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off-in-the-moors · 3 years

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Joseph Kavinsky analysis, part 2

aka no voice and no dream pack

Warnings: spoilers for the whole Raven Cycle, mentions of: drug-use, abuse, death, s*cid, xenophobia

Part 1 // Part 2

Before starting, I wanted to thank for likes and support, not only on part 1 but also on my other posts. I was writing this more for the catharsis, after months of seeing and not really speaking about a lot of stuff. It’s nice to know, somebody read it. Some say, Kavinsky is their comfort character and, well, he will stay with me for a very long time. But enough of that. Let's talk about the point of view, xenophobia and the Dream Pack.

PoV

The running motif in TRC is, all antagonists get PoVs. No matter if they appear in one book (like Whelk) or reoccur (like the Greenmatles). The reader gets multiple chapters with their backstories, internal thoughts and goals. This move by the author is a double-edged sword, on one hand we get a better understanding of them but on the other, by knowing them better they become less effective antagonists and the air of mystery and surprise of what they're up-to/what they know is lost. E.g. In TDT we are first told about Colin Greenmatle and what is he capable of, making him a good threat for our main characters. But when we finally meet him in BLLB, with his attitude and scenes like dissing Ronan's Latin grammar or making cheese crackers while his wife is held at gun-point, he becomes more of a comedic antagonist than a villain to fear.

But here's the thing: I already lied to you. In TRC, all antagonists get PoVs, except for Kavinsky. It's a odd exception from the rule, considering Gray Man in TDT and The Wasp Demon in The Raven King, also got PoVs. But why? There are two things to look at. One I already mentioned. By giving a character PoV, the reader gets better understanding of them. By not giving Kavinsky one, Margaret didn't give anything to make K or his actions clear or understandable. By not knowing his motivations, K is left to pure interpretations, but how the reader will do it mostly will be influenced by his demonetization. Of course, not everybody will just accept what the book tells them without thinking for themselves but most fans don't.

"Bang", he said softly, withdrawing the fake gun. "See you on the street."

Alone, this single line can be interpreted in many different ways. Is it K being angry and threatening Ronan? Or maybe Joseph breaking inside because he was proofen, he really has no one? It all depends on the reader.

Second, when asked on her tumblr, if she'll ever write anything from K's pov (in 2015, before The Raven King was published), M*ggie said she won't, because: she already explored that type of character ("the thoughts and motivations of a powerful, suicidal, creative person with few inhibitions") in Sinner (2014, spin-off/companion book of her older series, The Wolves of Mercy Falls, 2009-2011 for the main three) with Cole St. Clair; that writing through PoV of such character is emotionally and mentally draining for her (which is understandable); and even if she wanted to explore it again in the future, she would through a different character's lenses than K's.

Let's talk about St. Clair.

The characters of Cole and Kavinsky have some similarities: both are drug addicts, who are rich.

That's where they end.

Cole was a famous musician, having the stereotypical rock-star life (drugs, alcohol and sleeping with fans included) with good family relationships, while K was a son of a mobster who tried to kill him and a mother who was a drug-addict herself. While their perspectives would have similarities, there is also other problems. Cole St. Clair already got PoVs in his series and a stand-alone book, Joseph Kavinsky got nothing and will get nothing. Cole had friends that cared for him and helped him, Joseph Kavinsky had his Dream Pack (which whom we don't know what type of relation he had) and his customers who we can safely say, only cared for what he can provide them with, he tried to befriend or start a relation with Ronan who rejected even the idea of it and no one even reached out to him. Cole got his happy ending and (hinted at) a girl he loved, K got rejected by everyone and committed public suicide. (Now, I heard a opinion that K didn't commit suicide, because the dragon killed him. Here is the thing, K could move out of the way multiple times, even Ronan shouted to him to move. But he didn't. He watched the dragon fly towards him and just said "The world is a nightmare.". He choose death.)

People wanted K's PoV, because they wanted to know, what pushed him to do what he did in TDT. But, in my opinion, even if M*ggie gave K pov, she would use it to further demonize him than to make the reader understand him more. She already did write a whole post exaggerating and straw-manning the canon, just to also say "Kavinsky has a very logical backstory that leads him to this place". A backstory we as the reader never truly see and one she forgot to write into her book. At the end, she truly cared only about Ronan.

Xenophobia

The Raven Cycle is a very flawed and problematic series, there are already many other posts taking about racism, misogyny, lack of diversity and many other issues with it, but in regards to Kavinsky, I'll only touch on the xenophobia. (I could talk also about portray of metal-illness, but I'm not the person to talk about it and I would feel comfortable with it.)

Kavinsky is a stereotype of a Slavic person, one we see in American media since the Cold War, especially in 80s movies. The Evil Russian trope. The son of the mobster, drug-addict, forger who can get you anything even illegal stuff, a thief.

When describing Kavinsky, one of the things Ronan mentions is: "refugee's face, hollowed-eyed and innocent". One could argue, "refugee" has many meanings, but boiling it down, is a person who came to the country to escape and seek a refuge. Many people moved to America to find a better life, in the believe of the American Dream, and many of them where driven to do that, especially from ex-Eastern Bloc countries. Kavinsky's Bulgarian, unknown if an immigrant himself or a son of immigrants, but the point still stands.

About Blue’s comment "import from somewhere else" I don't need to say much. First, obvious: You don't import people, only foreign goods, like cars. Second: this shows, he is "the other" in the eyes of the characters.

There is more to it, then just the physical description. We need to look at the outfit he wears. White tank top, white sunglasses, a small earring in one ear and a gold chain around his neck. This gives two images: one of a typical douche-bag, party asshole and the rich kid; the second of a Slavic stereotype, especially of a Russian criminal. If Margaret wanted to make K even bigger stereotype, she would dress him like a dress/gopnik, in a tracksuit.

The thing is: M*ggie could had saved the situation if she had subverted the stereotypes. E.g. K didn't wanting anything to do with the crime live, his family was forced into by circumstances or K being the guy to get stuff from, but he isn't doing it for any gain.

The truth is, K being Bulgarian doesn't add anything to his character, except for xenophobia. (Personally, I tried to find where the surname "Kavinsky" came from. It is Slavic, that much I can tell you for sure, but the rest is my speculation and searching. My best guesses are: Russian (it appears most commonly in Russian, after USA and a use in Russia set novel) or Polish (because it has uncanny simulates to the surname "Kawiński", if it was anglicized like e.g. "Kamiński" into "Kaminsky"). This isn't a common surname and with Peter from the To All the Boys trilogy and the musician, it's hard to find any information.)

But for now, K's portray is one of the many issues.

The Dream Pack or the lack of it

The Dream Pack is the unofficial name for K's group, with whom he parties and races (the canon name is "Kavinsky's Pack of Dogs" which is ugh). They're unfortunately, a non-characters. It's bolt to even call them background characters. Their portray, or again, lack of it, leaves them as props, their only role is to be K's followers and to show K as a leader on a equal ground as Gansey. We're lead to believe, they are like Kavinsky, yet another raven boys, and to make are main characters so “not like the other raven boys”. Problem rises in connection to the previous point, out of four members, only one has an English surname.

Prokopenko is a Ukrainian surname and for his description, we get "ears like wingnuts", "crooked shoulders" and his voice as "milky with drugs". It's said he had "recently attained official crony status", and was noted being in close desecrate to K for a while. Later we discover Proko is a forgery, a dream creature like Matthew and Aurora. It's heavily implied the real Prokopenko is dead, but if K had something to do with it, is unknown. He is the only character to "chortle", which Margaret said she hates and also "fratty boys and the chortling men they turn into". From this we can deduce, that not only the Dream Pack and people at K's parties but all raven boys (with the exception of the main characters) were writen like this on purpose as the personification of everything M*ggie hates. We are also informed, he drives a Golf.

Skov, who according to a deleted scene, full name is Blake Skovron, is polish (or at least anglicized version of it). In said deleted scene he's described as "major asshole, minor bigot" (unfortunately I couldn't find it to confirm it). The only canon stuff about him is: he drives a RX-7 (Mazda RX-7).

Jiang is Chinese, making him one of three canon Asian characters we see in the series (not counting Henry's father, because he's just mentioned, same goes for the Vancouver crowd). Like Proko, his role is a little bigger. In the Raven King, after Ronan finally returns to school after a long time of skipping, he tells him: "Hey, man, I thought you'd died". Ronan doesn't respond, but tells the reader he doesn't want to see Jiang outside of his car, racing. The only other thing we know about him: he drives a Supra (Toyota Supra).

Swan is the only one with an English name, but all we know about him is: he drives Volkswagen Golf, one that matches Proko's.

(For future writers: what car a character drives, isn't a personality trait.)

With the already minimal diversity, this shows the non-Americans as the antagonists or at least "the worst". On the opposite side, we have our main characters. Richard Campbell Gansey III, who has the whitest and British name I ever saw; Adam Parrish, born and raised in Henrietta, Virginia; Ronan Lynch, son of a Irish immigrant, whose Irish identity starts and ends on tit-bits; Blue Sargent, who is half-tree and ambiguous, but was drawn as white by the author multiple times (Yes, I am aware of the Instagram post, but Margaret herself said, she isn't confirming anything that isn't already written in her books. She couldn't even confirm Adam's hair color and made a joke out of it.) The only exception is Noah Czerny, whose surname is Slavic (probably Czech), but this bares no effect on his character.

The Dream Pack are the whole communities babies, created by head-canons and fanons, their relations with Kavinsky and themselves are explored, who they are as people, their appearance, their interests... This is beautiful how many different versions and interpretations of non-existing characters is there. (I, myself also made a version for a rewrite, based partly on the fanon.)

But at the end of the day, the fans did the author's job of creating believe friend group and in the end, their only function was to show, Kavinsky is a king, just like Gansey.

