#the wedding band is such a nice touch it looks very real very organic very fitting on Apos finger akjshdhsk

[soft-husbands]

No one talk to me no one look at me I’m feeling FERAL

#something about this that just hits differently #the wedding band is such a nice touch it looks very real very organic very fitting on Apos finger akjshdhsk #I actually don’t even know if it’s a wedding ring or not but idc I like it #also pls pls pls I WANT MILES OUTFIT HERE IM DYING #anyways I’m normal I’m chill I promise #mileapo

[refinedbuffoonery]

Looking Through A Window (2)

macriley married undercover au

masterlist.

Oh man. My dudes. I received so much love and support and excited feedback on the first chapter that I thought my heart was going to explode. Y’all are so wonderful. Keep it up. <3

*****

Luckily, Matty lets them take the Phoenix jet to Houston. Flying commercial would make today even more tortuous than it already promises to be, albeit for a different reason. 

No matter how hard he tries to distract himself, Mac cannot stop staring at the diamond ring on Riley’s finger. The princess cut gem is stunning and ridiculously large, but it suits her cover as a lucrative arms dealer. A white gold wedding band sits below it. Riley left her usual assortment of rings at home, and Mac can’t help but think her long, delicate fingers look bare without them. 

He tears his eyes away from the rings again and again, both on the plane and while driving to the safe house. Riley drives with just her left hand, her right elbow resting on the center console. Mac likes driving, but there’s something relaxing about riding shotgun while Riley drives instead. He’s never been able to put a finger on it, but the sense of ease washes over him all the same. Admiring the way sunlight illuminates her engagement ring is simply a bonus. 

He doesn’t let himself imagine what he might give her, in an alternate future where she reciprocates his feelings and one day wants to marry him. 

Harley obediently lays in the backseat, staring out the windshield. She's been on her best behavior the entire twenty four hours Mac's known her, ever the professional. 

Which puts her completely at odds with Mac and Riley's shenanigans—cracking jokes, dancing on the plane and in the car, doing purposefully bad impersonations of Russ. These are the best parts of going on ops alone with Riley. They can let loose in a way they just couldn’t when anyone else other than Bozer was around. Everyone else is professional all the time; Mac and Riley are only professional when they have to be. 

Riley taps the steering wheel in time to the classic rock song on the radio. “What do you want for dinner?” 

“Dinner? We haven’t even had lunch yet!” 

“True.” Riley chuckles. “Can you tell I’m hungry?” 

Mac gives her a sly look. “Not at all.” 

They settle on Texas barbecue for lunch on their way to the safe house, because that’s what Jack would choose if he was here. If only the old man could see them now, all grown up and getting sent to take down terrorists unsupervised. 

Seated in a booth in the far corner of the restaurant, Mac raises his brisket sandwich in a toast to Jack, in whatever afterlife he found himself in. Hopefully it’s the one with an endless supply of good barbecue. 

“Oh man, Jack would’ve loved this,” Riley says through a mouthful of food. She sneaks Harley a piece of brisket. 

Mac smiles. “Yeah, he would’ve.” 

It’s easier, now, to talk about him. At first, Mac hadn’t been sure he could ever get to a point where talking about Jack didn’t make him want to hit something or just curl up and sob. 

But here he is, on the other side. Him and Riley both. 

Their safe house is another twenty minutes away from the restaurant, in a nice neighborhood full of trees and children playing on the sidewalks. It’s so much greener than a California neighborhood could ever dream of being. There’s even a park across the street from their apartment complex. It’s exactly the sort of place a young, affluent couple would want to live. 

Riley parks in their designated space, and the pair ascend the stairs to apartment number 202. Outside of the car, they don’t dare use each other’s real names until they’re sure the apartment is free of bugs. The place was furnished earlier that week by other Phoenix agents, but Mac and Riley do a thorough sweep of every room just in case. 

It’s a nice apartment. Wood flooring, granite countertops, matching cabinets throughout. There are pictures on the walls, but Mac doesn’t bother to stop and check what they are. 

Riley clears the space from back to front, so Mac does the opposite. He clears the kitchen first, frowning at the absence of any sort of food, before moving on to the living room. 

Mac stops dead in his tracks when he enters the bedroom. The singular bedroom. With a singular, queen-sized bed. 

Oh no. This is not happening. 

Mac shakes his head and rubs his eyes, hoping his mind is just playing tricks on him and that there’s actually two beds. Or a whole other room he missed before. 

The one and only bed seems to mock him. 

He walks back out, finding Riley already sitting at the kitchen table, turning on her laptop. “Uhh, Riles? There’s only—”

“One bed,” she finishes, not bothering to look up. “I know.” 

Oh god. He can’t do this. He can’t. Not with his dignity still intact. Mac stammers, “I’ll, uhh, sleep on the couch. You can have it.”

That gets Riley’s attention. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re going to be here for weeks. You’ll hurt your back sleeping on the couch that long. Just sleep with me.” Riley’s eyes widen as she realizes what she just said. “In the bed,” she quickly adds. 

Mac ducks his head to hide his blush. 

“What are you working on?” he asks in a feeble attempt to distract himself from their sleeping situation. Because it will definitely be a situation if Mac’s not careful. 

“Connecting to the Wi-Fi,” Riley says in a slow, “What else would I be doing?” sort of way. 

“Right.” Mac silently curses himself. Of course that’s what she’s doing. “Anyway, I’m assuming you already know this, since you probably opened the fridge too, but we have no food.” 

“I saw.” She’s multitasking again, manicured fingers flying faster across her keyboard than Mac can keep track of. “Why don’t you unload our bags while I finish this, and then we can go.” 

Unable to help feeling like he’s been dismissed, Mac complies without protest. 

Soon they’re back in the car, headed to the grocery store, and the whole thing feels ridiculously domestic. Mac’s never been a fan of grocery shopping, but Riley makes it almost...fun. For starters, she’s not methodical about it the way Bozer and Desi are. But more than that, getting to spend time with her doing mundane, non-work stuff is a nice reminder that their relationship is more than just the job. They’re friends too. 

Mac wishes there is a way to tell her all that without it sounding weird. 

They come home, unload the groceries, and take Harley for a long walk, and that feels easy too. It feels normal, even though literally nothing about this situation is normal, and Mac already knows he’ll miss this when the op is over. 

But normalcy ends when Riley beckons Mac to sit beside her at the kitchen table, and together they write an advertisement for their arms dealing business. Once they’re satisfied with it, Riley sends it off into the dark web, and there’s nothing to do but wait, like a spider after spinning her web. 

The waiting is the worst part. 

Mac is contemplating taking Harley for a second walk when Riley asks, “Want to help me make dinner?” He takes one look at her hands on her hips and the “you don’t actually have a choice” look on her face and knows he’ll be left to fend for himself if he doesn’t help now. Mac learned that the hard way back when he and Riley lived together. 

“Sure.” 

They work in comfortable silence. Mac chops vegetables and grates cheese for their quesadillas while Riley does the actual cooking part. Even though they are doing separate tasks, Mac is acutely aware of every move Riley makes, no matter how insignificant. Flexing her long, thin fingers around a knife. Itching the back of her calf with her foot. Dancing in place, spatula in hand, while she waits to flip the quesadillas sizzling in the pan. 

Mac smiles softly. Her random little dances are cute. He’s noticed them more and more since realizing he has feelings for her, but if Mac is being honest, he’s always thought the dances are cute. 

Riley hisses as she peeks under the tortilla, checking to see if it’s browned yet. 

“You good?” Mac asks, frowning. 

“Yeah, I touched the pan by accident.” Riley runs her thumb under cold water. 

Her laptop dings while they eat. Wide-eyed, Mac glances at Riley. That was fast. She grimaces before sliding the laptop closer and checking the notification. 

“Is it them?” he asks tentatively. That’s the hard part about this; in order for their business to look more legit, they had to just put an ad out and hope for a response, rather than target the terrorist organization directly. 

Riley exhales. “No, it’s not them. It’s someone else.” 

Swallowing another bite of quesadilla, Mac says, “I don’t know whether I’m relieved or if that’s worse.” 

“Same.” 

There are no more responses that night.

*****

Mac wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in—on his side, facing outward, with as much space between him and Riley as possible. When they crawled into bed the night before, Riley did the same. 

Harley spent the night on the couch. 

She’s a very guarded dog, Mac is slowly realizing. Tolerating, but not trusting. Mac supposes he would be like that too if he was a dog and he got stuck with a bunch of strangers after his human suddenly disappeared one day. 

He makes coffee, feeds Harley breakfast, and takes a shower, all before Riley loses her battle with the snooze button and finally gets out of bed. While she showers, Mac takes Harley for a walk in hopes that the cool, spring air will ease the anxiety that took root the moment Riley released their ad into the void. 

It doesn’t. 

Dark, puffy clouds loom on the horizon, and the few birds Mac hears shriek at each other in warning. It looks like a storm is coming. 

When Mac returns, he’s met with a grim expression, one he understands without Riley uttering a single word. “They answered,” she confirms. 

“What did they say?” Unclipping Harley’s leash, Mac moves to stand behind Riley, resting his hands on the back of her chair. The scent of her shampoo tickles his nose, and he forces himself to ignore it and focus on what Riley’s saying. 

“They want to meet. Today.” 

“Time or place?” 

Riley points at a small box on her screen. “Just an address.” 

“What’s there?” 

“A warehouse,” Riley says. “Owned by the same shell corporation other Phoenix techs already tied to the organization.” 

“Not very clandestine, are they?” 

“No, they’re not.” Riley looks up at him, her head bumping his sternum, and butterflies ricochet inside Mac’s rib cage. There’s something soft in Riley’s expression that makes Mac want to kiss her. “Are you ready for this?” 

Mac sighs. “As ready as I ever am. Are you?” 

“Yeah,” she says, but her confidence falters. Without thinking, Mac squeezes her shoulders in reassurance before walking away to change.

*****

The warehouse is located on the edge of the city, in an industrial area that has certainly seen better days. Even from a distance, Mac can see cobwebs decorating the warehouse windows and rust creeping up the roller doors. Aside from Riley, there’s not another soul in sight. 

As per the directions the organization sent after Riley confirmed the meeting, Mac parks on the south side of the building, near the only functional-looking door. He doesn’t look at Riley as they get out of the car, instead desperately trying not to cringe at the cold, heavy weight of the gun holstered at his side, hidden beneath his jacket. 

High-end arms dealers couldn’t walk around unarmed, unfortunately. 

Although her hands are occupied with holding Harley’s leash, there’s a gun hidden beneath Riley’s suit jacket as well. Mac’s stomach churns. The second Riley emerged from their bedroom earlier wearing that jet black suit, she was a different person. She was wholly Genevieve Turner, and no matter how hard Mac tried, he couldn’t find even a single trace of his best friend beneath the icy exterior. 

Locking their SUV, Mac smooths the lapels of his own black suit and slips into character as well. 

The dark clouds Mac noticed earlier are directly overhead now. Mac has never believed in omens the way Jack did, but he can’t help hearing Jack’s voice in his head, warning him that black clouds are a sign of certain doom. Or something like that. 

There’s no one inside the warehouse, at least as far as Mac can see. “Hello?” he calls, the word echoing slightly in the open space. Aside from a few random wooden crates, the room is empty. 

A door slams, and then an older man comes into view. He’s probably in his late fifties, with graying hair and a beer belly his shirt doesn’t quite cover. The man swaggers like he owns the place, although Mac doubts the leader of a terrorist cell would deign to play tour guide. 

No doubt there’s a quip on the edge of Riley’s tongue about entitled white men, but she doesn’t share it. 

The man extends a hand to Mac in introduction. “Conrad.” His sneer doesn’t reach his eyes. 

Mac frowns, keeping his hands at his sides. “Last name?” 

“Doesn’t matter.” 

What he’s about to say might screw everything up before it even starts, but Mac says it anyway. In his gut, he knows it’s the right call. “If it doesn’t matter, then we’re done here. My wife and I have no interest in entering a business relationship with someone too inexperienced to understand that trust is integral to any transaction.” Mac spins on his heel and strides toward the door, Riley falling into step beside him. 

“Wait!” the man calls. They pause, turning around slowly. “Deacon. Conrad Deacon.” The man seems to know he’s already lost. Good. “Welcome to the cause.” He gestures for Mac and Riley to follow him. 

Mac stands his ground. In his peripheral, Riley stands utterly still, the perfect mask of cool, collected neutrality. Almost bored, even. It’s scary how easily she becomes her cover. 

“Come on now,” Conrad says, taking a single step forward. “We have much to discuss.” 

That’s enough of the power play, Mac thinks, but just as he’s about to give in and follow Conrad, Riley utters a single, sharp command that rings through the room. “Sit.” 

Harley obeys. 

Riley’s lips curve in a cruel, taunting smile. “Then enlighten us.” Mac suppresses a shiver; he’s seen this side of Riley plenty of times before, watched her hone it over the years, but it’s still unnerving. Admittedly, it’s also kind of hot. 

Conrad ignores her entirely. He croons, “Why don’t we start with your names?” It’s phrased like a question. It sounds like a question, but Mac sees the demand for what it really is. 

Mac gestures to Riley. “This is my wife, Genevieve Turner. And my name is James.” His father’s name tastes like ash on Mac’s tongue. 

“And the dog?” 

“Killer,” Riley sneers. Mac isn’t sure if she’s kidding or not. 

Again, Conrad doesn’t acknowledge her. “James, why don’t I give you the tour and explain what we do here.” 

“We’ll go on the tour, but we are not here to join your cause.” It takes every ounce of Mac’s willpower to maintain his neutral tone. “All we care about is what you’d like us to provide and how much you’ll pay for it.” 

