#the last time was in 2021 its on my insta lol

[schlushiii]

Even after i ordered the cottage core Rammie it could not leave my mind so i had to draw him!!! with jambo and soup as well because i love cats <3 nothing going on in their heads -w-

#fun fact this is the second ever time i drew schlatt/rammie #the last time was in 2021 its on my insta lol #cottage core rammie my beloved #doodles for fun #jschlatt #jschlatt rammie #rammie #jambo #jschlatt jambo #soup #schlatt #art #my art #procreate #digital art #fanart #jschlatt fanart

[kumezyzo]

i was rewatching the dream team all stars MCC and was thinking about streamer!reader cause im actually sick in the head :) so now everyone else has to deal with it 😌 so, as much as i love bad, reader does happen to be an honourary Dream Team member according to bf!sapnap.....

i like to think during this time (Nov. 2021) reader and sapnap are well into their talking stage and like, reallyyyy close to dating (they prolly start dating two weeks after this stream of sum). so this is technically crush!sapnap [so cutee]

also just bsf!george and dream moments cause why not (and cause i need some more fluff to feel gud)

lots of swearing (particularly fbombs lol)

so enjoy.... or dont lol :) m.list

crush!sapnap who cant help but giggle when you text him about the 'serpnerp and gerge' bit he did before the event started. when you ask about the fake kisses they gave eachother, he would be tempted to text you back with "i could give you real ones if you want" but refrains from it.

crush!sapnap who secretly had your stream pulled up on the side just so he could see your face as you hyped yourself up for the event.

if youre faceless, he'd just want to listen to you and hear the way you pause to read a text he sends you. he'd feel so cocky if you happened to quietly giggle at something you he sent you.

crush!sapnap who forgets youre on the call for a moment when he makes comments about needing to take a shit...

"if i really wanted to, i could insta-shit"

"ew wtf 😭"

"i actually forgot you were here for a moment, my bad" (he would be blushing so hard)

crush!sapnap who hypes you up so much during parkour tag (and makes sure youre not getting tagged) when youre the last person to be tagged

bsf!george who also hypes tf out of you when youre tagging people. he gets so loud that you have to tell him to stfu at times

crush!sapnap who subconsciously tries to protect you during the first round of sky battle until you call him out for it

"sapnap, dont worry about me! just try to get the other fucking teams. holy fuck..."

"y/n is getting toxic~"

"george shut the fuck up."

(it was mostly cause dream was getting heated at you but dw sap gets it 😌)

bsf!dream who blames you for a block placement glitch during sky battle

"Y/N!"

"WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?!"

it led to a strange disagreement about where you were standing before crush!sapnap interjected and told you guys to leave it be. (we stan)

crush!sapnap who feels his heart flutter when you giggle about heated dream was getting over you standing on a rail in grid runners.

bsf!george who gets very hyped when you dont mute yourself during ace race.

"y/n are you muting yourself?"

"nope, are you?"

"LETS GOOO! ITS JUST Y/N AND GOGY"

"Lets go!!!!...... but shut the fuck up a little"

crush!sapnap who tries to gather your materials whenever you need them during buildmart and ultimately pisses off dream when he doesnt bring back what people need.

"Sapnap, how the fuck are you leaving but not bringing back fucking anything we actually need!?!?"

"okay! okay, what do you need?!"

bsf!dream who gets wayyyy too heated at you during battle box.

"y/n just use the fucking bow!"

"i am you dumb fuck!"

"oh my-"

crush!sapnap who gets annoyed too, but tries to not direct it towards you.

"george if theyre building to middle, block them!"

"y/n is supposed to be covering me!"

"they are, so pull your weight!"

bsf!dream who gets yelled at by his chat for yelling at you.

'say sorry to y/n'

"what? you know what, fuck y/n! ive known them for over 5 years, im not saying sorry!"

"good! i dont want your apology anyway! we are no longer friends!"

"good!"

(literal toddlers lol)

crush!sapnap who says a small 'hi' when he passes by you in sands of time. even if youre in the same call. and have been for 2 1/2 hours.

dteam who just lets you do youre own thing in the last to games of the event (sands of time & tgttos).

"i actually havent hear y/n speak in like five minutes," george said with an impressed smile. "i thought they just left the call for a moment, ha."

"me too for a second-"

"both of you shut the fuck up, im tired and tryna get this over with."

"PFFFT-"

bsf!george who could help but cackle when you yell at him during dodgebolt.

"george if you dont stop talking about the arrow, i will fly to london and shove it so far up your ass-"

crush!sapnap who calls you after both of you end your streams to talk about how you feel after the event.

"how are you doing, you seemed..."

"angry? annoyed?"

"tired..."

crush!sapnap talks with you until either one of you has to hang up. you feel like youre back in highschool talking to your crush for hours on end.

ngl, i dunno how i feel about this one. it might be too much tbh but im tired asf writing this and dont wanna change much. and i got a little carried away having fun writing it....sorry... -Nony

#sapnap #dream team #georgenotfound #dteam #dream #sapnap x streamer reader #sapnap x reader #sapnap x y/n #sapnap x you #mcc #im so tired #im so sorry about typos or weird shit #it might be a self insert type of thing but i cant tell this early in the morning 😭 #its almost 3am #ive almost been awake for 12 hours straight #send help #okay im done #bye #enjoy #sapnap fluff #dteam fluff

[wyattjohnston]

Free Field: Is there anything you would like to see less of?

if you are in a player tag and see this please scroll past, i’m sorry

Please read this in conjunction with the rest of the results.

With this sort of stuff, its hard to keep track of it all— I don’t like putting in all the raw answers, because some of it feels quite personal (inwardly by the answerer, not directly at writers) and it’s not my place to share it even if it’s anonymous.

Other answers are just… so off the wall.

Pregnancy – 18 individual people

Unsurprising that this came up a few times—I’ll put some of the more in depths reasons/extrapolations below, but I do remember this being something that came up last time and since 2021 I think the pregnancy output has increased considerably.

Being unable to get pregnant

Unplanned pregnancy being overused

Tokophobia, please at least use warnings/summaries

In general, but especially with younger players (came up a couple times!)

Personal reasons contributing to dislike of the trope

Kids/Babies – 13 people

I think this is a predictable second result given the first

Likes to see relationships blossom, so doesn’t feel as connected to pre-existing relationships & family life fics

Tokophobia, please at least use warnings/summaries

In general, but especially with younger players (came up a couple times!)

Enemies to Lovers – 6 people

2 people specified this combined with “There’s Only One Bed”

College Players / Minors Players – 5 people

My favourite point about this: “They didn’t sign up for a life of celebrity and fanfic, they just are attending school.”

Smut-Related - 5 People

Not being under a read more

Rough smut (i.e. rough BDSM) because consent isn’t covered enough

Every fic being absolutely filthy smut (lovemaking would be nice)

Miscommunication – 4 people

Let the characters talk to each other!

Familial Relationship – 4 people

Whether it’s being related to a player or a coach.

Cheating – 4 People

Younger NHL Players – 4 people

Some of us are old and need to read about players closer to our ages, you know?

Angst – 3 People

Especially when fewer than 3k words, doesn’t feel like it can be resolved so quickly

Specific Players – 3 people

Trevor Zegras (x2)

Mat Barzal

Jack Hughes

Quinn Hughes

Insta Edits – 2 People

Being passed off as reader insert when the large majority of the ‘reader inserts’ are blonde white women. Just make them OCs.

Abusive Relationships / Violence – 2 People

The following were said by 1 person

Age Differences

Avs Players

Best Friends To Lovers

Canes Players

Co-workers

Exes To Lovers

Famous MC

First Person

Fluff

Grumpy/Sunshine

Headcanons

Marriage as the end goal

Neighbours to Lovers

No Read More Breaks

Putting Fic in the Player Tag

Y/N being used

Less obviously blonde perfect wag readers lol

Fics that make the players seem dumb - they aren't generally.

I would like to see a little less of the same tropes for the same players being used consistently. I think there's a stagnation issue in the fic community, and a little creativity could go a long way. I realize this is difficult, and I'm guilty of it too, but I'm challenging myself to do things differently this year :)

#survey survey

[riverxkeichains]

It's Been Months, Time to get the Band back together!

TW: This is Way long then the previous post(And you all thought that was long...Wait until you all see this)

It's Been Months since I lasted posted on my Tumblr Account since November of Last Years.

I know the last time I posted was on May of this year?

However I decided to Delete the posted rn as it wasn't really that important and it's just away to give an excuse to make everyone still think I'm active and it was just too short for my taste to posted(Unless otherwise).

Ever since I posted my Mavis × Rosie Art and it has been a single year, I now have 63 likes on the post itself. But because it has been years since I posted anything Art Related? I think It's now a very good time for me to started making a new art pieces. I have been gone for a while now, To be Fair 2021 was pretty busy year for me and I really do feel bad for not announcing my hiatus on Here and Instagram and that's why I'm here to apologize to everybody for having been active in here for a while now because I was focusing on other things.

But thankfully since I now have time focus on here(Including Instagram and Pixiv, Following at HighTideKeiblade(Insta) and River Kaz(user_rugt8577) I don't feel like going through another Hiatus again unless It's Important Event, For me at least. I'm going to started posting new text and art posted in here, In Fact? I have saved a few of them while I was in a Hiatus ^_^.

Since It's June, It's not just going to be just a drawings or text but it's also some stuff to celebrate this Pride Month as well(For those who aren't aware? I'm Gender-Neutral(NB) and Bisexual as you can see from my top info).

To order for me to post? I would like to show some of my art upcoming, Here's a few previews:

Ever Since I used the TTTE Characters with the @asktrio516 design? I feel like it's now time for me to Design making my own Interpretation of the TTTE Characters but as Humans. This isn't my first time doing this Concept before since I had done this on both my DeviantArt Accounts(My Normal and the Naughty Shitpost ones xp), I even have them saved in my binder and Ibis Paint. The Characters who are featured in this Unfinished doodle is James(One who wicks with Spiky Hair and freckles), River Keilyn. Harley(My Trainsona as a Human)Blushing Cool~ Spikes and wavy hair with freckles), Edward(Spike but Beautifully Straight hair while blushing when he saw James' Hotness), And Me one with the Mask Obviously lol. To those who might not get it at first, Until you realize what Train!River is wearing? Unlike most Human AUs I saw(Where it either takes place in the Modern Times or the 1960s) my TTTE Human AU takes place in the Late 1990s and Early 2000s (Specifically 1997 to 2003).

