK

You: Ugh. I'd ask if you have to, but I know you well enough to know the answer to that. LM Just lock the doors when you two get rowdy, yeah? I may know it's happening, but I don't need to see it. LM

Stranger: /If/. If we get rowdy, we'll lock the doors. ;) -JTK

You: You'd better. LM Now go talk to your boyfriend before I come to my senses and realise that this whole conversation was a mistake, yeah? LM

Stranger: Ugh. /Not/ my boyfriend, but fine. -JTK ...Thanks, Bones. -JTK [Delayed, message sent to Spock's comm] Hey! Hey, you busy? -JTK

You: I have been reading through the debriefing for our next planetary mission. Is everything alright, Captain? S

Stranger: Ugh. /Sooooo/ boring. It's gonna be /so/ boring. But, anyway, yeah! Yeah, everything's fine. Totally fine. -JTK

You: I do not believe a peace mission to a preciously warp-incapable planet is going to be as boring as you believe. S

Stranger: It'll totally be boring. I mean, they seem pretty peaceful, so far. We'll probably just sit through a long dinner. -JTK

You: ...Have you read any of the debriefing thus far? S

Stranger: [...] I haven't opened it once. -JTK

Stranger: /But/ in my defense, I've been dealing with a crisis! -JTK

You: A crisis? I believe you said that everything was "totally fine" only moments ago? Has something transpired between then and now to change that? S

Stranger: No, no. I mean- I /am/ totally fine. -JTK

You: You are contradicting yourself, Captain. S

Stranger: [Slight delay] Right. Shit. -JTK I'm not making any sense. -JTK I /am/ fine, but I've got a lot on my mind. I've been thinking about some things. -JTK

You: I would like to help, if I can. S

Stranger: ...Yeah? -JTK

You: Of course. Is there anything I can do? S

Stranger: [Delayed] Are you into me? -JTK

You: [delay] I do not understand the question. S

Stranger: ...Y'know. Are you attracted to me? Do you have romantic feelings for me? -JTK

You: [delay] This is not a discussion we should have in this format. S

Stranger: Wait. /Wait/- you /do/? -JTK

Stranger: For real? -JTK

You: If you are uncomfortable, I assure you that I would never attempt to do anything to make you feel as such. However, I understand if it is too much of a distraction to have aboard. I... apologise. S

Stranger: [Delay] Wait...You think I'm uncomfortable? -JTK Are you /nuts/? -JTK

You: I... do not believe so? S

Stranger: You /are/. Seriously, you're insane. Why would I be uncomfortable? -JTK

You: ...I merely assumed that was the reason behind your line of questioning. Is it not? S

Stranger: /No/. I was just...Well. I honestly expected you to say no. -JTK

You: I am not prone to lying. S

Stranger: No, I mean-....I just didn't expect you to /actually/ be into me. -JTK

You: [delay] You are an incredibly intelligent, competent captain, and beyond that, you have been a friend to me not only when I have not known how to reciprocate such gestures, but also when I have not deserved them. You are a stunning man in your own right; I admire your capability and surety in everything that you do. There is no reason I can think of for me to not be "into" you. The depth of the emotion I have grown to both acknowledge and accept was overwhelming at first, but in time, I am... glad that I am lucky enough to experience it. I enjoy your presence. Merely standing on the Bridge with you at my side is enough to make me believe in the possibility that there is no such thing as a no-win scenario. You are an enigma, Jim, and you are one that I am constantly grateful for in my life. S

Stranger: [Very delayed] Wow. -JTK I'm not, like...Well, I've never really been big on huge, romantic gestures, but now I get why people dream about them because...I don't know what to say. -JTK

You: You do not need to say anything. S I believe that you deserve to know how important you are to me, especially if you were previously unaware of it. S

Stranger: I knew you /cared/. I just didn't know it was...like that. -JTK Shit. Bones is never gonna let this go. -JTK

You: ...what does Doctor McCoy have to do with this? S

Stranger: He /totally/ knew. He knew the whole time! He told me, 'Jim, I've never seen either of you look at anyone the way you look at each other'. And I told him he was wrong. -JTK

You: That is... disconcerting. S

Stranger: Yeah. /Tell me about it/. Can't believe he realized it before I did. -JTK

You: Was this the crisis you were referring to, before? S

Stranger: [Slight delay] ...I was crisis-ing over whether or not to bring it up. -JTK

You: I do not believe "crisis-ing" is a real verb. S Do you regret doing so? S

Stranger: You can't correct my grammar if you're in love with me. -JTK ...Not yet. -JTK

You: I do not believe those two things are mutually exclusive. S

Stranger: They're /definitely/ mutually exclusive. It's in the rules. -JTK

You: There are no "rules" pertaining to this subject matter. S

Stranger: Oh, there totally is. There's a whole book titled 'So, you wanna fall in love with Jim Kirk...' -JTK

