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scarsandammunition · 5 years

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Love is for Losers song meanings

Earlier this year I wrote 4,500 words about my (unofficial) interpretations of The Longshot’s Love is for Losers and every time I hear it, I want to go on some more about how much I love it and how Deep these songs actually are. So I’m resurrecting it to share with tumblr, ft. illustrations for some songs

The Last Time

The narrator has upset his lover, they're giving him the silent treatment, he doesn't really understand why or if there's even a valid reason, but he's promising it'll be the last time in desperation to keep them. It's like a prequel to the following songs about lost love.

Taxi Driver

Summary: a metaphor for jumping in a taxi to anywhere but here to escape misery. It's frantic like actually trying to get an urgent taxi in New York City during rush hour.

"I got a suitcase in my hand, don't even know just where I am, so take me to my destination" - the narrator is carrying his emotional baggage, unsure where he even is in his mind and asking the metaphorical taxi driver to take him to a destination he doesn't even know. It's like literally running away with just a suitcase in his hand, not even knowing where he is in desperation to escape. "Don't want a ride, I need a lift, so drop me to the late night shift, somewhere out of your jurisdiction" - he doesn't want a ride, he just needs a lift to anywhere but here. "Late night shift" could refer to the musings and anxiety of sleepless nights.

"Are we alone or are we all we've ever known? Taxi driver, I'm rolling like a stone" - he's posing questions about life that a taxi driver could never answer, because in this moment, the taxi driver is everything as he takes him away from his misery. His thoughts are rolling like a stone and he feels like he's triumphantly rolling as he gets away.

"So take me down the motorway, the highway to another day, I'll take the side street out of vision" - he's metaphorically out of town, on the highway to another day with the taxi driver he's expecting way too much of, taking the side street out of vision from the misery he's escaping. This may be reading way too much into simple word choices, but I like it - "motorway" is British English, "highway" is American English and the contrast feels representative of confusion and how far he'll go with this metaphorical taxi driver just to get away.

"Give me a sign, give me a home," asking the taxi driver, currently representative of fate to him, to give him a sign if what he's feeling is right and a home at the end of his journey; "damned if I do, damned if I don't" - damned if he stays and accepts his misery, damned if he doesn't because "oh taxi driver, what's the mission?" - he doesn't even know what he's doing.

"I wanna get around, I wanna get a new ride, I gotta get along so when the hope comes I'm all go!" - he wants to be ready in case he suddenly finds the answer to all these questions he's asking about life, and in case hope for his situation to improve suddenly presents itself. That could be in the form of hope for his relationship working out, rediscovering love he's lost, or just for feeling better about life in general.

Chasing a Ghost

Summary: chasing the ghost of a lost love.

"Piss stains and cigarettes, this party's getting dull, I'm looking for a bump and a wall (???) to call my home" - I'm not sure “wall” is correct but anyway, the former two lines imply the narrator is partying to take his mind off how he's "chasing a ghost," but without that person it's getting dull and his feelings are getting harder to ignore.

"I'm feeling like a moron, bitter and withdrawn" - his feelings about the dying relationship are making him bitter and withdrawn, which he feels like a moron for; "standing in the shadows with all the good times gone" - he's retreating into the dark, where he's miserable and feels like all good times are in the past.

"I've got the tears oh baby, crying in my soul" - the narrator is putting on a brave face but crying inside; "hang from the chandelier from a long long time ago" - hanging from the chandelier probably refers to wild sex or fantasies they shared (which could in turn be referring to ¡Dos!), but the way it's sung is sensitive and emotional rather than crude. It's a “long, long time ago” but he's still reminiscing about it. He's "chasing a ghost" because he's desperately chasing his memory of someone, even though they're little more than a ghost.

"Everyone is happy and everyone is gay, feeling the spirits and twisting the night away," refers to a party or show, one that the song's subject is also at. They could be someone he only sees at events, which could tie into Brutal Love with "dance forever, under the lights" and the trilogy's forbidden love themes. Perhaps he's never even been in a relationship with them but just wonders if, as he sings in Stay the Night, they could be "the one that got away." That would also fit with them being a "ghost" because he can't actually have them. Or maybe it's none of that and he just happens to be seeing them at this event. "But when the thrill is gone and I'm staring at my phone," is a beautiful depiction of modern day longing and disappointment, when the party's over and he tells the subject "thanks for the company but I'm still standing alone," because even though the short time they spent together was thrilling, they're still not together. Instead, he's aimlessly staring at his phone, as we all have at some point. The party could be a metaphor for how exciting and thrilling the subject's company is. Lots of interpretations there!

"And it ain't the same, ain't it a shame?" - whatever he shares with the subject is no longer the same and he's lamenting that in both this line and the following "here's to the painkillers, oh yeah, on a Saturday night." Saturday nights are associated with fun, partying and letting go for a night, but instead, the narrator is alone taking metaphorical painkillers to numb the pain of his lost love.