Based on Thomas' 90s Popularity in the U.S. and the Middle of the Classic Era At the time. Not only that? But also in my TTTE Human AU, My own interpretation of the characters are based on Eurobeats, 90s Fashion and Culture, and Lastly their Design-Wise are mostly based on the Japanese Dub rather then the usually US or UK counterparts(What Can I say? As much as I respect both English dubs(I prefer the US but the UK is cool too) However I love and Definitely prefer the Japanese dub more, Don't judge me xP). Despite being lighthearted? My TTTE Human AU can have its fair-shared of dark and serious moments, As well as Consistency, and it isn't sugar coated or look down upon. There's more such as Character's Backstory and how would it play-out. There's more I want to say but for now that's all I have to give out my Inspiration for my TTTE Human AU ^^.

Here's a Bouns one for my TTTE Human AU, Unfinished doodle of James ;).

Aside from me doing TTTE? I'm doing going to be working on other media as well, A good example is the Mixels as I've been a fan of this Lego series since 2015(1 year after the series aired and before it ended because this series was shortlived).

Sure it may not be a good series but I'm a sucker for Legos and love this simple concept of combining or do a fusion of anything. In these 3 photos, I'm drawing one of my Friend's(@chloetolunar) OC, Katelyn and It's a late Birthday countdown. Late because I was focusing on finals but...Hey! I am trying my best to finishing it. During the series lifespan I was making a lot of Mixels OCs, I used to have 3 tribes but now I have 5 of them, As the 2 tribes(Chinese/Arabian Theme and a Cloudy Sky Rainbow Theme) I used to draw where getting a bit complicated but who knows I might bring them back.

For now? I'm just going to show my 3 new Mixels:

These are just concept art for now, But Thankfully they have a name! Hanamistu, Ursula, and Jenni ♡. Another reason why I'm doing this is that like my Thomas AU? I'm also doing a Mixels AU and It's called Mixels Chronicles, It's basically a "What if Situation~!" Basically What if Mixels was more like Bionicles and Ninjago but they fuse during battle. Had Mixels would become more popular if they went into that Direction? I'll let you to decide from that ;).

After writing all this down? I can call please say that that's all I have to say for this long ass post. In conclusion I'll definitely come back here, And I'll definitely be Active only on here, Instagram, and Pixiv(Sometimes DeviantArt). FYI, Reason I'm doing other things is because I will like to do other stuff Sometimes and I'm also doing this for fun as well. I like to do things on what I love so much, Please don't argue with me just because I don't do the stuff that you love sometimes~.

☆~°~°~°~°~°~°~☆

Thank you for Reading this and Have a great day, Goodbye~☆

Also!

DON'T POST ANYTHING ON RUDE ME, REPOST, RECOLOR, OR STEAL MY STUFF! Be Original and Do your Own stuff without Tracing others art M'kay~ ;).

#riverxkeichains #river's post #river's art #mixels #mixels au #ttte #ttte au #Mixels Chronicles #River's TTTE AU #River's Update #keixblade #Upcoming Art

[awsugar]

I don’t understand why some big mcr blogs slate anyone who believes gerard and frank had a thing, like our view didn’t arise from nowhere there’s clearly evidence that has led us to think this. I get disliking those who push frerard in frank and Gerard’s faces (barely anyone does this nowadays) but slating people for believing they had something in the past is kinda ridiculous imo. Franks solo music speaks volumes but if you read into it you’re demonised as a frerardie

mmmmm am i down to clown today... ok i will speak.

actually im going to put this under a cut bc my last ask was a long one and i feel like i am going to talk about this for way too long bc its 1am and im honestly a little tipsy.

note: i just finished answering this it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time and i dont think the person who asked this is even going to read it but i apparently have a lot of thoughts and no one ever wants to listen to me lol 

firstable yea actually unfortunately anytime they do a livestream, or anytime anyone SOMEHOW RELATED to them does a livestream. there are ppl in the chat talking about frerard. they both have comments off on insta now, i didnt actually read the comments that much and franks have been off for ages but im positive there were people in the comments talking about frerard. i mean fuck, franks LAST tweet he qrted someone who tagged him in the replies of a pic of The Kiss. so i mean yea its definitely not a majority but it still happens extremely frequently.

this is like. genuinely really funny to me bc im sure frank didnt see it, i think he knows enough not to look at the chat for the most part. but the moral is that its 2021 and people STILL dont know how to act. i wont go on about it but it actively enrages me anytime i watch a stream. rule one of real person fandoms is keep all that shit in your fan spaces. which is actually why i prefer tumblr. none of them are on here. actively engaging in mcr fandom on twitter is too close for comfort, especially since frank follows a handful of my friends and also like. knows me.

so like moral of my most times unavoidable wall of text is that ppl are right to be frustrated with the fans who act this way. i am extremely frustrated with them. and i think for the people who have never like tinhatted or anything, this type of behavior stands out and makes an impression and becomes the like. poster child for ppl who are like 'hmmmmm but what if.' about the frank and gerard stuff.

anyway, moving on, i think a lot of peoples hang up is that they view it as rpf. which i have a couple things to say about actually. its no secret that i have read a lot of rpf. i had never heard of fanfiction until i started getting into mcr in 2008. that was my introduction. and at the time, in that community, it was completely normal. and it was for a loooooooooong time. i knew of people who didnt read fic or felt weird about it but the majority of people i interacted with DID read fic. and on top of that, the people who didn;t were nothing like they are today. we all got along. no one was like demonizing people who did read fic. in 2012 when i think mcr tumblr was at its peak, ALL of the most popular blogs were "frerardies" (hate that term). they all talked about and recced fic and a lot of them wrote it too. everyone had a boyfriends tag. anyway when i came BACK to the mcr fandom in 2016 after a couple years away post-breakup it was still like that. people talked about fic all the time and you didnt have to like, hide it in fear of being labeled as a terrible person.

i always discussed this stuff, fic and theories, openly on this blog. for YEARS. the first time i noticed the rpf shift was 2019 tbh, when my blog was suspended and i (not related) had a mental health crisis and i spent a handful of months off tumblr, when i remade on a different blog suddenly it seemed like people were like noooo you cant talk about that. ppl who read fic are disgusting. if you think something happened between them you're homophobic. i was like honestly baffled bc i didnt know how it had seemingly changed so much in a matter of like 4 months or so. but thats the society we live in now lmao.

anyway the other thing about rpf is that i think most of these people are hypocrites. bc almost everyone makes an exception for unholyverse. theyre like ok i will dabble in the most popular fic and see what its about while still demonizing the people who read OTHER fics. like ugh.

also i have noticed its an age thing. a lot of the time. almost every mcr fan i personally interact with or know, which is a lot of people, read fic, used to read fic and just sort of grew out of it, and/or (usually and) believe something happened between them. but everyone i interact with is an adult and all of my closer friends are long time mcr fans like me. i feel like the percentage of fans who are minors who are extremely anti-rpf is way higher than the percentage of adults. and i think thats just due to the fan culture we grew up with and the fact that young people a lot of times are like..it seems very performative in an attempt to be the least problematic person that ever lived.

also random side note its really funny to keep updated with this debate on twitter. they literally yoyo there. frerard is ok on a bi-weekly basis.

anyway back to what i was originally saying which was that people view tinhatting as rpf and therefor not okay. which like idk maybe i sound crazy but i also always said this when i was in the phandom and discussing like dan and phil and whether or not they were soulmates before they came out, i don't think tinhatting is rpf. or like. idk theres a part of me that can see why people think rpf is a bad thing even though if i was famous i wouldnt care if people wrote fics about me. but like. analyzying the real life things that people have done and said in public (important). in order to try to contextualize their relationship or understand that dynamic better. well i mean first of all its not fiction. but like i do think its a lot different than writing explicit bdsm fic about them.

and i know a lot of the people on here who dont like actively participate in these conversations do like. see where we're coming from. with the frank lyrics and millions and like all of that stuff. they just dont talk about it. i mean *I* have stopped mostly talking about it at all unless its vague, due to the current climate and opinion. and sometimes we'll all have a moment of hysteria where we've all decided its ok to speak about. me right now apparently.

anyway im positive no one read all of this. i need to learn how to be brief but ive been saying that my whole life. but you're right. to me its clear that there's a bigger story behind it than frank and gerard just being buddies who were in a band together. a logical conclusion. and i wish we could just all get along again instead of people being sooooo mad about it.

#anonymous #asks #im gonna make queue bend and break #frerard

[stormblessed95]

Jikookers are living in the past. Everything you say about jikook is old, their relationship, their moments that you call "loud". These 3 months showed that Jungkook is closer to Taehyung than Jimin. Jungkook was forced by Jimin to go on vlive during Jimin bday but he chose to post a photo of Tae for Tae's bday. This is the difference. He chose to post a taekook selfie on his ig and not a jikook photo. If Jimin is Jk's boyfriend well...I'm sorry for him because it seems that Jungkook is ashamed of him. I wonder what kind of relationship you like if you support the fact Jungkook can't post Jimin face online because he hates to be associated with him. (And don't talk about concerts where they have to perform together). You should think about it. Why Jungkook doesn't like to post Jimin (the last photo of him was posted years ago...) but he can post other members like Jin and Tae. You know the answer but I'm sure you will delete this ask because the truth hurts.

Vmin doesn't exist. Tae made it clear that Jimin is only a member for him. Jungkook is his favorite person. "Members and Jungkook" means everything. Basically Tae ended vmin and jikook at the same time

Oh damn anon. I'm so sorry, you must have missed my announcement last week where I admitted that Tae and JK are actually married. The insta posts are what convinced me 🥰 thanks for your concern though! I'll link that post for you because I posted a ton of super cute taekook photos there too! You should save them, since it's all moments that ACTUALLY happened!! As well I link to ANOTHER post on that one that I think would be good for you as well. It's all about how distant Jikook were in 2021 🥰 happy reading!

