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clericofshadows · 7 months

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trust doesn't come cheap

Description: Regis learns who brought his body to Cerberus, has a productive conversation with Miranda, and finds comfort with Zaeed and their budding relationship post-meeting with Kaidan and rekindling their triad.

Pairing: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani, primarily Regis Shepard/Zaeed Massani

Rating: E

Note: Sequel to feeling numb, lost in time. Title is from Take a Bullet - Nothing More.

Regis ran his hand down his coat, feeling for the hidden pocket where his N7 Eagle laid inside. “Ready to get some answers?” He said, shouldering his bag.

Zaeed nodded, pulling out his Talon from his bag, connecting it to an empty holster on his belt. “Sure, but are you ready for whatever you’re going to hear?”

Regis pulled a face. “I have to be. I need to be.”

“You know this already, but don’t let it show.”

He appreciated the concern, despite already knowing how to handle Aria. Regis wasn’t sure what he thought about her. Did he like her? No. He nearly blasted her head off when she suggested that she could find him a nice man to help him loosen up.

Chances are she feels the same way about him. He’s perfectly okay with that.

She’s a valuable resource and nothing more to him. He wouldn’t shed any tears if something happened to her, but better the enemy you know than the one you don’t.

With one last look at the apartment, they left and locked the door, ready for when whoever else in their family needs a safe and accessible place to recharge and regroup.

“I do, but thanks.” Regis nodded, throwing his sling bag over his body.

Afterlife wasn’t far from the apartment, and soon they both walked past the growing line, heading inside without a second glance at the bouncer. The pounding music filled the air, normally a backdrop Regis loved.

Now it’s merely the soundtrack to a conversation that could easily go south.

They approached her couch, the guards parting at the sight of Regis and Zaeed.

She crossed her legs, leaning into the couch with barely a glance. “Meeting up with an Alliance soldier. You’ve been productive.”

“Nothing misses your gaze?” Regis asked, staying standing.

“You didn’t deny it.”

“Why would we?” Zaeed interjected. “You know what happened. No need to challenge it.”

“Which means I might have an idea why you are here.” She dismissed the guards around her with a wave. “Ask.”

“Liara T’Soni met up with you regarding my body, correct?” Regis asked point blank, keeping his tone neutral.

Aria’s face slowly broke out into a smirk. “She did. Did Vik tell you about what little they knew? Shame they didn’t take up my offer. Omega misses them.”

If they weren’t surrounded by guards and loyalists, Regis would take her head off for the comment about Vik alone.

But to have that direct confirmation that T’Soni was the one who brought him back, who had the means to let him rest and give his family closure, to possibly get his goddamn ring back…

Regis found himself nearly consumed with anger.

“They don’t miss you,” Regis said, not missing a beat. She didn’t react. “So, it’s true then that she was working with Cerberus in order to get my body? Why was it even on Omega in the first place?”

Her expression darkened. “Blue Suns were going to exchange it with the Shadow Broker to give it to the Collectors.”

The Collectors wanted his body? Why? Nothing about this made any sense. Were they interested in his visions? So much about the Collectors were unknowns, and yet here they were kidnapping human colonies for some purpose.

“It sounds like you weren’t too happy about that,” Regis observed. “Not too happy about Collectors involved on your station?”

“No one’s happy about Collectors,” she replied. “But yes, you could say that. Did a major favor for me clearing out most of the trash when dealing with Archangel.”

“In other words, the idiots dumb enough to sign up for that mess of an operation,” Zaeed said. “Wasn’t sad to see it happen. Org has gone to shit since I left.”

“Vido is still at large,” she commented, turning to face Zaeed, who looked none too pleased at the mention of his name. “Perhaps one day I’ll see new leadership. Anything else? I think you’ve learned everything you wanted to know.”

He did, not that he was particularly happy about any of it, knowing how he has all the cards to approach Lawson with what he knows.

An unpleasant conversation was waiting for both of them.

“I think we’ve covered everything,” Regis said, turning to leave.

“Wait,” she said, stopping both of them in their tracks. “I’m going to ask you something in return: What was your relationship with T’Soni?”

Despite his growing anger, Regis had to hold back a snort. “Why do you care?”

