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#theme: loneliness
aftgficrec · 3 months
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Literally anything and everything written by bazookajo94 -  they write the funniest and most chaotic aftg fics
As you can see from the long list of their fics that we’ve previously rec’ed, we completely agree with you! - S
previously recommended:
‘stab me yourself u coward’ here
‘survive the night’ here
‘tit for tat’ here
‘definitely something’ here
‘eat the rich’ here
‘prove your love’ here
‘all that i’ve been dreaming of’ here
‘last piece of gold’ here
‘long journey home’ here
‘the prettiest blue’ here
‘dirty little secret’ series here
‘what’s yours is mine’ and ‘Crazy Rich Neil’ here
‘Go Team!’ here
‘we were together’ series here
‘most likely to commit crimes’ here
‘give or take’ here
‘cone sold stober’ here
‘spooky scary’ here
Here’s one that hasn’t appeared on our blog yet:
in another life by bazookajo94 [Rated T, 11506 words, complete, 2022]
Dear Andrew Doe,
I am not picking one of the pen pals that’s in California or whatever. I am going to write a fake name and a fake address and send this letter to a fake person. The teacher won’t let me leave until I send this to someone.
Bye
Alex
*
Neil Josten sent fake letters to Andrew Doe for years, thinking they disappeared into the void.
Andrew Minyard received every single one.
tw: implied/referenced torture
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araekni · 3 months
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Shearwater, Only Child
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@noun-number
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Robyn Schiff, Parent-Child Fencing Class
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Weike Wang, Chemistry
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Sasha Alex Sloan, Only Child
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D. Nurske, Only Child
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araekniarchive · 1 year
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Michael Gray, I Think Love is Something That Happens to Other People
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Dead Like Me (2003–2004), 1x13: Vacation
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Shireen Dadkhah, ‘Love Must Be For Other People’
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E. M. Forster, Where Angels Fear to Tread
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radiomogai · 5 months
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[ID: a rectangular flag with five wavy angled stripes and a large leaning line on the left. the leaning line is dark gray-blue, and the stripes from top to bottom are very dark blue, medium gray, light gray, very light gray, and very dark blue. end ID]
Lectence
[PT: Lectence. end PT]
A neogender umbrella related to loneliness, isolation, abandonment, the fear of being alone, neglect, and The Lonely from The Magnus Archives!
Additionally, lectence is connected to/related to fog, faceless crowds, empty rooms, silence, travel (especially by ship), chilliness, the suburbs, and large but abandoned houses.
Lectence by itself is not xenogender, though some specific terms that fall under lectence may overlap with it. While intended to describe gender, lectence may describe other types of identity as well.
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Lectence Terminology
[PT: Lectence Terminology. end PT]
A lectence gender is called a disilect, with the plural form being disilects.
The lectence alignment is called lonecine.
The gender quality for lectence is lectinity, and the adjective form of lectinity is lectine.
The gender nature is LECTIN, or lectence-in-nature.
The transitioning term is translectine, which may be shortened to translect.
A person who is lectence may be called a solit. A lectine adult may be called a reculit, and a lectine minor may be called an imerit.
The juvelic term for solit-loving-solit is crowdlect.
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Lectence comes from combining the words 'silence' and 'neglect'. Disilect comes from combining 'silence', 'neglect', and 'disconnection'. Solit comes from the word 'solitary'. Both reculit and imerit come from playing around with and combining the words 'hermit' and 'recluse'. More referential language is in the works.
Feel free to redesign the flag. We're not flagmakers and we're not proud of the one we made for this. It uses the 5-stripe wavy flag template by @neopronouns.
Tagging: @revenant-coining @noxwithoutstars @mogai-sunflowers @cherrymogai @aetherive @en8y @hoardicboy @liom-archive @kiruliom @local-yurei @obscurian @queeerrmogaigremlin @in-nature-archive
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seasunandstar · 4 months
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Keeping Things Whole
In a field I am the absence of field. This is always the case. Wherever I am I am what is missing.
When I walk I part the air and always the air moves in to fill the spaces where my body's been.
We all have reasons for moving. I move to keep things whole.