Conrad doesn’t hide his displeasure. “Fine. Follow me.” 

Mac and Riley are led through the open warehouse. The layout is straightforward and nearly impossible to get lost in. But after Conrad shows them a room full of rifles—countless hung on the walls, floor to ceiling, the rest in half-open crates—Mac finds himself counting the number of wooden shipping crates scattered around the building. 

He doesn’t like his final number. 

Arming terrorists doesn’t sit well with Mac, even if it serves a purpose. It makes him sick, knowing he will likely be indirectly responsible for their next attack. 

Especially because those crates are no doubt full of the kind of rifles designed to kill people most effectively. The ones hanging on the wall are military grade, probably cutting-edge. Desi would know exactly what they are and how they work. 

Trusting Riley is paying close attention, Mac only half listens to Conrad babble about the cause. But then the older man says something that stops Mac in his tracks. “Our country is being run into the ground by whiny do-nothings,” Conrad asserts, “who waste our money and spew garbage that some people matter more than others. Well, you know what? Hardworking, everyday Americans matter. But no,” he scoffs, “those damn liberals don’t like it when we remind them of the truth. Once we’re rid of them and the insufferables who elected them, this country will be better off.” 

The ground sways under Mac’s feet. He knows these people believe this, read it in Matty’s extensive briefing notes. But it’s another thing entirely to hear someone say it to his face. 

He can only imagine what Riley must be thinking. 

Clearing his throat, Mac tries to redirect the conversation. “Like I said, we don’t care about your cause. Just tell us what you’re looking for, and we’ll be on our way.” 

Conrad eyes him suspiciously, but complies. “We’re looking for something a little more than what you can get at the store, you know?” 

Mac doesn’t, not exactly. He’ll have to ask Desi later. “I do,” he lies. 

“Good. Here’s what we’re willing to pay for it.” He hands Mac a folded piece of paper, and Mac does a double take when he reads the number. There are a lot of zeroes. “And as a show of good faith, we’d like it delivered tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow?” Riley splutters. Mac feels it then, the broiling rage slipping through a crack in her persona. He needs to get her out of there. Now. Not just to preserve the op, but for Riley’s wellbeing. Some audacity Matty has making Riley play nice with men like this. 

Mac slides his hands into his pockets, using the movement as a cover to brush his knuckles against Riley’s fist. I know. I’m here. I’m sorry. 

For the first time, Conrad addresses Riley directly. “Yes. Tomorrow. Unless that’s something you can’t do?” 

“We can do that,” she replies calmly, and the difference between her reactions is like night and day. As quickly as that crack appeared, it was gone. 

“Excellent.” Conrad takes another step toward Riley, offering to shake hands, but Harley’s low, menacing growl keeps him at bay. Rewarding the dog with a quick scratch on the head, Riley closes the gap and shakes Conrad’s still-outstretched hand. 

“It’s a deal,” she says. Following suit, Mac shakes Conrad’s hand as well and follows Riley out the door, neither of them uttering another word. 

Mac drives. One look at Riley’s trembling fist decides for him. 

By the time the warehouse disappears from the rearview mirror, he can’t take the silence anymore. “Hey,” Mac starts, but Riley cuts him off with a hand. 

“Not until we’re inside.” 

They hit every single red light between the warehouse and the apartment, and Mac anxiously taps the steering wheel. Raindrops land on the windshield. They’re small at first, but soon the drops are large and numerous enough to refract the streetlights, and Mac struggles to see where he’s going. He adjusts the windshield wipers over and over, never landing on the right speed. 

Too slow. Too fast. Too slow. Too fast. 

Mac settles on a setting that’s slightly too fast, and the squeak of rubber on glass nearly matches his heart thudding in his chest. 

Riley stares straight ahead, unmoving, unblinking. Mac wants to reach out, to let a gentle touch say what he verbally can’t, but the road is slick enough to make him keep two hands on the wheel. We’re almost there, he reassures himself. 

By the time he parks, it’s pouring hard enough that the ten second walk from the car to the door soaks them to the bone. Riley’s hands shake as she unlocks the apartment door. 

Once they’re inside and Mac unclips Harley’s leash, Riley turns to him with pained, pleading eyes. His heart breaking all over again, Mac draws her in for a long, tight hug. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to. 

Mac just cradles the back of her head and sways gently, wishing he could fix the world for her. 

Neither pulls away, even when Riley suddenly says, “If Conrad was smart, he would’ve had someone bug our car while he paraded us around the warehouse. I don’t think he’s actually smart enough to do that, but we should check first, just in case.” 

Mac curses himself for not thinking of that. “Good call.” He rubs Riley’s back, hoping the gesture is soothing. “I hate the way he treated you,” he snarls. “Like you weren’t even worth acknowledging.” 

“Welcome to being a woman.” 

It was more than that. They both know it. But neither say it.

*****

“You need what?” Matty shrieks over the phone. 

Mac winces. “Sorry.” He’d called Desi first, to ask what kind of guns Conrad meant with his innuendo, and received a verbal lashing for not asking any follow-up questions. But she made her best guess anyway. Now on the phone with Matty, it doesn’t take even a single brain cell to know that her reaction will be much, much worse. 

“He wants us to prove ourselves,” Riley adds. “As a show of good faith.” The words come out dripping in venom, but their boss doesn’t comment. Mac takes a second to study her; Riley changed into leggings and an oversized flannel shirt, and there are still remnants of dark makeup smudges under her eyes. Now, she’s sitting on the kitchen counter with her knees tucked into her chest. It’s weird to see her take up so little space. 

Matty sighs, deeply and loudly in a way conveys her annoyance more than words ever could. “Fine. A few weeks ago, Border Control confiscated a huge shipment of smuggled guns near El Paso, so I’ll see if we can borrow those. But next time, Blondie, don’t make promises you can’t keep.” He doesn’t correct Matty in that it was Riley who made the deal. That would only add fuel to the fire. 

“Thank you,” he says, and Matty hangs up. Mac runs a hand through his damp hair. “That went well.” Riley’s lips twitch, but it’s not the amused reaction he hopes for. He’s at a complete loss regarding what to say to her, so Mac gently asks, “What can I do?” 

Riley slides off the counter, and Mac reaches for her automatically, although he doesn’t actually touch her; his hand hovers just beside Riley’s elbow. She doesn’t shrink away, but she makes no move to touch him either. 

“Help me put him and everyone like him in a deep, dark hole where they can’t hurt anybody. And then just…” she trails off, taking a deep breath. “Keep being you.” 

With that, she walks away, leaving Mac alone in the kitchen, racking his brain to figure out what that last part means.

*****

Later that night, Mac tosses and turns, replaying Conrad’s words. Once we’re rid of them and the insufferables who elected them, this country will be better off. They seem off-kilter, like what the man said and what he really meant are misaligned. Mac sighs, rubbing his face. 

Another bolt of lightning illuminates the bedroom, and Mac automatically counts the seconds until he hears thunder rumbling in the distance. The storm is moving closer. 

Beside him, Riley lies on her back with her eyes closed, although her breathing is too light for her to be asleep. Mac wonders if her mind is just as loud and chaotic as his. 

For Riley’s sake, he hopes it’s not.

*****

Sleep never finds Mac. 

The storm rages all through the night, but by the time dawn arrives, the thunder and wind dissipate, leaving just the steady downpour. The clouds are dark enough that Mac can hardly tell the sun even bothered to rise this morning. 

When Riley’s alarm goes off, it’s like the shrill tone is mocking Mac for being awake. Riley groans as she shuts it off. 

“Morning,” he mumbles. His throat hurts. He needs water. “Did you sleep well?”

Another groan. “No.” 

“At least you slept,” Mac mutters.

Riley rolls onto her side, drawing one of the extra pillows into her chest. “Do you always toss and turn that much?”

It was his fault, he realizes, that she didn’t sleep. Mac suddenly feels guilty. “Sorry. And no.” 

He expects Riley to be upset at being kept awake, but she isn’t. With a look that just might be understanding, she softly asks, “What were you thinking about?” 

Mac can’t say that his thoughts whip around his mind like raindrops in last night’s storm. Not without sounding crazy, at least. So instead he says, “I don’t even know. I just have a bad feeling about this.” 

“Me too,” Riley admits. “It feels off.” Her eyes are heavy, and Mac’s had enough early mornings with Riley to know it’s not just the lack of sleep weighing her down. 

“Go back to sleep. I can handle the delivery.” 

Riley rolls her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not letting you do that by yourself.” 

He doesn’t argue. “Okay.” 

A moment passes between them. It’s been happening more and more lately—holding eye contact a little too long, sharing smirks when no one else is looking, stealing moments where it’s just the two of them and nothing else matters. Each one gives him hope that there’s not a wall between them, but instead, a door. Someone just has to be brave enough to open it. 

Sitting up, Riley quipps, “Just don’t make me regret letting you sleep in the bed with me.” Mac snorts. 

“No promises.”

.

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#beth writes #macriley #macgyver #macgyver fanfiction #angus macgyver #riley davis #looking through a window au

[captainjimothycarter]

life is full of surprises:

They wanted a funeral for Steve.

"Why?" she asked, doing careful work not to meet anyones eyes while she carefully packed away a file that read Bowling. "It's not like there's a body."

There's silence. It's tense and akward and no one likes it. Especially not her.

"To give everyone a chance to say goodbye," Jones says careful, catching her hand before she can turn away. "We're not asking you to organize the damn thing, Pegs. You don't deserve that."

She huffs and tries not to think how warm his hand is. She lets hers hang loosely, finally picking her head up to meet the Howling Commandos. Steve's Commandos.

No. Hers. Theirs.

They shouldn't be here. The war might be over and people celebrating in the streets but their had just begun.

Yet she had the sneeking feeling Phillips was the reason they were here. He was out of the office for some reason or another after watching her like a hawk.

Its not like she needed a babysitter. Even if the company was mutely appreciated.

"Okay," she finally sighed and pulled her hand away. "However...I'm not going." She paused and sees Jim nod to Pinky and Dugan looks almost nervous. "I'll be taking temporarily leave to return to Brooklyn to see Winifred Barnes. Jame's-"

"Mother, we know," Dugan interrupts. "We're coming with you. Ah-not because you need to be watched but he was our friend too. They both were. Howard and the Colonol can plan the funeral."

Peggy had the suspecting feeling they already had been.

**

It's two days later Peggy finds herself in company of Winifred Barnes and James' baby sister - Rebecca. She's no longer the baby Bucky reminisced about. She's 12 and quick witted and misses her big brother very much.

As many soldiers, James lied about signing up soon as he could. He was drafted. There was paperwork left in his mother's care proving this.

Winifred knew about her, about the Howlies, and about Steve, even his untimely death.

"James loved much in life," she told Peggy and some of the Howlies over a cup of tea. The others played a game of marbles with Becca and given Jim's moans he lost another game. "He loved life. His sister. Steve in his own manner. He didnt want to go but he put on a brave face. We all did. Most of all, Miss Carter I know he loved you. The same way Steve did. Their letters came often and spoke about you or the Howlies more than anything."

"...they wrote about me?" It was logical, yes but it was a shock to her system.

Winifred chuckled and squeezed her hand softly. "Yes. Often. Quite often. Steve even.. " Her throat bobbed and she took a long sip of her drink. "Captain Rogers asked me to give you something if you...ever came by in the time of his death. Or...Howard Stark. He was sure I could find him."

That was Steve...have the utmost fate in people.

Captain Rogers. Not Steve. Steve was too personal. Captain Rogers wasn't. It wasnt Steve who laid dead in a frozen tundra but Captain Rogers - a war hero.

Steve was still alive in them.

Peggy's thoughts were distracted when Winifred came back to the table with a small, locked box. Inside were a few letters, a will, and a small ring box. She slid it across the table to Peggy who didnt want to pick it up.

She knew what was inside and didnt trust herself.

"It's okay. He wanted you to have it," Its Dugan who spoke, muttering beside her. "He talked often about...life with you."

Peggy's fingers trembled as she opened it up and inside laid as she expected - wedding bands. Tarnished with age and a diamond missing off of one but cared and loved for. Sarah Roger's wedding bands.

Steve wanted her to have them. To marry her. "Steve."

The tears flowed before she could stop herself, Winifred walking around to hug her and shooing the boys off like she was their mother. They knew when to listen.

Peggy didnt know when the tears stopped. When she was handed a quilted blanket Steve had once stitched by hand. It was small and uneven, the stitches were wonky and smelled of dust but it was perfect.

She missed him.

**

Another two days later, Peggy finds herself at the bar. The rings are stored on a necklace tucked into her blouse. She's on her third drink, listening to the boys trade stories about the time James tried to adopt a goat.

Winifred had assured her Steve and James both loved her and their deaths were not in vain. She did not blame them for her son's deaths because Steve might not be hers biologically but he might as well had been.

"It's time," she hears Howard beside her grunt, nodding to his pocket watch. He shares one last sombering look with her. "Are you sure...? We dont blame you but it be nice..."

"Putting empty caskets into a ground might soothe you and the guys and the public but not me. I'll be here when you get back." She paused and saw the way his shoulders slumped. "I promise."

"I know, kid, I know." Peggy doesnt mind how he kisses her temple. Or how scruffy his cheeks are. Or the alcohol on his breath. "Come on, boys. We got a funeral to crash."

Its not even an hour in to Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes public funeral when Peggy finds herself not alone. She's unsure how long the persom has been behind her, her senses are dulled while under the influence.

The hand touches her and she reacts. The man is on his knees and she lets go, letting out a gasp and scrambling back on the dirty floor.

The drinks must be laced. Or playing tricks in her exhausted state. Or...or...grief.

