#there's no way they haven't fucked

[ex0rin]

The Boys S01 Bloopers | Jack Quaid & Karl Urban

#karl urban i can see your fucking eyes dilate in that second gif #god i bet jack just pushes his luck like this all the time #that 'sir' is gonna keep me awake at night #fuck it #actor rpf #there's no way they haven't fucked #cara gifs #jack quaid #karl urban #urbaid #butchie #hughie campbell #billy butcher

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[hiding-under-the-willow]

Okay so I need someone who's better at landscapes and art style replication than I am to hop on this idea. because this man and his alien planet biome and storyline were made for the scavengers reign art style fr

#atlas.art #artists on tumblr #mcyt #hermitcraft #hermitcraft 10 #rendog #renthedog #scavengers reign #idea that was stuck in my head so bad I finished three full illustrations in a day #these are all screenshot redraws from the show for those who haven't seen it #you should see it by the way. literally one of the coolest pieces of art ever made and I am not exaggerating in the slightest #but yeah. he and his minecraft speculative alien biology were made for this fucking show #I'm actually really happy with how these came out it's been so long since I've tried drawing in a different art style like this

[horrorlesbians]

true detective 1x08

#true detective #i haven't laughed much watching/rewatching this season but the way he asks it is so funny #also 'sentient meat' as a tattoo or something would fuck #rustin cohle #marty hart

[natelia-aldelliz]

Ghost after meeting Soap.

Price : Have you slept?

Ghost : Depends what day it is

Price : Go to bed.

#cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #captain john price #implied ghostsoap #implied soapghost #ghost is a catboy by the way #Soap is more complicated because he's a cat person and doesn't like dogs but also he's very dogboy leaning personality wise #dad price for the win even if he's only old enough to be big brother price; he's 50 spiritually according to his 'kids' #price would be like 'ok do you want to talk about it?' #and ghost would look at him like 'what do you mean “talk about it” what happened to bottle it up like normal people?' #“i'll just forget all about it” ghost tells himself #and then soap is bumping into him in the corridor and smiling up at him with the power of the fucking sun and wow ghost is in love fuck #i was supposed to draw something for valentine's day but my brain was all no : funny scene first but now it's 9:30 am and i haven't slept #maybe expect something for valentine's day at some point - probably not today tho but like at some point this week maybe ?

[s1ushyz]

Frank with a beard.

That's all, that's the post.

#for people who haven't seen this or frank with a beard in general #here you go #I hate this fucking guy!! #he looks like he smells of gas and the woods #(I love him though) #s1ushyz #my chemical romance #mcr #gerard way #frank iero #my chem #mikey way #ray toro

[stairset]

I do feel like the way Kyoshi was written in the Avatar reboot was lowkey influenced by the fandom's perception of her. Cause like in the original show she's really just portrayed as a pragmatist who's willing to kill if necessary. Like Aang is conflicted about killing the Fire Lord and she's like "well if I were in your position I'd do it but that's just me. Good luck." And then people started making memes where she's like a murderous psychopath who thinks extreme violence is always the solution. And it was funny at first cause it was just exaggerating for comedy but now everyone thinks she was actually like that in the show when she really wasn't. And then in the remake her introductory scene is her angrily yelling at this 12 year old that he needs to stop being a little pussy and be a ruthless warrior or whatever and the only explanation I can think of is that someone in the writer's room maybe looked at a few too many of those memes.

#she had an awesome fight scene though so there's that #disclaimer i own both the kyoshi books but haven't actually read them yet #so this is just going off how she was written in the original show #i'm working my way through all my books that i haven't read yet so i'll get to the avatar novels soon #but i gotta get through a couple more star wars books first lol #but yeah you know those spider-verse memes #where they take the scene where jefferson says ''spider-man why did you create that guy'' #and they replace it with some funny dark shit like ''spider-man kill him and his family'' or ''spider-man fuck this guy's ass'' #that's basically what people seem to think kyoshi is like #avatar the last airbender #avatar kyoshi #shut up tristan

[rochenn]

love the star wars german dub. like you'd figure anakin and obi-wan would address each other with peer pronouns (du) by the time RotS rolls around. but no. they don't even use the formal ones (sie).

anakin addresses obi-wan with the fucking PLURALIS MAJESTATIS. like. "ihr"??? did this space opera backflip into the regency period? imagine that in english. don't make me kill you my liege. your grace, you underestimate my power. what the fuck

