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none-but-y0u · 3 years

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i'm lying (because i love you)

saw this post by @draculcid a few days ago and couldn’t get it out of my mind. then proceeded to write 1k words of a fic but then my motivation to write left because of school and then i suddenly got a burst of inspiration last night and i'm almost probably gonna polish it up for ao3 later but for now, here's a continuation of this beautiful headcanon tw: abuse, bruises, billy went back home to neil's after star court bcuz it works for the purpose of the story. ------------------------------------------------------------------------

So billy drives max over to steve's every few days because steve's place is the unofficial meet up for the party's D&D nights. and max comes in and she's angry and brash and everyone is like ??? and mike yells at lucas to calm his girlfriend down and max yells back that she's not lucas' girlfriend anymore and lucas is like wait whaaaa???

and its one of those nights when steve’s really tired and every loud noise is making him jumpy and anxious and he just can’t deal with them today. So ofc he yells at the boys before turning to max. Goes to yell at her too but she’s hunched over and folded in on herself and this is a different type of angry than usual. It’s laced with fear this time. And she looks up at him when he asks her what’s wrong, but nothing comes out, so el moves to sit next to her. Squeezes her hand before turning to steve with those round eyes of her and says “old billy”

And that news just...hits him for some reason. Settles uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach because it’s been a few months since Starcourt and Billy’s lost all that Californian thrill that he used to parade around town with.

And steve used to see billy often after it first happened because he was max’s designated driver, so his name appeared on the hospital guest sheet almost as often as Max’s, and ten times as more than Neil’s. And it’s not like he and billy really ever spoke. More of a head nod at the beginning and end of each visit while max’s rambles filled the space between them.

But once Billy healed enough to leave, he just went back to Neil’s because apparently the government doesn’t care too much about a traumatized teenager in a small town in the middle of bumfuck indiana leaking military secrets to the press.

And Steve hated the idea of Billy going back to Neil’s because, well, because he had just gotten used to seeing Billy without the bruises, and he realized he kinda liked seeing the blues of billy’s eyes sparkling during his rare moments of happiness. And he definitely wasn’t ready to see the old bruises start to make their appearance again.

And yet. For whatever reason, his worry never seemed to come true. The bruises never returned and everything was normal.

But months passed and steve didn’t have a reason to be around billy anymore which meant he went from “billy hargrove who steve saw almost every day” to “max’s step brother who drives her around” and steve hates to admit it but he misses the old billy. The one who would sometimes stare at steve from his bed when he thought steve wasn't watching. But Steve was always aware of billy. Has been from the moment he first set foot in town.

So when he hears this news, that “old Billy” has returned, he hates it because old billy was angry and scared all the time, and old billy didn’t look at him like he was important. Like he saw something else in him. Like he was worth it.

So steve nods at max. Tells the kids he’ll be back, and musters up what little courage he has left before trudging outside. Thinks about how if Robin were here, she’d tell him to turn around and go back inside. Let Billy be the angsty teen he tries so hard to come across as by himself. But his mind and nerves don’t seem to agree on logic too much these days, so he goes anyways.

And when he finally gets to the camaro, billy straightens up as if he wasn’t just hunched over, head in his hands, and breathing heavily. Looking exactly like his sister, not sister. And billy looks up at steve with a bored expression. Answers really dryly like he’d rather be anywhere than here cuz he’s cool for this.

But steve can see the bruises decorating the side of his face. Can see the unblemished skin on billy’s knuckles, and steve just knows. Old billy.

So steve, shaking and scared himself, finally works up the guts to ask billy to come inside. Says something like the kids just started a new D&D game and it won’t be done for a while, so billy might as well come inside so he doesn't freeze even though billy has always run hot.

And billy stays silent, narrows his eyes at steve, which makes steve’s heart beat in his chest because the knows they’ve moved past that night in november, but this is old billy and old billy is really good with his fists and steve doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of that again.

But eventually, billy agrees. Says something snarky like “i’ve always wanted to see how the other half lives.” Shuts the camaro off and opens the door, hitting steve on the leg because he’s still a boy who doesn’t know how to properly accept love and care with his words.

Inside, the party barely spares them a look, but he knows they’re doing it out of a respect thing because max is still frowning and closed off. And billy sees her, starts off ignoring her as he walks around touching things. But his eyes keep finding her and she keeps shivering because she still has some of that california blood in her. And eventually he walks over. Yells at her for leaving her jacket at home before yelling at steve for having a cold house. And steve says he can put the heat on or get her a blanket, but billy waves him off before shrugging off his prized leather jacket and throwing it at max.

And something warm flutters deep in steve’s stomach as he watches their interaction. Something he hasn’t felt since nancy and it builds and builds inside of him.

And then he sees the bruises on billy’s side. Sees the small splotches of red peeking through billy’s white shirt. Watches billy wince as he continues his exploration of steve’s house.

Eventually, steve tells billy to follow him. Has to say it with faux authority because billy loves to argue. When they finally do get to the bathroom, steve forces billy to sit, so he can clean his wounds because “you’re gonna get blood all over my mom’s new carpet, and she’s gonna kill me” which is a lie ofc because it’s not like she’s ever home, and even when she is, she’s only sober long enough to point out whatever flaw of steve she can pick at.

But they’re focusing on billy tonight, so steve brushes off the slight overshare, and billy seems to understand because he lets steve clean him up. Lets him run a warm rag over billy’s abs. Even let’s steve wash his hair (which is a whole other argument). And after, steve gives billy some of his clothes. They have different body sizes so the only thing that fits are a pair of sweats and one of steve’s old sweaters. But watching billy come out from the bathroom wearing his clothes sparks something in him, and he thinks that old sweater might just be his new favorite now.

After, billy starts looking around steve’s room. Says something like “so this where the magic happens” as he waggles his eyebrows. And steve goes to roll his eyes but there’s something about billy looking soft and cozy as he sinks into the cushion of steve’s bed. And that warm feeling is back, and it’s spreading this time. And he has to look away because he’s starting to think of scenarios of billy sleeping in his bed not just for one night but for forever, and...yeah he can’t think of that right now.

So he uses this moment of billy being slightly distracted to go to the kitchen. Makes up another lie about billy having to stay in his room for whatever reason and billy agrees because “your bed feels so good, harrington.” and steve can’t take it anymore and he runs out blushing.

He comes back a half hour later with slices of pizza but billy protests because he’s on a strict diet of not eating whatever the fuck they put in Sal’s pizza. But steve is prepared this time, so he counters saying they had extra and they have to eat it all or else the racoons will get it and everyone is full, so billy has to eat the rest of it.

And steve has already been really weird tonight. Doesn’t want to make it weirder by watching billy eat. So he grabs the closest thing to him which happens to be some romance book from the 1800s that he took out for a school assignment and never returned.

But he’s made his grave already, so he starts reading it. Or at least tries to, but soon the words start blurring together because he keeps getting distracted, and he resorts back to an old trick of reading everything out loud to help him stay on track. And then he remembers billy’s still in the room, and he’s looking at him with this curious look. And steve feels like he’s in grade school again, about to get scolded for being disruptive, so he stutters out an apology, but billy cuts him off, saying he can’t hear the book when steve’s sitting so far away.

and there’s plenty of room on the bed.

So somehow, steve finds himself, sitting on his bed, one side of his body pressed to billy’s, reading an 18th century romance book. and there’s heat being passed between them, but there’s heat filling inside steve too.

Time passes and they get lost in the story, but then suddenly, there’s a loud bang followed by screaming coming from the living room, and steve immediately jumps up, reaching for his bat, but then he hears dustin yell out a “sorry steve” followed by a chorus of “sorry, steve.”

And it takes a second, but his heart rate is slowing back down, but then he looks over at billy, and his eyes are wide and his fingers are digging into his side and he’s breathing really heavily like he’s on the verge of crying or something and steve gets it...old billy.

So steve waits with billy. Helps him calm down by pressing billy’s hand to his chest, to help ground him. Once he’s a little better, steve says he better tell them to quiet down, and billy protests saying “don’t be such a mom, harrington” but the jumpiness is still slightly there in his eyes so steve shrugs him off saying “they’ve already had the cops called on them once because the kids were being obnoxiously loud” and he doesn’t need it to happen again. He doesn’t tell billy the incident was an argument over a video game or that the cop was hopper who didn’t even drive over because it wasn’t serious and it didn’t involve el.

Later, when it’s getting late, nancy and jonathan show up to take the kids home. As Steve talks to them, he notices max and billy arguing in the corner of the room. Eventually he works it out. Billy can’t go home tonight, but max doesn’t want him sleeping in his car because who knows what’s out there.

So steve offers, well more like agrees, to max’s question of letting billy spend the night. Billy protests and steve shrugs it off, saying he has multiple rooms in his house and he can sleep in any of those.

After everyone leaves, steve goes to set billy up in a guest room, but he notices him being hesitant about sleeping alone. And steve’s been lying all day, so he figures that one more can’t hurt so he says that billy’s gonna have to sleep in his bed tonight because the other rooms are filled with his parent’s souvenirs from their many adventures. And it’s so obviously a lie because they were just in a perfectly clean room, but billy smirks anyways and says something like “if you wanted me in your bed, just say that.”

They get back to steve’s room and curl up under the covers. And it’s so cold in steve’s house, so obviously they have to conserve heat by practically spooning each other. And it’s steve’s bed and he’s the one that’s cold, so he gets to be the big spoon this time. Which grants him a “you planning on there being a next time, harrington?” steve hopes billy can’t feel his heart fluttering.

A few minutes later, they’re laying there, both still awake. Because the worst part about living in the middle of nowhere is the constant sounds of nature. Steve’s used to it for the most part, but billy keeps tensing in his arms. So steve lies one last time and says something like “i hate the sounds of outside so i have to sing myself to sleep. Do you mind?” and billy shrugs, saying no. and steve starts singing something that’s not a bedtime song and his voice is bad, but it makes billy laugh which makes steve’s chest flutter and that warm feeling is back with a vengeance. But this time steve welcomes it.

As the song ends, billy’s breath starts getting slower and quieter, and steve thinks he’s asleep so he whispers a “goodnight hargrove” into billy’s hair.

But his calculations are off, and billy stirs in his arms, and steve freezes, nose still touching billy’s curls. And then billy turns around, still wrapped in his arms and whispers a “thank you, pretty boy” into his chest before snuggling deeper into steve’s arms.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #headcanon #and ofc billy ends up staying with steve indefinitely #probably says something like “this house is too big for one person #and they all live happily ever after #blah blah blah #fanfic #billy x steve #also u have no idea how long it took to post this #tumblr website didn’t want to cooperate so i spent over #and hour struggling to put it up #and then i tried to do it on my phone...and it worked the first time #so tired of this app #i feel so old and i’m only 22 oh my gosh #wrote this at 3am instead of sleeping so hello hello 😁#my writing

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mostly-megan · 3 years

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December 7th: Movie Night

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Reader

Rating: E for Everyone

Word count: 882; not beta read, we live and die by the sword

Warnings: Naughty words, but that’s it

❄️December Writing Masterlist ❄️

(A/N): What? Late? I’m not late??? (Thanks you guys for understanding, I had a stressful few days, I ope to get caught up this weekend!) Prompts from @honeymandos; Photo credit: pinterest

“This is such BULLSHIT! He really thinks he can do THAT? Just leave the base with no orders just to win back some girl?!” Frankie howled with laughter as the lovesick love interest forlornly thought back on how he wrecked his chances with brunette female protagonist. You got to pick the movie and decided on a sickeningly sweet Christmas romance movie that was on TV, partly because you were a sucker for romance and partly because you just knew it would be horrible.

“A Class-A Holiday” was truly ghastly; the tale of a small town girl moving to a military area and teaching the straight-laced army families, and one handsome and stubborn lieutenant in particular, the magic and importance of Christmas, family, and love. There are so many story points that would only make sense in the movie world, like the fact that she opened a Christmas store year-round and that she somehow paid off an army event-planner to make the holiday ball more Christmas-y.

But Frankie could not move past the disgracefully terrible army uniforms, the titular class-a ensembles being truly egregious, and complete disregard for any rules or procedures “Frankie, that’s not the point, he’s got to make the romantic gesture. She taught him about the magic of Christmas and now he has to save HER Christmas,” your half-hearted defense is only making him laugh more. You lean over Frankie to set your warm mug back on the coffee, settling back into his side with your head against his chest.

“Excuse me, Major, sir. I need to request time off-base.”

“When, lieutenant?

“Right now, sir. I’ve gotta make things right with Kelsey before I ship off.”

“........Go get your girl, Baxter.”

The two of you dissolve into giggles against each other, it was actually getting worse and worse. The movie cuts to Kelsey closing up her store for the holidays as sad music plays. It starts to snow as she puts the keys back into her pocket and heaves a dramatically heavy sigh as she starts walking, snow starting to fall. A montage of her happy moments with Lt. Baxter: the meet cute where she spills hot cocoa on him, their ice rink date, their first kiss at the town Christmas tree lighting.

“I can’t tell if this is more insulting to military members or their families?” Frankie shakes his head in disbelief at the sappy scenes trying to pull on the heartstrings. We hear the audio from their argument about him being deployed and Frankie scoffs again at the ridiculous discussion.

“Chase, how could you do this? How could you not tell me?”

“I didn’t want to ruin our time together.”

“Well, maybe there is still something we can do?”

“No, Kelsey, we can’t! I’m going overseas with my orders and that’s it! This isn’t some stupid thing you can fix with ‘Christmas magic’! It’s over, grow up!”

“Jesus, you would never put up with this shit from me, even when I was getting deployed,” you chuckle and shift so your legs lay across his lap. “Not a chance, soldier boy. Ugh, but our last time together being at Christmas with snow falling dramatically around us with the lights a twinkling? You can’t deny that it sounds rather romantic, plus you wouldn’t have had to miss the holidays,” you fall back with your arm theatrically draped over your forehead before joining Frankie’s warm chuckle and snuggling back under his arm.

“KELSEY, WAIT!”

“Chase? What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be on-base to ship off tomorrow?”

“I had to tell you. I was a goddamn idiot to yell at you. You’re the best thing I’ve ever had, even if I’ve only known you for a month.”

“Chase, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you and, if you’d do me the honor,” the Lieutenant kneels “Please take my ring. I can’t tell you it’ll be a short or easy engagement. It’ll probably be long and lonely, but if it means that we both know that we had each other the whole time, it’d be so worth it. Then, when I’m home, I’m yours. No more tours and the biggest Christmas wedding you’ve ever seen. So, Kelsey Matthews, will you marry me? Please? You’d make me the luckiest son of bitch the army had ever seen.”

As Kelsey throws her arms around his neck, crying and nodding, you realize that your soldier has gone awfully quiet. Peeking up, you see the faint trace of moisture around his eyes, his grip around you tightens. “I wish I could have given that nice of a speech, instead of stumbling over myself,” you cup his cheek with your hand, feeling his sad smile against your palm. “I wouldn’t give up the speech you made for the entire world. I loved it,” his hand entwines with yours as he holds it still to his cheek, “I love you, Francisco Morales.”

The cheery end credit music plays as you lean up to kiss Frankie’s soft lips, mustache tickling from the angle. You might not have gotten everything perfect as a movie, but at least your love interest had all of those movie men beat. Because your story doesn’t have to end before the beautiful life you get to live by each other’s side.

Tagging who might be interested: @zeldasayer @winters-buck @max--phillips@rae-gar-targaryen @yespolkadotkitty @scribbledghost @plexflexico @sunshinepascal @agirllovespancakes @keeper0fthestars @freak-nasty-thick-dick-mando @youmeanmybrain @talesfromtheguild @frannyzooey @absurdthirst @softpedropascal @fairytalesintheend @lackofhonor @maybege @getinthepoolkeanu @pedroepascal @pedropascalito @mylifeliterally @catfishingmorales @miss-me-jack @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @pettyprocrastination @autumnleaves1991-blog @tangledlove27

#december writing challenge #december writing prompts #frankie morales x reader #Frankie Morales #megan writes now

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9bitghost · 5 years

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REMEMBER THIS AU???

Took me 2 years, but I’ve finally got everyone’s designs roughed out for my RPG AU!! Some designs gave me a lot of trouble, so I’ll probably change a few in the future, but for now, they’re all based around their outfits in the show. Getting back into this has also got me more into learning about D&D, so classes and subclasses are based on stuff from there and homebrews I’ve found and liked, with some liberties taken for the fun of it. ☆

I want to write proper backstories for all of them sometime, but until then, classes, alignments, and headcanons are under the cut!! ↓ ↓ ↓ (VERY LONG)

This AU can be set either as its own, or if everyone sat down and played D&D with characters based on themselves. I would love to write fic splicing the two together if I ever get around to it lol

Character Info

David: Ranger/Bard - Champion of Nature (Lawful Good)

S4E7 pretty much laid out his character and class perfectly; David is a Bard at heart, and sought to make people happy with his tricks and performances when he was younger, until he found his true calling in his connection to Mother Nature. His home is wherever he can set up camp and has his heart set on protecting the forests’ natural beauty and integrity from quickly growing cities. Breaks into song at random and dislikes conflict. Prefers to shut fights down though talk and song, but does excel at archery and long-range combat if the need arises.

(tbh, binary-bird’s david design is so much cooler and i was heavily inspired by it, so please just imagine him in that one instead lol)

Gwen: Bard/Cleric - College of Lore (Chaotic Neutral)

In all honesty, Gwen is the most difficult one for me to place in this AU. She strikes me as the one to DM for the kids so Nerris can play, and enjoys creating stories for them, hence why Bard comes as the most natural to class her. An unconventional one, as she’s sharp-tongued, usually straight-faced, and witty in a sarcastic sense. Probably owns a bookshop in her town and writes many of her own books (half of which are erotica and stored in a curtained off area you need a password for). She has a way with words and handles her spear with the same proficiency. Badass fighter if you get on her bad side.

Max: Rogue - Thief/Trap Master (Chaotic Neutral)

Grew up poor and practically on the streets with barely a glance from his parents, Max learned it’s every person for themselves from an early age. Known for being a little shit and a master at picking pockets, MacGyvering traps, and winning bets through words alone. Shitton of knives, prefers throwing them from the shadows. Says he doesn’t care for anyone but himself, but would actually kill a man or 20 for his friends. Met Neil when trying to swindle him out of some expensive potions and wound up traveling with him. Purely for profit at first after hearing about the tech Neil’s in search of, but they ended up clicking and became fast friends (in denial).

Neil: Artificer - Alchemist (Lawful Neutral)

Neil’s family is very well off and many of his relatives are well known scholars; his father being the leading philosopher in their district. Though proud of his family’s and his own scientific accomplishments, Neil became bored of his mundane village and life, and thus set off in search of new scientific discoveries that could land him a place in the history books. Hates combat and stays out of it whenever he can. Sticks to the side lines, crafting bombs, poisons, splash potions, and buffs for the party. Relatively level-headed and often leads the team’s strategies in battle, until things go wild and sends him into a panic.