There's no way Steve Rogers is standing in front of her. He's worst for wear. His uniform is tattered. He had an exposed gash on his shoulder, his eye is black. She can see a few specks of glittering glass on his uniform. Any in his skin looked to be picked out. Hes barely standing and staring at her, unmoving.

"You werent at the funeral."

"Who goes to their own funeral?!" Is all she can shout. She has a hundred and one things to say. She can't think of them. "You're not real."

"I dont think being in this much pain means I'm fake."

He starts to fall and Peggy catches him. Hes solid. Cold and warm. Skin green and pale. No. Hes real. Hurt. But very real.

She wants to cry. To be angry but she can't find it past the relief. Especially when his eyes open, thick lashes fluttering to reveal pretty baby blues.

Hes holding onto her chain, stroking the rings.

"You got them. Good."

Thats how Steve Rogers came back into her life. Ignoring his own funeral, beaten and bloodied, and knowing where she'd be.

That's how a very real and a very hurt Steve Rogers did the most Steve thing ever to come back into her life.

Always taking her by surprise.

#steggy #stevepeggy #steggy prompt #peggy carter #steve rogers #captainamericapeggycarterismysexuality story idea #captainjimothycarter story ideas #steve please have some common sense #anyway heres a hurt/comfort for last day of 2020

[whothehellisyn]

Cat and Mouse | Ch. 4

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Dark!Mysterio x F!Reader

Rating: 18+ (full fic)

Chapter Warnings: none

AN: oh my god I can’t believe I haven’t uploaded in so long. I’m still writing this but more for my own personal consumption. Tenses get mixed a lot in my brain and this is definitely not beta read. I have no clue where I’m going with the story but I’m about four chapters past this one with stuff!

The rest of dinner passes in quick silence. Louis, paid not nearly enough to deal with the two of you, looks slightly relieved when he delivered the bill to you. When you hand him back the booklet you slip in a £100 note. He seems confused, and you urge him to take it with an insistence that it’s an American custom. Quentin is watching you with an unreadable expression the entire time. You pretend not to notice.

A black SUV is waiting outside for you and Quentin. He motions for you to enter first, and you seat yourself as close to the opposite window as you could to avoid being near him. He sits in a relaxed position, making small talk with his driver. As you watch the buildings blur by in the window you tune out the rest of the world, nestling into your thoughts about everything happening to you. Everything happening because of Quentin Beck.

You love him, though that’s not quite true, is it? You love Mysterio, the widower from another Earth. Who fiddles unconsciously with his wedding band when he’s reminded of his late wife, who has a deep and thoughtful stare when he recounts his grief. Who met your eyes when you recounted your own and said I understand your pain. This, is not that man. This is an actor, a stranger with his face. Is it possible to have loved an illusion worn by a villain yet loathe their very existence?

His laugh breaks your contemplation. It’s boisterous and genuine.

It pains you to hear it.

“Wendell, this is (Y/N).” He says, introducing you to the driver. Wendell is a man in his late fifties with greying hair. You can see the crown of his head where his hair is wearing thin.

“Ah, so this is the SHIELD agent you snagged, hm?” Wendell muses. He meets your eyes through the rearview mirror. “It’s very nice to meet you, despite your circumstances.”

So he’s aware you’re trapped, you think, and doesn’t seem to care. Or maybe he can’t. You’d like to think Wendell is a nice man who is just afraid of Quentin. That seems like a good optimistic line of thinking.

Wendell pulls to a stop some time later in front of a warehouse on the harbor. It’s an unassuming place a ways away from town, the exterior is a bland mix of brown bricks and mortar. Nothing about it screams ‘villain dwelling’ to you, but you don’t discount the fact that Quentin is a master of illusions and probably gets off on boring real estate hiding his tech.

Wendell gets out of the driver’s seat to open your door and let you out. You don’t move, not wanting to go anywhere else with Quentin. Maybe if you’re still enough, you hope, you’ll cease to exist entirely.

Wendell leans into the car to keep Quentin from hearing him, “My heart breaks knowing you don’t belong here, Miss.” You look away to keep from crying, but he knows you’ve heard him. “I wish I could take you far away from here and still be safe from him but...” He’s trapped too.

Wendell swallows nervously and looks over the roof of the car for Quentin. “Mr. Beck is waiting for us. If you don’t go now, he’ll come and get you himself.”

Reluctantly, you take off your seatbelt and slide out of the vehicle. Wendell gets the door behind you and hangs back as you approach Quentin. You can’t blame him, really.

Once you get to the door, Quentin places his hand at the small of your back and pushes you closer to him. You feel hyperaware of his touch as he “guides” you into the building and down a corridor. You imagine his hand burning through your shirt and leaving a pink handprint on your skin, or maybe his finger tips being barbed with poisoning spines. It’s just a hand. But it’s his hand.

You pass by a large room, filled with people you don’t know. Many sit at computers, and you can see a dismantled drone on a table. A few people meet your eyes and then quickly avert them, almost like they know who you are despite them being strangers. You wonder if Quentin has talked about you to them.

After walking through two more corridors, Quentin stops at a room with a heavy looking metal door. He places his hand on an interface next to the threshold and the heavy metal door swings open into the room.

“Look familiar?” Quentin asks, pushing you inside. As the door slams shut behind you, you realize what he means. You’ve been here before. All this time, that “hotel suite” he took you to was right here all along. Another illusion.

He take his hand off your back and leaves you in the middle of the room to pull clothes out of a large duffle bag on the bed. They’re your clothes, at least mostly. A lot of it are your comfort clothes, sweats and tank tops and t-shirts. He also starts pulling out your underwear and bras, casually laying them out in organized stacks. He looks back at you and, noticing your expression, gives you an incredulous stare.

“What, did you think I was going to make you wear the same dirty clothes every day?” You don’t respond and just stare back. Quentin looks annoyed but continues, “I do have some sense of decency, believe it or not. And regardless of that, I would prefer to fuck you without being reminded of the last time I did.”

You grimace at the remark. You think about how you have little tender spots along your thighs from the clones gripping your legs so hard, and the soreness in your shoulder from Quentin twisting your arm behind your back. The sheer stupidity of his statement when you’re the one who bears the reminders makes you snort, and he picks up on it immediately. He abandons the clothes on the bed to walk over to you, only a few centimeters from touching with his body.

“Was something funny?” He asks, voice vaguely threatening. You instinctively avert your eyes to the floor as he waits for your response. “I’ll ask you again,” He grabs your chin and forces you to look at him, his grip firm. “What’s so funny about what I said?”

Your eyes are wide with fear as you struggle to muster the courage to speak. “Come on, sweetheart,” He says, tilting your face up further with his hand, “I know that pretty little mouth of yours works just fine.”

You blink rapidly, tears welling up as he continues to stare into your eyes. He really is nothing like the man you love. When you try to form an answer your voice stutters and all that comes out is a sharp little whimper, which makes you want to cry even more out of shame. Quentin smiles wickedly at you, enjoying your difficulty to speak.

“It’s not so funny now is it?” He asks. You shake your head no and a tear falls onto your cheek from the movement. Quentin swipes it away with his thumb on his free hand and leans in close to your face. “That’s what I thought.” He releases your chin and goes back to taking your clothes out of the bag. You still don’t move, but you do wipe your eyes once his back is to you.

After he empties the bag, he checks his wrist display and points towards the metal door.

“That door is reinforced steel. It weighs over three hundred pounds and is powered by hydraulics. If you try to mess with the interface, I’ll know. If you try to damage the door, or break the door, I’ll know. And not only will I know when you’ve tried to escape, I’ll be forced to punish you for it.”

You know that his use of the word “forced” is bullshit, and anything he inflicts on you is completely chosen for his own pleasure. You watch as he presses his hand to the interface on this side of the wall, and the door groans open yet again.

“I have to go work now, honey.” Quentin says, almost like he doesn’t want to leave. “Behave yourself like a good girl while I’m gone.” With that, he exits and the heavy door slams shut behind him. For this first time in over 28 hours, you are alone. After you’re sure he’s gone, and not listening on the other end, you let yourself cry for the first time since everything has started.

Tears begin to stream from your eyes as you walk past the bed and into the bathroom. The large mirror behind the sinks reveals your disheveled appearance, and the shock finally wears off as you realize just how awful everything is. You look pathetic. Your clothes are filthy and torn in various places, and your hair is a rat’s nest. You begin to sob, just a little, and as you cry you go over to the glass-door shower and start the faucets. The water is just a little too hot but you don’t care, and you begin to strip with your back to the mirror. You don’t want to see yourself anymore right now.

The dirty clothes go directly into the trash can in the corner, and you step into the shower and huddle under the too-hot water. It hurts, but it feels cleansing to hurt this way. There’s soaps in there but they smell like Quentin, and so you just let the water rinse you off. When you get as much of the grime off you as you can, you sink to the floor and hug your knees tightly. If you close your eyes, you can pretend this is your shower back in your apartment. You can pretend that you just had a bad day at work and you’re showering to forget about it. You rest your head against your knees, close your eyes, and you pretend. You’ve always been good at that.

An hour later the hot water runs out and you’re forced to get up and turn off the faucet. You’re not clean but you’re definitely not dirty anymore. After a search through the cabinets, you find the towels and grab one to dry off your body with, using a second one on your head. Once you’re dry enough you grab some of your clothes off the bed and get dressed in the toilet area that’s walled off from the rest of the bathroom.

Dressed and somewhat clean, you’re exhausted. You can’t bring yourself to sleep in the bed, or even touch the blankets. Quentin sleeps there, you know that much already. You used to sleep there too, before. There’s no way in hell you’re sleeping in that thing now when it’s the only place Quentin could sleep as well. There’s a large tub in the bathroom, and you decide that’s as good a place as any. Armed with a pillow you took from a sofa in the common area of the suite and a blanket from the linen closet in the bathroom, you climb into the bathtub and create a makeshift bed. It’s not very comfortable, but it feels safe. You remember hearing from a classmate years ago that people hide in bathtubs during tornadoes and earthquakes, and wether that’s true or not you find that to be good enough for you.

Sleep comes quickly despite your sleeping arrangement. You have an incredibly vivid dream, about walking through a meadow. You can almost feel the wind on your skin, and your eyes squint in the sunlight. Bees drone sweetly as they fly by you as if in greeting. There’s a little boy a few hundred meters in front of you, toting a bundle of flowers in his arms. You feel yourself call out to him, as if you know him well, but you can’t place him in your memories.

A soft touch stirs you, and you can feel your body being carried and then settled again. You’re warm and comfortable, a weight being pulled over you.

“It’s alright, sweetheart.” A voice says. “Go back to sleep for me.” Okay, you think.

You return to the meadow, the little boy close but far, and the softness of the long grass tickling your fingers.

#cat and mouse

[rhiezus]

          Speak Now by Taylor Swift as Our Ships, Characters & More

(disclaimer: i don’t really remember this album, except for a few songs so it’s definitely gonna be like a first listen after a long time so keep it in mind that i’ll probably change opinions a lot according to as it goes)

Mine

Man, this song is a rollercoaster of nostalgia. But... Looking as it is this song is like the march band song of Jinhwan and Bomin, because after all the hard work and stuff, the fact that both had parents who didn’t exactly lived a nice love and they didn’t knew exactly how to portray that once they found each other but they learned it pretty fast tho. Could be Nayoung and Keun? No because, even though she comes from a fucked up background this just... the vibe just isn’t. Oh my god, Danbi and Daehyun too...

You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables Left a small town and never looked back I was a flight risk, with a fear of falling Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts

I mean... This is exactly Bomin and Jinhwan.

Do you remember, we were sitting there, by the water? You put your arm around me for the first time You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing that's ever been mine

But this... It also reminds me of Danbi and Daehyun, so... yeah.

But we got bills to pay We got nothing figured out When it was hard to take Yes, yes

I’ll finish it of with this part: Reality is starting to set in and discourage her. Paying bills is one of the most common annoyances in life. Although they have these problems, when you truly love somebody, you don’t let anything get in the way of that. A relationship can be put to the test when real life sets in, and everything isn’t about romance. However, we can see from the song’s bridge that things turned out very well for them.

Sparks Fly

Because of Taylor’s description, I think this is Julie and Valak:  is about falling for someone that you maybe shouldn’t fall for, but you can‘t stop yourself because there’s such a connection, there’s such chemistry. Isn’t this exactly how they happened?

Drop everything now Meet me in the pouring rain Kiss me on the sidewalk Take away the pain 'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around 'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

Seriously? The pouring rain here is the booty call... And then I remembered Julie masturbating thinking about Valak kkjkjkjkk nO BUt c’mon, yeah. “haunt me when you’re not around”, also Julie being the only person Valak ever saw... It’s the connection.

My mind forgets to remind me You're a bad idea You touch me once and it's really something You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be I'm on my guard for the rest of the world But with you I know it's no good And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would

I talked so much about them on that urstyle look that I have nothing to say except just show it to you. Oh my god, this is Ruy to Hai too... Jesus! I don’t know the feeling of falling in love even though you shouldn’t because you know it’s probably not gonna lead anywhere... It’s there. It’s this two ships.

I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right And lead me up the staircase Won't you whisper soft and slow? I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show

I love genius on this: Again, a sexual reference. The original lyrics of “it’s wrong enough to make it feel right” were “gonna strike this match tonight,” implying that the two are going to have sex. SEE? SEE? It’s Julie and Valak, but also Ruy to Hai. And it’s rock enough gonna imagine Ruy covering this on a Coachella and everyone going like, wtf???? But everyone also jamming cause well it’s Taylor Swift.

