#their relationship pains me so much

[half-an-hour-hence]

Something else that was completely ruined by restrictive societal conventions in Fellow Travelers is Hawk and Lucy’s potential for a healthy platonic relationship. I mean it was stated several times that they were exceptionally close in childhood, and it was pretty obvious that Hawk had no romantic interest in her whatsoever, even after Skippy left in the 70’s. If Hawk’s sexuality wasn’t seen as being wrong and if Lucy wasn’t under constant pressure to get a husband and start a family, I think they would’ve stayed really close friends. But being forced together by social pressure like that just made them miserable and unable to bare the sight of one another.

#their relationship pains me so much #actually no scrap that. lucy fuller’s entire character pains me so much #fellow travelers #hawkins fuller #hawk fuller #lucy smith #lucy fuller #hawk and lucy #lucy fellow travelers

[demon-of-the-ancient-world]

Hate (affectionate) how it's made so clear from the very beginning of part 1 just how loved Paul is by his family and household. Both his parents, Duncan, Gurney, Thufir, even Dr Yueh all clearly care so deeply for this kid, and we're shown that time and time again.

Cut to the end of part two, and almost every one of those people is gone. The only ones who remain are a weird, came-back-wrong version of Jessica, and Gurney who has gone from mentor to worshipper. Paul goes from someone deeply loved and valued for who he is by a small but caring group of people - to someone followed and worshipped and feared by thousands. They're obsessed with him in a way, as a leader and "messiah", but nobody loves him.

The only one remaining who loves him for who he is is Chani, who leaves him because in the end that love isn't enough to bring who he is back.

#dune #dune part 2 #paul atreides #i am losing my MIND #upon rewatching part 1 it struck me just HOW loved paul is. and then you contrast that with his horde of followers in part 2 #none of whom will so much as touch him when he's injured badly enough that he can barely walk #he's not human anymore. he's just an idea. #i am in physical pain #something something it's about parasocial relationships & celebrity culture #like idk if that was frank or denis' intention but. i see a bit of That.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

There is a platonic explanation for all this. Right?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #[accidental kiss] is a purposeful misspelling to reference an old meme. I will blast anyone who tries to correct me with the crunchiest png #The kiss looks like wwx is biting lwj's cheek....It *does* have the consistency of a soft marshmallow so he's not in the wrong. #Once again: wwx was never *ever* oblivious to the implications of the situation. On the contrary: this entire scene + the prior shows- #that he very much understands that this looks gay to the viewers. #He just doesn't think its possible to be loved like that. *Especially not by Lan Zhan.* #Do people forget that LWJ had 13 years to process his feelings VS WWX's (give or take) week? #This is the moment he realizes wwx has feelings and he HATES HIMSELF FOR IT. He feels like he's betraying lwj's trust! #The demi feeling of having spent so long in a comfortable platonic relationship and then getting struck by the 'oh shit' moment. #Its not a soft 'Oh' - Its a 'Oh god they are going to hate me and I can't bear that. I need to be so normal about this or else'. #Pour one out for all of us who've had to go through the trials of trying to conceal the painful realization of deeper affections. #Anyway. *both* lwj and wwx fall in love kicking and screaming and miserable and clawing at the walls about it. #Continuity acknowledgement: wwx's hands are unbound at this point but I had a hellish time with blocking and this was a bit easier.

[ivypond11]

it's been a week and i still haven't recovered </3 so i did a little sketch with this scene between normal and scary because it fucked me up and i need more moments of them comforting and caring for each other

#dndads #dndads s2 #dungeons and daddies season 2 #dndads s2 spoilers #dndads spoilers #scary marlowe #normal oak swallows garcia #these two make me so fucking ill #i love their relationship and i missed them having moments so much and i was so heartbroken when normal comforted scary about terry jr #it sucks! when your best friend looses her dad and she has to face all this feelings she was trying to protect herself from #and you can't do anything to help hee besides being there and hugging her #if normal could he would take her pain away in a heartbeat #which is an idea i am thinking. about normal messing with the modify memory spell to protect scary from being sad #anyways they are my babies and i love them so much and they are the siblings ever <3

