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hellcat8908 · 3 months

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could i request nyx x reader, enemies to lovers where reader is the daughter gwyn and azriel and they have been rivals and hated each other since birth. Nyx thinks reader is stuck up and annoying and reader thinks he is arrogant and rude pls no snut just fluff and tension and some angst👀 i imagine jealousy and the inner circle laughing at them bc it is so obvious to everyone that they’re in love

Only A Matter Of Time Nyx x Female Reader (Both Adults)

Warnings: Red flags for abusive relationship

You tied your hair up in a quick ponytail as you made your way outside to train with Cassian. You watched as he and Nyx were finishing up with their session. Nyx's reflexes were impressive as he managed to dodge and counter Cassian's strikes. After a few minutes, you started stretching and warming up. "Focus!" Cassian commanded, and you look up to see Nyx on the ground. "You can't let yourself be distracted." Cassian says. "I wasn't distracted. I just didn't react fast enough." Nyx says. "Uh huh, sure." Cassian teases as you go back to stretching.

"Don't break a nail, princess." He says as he walks by you. "Your form could use some work, maybe you should stay and learn how it's done." You retort. "Alright, you two save it for the honeymoon." Cassian says. "He wishes." You say the same time Nyx says, "In her dreams." You start towards Cassian, "I have a date tonight, and I don't want to be late." You announce. Nyx steps faulter, but he keeps walking, hoping nobody noticed, but Cassian did. "Let's get started then."

Cassian had basically interrogated you about your date by the time you were done training. You were drenched in sweat from the hot sun and the drills Cassian had you do. You checked the time and realized you were running late, "Gotta go, Cass! I'm running late." You say as yoh take off towards the house. "Tell him if he lays a hand on you, he'll lose it!" Cassian calls after you being the protective uncle he is. You make your way into your spare room at the house of wind and shower before changing into the clothes you brought.

You were rushing out the door when you ran into a wall of solid muscle. "Why don't you watch where you're going?!" Nyx says with as he glares at you. "Sorry, I'm running late." You say, and you try to walk around him. He stops you, "So who's the loser you're going on a date with?" He asks. "Someone you don't know, now excuse me I have to go." You answer, but he continues to block your path, "seriously Nyx, I have to go." You tell him. "Lover boy will just have to get used to you being late." He says as he studies you. Finally, you've had enough and shove your way past him. "Good luck, He's gonna need it dating you." Nyx calls with a smirk.

You winnow your way to the restaurant where you're supposed to meet Bastian. You notice you're 15 minutes late. You keep searching and see him already at a table. You walk over and quickly apologize, "I'm so sorry I'm late. I swear I'm not usually like this." You say as you take a seat across from him. "I should hope not. It's inconsiderate to waste peoples time." He says with a cold tone. "I've never been here, have you?" You ask as you look over the menu. "Several times." He answers shortly.

The waitress comes to take your order, and you're about to ask for a few more moments when Bastian orders his food and then proceeds to order a salad for you. "Actually, I was going to have the..." You start to say when Bastian interrupts telling her you'll have what he ordered for you. After she walks away, you turn your attention to Bastian, "That was really uncalled for." You state. "What was uncalled for was you being 15 minutes late and now having an attitude." He says as he studies you. "Besides, I'm did you a favor by ordering you a salad." He says as his eye roam over your body.

"Are you seriously implying what I think you are?!" You say a little louder than you meant to, gaining the attention of the patrons around you. "Lower your voice and don't make a scene with your insecurities." He says nonchalantly. "You know what? I don't have to put up with this!" You say before moving to leave. He grabs your wrist, holding it tightly, "Sit down and stop embarrassing me!" He says quietly, so only you hear. "You're hurting me. Let go." You demand. "Remove your hand before I remove it for you." A familiar voice says. You turn and see Nyx standing there.

Bastian releases you in an instant, and you quickly leave before either of them can stop you. Once you're outside, you start making your way towards the house of wind. You get as far as two blocks before you hear Nyx calling you, "Princess, wait up." You quicken your steps as you tell him to leave you alone. "Please, y/n, just wait." He says jogging to catch up. "Let me take you home." He says. "Just leave me alone!" You shout, causing people to stop and look at you. You decide to reach out to Rhys to get Nyx to leave you alone. "Seriously? You called my dad!" He says, sounding annoyed.

He quickly winnows away at his father's command. Your relief is short-lived as you hear wings behind you. Spinning around, you're surprised to see Cassian standing there. "Rhys sent me to pick you up." He says. "I want to go to the house of wind." You say as he approaches you. "Wherever you want to go." He says before carrying you up to the house. As he lands and lets go of you, he says, "I don't know what happened tonight, but when you want to talk to someone, I'm always available." You just nod before going inside and making your way to your room.

You lock the door before changing into knit shorts and a tank top. You stepped out on the balcony off your room after grabbing a blanket and curled up in the chair to watch the sunset. You look at your wrist and see the fingertip bruises. You shake your head and let the tears fall that you've been holding in since you left the restaurant. You hated that Bastian had been such an ass but you hated more that Nyx witnessed it all. You were sure he had seen every moment of your humiliation, and you were certain he wouldn't let you forget it anytime soon.

You watched the sun sink behind the horizon. You watched as the stars started to appear as the sky turned to night. After dozing off a few times, you decided to finally go to bed. You fell into a restless sleep and groaned when morning came too early. A gentle knock on the door forced you out of bed. You pulled the door open as to find Azriel standing there. "Dad, what are you doing here?" You ask still half asleep. "You didn't come home last night, so I'm just checking on you. I made you breakfast." He says.