Back To December

Damn, I so thought of jumping this but this is the song that started this all so I just couldn’t and I wanted to listen to it. This is also the song that made me do this in December, it was a must. I’m just gonna include a few genius things for this to keep confirming it’s identity to a particular situation/ship. But also, let’s appreciate the lyrics as always.

I'm so glad you made time to see me How's life? Tell me, how's your family? I haven't seen them in a while You've been good, busier than ever We small talk, work, and the weather Your guard is up and I know why

We all know how this went, Nayoung seriously concerned about his family and the fact that Keun was working a lot, it’s also incredible that we already been through their break up and that now they are officially reunited again, it’s crazy. The “your guard is up and i know why” is my favorite part in this. And: This is about a person who was incredible to me- just perfect in a relationship, and I was really careless with him. So, this is a song full of words that I would say to him that he deserves to hear.

So this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night And I'd go back to December all the time It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

That december night, actually it was not at night it was like afternoon-ish because I imagine it was a pretty sky and rained, so it was like very chilly which made Nayoung get sick for walking in the rain like that. But mostly because that day changed her for good, after that she was a different person, a more decisive and strong person... It’s very beautiful. AND THE “FREEDOM AINT NOTHING BUT MISSING YOU” YEAH. 

And then the cold came The dark days when fear crept into my mind You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye

Genius: Taylor reflects on the relationship as she wishes she could have pushed through her fears to make things work.

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile So good to me, so right And how you held me in your arms that September night The first time you ever saw me cry Maybe this is wishful thinking Probably mindless dreaming But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't So if the chain is on your door, I understand

We know pretty much everything else so, for last I’m gonna leave us with the genius explanation: About that “change my own mind” Taylor felt insecure about their relationship and didn’t trust TL (have to call him that or else it’ll be too confusing), so she broke up with him. Now she sees that he was trustworthy all along and wants to go back in time, tell herself to trust him, so they can be together again. Glady time passed, and they are happily together though, can you just imagine if Keun had decided not to get off the car that day? Or if Nayoung just didn’t try to leave for Busan? Or better, if Sanchan just kept his mouth shut? No? Me neither. I think somehow they’d still have met and would be back together because it’s Nayoung and Keun.

Speak Now

I had to read the whole lyrics and genius descriptions before to say I think this is Chihye and Lian, but like in a different sense, not a wedding one. This could definitely be Soonyi to Sanghee if they had met before he got married to Jihu, yeah because of the feeling of the song it’s much more her than Chihye. But the lyrics tho it’s Lian coming to Busan after being mia for years and Chihye is married to his best friend. 

I am not the kind of girl Who should be rudely barging in On a white veil occasion But you are not the kind of boy Who should be marrying the wrong girl

See? Also I think Haneul probably did a cover of this when Hyuntae was all in those kdramas, maybe he did once when he got like married in the end and she sang this in an Instagram live and people died laughing.

This is surely not What you thought it would be I lose myself in a daydream Where I stand and say [...] Don't say yes, run away now I'll meet you when you're out Of the church at the back door Don't wait or say a single vow You need to hear me out And they said "speak now"

But the “this is surely not what you thought it would be” it’s definitely about Chihye and Pyongho’s, also Jihu and Sanghee marriage... Isn’t it? Both got married because a child was on this way and they thought they could really fall in love and at some point they really were in love, but it faded off and suddenly they had no idea how to carry that on or if so break it but how? Because there was a child on the way. Oh my god, how did I forgot Inna, tHIS IS TOTALLY INNA DREAMING WHEN SHE HEARD PYONGHO WAS GETTING MARRIED TO CHIHYE AND THAT’S WHY SHE DIDN’T WENT ON THEIR WEDDING JESUS CHRIST IM SO SORRY I FORGOT HER EXISTENCE, THIS IS HER!!

Fond gestures are exchanged And the organ starts to play A song that sounds like a death march And I am hiding in the curtains It seems that I was uninvited By your lovely bride-to-be [...] She floats down the aisle Like a pageant queen But I know you wish it was me You wish it was me (Don't you)

Jesus christ, this is Inna dreaming that Pyongho didn’t marry Chihye and actually didn’t went to the wedding because she was really afraid she would ruin it and she was scared to see that Pyongho could actually have feelings for Chihye. She definitely wished it was her and I think for a while Pyongho did too.

I hear the preacher say "Speak now or forever hold your peace" There's the silence, there's my last chance I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me Horrified looks from everyone in the room But I'm only looking at you [...] I am not the kind of girl Who should be rudely barging in On a white veil occasion But you are not the kind of boy Who should be marrying the wrong girl

I’m speechless, this is totally Inna even how the song goes... 

And you say "Let's run away now I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the back door" Baby, I didn't say my vows So glad you were around when they said "Speak now"

This is such a happy but sad song, especially knowing that she didn’t go and that didn’t happen, but that it totally would if she would say that, wouldn’t it? It would. And the genius just adds up: One of my friends … the guy she had been in love with since childhood was marrying this other girl. And my first inclination was to say, ‘Well, are you gonna speak now?’ And then I started thinking about what I would do if I was still in love with someone who was marrying someone who they shouldn’t be marrying. And so I wrote this song about exactly what my game plan would be. And lastly, Gok Inna here on: she “[lost herself] in a daydream” about objecting to her ex’s marriage.

Dear John

Yes I’m gonna make you listen to this whole song because there was a lot of time I cried thinking about this song and it’s meaning, and I’ve waited a long time to tell you about this. Okay so, this album there is a lot of sad songs involving Nayoung’s life what the fuck. First to explain let me begin with the lyrics:

Long were the nights when My days once revolved around you Counting my footsteps Praying the floor won't fall through... again

Nayoung was like 15 when she first met the nameless, and he was like this co-worker older guy he was almost like 25-30/so and he was really nice towards her, they played a few parts together of course not as a couple yet because of the age gap but he became a friend and because he was successful I think Chihye let her be around with him. That’s the age Nayoung started going up to parties with the actor's crew, Kim Yura (who I think is a few years older than her, yes like 1 or 2) and such... And such as any male predator he made her feel good for hanging out with them like it was a privilege, because of that she was obsessed with making him proud and making him notice her. First, she never had a father figure around, so she has daddy issues and second, she never had someone treat her like that, so she wanted to stand out to him. 

You paint me a blue sky Then go back and turn it to rain And I lived in your chess game But you changed the rules every day Wonderin' which version of you I might get on the phone, tonight Well I stopped pickin' up and this song is to let you know why

Literally, she was a kid and he was a really old man who got close to her. At first, he was really careful, he was just like a friend, he used to buy her gifts, take her to parties and then back at her home like just to gain her and her mother’s trust. Which he did, that’s why Nayoung though she was in love and he had such fucked up games just like her mom that she thought this was the right way to love. Once he would give her stuff and then she’d call him and he’d say she was too fat on her last drama, so she’d believe him and go on crazy diets to make him see she was like “the good girl” he and her mother loved too much. Then he’d reward her for that, he’d take her on a date or something... Fucked up, I know but keep up.

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone Don't you think I was too young to be messed with The girl in the dress cried the whole way home I shoulda' known

I think they only went on a real relationshi-ish when she finally hit 17 to 18, because it was almost legal and he started giving her favors and more contracts to dramas. Yes, he was a very powerful man and I think that was the time Nayoung became really famous because he was favoring her and she was doing exactly what he wanted her to do. It was extremely toxic maybe even more toxic than with her mom, but because she was young and everyone was okay with it, she was too. Honestly, I think Nayoung even though she loved him, she really did, she thought it was the best relationship she ever had (because she never had any). 

Dear John, I see it all now it was wrong Don't you think nineteen's too young To be played by your dark, twisted games When I loved you so? I shoulda' known

Nineteen was the time they probably had sex for the first time, yes, she played her all those years just for that. And it was terrible, I think that was when Nayoung felt it was really wrong because she always saw him as a good person but in the end, all he wanted was for her to be his doll, to follow him up and give everything he wanted, including sex. I even imagined after they had sex, she really hated because it was no good and he became even more manipulative towards her, so she finally stopped caring for him, stopped picking up his calls and started to ignore him, not really go to all parties when he was there and stuff. So he got mad and wanted to cut her off a bunch of shows and dramas, but since Nayoung was becoming more famous than he’d thought she would he couldn’t, so that’s why he started aiming for someone else. 

You are an expert at sorry And keeping the lines blurry Never impressed by me acing your tests All the girls that you've run dry have tired lifeless eyes 'Cause you burned them out But I took your matches Before fire could catch me So don't look now I'm shining like fireworks Over your sad empty town, yeah

Like I said, she stopped caring for him and started moving on with her life as an actress so she became really big at that time, she was at the peak of her age and everyone loved her for being “the good girl”, “the angel”. Even though Nameless was a really bad man who chased young girls, Nayoung got out before he really fucked her even more than he did, so that’s why she felt like shining at the time without knowing the consequences he left on the term “love” for her. That’s why it was always hard for her to trust people, especially men. Also, the reason I think she was never really best friends with Mark even though they did work together, they were just co-workers. Before that, she was also best friends with Kim Yura, but because she backed off their group of friends a little, Yura became really mad and they drifted away. But I don’t think that’s something Nayoung really had the courage to explain to anyone because she never knew how? The only time she did was to a psychics after she and Keun broke up like they were trying to understand all her trauma and he probably explained that what her mother had was not really a good idea of love, that’s when she understood that Nameless wasn’t too and they talked about it. And you knew that story, but I think you always knew as Keun like only from above that it was toxic, so now you have the real details and how it all came to me when I listen to Dear John. 

Mean

What a country twist, sometimes I forget this is Taylor’s old album. This is about someone that said she really couldn’t sing and trashed her performance, so she did this song and looking at this I think this is Sulji to everyone who says she is weird and didn’t really deserve to be in Attik. Also her to JYP when she was kicked off. I can’t really see any other reasons, you name it. 

You, with your words like knives And swords and weapons that you use against me You have knocked me off my feet again Got me feeling like I'm nothing You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard Calling me out when I'm wounded You, picking on the weaker man

And the way the song goes through is very Sulji alike. The genius, Taylor said something that literally looks like Sulji in an interview: Some days I’m fine and I can just brush it off and go about my day, but some days it absolutely levels me. All I can do is continue to try to work hard every single day and feel everything.

Someday, I'll be living in a big old city And all you're ever gonna be is mean Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me And all you're ever gonna be is mean Why you gotta be so mean?

Seriously? Yeah, that’s the only thing I can see for this song. Remember her crying in front of Keun? She went home listening to Mean by Taylor Swift, I’m kidding she probably doesn’t listen to Taylor but still... This song translates the feeling.

And I can see you years from now in a bar Talking over a football game With that same big loud opinion But nobody's listening Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing But all you are is mean All you are is mean And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

I love Sulji’s development, she came from criticizing people on the internet to being one of those people she probably already criticized so she grew a lot when she was about to debut because she realized for real how life was hard. Before she used to just brush it off as if it didn’t hurt her at all, but as she finally did something she was passionate about and had a reason for it, she didn’t wanna lose it so she worked very hard. That’s probably why Keun put her to debut even though she didn’t have a lot of time practicing with Attik, because she was open to every critique to work hard and develop, that’s why she did. She wanted people to change their minds about her, her family and ex-colleagues, but at some point, after debuting she just realized some people are just mean for no reason at all and after all that, she was a good person and very hardworking and if they couldn’t appreciate that it was really their lost. She just came a long way for her mom not caring about her existence, then being bullied, then kicked out of a company, just to debut and work to be better... So this song speaks a lot about the people who don’t deserve her time.

But someday, I'll be living in a big old city And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah

So yeah, there is that.

The Story Of Us

Damn, I love this song. I’m dying I was just reading genius and I hate how much Hyuntae and Haneul this song is. Congrats Haneul you have another Taylor song, really, rEAlly. 

I used to think one day, we'd tell the story of us How we met, and the sparks flew instantly And people would say, they're the lucky ones I used to know my place was a spot next to you Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat 'Cause lately, I don't even know what page you're on

Exactly right after they break up, I think there was always this heavy cloud between May-b and WNDR because everything was great and had this bunch of couples and because they were from the same company they always had to be around each other sometimes. Which was weird now because Haneul had no idea where Hyuntae minds were after he broke up she felt like she didn’t know him at all as she thought she did so, of course, she wanted to hate him, but she couldn’t because it was Hyuntae and they had to work together sometimes too. Just like Taylor said: is about running into someone I had been in a relationship with at an awards show, and we were seated a few seats away from each other. I just wanted to say to him, “Is this killing you? Because it’s killing me. But I didn’t. But I couldn’t. Because we both had these silent shields up. YEAH. LET ME IMAGINE WNDR AND MAYB IN THOSE KOREAN AWARDS ACTING REALLY WEIRD AND PEOPLE TAKING PICS AND STUFF. 

How'd we end up this way? See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy And you're doing your best to avoid me I'm starting to think one day, I'll tell the story of us Of how I was losing my mind when I saw you here But you held your pride like you should've held me

This also remembers me when Hyuntae left his pride to apologize to her but this only made Haneul be even more angry towards him, because he made her feel like it was her fault or as if she didn’t know him at all when she did and he just twisted by being a total coward. She totally lost her mind over something she never thought she would, because Haneul always had this idealized idea of love, that Hyuntae didn’t know how to portray at first and perhaps that’s why he felt like he was not suited for her expectations or to his as well. And genius: Now, instead of experiencing a great life with him, she can’t even sit by him without feeling awkward.