Nikki: Barbarian/Druid - Path of the Beast Master (Chaotic Good)

Born into a broken family, Nikki fled to the woods at a young age and lost her way home. Found and taken in by a pack of wolves, she quickly answered to the call of Mother Nature and grew into a nomadic lifestyle with her pack. Nikki is a wild one, brandishing her giant axe with ease, communicating with animals, and able to shift into a wolf form. Met Max and Neil as they were passing thorough her forest and nearly bit a chunk out of Neil’s arm on their first encounter. Would do anything for her friends and thinks of them as her own pack as she journeys with them.

Nerris: Sorceress - Storm Bloodline (Neutral Good)

Born to a human mother and elven father, Nerris is skilled in magic pertaining to the elements, specifically lightning and electricity, and not to shabby with their shortsword when the need arises. Left their village on a traditional journey to hone their skills and become a great sorceress to make their family proud. Always up for adventure, but rash and dives head first into more dangerous situations. Met and traveled with Harrison, who they bicker with constantly over who is the better magic user, before they both joined the Main Trio feat. David. Don’t mess with their party, man, Nerris will beat your ass into the neighbouring realm.

Harrison: Wizard - School of Illusions/Wild Mage (Chaotic Good)

Harrison was born with chaotic magic that had his parents on edge since the beginning. He quickly became a specialist in illusions, but due to his wild magic, he’d caused a lot of unintentional trouble in his town, escalating to making his brother disappear with no idea how to get him back. Fled his family and town young in pursuit of honing his magic and searching for a way to bring his brother back. Terrible at hand-to-hand, weapons, or close-range combat, but packs a punch when his magic goes haywire, often being linked to his emotions. Will sometimes levitate without realizing and freak people out. His hat is his nearly unlimited inventory and is probably a dangerous rip in space-time that should be dealt with.

Preston: Bard - College of Glamour (Lawful Neutral)

Preston travels around in search of fame and artistic inspiration and loves any audience he can find. Rarely staying in one place for long, he recites his poetry and one-man acts for captivated audiences in the town’s square or taverns, sometimes accompanied by lute or flute music. His outfits are flashy and as much of a trainwreck as he is so he’s easy to spot. In battle, his acts are usually used to stun or paralyze opponents, often done as a tag team with a more offensive member of the party. If forced to fight, he’s not too bad at fencing his way out of it.

Dolph: Bard - College of Paint (Neutral Good)

Born into a prestigious and proud military family that he left to pursue a career in art. Has painted quite a few nobles’ portraits and has thus become well known as a traveling painter. Became quick friends with Preston when they met in a town square Dolph was passing through. Hates conflict and tends to stay back in battle, but if he has to fight, he’s able to summon whatever he paints in ink to fight for him (think Sai from Naruto lol).

Ered: Rogue - Scout (Chaotic Neutral)

Daughter and assassin-in-training of her two fathers who work closely with their country’s monarchy. Though she loves them more than anything, Ered has more of a go-my-own-way attitude, opting to work more freely and alone for smaller contracts than under her parents’ wings. Amazing sharp-shooter with her crossbow and can hold her own in hand to hand combat. She’s a name quite a few know in underground circles, and Max has heard of her before as well.

Nurf: Barbarian - Path of the Brawler (Chaotic Neutral)

Half-orc and full temper, Nurf is a brawler through and through. On the run for various crimes and resents the justice system for putting his mother behind bars. Fights mainly with fists and daggers and is one of the strongest in the party. Actually quite perceptive and insightful, but whether he chooses to act upon that insight is entirely dependent on how he feels at that moment. Nurf joined the party a little later than the rest, after meeting them during an ongoing brawl and teaming up as a spur-of-the-moment decision. He stuck around for one reason or another.

Space Kid: Cleric - Cosmic Domain (True Neutral)

Space Kid comes from a line of astronomers and astrologists, and he too answers to the Stars and Celestial Bodies. Many of his decisions are based on what star charts tell him and he’s just happy to be along for the ride. Met the Main Trio early on during a quest relating to astrology and, realizing they lacked a designated healer for the team, found Space Kid to be decent enough. Probably has untapped powers that are pretty incredible if he knew how to access them. Sticks around due to the Stars hinting that their fates are tied and good things will come about in the party’s future.

Other Notes

I’ve gotten an ask or two in the past asking about Daniel and he is 1458903% a Lawful Evil Warlock/Bard who answers to his patron Xemüg. Quartermaster is also a Warlock, probably Chaotic Neutral, and I like the idea of his patron being The Octopus (thank you S4E5 for the harrison and QM inspiration).

#camp camp #campcamp #reposting this bc it wasn't showing up in the tag for me?? never posting from drafts again lol #it's been so long since i wrote semi-decently #it feels so clunky but at least it's FINALLY DOWN IN WORDS #i love how i predicted alchemist neil and barbarian nikki long before the quest ep aired LMAO #s: cc #au: cc dnd #art: charades #i still know jack about dnd so please don't yell at me that some stuff doesn't work or w/e

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nicklloydnow · 3 years

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"Sadism now defines nearly every cultural, social and political experience in the United States. It is expressed in the greed of an oligarchic elite that has seen its wealth increase during the pandemic by $1.1 trillion while the country has suffered the sharpest rise in its poverty rate in more than 50 years. It is expressed in extra-judicial killings by police in cities such as Minneapolis. It is expressed in our complicity in Israel’s wholesale killing of unarmed Palestinians, the humanitarian crisis engendered by the war in Yemen and our reigns of terror in Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria. It is expressed in the torture in our prisons and black sites. It is expressed in the separation of children from their undocumented parents, where they are held as if they were dogs in a kennel.

The historian Johan Huizinga, writing about the twilight of the middle ages, argued that as things fall apart sadism is embraced as a way to cope with the hostility of an indifferent universe. No longer bound to a common purpose, a ruptured society retreats into the cult of the self. It celebrates, as do corporations on Wall Street or mass culture through reality television shows, the classic traits of psychopaths: superficial charm, grandiosity and self-importance; a need for constant stimulation; a penchant for lying, deception and manipulation; and the incapacity for remorse or guilt. Get what you can, as fast as you can, before someone else gets it. This is the state of nature, the “war of all against all,” Thomas Hobbes saw as the consequence of social collapse, a world in which life becomes “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” And this sadism, as Friedrich Nietzsche understood, fuels a perverted, sadistic pleasure.

The only way out for most Americans is to serve, as Biden does, the sadistic machine. The impoverishment of the working class has conditioned tens of millions of Americans to accept being recruited into the service of the militarized police that function as lethal armies of internal occupation; a military that carries out reigns of terror in foreign occupations; intelligence agencies that torture in global black sites; the government’s vast network of spying on the citizenry; the theft of personal information by credit agencies and digital media; the largest prison system in the world; an immigration service that hunts down people who have never committed a crime and separates children from their parents to pack them in warehouses; a court system that condemns the poor to decades of incarceration, often for nonviolent crimes, and denies them a jury trial; companies that carry out the dirty work of evictions, shutting off utilities, including water, collecting usurious debts that force people into bankruptcy and denying health services to those that cannot pay; banks and payday lenders that burden the destitute with predatory, high-interest loans; and a financial system designed to keep most of the country locked in a crippling debt peonage as the wealth of the oligarchic elite swells to levels unseen in American history.

(...)

We know what this sadism looks like. It looks like Derek Chauvin nonchalantly choking to death George Floyd as his police colleagues watch impassively. It looks like Andrew Brown Jr. shot five times by police in North Carolina, including once in the back of the head. It looks like Abner Louima, who had a broomstick pushed up his rectum by police in a bathroom at the 70th Precinct station house in Brooklyn, requiring three major operations to repair the internal injuries. It looks like Navy Seal Special Operations Chief Edward Gallagher randomly shooting to death unarmed civilians and using a hunting knife to repeatedly stab to death an injured, sedated 17-year-old Iraqi prisoner and then photographing himself with the corpse. It looks like Iraqi civilians, few of whom had anything to do with the insurgency, naked, bound, beaten and sexually humiliated and raped, and at times murdered, by army guards and private contractors in Abu Ghraib. Prisoners in Abu Ghraib were routinely dragged across the prison floor by a rope tied to their penises and chemical lights were used to sodomize them or snapped open so the phosphoric liquid could be poured over their naked bodies. It looks like women who are tortured, beaten, degraded and sexually violated, often by numerous men, in porn films, who are then discarded after a few weeks or months with severe trauma, along with sexually transmitted diseases and vaginal and anal tears that must be repaired surgically.

Sadistic societies condemn segments of the population – in America these are poor Blacks, Muslims, the undocumented, the LGBTQ community, radical anti-capitalists, intellectuals – as human refuse. They are viewed as social contaminants. Laws, institutions and bureaucratic structures are built in sadistic societies that function, in the words of Max Weber, as an “inanimate machine.” The machine forces most people into the mass, but it allows some willing to do its dirty work to rise above the multitude. Those that carry out the sadism on behalf of the power elite fear being pushed back into the mass. For this reason, they energetically carry out the degradation, cruelty and sadism the machine demands. The more they insult, persecute, torture, humiliate and kill, the more they seem to magically widen the divide between themselves and their victims. This is why Black police and corrections officers can be as cruel, and sometimes crueler, than their white counterparts.

The sadism eradicates, at least momentarily, the sadist’s feelings of worthlessness, vulnerability and susceptibility to pain and death. It imparts pleasure. I was beaten by Saudi military police and later by Saddam Hussein’s secret police when I was taken prisoner after the first Gulf War. The goons carrying out my beatings clearly enjoyed them. Israel’s abuse of the Palestinians, the assaults of Muslims and girls and women in India and the denigration of Muslims in the countries we occupy are part of a global breakdown that extends beyond the United States. Wilhelm Reich in “The Mass Psychology of Fascism” and Klaus Theweleit in “Male Fantasies” argue that sadism, along with a grotesque hyper-masculinity, rather than any coherent belief system, is the core of fascism, although communist regimes in China and the Soviet Union could be as murderous and sadistic as their fascist counterparts.

Jean Amery, who was in the Belgian resistance in World War II and who was captured and tortured by the Gestapo in 1943, defines sadism “as the radical negation of the other, the simultaneous denial of both the social principle and the reality principle. In the sadist’s world, torture, destruction, and death are triumphant: and such a world clearly has no hope of survival. On the contrary, he desires to transcend the world, to achieve total sovereignty by negating fellow human beings – which he sees as representing a particular kind of ‘hell.’”

Amery’s point is important. A sadistic society is about collective self-destruction. It is the apotheosis of a society deformed by overwhelming experiences of loss, alienation and stasis. The only way left to affirm yourself in failed societies is to destroy. Johan Huizinga in his book ��Waning of the Middle Ages” noted that that the dissolution of medieval society provoked “the violent tenor of life.” Today, this “violent tenor of life” drives people to carry out police murders, evictions of families, court-ordered bankruptcies, the denial of medical care to the sick, suicide bombings and mass shootings. As the sociologist Emil Durkheim understood, those who seek the annihilation of others are driven by desires for self-annihilation. Sadism imparts the rush and pleasure, often with heavy sexual overtones, which lures us towards what Sigmund Freud called the death instinct, the instinct to destroy all forms of life, including our own. When enveloped by a death-saturated world death, ironically, is embraced as the cure.”

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tigerkirby215 · 3 years

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5e Zephyr, the Hellion build (XCOM: Chimera Squad)

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Would you believe me if I said that I had this build on the backburner for nearly half a year? Like honest to god I said I’d “maybe” make XCOM builds over a year ago and I beat Chimera Squad around last November. (Yeah I kinda put the game on the backburner for 3 months before finishing it.)

With that being said Zephyr was easily one of my most valuable units, and she pretty much plays like the typical Monk. So naturally I jumped at the chance to make her!

GOALS

Crippling Blow - Punching criminals is all well-and-good but if you’re fighting outworlders with psionics and poison glands you need something to get the upper hand.

Momentum - “Move fast or die slow.” Play around cover if you want to stick around.

Crowd Control - When the mobs get too rowdy get ready to run in and knock them all down.

RACE

Zephyr was literally made for war which means holy crap we actually get to use Custom Lineage to make a Hybrid! You are a Medium sized creature with a +2 in Dexterity to start. You can pick either Variable Trait as either Darkvision or a Skill Proficiency (ideally Perception to see incoming hostiles) will be useful. You can also get a Language of your choice so I’d pick whatever you fancy, though perhaps going for something more alien would work well.

Of course you get a Feat at level 1 when using a Custom Lineage and ADVENT training makes you a bit of a Martial Adept. You get a d6 Combat Superiority die to use on one of two Maneuvers: Disarming Attack can be good to disable an opponent’s weapon (especially if your DM lets you kick it away after disarming them) and Parry will let you, well, parry! While you might not reduce the damage completely like in Chimera Squad you can still absorb some close-ranged blows!

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - Can’t get shot if you outrun the bullets.

14; WISDOM - Used for a variety of things, notably AC.

13; CONSTITUTION - Zephyr isn’t the biggest member of Chimera Squad but giving her some body armor is usually a good call.

12; STRENGTH - It’s not that she’s weak; we can just use DEX instead of STR.

10; INTELLIGENCE - ADVENT probably teaches military strategy but history is already formed by the victors.

8; CHARISMA - Zephyr is a rather blunt edge. ADVENT training doesn’t include comedy class.

BACKGROUND

War... war never changes, and you were literally made to fight. You are a Soldier by the purest definition of the word. You get proficiency in Athletics as well as Intimidation, Land Vehicles (someone has to drive!), and a Gaming Set of your choice (chess helps you learn military strategy so perhaps ADVENT training included Dragonchess training.)

Your feature Military Rank puts you in the ranks of Chimera Squad! Members of the City 13 PD recognize your rank, and you can get supplied with standard government-funded equipment as needed.

(Screenshot by u/jasonrodriguez_dt on Reddit.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - MONK 1

Put bluntly punching is more important for this build! First level Monks get proficiency with two skills from the Monk list: Acrobatics is good for dodging and Stealth is good for the breaching phase. You also get proficiency in a tool of your choice: Grey Phoenix will never be ready for your Calligraphy Tools! You’re welcome Tulok!

As a Monk you get Unarmored Defense equal to your Dexterity plus your Wisdom, even if Zephyr does wear body armor in XCOM. But more importantly you get Martial Arts! You can use DEX to punch, your punches do a d4, and after attacking you can punch as a Bonus Action!

LEVEL 2 - MONK 2

Second level Monks get Ki for a variety of military tactics. Flurry of Blows allows you to make two Unarmed Strikes with your Bonus Action instead of one, Patient Defense lets you Hunker Down and Dodge as a Bonus Action, lowering the enemy’s chance to hit (though this is XCOM so remember that 5% chance to hit can still hit), and Step of the Wind lets you Dash or Disengage as a Bonus Action to get up close and personal.

You also get Unarmored Defense, increasing your movement speed by 10 to help you dive for cover after attacking. And because Tasha’s wants to let Monks use weapons you get Dedicated Weapon, allowing you to turn any weapon you’re proficient in into a Monk weapon! (As long as it isn’t Heavy or Special.)

LEVEL 3 - MONK 3

3rd level Monks get to choose their Monastic Tradition and to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee Drunken Master works remarkably well. You get Bonus Proficiencies with both Performance and Brewer’s Supplies, but more importantly you get access to Drunken Technique. Whenever you use Flurry of Blows your movement speed increases by 10 feet and you gain the benefits of the Disengage action, basically giving you the Mobile feat that works whenever you use Flurry of Blows.

Additionally Deflect Missiles will let you Parry bullets! If you’re targeted with a ranged attack you can use your reaction to reduce the damage by a d10 plus your Monk level. If the damage is reduced to 0 you can catch the bullet, and then use a Ki point to throw it back!

You also get Ki-Fueled Attack but it literally doesn’t matter since you don’t have any abilities which use Ki that aren’t attacks.

LEVEL 4 - MONK 4

4th level Monks get an Ability Score Improvement: increase your Constitution by 1 for a little more sturdiness and your Dexterity by 1 to punch a little harder.

Additionally you get Slow Fall to safely hop down off tall ledges, and because Tasha’s didn’t think Monks had enough features you get Quickened Healing, letting you spend 2 Ki points to heal yourself for a roll of your Martial Arts die plus your proficiency bonus. Much like Second Wind you can use this before Short Resting if you have spare Ki for faster recovery after combat.

LEVEL 5 - MONK 5

5th level Monks get an Extra Attack, meaning you can punch twice with your action plus an additional time with your Bonus Action, or an additional two times with Flurry of Blows. Which is good because your Martial Arts die now increases to a d6, making your fists just a little more deadly.

But more importantly you can inflict a truly crippling blow thanks to Stunning Strike, which forces a Constitution save on the enemy or stun them, making them easy pickings for the rest of the squad!

Tasha’s also gave you some Holotargeting thanks to Focused Aim, allowing you to increase your hit chance with Ki, just to make sure none of your blows bounce off their armor.

LEVEL 6 - MONK 6

6th level Monks can make Vital Strikes thanks to Ki-Empowered Strikes. You get to ignore magical resistance and immunity now!

Additionally you get some more boosts to your mobility with Tipsy Sway, letting you Leap to Your Feet when prone with only 5 feet of movement and Redirect Attacks that miss with a Ki point so they hit another enemy in melee! “Should’ve kept your distance!”

And to top off your mobility your Unarmored Movement increases by 5 feet, equaling 15 extra feet of movement speed or 45 feet total.

(Screenshot from stevivor.com)

LEVEL 7 - FIGHTER 1

ADVENT training teaches you to do more than just run and punch. First level Fighters get their choice of a Fighting Style and seeing as we aren’t using Knives and Guns we may as well grab Superior Technique for more Maneuver die! You can learn another Maneuver like Distracting Strike to lower a foe’s defenses for your allies. And you get another d6 per Short Rest to use on Maneuvers!

If you aren’t going to hit level 11 as Monk (total build level 14) then Unarmed Fighting is also a good choice to increase your damage output.

You can also get some help from Terminal for a Second Wind, healing for a d10 plus your Fighter level.

LEVEL 8 - FIGHTER 2

Second level Fighters get Action Surge, for another action to do either a little bit more movement or a bit more punching. Yes this does mean that if you want you can punch a total of 6 times in a turn!

LEVEL 9 - FIGHTER 3

Third level Fighters get to choose their Martial Archetype and a Battle Master can inflict all sorts of Crippling Blows! Firstly you are a Student of War, granting you proficiency with another Artisan’s Tool of your choice. Maybe pick up some Woodcarver’s Tools to do something while out in the unpopulated areas.

But of course the main appeal of being a Battle Master is the Combat Superiority. You get four d8 Superiority die (on top of your two d6 die) to use on your Maneuvers. You already have several Maneuvers but how about a few more? Trip Attack is like Stunning Strike but it forces a Strength save to knock the enemy over, making them easy to hit in melee (or with a shotgun) but harder to hit at range. Goading Attack will keep foes off your friends and force them to focus you instead. And Grappling Strike will let you try to root an enemy in place.

(Video icon by Alpha155.)

LEVEL 10 - MONK 7

We got all the Maneuvers we could want and more so now it’s time for more Monk training to master our fists. 7th level Monks get Evasion to avoid explosions (and other things that force DEX saves) as well as Stillness of Mind to avoid panicking (or being charmed.)

LEVEL 11 - MONK 8

8th level Monks get another Ability Score Improvement: better max out that Dexterity to make sure that 99% chance to hit does actually hit.

