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#the last stand of the deadmen
sorry-but-no-sorry · 7 months
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Book 8 Anton, with a little… Nanami twist (wink wink @razzlefrazzum ;) )
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ackerifle · 5 months
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Captain Levi x prisoner of war reader please 😊 🙏
spoils of war!
yan. captain levi ackerman x fem captain. reader (ft. special operations squad)
+ CW. — au: canon adjacent, war crimes, treason, imprisonment, abuse of power & authority: mistreatment/abuse of pow, non-sexual nudity, choking, restraints & hot iron branding, uncharacteristically long post because it’s combined with another work i was making; not proof-read.
it came as no surprise that paradis island was capable of producing and preparing such an overwhelming abundance of competent and proficient soldiers. even if many civilians had initially criticized their old-fashioned choice of weaponry, their contentious plays on the battlefield, and even their morales as a stand-alone concern in itself; their doubts would soon be long forgotten once the soldiers had returned, claiming their first victory that would soon become countless victories. the war may still have yet to be won, but it is no secret that lady luck certainly favored the survey corps’ soldiers with all she had.
and that is precisely why levi had so easily been able to whisk you away with not so much as a glance from his subordinates and superiors alike, during an attack no less. in retrospect, you should have adamantly defended your right to fall back on this particular mission to your commander, should have let this great burden fall onto the shoulders of one of your fellow captains, and have been done with the whole situation entirely. but there was much more for you to prove to your commander and newfound nation than your other marleyan peers.
even if you had demonstrated your worth as a valuable asset time and time again, had gotten your hands dirty for the sake of marley’s name and conquest, serve your own motherland and its peoples only to turn your back on them halfway through the war; you would remain the only ‘foreigner,’ in power, a potential traitor in the eyes of soldiers who were your supposed comrades. if you could betray once, you could betray again— and those who held such leery and low beliefs of you simply could not be reasoned with.
but the judgment and distaste that was made very well clear to you by the marleyan military was nothing in comparison to levi's contempt. actually, it was captain levi now, although that isn’t such a shocking revelation when you take into account that you had also been promoted to captain status during your years away from home. however, your title was a gift from marley, not paradis, and that alone made all the more difference.
you hadn’t remembered him when the two of you came face to face after half a decade. when all of your soldiers had either met their final fates or been broken down with wounds beyond repair, captured and detained; you too, had fallen with them. and when levi had stormed down the ghastly corridor of deadmen and far worse to reap his reward of the fight well won, he had found you. the first thing he noticed was that you looked better, happier. far happier than he could’ve ever dreamed to see you when you were still in paradis— even with the absolutely disgusting mud, grime, dirt, blood, and shit smothered onto your raw and tender skin, with injuries that were likely already infected and guaranteed to last you a lifetime of scars, and well over half of your comrades-in-arms deceased. for someone who was just about to lose everything, you seemed so alive.
at the time, he had approached you wordlessly. slowly trekking his way down to your pathetic and forlorn figure, limp with lassitude and slumped in defeat in a messy pool of your own blood. given enough thought, levi thinks he must’ve looked angry back then. teeth grinding together behind a disturbing sneer, and eyes left wide open until they felt dry enough that he may as well have cried; levi acted far quicker than even his own thoughts could. as the end of his blade dipped beneath your chin, experimentally tapping the sharp side against your neck before raising the entire weight of your head until you could face him.
for but a moment's time, something vulnerable had flashed through levi’s eyes, and he remembered this feeling from his youth, that of a scared boy. his relentless heart wouldn’t stop in its persistence to beat out of his rib cage, and his sentiment, his fondness for you had resurfaced with bone chilling ardor. he was rendered completely, and wholly speechless. mouth agape and stunned into silence, but levi must have let your name slip from his lips in a voiceless whisper, because you finally opened your eyes, “do- do i, know you.” and so you had forgotten all about him.
you truly had done something so utterly unforgivable. leaving him all alone and abandoned while he remained under the unanswered pretense that you were taken; only to have been double backing on paradis the entire time, while he was the only one suffering, left in egregious shambles over your absence. so now he was going to do something unforgivable to you.
“get up.” levi always finds a way to announce his presence before making his way down to your cellar— as if the sound of him (unnecessarily) slamming the rickety door open and stomping on the the concrete steps wasn’t enough for you to catch the hint. a faint window of yellow light from above could be seen framing his silhouette on the uneven stone ground, and you brace yourself for whatever words of wisdom levi has so graciously decided to enlighten you with today, “it’s your lucky day.”
biting back a mirthful huff and an equally incredulous leer, you study his next words carefully, “we’ve got visitors coming today.” you’re quite observant of how he intentionally takes his time when it comes to unlocking your cellar door, his eyes don’t leave you, as if he enjoys seeing you imprisoned behind bars, and it makes your skin crawl, “visitors?”
your copycat repetition was intended to be silent, though you can’t help but ponder his statement aloud. there is something odd here, levi slides the door open and enters the caged room with you, you don’t know what it is, he grabs you by the arm far too intimately for someone holding a hostage, no— you know what it is; his voice, levi doesn’t bother to close the cellar door as he guides you down the ill lit, damp and dreary hallway, he almost sounds like he’s looking forward to having these ‘visitors’ coming today.
“you’ll be happy to see them.” as if reading your mind, levi offered his ominous words of assurance, if one could even call them that. opting to ignore his response in favor of studying your surroundings, partially because you weren’t conscious for the trip down, and partially to soothe your nerves, you have distant memories here— “familiar to you yet? the old headquarters’ basement.”
levi bites his tongue to refrain from adding in a sardonic jab about how you would have been there to witness the construction of the new headquarters, the symbol of paradis island’s first victory in the war, if you had simply stayed. but levi trusts that he’s spent enough time re-indoctrinating your pasts together with the days he’s been granted leave to tend to his war trophy. but his heart still aches every time he remembers your neglectful memory was due to your own carelessness, nothing to do with marley brainwashing you, or any sort of militaristic torture into subservience. was he that insignificant to you that over the span of five short years, you would think no more of him?
the two of you seem to recall your trainee days on paradis very differently, and the notion itself puts levi in a sour mood, “hurry up, the ropes don’t make you fucking immobile.” he barks with a shove in between your shoulder blades, “cuffs with enough leeway for me to move a single centimeter at a time? how accommodating!” levi shoots you a dark glare, “behave.”
it leaves your body sore when you come to a standstill atop the steps, vision straining at the introduction of an unhealthy combination of natural and artificial lighting on your luminescent-deprived eyes. levi takes advantage of your poorly adjusting eyes, suavely escorting you into a new room. there is something that you notice immediately upon entering the unrecognizable area, it is the smell of smoke. instinctively, your eyes frantically search the room to locate the source, landing on a small coal fire, all the while levi continues to usher you forward until you bump into a wooden surface.
peering down, you’re greeted by a low, yet unusually and unconventionally capacious table. each corner holds an individual ring of rusted metal, hooked to the ends with suspicious purpose. but before you can dwell on it too much, the force of levi’s hands on your shoulder and waist have you coming to your senses. with one calculating motion, he swivels you around, turning your body until you’re faced towards him, and although your hands are tied together behind your back, you struggle like you can touch him. levi is unfazed by whatever attempts you can bring yourself to muster to aid in escaping his grasp, dropping his hands to your torso with dangerous constriction before slamming you down onto the table with all his might.
your lower back takes the brunt of the force, and by god does it hurt. the edge of the table digs spitefully into your back and spine, causing you to momentarily scream in agony. and in an instant, levi distracts you from the pain when his hands start roaming your body, starting with your shirt. when he gets closer, the severity of the situation finally sinks in, and you only hope you’re wrong about what will happen next. wildly moving in his hold does little when your limbs are bound, and your legs are lifted too high from the floor for you to even do anything, and despite still maintaining full control over your movements, levi lets out an annoyed grunt either way.
his right hand quickly descends down onto your neck, enveloping your airway with a firm squeeze, enough to get you to stop violently staggering about. levi is more concerned with the position this has now put him in, only a menial worry, really; unbuttoning your shirt with one hand proves to be rather difficult, so he’ll have to tear at the fabric. like it was an ordinary sunday morning, he is more worried with the tattered frays and cloth pieces your blouse will discard, than you, a literal captive, scrambling to get out from beneath him. he decides he will both unbutton and rip the shirt, using his thumb to sloppily shove the buttons through while also dragging the article further down your body.
“fuck, don’t. this is inhumane, even for an enemy soldier!” it hadn’t crossed his mind that you may have taken this the wrong way, his intentions that is. but you did give him an idea for another day, “well, you aren't quite a soldier— no, not even a civilian of paradis anymore, now are you?”
levi halts his movements, but doesn’t release you, instead, feigning a thoughtful pause before continuing, “but that doesn't matter, even if you miraculously find your way back to marley, they won't want you back, not after i'm done with you.” your heart drops, and your thrashing increases tenfold, causing his grip on your throat to loosen with every move, but levi is able to ignore it with his determination to get those insufferable buttons undone.
the sound of a door and hurried footsteps interrupt any frenetic and hysterical thought you’re having, even levi tilts his head in the direction of the clamoring, “hm, it seems they’ve arrived.”
casual chatter could be heard nearing the two of you, and when voices were revealed you were horrified. gathering at the open doorway was a group of four soldiers, or so you had presumed, as they had the same matching uniform as levi. there were three men, and one woman; all of which who are holding something. two with the same rope that had your arms and legs tied together, one with a singular iron rod, and the lady with a water basin and a washcloth resting halfway inside the bucket and halfway on the outside. and what terrified you even further was that they seemed unperturbed by the sight before them, it’s almost as if their smiles grew wider.