You: In that case, it is a rule book I have not been made privy to. Perhaps you should lend it to me. S

Stranger: Nah, I'll just let you know whenever you break a rule. -JTK

You: That seems to put you at an unfair advantage. S

Stranger: Well, evolution already put /you/ at an unfair advantage. :( Don't I deserve a win? -JTK

You: I am inclined to say no out of habit. S

Stranger: Ah-ah! That's another rule. -JTK

You: These rules are very much tilted in your favour. S

Stranger: Well, do /you/ have a book? -JTK

You: Figuratively speaking? Perhaps. Though it does not appear to be as extensive as yours. S

Stranger: Pffffttt! So not true. I bet you've got rules, too. -JTK

You: Well, I cannot think of any at the current time, but I will keep you posted if any come up. S

Stranger: Good. -JTK ...Can I take you out to dinner or something? -JTK

You: ...I would very much enjoy that, yes. S

Stranger: Yeah? -JTK For real? -JTK Like.../Seriously/? -JTK

You: Yes, Jim. S Seriously. S

Stranger: [Delayed] We're gonna have /great/ sex. -JTK

You: Jim!! S

Stranger: I'm just saying! -JTK Don't act surprised! You knew what you were signing up for. -JTK

You: I will admit that I did not expect you to say such a thing so... candidly, though perhaps I should have. S

Stranger: You should've. You /definitely/ should've. -JTK I've never wanted someone so long before. -JTK

Stranger: /But/, it's not /just/ that. -JTK

You: I understand. S [delay] How long have you... had feelings for me? S

Stranger: [Delay] Well...I've thought you were hot since we met at my inquest. -JTK [...] It's been more than that for a while. After melding with Salek, I /definitely/ had a crush, but...It was pretty easy to ignore. After I woke up, after Khan, it changed again. -JTK

You: [delay] When I first spoke to my counterpart, he urged me to set logic aside and to do what felt right. I knew then that I would not be able to leave you behind. You had already left a lasting impression on me, even after just the events relating to Nero and the destruction of my home planet. S It is a large part of the reason I returned to the ship, instead of resigning from Starfleet the way I had originally intended. S

Stranger: Because of me? -JTK

You: Because of you. S

Stranger: [Delay] Man. You've got it bad, huh? -JTK

You: I suppose I do. S

Stranger: How come you've never said anything? -JTK

Stranger: You really thought I'd turn you down? -JTK

You: The time was never right. S ...I did not wish to risk losing your friendship over something I felt I could control. That was more important to me than making you aware of the depth of my feelings. S And besides that, you are my Captain, first and foremost. I would not wish to do anything to jeopardise our positions relative to one another on the ship. S

Stranger: Are you kidding? Even if I /had/ turned you down, I never would've let you transfer. -JTK

You: The risk felt too great. S And I would never wish to make you uncomfortable, Jim. That has never been my intention. If a confession of my feelings for you had not been well-received, I did not want to make you feel as though you were supposed to do something about it. S

Stranger: [Delay] You're /way/ too good for me. -JTK Y'know that? -JTK

You: I do not follow your logic. S

Stranger: Like...Shit! You were willing to put your own happiness aside just because you didn't wanna hurt me. That's /insane/. -JTK

Stranger: I definitely don't deserve all that, having someone make sacrifices for me. -JTK

You: [delay] I cannot begin to express how incorrect that statement is. S You deserve to have your emotions and experiences validated. In this particular case, I could be content with merely having your friendship if it meant that you were not put into a situation where you were forced to be uncomfortable. S

Stranger: [Delay] You /gotta/ stop saying things like that. I'm trying to act like a gentleman and you're not making it any easier. -JTK Dinner. I'm gonna take you to dinner. -JTK

You: You did mention that, yes. S How am I making it difficult for you to act like a gentleman? S

Stranger: /Because/, I can't act like a gentleman when you say things like /that/. -JTK

You: Your explanation is suspiciously lacking in explanation. S

Stranger: [...] When you say super duper nice things, I wanna suck your dick. -JTK

You: ...Ah. S

Stranger: Hey, I was /trying/ not to say it. -JTK

You: [delay] While dinner is not something I would be disinclined to engage in with you, I am not opposed to more... amorous activities. S

Stranger: ...I don't wanna rush you. -JTK

You: I would not have brought it up if I was not certain of what I want, Jim. S

Stranger: [Delay] /Yeah/? -JTK

You: Yes. Emphatically yes. S

Stranger: ...Well. We could have dinner and then spend a hell of a lotta time making out. -JTK

You: A sound plan, Captain. S

Stranger: Call me Jim. We're practically dating. -JTK

You: A sound plan, then, Jim. S

Stranger: Perfect. -JTK Holy shit. -JTK I don't think I've ever been so excited for a data before. -JTK