-- Mark Strand
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goneprophet · 4 months
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i wish and i dream and i yearn and i cannot stop wanting
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lizkreates · 9 months
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Reflection ~A Trigun fan comic~ (Comic Script in the Keep Reading)
Context note: This takes place just after the events of TriMax Vol 10 on Brad’s ship going to December. I’m giving them more time on the trip because Livio grew a full-ass beard between pickup and drop-off (prob because of his healing factor, who knows.) Enjoy!
Vash's coffee is a reference to my first comic Black Coffee & Donuts!
Comic Script for Reflection: A Trigun Fan Comic
PAGE 1
Panel 1: Vash, with his hair down and dressed in his black undersuit, wakes up startled in a cold sweat. He clearly slept poorly bags under his eyes. It’s only been a day or two since he laid Wolfwood to rest.
Panel 2: A full body shot of him stepping out of the bed, his Colt weight down his hip, face obscured.
Panel 3: He leans over the counter in front of a mirror, shoulders hunched, head hanging.
Panel 4: He looks up, hand covering the remaining blonde of his hair so it appears full black. Large pale portraits of Rem and Wolfwood flank Vash on each side in the background.
Vash: Rem, Wolfwood, you both sacrificed everything. Funny isn’t it that I’m beginning to look more like you?
PAGE 2
Panel 1: Vash flashes back to a moment when he and Wolfwood walked side by side in the arid desert of No Man’s Land.
Vash: Wolfwood, you were there every day by my side, now I'm alone again. 
Panel 2: Another flashback to a moment Vash and Wolfwood sat on the edge of a rooftop and looked out over the cityscape to the stars pricking the sky.
Vash: There was so much unsaid between us.
Panel 3: A fresh flashback to the couch, where Vash held Wolfwood's hand in his final moments.
Vash: I wish I had known how to tell you that I loved you before it was too late.
Panel 4: A dramatic crop of half of Vash’s lower face, tears streaming down his cheeks as he cries out.
PAGE 3
Panel 1: Livio, a tall, tan, broad-shoulder, white-haired man with a tribal tattoo over his left eye, dressed in a white shirt and black pants, bursts through the bedroom door concerned.
Livio: Mr. Vash, I heard crying, are you okay?!
Panel 2: Vash looks over, a little comically rattled and surprised
Vash: Livio?
Panel 3: Close-up of Vash’s lower face smiling, a tear rolling down his face.
Vash: I’m alright.
Panel 4: A blank Panel, filled with still air
Vash: Actually.
Panel 5: Big Panel, Vash crying into the crook of his arm.
Vash: I'm not... I miss him. I can’t stop missing him.
PAGE 4
Panel 1: Vash rubs the tears from his eyes, Livio grabs his arm shamefully, his body language clearly showing regret and discomfort.
Livio: I’ll uh, leave you to it, and see myself out.
Vash: It’s okay, I just didn’t want anyone to see me like this.
Panel 2: Close-up of Livio looking down.
Livio: It’s better to let yer feelin’s out than to hide ‘em and let ‘em fester, I should know.
Panel 3: Livio turns to the side and a sad snot stream runs down his nose he was trying to keep in. Livio is very much struggling allowing himself to miss Wolfwood. He doesn’t feel like, he should even though he desperately does.
Sounds effects: sniff
Vash: Now who’s keeping in their feelings? Let it out! He was your friend too, wasn’t he? You deserve to cry too.
Panel 4: Livio smiles sheepishly. He wants to make Wolfwood proud of him first.
Livio: Yeah, I suppose he was, all this time. But I don’t think I’ve earned that right yet.
Panel 5: Livio’s stomach growls LOUDLY. Draw in a chibi style, breaking the tension.
Sound effects: grumble
Panel 6: Drawn in chibi style, Vash waves around his noddle arms and Livio’s mood brightens, grinning with excitement.
Vash: Oh, are you hungry?
Livio: Hell yeah, I am!
Vash: What would you like?
Livio: Uh, pancakes!
Vash: Alright, pancakes it is!
PAGE 5
Panel 1: They sit down and eat at a retro 50s-style diner booth in a small nook of the ship. Livio swirls the last of his pancake in syrup on the plate. Vash cradles a black coffee with both hands looking at Livio.
Vash: Hey, Livio, what do you want to do when this is all over?