You roll your eyes, "Uh huh, I'm sure Nyx told you and everybody else about my stupid date last night, and you're checking up on me." The look of confusion on Azriel's face has you second-guessing yourself. "Nyx didn't say anything about your date, at least not to me or your mom." He says. "Sure, he didn't. I'm glad to see your acting skills have improved over the years. I'm not hungry, and I wish to be left alone." You say sternly before shutting and locking the door. "Angel, seriously, Nyx hasn't said anything to us. I haven't seen him since yesterday morning when I went to see Rhys." Azriel says through the door. "Leave me alone. I've been humiliated enough. I'll come home in a couple of days." You hear him sit the plate outside your door before he tells you he loves you and walks away.

You go back to bed and curl up under the blankets. After a few more hours, you get up and sit on the balcony. You can see Nyx and Cassian training. At the sight of Nyx, you think back to the conversation with your dad. He seemed genuinely confused, but why wouldn't Nyx tell everyone about last night. He's always bullied you and noted your failures. Why would he show you any sort of compassion now. As if he could hear your thoughts, his attention turns to you. A split second later, Cassian drops him. While he's down, you make your way back inside, not wanting to deal with him.

You make your way to the kitchen with the plate that was abandoned outside your door this morning. After scraping the food in the trash, you grab a sandwich and make your way back to your room. The weekly dinner at the river house is tonight, but you're not in the mood. You decide to lock yourself in your room with a book. You eventually fall asleep in the chair. You jump awake at the loud pounding on your door. "Open up, princess." Nyx calls through the door, "I brought you dinner since you were too busy hiding in your room." You ignore him. "Open up before the food gets cold." He says. After a few more minutes of him banging on the door, you finally hear him leaving.

You no sooner get in bed before he walks in from your balcony. "It works better if you lock all the doors, princess." He says as he sits the plate on your dresser. "Why are you here, Nyx?" You ask, eyeing him suspiciously as he leans against your desk. "Checking in to see how much longer you were going to hide." He says. "As long as I feel like," you say confidently. "It's not good for you." He says as he fidgets. "What do you care? Oh, that's right, you don't! Tell my parents or your father, whoever you're spying on me for, that i'm fine." You say. His face turns serious, "I do care about you." You let out a laugh in disbelief, "uh huh, sure you do, look, I'm not in the mood for you to mess with me. Can you do the nice thing for once in your life and just leave me alone."

He pushes off the desk, "Have I really been they awful to you?" He asks. "Seriously?! You've done nothing but make me miserable since we were kids." You answer. "No matter what I do, how hard I try, I'm never good enough to be anything to you besides a target. I wish you'd forget that I exist!" You say before falling apart in front of him. "The fact that you saw everything that happened on my date is humiliating. I haven't left my room or talked to anyone because I'm sure you told them how pathetic I am, and I can't deal with that right now! So just forget about me, please!" You collapse on your bed as sobs rack your body. Years of supressed emotions coming to the surface, overwhelming you.

"Y/n, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this, I swear. He approaches you and reaches out to touch you, "Don't!" You shout as you pull away. "You've always been better than me at certain things, and I let my jealousy get the best of me. I know you're not going to believe me, but I didn't tell anyone about what happened on your date. It's not my place to, but I am sorry that being there hurt you more." He says. "I'm sorry for everything I've done, and I hope someday you'll believe me and maybe even forgive me." He says before unlocking your door and walking out, leaving you utterly alone. You think about what he said as you cry yourself to sleep.

You wake up and quickly get dressed. You make your way to the river house and knock on the door. Nyx answers the door, "Is your dad around?" You ask. "He's in his office." Nyx says as he steps aside to let you in. You walk down the hall towards Rhys's office and gently knock on his door. "Come in." Rhys calls. You step inside his office as he stands to give you a hug. "How are you doing, dear? We missed you at dinner last night." He says. "I'm alright, just working something out. What did Nyx tell you about the other night? When I asked you to get him away from me." You ask bluntly.

"He said that you were upset and he was worried about you." Rhys answers, "that's why I sent Cassian to take you home." You look surprised, "He hasn't said anything about what I was upset about?" Rhys looks at you questioningly, "No, he said it was something you'd share if and when you were ready." You try to process what Rhys told you. You couldn't believe Nyx didn't tell everyone. "Thanks, I'm sorry for bothering you." Rhys gives you a smile, "You never bother me, dear. One more thing before you go. I know you and Nyx don't get along easily, but he does care about you." You do a quick check of your mental shields finding them intact. "I don't need to probe you're mind to know, dear. Anyone would have to be blind not to notice. Why do you think we all tease the two of you." He says with a smirk. You roll your eyes, "bye, Rhys." You say before leaving his office.

You're going over what Nyx said yesterday and what Rhys just told you as you walk down the hallway. You aren't paying attention as you think about how you really feel about Nyx. You crash into a tense body. "Is this going to be a regular thing?" Nyx asks with a laugh before catching himself, "Sorry, I wasn't trying..." You cut him off midsentence by pressing your lips to his. Once he gets over the initial shock, he wraps his arms around you and deepens the kiss. You pull back and look into his eyes, "Please tell me I didn't just royal mess everything up." He smiles down at you, "quite the opposite." He says before kissing you again.

Suddenly, the door opens, and your parents walk in along with Cassian and Nesta. Cassian shouts, "it's about damn time you two figured it out!" You look at them confused, "what is everyone doing here?" "Rhys said there was something we needed to see." Your dad says, "and I'm guessing this was it." He says laughing. "You two owe me $100." Rhys says as he walks up. Cassian and Azriel hand him money. "You seriously bet on if we would get together?" You ask, looking at the three of them. "Not if you would get together but when you would get together. It's nothing compared to what the women bet on." Cassian says with a smirk even though he lost the bet.

"What did you bet on?" Nyx asks, turning his attention to Feyre while you look at your mom. "When you'd have kids." She says with a guilty smile. You laugh, "we should've known after all the teasing." You say with a laugh as Nyx pulls you into his arms, "hopefully none of you chose anytime soon because I have a lot of years to make up for before we even consider kids." He says with a genuine smile. "Yes, you do. Besides, who said I wanted kids. You're enough of a handful already." You tease.