You: When will this date be occurring? S

Stranger: ...Does it make me sound desperate if I say tonight? -JTK

You: If it does, then I am just as desperate to accept. S

Stranger: You should be. I'm a /total/ catch. ;) -JTK

You: I am well-aware that you are. S

#i'm back into rp bc i'm a HEATHEN #spirk #spirk rp #spirk roleplay #omegling #omegle #omegle rp #star trek rp #kris talks #my rp #roleplay #look stranger if u didnt wanna do the Fucc you coulda d/ced before it was 11pm bro #im not mad but im a lil salty #didn't even say goodbye :(

[redscullyrevival]

Assassin’s Quest: Farseer Trilogy Rundown

Another one bites the dust  @sonnetscrewdriver

Plot/Setting/Narrative:

This has been my favorite book out of this trilogy

I like a good traveling I do. I like reading the description of physical changes from place to place and the course of time, I enjoy it when travel is pitted against characters I like (I think that’s part of the reason I like Age of Sail so much), it exposes them if an author is honest - and boy did we drag some skeletons out in this last book. 

I’m a fan of the anti-climatic-questing that goes on here; the plot is important and enthralling but the series is done in the first person and the quest of higher concern is that of Fitz’s emotional catharsis. 

And whats really great, whats really masterful, is that Fitz doesn’t get there, doesn’t prosper, alone. Not literally on his quest to find Verity and then not emotionally either.

Fitz learns about himself and how to process his life not from his actual quest, not from the difficulties or the things he does on his quest, but through the people he interacts with. Fitz buying supplies and chatting with the seller; Fitz choosing to aid a stranger; Fitz listening to a grieving ferret; Fitz comforting Kettricken, Kettle, Starling, the Fool; all these things chip away bits of his own encased dragon. 

‘Cause that’s the big double-down metaphor right? 

You gotta put in to get out.

That’s recovery and agency and acceptance and emotional ownership and forgiveness - that’s what you do to become unmired. 

Within the magic of the narrative world Verity put literally everything into his dragon but Fitz’s emotional journey wasn’t just about letting go of what ailed him. It wasn’t about expelling and casting aside pain and loss, as Kettle warned him, it about help. 

Being helped and helping others (which was thematically mimicked with Verity’s dragon; he carved his dragon so as to help and in turn needed help to complete it) forces someone to open up and become like that magical absorbing stone, complete with the power to pull out one’s own image. 

Fun stuff.

I cried like four times at simple sentences.

It was great.

Fitz

I liked Fitz but I loved the characters surrounding him a lot more

Until this book

Now I love Fitz as I do many other characters (and Nighteyes, what a butt) but why the change? What’s different? 

Well, frankly, Fitz finally realized he wasn’t that great lol

In this book Fitz realizes he isn’t particularly successful at much; being an assassin, fighting, understanding his own emotions. 

I didn’t, like, enjoy his suffering or anything weird like that - the character just became that much more likable to me once he gained clarity on his behavior and concerns and understanding of his self identity.

Last time I said Fitz’s introspective-to-extrospective ability made him almost unbelievable; I think that’s why in this last installment he is made to be far too rattled, too busy, too hurt, to bother pondering about himself from all angles all that often.

The in first two books Fitz takes on the personality of someone sure of themselves; of their place, their youth, of their love, of their challenges. Moody and angry sure but still someone who believes in what they do and how they act and why, someone living a life of reaction and reaction and so he considers himself, pits himself, against his place, love, challenges, so on so forth. 

In the first two books Fitz had a very youthful perspective full of intent-as-reasoning, pious duty, keeping score, and burning with a mindful eye towards fairness.

I know and you know that Fitz wouldn’t fall as far as Regal because we know him personally, he is a good kiddo - but those are a bulk of Regal’s traits, albeit less intense and terrifying and steered towards altruism rather than egoism. 

But still.

Fitz rubbed Regal sour because they were in a lot of ways the same, we just learn of this very slowly (which was lovely, love a slow burn) and by the time we realize this Fitz has changed and grown whereas Regal has regressed to near fetal singularity, complete with having to be carried around in other’s bodies and stupefied with distrust incapable of helping even himself.

I think that’s why Fitz chose to imprint him with fanatical loyalty to Kettricken and baby. He didn’t want to kill anymore, yeah, but Fitz put into motion Regal’s massive unparalleled ability to help the Six Duchies since he never would have, could have, done so himself.

I hope Fitz enjoys his holiday. 

I wonder if he ever awkwardly comes across a talking ship with his face on it and is just like “UM???”  

Burrich

Fuck yeah

GET IT BURRICH

Be happy

Raise that baby

Make some honey

luv u

Maybe explore with your wit-sense, live a little, but I won’t hold my breath

Prince Verity

I said don’t make me cry Verity. Way to go in opposite direction, god.