#joseph kavinsky #the dream pack #anti maggie stiefvater #anti raven cycle #anti trc

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spaceysp · 3 years

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is bad good at pvp? im a new fan and i ran into ur blog, you seem to know a lot about badboyhalo

hashahah im sorry “you seem to know a lot about badboyhalo” made me laugh very hard thank you im flattered you think that /gen i hope everyone sees my blog and just thinks “wow they know a LOT about badboyhalo” (tbf id talk about skeppy more if there are more asks about him i love he too)

anyway, this is.. a tough question for me, im not gonna lie. inside me, there are two wolves, one that wants to laugh at bad for being terrible at video games, and one that is constantly simping for epic mlg badboyhalo gamer moments. both are almost completely skewed from the truth so imma try to be as unbiased and factual as i can.

okay, so, the places you can see bbh pvping is mainly in four groups, imo. his old videos at mcpvp, vids with skeppy (bedwars/skywars/bets or challenges), manhunt, and the dsmp. ill be talking about his performance in each of these and then maybe form a loose conclusion.

in my opinion, bad seemed to be really good at pvp in his old minecraft hunger game videos. it could be argued that he cut out games that he lost or didnt do very good in, and i have no way of proving or disproving that, but i think most of the fights we do see, he seems to be a really respectable player, and could win even 2 or 3v1s. in some banning hackers videos he’ll occasionally duel them, and could stand his ground in most cases. i think his pvp skill seems to shine most in these vids, hes really adapted to soup and 1.8 combat and it shows

however, most skeppy videos seem to be the exact opposite. skeppy can usually dominate him in skywars, bedwars, and most other ways they have 1v1d. bad still has the advantage in bow fights, but even those arent a 100% win ratio. (if he wants an assured win he goes with tic-tac-toe) most times bad manages to win against skeppy in bedwars is when hes given the opprotunity to grind enough, get the best gear then easily overpower skeppy, able to kill him over and over again, but hes famously weak against skeppys main strategy of rushing his bed because his defensive playstyle rarely works without proper materials. i think theres three reasons he seems to be worse at pvp in skeppy vids: 1. skeppy wins because its for his video so they throw 2. skeppys also really good 3. bads skill flies out the window around skeppy. honestly i think these all have an equal likelihood for being true so judge for yourself

as for manhunts, to be fair, i think anyone looks bad at pvp when compared to dream. bad is definitley more of the strategic leader then someone to stay on dreams tail to fight like sapnap is. however, especialy recently, bad seems to stay alive longer than he used to, also needing to get the hang of balancing defense and offense. i think manhunt best displays bads main strategy for pvp, he doesnt rely as much on skill as he does on catching his opponent off guard mentally. it can be called a dirty tactic, sure, but it works. as the one to come up with most traps, hiding in the end, and making dream think hes mining, he does a lot for the hunters. that other post explained it best, but i agree that he’s really good, incidentally though, direct pvp seems to be his weakness from my perspective

okay and finally, the dsmp. bad doesnt get into too many fights, but many have pointed out that he was able to hold his own in a fight against techno, and was about to kill tommy before dream came in to save him (idk what kind of gear tommy had in comparison to bad though) overall, i htink he benefits from his ability to grind and gain as many op items as possible, giving him the upper hand, almost like bedwars or manhunts, but in an entirely different context. he also can have his choice of weapon everytime, and is known to enchant his weapons to the brim

reading this back it kinda sounds like im dissing bads abilities, but in this conclusion i wanna say im not, this man got a combat disadvantage higher than dreams in a minecraft tournament, and overall i believe hes underestimated for sure. however, i also think he needs to use his environment to his advantage to be at his full potential. so yeah, take from this what you will, i still as i am writing this am at odds whether to say i think hes great or lacking, so i say form your own opinion and dont take my words at complete face value, im somehow biased in both directions

thank you for the ask, i really appreciate it!!! i hope i didnt just confuse you and this is still comprehensible!! <3<3<3

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thebrotherssalvatore321 · 3 years

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Keeping Secrets Ch. 23

Keeping Secrets Masterlist

“What are you going to do to me?” Katie asked angrily from the chair that she was tied to with vervain soaked ropes. Jonas, Luka’s father, brought her to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere.

“Elijah told me that you once had a mental block put up on your old memories.” Jonas told her as he looked at the grimoire in his hands. I’m going to attempt to do the opposite.”

“Attempt?” Katie asked with wide eyes, afraid of what would happen to her mind if he failed.

“Don't worry. Elijah made it very clear that I am not to harm you.” He told her and she looked down at the bindings on her wrists then back at him. “Mentally.”

“Elijah is dead, Alaric killed him. Why are you doing this?” she asked, confused.

“Alaric also removed the dagger after stabbing him. I’m guessing your boyfriend didn’t know it has to stay in for Elijah to stay dead. He woke up shortly after and came to me. I located you and Elena. He went after Elena. I am taking care of you.” he answered.

She groaned and let her head fall back. “I wouldn’t call giving me memories I don’t want taking care of me.”

“I’m sorry you don’t want them, but I can’t go against Elijah.” He informed her.

Katie lifted her head back up and rolled her eyes. “You want your daughter back, I get it.” She sighed. “But I am begging you. Do not do this to me.”

“Let's just get this over with.” Jonas walked over holding the grimoire in one hand as he placed the other on her forehead. He started chanting something that sounded similar to what she remembered Sheila chanting, but she wasn't able to think about it before memories from another time started flooding her head sending a searing pain through her temples.

She screamed out, fighting the ropes that bound her. “Please, please stop. It hurts, please!” She screamed, but Jonas kept going.

~1827~

“Ronan has asked for your hand in marriage.” Hannah’s father, a harsh and abusive man, told her from where he sat behind his desk. “In two weeks you shall be his wife.”

“But I do not love Ronan.” Eighteen year old Hannah argued, earning a scoff from her red headed father, his mean, green eyes framed by bushy eyebrows glared down at her.

“Love is for children and fools.” He scolded her. “Ronan comes from a respected family and for some reason he has taken a liking to you.” He informed her, making her frown deepen. “I have no earthly idea why. It's not as if you are a rare beauty to be sought after.” Hannah, had she not been accustomed to such insults, would have felt a punch in the gut from his statement. “You will marry him.”

“I have no say in the matter?” She asked, standing from the chair across from his desk in anger. “It is my hand he asks for. I should have the right to accept or reject him.”

Her insolence caused her father to stand from the chair and backhand her across the cheek before he grabbed her chin in his strong hand and got in her face. “Ronan may very well be the only chance you have to marry. I can not for the life of me see why he would want to wed an atrocious, ill mannered woman such as you. I refuse to have you under my roof for the rest of my life.” He practically threw her away from him with a growl. “You will marry him.”

Later that night she caught her mother alone in her bedroom, sitting in a chair at a vanity combing her wavy brown hair. "You know you are not allowed in here, Hannah." Her mother chided her not looking at her.

"Mother, please, I do not want to marry Ronan." Hannah pleaded with her beautiful mother.

"What is so bad about him?" Her mother asked dismissively. "He is handsome and he likes you."

"But I do not love him, Mother." Hannah argued.

"Pish posh." Her mother answered with a shrug.

"Mother, please, talk father out of making me marry him." Hannah begged.

"Get out of here before your father catches you." Her mother told her with a wave of her hand to the door. "No sense in both of us catching a beating."

Instead of going to her own room she slid into bed with her sister. “So you are to marry Ronan?” her fifteen year old sister asked as they both stared out into the darkness.

“Yes.” Hanna answered sadly.

“I know you do not love him, but you are lucky.” Her sister told her, the innocence in her young voice brought tears to Hannah’s eyes. “He is nice, unlike father. You will be getting out of here. You will be free.”

“Do you know what men expect of their wives?” Hannah asked knowing she shouldn’t taint her sister’s innocence with talk of consummating a marriage.

“You will have to have sex with him.” she answered, shocking Hannah with her knowledge. “Think about it sister. Is having sex really worse than thrashings from a cat of nine tails?”

“It is if I do not love him and do not want to be with him.” Katie answered, getting sick to her stomach at the thought of her wedding night.

“Do you love another?” her sister asked and Hannah shook her head before realizing that her sister couldn’t see her in their dark room.

“No. I simply wish to die an old maid.” She answered with a lie. What she really wished for was a love like no other. She longed for butterflies, adventure, a spark that would ignite something in her and consume her.

“Perhaps you will grow to love him.” her sister suggested sounding hopeful.

Tears silently slipped down Hannah’s cheeks, soaking into her bright curls. “Perhaps.”

Hannah’s sister had been right. She did grow to love Ronan and they lived a comfortable life together away from her father and mother. However the love they shared was that of friends and didn’t hold a flame to the life that Katie longed for. A year after they married Hannah gave birth to their son, her only source of true joy. A year after Jonah was born, Hannah’s sister married Ronan’s younger brother. However yellow fever took him from her leaving her a childless widow. Hannah and Ronan opened their doors to her to keep her from returning to their abusive father.

~1835~

Ronan took a job on a trade ship, leaving Hannah and seven year old Jonah alone. Three months after his departure, Elijah found them in the forest near her house.

~1836~

Jonah sat at the head of the table since it was his eighth birthday, Elijah and Hannah sitting on each side of him, eating the dinner of deer stew and burned biscuits. Elijah had been with them for eight months. “Fiona could have directed me to someone who could cook.” He told her with a smirk at the burned biscuit he held in his hand, examining it for any bite that wasn’t charred.

“I don’t think anyone else would have accepted you.” Hannah countered. “Besides, it is not like you actually need food to survive.” She pointed out with a smirk of her own.

“True.” He told her as he set the biscuit back in the bowl.

“Mother may I be excused?” Jonah asked, eager to pay with his new toys.

“Yes, you may.” Hannah told him and the boy bounced down from his chair and over to the fireplace to play quietly.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to his father?” Elijah asked, watching Jonah play.

“He uh…” Hannah started twisting her plain gold band. “He left on a trade ship a year ago and has yet to return.” She told him as she continued to play with her ring as she looked over at Jonah and noticed the fire was getting low and the temperature in the cabin was dropping. “I need to get more firewood.” She announced as she stood from the table and headed to the door.

“I will get it.” he offered as he stood.

“No, I…I could use the fresh air.” She told him then went outside. She was stacking logs in her arms when she saw them…glowing yellow eyes that caused her heart to stop. The last time she had seen them was when her sister was attacked and killed by a wolf.

Elijah was sitting at the dinner table, finishing his stew when he heard Hannah’s ear piercing scream. “Stay inside.” He told Jonah as she ran out to the wood pile to see Hannah on the ground as a wolf tore into her shoulder.

“Elijah!” she screamed as he sped over and grabbed the wolf. It bit him on the arm as he threw it off of Hannah. It ran off into the woods.

With the wolf gone, Elijah kneeled down next to her, wrapped his arm around her back and lifted her up as he bit his wrist and placed it to her lips. “Drink, please.” He told her with fear in his eyes. Hannah did as told and swallowed the blood that filled her mouth. He swept her wild curls to the side and watched as the massive spot of mangled flesh healed leaving just a bloody spot behind. Still shaking in fear she stared at him with tears on her eyes. As relief washed over him he pulled her into him. “You are okay. You are safe.” he sighed as she swayed her side to side as if she were a frightened child. Still slightly in shock Hannah wrapped her arms around his neck and he picked her up standing her on her feet again. “Let’s get you inside.” he wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her to the cabin.

He left her in her bedroom to get cleaned up while he got more wood to keep them warm. When he got back inside and started stoking the fire back to life Jonah asked, “Is mother okay?”

“Yes, she will be fine.” He told the young boy as she finished with the fire. “For now it is time you went to sleep.” He motioned over to the small bed in the corner of the living area.

“Can I play with my toys just a little bit longer?” the boy begged, but stood from the floor as he did.

“Your toys will still be there in the morning.” Elijah told him and the boy set the toys down then went to his bed. Elijah followed him, and tucked him in the way Hannah did every night.

“I’m worried about Mother.” Jonah told Elijah as he pulled the covers up to the boy's chin.

“She will be fine, she’s just scared of the wolves.” Elijah assured him.

“That is not why I am worried.” Jonah told Elijah as he stood up. “I hear her crying when she thinks I’m asleep.”

“I am sure she just misses your father.” He replied and the young boy shook his head no.

