On the subject of "I want to be treated like an adult"
Kids often say that, don't they? That they want to be treated as adults. And patents often think that by that they mean they want more freedoms. They want to control their own bedtime, they want to drink alcohol on family events, like grown ups do, they want to drive around so they can control where they go and when. They want to vote because they think they understand politics and while they are intelligent enough to understand the basics, the complexity of politics is not something they fully grasp yet. They want to have adult money that they spend on toys or merch of some type.
Right?
Wrong.
Because that's not what they mean.
But I'll get to that later.
First, I want to talk about the reactions they get from their parents when they say stuff like that. Parents falsely assume that their children mean it in an "obnoxious", "entitled" and "demanding" way which results to them perceiving the request as disrespectful, and they chastise their children. They go on and on about how being an adult is not sunshine and rainbows. "Oh? So you want to go to work every day to get paid minimum wage? You want to start paying the bills around here? You wanna do our taxes this year maybe?"
In an attempt to terrorize their children and crush their "rebellious" instincts, parents make adulthood out to be hell. And I'm not gonna lie, it sucks sometimes. But you cannot control your child through fear. And lashing out at them in order to scare them into submission is emotionally immature and if you do that to your kids no rational person out there will respect you and you should start slicing vertically instead of horizontally.
A child does not have the mental capacity to understand that adulthood isn't the boogyman under their bed. The only thing this treatment will achieve is making them anxious about the future and as teenagers they'll be depressed and have existential crisis like it's dinner. Plus, that's not even what they mean.
Fucking toddlers don't know about taxes! This isn't their version of adulthood at all. By saying "I want to be treated like an adult" they don't mean they want to be reduced to a stressed out, pathetic ball of sadness. They simply want to be treated with respect. Basic human fucking decency.
From a very young age children are being conditioned to behave from both their parents and school/daycare. But the double standards are insane!
They are taught to not interrupt grown ups because it's backtalking. And yet adults interrupt them all the time.
They are taught to be quiet, not to yell, and use their indoor voice, because that's proper. And yet their parents yell at them when they make a mistake.
They are taught to do what adults command. To listen. To bend over backwards to please the grown ups. "Don't touch that", "Look at me when I'm talking to you", "Don't distract me right now, I'm busy", which is basically just adults setting boundaries (in very rude and disrespectful ways, but still).
And yet when children set boundaries ("I don't want you to put my hair on a ponytail today", "I don't like that shirt, I don't want to wear it", "I'm full, I don't want to eat the rest of my food") they are being ignored. Their boundaries are being crossed. Or worse, in done cases they get scolded, yelled at and punished for attempting to set boundaries, like adults do.
But what adults tend to forget is that not being interrupted, not being yelled at and not having your boundaries crossed is not an "adult privilege", it's basic fucking human goddamn decency. And it is how you should treat everyone, including (if not especially!) your children. And that's what they mean when they say "I want to be treated like an adult". They want you to extend to them the same amount of dignity and respect that they extend to you. They want you to lead by example.
Which is very fucking normal! It's not a bizarre request! They didn't ask for a pet unicorn, they asked to be treated like a human! And you know why is that?! Because they are human! I genuinely believe some parents forget that their kid is as much of an actual person as they are, and deserves to be treated with decency just as much as they are.
And maybe they don't know how to word it properly yet. Maybe they don't understand the seperation between basic respect and adulthood. Maybe they think that to be treated with respect they must be an adult. And that's a failure on your part. I'm talking directly to you, parent reading this. If your children has to ask you to treat them with respect, instead of you having the decency to treat them like a person since they day they were born, you are a miserable, pathetic failure of a parent that forgot their child is a human, has human needs and MUST be treated like a human.
But you, miserable, pathetic failure of a parent, are not beyond redemption. All you have to do to patch up the situation is not to lash out at your child when they ask to be treated like an adult. You have to do what they ask you to do. And also explain to them the difference between being worthy of basic fucking human decency and being an adult, because those things do not go hand in hand. One happens with time and the other must be granted since day one. And hey, maybe if you're feeling emotionally mature and your ego is not that fragile, you could even go as far as apologizing to them for forcing them to ask for something you should have given them already. You are an adult, aren't you? Put on your big boy pants and hold yourself accountable.
Thus proven.
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