My dear anon(s), you seem to forget that if nothing else, and above all else, the maknae line are friends. And they all love each other. None of them are forced to interact or not interact with each other.

Not to mention, in the last 3 months, we got the vminkook vlive, and if you took anything away from that other than how much they all love each other, you are not paying enough attention and should listen more to what they actually say, do and tell you

As well as during that vlive we were told that JK goes and seeks out Jimin at least 3 times a day collecting stamps. And when Tae went to go to Jimins room, he almost thought it was JKs since he answered the door. Aka, both taekook when they are feeling bored and lonely seek out.... Jimin and go to Jimins room to spend time with him, because they love and adore him

As well as in the past 3 months we had Jikook looking sweetly at each other on the beach in LA where we can assume Tae took their photo since he was the other one there and wasn't in this photo like he was in a different one. Where it also looks like before this, they were sitting together in the sand shoulder to shoulder. As well as all the other things they went and did in LA together too. Fans constantly spotted them out together with other members, but they 2 of them? Always together.

Or the fun they had together during ITS, the giant smiles.

And yes, JK is clearly ashamed. When he spends such a large chunk of time hyping Jimin up or complimenting him or talking about how he looks up to him or that they are lucky to have him. Such as telling him he is the king of run bts

And let's not forget also during that vminkook vlive we had Tae asking Jimin not to leave and to stay through the end. And we also had Tae telling Jimin that he is his role model.

Or literally how we started 2021 off with Tae telling Jimin how much he likes him over and over, as well as saying he likes Jimin THE MOST. And ended 2021 with Jimin calling Taehyung "my love." Lol and you are here trying to slander how much they mean to each other?

And I mean, say whatever you want and think whatever you want about those Instagram/Twitter posts. They literally called each other "bro" and left off the "my love" and have been so sweet together. You should be happy that they have been clearly strengthening their bond together! But don't misunderstand that for something it isn't, unless you are also going to say jinkook, namgi, minimoni, and vmin are also real for posting each other on their instas. And I hope you never post photos with your friends online, someone might thing you are dating each other by mistake. Lol plus, they've been pretty clear that they love each other alot, but not in a romantic sense of the word. "Punching bag" "best friend who is like a brother" "just a bts member to me" "thought of him like a real brother."

I don't care if you think any of these duos is "real" or not. But it's anti behavior to call any of them "fake." Not to mention, your whole post gives me the same vibes as this person's Twitter comments with the types of moments you dismiss and/or then hype up as loud. Only as long as it benefits whatever story you believe to be true? Right?

And I really wish you would have glanced through my masterlist before sending this, I have a post linked there that literally says "TO TKKRS" (hint, that's you). Here, I'll link it here for you though!

On the OFF chance that you actually don't have your head shoved so far up your ass it's impossible to dislodge, I invite you to actually click on all these links. I invite you to go through my masterlist for other moments too, past and present. I encourage you to get off shipper timelines and watch content and listen to your idols for exactly what it is. It's not even just about maknae line at this point, I just think it will blow your mind at how much you are missing out on.

Post over getting off shipping timelines so that you don't misunderstand things by not getting the full context of clips being posted:

Taekook love the HELL out of Jimin. That's their baby, they are his baby. Either way you wanna have it, it works. They LOVE HIM. And anyone who says anything different doesn't understand or know who they are "supporting." Seriously, they LOVE that man more than anyone.

They love Jimin so much, they practically made Jimin their muse. The Love is so strong between those 3.

Oh and this post was about the whole butter promo photo, but it also fits with everything I could have said about your JK was forced forced to go to Jimins vlive comment too

Look, Im just going to stop now. Because I seriously doubt you are going to click on ANYTHING I have linked for you here. (Come back if you want and tell me i was wrong if you did actually click on these links and stuck around to Learn a little something, please 😊 ). Where is that tweet when I need it? The one that said "Taekook would light you on fire just to keep Jimin warm?" Lol that would have been the perfect tweet to have at the end of this post! Anyway, vminkook love each other dearly and you are an idiot if you think otherwise 🥰 Have the day you deserve anon!!

#tkkrs up in my ask box again #can yall just freaking stop with the passive agressive or just straight up aggressive anon asks trying to say my ship is better than yours #jikook #kookmin #mingguk #minkook #imma need a lot more from TK to convince me they are anything other than friends sorry #they are the cutest duo though #their elementary schooler style friendship #i love it #nice try tho hope you stay and learn something

[cremeriie]

I posted 27 times in 2021

27 posts created (100%)

0 posts reblogged (0%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.0 posts.

I added 125 tags in 2021

#maddy draws - 20 posts

#artists on tumblr - 20 posts

#my art - 19 posts

#fanart - 16 posts

#digital art - 14 posts

#danganronpa - 11 posts

#danganronpa 2 - 7 posts

#sdr2 - 7 posts

#danganronpa decadence - 6 posts

#super danganronpa 2 goodbye despair - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 39 characters

#999: nine hours nine persons nine doors

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Calling all Zero Escape fans and Aoilight enjoyers, I wrote a fanfiction. It took me four months, which is a day less than four months longer than I usually spend on a fanfic.

It's a canon divergence fix-it fic with embarrassing uses of the morphogenetic field, team bonding exercises, and cheesy intense dialogue. Also, they're all SOIS agents because I love a good spy fic. Honestly, I'm not very good at summarizing my writing but I hope some of yall give it a try anyways. (You can always close the tab if you don't like it, I promise that I'll never know.)

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32106613

(god i hope this shows up in the tags)

23 notes • Posted 2021-06-22 14:01:57 GMT

#4

noooo don’t commit acts of domestic terrorism ahaha you’re so sexy

fun fact: this is a slightly different version than the one i posted on my instagram bc that one looked kinda weird. i can’t be bother to go repost it though, so only tumblr gets to see this one ;) 

yeah anyways i played the zero escape trilogy last week and loved it alot (well, i loved 999 & vlr. ztd was good but i rlly think those budget constraints bit them in the ass.) i have many thoughts about the games but i dont think anybody cares so i’ll spare you my rambling (for now lol). 

SPEAKING OF INSTAGRAM you should follow me there @cremeriie (same username as here)

26 notes • Posted 2021-04-01 02:23:44 GMT

#3

i couldnt decide which version i liked better, which was hard considering the fact that i kinda hate both of themmmmmmm.

follow me on instagram and twitter @cremeriie whatever whatever yk the drill.

36 notes • Posted 2021-10-11 14:05:50 GMT

#2

let's go to the beach each 🏖️

two versions, click for better quality blah blah blah you know what to do.

anyways i started this and then left it for two months bc i was in a funk but its FINE because i finally finished it. i love these two so much they make my heart full!!!!!!

follow my instagram and twitter (@cremeriie) for more!

51 notes • Posted 2021-08-08 20:39:05 GMT

#1

[click for better quality please]

YOU CAN'T SHOW THAT ON TV!

ok before anybody comments YES the incorrect hand was on purpose. i was inspired by how spamton NEO's design looks like a broken down Mettaton NEO body, so i tried to make Mike look like he had a broken/messed up Metal Crusher body.

ANYWAYS i keep seeing these vids on yt for hypothetical mike songs, battles, and segments, and they all looked so cool!! i had to draw him lol.

insta and twitter: @cremeriie

54 notes • Posted 2021-11-06 19:53:57 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #my art #anyways cool and thanks tumblr for the spotify wrapped I MEAN tumblr wrapped

[onf-headcanons]

Another OFFICE AU aka CEO AU

A/n : Alas its not draft clearing but a brand new work for 2021 (but i still have some drafts as well)XD Hello, did any of you remember an idea dump I dropped for last year Christmas? you could easily guess which was it by tallying the mood board with the idea lists (*winks)

Setting :

1. OFFICE AU 2 , it is a brand new one where ONF member is a young CEO while you are his secretary. So I will name this one as CEO AU

Of course it does not hurt should you wanna imagine it as the already exist office au, using the idea dump posted for 2020 Christmas.

2. ONF MEMBER that I will integrate would be Hyojin and Seungjun as mentioned during the Christmas post, but I wont stop you for imagining other members, thats why in headcanons I will use ONF MEMBER instead their names. (For member X reader scenario)

3. In this headcanon, reader is slightly older than ONF member, maybe 2 or 3 years older. Same age is plausible, then it would be ONF member continued their studies further so they started working late.

ok lets go, beware its long and sorry if it is messy I tried my best to control 2 way storyline, I had fun writing but I know I am lacking much much more than I could notice. total 6k word count (dies)

1-1

• You work as assistant/secretary for the head of department/CEO in company before the young successor joins and his predecessor retires. • Because you tend to separate work life and private life, you established personality to look like ice queen on the outside (reality) but actually passionate carer on the inside (virtually). None of your colleagues knew, only your close friends • You have been using a chat app (not tinder type) for since you started intern, • 1. That app's specialty was anonymous. • 2. Its like a hideout spot where you can share and post whatever you love. (Because there are some co-workers added your FB or Insta and you felt it is a hassle to create another fake account exclusively to add people) • 3. Even though you tried and failed at 1 or 2 virtual relationships with other users, you never despise the thought of online dating. But you do know it’s not realistic so you never take it too seriously (it is also self-protection) • You would post some photos but mostly are just lunch pics, occasionally an outdoor view from your office floor, also some cute stationaries or accessories found on the way back home. (Just adding this trivia for fun linking the universe, maybe you pass by Minkyun’s flower shop as well?) • (It will be funny if your contents was more on sharing random idol pics that you follow, passionately promoting it hence creating a more impact contrast later when revealing) • One day you came across a post asking about what kind of cologne to buy for a predecessor who will be retiring. Being a good Samaritan, you leave a few suggestions under the post and did not really take it to heart, you forgot about it once you see the original author replied "Thanks" • Not knowing that 1 interaction would change your life forever.