“She cried even before father left.” The boy’s words made Elijah frown and looked at Hannah’s bedroom door.

“You have no reason to worry. Now,” he pulled the covers up a little higher and patted Jonah’s shoulder, “go to sleep.”

“Yes, sir.” Jonah replied then closed his eyes.

Elijah blew out the oil lamp then went to Hannah’s door and knocked. She opened it and gave him a questioning look as she watched him tap absentmindedly on the doorframe. “I just wanted to make sure you are okay.” He told her then looked up from the doorframe to meet her eyes. She jerked her head for him to come in and stepped aside. He came in and she closed the door behind him. “I am okay. Thank you for healing me.” She told him as she set down on her bed and motioned him to the chair that sat at her roll top desk.

"You are welcome." He told her with a polite nod as he sat down and propped his elbow up on the desk.

"That wolf that attacked me...they only come around on a full moon." Hannah started. "They’re not normal wolves."

"They are lycanthrope." He informed her.

"You have seen them before?" She asked with a curious head tilt.

"Yes. They are shape-shifters. On any given day they appear to be human, but they are not." Hannah had grown to love listening to him speak. "They are fast, strong, quick to heal, but on a full moon they transform into wolves. While in wolf form they only have one thing on their mind, killing whoever they come upon. However their prey of choice is vampires." Hannah watched him as he spoke, becoming relaxed by the sound of his voice. "I am afraid it is my fault they found their way here and attacked you." He told her with remorseful eyes.

"It is not your fault. They have been terrorizing us since we moved here." She told him as she looked down at her hands in her lap. "I am glad you are here. If you hadn't saved me my son would be alone, left to fend for himself in this cruel world." She then noticed that the bite on his arm hadn’t healed and he looked pale and clammy. "That wound," she pointed at the bite that could be seen through the tear in his white sleeve, "Why has it not healed?"

"I'm afraid it will not heal for some time." She gave him a questioning look. "A lycanthrope bite is like that of a snake. It releases a toxin that is fatal to vampires." He pushed his sleeve up revealing the ugly bite.

"You are going to die?" She asked, saddened by the possibility.

"If I were any other vampire, yes, but I am an original. It will make me sick and delusional, however as soon as the venom is out of my system I will be fine."

Hannah stood and tentatively pressed her palm to his forehead. "You are burning up." She observed. "Lie on the bed. I will get a wet cloth for your head."

"You do not need to make a fuss." He told her in an attempt to stop her.

"You saved my life. The least I can do is make you more comfortable." She told him as she grabbed a cloth from under the wash basin and poured some cool water over it. She expected to see him lying on the bed when she turned around, but he was gone. "Or not." She tried to stay awake until he returned, but she ended up falling asleep.

When she woke up she went into the living area to see him asleep on his makeshift bed across the room from her son’s. Jonah was awake, sitting at the dining table eating one of the biscuits. "He came in right after sunrise." The little boy informed her. "Is he okay?"

"Yes. He had a bad night is all.” She told him as she set her hand on top of his head. Hearing them talking, Elijah began to stir. Katie walked over and kneeled down as she placed her hand on his shoulder making him open his eyes. “Why don’t you take my bed so Jonah and I won’t keep bothering you?”

“I am fine here.” He told her then closed his eyes again.

Katie left her hand on his shoulder as she looked at Jonah. “Take your toys outside, fresh air will do you good.”

“Yes, Mother.” The boy replied and as soon as he was out of sight Hannah turned her attention back to Elijah.

“You haven’t eaten since noon yesterday.” She pointed out and Elijah opened his eyes again.

“I assure you I am fine.” He insisted, but Hannah wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily.

“You look like death warmed over. You need rest and no one can rest well on an empty stomach. Please, eat.” She told him as she held her wrist out to him.

“You are a stubborn woman.” He complained as he sat up and took her arm in his hands.

“Only when I care.” She told him right before he sank his teeth into her wrist making her wince in pain. When he released her she flipped her hand over to look at her wrist only to see the bite heal before her eyes. She gave him a small smile as she reached up and brushed his long wavy hair out of his face, taking in his improved color. “There, that’s better.” He took her hand from his head sending butterflies through her from the skin contact, as he gave her a small smile of his own. “Now,” she stood up taking her hand from his as she jerked her head to the bedroom, “off to bed with you.”

After the wolf incident something about their relationship changed. They saw each other in a new light, as companions instead of strangers helping each other survive. They started talking more, sharing their lives and getting to know one another. He made her smile and laugh more than anyone ever had before.

A few months later the three of them sat at the dinner table. As usual Jonah sat at the head of the table while Elijah and Hannah sat across from each other. Hannah glanced up from her dinner to the man sitting across from her to see him already looking at her. A blush warmed her cheeks as she turned her eyes back to her bowl. A few seconds later she felt his foot touch hers. She thought it was an accident, but when it happened again she looked up to see him give her a small smile. She blushed again and nudged his foot with hers. “Mother, are you feeling well? Your face looks funny?” Jonah asked, making both she and Elijah laugh awkwardly at the boy’s observation.

Yes, Jonah, I am feeling just fine. If you are finished you may be excused." The boy nodded and hopped down out of the chair, putting his empty plate in the wash basin before he went to the coffee table that Elijah had built and started playing. "Are you ever going to tell me why you are hiding away here in the woods with a married woman and her son?" She asked as she pulled her feet out of his reach.

"Perhaps after Jonah turns in for the night." He answered quietly.

Soon they settled in the living room. She knitted while Jonah read a book and Elijah whittled away at a small piece of wood. "What time is it?" She asked then watched as Elijah looked at his pocket watch.

"Five after ten." He answered then set his whittling aside.

"Alright Jonah. Off to bed with you." She prompted earning a whine from the boy. "Don’t complain." She scolded him gently as he put away his toys and headed to his bed.

"Will you sing to me?" He asked. Hannah looked at him with a sigh then to Elijah.

"I would like to hear as well." Elijah told her with a small encouraging smile.

Jonah had asked her to sing every other night, but she hadn't been able to make herself with Elijah as an audience. "What would you like to hear?"

"Father's favorite please." He answered with an excited, but sleepy smile.

"Very well." She told him with a smile as she laid her hand on him and started singing The Parting Glass. By the time the song was through Jonah was asleep. She pulled the blanket higher up around him then stood and turned to see that Elijah had fallen asleep as well. She smiled to herself as she placed her hand on his shoulder and rubbed it, waking him up gently. When he opened his eyes and they found her face, she jerked her head to her bedroom.

He got up and followed her, watching as she shut the door behind them to keep from waking Jonah. "I Apologize. I didn't mean to fall asleep, but I find your singing voice to be very comforting."

"I feel the same about your voice." She admitted with a coy smile. "So please, tell me what brought you here." She sat down on her bed and he sat on the stool in the room.

"My mother was a witch, she cast the spell on all of us, making us what we are, including herself. She died. My father…lives on, trying to kill my siblings and me. He believes us monsters that need to be removed from the world. Out of the seven children my mother bore Niklaus, Rebekah and I are all that remains." He answered not looking at her but at the wooden floor of the room. “We split up to make it harder for our father to track us.”

"So that is why you are here?" She asked with a frown. "To hide from your father?" Elijah nodded, still not looking at her. Even when she slipped from the bed and walked the few steps over to him he did not look up. She tentatively reached out and placed her hand on his cheek. "Elijah." She whispered his name and he finally looked up at her with a hardened reserve in his chocolate brown eyes. "I know what it is like to have a father that despises you. You are welcome here as long as you'd like."

"You are too kind." He told her as he reached up and gently grabbed her wrist talking her hand from his face as he stood up. "Good night, Hannah."

The whole next week Elijah became distant, all smiles and flirtations stopped. Growing more worried Jonah found his mother hanging the wet laundry on the line while Elijah went out hunting. "Is Mr. Mikaelson mad at us?" He asked Hannah to stop what she was doing to look down at the young man.

"He is only mad at me." She replied not knowing that Elijah stood off in the distance listening to them.

"Why?" He asked.

Hannah kneeled down to be eye level with the boy. "Some people...they don't like getting too familiar or too close to others. They stay away for fear of caring too much."

"Why would someone be afraid of caring?" Jonah asked, confused.

"Because when you care about another person it means that they can hurt you, even if they do not mean to." She told him.

"I don’t understand." He told her with confusion in his young innocent eyes.

"You will one day." She assured him as she stood up. "But for today why don't you go milk Millie?" The boy nodded and ran off to milk the cow.

Later that night Katie laid in her plush bed, tears of loneliness slipping from her eyes, wetting the feather pillow beneath her head.

Elijah in turn laid awake listening to the rain beating down on the wooden roof of the cabin. "She's crying again." Jonah's sleepy voice pulled Elijah from his thoughts and made him tune his ears into the bedroom where he heard Hannah's quiet sobs.

"She will be okay." He told the boy as he sat up and looked into Jonah's eyes. "Go back to sleep." Compelled to do so, Jonah laid down his head and closed his eyes.

Elijah knocked softly on Hannah's door, then listened as she came to it and opened it just a crack. "Yes?" She asked, keeping her eyes down cast so he couldn't see the redness of them.

"May I have a word?" Hannah nodded and stepped back letting him inside before she shut the door and turned to see him tapping the corner of her oil lit writing desk in thought. "I apologize for my behavior here of late." He said while looking down at his hand.

"I should be the one apologizing." She replied, making him look up at her, confusion. "I...overstepped and made you uncomfortable... I'm sorry."

"You did not make me uncomfortable or overstep." He told her as he turned to her and tucked his hands into the pockets on his trousers. "You showed me kindness and I shut you out. I am sorry."

"It's quite alright." She assured him as she sat down on her bed.

He sat down on the chair at the desk. "I would like to get to know you better."

"What would you like to know that I haven’t already told you?" She asked as she brought her feet up onto the bed and tucked them to the side.

"How did you come to know your husband?" He asked as he leaned back in the chair with an interested look on his face.

"My family and I met him at his family's barn raising. They were new to the community. My sister was taken with Ronan from the start, but he was taken with me. Said he knew from the moment his eyes landed on me that he would ask for my hand one day. So when I came of age he did." She answered as she watched him rest his arm on the desk, listening to her with a slight squint to his eyes. "I did not want to marry him. Not just because my sister fancied him, but because I didn't." She let her eyes fall to the thick cream quilt on her bed. "I know it broke my sister’s heart when I told her he had asked for my hand, but she never said so. She told me I was lucky to be getting away from our parents."

"If you didn’t want to marry him, why did you?" He asked with a frown.

"Because... while my father was harsh his words were true. He informed me that love is for children and fools. And I would be a fool to pass up Roman's generous offer because it would be my only one. No man would want an atrocious, unattractive, ill mannered woman like me."

"What a cruel man to speak such a way about his daughter." Elijah said with a frown.

"Like I said. I know what it is like to be despised." She replied, still looking down at her hands.

Things got quiet between them as she got lost in thought and Elijah let her words sink in. After a while he broke it. "It is late. I should turn in for the night."

He started to open the door, but Hannah spoke up, "Elijah?" He turned back to her. She wanted to tell him he could have the other half of her bed, but she knew it was improper to share a bed with a man you are not married to. So instead she said, "Goodnight."