It became pretty evident pretty quickly he wasn’t gonna survive and it wasn’t like he died without purpose so it wasn’t his death that was so... I dunno, cutting?

I’m not one for monarchy but I liked Verity. Probably because he wasn’t really one for monarchy either, hah!

It was the calmness and wise words of Verity, that warm glow, that caused me to really appreciate and rely on Verity as much as Fitz. 

So when he was found wandering a quarry so muted and dulled and lost it was unnerving.

I was practically relieved when he soaked into the dragon. He could finally accomplish the utmost of what was possible of him to help his people.

But I still wanted him to be around, making maps.  

Prince Regal

Toddler theory confirmed! 

Haha, man, I love Regal.

I liked how it wasn’t revealed that Regal was some mastermind. He really was just a child with resources. A person who was never denied things, who was filled to the brim with paranoia and great and mighty purpose as a child - someone who liked who they were! That’s wild! Regal sought to take what he truly thought he deserved, completely outside of tremendous conflict and struggle. 

Friggin’ nation is burning and he’s like “but I never got my own horsie!”

'Cause, did Regal ever actually understand the Red Ship threats? I mean, he got reports and heard accounts probably but he never got it. Didn’t skill it, didn’t see it, didn’t experience it, didn’t have to face it directly at any time.

It was never real to him.

Fitz was real; the perceived slights against him were real; Regal wasn’t disgusting due to a lot of effort ya know? Regal was effortlessly a shit person, if that makes sense.

And I loved that about him.

He cracked me up.

Death by ferret is hard to top.  

Lady Patience 

I would have liked to have more definitive closure with Patience 

But I’m well pleased with how she rose to defend Buckeep in her own way

Chade

Honestly I thought Chade betrayed Fitz and I was trying to be cool about it while reading but every mention of him during this period of reading I was like “OH, YES, CHADE YEAH HOW GREAT HE HIS HA HA YES LETS SKILL DROP IN ON HIM HA HA HA” and generally being sarcastic about him to myself.

It was weird.

I don’t know why I did that.

Super stoked he didn’t betray Fitz but you know me and Chade, I’m just - I’m just always gonna be a little paranoid about him. 

Who gets younger in war?!

Who does that?!

The Pox Man remains shady and I feel bad about that but damn

Kettricken

Oh Kettricken.

She is such a severe person, so orderly and put together and cool. 

I think I felt the worst for her out of everyone, and I think because she knows she is Sacrifice. 

Everyone else rebels against their personal horrors and pain and then they recover, outgrow, and absorb them. But Kettricken is different.

Her lot broke my heart.

Sigh...

This girl be Old Blood though and she needs to figure that shit out stat

The Fool

Alright you smug folks who read these books in the right order, I hope you’ve been plenty amused at my blatantly incorrect musings

BECAUSE I AM!

HAhahahaahohmygod

Reading this you may or may not be aware that I read the Liveship Traders trilogy first at my dear friend Matty’s suggestion; during those post-book-write-ups I said I liked that the series didn’t rely on Ah hah! moments but I wasn’t aware that the series in fact had many, I just didn’t see them for what they were because of my reading order. 

Now having read the Farseer Trilogy I’ve several retroactive Ah hah! moments.

Obviously the Fool aka Amber is one of such moment. 

As such Amber makes a lot more sense to me now, so that’s cool

The Fool is so terribly easy to like but I was sooooo happy to experience them outside of Buckeep! Much more of their own individual and that made me happy.

They love Fitz and Fitz better love them back or I’m gonna be -

Well, I’ll be fine, but the world will be less wonderful without them loving each other mutually goddamnit!  

They have a magical tube connecting their brains you’d think they’d be pretty prime for understanding one another.

Must. Read. Tawny Man.

Molly

Okay, so I love Molly

When she was frustrated at Nettle?

I’ve lived that. That shit hit home. I was sitting in my chair, crying, empathizing.

I’m so happy she is happy

I like the little image of her and Burrich living on a little farm with a cottage and garden and animals I have in my mind.

It brings me peace. 

Burrich is the far better match for her, and her him. 

Kettle

I love me some old lady characters, I really do. 

Kettle’s reveal had me cryin’ but as we’ve learned I like a good book cry and was ready to bawl whenever but the three or four pages about her sister and coterie were really well written and made me feel the big things. 

Starling

Oh boy.

I really liked Starling.

But she kinda made me nervous.

Nervous for her I mean.

She seems self destructive but hides it under a ruse of self-knowledge. 

That could just be me projecting though haha, heeeyoooo

All in all I liked her flirtatious and open nature.

Comfortable anywhere that one, a wonderful change up from the other party members. 

#realm of the elderlings #Farseer Trilogy #multiplayer notepad #fandom talks #year of book