LEVEL 12 - MONK 9

9th level Monks can defy the laws of physics with SCIENCE! Unarmored Movement Improvement lets you run across walls and liquids, as long as you end somewhere solid when you’re done. Enemy on high ground? Just run up the wall!

LEVEL 13 - MONK 10

10th level Monks get Purity of Body, making them immune to Earthbound diseases and Viper poison. Additionally you get 5 more feet of Unarmored Movement, meaning that you can now move 50 feet in a turn!

LEVEL 14 - MONK 11

11th level Monks have what the game calls Drunkard’s Luck, but I’d personally call Teamwork! If you make a roll with Disadvantage you can use 2 Ki points for some teamwork, negating the Disadvantage!

Your Martials Arts die also increases to a d8, so you can shake off the stress before going in and apprehending the target!

LEVEL 15 - MONK 12

12th level Monks get another Ability Score Increase. While we’ve got plenty of ways to be effective without Wisdom intuition is still good to not get hit. So increase your Wisdom by 2.

(Image from “Agent Profiles: Zephyr” Chimera Squad trailer video. Yeah it’s honestly really hard finding good images to put into this build.)

LEVEL 16 - MONK 13

City 13 PD are expected to be able to communicate with any species, and Chimera Squad is no exception. 13th level Monks get Tongue of the Sun and Moon, so anyone can understand what you’re saying and you can understand whatever they’re saying.

LEVEL 17 - MONK 14

Sick of dealing with things more dangerous than guns? Well Diamond Soul will give you proficiency with all saving throws! And your Unarmored Movement increases to 55 feet total!

LEVEL 18 - MONK 15

15th level Monks can live life with the game on pause thanks to Timeless Body. You can’t be aged by magic, though you will still die of old age. You also don’t need to eat, which is certainly helpful.

LEVEL 19 - MONK 16

16th level Monks get their last Ability Score Improvement for the build. I’ll leave this up to you: more Wisdom would mean more AC and more deadly Stunning Strikes, but the Mobile feat would allow you to save your Ki instead of using Flurry of Blows to move around.

LEVEL 20 - MONK 17

17th level Monks can finally lay down the Crowd Control thanks to Intoxicated Frenzy! When you use your Flurry of Blows, you can make up to 3 additional attacks with it, provided that each Flurry of Blows attack targets a different creature this turn. This means that you can target a total of 5 enemies with Flurry of Blows, not to mention the two punches you get from your regular action! And speaking of punches your Martial Arts die is now a d10, letting you really thin the herd!

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Reaper - Ever punched 9 times in one turn? Would you like to? Intoxicated Frenzy and Action Surge can allow you to really thin the herd.

Lockdown - You’ve also got plenty of ways to keep said herd from getting close with 6 total Combat Superiority die to spend on all sorts of Maneuvers.

Fearless Advance - You’re not exactly a frontliner but you can afford to take a few hits, with good health, strong AC, and very high saving throws thanks to Diamond Soul.

CONS

Berserker - Running fast with your fists out is great and all, but sometimes enemies will be in places you simply can’t get to. When that happens all you can really do is keep to cover.

Adder - Good ol’ limited resources. Even if you have plenty of Ki as well as a remarkable amount of Combat Superiority die they will still run out. Remember to take breaks between breaches.

Praetorian - Rules as written there’s few ways to boost your damage output or your armor. Bracers of Defense or an Insignia of Claws can definitely help but much like in Chimera Squad you might be left out as the party gets upgraded.

But if the streets get too full there isn’t anyone better to call. ADVENT wanted you to be the perfect soldier; it really sucks for them that you ended up fighting for the good guys! Keep the peace and stop the baddies from resisting arrest. Don’t worry about police brutality; outworld physiology is quite good at repairing broken bones.

(Artwork by Team Wreckloose on Tumblr.)

#dnd #dnd build #dnd guide #XCOM #xcom chimera squad #XCOM Zephyr #dnd monk #do people even care about this game?#idc #it's my blog #I'll make #what I want

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nam-imperii · 5 years

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For the in-depth OC questions, 3, 14, and 20 for Valania? :)

Ok I’m really sorry for answering late to this but I lost my first answer and had to rewrite everything but ehi! Wine Mama coming for a wonderful asker! :3 I’m gonna copy paste the question 3) since I answered that once already but the rest is all new, so let’go with Valania Tullius!

3) Does your oc have any kind of crafting skills that either aren’t in-game or don’t have as much importance in-game as they would in real life? (For example, can your oc sew or weave, etc? Are they skilled in any kind of art? Can they make jewelry or work glass? Are they musicians? etc)

Valania was raised principally by her mother in Kvatch, while her father was in the Legion. As such, she has an aristocratic education -she was even initially supposed to become the Countess of Kvatch-. While she doesn’t know any effective manual labor, she has an education in arts and literature, she is especially passionate about sculpture and has personally created some works herself. During her life in Skyrim she learned the basics of camping and survival out of necessity, but she lets Teldryn (or any precedent follower, it wasn’t uncommon for her to pay mercenaries before meeting the elf) handle the work. She’s way more comfortable inside the best inn they can find on the road, but that’s not always possible. Despite this she doesn’t think herself weak or inadapt, as many could call her thinking the lack of manual or working skills maded her spoiled. Valania knows she compensate with her magic and can stand her ground in a battle and is very quick to adapt, as any nord searching for trouble will find when she pacify his ass and puts him to sleep entering in his mind.

14) How well-liked is your oc? What is their reputation, if they’re well-known? Are they simply liked/disliked, or are they respected but feared, or personally liked but not taken seriously, etc? Do major factions consider your oc an important player?

Valania reputation it’s... A complicated thing. While she was the first Tullius to arrive in Skyrim and is a skilled mage, the events of Skyrim greatly changed everything. Normally, only the upper class knows that the Archmage of the College is an imperial woman, because the majority of the people doesnt’ care and see the College only as a bunch of mages you can’t trust. For the majority of the time so, Valania is more seen as a noblewoman than a mage -after all, everyone can recognize a noblewoman. Her reputation changed with the Civil War. Valania is not only the daughter of the Imperial Governor of Skyrim, but also the sister of the fabled Dragonborn. Among many imperials, she’s more overshadowed by her family than recognized for her magic, even if many people in the Empire knows she’s the Archmage by association, especially in Solitude.

You have also to consider the fact that while the College is neutral, the second Jarl Korir discovered who she was the daughter of, tried to use that to invade the College and Ulfric sended soldiers for that: after all having General Tullius daughter as a political prisoner would be wonderful for the stormcloaks. She escaped -at the cost of leaving the dagger of shalidor and the college in the rebels hands- but for the first time politics were forced on the neutral college. For this tragedy, Valania is seen by imperials and their allies as a tragic figure: the true archmage of winterhold, assaulted and sended in exile by the barbarians. In some sense you can see this as a similar situation to the one Elisif lives in the game, since both womens despite their qualities are often not really considered or took in consideration only by association to more powerful figures. During Valania exile in Solitude,this sparkled a friendship between the two and the more experienced woman took the struggling future Queen under he protection, ofter advising her about magical questions (Potema questline and Mind Of Madness). Those action would make her way more famous among a lot of people if revelead but for natural reasons Potema return was kept as a secret, so only the people involved knew.

But Valania doesn’t mind about this: she’s really a less adventorous person of her brother and doesn’t care about her personal reputation if not in the sense of making the reputation of magic in general better in Skyrim.

Valania is *way* more famous among mages and the higher up imperial military not only as the Archmage but for how she gained her position. Some of the most powerful mages out of Skyrim *cough* Neloth *cough* declared that Valania -as a master of only 2, max 3, schools of magic- should not be the Archmage because too inexperienced. The Synod declared instead full support (even if probably for more political reasons) to the College. Neloth ended up changing her mind during the dragonborn dlc but this doesn’t change that Valania has her share of critics. She proven herself in an additional way by winning Shalidor’s Labyrinth as the Archmages of old once did and in truth, even if she was a weak mage (which she isn’t) her direct administration of the College opened new college halls in every hold od Skyrim on the model of the third era mages guild, making the College way more rich and starting new projects. In time, she also becomed more liked by her colleagues by stopping a powerful necromantic cult and the rise of a new King Of Worms, despite the College praticizing necromancy (undeath questline mod). Ironically, she is mildly liked in Windhelm despite her family for having stopped the butcher. But she is almost never recognized on sight like Octavian.

(note: I intend to include the events of Beyond Skyrim: Cyrodiil in my canon and Valania will do one of the two main questlines. I can’t say how this will affect her reputation, since the mod has not gone out yet)

As for factions, apart of the College of Winterhold, Valania was essential to the tractative between Madanach and the Empire, but her involvement was kept secret.

20) What does your oc wear in the city/settlements? In the house? When travelling, but not adventuring or expecting combat? Do they vary their clothes depending on what hold/city they’re in? If they don’t, why not (e.g., if your oc wears the same outfit to tend their garden or lounge around the house as they did to meet Ulfric or Elisif, why?) Does your oc have a good or bad sense of fashion? How many clothes does your oc have?

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA BUT THE IMPERIAL WEARS IT BETTER.

Valania has probably the best fashion sense in her family unless you count Sheogorath while her father wears only what’s pratical and for the most time it’s his armor and her brother dresses with elegance but only following general elegance, Valania loves dresses and it’s an expert of mode. She is a regular client for Radiant Radiaments and has always the best dress for the appropriate occasion. She’s a fancy woman. Her most common outfit it’s what is often showed in screenshots, with the red coat with fur (skyrim is cold) and jewelry. But she changed the Archmage robes depressing grey in a more fancy poncho (even if she really wears the robes only when she’s on official Archmage buisness, she’s not a fan of the poncho) and has jewels and clothes of any form.

While she dressed often fancy and stunning on official buisness (dinner with the local jarl, public appereance...) she’s not against wearing “common” clothes if she’s doing something who has more sense to do not in a gown, She can wear anything and pull it off, exactly like while she has often her hair all up in a fancy way she can still let the haircut free and casual and look good in it. As for holds, Valania was kept away from stormcloaks holds for obvious reasons and any visit to those holds -a meeting with Jarl Ullfric included once- was based more on the occasion that the location. Her clothing habits -and investigations- allowed Thonar Silver Blood to put his hands on her once and the plan was to send her to Windhelm in total secrecy but that ended with the Silver Blood clan crumbling out of power and the start of the Reach process to leave Skyrim as an indipendent kingdom so yeah... Do not count on Valania sense of fashion to beat her.

#the elder scrolls #asks #i fucking forgot to put some tags #@ongoingaccident

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willidleaway · 4 years

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Star Wars, episode 9

In short: Without spoiling anything, remember how I was on about how Episode VIII was a good movie, a mediocre one, and a bad one fighting for space to each other’s detriment? And remember how this (I thought) left Episode IX with way more to bite off than it could chew?

Well, probably not, but it seems I had reason to worry. Episode IX is full of droids and spaceships and fights and explosions, but it also feels simultaneously empty and overstuffed. The plot isn’t stretched nearly as thin across so many parallel subplots as was the case with Episode VIII, but it’s still got two to three movies’ worth of story squeezed together into something resembling a supercut with just the essentials, and part of the problem seems to be it's more of a sequel to Episode VII than it is to Episode VIII.

So even though it competently hits familiar beats for fans of the original trilogy, and even though many people will like it well enough for that, it feels regressive and conservative and lazy. Good actors are wasted. Good characters are underused. Noise and nostalgia take precedence over sensible storytelling. It warrants more disappointment than anger, but maybe not a non-zero amount of anger, and it worries me about the future of Star Wars movies.

Spoiler-filled breakdown behind the Read More break.

In less short: OK, so let’s review where we were when Episode VIII ended:

Kylo Ren has killed Snoke and become Supreme Leader, with nobody to dictate his actions. Cool.

Rey’s parents are nobody and we shouldn’t be fussing about her heritage as if heroes always have chosen status or weird bloodlines. Cool.

The Resistance are basically now a ragtag crew that fits in a light freighter, with no allies to come to their rescue. ... This is a bit of a difficult spot to get out of.

Within the first 30 minutes of so, Episode IX sets it up so that:

Not only is Snoke not dead, but it turns out he was Sheev all along, and he’s still going to dictate Kylo Ren’s actions. Oh.

The Resistance is magically where it was at the end of Episode VII. Oh.

Then a bit further in—maybe an hour or so?—it turns out Rey has some kind of weird bloodline after all, namely Palpatine’s. Oh.

Palpatine being Snoke is annoying because Palpatine’s supposed to be dead and Snoke’s supposed to be dead, and when you have a long-dead Sith Lord that turns out to have been pretending to be a recently dead Supreme Leader, it seems reasonable enough to demand an explanation—none is given, of course.

The Resistance being magically reverted to its Episode VII state is understandable given the need to have Carrie Fisher in the movie through unused footage from that movie, but in view of all of the other retcons of Episode VIII, one can’t help but give this a bit of side-eye as well.

The retcon of Rey’s heritage is the real tell that

this is trying to be half of the trilogy all at once, which is a problem because it’s supposed to be the third act;

and in the process it’s also trying to erase a lot of the actual Episode VIII, which is a problem because it’s canon.

The thing is, much of what happens in the sequels could fit sensibly into three films with just a bit more work. Keep VII mostly as is; for VIII, trim the pointless safecracking subplot and the misguided mutiny subplot (and ideally replace them with a single subplot that keeps Poe and Finn in the same madness), and extend to include the reveal that Snoke was Palpatine and that Rey is his granddaughter; and then this leaves IX with enough breathing room to actually flesh out the implications of those reveals, the Force dyad, and so on, before moving on to the action of tracking down the Sith dagger and everything that ensues from there.

Of course, then it would follow exactly the beats of the original trilogy. Episode V ends with a big family reveal, and Episode VI then spends time dealing with the implications and reconciling the reveal with what was previously stated. But the sequels have been in such lockstep with the original trilogy that frankly I’m surprised that’s not what they went for to begin with.

Yet it makes sense when you take into account the completely on-the-fly plotting that the sequels have obviously been subjected to. VIII basically tore down some of the most delicious set pieces of VII—the mystery behind Rey’s identity, the presence of Snoke as Kylo Ren’s puppetmaster—and IX is basically tearing down that tearing-down. I know JJ Abrams wasn’t wholly responsible for the story of Episode IX, but it does feel quite a bit like he’s going ‘oh god no, that’s not what you were supposed to do with that from my movie! or that! or that! this is what you were supposed to do!’ and trying to build the house of cards back up. He’s not got enough time to do it right in two hours and a bit, and he knows it, but gosh darn it he’s still going to try. And maybe at some point he gets frustrated and yells ‘okay, Snoke was supposed to be a puppet of Palpatine, all right? just—just start the movie with that, it’ll be fine, because I don’t know how to even make that work with the carnage that Rian left behind’. So then facts are rapidly established and moved on from, because we’ve got a lot of ground to cover—mainly a lot of ground from VIII, to cover up.

It’s funny how the themes of these movies are supposed to be progressive—VIII was all about moving forward from failure and fear and despair, IX about recognising you are not alone and facing the problems of the world with that knowledge—and yet the plotting of these movies are continually regressive, retreating to ground already trodden to death by the original trilogy (both figuratively and, in the case of JJ’s films, literally—Death Star II, Endor, ...), and in many cases retreating within itself. A regressive strategy may work for prequels—after all things must gravitate towards the ground truth laid down by the originals—but it doesn’t work quite as well for sequels.

That’s really the key thing I wanted to say—IX feels insular, like it came from a parallel universe with a completely different JJ-led VIII and only realises it about ten minutes of the way in, and it feels a bit lazy falling back on clichés that VIII tried to explicitly preclude. But I do have some more specific thoughts on a few characters.

Rose: So, there was a lot of media buzz when VIII came out about Rose because ooh look she’s the first Asian woman to get any kind of significant screen time in a Star Wars movie isn’t that nice. And then there was a lot of racist and sexist abuse thrown at Kelly Marie Tran and that’s not very nice at all. And Rose’s character arc in VIII unfortunately overall turned out a bit lacklustre frankly so that’s just a bit mediocre. So clearly, given that Rose has been held up as this point of diversity in an otherwise not-terribly-intersectionality-friendly universe, we want to maybe shore this up a bit, right? Make sure that if Star Wars is going to have an Asian woman, that she’s going to be really prominent as things start going down in this last movie?

Erm, no. We’re just leaving her at the Resistance base to do tech things. Oh, we’ll bring her back out for the final battle, sure, and she’ll be part of the ground invasion, but for most of the movie you’ll barely realise that this was almost a major character in the last movie. The droids will have more agency and screen time than her.

Good choice, lads.

Hux and Pryde: VII wasted Max von Sydow, VII and VIII mostly wasted Gwendoline Christie, and now behold: the whole sequel trilogy wasted Domhnall Gleeson.

As demonstrated by performances in films like Brooklyn and Ex Machina, Domhnall Gleeson is actually an excellent actor, not merely competent. Yet in these movies, he doesn’t seem to have actually been given a role, only a caricature of one and a set of gags. First, he’s supposed to be a sort of perpetual rival to Kylo Ren—very mad, but very competent. Then, he’s basically openly laughed at by the Resistance and entirely subdominant to Kylo Ren. But finally in this movie, the writers remembered he’s supposed to be a peer, and makes him a mole out of spite against Kylo Ren, but basically absolutely nobody involved can take this seriously because of course it’s ridiculous.

To be honest, I don’t see how they could have ever made a rival to Kylo work. Here’s a more compelling idea. How about this: a former Imperial officer, high enough in rank to occasionally report directly to the Emperor himself, obviously loses all of his power and prestige with the end of the Empire. But then the First Order rises up, and he somehow gets to head the First Order’s military forces—but has to report to this upstart, this Kylo Ren. It disgusts him to have to report to this undignified hull-tearing snot nose, but he does it because he knows that behind the mask of Snoke is the Emperor, having cheated death, and through his devotion and the devotion of many others, the Emperor will rise again and—Kylo Ren or no Kylo Ren—reclaim what is rightfully his!

Oh right that’d basically have been General Pryde if they’d thought of him back when they were making Episode VII.

And of course, Richard E Grant—star of Withnail and I, of Can You Ever Forgive Me?, and of many fascinating Doctor Who stories of various canonicity—is in this role, and good god that’s even more of a tragic waste because of what General Pryde could have been if they’d actually plotted out a proper trilogy and realised that someone like Pryde would have worked a lot better than someone like Hux as right-hand man to the main villain.

Still nowhere near as wasted as Gwendoline Christie, mind.

Jannah: Yeah, Jannah and her company are all right. I just mention her because I am so glad that we didn’t get another Mickey Smith and Martha Jones situation where the black people just got coupled up at the last minute. Just thought I’d mention that.

Poe/Finn: Look, it’s like Kirk/Spock, okay? All the subtext is there, and it’s just a matter of you reading between the lines. How you read between the lines is entirely up to you—I argue there is a place for deep platonic relationships as much as romantic relationships, homo- or hetero-gender (although there may be a personal bias involved here).