“I don’t, but I am curious as to why she went to all these lengths to bring you back when you obviously find it offensive that she did it.”

“I rescued her last, refused any sort of meld to gain information, and tried to get her off my ship as I saw her as a liability. I believe she took what was mine, and I’m going to get it back,” Regis replied, staring her down with his glowing eyes.

“She’s in Illium,” she offered. “If you’re so hell-bent on confronting her.”

Regis nodded, already aware of her location but thankful she told him. “Are we done here?”

“We are,” she replied, sitting back down. “Get rid of the Collectors. They are a stain on this galaxy.” The guards returned. She made herself comfortable back on the couch, her stance loose and relaxed even under Regis’s scrutiny. “I’ll be happy when we stop crossing paths, Shepard.”

“I share the same sentiment,” he replied, turning his back on her. Zaeed followed a step behind him. “You likely won’t see me again once I’m back with the Alliance.”

“And I look forward to it.”

Regis walked down the stairs and quickly made his way out of the bar, the tails of his trenchcoat flowing behind him. He stopped once they were at the entrance to their dock, leaning against the wall by the doorway.

“What now?” Zaeed asked, giving him a concerned look.

“Going to confront Lawson because I want more answers from her. She lied to me about not knowing who had my body, who probably has my fucking dogtags,” Regis muttered, shaking his head and taking a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. “I’m not sure who I hate more. “

“What are you more angry about? Being brought to Cerberus by her or being revived by them?” Zaeed asked, his voice soft despite his usual gravel.

Regis frowned, his thoughts swirling with anger, betrayal, and a sense of loss. “She had the means to inform the most important people in my life that my body was found at the bare fucking minimum. If I didn’t have you, I may not have ever answered any call or reached out to anyone I cared about. And who knows what would’ve happened between Kaidan and I, or the Alliance and I…”

He wasn’t sure if Kaidan would have forgiven him for working with Cerberus, if he found out in the midst of his posting…

“But you do have me, and I’m here however you need me,” Zaeed replied, leaning in close. Regis closed the distance between them, more free and open with his affection now that he met up with Kaidan, that they were able to clear the air and open the possibility for more. That their triad can and will continue one day.

Zaeed pushed him up against the wall, the same spot where Regis first saw him on Omega, threatening a target. The feeling of the cold, hard panel sent a shiver down Regis's spine, heightening the intensity of the moment. Regis let out a pleased sound, letting Zaeed take over despite where they were, submitting to his advances.

Someone cleared their throat a short distance from them. “I wouldn’t say this is the best time and place, Commander.”

“And why is it that you care, Lawson?” Regis asked with a hard glare, his earlier desire replaced by irritation at the intrusion. She stood with an arched eyebrow, a hint of curiosity in her expression. She folded her arms across her chest, seemingly unfazed by the situation, her confidence unshaken.

Changed out of her normal Cerberus dress “whites,” she wore a long coat belted around her body with a pair of black pants and boots, a clean and pristine look that suited her well.

Out of all the fucking people to interrupt… but perhaps this was a good opportunity to go ahead and get that damn conversation out of the way.

Zaeed slowly pulled away, tilting his head to the side as if to ask if Regis was going to go ahead and deal with what he learned from Aria. Regis nodded, answering the silent question.

“I assumed you wouldn’t want the crew to gossip about your love life,” she replied, keeping her expression neutral. “Or perhaps even beyond that. Word travels fast about you.”

Regis wouldn’t have called it concern, the barb at the end seeming to signify she was talking about the Alliance being aware of him… and all his connections there. As if she was baiting him, dangling the knowledge that she knew about his relationship with Kaidan. And what that could mean if he were to learn of this "affair."

“You’re right. Word does travel fast about me. Shame that it took me a while to learn who exactly handled my body here on this fucking station,” Regis said, watching her eyes widen in recognition. The truth hung in the air between them.

She stepped back. The gravity well stirred.

“I knew your word was full of shit, but I never expected this,” he continued, staying against the wall. “We are going to have a long talk.”

She almost seemed like she wanted to run, remembering his clear threat from their last conversation about his resurrection. Her expression was tight, hands poised in such a way to cast a mnemonic at any moment.