"So if you see her tell her that I said hello" - he's given up hope that he'll even see her again to say hello, but feels no animosity towards her; "I miss the times we spent and now I gotta go" - whatever they shared, he misses it but now he has to move on, whether because their love was forbidden or just didn't work out; "she was my last hurrah and always got me stoned" - she was his last thrill, his last love and he enjoyed his time with her so much it was like drugs that left him stoned; "thanks for the sympathy and the punch in the nose" - thanking her, whoever is listening, for the sympathy and sarcastically "thanking" her, or the circumstances that prevent their love, for the "punch in the nose" as a metaphor for heartbreak.

The "ghost" could be a real person who’s become a “ghost” since he’ll never see them again - and in that case, most likely the same one the trilogy is about. It could also be the “imaginary girlfriends” Billie’s mentioned and refers to in Razor Baby, hence why they’re a “ghost.” Some people interpret this entire song as being about drugs (with the “ghost” being cocaine) and the human subject just a metaphor for that. Whilst I do think it refers to addiction (since an addict wrote it so it naturally does), I think that’s used as a metaphor for the relationship rather than the other way around. This is such a heartbreaking song.

Body Bag

Summary: feeling like his relationship leaves him dead in a body bag.

"She knits me a pastel purple sweater" - she does sweet things for me; "I'm staring blank into the sky" - maybe he's left staring blank into the sky as he revels in those sweet things, or perhaps he's doing so because he has to look away, knowing those sweet things won't last, either because of his own mistakes or hers; "she reads me like a scarlet letter" - she sees through me and won't take my shit; "she holds my heart and hopes to die" - like “cross my heart and hope to die,” she holds my heart, keeping me in love with her, while holding me to account if I hurt her and even sometimes when I don't. "Sometimes it ain't so bad, like a soul lies on the slab" - sometimes it doesn't hurt so much, though that seems sarcastic, because even when it's not so bad it's still as if his soul has been thrown down on a slab; "this is my life in a body bag" - this is how he lives his life, feeling dead and abandoned in a body bag. "She's got a diary of madness" - perhaps referring to his lover's own issues, or if considered from a forbidden love angle, a diary she keeps of their love that feels like madness because they can't truly have it; "she is a murder mystery" - referring back to how her love makes him feel like a dead man, but also how he doesn't really understand her and romanticises her as a mystery; "she dumped me in a brand new address, with a brand new sweater made for me" - she sugarcoats her ruthlessness with sweet gestures.

If I linked this to another song, I'd pick Wild One. He's almost afraid of the subject of Wild One, because she's “manic,” ruthless and he's put her on a pedestal as someone ethereal, but he can't help but give in to her anyway; Body Bag feels like a more tired, toned down portrayal of the same subject

Love Is For Losers

Summary: sarcastically dismissing love as being for losers because he's been left longing for a love he's lost.

"I'm riding shotgun in a car that's broken down" - the narrator is being dragged through a love that's broken down; "nowhere to run and this city's like a ghost town" - there's nowhere to run to avoid facing his feelings and the truth. He feels so alone as his lover has deserted him that the entire city feels like a ghost town. "And I'm feeling like a stranger, and I'm standing in the dark" - he feels like a stranger to his lover and himself in the face of losing her. He's standing alone in the dark, as he's "standing in the shadows with all the good times gone" in Chasing a Ghost, where it feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. "Hey kid, love is for losers now, alright. Stupid kid, you're a loser now, alright" - he's sarcastically - because he doesn't really mean it since he's still pathetically in love - telling himself and his lover that love is for losers, calling them stupid for falling for it, to make himself feel better. He refers to himself and her as kids because that's how vulnerable he feels.

"My heart's a has-been for my long lost valentine" - his lover is long gone now, but his heart is a has-been, stuck in the past as he's longing for her and "chasing a ghost." Then, he laments that "I searched the winter for the bride of Frankenstein." He searched and fought desperately for someone that could never exist as his bride. When Frankenstein's monster (and I do think Billie has probably read or at least seen Frankenstein and is referring to this) asked for a bride so he wouldn't be so alone, Dr. Frankenstein initially agreed to create one. However, he abandoned it out of fear they might produce more monsters, and the monster remained alone. His bride couldn't exist. She was never more than an unattainable dream, as the narrator is searching for someone who couldn't be more than that. This is one of my favourite lines Billie has ever written and I got it tattooed on my arm right before the Vancouver show (and it's a bit faded because dancing on the front row with a fresh tattoo is a Bad Idea, but that makes me love it more).