"You know we'd have the cutest kids when the time comes. But right now, breakfast smells delicious. Let's eat." Nyx says as he escorts you into the dining room where an amazing looking breakfast awaits. "This conversation isn't over, and you're not completely off the hook." You say as he sits beside you. "I know, but for now, let's enjoy breakfast with our families." He says with a smile. You can't help but smile back.

#acotar #batboys #sarah j maas #acotar fanfic #nyx x reader #nyx #nyx archeron #nyx acotar #acotar fic #acotar angst

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paperstorm · 1 year

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TK's face in the GIF set of him saying his parents are back together. He is just so happy about it. And then it got me thinking of that scene later on where he sees Gwyn packing to leave. "If I'm not enough to keep you two together..." like TK, baby. The fact that it's now canon that this is the second time TK walked in from somewhere to a parent packing things up to leave (we learned that in the last episode), I feel so bad for him and just want to give him a hug.

The fact that TK spoke the words "if I'm not enough to keep you two together" and Gwyn didn't contradict him or tell him of course he's enough. My heart is so broken every time I think about that storyline, they don't do it on purpose but Owen and Gwyn make TK feel so overlooked and inadequate and just sort of ... small. He clearly still blames himself for their divorce even though it was 20 years ago and then he has to deal a second time with thinking he isn't enough to be worthy of a family and she doesn't contradict him. It's just so devastating. The only saving grace of it all is that he has Carlos and you know Carlos snuggles him constantly and tells him all about how good he is.

#911ls asks

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im-overstimulated-and-im-sad · 8 months

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Work In Progress Wednesday

There's still two and a half hours left in Wednesday, so this counts... I posted this earlier but now I've been tagged so I wanted to officially post it, post it... basically I'm the B99 meme, changed to- "you posted that already- and I will post it again!"

Thank you to @kiloskywalker for the tag, and anyone who reads this and puts up with my ramblings- you're the most, you really are

This is from my Owen and Gwyn have another kid, TK has a little sister fic- this is further down the road from where the story is currently but I've had this scene kicking around my head since I rewatched the episode (you can probably guess which one)

2017 -

Sophie stood frozen in the open doorway. From the telltale purse on the counter, she knew that her mom had beat her home. But that wasn’t as surprising as the fact that the voice she could hear was a male voice, and definitely not Enzo’s. “Do you think this has been going on since the accident?” Sophie heard her father say. “It’s crossed my mind,” she heard her mother answer. “I know one of the guys he met in grief therapy was arrested for dealing”. “How did you know that?” Owen asked. “That’s the part you want to focus on?” Gwyn replied. “No,” Owen answered. “But I talked to him when that happened. He told me that he was fine”. “Owen”. Sophie was always amazed at how many emotions her mother could pack into one word. “Owen, our son is struggling with battling addiction for the third time in his life. You don’t think that maybe, he lied to you?” There was a long pause after that. Sophie took another step into the apartment but she kept her hand on the door; she knew her parents wouldn’t keep having this conversation if they knew she could hear. Finally, Sophie heard her mother say, “Is this you saying that you think I’m wrong?” “No”. Owen answered. “Because I don’t. But if you’re right, that means I’ve been sending someone on calls and putting people’s lives in the hands of someone who’s high off his ass”. More silence followed this. Sophie heard her dad say, “Do you want me to be there? When you tell him?” “No,” Gwyn answered. “I think I should tell him myself”. Sophie let go of the door. It slammed with a loud crack. The view of the dining table was a little obscured, but she could tell that both of her parents had turned around at the noise. “Soph, hi,” Gwyn said, going to greet her daughter. “I didn’t realize what time it was”. “I didn’t know you’d be home yet”. Sophie replied. “Dad, what are you doing here?” “Your mother needed me to sign for something”. He answered. “Sign for what?” Sophie asked. “Is this about TK?” “How much did you hear?” her mother asked her. “Enough”. Sophie said. “To know this has something to do with TK”. “It’s a grown up matter, Sophie,” her mother told her. “Well, then, it’s a good thing I’m eighteen,” Sophie said, dropping her bag on the floor with a thud. “Gwyneth”. Owen interjected. “She’s going to find out”. “Fine”. Gwyn sighed. “I needed your dad, or rather, your brother’s fire captain to sign this to approve your brother not being at work for thirty days while he is in rehab”. “Rehab?” Sophie repeated. “Like, rehab… rehab?” Sophie wasn’t a little kid; she knew that her brother had problems with addiction (she was the one who found his near-lifeless body on the roof alone when she was twelve years old). But packing him up and sending him to rehab; that was a first. “Exactly like rehab, rehab,” her mother answered. “I’m taking your brother to an inpatient facility in California tomorrow”. Sophie had a lot of questions, but knew she had to choose carefully. The window of information her mom would share with her willingly would close very soon. “Why California?” she asked. “Because it’s supposed to be the best”. Gwyn said quietly. “And I want this to be the last time we need to do this”. “Okay”. Sophie said. “Can I…” she wasn’t sure what to say. “What can I do?” “Actually go to school?” her mom said, reaching out and tucking a stray piece of hair back into her daughter’s braid. “Don’t give your dad any trouble? Enzo’s still helping his mom, you’re going to stay with your dad while I’m gone”. “And I have known you slightly longer than Enzo has,” Owen muttered. “You can’t help yourself, can you?” Gwyn sighed. “Sorry”. Owen said. “When are you going to tell him?” “I’m going to see if I can find him tonight”. Gwyn said. She looked back at Sophie. “Do you need anything else to go to your dad’s tonight?” “No”. Sophie shook her head. “Dad, don’t you work today?” “I switched my days off”. Owen answered. For the first time, Sophie noticed how tired both her parents looked.

