#the repressed gays are back at it again

[vinnianlovesdinosaurs]

My OC Adeline Hightower and her big sister Alicent Hightower

#Adeline Hightower #Alicent Hightower #House of the dragon #House of the dragon oc #the repressed gays are back at it again #I love them #my oc's

[ghoul-haunted]

oh that. uhhh. confessional illustration is really taking off, huh. 300+ notes in an hour. how are we all doing tonight, fellas

#is it the repressed gays this is resonating with or the catholics who are really into self denial as a form of kink #i'll revisit the concept again but now that i got it out of my system. it's back to sticking fingers inbetween the spaces of the ribs #(staring intently at a screenshot of alan standing over casey dying in the alley) interesting. INTRIGUING.

[quietzap]

.

#i know there's only 10 episodes this season #but i feel like this could go both ways - either we get bi buck dating tommy and eddie is the supportive straight bff #or we get bi buck dating tommy and eddie being jealous not knowing why and then he figures it out but doesn't tell buck #and then we have to wait next season for revelations love confessions and buddie 👀 #a girl can dream i guess lol #or maybe it'll be the former with supportive straight bff and we get the repressed gay arc next season 👀 (if it ever happens) #i suppose it'll also depend on how the audience reacts to bi buck and only then will tim decide if he wants to write repressed gay eddie #bc if the audience doesn't like it then he'll probably keep buck with tommy but we won't see tommy much and eddie will stay straight lol #or he could even make buck fall in love with a woman again since he's bi lol so ppl get bi buck and the homophobes are happy too #anyway we'll see lol whatever happens I'm excited! #tagging this as #911 spec #to get back to it later and see if i was right or not lol #(updating this to add that if they make buddie happen they could have maddie tell buck she thought his bi awakening would happen with eddie+ #+and so buck thinks a lot about why she said this and obviously he figures it out lol. that'd be a nice parallel to her+ #+saying he has a crush a few seasons ago)

[inkybinkyboink]

like ok i loved playing barrel but it feels so good to like. how do i put this. be gay again???

#like barrel was just Repression #and i wasnt method acting or some toxic shit like that #but like you discover this character for 6 months it kinda lingers in the back of your mind all the time #anyways. it feels good to kind of be me again? and not have to compare myself with this weird gay cop guy #im going to my honours meeting tomorrow looking as queer as humanly possible #delete later probably

[petalsfordany]

in season three I would like a scene of shauna talking about jackie with callie aka I would like the writers to ruin my life

#yellowjackets #shaunajackie #callie a teen in 2021 will instantly click the repressed gay tragedy of their friendship #give me all the callie and shauna bonding #throw all the money at ella so she can haunt shauna’s ass again #jackie was the heart. bring back the heart

[wheelercore]

Understanding the scene of Ted putting the tie on Mike (Mike commenting on how it's too tight and it's choking him and Ted saying that's how it's supposed to be) in a very Mike-Ted parallels way. AND IT WAS ON FRONT OF A MIRROR TOO. Shrimp colors everywhere.

#im so sorry for being this way truly i cannot help it. the vicious cycles get me. im seeing the light #bc personally i dont see it as simply about heteronormativity. i mean its a part of it #but its framed as like. ted is choking mike with heterosexuality! and while that is true to an extent they have ted say thats how its #supposed TO BE for a reason! clothing is something ppl put on themselves. putting on your tie too tight- choking yourself its not just #sexuality its about control. controlling your image. controlling yourself #the religious themes of s4 wasnt just a recent feature. the idea of repression (emotional/sexual/physical) goes all the way back to s1 #the concept of keeping such a tight control over yourself (ie 'choking' yourself and enforcing it on your children) falls in line with #religious trauma. constantly being watched not only by authority but god. repressing/choking yourself so you dont step out of line #and again its on front of the mirror. like idk mike-ted parallels arent popular in this fandom but take it up with the duffers #i didnt put them in there they did!!! #like the idea of being so repressed and being in a constant state of controlling oneself to toe the line not only falls in line with a lack #of pov (which they intentionally take away from mike and intentionally never give to ted) #but also mikes possible ED which again is about control! these are all metaphors for controlling oneself to a harmful extent! #one day ppl will appreciate mike ted parallels beyond 'ted hates mike for being gay' but alas today is not that day and it wont stop me #also 'try new things' being about coming out of your comfort zone! mike trying the pinapple pizza and ted going on the ferris wheel #not tightly controlling yourself to the point you make yourself miserable #blasts runs in the family drowning out literally everything else #its all religious trauma? always have been