“sorry we’re a little late, captain!” the woman chirped, lowering the water basin in her hands to a more comfortable position to allow gravity to uphold its weight, rather than her arms, “it’s about damn time you all finally show up, restrain her.” levi was blunt and to the point, glossing over greetings entirely, and aiming his index finger in your direction.
there was a lot going on, and levi disappeared behind the three figures approaching you in the midst of it all. the short-haired woman must have placed the basin on the floor, because her hands were definitely free when she reached for your shirt, “it’s been so long since we’ve last seen you, you know.” how she had managed to keep such a cheery tone and face while also single-handedly witnessing your torment and anguish was beyond you, and you leaned away from her touch.
“yeah, captain said you forgot all about us.” it seemed that distancing yourself from the chipper lady had landed you into the trap of another, this time, a blond man with a blithe though hurt grin on his face, “we’ve got so much to tell you.” the tallest of the three added, carelessly placing a hand on the buckle of your belt.
entering your peripheral vision was the final soldier of what you presumed to be levi’s squad, he had been the one carrying the iron rod in his hands, now absent, as he made his way towards you, finding a spot next to the woman, “a lot happened while you were away.”
that’s right, you remember them. these soldiers were of the plethora of cadets that had enlisted in the military when you and levi had graduated. you had only encountered them a handful of times, but they were recurring guests in your life thanks to levi preparing for his promotion, the one you never had the chance to witness for yourself due to your leave. who knew they would be the same people to disgrace your pride and dignity by stripping you naked, even if they were much gentler than levi ever cared to be with you, there was no greater comparison than a pack of hungry wolves. and it was so draining to fight them, you tried and tried, but when the ropes had come out, you gave in.
and their names, they were: petra, eld, gunther, and oluo— which you had only picked up thanks to their small-talk with one another as they defiled you. shutting your eyes to avoid dwelling on the feeling of having your arms and legs strewn out, wrists and ankles bound by the rope that had been threaded through those worn out coils. all attention was focused on your shallow breathing, praying to disassociate hard enough to block out their jovial conversation. but you had picked up on something else, the burning coals. expectedly, the room was airless and sultry with a running fire and six people confined to such a small room. but this scent was different, like you could smell the heat, and that heat smelled like iron.
snapping your eyes open, you raise your head as much as your neck would allow it in your pitiful position, desperately scanning the room for answers. and you get them when you finally hear levi’s voice, “grab her arms and legs, i didn’t get this shit custom made for her to fuck it up.” readily, as if anticipating this specific command, petra and oluo had taken hold of your calves, while eld and gunther grabbed the inner side of your elbows. when levi leisurely drew near the side of the wooden table, the only thing you could see was the iron bar in his hands, the black metal now a light ash grey, emanating heat even with the distance levi was holding with you.
“wait, stop. get that fucking thing away from me!” the only control you had over your own body seemed to be your mind and mouth. even when you banged against the table, pulling away from the left side of the table where levi menacingly stood, recoiling as much as you could through the grip of the four soldiers and the ropes.
if it was forgiveness you wanted, you wouldn’t get it. that much levi would make sure of. if you wanted to run away? to be disobedient? then he’d reward your bad behavior with a deservingly bad punishment. carefully, levi lowered the scorching iron pole to align with the left side of your hips, though he wasn’t cautious for your sake, of course not, you deserved this and much more, but because he refused to let your little tantrum screw this up. you could feel the metal before it even touched your skin, burning away any body hair that may have been there to a crisp, and the sheer radiating from it had you screwing your eyes shut. you braced yourself, preparing to feel the searing iron, but it never came. levi contemplated whether or not he wanted to do it slowly, or to startle you after letting fifteen seconds pass, he fancied the latter.
it was so much more painful than you thought it was going to be. the sweltering hot iron rod blistered your sensitive skin, and you shrieked and cried in pain. it was scalding hot to the point it felt as if the metal was actually ice cold, and it pressed stiffly against your side, sinking into the fat of your hips. you had screamed until you couldn’t no more, until your voice cracked and your vocal cords bled, something the soldiers restricting you seemed to ignore. but the smell, the smell of your flesh being burned to the point it would leave a fresh, bloody mark. it was nauseating, and you gagged and heaved, but nothing to come of it. and despite how hellish it was, how it caused you unfathomable pain, caused you to convulse and spasm in your restraints, the pressure of the iron rod only lasted five seconds.
levi had counted, retrieving the metal pole and alleviating the pressure of its marking on your body after five maliciously counted seconds. you couldn’t tell if it hurt worse when the cold air nipped at the new wound than it did when it had been applied to your skin. tears fell from your eyes, and you don’t recall when you had started crying, but your face was wet with those salty droplets. shuffling resonated within the room, and the weight on your limbs was released. how tired you were, defeatedly laying your head until you could feel the rough surface of the wooden table. eyelids getting heavier by the second, you dared glance at the brand on your hip, the two letters ‘LA,’ bold and clear.
if you had the energy to, you would have flinched when a hand holding onto a lightly wetted rag came into contact with the new marking. the hand was tentative and mindful, applying little to no pressure on your hip, but just enough to cleanse the burn. you could have sworn you heard the sound of humming, but you knew you heard levi’s voice, “if you so much as think of betraying me again, i’ll do more than just mark you with my initials.”
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ridiculousnighttears · 4 months
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❃.✮:▹Introduction◃:✮.❃
╭──────────.★..─╮
I want you to know He's not coming back. Look into my eyes I'm not coming back
╰─..★.──────────╯
┊  ┊  ┊   ┊     ┊    ┊  ┊
┊  ┊  ┊   ┊     ┊    ┊  ┊
┊  ┊  ┊   ☆     ┊    ┊  ┊
┊  ┊   ✬        ✬   ┊  ┊
┊  ★                  ★  ┊
☆                      ☆
───♡─────────────
,,There is nothing crueler than a war during the Winter!"
───♡─────────────
-------- ≪ °✾° ≫ --------
ᴡʜᴇɴ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴀsᴋs ᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ɪ ᴀᴍ, ᴛʜᴇ ғɪʀsᴛ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ᴛᴏ ᴍɪɴᴅ ɪs "ɪ'ᴍ ᴀ ᴘᴏᴇᴛ". ɪ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴘᴏᴇᴛʀʏ, ғᴀɴғɪᴄs ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ʙᴏᴏᴋs ᴏɴ ᴠᴇʀʏ ʀᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴄᴄᴀsɪᴏɴs.
ɪ'ᴍ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀᴛᴛᴇʀʙᴏx, ᴀ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍᴇʀ, ᴀ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴀɪɴᴇʀ, ɪ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴏᴠᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ. ɪ'ᴍ ᴀɴ ᴀᴍʙɪᴠᴇʀᴛ, ɪ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴀ ʟᴏᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴇᴀ.
ᴍʏ ғᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴍᴇᴅɪᴀs ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴀʀᴇ sʜᴇʀʟᴏᴄᴋ (ʙʙᴄ) , ʜᴏᴜsᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅʀᴀɢᴏɴ, sᴜᴄᴄᴇssɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴜɴɢᴇʀ ɢᴀᴍᴇs. ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇx ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴀᴍ ʟɪᴛᴇʀᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ sᴍᴀʀᴛ. ғᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴍᴜsɪᴄɪᴀɴs ᴀʀᴇ ᴍɪᴛsᴋɪ, ʀᴀᴅɪᴏʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴀɴᴀ ᴅᴇʟ ʀᴇʏ, ᴀʟᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʟɪsᴛᴇɴ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴍᴜᴄʜ. ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ :ᴅ
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰
┊         ┊       ┊   ┊    ┊        ┊𖥸
┊         ┊       ┊   ┊   ˚✩ ⋆。˚ ✩ ➳
┊         ┊       ┊   ✫ ➳
┊         ┊       ☪⋆   𖥸
┊ ⊹     ➳
╭──︒✿ཾ∘∗✽ᜒࠬ. ──╮
„I'll dream of your lips that I never got the chance to taste. I'll dream of your eyes, in which I used to see your love, your adoration. I'll try running away from the thought that you're dead, but the hands of your ghost won't let me go anywhere. I'll be a prisoner of our last moments together."
╰──︒✿ཾ∘∗✽ᜒࠬ. ──╯
┊          ┊
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚    ❀
. * ⋆      . ·  .
*   . . *    ·
. * * .      *
˚ ✦ ·   ⋆
˚ ⠀ ⠀ ⊹ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ˚ ⠀
✩.・*:。≻───── ⋆♡⋆ ─────.•*: :。✩
My favorite flowers are hyacinths, roses, irises. My stories and poems are my garden and my tears are what I water them with.
✩.・*:。≻───── ⋆♡⋆ ─────.•*:。✩
┊  ┊  ┊   ┊     ┊    ┊  ┊
┊  ┊  ┊   ┊     ┊    ┊  ┊
┊  ┊  ┊   ☆     ┊    ┊  ┊
┊  ┊   ✬        ✬   ┊  ┊
┊  ★                  ★  ┊
☆                      ☆
╔═══.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗
One after another, they arrive, pale, my unlived days, they throw dead men in front of me and they disappear: here is my life with colored from wounds breast; and here is my faith with a bowed head; here is my light hope with a dead eyes; - and so many dreams, had savored, in their sudden death, happy faces! On holidays they visit, throw away deadmen and disappear my unlived days.
╚═══.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.═══╝
━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━
┊ ┊
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ ❀
. * ⋆ . ·  .
. . * ·
. * * .      *
˚ ✦ ·   ⋆
˚ ⠀ ⠀ ⊹ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ˚ ⠀
✧❁❁❁✧✿✿✿✧❁❁❁✧
╔.★. .═════════════╗
I decide to search for you. Lost in the crowd, found myself in the passions of life’s masquerade, I want to know the faces under the masks. But will you be there? Sorrow hits me, a snake bites my heart, because I again didn’t find you. Then, amongst happy friends, from the boiling glass I want comfort… But as if I see you, standing next to me, thinking and grieving - And I run away, remorseful, and only God knows what then torments me in the sleepless nights…
╚═════════════. .★.╝
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»»————> ℜ𝔥𝔞𝔢/ℜ𝔥𝔞𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔞
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flowerpoweryay09 · 18 days
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If you’d asked me when I first started reading the books which of the deadmen would be the last two standing by Until The End, I definitely would not have guessed Dexter being one of them.