Livio: Dunno, maybe wander around for a while or return to the orphanage to help make up for what I and the other guy did.
Panel 2: Livio hangs his head, eyebrows worried.
Livio: If I can be honest with ya, I'm scared to face them.
Panel 3: Zoomed out drawn in chibi style to break the tension. Livio shivers.
Vash: Is that scarier than Elendira?
Sound effects: shivers
Panel 4: They laugh.
Livio: Well, when ya put it like, hell no!
Vash: Haha!
Panel 5: Extreme close-up of Livio’s eyes softening as he remembers back to his time at the orphanage.
Livio: I think he’d like that. They were my first real family.
Panel 6: Vash is hit with a sudden realization, Livio has no one right now. In a misty background, he remembers when Razlo cried out after Wolfwood did in Master Chapel.
Vash (internal): Wolfwood, you left Livio in my care... so we wouldn’t be alone.
Razlo (background): ...I’m all alone again!
PAGE 6
Panel 1: Close-up of Vash with the sincerest smile.
Vash: I hope you know you’re not alone. You have me now.
Panel 2: Livio’s face contorts sorrowfully.
Livio/Razlo (internal): I don’t deserve this.
Livio: Mr. Vash I --
Vash: Wait, before you say anything...
Panel 3: Zoom out so we can see both of them and the table. Vash extends his leg as he digs deep into his pants pocket. Livio leans on the table watching him.
Vash: I know that we don’t know each other well yet, but he trusted you with me and I trusted him, wholly and completely, so…
Panel 4: Extreme close-up, Vash pulls out 2 black leather wristbands with silver latches.
PAGE 7
Panel 1: Vash offers Livio a wristband while holding one for himself in the same hand.
Vash: Here. One for you, one for me. I used a strap from his cross to make it, so part of him will always be with us.
Panel 2: Livio puts the wristband on his left hand.
Livio: Thank you.
Panel 3: Extreme close-up of Livio’s non-tattooed eye, tears pricking his lashes.
Livio: I hope one day I can repay yer kindness.
Panel 4: They fist bump wristbands in view.
Vash: Welcome to the family, Livio.
PAGE 8
Panel 1: A large portrait of Wolfwood with his sunglasses and back turned, fills the background, smiling as he holds his cigarette in his hand.
Livio: Hey, Mr. Vash?
Vash: Mm?
Livio: Would you mind tellin’ me a lil more about him… Wolfwood? Ya see, we were close at the orphanage as kids, but I don’t know who he became. I’ll understand if you don’t want to, you owe me absolutely nothin’.
Panel 2: A close-up of Vash’s coffee, Wolfwood’s staple morning drink, Vash’s reflection smiles back, tears in his eyes.
Vash: I’d love to.
PAGE 9
Panel 1: Bonus! Sometime later.  Drawn in chibi style.
Livio: Can I hug ya?
Vash: Sure, buddy!
Panel 2: They hug, Vash smiles, and Livio whimpers as he lets out the waterworks. He’s thankful for Vash’s kindness.
Panel 3: This sets Vash off, who also sobs. They cry in each other’s arms.
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tommykinard6 · 9 days
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Should I be eating and resting? Yes. Am I? No, so come join me for a dissertation on Tommy Kinard being lonely.
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Edit to add a note since I saw a reblog about it: Tommy has no canonical age right now and Lou is 39, 40 later this year, so that is my basis for saying he’s 39.
Now when I say lonely, I don’t mean that he has no one whatsoever. I can picture him going for drinks with his team or having some Muay Thai buddies that he could call up if he really was inclined. Maybe an old army buddy or two.
But there’s something about Tommy that’s just achingly lonely, both when he was at the 118 and now at Harbor.
Tommy had a broken home, or some other kind of unstable childhood. Maybe his parents split, maybe he was mistreated, maybe he was in the system or was passed around family members. Maybe he was isolated as a child because he was a little overweight (I think Lou said something along those lines) and was bullied. I think Tommy didn’t really have any friends until high school, when puberty hit and maybe he started working out and probably joined the football team. I don’t know if anyone remembers what teenage boys are like, but I can imagine they were the same as they are today back in the 90s/early 00’s. Because around this time, Tommy might’ve started to realize that something was very different about him.