1-2 • The next day, your superior announced his retirement and mentioned a young successor will join the company next month. And ONF member being the young successor does make rumors flying around the company, making people questioning his ability as he is related to company board of directors. The department you are in is under top 5 sales/profit bringing, so with a young successor would be inexperienced which might lead to drop of department reputation of course people are going to worry and gossip. • First impression with ONF member is actually ok. Well dressed, good looking and nice manners. The moment he followed his predecessor walks into the office floor, girls starts to make all sorts of gasping noises (lol) • Your superior mentioned that he bought a retirement gift for your superior deep down you approved at the selection of the cologne brand. • You might goes, this guy got sense, not bad. • One night after several days ONF member joined the department/company, you received a PM from a user, thanking you for the cologne recommendation. It took you a while to remember who it was. You politely replied him “You are welcome.” • The user also nonchalantly asked about how you can make such suggestion that pinpoints because by the glance at your profile, first impression could be very much misleading. • You just replied that you happened to know someone at that age who likes that type of scent hence the list of suggestions, what you did was just you taking the liberty to do a lucky guess. • Out of curiosity, you tap at the stranger’s avatar to get a glimpse of his profile, but out of your disappointment, there were no picture of his to know what he looks like. But there are pictures of scenery from places he travelled. • You also noticed that their “joined the app” days are way lesser than you are, quite a new user. • You found a few pictures of places you went before/ places that you want to go. Delighted, you started the conversation asking if he likes travelling and his next travel plans. • The other party replied briefly his plans and his experience during travels, from his words you know that he won’t be travelling overseas for the next 2 years as he had a new job and responsibility to learn. Instead he will be focusing on doing domestic travels. • His words made you reminisce your rookie days and you responded him that you understand him with empathy. You did not pry further but you do give him some encouragement, telling him that things will get better and once he got the hang of it, he will have more time on his own. (Yup at the moment you are thinking he is a freshman or newbie joining new company) • You timidly ask your new chat friend why they decided to join and use the app. He replied, “I don’t really play social media apps and I don’t want anyone to find me online, the anonymous system this app provides mental security for me.” • The reply was so different from those who are playing the app just for flirting and finding a quick date, you replied him, “Same as you.” • The conversation ends by the other party mentions he will need to be early for work and politely wishes you good night. The next morning you found the stranger has added you as friend, without any thoughts you tap on your screen and now you have a new mutual.

1-3 • Back to office, as ONF member is still new towards his scope of work, you would sometimes giving him advise and guides by sharing “What would his predecessor does.” or “What he can do by not violating company policy”. He takes advises well and would always inquire for your suggestion before making any critical decision. • Once he started to get the hang of it, you passed the torch of freedom to him because you are only a secretary/assistant. But he will still come to you, which you felt he was being dependent. (I feel if it is Minkyun, he will be more dependent should the scope of work is totally unfamiliar to him. Tendency of dependent to independent would be Seungjun, Hyojin, Yuto same par as Jaeyoung, Changyoon then Minkyun.) • (Of course sometimes there are some doubt raised regarding to policies and because he sees things in another perspective, you know he meant no harm but sometimes you wish he would just shut up and just follow the policy just for convenience sake+lessen damage. That’s because should any dissatisfaction of decision happens, colleagues will firstly come to interrogate you, hoping you to twist his decision or questioning your ability to lessen the damage done towards merit they/the department holds. AND YOU HATE PLAYING THOSE POWER MIND GAMES, even though the image you impose looked like you are skilled player.) • So there is some sense that being strict is you are trying hard to protect him and protecting yourself. • BTW ONF member, your new superior has a bright personality unlike his predecessor (huge reason is due to the age factor), even though inexperienced in work, he has good be friending skills. So people in the department felt it was less stressful working under him because he would do small talk with his underlings. (This hc is not suitable for Changyoon and Yuto during the beginning, due to their personality they would try but not suddenly initiating small talks on the first week joining.) • IT WILL BE FUNNY IF SOME FEMALE COLLEAGUE TOOK PITY ON HIM BY MENTIONING/GOSSIPING THAT YOU ARE TOO STRICT AGAINST HIM • Its not that you hate him or he does not have the ability to do his work, it’s just when he is standing on the opposing side against company policy it troubles you. • Every time when things like this happens, you would low-key complains by posting status on the chat app, mentioning you don’t hope for an understanding but you would hope those who are not in your shoes would shut up. Your mutuals mostly are office workers as well so resonates with your words. • Your new friend leaves a comment underneath the post you asking if you are doing alright, and hope you do not stress yourself too much. You thanked him for the mental support. • He will even PM you asking if you are doing alright, most of the time you don’t want to lose your cool plus you don’t think it is wise to abruptly rant towards a stranger as if they are emotional sandbag, so you will politely thank him and say that you are alright now. • Since you and your new friend work on the day, you two chat during the night and weekend, getting to know each other in a very casual pace. A bit of child hood and you both also shared your majors in studies. He told you that he used to study at overseas and he picked up hobby of travelling around a bit during those days. • You never turn on the app during lunch (to avoid people finding out) but your new friend does send you some messages during lunchtime. • As you and the new friend get to know each other, there has a few things in common, you two like talking about travels and you two read works by the same author • By the way the new friend is a he. You two are using ID names the whole time during chatting, because you have told him that you are not comfortable giving and knowing each other’s real name. He understands and respects that. • And you confirmed that he is slightly younger than you. Which you replied to him, “Oh my superior is same age as you.” • This new friend gives you a calm and mature vibe even though he is same age as your new superior. You could not help yourself but comparing. • The other party goes: “Wow, he must be a very successfully accomplished youngster.” • You go: “Nah, other than his outgoing personality that brings freshness to the department, he still got lots to learn.” • Your new friend then continues, “Your new superior is a lucky one, I can confidently say that because I have an excellent senior who would always look out for me.” • You respond, “Then you better treat them well.” • And he goes “Of course.”

1-4

• Work is as usual, possible you unintentionally eavesdropping and caught ONF member saying towards you (even better backing you up when some junior colleagues are reverse gossiping about you) : You know, Y/N might look cold and stern sometimes but actually a kind and gentle person. Y/N would always give out advice for the sake of the department/ company. • Cues you would fluster a bit by those words. • A few days later you are done briefing your superior their schedule. And ONF member suddenly ask if you are free for dinner. It’s already his 4th month in the company and wanted to properly thank you for guiding him with patience and prudence. • At first you wanted to decline him because you don’t want to deal with work related stuff after office hours, ALSO you don’t want anyone to start weird gossips. • Another reason is you don’t want to talk about yourself too much in front of your superior. Heck you even avoid your colleague’s invitations for dinner because you value your “me time” very much. • But looking at his anticipating face, you got soft and agreed that a coffee would suffice.  ONF member smiles at you suggest both of you to have coffee right now at Starbucks next to your company building. You are free to choose whatever drink you like. • Before both of you leave the room. And then you heard a familiar notification sound, you thought your heart is going to stop, that is the notification sound from the chat app you are using. You did not have your phone with you so it was obvious the sound comes from ONF member’s phone. • And that was a notification alert of the system has found someone nearby and presented to the user.  It got you curious and worried at the same time. • At Starbucks, ONF member had to answer a call, so you ordered his drink as well. • Later you see him start replying messages while waiting for orders to be done.  You wanted to have a peek at his user name but you are a few steps away and your instinct told you better don’t do that. What if it is already someone you already know? • “Curiosity killed the cat, remember?” You tell yourself. • Once you are at your desk, you took some deep breath to calm yourself and try to remember if you recalled wrongly but truth is you are accurate. You hurriedly checked you phone, there were no new messages and you are sure you have turned off location visibility.  Lucky for you it was never turned on to begin with. • You also kind of worried if your superior actually has a “fun” lifestyle after office hours. But, it’s hard to relate him to a playboy image when he looked like a friendly good boy. You shake your head and deny yourself. • “If (ONF member name) uses that app then I will need to be more careful.” you thought while sipping the frappe. So back at home, you started to alter all posts’ visibility to “Visible for mutuals only”. Took you nearly a whole night but better safe than sorry.