I just think that’s funny to think about
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sleepy-achilles · 2 years
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The Family of Destruction- Holiday Madness.
Mostly about taker and his relationship with Christmas. Also some fun drew teasing at the end.
------
The kids and their lovers are all sprawled out in Leon's childhood room. Leon is laid across his bed, scrolling on his phone. Drews head is rested on his stomach as he talks with rhea and cassie who are rested against the end of the bed. "So what holidays are a big thing for you two?" Rhea asks. "Valentines day, Halloween, birthdays and Christmas" cassie answers. "Ok..Halloween is the only one that actually makes sense there. Leon hated his birthday until this year." Drew states. "Well obviously birthdays are important for the rest of us and now leon" cassie huffs. "Cmon now drew, I stopped celebrating mine, not theirs" Leon comments. Drew rolls his eyes and flicks Leon's arm. "And the other two?" Rhea asks. "Valentines day is our parents anniversary and Christmas has always been special to our dad. And papa just always loved getting into the Christmas spirit. He's the type to start in September." Leon answers, lowering his phone and propping himself up on his elbows the best he can without disturbing Drew. "I would never take taker as a Christmas fan." Drew admits.
Cassie smiles slightly. "It was grandmamas favourite holiday" she states softly. "After they passed he made sure to celebrate it. Even if it was on his own, he'd never let anyone know but the mansion would always be decorated on the inside. He'd put all the family's stockings up and he'd put milk and cookies out despite not believing in santa, just because kane used to love it. He'd sit through hours of his parents favourite holiday films. He just wanted to keep the memory of his family alive, and he knew the best way was through their family holiday" Leon explains. Drew and Rheas heart break for the older man. "Its alright. Papa was also convinced he hated Christmas. He was convinced dad would always throw the gifts Shawn gave him in the bin." Cassie chuckles. "Kept every last one of em" Leon smiles.
"Dating papa and having him move in gave him a excuse to decorate the outside and the inside. Having kids gave him a reason to go all out. He tried to hide the family traditions but papa caught him putting the extra stockings up so dad explained it to him. How the the decorations were all he had left as they weren't in the actual house, how he needed to keep them alive in the house somehow. And papa just smiled and told him to get the films ready when he goes to make hot coco" cassie explains. "Then kane came back. And Pa made sure he joined them every Christmas once he was free. Made sure we knew all about grandmama and grandpa's Christmas traditions. We even used to invite kane to help us put cookies and milk out." Leon adds. "Its important we keep these traditions going, it helps keep them alive" cassie smiles. "And papa makes a mean hot coco" Leon smirks causing the others to laugh.
"Wait..why was Halloween obvious?" Cassie asks. "Your father, uncle and brother are deadmen walking. What do you mean why was Halloween obvious?" Rhea asks. "You also all dress up every year" drew adds. "Fuck cassie, keep up" Leon snickers as the others laugh.
All four sit up as the door opens. "Whats all this giggling about then?" Kevin asks. "Uncle kev!" Leon and cassie smiles, getting up to hug the man. "Hey kids." Kevin huffs hugging them. "Just telling those two about our holidays." Leon states. "God you two are in for a ride at Christmas" Kevin smirks. "Yeah, I can tell" drew yawns as he stands. "Anyways, I need you downstairs" Kevin states poking Leon. "Why? What's up?" Leon asks. "Your father thinks he's right again, and we just can't have that now can we?" Kevin asks. "God no" Leon smirks. "And you are wanted in the kitchen. Shawn has requested your help" Kevin states nodding at cassie. Cassie groans and helps rhea up. "And you are wanted by goldust, Daniel and Stephanie" Kevin tells rhea. "Why?" Rhea asks. "Hell if I know. Think their plotting something" Kevin shrugs. His eyes land on drew, and drew? Well he wishes he wasn't there.
"Kane, Scott, hunter and sean want you" Kevin tells him. "Great...can't wait" drew whispers. Kevin places a hand on his shoulder. "And I'm to escort you there" he adds. Drew whimpers and tenses. Leon smirks and pats drews back.
"Happy thanksgiving Darlin"
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booksandwords · 3 years
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Intensity by Sherrilyn McQueen
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Series: Chronicles of Nick, #8 Read time: 1 Day Rating: 5/5
The quote: Let no one take you down. You stand and you fight until the end! Not for fanfare, or for applause or laurels, but because you know what’s right and what’s wrong. Never fight because you have an audience or to gain esteem or notoriety. You fight for what matters—for the right things in life. Truth. Honesty. Dignity. Let no one steal, lie or cheat. You keep what you earn and never allow anyone to run over you because of the lies they tell others. And the lies others are so willing to believe about you. — Cherise Gautier
I am not tagging this with a spoiler warning but read on at your own risk. Intensity (and this review) contain spoilers for the Dark-Hunter verse.
We ended Invision with Simi in danger and being framed for murder. The murders of Tyree and Alan were actually committed by Cyprian Malachai, Nick's son with Laguerre. Cyprian is exactly as dangerous as he sounds given he is the son of a Malachai and War. Cyprian and Laguerre are the ones that Grim was sensing in Instinct and possibly the ones that bought out the Zeitjägers. The very first chapter of Intensity before the prologue, kinda like an introduction but not is called The Meaning of Time. It is about the Zeitjägers, about how they were born and why they were needed. It indicates they will be important to the story in some way.
Interestingly the end of Invision is not addressed until about halfway through the book. Simi isn't addressed at all. There is an awful lot of emotional punches in Intensity. Jared is completely unaware of Xevikan's existence. He knows Myone is his mother but thinks that Jaden is his father not his grandfather. Something I've suspected for a while is that Jared and Jaden are in a self-sacrificial protection loop. Hearing more of the story confirms it for me. Add Xev to the mix, who sacrificed his happiness allowing his father to raise his son and the whole thing is just tragic. We get to meet the beautiful Myone, that was just one of the time I cried in this book. Crying for what might have been and her happiness at meeting her great-grandson. There was a shock for me in that section, it is so easy to see why Xev fell fo Myone why he risked so much for his love of her.
Intensity is a good name for it. Not only is Nick's world ramping up but there is a lot packed in plot-wise. It is an intense read. But I did read it in a single sitting. The ending is effective, if unexpected. It explains a lot. Why Caleb isn't known, why Adrian is gone. Yes, I cried. But it wraps up the series well. If Sherri had decided to leave it there I would have been okay with that. There was true happiness in seeing Xev and Caleb just watching content and talking. Xev openly thinking that Nick is now his and Myone's legacy. But yet again Sheer throw information that we are almost expected to know but didn't. Like Braith and Apollymi being one and the same? Since when? Aside from that, there are a few implications that never lead anywhere like were the swords were saved by Jaden? What happened with Simi? They don't detract per see. Especially because it gives the next series somewhere to go immediately. With questions to answer.
Have a dump of thoughts from my reading.
Of course, Nathen is Cyprian. His pure power is why Kody and Caleb can't sense him. But I'm surprised it isn't having an impact on Caleb having two masters in one place. Though Nathen’s identity is not confirmed explcitly.
Takeshi and Nashira are brilliant together. I did not expect Takeshi at all. He's wonderful. But a trickster demon and a time guard (aka a yōkai and a Zeitjäger) feel like an odd combination, I'd love to know that story.
I like Shadow. I swear I've read a book with him in him before. But I would have noted him in my reviews and I didn't (though I have read the Deadmen series multiple times).
Takara is a surprise. I did not expect to see her. SHe's not in her humanoid form but she is there. Good lord she belonged to Kissare, the father of the first Malachai. She was only ever wielded by two. Kissare and Jared.
Have I ever mentioned how much I love the mighty chihuahua as a nickname for Cherise?
Something it's taken me an embarrassingly long time to pick up about Vawn. He's coded trans. Yes here it is by magical means but he is still trans he is a man living in a woman's body.
I really like the Celtic triplets, Arswyd Gan Drindod, the Terror by a Trinity. Rhyvawn Ddu (usually called Vawn), Kaziel and Aeron.  They are terrifying yes but man oh man they are fantastic.
Is it Neria or Nyria? I'm wondering if it is a term of endearment. Her name is Nekoda Kennedy or Belam.
"And not all that far in the future. It would all start when Julian and Grace reunited with Kyrian" (Kody, p.222) — And that would be Night Pleasures. (Julian's story, Julian of Macedon is a prequel)
Damn, I was off on Simi's husband. It's Savitar. It makes sense. Between them, they can broaden the scope of the Omergrion Council. And there aren't too many beings that Acheron would trust Simi with.
So here we are the last book in the Chronicles of Nick series. While I had spoilers for some aspects of the series mostly who characters are and parentage I had no idea for the series ended. I somehow managed to avoid those spoilers. I looked up what happens after this. There is a four-part series called Shadows of Fire, focused on Cyprian Malachai then a trilogy for adults to finish everything off.  Sherri confirms in the bio for Shadows of Fire that CoN & SoF are Nick from Dark-Hunters real and true past. That said due to the dramas with he-who-shall-not-be named we are looking are 6+ years before Heart of Venom (book one in the SoF series). I'm not going to look at the series overall as I sometimes do in the last book od a series because as Nick says “Take my word for it. The end is just beginning.” (Nick p. 280). But what I will say is the series does stand alone if Sherri never gets to Shadows of Fire.
