#then you cannot waste much time educating yourself making and keeping friends or just casually dating

[avversiera-writes]

touch your heart [senju tobirama/you] - chapter 2

Summary: Hashirama might go down as the worst matchmaker in history, but he thinks he might be on to something. Tobirama sees through his brother's schemes and is determined not to fall for it. Or fall for you.

Word Count: about 4k

AO3 LINK TO TOUCH YOUR HEART

AOR SERIES LINK TO ‘TIL DEATH DO US PART

[<<<CHAPTER ONE]

The due dates that Tobirama gave you are more reasonable and flexible than you thought. You try to find something to complain about so you can relay it to Madara later and earn a small smile from him, but no, there is no reason to complain about it. The only thing you want to complain about are his so-called rules. Tobirama is not about leisure or lightening up, though that is not a bother to you if you are going to be honest. Planning to mess with him a little is just an attempt to wipe off that serious face of his. You want to know him based on what you see from him, not from what other people have told you.

However, you also do not want to mess things up. You are determined to work as hard as he does for this project because it is special to the village and for the children that are going to be attending the Academy. 

Also because you know you’ll get paid for it. You have been running low on money these days ever since you bought your own place. 

 Now that you are older, you wish you had the proper education to be a shinobi. You have to learn most of your skills along the way and apart from your family who had basically banished you, and even now, you are still learning as there are a lot of things that you missed. 

 Now, the children that are going to grow up here have something better for the future. They have more choices and bigger chances to become good shinobis. 

You get settled in your bed, which is literally the only furniture your place has. It is your dining table, your workplace, and also your resting place. Your weapons are littered on the floor, and your swords are leaning against the wall in one corner of the room. The books and the scrolls given to you lay open or stacked near your bed where you can reach for it. Some clean laundry you have yet to get to sit on the foot of your bed, and the space you are currently lying on is the only space your bed can make for you at the moment. 

 Quaint, but it has a lot of potential. 

Your new home, which is situated just at the edge of the village and newly built, is a home for civilians and also other shinobis who are not part of a clan, or those who rather have a place for themselves. This is a sign that the village is growing, and more and more families are becoming involved with it. 

You force yourself to go through the many materials that you need to read and study up on for the rest of the night until midnight, and you begin to write your suggestions after going through the material once again. You are good at absorbing information, but at the same time, you have trouble keeping still for a very long time. Sometimes you have the unfortunate ability to memorize the wrong things because your mind zeroes into whatever your brain wants to obsess over. 

 However, you have made it this far. You can adjust. 

You hope. 

//

You are pretty sure that Tobirama is sending you around the village in a goose chase just so that he can work on the curriculum himself. It’s obvious he did not want you near him with all those rules about preserving his boundaries. The said goose chase sounds reasonable enough–talk to the members of the clans, the ones who are the keeper of their knowledge and history and write them down. He did not even look you in the face when he sent you away, he just gave you a list of what to ask the clans residing in Konoha and a blank notebook and a scroll for you to record all of the information in. 

 This whole ordeal occupied you for the whole day and it also happens to bleed through the next day, in which you are convinced Tobirama has completed at least half the work. 

The thought does not make you happy. You want to do something, damn it. You feel like your life depends on it. 

Another day passes, and this time, Tobirama has you looking for artists, merchants, inventors and other skilled people in Konoha and recording their name and the location to find them. This part you understand well because you know that Hashirama wants to expand on other skills, but it feels so tedious and it makes the day longer. Not to mention, you do not really know anyone since you have been busy polishing your skills with Madara. Now that you think about it, you spend an awful lot of time with the man, ever since you came here. 

 Before you know it, you are breaking into a run towards the Hokage mansion. 

 Tobirama cannot be left to his own devices. You will not let him take this from you. 

You find the white-haired man seated on his usual spot, hand poised elegantly over a sheet of paper and eyes moving along the lines of a book he is reading. 

“Finished already?” Tobirama says in a very flat tone. 

 “Yeah, of course, I already know the people to put down.” Okay, that was a lie, and you know Tobirama had caught that because he glances at you briefly with narrowed eyes. 

You walk up to him and you lay out the information you gathered today. 

“Where’s your family from?” Tobirama straight up asks you without any preamble. The expression on his face does not change though you can feel that he is bothered by you. 

 You are taken aback by a beat, but you have no problem answering it. You have memorized the lines that you have to say that it begins to feel true. “They are a little far north from here, but they’re just traders, merchants, skillsmen.” 

 “Of what?” 

 “With the right amount of money, anything.” You say in an even, but casual tone. “They don’t like shinobi, so I left to make a living of my own.”

You can tell Tobirama did not like your answer. He puts his pen down and you feel him scrutinizing you. 

 "You have any friends?" He immediately follows up. 

 However, you have long mastered the skills of deflecting and only letting people know certain things about you. They always see what they want to see in you, never bothering to put two and two together that you are just painting a pretty picture for them to look at. 

 "Too many," you reply vaguely. 

 Tobirama sighs, and his eyes narrow. 

“I cannot trust you if you continue to evade me. This is integral to this village and its future, and I cannot have, no, I cannot afford to waste time or make mistakes,” Tobirama says and he meets your eyes. 

“I can promise you, I am ready to work just as much as you so let's not get personal,” you lean back and cross your arms. “And after this, I will get out of your hair forever. You wouldn’t even have to hear from me.” 

 Tobirama rolls his eyes, but you can tell he is satisfied with your answer. “Oh please, with a village this small, and me, holding an important position in the said village, you cannot guarantee that.” 

 You smirk and you pull out the chair across from him. “Touché, Lord Tobirama,” you emphasize the lord with a mocking tone. 

Tobirama grits his jaw visibly and he grabs his pen almost angrily. You are starting to think that maybe this is what Tobirama generally looks like. 

 “Get to work.” 

 “What is it this time? List the several types of drinks the people in this village make? Investigate the best type of fabric to wear for each season?” You prompt, unable to keep the grin from spreading across your lips. He just let you get away with calling him lord. 

 Adding a title to someone’s name is supposed to be a sign of respect, but the way you say it makes it sound derogatory. Like you’re cursing him. 

Tobirama looks about ready to yell, and part of you wants him to take the bait. You lean closer to gauge his reactions and you watch him immediately school his expression. It is like watching a magic show, one moment something is there, the next, it disappears. 

“Well, if you wanted me to make up more tasks for you to do, you should have just asked,” Tobirama deadpans. 

You watch him, intrigued. “Wow. Are you trying to be funny, or are you trying to insult me?” 

 “Please stop talking when I am working,” Tobirama does not sound like he is pleading. He hands you a stack of books to go through. “I want you to compile a list of necessary skills that you deem important, and I will do the same. We can discuss and vet on which skills are required to learn for each grade level right after.” 

You let out a breezy laugh, and you note how Tobirama seems to twitch at the sound. “Right, right, fine.” You pause. “Have you looked at my notes?”

“Of course I have,” Tobirama huffs and he shoots you a distasteful glare, and to you, it looks like he’s tired of talking. “I will make my own notes on where you’re lacking and then you revise it.” 

 “What do we need those for?” You ask, genuinely curious. “What else are we in charge of making?” 

“The reason I had you seek out artists, writers, bookmakers, and the like, is because we will commission them to make textbooks,” Tobirama explains. “We just need to get the information together. Meanwhile, I would also like to fill this library and another public library with other kinds of books.” 

You tap your chin. “Your brother tells me you like to invent things and all that. Are you going to include your research and your inventions in the library?” 

 Tobirama sighs, visibly withering at the statement that his brother talks behind his back, but he revives himself enough to get back to his work. “Depends on what my brother approves of.” 

You let out an involuntary chuckle. Here are the two most powerful known shinobis in the world right now, and they argue over mundane things. 

 Tobirama raises an eyebrow at you and you shake your head. 

He takes that as a sign to keep on working, so you decide to keep to yourself. 

 Surprisingly, you are starting to enjoy this. It’s not as bad as you imagined. 

//

Perhaps you spoke too soon, because here you are at the crack of dawn–no not even the crack of dawn because the surroundings are still dark blue. You yawn as you arrive, and find Tobirama waiting in the middle of the training ground in a different outfit you have not seen him in. He seems to only have one color palette; he wears a navy wrap-around jacket that has a collar in a lighter shade of blue. The sleeves are short, showing off his muscles, and all of this is tied with a light yellow-green belt around his waist. A sword is secured to his belt, and it hangs on his side ready to be drawn. A happuri guards his forehead and the sides of his face, and for some reason, this makes him look more authoritarian and older. A mesh armor peeks through the space between his collars and even in your sleepiness, you note a defined torso that you keep to yourself. 

You do not even see an ounce of sleepiness in him and you huff.  

 Tobirama merely glances at you, but every time he looks at you, it feels like he is already exasperated. 

 “Is it just us?” You try not to sound too whiny. “Also I ate breakfast, I’m not falling for whatever it is you have in mind.” 

 “And what do you think is on my mind?” 

 “I don’t know? A test of survival, starving us for days in the forest with only the surroundings as our resource?” You rest a hand on your two swords–an uchigatana and a wakizashi, both the same in appearance and made from the same metal. 

“I said not to eat too much breakfast, I did not discourage you from it.” Tobirama lets out a sarcastic sigh–something he can really pull off well. “I am not that cruel.” 

 You hear an excited gasp behind you and you turn to find Sarutobi Hiruzen and Shimura Danzo walking towards the two of you. 

“Tobirama-sensei!” Hiruzen calls enthusiastically, at the crack of dawn. “I hope you don’t mind, I brought my friend again!” 

You glance at Tobirama and you see his face visibly soften at the sight of his student. 

“And I didn’t know Y/N-sensei’s joining us!” Hiruzen bounds up to you and you reach up to ruffle his hair. He turns to you and points at Tobirama. “He’s a really cool sensei! Really cool!” 

Tobirama suddenly looks constipated and you laugh out loud. 

 “We’ll see, kiddo,” you tell him. “We’ll see.” 

Two more kids come, and the girl, Utatane Koharu, somehow looks pissed, which you can suddenly relate to. The boy beside her, Mitokado Homura, looks more calm and composed as he adjusts his glasses on his face. 

Tobirama nods, and then he breaks off into a light jog. Obediently, the kids follow after him and you grudgingly follow behind them. They must be used to this. 

 After a few rounds, the kids start to stretch and you do the same as well, and everything has been pretty calm. You watch as the kids do sets of push-ups, sit-ups, calisthenics and you are impressed at their stamina. They’re barely twelve, but then again, if you are training under Senju Tobirama, you can tell that you will be pushed to your limit. 