In See You Tonight on ¡Dos!, the narrator says “the colder it gets you won’t see me anymore.” Then in Love is for Losers, he’s desperately searching that winter, where he once said she wouldn’t see him anymore, for someone he’ll never find. "But we all got our delusions" - but we all have that one dream, like my bride of Frankenstein, that we cling onto and delude ourselves might be real. "Say goodbye to an old flame" - but now I have to move on.

"It goes to show ya, when they say that love is pain" - taking a cliche that turned out to be true for him to describe his feelings; "only the lonesome, got nowhere to run but the tears to go..." - inviting all the lonesome to lament with him and accept they have nowhere to run but to face the heartbreak.

Cult Hero

Summary: turning someone, whether himself or another, who's unknown and/or doesn't fit the image of a "hero" into a "cult hero."

"I am the patron of a story never told" - the narrator is nobody, but only because his story will never be told; "I am the longest shot in town" - a great line because it refers back to the band's name and how he feels everything about him is a long shot; "I ride the darkest horses in the rodeo" - unlike your regular hero, I walk a darker path; "I am the unsung of the clowns" - I'm the unheard representative of fools.

"I am hyena at the dog and pony show" - I'm an outcast; "I'm the last of the lesser knowns, 'cause I wanna be a cult hero" - in a sense, he's making fun of himself by sarcastically exaggerating his own importance as the last person to be lesser known, which isn't something most people would be proud of; but he wants to be a cult hero.

"I got my darkest secrets and whispers at the moon, where all the stars never align" - acknowledging that he has dark secrets, which most "heroes" don't, that only the moon and unaligned stars will ever hear because he's a "lesser known"; "well, I can self destruct on any given note, my ruin is my storyline" - he has issues, he's imperfect, but that in itself is his storyline. It's what makes him a cult hero.

When Billie posted clips of Cult Hero, he included a photo of his dad, who was on the teamsters and always fighting for the right thing. That could be considered heroic. But obviously, no one outside of his family, friends and fans even knows who his father is; and even if they did, he's not the kind of person who's generally celebrated as a hero. So I interpret this song as making a cult hero of someone like his father who'd never achieve mainstream hero status and putting that on a pedestal.

Kill Your Friends

Summary: using killing your friends as a violent metaphor to mock, and as a contrast to, the meaningless and surface level kindness that's rife in society today. The narrator is letting go and doing whatever he wants, because everything is going to shit anyway.

"Heaven's making rent, there's a vacancy for me and all my friends" - heaven (notably not hell) has room for the narrator and his fairweather friends who'll metaphorically die; "the end of days are on the way" - he feels a metaphorical apocalypse is coming, so it doesn't matter what he does; "who needs eulogies? When you got your loved ones and everyone's depressed" - mocking the concept of performative loved ones and gratitude for them when in reality everyone's depressed, by saying you don't even need eulogies when you have something so falsely perfect; "party in the morgue tonight, everything's gonna be alright" - what happens matters so little they they'll practically still be alive when they're dead.

"And we'll be singing kill your friends and we better get it, and we'll show up missing" - we'll be singing something crass and gory, but who cares? It means little to him because the friends he's singing about aren't really his friends. "Show up missing" is some fun wordplay.

"Deadbeats on parade, gonna bite the bullet and jump on the grenade" - calling these people displaying false kindness deadbeats. He's going to say what he wants instead of holding back, even though that might be like jumping on a grenade, "Fuck the world, it's judgment day!" - again, he's going to do what he wants, because it feels like judgment day is coming anyway; "we got thoughts and prayers" - mocking another societal concept of "thoughts and prayers" which don't really help anyone, so he sings "nothing comes to mind and I don't even care." Instead, "I'm gonna take it to the mausoleum” - similar to “waking up the dead and everything will be alright in Angel Blue” - “and we're not going 'til you're screaming..." because he will be heard, he won't be brushed off with thoughts and prayers and he's not afraid to use violent imagery to get that across.

"One finger on the trigger and lying on the stereo" - he's got one finger on a metaphorical trigger while he lies on the stereo (mass publicity) that everything is fine; "I think you're killing me with kindness" - he's sick of pity parties that mean nothing; "gunslinger, dead ringer and Michelangelo" - he wants to feel like he's dangerous; "I'm in stitches blowing kisses and a death wish" - he's laughing as he does something morbid and offensive because he doesn't care anymore and in reality, what he's mocking is equally offensive. The song as a whole could reflect his reckless feelings as he loses his lover.

Happiness

Summary: ironically singing about happiness to communicate the opposite.

"Where is my sanctuary town? My love is reaching for a higher ground" - the narrator is asking where he can find this mythical sanctuary of happiness he's never known, trying and failing to reach a higher ground where love doesn't hurt; "I'm in the church of broken hearts, these congregations for the after dark" - he's wallowing in heartbreak like it's a religion, shared with people who spiritually congregate on sleepness nights, in the dark where they'll never be seen.