This is looking like a contest Of who can act like they care less But I liked it better when you were on my side The battle's in your hands now But I would lay my armor down If you say you'd rather love than fight So many things that you wish I knew But the story of us might be ending soon

All those covers and acting shady like she didn’t care or like she cared too much, I think at some point Haneul just grew tired and realized how childish she was for doing this when Hyuntae didn’t even care and that’s why he broke up in the first place, right? So that’s why “The battle’s in your hands now”, says a lot. And “so many things that you wish i knew” is exactly what I said that Hyuntae said but didn’t have the courage to. This song is Haneul mad about everything but at the same time letting her guard down because she is curious about them and because she misses him, trying to know if he still does too. 

Never Grow Up

This song is so sad and so boring at the same time but here we go. I think this is for Yehjin and Kuen at the same time because I don’t know why... I feel like Yehjin would have this feeling for Kuen ever since she was born: listen up.

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger And it's so quiet in the world tonight Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret I'd give all I have, honey If you could stay like that

On genius, Taylor said: ‘Never Grow Up’ is a song about the fact that I don’t quite know how I feel about growing up. It’s tricky. Growing up happens without you knowing it. Growing up is such a crazy concept because a lot of times when you were younger you wish you were older. I look out into a crowd every night and I see a lot of girls that are my age and going through exactly the same things as I’m going through. Every once in a while I look down and I see a little girl who is seven or eight, and I wish I could tell her all of this. There she is becoming who she is going to be and forming her thoughts and dreams and opinions. I wrote this song for those little girls. Tell me if this isn’t Yehjin deep down to Kuen? 

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home Remember the footsteps, remember the words said And all your little brother's favorite songs I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

Seriously? Everything. Even though sometimes Kuen is a pain in her ass, since little it was her best company because Kuen was born when Yehjin was already a teenager so I think she tried to protect her in every sense even though when she was older Kuen made fun with her, still, they were always really close. I can totally picture ten-year-old something Yehjin holding baby Kuen and thinking how she wished her to stay that little forever, just like she wished not to grew older.

So here I am in my new apartment In a big city, they just dropped me off It's so much colder than I thought it would be So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on Wish I'd never grown up I wish I'd never grown up

This part is exactly how Yehjin will be in a few years with the same feeling.

Enchanted

I have many ships for this moment of meeting someone and realizing this could be something really big like love first: Hana and Mark, because ever since they met for a few seconds in the club it was exactly how Hana felt for a little while and then on the coffee shop again, it was the same wonderstruck feeling that Taylor describes, so it happened twice even though they had no clue yet it could be love at first sight thing. Second, Ella and John. Because? I don’t know, the vibe from the song and how they met and she is totally in love, sounds like Ella to John. Third, Jinhwan and Bomin, that’s exactly how it went since they first met at the market and he was just selling seeds... Yura and Chiyo, ever since they first encounter there was something in the air and Yura was enchanted to met her. Probably Yehjin and Chang too. Oh my god, Hyanggi and Hyunki. IS THEIR SONG SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There I was again tonight Forcing laughter, faking smiles Same old tired, lonely place Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy Vanished when I saw your face All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you

Let’s go back to Hana and Mark for a second, because Hana hated being a model and when she met Mark over the coffee shop and they became friends it was different? It was like a grown-up feeling she had, he was different from everyone on the field and he was really nice, funny... So yeah. Bomin faking the rich life that her dad wanted for her, finding something real and risky for the first time ever. Yura also, faking it, even though she was finally openly gay she still had a long way to go towards life until she met Chiyo who opened her for so many things else. And Hyanggi, who finally would have a real love thing, even though she didn’t expect it at all.

Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?" Across the room your silhouette Starts to make its way to me The playful conversation starts Counter all your quick remarks Like passing notes in secrecy And it was enchanting to meet you All I can say is, I was enchanted to meet you

There is a lot of ships, but you still can see it, yes? I can. I’m still speechless by Hyanggi and Hyunki though because it blew my mind. “like passing notes in secrecy”, isn’t that them exactly? There was a total spark ever since they first crossed eyes, yes.

The lingering question kept me up 2AM, who do you love? I wonder 'til I'm wide awake And now I'm pacing back and forth Wishing you were at my door I'd open up and you would say, "Hey" It was enchanting to meet you All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This part “who do you love”, is very Hana when she realized she was falling in love head over heels for Mark and I think that’s how she found out. She was like “really? I care about who does he love? why?” that’s when it hit her off. The door part too reminds me of Hyanggi with Hyunki, actually wishing he would take action because she had a crush on him and for the first time didn’t know how to act around a guy. 

Please don't be in love With someone else Please don't have somebody Waiting on you Please don't be in love With someone else Please don't have somebody Waiting on you

Just to finish off to say how this song connects the feelings between a lot of ships. She whispering, this is so Hana... And the fact that she is so stupid and would rather wait on him than to actually say she was in love with him, it says a lot. Also, I can totally imagine this song in the background of their romance/story, you know when you put on a song, close your eyes and you can see all the keys scenes from a ship like on a movie scene? Yeah.

Better Than Revenge

This song is between Jihu and Soonyi because: “Better Than Revenge” is rumored to be about actress Camilla Belle, who infamously stole Joe Jonas' heart while he was dating Taylor. /// Also, this is Linlin to Danbi when she thought there was something going on between her and Mingyu.

The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and I had it all, I had him right there, where I wanted him She came along, got him alone, and let's hear the applause She took him faster than you can say sabotage

Right? Right.

She's not a saint and she's not what you think She's an actress, whoa She's better known for the things that she does On the mattress, whoa Soon she's gonna find stealing other people's toys On the playground won't make you many friends She should keep in mind, she should keep in mind There is nothing I do better than revenge, HA!

The “shes not a saint, she's an actress” is so Danbi to Linlin, maybe I think that’s why Linlin never liked Danbi in the first place because Danbi is such a good girl on everyone’s else’s eyes and Linlin always thought she is fake. 

I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at, honey You might have him, but haven't you heard? I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at, honey You might have him, but I always get the last word

Also, this part “i always get the last word” I feel like is very Jihu’s personality. 

Innocent

Stay with me alright? This is a long album, I just realized it now, for god sakes... I feel like this is about Chihye, literally everyone to Chihye, because:

I guess you really did it this time Left yourself in your war path Lost your balance on a tightrope Lost your mind trying to get it back

Although this song is Taylor to Kanye, yes again. The lyrics hit me about Chihye a lot and all her trajectory of being mean without even knowing it.

Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days? Always a bigger bed to crawl into Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything And everybody believed in you?

Yes, when she had a nice life with parents and friends, and lived it big thinking she’d be rich forever until it all breaks down and she had to live in the street, surviving to a be a completely different person but having no idea how. It’s like her whole life was destinated towards tragedy and instead of fighting against it, she just let it be. 

It's alright, just wait and see Your string of lights is still bright to me Oh, who you are is not where you've been You're still an innocent

I feel this speaks a lot of Hansol and Nayoung to Chihye, like she always acted like a big baby even though she was their mother. And only they are capable to know what they’ve been through, that’s why sometimes I feel like they’d protect her because it was toxic in a way only they could understand. Also, in some aspects, this is Lian like you spoke last time, the only one who remembers her in a nice light like the “innocent” one.

Did some things you can't speak of But at night you live it all again You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now If only you had seen what you know now then

I think as Chihye was getting older and with a lot of personality disorders, Hansol couldn’t get away from her because deep down he knew she was suffering too and that she only had him who cared about her in this world. It’s strange because even though both were raised by her, Hansol had more of an understanding of Chihye’s feelings than Nayoung ever did. So he knew how hurting she got on her last years alive, how sorry she felt and how she just wished it to be over even if she didn’t say it.

Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catching days? When everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you Wasn't it beautiful running wild 'til you fell asleep Before the monsters caught up to you?

Sad, I know. I’m not gonna say anything anymore, it’s just Chihye’s last years alive. What I mean is: Rest in peace, Chihye, you really do deserve some peace after all.

Haunted

What a weird song, I didn’t remember this one. Anyways, this could be Kayn and Araki but mostly I think is Jihu and Sanghee (yes, I’m gonna insist in these characters, you will see why). This could even be Kyungri about her dad, seriously.

You and I walk a fragile line I have known it all this time But I never thought I'd live to see it break It's getting dark and it's all too quiet And I can't trust anything now And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake

Seriously? The only thing I think ain’t Kayn and Araki is because of the dark twist, is like she is pledging for him not to go and this isn’t them. 

Whoa, holding my breath Won't lose you again Something's made your eyes go cold

I think this is Kyungri and her dad now, nothing is gonna change my mind.

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Something's gone terribly wrong You're all I wanted Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Can't breathe whenever you're gone Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

Last Kiss

Oh finally this album is coming to an end, it’s been almost 3 hours on the row why did I decide to talk too much?! I love this song so much for no reason at all, is just a really beautiful song and a breakup song so it’s hard because there isn’t a lot of painful breakups that we talk much as the ones we talk much... But I feel like this is Bonghu and Sanchan. Could it be Nayoung and Keun, yes? But I think is too much of a melancholic feeling for their breakup. This is more like something that happened and went on for a long time, probably Seulgi and Hailey or even at some short period Sulji and Seth. Yes, I will take responsibility for everyone that I said. But mostly, Bonghu and Sanchan definitely. 

I still remember the look on your face Lit through the darkness at 1:58 The words that you whispered For just us to know You told me you loved me So why did you go away? Away

Now it feels stupid that they had to break up at that time, but weren’t they just trying to find a reason to be free for something that they thought it would be big when in fact it really wasn’t? 

I do recall now the smell of the rain Fresh on the pavement I ran off the plane That July 9th The beat of your heart It jumps through your shirt I can still feel your arms

Haneul also listened to this for the time she spent in bed sad about her breakup with Hyuntae, but it was just for a while. She probably cried a lot to this one. 

But now I'll go sit on the floor Wearing your clothes All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss I never thought we'd have a last kiss Never imagined we'd end like this Your name, forever the name on my lips

I hate this part because it reminds me when I listened to this thinking about Nayoung and Keun’s break up and I would picture her literally using Keun’s shirt and just sitting on the floor thinking about them and every moment they had together.

I do remember the swing of your step The life of the party, you're showing off again And I roll my eyes and then You pull me in I'm not much for dancing But for you I did

Suddenly this is Seulgi and Hailey, the difference between their personalities and how much in the period they weren’t together they missed each other, not much like lovers but more as best friends as they always were. Seulgi did, in fact, a bunch of things she never thought she would for Hailey and Hailey also did things for Seulgi she’d never thought she would.

Because I love your handshake, meeting my father I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

This reminds me of Haneul and Hyuntae a lot, but also Bonghu and Sanchan.

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are Hope it's nice where you are

This part! This part right here is why I said Sulji and Seth, “life in pictures” and “hope it’s nice where you are”. I don’t believe Sulji had such a melancholic feeling of their relationship like this song, but she did have good feelings for it and that’s why I said this could be them too, she recalls it nicely like the only thing that lasted well for her. And how their friendship was something beyond young kids love, so they moved on quietly and nicely for it, they were real grown-ups in their breakup, I'm proud of them for it, there wasn’t bickering like there is in almost any breakup we have.

Long Live

I’m gonna used this moment to dedicate this song for our generations in general but most important for us and our imaginary world that somehow brought us the energy to keep moving forward in our hard times, which brings us joy and that just strength this friendship to be something I never imagined. Thank you, I love you forever bro.

You held your head like a hero On a history book page It was the end of a decade But the start of an age

I feel like this couldn’t be more right, the fact that I pushed this to be on the last days of the year, the decade. To where we met almost six years ago and how we became really best friends for almost 3 years now, just imagining things that never happened but that brings us something extraordinary. We still have a long way to live and hopefully always together, so this is to you, to us!

Long live the walls we crashed through All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you I was screaming, long live all the magic we made And bring on all the pretenders One day, we will be remembered

Long live to all our stories, our dreams, our plans, ambitions, and secrets we share so deeply. I sound so melancholic in this but I have to because I feel like things are about to change but not this, the connection we have is bound to be forever and I always have to thank you for that. We are exceptional.

Will you take a moment? Promise me this That you'll stand by me forever But if, God forbid, fate should step in And force us into a goodbye If you have children someday When they point to the pictures Please tell them my name Tell them how the crowds went wild Tell them how I hope they shine Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life, with you

*peace sign* I love you, Happy New Year and that we keep this friendship forever, even if things get crazy and life steps in, I hope we can always count on each other and out great imagination because that brings me faith. 

[onesmallspark]

Welcome to my new fic - For You

I still haven't decided if this will be a T’Challa fic or an Erik “Killmonger” Stevens fic, but it is slightly AU. It is my first Marvel Universe fic, so please be gentle. This will get smutty af. Let me know if you enjoy!

Chapter 1

Ava Yates was in over her head. This isn’t at all where she saw an internship taking her and she was without a doubt, 100 percent in over her head. 

Ava had spent the past year - and the last year of her graduate assistant internship - working at the newly established Wakandan Outreach Center in Oakland. There, she was on staff as a photographer, hired by the Wakandan council to document the progress the outreach center was making in its first year of service to the surrounding community.

Images she captured lined the walls of the three initial buildings, were used in promotional news material and lived on social media sites that were run by other graduate assistants to show what incredible work the Wakandan agency was doing.

In her time, she had taken a particular shining to Shuri, another girl she met during her internship. It was months before Ava realized just how instrumental the young girl was to the entire operation – nevermind the fact that she was a Princess. It was actually one of the things that Shuri loved most about Ava, she treated her just like anyone else.

That, and Shuri had plans for her friend Ava who she had come to love dearly. Big, important plans.

- - -

 Parking her little Volkswagen Jetta, Ava slung her camera bag over her shoulder and pulled the sunglasses from her face as she walked toward the entrance to the main campus building of the Wakandan Outreach Center. Looking up, she saw a large group of kids and adults playing basketball on the refurbished court just to the right of the entryway. Shuri was standing off to the side watching, occasionally filming with her kimoyo bead.