He gave her a small close lipped smile and a "goodnight." as he pulled the door open and walked out.

Winter turned to spring and with spring came school. Since they lived so far from town Jonah stayed the week days at the trading post in town with Fiona. It was an arrangement that the two women had worked out right after Ronan left. With every passing day Hannah started to lose hope that Ronan would ever return and in doing so started letting herself develop feelings for Elijah.

One late spring night a loud sharp howl sounded causing Katie to shoot straight up in bed. "Elijah?" She called shakily hoping he was awake to hear her.

He came into her room and saw her standing beside her bed, looking right at him even though she couldn’t see him. "I'm right here." He told her as he slid his arm around her waist using the fact that she was scared as an excuse to hold her close.

Her heart rate increased, at his touch that sent a spark of pleasure through her sending the butterflies in her stomach into a tizzy. When another howl sounded Katie jumped closer to Elijah out of instinct. Without thinking she pressed her hands to his chest. "Is it the lycanthrope?"

"No." He answered confidently.

"How are you so sure?" She asked. He let go of her, went to the window and pulled the curtain back. He motioned to the crescent moon with his hand held out to the side. She walked over and ducked her head to look out the window and saw the bright crescent in the clear sky. "Oh." She answered with a blush as she stood up straight and looked at him in the very dim moonlight. Not feeling like going to bed just yet she felt her way to the oil lamp and lit it, brightening the room so she could see him plainly. “I guess I look silly now don’t I?” she asked as she brushed a lock of curls behind her ear.

“Perhaps just a…” he held his pointer finger and thumb up in a pinching gesture, “little.” He gave her a smile that told her he was picking with her.

Hannah laughed at herself in embarrassment and scratched the back of her neck. “I…” she wanted to tell him how much she liked him and that he made her feel things she had never felt before, but the only man she had ever been with was Roman and it was simply for procreation, never for fun. She didn’t know how to flirt or even how to touch a man in a way that conveyed how she was feeling. “I don’t know how to say what I wish to.” She told him then lifted her eyes from the floor to watch his eyes that squinted at her then relaxed when he realized what she was trying to tell him. Deciding it would be easier to show him what she wanted, rather than tell him, she closed the space between them to just a few inches and placed her hands on his chest.

Elijah could hear her heart start racing from the contact and as soon as she looked up at him through her lashes he grabbed the back of her head and pulled her into him, catching her top lip between his. The sensation his kiss sent though her to her core pulled a sound from deep within her that she had never made before, a pleasured moan. A trail of kisses left tingles along her jaw to her neck pulling another moan from her. “You are trembling.” He observed as he pulled back and slid his hand that wasn’t cupping the back of her head over her thin sleeping gown covered shoulder.

“I have never felt like this before.” She admitted with a whisper as she opened her eyes and looked into his.

“And how do you feel?” he asked as he gazed back at her.

Her eyes dropped to her hands on his chest as she slid them up to hold each side of his neck. “Alive.” She answered as she looked back up at him as a smile pulled at the corner of his lips. “Your touch sends a spark…like lightning through my skin.” With a look in his eyes she’d never seen before and couldn’t identify, he slid his hand down her arm and grabbed her hand off his neck to hold it in his, causing her heart to start racing again. “Do you feel it too or am I going insane?” she asked with worried eyes.

Elijah kissed the palm of her hand, making her eyes flutter then placed it back on his neck. “I feel it too.” Those four words were all she needed to hear to give into what she was feeling and she threw herself into him, kissing him with a hunger that she couldn’t control. In two swift movements her human eyes barely caught their night clothes were gone and he pulled her back into him. With another swift movement he grabbed her curvy waist and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around him out of instinct.

They kissed as he walked over to the edge of the bed, laid her back then stood up, slipping his hand over her neck and down her chest between her breasts. She watched his face as he admired her for a quick moment then lowered himself over her, sliding his hands into hers that were laid out to the side then brought them above her head. He attacked her neck with kisses as he sank into her, “Elijah.”

Afterwards they laid in her bed, covered only by a thin sheet. His arm around her shoulders held her to his side while she stared at her hand resting on his nude chest. In that moment everything in her was relaxed and her thoughts were quiet for the first time ever. Being with Elijah was like nothing she had ever felt before and she doubted she would ever feel with anyone else. “You are quiet.” Elijah pointed out and she didn’t respond. “Having regrets?”

“No.” she answered, but he could hear sadness in her voice.

“Hannah, look at me.” He told her quietly, but she couldn’t. “Talk to me.”

“If my life has taught me anything it’s that men do not like it when a woman speaks her mind.” She replied, still staring at her hand on his chest.

Elijah hooked his pointer finger under her chin and eased her head up to look at him. She pushed herself up on her arm to be able to look at him comfortably. “I am not your average man and I would very much like to know what is going on in that beautiful head of yours.” he cupped her cheek in his hand and her eyes slipped closed for a moment.

She took a deep breath and let it out as she opened her eyes. “I am a terrible wife.” The calm she had been feeling suddenly turned into a tornado and tears started quietly slipping down her cheeks. “I should feel terrible about that, but I don’t.”

“Then why do you cry?” he asked as he wiped a tear with his thumb.

“I do not know.” She answered honestly with a shake of her head that caused her messy curls to sway, then laid back down with her head on his shoulder.

“You told me that you married Ronan because your father told you that no other man would want an atrocious, ill mannered woman like you. Do you honestly believe these things to be true?”

She rubbed his chest absentmindedly. "Yes."

"Hannah," he rolled over, and propped his head up with his elbow and hand as he looked into her eyes, "you are the most stunningly beautiful, kind hearted, open minded woman I have ever met."

"The bad stuff is easier to believe." She replied not meeting his eyes.

As the days passed Hannah, Elijah and Jonah became a family. Hannah accepted that Ronan had either abandoned them or died at sea, and took off her wedding ring. For the first time in her life she felt true happiness. The loneliness that had kept her up at night as she cried into her pillow vanished.

Three months later Hannah stood in Fiona’s trading post. “You and Elijah are getting along well?” the dark haired woman who radiated strength and power, asked with a knowing smile.

“Yes.” Hannah answered with a blush as she looked at a beautiful gown hanging on the back wall of the shop. “It would be safe to say that I have fallen in love with him” Her friend made a scandalous sound that made Hannah laugh and turn to her. “The only problem is…” she paused and looked around the shop seeing that it was empty as she walked over to Fiona who stood at the front counter, “he is immortal. I will grow old and die while he lives on.”

“You could always ask him to turn you.” Fiona suggested not looking up from the imported fancy shoes that she was stocking behind the counter.

“As much as I love him I don’t think I could ever convince myself to be what he is.” She answered with a frown. “Is there anything you could do to make me live longer?” she asked looking up from her hands that tapped the counter.

“No, but…” the bell above the door rang, stopping their conversation. They waited patiently for the customer to get what he needed and leave. “I have a solution to your problem.” Fiona told her about the linking spell and that as long as Elijah lived she would return to him and vice versa.

“What do you need?” Hannah asked hearing all she needed to hear to know she wanted Fiona to work her magic.

“Are you sure about this?” Fiona asked with skeptical eyes.

“I am sure.” Hannah answered with a nod.

Fiona placed her hand over Hannah’s heart and started speaking in another language. After a few minutes she stopped and dropped her hand. “It’s done.”

“Will he know what we’ve done?” she asked.

“He will be able to feel you call to him, as well as any extreme feelings you may have. If I were to stab you, he’d be able to feel it.” she explained. “You will figure it out with time.”

Elijah figured out what Fiona and Hanna had done, but they never talked about it.

~1838~

It was a bright spring day. Hannah attempted to hang laundry on the line, but Elijah kept teasing her dress covered sides and kissing her neck, distracting her from her work. They were so wrapped up in their toying around that they did not realize they had company until they heard someone clear their throat. Hannah laughed as they both turned to see a man on a horse, a small child on the saddle in front of him. It took Hannah a moment to recognize the man, but when she did her heart stopped and her smile faded. "Ronan?"

"Surprised to see me, Dear?" He asked with an angry look at Elijah who still stood behind her. Ronan got down off the horse then grabbed the child and walked over to her. "You look as if you've seen a ghost."

"What are you doing here?" She asked, still in shock.

"Last I checked I live here with my wife and son. Though I see you no longer wear my ring." He glanced over at Elijah then turned his attention back to Hannah. "Where is Jonah?"

When he realized that Hannah was unable to answer Elijah spoke up. "He is staying with a friend closer to town so he may attend school regularly."

"I don’t believe I was speaking to you." Ronan snapped.

"I don’t believe I care who you were speaking to." Elijah snapped back as he took a challenging step toward the raven haired man holding the child on his hip.

Hannah stepped between them and looked at Elijah. "Give us a minute?"

"Of course." Elijah stepped back a few feet and motioned for them to talk.

"You have been gone so long I thought you had died." Hannah explained with a look between him and the toddler.

"My journey took longer than expected." He told her then looked down at the child on his hip. "Her mother died on the ship, just before we docked." He explained then looked back at Hannah. "I hoped we could give her a home, raise her and Jonah as brother and sister."

"You have been gone for four years. You can not tell me you expected to just pick up where we left off and raise an orphaned child together." She argued back quietly.

"I expected my wife to be faithful. Not whore herself out to another man." He told her with wide eyes.

The sharp crack of skin on skin filled the air as she backhanded him across his cheek. "I am not the weak, dutiful to a fault woman you left behind and you will not speak to me in such a manner!"

Having seen enough Elijah walked back over and looked at Ronan. "Why don’t you tell her the truth?" Elijah asked, making Hannah look at him as Ronan glared at both of them. Elijah wrapped his arm around Hannah’s waist holding her to his side. "The child has your eyes." He looked into Ronan's eyes and compelled him. "Tell the truth."

"I met a woman...we fell in love...she got pregnant and I could not let her raise the child alone. We were going to have a second child, but she and the baby died in childbirth. I did not know what to do so I came here." Hannah’s eyes turned glaring and her freckled nostrils flared. Ronan blinked in confusion. "Why did I just tell you that?"

"Get off of my land." She told him as she stepped out of Elijah's arm to stand in front of Ronan. "Leave this town and never return."

Elijah looked him in the eyes and compelled him. "Do as she says."

Hannah never told Jonah that he had a half sister. Instead she let him believe for his sake that his father had died at sea. A few months after Ronan returned Klaus found Elijah and killed Hannah. Elijah left Jonah with Fiona who located Ronan and brought the young man to his father who raised him alongside his half sister.

~Present Day~

“Please tell me you are done.” Katie panted as she weakly looked up at him.

“I am done.” He told her as he untied the ropes on her wrists and ankles. “Elijah told me to take you home when I was done. Is your home with the Salvatore brothers or the house you own?” he asked as he helped her stand up and she was too weak to bother protesting.

“Bring me to my house.” She answered and started walking. They were almost to the door of the warehouse when a sharp pain shot through her chest making her cry out and she would have fallen, but Jonas caught her. “No, no, no.” She cried as she placed her hand over her chest knowing that Elijah was dead and would most likely stay that way this time.