Zaeed took pity on her. “All he wants is the goddamn truth.”

She took a deep breath. “And where are we going to have this talk?”

“My family has an apartment. Small, quiet, out of the way,” Regis offered, kicking off from the wall. “Zaeed’s right. At this point, I’m so fucking tired of being misled, lied to, and used. I want the full story.”

“And after?”

“We’ll see where it goes.”

Lawson nodded, and Regis led the way. Zaeed followed them a step behind. Regis didn't really want to use the apartment for their conversation, but it was neutral enough and safe from wandering ears.

Once back inside, Regis motioned for her to take a seat. She declined the offer, staying standing. Any easy escape, perhaps, but Regis didn't want to make good on his threat, not really.

Not when there was more to gain from Lawson.

"How the hell did T'Soni even get involved in this? Did you get a motivation out of her? Was she paid off?" Regis started, firing off questions.

"Somehow, she got word your body was on Omega, and we got word that the Shadow Broker wanted it. She was… rescuing it, you could say, and we gained a partnership. You had quite the impact on her if she wanted to risk everything to save a corpse," Lawson explained, answering his rapid fire questions without a blink of an eye, wanting to please him, perhaps, or get him to stand down.

Regis continued with barely an acknowledgement, "And that's the problem! She had the means to inform the Alliance, to give my mother and my family some peace about my body, but instead she sold it to you and conveniently left that juicy little tidbit to herself."

"It seems like you are more angry about her involvement versus us bringing you back," she observed. "Am I wrong?"

The same damn dilemma Zaeed presented to him. Regis figured at this point, she knew too much about him, what was one more fucking secret. “No, not really,” he sighed, sitting down on the couch, letting his guard down. He was tired, no longer caring about putting up a front. “Sure, I’m still pissed at the lack of autonomy I’ve had here. Your organization could’ve spinned something more interesting than just keeping me hostage. But you didn’t and I’m still here, so what does that say about me?”

Zaeed kept a concerned eye on them from the kitchen. Regis didn’t meet his gaze. “Ever since Torfan, the one thing I’ve fought for is my autonomy. I’m not some fucking dog for the Alliance who isn’t afraid to rip a target to shreds. You’ve seen my service record. You know what I’m capable of.”

“You fought back and made your own path,” she said, sitting down on the far end of the couch. “Noble.”

He scoffed. “Hardly. I didn’t want to be used. Still don’t. Didn’t. Whatever.” He turned to face her. “All this to say, why did you lie? You knew I wanted answers, you knew I would cooperate better knowing the truth. So why hide it?”

She almost seemed to be fighting with herself, her expression twisting until falling flat. “I was wrong about a lot of things concerning you, Shepard. I started to realize that during our first conversation that I was misled by T’Soni. I could tell that you were ready to strike back, and I didn’t want to lose you to that. All I cared about then was the mission. And you were an obstacle to that. But now? I was wrong.”

“And it pains you to admit it?” Regis asked, keeping his voice neutral. “I don’t necessarily blame you for wanting to protect your mission, even if you’ve put your lot in with the wrong group. But you saw how important my own body and personal effects were to me. And you brushed it off like it was nothing.”

“I’ve never been able to feel truly at home in my own body,” She admitted, turning away from him and staring down at her folded hands in her lap. “I joined Cerberus to get away from my father who created me as a genetic dynasty based on his template. I never had a life, a personhood away from him. Everything he did was calculated to make a perfect individual. I’m sure you’ve read my file.”

Regis nodded. “I did. You were quite thorough on your abilities. Clearly full of talent, not much field experience but that could’ve been improved on. But why tell me this?”

A sign of surrender, perhaps. Maybe the beginning of a truce. Both of them were tired of holding up the standards they had set for themselves at the beginning of the mission, a Cerberus loyalist and a trapped Alliance soldier.

Lawson sighed, a deep, almost reluctant exhalation. She finally met Regis's gaze, her normally confident demeanor faltering. "I tell you this because I want you to understand, Shepard. I may have been wrong, but I also know I can't change the past. What I can do is acknowledge my mistakes and try to make amends. I was built for perfection, and you… you challenged that.”