[totallyboatless]

Amazing, motivating, beautiful: the gay pirate show Our Flag Means Death makes me actively want better things for myself

Devastating, painful, existential: the gay pirate show Our Flag Means Death makes me actively want better things for myself

#look at me now #i’m on testosterone and finally ready to admit to myself how much i want a relationship #and how much i want to find Love in all the crevices i can #but wanting is Painful #and it takes so much work to make it happen #i’m glad for this little gay show that pushes me to be my best self #our flag means death #ofmd

[shorthaltsjester]

what if i said imogen is a better metaphor for generational trauma than she is for chronic pain or queerness

#this isn’t to be Against queer or chronic pain readings of imogen #in fact i think she can be read as all three #but. as someone who also experiences all three. her relationship with her mother and also her relationship with her powers #is Much more compelling if it isn’t migraines or queerness #because the queerness Metaphor (obvs she is actually queer but she isn’t ostracized for that like queer ppl are in our world) #falls flat for me when it comes to . well. the actual harm that her powers have caused her #between the Anger she contains and the sadness she exudes and her present but distant father #and her distant but ever so present mother. she’s designed for me actually #imogen temult #cr3 #critical role #my posts

[lovestory]

i loved that taylor was very touched by the pictures of marjorie being held up and she was very very cute about it with her little speech but at the end of the day...it could have easily gone the other way? the people who did that just did it hoping they could make viral content out of it, without even stopping to consider why it crossed a boundary...just very weird vibes around it all, people are so desensitized

[hayleysummers]

every single one of Elijah’s love interests are incredibly hot and badass woman, and that’s just what happens when you’re the sexiest man in the entire tvdu

#tvd #the originals #elijah mikaelson #when it comes to face and voice marcel is the hottest man hands down #but something about elijah in to specifically just oozes sex appeal idk idk that’s just me #and haylijah is my ride or die but I’m still bitter about how the writers put elijah with all these beautiful woc #only to discard them when the plot was done with #and violently too #like why couldn’t we have kept celeste the entire season?? #WHY???? #Gia’s whole story was completely thrown away for man pain #and aya …don’t even get me started #she had so much going for her as a character and she had relationships with a lot of the cast #the show tried to be more diverse but still treated the characters of color outside the main cast like crap #even then the way they wrote marcel was eyebrow raising at times #and they never fully used vincent to his potential #and keelin was a glorified extra #N E WAYS UNMM ELIJAH YOURE SEXY AND HAVE GOOD TASTE IN WOMEN

[anonymocha]

are you gonna be there with me?

taco bell commercial song got me dyking

#and of course i project it to this motherfucker #Medicine Pocket #reverse 1999 #reverse 1999 fanart #mochadoodles #LETS EAT YUH YUH #found this song in a lesbian breakcore mix but GIRL it aint breakcore 😂 #still rocks tho #10/10 got me imagining an unholy relationship between a vampire and a huntress in a secret relationship #with guns #femme4femme type beat holy shit #sorry the tags are not related with medpoc im having a moment here #but if the song dont have lesbian undertones i would’ve not liked it THIS much 😭 #that is a single piece of plain bread w nothing but possibly mold on it btw #i posted this during the day on purpose so not many people see it oop #next up: King Princess's PAIN remix cover #this gay ass post got shadowbanned what a day to be alive #/pos #that means im doing it right

[s0fter-sin]

it’s the sound that tips him off.

it’s late, half-past hell by his last count, and mactavish knows there shouldn’t be a single soul in the showers this time of night. though he’s sure if he asked, he’d be told a soul isn’t in there.

just a ghost.

he almost chokes on the thick steam filling the locker room; humid and hazy and the perfect cover. or it would be, if the man collapsed in the far stall cared about hiding.

mactavish hates himself a little for the low sigh that falls from his lips. he wishes he wasn't so disappointed; that the promises he's heard over and over and watched be broken as many times hadn't wedged their way into his heart and convinced him that maybe, maybe this could be the time it sticks.

he doesn't know what's worse; the disappointment or the lack of surprise.