“Care to explain what that was about?” Jonas asked with wide eyes.

“Elijah is dead.” She panted through the pain. “Something tells me they won’t make the same mistake twice.” She watched as Jonas’s face turned angry.

#tvd fanfiction #tvd fan fic #the vampire diaries fanfiction #damon salvatore fanfiction #damon salvatore x oc #tyler lockwood #tyler lockwood x oc #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson x oc #klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson x oc

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years

Text

Promises Not Kept Part 29

Summary: Tommy Shelby made a promise to Jonah Ward while in the war. A promise he didn't keep. But it comes to haunt him when he tries to drown out his sorrows with a young woman.

Part 29: While spending time in Margate, Leah realizes the sacrifices she needs to make to protect her children.

“Cyril, sit. Sit…Cyril, sit. Sit, now, sit!” Charlie frowned and gestured wildly at the mastiff who merely stared at him, drooling slightly. “See, he doesn’t listen to me. He only listens to dad.”

Alfie walked over. “You need to make sure he knows you’re serious, mate. Look ‘im in the eye and say it with authority. You ain’t yelling, you’re being firm. Cyril, sit.”

Charlie was amazed when the dog’s rump instantly dropped to the floor. His tail wagging.

“Dogs are loyal creatures, they like being told what to do. Gotta be the leader. They were bred from wolves, ya know that right?” Alfie scratched Cyril behind the ears to praise him.

“Yeah.”

“So, you’ve gotta be the pack leader. If he were the pack leader nothing would get done, silly boy that he is.” Alfie chuckled.

Charlie smiled and looked at his dog. “Are you gonna take him back when we leave, Alfie?” It had been weighing on the young boy the entire week they’d been at Margate. He did his best to show that he was taking good care of the dog.

“Has he got a warm bed in Warwickshire?”

Charlie nodded.

“Two meals a day?”

Another nod.

“You and your sister play with him?”

Nod.

“Then why on Earth would I take him back, aye?” Alfie tousled Charlie’s hair and went to sit back down in his armchair. "If you take such good care of him, wouldn't be fair to take him away from you."

“Because he was your dog. That’s what dad said.” Charlie crouched down beside Cyril to pet him.

“Nah, mate, he’s been with you long enough. He’s your mutt now.” Alfie assured him.

The front door opened and Johanna came running inside. “Hi!” She greeted the maid first, then Cyril, her brother, and finally Alfie.

“Back from the shops?” Alfie smiled at the little girl.

Leah came in after her daughter. The trip to the little town half a mile away had taken up a good chunk of the afternoon. It was Wednesday, a week after they’d arrived at Margate. There wasn’t much news from Tommy so they remained in limbo. Purgatory, as he’d so aptly called it earlier. All Leah could do was keep the children occupied and keep her mind off of the mess they were avoiding in Birmingham.

Nights were the hardest. Once the kids were asleep, Leah had a hard time staying up and coping with the what-ifs. She lent a lot of her remaining sanity to Alfie who would stay up all hours of the night even if she didn’t ask him to. An outside opinion, the man provided better insight than she could’ve anticipated. Maybe partially losing his eyesight and spending his days reading the Torah gave him clarity. Or maybe they were all just driven mad.

“Mrs. Shelby, your husband called half an hour earlier. I said you’d return the call when you and Johanna came back.” Alfie’s maid informed her.

“Oh, yes, thank you. I’ll call him back right now.” Leah entered the parlor. “Charlie, Johanna, I’m going to call daddy if you’d like to say hello.”

The two children followed her to the phone in Alfie’s study which was very rarely used. Not like in the days when he used to bring paperwork from the bakery on holiday with him. No, most of those documents had been burned. All that was left were more oddities that he collected. An egg that suspiciously looked like a Fabergé, a collection of shark teeth that he’d found on the beach, and peacock plumes.

Johanna cuddled up on Leah’s lap as she called for Tommy. Charlie lingered by the desk but appeared more interested in the things Alfie had in his office instead of the impending phone call.

“Hello, daddy!” Johanna chirped as Leah handed her the phone first once Tommy picked up.

“Charlie, come say hello,” Leah whispered softly and beckoned for the young boy.

He looked at the phone but balked and shook his head.

As Johanna babbled on, answering Tommy’s questions about her day, Leah frowned. “Charles, don’t be silly and get over here, now.”

He got a sour look on his face and backed away from the desk.

“Charles Shelby, come just say hello.” She reiterated strictly.

His face clouding over, he turned on his heel and left the office. Startled by her mother’s snap, Johanna stopped talking to Tommy. “Mummy…”

“It’s okay, let me talk to daddy.” Leah took the phone from her daughter and shooed her out of the room.

“Leah?” Tommy hadn’t heard the argument with Charlie.

“He doesn’t want to even say hello to you.”

There was a pause. “Who?”

“Your son!

“Oh, well, that’s okay. I can speak to him later.” Tommy didn’t seem too bothered. He’d been scorned by his son before, he chalked it up to just being a bratty Shelby child. He’d been a similar way once before. Maybe even still.

Leah sighed and put her head in her hands. “I can’t keep holding everything together Tommy.”

“There’s nothing for you to hold together, love, I’m going to make everything better. You can bring the kids home and it’ll all be okay.”

There was so much she wanted to say. So much she wanted to shout at him or cry to him about. All the worries and anxious thoughts that kept her up late at night. The thoughts she could somehow disclose to Alfie Solomons but couldn’t tell her own husband. “How are you?” She whispered quietly.

They were both putting on facades for each other over the phone. Tommy had just set off an explosion, breaking out his mentally ill war buddy with intent to make him an assassin again. But he wasn’t sure who would be listening to his phone lines so he couldn’t tell his wife. “I’m doing alright.”

She swallowed and closed her eyes. “Do you miss me?”

“What sort of question is that?”

With a tearful scoff, she shook her head. “A valid one.”

“Why wouldn’t I miss the only person who gives me any sort of peace?” He replied.

A few tears slipped down Leah’s cheeks. “Tom, please.” She whispered. “What would I do if something happened to you?”

Tommy knew that he could keep telling her the same thing over and over again. Nothing would happen to him. He’d be alright and soon enough they’d all be home together again. But it always reached a point when they just became words and words became meaningless. If they had limited time together, why would they waste that time with meaningless words?

“Love, can you go get Alfie?” Tommy asked. "I'd like to speak with him about something."

Leah wiped her tears. “Yeah, okay.” She rested the phone on the desk and left the office to find Alfie.

~~~~~~~~~

Johanna was playing with the new doll they’d bought on their trip to the shops. Charlie had his back turned to them, sitting on the balcony with the gold-plated binoculars. Alfie was reading in his usual spot, Cyril wandering back and forth between him and Charlie.

“Alfie, Tommy was wondering if he could speak with you?”

The man looked surprised but nodded. “'Course.” He patted Cyril and went to the study.

Leah sat and chewed on her lower lip. She looked to Charlie but decided there was no use in arguing with him anymore. All she wanted was to make sure if they lost Tommy, Charlie would never have any regrets. He wouldn’t be haunted by that single phone call. The one he could’ve said hello to his father for the last time but didn’t. But the boy was too young to understand that.

“Mum?” To Leah’s surprise, Charlie broke the silence in the parlor. She assumed that he would sulk and pout the rest of the day away without speaking a word to her or anyone else.

“Yes?”

“Who’s that down there?” He pointed to the beach below the balcony.

She stood up and went to see who he was talking about. “I’m not sure, love. Just someone passing-” There wasn’t much chance to see what the man looked like. All she saw was him lift a rifle and point up towards the balcony.

Reacting quickly, Leah grabbed Charlie by the collar and tore him backward. Johanna screamed when the loud bang went off. The bullet went through the parlor and hit the opposite wall. Heart pounding, Leah grabbed her daughter and shielded her children with her body. Another shot went off, hitting a glass cabinet above their heads. Johanna was wailing in fear over Leah as she whispered the Lord’s Prayer to them and her unborn child.

One more bang went off and everything went silent. Heavy footsteps entered the parlor.

“S’alright.” Alfie came in with a pistol tucked in his waistband. He helped Leah and the children up. “S’alright.”

Leah sat on the floor with Johanna in her arms. She hushed her softly, rocking her back and forth to soothe her.

Charlie wandered over to the balcony. The man was still there but he was on his back, the rifle had fallen away from his hand. Dark red seeped from his head into the damp sand beneath him. He couldn’t look away from the dead body.

Alfie came up behind the young boy. He placed a spent bullet, the one that had landed in the cabinet, in the boy’s hand. “Here. C’mon now. I’ll have Maggie make you something to eat.”

Charlie nodded silently and followed Alfie to the kitchen like a zombie. Passing by his distraught sister and his spooked mother. He sat in front of the jam sandwich placed in front of him but he didn’t eat.

~~~~~~~~~

It was a miracle the children went down for the night. Johanna didn’t know any better. She was just spooked by the loud noises. Charlie was in a daze for the rest of the night and went to bed without saying much. He closed his eyes but couldn’t fall asleep, little to Leah’s knowledge.

The woman was too worked up to really tell if he was asleep or not. She paced in the parlor about ready to tear her hair out. “He’s lied to me so many times. He lies and he lies and he lies.” She ranted over and over again.

Alfie sat in the room with his gun at hand just in case. He’d done a good few rounds around his land making sure there wasn’t anyone else straggling. As he got rid of the body, he took note of the man’s identification. Perhaps he was just a lone wolf looking to get even. Maybe he’d heard of Alfie’s resurrection. Maybe he’d followed Leah and the children to Margate.

Leah didn’t seem to care what the reason was. She was sick of feeling like they were in danger everywhere they turned to. “No more.” She stopped in her tracks. “No more.”

Alfie could see her resolve was breaking. The hope she held out for Tommy Shelby. “What are you gonna do then? What’s your goal?” He asked her the same question he’d asked days before.

“My children come first.” She insisted. “Not Tommy Fucking Shelby.” She spat. “I will not have their lives put at risk. They deserve to grow up safe and happy.” Tears filled her eyes.

“So, what are you gonna do?”

“I’m leaving.” The words came out before she could really process them. “I’m leaving…I’m going somewhere else. Somewhere far…America. I’ll go to America if it means keeping them safe.” She wiped her eyes. “His actions won’t put them in danger anymore, I won’t let him.”

Alfie nodded but didn’t say anything else. He simply let her sit with the idea.

Leah wrung her hands together and let out a gasp of air. “Tell me I’m crazy.”

He simply shrugged. “Not my decision to make.” He pointed up to the ceiling. “I leave that shit up to God.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

In the morning, Leah had all the bags packed. She didn’t call Tommy to tell him they were leaving Margate. Instead, she called Polly and headed to her flat in London.

“Up you go then, thata girl.” Alfie helped Johanna into the backseat of the car. “And there goes Cyril. And last but not least, Mr. Charles.”

Charlie looked up at the man. “Are we gonna see you again soon, Alfie?” He asked quietly.