You feel a pang of envy from these kids for a moment, but you push it away. There is no reason to look back into the past and feel bitter about how things worked out. 

“So what’s next, sensei?” Hiruzen inquires. You can see how much these kids admire the man. 

 “Sparring,” Tobirama replies. “Since Danzo’s here, you guys are evenly matched. Last man standing gets to fight me.” 

 “What about Y/N-sensei?” Danzo interjects. 

 “Yeah, what about me?” You smirk, and you lighten your voice so that it sounds more childish. 

You can feel Koharu rolling her eyes. 

You narrow your eyes at him and let out a small stream of breath through your mouth. “I see.” 

 Tobirama slightly raises his chin haughtily. It suits him. He does not need to speak to dominate the atmosphere. He shrugs, and it sparks something in you. 

 “I’ll still try my best,” you smirk, but underneath your facade, you are starting to get annoyed. Which is new, because you are generally a patient person. 

Tobirama takes Hiruzen and Koharu while you take the other two to coach during their matches. You stand in between Danzo and Homura, watching their small faces study each other. 

“Don’t kill each other,” you advise, and you start their match. 

 The two go at each other, with Danzo throwing the first punch. You back off a little to make sure that you can see their stances. 

 Homura whirls around and his foot juts out, with his heel aiming towards Danzo’s head. Danzo ducks down, and kicks at Homura’s stomach the moment he regains his posture from the kick. 

Homura staggers back, and now he is on the defensive, blocking Danzo’s hits and kicks, barely dodging them as he keeps backing away. You notice the hits and misses from each boy.

 “Homura, don’t back away!” You yell out. “Get closer to him!” 

Homura does as you say, and Danzo is unable to land a hit on him, limiting his movements unless–

 Danzo jumps back to get away, and kicks Homura on the chest. 

 “Nice!” You cheer. 

 “Sensei, whose side are you on?” Homura complains and his hand comes up to rub his chest. 

You laugh. “Neither!” You glance at both of their faces. “Okay, you two, come here.” 

 Danzo and Homura face each other again. 

 “Save your movements, don’t be so generous with them,” you tell them. “Don’t punch just to punch. Again!” 

The two boys come at each other and you stand back to watch them again. This time, you do not offer any more suggestions. You glance to where Tobirama is at, and he is squatting on the ground, his eyes trained on the students’ footwork. 

 You hear him call out that Hiruzen’s feet are too far apart. 

You snap back to the two boys just in time to watch Homura flip Danzo on his back. 

You walk over and you peer at Danzo. “You okay?” 

 “Yes,” the boy wheezes out. 

“Alright, you’re done,” you chuckle and you look at Homura. “You win, then. Good job. Help him up.” 

You glance at the other group, and you see Koharu sock Hiruzen straight to his face and Tobirama jump up to his feet. Hiruzen gets to his feet, and you see a trickle of blood coming out of his nose. 

When Hiruzen gets closer, you ruffle his hair affectionately and you laugh as he grimaces. 

 “Not funny!” He whines nasally. 

 “Keep your hands up next time!” You taunt even though he may already know this. 

Tobirama puts a hand on his shoulder and steers him towards a rock so that he can sit. “Sit up and lean forward,” he tells his student. 

 The rest of the kids walk towards him to watch and poke fun at Hiruzen. 

 You stay back and cross your arms to watch them. You know that there is no place for you to be there. 

 Once Tobirama is finished attending to his student, he turns to you. “Koharu, you’re the referee.” 

You size him up, your eyes travelling from his face and down to his waist. What was one of his rules again? 

 Anticipation builds in your core, and your hand rests on the scabbard of your sword, your thumb playing at the hilt. 

“Are we including tricks today?” You inquire. 

 “If you want,” Tobirama curtly replies. 

Koharu starts the fight, and Tobirama wastes no time coming at you. 

 His first hit is heavy, and you block it with both of your forearms and brace yourself by stepping back one leg. You are quick to grab his wrist as you twist your arm and you step forward, meaning to put your leg behind his, but he breaks away from you and disturbs the momentum that you were going to use against him. 

 You are quick to back away because he comes at you without stopping. 

 He is fast, and he is heavy with his hands. You notice his open hands, ready for grappling. His stance is lower, and you know that it will be hard to knock him off balance, and the effects of kicking at his head will go to his advantage. 

You need an opening. 

 You launch yourself at him, and as he prepares himself to grab you, you drop to your knees and slide in between his legs, hitting his knee as you pass him by. He turns to your direction, and you quickly use his bent knee to step and kick towards his head. He blocks you and you see him almost grab at your ankle.

 You do not give him a chance to gather himself, and you swing again at him, this time using his shoulder to propel yourself around him and using his weight and yours, you are able to lock his head with your legs. Just as you are about to go for another twist to bring him to the ground, Tobirama counters by catching you and launching you off of him. 

 “You fight like an assassin,” Tobirama says as you roll to the ground and to your feet. 

“Are you impressed?” You grin at him, half jokingly. 

 Tobirama does not answer you, but it looks like he is about to say something worse as he charges at you. 

You step closer to him so that he does not follow through his movement, and you grab the hilt of his sword and then you strike your palm at his chest to send him back. You whirl around to brandish his sword in the air. 

 What was one of his rules? You suddenly remember.

  Do not touch my things, unless I give them to you. 

For a moment, everyone freezes. 

You study the blade in your hand. 

 “This is a very nice sword,” you muse, and you strike at the air and flip it, testing the weight. You run a finger on the blunt edge of his sword. “Well-balanced and thin, but very sharp. Excellent for accurate and fast hits...and conducting lightning.”

Tobirama’s face grows stormy. His fists tighten. 

 You twist blade with a slight twist of your wrist, and you hand it with the hilt towards him. “Sorry. I was curious.” 

Tobirama takes his sword and quickly sheathes it. You note a minuscule change in his expression, but it quickly passes and you are disappointed for not being quick enough to note it. 

“So, is this a tie?” Koharu asks, uncertain. 

“Yes,” Tobirama grits through his teeth. 

You watch Tobirama’s tense shoulders and decide to leave him alone. You probably went too far today. 

“Well, that was fun, but I have to go,” you say, even though the rest of your day is pretty much free. "I have some friends to meet." 

 Tobirama suspects that you certainly do not have any friends to meet, but he does not say anything more. He’s probably eager to make you go. There is nothing he would want more. 

“Aw!” Hiruzen cries out. His nose bleed has stopped. “Thanks for coming by, sensei!” 

You wink at the kids, and you make your exit, your hand still remembering the feel of Tobirama’s sword. It is oddly familiar, and you wonder if the craftsmanship is similar to your own blade. 

You can feel Tobirama’s stare behind you and it burns the back of your neck as if he is shooting laser beams at you, and just when you glance back to regard it, he is turning away and conversing with his students about hand seals. 

Though it was just a joke and a way to catch him by surprise, you can’t help but feel that you just stomped over the thin olive branch that he was handing out to you. 

You note to yourself to make it up to him tomorrow. 

.

.

.

[CHAPTER THREE >>>]

#angelica writes #avversiera writes #'til death do us part #tobirama #Tobirama Senju #Senju Tobirama #tobirama x reader #senju tobirama x reader #senju tobirama x you #tobirama x you #naruto fanfiction

[dat-town]

Busan drift

Characters: racer!Felix & racer!You

Setting : street racing au (all I know is coming from the Fast & Furious franchise so excuse my shitty knowledge about cars and races)

Summary: A new face around the races in your beloved seaside town always means trouble, especially if he’s as cocky and arrogant as that mysterious silver-haired guy seems.

Warning: nothing really apart from good ol’ competitiveness

Words: 4.7k

For the one and only @lily-blue​! Love ya, dear! ♥

There's a smug smile playing on your lips the moment you cross the finish line, tires screeching against the asphalt as you step on the break and take a perfect U-turn to park your car in the middle of the impressed crowd. Adrenalin still rushes through your veins just as the car's engine still rumbles under you and fingers warm against the wheel, you let the satisfying feeling of winning hype you up before opening your door.

"That's my girl!" Chan welcomes you with a proud smile stretching over his lips, big palm patting you on the blade bones in congratulations before anyone else could. You grin at the brunette and reciprocate Changbin's half hug within the circle of your friends and admirers.

"Today's on me," you holler in the air followed by loud cheers and you know you gotta claim your prize for today's race before the sore losers would ruin your fun with their bitterness. A race is a race, there are no rules, so they cannot even call you out on cheating because technically there's nothing you could have done wrong. And well, everybody would laugh at them if they had to turn to such techniques against a girl.

It took you some time and definitely some nerve and thick skin to earn yourself a reputation and a title but by now, the Busan streets are like your playground and everybody who matters in this scene knows your name. You're the first girl who has ever won the local annual street race after all. Of course, you couldn't have done it alone. If it wasn't for your friends then you would have been nowhere near your current place. A lot of things had lead you to where you are now starting from your long friendship with Jisung who was your classmate in middle school. He introduced you to his friends, Changbin and Chan with whom you hit it off quite quickly. The eldest boy already had an interest in cars then and he was the one who taught you the most about how to pick a vehicle apart and then put it together thanks to his accurate technical knowledge. Changbin has been out on the streets for quite a while too, while Jisung mainly deals with the competitions: he gets the info about them, gathers maps about the routes and handles the prize money to make the most out of the cars.

But a bit of celebration never hurts, so you're off to go to your usual favourite place with the nice amount of cash in your hands when somebody steps in front of your and you have to halt your action. Annoyed, you look up at the tall guy in front of you and first, you think he must be one of those racers whom you left behind during the latest race. However, you are quite surprised when you see an unfamiliar face.

Busan might be a big city but the street racing scene isn't so big that you wouldn't know your competitors. It actually makes your job even easier because every driver has their signature type of driving and knowing them enables you to use this knowledge against them without them knowing.

"Impressive race," the stranger comments with a twitch in the corner of his mouth and you're once again taken aback but this time, it's because of the depth of his voice. He spoke up quietly but the deep rumbling resonated through the area.

"Thanks," you hum, not knowing why he has to stand in your way but at least, the guy doesn't waste your time and goes straight to the point:

"I can beat you, though," he claims confidently and he had some guts, you have to give him that but you laugh at his claim nevertheless. Not because you are that full of yourself that you think nobody can be better than you but taken the current circumstances it seems highly unlikely since you know the route well and newbie amateurs aren't competitors to you anyway.