[dawnssummers]

this is angel in the reading where angel is Just gay and his pursuit of buffy is about striving for the heterosexual ideal to make up for being gay and also a vampire (rather than just the second bit). and before that a lot of his vampiric behaviour especially pre spike comes from the same place of striving for this approval from a beautiful older woman who might take him as a companion and make things okay + throwing himself into the art of the kill also comes from general resentment at the world. which in this case is specifically tied to being gay. and then it all comes crashing down on him with the soul until he gets taken to buffy. because i really do think angel does vampirism as gay allegory (bisexual version. like buffy as a slayer) and even as liam this is implicit but i generally take this as a layer rather than as like his core/intrinsic character if that makes sense at all. BUT making it core to him and making him specifically gay is also fun <3 i love to just say things

#FATHER WILL YOU FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS FATHER IF THERE'S A HEAVEN LET ME IN #I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO IF I SHOULD DIE WE HAVEN'T BEEN ON SPEAKING TERMS FOR SO LONG YOU AND I #i mean he literally does go to a hell dimension n pops back out feeling worse abt everything oh i'm good #like in this version amends is not just guilt at everything it's also stay repressed + specifically knowledge he Can't like escape himself #which again yes thats just textual. but okay add internalised homophobia that goes beyond metaphor #i DO have good guys on the angel playlist bc this is my idea of amusement. where have all the gay guys gone. #angel #this Also facilitates spike and angel in love with buffy as the triangulation of desire all along. which i don't Believe In but i do Enjoy

[bewilderedbuck]

ok i. realize that i found your blog but i havent processed your user until now . is that a carry on reference??? because if so HELL YEAH carry on fans unite i love it (+ also jonathan profile picture immediate green flag) (ok i'm done now) 💛

yes it is!!!! baz is so near and dear 2 me <3

#repressed gay who hates himself n secretly pines for some1 hes in near-constant proximity w? switch the pronouns n thats just 15 year old me #also be warned the jonathan pfp is probably going to go away (temporarily?) when nhie s4 comes out so i can have a devi pfp again #but it will probably come back !! #asks #anonymous

[wild-at-mind]

I feel very happy and lucky to:

Be in a world where bisexuals are coherant no matter what their dating or sexual history is

Be in a world where trans people who are in gay relationships as their true gender are coherant

Be in a world where the idea of being trans is no longer treated like a ’well only if you really have to or else you will die!!!’ thing

#coherant here i'm kind of using to mean like known about or understood #existing in the lgbtq consciousness #because getting here took a long time and many brave and strong people came before me #i got to arrive when they had already done the work of existing and insisting their true selves and i love them for it #i specifically often think about those posts that say 'bisexuals were always in the gay and lesbian communities' #yes very true many were #however the ones who were in straight relationships and the straight dating world were not #and it is completely understandable why because once again it was a 'if you can date straight then do it for fucks sake #and ignore that part of yourself' #like those bisexuals were privileged in many ways but they still dealt with internalised trauma from the repression and homophobia it took #to get to that place they were in #they didn't have community either the straight community has nothing for them #especially the women #i remmeber when i first joined the bi community by going to meetups....it really mattered to me to do that even though i never dated a woman #because i dealt with such damaging repression caused by the church i was in and the teachings i grew up reading and hearing #so i was really glad i was able to go to join the community in that way #back in the day i'd just have married my first boyfriend and been dead inside

[shaniacsboogara]

jojo siwa claiming she's revitalizing gay pop and releasing 'karma' on the same night as conan gray's 'found heaven' and chappell roan's 'good luck babe' is so poetically ironic. it's like the universe WANTS to draw a comparison between jojo and queer pop artists.

the thing that makes queer pop compelling as a genre is the unique storytelling and experiences of queer artists told through their music. that doesn't necessarily mean every song by a queer artist has to be about their queerness. they don't have to scream "hey i'm gay!" in every single song they write. but claiming to be "reinventing gay pop" should mean you're telling interesting stories about your queer experience, right???