he holds his breath through the steam and leans over the limp body; stinging hot water hitting his back, instantly soaking through his clothes and already starting to burn. he flicks the tap enough to take the bulk of the heat out and straightens; a groan startling out of the man beneath him at the sudden lash of tepid water.

mactavish crouches, knees clicking and hooks a hand under his bicep to pull him up straight against the wall. if there was any vomit on his skin, it's been washed away by the pelting stream and he supposes he can count himself lucky for that. he tilts his limp head back and slips his fingers into his mouth; holding down his tongue and ignores the way it lazily jolts under his fingers to check his airway.

clear.

another small victory.

mactavish pulls his fingers out and cups his chin, keeping him tilted up and moves in the way of the water again so he can pull at his eyelid.

the eye he's met with is cloudy, so dilated there's hardly a ring of blue left.

he sighs again; hand falling away and letting his eye fall shut. "god damnit, riley."

riley moans, all his weight resting on the hand holding his jaw.

"aye, 'm talking ‘bout you," he grunts tiredly.

he lets riley's head fall forward to grab his arm, pulling him away from the wall to sit behind him; propping his body up against his chest. he leans his head back over his shoulder, keeping his face out of the water and his airway open just in case he hasn't actually finished throwing up.

he takes the rag riley'd half-managed to soap up and mechanically runs it over him; cataloguing new bruises and cuts and checking if the old ones are healing. sickly yellow fingerprints ring his hips, red splotches paint his ribs; too new to have settled into the deep purple he knows they’ll become.

riley slowly makes more noise as he rubs life into his body; still lying limp against his front but his head's starting to roll restlessly on his shoulder. he swipes between his legs and carefully doesn't think a single thing about what he finds.

"sean?" he rasps and mactavish's hand stills; eyes falling shut. he bites his check, hand clenching around the rag tight enough to shake and breathes hard out his nose.

he doesn't say a word, just forces himself to go back to cleaning.

he's not sure what would come out of his mouth if he did.

riley isn't conscious enough to hear him anyway.

he runs his fingers over his inner elbows for tracks and manages to muster some relief when he doesn't find any. seems to be a pill and booze night; far from the worst condition he's found him in.

he rinses him off, running a curtesy hand over his shaved head only for it to fall back to his jaw; his thumb stroking over the thick scar carved into his cheek.

"you gotta stop doin' this," he whispers.

he isn’t sure if he’s talking to riley or himself.

mactavish gathers up riley's too-light body into his arms and turns off the shower. his head lolls into his throat and he throws a towel over his dripping body and another over his shoulder. it doesn't stop him from tracking water all the way to his quarters but he'd like to see someone try to put in a complaint about it.

he lays out the other towel on the bed and sets riley down; moving his body into the recovery position in an all-too familiar routine. he dries him enough that he won't soak the covers as he pulls them up to his chest and kicks the waste bin within grabbing distance of the bed.

he goes to pull off his sodden clothes when a different noise makes him freeze.

a low sniffle.

mactavish slowly turns back to the bed to find riley's eyes squinting open; glazed with tears as he kneads at the covers.

he stares at him for a moment as he looks around the room and those hazy eyes lock on him for the first time. "cap'n?"

he swallows. "aye; s'just me, riley."

his hand pokes out from under the covers and for all the promises he's made himself - all the “never again”s and “this is the last time”s - at the end of the day, he's weak.

he sits on the side of the bed and takes riley's hand in his; already so cold after nearly boiling himself alive.

"y' mad a' me?" he sniffs.

mactavish runs his tongue over his lip and slowly shakes his head. "no, i'm not mad at you."

"prom'se?" he pushes.

he reaches out and caresses his temple with his thumb. his hand almost covers his head and it cuts like a knife to remember just how small riley is. "aye," he says, hushed. "i promise."

riley's eyes fall shut, voicelessly murmuring 'promise’ to himself over and over.