***

No pressure tags: @dreamingofmickeywaffles, @lightningboltreader, @firstprince-history-huh, @ellena-asg, @reyestrandd, @statueinthestone and anyone else who wants to participate

#911 lone star #tk strand #911 ls fic #911 ls wip #owen strand #gwyneth morgan #my wips #wip wednesday

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yazthebookish · 2 years

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I'm going back to analyzing the phrase "a thing of secret, lovely beauty" out of boredom but also because I reread the chapter and wanted to write another post about its beautiful symbolism.

Disclaimer: we know the necklace was bought with the intention of giving it to Elain, so saying this specific phrase is meant for Gwyn is not an insult to Elain but it's based on what the text implies. Everything is based on ACOSF and Azriel's chapter.

Let's look at the two scenes where a thing of secret, lovely beauty phrase is used:

Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around. -- The golden necklace seemed ordinary -- its chain unremarkable, the amulet tiny enough that it could be dismissed as an everyday charm. It was a small, flat rose fashioned of stained glass, designed so that when held to the light, the true depth of the colors would become visible. A thing of secret, lovely beauty. -- “It's beautiful," she whispered, lifting it from the box. The golden faelight shone through the little glass facets, setting the charm glowing with hues of red and pink and white.

Clotho's pen moved once more. She deserves something as beautiful as this. I thank you for the joy it shall bring to her. Something sparked in Azriel's chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it, though, as he ascended the stairs back to the House proper. How Gwyn's teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason... he could see it. But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly. A thing of secret, lovely beauty.

For the first scene, I made sure to include a big portion of it for the sake of context. The phrase was not applied to a person the first time, it's applied to an object: the necklace. The beauty of the necklace is a secret. It looks ordinary and can be dismissed as an everyday charm and the chain is unremarkable. Only when you expose the necklace to the light that it's true colors and beauty show.

We know based on the text that this phrase is used for a necklace the first time, so it does not fit with what we know about Elain because her beauty is not a secret it's basically the first thing or first impression anyone learns about her.

“She was jealous of your beauty,” Amren said, an amused smile on her red lips. Elain blushed. “Perhaps.”

“He whispered in her ear, “They say your sister Elain is the beauty, but you outshine her tonight.”

Then Elain’s face appeared over Mrs. Laurent’s round shoulder. Beautiful—she’d always been the most beautiful of us. Soft and lovely, like a summer dawn.

So I find it intentional on SJM's part to use the phrase twice. First time is for an ordinary necklace whose beauty does not show until it's held to the light, and the second time is when Azriel describes the image of Gwyn's joy.

“In the sunlight, the color of her hair was extraordinary, strands of gold glinting, and her teal eyes were a near-perfect match to the stones the other priestesses wore.”

“Gwyn nimbly rolled to her feet, grinning so broadly that Nesta was momentarily taken aback by it. The priestess had been pretty in the library, but with that joy, that confidence as she aimed for the three priestesses, she had emerged into a beauty to rival Merrill or Mor.”

Even Nesta's first impression of Gwyn isn't her beauty since she was under the library, it's only when Gwyn steps into the light that Nesta is struck by how beautiful she is and how extraordinary her hair and eyes look. That's a hidden beauty there, it can be overlooked the first time but once it's under the light her beauty radiates especially when she feels joy.

Another thing to keep in mind is the fact that Gwyn and Azriel spent a short time on Solstice together. During that short time she made him open up a bit about himself, she surprised him, she smiled at his shadows and they reacted to her, she teased him, she made him laugh and he even joked with her and he left the ring settled and calmed down after speaking with her. This all happened in one scene. The main reason why I point this out is because of the fact that we barely get to see many reactions out of Azriel in the books, let alone in one scene.

She said, as much a dismissal as it was a holiday blessing. He snorted. "Are you kicking me out?" ------- Pure amusement glittered in her stare. Better than the pain and grief he'd spied a moment before. So he offered her a crooked smile. "I can't sleep without my favorite dagger." --- Azriel's lips twitched. He refrained from mentioning that he did indeed sleep with a dagger. Many daggers.------- "Do you, though?" she pressed. "Sing?" Azriel couldn't help his soft chuckle. "Yes." ------- Azriel laughed. "I’ll give you that." Gwyn smiled broadly. "Thank you." Azriel dipped his head in a sketch of a bow, something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch.

The significance of this scene is the fact that she surprised him and he started to see who Gwyn was versus the Gwyn he rescued two years prior:

He nodded, silence falling. For a heartbeat, their gazes met. He blocked out the bloody memory that flashed, so at odds with the Gwyn he saw before him now. Her head ducked, as if remembering it too. That he'd been the one who'd found her that day at Sangravah. "Happy Solstice," she said, as much a dismissal as it was a holiday blessing.

They fell silent again as Gwyn shifted her feet, angling the blade. The wind waggled the ribbon again, as if taunting her. Cassian glanced over at Az, but his attention was fixed on the young priestess, admiration and quiet encouragement shining from his face.

“Emerie groused, but stepped up to the dangling ribbon, grudgingly taking the sword Cassian extended. Azriel murmured over a shoulder to the priestesses under his charge as they watched. They instantly began moving again. But Azriel’s attention remained on the ribbon.”

His attention is ON Gwyn and not the ribbon she is about to cut versus the scene when Emerie was about to cut the ribbon.

Indeed, Azriel and Cassian had just leaned against the wall, arms crossed, and smiled at them the entire time. Gwyn threw Azriel a withering stare as she strode past him. “See you tomorrow, Shadowsinger,” she tossed over a shoulder. Az stared after her, brows high with amusement. “When he turned back, Nesta grinned. “You have no idea what you just started,” she said. Az angled his head, hazel eyes narrowing as Gwyn reached the archway.