'found heaven' by conan gray is about growing up as a queer kid with religious guilt and disapproving parents. he equates being in love in an authentic way to "finding heaven", and the piece as a whole resonates with a TON of queer people in different stages of their lives. some people can look back at their childhoods and how much they've grown since then, some can relate because they're currently going through what conan's written about, and some people can sympathize with the way some queer people are treated, even if they aren't necessarily queer themselves.

'good luck babe' is a song about queerness and compulsory heterosexuality. chappell sings about a woman she was in a relationship with who decided to settle down in a conventional marriage despite being queer. the song reflects the denial a lot of queer people go through (specifically regarding the lesbian experience) and the unfortunate way a lot of them end up repressing who they are to conform to societal standards. it's fun, it's campy, but its message is still poignant.

as for karma… there's nothing inherently queer about that song. the music video for the original version, ‘karma’s a bitch’ by brit smith, featured a heterosexual storyline. jojo buying the rights to a song she didn't write isn't inherently a bad thing, a lot of mainstream artists do that all the time. however, if you're claiming to be a pioneer of the “gay pop” genre and your music doesn't reflect any queer themes or experiences, is it really “gay pop”? again, queer artists don't have to write exclusively about their queerness, but if you try to present yourself as a voice for the queer community without telling any of their stories, you're not going to be lauded as some revolutionary figure. if any of the songs on jojo’s album are actually about her experience as a lesbian or contain any queer themes, then i think she'd qualify as a “gay pop” artist. but so far, she's given us a faux edgy, generic pop song and tried to market it as some insane never-been-done-before feat. and honestly, if her entire album is like this and she continues to market herself this way, it's a slap in the face to all the genuine artists and storytellers in the queer community.

but let's stop talking about jojo siwa and start talking about the incredible queer artists who are truly breathing life into the "gay pop" genre: chappell roan, renee rapp, ben platt, conan gray, girl in red, kevin atwater, baby queen, mitski, clairo, dodie, and SO MANY MORE (feel free to add on some of your favourites because there are so many wonderful artists out there <3)

also: if you have a different perspective on this situation i would absolutely love to hear what you think and if you agree / disagree with this! i love discussing topics like this so feel free to reblog with your own take

#jojo siwa #karma #chappell roan #conan gray #queer pop #also the fact that this rebrand is a coverup for jojo's awful behavior #like be fucking fr #don't use the queer community as a sheild

[transbrucewayne]

F1 but it’s ultra specific ship dynamics that I need in order to enjoy the ship:

Versainz: baby’s first situationship (literally pentaltyboxbox’s art is my versainz thesis. “Ay, Max, no. I am not gay and neither are you” 🤨) teammates who weren’t supposed to like each other reluctantly becoming friends and then being intricately connected for the rest of their careers. But totally not in a gay way. Of course.

Chestappen: repressed catholic and some guy who needs dilf pussy so bad he wants to kill himself (this is deeply important to me)

Strollonso: Brat princess Lance. Heros and anti-heroes. I’m on the dark side. Tell Lance not to worry I just want to build a gap with the cars behind. You’re my fucking hero.

Carlando: Baby’s first situationship pt.2?? Lando with a massive crush, first real boyfriend Carlos….i need there to be angst. Lando fell first AND harder, etc.

Britcedes/Gewis: George fumbling all over himself trying to impress Lewis, Lewis just thinking he’s cute no matter what. It’s the coolest man alive/weird little freak he’s obsessed with pairing of my dreams. George: this is my boyfriend he’s cooler than me and also he’s cooler than all of you.

Maxiel: first love married divorced remarried pining missing something that maybe was never there will they won’t they one big game of gay chicken healing from baby’s first situationship etc etc etc (I adore them)

Dando: trying to find solace in another, longing for someone you can’t get back, subversion of expected dynamics (controversial: I fully believe Lando tops in this one). But also. They need to have one brain cell. Lando blabbing on about god knows what. Daniel sweating and popping a vein bc of how much he needs to kiss him.