“By being an imperfect resurrection?” He challenged.

“I consider you some of my best work,” she said with a sense of pride. “Even if you did wake up early. You were a marvel.”

“I hope that you at least plan to use what you learned for the greater good. Hell, I might even be inclined to help if you decide to abandon Cerberus. The interfacing changes you made to my amp port are exactly the kind of advancements we need for all our biotics,” Regis said, praise evident in his tone. “Look, I’m still angry at you, don’t get me wrong. But I can admit you are competent at what you do.”

“And you are right to feel that way. I shouldn’t have hid that from you.” A calculated risk she made that backfired on her. He knew he was an important asset, and he can begrudgingly admit that he would have immediately gone after T’Soni the moment he learned the truth. Now that he only just found out, he’s going to bide his time some more. Maybe try to get some more information out of Kaidan about Wren’s surveillance.

“No, but at this point, it’s in the past.” He ran his hand down his face, rubbing at his beard. “Let’s start over. We may never fully agree on anything, but this mission needs as many hands as I can get, and I’m losing out by not at least giving you a chance.”

She nodded. “We definitely did not start on the best of terms. I’d like to get to know you beyond reports.”

He held out a hand, glancing at Zaeed out of the corner of his eye. His arms were folded against his chest, but he looked pleased, a small smile gracing his features. “Regis Lucian Shepard. N7 Sentinel, Human Spectre, and cybernetics specialist.”

She shook his hand, a subtle sense of relief in her touch. “Miranda Lawson. Cerberus officer and biotic and medical specialist. It’s good to finally meet you.”

He nodded in response, pulling away and leaning back against the couch. “For what it's worth, I hate that Cerberus was the only way you could get away from your father.” He met her gaze and gave her a slight smile. “I’ve made it clear what my stance on Cerberus is. When we get out of this shit alive, you know I’ll help get everyone out, not questions asked.”

“I’ll… consider it. At the very least, I’ll let the crew know in case they wish to go to the Alliance,” she said. “I haven’t told many about my past. We may be enemies, barely even acquaintances, but… you understand what it’s like to have a legacy.”

Legacy… Yeah, he understood. Having a feeling from the beginning that he and Lawson were cut from the same cloth, a part of him mourned the loss of an interesting friendship, marked by Cerberus associations.

“When I enlisted, they expected another Hannah Shepard, and they got something completely different. Her legacy followed me even after Torfan, and I almost imagine that if she didn’t have the history she had with the Alliance, I may have gotten a different reaction out of them publicly.” Regis closed his eyes. “But I embraced it anyway.”

They may not get there anytime soon, and he won’t deny the trauma that Ceberus has brought him… but one day, if they survive this, she could be more than just a useful pawn in the chase against the Collectors.

“That you have. It feels like I’m talking to another person now.”

“Figured someone like you would be familiar with that.”

“I am,” she admitted, tucking her hair behind her ear. “We all have many faces. Good to meet what I think is the real you?”

“Dare I say the same about you?” He challenged, and she laughed.

Regis made a motion with his head, and Zaeed rejoined them. He made some space for him, scooting over closer to Miranda. She raised an eyebrow. “I guess I should also apologize for my earlier comments, but I don’t think I was wrong to call you out.”

Zaeed chuckled, waving it off. “No hard feelings. It was his goddamn fault anyway.”

“You didn’t push me away. You were the one that pushed me against the wall. Hell, you knew what the spot was, didn’t you?” Regis accused, pointing a finger at his lover.

He shrugged. “Complain all you want about it. You wouldn’t change a goddamn thing.”

Regis hated that he was right. One thing they all shared was the thrill of being caught, playing around with the dynamics of being just in sight, waiting for someone’s wandering eyes to catch them in the act.

“There was history between you two, yes?” Miranda asked, watching the two with clear interest. “Didn’t come up at all. You both did well hiding that you knew each other.”

Regis nodded. “We met a few years ago. Lovers for a short time, then friends, and now back to lovers.”

She glanced away from them for a second before turning her gaze back to them. “Sorry for asking but… what about Alenko?”

Of course she would know about him. Not that they really hid their relationship, and with the photo in his cabin, anyone could see there was something between them. He had to appreciate her being concerned about something that in reality should never have bothered her.