"How lonely is your lonely? How lonely is your restlessness?" - do you feel as lonely as I do? "See when the war is over, some day when hell freezes over, how unhappy is your happiness?" - it's a rhetorical question, because he knows hell will freeze over before he gets an answer and feels less alone.

"Up on the lonely avenue, my ride is running late or I'm too soon" - using the metaphor of a ride again to describe how nothing goes right for him; "my wheels are spinning in a ditch" - he can't escape his loneliness; "that sinking feeling on a floating bridge" - comparing that to feeling like standing on a bridge that's bound to sink and drown you.

"Lonely nights and too dumb to cry, as the songs are down" - lamenting how lonely he is, awake at night writing songs about his lost love and misery, unable to cry and feeling dumb as a result; "safety pins and purge all my sins, seasons of my murder" - again, I'm not actually sure what that last word is (release the lyrics Billie), but regardless that line is probably still, to me, about unhappiness escalating to the point where you think about death.

Soul Surrender

Summary: surrendering your soul to someone in love and feeling an almost spiritual connection with them, even when they're gone.

"Sweet soul surrender" - the narrator describes his love with the subject as baring their souls to each other in devotion, even if that is "sweet old suicide." It feels almost like a spiritual connection of their souls. "She's my sole/soul defender," because despite the faults the relationship had and her absence now, she's still the only person who'll defend him. If it's "soul," not "sole" defender, he could feel her presence literally defends his soul from negativity. He tells her "don't be so uptight" because there's no need to be when they were this close. He could also be telling other people not to be so uptight about their relationship because she's his "soul surrender."

"Just me and my imagination, I swear I think I saw a ghost" - this line tells us he's actually alone. Seeing a "ghost" refers back to Chasing a Ghost. He's longing for her so much, and he still feels so connected to her that he's seeing her like a ghost who isn't there, but almost wants to believe that image is real. "Oh, lead me out of my temptation, I got a case of letting go" - he's asking a higher power, or her as if she's that higher power herself, to stop him spiralling back into his worst throes of longing or trying to find her again.

"Send me a message through the window, something that I have never known" - in wanting to know if she still thinks about him, or if that ghost could metaphorically be real like a manifestation of their reciprocal longing, he asks her to send him a message through the window. The window is like a divide between them, because she can't or won't tell him in person, going back to the forbidden love theme. He wants something he's never known, because he wants to know how that feels for once in his life and because it would identify that message as being from her. "I think I need a long vacation, to keep me clean and blow my nose" - he needs a vacation, where he can cry and forget, to escape this longing and avoid giving in to it.

Some people interpret this song as being about rehab because of the “keep me clean” line. That's an interesting angle too. For me though, "soul surrender" is the furthest you can go in your love for someone, and experiencing something like that leaves a mark so deep you might still see the person's ghost after they're gone.

Turn Me Loose

Summary: trying to be triumphant in the face of a relationship ending.

"Don't let your ponytail get out of line, I got a feeling on my mind," stop and pay attention to me, because I have something to say; "I'm on the spectrum and the borderline, I got the shakes but I'm alright," I'm dealing with my own issues but I'm alright, insisting he's fine despite how his lover made him feel, when in reality he knows he isn't.

"Turn me loose,” let me go, “I'm only gonna stagger" - I'll "stagger" but won’t fall, it won't hurt too much; "April Fool's and I'm not a runner," I'm already a fool anyway, so whatever; just "don't call me a loser with dumb tattoos" and hurt me, but "it doesn't matter," pretending he doesn't care, which is sarcastic because he's just admitted he does.

"I'll go down swinging for the final line," I'll fight for myself until the end; "I'm not the rebel for my bride," I'm a rebel for myself and not for you; "just for the record and the afterlife, I'll take a beating not a dive," I'll take a beating but I won't be knocked down. That could also link back to Fell For You - "steal a kiss and I took a dive" - saying that this time I won't take a dive for you.

Because it's kind of bluster and he is hurting really, he sings "I'm gonna make a racket, I'm gonna start a riot, I'm gonna make you crash and burn," saying he's going to be immature and break the person's heart in return.

Goodbye to Romance

So this is an Ozzy Osbourne cover and Billie didn't write it, so it could be argued it means nothing. To me it's there for a reason though. It's like hope for the unattainable love he's been singing about for the whole album - "we'll meet in the end" and "it won't be me this time around to love in vain" - while empowering himself by saying "goodbye to friends and to romance" at the same time. It was also played by Green Day at the first trilogy show at the Tiki Bar in Costa Mesa, so this is a nice way of that whole concept coming full circle.

Finally, some quick takes on a few of the b-sides, which I'm sure weren't meant to be analysed but let’s go with it:

Fever Blister

The narrator uses the concept of a fever blister and being contagious as a metaphor for how repulsive he considers himself, his self-hatred and how he feels he's so awful people should avoid him.