This is why after Solstice you get to see Azriel noticing Gwyn a lot more than he used to.

“Gwyn let out a high-pitched noise that was nothing but pure excitement. Azriel, on the other side of the ring with the rest of the priestesses, half-turned at the sound, brows high.”

You can tell he is amused and perhaps surprised by Gwyn here. He is seeing more of her personality.

Anyhow, I wanted to point out the symbolism and how that ties into Gwyn and Azriel's perception of her.

After all, his chapter ended with him burying the image of her joy in his chest where it's glowing quietly and used the same phrase for the necklace: a thing of secret, lovely beauty.

That can only mean he kept the image to think about maybe from time to time. It's something he found precious enough to keep it in his chest. This image did not spark in him out of the blue, it sparked when Clotho thanked him for giving Gwyn something this beautiful and it will bring her joy.

This is not to belittle anything about Elain but when he gave Elain the necklace he did not make note of any reaction from her, he did not say “she smiled” or that “her eyes lightened upon seeing it”, there was no mention of her reaction to the gift other than calling it beautiful and asking him to put it on her. You'd think he'd admire her smile or eyes because that's one of the things you look for when you give someone a gift: their reaction. Gwyn was not physically there and he literally daydreamed about her reaction to the necklace and it made him smile. It was a conscious action on his part because we are told he had to "consciously" erase the smile off his face.

This is where I find romantic coding for them, it's not the fact that the gift was meant for Elain and he gave it away to Gwyn (we all know Gwyn deserves better than that)—it's the symbolism and what the necklace represented to him: a thing of secret, lovely beauty.

I find it precious that the image of her joy brought a smile to his face and Sarah choosing to end Azriel's Chapter with that has significance.

#acosf #azriel #gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel chapter

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silverflameataraxia · 2 years

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Nesta's Sacrifice

I want to compare the scenes in ACOWAR and ACOSF, where Nes volunteers to sacrifice herself to save those she loves. See the difference between how Feysand reacts to how the Valkyries react. See the similarities between Rhys and Gwyn, Rhys and Emerie, and Cass and Nes.

ACOWAR

Rhys made to shoot me back down to the ground, where Amren and Elain were still waiting. Nesta said, “Wait.

Rhys obeyed.

Nesta stared toward that armada, toward our father fighting in it. "Use me. As bait.”

I blinked at the same moment Cassian said, “No."

Nesta ignored him. “The king is probably waiting beside that Cauldron. Even if you get there, you'll have him to contend with. Draw him out. Draw him far away. To me."

"How," Rhys said softly.

"It goes both ways,” Nesta murmured, as if my mate's words moments before had triggered the idea. “He doesn't know how much I took. And if ... if I make it seem like I'm about to use his power ...He'll come running. Just to kill me.”

“He will kill you," Cassian snarled.

Her hand clenched on his arm. “That's where you come in."

To guard her. Protect her. To lay a trap for the king.

"No," Rhys said.

Nesta snorted. “You're not my High Lord. I may do as I wish. And since he'll sense that you're with me...You need to go far away, too."

Rhys said to Cassian, “I'm not letting you throw your life away for this."

I was inclined to agree.

Cassian surveyed the depleted Illyrian lines, now holding strong as Azriel rallied them. “Az has control of the lines.”

“I said no," Rhys snapped. I'd never heard him use that tone with Cassian, with any of them.

Cassian said steadily, "It's the only shot we have of a diversion. Luring him away from that Cauldron." His hands tightened on Nesta. “You gave everything, Rhys. You went through that hell for us, for fifty years." He'd never addressed it—not fully. “You think I don't know what happened? I know, Rhys. We all do. And we know you did it to save us, spare us. He shook his head, sunlight glinting off that dark, winged helmet. “Let us return the favor. Let us repay the debt.”

“There is no debt to repay.” Rhys's voice broke. The sound of it cracked my heart.

Cassian's own voice broke as he said, “I never got to repay your mother—for her kindness. Let me do it this way. Let me buy you time.”

"I can't.”

I wasn't sure if in the entire history of Illyria, there had ever been such a discussion.

“You can,” Cassian said gently. “You can, Rhys.” He gave a lazy grin. "Save some of the glory for the rest of us."

ACOSF

Nesta couldn't move as Gwyn untangled herself. The two of them were covered in dirt, debris, and blood. “I can't... Nesta panted. "I can't carry you anymore.”

Silence fell.

“So we rest,” Gwyn managed to say, "then we continue."

"We'll never make it in time," Nesta said. “Or at least before the males catch up."

Emerie swallowed. "We try anyway." Gwyn nodded. “Rest a minute first. Maybe the dawn will reach us before they do."

"No." Nesta peered down the path. “They're climbing too fast.”

Again, silence.

"What are you saying?” Emerie asked carefully.

Nesta marveled at the hope and bravery in their faces. “I can hold them off.”

"No," Gwyn said, voice sharpening.

Nesta schooled her features into utter coldness. “You are both injured. You will not survive the fight. But you can manage the climb. Emerie can help - "

"No."

“I can use the bottleneck of the path right there," Nesta plowed ahead, pointing to the space beyond the archway, “to keep them off long enough for you two to reach the top. Or dawn to come. Whichever happens first.”

Gwyn bared her teeth. “I refuse to leave you here."

Emerie's pained face told Nesta enough: she understood. Saw the logic.

Nesta said to Gwyn, “It is the only way.”

Gwyn screamed, “IT IS NOT THE ONLY WAY!” And then she was sobbing. “I will not abandon you to them. They will kill you."

“You need to go," Nesta said, even as her hands began shaking. "Now.”

“No,” Gwyn wept. “No, I won't. I'll face it with you."

Something deep in Nesta's chest cracked. Cracked open completely, and what lay within bloomed, full and bright and pure.