Twinklaren/Landoscar: third time’s the charm, oh you’re the one I’ve been waiting for, tender glances, young love, first teammate crush syndrome

Danterri: we had something weird in the past. “Find another weed guy I can’t fuck with you…uhhhmm nothing personal I can’t fall in love right now and youre Everything I love so if I ever see you again I’ll never let go of your hand sooo yeah” (we’ve all seen that one web weaving.) Are you dating the female version of me?

Lecciardo: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN VEGAS. Charles needs dick from a guy with unstoppable charisma soooooo bad. Fueling each other’s impulsive sides, etc etc

Sebchal: baby’s first situationship (Charles’ version) (from the vault) I miss you so much I’m going to listen to breakup songs all night long. I still think of you every day. I named you twice in a list of drivers. You may even kiss. If it was the omegaverse Seb is so obviously an alpha.

Brocedes: if it doesn’t make me physically sick to my stomach with anguish I do not want it. I hope you die I hope we both die. Hand in unlovable hand. I still consider him my best friend in my heart. We’re not friends. Are they lovers? Worse.

Chewis (Charles/Lewis. I recognise this is also the name for Checo/Lewis. What is the Charles/Lewis name?) me and the bad bitch I pulled by being in violation of that one article section. You know the post. They suffer together. Kinship in joint pain. You’ve got a long future ahead of you. Praise kink.

Let me know if you want a part 2, if so, send ships you want!

#PLEASE SEND ME FIC RECS #versainz #chestappen #strollonso #carlando #britcedes #maxiel #dando #twinklaren #mctwinks #landoscar #danterri #lecciardo #sebchal #brocedes #chewis #my post #max verstappen #carlos sainz #charles leclerc #lance stroll #fernando alonso #lando norris #george russell #lewis hamilton #daniel ricciardo #valterri bottas #sebastian vettel #nico rosberg #f1

[usereddie]

k but rewatching 2x01 and it's gotta be Buck's pov of ugh, this new guy who's all handsome and perfect or whatever

Be curious about Eddie's pov bc I feel like it would be 70% Panic like omg pls don't mess this up and also 30% Gay Panic like why doesn't the pretty guy like me :(

(fair warning, this may have spiraled past 2x01......a lot. bear with me.)

i don't think we've ever gotten eddie's pov the way we've gotten buck's (2x01 and 7x04 for example) HOWEVER i do think we more or less know who buck is from eddie's pov through his actions.

which, considering their characters, tracks so hard.

buck didn't realize he was queer until a man quite literally kissed him on the mouth. seeing eddie from buck's pov is safe because buck has no idea what his feelings are. we watched buck's complicated feelings of jealousy towards eddie unfold TWICE and neither time did he realize what the feelings actually were (physical attraction and y'know. being in love with the guy). buck's pov is one we're allowed to see through as the audience, because it's not actually gonna tell us much, seeing as buck hasn't realized anything.

eddie, though?

reservoir of catholic guilt eddie? the guy who had panic attacks about the idea of being married to his girlfriend? the same man who was diagnosed repressed by a cardiologist?

he knows. he knows and he's been pushing it down since he and buck met, and if we were to ever see buck through eddie's eyes it'd give away everything. the eddie we've seen through buck's pov is just. pure golden sunshine, laughter, love, and buck's best friend in the whole fucking world. buck's best friend that he's in love with, sure, but buck hasn't put those dots together yet, so we, as the audience, won't see that.

buck, to eddie, is home. is family and warmth and comfort. and, obviously, eddie is the same to buck, but eddie knows this. eddie is fully and completely aware of who buck is to him, he's just shoving it all the way down. eddie gave buck a place to land ("it's eddie's house, i'm not really a guest"), eddie trusts buck wish christopher more than he trusts his parents with christopher (ramon and helena saying to eddie 'don't drag him down with you' and him leaving for LA -> eddie saying to buck 'there's nobody in this world i trust with my son more than you' after the tsunami), eddie let buck in when he was at his absolute lowest.

and, you know.

the will.

we've talked about it a half dozen million times in this fandom but we're gonna talk about it again because it's brain melting. we've never seen buck through eddie's eyes but we've seen exactly who he is to eddie through his actions. eddie trusts buck. eddie needs buck to know he has a reason to stay, that eddie and chris are his reasons to stay. eddie told buck flat out that his life means something. that buck thinks he's not worth anything but he's wrong because he means everything to eddie. eddie loves him.

