#the things dentists have said to me

[podcastwizard]

this is what being twenty five is like btw

#the things dentists have said to me #feel like i won an award

[helennorvilles]

im being the bravest girl in all the land and have made a dentist appointment for tomorrow night 🥺

#this whole week has been my fear of dentists VS how much pain im in #and i think the pain has finally won bc god knows it isn't showing signs of going away so i gotta be responsible at some point #and okay maybe i needed dad to talk me into pressing the button that books the appointment #but as i said dentists are really scary!! they do horrible things to you and then you have to pay them all this money #too much considering how uncomfortable it all is. anyway @albanese pls put dental on medicare bc some of us aren't rich. #my post tag

[british-princess]

I struggle with routines, so everything I need to do must be colourful or I will forget to do it, so think twice before you judge my hot pink Barbie toothbrush 👿

#so fed up of people making fun of it😭 #i dont notice dull things so in order for me to remember something it must be bright so i can see it 😭 #I also think a barbie toothbrush just improves general teeth health or whatever because my dentist said i have good teeth #very cool

[slashingdisneypasta]

Thinking about my playlist for when they take out my wisdom teeth (not this Thursday but the next- the 8th). I wonder if Spotify will let me put in Callahan's Blood In The Water multiple times, because I need my F/O comfort! XD

#i'm only getting valium and the numbing agent #so i'll still be awake during the 30-50 min removal but the dentist said i could qear my headphones the whole time #so i'm gonna make a playlist XD #and i want LOTS!! of the songs that inspire me for fics so i have some things to think about 😅 #lots of musical and disney villain songs. maybe that one alice cooper song that rob englund is in- #and most definitely blood in the water! ^^

[hazlelnoot]

…

#been really struggling lately because idk I guess now that I’m in therapy #I’m thinking extra about all the things that have made me this specific fucked up #and it really just boils down to feeling unwanted #I wasn’t supposed to be born my grandma told my mom to abort me #I spent my entire childhood hearing my mom say that she’s not parent material but I insisted on being born #like putting the responsibility on me even tho it was her choice??? #and then they idk just didn’t take care of me good #like I had to have my teeth taken out at 17 because they were literally rotting out of my head and like coming out in chunks into #my food while I was eating #and when I finally got to the emergency dentist I had to pay for it #and I’m broke but I don’t want this job I just started I’m so scared #but we need money #I just feel like I can’t do it anymore I just want someone to take care of me #I want my life to mean something to someone #I can’t type what she said somewhat recently because I alresdy cried about it yesterday #but idk I just feel like dog shit and I can’t reach out to any of my friends because they’re all busy rn #but it’s been really really bad lately I won’t lie I don’t feel like I can keep going anymore

[yo9urt]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

#mine #the thing they gave me for my dentist appt was basically non-name-brand xanax #it was soooooooo strong im not gonna lie #unfortunately i was still really upset and on edge and uncomfortable the entire time i wasi n the appointment #so i feel kind of lied to because the lady said i would 'not care' what was happening but let me tell you... i did care #but it was a little less unpleasant than most appointments so thats ok #anyway the point of this post is wow it is a really strong pill i spent most of the day like. half asleep #including taking an actual nap which is not common for me #althoug h i also napped yesterday but thats becaues travel threw off my sleep schedule #and having an 8am did too honestly its just been weird lately #whatever. zzz

[yelloworangesoda]

gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this

#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me #‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds #im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing #life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something #i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore #i finished. and i hate it #i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here #i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant #it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them #i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just #didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore #ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better #idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu #but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years #and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!! #i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad #i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped #like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this #drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me #not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess #yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well. #i dont like to say the words #simons spouting #vent :(

[ouchhq]

i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested

#yesterday was kind of the wake up call #for a few days ive been feeling very little… still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or #not which .. in any case i will not decide but a specialist will but anyways #and i was looking through book fairs and how to get appointments with publishers to show ur portfolio and just generally feeling like the #most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isn’t exactly what u see in most illustrated books #95% of which are childrens books…… and those styles are just different #anyway i digress #my grandma called and she was like what are u doing and i told her how stressed i was and i just started crying mid-sentence and i told her #i dont know where to bang my head anymore its too difficult and confusing and i feel like im just not good enough and im tired of trying to #keep it together.. she knows im not well mentally #like i was SOBBING #and she was like u shouldnt think like that u have to be patient keep trying and contact those publishers and whatever #and i get that she was trying to motivate me but i just told her flat out i. am. unwell. i dont know what to do anymore with this brain #and i asked her to please not tell me how i should think because i cant #and i know my grandad was there with her because he always is and he heard and like an hour later he came to my house to pick something up #and he was like ‘earlier i heard things i dont like’ aka me being depressed out of my mind #and then he said ‘we should talk about it sometime’ and proceeded to completely change the subject to his gums problem because he was going #to the dentist….ok #and the funny thing is things like this where people acknowledge that im struggling but proceed to say nothing about it keep happening #like i have a friend that i talk to very often and we say p much everything to each other but now shes working so she takes weeks to reply #and i told her i was doing VERY bad and of course she has her problems too… and she hasn’t replied to me in like three weeks or so #and she sent a text basically saying im dorry i havent replied yet i want to have time to do it well and hear how youre doing but hear this! #and proceeded to tell me stuff about her work and whatever… which is fine but dont tell me u care about how i am if u cant even check in #when u do have time because clearly u can send texts… #anyways im rambling good morning i already cried and its not even 9 great !!