Now this isn’t a meta about how I think Tommy dealt with his sexuality (maybe I’ll do one of those later) but I think he never would’ve risked his football friends knowing even if he himself could acknowledge it, which I doubt. So he messed around, got in trouble with these guys, hung out with the bros, and pretended to be interested in girl talk.
Of course, eventually, his buddies all got girlfriends and he was always the odd one out again.
He didn’t do college. The army was his next step. And I feel like this might have been the first time in his life he wasn’t lonely. He’d learned to blend in by this point and he worked with some great people. But as he started making real friends for the first time, he also started losing them as the war tore them away.
Tommy left the army and joined the fire department. There was an aching hole where the camaraderie of the army had filled previously and with no education beyond a high school diploma, Tommy thought the fire department would replicate that. Not the police though. He’d had enough of guns.
(And ohhhh now so many ideas on his thoughts during the sniper)
But he ended up at the 118 and quickly realized that his team had maybe more of a DADT stance than the army. He realized that he had to put on an elaborate act to fool his fellow firefighters, who had more time on their hands and more prejudice they were willing to wield to pick apart his life. Tommy, who maybe had only just started to acknowledge he felt differently about guys with less panic than before, had no choice but to backslide. He acted and acted and crafted a person he wasn’t until the day that maybe he was. Sal was his closest buddy at the 118 and Tommy had no doubt that Sal would be one of the first to make his life hell. Gerrard seemed to look at Tommy as some sort of mentee. Boxed in by two notorious bigots, Tommy had never felt more claustrophobically alone.
Chim was the first one to reach out a hand of friendship, or at least the first one that didn’t come with caution tape, but he was also an “other” and Tommy, who was confused and afraid and had just had his captain call his bluff on his fake girlfriend, lashed out. Then he allowed Chim in and Chim wasn’t interested in being besties but he was a great drinking buddy and movie buddy and Tommy felt safest around him.
Then Hen came and Tommy watched her get the same treatment he was afraid of. Not that he had to worry about the racism, and he was aware of the privilege, but Hen didn’t exactly hide herself and he watched them bully his lesbian coworker. He let himself get pulled into it all and hated himself for it, but was too cowardly to break away from it. He wasn’t sure why Hen had forgiven him, but she became the only other person on shift he felt even a little safe around other than Howie. But then Chimney and Hen became best friends and Tommy fell to the wayside. They still included him, sure, but they were always a pair and there was something there that Tommy didn’t know but longed for. A closeness he’d never felt.
A best friend. A juvenile idea to him, but one he’d never truly had.
Then Gerrard was gone and Sal got transferred and the 118 moved forward under Captain Nash, but Tommy felt left behind, even in what was the most united A shift team yet. Because he was over 30 and was starting to be unable to ignore everything that he’d had to hide under Gerrard, as he no longer had a distraction from it.
He’d been a pilot in the army, so he transferred to Harbor. And Harbor was great. He wasn’t best buds with anyone (he was starting to think that was never in the cards for him) but his team didn’t carry the same baggage that the 118 had.
So Tommy started to come to terms with himself. He started to date for the first time and came out to his team. And he had several boyfriends, but most couldn’t handle the job or his baggage or the desperate need he had to be wanted. His most long term partner cheated and the one he fell hardest for couldn’t deal when Tommy was injured on the job. Even within his own relationships, he felt like he was destined to stand alone.
Tommy was 39 years old and alone, as always, when Chimney walked back into his life, dragging an adorable and also extremely hot blonde and a stoic brunette that radiated ex military in a way only ex military could know. And then Hen was there and they were trying to rescue their captain and his wife and they clearly loved each other fiercely and like family.
And as Tommy listened, flying through the remnants of a cat 5 hurricane, he thought to himself that he should’ve never left. Simply just never found himself if only that meant being part of the family the 118 was now. However, he knew deep down that he still would’ve been alone and on the outside.
And they rescued the survivors and Tommy thought that was it but then Eddie wanted to hang out. And they liked the same things and had similar experiences and Tommy couldn’t help the hope. Because the loneliness had grown stifling and now he could breathe a little. And then Evan, the cute blonde, wanted a tour of the hanger and he thought that maybe he was being hit on.