eddie loved him when he held his hand when buck got pinned under a firetruck and eddie loved him when he dropped chris off before the tsunami and he still loved him when the water went back to the sea and eddie loved him when buck sued the city because the worst part of the whole lawsuit was how much he fucking missed him and eddie loved him when he was trapped under a well and all he could think about was his son and how, if he goes too soon, christopher deserves to be with someone who will love him the way eddie does and eddie loved him when he thought buck was the last thing he was ever gonna see, bleeding out on the streets of los angeles and eddie loved him when he told buck in the only way he knew how to (because, evan) and eddie loved him through panic attacks and mental breakdowns and lightning strikes and new girlfriends and a broken ankle and a new boyfriend because there is no version of eddie diaz that isn't in love with evan buckley.

and eddie knows that.

which is why we don't see it.

#sorry this got so long but this makes me crazayyyy #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #bia gets mail #anon #buddie meta

[tboygareth]

here, have a little modern steddie meet-cute. meet-ugly, maybe? idk. 1k words, mostly dialogue

"uber for, uh," the guy in the beemer at the curb looks at the phone in his hand, "eddie m.?"

"hey, that's my name!" eddie shouts, stumbling toward the car. the world is tipping sideways a little, but it's been a good night.

he wrenches open the passenger side door and slides in.

"cool if i sit up front, man? i get motion sickness sitting in the back, and you would not like me when i'm motion sick."

"uh, sure?"

eddie pulls the door closed behind him and says, "so what's your name, pretty boy?"

"you don't check the app before getting into some random guy's car?" the guy asks with a huff.

"oh, no, i never order these things for myself." eddie laughs. he tries to think back, remember how many jameson shots he put back tonight. can't. oh, well. "my roommate always sets it up beforehand when i come down to the styx for a show."

"a show? like a concert?"

"uh, no. drag show. styx is a gay bar." the guy's quiet at that. "that a problem? still dunno your name."

"oh. steve," the guy - steve - says shortly. "no, it just... looks more like a... metal bar, or something."

"sometimes things are both, can you believe it! they do a drag show last wednesday of every month. good show tonight, all the girls looked great." he kicks his feet up on the dashboard of the car, watches steve's eyes cut sideways at them as he does. "do you like drag shows, steve?"

he's testing the waters, feeling steve out to see if he should be worried about getting into some random guy's car outisde a gay bar with a dead phone. eddie's definitely had a little too much tonight. he's probably got glitter in his hair. there's definitely black lipstick smeared across his cheek from when allison chaynz planted one on him earlier during her set.

"only been to a few, but yeah. they're a good time. good show."

safe, then. tentatively.

eddie studies steve for a moment, trying to figure him out. he's got this thing he does sometimes, in an uber; eddie's an easy read - he gets into an uber and the driver immediately flips their spotify over to a metal playlist.

the driver's are usually easy to read too, and it's eddie's favorite game; he tends to know when he's got a country boy behind the wheel, or an emo transplant from the mid aughts, or the indie girlies with their iced coffees and perpetual dark undereye circles that all the concealer in the world can't hide.

the guy looks like he wears teenage boy deodorant and smells like repressed trauma. he has the indie girlie dark circles under his eyes, an apple watch strapped to his wrist. rich boy. drives a beemer. good hair, stupid highlights. there's a tube of burt's bees cherry lip balm in the center console and a days old energy drink in the cupholder.

"hmmm, the front bottoms," he decides at last, after staring at steve for what must have been an uncomfortably long time.

"i'm sorry?"

"i said, the front bottoms."

"is that a... what's the word... a euphemism?"

"no, steeeeve. it's a band. check 'em out sometime, your daddy issues'll thank you. do you like music, steve?"

"sure."

eddie clicks his tongue. "smells like bullshit. no one who likes music says sure when someone asks if they like music."

they're stopped at a stoplight. from behind the wheel, steve is studying him right back, looking him up and down, his gaze coming to rest once again on eddie's shoes on the dash.

"get your feet down," steve says, pushing at eddie's shins. "do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

"fine, fine. so if you don't listen to music, steve, what do you listen to in this fancy bmw?"