I put in my review for Invision that I felt I needed a family tree to keep up with the familial connections in the Chronicles of Nick. I chose not to add it to that review after reading this before finishing that review (yes I read this in a single sitting the next day). So I'm adding a family tree to this review. It's a family tree such as I read it from the books. There is likely to be errors in here but this is my interpretation of the information we were given. Including the piece where Braith is Apollymi. I know the Dark-Hunter verse a bit, if she is Braith no one knows it. Braith is missing, she's off wandering as far as I understood. But then again most people have no clue who Jaden and Menyara are. CoN gives a dangerous amount of information if you know how to interpret it. Razer is in play though not in CoN, he goes by the Egyptian name Set (I think). If I'm right Razer is tied into Kody's line. So my family tree has some indications of where there is heavy speculation. I did use Sherri's website for some of my workings.
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between-the-crosses · 4 years
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(I hope tumblr doesn't weirdly delete this message again! Not sure why this keeps happening) First off, I just wanna say I love this fic series and I've rec-ed it before on my blog
essentially, I wanted to hear more about the process of how the ghosts gain coherence and more about their emotional/mental state after they pass? how long it takes the average ghost to typically realize they've died? how much do they understand whats happening to them when theyre drawn to the deadmen, corralled by them, and then released to the grim? etc, etc. it just got me thinking from your last chapter with Pickering and Hepburn....Deadmen who die quickly come to terms with what's happened because they fully understand. And Tom had Will there with him to explain...so I guess I just really want a random's ghost POV of coming into contact with Will and Tom trying to comprehend that new strange awareness lol 
I'm interested in their general POV and mindset before they're drawn in by the deadman, and even then, how much are they aware of with what's happening to them? 2/2 
HEY YONDER <3 <3 <3  First of all, thank you so much for your support!  It really means a lot to us, especially since you are so fabulous yourself! <3  
This is a great question!  I don’t think we’ve ever explicitly discussed this in the comments, honestly, and while I know that we’ve shown a lot about ghosts, the characters themselves aren’t inclined to sit down and try to analyse things because . . . they’ve got bigger issues to deal with at the moment.  However, Vuvu and I did sit down and come up with the hard and fast rules of the ghost lore way back at the beginning of hold it high and we’ve stuck to it, ever since.
SO BUCKLE UP GUYS, HERE’S THE GHOST LORE:
First and foremost, ghosts are tl;dr literally defined behaviorally as ‘mind over matter.’  Are they souls?  Are they just memories?  Are they something else? -- who knows.  What we do know is that, without bodies, ghosts have only their memory of who they were to inform them of what they can (or can’t) do.  
Secondly, ghosts cannot interact with a living human.  Humans cannot touch, hear, or see ghosts.  At most, the oddness of one soul overlapping another makes the both of them feel weird, because two souls aren’t supposed to be in the same physical space -- that’s why people feel a chill if a ghost is standing in them.
Most of your question falls under #1 and the implications of that.  
In general, new ghosts are caught up in the trauma of no longer being alive.  It’s literally such an identity crisis that they kind of get stuck while they come to terms with it -- staying by their bodies, getting caught up in emotional fits (screaming, crying, raging, etc), reliving their last moments, or just generally making no sense whatsoever.  The severity of this period depends on the individual -- more pragmatic people might just go “huh” and then sort of carry on, whereas people who weren’t expecting it or actively fearing it might not accept the truth at all.  (Think that Twilight Zone episode with the men in the spaceship who find a copy of their spaceship crashed on a planet and themselves all dead; they think it’s a trick from some alien enemy, even when they start to hallucinate that they’re at their own funerals on Earth . . .)
Deadmen, as you might envision, basically are able to avoid having the identity crisis!  First, they all see ghosts and hear them while they are alive, and basically have that foreknowledge of “this is what comes after I die,” so it’s really not a shock.  Secondly, deadmen are members of the military -- they are well aware of the possibility they might die, so they have a much harder time denying the truth to themselves.  Both of these things means that deadmen are basically already fully-functioning “older” ghosts, even when they are “newly” made.  
Now, if you want an example of a new ghost’s perspective -- hmmmmmmmmm.  Well, I’d say that all of Blake’s internal monologue during the second chapter of hold it high is probably your best bet; he’s amped up a little because he does have Will to explain things, but that doesn’t stop him from flipping out when things change around him and he gets caught up in the feedback loop of cognitive dissonance where his brain is telling him he should be feeling/reacting one way but he literally physically isn’t and then remembering why . . . etc. etc. etc.
Anyway, I hope this answers your question!  :)
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iii-was-stumblin · 5 years
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I was tagged by @love-ya-tommo-row ❤️❤️
Favorite snack?
Probably some chips and salsa and nacho cheese of course
Favorite place to go on vacation?
Probably to my summer house in another part of my country, whenever I go there I feel so relaxed and it feels like home
Tea or coffee?
Both!
And what kind?
Tea, Yorkshire tea but I dissapoint louis and add some sugar in it as well as milk, sorry louis. For coffee I usually take a latte, can’t stand black coffee.
What is a song that makes you dance immediately?
Oh sooo many songs. But this week I’ve been mostly dancing to Deadmen by SAINT PHNX and Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder (classic).
Do you play an instrument?
No I don’t, I reallyyy want to learn to play piano and guitar though. Need to get to that.
What is your favorite type of personality?
Someone kind and caring, honest and selfless.
Favorite comedian?
Russel Howard
Gummy candy or chocolate?
Chocolate!!
What did you want to be when you grew up as a kid?
I wanted to be a vet (who didn’t) but now I’m not sure. I have no idea what to do in life honestly.
What’s your favorite physical feature of yourself?
Uuuum nothing
When was the last time you watched a show or a movie on a TV?
Last night. I started the Sherlock tv show. I’m LOVING it
Unpopular opinion
ahaa......
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Are you scared of bugs?
Yes. All of them. Except flies, they are pointless assholes.
Cats or dogs?
Both? I have equal love for both. But cats have a special place in my heart
Are you allergic to any foods?
No not that I know of
Does the description of your star sign match your personality?
I don’t know? I don’t really follow horoscopes, if someone can look it up I would be very grateful. I’m a Virgo
Favorite type of accent?
Probably Irish
Name the first song that comes into your head
Deadmen by SAINT PHNX
Who is the sexiest famous person to you?
Idk?
Cake or pie?
I hate when I’m asked this question. There is nothing better than a good chocolate caked BUT there is nothing better than a good apple pie. Both.
When was the last time you read an entire book?
This is going to make me look so bad. I don’t think I ever have? We had to read books for school and I did....until about halfway through. I’m not a book person.
Favorite junk food?
I have so many favourites. But maybe doughnuts
Do you like your height?
Yes I do, I think I’m the perfect hight for me. I’m 5’2/5’3 so pretty small but it suits me I think
Apples or oranges?
Apples!!
Do you like salad?
I do actually. I don’t eat enough salads and I should.
Which person inspires you the most?
I’m going to say louis. Not because I’m so far up his ass but because he inspires me to just keep going “day by day” and take life as it comes and that has helped me so so much.
What is a song that has made you cry?
If i could fly. I can’t listen to it without at least tearing up.
I’m going to tag everyone who has seen this post :)
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intrepidmare · 7 years
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Deadmen Walking - Exclusive Excerpt
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“Am I the only human on board this ship?” Devyl didn’t so much as blink at Cameron’s question as she came to rest right in front of him. If anything, the good captain appeared bored by her. “Suppose it depends on the definition one uses for human.” She gave him an irritated, droll stare as he repeated his quartermaster’s words in a bland mumble. “I am unamused by your hedging, Captain.” He arched a sardonic black brow that caused a chill to run down her spine. “Who says I’m hedging?” It was a titanic effort not to roll her eyes at a man, or perhaps infernal beast would be more accurate, she was quite certain might very well suck out her immortal soul and feast upon it. “Can you at least tell me why I was brought on board this ship, then?” “For your protection.” Why did she have such a hard time believing that? Probably because she couldn’t imagine a more dangerous group in existence than the one around her. “From?” Forget the crew, she was beginning to doubt if there could be anything more lethal or terrifying than the creatures who called this ship home.     He let out a long, slow breath as if seeking some sort of patience. “We are not your enemies, Miss Jack. Of that much, you can rest assured. While we might be an unsavory, untoward and uncivilized group, we are not without our honor.” “Meaning?”
“Meaning we reserve our venom for those who’ve earned it.” And those words failed to comfort her. “You’ll have to forgive me if your benediction causes me alarm.” “No need to apologize. You’ve every right to fear us. As I said, we are an unsavory lot.” He turned those dark, soulless eyes toward her and this time, she saw for a fact that they did indeed turn red as blood. They glowed in the darkness with an unholy light. “And an acquired taste.” Yelping at his sinister tone, she jumped back and crossed herself as true unmitigated horror engulfed her. This was not what she’d meant to sign on with when she’d promised herself and Lettice that she’d find her brother and bring him home. She was already gone longer than she’d ever anticipated. Longer than Nathaniel Harrison would forgive her for. Nor had she meant to find the devil’s ship and his crew to sail with. No doubt to hell itself they were bound! Dear heaven, I’ve consigned myself to Perdition . . . Everything had seemed so simple when she’d opened her brother’s letter and first set out on this quest. She was to come to Port Royal and ask a few questions. Find out why Paden hadn’t come home after the shipwreck that he’d obviously survived. Take him to task for being so cryptic, then return home to her life, with her wayward brother in tow and let Lettice beat him sideways for his thoughtlessness and the worry he’d given them. This was never supposed to be part of it. And the captain was definitely not part of the bargain. Bane froze as he witnessed the absolute stark terror inside Cameron. She literally quivered by his side to such an extent he was amazed she didn’t wet the planks beneath her feet.
There had been a time once when he’d lived to instill that amount of fear and intimidation in others. When the sight of petrified men had been mother’s milk to his cold, dead heart. Compassion and tenderness had been virtually unknown to his warring people.