"Ooooh do we have a Seoul boy here?" you raise a brow checking him out from head to toe not too impressed. He has slick, perfectly styled silver hair, showing off his undercut and dangling silver ear piercings. His facial features are defined by his high cheekbones, well-defined eyebrows and jaw as sharp as a knife. His dark eyes are like the night filled with fierce passion instead of stars.

Everybody can tell easily that he didn't belong here. It isn't just the expensive watch on his wrist or his weird dialect but the way he carries himself. There's some arrogance in it, as if he had some kind of privilege over countryside folks like you. But pity for him, whoever treats him as if he was a little prince, nobody here cares. He could have been the son of the president and nobody would have given a shit about his family background. On the Streets, nothing else matters just raw talent and what you have built for yourself. He couldn't just walk in him acting like he owned the place. That's very far from the truth and you take it upon yourself, enlightening him.

"You don't know how things work around here, do you? You can't just challenge someone like that," you tell him firmly and the crowd around you provides the sounds effects, gasping as if the guy just got burnt. He, however, doesn't seem too bothered. He merely raises an eyebrow back at you.

"Why? Are you afraid?" he mocks you, deep voice reminding you of deep waters. You wonder briefly whether it is possible to drown in a voice.

"Of course not," you snort since that's a ridiculous guess. Why would you have been afraid? Statistically he has like 1 to 100 chance to win against you. Busan is a maze made of beach strolls, mountain roads and tricky underpasses. Unlike him, you know these all too well, not used to the straight and wide roads of the capital city. "But I don't have to explain myself to someone who don't know or respect our rules. Educate yourself first." 

You don't do it on purpose but the crowd around you seems to enjoy your remarks. However, the guy doesn't seem to take it to heart. 

"Oh I know you have this open popup competition thing going on," he shrugs nonchalantly speaking so ignorantly talking about how your races are held that it rubs you off the wrong way. Doesn't he get that randomly getting notified of where and when the races are held meant that you have to be ready all the time? 

" I was just wondering whether you were up for an off-competition race. Think of it like a challenge. I will be here same time tomorrow," he said and flashed you a smirk before turning on his heels and leaving the scenes while being watched by numerous baffled eyes including yours.

"So… drinks?" Jisung broke the silence with his hopeful question and everybody seemed to share the sentiment.

Originally, you didn’t want to care about arrogant guys’ any random challenge because you knew that if you agreed to one, then more would come after him and each of them would call you a coward if you turned any down. However, as Changbin reminded you that stranger boy with his ridiculous undercut called you out in front of a crowd, letting everyone know about the time and place, so you could be pretty sure there would be quite an audience there later that day with or even without you. You hated to give in like that, but you pretty much have no choice but to go there and teach that brat a lesson. That things weren’t played like this on your streets.

"Yah yah yah, guys! You won't believe this!" Jisung runs to the garage where you're currently trying to start the engine when Chan, the one working on the gears, tells you, too. Jisung looks dishevelled and a bit panicked, so it should be something important. Keyword is should because he tends to act so dramatic even because of stuff like a slightly burnt toast. 

"What?" you turn towards him, having the urge to ruffle his already messy hair. Since you have a pretty casual brother-sister-like relationship with each guy on your team, it wouldn’t be something weird or out of line. However, you stay in place and turn the keys as Chan taps on the car hood, getting the engine finally fumbling under his handyman hands.

"The guy, you know, from yesterday… I found out who he is!" Jisung tells you all too proudly but he seems to jittery over such information. You guessed he must be a nobody from Seoul thinking car races on the streets of Busan are similar to the ones he had back at home, you even played with the idea, he only knew stuff like a wheel and gears from arcade games. However, when you shoot an uninterested look at Jisung, he whips out his phone and shoves a website into your face with the guy's unimpressed face on it.

He looks somewhat younger in the picture and his hair is wavy blonde instead of the short-cut silver like now but it really is him. That arrogant look in his eyes rubs you off the wrong way just by looking at his image with the description calling him Felix Lee.

"He's a legit car racer! The youngest one in the Australian national team!" Jisung basically shouts and your attention drifts to the headline of the article claiming that the boy abruptly moved to Korea.

Maybe you should be intimidated but you just snort. He acted so almighty just because he used to play with those super expensive toy cars within the set route of an arena? Hah, he would fail badly on the roads, especially if he isn't used to being done dirty by other racers. It wasn't some Formula 1 here, you have no such rules. 

"And? I can still beat his ass," you claimed confidently, knowing your skills. Winning against a newbie in street racing would be easy as a pie. 

"Still, keep it in mind that he isn't as clueless as we thought. He knows cars and is probably good under pressure," Chan a.k.a the voice of reason reminded you. You know that it's important to not underestimate your enemy but you're too annoyed by this prick and his arrogant attitude. 

"Sure, but we know that area better than anyone. I have raced there multiple times, I know the shortcuts and the dangerous turns. There's no way he could do better on first try," you claim fairly sure of yourself and you glance at the time, seeing you have a few more hours until you have to be there, at the bay, behind that warehouse with Hyundai written on its side.

"Don't be like that, guys, no need to get stressed, she will show him how it's done in Busan. He'll get the authentic taste of losing," Changbin speaks up waking from his nap and you grin at him, giving him a high five in gratitude for his support. You know that the others worry for your sake too but you don't need that, there's nothing to be anxious about.

Or so you thought. 

You start to get second thoughts when arriving to the venue you see Lee I Think I'm The Best Felix's car. A beautiful white Toyota Supra 2020. The paint on the sides seems brand new, the red strikes powerful and the smoke effect makes it aesthetic. But too bad, pretty cars are worth nothing if the engine is cheap and weak. But the thing is, you know this car. Or at least the type and you have been meaning to get your hands on one for literal years! It's just super rare and hella expensive. All your savings from competitions wouldn't be enough to get one. And now you're not only annoyed by the guy's behaviour but also envious of him. Huh, such a showoff though. Or rather a coward, you would like to think. Coming to race against you with a car that's being said to have one of the best acceleration speed. Compared to that, your baby is a veteran Nissan, having been used years and fixed up by Chan numerous times. But it's still running on high speed and you're familiar with every little thing, how to drift or how to use your nitro smartly, because of course, you have upgraded it over the years, even hand painted the 4RACHA sign onto its side.

"So… you came," the guy pushes himself away from his car, arms crossed against his chest and you don't like his content, bright smile. He seems genuinely glad to see you and seeing how much the crowd fawns over his fancy car, you're sure he came here to show off. 

"Can't have you think you can just walk into Busan so mighty," you roll your eyes, adding internally: can't have him think you were a coward. 

"Well, you can show me my place then," he chuckles all too amused and you press your lips together disapproving. You don't like how relaxed he is. As if he's already won regardless the result of the race.

"Hey guys, I'm gonna let you know about today's race to keep it fair and unbiased," atall, blonde haired guy from the Streets community walked up to you. Hyunjin is one of the organizers of the weekly and annual events too. They decide the routes, the prizes, the time and they invite everyone involved. They are pretty much the center of the Busan street race competition.

"I will be the one drawing the flag, you will receive the GPS coordinate you have to reach, there's no advised route. We will monitor where you are and see if you reach the point. The first one who makes it back will be the winner. Is it clear?" he asks looking from the new guy to you and when your eyes meet, you see his mouth turn slightly upward.

His smile has gotten you into trouble before and stupidly you still feel that nostalgic fondness towards your ex-boyfriend. It's been a while since you broke up due to the rumours that him giving out info helped you win so many races but you still care about him to a certain extent. You would have liked to stay friends but in this competitive world it's better not to keep too close attachments between organizers and racer. Too many people badmouth those.

"Sure thing," the newbie grins and you just nod. You have already known this after all.

"Alright, then get ready," Hyunjin tells you, a wavy blonde lock falling ahead into his eyes from his manbun. 

You shot one last look at the silver-haired guy and his shining dark orbs before turning on your heels you sit back into your car after receiving encouragement from your friends and some regular viewers.

Sitting behind the wheels you already see the red dot lighting up on your integrated GPS map and already know you will go along the shore to go there instead of across the town. Less distractions and obstacles.

Once Hyunjin and some others you know through the races send the crowd a bit farther, giving the two lined up cars enough space around the starting line. Your ex takes the black flag and white you use for such purposes and stands in front of you, between the black Nissan and the white Toyota. You start your engine, running it, warming it up while he waves the flag above his head. You hear the counting down, the echoes in the back of your mind and when Hyunjin suddenly brings the sign down, you step on the gas, car shooting ahead next to the guy's.

He speeds up quickly too, even getting a meter or two ahead of your car and when you reach a one small alley between two containers, you have no other choice but to step on the break to get behind him and not run into that metal monstrum. But you grin nevertheless because this way, you can watch him take a right turn going into the suburbs not knowing about the tricky little streets and the business of that area around these hours. On the other hand, you take the empty road alongside the beach, going at a high speed already.

It makes you slightly anxious that you don’t see him and don’t know how he’s keeping up but then Changbin basically screams into your earpiece you usually wear during races in case you can get insights from the guys.

“You gotta speed up, honey, because that kid is crazy. He’s going at a breakneck speed even in traffic,” he tells you sounding astonished himself while monitoring the GPS signals of the two cars.

“What the hell,” you murmur under your nose and step on the gas even more, paying extra attention at that 90° turn at the end of the road before you’d end up in the sea. You cannot lose to that arrogant bastard, you tell yourself and pass by a few cars as you got into the port area driving towards the assigned point.

Your Nissan Silvia slides out to the main road just before the white Toyota and your grit your teeth that he’s so freaking close to you. The two of you race towards the crossroad that seems to be the point that the organizers appointed as your first goal. However, going ahead is too big of a detour, so you know that you have the best chance to take a U-turn which is kind of crazy at the speed you’re going. But good for you, your car was basically made for drifting and you’re pretty good at taking well-aimed sharp turns.

So just before reaching the crossroad you keep accelerating, only to take your footing off the gas and you pull the handbrake in when you hear the GPS exclaim that ‘You’ve reached your destination’. The sudden stop makes the back wheels lose grip and you feel the force weight shift, the seatbelt keeping your body still despite the car’s yanking and when you see the road you’ve just taken now you let go off the brakes, stepping onto the gas hard. Leaving nothing but screeching sound and your traces on the concrete behind, you speed up again.

Your heart still beats overdrive when you take a quick look in the rear mirror checking on the guy and you’re quite annoyed to see him not too much behind. He’s keeping up well, you have to admit and you hate that. You’re used to being able to predict the result at this point of a race.