"I’ll ge’ bett'r," he slurs and between one breath and the next, he's out.

mactavish sighs, running his hand in a final pass over his head and stares at a face that looks so much younger in sleep; bruised and sallow skin hidden in the shadows. "i know you will."

he presses a slow kiss to his forehead, shutting his eyes against the grief that wells in his heart and gets up to pull a chair over to the bed; settling in for another long night's vigil of watching his broken lieutenant sleep, ready to tilt him over if he throws up, eyes locked on the slow rise and fall of his chest fearing tonight may finally be the time it stops.

#drug use #tw drugs #guess whos back on her 09 shit #its me bb!!! #anyway 09 ghost who’s just completely messy #if he’s not on an op then he’s at clubs drinking & taking anything he can get his hands on #mactavish knows what he gets up to and hates it #hates watching him destroy himself stumbling back to base with no memory of what - or who - he’s done #hates seeing him prod at bruises knowing he has no idea where they came from #mactavish is more pissed that whoever riley was with just left him like that and that riley is totally fine with it happening #more than once he's found him almost od'ing half passed out in his room or the showers #and every time riley will slur out apologies and promises mactavish knows better to believe #riley knows how much it hurts mactavish to see him like this but its just so painful to live in his head #he can’t help but try and get out of it the only way he knows how #this is pre relationship btw just to make it all hurt a little more #ghost never remembers how he ends up back in his own bed after a bender #the whole point of them is to forget #he’ll end up missing days at a time and never question what happened to him in the meantime #if he thinks hard enough sometimes he can pick up flashes of a familiar voice rasping in his ear and big hands moving his body #but it’s hard for him to believe they’re anymore than drug induced hallucinations of what he really wants #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #talk to me ghost #we’re a team. ghost team #09 soapghost #09 ghoap #soapghost #john soap mactavish #soap cod #simon ghost riley #ghost cod

[mel-loly]

-“Ties and a Unique Love”..

#in this op au that I made. zoren (yes. it's a bit strange but I chose the name zoren for zoro) #had a somewhat “bad” relationship with a certain person (later on I'll tell you guys who it is) and this became a “trauma” for her. #feeling always surrounded by chains that prevent her from living the life she really wants.. #on the other hand. luffynda knows how zoren feels (basically. it's just her and robin who know. #as zoren tries not to show her weakness too much with this pain). knows how bad their relationship was. #and tries her best to make zoren feel comfortable. and “real loved” by her :] #and so.. the rest I will explain later- now I'm very lasy akgzksb #zolu fanart #zolu #(you can't see luffy/luffynda. but I will tag zolu too because she is talking with zoren. so- for me this counts) #roronoa zoren #op zoren #zoren fanart #zoren #one piece au #op au #genderbend zoro #genderbend op au #roronoa zoro #one piece zoro #op zoro #zoro fanart #op fanart #one piece fanart #one piece #op #i'm mel and this is my blog✌️ #art #art mel #my art

[sinnbaddie]

I don’t understand why Kishimoto never added Kakashi having thoughts about Gai when he died in the pain assault. It’s like he doesn’t want his relationship with Gai to have depth but then adds all these interactions and feelings that show how much he means to Kakashi.

He thinks of his dead friends and family, he thinks of Konoha 11, but he doesn’t think about his longest and biggest support? Not even a passing thought?

Might Gai is Kakashi’s best friend and rival, he isn’t a nuisance to him and he doesn’t think he’s less than him. Their relationship has substance and evidence to show how much they care about one another, im sick of Kishimoto and his constant need to diminish it then prop it up and then diminish it again. How can he be so inconsistent with relationships and character writing??

#kakashi hatake #might guy #maito gai #pain arc #kakagai #not even shipping in this instance just their canon relationship atp #I get Kishimoto probably didn’t think that far ahead in the series because so much of their dynamic is explained later #it aggravates me that Gai’s support is constantly made minuscule in reference to others #Gai - the one who was their since he was 5 years old and immediately supported and cared for Kakashi #Gai - the one who Kakashi has leaned on so frequently that he’ll pass out after Gai arrives because he knows he’ll handle it #yeah I’m glad he showed appreciation for his support after the pain assault #but it still irks me real bad that his relationship w Gai is diminished #ESPECIALLY in favor to Obito who he wasn’t even truly best friends with and only carried his legacy out of guilt #Gai IS Kakashi’s true best friend and rival and I’m very happy it’s expanded on later #but it doesn’t take away how Kishimoto centers Obito as his best friend and biggest influence #I’m not taking away from his influence at all but I’m angry that everyone thinks Kakashi’s relationship w him is so deep #compared to Gai #I feel it always comes back to the fact that everyone thinks Gai is ugly and a joke #anti kishimoto