And then at the end of it all, Tommy was left realizing that he’d wedged himself between two best friends and that was what happened when he allowed himself to hope. So he went to Evan to apologize. He would get Evan and Eddie to talk to each other and then would fade into the background.
But then Evan was sweet and apologetic and told him that he was part of the 118 family simply by helping them. Tommy couldn’t help it. Here he was, at 39, with a little boy still waiting inside of him to be soothed. And Evan was hot and sweet and Tommy couldn’t help himself.
And he really liked Evan. Evan was adorable. But their first date didn’t go as planned and Tommy knew he was already whipped. So he removed himself before someone could get hurt. Evan deserved better and so did he, even if the loneliness was stifling again.
But then Evan texted him and looked at him with sparkling blue eyes over too sweet coffee and wanted him. Him. He wanted Tommy and to have something with Tommy and he wanted him to come to his sister’s wedding with him.
And Tommy looked at him and saw someone who could finally fill the ache he’d felt his whole life. He saw a man who he knew he wanted to take a chance with. All he had to do was jump.
And he did.
And it wasn’t solved, not immediately and never fully. Too many wounds were left gaping for too long to ever heal. But for the first time in his life, at 39, with the 118 surrounding him and Buck as the sunshine at his side, Tommy finally felt at peace.
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coldarena · 1 month
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hbo war themes BOB: we're all in this together : ) TP: you are born alone and you die alone MOTA: at least I have my bestie : )
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dangoulains-devotion · 2 months
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this room was built for one chair only,
i'm not empty, i'm just lonely
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araekni · 3 months
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Rachel Ingalls, Mrs. Caliban
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Christina Perri, The Lonely
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Edward Hopper, Summer Interior (1909)
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Susan Sontag, As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh
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Jenny Slate, in an interview with Vulture about The Sunlit Night
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Anne Carson, Plainwater
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Olivia Laing, The Lonely City
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The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby
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Charlotte Ager, 'How I feel all the time'
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Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
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Florence + The Machine, No Choir
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Salma Deera, Letters to Kafa
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piglii · 11 months
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excerpt from the wiki. disco elysium might low key be one of the funniest games ever created
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araekniarchive · 2 years
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hello! i love the work you do and how you interact with people!!
i was hoping to request loneliness as something comfortable, and how being alone can feel good sometimes even when you’re lonely
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Ann Packer, The Dive from Clausen’s Pier
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Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca
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Susan Sontag, Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963
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Virginia Woolf, To The Lighthouse
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Ellen Burstyn (attrib.)
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gentle.earth
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thoughtfulchaos773 · 4 months
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Preparing myself that slow-burn storylines often involve periods of separation. In season 3, this separation may not be physical but rather a mental one between Carmy and Syd. As suggested by the song at the end, they may feel like they're mentally half a world away from each other.
In a brilliant meta written by @bioloyg , it is suggested that the walk-in scene represents Carmy's mind. This can be observed during the lock-in, where he is unable to hear or reach Sydney. The show often portrays Sydney as Carmy's focus, someone he not only wants to hear but needs to hear, as evidenced by him hearing her voice during his panic attack earlier in the day. As Carmy experiences the panic attack in the walk-in, memories flood his mind, and he is unable to hear or reach Sydney.
In the song, when it says, "Go it alone," Sydney is shown smiling after her dad walks away. This foreshadows that Sydney will pursue her dreams independently while experiencing the same sense of anxiety that Carmy felt when he received his star. Sydney may also struggle with self-care while striving for success, we hear that she only ate a left twix for dinner and she is sick after dinner service. She tells her dad that pressure is her friend, so Syd might face similar challenges as Carmy when he was in her position. While Carmy battles becoming like his mother or his EMP boss.
Carmy said he can't do it without her, wouldn't even want to and that leaves them in his relationship where they need each other but are so far away in season 3.
And I'm looking forward to this angst if the prediction is correct.
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seasunandstar · 3 months
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Lying
He puts his brush to the canvas, with one quick stroke unfolds a bird from the sky. Steps back, considers. Takes pity. Unfolds another.
-- Jane Hirshfield
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goneprophet · 4 months
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yeah yeah dante emilé my psychiatrist asks about friendship and i tell him about distance alright
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