Razor Baby

I can't even discern all the lyrics to this so it's a bit of a shot in the dark (or long shot?). I get the impression it's from the perspective of a female character like Gloria ("of love and razor blades") that's loosely based on Billie, using her self-harm ("razor baby" / "she covers up all through the summer") to empower her instead of put her down. Also refers to her having “imaginary girlfriends, someone that she can share her pain,” tying into the “ghost” theme.

I've Got My Problems

A simple and cynical love song. The narrator plays down his desire for romance - he just wants someone rousing (“I wanna be a girl like you”) to hang around with. Finding that feels like a temporary “solution” to his problems, while he's "hitting bottom" but "she's alright." He feels more strongly about her than he's letting on, since he doesn’t “wanna fuck around with nobody else” and will “take one on the chin for you.” Whilst Baby Blue is a song written for These Paper Bullets, in this case I think “like voodoo dolls and baby blue” refers back to Angel Blue, someone who’ll “cut my chest just to see the blood.”

Devil’s Kind

Summary: a new romance is compared to the devil because it's typically "sinful."

"Beer stains and cigarettes, the party is in my pocket" - two interpretations here. "Party is in my pocket" could mean an intimate party is dependant on the narrator and he's in control. Like the phrase "in your pocket" typically means being extremely close to, or dependant on, someone. It could also, as a lot of other people interpret it, refer to cocaine (especially with the following "bump" line). If so, I think that whilst this "party" might literally involve drugs, it's also a metaphor for how high the subject makes him feel - "she was my last hurrah and always got me stoned."

"I'm looking for a drink and a couch to call my home / give me a bump and I will call" - drugs and alcohol could be giving the narrator the confidence to behave like "the devil's kind" with the subject or even approach her at all. It could also be the same metaphor as the previous line, asking the subject to get him drunk and high on her.

"And whisper dirty lies, the rapture in your ear and we'll both be terrified" - the couple are revelling in their "sin." Being "terrified" is like a high, or sarcastic because they're actually loving it. Or they could be doing things that do terrify them, but fired up by each other, they're up for it. I'd link this again to Wild One and Body Bag; how he's almost afraid of the subject because she's ruthless and so idealised by him.

"Bloodshot eyes and you're peppermint" - their eyes are bloodshot because they're up all night and partying (whether metaphorically or literally), but like peppermint is associated with lowered heart rate and blood pressure, the subject is like a cure for the narrator. Like taking ecstasy so you don't have to sleep. "We can roll like dogs from the devil" - they should be afraid of the devil, but instead in their sin they'll come close to him, only to roll like dogs without a care away.

"Give me one last try for your love tonight" - this isn't their first encounter and the narrator doesn't want it to last just one more night as fun, he actually wants her love. Reminds me yet again of Wild One and the note in the lyric book, "let's fall in love (just for an hour)." Really he wants more than just an hour's love, though.

"I'll be the king forever and you can be my sunshine" - to use a cliche, he'll be king of the subject's heart forever. Again, he wants her forever, not just now and he wants to leave a mark on her. In return, she'll be like his sunshine in the dark. Her being like a “cure” or “defender” is a recurring theme. "We are the devil's kind" - they're the devil's kind of people because they're sinful. I think a lot of the implications of sin are subtle references to sex. "And now I won't back down, I said I won't back down" - he won't give up on trying to win the subject's love.

"Take me into the water" - could refer to holy water or water as cleansing for his demons or sins, or alternatively her metaphorically drowning him; "and pull me from the slaughter" - the defender theme coming up again, like she's the only one who can pull him from negativity; "because I've got the shakes and I'm so petrified" - this time only he's petrified. The way it's sung is confident and assertive, but admitting this to her as if she's his comfort is quite vulnerable. Could be linked to "I've got the shakes but I'm alright" in Turn Me Loose, which is a bit of a heartbreaking comparison because at that point the relationship is over, but he's trying to insist he'll be alright anyway.

For the drawing, I used the "sunshine" theme and link to "dance forever, under the lights." The girl is loosely based on how I imagine the character in Wow! That's Loud and the guy on the young Perry Miller performing Devil's Kind in Ordinary World.

So I might be reading way too much into some of this, but as some of my favourite songs Billie has written, they deserve it. These are of course my own personal interpretations based on my own feelings and I could be completely wrong about them all. I also don't mean to imply anything about Billie personally or his private life. I have no idea who or what he's singing about and knowing wouldn't change any of my intepretations. Because hey, some people find analysing art fun... and I have a photography degree so finding meaning in things no one else cares about is what I do for a living.

Feel free to add your own interpretations!