[enitsirk]

FH JR YEAR IS STRESSING ME OUT SO HARD 2 seasons worth of kristens fucking around is being found out rn on this battlemap 😭😭😭

#SO MUCH PAIN #cassandra kristen divine relationship hurts me so much #its like theyre so close theyre on the cusp of finally having an honest vulnerable moment but just as they do a #a shrimp violently hurls in ur goddess’s throat and kills her #the amount of power shrimp has in this campaign is exorbitantly insane #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy spoilers

[crithaus]

Been seeing so many tweets abt it and I wanna get back on yonder soap box for a second cuz I have my own musings

I had always wondered if Vax would show up when Vex was drowning in Dalen's Closet and then when he didn't I wondered why and mused that barring the above table reasons of this being a game with set rules and Matt can't just deus ex machina their way outta all their scraps, that below table the Deal Vax had already made with RQ for Vex's safety was all the flexing she would allow him to do and then voila Vex comes back anyhow, and I think it's important to note that as Vex was dying Liam slipped out of Derrig's character, something he doesn't do much, and into Vaxbrain ("We had a deal, Matt.") to Express how unhappy he was that Vex was drowning and the deal he'd made was being routed and I think that's proof enough that Vax would if allowed absolutely come down there and rescue his family from any and all scrapes if he was able to,

Now with this latest episode, We saw Otohan bedecked Paragon's Call with RQ's symbols, we know Otohan has the poison that prevents you from being rezzed which is an affront to RQ's domain and position if I've ever heard one, we know the attack on Kiki was on purpose and possibly to get RQ's attention, get her looking and all, and this whole situation with Ludinus is the biggest threat yet faced to all the gods and all their domains,

And that's why she let Vax through the gates this time, just in time to wrest that permadeath dagger away from the heart of the love of his life. I don't think Vax could have been there without the requisite chips falling where they did, without RQ letting him, I think the thought that he busted through all of those gates unprompted and w/o permission is a little disingenuous because Vax would want to do that for any and every one of his family members every day all the time forever, but it makes perfect sense that as the Raven Queen's champion he would be sent down to stop Ludinus from freeing Predathos and it makes perfect sense for Vax to veer off from his official business, to shirk his responsibility and use the opportunity given to go to her, to do such a grand and meaningful gesture for his one true love, and tl sound so unclouded and present while doing so, I mean

This is Vax we're talking about. The guy who looked death (death herself both times y'know, Otohan and her dagger and RQ, two sides of a coin or something) right in the eye, twice, clutching his girls to him and telling that nigh all powerful entity to fuck right off cuz they can't have these girls he loves more than life? Peak Vax behavior. To know he's been watching Keyleth for so long finally seized his moment to help her, and did so with gusto? True love. The purest kind, the Vax-iest kind. Not even death can stop his love for her, for Vex, for Vox Machina.

And I think after this all is over they need to renegotiate the terms of Vax's service so he can stay back past the gates with the rest of his family cuz RQ is a stingy bitch and should have been MUCH laxer with gate-crossing privileges, I mean Vax has more than earned it now

#critical role #critical role spoilers #otohan thull #vax'ildan #c3ep51 #ludinus da'leth #the bells hells #vex'ahlia de rolo #keyleth of the air ashari #the moment was beyond sweet and painful and keyleth deserves so much more than just a glimpse of him but im tired of seeing the #smug 'vax broke past all the gates *only* for her' like kiki is the only person vax cares about like vm is just about romantic love and #it makes me sad cuz vm is about love that transcends all boundaries and borders and he'd do #did and will do again that for all of his loves his and kikis relationship is so much deeper and richer in the whole context of vm rather #than just their romantic partnership