She wrapped her arms around Gwyn. Let her friend sob into her chest. "I'll face it with you," Gwyn whispered, over and over again. “Promise me we'll face it together.”

Nesta couldn't stop her tears then. The chill wind froze them on her cheeks. “I promise,” she breathed, stroking Gwyn's matted hair. “I promise.”

Gwyn sobbed, and Nesta let herself sob with her, squeezing her tightly. Letting her stroking hand come to rest on Gwyn's neck.

A pinch in the right spot, exactly on that pressure point Cassian had shown her, and it was done.

Gwyn went down. Unconscious.

"Come with us," Emerie offered, eyes lined with silver.

Nesta shook her head. "Consider it the repayment of a debt."

A tear slipped down Emerie's cheek. "For what?"

"For being my friends. Even when I didn't deserve it."

Emerie's face crumpled. "There is no debt, Nesta."

But Nesta smiled softly. "There is. Let me pay it."

Swallowing back her tears, Emerie nodded.

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hotchley · 2 years

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the clock never stops (but maybe it ticks a little quieter)

I'm meant to be revising the german economy so let's keep this short. This exists in some weird time post 3x08, but it's all over the place. I basically couldn't get the thank you scene, or the Reyes family meal out of my head, and it spiralled into this.

All of Carlos' experiences with grief counselling are based on my own, apart from when he tells his family. That is so far from my reality that we won't even get into it.

This isn't to say everything will be fine. It's to say that we can come back from grief. It's to make everyone who's had to trust that they weren't being lied to feel seen. It's to try and bring someone reading the same comfort I got writing it.

Title inspired by There Are Leeches in Denton Lake- Everybody's Worried About Owen.

read on ao3!

Trigger Warnings: grief, death, family relations, implied depression/depressive episodes, self-destructive behaviours (discussed), emotional invalidation (done by self), negative self image, previous drug addiction (NA meeting mention, concern when leaving character alone)

Carlos wakes in the same way he does most things: a little, and then so suddenly it takes him a moment to realise he isn’t dreaming anymore.

There were days where that realisation filled him with sadness and sorrow. Now it doesn’t. Now waking up means TK is laying next to him, a soft smile on his face.

Carlos is glad. Nightmares are never fun, for either of them. He has his fair share, but TK is always more disoriented after them and it’s harder to bring him back to proper awareness.

They have their methods though, and those work well enough.

He doesn’t immediately get out of bed. Instead he takes in the lines on TK’s face put there by his smiles and his frowns. He watches the slowed rise and fall of his chest as he continues to sleep. He can’t help himself for pressing two fingers to his neck, ever so gently.

TK’s pulse is strong. His heart is beating steadily. He’s alive.

Even as Carlos shifts them both so his head is resting on TK’s chest in order to hear that steady bear, TK doesn’t stir. Carlos lets his mind wander since his shift isn’t for a few hours.

He starts thinking about how far both he and TK have come. He’s proud of TK, of the coping mechanisms he’s developed. Some, like the running until he can’t move another muscle, aren’t pretty or pleasant. Others, like the baking, are.

The point is they help him cope better than anything else ever has. Maybe that’s what matters most.

Carlos is proud of himself too. He’s allowed to be.

After his bereavement leave- Detective Washington said Gwyn had been his mother-in-law in everything but name- had finished, he’d returned to the station to find his shifts had been restructured.

Both to fit with TK’s (which was absolutely the result of Tommy, Judd and Mitchell) and to allow for grief counselling.

He’d said he didn’t need it. According to Detective Washington, it was more complicated to remove him from the list since Georgia already had some baseline information and was preparing to meet him.

So he had gone, deciding he would do the assessment and two sessions then ask to stop so he didn’t feel like he was wasting resources.

But something inside him had snapped during that assessment. Not in a bad way. In a good way. He’d been lying on most of the questions: no he’d never had a panic attack, yes he felt he had good emotional regulation, but one made him pause.

It made him wonder why he was lying. It made him wonder who he was hiding from, because Georgia clearly didn’t believe him. She was doing a very good job of hiding it, but he’d spent too much time with Paul to not notice the subtle tension in her shoulders.

He couldn’t even tell you what question it had been now.

But he’d been honest, and he’d asked if he could change the rest of his answers because he’d been lying. Georgia had simply smiled, and he had been more honest with her.

Although it was described as grief counselling, it became so much more than that. They spoke about why Gwyn’s death hurt so much and how Carlos could cope of course, but they spoke about everything else as well.

Why he was so quick to take the blame for everything. His fears around Gwyn’s ending causing other endings. The way he saw his own actions as never being enough to prove how much he loved people. How he felt he cried too easily and what did that mean?

They discussed his concerns about TK.

Georgia had told him the sobbing was part of the process. Thinking about other endings since there had been one was part of the process. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t nice but it was processing and it was coping.

Talking was coping too. That had made him smile. Because that meant he was coping as well.

She also told him that, at some point, he needed to trust TK. He needed to believe TK would tell him when things were bad and let him be, difficult as it may be. And maybe, he didn't need to make his own issues palatable. Maybe that was an unfair judgement because maybe TK could handle it all. And maybe it was okay if he couldn't handle it all, but shouldn't that have been his decision?

He told TK about that. They’d had a proper conversation in bed about how Carlos felt the need to hover because he was scared TK would leave. They talked about his need to manage everything so he knew it was safe and untouched.

And TK was honest with him about how sometimes, that much love felt the precursor to something terrible. That sometimes, love felt suffocating because it made him feel like he needed to be perfect. He talked about his need to control how good things were so he was always aware that they could never last.

It was nice. It had been good, and they had both felt safe. Carlos had taken a leap then too.

"Sometimes, I don't feel like I'm allowed to grieve Gwyn," he confessed.