And yet . . . In the flash of one single heartbeat, his mind took him back to the days when he hadn’t been the leader of his race. To the time before he’d first taken a life in battle and had been nothing more than the beloved older brother of his younger sister. No longer on this ship, he was again in the green meadows where he’d run as a boy. And as was his wont, he was off to join his friends to hunt for game and play for a rare afternoon of freedom— something he’d worked and suffered hard for. And as was typical of his sister, Elyzabel was hot on his heels, annoying the very piss from him. Five years his junior, she was a tiny wisp of a thing, yet she thought herself his equal in size and abilities. “What are you about, Du? Why are you carrying Ta’s spear? Does he know you have it?” “Aye, he knows. Why are you bothering me now with your inane prattle? Off with you! Isn’t there someone else you can annoy for once besides me?” “Are you off to hunt? Can I come? Please, please!” “Nay!” Turning on his heels, he’d growled at her. Then froze as he saw the tangles in her brown hair and the dirt on her freckled cheeks. More than that, he noted that beneath the dirt, a bruise had started to form that deepened the shade of her amber eyes, and there was a tear in her dress. Though scarce more than tick-size, she was ever ready to stand toe-to-toe with him, never flinching in her temerity whenever he’d said or done anything that displeased her. She would even dare to shove at him when no man save their father would so much as meet his gaze in anger. Shout in his face whenever she was mad at him. She even stood up to their father during his most drunken rages. Her guts and fire had always amused and amazed him, even when he’d wanted to put her through a wall for not listening to him, or hiding when it was the more prudent thing to do. In all his life, he’d never loved anyone as much as he’d loved his little sister. Not even Vine. But while he might have verbally fought with his sister whenever she pushed the boundaries of his patience and all common sense, by the very gods, no one else was allowed to do such and no one was ever to lay hands to her. No one. Not even their father. And he had the scars to prove it. “What’s all this about?” he asked, gentling his tone as he indicated her cheek. Elyzabel glanced away. “‘Tis naught. Can I come with you?” “Elf . . .” he’d chided, cupping her chin and gentling his tone with her. “Tell me what happened to you, lass.” She let out a long sigh before she finally screwed her face up and confessed it. “‘Twas the beast!” “Derphin?” “Nay. The other hairy one I hate most.” “Ilex?” “Aye! He said a girl wasn’t fit to climb a tree and that I should get back to me mum’s breast before I got hurt. So I climbed the tree to show him and then he shoved me down and we fought about it.” Those words had ignited his fuse. “He hit you?” She nodded. That had been the first time Devyl had met the part of himself that had made him famous on the battlefield. That cold, unreasoning beast that wouldn’t stop until he had his enemy lying in pieces at his feet, either dead or begging for a mercy he’d never shown anyone save his precious Elyzabel. Only Elf had ever stayed his furious hand. Only her tears had ever moved him to mercy or compassion. Until today. Something about Cameron reminded him of his precious sister and this tiny chit touched the last shred of a humanity he’d thought had gone to the grave with his Elf. Sink me . . . Cameron swallowed hard as she met Bane’s fierce, bloody gaze. For the first time, she saw the slightest softening of his demonic countenance. The merest glimpse of a soul beneath the evil. His grimace lightened as he held one large hand out toward her. “There’s no need in that, lass.” Refusing to give in to her terror, she forced herself to her feet and fell back on the strength Paden had taught her to stand on after the death of their parents. Let no one see your weakness, Cam. Ever. We are Jacks, by God. And Jacks don’t buckle or fold. In it for a half-pence. In it for a pound. For that matter, she was in this whole matter way over her head. No way out now. Hell, or high-water. Or Damnation, itself. Whatever it took. She had no choice, except to see it through. “I still don’t understand why it is you brought me here, Captain.” “Truth? Neither do I. Other than I fear something quite unholy has taken control of your brother. My experience with such things is that when they happen and the poor bastard who’s held enthrall reaches out to an innocent such as yourself . . . the consequences are always dire to said innocent, especially when it involves something as important as the trinket in your pocket.” “It’s not a worthless bauble, then?” The wind whipped at his black wavy hair while his eyes faded back to their ebony color. He glanced across the stormy sea surrounding them. “Quite the contrary, Miss Jack. Wars have been waged for that bit of gold you keep, and countless throats cut. Tell no one else you carry it. Ever.” He glowered at her. “How your brother managed to get that to you is what puzzles me most.” “It came in the post.” He gaped at her as he found that the most incredulous bit of all. She held her hand up in solemn testimony. “I swear it. I thought it nothing more than a letter that must have been sent before he left on his voyage. I kept it nigh on a fortnight before I could bring myself to open it to read it, and then when I did . . .” “Did anything strange happen to you around the time you received it?” “Other than meeting all of you?” His dark grimace said that he didn’t appreciate her humor. She softened her own expression to let him know she was teasing. “Nay, Captain. Nothing untoward.” In fact, she’d not had so much as a nightmare since receiving it, which was strange given that she’d a number of them before it came.         “Very peculiar, indeed.” Cameron narrowed her gaze on him as he continued to watch the dark waters around them, as if seeking something only he could detect. “What is it that you’re not telling me?” The red returned to his eyes an instant before he dropped his coat from his shoulders in one fast, graceful shrug and unsheathed his cutlass. “Kalder! Off to port! Sancha, bring a spring upon her cable! They’re coming up our stern!” He took Cameron’s arm and gently nudged her toward William while Kalder jumped over the side, into the sea below. “Seal her to my quarters for the fight.” “Aye, aye, Captain.” William grabbed her fast and hauled her away. But not before she saw what was rising up from the bowels of the stygian waves to engage them. Holy mother and all her saints . . . !     Cameron couldn’t breathe at the sight of what had to be Lucifer’s own prized pet shark he’d crossbred with an octopus. Scaly, huge and tentacled like nothing she’d ever seen or heard of, it came after them while the crew took aim and fired cannons at it. The deck beneath her feet vibrated from the recoil of it all. Her ears rang from the sharp percussion. William shoved her into Bane’s quarters and slammed the door tight. Gaping and terrified, Cameron stumbled toward the windows to watch the creature that was after them. One who appeared to have brought even more sinister friends with it. Her heart pounding in her chest, the sound of rushing blood and more cannon fire, along with shouts and wind filled her ears. The smell of gunpowder and sea nauseated her. Never, never had she seen or heard such. This was the stuff of nightmares and horror. From where she stood, she could see Kalder against the beast that dwarfed him as they tangled in the water. The merman stabbed it with a long spear while Captain Bane sent balls of fire from his fists into its scaly hide. The creature screamed and arched its back, reaching for them both with its thorny tentacles. Until the beast met her gaze through the lead glass as if it sensed her watching it. Time hung still for a long minute until it let out a piercing cry unlike anything she’d ever heard. It was so shrill, it shattered the glass between them, raining pieces of it over her. Closing her eyes, she raised her arms to protect her face, until the shrapnel settled. The ship rocked from the fierce waves the creature caused. Nauseated by the rolling sensation, she staggered against Captain Bane’s desk. Winds from the sea whipped against her, tearing pieces of her hair free from her queue. With a deep growl, the creature dove for her, heading straight toward the cabin where she gripped the desk so tightly, the wood bruised the palms of her hands. In that moment of sheer, utter terror and unbelievable horror that reminded her she was without weapon or protection, Cameron reached for her medallion in her pocket and remembered the prayer her mother had taught her as a girl. The one that Paden had always recited with her whenever she was scared . . . “Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night, nor for the arrow that flieth by day. Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness, nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. No evil shall befall thee, and neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder, the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. Because He hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him. I will set Him on high, because He hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer Him. I will be with Him in trouble. I will deliver Him, and honor Him. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.” No sooner had she finished those words than her pocket and hand began to heat up— the pocket where she held the stashed talisman Paden had sent her for her protection should she need it. # Devyl staggered back as he saw the shimmering veil fall over the ship and every member of his crew. It even covered Kalder in the water. A gossamer shimmer rained down like a Spring shower. Only instead of leaving them wet, it cast their skin in a light, ethereal glow, like that of coal that held fire inside its darkness. William and Bart stared at each other with slack-jaws. Then they turned toward him for an explanation he couldn’t even begin to give them. “Captain?” Belle asked as she shimmed from the rigging and moved to stand beside him. He had no answer for her, either. Not for this.     And definitely not for whatever caused the beast and its compatriots in the water to splinter into a fine shimmering mist that settled over the waves only to vanish in the blink of an eye. What the hell? If that wasn’t shocking enough, a huge wave lifted Kalder from the sea and set him down on the deck near the prow, as if to make sure he was safe, along with the rest of them. His own jaw agape, Devyl handed his sword off to Belle before he made his way toward the only source for this he could imagine. Cameron Jack. He found her in his cabin, on her knees, clutching at the disc her brother had sent her. Her eyes had lost all color to them. Her lips as pale as her body as she whispered a barely audible prayer. Even her hair had turned stark white. The only color on her body were the cuts left by the shattered windows. Yet the strangest part? Glass hovered in the air around her, forming the illusion of glittering wings that jutted out from her back. William drew up short behind him and cursed. “What manner of creature is she?” When Bart stepped around them with a raised sword to attack her, Devyl stopped and disarmed him. “She’s not our enemy, Mr. Meers.” He returned the sword. “What is she?” he repeated William’s question. “Something that would piss down the leg of those what don’t think much of us if they knew she was among our crew. And it explains much about what happened to her brother and why the Plate Fleet be sunk as it was.” William scowled. “You’ve lost me, Captain.” Devyl carefully closed the distance between them before he took the medallion from Cameron’s hand. The moment he had it pried loose from her grip, her hair returned to its natural chestnut shade and the blue-green color to her eyes. The glass fell to the floor where it struck and let out a small, tinkling sound reminiscent of jester bells. Cameron blinked twice as if waking from a deep slumber. With a fierce grimace, she glanced between them. “Is the fighting over?” Bitterly amused, Devyl released a tired breath as he rubbed his thumb against the searing medallion. The ancient power and the soul of the warrior it contained thrummed from the metal, similar to a heartbeat. No wonder Menyara had sent her to them. Damn that interfering bitch for it. “Aye.” He glanced to his men over his shoulder. “It appears we needs amend our earlier answer to the lass, Mr. Death.” “Deeth . . . and what answer be that, Captain?” “There are no humans aboard this ship, at all.”