But let me just say this: in the original trilogy, you had a young Jedi trainee and a pilot and his rescuee, with the latter two having this bickering old married couple dynamic. Those two are absolutely an item by the end of the trilogy, as in they have their big rotten kiss at the end of VI. (Possibly at other points too. I couldn’t possibly tell you.)

In this sequel trilogy, you have a young Jedi trainee and a pilot and his rescuee, with the latter two having this bickering old married couple dynamic. So where’s my Poe/Finn kiss at the end of IX?

As I say, though, it’s like Kirk/Spock, and like Kirk/Spock, it’s such brilliant chemistry that you can always rely on fan fiction to compensate for the cowardice of the canon writers. But it’d have been nice to have some level of canon validation.

Kylo and Rey: Yeah, speaking of big rotten kisses ... That is not the kiss I wanted at the end of IX. You didn’t have Luke kissing Anakin at the end of VI, did you?

That’s my main complaint, really, and otherwise I still think Adam from Girls (I’m sorry that’s just how I think of Adam Driver for some reason??? even though I’ve never even seen Girls???) looks a bit goofy at times. But Kylo and Rey’s arc felt like one where they were equals (possibly the bloodline reveal helps a bit there), they worked together well, it had a reasonable conclusion, etc. The Force bond thing is still creepy, and still a bit weird in how you can pass matter back and forth, but I suppose it was established in VIII, and I happen to think the way it was used in this movie on Exegol was actually pretty brilliant.

The droids: You thought I was going to talk about C-3PO, but it was he, D-O!

Sorry, couldn’t resist. Overall, I'm still not entirely cleared up on what happened with the droids, actually. It seemed like there was just this whole roundabout subplot around Threepio only to return everything to status quo, and maybe D-O had some information they could probably have used to begin with???

Other miscellaneous thoughts:

How much study in the Living Force does it take to do the becoming-one-with-the-Force thing, anyway? We see that Leia and Ben both vanish into nothing after death, and Leia definitely is a Force ghost confirmed at the end. But I thought season 6 of TCW made it pretty clear that this required a lot of training and study, which is why Qui-Gon was training Yoda so that he could then presumably train Obi-Wan (as the end of III suggests) in the art of immortality. To be fair Anakin never was trained in this, but given that he’s the Chosen One, I think he gets a bit of slack on what Force powers he can use. Luke and Leia were never trained on screen, of course, but Luke had years to read all the sacred Jedi texts, and he knows Force Telepresence (still can’t be bothered to find the actual name of that), so I figure he’s a very good autodidact, and likely trained Leia at some point as well as a Force ghost. So where does that leave Ben? I don’t know, maybe the Force ghosting thing is just a thing that runs in the Skywalker bloodline.

‘The dead speak!’ is the goofiest way to open a crawl since ‘War!’ from Episode III. Another reason the Palpatine reveal should have just been towards the end of Episode IX.

Trebuchet jetpack troopers? Really? Was that meant to be threatening, hilarious, or both? Because I only found it hilarious.

Also oh hi Wedge. Also oh hi Hayden Christensen’s voice. God I wish they’d had his actual visual Force ghost alongside Luke and Leia.

Did ... did Maz do anything other than basically be at the base and then give Chewie a medal because har har we love making references to the original movies? No? ... What a waste of Lupita Nyong’o, then.

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seeaddywrite · 5 years

Text

stars, hide your fires: chapter four

this chapter wouldn’t exist without @soberqueerinthewild‘s cheerleading, handholding, willingness to let me rant at her about my plot holes, & assistance with the word ‘soldier,’ which really shouldn’t be this hard to avoid. also, big thanks to @lire-casander for her cheerleading, assistance with middle names, & general fabulousness.

the plan is to upload chapter five by Thursday evening :) thanks for reading this crazy adventure of mine.

AO3 LINK

chapter index: 1 || 2 || 3 || 4

It’s frighteningly easy to get a meeting set up with the oldest of Alex’s brothers. Charlie responds almost instantly to the email he sends requesting a face-to-face, and surprises everyone by saying that he’s already in Roswell, and would love to see Alex the next day at 0900. His presence doesn’t bode well for the secrets they’re trying to keep; Charlie’s a sniper in the Air Force Special Operations Task Force. He’s rarely stateside, and for him to be in Roswell either signifies that he knows something, or that there’s something else going on that Alex doesn’t know. Neither option makes Alex particularly optimistic, but he can’t allow it to change anything.

Going in the next day isn’t ideal. Alex had been hoping for longer to research and develop his narrative, but there’s no stalling now. He’d been the one to request the meet -- it’ll look suspicious if he asks to postpone now, which is the last thing he needs. Charlie always had a soft spot for Alex when they were kids, but Alex knows better than to think that will matter if he gives the slightest reason for Charlie to doubt his sincerity. While Charlie may have smuggled him snacks when their father locked him in his room, and brought painkillers to the shed when Alex hid there after a beating, he’s still Jesse Manes’ son. There’s no such thing as the benefit of the doubt in that world.

And, well -- Kyle had said it best, the evening before, when they’d finally settled down to review files and put together a game plan. “Aren’t any of you Manes guys normal meatheads?” he’d demanded, thumbing through Charlie’s file with increasingly anxious fingers. “Look at this! Charles A. Manes. Air Force Silver Star Recipient three different times. Sniper. Special Operations Task Force. Best known for taking out thirteen armed terrorists in a shoot-out by himself -- this is the guy you think has a soft spot for you? Seriously? What if he’s already talked to Flint and decides to shoot you on sight?”

At the time, Alex had waved off the concern and pointed out that none of Jesse Manes’ sons could ever be average. Not if they wanted his approval. Charlie was Spec Ops, Hunter was an ace pilot, and Flint was head of Research and Development in several major projects. They were all brilliant in their fields -- but Alex had the distinct advantage of being the only one who’d given orders. The rest of them, as he’d once accused Flint, are sheep. They’re exceptional as long as there are directives in play; without them, they’ll fall like marionettes with their strings cut.

At least, that’s Alex’s hope. As he stands in the middle of the bunker he’d requisitioned from Jesse Manes all those months ago, face-to-face with a brother he hasn’t seen in close to a decade, he’s not so sure. Valenti may have had a point, after all. Charlie looks nothing like the young man Alex remembers from brief visits between deployments; where once there’d been a liveliness to his dark eyes, there’s now only a cool, calculating stare. Age seems to have wiped away all traces of similarity to their mother, and Alex feels an uncomfortable wave of deja vu. Staring Charlie down in this bunker bears way too much similarity to the day he’d played the same game with their father and come out on top.

Sandy colored hair, shorn in military style that hides the greys just beginning at the temples, posture so ramrod straight that it looks painful, and features that may as well be carved out of granite -- Charlie’s entire appearance screams ‘Jesse Manes’ son,’ and Alex can’t help but wonder if he’s made a mistake, expecting any measure of softness from this man.

Just as he’s psyching himself out, though, Charlie steps forward and slaps Alex’s back in greeting. It’s as close to real affection as any of the Manes boys get, and, paired with a cool smile, it signifies that things are going even better than Alex could have hoped for. “It’s good to see you, kid,” Charlie tells him, glancing around the underground headquarters as if he was reacquainting himself with a space he hadn’t seen in a while. “You’re looking pretty good for a guy who got on the wrong end of an IED not so long ago. I’m impressed.”

Alex can’t help but stand a little straighter as Charlie looks him over, the response as automatic and ingrained as jerking awake at the first ray of sun on his face or jumping to attention when he hears the order. He’s spent a lot of time on base acting as if he’s still got two legs -- pity isn’t something he can tolerate, and at first, there’d been no escaping it. It’s not pity that he’s worried about with Charlie, though; he just doesn’t want to give away any weaknesses. His missing leg is something that can’t be helped, nor can his brother’s knowledge of the injury, but he can damn well be sure that it’s made clear that the prosthetic doesn’t slow him down.

“Sorry I couldn’t get back Stateside when you lost the leg,” Charlie continues, still scrutinizing Alex from all sides. “I tried, but I got shipped overseas two days later. Did you get my letter?”

It’s so far from the suspicious welcome that Alex had been bracing for that he’s momentarily speechless.

“I -- uh, yeah, I did,” Alex says when he pulls himself back together, and nods jerkily. “I meant to write back, but -”

Charlie shakes his head, a bizarrely affable smile on his face. “Don’t worry about it. You had more important things to worry about.” He moves around one of the temporary tables Alex has set up in the bunker, his every step infused with the sort of deadly grace that Alex could never hope to emulate. Charlie glances at some of the carefully-selected files spread out on top of the table. He never pauses long, but the laser-focus of his gaze tells Alex that he’s cataloguing every detail for later perusal.

It’s part of the plan, for Charlie to see the work Alex has been doing, to believe he’s as dedicated to protecting the world from aliens as the rest of the men in their family, but he still has to clench his fists in the pockets of his jacket to stop from fidgeting. There’s nothing about Michael or the Evans’ twins in the contents of those pages; Alex refuses to endanger them further, even though Max and Guerin had both told him to use whatever he had to in order to get the information he needed. There are too many ways for that to backfire, though, and he refuses to risk it. There are other ways to earn his way into Project Shepherd than by throwing his people under the bus.

“So,” Charlie says, after another moment of rifling through the files. “Dad decided to read you in, huh?”

This is where it starts to get tricky, and Alex feels every muscle in his body tense. It’s an effort to maintain his nonchalant facade, but he manages it. “I had to hack into his databases first,” he tells the other man honestly. “But, yeah. Eventually.” He’s talked through his story with Kyle and Guerin at least twenty times the night before, and he’s prepared for anything Charlie might ask. Anxiety ebbs away as he slides into the well-rehearsed cover, and Alex feels himself becoming steadier, more dangerous -- more of the man who’d survived Baghdad and ten years of active duty service.

“You know Dad would never trust me voluntarily. That hasn’t changed.” It’s no use pretending that Jesse had a magic change of heart about Alex’s ‘weakness.’ No one would be fooled. So the narrative isn’t so different from the truth, at least to begin. “But since I figured out the truth, even he can’t deny how useful I can be. At the very least, I can shore up your cyber defenses, because it took me less than half an hour to break in and get all of the intel on the Project’s servers. His access password was ‘password,’ for Christ’s sake.” There’s no pride in his tone, just matter-of-fact honestly and scorn for Jesse’s computer illiteracy.

“And then I found out about Caulfield, and I wanted to see it for myself, you know? I thought Dad was crazy, but if there was proof …” Alex lets the thought trail off deliberately, knowing that sometimes less is more when it comes to this sort of story.

The mention of the off-books base makes Charlie’s expression darken, just enough that Alex notices. He leans back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest in a way that makes his muscles stand out in stark relief against his brown t-shirt, and Alex’s jaw tightens momentarily. If Charlie thinks things like overt displays of physical dominance are enough to scare him, he’s got another thing coming -- after growing up in a house with their father, Alex is pretty much desensitized to anything that Charlie could possibly try.

“And then you went to Caulfield,” he prompts expectantly, eyes narrowed shrewdly. It’s a standard interrogation tactic employed by the military: don’t give away any of the answer when the question is asked. Use prompts rather than specifics. Lets the detained person say what’s really on their mind, take the answer in the direction they want -- and usually, they’ll implicate themselves.

Alex isn’t that stupid. He blinks wide, guileless eyes, and nods slowly. “Yeah. Then I went to Caulfield.” He leaves Kyle out of the story for now. Flint knows, so it’ll come up at some point, but Alex isn’t eager to bring his friend into the tale, and it’s not really relevant at the moment, anyway. “I had to see them for myself, Charlie. I mean, aliens? It sounds like something out of a fucking Star Wars movie, not real life. I needed to see it. So I went.”

As he speaks, Alex is careful to maintain that careful air of naivete. The act balances on the knife’s edge between uselessness and innocence, and he needs to stay just on the side of innocence. If he takes it too far, Charlie will write him off as foolish and unhelpful, and that’s the last thing he wants -- but it’s important he play the awed younger brother just trying to follow in the family footsteps. That’s his ticket into the game.

Charlie nods, his expression no less guarded. “And?”

Christ, he’s not making this easy. Not that Alex had expected him to -- but it would have been nice.

“And it’s hard to deny the truth when you’re standing right in front of them,” Alex says bluntly, letting some of the incredulity and fear he’d felt in that place seep into his expression. It feels odd, to be so calculating of his every movement and facial tic around someone that’s supposed to be his family, but he doesn’t let that stop him from doing it anyway. “Dad’s right. You’re all right. There are fucking aliens invading our planet -- and I want to be part of trying to stop them.”

Silence echoes in the space between the two men, and Alex doesn’t look away from Charlie, doesn’t give him the chance to think that he might be lying. Instead, he lets that announcement sink in for a moment, then continues: “I know you’ve heard Dad saying that I’m weak for our entire lives, but I’ve served three tours on active duty, and did my time on the ground, just like the rest of you. I signed up to serve and protect my country, and I’ve done it. That’s part of who I am, now, and I can’t just ignore the alien threat. Dad may not like it, but I’m part of this family, too. Protecting people is in my DNA just as much as it is yours -- I want to be a part of Project Shepherd. I want to help.”

The lies taste like ash in his mouth, and everything integral to Alex’s being rebels against the idea of being just another Manes sheep with no free will of his own. He’s had literal nightmares about that, about what he could have been capable of if his father had been able to crush his will. But he knows what Charlie wants to hear -- it’s the same thing all of his brothers have wanted to hear for his entire life. They want him to be one of them, another nameless airman in the generational parade, want him to stop asking questions and fall in line. And, most importantly, Alex knows what Charlie will be willing to believe. He’s learned from experience that people remember their first encounters with a person more than anything else. And to Charlie, Alex is always going to be the little boy determined to follow in his big brother’s footsteps, desperate for approval and in need of protection and advice.

Charlie shifts his weight on his shiny, black boots, and looks at Alex steadily. “We’ve already got three people trying to run things here, Alex,” he says carefully, and the omission of ‘kid’ is either a sign of respect, or a signal that Charlie is trying to distance himself from Alex. Guessing which is dangerous, so Alex doesn’t try. “And even if I say yes, Dad’s not likely to be happy about it when he gets back. He’s been pretty clear about not wanting you onboard for a long time.”

He appreciates that Charlie doesn’t try to pretend that Jesse Manes gives two shits about Alex. It’s easier that way, with at least some honesty between them -- and Alex has always hated it when someone tried to tell him that his father does care about him. Fathers who love their sons don’t break their bones to show it. They don’t spend years attempting to reshape their souls with their fists, like it’s nothing more than clay on a potter’s wheel.

Alex snorts. “Dad’s never wanted me around, Charlie. That’s not news to me. But you said ‘when he gets back,’ right?” He’s walking the razor’s edge, now, and knows that if he over or under sells the act here, this is as far his mission will go. “If he’s not here, you’re running things.” It’s not a guess; Alex is no stranger to chain of command, and Charlie’s the highest ranking of the brothers by virtue of age, at the very least.

“I’ve been stateside for three days, Alex,” Charlie says with a sigh, running a hand over his shorn hair. It’s the first sign of stress that he’s shown since arrival, and it’s enough to tell Alex that he’s getting somewhere. Charlie wants the extra help, wants to have another person to depend on -- it’s a fair bet he’s got access to Alex’s personnel file, too, and knows that Alex has the skills to actually be helpful.

In other words, Alex has got an opening, and he’s going to exploit it.

“And I’ve only been in Roswell for less than twenty-four hours. Dad fucked off somewhere without any warning months ago, and Flint and Hunter have taken on most of the responsibility here. I can’t just read you in without talking to them first. It wouldn’t be right -- especially since Flint is pretty damned sure you purposefully blew up Caulfield with Kyle fucking Valenti.”

The words don’t particularly surprise Alex; of course Charlie and Flint would have been in contact in the last six months if they’ve been working together. To make matters worse, Flint likely would have contacted Jesse as soon as it happened. Alex can’t be certain, but he’d be willing to be that intel is why Jesse showed up in Roswell despite Alex’s warnings and tried to kill Kyle, around the same time Max brought Rosa back to life. So no, he’s not thrown off by the fact that Charlie knows more than he let on initially -- but it’s still irritating to have it thrown back in his face.

Alex narrows his eyes and crosses his own arms over his chest, keeping his weight perfectly centered on his legs to hide the ache that’s started in his bad knee from standing and posturing for so long. “Flint thinks I blew up a secure facility and nearly killed myself on purpose?” he asks, acid dripping from the words. “No wonder he’s been stuck in R&D for ten years. He’s clearly got no fucking common sense.”

Charlie quirks an eyebrow in an expression that Alex recognizes from looking in the mirror. “So you didn’t blow it up on purpose?”

“I didn’t blow it up at all!” Alex says, the anger in his exclamation genuine. He’s not willing to take all of those deaths on his conscience, not even in a lie. “Some security protocol went off and the whole damn base self-destructed before I could do much more than stare at an old woman through the glass door, and get some insane story about a cancer-causing alien that sent Valenti off the deep end.” He sits slowly at the computer desk and tapped out a short sequence on the keyboard. On the monitors, the security footage of Valenti Sr. being shoved into the alien’s containment unit and, presumably, contracting brain cancer. Alex watches steadily, refusing to waver now. “If I’d realized that Valenti was going to find out our father murdered his, I would’ve left him in Roswell.”

Talking about something that is still causing Kyle so much pain in such a cavalier fashion makes Alex hate himself. He wants to scream when Charlie just nods, his lips twisted in disdain, like Kyle’s reaction to realizing his father had been murdered was somehow pathetic instead of justified. Thankfully, Alex doesn’t have to work very hard to hide his reaction; both he and Charlie are looking at the screens. “My guess is that he cracked one of containment cells, trying to get at the one who gave Jim the tumor, and it sparked the self-destruct.”

Guerin hasn’t been mentioned thus far, and Alex knows Flint had no idea of his presence at Caulfield, so there’s no hesitation as Alex rewrites the truth to fit his needs. It would be stupid, if he didn’t know for a fact that Guerin’s not on any surveillance footage from that day -- Alex had been sure of that. He’d torn his way through the cyber defenses of whatever server the video had been backed-up on without any finesse and erased everything, practically daring them to trace the data trail back to him. It hadn’t been smart, but Alex hadn’t been in the right headspace to be smart, back then. Not after witnessing Michael losing his mother a moment after finding her. Not after their near-escape from a deadly explosion. Not after being shoved out of Michael’s life and losing the only sense of family he’d ever known for his best friend --

At the time, Alex had almost hoped they’d come for him.

But Guerin is safe, for now, because of that stupidity, so Alex can’t bring himself to regret it.

Charlie’s brows furrow as he digests that explanation, and Alex can see his certainty waver. In that moment, Alex goes for the throat -- figuratively, of course. “Charlie, please,” he says, closing the video on the server and spinning his chair back around to look at his brother head-on. “You and Flint and Hunter are the only family I’ve got left. And you know I can be useful. None of you have the tech skills that I do, or the inside knowledge of Roswell. I’ve been here for months. I still have roots and connections here that none of you do. I can help. All you have to do is let me. And when Dad gets back, I promise, he won’t be able to deny that I’ve done good work.”