“Let me rephrase. The three of us were lovers, then friends, and now back to a triad,” Regis amended. The change didn’t phase her, merely acknowledging him with a nod. Speaking of Kaidan. “Where did you get that photo of him if you didn’t retrieve my personal effects?”

She sighed. “As you could probably guess, T’Soni gave it to us along with a few others. I’m not sure why she did. Maybe to help by giving you a reminder of what you were fighting for? I almost deleted them.” Miranda admitted, folding her arms against her chest. “I thought it was a bit much. Why give us something so precious?”

Regis's expression darkened, and he clenched his jaw. “Either way, she had no fucking right. When I saw that photo… I saw it as a threat. I almost didn’t get in contact with him to clear the air.”

“That’s why you organized this leave,” she realized. “Smart.”

“Not going to chastise me for spilling all your dirty secrets?”

“Well, since you’re talking to me, it seemed like you didn’t have much time. Alenko’s moving up in the Alliance, and we couldn’t get much information about him. Still, we gave you free reign on the ship, and we knew the risks. I won’t stop you from getting closure or going out on requests that concern your skills and the ship. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

Regis inclined his head. “I appreciate that.”

"She’s right. If we had our way… this would not be how we would be spending our time in this apartment,” he purred, not at all caring that they weren’t alone. Damn him.

Regis sighed and shot Zaeed an exasperated look. "Zaeed..."

Miranda shook her head at them. "What have I signed up for… Well, if there's anything else you need from me, I can leave you to the rest of your leave, now that you’re behind closed doors.”

Regis felt his face turning red. "No, no. We're good, Miranda."

“Right, it’s not like we have that much time left,” she said, standing up from the couch. “I won’t push it, but the next mission that’s coming up… the convict recruitment–”

Regis saw where she was going and interrupted her. “I need to start evaluating you and Taylor, but this upcoming mission is meant to be a transfer.”

Zaeed shrugged. “Remember our record so far? Be prepared for the worst.”

Having to cure a plague, rescue a damn vigilante from three different gangs, and figure out what to do with a krogan in stasis was not in any of the dossiers. Regis was sure that the handoff wasn’t going to go well, but he wasn’t about to say it out loud.

“Fine, but I’m blaming you if it all goes to shit,” Regis muttered. “Sure, you can come. Might not be a bad idea to have two biotics evaluating them.”

“Thank you, Shepard,” she said. “Let me know if you need anything?”

“Same for you,” Regis said, standing up. “We’ll follow you out. Might as well get back on the ship.”

“I have to ask. What did you do to Moreau earlier? He seemed subdued…” Miranda trailed off as Regis moved to open the door for her.

“Zaeed and I both changed his worldview a bit,” Regis chuckled. “Gave him a little too much information about our past.”

“Shame you can’t always use that. I like him, but someone needs to put him in place on occasion.”

“Is that why you set up EDI next to him?” Zaeed asked, amused. Miranda didn’t say anything and only gave him a smile in response.

“She’s great, isn’t she?” Regis said with a smile, locking the door behind them. “I even looked into parts of her code. She’s quite special.”

“Not about to remove her locks, are you?” Miranda asked, though not accusatory.

“Not going to say I won’t ever do it,” Regis said. “If you know my cybernetics background, you know how interested I was in VI.”

“It came up, yes,” she said. “It’s why we leaned so hard into getting EDI for you.”

“Like I said, she’s great, and while at first I figured my background had to do with her involvement in our mission, I also knew she’s quite the important asset. Do you happen to know where she came from?”

She shook her head. “I was given access to a lot of things, but not her project and origins.” This time, Regis felt he could believe her.

He nodded. “Another mystery for me to solve.”

She merely smiled at him, and they continued their walk back to the Normandy in silence.

– –

Back on board the ship, Regis headed straight for his quarters, knowing nothing was on the agenda until the next day shift tomorrow, back to work after the short leave. Just a day’s leave, nothing much to it.

But the crew seemed to appreciate it enough. Despite his earlier hostility, at the bare minimum, he wants them all functioning. Important for the mission.

