I JUST FINISHED READING THE TIN WOODMAN OF OZ AND NOW I NEED THERAPY
So basically in The Tin Woodman Of Oz, the main plot is pretty much about resolving unanswered questions about the tin woodman’s origin.
BUT YOU GUYS… You don’t understand… SHIT GOES FURTHER OFF THE RAILS THAN YOUR AVERAGE TELENOVELLA!!!!
If you hadn’t read the Wizard Of Oz book, Dorothy and the Scarecrow find the Tin Woodman rusted in the forest in munchkinland. This is true. But in the books HE USED TO BE A NORMAL MAN. Named Nick Chopper.
This my friends…. has implications.
So turns out, Nick Chopper, was just a normal guy, who falls in love with a munchkin woman named Nimmie Amee, who is a slave to the wicked witch of the East. So they in love and Eastie over here is PISSED so she enchants the woodman’s axe to CHOP OFF ONE OF HIS LIMBS EVERY TIME HE TRIES TO CHOP A TREE!!! And she did this so he would stop loving her.
So he goes to chop a tree one day, and chops his leg off, (BTW nobody can die in oz, everyone is immortal and unaging for all time) so he goes to the tin smith and has him make him a tin leg. He’s like dope, this is cool I still love her, and shes super in to the automaille, so its cool. Next day, DOES IT AGAIN. New leg, contunued love, wash rinse repeat until the whole damn man is tin now.
The thing is, Nimmie Amee is even more into him now as a metal man than when he was a meat man! Thing is, he don’t got no flesh heart to love her with, so he just goes off and chops trees. Then the East witch is like, “AHA!!! I’VE DONE IT!! NOW SHE WILL BE MY SERVANT FOR ALL TIME-!!” And then is promply cut off by about a ton and a half of midwestern colonial farmhouse and thats the end of that.
After that, Tin Woodman is chopping trees, gets rusted, gets busted, then teams up with Dorothy.
This all happens in book one.
The Tin Woodman of Oz is book 12 in the series.
Some things have changed, the wizard hails them as heroes, and the tin woodman is, and I am not kidding, THE GOD DAMN EMPEROR OF ALL OF THE WINKIE COUNTRY OF OZ!! THE TIN GOD DAMN EMPEROR!! OUR BOY HAS A GLOW UP. Like literally
There’s so much time dedicated to how fucking shiny this automatonic dandy is.
So this kid, Woot the Wanderer waltzes in to the tin palace and starts asking some expositional questions, and is like,
“Whoa whoa whoa, hold up. So you’re telling me, you got turned into a tin man,”
“Yes,”
“After telling this woman you would be getting married,”
“Yes,”
“But then you just spent an entire year rusted in place and she never found out that happened to you?? After you said you were going to be married as soon as possible??”
“…. Y-yes…?
“…… Yeah you should really-‘“
“You think I should check in with her-?“
“Yes, you really should.”
So the plot of this one is really about The Tin Woodman, The Scarecrow, and Woot the Wanderer going out to find Nimmie Amee to finally give some closure and put a damn ring on it already.
So they go to the house she used to live in, its abandoned. On their way there it turns out THE TIN WOODSMAN NOW HAS A DOPPLEGANGER, GI JOE EDITION
Meet, The Tin Soldier!!!
He’s a soldier named Captain Fighter, that also fell in love with Nimmie Amee, (You know, after a year of nonstop weeping over the grief of her fiancee just completely disappearing.) He also got his sword cursed by the witch, and ALSO CHOPPED OFF ALL HIS LIMBS AND WAS FITTED WITH TIN REPLACEMENTS AND LOST THE ABILITY TO LOVE AND DISSAPPEARED FROM HER LIFE BECAUSE HE GOT RUSTED IN THE SAME SPOT IN THE FOREST!!!
YOU KNOW….. AS YOU DO…..
So they go to ask Ku-Klip, the Tin Smith that workshoped him to ask where she’s gone to. AND FOLKS…. WHAT THEY FIND AT THE TIN SMITH’S HOUSE WILL HAUNT ME… THIS IS SOME STRAIGHT UP PRESTIEGE MATERIALS LEVEL BULLSHIT!!!