[lesless]

Today was very taxing & busy but I woke up & ran like I promised myself I would & I was rewarded with a beautiful sunrise.

#me #then I went to the dentist #& kinda grouched at my partner but we are good & I adore him #& I worked a fuckload & out of the blue my boss asked if I was OK #which is nice but it made me anxious #like am I acting stressed? I am a bit #did I say something that someone mentioned to her? #did the person running the stress seminar tell her I attended?? #I took my quiz for class & got 10/10 #& started my reading #& drafted a bunch of emails that need to go out next week #& cleaned the kitchen & washed the sheets #& my love got me a sushi roll even though I said I wasn’t hungry #but I guess I was bc I ate the whole thing #I’m having a bit of a hard time adjusting to a packed schedule once again I suppose #but I got this

[thedreadvampy]

I'm putting together my approach to go back to the doctor again for the first time in 5 years to have the My Body Has Chronic Don't Work Syndrome Please Diagnose Me

however I'm really struggling to put into words the Why I Want A Diagnosis of it all. If you have a chronic illness (I'm specifically pursuing an EDS diagnosis), particularly if it's one for which there's no direct cure or treatment, what's your reasoning for wanting a concrete diagnosis? All takes are useful - physical impairment/pain stuff is the most useful but anything (other physical issues or neurodivergences) will help me get my brain moving.

I mostly tbh just want to know what it is and what to expect. I want to be able to say 'i have these symptoms bc I have EDS.' when Ido physical activity or start a new job or seek medical attention I want to be able to say 'here's a heads up about what my needs are and why.' and tbh I want. validation for the fact I've been in nearly constant pain or neuro fog since I was like 8 years old. bc even though I know it's real there's a big difference between a set of subjective symptoms and a label. like. feels like every few weeks I discover another thing that Isn't A Problem For Anyone Else and it's been literally 20+ years I've been just Getting On With Things.

(it would also help a lot with my sibling's diagnosis, if either of us can get a formal diagnosis it'll smooth the road a lot for the other one and they're a Lot iller than me)

#red said #my partner who is in med school is gonna sit down with me and workshop a plan of attack #at the moment we're making sure to note down every time anyone observed something that's like Bodies Shouldn't Do That #like if i wake up in the morning and say hoho my shoulder hurts and won't move normal shit #they're like RED PUT IT ON THE LIST IMMEDIATELY #PEOPLE'S BONES DON'T POP OUT WHEN THEY SLEEP #I'm 2 giant post it notes deep a week in so it's going well #also of course some of the more. private stuff that only i can really pick up on. I'm also listing #like where my organs don't work or where normal amounts of friction like brushing my teeth or wiping my arse cause skin tears and bleeding #OH THE GUMS BLEEDING IS A WHOLE THING #always assumed i has chronic gingivitis but a) dentists observe when i do have gingivitis which isn't super often #and b) my mum also can only use soft toothbrushes for the same reason #PUT IT ON THE LIST

[syncrovoid-presents]

YOU CAN HIT A TAG LIMIT??? My ramblings in the tags have been conquered and squashed by the 30 tag limit. How silly!

#syncrovoid.txt #delete later #maybe?? #ANYWAYS if i continue the story it wouldn't make much sense so i will wrap it up by saying #sleep deprivation isnt actually rhat bad and you really have to work to get bad symptoms #anyways on a totally unrelated note i have to take 2 to 4 times the amount of pain killers or sedatives for the to start impacting me #when my wisdom teeth were removed (rude! they are mine haha!) i was given 3 sedatives and full legal dose laughing gas and i was like. #just there. in the room chilling. they did local anesthetics and i remember that whole thing moreso than the average day! #even though the sedatives were supposedly supposed to make you forget or hazy? #anyways near the end of the surgery my dad is walking in the hallway and opens the door but before he fully came in i was like #“hey dad!!” and waved. but when you are supposed to lay still with your mouth held open by tools and filled with blood you are NOT #supposed to sit up and welcome people in. and because my face was covered it was by the sound of his shoes? #i dont reember that bit as much but my dad told me it after and when i went for the follow up the dentist said he'd never been #jumpscared in such a situation by someone who should've been conked out #after the surgery i got up and the dentist gave me my teeth in a small bag (i kept it as a test to see if my memory would get messed up #since how often does that happen?) and i just walked away. freaked out a bunch of people though and my parents lol #anyways it is a joke for some people i know that i am simply Built Different. i think i am just too silly to contain by mortal rules <- #i joke in a very silly way!! i am soso sleep deprived right now #dhould i be saying any of this? is my typing making sense? my fingers are numb and my brain feels three shades ourple from forest deep teal #time to sleowly pass out and time travel! farewell all ye who read this! i hope ye have wondrous days ahead of you and a lovely life!!! #@:P