1-5 • More weeks pass by peacefully but one day a conflict happened between you and ONF member and some colleagues/minor members of the board.  He went ahead to announce that he decides (had a thought) to run a campaign/new rule (maybe a budget cut). The moment he finished his sentences, you know the seniors will not be happy with it. • Later after meeting, you politely confront with ONF member that he should discuss with you before announcing it on meeting. Plus, announcing without any advance preparation will put him and you in an awkward position as verbal announcement are not persuasive enough. Of course you are also worried that people might use this issue to tackle and exploit the cons of both of you being inexperience and young. • “With all due my respect, Mr.(ONF member name), it will be nice if you could discuss with me before dropping that bomb at the meeting.” you try not to sound fierce but your tone clearly does not sound you are cool with his actions at all. • “And later having you lecture me and stop me? You do know it was for the good of the company too right?” He retorts like usual • “Yes but no.” you try to fight back. “ It’s not that easy, there are people need to be dealt with and I don’t think you--” • Before you could finish, ONF member says with an eyebrow raised, “You don’t think I can handle it, because I am still unexperienced.” • You unconsciously frown and thinking, why is he suddenly trying to pick a fight deliberately today? Why is he suddenly trying to piss off seniors in the department/company? • ONF member then with firm tone, gives you suggestion, “Should you have anyone come to you and complain, tell them that you knew nothing at all and request them to talk to me directly instead.” • “I am the CEO, not you.” He adds. • You could not help but sigh, knowing there is not point arguing because he is not going to back down. And deep down you do know the new rule/budget cut will do more merit than harm. (Your focus is more on how deal with seniors employees not him for now because seniors are more pain in the ass compared to him) • But still there are people come to you and bug you while you are working and you can’t tell them to leave you alone hence it stresses you out. • You escape to the bathroom taking your phone with you and vents out at the app by posting a status mentioning you are just trying to do your job and wants a peaceful work days. • You also come across seeing your new friend posting a status prior your meeting time, it’s a photo of frappe you recommended him to try it out. He is thanking you for recommending it. • You could not help but feeling a bit jealous, should your title and work scopes are different/ should you are just normal employee rather than a CEO’s secretary, you might not need to face these kind of stress. • “Guess you have to bear what you signed up for huh?” you thought to yourself after 15 minutes cooling yourself down. • You switched your mind set and step out from bathroom. Returning to your place with your usual ice cold face. You are trying hard not to show that you are weak against stress. You are too immersed at people coming at you asking you questions, without knowing ONF member actually observing you with concerned gaze from his room. • That night, you receive a PM from your new friend asking if you are doing ok, as you never sound that upset before. He said he can lent an ear so you can tell him what happened. You spare him all the intricate details and tell him briefly that your superior made a mess and you need to clean it up also back his plan no matter you like it or not. • The whole progress he did not interrupt you nor tried to tell you what you should do, he let you type all the way until you finished. Once you are done, you asked, “I don’t know what might be up in his sleeves that it’s inconvenient for me to know beforehand but... Isn’t he a jerk, putting me into an awkward situation?” • Your friend backs you up and agrees with you that matters should be discussed, and critiques your superior actually could trust you more. • You thanked your friend for letting you to rant and mentioned you have accepted the fate because of the title and responsibility you hold in the company. That’s being professional and mature in office. • The other party replied that even if that is the case, he hope you don’t stresses yourself too much as it seems your new superior still needs your guidance and support. • You playfully replies, “Well I am not his babysitter XD, he will need to face a lot of issues by his own someday.” • “Why is that?” • “Well I can’t always be by his side though? I might get married and resign.” you reveal your future plans to your new friend, “Moreover, even I don’t resign, I might take pregnancy leave though?” • The other party comments, “I never thought you had that planned out.” • And he continues, “Your profile gives out the ‘I love my job so much.’ vibe” • You then back up your point by saying you do want that plan to work but too bad you are single now, so of course you are going to focus on your job more. Plus, you do not plan to find a partner in work place anyways. • The new friend leaves more supportive words and hoping it will cheer you up. By the end of the conversation, he also offers that you can come to him and rant should you need an ear. • You grin at his words and felt warm towards his actions. Rarely any of your mutual actually PM to check up on you. “Maybe he was just being nice.” you thought before you wish him good night.

1-6 • The next day, you are being summoned by your superior the first thing in the morning. He passes you a pile of documents and requests you to go through it. It a proposal regarding to the budget cut/new rule and he hope you can be his ally. His gaze is not as firm as yesterday, but it’s more of seeking approval and acknowledgement from you. • You let out a sigh and mutters, “You know, should you have hand this to me beforehand the situation won’t be that ugly.” And then you start to flip the pages. • “Sorry.” He apologizes. “But I really want to make it work. It’s also a handover work by my predecessor.” • “You look up upon him too much, ONF member, he is a sly fox just like the other seniors.” You do not mean to back stab but you are telling the truth. “Has it never come to your mind why he did not initiate the plan when he is here and requested you to initiate it when he is gone?” • “I know. But this move is going to benefit the company; I am willing to bear responsibility.” ONF member adds • You stop reading and look at your superior in the eye, “You better hope this work though, I don’t want my 5 months effort of guiding you goes to waste. And I hate the idea that I need to re- adjust my pace with a new superior.” • ONF member gets your intentions behind your words; he swiftly stands up from his chair and thanked you. “I owe you big one, Y/N. Another cup of coffee to thank you for reals?” • “No thanks, I will be busy. Next time.” You feel uncomfortable because the social distance between you two seems shortened, so you politely decline. • Luckily the whole budget cut/new rule policy worked out fine and by year end, benefits shows. You and ONF member can finally relax a bit knowing that you both have won the fight.

1-7 • Meanwhile, you did not stop interacting with your recent favourite friend. As you two got to know each other even more, both of you chat almost every day during the night. He never bores you and he can understand most of the topic you bring up. You are amazed that how can someone has so many things in common? • It spikes your curiosity and you ask him if a wonderful person like him has a partner in real life. He answers you that he is single, just like you are. • (You thought he is lying because he is such a nice guy, but of course you do tell yourself not to 100 percent trust everyone online) • Then he asks your opinion about online virtual dating. You honestly told him about your experience. But you added that even though you failed twice/thrice, you are not against it. • And that moment, you don’t know what has gotten into you, you playfully type, “You are asking my opinion on that as if you are preparing yourself” • “Prepare for what?” he asks • “To get yourself an online girlfriend.” You reply. • His respond reads, “Yes I am.” • “That’s wonderful. That girl you will be confessing is a lucky one.” • “Yea, indeed you are.” • You pause for a moment when you saw the message. • “Wait, you serious? ME??” you quickly send him the message because you thought should you hesitate longer, the mood will turn awkward. • He replies you by sending you a heart emoji. • You give a quick thought, well it is interesting chatting with him and he does seem nice. Plus, it’s online anyway, you could call it off should he becomes toxic and annoying like your previous experiences. • “I wasn’t sure if you are ok with someone like me. “He continues. “I am fine if you want to call it off should you found someone in real life later on.” • “Don’t be silly, that should be my line.” You retort him. • And then you have it, another secret. You have an online boyfriend now. You both even declared each other as a pair of soulmate publicly on the app. But you two did not exchange selfies, keeping the relationship virtual and anonymous. • However you two always share interesting stuffs happen on daily. New book, new cd, a random shot of a puppy or cat you met on the street. • Also before year end, you overheard girl colleagues gossiping about your superior has a girlfriend now; you are not interested at his private life so you just let it slide. • But you did briefly mention it to your boyfriend. Not in a gossip tone, more of a life update share. • Of course there are some girl colleagues that are ok with you comes to you, hoping you leak some information about ONF member’s rumoured girlfriend. But of course you know nothing at all, leaving them with disappointed answer. • Fast forward to the week before Valentine’s Day. It is also 10th month since ONF member joins the company. • Out of the sudden, your online boyfriend suggests you two to meet up. You are not against it, and it’s not like you never met anyone you know from the app. Thinking why not knowing a new friend in real life, you agreed his offer. (Also because you are curious what he looks like so that you can understand why he was single before dating you) • You even inquired his preference in chocolate and promise bringing him some on official first date. • Your boyfriend thanks you and suggests a place for dinner. You knew that place, it’s expensive and you could not help but wondering if he is trying hard to match you. (You still thinks he is just a normal employee in a company) • But, your boyfriend only replies: “Don’t worry, it is the perfect spot, I could not think of others that are suitable to our taste.” • You can only acknowledge it because you don’t want to have an argument to blow up but deep down you could not help yourself to start doubting again. • “It’s going to be Ok, right?” you question your decision, but it’s too late.

1-8 • On Valentine’s Day, younger female colleagues in your office give out chocolate treats to younger male colleagues as friendship presents, some of course using the occasion to confess. • You don’t have the habit of presenting chocolate treats as a token of friendship appreciation at the office. But you are giving your date chocolate treat later; you hid yours in your bag carefully scared of being teased should anyone saw it. • ONF member gets some too. One female colleague even teases him if he is going to get chocolate from his girlfriend. And ONF member replies that he might get it later that night. • Of course ONF member will asks you for chocolate treat with an innocent face, you just bluntly tell him that you don’t have the habit to give out chocolate treats, he only pouts after listening to your respond. • By the way today you unintentionally changed your makeup (lipstick or eyeshadow). No one dared to make any comments but not your superior, ONF member. • He goes: “Y/N ah? Did something good happen on you? Are you going to a date tonight?” • You are typing quick report and his words caught you off guard. You flinched at his words. Hoping ONF member did not notice, you quickly lied by telling him simply ran out of your usual makeup colour. • But your superior teases you a bit, “Aww, I was hoping I could attend your wedding in near future. “ • You have gotten used to his socializing pattern, so you counter him by asking if he is going to bring his girlfriend to have a nice dinner at a grand restaurant. • And to your surprise, he revealed the place he will be having dinner with his partner. It’s the same place where you are heading to later. He had a special room booked exclusively for tonight’s date. • “Oh, Oh… Have fun and enjoy your dinner.” You force yourself to break a smile. • ONF member only smirks at you and gives you a few pats on your shoulders and says he will have an unforgettable night before returning to his room. Leaving you questioning the meaning of his actions that are unpredictable but also definitely intentional. • Of course you had a quick thought asking your boyfriend if it is possible to change location, you could not bring yourself to ask as you are worried you might sound rude/arrogant trying to change plans on the last minute. You deduced that since ONF member will be having dinner in a room, you might not going to bump into him. You and your boyfriend can just finish dinner quickly. • You could not have that bother you too much time because you need to finish your report so that you can leave on time. Once it reaches the end of office hours, the others started to leave. You made up a plan to leave after ONF member leaves the office. You keep raising your gaze to have a slight peek towards your superior’s room. • Seeing him finally standing up from his chair and adjusting his suit. You can tell he is finally leaving. He passes through your desk and asks, “Y/N ah, please don’t tell me you are planning to work overtime during this special day?” • You only smiles and tell him you are going to finish soon, “Don’t you have a dinner to attend?” you remind him without looking at him, acting as if you are typing the remaining contents of your report. • “Yea I do. See ya.” ONF member waves you goodbye. • You leave the office after 10 minutes. (As for method of transport to the restaurant, I will leave it to your choice.)