“Watch this?” Ava asked, dropping her purse at Shuri’s feet before pulling her camera out and hopping into action. Some of the kids she recognized, they were regulars at the center and came for after school activities and on the weekends. She assumed that they didn’t have much to go home to – if anything at all.

She didn’t, however, recognize any of the adults at first. Risking life and limb, at least in her mind, she posted up under the basket, kneeled on the sidelines and got just close enough to capture some great content 

“Can you tell me who everyone is?” She asked, pulling out her phone. Shuri was always a help to identify any visitors to the center for captions. Shuri listed off names, left and right for Ava, watching as she typed them into what she insisted was her primitive iPhone. Ava just loved remembering the day that Shuri had to get an iPhone in order to best communicate with the rest of the staff.

“Erik, E-R-I-K,” Ava looked up to see one of the players standing incredibly close, watching as she typed the names into her phone.

“And last name?” She asked. Erik glanced to his cousin, who harbored a smug smile. 

“Stevens… with a ‘v,’” he added.

“Got it, thanks!” She said, picking up her bag at Shuri’s feet, her camera with attached lens still hanging around her neck and hoofing it back to the building. The sooner she could get these uploaded the better – she always liked her photos to be timely and that way, the social media staff could put them up as soon as possible, too.

Uploading and labeling the photos didn’t take long, but she took a moment to edit them for best possible light exposure and shadows.

Growing up, Ava wanted to be a journalist – breaking news and sharing information with the world and doing good. Then, as she got older, and her mother gifted her with her first Polaroid camera, she learned that she could do a lot of good through the medium of photographs. She liked to take pictures of her brother’s baseball games, her father hard at work as an architect, and her mother, who ran a small daycare out of their home.  She was a mother to many children in their neighborhood.

She now clung to some of those photos as a lifeline, they were the closest things she had to her family after a car crash on Pacific Coast Highway claimed the lives of the nearly all of the Yates family.

Ava missed the accident, staying at home to sleep off a cold while her family traveled out of town for one of her big brother’s baseball games.

She hoped after undergrad at Berkley to get an internship in a newsroom or with a paper, taking photos. When she delayed joining what her friends teased as the “real world,” by pursuing her master’s degree, she was required to take a practicum and somehow, through a photo essay and presentation, secured her internship at the WKOC.

Ava knew she was lucky – beyond lucky – to end up where she did, but now, after finally finishing the last credits of her Master’s, her internship was coming to an end and she was officially job hunting.

Twenty minutes after sending the photos from today’s pickup game to social, she began archiving, selecting a few that she thought would look good projected on the walls of the center’s indoor gym.

“Are you done yet?” Shuri asked, sitting on the side of Ava’s small desk, nearly knocking a picture frame off of the structure.

“I just got here,” Ava laughed at her young friend. Some days it was easy to forget that Shuri was only seventeen – nearly eighteen. Other days, it was glaringly obvious.

“But I don’t want to work today,” Shuri whined, “I want to go shopping, my Mother is visiting next week and she’s going to kill me if I don’t wear something a little more… well, less this,” she motioned down to her distressed Metallica band t-shirt she had dressed up with some silver jewelry.

“You have more clothes than anyone knows what to do with,” Ava said, not tearing her eyes off her screen. “Plus, I’ve got to run and meet with an advisor to sign up for health insurance at two,” she sighed. “Don’t grow up, it’s a trap.”

“I don’t understand why Americans have to pay for health care,” Shuri sighed, “no one benefits from that,” she pointed out.

“Sure they do, babe, just not us peons,” Ava winked. Shuri rolled her eyes.

“My brothers are going to take us to lunch today,” She said casually. Ava paused her scroll through her inbox.

“I can’t, I’ve got lunch plans,” Ava replied, picking up her phone.

“Yeah, with me,” Shuri insisted.

“I swear, I had something else…” Ava scrolled through her phone.

“I told you to mark off a meeting weeks ago, it’s for me,” Shuri grinned. “And do you think we can do something with this before then?” She asked, fluffing up a bit of Ava’s brunette hair over her shoulder.

“Why would I need to do that?” Ava asked, eyeing up her little companion.

“We have a surprise for you,” Shuri said excitedly. 

“Oh no,” Ava frowned. Shuri could be incredibly generous and incredibly giving – to the point of discomfort, but Ava couldn’t dampen her spirit.

“It’s a very good surprise, I promise,” Shuri tugged a little bit on Ava’s hair.

“Okay, let me get some work done and I’ll be ready for lunch,” Ava insisted. Shuri rolled her eyes dramatically, but agreed to it nonetheless.

Ava had never met King T’Challa, and she didn’t know that Shuri even had another brother… but she was never one to meddle in royal business. Except, that is, to stay up late into the night and watch Prince William and Kate’s wedding.

Sure, she had seen photos of King T’Challa, his mother and other members of the Royal Guard from their portraits, but that covered the extent of her exposure. Though the family had made visits to the WKOC, she wasn’t there all the time thanks to the last few classes she had taken this semester. Soon, she wasn’t going to be there at all, which made her heart heavy.

Over the past year, she had come to think of the WKOC as a second home – somewhere she often spent more time than her actual home. To be able to be a part of the organization in it’s first year of operation made her feel like part of something great and wonderful. Walking away next month after graduation was going to be incredibly hard. Well, that and not having a job yet.

The first three hours of the day went by quickly. On Thursdays, Ava got to spend the entire day at the WKOC thanks to most of her classes being Monday through Wednesday and a morning class on Friday.

Thursdays were also a big catch-up day and she often found herself working over the weekend to make it a little less overwhelming. Soon, Shuri was back at her desk, a wide smile on her face as her feet swung over the floor.

“Hello, are you hungry?” Shuri asked.

“Starved,” Ava replied honestly. “Let me run to the bathroom quick and then I’ll be ready to go,” she said, hopping up form her seat.

“I’ll be out front,” Shuri called as Ava stepped toward the restroom. Quickly relieving herself and washing her hands, she grabbed brush out of her purse and ran it through her hair, fixing her side part. Sure, her hair was a little limp, but it had certainly been worse. She grabbed her trusty drugstore lipstick from her purse, touching up the deep red before checking her teeth. She was always finding little lipstick spots on her pearly-whites that drove her nuts.

Glancing over her outfit, she knew she was a hopeless case for lunch with royalty.  Skinny blue denim and a white v-neck under a pink button-down wasn’t the worst she’d ever thrown together for work, but it certainly wasn’t the best. At least Shuri wasn’t too dressed up or she’d really feel like a shlub.

“As good as it gets,” She sighed, popping in a breath mint.

With no sign of Shuri at her desk, she turned back toward the entrance, spotting Shuri and two other forms on the other side of the glass doors.

“Here she is,” Shuri smiled. Ava always found Shuri’s smile reassuring.

“I’m here,” Ava grinned.

“Brother, this is Ava, my favorite person in all of Oakland,” Shuri introduced. Ava turned to face King T’Challa.

“It’s very nice to meet you, your Highness,” Ava smiled connecting her hand with hi own.

“The pleasure is all mine,” he greeted, “please, call me T’Challa,” he insisted. “Shuri never stops talking about you,” he added, making Ava laugh.

“Ava, this is my other brother, but you’ve met,” Shuri teased, introducing the man she somewhat met earlier at the basketball court.

“Erik,” the man in question reminded as he noticed her drawing a blank.

“Nice to meet you, Erik,” Ava greeted.

“Okay, okay, let’s go I am going to whither away I am so hungry,” Shuri insisted dramatically. As soon as she finished her statement, a slick black town car rolled to a stop in front of them.

“I’ll meet you there,” Erik called, walking over to a vintage Indian motorcycle parked near the side of the second building.

“Ladies, please,” T’Challa opened the back door for the two women.

Shuri crawled into the car first, leaving the next seat for Ava as T’Challa sat up front.

The ride to Wood Tavern wasn’t long and unbeknownst to Ava, the King in the front seat found his eyes drifting to her in the rearview mirror as she spoke gently with Shuri. It was incredibly obvious to T’Challa that his baby sister thought the world of this woman. He could admit that he, too, was rather curious about her. She was beautiful, there was no denying that, but a few of the things Shuri had mentioned had him curious as well. It seemed she had no family, was just finishing school and was living just outside of Oakland near Berkley.

He trusted Shuri more than anything else and knew that he was going to be making the right choice today.

That, and he wondered what those red lips would look like mussed from his kiss.

Arriving at Wood Tavern just behind the town car, they heard the Indian motorcycle come to a stop beside the town car.

“Ah, ah,” Erik said, opening the door to the restaurant, “ladies don’t touch doorknobs,” he winked, pulling it open for Ava. She smiled softly and filed in, the staff immediately taking note of the patrons and ushering them quickly to a private room.

Squared away at a grandiose table already lined with charcuterie and wine glasses, the foursome took their seats.

“I told my brothers this is your favorite restaurant,” Shuri smiled. She had an overeager puppy quality to hear that Ava always found endearing.

“They have the best pork chops,” Ava grinned. They fell into a comfortable conversation, mostly led by Shuri, who seemed at peace between her two brothers. Ava noted the differences between T’Challa and Erik. They could be related, she figured, but they didn’t share many of the same features. T’Challa spoke with a thick, regal accent and Erik sounded like any other guy she’d meet in Oakland. There was certainly a story to the family. She was glad to have a big plate of food set in front of her not too long after placing their orders.

“Ava, my baby sister tells me you’re graduating from Berkley in a month’s time,” T’Challa called to her attention as their meals wound down.

“That’s right, I’ll finish with my Master’s in fine arts with a concentration in photography communication and archival,” she nodded.

“Photography communication,” Erik parroted, taking a drink of his gin and tonic.

“Yes,” Ava nodded, “using photography as a mode for storytelling and the capture of transient information,” she suggested. “I think in the same way that early man painted on walls, we can communicate information from generation to generation through photography,” she explained. “It’s actually a minor part of my thesis,” she offered.

“I’d take a look at that,” Erik said, studying the exact shape of her bowed lips as they pursed around the rim of her water glass.

“And the end of the month signals the end of your time at our outreach center,” T’Challa commanded her attention once again, though, T’Challa’s presence always commanded an awareness.

“Yes, that’s correct,” Ava agreed again. “I’m so sad to finish, I love working here so much,” she said with utmost sincerity, “I feel so lucky to be able to tell the story of the people who benefit from your presence in our country – and more specifically, in Oakland.” Erik eyed her carefully. “Though I was fortunate enough to live in a safe, well-maintained neighborhood as a child, not all of my friends did. I know I was much more fortunate than others, but Oakland is my home,” she continued. “To see the strides that have been made in this community in just one short year have been… refreshing. I know that Oakland is better off now than it was a year ago thanks to Wakanda.” She expressed.

“Shuri has shared with us many of your images,” T’Challa began, “some of which hang in the halls of the Wakandan capitol.” That was news to Ava, and momentarily, took her breath away.

“I-in Wakanda?” She asked, eyes as wide as saucers.

“You know what you’re doing,” Erik complimented.

“Wow, I never… I didn’t realize that my photos would be in – would be there,” she nearly lost her composure entirely.

“As we bring more and more people into our country and become a larger part of the world around us… we need someone to help tell our story – in Wakanda,” T’Challa explained, to which Ava nodded, taking another sip of her water.

“We are hoping that it is an undertaking you are willing to attempt,” he added. Ava nodded again setting her water down. A beat passed as Shuri nudged her friend with her foot under the table. Ava jumped a foot in her seat.

“Wait, I’m so sorry, I just – what?” She gasped, “You want me to stay?” She asked.

“No, Ava!” Shuri laughed.

“We want you in Wakanda,” Erik’s deep voice interjected. “Telling the story of our people,” he explained. She looked over at Erik, who was cool and collected in his seat, leaning back as he examined her. T’Challa was alert, and while still cool and collected, more engaged physically in the conversation.

“You want me to come to Wakanda?” She asked, completely gob smacked.

“Your role would be official staff photographer of the Royal family,” T’Challa explained. Ava was still speechless.

“Move to Wakanda?” She resembled a baby owl, her innocent face and big eyes unblinking.

“Yes!” Shuri exclaimed, “We want you to come to Wakanda and work with us! Are you going to do it or not?” She asked impatiently 

“Shuri,” T’Challa scolded.

“I, wow, this is…” She didn’t think she’d completed an entire sentence since they sat down. Even just being here at lunch with the King of Wakanda and his siblings was hard enough to wrap her head around, but now, a job offer. Could she move to Wakanda? She wouldn’t know a soul there… where would she live? Would she be paid a fair wage? How secure was the need for the role? Would she just be looking for a job again in a year?

It was the opportunity of a lifetime… and she’d be crazy to turn it down.

“I’ll do it.”

#black panther #black panther fanfiction #black panther fanfic #erik killmonger #erik stevens #t'challa #t'challa fanfic #erik killmonger fanfic #t'challa imagine #erik killmonger imagine #full length fic #marvel fanfic #t'challa smut #killmonger smut #michael b jordan #chadwick boseman #shuri

[andrewmawby]

Build a Cardboard Boat

Build a Cardboard Boat | I used about 50 of these bumper stickers to help win the prize!

Build a Cardboard Boat - Sears Editors Conference 1999

I was lucky to be part of the team that was destined to build a cardboard boat that set a Florida state record. The year, I believe, was 1999.

Mike Mangan, the public relations manager for Sears, invited me to my first ever Sears Editors Conference in Clearwater Beach, Florida.