"sports, mostly," steve shrugs. "podcasts sometimes."

"oh, boy, you are a walking red flag, aren't you? shame you're so pretty."

"well what about you? what do you listen to?"

"guess."

"i dunno, probably that metal shit. five finger whatever, or something."

eddie presses his hand to his chest. "five finger - oh, stevie, i am wounded. i wouldn't be caught dead listening to bro rock."

out of the corner of his eye, he definitely catches a smile from steve.

steve holds an aux cable out to him. "here, then. wow me. show me some real metal or whatever."

"god, i'd love to take you up on that," eddie says, huffing out a little laugh. he holds his phone up. "this sucker's been dead for hours."

this time steve's the one to click his tongue. "shame."

"truly. so what's your story, steven? what's got you out at three in the morning?"

"it's my night off," steve shrugs. "just started night shift at the hospital, trying to get used to the new sleep schedule."

"mmm, the hospital. you a nurse?"

"i am. trauma nurse."

"nice. ever see any gnarly injuries?"

"had a pretty fucked up dog bite come in the other night."

"shit."

"yeah." another stoplight, another unsubtle once over from steve. "so what about you? what do you do?"

"line cook."

steve's eyes linger on him a little longer than necessary. "oh, but i'm the walking red flag. got it."

"whoa," eddie laughs. "what's that supposed to mean?"

"i've dated line cooks. everyone's dated a line cook."

"sounds like something a slut would say, steve. craziest dick you've ever had, huh?"

"mmm."

it's not a denial.

they're getting close to eddie's building now, and that's an actual shame. because steve's cute. he needs a haircut maybe, and the stubble around his mouth and chin is just on the wrong side of five o'clock shadow, but he's got these distracting little moles along his face and neck and arm that eddie's been itching to play connect the dots with since he got in the car.

"wait, i know this building," steve says as he slows at the curb and looks at the address on his phone again. "my roommate's girlfriend lives in this building."

it clicks into place, then, for eddie.

"oh, shit! you're robin's steve!"

steve's eyebrows draw together as he gapes at eddie, and then his eyes go wide with realization. "chrissy's ed?"

"eddie," he corrects. "gotta be a level twenty friend to call me ed. and chrissy's the only level twenty friend i'll ever have."

"noted. good to finally meet you, man. i, uh. i guess this is you, then, huh?"

"yeah, sure is. maybe i'll see ya around." eddie goes to get out of the car.

"oh, you will," steve says, his smile lopsided and goofy. "i'll make sure of it."

"hold ya to it," eddie promises with a wink.

steve wiggles his fingers in a flirtatious wave as eddie walks backward on the sidewalk toward his building.

so robin's steve is cute. maybe he should have been letting chrissy set them up this whole time.

still. sports and podcasts. guy's a walking red flag. who knows, maybe they're green. eddie's never been able to see the difference anyway.

#steddie #steddie fic #bee's blurbs #idk what this is honestly #it came to me in a vision #buckingham #if you squint

[ghcstao3]

repressed catholic guilt bisexual soap but he thinks he’s straight and that the way he sometimes perceives men is normal. that he’s just able to see that someone is conventionally attractive but that he’s not attracted to men. he’s not. he doesn’t like the thought of kissing one to even find out.

then ghost comes along. funny, charming in his own way, casual-about-his-sexuality ghost, and soap sees him and is thinking those same things he thinks about the objectively attractive men in spite of never seeing the lieutenant’s face and no, this can’t be right. he just likes ghost as a person. yeah, that’s it. wants to be his friend.

but then they get closer. and then one night they’re tucked into a booth in the back corner of a bar with the rest of the team and the topic of sexuality comes up. he sees the looks exchanged when he says he’s straight, then becomes overly conscious of the fact that he’s pressed right up against ghost even when there’s enough space for the two of them to have room.

ghost asks how he came to that conclusion. soap shrugs and says it’s just what he thinks is right—no, that’s not what i mean, i don’t care that you’re gay, i just don’t think i could ever be anything other than straight—and ghost asks whether he’s ever kissed a man. asks if he’s for sure straight with this strange, almost scared look in his dark eyes, and soap says yes. but no, he’s never kissed a guy.