#Yes i am aware that all jedi masters are addressed this way which is supremely fucking funny #meanwhile obi-wan uses du for anakin like a normal person #i haven't watched german clone wars in ages but i SWEAR ahsoka also talks to anakin with “ihr“ #????? #wild

[yesokayiknow]

do you ever think about how one of doctor who's most famous time loop episodes (heaven sent) isn't a time loop. like the fact that time is passing normally is a huge plot point

#i'm writing a heaven sent au (well plotting one out. i haven't actually written anything yet don't look at me) #and i was getting ready to deal w paradoxes and then i was like wait a minute. there are no paradoxes. time isn't actually looping here #it isn't even a time loop to twelve since he doesn't remember it until like the last moment #(and i have Thoughts about that #does he actually remember it??? bc like. how. that wasn't him. he didn't do those things #each version that did the loop was essentially a seperate clone #did he leave himself some sort of psychic memory download at the wall??? bc if so. fucked up if true #but also entirely in character tbh) #doctor who #the doctor #twelve #the fact that there's no paradox to deal w makes things less awful for my au 😔 so i will just have to make it worse in other ways 😌

[vaguely-concerned]

there are a lot of daddy issues to go around on DS9 in general, but odo, bashir and garak are really in their own special little fucked up 'what am I but wrought in my father's image' club

#star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #odo #julian bashir #elim garak #(I personally think we should put their dads in a cage match and let them kill each other. tain would probably win #but we could just shoot him after he claimed that victory. I Would Like To See It) #the triumvirate of bad dads to karmically oppose the sheer power of good dad vibes benjamin sisko has #specifically dads who Cannot and Will Not allow the healthy individuation of their sons into whole separate people #apart from what their father's hands have shaped them into #where that is one of the first things sisko accepts and realizes he must allow jake to do right at the early seasons #the bad dad club boys seem more specifically forcibly held in place to serve as mirrors for their fathers #and have to find ways to break away from that in more or less graceful ways; breaking off more or less important parts of themselves #to do so #dr mora seems to have a 'oh fuck.' moment where he sort of realizes what he's done #but the sympathy that gains him from me is hm. neglible lmao at least tain is basically fully just a monster #what's your excuse mora #I haven't met bashir's dad properly yet but I've seen enough to suspect I'm not going to be very charitably inclined towards him either

[ratislatis]

I'll find you. For the love of god, I'll find you. Wait for me.

hee hee hoo hoo AUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PAIN PAIN SUFFERING PAIN IN ALL DIRECTIONS!!!! TO HELL WITH IT (LITERALLY)!!!!!!!!!

#oakworthy #dungeons and daddies #dndads #fanart #hermie the unworthy #normal oak garcia #The Normal AU #counterpoint: this could also be normal canon. pun intended #they're soulmates your honor #rip to everybody on a phone. this only looks good on pc #I haven't drawn or really even posted about normal a lot because #I guess my internal image of him doesn't really look like what the rest of the community draws him as #like I tried to do the fluffy haired normal in one of my first posts with him #(was also an oakworthy drawing LMAO) #but it didn't feel right for me. it didn't match what I saw in my brain #no disrespect to fluffy normal. shoutout to that guy #gotta be one of my favorite genders #but yknow. every artist has their own unique way of drawing the cast #and it can tell you so much about how they perceive them. so much about the artists themselves. #have you fucking looked at sage's willy stampler. the npcs series. have you looked at their fucking anything dude #have you fucking LOOKED at iersei's EVERYTHING. ESPECIALLY THEIR NORMAL HE IS SO CUTE #I went on a whole rant about dndads artists to my friend qrow the other day. because I could not physically #keep in how much I love these people in our community #would you guys think im weird if I made a post going into Extremely Concerning Detail about how much I love the artists here #I love so many artists here #its so insane. its SO insane #IM ALREWADY ON MY SOAPBOX. ARE YOU SEEING THIS SHIT #SOB #I have to do my homework

[lunasalix]

Anyone remember this iconic moment?

#haven't been able to stop thinking about it #this image is so fucking gender #gerard way #mcr #my chemical romance

[beanghostprincess]

Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.

And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.

That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.

Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.