[quickhacked]

Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.

by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays

#cp2077 #edit:mikhail #edit:vitali #nuclearocs #nuclearedits #happy birthday to my two boys :^) yes they share the same birthday what about it. it's essential to their whole. thing #whatever it is. they're like soulmates but also they are NOT dating. i need you to understand that. because it makes everything funnier #you guys remember when i first introduced them here and people thought they were together. good times honestly #but yeah no vitali is officially dating vincent and mikhail is just their eternal third wheel. their relationship can't be defined #they also reunite of course but i LOVE emphasizing their grief. they didn't know they'd ever see each other again #and they've known each other since around age 12. imagine spending almost every day with someone who CHOSE you #and then suddenly not seeing them or talking to them for YEARS. what do you do with that grief. that pain #sure they've found each other back but what do you do with that. where do you put it. it makes me insane!!! #they both were so lonely in their own way. vitali getting lost in vices and crowds but ending up all by himself at the end of the day #and mikhail drowning himself in studying and pushing himself far over his limits just to distract himself from the hole in his chest #night city in my head is much more massive than what it feels like in game. like yeah it feels big but not. BIG big #and i think mikhail and vitali's story and them losing contact while only a district apart really emphasizes how like #how HUGE this city is not only in terms of actual land it covers but also just. how overwhelming it is. how it can swallow you whole #anyway if you've read all of this hi. wanna make out

[vvienne]

I literally woke up in the middle of the night like God will dark rise is so fucking screwed. The line that’s like. “Everyone wanted to kill the Dark King.” What’s the part where he looks at Violet helplessly, haunted, almost pleading for mercy? But of course he reveals nothing of substance to anyone. Elizabeth is too young to understand but the reader knows what “Her relationship with that boy was…unnatural” can mean. Tying him to bedposts? Failing to strangle him? What else? Never not even once seeing beyond a mythological identity Will himself didn’t know he had? What did he think was the reason? That he was just intrinsically hateful? Of course he says nothing. Of course Violet can’t trust him- he’s given her nothing as painfully real as what she’s given him. So he gives her the sword hoping at least he can die at the hands of someone he loved, but even that doesn’t work out - she gives the sword to a Visander still furious at SARCEAN. The pattern continues; no one looks at Will, who vomits when he realizes what’s happened to James, Will who is much of a liar and killer and sneak as Elizabeth accuses but nonetheless wants to be different. Even when he doesn’t remember his own past. There’s no way out for him that doesn’t hurt. Hope this obsession passes soon given the one and a half years of waiting required for book 3

#dark rise series #dark heir #rarely does a cliffhanger pain me so much #bc rarely am I ever THAT invested in a plot I am sad to say #nona the ninth was so cathartic in of itself I’m content marinating before alecto #BUT PACAT ONLY EVER GIVES EMOTIONAL CRUMBS #have any of these bitches ever known peace fr #maybe this is what reading princes gambit and not immediately having the follow up might’ve been like #honestly it’s possibly damen and Lauren just generally had less problems tho #more than his relationship even with James. will/Violet is perhaps the genuine source of like. I WISH HED GIVEN HER A REASON. #the narration that describes Violet as Will’s star in the night…….. like fuck fine #will can’t reach any level of genuine intimacy with James bc the mess of fraught noncon dynamics is this massive unspoken horrible thing #wills identity is personal w James in a way it is with no one else but James is so fucking oblivious of undercurrents it comes unbalanced #and will knows it. but (as far as we know) violet isn’t reborn has no history with sarcean the dark king she’s literallt just Some Guy #and that almost makes it worse???????? that they are so loyal to each other even as he’s keeping a massive secret? #they weren’t dated or destined to entangle the way will is w characters like James and Katherine #and I think that makes his rship with Violet possibly the realest and truest experience of trust and love will has ever had #like it’s nothing bro. truly she knows nothing about him other than his lies of omission and her faith in him goodness which may or may not #beiltimately justified. but that was probably as honest and close will ever got to anyone. and him to her.