“You’re doing great, just keep that distance between you,” Changbin tries to soothe your nerves, knowing you all too well and you bite your tongue to not make a repost at such a useful advice.

Instead, you take the turn back to the beach but this time, the Australian guy follows you and no matter how hard you try, you can’t get rid of him. The closer you get to the finishing line, the more nervous you get wondering what he’s planning, whether he wants to pull a dirty trick on you but in the end, it’s your car that crosses the line first, his a few meters behind and the most annoying thing is that you aren’t sure he wouldn’t have been able to pass you by if he really tried.

So why? Why did he challenge you only to lose? You just can’t wrap your mind around it.

Maybe that’s why when you walk around with two beers in your hands and you approach him when you spot him in the midst of talking and dancing people at this impromptu party someone’s high quality loudspeakers and the music coming from them causes with the amount of alcohol present.

“Here,” you hold a beer out for him to take. You try to sound nonchalant but you aren’t so sure that you managed to do that based on the look he gives you.

Felix or how the hell he likes to be cold, looks up at you with pure surprise written over his features. He has shred off his black leather jacket since the last time you have seen him get out of his car and in the plain white shirt beneath he looks somewhat softer than before. Or it might be because of his expression as well because there’s nothing arrogant about him as he takes the can from your hand.

“Thanks,” he murmurs in his deep voice although he stares at you so doubtful as if he was expecting for a long scolding or at least a prank pulled on him. You want to laugh at that thought because you really aren’t that scary or intimidating .But okay, maybe you have those deadly glares like Jisung likes to state. (But maybe if he learned not to put your stuff away then you wouldn’t look at him like that.)

You don’t even ask, you just plop down next to the guy, sitting in front of the Toyota and watching the starry night above the Busan beach. He doesn’t ask why you do so when a few hours before you were so keen on proving him wrong and then celebrating with your friends that you indeed did. He doesn’t question you but you can feel his eyes on you even when he speaks up.

“That drift was pretty sick. You almost lost me there for a minute or so.”

He doesn’t say it like ‘wow you are a girl but you can drive’ which would have been kind of offensive but he seems truly impressed by your skills and that feels nice. You being a girl does not limit you in anything and it’s nice to hear others admit it as well. Bad for him, you’re not that good of letting go of your grunge even if it’s that baseless like the one you had against him for being rich show off kid with no talent. Although you would only take back the last part.

“Thanks. You weren’t that bad either, I guess,” you mumble out though and that’s already something from you! Changbin could tell him about it. You’re too competitive to admit something like that so carelessly.

“You guess,” he laughs at that, genuine and carefree. He has a nice laugh. It goes surprisingly high-pitch compared to his deep voice.

He doesn’t seem too stiff or distant, so you decide to break the ice and not beat around the bush. You have always been straightforward in your own way. And maybe that can of beer you have already drowned after the race helps your tongue to get loose too. 

“I heard you were a professional car racer. Why did you stop?” you ask, turning your head towards him, eyeing the pretty freckles over his cheeks and the way those silver strands sometimes get into his forehead. The thought of him messy haired and unstyled makes him younger in your eyes, more like his age. As someone who had been competing on the big screen from the age of sixteen. Like Chan said, that must have been quite the pressure and you wonder whether he ever felt so threatened like you did when he challenged you the day before.

“Oh so you did your research…” The boy turns around you, raising an eyebrow with a smug smile tugging on his lips and you want to smack him because of the teasing in his voice.

“I did not! Don’t get ahead of yourself!” You snort instead, rolling your eyes at him. You really did not, but if he doesn’t believe the truth like this, you won’t waste more time trying to convince him otherwise. Then, your comment is followed by silence and for a minute you think that he wouldn’t answer which you would understand. You’re a stranger after all. But in the end he shrugs, but his voice is sad.

“It’s just the typical sad reason. I don’t need your pity,” he says turning his gaze onto the floow, fingers intertwined in front of him and there’s a certain tenseness in his bones and moves.

“Oh I’m the last person who would pity someone who walked into my playground as if he was about to take it over,” you bite there, a bit playfully though and the racer laughs at that again, ruffling his silver locks casually in the meantime.

“My grandmother fell ill and someone has to be there for her, so I came back to Korea. I love being here though and grandma is the sweetest, I just miss racing,” he tells you in the end, words slurring together from the speed he’s talking but you guess he just wanted to get over with it quickly, like tearing off a plaster.

You can tell that he’s being sincere about his words, both about his love and caree towards his ill grandmother and his craving to race again. You can understand that, missing the feeling of the engine starting up under you, radiating through your body, missing the adrenaline and excitement of drifts and jumps, feeling like you're flying. That’s the only thing you’re really good at and you’re so invested that you don’t know what you would do if suddenly it wasn’t in your life. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. Maybe he’s just the same and he called you out only to feel that rush again. That’s why winning didn’t matter to him.

“You can always come and compete here,” so you tell him, letting him know that he’s welcomed to come back, to join the Streets and before he would think you have become sentimental, you gently tap the hood of the Toyota behind you. “It would be a pity to waste the potential of this beautiful car of yours.”

A soft smile appears on the boy’s face that only widens once he comes up with something equally teasing. 

“You can drive it if you want,” he offers as if he didn’t care about the millions he spent on this car. He really must have grown up in a rich household.

“So generous,” you snort playfully. Although, if he’s being serious then holy shit, really? It would be a dream to drive such a car. 

But the racer just chuckles, not getting offended by your remark. Then, out of blue, he adds: “I’m Felix by the way.”

“I know,” you hum, uninterested. At least you pretended to be seemingly. Once word got around that he came back to Korea, apparently everybody has been talking about him. 

“I never caught your name though,” You raise a brow at that. “Everybody calls you on all sorts of nicknames.”

You let out a chuckle at that, it's true though, you're the girl of the Streets. Obviously not the only one but the best racer of them for sure, so the guys here treat you like their sister. 

“Well, you can always ask. I’m pretty sure my friends would be happy to tell you,” you sigh, knowing your friends all too well. Sure, they wouldn't give out your contacts to every random stranger but Felix seems harmless. You're pretty sure Jisung would accidentally spill your name anyway. 

“Nah. Too easy. I’m considering to ask for another race to earn it,” the silver-haired guy remarks with an elegant raise of his brow and it makes you laugh. He's surprisingly fun to be around if he's willing to go to extremes such as racing to get your name.

“Well, good luck with that,” you snort but without malice this time and clink your can of beer with his for a toast. You barely know him but giving him a chance, you have a good feeling about him with all his giggles. It might be a good start of something new. 

#stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #felix scenarios #felix imagines #lee felix #street racer au #strories

[unwrittenambition]

A Survivor’s Guide to Year 12 (It’s not that bad)

It’s getting to that time of year where we’re all heading back to school, and if you’re anything like me, you might be a bit panicked and uncertain about your future in sixth form. Since I’m going into Year 13  this September, I’ve learnt a lot about how to tackle it and thought I’d give you Year 12′s some advice. I’ve got a few regrets, and wish somebody had told me these things when I was starting Sixth Form, don't forget to message me any questions/thoughts about the new academic year and I’d love to chat!

1. Don’t commit to a subject you don’t like.

Trust me, I say this from experience. I took on 4 A-levels at the start of Year 12 whilst everybody else did 3 – I thought the extra subject would help me when it came to university applications later, but two weeks into A-level History I decided to drop it. If you, like me, are considering taking a subject just because it’d look good, or for any reason other than your genuine love and interest in it, seriously consider changing it before it’s too late. Most sixth-formers now have to commit to their subjects for 2 years (not just 1), and if it’s going to be a struggle to you, or cause you to neglect your other studies, I would recommend seriously rethinking that decision. I’m happier and more successful now studying 3 A-levels than I could’ve been if I’d committed to a subject I can’t stand.

2. Use Folders!

My biggest regret was not using folders from the very beginning, and not keeping on top of them once I’d switched from notebooks to folders. You need to have them well-organised and easy to navigate – don’t leave all your loose papers in a stack ‘for later’ when you get home. I did this throughout Year 12 and rarely found what I wanted when I needed it, now that it’s summer I’ve spent literal hours sorting through a mountain of paperwork, trying to decide which topic or exam each page belongs to, and I’m still not even half-finished. (If you want to see a guide on how to organise your folders, let me know and I can make a post on it!).

3. Read!

If you know certain books/materials which you’ll be covering in sixth form, read them in the summer to get familiar with it, develop a basic understanding, and find a way to get enthusiastic about your classes even before starting. If you’ve not been told what books to get, I would really recommend e-mailing your teachers and asking. This is how I’ve built my collection of further reading for my subjects which few other students will have knowledge of; an easy way to form developed, educated responses in exams. Admittedly, some books are tough, I’ve got a few which I’ve not finished, but I’ve adapted a method to overcome this, which I might share soon.

4. Expect lower grades than you’re used to.

You’re used to working at a certain standard at GCSE level, you know what grades are normal for you, but don’t be downhearted when you don’t do as well as you’re used to. A-levels are assessed in a completely different way to GCSE’s and the content and style is usually all new. Expect to get a couple of grades below your standard in your first assessment, but don’t let it discourage you. It’s completely normal and I found it to be a great motivator once I got to grips with it. If you really work hard, listen and put in the extra effort, your grades should start rising within the first couple of months, and then beyond that you can get A’s at the end of the year if you work hard. Trust me. It might seem impossible, but it really isn’t, you don’t have to be a genius either, you just need to have a committed work ethic and that’s all.

5. Use your free periods!

Teachers will tell you all the time to use your study periods well, to make the most of them. If other sixth forms are anything like mine, most people will ignore this and waste every free period socialising and relaxing. I understand that this works better for some people, who prefer to work at home, but I believe the most productive students work in some way or another during at least 90% of their free periods. I always get my work done at school, and then do extras at home, leaving most of my time away from school properly free to relax in. You don’t genuinely relax well if you’ve got a to-do list hanging in the back of your mind, so get it out the way and make the most of your down time later by freeing yourself from stress.

6. Know how, when and where you work best.

I’ve done a lot of quizzes. They’re not worth it. Reflect on what you found genuinely useful in GCSE, and carry it along to sixth form. Decide how when and where you work best now, so you can get started without wasting time. For reference, here’s my list of how, when and where I work best:

HOW: Flash cards for summaries of theories, attaching quotes to themes. Essay plans and practice questions! These are my go to – they take a lot of work but seem to be the most valuable, especially once I feel I’ve got the information down. Listening to instrumental music to help me focus/be creative. I cannot work in my pyjamas. I know it’s weird and seemingly irrelevant but I supposed it is part of how I study, I like to feel clean and fresh and ready for anything.