1-9 • You reach the building of the restaurant. You let out a sigh, hesitating to step in nonchalantly knowing ONF member is inside there as well. The least thing you definitely do not want to happen is ONF member finding you having a dinner date tonight. It’s embarrassing and it will break the balance of your work and private life. • While you are pacing in front of the building with hesitation, you receive a chat notification from the app. You open it and it was your boyfriend, notifying you that he has arrived, and he reminds you the restaurant located at 38th floor. • You nervously bite your lower lip knowing it’s too late and it is rude of you to cancel the date on last minute. He was a decent person to chat with and you don’t want to lose a good friend. You are blaming yourself for agreeing to attend this date too casually. And you also find yourself way too wary of your virtual boyfriend’s thoughts towards you should you now called him to cancel the date. • Then you heard a familiar voice called out your name and you turn your head towards the voice unconsciously. It’s ONF member, walking out from the building. You flustered and panicked by just imagining scenarios of him asking why you are here and other many more questions. • “OMG…. Shit shit shit….!” You cursed in your head, regretting your life decisions. Recalling the entire chat context between you two, this might be the worst thing ever to happen in your life. • He is grinning while reaching out to grasp your hand. You unintentionally try to back away from him but he was faster. You tried to pull your hand away but he pulls you toward him instead. You nearly bumped towards his chest. • “Y/N ah, I told you its 38th floor; you did not get my message?” ONF member asks as his smirks widens. • As he finished his words, you only look at the young guy in front of you with disbelief, processing his words. Seeing you froze due to the big plot twist, ONF member taps you on your forehead hoping to unfreeze you. • “It can’t be…You are (ONF member’s ID in the app)?! “You exclaim. • “Yeap.” He responds. • “Impossible…How?” you ask. “How did you know it was me?” • “At first I had my doubt when I first saw an old post of yours. You shot a sunset pic from our office floor by the window near the lift right?” he returns with another question. And man he is good at remembering details. • “Then I confirmed that it was you by the time I announced budget cut/new rules for the company/department. ” he explains   • “I…” You could not bring yourself to say anything, but you are not an idiot, “(ONF member name), did you risked your reputation in the company just to find out a stranger’s real identity?” • “No, I did not, I swear. I initiated the plan to suddenly announce the budget cut because I want to find out which board seniors will make a move to cover up themselves, as requested from my predecessor.” He knows you well to sense that you are angry, and he quickly denied. “I only know it was you when I checked up on you. Since then I have been dropping so many hints for you to realize, but it seems like you are the dense one here.” • You can tell he is telling the truth. • “This is absurd…” you mutter while placing your hand on your forehead. • ONF member let out a sigh and he shifts behind you, places his hands on your shoulders then pushes you forward. “Come on, I am starving we can talk about it later, you did not had a decent meal during lunch as well right?”   • He is right, you only had a mini croissant during lunchtime.

• You follow him without a word to the entrance of the building and enter the lift to 38th floor. ONF member has booked a nice room that both of you can enjoy the city’s night view.

1-10 • It was a luxurious dinner but you are not in the mood enjoying it. In fact you are so stressed that you could not even taste your food. You did not touch your dessert at all. • You only quietly trace the shape of wine glass in front of you while looking at the night view, hoping the night to pass quickly. • “You are not happy with me being your date, Y/N?” he suddenly asks. • You jolted and you finally look at him in the eye for the first time tonight. • “You startled me, I am still trying to grasp the situation here.” You reply him with a low voice, trying to act calm by casually bring your drink closer to you and hydrates your throat. • “Hey Y/N-ah, I know you mentioned before that you don’t like the idea of dating someone from the office, but…” his eyes are fixed on you. “I like you. Not just the virtual you, but also the real you.” • “I called you a jerk.” You know you should not bring it up, but you still did. • “Which I did act like one so, no hard feelings.” He accepted. “I am truly sorry about that, I was trying to prove myself way too hard.” • Now it got awkward since he apologized without any complaints. You don’t know what to say and avert your gaze again. • “You know, Y/N ah, when you are stressed, you tend to avoid other people’s eye contact. “he breaks the silence.  “And you are doing that ever since you reached here.” • Upon hearing his words, you flinched and exchange eye contact with the young man sitting in front of you. • “And oh, and you flinch as well.” He adds, “Which is very adorable in my opinion.” • “(ONF member’s name), I …” you try to explain yourself but he cuts you off. • “It alright, you don’t have to push yourself, I have made you stressed out way too much today.” ONF member smiles at you while saying based on what he observed. • He finally stands up and offers to send you home. You could not decline him because you felt terribly sorry for ruining such as nice date. • “I am sorry, should it is another girl, it will be a terrific night for you.” You apologized before leaving his car. • “Don’t worry; it is an unforgettable night for me.” He responds with his usual smile. • Back at your place, you are frustrated that the night ended up in an awkward and weird way. You only noticed that you did not get to hand him the chocolate treats as promised. • You cannot sleep that night, gazing at the chocolate treats as you holding the package in your hands. You cannot tell if you messed up or you are lucky that he happened to like you. • You wanted to consult a random mutual of yours but you hesitated. Because at this point you are not sure if you actually have the full grasp on the situation. And you don’t want a biased reply. • “It’s just this boyfriend of yours happened to be him, I guess?” you murmur to yourself. But that did not clear up your mind enough for you to make any decision towards the situation. • Several days passed, ONF member did not send any message to you in the chat app. He acted like usual back in office, but it does not look like he has any intention to talk about what happen between you two either. • (The problem is you cannot look at him in the eye) • You are troubled if you should initiate the first move. It’s not like you hate him, you never did in the first place, it’s just he annoys you sometimes. • Then you overheard ONF member having small talk with colleagues, and they ask about his Valentine’s Day. He only replies it was an unforgettable night and he is glad that he is able to meet his girlfriend, it was better than never meeting her at all.

1-11 • From his words, you gain a bit of courage and decided to make your first move. • The next day you arrived at the office earlier than usual, you take out something from you bag and places small gift box on ONF member’s desk. The small box has a memo attached to it. • You hurried back to your desk, acted as if nothing happened while the office starts have more and more colleagues coming in. ONF member arrives later on and he greets you before heading in his room. • You take some quick glances, making sure ONF member notices your belated Valentine’s day gift. • He did noticed and read the memo you attached, then he made a confused look but he adjusts his facial expression immediately as he sees you stood up from your place. • You head to his office room to brief his morning schedule. Like usual, you step into his room, closes the door and starts the briefing. ONF member stares at you with a puzzled expression while sitting on his chair. • Once you done your part and you ask him if he has any schedules to add into the list, he places the gift box into your view and pushes it towards you. • “What do you mean by this?” he inquires. • “I promised you chocolate for Valentine’s day, sorry I was late.” You purposely answer him the wrong information. “ Don’t worry I made a brand new ones.” • “You know I meant this.” He pulls out the memo has his eyes fixed on you. • The memo wrote, “(ONF member’s ID), Let’s call it off --- (Your ID)” • “That’s how it is.” You tried not to break into a smile, you are getting your revenge and this is fun. “You are the one who said you are fine to call it off if either one of us found someone in real life right?” • ONF member pauses for a moment, his eyes wandering then he admits he did say that. • “Well you found someone in real life, so there is not point for us to continue virtual dating on the app anymore right?” you slightly let out a victorious smirk as you ask him. • ONF member finally gets what you mean and he let out a smile. He puts down the memo and pushes himself up from his chair and walks towards you. • Thankfully the design of his room is made up of walls, once the wooden door is closed; no one knows what happens inside. • “So, you are fine with us dating in real life then?” You can feel his breath as he is only one step away from you. This time you are not going to back away and you look at him straight in the eyes. • “I will need to adjust a bit. You have a problem with me being your girlfriend?” you reply with him with another question. • ONF member unconsciously let out another smile, he quickly hides it with his hand,  “No, not at all…” and those were the words you can hear coming out from him • “That settles it then.” You widen your grin towards him before turning around ready to leave his office. • But you are being pulled back by a pair of arms. Your back come contact to his chest area. He is hugging you from behind you. • “Seriously, I don’t get you.” He low key complains. “I thought you are going to hate me for real this time.” • “I was going to, you did not texted me and you acting like nothing happened after that night.” You pout as you explain to him. “I thought I have ended my career the moment you told me who you are. And who would have thought a decent CEO would date someone randomly they met in a online chatting app?” • “I am sorry; I thought leaving you unbothered for some time so that you don’t get stressed out.” You could tell from his tone he does feel apologetic. He never sounds like that before during work.

• "But I am dead serious on trying to start a proper relationship with you that’s why I suggested for us to meet up.” he continues. “Glad you felt the same.”

• You freed yourself from his hug and turn to him. • “Now listen, (ONF member’s name), as we are professionals, I do hope you understand that there is a clear line between work and private life.” You remind him. “Just because we are dating now, does not mean that I am going to let you off easily if you messed up during work, ok?.” • “Man, I don’t think I will ever win you huh?” ONF member only look at you affectionately and continues, “As you wish, my beloved assistant/secretary.”

A/N : the concludes for this oneshot headcanon fic should there are more ideas I might write a continuation about this pair for a part 2. Also thinking of linking the universe with MInkyun Florist AU, just a maybe. 

#onf #onf headcanons #onf headcanon #onf imagines #onf scenarios #onf scenario #CEO AU #OFFICE AU 2 #onf x reader #onf hyojin #hyojin #onf j-us #j-us #onf e-tion #e-tion #onf wyatt #wyatt #onf mk #mk #onf u #u #kim hyojin #lee seungjun #lee changyoon #shim jaeyoung #park minkyun #mizuguchi yuto #lee seungjoon

[sanctuary95]

Wow. Is this for real?

11/11/2021

wow. Just wow. It is so surreal how far along I have come. I can’t believe how time flies. I can’t believe how different things can be. We get so caught up in life that we forget that nothing lasts forever. And all it takes is for a second for your whole life to change. 

Guess what yall? I. have. finally. graduated. I LEGIT never thought this day would come. But here I am. My life is so different to when I first started this journaling. But in a good way. A very good way.

I’m back on here because I wanted to say goodbye again ( for real) to CMB. I started following him on insta a bit ago but I am going to completely stop. I have finally reached that moment in life where I have clarity on that me following him is just doing more harm than good. Also, there is virtually no point lol. All it is doing is slowing down my healing process. But I am ready to let go...

I am officially unfollowing him from instagram. Yes it sucks. Yes Im super nostalgic and this will be hard. But its necessary. It is something that was actually necessary a WHILE ago....

So here it goes. Bye Cameron... This is something that is just holding me back way more than it should have. But I know that I wanted to do it when I was full and ready. Now I feel like I am. I had to wait for myself to come to the conclusion that there is no point in this and its not conducive. But I have finally com to that conclusion. Obvi a part of me still wants to hold on. But its legit time to go.