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The Dead-men: The fort and her leader
Marcus wiped the blood from his hammer, cleaning his face of sweat and splatter with his forearm.
“I don’t mind being sprayed with blood normally, but this damn lizard blood has a stench to it.”
Marcus sniffed at his forearm and recoiled, trying his best to shake it off.
“Sticks too, great.”
“Oh quit your complaining, at least you did not get soaked by the big one.” Mesca said as he struggled to remove the blood from his face.
“That is just what you get when you use a sword to cut the throat of your enemy. I stayed clean.”
Jester teased as she spun, showing off her clean uniform.
Heas walked past, flicking his wrist at Mesca and Marcus. The blood covering them lifted and fell to the sands, congealing in the heat.
“Now your all pretty, let’s make sure everyone is ok. We have a job to do.”
Heas started to tend to others, cleaning them off and healing minor wounds with his magic. He was joined by others who wielded similar spell books. The rest of his group wandered around, seeing to those who had not moved from their prone positions in the sand. They grimaced as they turned over corpse after corpse.
“This was a damn blood bath, must be at least ten of us dead.” Marcus covered his mouth as he pushed the fresh corpse away from him.
“Hey gather them up I need to pray to Moglo Cruor. Might gain some favor.”
Jester started to drag the lizard corpses to a pile, Mesca and Marcus rolled their eyes and helped.
“Do you think the gods get mad if you worship all of them? I understand learning multiple weapons, but why play with the gods?” Mesca said as he staked another corpse.
“So which one is this? You always worship the obscure gods.”
Jester looked up from the symbol she was painting in the sand with blood.
“The god of blood. He is near the top of the Pantheon you heathens. Now leave me to my work, I got praying to do.”
Jester pushed Mesca and Marcus towards Heas. They laughed as they left Jester to her worship.
“This a game to you?” Fain said as he watched the two laugh.
They quickly corrected themselves and stood to attention. Before either of them could speak Jester’s pile of corpses started to illuminate. Fain looked past the two, squinting he watched on.
“What on Dolor is that?” Fain said as he walked towards the corpses.
The light faded and Jester was left crouching over corpses drained of all their blood. She turned and walked past Fain.
“What, am I not allowed to worship my god of choice out here?”
Fain looked at the corpses with disgust.
“I will allow this, once. I don’t want to see this ever again.”
A look of concern fell across Fain’s face. A look that he was unable to hide. He muttered under his breath as he turned away from the scene. “That is more than a little un-nerving.”
“Clean up, once the wounded are tended to, we leave the dead and move out.” Fain kicked over one of the initiate corpses. “Nothing but dead weight now. But for the love of respect please do not drain their blood.”
Fain cleaned his blade in the sand before making his way to the carts, counting his men as he went. Letting out a sigh of relief as he reached a full count. Looking at the new initiates he counted several below full, even more that were wounded. He turned to his right hand man.
“This is the sorriest bunch of initiates that I have ever seen.”
“Agreed, they seem to be getting worse with every new group.” His right hand man took a drink from canteen. “Well, all of them except those four.” He said as he gestured to the dead men.
“Them? They are a bunch of idiots who have gotten lucky. The only reason they were not cut down was because they were the last ones to enter that fight.”
“But they also killed more than any group, additionally they did it in unison. They work well together. Could be a good match for the long term.”
“Saulson, that is too bold. I decide who gets the offer to stay on after training. Not you.”
Saulson laughed, closing his notepad. “A little bitter, are we? Why is it that the few competent souls we have you hate?”
Fain looked at Heas as he tended to the wounded one after another, draining his energy with every spell. Selflessly he moved with haste to the next one as he healed the last. Fain climbed back onto his cart and grabbed the reins. Saulson followed and sat beside him.
“No one, I mean no one works that hard without a motive. These kids are up to something.”
He watched as Heas nearly collapsed from exhaustion, but after shaking his head he carried on.
Saulson watched with intrigue. “I hate to admit this, but I do agree with you. He is constantly looking this way, maybe there is something to this recruit. We need to find out before we offer him permanent residence here. Or even offer him residence and keep an eye on him, wait for him to slip up.”
Fain grinned, he waited till Heas looked up and locked eyes with him.
“Come here Heas.” He looked at the rest of the Deadmen as they worked to help those around them. “In fact bring your whole squad.”
Heas gathered the rest of his friends, they made their way over to Fain and Saulson and stood to attention.
“Yes sir?” Heas said as he stood, knees wavering under the exhaustion.
“We don’t usually do this but we would like to offer you all a place in the guard.”
“No thanks.” Jester slipped out.
“Now we don’t offer just anyone this. We can only afford to… Did you just say no?”
Mesca spoke up. “We all took this job for several reasons, but after joining up we will leave for one.”
Fain looked to Saulson with confusion.
“So none of you want to join the guard?” Fain asked.
All four shook their heads in unison before heading back to help others.
“Now I am very curious to what they want.” Saulson said as he made further notes next to the Deadmen’s name. Fain seemed to lose interest as his eyes locked onto swirling sands that surrounded them.
“We leave now. Any who can’t walk we shall lift onto the carts. The sands are getting restless, we need to leave.”
Fain yelled as he flicked his wrists, waking his camels and setting them forward.
“Anyone who stays behind gets left behind, now move.”
The Deadmen rushed to get the wounded onto the carts. But Fain and his men were certain on shifting forward. Marcus tossed one onto the top of the last cart but there was still two left behind.
“Heas, they are moving the carts much faster. Something must be up.” Marcus yelled as he ran back to grab another wounded man. Heas looked around the sands, he could see them starting to lift from the masses. Fine sand lifted from the ground, swirling into the air.
“Sands are shifting, lifting into the air. Forget the rest, we need to be on those carts.” Heas yelled as he turned to his friends. Marcus and Mesca both had a wounded individual under their arms.
“What do we do with these two then?” Mesca grunted out as struggled to keep his balance with the weight of another leaning on him. Heas looked at the carts as they started to pick up speed, then back to the two who could barely stand.
“Sorry, but I am not dying out here.”
Heas grabbed Mesca’s silver dagger, killing both of the wounded men.
“A quick death is better than one in a sandstorm, it had to be done.”
After speaking Heas realised that the others had already picked up there things and were running towards the carts.
“We have your bag, now run Heas.” Mesca yelled as he continued to sprint towards the carts.
Heas picked up foot and ran after the carts as the sand behind him started to pick up speed. As each foot fall lifted the sand lifted with it. Raising higher than it should, twisting up into the air till it spirllaed into small twisters that faded shortly after birth.
“I will be disappointed in my fate if we are to die by a damned sand storm.” Heas yelled as he caught up to the others. His duffel bag being tossed to him as he made rank behind the carts. Those on the carts yelled for them to catch up. Cheering them on as they watched the sands begin to stand tall. The four clasped hands with others on the carts and were hoisted onto the carts. Every stared back as the drivers lashed at the camels to move with haste. The sands behind them started to form large cylinders that lifted the corpses left behind. Tossed meters into the air the corpses fell to the ground, the sand cylinders faded and the sands settled. A sigh of relief sounded from all on and in the carts. The drivers slowed the camels once again and continued their journey calmly.
“We are not far away now, make sure you are presentable for the warden when we arrive, she does not appreciate a lapse in uniform.”
For the remainder of the journey everyone ensured they were in top shape for when they arrived. The sun started to fall from the sky painting the clouds with oranges and reds. Below the vibrant sky, just over the next dune the prison started to crest into sight.
“Bit smaller than I thought, can this place really fit everyone here?” Mesca said as lent towards Heas.
“It is almost completely underground you dunce, the surface area is pretty much just for guards. Then down below is where the prisoners are kept to mine.” Heas turned to the others. “Did no one read up on the place we were going?”
The other three awkwardly shook their heads with a little shame.
“Damn idiots, this is why you all look so lost when we shift camps.”
“Not our fault you are a nerd, we are too busy to deal with such things.” Jester said pointing her nose skyward.
“Like being a snob.” Heas laughed. “But in all seriousness, if our plan is to come to fruition, we need to read up. All of us, not just me.”
They all agreed reluctantly, knowing that they would be reading far more than they would hope on their journey.
“Since none of us have, have you read anything on the warden here? I’ve heard she has insane standards for people.” Marcus added.
“Sadly not, there is not much written about her, she is a bit of a mystery. Even how she climbed the ranks is not written. It is like one day she just appeared as this jail warden and no one has questioned it.” Heas said, cautious to keep his voice lower than the commander could hear.
“We need to keep it down low for a while though, commander would not have offered us a position unless he was suspicious of us. I know for a fact he hates me.”
“Alright ladies, the prison is in full view. You better have yourselves sorted because we will be in her walls before long. And remember, once we stop you all stand to attention, moving only once she lets you.”
The initiates seemed to stir as the rumours of who the prison warden was drifted from person to person. The sudden realisation that they were nearly there made her seem all the scarier. Entering the wall, they could see the above encampment was nothing spectacular, a couple of sturdy wooden walls, with equally strong looking buildings inside. But remarkably bland and confined, even for a prison. To either side of the carts there were large stones with chained manacles lying nearby that anchored into the walls. Before them the central building with a high standing tower on one side and a forge on the other, the middle seeming to be one large open room. As the carts stopped everyone dismounted but was unsure of where to stand, until the Deadmen lined up beneath a cat walk attached to the wall. On top of the catwalk was a fierce looking woman standing to attention, glaring down at her new recruits. A few moments passed as everyone arranged themselves into their groups and stood to attention. Silence. Not even the desert dare make a noise.