As he speaks, Alex is eight and standing in the kitchen of the house they all grew up in, begging a twenty-year-old Charlie to stay home after their mother had finally had enough and left. Then it’s Charlie, coming back on leave and swinging a six-year-old Alex around while he laughs. Or Charlie, smirking as Alex proudly smashed a guitar over Flint’s head at twelve, or the man in uniform, boarding the plane to take him back to the Middle East with a small smile over his shoulder just for Alex, who’s fifteen and cradling a broken wrist against his chest. It’s almost easy to want Charlie to believe him, to want to truly be on his brother’s side -- because despite everything he knows about Project Shepherd and the horrible things his brothers have done, a small, childish part of Alex is always going to want their acceptance.

But as much as Alex cherishes the memories of Charlie’s kindness, he hates the feelings of helplessness and impotence they evoke more. Since enlisting, Alex has built his life on the pillars of control and logic, his own sort of power, to make up for the lack in his childhood, and stepping into this situation has cost him all that work.

But this is for Michael, for Liz and Kyle and everyone in that group who’d come to mean something to him, and for them, Alex will allow his foundations to crumble, if that’s what it takes. This is only shaking them a little -- and tonight, at least, Alex has the promise of returning home to the one person who always makes him feel safe and stable.

“I’ll talk to Flint and Hunter,” Charlie says after a long, fraught silence.

Alex can read the answer in his eyes, though -- he’s convinced the man that he can be trusted, and he’s done a good enough job that he can be sure Charlie will persuade the others one way or another. The calculating, ruthless part of his mind that Alex tries to keep locked down is pleased at the ease with which he manipulated Charlie -- the rest of him, the human parts, just feel cold.

“I can’t guarantee anything until I talk to them, and I’d be thinking of some specific ways to show them you’re worth the risk,” Charlie continues, and Alex’s stomach sinks. Proving his worth to an anti-alien task force is going to involve doing a lot of shit he doesn’t want to think about, he’s sure -- but that’s a problem for another day. He made it through today’s set, and Alex has every intention of taking the whole match. And he’ll have some time to plan, now -- if Hunter’s still in Afghanistan, as his records indicate, there’s no way Charlie will have a response for him in the next day or even two. Alex will make damn sure to take advantage of that time.

“Thanks, Charlie,” Alex says with a smile that rings false to himself, but would fool anyone who didn’t know him well -- which, ironically enough, described his brother perfectly.

“Don’t thank me yet,” the older man says with a grim twist of his lips, and for a moment, Alex wonders why he looks so unhappy. Is he really that worried about selling the idea to Flint and Hunter, who hang off of his every word? Or is this fear of their father -- reluctance to go against his will? Alex doesn’t know, but he wishes Charlie would stop looking at him with those pitying, worried eyes. It’s making it harder to keep the smile on his face.

To the younger brother’s unending surprise, Charlie pushes away from the wall he’s been leaning against and moves closer, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Take a couple of days of leave and think this over while I reach out, huh? This isn’t like the other ops you’ve been involved in. It’s not something you ever get to walk away from. Just -- remember that. Consider your options. You never wanted this life, kid, and you’ve already lost enough.” Dark eyes, so close in color to Alex’s own, sweep over his body to linger on his bad leg, and Alex shivers despite himself.

Shock jolts like electricity down Alex’s spine at the thinly-veiled warning, and he opens his mouth to ask why Charlie is suddenly so worried about his choices -- or maybe to deny that he wants anything but the mission? Alex isn’t even sure. But Charlie is already walking away by the time Alex pulls himself together enough to speak. “I’ll call when I’ve got an answer for you,” he says over his shoulder, deep voice echoing off of the cavernous walls of the bunker as he begins the ascent to the surface.

Alex stays seated in his desk chair long after Charlie disappears, staring at the blank wall in front of him. Doubt and insecurity encroaches on him, flickering like shadows in the corner of his mind, and for the first time, Alex allows himself to wonder if he’s gotten in over his head. For a long, dark hour, he lets his mind conjure one possible scenario after another, each one growing darker and darker, and all ending in the death of everyone he cares about. What if Charlie’s warning was a hint that they know his plan? What if his brothers are three steps ahead while Alex is lagging behind? What if they’re going after Guerin and the others as he sits here feeling sorry for himself? What if he loses the few parts of his soul that the war left him with?

Eventually, Alex can’t take it anymore. The walls of the bunker are closing in on him, and if he doesn’t leave this place soon, he’s not sure he’ll be able to pull himself out of the spiral Charlie’s warnings had started. It’s so stupid that he’s reacting this way -- but he’s been running on caffeine and adrenaline and sheer stubborn determination for the last thirty-six hours, and now that the immediate threat is past, everything else is crashing down on him at once. The burden he’d taken on. The responsibility he’s shouldering. The fact that to succeed in this mission, he’s going to have to send Charlie and the rest of his biological family to prison.

Usually, when he has moments like this, Alex finds himself sitting behind the bar at the Wild Pony, or in the middle of Liz’s living room, or even with Mimi DeLuca in her little apartment. Being alone had never been particularly good for Alex’s mental health, and he knows that none of them would turn him away.

But there’s only one other place he wants to be right now, and it’s not with any of them -- and for once, Alex is pretty sure that he won’t be turned away.

Drawing in a deep, determined breath, Alex stands slowly, finds his equilibrium, and points himself toward home.

#stars hide your fires #malex fic [at least it will be]#multi chapter

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paraclete0407 · 3 years

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‘Some of My Memories of Milwaukee+ or a Personal Odyssey’ or ‘And in the Years of Doing Other Things’

2012

Talking with kind of ex-girlfriend never actually my girlfriend called her ‘think of you as my wife’ in letter ater wrote Mark Helprin-esque ‘disclaim you forever with canned blessing’ letters about Aristophanes’ ‘Lysistrata’ in which Greek women refuse their beds to the menfolk to induce them to stop warring. Max Beerbohm or someone said, ‘There is a God and h/His name is Aristophanes.’ I don’t believe that at all but he was a good-natured writer that I can tell and also wrote about clouds and birds apocalyptically or otherwise and made fun of Socrates which I approve of. I don’t know anything about Socrates; my ex-friend used to say ‘I LOVE Socrates,’ that he could feel Socrates’ love. Socrates would say things like ‘The law is the advantage of the powerful’ and stated that if he reached an after-life he would continue to ‘troll, hit up, impertinently or insidiously argue with’ people forever there. He said the after-life could be like sleep without a dream. My friend said something about New York City and a production of Lysistrata then I started making hyper-fanfictions already in which Girls Gen decided to stop performing until war stopped or something and threw a Christmas festival with vermillion-colored fruit compotes but I honestly don’t remember a lot & it refleted my ‘Love of the Last Tycoon’ etc.-esque delusion that Media and woman- and girl-training like Lee Sooman would enable me to influence humanity’s future in a really gainful way. Later on I told Tizzard that Media Studies is an endless kind of college dorm-bull-session and NKS was the real deal, that reality exists, that ‘Visual Pedagogy’ is an excuse for inferior faculty and no real curriculum or purpose but it didn’t really matter b/c kids / the poor in spirit love media - I loved media too. I rem. being so happy in college to skip Phonology one day to play Final Fantasy 10 and I still got an A b/c Phonology is a decently logical human suitable discipline for someone like me. There is a Korean word that kind of means ‘suitable’ that starts with ‘J’ in transliteration that used to mean a lot to me and also I conflate with a kind of ‘yes.’

This person was also like ‘Why did you say you would go back to KR’ as opposed to apply to CTC or be a literary agent to casting-couch desperate alienated lady-authors for fun and bragging-rights and I sold myself short saying it was all about drunken proclamations - I actually didn’t know what I wanted to do and kept ‘short-selling David James Johnston’ talking about TV-writing when I already sort of decided that the power of TV was just a money-making-vehicle and that TV would not really change people’s minds for the better but just hypnotize or mesmerize them with more of what Jay McInerney(?) pace some French satanico-moral philosopher called ‘empty beauty.’ I rec’d people Friday Night Lights and they became Amfootball-fetishists with a fake God-evasion-religion-system; rec’d ‘Generation Kill’ and instead of understanding the sadness of the Iraq War or the fact that people just like us w/ videogames and pornography and Jerry Springer and all the sad beauty of irreverence and sort of boyish self-pity in the world was being thrown teeth- and brains-first in to the walls of Fallujah. (Years later thinking stuff like what is fake news what is real news, was the ComGen of the 1st Marine Division right to dismiss the Col. who had been careful w/ fueling tanks and his men’s lives? Today did the USMC really disband their tank corps or is it more of a ‘clue.’)

I remember when this person was 24 and I did quasi-test-adultery-turned-in-to-actual-adultery in NYC; I kept thinking that my dream would come true if I were faithful. It puts me in mind in retrospect of ‘Adagio Cantabile’ from the ‘Pathetique’ in which the young boyish Beethoven keeps re-crossing and re-tracing and repressing the same few things. There was a kid in KR who was counting his pocket-change to buy snack noodles + he looked about as well-fed as Haitian kids today munching on clay-biscuits to ease their hunger-pains or North Koreans or Chinese eating corncobs and smoking meth to cope whilst his mom supposedly hoped be would become a basketball-player. Other kid’s om was working in a bar, constantly forgetting to check HW, so but, Counseling was really boffo / spec and just reminded her again and again b/c in some places there are still reasonable compliant obedient square people who don’t deflect from doing the right thing, just get overwhelmed at times and want a break. Ironically Ayn Rand once defined evil as ‘blanking out’ yet she herself was doing amphetamines, propounding complex justifications for adultery, smoking, bashing a revelatory tragic anti-Nazi but pro-Germany author called Thomas Wolfe in ‘The Romantic Manifesto’ - Wolfe also cared about Japanese, about humility in the publishing industry, about nurses.

I went to Whole Foods to get pineapple but there the story sort of ends. There was Boa Kwon or BoA whom I once saw on WLIW NJ public TV and thought it was someone else; in retrospect this person was too smooth for me to read at all and I have no faith or trust in such an one who would lash out egomaniacally at any one at any time, prob. beat their kid to death with a trowl then take a nap in the next room b/c ppl at a certain level are like careless military officers that decide one illegal or irresponsible order deserves another b/c it’s image-management, what Emerson calls ‘a foolish consistency,’ or Derek Chauvin-esque drive and desire and determination to magnify one’s little point.

Later I started to reticulate or conceive of Lee Sooman in terms of a failed priest or one who had repeatedly and almost orthodoxly dodged his vocation. ‘Black Collar.’ I guessed using my ‘amae-guess-magic-bullets’ that his wife’s name is Eunjin + thought then, I don’t even remember. Told some ppl who didn’t really care that love-dreams are good and ‘Love and Peace’ was great b/c whilst America was being sarcastic and deflectionistic about everything SNSD were like, ‘We will compose in C-natural; we will be Tolstoyian; we will make direct statements about reality.’ I felt ‘Everyday Love’ was about ‘cybernetics’ or adapting the natural ‘Spenglerian peasant wisdom self’ to ‘the cold intellect of the city / civilization / dying-but-peaking epochal imperial organization.’ During this same time in my life or thereabouts I read a neo-hyper-Nazi book called ‘Imperium’ by a guy who admired the kamikaze and called for ‘wars of annihilation’ as well as castigating America for her cult of the average. This person said Japan’s not weak at all, they accelerated or amplified Spengler’s admiration for the Roman soldier at Vesuvius who refused to abandon their post since no one gave them orders to leave. In re the which I can only surmise pace Grace to You that somewhere there are still ‘thoroughbreds’ like that. At other times in life I said stuff that got me trashed on RedditButBothSides for using terms like ‘social form’ and Paul Washer of HeartCry who summed up much of my own life in telling it that ‘the porn-addict and misogynist is unloving’ was praising the African father, I love the African-African (not American) minister at Christ Church Episcopalian but then I am like, ‘drmdrmdrm Zulu king marching all his warriors off a cliff to prove a point about authority.’ I’m really really a child of the 1990s, Gandhi, MLK, Tiananmen Square bag-man, flower-in-rifle-bore. I never expected to levitate the Pentagon but I truly believed that if we’re nice to them they will be nice to us.

Later I over-compensate the other way and started making ‘psychopathic midrash’ like, ‘What do you make of the Good Samaritan if the thieves are still beating the man half or more to death when the Samaritan arrives and what if the Samaritan has a taser, handgun, rifle, bayonet, how good are they at martial arts, what’s their chest-circumference, what’s their reputation.’ But again people hate this because its super-worldly and technocratic. I had started to admire fmr. President George W. Bush b/c I felt that he was pushing back against the people who wanted bad to go from bad to worse, b/c I agreed with him about immigration, and b/c I felt I saw progress in his life frankly and even in Trump’s life where he nuked his earlier marriages but remained faithful and respectful to Melania. Marie Lee has it out for Barron Trump I guess but he’s still neurophysiologically / neuroanatomically very much not a full adult and it’s also literally ‘Titus Andronicus’-esque revenge pornography to go after a leader’s kids like that + distracting from WW3, nuclear terrorism, DF-26 Black Death warheads, satellite-bombs, annihilating the entire Midwest’s population for the topsoil here; and because Jack London once said ‘The Chinese work too hard so we the freedom-loving peoples ought to kill them all with germ-weapons and take their land.’

I later started dreaming about KKOOM Orphanage, a cold morning, eating coffee-crystals, a basketball-court a bit like ‘Trabia Garden’ from FF8. I felt people learn a lot from poverty, limits, prison, commitment, losing things. Meanwhile ‘Shanghai-1′ is like you’re exotic male prostitute and she too is the typical Chinese-Singaporean-Japanese-wannabe-British anti-Korean racist who thinks Koreans are the n-----s of East Asia permanently deserving of subjugation and that we all ought to amuse ourselves by making sure they remain permanent hedonistic sensualists physicalists etc. Keep them thinking about hip-bones till the end of time + make sure we have EYK, reaction-vids, self-niggerization- / ethical-evolution-inhibition-engines such as PSY or really all of YGE.

When I used to blog about T-ARA, Eunjung, and my dumb adventures with a secret life several Black girls approached e and I remember them well; curiously turned out to be involved in incest and/or rape-trauma. I told ‘lonelystrangergirl’ she stood a good chance of finding ‘manly KBF’ if she joined the military but I didn’t then know or take cognizance of all the problems in the US military with women. The fmr. Vice President Mike Pence was on talk radio saying, ‘WOMEN in the MILITARY’ my relation is like, ‘Millennial guys were pozzed pussy flyboys and effeminate art-fags who couldn’t transcend their self-consciousness so it’s no wonder’ but those are also ppl’s daughters, moms, people whose simplicity and loveliness might actually inspire a few men to act like men, though that is a very old complaint at this point, hopeful Kim Minju’s of the soul and mind who want to do what they can when they can, the world’s telling them to be super-heroines and it appears to convect(?) towards ‘All Loves Excelling.’ I hate doing physiognomy but it’s like this generation of Valkyries like Else in the Thomas Wolfe novel who won’t say anything about Hitler.

Again however, JMC on Grace to You as saying, Christ is the Rock, pulverization.

2014.

There was a new Korean restaurant w/ a limited menu, a stringed instrument no one ever plays, Thai lampshades. I talked about General Petraeus a bit, yesterday’s wars the Korean 3-star general from Vietnam who was buried in an infantryman’s grave and talked about the caste-system in the North Korean military, about hundreds of thousands taking to sea to g out of NV. In retrospect IDK why I said anything! The ferry-sinking, I’m trying to say, ‘This is society; this is the pozzery of systems that don’t work; this is people who don’t even look at people ad think they know and care when they just made the Homer Simpson drip-bird-care-machine auto-billing, meretriciousness.’ I still think PGH took the fall for a bunch of men who devised the ROK Coast Guard and manned it, lesbian mysticist, hairstyle.

I wish I kept all my thoughts and feelings to myself b/c then I could’ve planned. That was Applebee’s which later moved to another location, hen to another, then was razed to he ground in like one night. I mentioned my old mentor or affectionate person ‘Lt. Col.’ who told me about saving people but it was more K-wave self-exploitation, song-and-dance, ultimately, schizoaffective self-sadism.

I liked ‘Library’ by TTS a lot but didn’t realize it is about emotional-epistemic hedonism or wallowing in how much you could do and how useful you knowledge is or could be. Later they did ‘Adrenaline.’ I am ‘Mr. Seo.’ SJH’s dad. I’ve seen this a trillions times and I want to open up my ‘answer-macihne-gun’ and be like, ‘don’t listen to Black people; they all all all have the same mentality tow you. Snoop says he’s a sex-trafficker and that’s precisely what he is; that’s what he is increasingly is and wants to be and is.’ Why did they let him in the ROK at all, except to put him on trial for crimes abroad against Korean nationals? As this New Yorker cartoon said, ‘I’ll think outside the box when there is no more money in the box.’

My best friend was traumatized by people like this although there again I ended up even more the worse for wear b/c I started cursing and threatening ppl and stuff.

TTS however got super-fantastic for at least a little while with SJH’s song ’Only U’ which in retrospect might or might not have been self-composed b/c it’s a Taylorian era and ‘only you can make me,’ in which we become our truest selves by being understood. This song didn’t even say anything except for a few moments at the very end and as with many things in this era the fan-covers were more perfect than the commercial versions b/c it is again the desperate love of the poor in spirit for leaders and ‘pharons’ (beacons) that makes sth or s1 seem better, seem perfect.

Celebrity-culture and much of politics are about money, power, image, and corporatistic lesson-teaching / mental Derek Chauvinism. But these are starting to be empty words.

2008.

Writing a long letter to s1 who had other people. Why do not I edit all day. I still remember thinking how these athletes at RU had really great low BF% despite eating junk food so I tried to eat junk food but felt like a loser. I didn’t realize then that everyone was tagging everyone all the time.

‘If only they had stayed in h/Hot p/Pursuit...’ I decided to nuke my undergraduate syntax and just start every sentence with ‘They.’ Setpiece in Denver. I talked about ‘agape’ (Gr. word about Christ’s Charity or Christian concern for the soul which I don’t speak Greek), about hotels with doors between the rooms. But then there was all this in retrospect very obvious trash about overachievers and Asians which was trying to share one world w/ people from another who didn’t really want it. Like FF.net people saying ‘We really admired you; a lot of us are kind of stuck in the trailer-park and we know RapMonster is far distant from us but we like that your admiration of RM has been getting you somewhere.’ Wanting to take everyone along when in fact some of them want to let you go; my friend KateLorraine’s North Star column from FFnet long ago where it is like ‘Let us teach everyone in the universe to be self-sufficient writers and literary critics of life as well as perfect book-reviewers of ev1 they ever meet with the perfect savoir-faire action-response-system-protocol pace Colossians 4:6.’

This could make everyone friends with everyone today but I later came to see that t/Trust is something ‘circumscribed.’ It’s like Mirabel says in this Cogreve play that would need to be heavily footnoted by Bethlehem Seminary, ‘Let us be very reserved.’ Why party? Why celebrate being a couple? There’s this tiny hint of something at the end of the Song of Songs, ‘My small-breasted little sister, who’s gonna marry her?’ I for years ‘kept my virtue to myself’ b/c it is like Russian suitcase-nukes, anti-family, anti-couples, anti-biblical(?), anti-God, to say couples shouldn’t trash others behind their backs. I failed to appreciate the total ‘Shakespearea-irony-sized’ or idolatrous / cupiditinous implication in songs like ‘Red Is the Rose’ or a novel called ‘Angel and Hannah’ which I still hve no summative statement on b/c it as just the 1990s and what Stephen Crane might characterize as the defiant, prideful, Son of Morning-esque devouring of one’s own bitter heart. I re. years ago someone said Japanese like falling flowers and Chi like fallen flowers. Ppl rly love their fallen flowers and what they used to be.