WHEN: During typical working hours (8:00-15:00), or in the evening (20:00-23:00). I feel I better tackle academic and focused work during the day, like essays, notes and revision, but creative or leisurely work like reading, analysing and coursework can be done in the evenings. When I’m feeling disappointed in myself or afraid about my academic future, I work like mad, and this is honestly the best time to get started on exam rewrites, because you can lose motivation quickly.

WHERE: At school, or in a public library, it doesn’t matter whether it’s loud or quiet, busy or peaceful, but I usually work around friends who are just having casual conversations. If it’s late and I’m doing creative work, I like to work in my bedroom or my living room (wherever my family aren’t).

7. Revise as you learn.

I made flash cards for the topics we covered at the end of every term, and in the holidays I go over them and fill in any gaps using the textbook or my personal notes. When it comes to exam season, you won’t have much time to be making revision materials, you need to be using them and refining the finer points like your exam technique. You can’t hope to start revising a month or two before your exams. It won’t work as well, and you’d be missing out on the chance to achieve the real top tier grades by not having the information already memorised (for the most part). One month before the exam, the ideal position to be in for revision is revising quotes/extra context, and revising exam technique. Practice questions will become your life, and don’t be afraid to give you teachers extra work to mark. They might not like it, but you need to make the most of the resources around you.

8. It’s actually quite fun.

Now hear me out – you’re probably getting a lot of people telling you how difficult and stressful it’s going to be, but nobody bothered to tell me that Sixth Form/College actually has a lot of benefits. I would not go back to my GCSE’s now if I had the chance, despite how easy they seem to me in retrospect.

For the most part, you’re treated like an adult. You’re friends with your teachers. You’re given a lot more freedom, a fair amount of food and fun experiences. For the first time in my life I actually looked forward to assemblies. I’ve had long conversations with teachers about our favourite films. I’ve had more inside jokes than I can count. I’ve had random assignments which have me running around the school with friends, balancing on the tip of a chair to pin up boards, untangling Christmas lights like a gameshow team challenge. It’s really great. You have a lot of fun. So it’s important to prepare for the sheer amount of work and the difficulties of sixth form, sure, but don’t stop yourself from having fun, and appreciate the things you’ll have now that you’ve been denied for all of your education so far. It makes all the hard work worth it.

I am a bit of a nerd and I’m not afraid to admit that I love Sixth Form. I hope you enjoy your Year 12 as much as I did mine. Let me know how you’re feeling if you’re in year 12, or if you’re older let me know if there’s anything you think I missed!

#studyblr #studyspo #community #mine #text #long #long text #chat #talk #message me #message #help #advice #tip #tips #sixth form #6th form #a level #a levels #year 12 #year 13 #school #college #uni #academia #stress #panic #fear #change #growing up

[isa-ly]

IT’S OKAY TO BE CLICHÉ

TW: therapy, mental illness, anxiety, depression

Hey, so, I haven’t mentioned my super cool therapist in the last two blog posts, and I thought it was about time I did that again: Shout out to you, Kerstin, you’re the real MVP man, love you. Too much? Okay, yeah. Sorry. Professionalism, right. (I really hope she doesn’t read this blog, I mean she agreed it would be a good idea for me to write it but Christ, I doubt she’d wanna see me again if she actually found it.)

Okay, why this very odd and potentially problematic intro to today’s post, you ask? (Please tell me you asked yourself that, I feel so lonely here) Well, today I’m gonna tell you (or myself, I guess) the story of how I first started my therapy journey. Because, boy oh boy, is it a turbulent and long one. And we’re all about working through those turbulent and long life stories on here, aren’t we. So, let’s begin.

In all my previous posts, I’ve already given a pretty solid overview of all my various psychological issues that are deeply nestled in my mind and brain. However, as I wasn’t born a genius or psychoanalyst, you might be able to guess that I wasn’t always aware of those from the beginning. In fact, I had absolutely no fucking idea what was going on when they started, and kind of just floated in a constant state of anxiety, depression, insomnia and my general quarter-life crisis for a good few months.

Luckily, I have some very good friends (and also a few rational brain cells, big kudos to those fellas), with the help of which I figured out after a while, that whatever it was that was causing all my problems, was probably worth finding out by consulting an actual professional. A connaisseur of the mind. An expert on the depths and divots of the psyche, if you will.

Okay, we get it, Isa. You went to see a therapist. Stop it already with the pretentious big talk.

Excuse me, this is my blog, don’t tell me what to do. (I’m really Dr.-Jekyll-and-Mr-Hyde-ing it up on here, ain’t I?). Anyway. Yes, you are right, that is exactly what I was getting at. Only that between the realization of me needing professional and guided help, and the actual act of getting said help, lie about ten to eleven more months.

A year, basically. It took me an entire year to actually get my shit together and sign up for my first ever therapy session. Whoops.

To some, that might sound pretty unbelievable if one can trust my previous stories of how I was a) not really feeling anything, ever, b) had panic and anxiety attacks every night and c) was basically disconnected from my body and mind like 24/7. To others, though, taking a long time to finally make the step and ask for help, might be something very relatable.

And while I’m not necessarily on here to be related to, I myself am the latter of the two people mentioned above. As in: Asking for help is really not one of the strengths I mention on my CV (hence my last blog post about pointlessly shit-posting on social media instead). And even more importantly: Admitting to myself that I am in need of help and cannot fix my problems on my own, is even harder.

You see, autumn of 2018 hadn’t been the first ever time that I had struggled mentally. As a teenager, there were a couple of incidents where, looking back on it now, I had really been in urgent need of therapy. But I was too young and my parents unfortunately not understanding and knowledgeable enough, to see that that had been the case.

I graduated high school, some more time passed, water under the bridge and all, until I started university and my childhood traumas, as all my other problems, were swiftly brushed under the rug of repression. (That sounds like an edgy indie band, I like it). And for a while, everything was fine. Really, I loved what I was studying, I made some great new friends, acquired new skills, got way too drunk and made out with way too many people, went to study abroad, got even more drunk and made out with even more people. Let’s just say I was living the student life to the fullest.

But we all know that things didn’t just continue to be that peachy. That’s why I’m sitting here writing, after all. 

I’m not going to whine about how unfair life can be because really, there’s enough white, cis-gender, middle-class white women out there who already do that on a daily. Suffice to say, things did get kind of tough though, when that fifth semester of university hit, and I was faced with something I had never yet been faced before: The impending doom of the future. (Insert the dramatic sound effect from Inception).

Growing up, I had always had an exact plan of what I wanted to do in life, who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. I was good at writing and coming up with stories, and also had a big mouth and way too many opinions, so I figured journalism would be the way to go. I got into the uni of my dreams and was finally doing what I had always wanted to do. Or ... well, okay, I liked some of the subjects. It sure was a huge load of work. And, actually, some of the professors, who were also journalists, seemed to be pretty big dicks. And wait, I don’t really agree on most of the practices and opinions they teach. Also, actually working at a newspaper isn’t that cool and more so a literal living hell. Do I really want to do this still? Is that really who I am?

Did I ... make the wrong choice?

Aaaaand there goes everything I built my personality, hopes and dreams on. Out of the window, just like that. Bye bye, future. Bye bye, all my plans. Bye bye, ground beneath my feet.

I realize that this sounds exactly like what I said I was trying to avoid (me whining), but I want to be honest and suddenly being hit with the fact that the thing I had been so sure of pursuing all my life, was actually nothing but smoke and mirrors, was kind of a punch to the gut. Strong enough to clearly derail me, yet subtle enough to keep me from noticing it at first.

I’m planning on talking about this in a separate post but I wan to pre-empt this much: I have a pretty big issue with not being in control of my own life and for the first time since literal birth, that was the case. I was completely clueless as to what would happen next, how I would figure it out and what the hell I was going to do with my life and academic education. It hit me like a wall of bricks but in a way, I was in too much of a shock state to realize that it was really starting to cause some bigger issues.

This was around the time that my nightly panic attacks started happening. I didn’t sleep well, started missing classes and began to hate every single thing about my course. I felt lost but didn’t want to admit it. All the other people in my class seemed so damn sure of where they wanted to go and here I was, a zombified insomniac, trying to get through yet another exam I didn’t give a single shit about, in order to do my degree in a subject I had lost all my previous passion for.

This confusing and draining state of just continuing to push went on for a few months, and I somehow made it into the sixth semester, with almost all my left-over willpower and what little energy there still was in my tired bones, having faded to the barest of minimums. I mean, I took one of my law exams on the very last try because I just hadn’t managed to get out of bed for all those 8am lectures, therefore loosing one of the three tries I had, not having studied enough to go the second one and then found myself sitting at the third try, secretly wishing to just fail so I could drop out, curl into a ball and sleep for a year.

You know, just your casual university breakdown.

Only that I was still violently denying that that was exactly what had been happening for the last semester. I didn’t want to admit it but ... I was breaking down. Not in a plane-crash-and-burn kind of way but more in a Titanic way, where I underestimated the ice berg that was my impending life crisis and then spend ages ignoring the fact that I was slowly but certainly sinking further into my demise. Okay, that comparison was in poor taste, I apologize. I’ll tune it back on the drama again.

I knew I needed help. Someone to talk to and figure out what the hell was causing my anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia. But I kept telling myself that I just had to push a little more until I wrote my thesis and finished university and then, then I would deal with all my issues. I just needed to keep going and do this first, just a little longer, just until I got my degree. Now was not the time, okay? I was still busy, and if those damn issues could see that and wait for another second, God damn it, why won’t my brain just let me finish this first.

Ding-dong. 

Can you hear that? That’s right. It’s the burn-out, ringing my doorbell.

And it didn’t wait for me to ask for it to come in. Burn-outs usually never do. And neither did any of my other problems. I had kept them at bay long enough, but the tide still came.

Because if we think back to my cupboard metaphor in my post about panic attacks and anxiety: Once that door opens, it all comes crashing down on top of you. In my case, this meant that I found myself amidst mountains of thesis literature, having nothing left to do but that one, single task of writing my final academic paper, before I finally got to be free of this horrid course, that I had apparently wasted the last three years of my life on.

I knew I had more than enough time left to write my thesis. I liked my topic. I had all the books. All the plans. All of it. Right there. Just write it. Just fucking start typing. Just– 

Just sit at the library every day, staring at the cursor on the page, blinking, reminding you of the emptiness of the document before you, and the even bigger emptiness in your chest. It blinks, like it’s trying to mock you and with every second that passes, every other minute of not writing, just sitting and staring, it mocks you more and that emptiness gets bigger. 