“I should hope so, mate. You, your sister and Cyril can come visit anytime mum says it’s okay.” Alfie smiled and tousled the boy’s hair.

Leah walked up to Alfie after he shut the car door. “I can’t thank you enough. I’m sorry to leave on such short notice. And I don’t mean to have Tommy give you any grief for what I’ve done.”

“I can handle whatever grief Tommy wants to fucking give me. Now you remember that this is his battle he’s fighting. Ain’t yours and it ain’t the kids’ either.”

“Thank you, Alfie.” She kissed his cheek and went to get in the car.

“Bye, Mr. Alfie!” Johanna called out the window.

Alfie waved to them as the car pulled out of the drive. He wandered back inside and waited for the phone to ring and for Tommy Shelby to rain hell down upon him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leah promised Polly that she would sit on the decision for a few days. Besides, it would take a few days to secure a ticket to America. Tommy wouldn’t know they were with her. Instead, he assumed they were still in Margate. Alfie sent a telegram to Tommy in Leah’s name saying that the phone line had gone down and it would be a few days before it would be operating again.

“I’m so sorry, Pol,” Leah whispered.

It was day three of their stay at Polly’s. Leah had made up her mind. The children were packed to go to America with her. The tickets were booked and she didn’t intend on going back on her plan.

Polly and Leah were sat in the kitchen. Johanna had fallen asleep in Leah’s arms. Charlie had already retired to bed for the night. In the morning, they would be on their way to the docks. Leah still wasn’t sure how she would tell them that Tommy wouldn’t be accompanying them.

“Why are you apologizing?” Polly asked.

“Because I’m taking the children away from you and the rest of the family. It’s not right I know-”

“A mother’s intuition is never wrong.” Polly touched Leah’s shoulder and gave her a firm look. “Why should I blame you for wanting to keep them safe from harm? If you think this is best, then it’s best.”

Leah bit her lip to try and hold back her tears. “Tommy’ll be so angry with me.”

“Maybe he should have seen this coming.” Polly mused. “He can’t play God and think that everything will be okay.”

Leah listened to Johanna’s soft breathing against her shoulder. “I love him, but I can’t sacrifice my children for him. It was so close, Pol. If I hadn’t been there…” The words were caught in her throat. She couldn’t get the haunting thought out of her head. What could’ve been if she hadn’t pulled him away in time?

Charlie laying in the parlor, blood seeping into the carpet. There would be nothing she could do. He would be gone before she could even react.