As of now, you were special to me because you were the first person I had such deep feelings for. But, we all know what transpired and its not necessarily good to hold on to that. 

ANDD I did it. Im glad I ripped the bandaid off. And it actually felt a little good. Almost like a sigh of relief and a weight lifted of my shoulders! Wow, I like this. 

To be continued...

[diary-of-a-teenage-cultleader]

Diary Entry #3:

Today's Date is Tuesday Oct. 5th, 2021. Current time: 9:05pm

Dear Diary and anyone who reads this,

Sorry for not writing yesterday my Apa (AD) and Ama (AM) called me super late, I ended up falling asleep at 2am! Which is way later than I usually am awake, I woke up at 8am and texted J, I realized I also messaged him on insta in my sleep which was a bit odd, I called him a pretty boy. (I should not sleep text anymore) and we ended up playing a random game on snapchat though it was entirely by accident lol.

We ended up calling on discord, so we could chat about all sorts of things, not much happened today but it was nice spending time with J, I told him about how I accidentally meshed my friend Doll and I's faces together and how me and her child would look as a joke (I am gay). J and I watched a couple of videos that were pretty funny. He compared me to Arin from GG, which is pretty accurate to say the least. I am the gayest friend 😅. I ended up getting whatsapp!! We don't really use it where I live so it was a whole new experience and its so cool to use with all of its features! Me and J chatted back and forth on whatsapp for a while. We watched more videos about DnD. I ended up having to make dinner but I took him with me. I made soft tacos while he was explaining the history of his country. I don't know much about history but I like hearing him talk about it. 😊 He made me practice my Dutch (which is the language I've been learning for a while) and he watched as I stressed out over how time works in dutch. "Vijf over half zeven" should not mean "6:35" 😭 Outside of that we attempted to make a guild in CRK with my friend Doll, and GT which we're doing tomorrow!

As for yesterday,

Yesterday was pretty quiet, outside of me showering and talking with my Apa and Ama not much happened.

Apa and Ama were really fun to hang out with, we ended up playing MC and talking about life stuff, Apa made me a trapped parkour which was a bit mean but it was all in fun. Ama even called him a dick for it wkskwlwk. Its nice when Ama treats me like an actual kid because I don't feel so stressed to ask so many questions. And they're super supportive of me which is really nice. They wanna help me out of this state because of how bad the transphobia is. I hope things get better for them because Ama is the only one working right now and has modified work because she got hurt. And Apa isn't working right now because of some stuff that happened at work so he quit. It was really nice bonding with Apa, its nice calling someone Dad and not feeling bad about myself.

Speaking of, my bio dad texted me randomly but I've been ghosting him because he's super abusive, if I didn't mention it already. I've been trying to move forward from all the abuse that pushed onto me and hopefully this diary will help me.

I've got to help some friends but that is pretty much been the last two day, thank you for reading and listening!!

-JB

SRMD:

RIIST:

[letstiktalk]

Drivers License Tiktok

HELLO, and welcome to the new year everybody! Does this year feel any different?!? NO!! WELL why is that?!? Because white supremacist have ALREADY stormed the capitol??:DDDDD and what did Gen Z do in response???? Well obviously we made a bunch of funny tiktoks to cope with the fact our government is failing and we can’t REALLY do much about it <3 SO ya I will be getting into that but I also need to mention a new song has taken tiktok over COMPLETELY. There is just A LOT to unpack today so for that reason there will be no tiktok terminology in this blog ;( I know, I know its a big loss but don’t worry it will be back next month.

Anyways, lets get into this whole Drivers License tiktok situation. Now I bet you are thinking “Jess I got my license … I don’t need this”. And you would be right to have that opinion, HOWEVER, this is not about the people that give you hacks on how to get your drivers license(although that side of tiktok does exist and they are surprisingly helpful), it’s about the new song that Olivia Rodrigo(a 17 year old girl and star of High School Musical the Musical the Series aka HMTMTS) dropped last week. I would Highly recommend you listen to it.

Here it is all linked for everyone's convenience 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmDBbnmKpqQ

SO FOR STARTERS girly is a DISNEY STAR and she straight up dropped the F bomb... which like period go off but like I didn't even know that was ALLOWED for Disney stars. Other than that Olivia Rodrigo is 17... LIKE WHAT... people on tiktok are comparing her to Taylor Swift and Lorde. Taylor Swift even commented on Olivia’s post saying she was proud of her for topping the charts. OH WHICH BY THE WAY she has been at the very top of the iTunes charts since the song came out. She has beat Ariana Grande’s “Thank you Next” for biggest single day streams of a song by a female artist. She beat ARIANA GRANDE... I’m not very into pop music but I must say that is a big achievement because “Thank you Next” has been big for quite some time. Not to mention this is only Olivia’s second song released(The first song she released was called “All I want” and she wrote it for HMTMTS), so it’s safe to say we can expect big things form her. 

Now you may be thinking “Jess this is nothing new... a good song takes over tiktok every week”... well yes but this one is different because people aren't only talking about the song but also who the song is about.(now if you are going to act like teen drama isn't interesting then I guess skip this paragraph lol) Basically Olivia Rodrigo and Joshua Bassett play love interests in HMTMTS and usually I am against speculating relationships between the cast members because it ruins friendships and all that jazz, but this this is just too much to ignore. So first things first Joshua Bassett is also a songwriter, and he wrote a song that people think was about Olivia since he posted Instagram stories singing it when they were in the middle of shooting for their show. The song was basically about how he would find a way to date this unavailable girl and at the time Olivia was dating her former costar from another Disney show, Ethan Wacker(which people speculated that the song could have been about Ethan but then he responded to it by saying “it’s not about me I treated her well” LMAOOOOO). Then a short time after Olivia and Ethan broke things off, Olivia posted a clip of a love song on her insta story called “I like you so much it’s kinda gross” about a boy who had brown hair, brown eyes and was her best friend yada yada, which people realized was definitely about Joshua because she described him as her “guy best friend” in many interviews, and he fit the description in the song perfectly. Then Olivia posted a video where she talked about how her and Joshua would drive around together a lot and how Joshua was helping her get her drivers license(which basically just proved completely that the song was about him). THE final piece of this puzzle is that recently Joshua had started dating Sabrina Carpenter who is the star of a show called “girl meets world”(a spin off of “Boy Meets World”) She is 21 years old and has Blonde hair.... Olivia Rodrigo is 17... are we seeing the connection here... cause like remember in the song... when she said... “your probably with that blonde girl”... and “she’s so much older than me”.... so um ya not so subtle there. ANYWAYS... I think this is all fine and dandy but honestly the drama here does not seem genuine. This seems like such a big publicity stunt  for the show especially because Joshua Bassett posted the song on his story and said he was proud of Olivia AND also they are both currently shooting another season of HSMTMTS so like... if this was real I don’t think this song would have came out. They can’t ACTUALLY allow bad blood between the two main love interests of the show. SO ya if you got through this ~CHONKAY~ paragraph then you get extra coolguy points AND you get to be in the loop for one of the big love scandals of my generation(you can say this is like the Salena and Justin of Gen Z).

SO with that being said here are some tiktoks from Drivers License tiktok

https://www.tiktok.com/@nickolas_ray/video/6916957022512532742?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@graysworld/video/6916678935312862470?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@hehehe.44/video/6916718955667180805?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@arianapodcast/video/6916935174391336197?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@gabesco/video/6916687885177588997?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@tiktokdailyseries/video/6916692432167963910?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@_juliannnabartolom_/video/6916070775309044998?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@huttonalanna/video/6916740435943623941?lang=eno 

So now moving onto a more serious topic  ✨ the capitol riots ✨. I HONESTLY think that this really pushed everyone over the edge... like did we not all say Jumanji when 2021 hit???WHAT ARE WE MISSING HERE? This was just not the way to start the year, and clearly everyone on tiktok is over it as well. Since this occurrence I have realized two groups have formed on the app: the informers, and the jokers. EACH IS ESSENTIAL to the wellbeing of everyone because the informers are there to bum us out, tell us the facts and make us realize how much we want to move to Canada, WHILE the Jokers are also gonna make us want to move to Canada but they deliver THEIR info with some sparkle so we can cope :D

Don't get me wrong there is also a small population of Trump supporters on tiktok that are defending the riots, but it doesn’t take too long for the leftist on the app to debunk their info and make them delete their comments, posts, ect. 

So with that being said these are some videos that show how tiktok is dealing with this whole mess.(I put them into categories)

These are the ones that are making fun of congress for not passing stricter laws..(they say things like oh well turn off the lights and crouch in a corner luv they will prolly pass by ur room ;D)

https://www.tiktok.com/@gadonkoze/video/6914874384956132614?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@angelaholmessss/video/6914837439588617478?lang=en

These are the ones that are basically making fun of the way the capitol was protected(they are videos of who could have protected the capitol better)

https://www.tiktok.com/@ji_jio2/video/6915048910016859398?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@joseph.muhl/video/6914839711735368965?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@revildo/video/6915464202643590405?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@sylviasloss4/video/6915928007379045637?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@will.manchester22/video/6915590435939355909?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@gorillagripk00ch/video/6916033116616396038?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@gorillagripjuulpod/video/6916241462950694150?lang=en

These are just random joke videos about the event

https://www.tiktok.com/@christiaan.long/video/6914779075533933830?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@horse.shoe.trash/video/6914764321390202118?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@satansperiod/video/6914746236151041286?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@sophat69/video/6914742515623152901?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@pritaykitayy/video/6914793110195293446?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@ienjoyanalsex/video/6915167310302973190?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@deannyberg/video/6914837106976148742?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@emily.jpg/video/6914812548026043654?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@svgar.whxre/video/6914783347688475909?lang=en

These are videos where the people could have spoken any language but decided to speak F A C T S

https://www.tiktok.com/@sewpheeyuh/video/6914741277644868869?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@sewpheeyuh/video/6914811268192931078?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@bmoo9472/video/6907784032344427782?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@marismab/video/6915154344761494789?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@alluringskull/video/6915185330215734534?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@joshhelfgott/video/6915131644353498374?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@cbsnews/video/6915143783692733701?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@avi.greene/video/6914803519962877190?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@joshhelfgott/video/6914769291200023814?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@alluringskull/video/6914794863879851270?lang=en

OK SO that’s all I have for today. I’m sorry there wasn’t much variety but these are basically the only two things that have been running tiktok recently. 