#the longshot #green day #billie joe armstrong #song meanings #lyrics #meaning #song interpretations #longshot #love is for losers #long post #tw self harm #tw addiction

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bangtanstanst · 5 years

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Broken | 2

You're not sure if your best friend even wants to see you after you walked out on him - but you have nowhere else to go.

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: mentions of abuse and an abusive relationship

word count: 1.6k

a/n: hi guys! The original fic of this wasn’t necessarily supposed to have a sequel, but I hate unhappy endings and so this happened ;) I hope you enjoy it!

disclaimer: I am not trying to romanticise or make light of abusive relationships in any way, claiming to know what it’s like to be in such a relationship, nor attempting to generalise anyone’s experiences.

masterlist

You’re crying. There are tears streaming down your cheeks, your chest is heaving with sobs, your eyes are starting to throb – you know you’re crying. But you don’t feel anything.

You keep walking, keep fighting through the crowds around you. People pass by, but all they do is give you weird looks and move on. Your legs are carrying you somewhere you haven’t been for weeks, but you continue on your way, hiding your face as best as you can, burying it in the black fabric of the hoodie you grabbed in all your haste. You’re trying not to think about what happened, trying not to think of the backpack that pulls your shoulders down, your heavy heart pounding in your bruised ribcage.

But, as much as you don’t want it, you can’t help but remember. Remember the way your boyfriend had screamed at you, thrown his fists, screamed some more, and how, when he finally stopped and went ‘out’, as per usual, realisation finally dawned on you. You don’t know what got the process going, you don’t know what was different about this time, and you have absolutely no idea how your brain suddenly came to the conclusion. Regardless, you’d jumped up, sobbing uncontrollably as you grabbed your backpack and started to pack, only one thing in mind. That, no matter how much you loved him and no matter how much he loved you, no matter how much you wanted this to work out, no matter how much you wanted to stay with him, help him – there was only one thing there was left for you to do.

Get out.

And that is exactly what you did – with no idea as to where the hell you wanted to go, no money except for the little bit of cash you keep in your purse, a few of your belongings in your small backpack. You honestly don’t even know half the things you stuffed in there – your eyes had been too teary, too puffy to really see much of anything. But without checking much, you’d rushed out of the apartment, so scared to bump into him that you took the emergency stairs and zigzagged through small streets and alleyways, taking the most unconventional path you could think of.

Now that you’ve finally managed to remove yourself far enough, you feel like you’re walking around aimlessly, weaving through thick crowds of people with short breaths, lungs burning. You’re still crying, you’re still hiding your face, and you still feel like your body has taken control of you, that you’re just a passenger in all of this.

And then your feet stop in front of a tall apartment building.

You recognise it all too well, and the lump in your throat grows bigger and bigger as you stare up at it, eyes wide. You haven’t contacted Jungkook at all since you stormed out, but that hasn’t stopped him from trying. Your boyfriend had advised you to just ignore him and his or your other friends’ attempts to get you on the phone or come to your apartment – and you’d actually done it, too.

To your absolute regret now, you kept it up for much too long. You kept it up because you agreed with your boyfriend, because you’d been so angry at Jungkook for judging you like that – but now, weeks later, you realised he was right. You hadn’t wanted to hear it then, but you know you needed to if you wanted to stand any chance at living a normal life.

A breath in, a breath out, and then you step forward and pull the door open. You feel a little more in control again as you make your way up to Jungkook’s apartment, the familiar surroundings giving you at least some level of comfort, though they still stress you out. You have no idea what you want to say, what you want him to say – all you know is that you need to see him. You need him to know you’re sorry beyond words, somehow.

The elevator ride up takes much too long, as it always does. You’re nervously tapping your feet and biting your lip, watching the floor number as it flashes at you in bright red and climbs ever so slowly until you finally hear the ‘ding’ and the doors jump open to Jungkook’s floor.

The hallway is deserted. It smells like old cigarettes, a familiar smell you never particularly minded, nor enjoyed very much. You ignore it, uselessly wiping your cheeks once again as you rush up to his door. 141. The elegant black numbers stare at you and you stare right back, knees growing weak. This is such a bad idea. You don’t even know if he wants to see you, and you’re randomly showing up at his apartment, crying?

You let out a long sigh, burying your face in your hands. The endless stream of tears seems to have ceased – for now – and you only feel a few leftover drops cling to your skin, transferring to the palm of your hand. You shouldn’t be here, you have no reason to. You’ve been ignoring him for weeks, and it’s not fair to him to just suddenly be back, with no words ready to say to him, not even an explanation as to why –

“Y/N?”

You let out a sharp breath, gaze snapping back up at the numbers, not daring to turn and even so much as look at the source of the voice.

“Y/N?” Jungkook repeats. His voice is weird, a little wobbly, a little creaky. You hear his footsteps come closer. “Is that you?”