I don’t want this to turn into a pretentious short story, but this was what it felt like. I would open my laptop every day, ready to work, and then just proceed to stare at it for hours on end, until all of a sudden, the sun had started to set again and the day would be over. I’d go to bed, rinse and repeat, and do it all over again the next day. Still having my panic attacks. Still not sleeping. Still thinking that it was all going to be fine if I just kept trying and kept pushing.

Needless to say, I didn’t hand in my thesis on the first try. But hey, a lot of people don’t! Hell, even most of my class mates didn’t. So, it’s okay, mum and dad, friends and family, I’m fine! I just need to put more work in and make it better, so I can hand in a well-researched paper. I just need more time.

More time.

Time, that I would spend opening my laptop, every day, ready to work, and then just proceed to stare at it for hours on end until all of a sudden, the sun had started to set again and the day would be over. I’d go to bed, rinse and repeat, and do it all over again the next day. Still having my panic attacks. Still not sleeping. Still thinking that it was all going to be fine if I just kept trying and kept pushing.

I just. Needed. More. Time.

As you can probably guess, I also didn’t hand in my thesis the second time around. And when the deadline for the third and last chance to hand it in and get my degree came around ... well, I just accepted my defeat.

It had come to a point where even my delusional ass had started to realize that something was clearly wrong. Like, completely, utterly wrong. I had kept pushing, no, kicking my problems in front of me like a kid kicks a football while walking to the playground, pretending that if I just dragged them with me long enough, I could maybe outrun them and finish what I wanted to finish before finally dealing with them. But after an entire year of doing that, even I had to admit that that wasn’t going to work.

It never had and it never would. And finally accepting that, was as painful as it was freeing, in a way. There was something about knowing that I had hit my breaking point, that had a strange sense of relief to it. I don’t want to romanticize any of what happened to me just for the sake of story telling. But I remember feeling like by hitting my first ever rock bottom, I was now at the point where, as they like to say, the only way was up.

Right?

Right.

Well, kind of. Not really. But that’s for another post to tell, for now let’s continue with the therapy journey.

Don’t get me wrong, even though my stubborn head and me had finally accepted that it had gotten to a point where I had no excuses left to make, I still felt like an absolute cliché for having become one of the people who have a nervous breakdown in their twenties because their dream of a perfectly planned life hadn’t worked out exactly how they had wanted it to. What a big, privileged crybaby I was. Or at least, that’s what a part of me thought. 

But I kind of knew back then, and most definitely know now, that no matter how cliché or silly you feel for not being able to “fix” your problems by yourself, there lies absolutely no weakness or failure in admitting that you need someone else to help you with it. Quite the contrary is the case: it’s probably one of the bravest things you can do in life. And I know that in comparison to what other people might have gone through, my own issues might have just been a speck of dust in the universe. But to me, they were the ice berg that got my ship to sink. And that is exactly why your own problems are never invalid or “too small” to work on. Because while they might not seem like real problems (whatever the fuck that means) to society, your parents (we’ll talk about that one another time as well, yikes) or anyone else who clearly hasn’t gotten their priorities right, they very much are real problems to you. 

And they were real problems to me, too.

So, after a year of what felt like beating a dead horse, I was finally ready to re-animate that horse, so I could move forward in life (horse metaphors, yes, Isa, that’s exactly what this blog still needed). I signed up for my first ever therapy assessment, got my first ever diagnosis and even joined a session of group therapy. The psychotherapist I had my assessment with, actually diagnosed me with anxiety and depression disorder, which kind of didn’t come as a big surprise to me, since those were the two things I had experienced literally all year. Still, hearing a medical professional say it out loud after having listened to my story, was a strange yet good feeling. For the first time, it felt like something I could grasp. It was no longer just a confusing and irritating thing that kept me awake at night and brain-dead during the day. It had a name, and even more importantly: It had a treatment.

Unfortunately, the place I signed up to had no free spots for one-on-one therapy yet, so, plot twist: This isn’t where my heavily praised and even more heavily featured therapist Kerstin comes in yet. Tricked you, didn’t I? (No, I literally tricked no one because if anyone even reads this blog, it’s my friends who already know exactly what happened so really, who am I kidding.) There’s still a lot of stuff that happened between me having my first ever assessment and receiving my first ever diagnosis, and me actually meeting my first ever personal therapist.

But, this blog post has already been going on for too long and I don’t want to get ahead of my own emotional work schedule. Plus, I’m once again pretty heavily dissociated at this point, so I think it’s best if I give it a rest for today and continue another time.

If there’s any kind of take away and conclusion for myself and anyone who might read this, it’s that no matter what all those doubtful voices in your head are saying: Your problems are valid. Your pain is worth recognizing and you should never compare it to those of others in order to down-play it or make yourself think that you’re not doing “bad enough” yet. There is no such thing as being ill or miserable enough. Whatever it is you’re struggling with, it’s worth taking a break and figuring it out. Because the movie Titanic might have been a cinematographic masterpiece, but in the end the ship still sank. And if there’s something that can help avoid that happening, someone you can talk to and that can help you get better (and there always is) – you should do it, because it’s the least that you deserve.

#therapy #introspection #first diagnosis #anxiety #depression

[azeemmohammedglasgow]

Azeem Mohammed glasgow Helpful Tips And Advice For Social Media Marketing

Azeem Mohammed glasgow Expert tips provider.  You probably have already known that social media is a great way to connect with people, wherever they are in the world. On the other hand, you might be aware that these sites you already use in personal life can also help your business and professional life, too. You can expand your business by using these social media marketing ideas.

Make sure your blog has excellent content that engages, educates, and inspires. A great blog serves as the cornerstone of your social media marketing. When you create content that people cannot wait to read, they will keep coming back. The bottom line is that good content is what is behind any type of media, and social media marketing is no exception.

Develop quality content targeted for social media. If you are just haphazardly flinging words, advertising or any number of mundane snippets at your customers, then you are wasting your time and losing their business. Be as concerned about your social content offerings as you are for the content on your business site.

 Azeem Mohammed glasgow Skilled tips provider. You can get your followers' attention by posting something in a format that makes reading easier. For instance, try coming with a list of top 10 tips or writing questions and answers. The visual aspect of your article will make it more appealing and your readers will be more likely to share it.

When running a social media marketing campaign, brag about how many followers you have from time to time. If someone sees that 1500 people are following you, they may join up too just so they do not get left out of what their friends already know about. The desire to stay in the know and be trendy can be your friend.

You can have your LinkedIn page linked to your blog posts via a blog feed application. After your article is posted, it shows as updated on LinkedIn. You will not spend as much time this way and you will get more visibility and you will also reach out to your friends on LinkedIN.

If you send out periodic newsletters, always provide a link to your website's Facebook page within it. This provides those people who receive your newsletter but might not realize you're on Facebook to "like" you or follow you. The more opportunities you provide for people to connect with you, the more likely they will.

It is important to be involved in the newer large social media sites for effective marketing, but do not forget about the older sites. Social websites like MySpace and Craigslist have huge followings, and you will be missing out on a large market if you ignore them. Social media is extremely competitive and the older established sites still have market share

Azeem Mohammed glasgow Proficient tips provider.  Do your research on the market you wish to target through social media when you are looking for information relating to your current or future products. Many of your followers and fans will enjoy giving their opinion on these topics and having their voice heard. Not only is this insight into their needs and wants valuable to you, but it is also free.

Regarding retweets, acknowledge them when you do them and when they are done to you. What this means is if you like what someone tweeted, use "RT" and paste in their @name and the message. This gives them credit for the content. And, if someone retweets your content, thank them. These are simple courtesies.

If you are using Facebook for your marketing needs, make sure you understand the difference between a profile page and a fan page. A profile page is for personal use and fan pages are for companies. If you fail to comply with these rules, you are risking the chance of Facebook shutting down your company's page.

Post frequently and stay up-to-date. Offer visitors something interesting to anticipate and something on which they can rely. Set a schedule for posting yourself or sign up for a service that posts for you, according to a schedule you set. This will help you stay on people's radar.

If you've created an RSS Feed, be sure to put subscription buttons on your social media pages. That way, your blog readers will be able to access your social media information. This will make it more simple for those that already know how you do things to stay with you when moving from place to place online.

Take care when it comes to choosing a voice for your social medial marketing work. Social media works best for those that communicate in a friendly, casual voice. Work on speaking to your audience as contemporaries in order to get the best results.

It is important for you to respond to any comments that are left on your Facebook page. Make time to visit the site at least on a daily basis, since timely comments really make a difference. You want to be sure that their idea is still fresh in their mind when you do it. In return, they will appreciate your responsiveness.

You want to create an individual style on your social media profiles, but don't become too engulfed in one that you neglect the rest. It is important to have a presence across the entire web, as compared to only a really strong base at one end or the other. Give each profile the time of day and utilize what makes them unique. This will drive in traffic from many more sources and refrain from drying up as quickly.

Azeem Mohammed glasgow Most excellent service provider.  If you haven't already, then make sure you are engaging in social media networks like Facebook and Twitter. You're going to want to make a blog for your company as well and link them all together. Once you do this, you want to constantly update information about your business to help bring as much awareness as possible from all areas possible.

Use these tips to build your business with social media sites. Your business can benefit from the same sites you use everyday in your personal life. You can reach a global audience with social media and thrive thanks to tips from this article.

#Azeem Mohammed glasgow Azeem Mohammed glasgow

[ascbh13]

Sabbath Rest - Charlie Boyle -17th February 2019

This is the penultimate sermon in our series on mental health and well-being.

“By the 7th day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the 7th day he rested, from all his work. And God blessed the 7th day and made it holy ….”

Sabbath is not just for the super spiritual, it is for all of us. The word comes from Hebrew Shabbat. The word Sabbath means, “Cease.”, cease from work…normal activity. And holiness means to be set apart for God. Holy is unique to God’s character, which is something we as Christians should aspire to…

But the pace of life can be hectic?

I don’t know about you but I am often telling my children to:  

“Hurry up, get a move on, we’re going to be late” even the other day on my day off I was rushing to get to the cinema on time … what’s the point of that!

How often have you heard yourself, or others say:

- If only I had the time - There’s never enough time - I don’t know where the time goes - But how do you find the time? - I’m hard pressed for time - Is that the time already? - My, how time flies - Mustn’t waste time, must we? - I just ran out of time. - I don’t even get time to think

We have a range of other expressions as well

- I haven’t got a moment to spare - There are never enough hours in the day - We always seem to be “on the go” - There’s always so much to do - Doesn’t time fly - We’re flat out at the moment - I’ve just got to rush - The week’s simply flown by - Back to the treadmill - No rest for the wicked

- And the revealing invitation: You must come around some time …which means don’t!