What’s this?? oh nothing, just NICK CHOPPER’S ORIGINAL HEAD…..!! JUST TALKING! COMPLETELY SENTIENT AND AWARE OF HIS SURROUNDINGS ALL THIS TIME!!!!!!
Just then who comes to explain himself but Ku-Klip the Tin Smith himself! and he’s just like
“Huh?? Oh yeah the head, you know when you came to me to get up in some galvinazation?? Yeah I saved the limbs you brought. Really wish you brought more though.”
“Why??”
“Cause I was like hey! You know what would be a GREAT idea?? FASHIONING AN ASSISTANT OUT OF THE LEFTOVER HODGEPODGE OF BODYPARTS FROM WHEN I TURNED YOU GUYS INTO TIN!! I NAMED HIM CHOP FIT. Too bad you didn’t bring in a right arm, I had to make one out of tin for him. Ha ha! Also he didn’t wanna be an assistant so I just let him go off and do his own thing, never too be seen again.”
“…..”
“He has the capacity to love.”
“…..”
And the whole group is like:
But anyways, he just tells them that Nimmie Amee went off to live with some friends on Mount Munch, and hasn’t been seen since.
So they go to mount much, shit gets trippy on the way, and then they get to her house and it’s surrounded by AN INVISABLE MAGICAL FORCE FIELD 6FT THICK AND A MILE HIGH!!!!
AND THIS BLUE EXPOSITION RABBIT IS LIKE,
“Oh this house?? This house here?? Yeah it belongs to Nimmie Amee.”
Tin Woodman/Soldier: “Has she been miserable?? Has she been weeping for me?? How did this forcefield get here??”
Blue exposition Rabbit: “Oh the force field?? Yeah, apparently when the witch she used to work for got merked by a metric fuck ton of cyclone shrapnel, and she spent a long time weeping and grieving for both of her MIA Fiancees, she eventually went, ‘Fuck this noise’, and took what was left from the witch’s magic books and spells around her old house, self taught herself sorcery, got herself this picturesque cottage property with a gorgeous view of all munchkinland, has a garden, sings all the time, and now is just generally doing great and living her best life,”
Tin Woodman/Soldier: “…..Oh…”
So they get through the forcefield, and the Tin Twins confront Nimmie Amee and ask her which one of them she wants to marry now, and then they see
THE OTHER MAN!!!
Yeah, apparently she and Chop Fit ended up meeting and getting married.
You know….
To the being that is the general assemblage of her two former fiancee’s leftover body parts…..
Who now has individuality and sentience and is kind of a crab ass.
BUT ITS WHATEVER I GUESS CAUSE SHE SAYS SHES HAPPY
and to be fair, she really is living her best life, she is mistress over her domain and boss bitch self taught sorceress and also really loves her garden!!! and honestly that kicks ass!!
She gives up being the Empress of the Winkie Country because she made a life for herself, and is living her best life!!!
Mind you this book was published in 1918!!
This isn’t even all the crazy shit that happens in this book, this is just focusing on the Tin woodmans arc for clarity’s sake!
As a side note, all of these books are feminist as hell and really make a point to show how capable women and girls are, and how they are equitable in ability to boys and men, in pretty much all situations. If you need proof, there are, no kidding, THREE seperate times in this series with independent all-female armies in them, where they are legitimate badass and intimidating.
One in the second book where General Jinjur literally deposes and over throws the scarecrow and, for a time, becomes reigning dictator over all of Oz.
One in the third book where it points out that Glinda, the good witch of the south, just has an army of female spartan badasses ready to fight and die for her at her beck and call.
And one in the 11th book where an evil shoemaker kidnaps ozma and conjures the illusion of a badass female army.
THESE BOOKS ARE INCREDIBLE AND IT IS A TRAVESTY THAT THEY AREN’T MORE WELL KNOWN!!!!!!
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