“I recently got rid of the last initiates, they were mindless idiots. I can see that this camp shall be afflicted with the same mindless idiots once again.”
The warden continued to stand at attention, inspecting everyone as she looked through the crowds of tired looking recruits.
“I am Morag, and I am the warden of this prison. For the next few months I shall also be your Shepard, as I attempt to heard you all away from the dangers of the desert. This is the last step of your training, but do not expect to learn anything other than life is hard, harder than you would ever expect.” Morag started her decent down some stairs to where the initiates stood.
“This is a benign desert compared to some that are out there, so consider yourself lucky that this is the most isolated one. I expect you all to be better than the last so my standards are set very low, but I know you will all manage to fall below them.”
Morag pointed to the large central building as she made contact with the sand.
“That will be your sleeping quarters, it is one large room you will all share. Once you have achieved some level of competency we can see you to your own private quarters. Well, at least, not as shared as that one.”
Standing to full attention in front of everyone she yelled.
“You are to pick a bed, place your belongings upon it. You shall do this first do you understand.”
“Yes ma’am.” Everyone yelled in return.
“You shall then return outside where you will chain the convicts to these chains. Do you understand?”
“Yes Ma’am.” They again all yelled.
“Finally you shall wait in this court yard till your group are issued tomorrows tasks. Now move initiates.”
Everyone sprinted away from Morag as she watched them with disappointment plastered across her face. Everyone fought as the first tried to run out the same door as those still trying to claim a bed for themselves. A cacophony of yelling started as arguments started to stir. Narrowly avoiding conflict, the door way emptied of those entering and everyone started to pour out of the lodgings and back into the court yard. The prisoners were too exhausted to fight back, the lack of water had rendered them weak. With little effort, they were ushered to their holdings, even the Skelegeist went without complaint. As the carts emptied the older guards took the carts behind the main building away from the courtyard. Clearing an open space for the initiates to form ranks before Morag.
All four groups ordered themselves before Morag, standing to full attention they locked their eyes forward. Dry swallows could be heard as the exhausted initiates tried desperately to swallow what little saliva they had left in their mouth.
“I want one person from each group to step forward as that groups leader. They will be responsible for that group from here on in. If the group does well the leader will receive extra praise and reward, if the group mis-behaves, the leader will suffer twice the lashings. You have one minute.”
The groups all muttered to one another as Mesca stood forward for the Deadmen. Morag looked across to them for an instant before her eyes went back to the remaining three groups.
“Ten seconds, I want to see someone step forward for every group.”
In a mad rush one individual was pushed forward against his will, too scared to turn back he stood his ground. Another stepped forward with only a second to go, all while the last group still bickered.
Morag moved across to stand in line with the final group. Her presence silencing the group immediately.
“Judging by your constant chatter I assume you must be the Banshee’s. Am I correct?”
“yes Ma’am.” The group yelled.
“You.” Morag said pointing her finger at the closest individual. Panicked he stepped forward.
“There, now everyone has a leader. As I walk down the line the leader shall state their group and their name. You shall all remember them as they will be your go to individuals for the remainder of your stay. Starting here, let’s go.”
“Banshee’s, Ishan.”
Morag continued her slow march, once she reached the next leader they sounded off.
“Pig’s, Taylor.”
“Sheep, Ashok.”
“Deadmen, Mesca.”
Morag stopped and stared down Mesca, he struggled to keep focus as he felt his body shake with fear.
“From what I heard from the commander during your dismounts, he should be leader.” Morag gestured to Heas, then looked back to Mesca.
“Respectfully Ma’am, he is smart, but not a good leader. He is too self-centred and struggles to put others before him.”
Mesca held his composure as he felt beads of sweat enter his eyes.
“Interesting, well we shall see if you fair any better then. Shall we?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Four groups with four leaders, this is a start. Now I wanted to give you tasks for tonight, but Fain has mentioned that you had quite the encounter before arriving here. Apparently a large number of you could not handle the bite of the desert. Instead I shall allow you all to sleep tonight, fortunately for you those before you left this prison in fairly good shape.”
Morag started to head towards the tower that attached to the side of the main hall.
“Banshee’s guard duty in the morning, Pig’s Guard duty in the evening, Sheep, cleaning duty. Finally Deadmen, training, Intensive. All day. Now do as you will, you have been let off light, don’t think it will happen again.”
Morag disappeared into the tower leaving everyone stood confused in the courtyard.
“You heard her, get to bed you ingrates. Take this chance to rest because starting tomorrow the real struggle begins.” Fain yelled as he dismissed everyone to the main hall.
Mesca stood still as he watched everyone else leave in one large group.
“Is it just me or does it seem like we are the only ones who got given a difficult task. They each have at least half a day off. While we have training all day tomorrow.”
“Intensive training, now let’s go to bed.” Marcus corrected as he followed the group to the bed hall.
“I think, she thinks she can break us.” Mesca said before following the others inside.
Jester let out a laugh. “Good luck with that, we never break.”
Everyone filled into the bed hall, meanwhile Morag resided above. She stared out an open window listening to everyone below.
“Never break hmm, we will see about that. Come tomorrow, we see what you have Deadmen.”
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mikeyd1986 · 6 years
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MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 97, March 2018
On Monday morning, I attended my last Healthy Cooking on a Budget class for Term 1 at Balla Balla Community Centre, Cranbourne East. I missed out on the last two classes as I was feeling rundown and was also recovering from an ear infection last week but I was really glad that I could make it to the last class. It was only the 4 of us today with the others either busy, sick or turned off from the blustering, Winter-like conditions outside. So we ended up working individually for most of the class.
It was quite a productive class today with lots of food to prepare. We made a chocolate Easter cake with a dark chocolate butter icing, a melted chocolate “nest” and decorations plus pull apart herb and cheese bread rolls and a honey lemon chicken. Firstly, we combined 1.5 cups of plain flour, 1 cup of caster sugar, 4 tablespoons of cocoa powder, 1 teaspoon of bicarb soda, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, 1 cup of water, 1/3 cup of vegetable oil and 2 tablespoons of white vinegar into a mixing bowl and pouring the mixture into a 20cm round cake tin.
The dark chocolate icing involved melting 180g of cooking chocolate over a saucepan and combining it with 200g of unsalted butter, 250g of icing sugar and 1 tablespoon of milk and whipping it up with electric beaters. Next we made the chocolate nest which was pretty tricky. We used a small ceramic bowl with plastic wrap as a template and piped melted chocolate over it with long strands to make it look like a bird’s nest. Getting it stuck was the hard part as the chocolate fragments break apart very easily.
Later on we fried some chicken drumsticks and thigh pieces in a frying pan until they become a golden brown colour. We then placed them into a roasting pan and added a mixture of honey, lemon juice and kecap manis over the top with slices of lemon in between the pieces of chicken. You can then add some streamed vegetables and white rice to make it into a meal. I always learn a lot during these cooking classes and slowly my confidence in the kitchen is building up the more I practice these skills. http://www.ballaballa.com.au/programs-activities/cooking-programs/
On Monday night, I went to my RPM class with Claire at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. It’s been about 3 weeks or so since my last RPM class and tonight it was good to finally try out the new release, number 78, which featured a couple of challenging tracks especially track five with up to 8 attacks which tired me out pretty quickly. The new release features tracks including Jamiroquai’s Cloud 9, The XCERT’s Feels Like Falling In Love and Ghastly & Matthew Koma’s We Might Fall. It was good to see Claire making jokes about burning off Easter eggs and Hot Cross Buns this coming week as motivation to keep pushing hard. http://w3.lesmills.com/israel/en/classes/rpm/music-tracklists/
On Tuesday morning, I had my very first Kinesiology session with Carolyn King at Empowerkin Kinesiology in Berwick. I’ve known Carolyn for a year or two now after reading her book “Empowered Happiness” and following her blog and Facebook page. Today was the first time meeting her in person after winning a competition for a free kinesiology session. I really didn’t know what to expect at all but I went in with an open mind.
Of course the moment I walked into her clinic, she instantly detected how nervous I was feeling. This was no surprise as it happens every single time I meet somebody new or have a new experience. Kinesiology is the science of energy balancing and combines several different areas including Chinese medicine, anatomy and physiology. After she asked me to fill out a new client form and I talked about my mental health issues and recent diagnosis of High Functioning Autism, she got me to lie down on the bed.
She started doing some energy readings through my right hand and arm whilst explaining what was she doing and picking up. The biggest ones were feeling overwhelmed, shattered (doing too many things at once), stressed and internally angry. She also used some essential oils on my feet, hands and back of my neck as well as giving me my first crystal, a black obsidian, which is said to be a protective stone which absorbs negative energies.
I found it very easy to talk to her despite being nervous and reserved as we have very similar backgrounds. Both being diagnosed with depression. Both worked at very stressful and demanding jobs for a long period of time. Both very sensitive, gentle and kind hearted people. So I knew that she of all people would understand what I’ve been going through with work, family life, friendships, money struggles, being worried about the future and where my life is heading.
She gave me a large amount of advice and suggestions which I gracefully accepted and took on board with me. This includes walking bare foot on the grass or sand (grounding), keeping up with my writing and creative projects (write and burn, appreciation journal), trying out a boxing class to release anger and negative emotions, making a list of everything I’m doing and ranking their importance, making and using a worry box and surrounding myself with a white bubble to help deal with protecting myself from other people’s energies.