then how can you be so sure? ghost says. price and gaz have long since slipped out of the booth.

soap shrugs again and tells him i don’t know. i just—

would you be willing to try?

soap stares into ghost’s eyes, then at the small expanse of pale, freckled skin that sits exposed to the world with his balaclava rolled past his nose. then he finds himself glancing down at pink, scarred lips, and his heart jumps. he says yes before he can stop himself.

then ghost is leaning closer, hand cupping soap’s jaw, asking if this is alright, and soap can only swallow and nod. something in his hindbrain scream wrong, you shouldn’t! but once ghost’s lips are against his, he knows he can’t ever go back to anything else.

knows he may not be straight, but may not be gay either, he’s not entirely certain—but what he does know, is that he likes ghost. he likes ghost so, so much, and he never wants to let him go from then until eternity.

and it seems to soap that ghost doesn’t quite want to let him go, either.

#there are two wolves inside john mactavish #one is catholic indoctrination and the other is a deep fucking love for simon riley #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghost mw2 #soap mw2 #ghost x soap #soapghost #ghoap #ghostsoap

[devotioncrater]

the levels of repression in both house and wilson…yet they are opposite of one another. house routinely makes gay innuendos (whether sexual and/or romantic) towards wilson, yet wilson doesn’t take him serious at all.

and this constant rejection from wilson is both a buoy as well as a giant wall. house pushes their relationship time and time again. wilson refuses to let the nature of it change. house brings up a romantic getaway, wilson shoots him down. house sabotages wilson moving out, wilson doesn’t stay. house allows himself to be The Other Woman regardless of how bonnie or wilson’s other ex-wives feel. in a way, it boosts his ego and makes him feel special. he is allowed to have wilson in this way.

amber is an extension of house; she is house in a woman’s body. house can accept it because he has expressed before that if wilson were a woman, they would’ve been married already. so why can’t the same be true for wilson? let him find a woman version of house. house loves wilson so much that he goes into a risky surgery to try and save amber. this is his Place simply because wilson and him cannot escape the confines of compulsive heterosexuality.

and it is compulsive. wilson never feels good enough or secure enough in a relationship outside of his and house’s. he cheats, he lies, he manipulates. all because at his core, wilson’s insecurities render him into a selfish person. he has affairs and he prioritizes house over his wives, because he doesn’t feel like his own wants/needs are met by his wives. or that they should/deserve to be met. he doesn’t know how to communicate them!! he maybe even feels guilty for having them. because even to house, he communicates these desires in metaphors or pranks or whatever other indirect way he sees fit. but the difference between house and his wives is that wilson has no tangible, legal sense of obligation to house. if house doesn’t meet his expressed needs, fuck him!! they don’t owe anything to each other!! the rejection will sting less.

wilson chases women on such a compulsive level that it’s nearly a reaction to whatever house has done. it’s affair after affair. wilson moves in with his patient during the time house is on a ketamine treatment. house, his patient who seemingly no longer needs vicodin. no longer needs him. if wilson is no longer needed, he parasites to the next host. why? because he doesn’t know who he is on his own. why? because he has trouble expressing his own core needs as a person. and as a result, these core (repressed) needs seep out sideways.

so why threaten this sense of safety he gets with keeping house at a platonic level? if they were to entangle into a relationship, wilson would be wrapped under an Obligation Gauze. there is a fear he’d lose house because, historically, all of his relationships end in loss. because, historically, he cannot express his needs to his partners due to his fear of rejection.

and then wilson becomes terminal. and then death becomes bigger than an anxious fear of loss/rejection.

“i need you to tell me that you love me.”

wilson, my brother in christ. house cannot say those words to you because for all the years you’ve known him, you’ve denied him it. the only way house can tell you that he loves you is by burning his home down and faking his death. he is nothing without you. you know it as well as he does. these things remain unspoken because that is the way you’ve molded the relationship to be.

wilson has house on a leash. house runs as far out as possible until the leash yanks him back. when wilson finally trusts house enough to let him go off-leash, house is too conditioned to act as expected.

and this conditioning in house is not just wilson’s doing. it’s primarily house’s own doing. his own self-loathing chains him to wilson’s side. as an addict, yes, but also as a support system. house hates himself so viscerally that it affects every interpersonal relationship he has, including with wilson. but wilson never, ever leaves no matter how bad it gets.