We think that the busier we are, the more important our life is.

If your body could talk, what would it be saying to you?

Perhaps it is talking in the language of protest …. When we refuse to co-operate with God’s principles for their proper maintenance.

The trouble with SUCCESS is that the formula is the same one for a nervous breakdown.

Like all of God’s Commandments, the 4th commandment of the Sabbath rest was designed not to be a burden, but a blessing.

Explanation The emphasis of the 4th commandment is that our work is done in 6 days.

However, the work ethic of some people does little justice to the built-in human need for a balanced life.

The pace of many people’s lives is killing them.

Many people are burnt out.

We can burn the candle at both ends and then discover that we are not that bright after all…!

People are constantly complaining about how tired they feel.  

We even feel tired when we wake up in the morning.

If our output exceeds our input, then our upkeep will be our downfall. (x2) ask congregation to repeat…

Too many irons in fire - put out the fire.

If we do not come apart and rest, we’ll just come apart.

Guilt is one of the main roadblocks for making the Sabbath a reality. Guilt about leaving things undone, and guilt when we don’t rest perfectly. If you struggle with guilt about taking time to rest, then perhaps you are trying to implement a Sabbath routine instead of a rhythm of rest.

In a world searching for purpose by proclaiming every thought, word and deed on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook or Twitter, remember that Jesus is discriminating about how he communicated, often he fell silent and did not reply.

Jesus said: “Come with me by yourself to a quiet place and get some rest”

But let us not forget the context of the Genesis passage and the origin of the Sabbath.

What day is the Sabbath? The Sabbath in the Old Testament was the 7th day of the week, which is our equivalent of Saturday.  The early Christians were forced to move their corporate worship to the evening after the Sabbath and the morning of the first day of the week.

In the third century, Christianity began to have an influence on the government of the day.  Eventually through the Emperor Constantine in AD 321, its constitution changed and required one day off in seven, to enable people to rest and worship.  

The practice of resting on the first day of the week was established and Sunday worship became the norm for Christians.

Many people however cannot avoid working on Sunday – for example. Those in the Emergency Services….restaurant owners, those involved in Church, those who work in shops now open on a Sunday.

Are they breaking the fourth Commandment?

No, the principle is to work 6 days and keep the 7th as a day of rest.

There are of course obvious exemptions

Works of necessity;

Works of mercy;

Works of emergency.

But equally there is, great value when we meet together for worship on the same day as a practicality, but when that isn’t possible, the principle is that one in 7 should be a day off. Don’t feel guilty about having a rest, about saying no on your Sabbath rest day.

“Remember to observe the Sabbath”

We must keep 1 day in 7 as a time of rest. It is one of the 10 Commandments.

It is not as if we say to ourselves, look I think I will be dishonest this week, or to our spouses I think I will have a bit of a fling on the side this week, there is someone I rather fancy at work, or murder someone this week but I will keep it next week.

So why are we more casual with taking a Sabbath rest day?

But you may ask how?

How do we keep the Sabbath?

By doing the things that God intended.

For our benefit:

physically, emotionally and spiritually.

1. The Sabbath: A day to rest our body. God says NO WORK. A day of physical non-productivity. I find it really hard to do this, as someone with a protestant work ethic and a mother that rarely rested. I remember once when I was doing the Freedom in Christ course in London, we had to spend the whole morning just sitting around doing nothing…in the days before iPads and mobile phones, we weren’t even allowed to look at the paper. Just had to be with God…I found it really hard. But Granny was very wise, she would always say it is good to have a rest, especially after lunch … “I am off for a QUICK peepie possie” she would say. As one wise elderly man always says to me after the 11am, now is the time to put your fee up!

Resting from the things we do during the week, to create a day of distinction.

It could be that for those with children that means …it is OK to not tidy their bedroom, do the dishes or any homework! Six other days for that …

As the Proverb goes: The bow that is always bent will finally cease to shoot at all.

One doctor said: “The periods of rest I prescribe for my patients are often Sabbaths in arrears.”

9.30AM ONLY [Have you noticed how children hate to go to sleep?

But we know that unless they get their proper rest, they aren’t going to be fit to live with the next day…]

Some of you haven’t been taking a day off. And you aren’t fit to live with.

There was a rich Businessman was disturbed to find a fisherman sitting beside his boat. ‘Why aren’t you out there fishing?’ he asked.

‘Because I’ve caught enough fish for today,’ said the fisherman. ‘Why don’t you catch more than you need?’ the businessman asked. ‘What would I do with them?’ ‘You could earn more money and buy a better boat, so that you could go deeper and catch more fish. You could purchase nylon nets, catch even more fish and make more money. Soon you’d have a fleet of boats and be rich like me.’

Then the fisherman asked, ‘Then what would I do?’ ‘You could sit down and enjoy life,’ said the businessman. The fisherman looked placidly out to sea, and said,

‘What do you think I’m doing now?’

Recap 1. The Sabbath: A day to rest our body. It is also a 

2. The Sabbath: A day to re-charge our emotions.

Some of you may be tired, tense and troubled.

Complete these sentences SHARE WITH CONGREGATION!

ASK …

I am at my wit’s _________(end) I am ready to throw in the ___________ (towel) I am at the end of my ____________(tether) I am just a bundle of ____________ (nerves)

Thanks

I just want to give up….I want to resign from …. Application How do we re-charge our emotions? If you haven’t tried Kate Edwards’ Monday morning meditation …why not give it a go, get close to God…

Quietness

PAUSE SAY NOTHING!

30 SEC’s …just be still and quiet / calm ….

There is so much noise pollution in our society today.

Many of you know my pet hate in this particular part of the world is the leaf-blower…

But there is also the beauty of the beach and sea, where thankfully the sound of the waves drowns out most of the unpleasant noise, as it says in Psalm 23 “He leads me beside quiet waters; He restores my Soul.”  

The Sabbath, is a time when we step back to enjoy nature, rather than figuring out, how to change it.

It is only as we cease our restless “doing” that we will discover, what is to be done.

Remember that Family and friends are the Original Department of Health, Education and Welfare.

The most important things in life aren’t things - but people.

Let’s spend quality time with our family and friends.

It is not enough to grab a few minutes here or there.

The family is God’s institution.

Meal times are important gatherings in family life.  That’s why the meal and food, for example, at Alpha is for me the most important part in our Church family gatherings …

We should guard these meal times and gatherings against intrusions.

We have less time for meals than we once did, and we do not always have them when we should, we cook the wrong foods, or the right foods in the wrong way, to save time.

We fail to give ourselves time to properly digest what we have eaten. Meals are often sandwiched between other activities. They are grabbed or snatched.

There is much to be said, for not answering the telephone or texting during family meals.  Others can wait at such times.

I will never forget when we were on holiday last summer, which was very hot and it was quite late and we all went for an evening swim to cool down in Spain and have a cooling ice cream, chatting away to each other, whilst we watched a family nearby not interact at all as they were all on their mobile phones.

We need to learn to master the telephone rather than remain enslaved by it.  We don’t have to answer the telephone when we are having a meal.

Technology promised us modern conveniences that would make our lives easier, but computers, e-mails, mobile phones, have increased the pace of work, rather than diminished it.

The word “leisure” is derived from the Latin word “licere” which means “permission”.  The main reason so many people do not have enough leisure is that they are not giving themselves permission to take the time to enjoy it.  

Leisure is one of the best stress relievers, and it is strange that people resist it so much.

God is just as pleased when we play, as when we work, when each is done to make possible the greater effectiveness of the other. I often find that if I have had a proper day off and time away, I come back more effective than if I had stayed at my place of work. The brain needs time to re-charge. So remember the Sabbath is 1. The Sabbath: A day to rest our body. 2. The Sabbath: A day to re-charge our emotions.

Point 3. The Sabbath: A day to be renewed spiritually.

Context

Many people in Britain are spiritually bankrupt.

We have so little time for God.

Our lives are so full and yet so very empty.

We have no room for God, in our thoughts, in our schedules.

Can I encourage you to join me in prayer at mid-day with a little alarm on your phone? Or listen to the Daily Service on Radio 4 LW or DAB digital radio at 9:45am. Or come along to Morning Prayers in Church on Monday, Wednesdays or Fridays, or the Lent Communions coming up from Ash Wednesday …

When we keep the Sabbath day holy, we do not rest alone because a Holy God, whose presence is vital if we are to rest in peace, joins us.

Be still and know that I am God.

Worship renews our spirit as sleep renews the body.

Explanation Sabbath is a time for being in the presence of the Holy God and letting God shape our lives.

Stop working and let God work in you.

Does God have an opportunity to minister to you? When do you give Him time to do so?   If not on Sunday, or the Sabbath then when?

Sabbath is:

 A day to tune in to God  A day to get our spiritual focus.  A day to enjoy God.

Reiterate We focus not only on our: 

 Physical needs  Emotional needs

But also our:   Spiritual needs.

“Keep the Sabbath day holy. Don’t pursue your own interests on that day, but enjoy the Sabbath and speak of it with delight as the Lord’s holy day.” Isaiah 58 v 13-14

Don’t pursue your own interests …. Put God first.

There was a rabbi who loved golf, it was his passion. Woke up, it was the Jewish Sabbath, he opened the curtains, ‘oh what a lovely day, this is a golf day’. ‘I could go out onto the course, have a quick round of golf, I could get back, have a shower get to the synagogue, no one would know!’ He was out there having a great time. The angel’s go to the Lord God, ‘Lord God, look down there, the rabbi!’ The Lord God looks, [make a looking movement] ‘yeah, yeah I can see him.’ ‘He’s playing golf on the Sabbath!’ ‘Yeah, yeah I know,’ They angels said, ‘teach him a lesson.’ So the next hole, he gets a hole in one. The angels were a bit puzzled. ‘Lord, we thought you were going to teach him a lesson?’ He said, ‘I have,’ They said, ‘what do you mean?’ PAUSE The Lord said, ‘who can he tell?!’

The point is not that Golf is bad but put God first…

Give God the first part of the first day of every week as a reminder to say you are first in my life.

Many people  - Worship their work  -  Work at their play - And don’t put God first! They don’t practice the Sabbath rest.

So we need to follow God and take the Sabbath rest seriously?

Recap 1. To rest our body, for our own physical health 2. To recharge our emotions, for our own emotional health 3. To be renewed spiritually, for our own spiritual health

While we like the idea and the appeal of the Sabbath, we resist the reality of actually observing it.