Polly hushed her softly and handed her a handkerchief. “But you were there. And you’re here now with them. Trust that you know what’s best for them and follow that path.”

~~~~~~~~~~

So, Leah did. Polly gave her the necessary funds to make do in America. Johanna was still asleep in Leah’s arms as they boarded the ship. There was a chill in the air so Leah kept her head down. Charlie stuck close to her, holding onto her skirt so he wouldn’t get lost in the crowd.

“Mum, dad’s not coming with us, is he?” He asked quietly once they were settled in their cabin on the ship.

Leah set Johanna down on the bed so she could nap. “No, poppet. We can’t be with him right now. I’m sorry.” She replied, trying to keep her voice steady and calm. But every nerve in her body was on alert. Part of her wanted to turn around and run back to Tommy. Part of her wanted to never go back.

He nodded slowly and stepped onto a piece of luggage to look out the porthole. There was nothing but the ocean ahead of him. When he thought Leah wasn’t paying attention, he reached into his pocket. The bullet Alfie had given him safely tucked away. It was odd, but he knew why they were leaving without Tommy. He knew why they couldn’t stay. His father shot things. Sometimes things shot back.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy allowed the charade of the phone line excuse to go on for three days. The day Leah left with the children; he began asking questions. The telegrams were starting to sound very unlike his wife. In fact, there were some clues that Alfie Solomons was the author.

Tommy was livid. He delayed his meeting with Barney to drive to Polly’s. Only a stop before he intended to go to Margate and make sure Alfie Solomons hadn’t done away with his family.

“It’s been three days, the fucking telegrams aren’t being written by her.” Tommy stormed into Polly’s flat unannounced.

Polly had been waiting for her nephew to catch up to things. “Tommy, sit down.” She requested firmly.

Tommy’s eyes were wild as he turned to her. Something was up, he knew it was. “Where are they?”

“Sit down.”

Nerves frayed, he had no desire to sit down and be talked to like a child. “Where are my fucking children?!” He roared.

So, Polly stood up instead. “They’ve left. Leah’s taken them to Boston.” She told him point-blank.

So many emotions hit the man all at once. “Fuck!” He shouted and looked for something to break.

Instead, Polly grabbed him by the arm before he could make any sudden or destructive movements. “Don’t you understand what you’ve been doing to her? What this has done to the children?”

“She can’t take them away from me!”

“Charlie was nearly shot in the fucking face, Thomas!” Polly shouted back at him.

It was as if a bucket of ice water had been thrown over him. It was news to him. Since the gunman was killed, no information had gotten back to him. No ransom notes or threats.

“Alfie wasn’t sure who it was but he found the house and shot at Charlie while he was on the balcony. The only reason he survived was because Leah pulled him out of the way.”

Tommy’s muscles began to give out on him. His aunt pulled up a chair for him and guided him into it when she saw it looked like he was about to keel over. “She felt backed into a corner, she wanted to keep the children safe.”

He put his head in his hands. The weight of his reality felt like it was crushing him to bits. A mere thread, that's what he was holding onto. Leah and his children were the only genuine thing he had left. His only source of happiness. “I tried, Pol…I fucking tried. I did everything I fucking could." He felt close to dry heaving. The room was closing in on him. "It wasn't enough." He whispered.

“I know you did.” She touched his shoulder. “We all did. But maybe we can’t keep her safe.”

He inhaled sharply and lifted his head. “Where is she staying?” He stood and started to compose himself. There was no way he'd be able to find them if he lost his sanity, or what was left of it.

Polly pursed her lips. “She asked me not to tell you. She entrusted me and I don’t take that lightly, Thomas.”

Tommy snapped in an instant and swept everything off the table. “Where is she fucking staying?” But it was no use, his aunt had dealt with enough of his tantrums and knew not to cave it. When he was stonewalled, he stood up with a fury. “Fine, I don’t fucking need you to tell me. I’ll find out on me own.” He growled and left the flat, slamming the door behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~

The first night knowing his family was in America, Tommy lost control. He felt like he'd lost control of everything. His career, his business, his finances, and now his own fucking family. He’d spent the rest of the day putting out alerts to all the contacts he had in Boston and even New York just in case. Anyone under the name Leah Shelby, Leah Ward, Leah Robinson, anyone who matched her description or the children’s description was to be reported back to him as soon as possible.

When he called every person he possibly could, he drank and he downed as much morphine as he could find. Maybe it would finally kill him.

Slumped over on the floor of the big room, Tommy looked up to see Grace standing by the fireplace.

“Aren’t you happy, Tom?” She asked softly. “They’re away from you, finally. They’re safe now. An entire ocean between you.” The blonde woman sighed softly. “I remember when I tried to run to America. I could never keep you off my mind. Maybe she can learn to forget you. Maybe she won’t make the mistake I made by returning to you. Maybe if I stayed in America, I’d still be alive.” Blood began to seep from the sapphire around her neck. But she smiled peacefully. “I know you want her to stay there. You know something will happen to her if she comes back.”

Tommy screamed until his throat felt raw. When he lost his breath he threw the nearest bottle at the hallucination of his dead wife. The glass shattered and knocked several picture frames off the mantle over the fireplace.

He got up shakily and wandered over to see which ones had faced a causality. He dropped to his knees, ignoring the broken glass digging through his trousers and into his skin. He was too numb to feel the pain. He’d always been numb without her.

The one of Charlie on his first pony. His wedding to Leah. Johanna’s first birthday. They’d all escaped from their silver-plated frames and were let loose in the stray glass shards. Tears streaming down his face, Tommy picked the photographs out of the glass. He held them close to his chest and prayed to either see them again or to let God finally take him.

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @biba3434 @kimmietea @karmezii @enrapturedbythemoon @vampgirl1997 @tarafaithe @evelynshelby

Tag list: @shelbyblinded

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thecleverdame · 4 years

Text

Gods of Twilight - 18

Alpha!Werewolf!Sam x Human!Reader

Master List (posting schedule is there as well)

Summary: You marry Sam, The King of Lebanon, as part of an alliance between two lands. You soon discover that nothing is as it appears and that your husband is hiding a secret that may end your relationship before it can begin.

Warnings: smut, dub-con, canon-level violence, domestic discipline, spanking. This chapter does contain some non-con elements.

Beta: @ilikaicalie

*This story is complete. All 27 chapters are available on Patreon. To get access to this and many other stories, subscribe for a pledge of 2.50 per month. CLICK HERE

Sam stands behind you with arms crossed over his chest, watching the midwife examine your bulging belly.

“You’re larger than I would expect for seven months,” she states evenly, feeling the underside of your stomach through your nightgown. “Are you in any discomfort?”

“No, I feel strong. Energized.”

“And you’ve been sleeping well?”

“I’ve slept better these last 2 months than ever before. My only complaint is how hard he kicks now. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to make it through another two months if he’s going to grow stronger.”

“I’m afraid that’s part of motherhood.” Martha smiles.

“Show her,” Sam nods, his jaw locked.

He’s constantly worried about you. If it’s not an outside threat from some vengeful townsperson, it’s your health and this child.

Sighing, you lift your gown to show her your ribs. She does a double-take, looking at you in silent question and inching closer. There are black and blue marks up and down both sides of your stomach.

“This is the child?” she gasps, directing her question towards Sam.

“She’s in pain. It’s worse in the evenings,” he explains, running a hand over his mouth. “You should feel how hard he kicks, it’s unfathomable. I’m concerned he’ll break her ribs.”

“It’s that painful?” she asks you.

“Only during the night, and it’s never for too long.” You force optimism. One of you has to see the sunny side of things. “He gives me some relief during the day.”

Martha chews on her lower lip. She thinks hard and then stands up straight, pausing before speaking directly to Sam.

“I've lived here all my life, my king. I was born into service, just as my mother. I am loyal. I see the things that go on here, strange things. If there is something I should know, secrets you’ve hesitated to tell me for fear of gossip, I would encourage you to tell me now. We both want the same thing, to deliver a healthy child and keep your wife alive and thriving. In order to do that I need full information.”

Looking back at Sam you wait for his refusal, but instead he smashes his lips together as he contemplates her request.

“You can never tell another living soul,” he instructs.

“Of course, my king.”

“And if you do, you’ll die as the penalty.”

You look down at your hands, wishing desperately that you weren’t privy to this kind of ultimatum. It’s not often you see or hear this side of him and it’s unsettling to hear him whisper death threats in the confines of your bedroom.

“I understand,” Martha confirms without pause. “Now tell me everything.”

She sits and listens, calm and collected, as Sam explains about wolves and shifters. He offers all the details, explains how he came to be. And how this process usually works. She doesn’t bat an eye. On the contrary, she’s taking mental notes. Asking well thought out questions.

She doesn’t appear to be the least bit surprised.

“Is there anyone from your...” she struggles for the right word.

“Pack,” Sam helps her.

“Is there anyone from your pack that delivers the children? Is there a midwife?”

“Yes,” Sam nods, chewing on the inside of his cheeks as he looks from Martha to you.

“Then we should call her here to have a look at your wife. With our combined skills, we’ll have a better chance of accurately predicting what’s to come.”

“They’re unhappy that I’ve chosen to have a child with a woman who isn’t like the rest of the pack. I don’t trust anyone, other than you.”

Martha sighs, then nods. She could push the matter but she won’t. She knows her place and it's obvious how much he cares for you. If he thought it was a viable possibility he would have explored it already.

“I’ll be just fine,” you smile at your husband. “I’m strong and so is our baby. We’re both going to be just fine.”

10 Weeks Later

“Are you sure about this?” Martha asks. In these last weeks, she’s become your constant companion.

The carriage rocks side to side as you slowly ride toward the walls of the city.

“I need to walk. I need fresh air.” You close your eyes in concentration as the cramp in your back flares up. The pains are constant now. It’s not the child, or rather it’s not anything he’s doing. He’s simply large and active, and your body is having trouble dealing with the weight.

You begged Sam for a week. Pleaded with him to let you outside. Your muscles and hips ache and walking is the only activity that offers any relief at all. You’ve been around the halls of the castle so many times that it’s depressing to even think about being inside for another moment.

After several rounds of tears, he finally agreed to a brief outing.

The child will come any day now and Martha helped affirm his decision by suggesting that a brisk walk could be exactly what you needed to get the process moving.

Now you’re bound for the fields just outside of the city’s wall, accompanied by not only the King, but a dozen knights as well.

When the carriage finally stops, Sam helps you out into the sunlight of the early afternoon. There’s a chill in the air, but you’re plenty warm. You’ve grown thicker in these last months, eating more and more to satisfy your child’s constant hunger.

“Where would you like to walk?” Sam asks. His eyes are on the horizon. He’s always watching, looking for some invisible threat.

“There, closer to the trees.” You point across the field and Sam does the same as several knights trot ahead to ensure safe passage. Sam takes your arm and you walk, or a more appropriate term would be waddle, toward the lush pines.

You’re not fooled. There are things he’s not telling you, threats he keeps from you in the name of love. He doesn’t want to worry you, but in fact, his lack of forthrightness sends your mind reeling with the possibilities.

“Let me know if you grow tired and we’ll rest.”

“I’ve only been walking for a minute. I’m not impaired, I just move more slowly than I used to.”

“I’m surprised you want to be out here moving around at all.”

“It feels good. The pain goes away when I walk. I think he’s giving me this extra energy.” You smile upward, letting the sun wash over your face. “After he’s born will you take me riding? I long to be outside.”

“We’ll see,” Sam meanders at a snail's pace beside you. “You’re not too cold, are you? I can have Martha bring a cloak-”

“Stop,” you whine, looking to him. “Stop fussing over me and let me be. I want to walk in the country with my husband. It doesn’t have to become such a production.”

“I am only trying to do what’s best,” he counters and your heart sinks.

“I know, and I love you for it.” You pull yourself closer to him, leaning into his side as you walk. “I also wish for you to take me fishing. And star gazing on a summer night.”

“I had no idea you'd come up with such an extensive list.” He grins, his hand cupping your shoulder.

“Oh, that’s not all. I would like to travel. See faraway places, explore other kingdoms. Take our son to see the world. But I’ll start with an evening beneath the stars.”

“I will give you the moon itself once it’s safe. You’ll be free to roam far and wide.”

While your confines have worn your patience, your marriage has only grown stronger. There is genuine love and appreciation for each other. You have found a love that you never dreamed existed outside of your books. Despite his many great responsibilities, Sam finds a way to put you first, to make time for quiet moments together.

It’s what made the seclusion of this pregnancy bearable.

A lone rider approaches in the distance. Sam spots the horseman first, putting his hand out to stop you, but retracts it just as quickly. He must recognize whoever it is. As the rider comes closer you can make out the form of a petite woman with raven hair… Ruby.

“My king,” she’s breathless as she dismounts. “There’s been an attack to the north. Robert and Benjamin have been killed. Your brother was hurt but he’s alive. The men are coming together now in the Eastern Woods.”

“I have to go.” Sam shakes his head, turning to you, then back to Ruby. “Stay with my wife. Ensure that she gets to safety and then join us.”

“I will,” Ruby confirms, handing off the reins to Sam who mounts the steed.

“Be careful!” you call out, watching him ride away.

Ruby stands before you, examining your new appearance. Not many people have seen you since your belly began to grow. Her mouth goes tight, forcing a painful smile.

“You look as if you may pop at any moment.” She looks away, as if the sight of you makes her ill. “Come along, I need to get you to the carriage.”

She takes you by the arm, guiding you back toward the transport and Martha and Phillip are beside you in an instant.

“We need to move fast, my queen. There could be another attack planned.”

As if on cue, a dozen men on horseback burst from the tree line. The thundering hooves make the ground shake as they approach.

“Run!” Ruby grabs one hand and Martha the other, pulling you along as fast as your legs will carry you. As the riders close in, the Knights surrounded you in defense and Phillip plucks you off your feet and carries you in a sprint.

You’re halfway there when someone calls out a warning. Phillip is hit from behind and goes tumbling to the ground. You land underneath him, crushed by his weight as you wriggle free only to be met with the face of your assailant. He’s a hideous man with oily hair and yellowing teeth. He growls at you, smiling with a sickening grin as he brings a short knife down into your side.

You scream, clutching the wound as blood pours over your fingers. He’s coming back for a second stab as Ruby lurches toward him with a giant, jagged dagger in her hand. She rams it upward under his jaw and the blade cuts through blood and bone like a knife through butter. The instant she withdraws the knife, his lifeless body drops to the ground.

“Get up!” Martha is lifting you off the ground in some amazing feat of strength.

The two of you stumble thirty paces before a man charges with an ax raised in the air but Phillip gets to him before he can reach you. You scramble back toward the carriage, tripping over your own feet and falling to the ground.

Martha and Ruby manage to drag you inside the carriage and the instant the doors shut, you’re bound for the castle.

“He stabbed me!” You cry out in panic, frantically feeling your belly. “Did he kill my baby?”

Martha tries to find the wound, unable to examine it through your dress, but Ruby is already in motion. With a truly superhuman strength she tears your dress at the seams, then the layers underneath, leaving you naked from the waist up.

Your breasts and belly are coated in bright red blood, a sight that sends your heart into your throat.

“Please, don’t let anything happen to-”

“Calm down!” Martha yells, grabbing your jaw, forcing you to focus on her. “Stop, take a breath and calm down. You need to remain composed to prevent any further trauma.”

Martha and Ruby examine the stab wound, Ruby using the skirts of her dress to wipe the excess blood away.

“The knife caught you between the ribs,” Ruby explains, grabbing your hand with blood wet fingers. “Not your stomach.”