Willing yourself to turn around, you finally face your friend, the door to the staircase falling closed behind him with a bang neither of you acknowledges. He’s far away from you, across the hallway, grocery bags in his hands. His eyes are as wide as saucers, mouth hanging open.

Taking a breath, your eyes flutter, but you force yourself not to close them. You have to face him, especially after you so explicitly didn’t the last time you saw him. “Jungkook,” is all that rolls off your tongue, the single word coming out shakily, breathily.

He’s in front of you a second later, grocery bags falling to the ground with disregard for any of their contents. And then his arms are around you, holding you tight. You bite down on your tongue, ignoring the pain that shoots through you at his touch, the bruises he’s pressing down on. Instead, you wrap your arms around him, too, relaxing into his embrace with a sigh, tears welling up into your eyes again.

“Are you okay?” he asks as he pulls back, eyes scanning your face, studying you closely. You sniff, wiping your cheeks, and shrug. He frowns, tilting his head. “What happened?”

You shrug once more, looking ahead of you at the floor. “I just –“ You close your eyes, letting out a sigh. They flutter open again and you stare up into his eyes as you continue, “I’m sorry, Jungkook,” you whisper lowly, blinking fast, wiping your cheeks. His frown deepens. “I’m sorry for everything,” you add, another sigh. “You were right.”

His eyebrows shoot up, lips parting. “Huh?”

“You were right, about him,” you say. The words feel weird, you feel icky just saying them aloud. Jungkook doesn’t say anything, just looks at you, waiting for you to finally say why you’re here.

“I need to get out.”

It’s like his whole face clears up at that, an emotion you can’t quite pinpoint washing over his face. Relief, happiness? Nothing you think of quite cuts it. He sweeps you up in his arms again, lifting you up this time, quickly putting you back down when you wince and hiss involuntarily.

He smiles down at you, cupping your cheeks, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that,” he whispers, his touch soft and feather light.

There always used to be this feeling of frustration or anger when he’d say things like that. You’d never agreed with him, you’d always lamented why the hell he was acting this way, especially when he knew you were in a relationship with someone you loved, with someone who loved you, too.

But you feel nothing of the sort this time.

You just return his smile, holding onto his wrists to keep his warm hands on your skin, even though he doesn’t make a move to pull away.

“Does he know?” he asks softly.

You slowly shake your head. “I packed while he was out.”

He nods subtly, thumbs soothingly stroking circles into your cheekbones. “You have a place to stay?”

Once again, you slowly shake your head. You hadn’t even thought of it when you left, you realise now.

“You can stay here if you want to,” he mutters. “Or I could take you to a hotel or a friend’s place or something.”

You don’t even think about it for long – there’s only one place you really feel safe now, even though it’s likely the most obvious place to find you if your boyfriend wants to look for you. “Can I stay with you?”

He smiles, nods. “Of course,” he replies without pause. “We’ll figure out a plan together, okay? We’ll get you out.”

You let out a sharp breath through your nose as you nod at him. Where you expected at least some anger, some kind of backlash to your sudden visit, you see what you always see in Jungkook’s eyes – warmth, welcoming, kindness, excitement. Reassurance.

Whatever happens, you’ll figure out a plan together. You’re not alone, and even though that feeling is foreign to you, it fills you with happiness.

And you’re crying again, but you feel it this time.

masterlist

a/n: thanks for reading, I hope you liked it!! Let me know what you thought of it and if you perhaps want me to continue with this series :) I hope you have a great day/night wherever you are!!♥♥♥

#bangtanarmynet #bangtan bookclub #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts fluff #bts angst #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #bts #my fics

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whitelacelouis · 5 years

Note

Heyyyy, Do you have any fics of shy louis or loud Louis who is super submissive only for Harry ?

Shy Louis:

Falling for you

Omega Louis finally gets the chance to meet his favourite boyband, One Direction.

What happens when the innocent blue eyed omega meets the curly haired alpha? Do dreams really come true?

Embarrased

Louis is hard when he wakes up, and Harry has loud floorboards... They figure it out.

Shy, skinny love(such a lovely cliche)

Where Louis is a shy bookworm and Harry is the dorky guy in love with him.

(or: Harry knows he should date a boy who reads)

Un-named one shot

In the public eye and in front of the boys and anyone who isn't his mum Louis Tomlinson is a loud mouthed sassy boy, but what no one knows, no one but his mother that the way to calm Louis and wined him down is the strange concept of age play. This of course is something he could never tell the boys,not yet anyway, so what happens when Harry finds out....

Laying here I count the hours

Louis Tomlinson was innocent. In more than one way, sure he was innocent to sex and relationships, but he was also accused of murder. But he was not the murderer. Louis was framed, but no one believed him so he's on his way to jail. There he meets four guys who want nothing more than to take Louis' innocence.