But, ignoring the Sabbath carries a heavy physical and psychological, emotional and spiritual price tag, and one that increases along with the modern pace of life.

Unless we change, there will come a time when it will be too late to do so. Too late, because others will have already suffered too much as a result of our obsessive haste.

Don’t you find when you rush you tend to have accidents more often?

Times will change for the better when we change.

Don’t pray for the situation to change but pray for your attitude to it to change.

Our rest is ultimately found in Jesus Christ.

Jesus said: “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”

Many of us need to rest in Jesus before we can rest on the Sabbath.

Augustine said: ‘our hearts are restless, until they find their rest in you - Jesus Christ’

You learn to live by priorities not pressures.

Getting into God’s presence on the Sabbath should be our top priority.

We are all invited to know Jesus, to rest in his presence :

The invitation is from God, delivered to us in Jesus Christ.

If you got invited to go and have Tea with the Queen. I bet you I’d slip it into every conversation! But do you know that one day every queen that has reigned, every king that has every reigned. Every Prime Minister that has ever held an office. They are going to be on their knees. There won’t be kings or queens. They will all like us meet their maker, death is the great leveller.

Jesus is the only King worth remembering.

The invitation is to everyone, God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son so that whosoever believes in him.

Irrespective of our…

-Age -Colour of Skin -Culture, intelligence or mental capacities

Everyone!

Many people won’t look to God until they hit rock bottom. I know that was the case for me.

Jesus says, if you’re carrying burdens, and you’re restless, come to me. A modern day translation of that would be: • Are you feeling that you’re at the end of your tether, Come to me…. • Are you feeling that you want to resign from the human race? Come to me…

But you know you don’t have to hit rock bottom before you actually look to Jesus. You don’t have to wait! We’ve almost got to realise that you’re broken so that you can lean on Jesus.

What is the essence of Christianity?

It is about three things: 1. Forgiveness from the past 2. New life here today 3. A hope for the future

As we allow God’s spirit to work in our lives, we produce the fruit of the spirit:

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control

Jesus Christ the most loving man who ever lived in the history of the world, listen to what he said:

Men and Women are travelling along one of two roads. Men and women are serving one of two masters. Men and women are building their life on one of two foundations. Men and women are going into one of two doors. Men and women are heading to one of two destinies. Heaven … Hell.

Why, why would the most loving man in the history of the world say those things? Unless they were true?

See this is serious…I am not standing here for fun, I am talking about your eternal life and destiny.

It doesn’t just affect your life here on earth, it affects your destiny, your eternity, the after-life, which is much longer than our time here!.

There’s a grave yard in York.

In this graveyard there’s a tomb stone, on the tombstone there are written these words:

Remember Friend, Passing by, As you are now, So once was I, As I am now, Soon you will be, Prepare for death and follow me.

Someone read those words and disagreed, they wrote an addition, they scratched it into the stone, they wrote: To follow you I’m not content, Until I know which way you went.

RESPONSE

• Have you received God’s invitation? • Are you breaking the commandment to have a Sabbath rest? • Are you a workaholic? • Has your workaholism damaged your family life? • Are you ready to throw in the towel? • Are you at the end of your tether? • Are you a bundle of nerves? • Are you falling apart? • Are you at your wit’s end? • Do you feel like resigning from your current role? • What is the condition of your body and mind and soul? • What is the condition of your soul? • Are you spiritually bankrupt?

If so then please do seek prayer ministry at the end of the service and joint with me in this prayer….

PRAYER

Lord, this command ought to be one of the easiest to obey. Yet so often I find it the most difficult. You told us to rest because we desperately need to. Lord forgive me for my worrying and striving, as though everything somehow depended on me. I look to you now, as the One who restores my soul. I look to you as the One who said: “Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” That’s what I want to do today. I accept you as my shepherd, cleanse and heal me. Fill me with the presence and peace of your Holy Spirit. And help me to live according to your commandments, for my benefit and for the benefit of others. Amen.

This sermon is in large part based on the J John 10 series but the sermon written is never the same as the sermon heard or delivered!

[denymethis]

Since I’m going into Year 13  this September, I’ve learnt a lot about how to tackle sixth form and thought I’d make a list of advice for Year 12’s! I’ve got a few regrets, and wish somebody had told me these things when I was starting Sixth Form, so here I am passing on the wisdom.

1. Don’t commit to a subject you don’t like.

Trust me, I say this from experience. I took on 4 A-levels at the start of Year 12 whilst everybody else did 3 – I thought the extra subject would help me when it came to university applications later, but two weeks into A-level History I decided to drop it. If you, like me, are considering taking a subject just because it’d look good, or for any reason other than your genuine love and interest in it, seriously consider changing it before it’s too late. Most sixth-formers now have to commit to their subjects for 2 years (not just 1), and if it’s going to be a struggle to you, or cause you to neglect your other studies, I would recommend seriously rethinking that decision. I’m happier and more successful now studying 3 A-levels than I could’ve been if I’d committed to a subject I can’t stand.

2. Use Folders!

My biggest regret was not using folders from the very beginning, and not keeping on top of them once I’d switched from notebooks to folders. You need to have them well-organised and easy to navigate – don’t leave all your loose papers in a stack ‘for later’ when you get home. I did this throughout Year 12 and rarely found what I wanted when I needed it, now that it’s summer I’ve spent literal hours sorting through a mountain of paperwork, trying to decide which topic or exam each page belongs to, and I’m still not even half-finished. (If you want to see a guide on how to organise your folders, let me know in the comments and I can make a blog post on it!).

3. Read!

If you know certain books/materials which you’ll be covering in sixth form, read them in the summer to get familiar with it, develop a basic understanding, and find a way to get enthusiastic about your classes even before starting. If you’ve not been told what books to get, I would really recommend e-mailing your teachers and asking. This is how I’ve built my collection of further reading for my subjects which few other students will have knowledge of; an easy way to form developed, educated responses in exams. Admittedly, some books are tough, I’ve got a few which I’ve not finished, but I’ve adapted a method to overcome this, which I might share on my blog soon.

4. Expect lower grades than you’re used to.

You’re used to working at a certain standard at GCSE level, you know what grades are normal for you, but don’t be downhearted when you don’t do as well as you’re used to. A-levels are assessed in a completely different way to GCSE’s and the content and style is usually all new. Expect to get a couple of grades below your standard in your first assessment, but don’t let it discourage you. It’s completely normal and I found it to be a great motivator once I got to grips with it. If you really work hard, listen and put in the extra effort, your grades should start rising within the first couple of months, and then beyond that you can get A’s at the end of the year if you work hard. Trust me. It might seem impossible, but it really isn’t, you don’t have to be a genius either, you just need to have a committed work ethic and that’s all.

5. Use your free periods!

Teachers will tell you all the time to use your study periods well, to make the most of them. If other sixth forms are anything like mine, most people will ignore this and waste every free period socialising and relaxing. I understand that this works better for some people, who prefer to work at home, but I believe the most productive students work in some way or another during at least 90% of their free periods. I always get my work done at school, and then do extras at home, leaving most of my time away from school properly free to relax in. You don’t genuinely relax well if you’ve got a to-do list hanging in the back of your mind, so get it out the way and make the most of your down time later by freeing yourself from stress.

6. Know how, when and where you work best.

I’ve done a lot of quizzes. They’re not worth it. Reflect on what you found genuinely useful in GCSE, and carry it along to sixth form. Decide how when and where you work best now, so you can get started without wasting time. For reference, here’s my list of how, when and where I work best:

HOW: Flash cards for summaries of theories, attaching quotes to themes. Essay plans and practice questions! These are my go to – they take a lot of work but seem to be the most valuable, especially once I feel I’ve got the information down. Listening to instrumental music to help me focus/be creative. I cannot work in my pyjamas. I know it’s weird and seemingly irrelevant but I supposed it is part of how I study, I like to feel clean and fresh and ready for anything.

WHEN: During typical working hours (8:00-15:00), or in the evening (20:00-23:00). I feel I better tackle academic and focused work during the day, like essays, notes and revision, but creative or leisurely work like reading, analysing and coursework. When I’m feeling disappointed in myself or afraid about my academic future, I work like mad, and this is honestly the best time to get started on exam rewrites, because you can lose motivation quickly.

WHERE: At school, or in a public library, it doesn’t matter whether it’s loud or quiet, busy or peaceful, but I usually work around friends who are just having casual conversations. If it’s late and I’m doing creative work, I like to work in my bedroom or my living room (wherever my family aren’t).

7. Revise as you learn.

I made flash cards for the topics we covered at the end of every term, and in the holidays I go over them and fill in any gaps using the textbook or my personal notes. When it comes to exam season, you won’t have much time to be making revision materials, you need to be using them and refining the finer points like your exam technique. You can’t hope to start revising a month or two before your exams. It won’t work as well, and you’d be missing out on the chance to achieve the real top tier grades by not having the information already memorised (for the most part). One month before the exam, the ideal position to be in for revision is revising quotes/extra context, and revising exam technique. Practice questions will become your life, and don’t be afraid to give you teachers extra work to mark. They might not like it, but you need to make the most of the resources around you.

8. It’s actually quite fun.

Now hear me out – you’re probably getting a lot of people telling you how difficult and stressful it’s going to be, but nobody bothered to tell me that Sixth Form/College actually has a lot of benefits. I would not go back to my GCSE’s now if I had the chance, despite how easy they seem to me in retrospect.

Wearing warpaint at our Sixth Form picnic/rounders match

For the most part, you’re treated like an adult. You’re friends with your teachers. You’re given a lot more freedom, a fair amount of food and fun experiences. For the first time in my life I actually looked forward to assemblies. I’ve had long conversations with teachers about our favourite films. I’ve had more inside jokes than I can count. I’ve had random assignments which have me running around the school with friends, balancing on the tip of a chair to pin up boards, untangling Christmas lights like a gameshow team challenge. It’s really great. You have a lot of fun. So it’s important to prepare for the sheer amount of work and the difficulties of sixth form, sure, but don’t stop yourself from having fun, and appreciate the things you’ll have now that you’ve been denied for all of your education so far. It makes all the hard work worth it.

I am a bit of a nerd and I’m not afraid to admit that I love Sixth Form. I hope you enjoy your Year 12 as much as I did mine.

A Survivor’s Guide to Year 12 (It’s not that bad) Since I'm going into Year 13  this September, I've learnt a lot about how to tackle sixth form and thought I'd make a list of advice for Year 12's!

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