Until next month :) where future me will hopefully not want to exit this country. 

PHOTO CREDS https://www.albumoftheyear.org/album/322966-olivia-rodrigo-drivers-license.php

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-55582166

#Atleastdonaldtrumpisnotgoingtobepresident

[madzilla84]

how are you xx

Thank you for asking, anon :) I appreciate it!

I suppose it’s as good a time as any for an update. The short version is - Fine, I Guess; the most important thing is that I have food and supplies and am safe and comfortable and as far as I know, so are all the people I know.

Here is the long version lol, because it’s me. 

Real life bit: We’re now into week 5 of working from home, and the last time I went further than the end of my street was over a month ago. I’ve settled into a routine of getting meals delivered semi-regularly (I hate cooking, so it’s kind of a blessing that local companies have started doing affordable, delivered meals in the middle of all this, as opposed to expensive, unhealthy takeaways), and popping to the corner shop for essentials the rest of the time. I guess the last time I spoke to another human aside from on zoom/in the corner shop/waving at delivery people was like. mid-March? when they sent us home?

Despite all that I do feel okay; I joke about having trained for this but the truth is, I kinda have. I already spent most of my non-work time at home and have always lived alone, so I haven’t had to adjust to that. Still, removing really the only social aspect I had in my life - going to work - has been a bit strange. I feel okay now, but I do wonder how difficult the re-adjustment will be when we eventually return to the office - or if we ever will, if they decide they don’t want to pay for the buildings when they maybe don’t need to. We’ll see. I feel like I’m also going to have the stamina of a newborn horse when I start venturing out again; I’ll have to take it slowly. I do quite like working from home, but I don’t want to, like - develop agoraphobia or something, you know?

I’ve really been loving all the special events people have been putting on; both for charity and just to lift peoples’ spirits. I actually think I’ll miss those, and hope it encourages people to keep doing things like that.

All in all, I think I’m pretty fortunate compared to many. I can work from home, I have access to food, they haven’t stopped my pay, I’m not separated from people I’d usually see … it’s not, like, *fun*, and I would love to just be able to resume normality, but realistically I think it’ll be a pretty long time. I was already disappointed about Vidcon but in all honesty I think 2020 is a wash, and probably a chunk of 2021. If it ends up happening I’ll be shocked; I wouldn’t be comfortable going and I can’t imagine they would be either. 

Just gotta get on with it, I guess.

Fandom bit: I DUNNO MAN it’s really all over the place. I have days like Sunday - usually when something disappointing happens or it’s just a bad brain day or whatever - but sometimes, there’ll just be a day when I feel Fully Done; I posted the I’m Straight Up Not Having A Good Time meme the other day but sometimes it really do be like that. (Two memes for the price of one.) I think about taking a break but it never sticks for very long. (I realise I sound a bit like Bender’s ‘I’m Running Away (And This Time I Mean It)’ note from Futurama)

I looked back in my 2018 diary recently and found when I decided to buy my II tickets; it was right after GTPWTW came out. I was already following them, watching vids etc but I wasn’t like - *in the phandom*, y’know? But getting more into it all just as II started was the best and worst time; for the rest of the year we were *so* spoiled (not that we knew it then) and I loved it and just got more and more involved and inspired and was enjoying everything so much - and then it all ended. (Usual disclaimer, before anyone comes for me - of *course* I love and appreciate Phil and his content and am not discounting it in any way; I’m talking about the joint vids and the insta stories and the tweets and the gaming channel and just like acknowledging each other’s existence and Dan being alive.) I - actually don’t remember how much I got into how much they’ve inspired me and helped me, but yeah, and I wasn’t at all prepared for it to be over. I certainly wasn’t expecting 2020 to be like this (in any way).

Sometimes I think I should move on from it, if it’s making me feel this bad on the regular, but I don’t seem to be able to. Animal Crossing has helped recently, and I’m probably going to dive back into another older video game fandom of mine to help, but, like. I dunno. On those bad days I think to myself, Am I A Fool? Am I just sticking around like a sad, jilted ex waiting for - what? Something that will never come? Just reliving the old days over and over? Why do this to myself? It often makes me so anxious and I start catastrophising and like, I joined originally because it made me happy and it was fun? It’s not like I *enjoy* feeling bitter and upset?

And, okay, I know we’ve had this conversation a literal million times and there really is no point any more, but I just wanted to put it out there that there are still regularly days when I am just so damned *sad* about it that I can’t enjoy it on any level. At those times, I don’t want to read fics, let alone write them. I don’t want to watch vids. I don’t even want to look at cute gifs or whatever because it all just reminds me that it’s over. I don’t think Current Circumstances are necessarily making it worse because I was definitely feeling it last year, too, but it certainly doesn’t help that during this time they’ve been, somehow, even more absent than usual.

But then! Other days are much better; I can do all those things and enjoy them a lot and just appreciate that they exist. I have a good time on here (and sometimes, even, on twitter, now I’ve muted like 2/3 of the fandom lmao). I don’t love how those days seem to be getting fewer and further between for me at the moment, but maybe it really *is* the state of the world. I dunno. I guess what it boils down to is that I *do* still care about them, way too much perhaps, and sometimes wish I didn’t because it would make this easier. (How do you switch that off?) 

I ended up leaving my last fandom not because of the dearth of source material - the very nature of video games is that you go years and years between content - but because the fans were awful, except for a small minority (the folks I still keep in touch with). The opposite is true here; I know the phandom has a Reputation but I haven’t found that to be true, mostly - this is probably the nicest fandom I’ve ever been in, and that has definitely gone a long way to keeping me around - I would miss everyone too much. (Obviously every fandom has its bad eggs, but I have curated my experience a *ton*)

I know for many folks they actually couldn’t really care less what D&P actually do and are just here for the fic and art, and I wish that was me but it isn’t (not that I don’t value those things immensely, y’all are carrying the fandom on your backs).

And, like, it really doesn’t take much to cheer me up, lol. Remember how good the first week of April was? Unexpectedly? Things can change on a dime. And yet, while I know that, I’ve also gotten fully used to disappointment and have stopped hoping for good things because I’m just - tired of it. I’ll probably read this back when I’m feeling better and be like, god, what an overdramatic ass (like you might be thinking right now), but that doesn’t help at the time. I’m sure my real life brain problems fully inform how I feel about all of this, too, I’m well aware of that.

So, sorry for writing all that out! But it’s just how things are. I can’t see it changing any time soon, if it ever does, so I guess I need to learn to deal with it better or just - find something else. Except I don’t want to. Which perhaps makes me an idiot.

And the cycle continues.

#anon asks #tw negativity #mad.txt

[hotarutranslations]

Streaming Has Been Decided!

Evening Its Ishida Ayumi

a different version than what I posted on Insta

I woke up at my scheduled time yesterday, I was properly active that day, I made Yomesak-san's octopus rice recipe, Kajisak Channel-san I did that but,

Now, Tired from the last live? the recoil? has come lol

I woke up at noon,

my alarm stopped going off at 9 am

Uwaa......

a day with a slow start, Well, there are days like this too

Alright, its too late for me to get moving, from there turning on a switch, I forgot about time to dance and such, which will cause muscle pain and such,

ah I was surprised and did a radio recording,

I posted Ishida Ayumi's Handmade Radio

So I was writing a blog, with the time now, I didn't eat and now I'm super hungry aaah

Its fine, I'll eat tofu somen

I'm into it

Speaking of today is the end of May...

posting the radio, I decided, I'll do it every Monday in May! May is already over the in blink of an eye

Eeh, thats right

nonchalantly,

if I posted in June,

Would there be people who would listen.....

As expected in 1 month! I didn't get any solo radio work!←

lol

Everyone for Kacho Fuugetsu, thank you very much, for the lots of warm comments!

For those that haven't seen it, reading the blog I wrote about the concert, there were those wondering what was going on as well,

but!!

To everyone

actually

"Hello! Project 2021 Spring "Kacho Fuugetsu""

We're able to have it available as a stream

Hello!Project STREAM

Its a site specially for Hello Pro streams we're uploading videos of lives and fan club videos

For those that couldn't visit...

If you'd like, take this opportunity, How about watching this stream of the live

The schedule is,

Flower 6/11 (Fri) 8PM~ (Streaming after the live is from ~6/13 (Sun) archival viewing possible till midnight)

Bird 6/12 (Sat) 8PM~ (Streaming after the live is from ~6/14 (Mon) archival viewing possible till midnight)

Wind 6/18 (Fri) 8PM~ (Streaming after the live is from ~6/20 (Sun) archival viewing possible till midnight)

Moon 6/19 (Sat) 8PM~ (Streaming after the live is from ~6/21 (Mon) archival viewing possible till midnight)

From home, you can participate with all of the teams--!

The videos of the last day aren't on DVD this time but, we can send it out like this through a stream

Therefore, I'm nervous...

I hope you'll look forward to it

Camera, smartphone pictures, recording; all forms of recording are prohibited, unauthorized reproduction on sites or through SNS is prohibited so, please pay attention

I think I took this nicely <3

This flower, I bought it a bit ago but,

I was helped out by a flower shop-san again

This carnation, they taught me they would last a long time, I was also attrached to this flower on that day so, I bought it~~~

the Carnation, its often sent for Mothers Day,

I bought it for myself lol

They've really lasted a while, they're cute!!!

June 12th (Sat) 13th (Sun)

Stage Reading "Uchi Gekiho Onstage"

Towards FC advance tickets

Towards official release advance tickets

see you ayumin <3

https://ameblo.jp/morningmusume-10ki/entry-12677868102.html

#Ishida Ayumi #Morning Musume '21 #Morning Musume #Kaga Kaede #Hello! Project #Translation #Blog