Of course some people wouldn’t be as open minded as I am towards an alternative therapy like kinesiology and Carolyn herself admits that she’s not a doctor but I like giving new things a go and this has been in the back of my mind for about a couple of years now. It wasn’t a rash decision and really a lot of Carolyn’s suggestions do make sense and are helpful when it comes to improving my life. Whether you believe in religion, spirituality or energy is quite frankly irrelevant if you’re striving for positive change within yourself, which I am. http://www.empowerkin.com.au/kinesiology.html
On Tuesday afternoon, I had my second session for Phase 1 of my Employ Your Mind course at WISE Employment Cranbourne. Thankfully the office Ally and I were in held a lot more privacy than the one I was in last week (notoriously called “the fish bowl”) so I didn’t have the distraction of people looking at me through a pane of glass. This week we looked at what Cognitive Remediation does and I completed a Dialogue of Working Ability (DWA) self-assessment which looks at the strengths and weaknesses in relation to work.
It’s quite interesting doing self-assessments as it forces you to critically think and be honest about your skills in a working environment in a holistic manner. Sometimes it can be hard working out which number to circle but I just try to go with my gut instinct. It’s important because the results will allow me to set some goals for areas that I can improve on in the future. https://www.arbetsterapeuterna.se/Global/Forlag/DWA%20affisch%20COTEC2012.pdf
On Tuesday night, I went to my first YARDfit session for the year at The Yard Strength & Fitness in Pakenham. I noticed how exhausted I was feeling driving down the Monash Freeway with time not on my side as usual. But I was determined to make it to the class regardless as I haven’t been that active in the last couple of weeks due to personal illness (aka my annoying ear infection). It was a quiet one tonight with just myself, Rodney Millar and Mandi Herauville but that was fine by me.
We warmed up by doing a few mobility stretches (walking lunges, standing bear crawls, squat jumps, open the gates) and some agility work outside (suicide running drill, sprints) with some orange cones spaced out. It didn’t take long for me to feel puffed out and fatigued but I knew that I was rusty and out of practice. http://livehealthy.chron.com/suicide-running-drill-8784.html
Next we worked on some front squats which I’ve only attempted a couple of times last year. The toughest part for me is dealing with the pressure on my wrists as you have to keep the bar resting on your deltoids (shoulders) as well as your elbows lifted up. Then there’s the balancing act of having to squat deep enough without dropping the bar. It’s pretty tricky but I could feel myself improving a bit the more I practiced. I managed to do 3 reps at 35kg. http://www.stack.com/a/front-squat
Lastly, our “Wyk” Hero WOD (Workout of the Day) involved doing five rounds of the following exercises for time: 5 front squats, 5 deadmen or rope climbs and a 400m run holding a 10kg plate. We actually practiced doing some rope climbs before the workout, trying to get the foot and hand grip right and then doing a Tarzan swing on the rope. Considering I’ve never attempted a rope climb before, I picked it up pretty quickly. I did need a lot of chalk on my hands to prevent rope burn but oh well.  https://wodwell.com/wod/wyk/
The most challenging part of the workout for me was the 400m block runs. Holding the plate was really awkward as I couldn’t get a good grip on it and had to keep adjusting it. Plus it didn’t take long at all for me to burn out and I had to walk parts of it. But hey at least I hung in there and finished it. I managed to complete almost 3 rounds in 15 minutes which I was very happy with. https://www.facebook.com/TheYardStrengthandFitness/
On Wednesday morning, Mum and I enrolled in a Basic Life Skills short course at Merinda Park Learning & Community Centre, Learn Local RTO 3952 in Cranbourne North. The pink form that we had to fill in was very extensively detailed. They literally want to know everything from my past education history to my driver’s license details, USI number, disabilities and health issues. Plus two pages worth of terms and conditions. But I’m sure that a course like this will be very helpful for my growth and personal development. http://www.merindapark.com.au/all-courses/
On Thursday night, I attended an Adult Aspergers social night held at The Nerve Centre in Blackburn. I was still feeling restless from working late last night and from all the Easter shopping I had to get done today but I felt that it was really important to come to this meeting tonight to try to mingle with a few of the other Aspies. Tonight we played some board games and I decided to bring scrabble as it’s a childhood favourite of mine.
Half an hour in and I could already feel my social anxiety peaking with around 10 other people in attendance. It’s like the classic social event where everyone else around you is clicking and making conversation and you’re stuck in the middle not really knowing what to do. However, I did make the effort to drive all the way out to Blackburn for this and wanted to stay for at least an hour. Once again, the men’s toilets would act as my “safe room”.
Thankfully I didn’t need it nor did I have to slip out and bolt for the exit. It only took Ann speaking up to get the ball rolling and suddenly we ended up christening my board game.  Once we all started playing scrabble, I began to relax considerably.  I was sitting at the table with Dave, Roger, Lachlan, Ann and the group’s organiser Colin. Being my third time coming here, I was only barely scratching the surface when it came to names and who these people were but these things take time.
It was fun with all of us trying to remember how to play the game and bringing back a lot of nostalgic memories. Some of the other members were chatting away and having some serious conversations about religion, politics, languages and history but I personally wasn’t interested. I think I was more proud that I actually managed to stay at an Aspergers meeting for more than 2 hours. I seriously didn’t think I could do it but I proved myself wrong. https://aspergersvic.org.au/events
On Good Friday, I participated in my very first research study at Deakin University, Melbourne Burwood Campus. The study was to see how brain stimulation during sleep can help to affect memory formation. It was organised by Mr. Michael Barham, who is one of the principal researchers on the project. In some ways, it was a pretty daunting experience for me having never visited either Burwood or Deakin Uni before but I wanted to have an open mind and try it.
It took place in Building BC on Level 5 in two small rooms: one being a preparation room with computers and equipment and the other being the sleep lab. Michael explained everything to me and got me to fill out a consent form and several questionnaires on the computer about my background, how I was feeling and my handedness.
Whilst this was happening, Michael and the assistant were fitting an EEG (Electroencephalography) cap on my head and attracting electrodes to parts of my scalp. It was a weird feeling having wires being “twizzled” into my scalp with cool gel and pure alcohol added. Whilst it did hurt a little (mainly from the pulling of my hair), it wasn’t agonising and I figured that I could handle it.
Everything was going fine...until I had a sudden nervous reaction and began going pale in the face. The last time this happened to me was about two years ago after having a blood test at work and it’s far from pleasant. Michael and his assistant were quick to act, removing the cap, bringing me a glass of water and making sure that I was okay. I laid down in the sleep lab for a while to allow the blood to rush back. But ultimately I was feeling embarrassed and guilty about what just happened.
I had to withdrawal my participation from the study, though they still generously gave me the $20 gift card anyway. I think there was several things going on: general restlessness, not eating enough before the study, getting myself worked up and anxious internally, having to concentrate on the questionnaires during the prep. I guess it all got too much for me. However, I’m still proud of myself for making the effort to try it. https://www.facebook.com/CognitiveNeuroscienceUnit/posts/1688036141290041
Later that afternoon, I thought I’d give my friend Positivity Andrew (Andrew Hewitt) a surprise visit at the mental health facility that he’s staying at called Upton House in Box Hill. It’s been nearly 20 years since I last stepped into a mental hospital, the last time being to see my late Grandfather who was diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression (mental illness is literally all in the family). Thankfully the staff at Upton House seemed to be more friendly and positive than at that last place.
It’s not very often that I do spontaneous things like this but I genuinely care about other people, especially friends who are going through tough mental health issues. But Andrew was very happy to see me and I could tell he was grateful for my visit. He was staying in a casual family room with comfy grey sofas and a collection of toys in the corner. It’s always hard knowing what to talk about but I tried to embrace the awkwardness best I could. I love you Andrew! Stay positive, get better soon and get back with your bandmates in Distracted By Pink! https://www.easternhealth.org.au/site/item/102-inpatient-services-upton-house
On Good Friday night, I went to the Studio Opening Party of Aaron Petty’s new yoga studio called Level Up Yoga in Berwick (located above Personal Performance Training Centre). Considering this was a public holiday, this could have gone either way but thankfully there was about 18 students that turned up to tonight’s Vinyasa Flow class. It was good to see a couple of familiar faces tonight like Christian Reid and Daniel Cooper. Of course my social anxiety was lingering around like a bad smell. I can pretty identify most of my triggers now: meeting new people, being unable to breathe, sweating profusely, being in small spaces. But I tried hard to push all of these away tonight.
Aaron’s style of teaching yoga is very unconventional to most Traditional yoga teachers. There is a great deal of humour and unexpected surprises like doing an ice-breaking activity (Oh god!), forming a kum ba yah-like circle and chanting “Om” together, patting each other on the back and grabbing people from behind for support. But it’s all in good fun and not meant to be offensive or uncomfortable. These particular challenges are actually very helpful for me who struggles a lot in social situations and gets me out of my comfort zone.
Aaron’s classes are also very physically challenging especially with the lack of ventilation in the upstairs space. It didn’t take long for everyone to begin sweating on their yoga mats. We did many flowing sequences (Downward Facing Dog, Plank, Chaturanga, Cobra/Updog), Crescent Lunge into Arrowhead pose, Chair pose, Bridge pose and Pigeon pose. I struggled with balance and fatigue at times but never gave up. I think it’s also really important to have a laugh during your practice because that helps to curb the frustration of getting that “perfect pose”.
The addition of live musicians playing some chilled out yoga music was also a unique touch as was the presentation of the indoor plants and serving of tea. Aaron clearly went to a lot of effort for tonight’s event and I was really glad that I could be a part of it. https://www.facebook.com/levelup.yoga.berwick/
“In the dark I can feel the weight of the world. Pushing down on top of my shoulders. You think you're strong enough to carry it all? Go ahead, knock yourself out. I keep talking but no one listens. And I keep hearing things that I can't understand. And I see beauty in resistance. And I'm just trying to figure out who I am.”                                                       Michelle Branch - Knock Yourself Out (2017)
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