Mike always held the event in June of each year as it was the peak of the low season and no doubt he got a fantastic rate on booking 100, or more, rooms for all the editors, vendors, and Sears brand managers that attended the event.

The events were typically held at the same beachfront hotel that was easily a 4-star hotel conference center. It was deluxe.

Sears Editors Conferences - The Gold Standard

Before I give you the details of the cardboard boat-building contest, allow me to set the stage.

The Sears Editors Conferences were the best put on of any I attended over the 20-year span of time when I attended conferences hosted by manufacturers. These events allowed manufacturers to get the undivided attention of members of the working press. The Sears conferences were a three-day event filled with a perfect mix of work and play.

The first day of the conference was an evening mixer usually set up in a nice grassy area by the outdoor swimming pool. There was always plenty of food and drink and you'd rub shoulders with other editors and industry peers. All of the Sears brand managers and representatives who made the tools we'd see the next day were also mingling to get our ears and win favor with us so we'd feature their products in our publications.

8 AM Start Time

The next morning the conference would start at 8 AM sharp  in a giant room in the bowels of the hotel. These rooms were built for conferences, wedding receptions, etc. The space always had a U-shaped table setup where all of us editors would sit at. Around the edges of the room all of the new tools were on display at different tables and hand-on stations.

There were so many new tools to look at, that each one was only given about 10 minutes or so. It was an intense four hours of information overload and then lunch was served. After that we'd see a few more tools and there was always a hands-on portion where you could touch, feel, and use some of the tools.

Afternoon Off

Mike always let us have the afternoon off. He typically had two organized events you might choose to do, or you could just chill on your own in your room or down by the pool.

This first year, one of the events was build a cardboard boat. I was most curious about this and decided to join in the activity.

Build a Cardboard Boat

I believe we had to meet down by the pool at 3 PM. The hotel activity director, with Mike's help, had already decided who was going to be on what team. I think there were four teams of about five or six people on a team.

I was fortunate to be on Larry Eisinger's team. Larry was the true father of the home-improvement movement. He was a veteran of WW II, a pilot, and after surviving the war he moved to Staten Island, NY getting involved in the publishing industry. CLICK or TAP HERE to see a huge selection of many of the books Larry either authored, co-authored, or edited.

He became editor for Fawcett publishing and they were cranking out how-to books at a blistering pace for veterans who were building things like CRAZY at their homes for their new families.

Larry actually wrote a book about how he and his wife built their own new home on Staten Island. It's tragic that more of Larry's story is not curated.

It just so happened that Larry was a sailor and he was an excellent illustrator. He took charge immediately of our team.

The Cardboard Boat Parts

Each team was given the exact same things to build their boat. I believe it was three 4x8 sheets of heavy cardboard, two 30-inch pieces of 3/4-inch PVC pipe, and a few rolls of tape, and a few Sears razor knives. Sitting on a table off to the side was a secret building material that was available but not really mentioned. This was by design. It was a tall stack of Sears bumper stickers. I don't need to tell you that bumper stickers are waterproof!

The hotel activity director gathered us all around and said, "Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to this fun team activity. You each have your materials and your task is to build any boat you want. Two of your team must get in the boat once built at the shallow end of the pool. You then have to paddle to the deep end touching the edge of the pool. Then you must return to the shallow end. Those on the team with the fastest time win a special prize. You have 45 minutes to build your boat. Good luck."

Larry drew a fast sketch of a simple canoe for our five-member team. He then assigned tasks to get things done. It was my job to build the paddles.

I knew that the secret to victory was to make a paddle that wouldn't turn to mush. I'd need two or three layers of cardboard to make it stiff and I needed to somehow make it water-resistant. That's when I glanced over and saw the bumper stickers on an unattended table ten feet away. I sauntered over and took a stack about 3/4-inch thick. No one else seemed to even give a hoot about the stickers. It was mayhem there in the grassy area as the other teams were frantically trying to build their boats. That was fine by me.

Top Secret

I didn't want to give away our secret, so I wandered away from the crowd with all I needed to build the paddles. Twenty minutes later I was finished and they were completely covered with CRAFTSMAN red, black, and white bumper stickers - two layers to ensure no water could get to the cardboard!

Larry and my other team members did a marvelous job on the canoe Larry designed. It turns out Larry had written a book about building boats. It was seredipity!

Time's Up!

The 45 minutes went by in a flash. There were four teams if my memory serves me right. They were picked at random to enter the pool. The first team successfully got in their boat and started to flail about. Within 20 seconds their paddles fell apart. I was grinning the entire time.

The second team didn't even get to try to paddle. As they tried to get into their boat, the keel buckled, the boat sank, and the two people got drenched. Everyone was howling with laughter.

The third team did a magnificent job watching how to gingerly get into their boat. Off they went across the pool to the other end, they turned, and got back to the shallow end. Victory for them!

Larry then said almost in a whisper to our two sailors, "Remember, when you get to the other side do NOT turn around. Just start to paddle in reverse."

My team lauched and the paddles worked like real ones. They didn't transform into pieces of sliced cheddar cheese staying stiff the entire time. Our two marine explorers touched the far end of the pool and were back to the starting line in 43 seconds I believe.

"We've got a NEW RECORD time," the hotel activity director announced. It turns out we had beaten all previous times for this event. The activity director went on to tell us that the cardboard boat-building activity is the most popular thing he does for conferences. I couldn't agree more.

It's really a fun team exercise and if you ever get to do it, look around for the bumper stickers!

The Party and Day After

The night of the second day there was a feast on the beach under a giant tent. Food and drink were abundant. There was a live band and you could dance. It was always a spectacular evening with tiki torches setting the perfect mood.

Because some drank too much, the morning of the third day had a shorter show-and-tell of new tools. I always felt sorry for those Sears vendors because most of the editors had a serious hangover. The event was over at 11:30 AM and Sears provided box lunches to all so you could eat as your limosene shuttled you to the airport for the flight home.

I was really lucky to attend the last of the Sears Editors Conferences. It was a golden time of being a member of the home improvemen press. I'm afraid now that all too many companies have found out that ZOOM virtual conferences are so much cheaper. It might be a very long time before a conference like Mike used to do for Sears happens again. If you're invited, by all means go and thank your lucky stars.

  The post Build a Cardboard Boat appeared first on Ask the Builder.

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[1ovefoo1]

Solid Ways To Find The Right Jewelry

Women and men appreciate fabulous jewelry on their bodies. Jewelry is a fantastic way of expressing yourself and adding attraction to all of your favorite outfits. If you enjoy the look and feel of jewelry, there are a few simple things you can do to keep it new and exciting.

Try not to bathe or swim in your fine jewelry. Many times the type of water (hard versus soft) can splash and wear the metal jewelry or stain the stone. There are also chemicals like chlorine found in many swimming pools that can turn stones and badly stain metal jewelry.

Vintage jewelry can actually make great fashion accessories. It doesn't have to be your granny's jewelry any longer. Make a statement piece by displaying a vintage necklace or a pair of vintage earrings. Vintage seems to be all the new rage and almost every store out there seems to be selling vintage inspired pieces. Why buy "inspired pieces" when you can buy the real thing for a fraction of the cost?

When wearing jewelry, less is more. You don't need to wear a necklace, earrings, bracelets, a watch, and rings to make your outfit look complete. Choose pieces that work well with your outfit and what you're wearing. One well chosen bracelet or necklace will draw more compliments than multiple striking items.

When looking to invest in fine jewelry, understand the different price ranges different metals and gemstones fall into. For example, understanding that opal is very expensive, you can already figure out if you see someone selling it for under twenty dollars, it is a fake. Knowing that sterling silver is a lot cheaper than white gold, but quite similar in appearance, can help narrow down your price when looking to invest in a nice pair of earrings.

If you are considering a titanium wedding band, remember that it cannot be re-sized and may be a bit more difficult to cut off in an emergency than rings made from precious metals. Titanium rings are less likely to bend or crush under pressure, however, so an accident that would heavily damage a gold or platinum ring may not harm a titanium one.

For an easy way to organize and display your earrings, attach a piece of metal screen mesh to an attractive photo or mirror frame. Paint your frame and mesh to match your decor, and attach your earrings to the mesh. You can hang the frame in your bathroom, bedroom, or closet to enjoy handy, tangle-free storage that doubles as art.

Soak diamonds for twenty minutes in a solution made of four parts water and one part ammonia for a sparkling shine. Scrub them with a soft dampened toothbrush allows cleaning of hard to reach places, such as under the gem or around the prongs. Dry it with a soft cloth to keep it shining and looking new.

Keep your plastic wristwatch clean and shiny. Just because you didn't spend a lot on your jewelry doesn't mean you shouldn't take good care of it. A simple and cheap way to keep your watch looking great is to put toothpaste on a dry cloth and rub. Your plastic watch will look brand new.

To keep jewelry safe, avoid putting it all in a jewelry box that sits out as a decorative piece in your home. Nothing says, "Come grab me, I am filled with expensive stuff!" to thieves quite like a displayed jewelry box. If you want more access to your jewelry than a safety deposit box allows, and a professionally installed wall safe isn't an option, get creative and hide your jewelry within objects not likely to even be touched by thieves. Air-tight containers can be be tucked inside plant pots or diaper pails, hollow out a book to form a secret compartment, or stash a small case at the bottom of a box of tampons! You need to think like a thief to avoid being taken advantage by a thief.

When cleaning crystal jewelry simply wipe the dirt away with a soft, damp cloth. Using any kind of chemicals on crystal can damage the shimmer and shine in a very short period of time. Your best bet is to stick to plain water and maybe a tiny touch of dish detergent if your jewelry gets really dirty.

If you plan to stay in the sunlight for any length of time, remove your gemstones before hand. Sunlight can have a damaging effect on many gemstones, dulling them or changing their color entirely. Stones such as Quartz, Citrine, and Amethyst are especially vulnerable. Better to leave your stones at home where they will be safe.

When it comes to taking care of your jewelry be sure that it is safe while in storage. This is important because depending on how it is stored, you may find that it becomes scratched or tarnished. To avoid this, prevent your jewelry items from coming in to contact with each other and also make sure that the container it is in is soft and dry.

Whether you're a man or woman shopping for jewelry, avoid asking store clerks how things look when you try them on. To make a sale, people are obviously going to be very flattering with you. A false sense of confidence here can result in a really bad purchase that you'll end up regretting later.

As you can see, the right jewelry can provide many options for decorating yourself. If you take care of the pieces you have and carefully select new options, jewelry can provide a lifetime of fun and color to your life. You are worthy of having the delightful experience of magnificent jewelry.

Article Credit The Diamond Club

[notorgazmo-blog]

14; 16; 17; 28; 29

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?

Joe was very involved in school! He did theater all throughout and majored in it in college. He’s been obsessed with Grease since he was little, and played Danny Zucko at summer camp two years in a row, then in high school, then in college. He was on the cheerleading squad (”because Lisa made me”), the soccer team and the floor hockey team, and was voted class treasurer one year and vice president the next. He was heavily involved in charity clubs (organizing card signing for sick students, orchestrating Day Without Hate) and became known as a bit of a teacher’s pet. He headed anti-drug campaigns and was involved in an after school program where high schoolers tutored elementary school students. He was a peer counselor. He sang in the choir, and sometimes played piano for them and various school concerts. He was student director of the spring musical in his junior year. French club, Spanish club, ping-pong club… He tried to join Forensics but threw up the first time they watched slides of crime scenes. He was a member of the 4H club. Played saxophone in band for a few years. Joe was very much over-involved in high school, to keep himself busy. 

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

Joe is an actor a porn star. After his mission work ended, he was cast in Orgazmo, which accidentally became an overnight success, somehow bridging the gap between adult film and mainstream media. He’s obviously embarrassed about it, and thinks it’s pretty immoral and exploitative at first, but the camaraderie of the cast and the great friends he makes shifts his mindset; if the people doing it like what they’re doing, then who is he to judge? 

He still finds a lot of it pretty gross, like DVDA, but it’s all become a lot less taboo. He doesn’t like how controlling and entitled some of the industry professionals are (i.e. Maxxx Orbison and A-Cup) and now that he and Dave own the Orgazmo franchise together, he does his best to make their set a safe space where everyone has the freedom to have a say in how they are treated and what they will and won’t do. 

Lately, he has been developing a penchant for photography. Down the road, he will go to school to become a counselor. 

17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?

Joe grew up in Salt Lake City, but he went to summer camp in Tulsa, Oklahoma every year from third grade until he graduated high school. He’s also visited his sister Kimmy in New York City, which he found to be overstimulating. He took a class trip to Spain his senior year with his Spanish class. His other sister, Alma, lives in Provo, Utah, and he visits her every now and again. Basically he has family all over Utah, Idaho and… almost the entire country. 

He went to Los Angeles for his mission work, and has lived there ever since. 

28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?

Joe started dating Lisa when he was sixteen years old. She’d been courting him since they met in the church choir in middle school; their families are close and Joe’s parents always urged him to pursue her, because she’s a nice looking girl and a devout Mormon. They also considered that his best shot at getting over his same-sex attraction, which they were suspicious of from a young age. 

They bonded over singing and in response to extreme pressure from his family, he proposed to her just after graduating from BYU, right before his mission. Joe loves her, and she often joined the same clubs as him in high school. He’s always thought she has a kind heart and excitable nature, which didn’t go unappreciated… but he’s not in love with her.

For years, he tried to force himself to be. A hopeless romantic, he’s always known what love is supposed to feel like (via love songs and poems and books) and when those feelings didn’t arise with Lisa, he assumed they must just be exaggerated descriptions and that it was okay he just loved her like a friend. He hoped maybe one day those feelings would just come, because his family wanted it to work so badly and he never wanted to let them down. But he could just never relate to her—she was always quick to point out when he was acting strange, or tell him to stop joking around, or get angry when he would take things too seriously. He’d accepted that maybe that’s just what love was.