"What do you mean, not allowed? Babe-" TK had said, eyes filling with tears.

"It's nothing to do with you TK. I just- she was your mom, and sometimes it seems like you're doing fine, and then I feel like, if you're okay, why do I want to start crying when I didn't know her for that long and only saw her on special occasions and at dinners? And I feel guilty because you're trying to deal with losing your mom, and I'm only dealing with-"

"Carlos. There is no only dealing with. You've lost a friend. And you've had to watch as my dad and I grieve, and you've had to stand by as there was nothing you could do but hold my hand and bring him food. That must have taken a toll on you. I'm sorry for not being more present, but you can always tell me how you're feeling. This is a relationship, and it has to go both ways," TK said, gentle and understanding in a way most people could only dream of.

Carlos nodded. "I'm working on it. I swear."

TK grinned at him. "I know you are."

That single sentence had been enough to convince him to use the rest of the sessions he had been given. And to start looking at therapists. Because it really was helping. And now he'd gotten the help once, it felt a little easier to try and do it once more.

He did tell TK the truth though.

It was on a day that was meant to be perfect. The sun was shining, the weather was warm, both he and TK had the day off. They were going to have a picnic, and a romantic stroll along the beach before they met up with some of Carlos' friends for a somewhat friendly game of bowling.

But Carlos had woken up feeling weighed down by something. He didn't know why, but he felt sad. He felt like any small thing going wrong would cause him to break down. And he hated himself for feeling like that. Because there was nothing about that date that was particularly significant to Gwyn's life. He just missed her.

TK had noticed immediately. He'd been hesitant to ask, scared that it would come off too pushy, but he'd swallowed his fear and just asked if Carlos was okay. And Carlos had almost said yes. But then he paused. Considered it.

"I just miss her. And I don't know why, because it's not like today had any special significance or is an anniversary or anything like that, so I don't know why I miss her so much, but I do, and I feel like it's going to ruin our plans."

"Oh baby. First, thank you for telling me. I know it's hard. Second, you're not going to ruin any plans. We'll see how the day goes, and if you need to cancel anything, we will. Third, this is grief Carlos. This is what it is. It's sudden and messy and it doesn't make sense. It's the clock that never stops ticking, but sometimes it ticks quietly and sometimes it ticks loudly. Today is a loud day for you, and that's okay. Is there anything in particular you need?"

"I just need you close to me," Carlos whispered.

TK nodded. "I'll bring breakfast and then we'll cuddle okay?"

They had cancelled their plans. But the next day, the grief was a little quieter. And when it got loud, Carlos found it easier to speak.

Him and Georgia spoke about his parents. About the influence they'd had on him- good and bad. About the conversations he felt like he could and couldn't have with them. Being palatable to what others wanted and found easy to cope with had come up again then.

Georgia had said he should test the waters. Mention something a bit more personal when they asked him how he was doing, and see how they responded. Because Carlos wanted to tell them what he was doing, because he wanted them to understand where this slow but steady improvement was coming from. He just didn't know how to do it. Not without making things weird.

And his intention had been to do that. Well and truly, he was going to take it slow. He was going to start with something a bit simpler to understand. Something will lower emotional stakes.

Unfortunately, he had never really been good at pacing himself. In almost everything that involved going big or going home, he went big. Sometimes it paid off. Other times it ended in disaster.

It had been one of the two times that his and TK's shifts didn't align with each other. Whilst TK was at work, Carlos had gone to see his parents alone. His phone stayed face up on the table, the ringer on, just in case something happened, but he had the sense things were going to be okay. TK had been back at work a few weeks at this point. Carlos had done four of his eight sessions.

"So, how are you and TK? It was so nice to hear the two of you laughing last week. I was worried we would never hear that sound again. From either of you," his mother said, coming over with a dish.

“I’m in grief counselling,” he blurted out. It hadn't been intentional. He'd been thinking about the words, but that had always been his fatal flaw: not thinking before he spoke. He could switch it off at work (it was how he still had a job) but in his home life, that ability apparently went out the window.

It had been the first time he’d said the words aloud. Him and TK referred to it as his sessions. He didn’t really know why. It, rather ironically, made it feel less clinical.

His mother put the serving dish down. “It’s helping, yes?”

He nodded.

“That’s all I needed to know.”

Carlos swallowed and finally met his fathers gaze. He’s surprised to see Gabriel Reyes’ eyes filled with unshed tears.

Before he could take the words back, or justify himself, or do something, his father hugged him with all the strength he had.

“Carlitos. My brave little boy,” he whispered.

Carlos hasn’t heard that since he was seventeen. He’s unashamed of the tears that run down his own cheeks.

“You’re not disappointed?”

“I could never be. Not in you. Not now I finally understand what a good man you are.”

“Papa,” Carlos sobbed.

“Carlitos,” was the only word Gabriel could form. It said everything he did not have the words for.

Andrea clasped her hands to her chest. "My beautiful, beautiful boys. How I love you both."

That had made Gabriel cry.

But it was the best meal Carlos had ever had with his parents.

Georgia had been incredibly happy that things had gone down so well. And three weeks after he told her about that meal, they wrapped up their final appointment with one final questionnaire. He'd thanked her for everything she had done to help him, and she had just shrugged and said a lot of it had come from him.

TK's grief counselling from the department had finished shortly after Carlos', but Carlos knew he was still discussing it with his therapist and at his NA meetings. He even did it at home. Carlos was glad, that TK felt comfortable enough to bring little pieces of Gwyn into their safe place.

He'd put a framed photo of TK and Gwyn with Jonah on the shelf. TK had flung himself into his arms when he'd realised, whispering thank you and declarations of love again and again as his brain finally understood that his mom was never going to leave him. Not really. Not whilst there were people to remember and honour her.

That particular memory brings a smile to his face.