There are people on 4chan or all over this world that keep little dreams, hope-chests. I want to say it can happen, the girl eating noodles can really make something, but maybe I as being a huckster and cultistic love-bomber in pushing everyone to leave home or secretly plot to ditch their family and burn their family’s expectations and social forms. Again, IDK why Reddit won’t let me say ‘social form’ when all the smart people are saying social form. But I am unhappy too b/c some ppl do not even have a social form or expectation but just the mind-machine that they’ll never make up. ‘Let us be humble and faithful and very reserved.’

2013.

‘Jericho.’ Guy with all these flashdrives always taking notes, but why. Just accept failure and rejection and give your body and presence to the task at hand. I also made something pre-Covid called ‘Rorate Caeli Desuper et Nubes Pluant Justum’ from an Eastern European composer’s setting about kind of an unauthored person who kept veering from father-figure to father-figure but that too say cynical and IDK why I was attacking women, failing to relate, writing endnotes to the living. I see to this is what happens when you stand around regarding what others have and are trying to forget particular actions or subsume their significance in some broader supposed mission. This too was fanfic-ified / plagiarized from a real person which is part of why I guess I didn’t go anywhere with it; hoping to do something IRL.’ A speculative phi.-of-teaching piece called ‘When To Care’ but there again it’s Milwaukee Judgment and cf. Levinas, ethical interruption, unethical interruption(?). ‘Teach You.’

‘Winter Presences’ from BoA’s ‘Always,’ failed couple rituals. ‘Perhaps a pizza.’ There was a Philip Roth or somebody’s novel and it crystallized for a sec bu in retrospect again, no real intended audience or beneficiary. Delta Covid, also Lam(b?)da Covid, sudden transposition / teleportation of 3rd world perils to ex 1st world. Heavily censor ‘On the Road,’ when they go to Mexico, ‘a bomb had come... and we would in the same same way...’ I remember the moment I was shocked and arrested by a Korean poem called ‘Flower’ which repeats a word sth like ‘desire’ and uses a phrase that people called ‘And we’ but is more like ‘And we all of us’ or even stronger than that, beginning and end. I wish I could sew or insert a syringe reliably. Power of children and little people.

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murfeelee · 7 years

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Malec Chronicles - Pt2: Portal Pressure

CAPTIONS AS TEXT

- "Alright, my little ducklings!" Magnus herded his family together. "Is everyone ready to go?" Alec laughed. "Are YOU? It's only been 3 hours; sure you don't need more time?"

- "My dearest Alexander, I'll have you know it takes effort to look THIS good, and you know I'm all for effort~! Now quit dawdling; portals don't make themselves -- otherwise I'd be out of work!"

- Magnus waited until all of his family was in the lobby before he lifted his arms with a flourish, preparing to create a portal to the Institute.

- Not many knew that Magnus invented the very first Portal, in the 1800s. After nearly two hundred years, they were a snap for the High Warlock of Brooklyn. But he liked big gestures. Flourish away!

- The portal materialized with a gust of wind and a sworling burst of purple light. The littlest of the Lightwood-Bane brood made their way inside with the unblinking ease natural to warlocks.

- Alec had impressively high tolerance. He was a one in a dozen nephilim with nary a sign of portal sickness or vertigo. But little Rafael still struggled with portals, though he tried to hide it.

- "My little angel-child," Magnus sighed. "It's quite alright. The effects are worse when you fight it. Do you think I'd let any of my magic hurt you?" Rafe shook his head, "No, Papa."

- "You'll be fine; you'll see! I'll go through with you. Whenever you portal, imagine that I'm walking with you, and that the magic loves you as much as I do." Together, they stepped inside.

- In the blink of an eye it was over. Rafael's heart beat rapidly, but it was a vast improvement on the quaking fear and nausea he usually fought down.

- "Here we are! Through the portal and at the Institute in one piece, just as I promised you, Rafe!"

CC CREDITS

- Magnus hair, outfit from SHT, boots, gloves by EA (SSNS I think), glitter makeup, earrings by Hieret, goatee

- Alec top, bow accessory

- Madzie hair, outfit, shoes

- Rafael top, pants

- Max outfit by EA (prob GEN?), shoes from ITF

- The Institute lot is still in Beta

- The “portal” is fog emitter effect ep2timemachinefx

MY THOUGHTS & FANGIRLING

The S02B finale was just what I hoped it would be, so I’m happy as a clam. :) MALEC LIVES ON!!! *happy flailing* I need Season 3 IMMEDIATELY!! (Not that I’d be able to watch it since I’m going back to UNI in like a week, urgh.)

Confession: My sim!Magnus’ outfit here is loosely inspired by one of my favorite looks Magnus wore in S01. In my head I call it the Wannabe Shadowhunter Military Gear Epaulets Extravaganza Ensemble. E3 for Short.

Anyways, he’s my favorite character on the whole show, and Harry Shum Jr. plays him fabulously. <3

I wanted my sim!Magnus to look more like S02 Magnus, when he went from a pretty bishounen to gawdDAYUM, son!!

But I made the goatee too prominent; I couldn’t find a subtle enough one I liked. Oh effing well.

#sims 3 gameplay #sims 3 malec #magnus bane #magnus is life goals #werk it bish #sims 3 shadowhunters

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bytheanchorarchived · 7 years

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BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Jonathan Christopher Wayland, later Jace Lightwood Herondale. PRONUNCIATION: ˌ ˈʤɑnəθən ˈkrɪstəfər ˈhɛrəndeɪl MEANING: From the Hebrew name יְהוֹנָתָן (Yehonatan),contracted to יוֹנָתָן (Yonatan), meaning "YAHWEH has given" or “ gift of Jehovah”. According to the Old Testament, Jonathan was the eldest son of Saul. His relationship with his father was strained due to his close friendship with his father's rival David. REASONING: Jonathan was likely chosen for Jace (by CC) due both to its literal meaning, gift of God as probably referring to Jace having Ithuriel’s blood (angel blood), as well as his pure intentions; and its historical/biblical meaning, as Jace’s choice on whose side to fight in the war (his father's, or his father’s enemies) are in the core of his characterization. Valentine gave him this name simply because Jonathan was the name of Michael Wayland’s son, the boy he killed, along with his father (x), and whose identity he took. Jace saw the name Jonathan Christopher in Valentine’s journal (referring to his biological son) and thought it was about him, so Valentine, since he’d never given Jace a middle name, decided to let him believe it was and keep Christopher as his own. NICKNAME(S): Jace (from his initials JC, given by Maryse), blondie, Captain America, Angel Boy. PREFERRED NAME(S): Jace. BIRTH DATE: January 18th 1991. AGE: 16-17 (books), 19-20 (show) ZODIAC: Capricorn. GENDER: Male. PRONOUNS: He/Him. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual. NATIONALITY: Jace was born in Idris, in Shadowhunter territory, which is located in Central Europe, between Germany, France, and Switzerland. ETHNICITY: Caucasian. CURRENT LOCATION: New York, United States of America. LIVING CONDITIONS: Currently residing in the Shadowhunter’s Institute of New York City, where he was sent to by the Clave at age 10. At ten years old, he witnessed what he believed was the murder of his father, Michael Wayland, and after news of his death spread, Michael’s parabatai, Robert Lightwood and his wife Maryse Lightwood, offered to take the boy in and raise him. He grew up in the Institute since then, with his adoptive siblings and his own future parabatai. TITLE(S): Fastest, Strongest, Fiercest, Best of all Shadowhunters in his Time (dead or alive). Shadowhunter, Valentine Morgenstern’s Arrow / Weapon. War Hero. Parabatai (to Alec Lightwood). Head of the New York Institute (future).

↬ INTRODUCTION VIDEO

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: Idris, Shadowhunter’s homeland. (see above) HOMETOWN: Jace was “born” in the outskirts of Alicante (Idris’ capital, and only city), and not in any exact town. SOCIAL CLASS: Since Jace was brought to the Institute and under the watchful eye of the Clave, it became clear that the boy was special. He excelled in all fronts of his education, be it Strategy, Literature, Music or the Study of Downworlders and Shadowhunter History. But it was his performance on the battlefield and in training that truly attracted attention. He was faster, stronger and more agile, graceful and precise than any shadowhunter child his age, or older. It is said that barely anyone could keep up with him in the training exercises and battles, and even Alec, being almost two years older, had a hard time matching him, said accomplishment only reached by Izzy. His performance ensured he occupies a high place in Shadowhunters’ Society and has the respect of his comrades. Fact which was only confirmed by his own merits and efforts in the wars of the century. Also as a part of The Lightwood family, Jace carries the prestige of the name in a secondary manner, and being Alec’s parabatai, he is directly involved in the leadership of the Institute (show-wise) and later becomes the Head of the Institute, by Conclave vote, once both Alec and Izzy abdicate. He is often chosen as mission leader, despite Alec being the one who should hold the title, being the eldest, because leadership and being at the top of the action is what he enjoys most. EDUCATION LEVEL: Shadowhunters are generally highly educated, and Jace, specially, had a noticeably varied and deep education under the hand of Valentine Morgenstern, who raised him to the age of ten. When he joined the others in the Institute, he already had an advanced knowledge of History, Philosophy, Strategy, the Downworld, Demons, Magic, Literature, Music, and Languages. Jace knows more than four different languages, and has general skills and knowledge in all different areas, as well as plays the piano masterfully. FATHER: Stephen Herondale (biological), Valentine Morgenstern (”adoptive” Jace doesn’t really considers Robert his father, because of the great influence Valentine had on him, how he marked him - for better or worse - and even after he died, Jace kept thinking of Valentine as his father, both loving and hating him, and found it hard to even relate to Stephen, his “real” father, much less Robert as a father figure. He comes to appreciate Robert, but he does not call him father or sees him as such. He even thinks of Jonathan Morgenstern as his “adoptive” brother, though they never knew each other growing up. Valentine is both the hated figure of the tirant and abuser, the person about whom Jace has panic attacks and night terrors over becoming like him, and also the father of his young childhood - up to 5 years old or so - that kept him safe, before real training begun. “I have a father” He tells the Clave envoy, after “Michael” dies, but shows interest in knowing about Mrs. Lightwood, the mother). MOTHER: Céline Herondale (biological), Maryse Lightwood (adoptive, Jace starts calling Maryse “mom” after COG, a while after she claims him as her son and tells him she’s loved him all along). SIBLING(S): Alec Lightwood (adoptive), Isabelle Lightwood (adoptive), and Maxwell Lightwood (adoptive). BIRTH ORDER: Alec (eldest) - Jace (two years younger) - Isabelle (two years younger) - Max (nine years younger). CHILDREN: Unknown (but he wants them). PET(S): None / Church / Falcon (dead). OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS: Valentine Morgenstern the man who took him from his dead mother’s womb, and raised him to the age of 10, and who, while his mother was pregnant, fed her angel blood powder, so that it’d passed onto the baby. Valentine raised him under the name of Michael Wayland, which was how Jace got his first surname. Jace later found out he was actually Valentine Morgenstern but still believed he was his biological son (and Clary Fairchild’s brother) to the age of 17 (books) and 19-20 (show). Valentine had a vast influence on him, as he raised Jace with both psychological / emotional and physical abuse. Such abuse went from beatings when he did anything wrong (remarked by Jace himself in memories, and both Alec and Isabelle also in memories of him when he got to the Lightwoods); to withholding affection and praise, saying it made him weak (noticed when Jace compares being held as a toddler, and later on his father not even allowing him a shoulder touch, which surprises him when Sebastian does); to overcritical and perfectionist approach to his training (in the words of Jem “the boy moved with military discipline, unusual in one so young, even among Shadowhunters”); to teaching him “love destroys both the one who loves and the one who is loved”, by making him love and tame a pet, and then killing said pet in front of him; as well as at the end making Jace experience and believe in his murder, then see his body in a pool of blood which led the boy to stop believing God cared about him; among countless other things. Despite all of this, Valentine never withheld from stating his love for the boy, or saying that all he ever did was for his own good, and Jace remained fiercely loyal to him for most of his early life, which gave him purpose, first in his vengeance for his “father’s death” and later took the ground from under him when he found out he was still alive, and in fact, had never been Michael Wayland. Sebastian Morgenstern (Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern), Valentine’s biological son, who shared Jace’s experience of being raised by the man’s hand as the other end of the experiment (an angel blooded and a demon blooded shadowhunter), and later became his demonic parabatai, through a dark bond made by Lilith, mother of all Demons, that tied their lives together and put Jace under his will. Jace kills him the first time in the First War, and then when he’s raised from the dead himself, his life becomes the loophole through which Sebastian can be brought back as well. They think of each other as adoptive siblings, though twistedly so, and Jace while being possessed by Lilith, has night terrors about not regretting killing him and what that told about him as a person. Sebastian killed Jace’s little brother, Max, almost killed Jace, himself, and later made Jace take a life while under his will as well. Alexander Lightwood, his best friend, and parabatai, half his soul, the first person he truly trusted after the death of his father, the first person Jace wanted to belong to (as explained to him by Brother Zachariah) after being left an orphan. Alec has a frontal and major role in Jace’s life and recovery from his father’s abuse, as well as protector, in general, and battle partner. Alec helps Jace heal, and Jace is the one to ask him to become his parabatai, as he realizes he needs Alec in his life. Clarissa Fairchild, his first love / serious relationship, the first person that has ever made him fall in romantic love and want to fight the curse he believed fate had on him, so he could love her safely. The one Valentine makes him believe is his biological sister, for a few months, causing both of them incredible pain, in hopes to keep Jace under his control. Clary is the only other person on Earth to also have angel blood in her (though not intended by Valentine), which means they share a bond in the blood of the angel Ithuriel, and that blood calls them to each other, allowing a deeper relationship to develop over that first trust connection. Jace is incredibly curious about Clary at first sight, and can’t get her out of his head, until a Ravener Demon almost kills her (Clary killing it first), and he decides to take her to the Institute, where he tells her about the Shadow World, after saving her from poisoning, and their quest to find her abducted mother (by Valentine) and story together begins. PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: No serious one, though a series of hook ups, specially with the Fairy Folk, noticeably the one faerie that worked as a maidservant at Taki’s, his favorite Downworld diner, Kaelie Whitewillow. For my portrayal of Jace, this fooling around will have included some level of physical intimacy, but he won’t have had penetrative sex up to the point he meets Clary, as intimacy and trusting anyone that wasn’t a Lightwood, has always been hard for him. That is also the reason why I consider it my canon that Jace and Isabelle had their first kiss with each other, in an innocent, trusting manner, when they were both young.

IMPORTANT EVENTS:

When Jace was still in his mother’s womb, he was experimented on with Angel Blood, more specifically Ithuriel’s blood, by Valentine, without his mother’s knowledge (in the books by mixing it in her food, in the show by injection). Valentine later, after the uprising, had Jace’s parents killed and the boy was taken from his dead mother’s womb by him with the help of Hodge Starkweather, and only survived due to his angel blood. It was spread the story that Céline had killed herself after the death of her husband, however we know that is not true and Hodge was, in fact, the one who killed her at 8 months pregnant, something he never forgave himself for. There’s no proof about Stephen’s death (he died in battle), but I wouldn’t put it past Valentine to have orchestrated it, since he wanted to raise Jace, himself.

At age 10, he witnessed what he thought was Valentine’s (then posing as Michael Wayland) murder, by the hands of the Circle, something that marked him forever, and was then sent by the Clave to America and the New York Institute, by ship, where he was taken in by the Lightwoods and raised by them.

In his early adolescence, 14-15 years old, he asked Alec Lightwood to become parabatai with him, and Alec, after taking a day to consider it, said yes. A ceremony was had where their souls were bonded as one by Angel Magic.

Meeting Clary Fairchild, Jace immediately sensed a connection between them, and it was interest at first sight. His feelings for her smacked him on the face hard and quickly, and he felt like he belonged by her side, in some inexplicable way. Later he thought for a brief period that was due to finding out she was his sister. But in reality it was due to their shared Ithuriel blood, which made them the only two creatures alike in the world.

The death of his brother Maxwell Lightwood, marked him as the rest of his family, but for him, it made him realize this war would not have an end until Valentine and Sebastian were both dead, and he understood it was up to him to accomplish it, with the gifts of angel blood Valentine, himself, had forced on him. After Max’ funeral, he goes over to Clary to say goodbye, and leaves her the Morgenstern ring as he leaves to what he believes is the death of his father but also his own.

At the end of the first war, Jace was killed by his father, Valentine, as he had managed to kill Sebastian, himself, and found Valentine in time to stop him from raising Raziel and slaughtering the adult population of Shadowhunters. He was intent on killing his father, as much as it pained him, because he knew the right side was that of the Lightwoods, and genocide was not the answer. He believed he had the upper hand, however, Valentine surprised him by calling upon the discarded Soul Sword, and making it run through his heart. As he died, Valentine held him and apologized, saying he had no other way, and couldn’t let even Jace stop his plans. Later, the angel Raziel kills Valentine, something he’s allowed because of Clary’s change to the ritual runes on the ground, and Clary uses her one command / wish from the angel to bring Jace back to life.

When he had his life bound to Sebastian Morgenstern with a demonic parabatai bond, he did and said things he still regrets, specifically killing an ex Iron Sister, under the influence of Sebastian’s will, but he also got to know the boy in a way he never expected, and both things still haunt him after Sebastian’s death. He understood better the bond between them made by suffering under Valentine’s raising and loving the man at the same time, and how Sebastian thought he had stole his life. At the same time, he hated himself for being the channel through which Sebastian could be brought back from the dead, and thought he owed it to the world to die, so he could take Sebastian back with him, and the world back to balance.

Having the Heavenly Fire trapped inside him, when Clary stabbed him to break his bond to Sebastian, was the most euphoric, powerful, and dangerous he’s ever felt.

MY JACE HERONDALE HEADCANONS COMPILATION

ARRESTS?: In the books, Jace was arrested by Imogen Herondale, the Clave’s Inquisitor twice, first he was sent to the City Of Bones, after he was discovered to be Valentine’s son, and fell under suspicion of treason when he denied knowing his father’s plans or whereabouts, and refused to answer the Inquisitor’s questions (in her eyes). However his father’s invasion and subsequent slaughter of the Silent Brothers, made it so Jace was “rescued” by Clary and the Lightwoods and transferred to Magnus Bane’s tutelage. He was arrested by the Inquisitor again, at Luke Garroway’s home, after it was discovered Imogen had put a tracking device on him, and found out that he’d gone to see his father, in his ship, while Magnus was busy healing Luke and Maia Roberts from demon attacks. She put him in a Malachi configuration (a sort of energy cell) and he almost lost both his hands to the fire cuffs she left on him. She intended to kill him in front of Valentine (under the disguise of trading him for the Mortal Instruments) but Jace escapes by discovering his ability to jump several feet in the air, after encouraged to do so by Alec, whom believed he could.