Innocence was rare at prison, and they were going to take advantage of that.

You might hate my words, but you know I’m right

“We’re supposed to be bonding, you're not even talking to me.”“Cause I don’t wanna talk to you.”“Well we don’t have to talk,” he inched closer. I couldn’t tell if he was just messing around or not but the sexual tension in the room was getting so dense you could cut into it with a knife.

Harry is a confident, flirt. Louis is stubborn. They annoy everyone from their constant arguing. They find a way a way to bond over their night together in a hotel room.

Toys

all his life, louis has always been a bit off. while his friends were ecstatic to grow up, louis was dreaded it. he wanted to stay little forever. he wanted to play with dolls and play dress up with his sisters. as he grew older, louis began to understand nothing was wrong with him. he just enjoys to stay young and pure, unlike harry, who liked to act older and dark.

Voices

although louis is the odd one out, harry immediately befriends the boy. they become the best of friends, even boyfriends, and never leave each other's side. but, then one day, louis just goes missing. harry doesn't hear a single thing from him for years, but then they meet again

Dominus

Harry is of a superior species, rare and genetically untameable. He meets his missing piece in the form of Louis and they begin to share a life that came to them too soon.

All good things are never easy

After being told that no one sub matches them the Styles twins felt their world crashed. This is until they meet the young and absolutely inexperienced sub with fear in his innocent blue eyes.

It will be a long journey for them to prove to Louis they'll never harm and hurt him.

Cocktails (ft. kitten!louis)

harry is one of the richest men in the world. and a hybrid.louis lives on the streets until harry declares him his new charity project.

Foreign cinema

Omega Louis meets Alpha Harry while serving at a small coffee shop in San Francisco. Their love blossoms from there on out.

A new way, a better way

Louis is the first omega in his birth pack in generations. It is known for this pack to view omegas as weak and worthless, therefore when his first heat rolls around, his father sends him away without a second thought, leaving him for the rouges in the wild. Soon Louis find's Harry's pack, where omegas are thriving in the respect and adoration thrown their way. Harry finds Louis in the forest injured, dehydrated, and hungry. He takes him back to his pack where then, they make their own journey through life.

Order

At age 11 your life changes.

One day you go into school and your blood is taken. A week later you get a letter identifying you as a Dom or as a Sub.

Then you are separated into a new school and trained for your future role. Doms are allowed to stay at home and attend this school like normal. Subs are taken from their families and live in boarding houses on campus.

Doms receive 5 years training and at 16, go on to further education and prepare their lives for a sub.

Subs receive 8 years of training and then are sent to auction houses where they wait to be claimed by a Dom.

Or Louis is a sub messed up by the system and Harry is the Dom who claims him

Yours, mine

We're a crooked love in a straight line down. Makes you wanna run and hide.

Louis is just his plain out self and this seems to catch the eye of the Styles triplets. They each try to be the one he says yes to.

Going nowhere alone

Nothing can save you from the night, and if it can then it was born there.

* * * * *

There's Harry, Edward and Marcel. Harry serves as pack leader to the last remaining house of werewolves. Edward, his brother, finds joy in sex and banter with strangers. Marcel plays along for as long as he can before morals corrupt his act.

Louis romanticises life so it doesn't seem as shallow to him. Being Omega isn't a joyride but three Alphas are determined to change that.

Lycaon camp

Omega Louis attends the prestigious Lycaon Summer Camp, where he meets a curly haired alpha who may be too cocky for his own good.

Will it work out? Will they fall in love? Or is it just a small summer romance?

Loud Louis:

Ink

Louis Tomlinson always wanted to get tattooed. But because his conservative father was against it, he never did. Recently, though, Louis was rebelling. He didn’t want to grow like his father, to be like him.That’s why he now was in a tattoo shop, ready to be inked by this curly, dimpled and sex-on-legged lad.

[Or, the one where Louis wants to get tattooed, Harry just-so-happen to be his tattooist, and they fuck on the table because sexual tension]

I know that it’s complicated, but I’m a loser in love so baby (stutter!harry)

Harry is smart, but when he talks he sounds like a blithering idiot, so he stays in the back and bakes cakes. Louis is bubbly and wonderful, he is eccentric and sees past Harry's speech impediment. And when they are in bed Harry surprises both of them with his dirty talk. Woo!

Perfect

Harry and Louis make love in their bed, in their home. It's all very sweet and romantic and also Louis is a very noisy bottom.

Bathroom fun

Louis starts pulling Harry’s head back by yanking hard on his hair, and sucks a big bruise on his neck right where everyone can see it. Harry groans very loudly.“You are so hot like this.” Louis says. “So hot.”

Or the one where Louis rides Harry in a bathtub.

Fucking tiny

Louis is just...A LOT smaller than Harry. Harry loves it.

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