“You’re going to be just fine,” Martha soothes the hair back from your forehead as you lie between them on the floor of the coach.

A quick, tightening of your stomach takes your breath away. And then the pain comes and a wet sensation at your sex. You reach down, pulling up your dress and feeling between your own legs. When you withdraw your hand there’s nothing but more blood.

“He’s coming,” you gasp, looking at the blood on your palm. “I’m not ready.”

“Yes, you are my dear.” Martha pats your hand, then leans out the window and hollers to Phillip. “We need to move faster!”

“Where is Sam?” you plead. “I need him.”

“One of the knights will have gone to find him,” Ruby assures you. “He’ll come as soon as he hears you were injured.”

“What if they attack him?”

“He is the strongest of all of us and his men will protect him at all costs.”

The pain comes in waves, like the cramps from your monthly bleeding only so strong that it feels as if your stomach is tearing. You cry out as the carriage flees back toward the castle, feeling each bump along the way.

Phillip carries you up to your chambers, laying you on the bed as a swirl of activity bursts to life around you. The room is full of handmaids with Martha barking orders at all.

Time becomes a series of intervals between the pain of contractions. And they are coming closer and closer together.

It feels like hours before you hear Sam’s voice in the hall. Martha gets up and you listen to a muted conversation. He yells something and then there’s Dean voice, just as angry.

“Y/N?” You hear your husband’s voice, growing closer.

“Sam?” You reach out for him and his familiar hand takes yours. You sob in relief at the confirmation he’s alive and he won’t leave until this is over.

“I’m here,” his voice is close, as he leans down to talk to you.

“It’s not going very well,” you laugh, trembling as a feverish heat consumes you.

“You’re perfect,” his voice cracks. He clears his throat before continuing. “Martha assures me everything is going to be just fine.”

“Don’t lie to me.” His hand tightens around yours.

“I wouldn't dream of it.”

“It’s time,” you gulp, sweat rolling in beads down your forehead. The pain swells, a mighty crest that’s worse and more intense than everything that came before and your body begins to try to push the baby out.

“Push, just like we practiced.” Martha settles between your legs.

Bearing down, you push with all your might, feeling a second of relief before the contraction ebbs. Then the agony picks back up and you push again, something giving way and the child moves. It happens fast, one second you’re in unbearable torment and then all the pain stops and the baby leaves your body in a life-changing instant.

The room is silent. You wait for the squeal of your son, but there’s nothing. Sam’s hand is clamping over yours so tight he might break it.

“Is he alive?” you rasp, trying in vain to prop yourself up. You look up at Sam’s eyes, there are tears in each corner. “Is he alive?!”

“She is very much alive,” Martha appears above you with a wiggling little baby in her arms. “You have a daughter.”

You laugh, an exhausted chuckle and reach out for your child. Martha places her on your chest before exchanging a weighted look with your husband.

She’s a perfect, chubby girl with bright green eyes and a head of dark hair that is surely from her father. You cry freely, studying her face and gently touch her round, flushed cheeks.

“We have a daughter. I can’t believe it. Sam, look how beautiful she is.” You look up at Sam who’s breathing fast, his throat bobbing at the sight of you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he wavers. “I-I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” You focus back on your baby, trying to think what you’ll name her. You were so sure she’d be a boy.

“Give us the room.” Sam wipes at his eyes.

Sam is most handsome when he’s happy, beautiful when his heart is full. He should be elated, but right now he looks as if he's been shot with an arrow. You watch everyone leave, except Martha who comes to sit on the opposite side of your husband.

“What’s happening?” The fear is creeping in as you look from her to Sam, cradling the baby resting on your chest.

“Shhh,” Sam strokes your hair, lowering down onto his side. “Just lie here with me and hold our daughter.”

In these last months, Martha subdued nearly all your fears. You’d heard horror stories of women in unbearable pain and were frightened of feeling yourself tear when giving birth. But she assured you, time and time again, that because there is such intense pressure during labor you wouldn’t be able to feel anything that happened.

As you lie in the bed, it dawns on you that you still can’t feel anything below your waist. You try to wiggle your toes but there’s no sensation. You look down at your naked body. While you can’t see much there’s a clear slick of red between your thighs, soaking the bed.

You’re still bleeding, bleeding too much.

“What's happening to me?” you whisper, kissing the tiny fingers of your sweet girl.

“It’s not important. Just enjoy this time together. That’s all that matters.” Martha says.

“I’m right here with you.” Sam nuzzles his forehead against your cheek, snuggling closer to you and his child. He’s crying.

You don’t want to ask. Don’t want the confirmation, but you need to know. You’re not long for this world.

“How much time do I have?”

“It won’t be long now.” Martha turns away, swallowing her emotion and getting up off the bed. “I’ll be in the hall when you need me.”

There’s a faint wispy fizzing in the back of your brain and a profound coldness rising up from your belly into your chest.

“I’m not ready to leave you,” you whisper. Words are becoming harder, your tongue thick and heavy.

“I know, my love.” Sam wraps his arm around you over your ribs. “I’m not either.”

“I’m scared, and I want to...stay here with...you two.” The words come slowly. “I’m...so...tired…”

“Close your eyes and go to sleep. There’s nothing to be scared of, we’re here with you. We love you.”

You don’t want to close your eyes, but Sam’s body is warm and comforting around you. The baby on your chest is cooing, a little mouth eager to find a breast. This must be what heaven will be like. Maybe you’re already there.

There’s a fleeting thought, a hope that you’ll stay with them always, and they with you. Your heart simultaneously swells and breaks as the life that could have been flashes before your eyes. This time was short but happy and as the end comes all you feel is the enveloping warmth of love holding you tight.

Surrounded by your husband and daughter you take a final breath and close your eyes.

#alpha!sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester smut #sam winchester fanfiction

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onisiondrama · 4 years

Photo

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“Women Who Run With Wolves” Speaks, September 21, 2020

- Says someone came to his forum and said the stories of the 6 women who are accusing him are immaculate. He questions what 6 women. - Say there were 3 women he dated. Says he dated Shiloh 10 years ago until she got pregnant with another man’s baby. Then his husband Kai stepped in and they’ve been married 8 years. They were in one serious poly relationship, Billie. The other they weren’t serious about because they were sexually extorted. - Says he was told Adam was just Regina dressed up as a guy. There was a shadow over Adam’s face. He says you’d say that’s insane, why would a “victim” (hand quote) dress up as a dude so they could be on Hansen’s show twice and get clout twice? [This must be the video this screen shot was taken from. edit: it was from “You Are Your Own Worst Enemy”] He tells viewers to watch the footage of each interview and compare. - Says Regina is someone with a 2 year age gap with Kai, so there’s no potential for something weird there. Says he (James) never spoke to or met Regina. He says he heard Regina and Shiloh were ripped apart on lolcow or 4chan, says just like everyone else who is mentally whack. Says apparently Regina pretended to be a transgender person. Again, says study the footage and compare Regina and Adam. - Says Luxymoo was 20-something when he had a conversation with her. Says he told her he needed someone to keep Kai company while he was working, so if she wanted to date Kai that’s fine. He says he told her he (James) doesn’t have to be part of the relationship. Says she’s a “victim” (hand quote) even though he never met her. - (Lists Shiloh’s lies during their relationship.) Says he only calls Shiloh crazy because Sarah is not as nutzo as Shiloh and Billie is not as nutzo as Sarah. Billie is the most mentally sound, even though she’s vindictive and has anger problems. - Says Maya was debunked hard. He says he posted her texts about how into him she was and how she was sorry and wanted to try again. He says he asked her out and kissed her on the lips when she said yes. [He puts his hands up] “Sorry, I guess I wasn’t supposed to do that.” [in a mocking tone.] Says she got mad at him because he asked to pick her up and carry her to the other room so they could play VR and she said yes. Says she was 24 at the time. - Says you guys don’t care about the actual facts. You say children, but there were no children involved. - Says a normal accusation is someone kept me in a cage and sprayed me with a hose, but you guys believe the most ridiculous nonsense and the mob thinks it all makes sense. “He’s a masterful kisser after asker-outer.” [mocking tone again] - Says he feels like the people he broke up with all together and tried to imprison him. The FBI, Hansen, the cops, Shiloh all didn’t work out for you. - [Insults anti-o’s for a while, says they’re “mentally retarded” and deserve disability benefits among other things] - [insults his exes, the usual shit he says in all of his video] - He shows his computer monitors and says he does computer work all day. He asks how does he has the time [he changes his thought, but I think he was implying he doesn’t have the time to date women.] He says people think if they have a pussy, they can woo him. Men and women tried to collaborate with him on Only Fans. He asks why would he do that if he doesn’t know them? He says “no” to them because he only has sex when he’s in love with someone or if he’s being essentially raped. Says he also had sex when he was in rebound mode and that sucked. He said they were both 26. - Says he knows how it feels to be duped by Shiloh. He was duped by her for a year even though he knew she was lying. - Says Nicholas DeOrio acts like a white knight and thinks people with vaginas can do no wrong. Says he tried to tell DeOrio (Shiloh lied about being knocked out story). - He says Shiloh told him there was a guy who abducted and raped her in his basement for weeks. He says he just realized he got mad at Ricegum when he asked a girl if getting raped hurt because he (James) asked Shiloh that too, but not the same way. “Was it always torture for you?” She told him sometimes your body betrays you, but she ever enjoyed what he did. He says he didn’t know why he asked and says he was an idiot, 24 at the time. He says he doesn’t know if that really happened, but one time she said she saw her kidnapper a block away. James said he’ll beat the crap out of him if he’s a rapist, but she said no and that they needed to go. Says it was near a Korean BBQ in crowded downtown Toronto. He says it might have been close to where the into to one of the Saw movies was recorded. Says there was also a music store and a costume store so you guys can look at the maps and find out where he was. Says he likes to be transparent and no matter how many times you ask him questions he’ll always give the same answers. - Says you literally reported him to the cops with a LeafyIsHere video. Teenagers think just because you have an opinion of someone, you can cancel them and ruin their life. - Says he didn’t meet these people. Says he met Maya and he gives a sarcastic apology for kissing her. Says she didn’t complain about it right after. He went downstairs and made her breakfast after he kissed her.

“Onision Is The New Johnny Depp“ Speaks, September 22, 2020

- Says people tried to deplatform him when this all started. Says that’s weird because if someone was guilty, you’d want them to talk as much as possible. Unless you were the one hiding something. He says it would be weird for someone who talks as much as him to go quiet. - (Hansen is a fraud, he made a lot of money off of alleged victims) - Says there’s an alleged show that’s asking commentary Youtubers to be on. They weren’t there. How desperate are they? Asks if you watched a documentary and thought how great would it be if that random commentary Youtuber was in it? Says they didn’t even ask the guy who the show is about for comment. - Asks where all the funds go for the TV show. Asks if people are paid to be pretend victims. - Tells his audience to compare Regina and Adam again. Said a Hansen insider [Vincent? lmao] told him they were the same person. He says he already suspected it, but the insider told him without him asking. Says it’s demented and crazy to go on a show twice pretending to be two different people. Says it’s said Regina’s a hardcore drug user and it might have fried their brain. Says he doesn’t know and Regina should speak about it. - Says he was told the people he dumped had a falling out. - Says he tried to work things out with Billie after, but she said “haha f-you.” Says Billie dumped Kai once in a car. - Says it’s clear the show is not for justice. If you want justice, you go to the police or get a lawyer. If you want clout, you go on a livestream or a TV show, start a Venmo, promote your album, Only Fans, etc. - Says if it was all true, there’s still no crime. It also alienates everyone else he ever dated. - Someone said “good morning to everyone but Onision.” He says so you just said hello to Hitler? - He says if a 19-year-old dude goes after a 16-year-old, people call him a pedo, but that’s not a pedo. Says it’s fine in a lot of states with the Romeo and Juliet laws. - Says people were paying attention to him because they thought he was melting down. He gave them what they wanted and he posted the bloopers to prove it. Says he made a good amount of money off of those fake meltdown videos and it was fun for him. - Says he never met the MySpace dude who went on Hansen. Never met the girl who said her friend died because of his video. Says so many people went on the show acting like experts and he has no idea who they are. - Says Maya said she never liked him and he proved her wrong with her texts. She came out, he posts the texts, she walks away. Says she re-invented the past. Says she needs to get her head checked. People do things like this when they have mental illness. They are trying to be a victim. He says that’s a common BPD thing, but he doesn’t know if she has that. - Says the commentary channels are just as bad as these fake me too’s because they make money off of the situation. Money is the root of all evil and if you follow they money, you’ll see the patterns. If they pretend to be heroes, why don’t they support charity? - He says if the company who is making the show has a lot of money, he can sue them. If you watch all his videos and aren’t mentally ill, it’s beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is nonsense. - Someone asked why he made this the theme of this channel. He says people won’t drop it and let him move on. He won’t stop fighting for the truth, even if it drives his channel into the ground. - (They are framing him because he dumped them.) - Says someone walked in on his video and he had to cut it. - Says Shiloh’s been stalking him for 10 years. She told him even if he was married with kids, she’d show up on his doorstep. She said they when they were listening to an Adele song. He says that’s mental illness. Says she contacted Kai. Tells her to move on, why are you obsessed? - Says if you were being honest, why would you not show up on a show? Says if they don’t want to collect money, they can donate it to charity. He says they’re already in too deep because they collected money. He tells the show, Edwin, Repzion, and Hansen to donate to TWLOHA if they care about actual victims. - He says using me too to get money is a guaranteed gateway to hell. Says real victims don’t want to report it because they don’t want to talk about it or see their abuser again. Says they were obsessively talking about him. Says he heard Sarah was playing a drinking game while watching his videos. He says she wasn’t really his ex because she sexually extorted him when she was an adult. Says she’s a rapist and she admitted it. She was beyond 18 by some time. - Says it’s sad there’s no consolation prize for him for being framed and sexually extorted. Says a creepy old man showed up to his house, he was egged the next day, people tired to swat him, tried to commit perjury against him to get his channels taken down. People think he’s disgusting even though he’s innocent, like Johnny Depp. If you have a taste in crazy women, you’re doomed. - Says he’s forever socially tainted with the lies of others. The silver lining is he can tell his viewers to avoid relationships with people who pretend to be victims. He tried to save Shiloh and Sarah. Shiloh faked a rape, car accident, pregnancy. Sarah said she was beat by her mom and raped. - Says Shiloh implied she started talking to him when she was 16. He says that’s not true, unless she emailed him. Says he got a lot of emails. Says she made a comment that he only paid attention to her because she was a Canadian popstar. He says that’s true and he only emailed her back because it was good for his career. He said it wasn’t about her age and that’s why Kai lied about his age. Kai knew if he didn’t lie about his age, James would have stopped talking to him. By the time James found out the truth, he already fell for him. It was legal. Says there’s taboo and there’s the law. - Says a dude can stab 20 people, but people will still just make videos and a documentary about how he broke up with a girl for being a criminal. - Says he can’t trust anyone anymore. Sarah told him she’d never be like Billie or Shiloh and they were evil. She would up being them. Says Sarah was the most criminal of them all and bragged about it on twitter. He asks if they’ll include that on the documentary.

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