However, when he left Utah and went to Los Angeles for his missionary trip after graduating from BYU, Joe met Kevin Price. 

All the love songs, all the sappy poems—it finally made sense to him and he didn’t even know he could feel that way about someone. It scared the living daylights out of him, mostly because Kevin was not a girl and Joe had done everything in his power by that point to deny the notion that he’s gay. 

He would go out of his way to make Kevin laugh (because the sound of it and the way Kevin’s face scrunches up gives Joe heart palpitations) and they confided in each other everything about their families the pressures of being Mormon. 

They’re a real yin and yang pair. Kevin can be uptight and pessimistic, and Joe would level him out with his goofy nature and ever-loving belief that the world is an inherently good place. Kevin would tell him about Uganda, and how he questioned Mormonism (and God in general) as a whole, which planted seeds of doubt in Joe as well, paving the long and winding road he would eventually take to letting go of his suffocating ideals. Joe tried to get Kevin to see the good in everyone. Kevin helped Joe to see the world more for what it actually is, and tried his darndest to help Joe understand that everything he’s been taught isn’t the only way to live, that he can actually be happy, and not just fake Good Mormon Hetero Joe happy. They really balanced each other out, and taught each other a lot about themselves. Kevin opened up Joe to a whole other world, like he held up a mirror in front of him and Joe saw himself for the first time in his life.

They grew up a lot together in that year and a half. They smoked weed for the first time (with their ‘investigator’ and neighbor, Dave—not the lighting guy) they had their first drink together, they broke rules and made up what came to be known as inventifakers. Every day was a blast. They were constantly laughing and smiling, which was a stark contrast to the first day they met, when they experienced some violent and graphic food poisoning via a sketchy taco truck on the corner near their apartment.

Joe felt an overwhelming desire to care for and protect Kevin. He was the first person Joe ever told that he was gay, though it wasn’t really necessary to say out loud after the first night they pushed their beds together and fell asleep tangled in each other’s arms. 

They lived in what @elderxprice​ and I refer to as their ‘gay bubble’ for the majority of their mission, until the last few weeks when Joe started to panic about having to return to their normal lives as Good Hetero Mormons. Kevin’s mission ended a good six months before his, and about three weeks before it did, Joe had a mental breakdown and broke up with him. The guilt of cheating on Lisa, of sinning against Heavenly Father, and lying to his parents got the best of him, and the fear of living a life so wildly different than the one he had planned pushed him over the edge. 

They didn’t see each other again until Joe was in town in Provo house sitting for his cousin, and while it took a little while to break the ice, the ended up breaking in his cousin’s couch. Joe had to secretly buy her a new one. 

For a while, they kept in touch, Joe trying to convince himself to call off his wedding, until ultimately, he couldn’t bring himself to, and he stopped contacting Kevin as the nuptials drew close.

That was the next time they saw each other: the wedding. Joe thought Kevin hadn’t been invited, but a sneaky Lisa sent him an invitation to the reception.  Joe crumbled into pieces during a brief hug and confessed his morbid depression concerning the entire affair—the wedding, his life with Lisa, etc. and Kevin sat on his hands to keep from pulling his hair out while he watched the love of his life have his first dance with his new wife. Joe’s sister Kimmy bought them some time alone, and though it was clear that they were both very unhappy and very, very much still in love, they parted ways yet again.

Kevin is Joe’s mate. For life. For every lifetime. He loves him to the ends of the earth, and it takes roughly three more years of heartache and turmoil until Kevin shows up during his spring break, unannounced, to see Joe. 

Lisa is away on a weekend intensive training session with her singing coach (or, a weekend sex marathon, as Joe later finds out) and Kevin is roped into doing a last minute fill in for Choda Boy in Orgazmo 3: It’s Not Gay If It’s In A Threeway. 

On that day, Joe reaches an epiphany that forces him to realize he can’t live in utter misery any longer—if he doesn’t make things right with Kevin, he won’t make it through another day. Bonus: Choda Boy and Orgazmo share a beautiful, magical on-screen kiss that has literal fireworks in the background. Everyone on set is floored. 

Joe figures if he can become the real life Orgazmo and beat up a gang of thugs, he can be an openly gay Mormon. #kjoeforever

29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

Joe is a people pleaser, and extremely gullible and optimistic to a fault. He often gets roped into uncomfortable situations due to his meek nature. He has trouble communicating his true feelings sometimes, but Kevin brings them out. 

He relies heavily on planning to prevent anxiety, and has countless lists for his life plan and likes to schedule his days down to the minute. If something goes awry, he becomes scatterbrained. Sometimes the slightest inconvenience can deter him from taking action. Like a door being locked or a restaurant being closed. 

He often times puts others needs before his own, which causes him to feel unfulfilled and ultimately depressed. 

Though he takes his life seriously, he can be a huge goofball sometimes, and Lisa used to get angry with him a lot for not taking things seriously or making jokes at inappropriate times. 

He also sticks to his britches a little too harshly sometimes (i.e. breaking up with the love of his life because his family is counting on him to marry Lisa).

#headcanon ✅💭; how would christ benefit from me putting my tongue in someone's mouth? #kevin 👬🍞; mormons aren’t supposed to do a lot of things #kjoe #ask #elderxprice

[marylinshears83-blog]

A Better Mirror.

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[mrmedia]

1298 Billy Idol, rock star, "White Wedding," "Rebel Yell"

Today's Guest: Billy Idol, rock star, "White Wedding," "Rebel Yell"

(I was first introduced to the music of Billy Idol by my then-roommate, photographer Dennis Osborne, in the early 1980s. Dennis would bounce around the house to "Dancin' with Myself" and it was hard to resist the song's infectious beat and lyrics. I recently located the audio to my 1984 Music magazine interview with Billy and present it here in all its amateur glory. -- Bob Andelman)

Billy Idol on the cover of Music magazine (Photograph by Dennis Osborne, (c) 1984 All Rights Reserved.)

With his startling blonde spiked hair and bona-fide punk stance, Billy Idol would be about as acceptable in the Deep South today as the long-haired hero of Charlie Daniels "Uneasy Rider" was a decade ago. But when Idol titled his 
latest album Rebel Yell, he
caused a lot of second looks.
What does a British
renegade noisemaker know
about confederate flags,
'shine or the Mason/Dixon Line?
Not much. The 28-year-old native of Bromley, England was considering a holler of a different kind. Coming off his first big hit, “White Wedding,” Idol was harassed by complaints that he was an anti-woman sexist pig. Rebel Yell started as a response to that stinging allegation and wound up with a lyric touching many themes, including the Statue of Liberty. "I wrote the song to address the people who thought I was anti-women. (But) instead, I wrote it about how strong one-to-one relationships should be angled more towards women. After a while I started to think 'she doesn't like slavery, she won't sit and beg' is sort of about America, because when I was tired and lonely, she pulled me in,” Idol explained in a recent telephone interview.

BILLY IDOL interview excerpt: "The first punk bands, Generation X, The Damned, The Sex Pistols, had really positive attitudes... We went out of our way to play. People never talk about that. They always talk about the violence of the gigs."

"I was really down after Generation X ended," he continued, referring to the early punk band he sang for. "I came over here and people 
were jumping around the 
bars like myself. I didn't
 know (about that), because we'd never been over here. It
 was fantastic. When people
 were into my music, it was
 what I needed to hear. I needed a bit of back-up.” For Idol, finding a successful career in a strange
country has been an unexpected pleasure. Generation
X, whiIe widely acknowledged as one of the more significant of the second generation English punk bands to spring to renown in the late ‘70s, never cracked the American marketplace. Generation X produced three albums during its four-year existence. Idol was lead singer in a group that also included Gene October and Tony James. "We really wanted it to work, be a group forever, but it didn't end up like that. It was a bit of a blow," Idol admitted. "I wrote all the music in
 Generation X and Tony 
James wrote all the words. I
 write a lot more of the words 
now. I'm singing my own
 words a lot more comfortably... I think I put a lot more 
rhythm into my music which
 we didn't always have in
 Generation X. It was a wham! 
bam! but it wasn't always rhythmy."

Billy Idol Greatest Hits. Order your copy today by clicking on the album cover above!

Three years ago, Idol hooked up with collaborator and friend Steve Stevens, a 25·year·old New York native. "I didn't meet him with the intention of wow, maybe I'll get in his band," Stevens recalled. "I just thought he'd be an interesting character...and he turned out to be one. We hung out for a long time, played guitars together. When he went to record the Don't Stop EP, I stayed around and bummed cigarettes." Don't Stop, which included Idol's new version of Generation X's only hit "Dancin' - With Myself," was followed by a self-titled solo album, the first musical work Idol and Stevens did together. This was the record to feature “White Wedding,” the song and video which established Idol’s reputation as more than a curious punk. He demonstrated a strong voice and flair for melodic hooks. On the strength of that album, Don’t Stop was reissued. Then came Rebel Yell and Idol has regularly found himself with a rare three-disc hat trick on the charts. Rebel Yell is also the debut of the Idol/Stevens creative team on all but one song (Idol wrote “Catch My Fall”). "When it came time to do the first album, Billy had a stockpile of songs that he wanted to do, so I wasn't involved," Stevens said. Now, Idol writes the lyrics and Stevens the music, like the intro to "Rebel Yell". I'll write a title now and again, come up with a catch phrase. But Billy’s definitely in control of his own lyrics; he’s waited a long time. I think he’s a brilliant lyricist. Stevens contributed a number of different musical parts to the Rebel Yell LP. Although he sticks to playing guitar on tour, he also did tracks for bass, keyboard and Casio. "A Casio is a real, real low budget keyboard but they sound great, really trashy. The Casio has little drum sounds in them. There's a real tacky organ sound on 'Blue Highway' - really tacky - that's a Casio," Stevens said. Once a member of the Fine Malibus, Stevens went with with that band to record an unreleased album. Where there, he spent a lot of time hanging out with Robert Palmer, from whom contributing Idol keyboardist Jack Walman came. During the pre-Idol days, Stevens also wrote a song for Peter Criss, late of Kiss, which appeared on Criss’s second European album.

BILLY IDOL interview excerpt: "I wrote ('White Wedding') to address the people who thought I was anti-women. (But) instead, I wrote it about how strong one-to-one relationships should be angled more towards women. After a while I started to think 'she doesn't like slavery, she won't sit and beg' is sort of about America, because when I was tired and lonely, she pulled me in."

Although the (Fine Malibus) weren’t an important part of my musical upbringing,” Stevens said, “that time of my life was great. It was great. It was the first time I ever lived out on my own, exposed to New York music's dirtier side, really slumming it. We had to save up to buy chicken pot pies. It was rough, but I think those kinds of things are important to go through.” Idol went through his own rites of passage in the punk upheaval of 1977-80. As the rare musician who still openly and defiantly declares himself to be a punker, he said there are misguided ideas in this country about what that means. There’s all these ideas that punks are anti-music—always got a negative attitude . I don't think that's correct. The first punk bands—Generation X, The Damned,
Sex Pistols—had really positive attitudes and were very forthcoming with people. We went out of our way to play. People never talk about that. They always talk about the violence at the gigs. We played for no money and dragged our own gear. That isn’t because you want loads of people to love you—it’s because you’re seriously interested in playing. "To a certain extent, a lot of the press in England magnified a lot of things which came over to America. A lot of people who came after us took it seriously and went into this anti-music thing, whereas we were really into songs and soul music. We were just heavy about it (but) as interested in The Who and Tamla-Motown as Iggy Pop,” Idol concluded. "A lot of punk rockers think Elvis wasn’t punk rock and I think that’s anti- the whole idea,” he added. “Of course it was ‘Hate Elvis’ in ’77. Why not? But big deal now. He was kind of a laugh—that graveyard, I couldn’t believe it.” Idol is a big Presley fan. He uses one of the King's former bodyguards, Ed Parker, and refers to Elvis as
 "great, he had all that energy, so exciting, great songs. He really had a kind of soul.” The only time during this conversation that Idol paused before answering was when asked if he would ever consider covering a Presley hit. "It's a nice idea. But ...he sang too great. I never thought of it. He made the definitive versions ... Maybe, if I found one song I really felt I could do something with. That’s the problem: you’ve got to transcend what they did.” With financial success and broader public acceptance approaching, Idol doubted his outlook on punkhood will be altered. "I've got certain beliefs," he said. "I've been up and down, and I still believe this way. It's what you do with your attitude. Otherwise, you'll be an ass with your money. You have to find a way of using that stuff and making it better for other people.” Idol designs most of his own costumes and wears leather clothes because they are warm, comfortable and don't show as much dirt. "England and New York are very cold in the winter and when we started Genera­ tion X, without any money, the best thing to do was save up some money and get a great pair of leather trousers. You can almost live in them—lasts for years," he claimed. And while Idol also said, with reference to his stage outfits, "I don't think these things out much,” it has been a valuable experience to be rejected by some people at first on the basis of his appearance and later gain acceptance for his music. "Both me and these other people have come to terms with each other as to what we are. I think that's good. It means a lot of prejudice has been put aside. I want to show people that I wasn't a coldhearted person. I'm into sex, movement, into feeling things out. I want to groove, y'know?" And, as Idol also pointed out, "I've got to be me. I think this way of looking is as fun­ny as it is heavy."

Billy Idol Website • Facebook • Twitter • Instagram • YouTube • Wikipedia • IMDB • MySpace • Google+ • Goodreads

Steve Stevens Facebook • Instagram • MySpace • Wikipedia • TuneIn • IMDB

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