[the-lady-general]

if i rip this fucking tooth out it can't hurt anymore right

that how this works right

#the lady general rambles #fucking thing was FINE for THREE WEEKS #only 2 more dentist appts and then it's done she said yet again #i wish they'd give me a rewards card #when i was wee we got candies at the dentist for being good #they should do that for adults #'if you have to come in here 7 times in 3 months we're giving you a sick note for emotional damages'

[nullians]

.

#feeling like throwing up with how stressed I am about my finances lately #good reminder of just how fragile my situation is anyways #it's like... why are you guilt tripping me about needing money for doctors when you spend so much more on things that are not necessary? #like... I know. This is how this power imbalance works but uhhhh #just last week she has spent more on home appliances than I've asked her to give me to go see dentists and... I feel awful #one - bc she said we should save up but doesn't do so herself #two - bc this is the first time I'm asking about money for health reasons in 3 years if not more #I don't get ill and I don't do fashion or cosmetics and I just #don't really buy things except occasional entertainment (art & games) #the rest is just food and materials for uni #negative #personal #I just feel like shit #like I know! I could've kept my health a bit better but also... hey. You win some you lose some and I chose to lose health for uni+family+ #mental (somewhat) stability #and the clinic won't even tell me the exact price so I have to be prepared for a gap of 4000 pln so it's a nightmare #sorry just. sorry

[afieldinengland]

.

#not to ‘i’m not autistic but i believe in their beliefs’ at three in the morning but i’ve had the striking realisation over the past week #that i actually haven’t got the faintest idea why people like me. i mean i know they do. but i was having a conversation with my father #about how nice someone was— i think the dentist because i hadn’t been in ages— and i guess i sounded surprised because he said #‘people do like you harri.’ and i realised i couldn’t make sense of it as a lump statement #i have to assume it’s for the same reasons i like them. but i’m realising that i can’t put names to them in the way they undoubtedly can #this isn’t me trying to be self-absorbed i’m not looking to be told i am likeable i’m just aware for perhaps the first time that i can’t #actually sensibly dissect the dynamics behind someone liking me. i suppose in many ways i’ve always felt like it’s sort of none of my #business. i think that’s how it used to work when i was in love too but that was also because i was a doormat #i know people like me and i’m very lucky to have that. trying really hard not to sound like a serial killer i don’t know why this is so #peculiar to me. i can’t wrap my tongue around it without sounding weirdly clinical #i suppose it’s because i’m still not wholly convinced that i’m a human being. i think it’s very old and at my centre. #and people like me but they don’t see me— or totally understand me. nobody ever has. but now i’m just saying things #people come and go in my life. i’m only really learning how to reach out myself #not that i’m passive i don’t think you could say that. but i’m observational first and foremost. i like to look— so it’s hard to think about #being looked at. a little

[gardenhotspot]

record high temps again today DIE

#garden hotspot #gcwtual #i worked over 10 hrs yesterday :))) ahhhhhahshshshdnfnsms #f and i had a very tiny spat bc i spent 6:30 to 4ish just doing clearance and nonsellable #and we didnt have a phone (i did for only some of them in the very beginning) and wrote them down in the logbook #and he's like 'thats twice as much work sage!!' i agree! but what would you have me do it'll stack up not enough carts i'm not l*wes i hate #this job. . .lol #he sort of expells hot air and then is done its such a relief tbh #also if you argue a bit back he listens and concedes if you make sense. so theres that. #hes sooo much better than ppl ive had to deal with for almost a year i'll take him i'll keep him #before i left i talked to him abt twin and p.os and. . caved and told him abt marking plants down #he goes 'ok whats next' 'ok what else' after we talk out stuff its nice #he looked genuinely worried whrn i said i might get in trouble for mentioning the plant thing to him. but it was either say smth or more #plants die. . .im over it. mb can get pissy if he wants. who cares lol. #i'm calling f gcf now also. in mid textpost ik anyways. #gcf and i had a bit of back and forth on prices but again he went 'ok no that makes sense lets do it' after i talked it out #i keep talking and it makes sense. my brain is Very adhd and autisim sir im trying to make sense here. #anyways i went to bed late got up early and made food and gathered stuff and now im sitting in the parking lot of the dentist #got here like 30 min early lmao #but i'll walk in 5-7 til. idk if they're even open. #then i'll drive straight to work. so. long day ahead of me. #blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i think someone walked in the front door. .