It's at that moment that TK wakes up.

"Hi baby," Carlos whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"M'okay. When's your shift?"

"Not for a few hours," Carlos says. He pauses, waiting for TK to say what kind of day it is. He may not be able to stay the whole time- and he's going to accept that TK is being honest with him- but maybe if TK is having a grey day he can phone Judd and ask him to bring Charlie.

"That's good," TK says, burying himself under the duvet. His shift must have exhausted him.

"Will you be ready for breakfast if I start it now?" He asks.

TK makes a noise that could mean anything. Carlos snorts, then leaves the bed, because even if TK isn't ready for breakfast, he is.

"Carlos?" TK calls out, his voice still rough from sleep.

Carlos pauses in the doorway. His breath catches slightly whenever TK says his name like that, even now. "Yeah tiger?"

"Thank you."

He forgets how to breathe for a moment. "What?"

"Thank you. For saving my life by giving me a reason to stay. For everything you've done since Mom passed away. For letting me into your heart and telling me how you actually feel, even when it's hard. For trusting me always. That was so incredibly brave of you, and I never said thank you, so I'm saying it now. Thank you, Carlos Gabriel Reyes."

Carlos forgets about breakfast. He starts crying.

"Breathe for me love. Just match my breathing. The crying isn't bad, but you need to breathe," TK reminds him.

The tears keep coming, so TK runs from the bed and wraps his arms around Carlos. He knows there's nothing wrong with the tears. Knows they're coming from a place of gratitude and love and happiness, so he just embraces the man he loves more than he ever thought he was capable of.

"TK, thank you," Carlos says, once he's able to form words. "I've always worried that I messed up. And now I know I didn't. I was good."

"You were incredible," TK says, pressing a kiss to the top of Carlos' hair.

Carlos nods into his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The next day marks eight months since Gwyn's death. Carlos is apprehensive when he wakes up. For him, the clock of grief is ticking just a little louder than normal, but he thinks it may be more so for TK. He's right, but that's okay. They get through the day by making cookies and looking at photos. TK sobs, and Carlos is there with tissues and a chamomile tea when the headache inevitably hits.

"Carlos?" TK whispers as they're going to bed.

"M awake," he replies, but almost asleep.

"I don't think I want to change any of what's happened for the world," TK says.

The ticking of the clock fades into a quiet but comforting constant as they both fall asleep with smiles on their faces.

#tw grief #tw death #cw family relations #tw previous addiction #tw negative self image #tw implied depression #tw self destructive behavior #sumayyah writes 911 lone star #911 lone star #911 lone star spoilers #tarlos #tk strand #carlos reyes

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not-poignant · 2 years

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Hi Pia! FFS has got me wondering since you've said you've had these scenes in mind since 2020, what about a story comes to you first that makes you want to write it? Is it different with every story or do you see any patterns? Like is it usually a character with some sort of trauma that's your entrypoint into a story, or is it the potential for a certain relationship dynamic, or is it always something different every time? (BTW I don't know how you managed the wait but it was so worth it!)

what about a story comes to you first that makes you want to write it?

It's somewhat different for every story, but mostly I think it can be summed up as 'it's the whump' and 'it's the hurt/comfort.'

In many cases I'm often writing towards crucial or key scenes. So when I first came up with Falling Falling Stars I mostly wanted a story where Efnisien gets support and becomes a more ethical and caring person. When I actually sat down to start writing the story, I realised after that - within about 10 chapters I'd say, which is quickly for FFS - that I was driving towards particular scenes, like the situation at the kink club that happened recently.

Likewise with Game Theory I was just interested in writing whumpy hatefucking with two difficult characters who might discover some hurt/comfort together. I realised pretty quickly that I was driving towards a few key scenes (which I actually wrote in advance) such as Gwyn's alignment revelation, or his nightmare around Mafydd.

A character dynamic normally comes to me first, and then I'll think of key scenes later, and they end up becoming 'what I'm writing towards.' It keeps me focused, because the plot has to bend towards those things becoming an eventuality.

All my characters generally have trauma of some kind. And I'll often differentiate between whether that's past or 'during the story' trauma. Eran for example has acquired a lot of both, due to Stertes.

I will sometimes start with one character and build around them. But just as often I'll start with the pair and what kind of dynamic they have. I knew with Mallory & Mount for example I'd be starting with a pair. In The Gentle Wolf I was building around Aodhan, and he was my first character.

There's some really amorphous quality around 'what makes me want to write it.' I want to write most of my story ideas, but I have literally hundreds and I don't write most of them.

I think the thing that takes a story from 'in my head' to 'on the page' is usually a combination of...how much it niggles at me and bugs me, and how well I think I can write the big scenes. I actually didn't want to write Falling Falling Stars. I put off writing it for eight months.

But it niggled at me, and it wouldn't leave me alone, and I found myself thinking about Efnisien and his life and then being like 'no you can't do this, stop it.' I made a playlist to hopefully stop that part of my brain (I've done that with other stories I want to write in the future but haven't written yet, like my second Bull/Cullen story), but it didn't work.

Sometimes an idea just bugs you. And that's the one that gets written. The one that's rude enough to not leave you alone, lol, even if you don't know quite why, or something else seems more interesting on the surface. :D There were so many things I didn't know when I started writing Falling Falling Stars. I didn't know if Efnisien would have a boyfriend. Arden was maybe going to be a bad guy. I didn't know what Efnisien's therapist was like.

Efnisien just wouldn't leave me alone.

So yeah, sometimes it is different. :)

#asks and answers #pia on writing #falling falling stars #fae tales #i feel like i really came full circle and just wrote a whole lot of nothing #i'm sorry anon #i was drawn to how whumpy efnisien's story would be #but also to the promise of hope #but yeah no i tried to talk myself out of writing it so many times!#it was never meant to be!#administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue

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