In the show, Jace was arrested by Clave Envoy, Victor Aldertree, after he was rescued from Valentine’s ship (where he had been taken to by force) by Clary Fairchild, under suspicions of treason, and that Jace was in in his father’s plans and had been a spy for him all along. During such arrest he underwent trial, where under the compelling of the Soul Sword (one of the Mortal Instruments), he was forced to admit he couldn’t truthfully pledge his allegiance to the Clave, though not because of his father, and that his love for Clary Fairchild was not that of a sibling.

PRISON TIME?: A couple of days (show), a week or so (books).

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: Resources/Payment from being a Shadowhunter. SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: None. TERTIARY SOURCE(S) OF INCOME: None. APPROXIMATE AMOUNT PER YEAR: Unknown. CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: Being a Shadowhunter is everything to Jace, it’s what he knows, and what he was raised to be. Valentine raised him to be a soldier, a warrior, and as much as he grew, it was always a big part of him. He wouldn’t know how not to be a shadowhunter, and is most at ease when out in missions, killing demons and protecting the innocent. PAST JOB(S): None. SPENDING HABITS: Jace is known to occasionally spend money on himself, with high priced clothes, such as his favorite leather jacket, but other than that he lives a fairly spartan life and has very few belongings that were all passed on to him by his families. MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: Jace has a few special possessions. His only remanescent toy (a wooden soldier) was given to Max Lightwood by him when he first got to the Institute. One of the daggers his father gave him, which was a family heirloom, he gave to Clary during their first mission. He gave his Morgenstern ring (that he thought was for Wayland) also to Clary when he left in a suicide mission to kill his father, saying in a letter that he still couldn’t bear to see the heirloom lost, and from then on Clary wore it on a chain around his neck. But later he was given a Herondale family ring by his ancestor, and he had the Lightwood crest engraved in it, in its inside loop and wore it on his finger. He also has a collection of other weapons, and a collection of poetry books that he treasures (poetry and music being both his passion). All in all, it is said in COA that all of his belongings reunited fit in a single duffel bag, which he takes with him when Maryse tries to make him run from the Institute, so to be safe from the Inquisitor.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

Nephilim physiology: Being Nephilim, Jace possesses a variety of enhanced physical and mental abilities granted to him by the angelblood of Raziel in his veins and also by the angelic Marks of the Gray Book. This includes enhanced strength, speed, agility, stamina, and coordination, which continue to improve over time and practice. (x)

Angelic blood empowerment: While all Shadowhunters have the angel Raziel's blood in them, the fact that he has even more, directly extracted from Ithuriel as a result of Valentine's experiments while he was still in his mother's womb, contributes to his superiority in certain fields and other enhanced aspects beyond the normal Shadowhunter parameters. (x)

Parabatai bond: Due to his parabatai bond with Alec Lightwood, Jace is able to call on more strength in battle. The runes drawn on him by Alec also give a considerably stronger effect. (x)

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: Great physical strength, considerably bigger than the average shadowhunter (only topped by Sebastian M.), and that may be enhanced by runes. OFFENSE: Jace is thoroughly an offensive soldier. He was trained to be on the front lines and lead the charge / attack. He is an expert hand-to-hand combatant, and an expert swordsman, due a lot to Valentine’s training, to his own angel blood, to the Lightwood training and his own dedication to it. He will always be the first one to attack, and will put himself in front of his comrades without thought. He will charge at enemies in a manner that is considered reckless for many and brave in equal measure. He likes the back up, but he prefers to be the one in the heat of battle. A lot of it is at first due to his not valuing his own life, but valuing everyone else’s, and later because he feels he needs to atone for what his father has done and what he’s one while under demonic, and then Sebastian’s, influences. SPEED: Great speed, considerably bigger than the average shadowhunter (only topped by Sebastian M.), and that may be enhanced by runes. Jace is said to be the fastest shadowhunter of their time and Clary often describes his movements as a blur, Maia also described him moving as though he was there one moment and across the room in the next. Few people can keep up with even watching him as he moves about. INTELLIGENCE: Highly intelligent and intuitive, has, as mentioned above, a huge content of knowledge, in all areas of study, is extremely well-read on the classics of literature. ACCURACY: Jace’s accuracy was born from Valentine’s zero tolerance policy about error. He learned that making mistakes was not acceptable and had no choice but become confident on his own abilities and trust his instincts, to have his natural knack guide him. It is fairly respected, and he strikes to kill, when fighting demons. AGILITY: Jace’s agility and speed go hand in hand, he’s as agile and graceful as he is fast, doing things both with speed and precision. STAMINA: Great stamina, considerably bigger than the average shadowhunter, and that may be enhanced by runes. Jace, much like his parabatai can run on low battery for a long time if need be. Though much more because, his distortion of how much he can take, comes from his infancy with Valentine, and his constant need to test and strain Jace to his limits. Jace’s angel blood also allows him to fight for a long time before he runs himself to the ground, and he doesn’t need much food or rest to keep going. TEAMWORK: Jace is good with teamwork, as long as he’s allowed to be somewhat in the lead, or agrees with the leadership and their plan. Having to follow orders, or be under someone else’s command is sometimes very frustrating for him, as he has his own ideas of right, wrong, and how to be more efficient, or what is reckless or not. He’s good at commanding a group, but not always at being under one. TALENTS: Expert swordsman, expert hand-to-hand combatant, plays the piano quite well. SHORTCOMINGS: Following rules, preserving his life, being cautious, allowing others to be at risk, thinking a plan through. LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: Romanian, Latin, Ancient Greek, Italian, French, and some more languages. DRIVE?: No. But later learns to drive a demonic flying motorcycle quite well (not before crashing it spectacularly with Clary). JUMP-STAR A CAR?: No. CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: No. RIDE A BICYCLE?: Yes. SWIM?: Yes. PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: Yes, the piano. PLAY CHESS?: Yes. BRAID HAIR?: No. TIE A TIE?: Yes. PICK A LOCK?: Yes.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: Dominic Sherwood (both book and show wise) EYE COLOR: Gold (both book and show wise). HAIR COLOR: Blond. HAIR TYPE/STYLE: Falling on his eyes, curly (book). Straight and cut short on the sides, long on the top, falling on his eyes (show). GLASSES/CONTACTS?: No. DOMINANT HAND: Left. HEIGHT: 5′11′’ feet (or 180 cm) WEIGHT: Unknown. BUILD: Slim, muscular build. EXERCISE HABITS: Constant because of his daily training of his shadowhunter skills. SKIN TONE: White but golden, sun kissed. TATTOOS: None, however, his runes (permanent show wise, and temporary book wise) can be considered or seen as tattoos, in which case, he has them on his entire body, specially torso, neck and arms. PIERCINGS: None. MARKS/SCARS: Many. Even for an average shadowhunter, Jace has plenty of scars from training, battling, and specially from his childhood and also reckless behavior in battle. After his father’s death, Jace reminisces about how the first time he truly realized his father was gone, was when he hadn’t had any fresh scars or bruises on his body for a few days. And book-wise, he has scars left by the runes when they disappear, since they burn the skin. Jace also has a scar on his neck (book) and his wrist (show) from where Simon bit him when he offered him his blood. He has scars around his wrists from the fire cuffs Imogen put on him, and Clary seems to often notice one on his cheek. He also has a chipped tooth (left incisor). NOTABLE FEATURES: Striking gold eyes, specially for his angel blood. Feline/Leonine features, with slightly wider apart eyes than usual, a narrow mouth and a strong jaw. He is described as particularly attractive, in a very noticeable way. USUAL EXPRESSION: Charming, smirking / smiling, smug. CLOTHING STYLE: Jace likes clean but well fit and cut outfits, such as his leather jackets, white and black shirts, and leather boots. He has a very James Dean style. JEWELRY: Morgenstern family ring, later the Herondale family ring with a Lightwood inscription. ALLERGIES: None. BODY TEMPERATURE: Warmer than average due to his angel blood. DIET: Highly inconsistent, on both the type of food and the constancy of it. He loves moo shu pork and mangoes, hates cucumber, as well as bergamot and Earl Grey tea (because he says most are not “real” Earl Grey). He likes cheese sandwiches and apples. He loves Maryse’s cooking. He stops eating when under stress, and often forgets to eat when focused on missions or anything else. He becomes noticeably skinny when under anxiety and panic attacks in CoFA. PHYSICAL AILMENTS: None.

PSYCHOLOGY

JUNG TYPE: ENFP ENNEAGRAM TYPE: Types 3 and 8. The Achiever ( Ego fixation: Vanity. Holy idea: Hope, Law. Basic fear: Worthlessness. Basic desire: To feel valuable. Temptation: Pushing self to always be "the best". Vice/Passion: Deceit. Virtue: Truthfulness, Authenticity. Stress: 9. Security: 6.). The Challenger ( Ego fixation: Vengeance (Objectification). Holy idea: Truth. Basic fear: Being harmed, controlled, violated. Basic desire: Self-protection. Temptation: Thinking they are completely self-sufficient. Vice/Passion: Lust. Virtue: Innocence. Stress: 5. Security: 2.) MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good. TEMPERAMENT: Mix of Sanguine and Choleric. ELEMENT: Fire. PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE: Interpersonal. APPROXIMATE IQ: Unknown. MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: PTSD. Abuse survivor. Anxiety. Deep distrust in his capacity to love, and specially to be loved for who he is, not his perfect mask. Believes and was told by the one person he knew in the first ten years of his life that he will destroy everyone he allows to love him in his life. Loyalty to his abuser / incapacity to discern abuse to some point. Craves physical punishment in a completely unhealthy way and it doesn’t help him feel better. Can overlook other people’s needs if they are not immediate and the mission is more important, but will definitely overlook his own, for days on end, when in cycles of anxiety and depression. Strong suicidal tendencies, and recklessness throughout his life. Extreme sense of guilt. SOCIABILITY: Jace is apparently very sociable, and will engage easily with new people on a superficial level. He can have a rather aggressive approach if those strangers are in his way or in the way of what he believes to be the right thing, but he will not harm an innocent, and he will give his all to protect them even if he doesn’t agree with them. He finds it easy to charm people and is very outgoing, whenever it doesn’t involve intimacy. He has little trouble expressing what he’s thinking or what he thinks is right, as long as it doesn’t involve his feelings, with people he distrusts. He’s blunt and forward, but can be alluring if he has to. Alec sent him in his place to the Seelie Court in City Of Bones, because he knew he could be “a lot more charming than himself”, and charm the Queen in the right way to achieve their goals. EMOTIONAL STABILITY: Jace has a good grip on his emotions, or on hiding them, but it doesn’t mean they are stable. If it involves the people who matter to him, he can get easily riled up, as that is his weakest point, but otherwise, when taunted by a rival, he is hard to crack or give up if the latter is attacking him personally. He has little to no care about himself when regarding his health or survival, and will challenge an opponent, no matter his chances to win, if he has to, wants to, or feels in the need to have guilt beat out of him. He is extremely good, however, at concealing and or distracting from his instability. OBSESSION(S): Not ruining the people he cares about / around him, making things right, avenging his father (up to finding the truth), following his morals, no matter the cost to himself, being the best, atoning for his father’s sins (after finding the truth), and whatever he believes to be his own sins. COMPULSION(S): Sacrificing himself for the greater good. PHOBIA(S): Being abandoned. Ducks. ADDICTION(S): None. DRUG USE: None. Some faerie drugs, once unknowingly (in a scone bought at a cafe), and other recreational, while under Sebastian’s will. But generally none. ALCOHOL USE: Jace is not exactly a heavy drinker (despite show portrayal), his escapes are more physical and danger, than alcohol, it’s not something that is routine for him, however, he can hold his liquor when he does drink. He enjoys wine once in a while, for the pleasure of drinking it. PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: Yes, when he feels it’s righteous to attack, or when he needs to defend someone, or rarely when he’s tried to instigate a fight against himself. However, he will not engage in violence for violence, and detests to hurt others that are innocent in any way. His violent tastes (when he enjoys them) are towards either people attacking him or ones he love, or demons.

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: Talks smoothly and in blunt phrases but making use of wordplay. Is usually forward but still likes to embellish his speech a lot, normally for humor, sarcasm, flirting, or when he’s quoting something else. Babbles on purpose when he’s being difficult or playful, or trying to stall. Says people’s names and nicknames a lot, as though to keep their attention focused, sometimes speaks in direct orders but mostly in a charming way. Is decisive and never stutters, rarely jumbles his words, and only cuts himself off when he’s specially frustrated. ACCENT: Jace has a residual Idris accent, that sounds slightly British, he also uses some British words or expressions once in a while, but he’s lost most of it while growing up in New York. QUIRKS: Smirks a lot, has a feral/feline/smug smile, crosses his arms when wanting to show security in himself, has a swag about him, and his speech and movements are graceful and fluid, but strong. HOBBIES: Reading, training, playing the piano, writing, riding, nature-watching. HABITS: Keeping the place he lives in and his possessions clean and tidy, as way to try and hold control over life. NERVOUS TICKS: Runs his hands through his hair when he’s nervous, and looks away when he’s embarrassed. Tightens his jaw and purses his lips to hide stronger emotions. Rubs his face when he wants to cry. Raises both eyebrows when he’s challenging. Smiles more the more irritated he feels, if not with someone that is close to him. Demonstrates his frustration in his head shakes and often his body language contradicts his words. DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: Doing what’s right, saving the innocent, avenging the wronged, fighting whatever threatens the good in the world, keeping those he cares about safe above even their own will at times, challenging even those that are close to him if it’s the right thing to do. Avenging his father (before finding out the truth), Defeating his father (after finding out the truth). FEARS: Destroying the good around him just by being him. Being left by those he cares for. Not being worthy of the love they have for him. Being more soldier/demon than human, being broken by Valentine. Having no control over the results of his actions, or over his rage when challenged. Being a killer. POSITIVE TRAITS: Loyal, Enthusiastic, Brave, Resilient, Determined, Obstinate, Forward, Charming, Caring, Curious, Excitable, Protective, Family-Oriented, Moral, Loving, Affectionate, Respectful, Obedient, Easy-going, Gentle, Intense, Bold, Compassionate. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Self doubting, Reckless with himself, Speaks before he thinks, Thinks Love and Pain are connected, Can hurt people even close to him when being forceful to get keep them safe, Has difficulty establishing deep connections, with rare exceptions, Will almost never trust someone’s love for him (i.e. had no idea Maryse cared for him as much as she did for his children before the resurface of Valentine), Believes everyone’s lives are more valuable than his own. Can be conceited and arrogant in his beliefs, though it’s mostly a cover up for his extremely Low Self Steem. SENSE OF HUMOR: Sarcastic, ironic, dirty, forward, fun, intelligent, dismissive. DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: No. Jace rarely curses if at all, using witty remarks instead. CATCHPHRASE(S): “No ‘thank you’ for saving your life?” “Stop apologizing.” “This (I am) is the best chance we(you) got.” “What’s the fun in that?” “It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.” “Who wants to do me?” “I like our odds.” FAVORITE QUOTE: “There is no pretending, I love you,and I will love you until I die,and if there's a life after that,I'll love you then." FAVORITE QUOTE (ABOUT): “Now very much against her will, she thought of the way Jace had looked at her then, the blaze of faith in his eyes, his belief in her. He had always thought she was strong. He had showed it in everything he did, in every look and every touch. Simon had faith in her too, yet when he'd held her, it had been as if she were something fragile, something made of delicate glass. But Jace had held her with all the strength he had, never wondering if she could take it--he'd known she was as strong as he was.” — Clary Fairchild.

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: Thrill-seeking, reading. ANIMAL: Horses. BEVERAGE: Wine, juice. BOOK: Classics. CELEBRITY: None. COLOR: Gold. DESIGNER: None. FOOD: Maryse’s cooking. FLOWER: Midnight Flower. GEM: Witchlight Stone. HOLIDAY: Shadowhunters don’t specially have holidays, but Christmas when celebrated. MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: On foot, mostly. Sometimes the subway. Sometimes his (stolen) flying motorcycle. MOVIE: None. MUSICAL ARTIST: Bach. QUOTE/SAYING: “To love is to destroy. And to be loved is to be the one destroyed.” SCENERY: Countryside. SCENT: Something fresh and clean, soap. SPORT: Wrestling. SPORTS TEAM: None. TELEVISION SHOW: Project Runway (when at Magnus’ loft). WEATHER: Summer. VACATION DESTINATION: Idris.

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: Being worthy of the love he’s given, Seeing his loved ones happy, Seeing the world safe, Saving the innocent, Being good. GREATEST FEAR: Being evil, destroying those he loves, failing. MOST AT EASE WHEN: Surrounded by people he trusts, having fun. LEAST AT EASE WHEN: Cornered or Being controlled. WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: Death of his family / significant other. Being abandoned. Causing the death of family / significant other. BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: Confronting Valentine. BIGGEST REGRET: Things he did under Sebastian’s influence. MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: When Valentine confronted him about his love for Clary (book). When Aldertree forced him to confess about his love for Clary (show). BIGGEST SECRET: Feeling loyal to Valentine even after knowing everything. TOP PRIORITIES: Keeping his loved ones / innocents safe. Making sure things are going the right way. Being the best he can be at his job in his own judgement.

adapted from

#𝕚𝕤𝕞𝕤 ↬ better in black than the widows of our enemies (jace herondale)#tmi spoilers #shadowhunters spoilers #headcanon tag #i haven't revised this yet #because it's too much right now #but i will do it later #bio tag

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ciathyzareposts · 4 years

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The Black Gate: Of Valor and Virginity

Surreptitiously awarding the Rune of Valor to Kliftin of Jhelom.

The more Gideon thinks about it, the more he doesn’t really like having a death-dealing demon bound up in his sword. The question is what to do about it. Ideally, there would be some magic ritual that would simultaneously release the demon and send it to another plane, but I don’t know how to do that, and Erethian–the person who bound the demon in the first place–is dead. I can’t drop it in the deepest part of the ocean (which, let’s face it, is only about 20 feet deep) because the interface doesn’t let you drop things over water. I’ll assume that for similar reasons, I can’t drop it in a volcano–if I can even find one. No spells destroy it.

I think about trying to ruin it in the forge, and it’s in trying to put it on the hearth that I discover something unpleasant: I can’t even remove it from my inventory. If I lay it town somewhere, it just leaps back into my hand the moment I close my inventory screen. This also means I can’t try Plan F, which is to destroy it with Rudyom’s wand. (Rudyom’s wand doesn’t work on it anyway, even if I try it with the sword still in my hands.) I can temporarily stow the sword in a container, like my backpack, but if I then set down the backpack, the sword jumps back into my hands again. If I’ve already replaced the sword in my hands, it jumps into whatever container I’m carrying in place of the backpack, If I’m not carrying any container, it tosses whatever I’m carrying to the ground and puts itself in my hands. It will not be parted from me.

You cannot unforge what has been forged.