also. who else other than wilson gives him a sense of bodily autonomy? not stacy, not cuddy, not his fellows. wilson doesn’t pity him. wilson enables him. wilson lies for him. house will selfishly keep wilson forever because wilson is all he reliably has.

so house can push and prod wilson into gay romantic/sexual innuendos, but when wilson yanks that leash, he’ll drop it. it’s a buoy for reality checking where he is with wilson. it’s a giant wall for enabling his self-hatred thought process that even his boy best friend has limitations to his love for him (or at least what is acceptable). addict line of thinking.

they both eat each other up like an ouroboros. where does wilson’s repression end and house’s begin?

#is this making sense????? it’s after midnight and i’m. a little tipsy while writing this lmao #wilson is Deny Deny Deny (internal) while house is Deny Deny Deny (external) #house md #hilson

[celluloidbroomcloset]

Man, I think about that first beach kiss in Season 1 and how everyone said it was awkward and uncomfortable (it was, but damn there were a lot of claims about the actors being homophobic or some shit because of that). That kiss was REFLECTIVE OF THOSE TWO MEN AT THAT MOMENT. Stede had never kissed another man. Ed had probably never kissed another man he was really in love with. Ed surprised Stede, and he definitely wasn't 100% certain how it would be received. Fuck, Stede didn't know he was gay. He may not have known what gay is. He just knew that he was "different" and that his difference wasn't acceptable to a lot of other people. And suddenly he discovers what his feelings mean and what that difference is and he's doing it while also working through a shit-ton of complicated emotions about this one particular man? Of course the goddamn kiss was awkward; they didn't know what they were doing.

And then their second kiss is the one in the moonlight? Stede has worked through all those issues of difference; he's accepted that he's gay, he's embraced that he's gay and that he's in love with Ed, and what's more, that he wants Ed. He's had months to do it and probably also to maybe come to terms with the fact that he doesn't just love Ed, he wants to have sex with Ed. (When, I ask, has this repressed man in a loveless marriage likely felt defined sexual desire for someone before? And now he's quite obviously have sexual fantasies about this man and keeping his crewmates awake at night?)

Ed has gone through a suicidal spiral, hurt a lot of people that he does actually care about (and a bunch more besides), nearly died, woke up to find the man he thought had abandoned him sobbing at his bedside, decided to open his heart to that man again, amassed a ton of guilt and horror at his own behavior, and has no idea who he is at the moment except that if he goes back to being "Blackbeard," he's probably going to die.

After a day of peace and fun (pirate-style), they get to be alone together, really for the first time since Ed woke up (since they spent most of that day at Mary and Annie's, getting Virginia Woolf'd). But it's not awkward. They haven't fallen right back into their old pattern of being uncertain about their own feelings or about the other guy's feelings. They're both way more confident about their relationship and where it's going.

Stede deepens that kiss because he's been pining for literal months and now he's got Ed back. Ed's very much not ready to go further than a kiss, but he's obviously happier, and Stede is ready and willing to meet him where he's at. But, like, man, that's their second kiss. Like their first, it very much expresses where they both are - it's open, and it's tender, and, yeah, it's sexual in a way that the first one wasn't because they're moving towards that in their relationship.

I hope we get to see more casually intimate relationship things with them in the next season, when they've actually been together for longer and open with each other for longer, but I really love how this season builds on everything that the first one established. Of course their first kiss is awkward and of course their second one reflects how they've both changed, separately and now together. Then their third kiss is all desperation and longing and desire to feel alive (don't get me started on how Ed nearly died and Stede just killed someone and they both want to feel each other's heartbeats, dang it).

A lot of romantic comedies and dramas just treat the various kisses as stepping stones to the next point in the relationship, but the situations and characters developed in this silly gay pirate show prove how very complex and messy relationships are, and each kiss reflects that complexity and messiness. They're not stepping stones; they're reflections of what the characters already know and feel for each other.

10/10, David Jenkins and directors and actors, et al.

#ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd kiss #our flag means death #stede bonnet #ed teach #gentlebeard #ofmd meta #yet another essay #my apologies to my avengers peeps