#bean posting zosan this is so rare and weird don't get used to it sweeties #kind of tired of people jumping to extremes with these two btw like- #they don't hate each others but they're also not best friends-- respect is something they value even more than those things #they're not good for my mental health they make me go insane #this wasn't meant to be in a shippy way but idk if you wanna see it as romantic you do you bc it could def be #it depends on my mood #i consider myself a zosan shippers on random days #you could also say sanji thinks zoro doesn't give a fuck about him and that's why he tells him bc we know this guy's self-worth is awful #but i also like to think it's because zoro's views on life and death are exactly what sanji needs #luffy would try to look for a way to fix this and they others wouldn't be able to do it tbh #i mean if it ever got too serious i think luffy could do it but do you really think sanji's gonna make him go through that #if zoro has to die he wants to die by luffy's hand but if sanji has to die he wants to die without involving their captain #idk if that makes sense okay i haven't slept at all tbf #one piece #black leg sanji #roronoa zoro #zosan

[fearandhatred]

instead of taking the fact that they only showed certain parts of the metatron and aziraphale talking to mean that aziraphale is omitting information. consider that those scenes are there instead to support what aziraphale is saying and prove that he's telling the truth. u feel me

#fearandhatred #fearandmeta #like. THE pivotal setting in the final fifteen is the bookshop. so why not take all the scenes in the bookshop to be the Main Scenes #the metatron scenes are just there as supporting evidence. maybe. perhaps #i could be wrong. fuck if i know #the lie theory might actually be getting to me #but i feel like i haven't seen this interpretation of those scenes yet which is crazy #nothing wrong with seeing both sides like chanel #because then either way you're only half wrong #good omens #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #THIS IS A QUEUED POST. i am asleep

[mamawasatesttube]

tired: the bats are so weird and creepy and everyone else is always so normal compared to them!

wired: impulse started fidgeting so hard he just started vibrating and clipped halfway through the floor and part of helen's foot before he realized what he was doing. this is just a normal tuesday

inspired: superman, superboy, and supergirl are sitting together in midair having a mild-mannered midwestern discussion as to which of their nonpowered combatant friends has the most fucked-up looking bones. several of said friends are in the room and really wish they wouldn't do this

#rimi talks #sorry every time i see a ''wow gotham is so weird and everyone else plays straightman'' post or fic i just #speedsters are walking bethesda glitches and supers are freaky powered aliens. #i haven't read as much amazon lore so i don't want to make Inaccurate Jokes but theres Definitely ways for them to be weird as fuck too #like im SURE there are theyre magic and also have superpowers #Everyone In This House Is Kind Of A Freak. All Of Them #constantly thinking abt becketts post of jon asking if he can look at bruce's fucked up skull #bc his dad says batman gets hit in the head nightly and now he's curious and wants to see #fucking devastating man laskdjflkdjs

[aq2003]

(@variousqueerthings he's so melodramatic and sad. it's soooooo </33)

[transcript:

"i said. i was fine. fine about you leaving. aand.. i'm not. so many of you have come and gone, i never get used to it, think i would've done by now but-but-but. No... just when i think it's all going well, we'll be together forever, you're wandering off to go save another universe or get married—how do you lot fall in love so quickly?"

"well, funny you should say that—"

"i just don't get it. but ehhh, short lives, i suppose. still, so long as you're happy, and you're with the right man, and—he is the right man? Eeehhh—yEs he is yes he is 'course he is, of COUrSe he is, and i mean, i mean, well, no man is gonna be good enough for my donna but YES yes [inhales] off you go! every time, one of you leaves. i'm not ready! i never am, you lot. uuUUhgh. [deep breath]. every one of you, a heartbreaker—"

"that's why you've got two of them, stupid. listen—"

"yeah, i suppose, but it doesn't... make it any easier, you all leave... even the robot dog left me. twice!"

"alright, doctor, i am trying to—"

"and another thing! the universe just never gives me a break! a chance to lick my wounds, a spa day, maybe? but aw, no, Giant Cloud Of Alien Death. well, fine. i'll sort that out. [inhales] one more thing. so many more things. never NEVER never ends."

/end transcript]

#point number 1. good fucking god their abandonment issues. they say 'i know when i'm in the way' a bit later and it's ruining my life #point number 2. ten and donna r THE queerplatonic partners ever in the whole world. 'no man is gonna be good enough for my donna' #like. oh my god. can i die. can somebody kill me. MY god. #point number 3. he is so aroace for this. #tenth doctor #donna noble #doctor who #dr who #doctordonna #aspec doc tag #in case it doesnt show up in the post this is from doctor who death and the queen (the big finish audio) btw! #fyi i haven't listened to the full thing but i saw this clip from @ninemelodies (on twt) and i have the file so im just posting it here #10 era