The best I can do for now is commit to not using it, which means taking Magebane back from Jaana and giving her her old regular sword again. I don’t need a sentient sword influencing my thoughts and actions, and that little confrontation with Dracothraxus was a bit too uncomfortable for me to trust that the sword isn’t doing either. Maybe I’ll figure out some other options along the way. Before heading for Jhelom, the party returns briefly to Britain and cashes in nuggets and gems for gold. I spend nearly all my gold on new spells and reagents from Nystul. Now that the Avatar is maxed out in intelligence and magic, I want to get more out of my spells than usual, and I vow to find a reason to cast every spell and discuss them as I do. Before I get into this, it’s important to remember that spells in Ultima VII come in nine levels: eight regular levels plus a set of 8 Level 0 “cantrips” that you can cast indefinitely. Except for cantrips, each spell requires an expenditure of mana equal to their level plus the associated reagents. The syllables from Ultima V still exist, theoretically, but the player no longer has to know them. The spellcaster just speaks them automatically. We get to Jhelom by heading south to Trinsic and then west across the lower continent and then across the channel. I’m doing this from memory, so I’m happy when we see roads and houses on the first island we encounter. We land near the dock, which worryingly has cannons pointed outward, as if expecting hostile ships to arrive. It occurs to me that cannons in this game can be moved but not turned, which is odd for a game that allows so much interactivity otherwise. It amuses me that Britannians, when they go to buy cannons, have to specify whether they want an east-facing cannon or north-facing cannon or whatever.

If the invasion comes from an oblique angle, they’re screwed no matter what.

We arrive at midnight, which I assume is going to give me a chance to use my first spell, “Awaken,” on a sleeping NPC. Oddly, although the first building we come to–city hall–has a double bed, there’s no one in it. There is, however, someone in bed in the hut across the way.

Awaken – AN ZU (“Negate Sleep”), Level 0 cantrip. A relatively useful spell that wakes up a sleeper. It doesn’t have to be a magic slumber: it awakens normal sleepers, too, and is the most reliable way of doing so. Unlike in Ultima VI, regular sleepers in VII will sometimes awaken if you just make a ruckus around their bedrooms, but it’s faster to cast the cantrip. I’m sure I’ve used it more times to wake up NPCs in the middle of the night so I could talk to them than I have on characters put magically to sleep.

Maybe the joke is there is no such cantrip, and the person really awakens from some idiot yelling “AN ZU!” in his room.

The sleeper turns out to be Master de Snel, head of the Library of Scars fighting school. (The name is a clear play on producer Dallas Snell.) He’s also a trainer. Some experimentation shows that he only raises combat, not the associated attributes, so I think Inforlem is a better deal. (de Snel gives +2 combat for 2 points; Inforlem gives +2 combat, +1 strength, and +1 dexterity for 3 points). I try to have Gideon train with him anyway, but he remarks that Gideon is already his superior in skill. I guess the Avatar just isn’t going to be able to spend those skill points. His statement that Jhelom is “devoted to the art of combat–not mere slavish military discipline, but pure violent confrontation” strikes me as a bit ominous. Jhelom used to be devoted to valor. Back at city hall, the mayor, Joseph, has appeared, and he wakes up before I’m able to use the spell. He characterizes Jhelom as a rough place, and he’s called upon to maintain order with his sword as often as his pen. He says that fighters gather in the town square to duel every day, but then clarifies that they mostly use training dummies. It’s more like a mass workout than a battle. There are sometimes matches “to the blood,” though, and people bet on them. So far, Joseph is beating Jheolm in the contest for the Rune of Valor, but I’m not sure I like this place.

Is that because of its nature or because of people like you?

We take the opportunity to explore the empty Library of Scars. In addition to practice rooms, it has an actual library, which disappointingly has a “Britannian Purity League” flyer in a prominent place. The “Books of Britannia” entry is updated with The Accedens of Armoury. To make it easier to see, I cast the “Glimmer” spell, which I honestly forgot existed until I started reviewing the spells. I would have used it earlier in some of the dungeons.

Glimmer – IN BET LOR (“Create Small Light”), Level 0 cantrip. Creates a low-level light for a short duration–just long enough to check out a room. Still better than adventuring in the dark. Useful when you don’t want to waste reagents or spell points on “Light” or “Great Light.”

De Snel made me suspicious enough that I confess I swiped a key I found in his house. I justify it by saying I’ve been generally charged by Lord British with investigating what’s wrong with Britannia, and I need a wide mandate to do that. The key opens a locked office in the Library of Scars which has a couple of chests. One has The Book of the Fellowship and a serpentine dagger. The other has three gold bars and a Fellowship medallion. A parrot in the corner says “I know where the treasure is” in between “Polly wanna cracker” and “pretty bird.” But I can’t make it say anything else, even when I try to give it some fish and chips. At this point, it becomes weird to rouse people from their beds, so I set up my bedroll and get a few hours of sleep. I still don’t know what the rest of the party does while I use the only bedroll. When I wake up, it’s raining and thundering, which gives me a chance to use another cantrip.

Weather – REL HUR (“Change Wind”), Level 0 cantrip. Makes it stormy if it’s sunny and vice versa. Not very “useful,” but it’s actually kind of unpleasant to adventure when it’s raining, so I use it just for aesthetic purposes. There are lots of other games that I’ve wished had this option, particularly the two Assassin’s Creed games where a storm seems to magically appear every time you engage in a sea battle. Note that the original spell of this title in Ultima V was necessary for sailing the direction that you want to go.

Kliftin, an ex-soldier, runs the town’s armory, but for some reason the armory also has a spinning wheel and loom, and I catch Kliftin operating the loom as I enter. He claims to have “seen [his] share of death and destruction,” which reminds me that the book talks about strife between regional leaders, but you really never have any sense of where these supposed wars happened. Britannia’s not that big of a place, and Lord British seems to keep it pretty orderly. Unnamed wars and campaigns simply don’t fit with the landscape. He’s a little less charitable in his views of the town’s duels, which he says are often fought to the death. He’s worried about Sprellic, the mild-mannered innkeeper, who stole the Honor Flag from the wall of the Library of Scars and has refused to return it. (I would have stolen it, too; it’s supposed to be the Valor flag. Doesn’t this town know its own history?) He’s therefore going to face three fighters from the Library in a duel to the death. He suggests I ask more at the pub. He sells equipment, but I need to save my money for spells and training, and I’m already doing a fine job finding equipment upgrades. We cross a bridge to the west side of Jhelom, where we find nothing in a few houses. Then we find Sprellic hiding in his own house, where he begs Gideon not to hurt him “this time.” He calms down as we talk and explains that he arrived from Minoc a few years ago to buy the Bunk and Stool pub. He employs two barmaids who together keep the unruly fighters under control through charm (Ophelia) or physical violence (Daphne). Recently, a stranger came to the tavern claiming to be the Avatar. A member of the Fellowship, the man consumed conspicuously then went to bed. Not long afterwards, he complained that it was too cold, and he kept complaining even after he had every blanket in the inn. In desperation, Sprellic went running around town and found an “old tapestry” hanging on a wall, so he took it, not knowing he was taking the standard of the Library of Scars. In the morning, the “Avatar” was gone, with the tapestry, and without paying his bill. Later, three members of the Library of Scars–Syria, Vokes, and Timmons challenged him to duels to the death. Before I’ve left his house, I’ve agreed to serve as his champion.

This is a bad sign.

The last place to visit in town, believe it or not, is the Bunk and Stool. Right in the front door, we run into Syria, an olive-skinned “fighter from the south”–gods know what that means in the confusing geography of Britannia. It’s clear that Sprellic would have a crush on her if she didn’t terrify him. She got 10 lashes for allowing Sprellic to escape with the flag, so she’s determined to make him pay. I soon meet Vokes and Timmons, and they are similarly intractable when it comes to the subject. They refuse to believe it’s a misunderstanding, or to show any mercy to someone who clearly isn’t a fighter. Timmons isn’t even a member of the Library of Scars yet, but de Snel won’t let him join until he defeats someone who has challenged the school. I had started this quest by thinking that it’s solution would be finding the stolen banner, but now I’m thinking that these three deserve a good thrashing. Dupre is next. He’s his usual self, recently knighted, in the midst of “conducting a survey of all the drinking establishments in Britannia.” He confirms that Jhelom has gotten a lot more “bloodthirsty” and he summarizes what’s happening with Sprellic. I have him join the party, of course, determined to kick out Sentri if things get unwieldy. Dupre comes with chain armor, a sword, a shield, and a mug of beer.

To be fair, that’s what most RPGs are about.

It’s 11:50 at this point, and the duel is supposed to be at noon, so I have just enough time to talk to the barmaids before I have to head out. They’re taking bets on the duel, so I bet 100 gold pieces on myself–well, technically Sprellic, but I hope it will pay regardless. Daphne is heavy and unattractive and vocally resents Ophelia. Ophelia is both a bit mean, egging on Daphne, and bit daft, claiming that Sprellic is the Avatar in secret and will easily defeat the three fighters before opening his own fighting school.

Remember this quote.

The dueling grounds are back on the first island, so we head there. I soon find that there’s no good way to fight the three members of the Library of Scars solo. Going into combat mode engages everyone in the duel, which isn’t as unfair as it sounds because all three of the Library fighters jump in together instead of individually. There’s no way to tell my party to exercise restraint, so we actually kill all of them. De Snel is happy about the outcome and invites me to join the Library of Scars. Ophelia gives me 1,000 gold for the outcome (Sprellic was poorly favored by the odds). Later, it occurs me that there is a way to get the party not to fight–set them all to “retreat”–but slaughter seems like the wrong way to go about it. I try just knocking them out or putting them to sleep, but it just delays the inevitable end of the duel. They did insist it was “to the death,” after all.

Technically, your buildings are both on the north side of the street.

Reloading, I try some other options. De Snel has nothing useful to say about the upcoming duel. Joseph, for all his claims that he often intervenes, refuses to do anything about this case. He claims that he and de Snel have an understanding and that if he upsets that, de Snel is likely to assassinate him and take over the town completely. It’s Kliftin who has the answer. First, he figures that the false Avatar is Sullivan the Trickster, known to do this sort of thing. Second, he comes up with the solution: he can just weave a new Honor Flag. It will fool the fighters long enough to call off the duel, and if they ever do figure out it’s a counterfeit, they won’t be able to say so without looking foolish. Plus, they’d have to challenge Kliftin in that case, who’s a lot tougher to beat. It’s going to mean that I miss the appointed duel time, but I rationalize (correctly) that this game doesn’t have any way of telling today’s noon from tomorrow’s noon. While we wait, we explore the rest of the island. Outside of town to the west is a cave, where we’re attacked by a single nameless fighter the moment we enter. The cave has a crate with a triple crossbow–supposedly a devastating weapon that costs a ton if you try to buy it in Iolo’s shop. I hate micromanaging ammunition, though, so I don’t bother with it. A cave system south of town is much more extensive, so much that I’m surprised it’s not a named dungeon. We fight some bats and gremlins as we enter; I’m still not sure why gremlins turn into food in this game. We soon come across a trap that generates a field of fire across the floor. I think this might be a good opportunity for a spell, but it turns out I’m wrong.

Douse – AN FLAM (“Negate Flame”), Level 0 cantrip. Supposedly douses flames, but doesn’t work on any flame that you’d really want doused, like ones blocking your passage in corridors. Only works on things like torches and campfires that you could douse by double-clicking on them. At least it doesn’t cost anything, which is more than I can say for Great Douse, or VAS AN FLAM (“Great Negate Flame,” Level 1), which supposedly douses everything in the area. While we’re at it, I might also discuss Ignite (IN FLAM, “Create Flame,” cantrip), which does the opposite. If you can think of a single use for these spells, even hypothetical, anywhere in the game, I beg you to comment.

A wizard attacks us in a ruined structure in which two stone harpies flank a crystal ball. Trying to use the crystal ball prompts a voice that might be The Guardian to shout “go away!”

An interesting scene.

As we return to the entrance, the spontaneous flames are gone, so I use the occasion to try “Detect Traps” and “Destroy Traps.” Neither works, but it’s maybe the case that the flames’ appearance isn’t a “trap” as such. I’ll have to experiment some more before declaring the spells worthless. The dungeon has a few minor finds–a few reagents, a set of swamp boots, a little food. On an island east of town, the Shrine of Valor is in pretty good shape. There are some gremlins running around the area, but it’s well-kept and has a sword on the altar, which I suppose is okay. It occurs to me that I didn’t hear the word “valor” once in Jhelom, which is a bit depressing, but I suppose I can’t expect cities to maintain their mission statements for over 200 years. It occurs to me that when the cities were created around the virtues in the backstory of Ultima IV, certain professions were naturally drawn to certain cities because of those virtues: fighters to valor, mages to truth, and so on. (Druids=justice and rangers=spirituality were always a bit of a stretch and should have been reversed in my opinion, and I guess tinkers=sacrifice never made much sense.) Two centuries later, the remnants of the professions are there, but not the virtues. Jhelom still attracts fighters and Moonglow still attracts mages, but they’ve become more about the realities of those professions than their aspirations.

The Shrine of Valor from above.

There’s a small island northwest of Jhelom with another cave entrance. It’s clear that someone’s been living inside, but I can’t figure out what they’ve been up to. There’s a huge barrel of beer in a corner–and next to it a set of thumb screws. At the south end of the cavern, a curtain parts to reveal a sack with a single key. The key opens two chests in the main room, and inside we find a couple of bars of gold, reagents, and a magic helm. The best I can figure is that some bootleggers operate out of here. On a fun note, if you turn the spigot on a keg of liquor in this game, your party members absolutely freak out, alternately screaming “turn it off!’ and “thou art wasting it!” Nothing brings them more distress, apparently.

It’s not like you were going to get to drink it.

Our final adventure in the Valerian Isles occurs on the southeastern tip of the main island, where we find a pirate and the remains of a ship. The pirate is pacing back and forth but refuses to talk with us even though his garbage pile and arrangement of furnishing suggest he’s been stranded here for a while. There are three barrels of gunpowder among the wreckage, and these are the first ones in the game that I feel comfortable (for role-playing reasons) grabbing for my own use. They generate explosions that can be useful on locked doors and in combat.

I like that graphics are advanced enough in this game to set up little “vignettes.”

I return to Jhelom, where Kliftin has created the fake Honor Flag. I return it to Syria, who takes it grudgingly and calls off the duel. Sprellic is overjoyed at the result. Ophelia refuses my arguments of a “moral victory” and I’m left with ten worthless chits. As for the Rune of Valor, I always interpreted valor as a mandate to actively seek wrongs and right them. You can life an honorable, just, and compassionate life just dealing with things as they come to you, but only the truly valiant do something proactively about an injustice that isn’t otherwise their duty. Thus, I give the rune to Kliftin, who came up with a solution to a problem that he could have ignored, taking some risk upon himself in doing so.

I was tempted not to, but the game didn’t give me that option.

We cap this long entry with a visit to the Dungeon Destard, which has always struck me as the least literal of the original eight dungeons (“Wrong,” “Deceit,” “Despise,” etc.), although as the opposite of valor, it’s clearly meant to evoke “dastardliness” or thereabouts.

In an early room, I meet an unlikely trio consisting of a fighter, a ranger, and a winged gargoyle. The fighter introduces himself as Cosmo. He claims to be betrothed to Ophelia, the Jhelom barmaid (who didn’t mention him once), but she’s apparently decided to make him prove his virginity before they get married. That sounds like she gave him something to keep him busy, because she certainly didn’t sound like a virgin. Anyway, he thinks there’s a unicorn in the area that only virgins can touch. This tickles a memory, but I seem to recall that the unicorn is in a different dungeon. His companions, the ranger Cairbre and the gargoyle Kallibrus, Kallibrus seems genuine but confused because gargoyles don’t have genders and don’t mate. Cairbre concurs with me that Ophelia just sent Cosmo on the quest to get rid of him, and he even shares my opinion about Ophelia’s likely virginity. Despite all of that, he has a fondness for Cosmo and didn’t want him to venture to the dungeon alone. It’s nice to meet another group of friends, even if their quest is stupid.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Cairbre hastens to add.

Deeper in the dungeon, we start running into dragons. Dupre proves himself the weakest link of the party, having joined when he was only Level 3 (everyone else is Level 6), so I get a lot of use out of:

Heal – MANI (“Life”), Level 3. A simple spell that heals about 10 hit points. A useful workhorse; probably the spell I’ve cast most since beginning the game.

There are a lot of caltrops in the corridors. I really hate those things. You never seem to get them all, and no matter where you move them, someone always seems to stumble over them later. But it’s worth it, because we soon find a bunch of gold bars just sitting in the hallway.

Can you even see these?

In a large, central chamber, we kill three more dragons and find the corpse of a man with a Fellowship staff, a chest with two Fellowship medallions, and a sack full of potions and reagents. Further along, another dragon cave delivers some huge dividends: stacks of gold, gold bars, gold nuggets, and gems, along with the 5-10 gems per dragon that we’ve already been looting from their corpses. Our economic prospects have definitely turned around, and it’s time to reflect that in spells, reagents, and training. Poor Spark has 15 training credits to use. There’s also a spellbook in one of the chests, but none of my party besides the Avatar can use it, and he has his own. I’m not sure that any NPC in the game besides the Avatar can cast spells.

Coming here should have proven our valor, but it just stoked our avarice.

We do find the unicorn, although in a separate set of caves that share the same mountain range with Despise (if there’s an illusory wall connecting them, I didn’t find it). He’s right in the entrance, prancing around a pool of water, and he introduces himself as Lasher. He tells a horrible story about why unicorns can detect virgins: they were originally a species of nature spirits, both male and female, bound to service by a wizard. When the leader of the clan decided to spend one night chasing females instead of heeding the wizard’s call, the wizard cursed the entire herd with chastity, forbidding them to mate. This curse caused them to kill all the females of their species and left them with a sensitivity to “sexual energy” such that they could only tolerate the presence of virgins.

I thought Britannia was a more enlightened society.

He’s aware of the presence of Cosmo and his companions, and he’s avoiding them because he’s “sick of being used as the instrument of women’s humiliation.” But he laughs when he hears that they’re looking for him to prove a male virgin and agrees to help. (I return to them later, but there are no new dialogue options.) During the conversation, he asks whether I’m a virgin. It’s an interesting question. I’m not, obviously, but I never thought about whether my character is. He didn’t explicitly have sex with Princess Aiela in The Savage Empire, and he rejected the overtures of the gypsies in Ultima VI. He seems pretty old to be a virgin, but one wonders if things back on Earth even count. I mean, his power and skill all reset when he walks through the moongate; why not his virginity? I err on the side of saying yes, and the damned horse actually has the nerve to accuse me of lying to avoid embarrassment! After my party has a good laugh at my expense, he confirms that I do regain my virginity upon entering the moongate.

Maybe I put that demon sword away too soon.

He then asks if I’m a virgin by choice or circumstance. I say “circumstance” because Jaana’s in a relationship and I’ve otherwise been surrounded by men since I got here. Lasher offers to help and asks if I want love or lust. The real answer is that I want neither in a society that has yet to discover deodorant or razor blades, but I choose “love” and he directs me to Nastassia in Cove. I’ve already met Nastassia, of course, but the conversation reminds me that I promised to find out what happened to her parents. We’re going to make some spell and training stops along the way, but otherwise the next stop is Yew, city of Justice. Time so far: 46 hours

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/the-black-gate-of-valor-and-virginity/

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