He’s still not happy with any of their career prospects, especially the yeoman who insists on keeping track of everyone’s daily on-goings next to him at the galaxy map.

Zaeed followed behind him as Miranda popped into the armory, likely to speak with Taylor. Regis needs to get to know him more and start evaluating him as well, knowing the man was former Alliance–Corsairs. He didn't know much about them, but was curious to find out why he left.

Zaeed pressed the console to summon the elevator. Thankfully, it was already on the second deck, and they quickly went inside and headed to his cabin.

Once back inside, Regis dropped his bag in his desk chair, removed his gun from his coat, set it on the desk, and sat down on the couch, putting his head in his hands. Zaeed put his Talon on the coffee table and sat down next to him. “Regis?” He asked, scooting over so that their thighs were touching.

Ever since he learned that T’Soni was the one who betrayed him, who thought she had the right to make that choice for him, a feeling of anger and disgust was growing inside him, waiting to be unleashed, waiting to get the revenge he craved so goddamn much.

Now he only felt tired, exhausted by what he learned. Unable to do a damn thing about it except wonder why? Why did she focus on me?

“I prioritized her mission last,” Regis let out a sigh, his voice heavy with resignation. “I didn’t think we could get much out of her. An estranged daughter forging her own path? I figured saving her would be more of a burden. The priority was getting Benezia and saving the colony, finding leads on Saren. Then Virmire happened, and I nearly lost everything."

Zaeed leaned against the couch, and Regis allowed himself to lie on his chest. “I almost had to make a choice between saving Kaidan or my best friend, I said no and saved them both anyway, nearly jeopardizing the mission. At that point, I had been yelled at, bossed by, and dismissed by the Council, and we still didn’t know where Saren was headed. We had one lead left, and it was her.”

Regis closed his eyes, recalling the mission. “We rescued her in the nick of time. She had trapped herself in some Prothean contraption, likely for days. We used a mining laser to get her out and it triggered a collapse of the ruins. We barely got us and her out. Once back on the ship, we gave her the medical attention she needed. But when I pushed for the Council to place her in protective custody, they shot me down.”

“And what happened next?” He asked.

Regis grimaced at the memory. “She suggested melding with me. With her prothean knowledge and the cipher and the beacon in my head, she could likely pinpoint where Saren wanted to go. I refused. I didn’t even want to meld with the asari that had the cypher, but there was no way around it. This… I fought back. She was young, naive… I didn’t trust her in my head. Instead, I gave her detailed accounts of my visions, and we managed to figure out where Ilos was with some cross-referencing of galaxy maps and her own knowledge. She stayed on board until after the battle, and left voluntarily.” Regis finished. “Sure, you could say I was too hard on her. But I was ready to end Saren and I considered her a liability.”

“And she had no goddamn reason to be so attached,” Zaeed murmured. “I’d almost understand if you did meld with her. I’ve done it before, and it’s intimate as hell. Even among friends, it feels like it leaves traces, changes you, changes them. I've never regretted it, but it definitely leaves its mark.”

Exactly what he was afraid of. “So, I wasn’t wrong to feel the way I do,” Regis said. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“We will get them back. I’m sure she’s waiting for you to come to her at some point. Illiuim’s not a long flight from here. Maybe after we get the goddamn convict?”

Regis rolled his eyes and continued to make himself comfortable in Zaeed’s arms, sighing. “All I want is to have my fucking dog tags back.”

Regis shrugged. “I’m almost waiting to get back in contact with Kaidan to get more information about her surveillance. She’s being watched by an old friend of mine, Wren. Don’t want to fuck up whatever they are doing.”

“And to tell him what you learned.” Zaeed shook his head. “She gave you a gift in the worst goddamn way. You said it yourself. Who knows what would’ve happened if you didn’t reach out? Kaidan’s seen the worst of Cerberus.” Did Zaeed know about his missions, about what the Alliance had him doing?

Regis sighed. “We both have blinders on when it comes to them. I can’t wait to tear this organization and The Illusive Man apart.” His biotics reacted to his anger, a thin corona of purple wisps surrounding him. “I wouldn’t have blamed him if he refused to even consider speaking to me.” And would it be mine or her fault?

“Don’t think it would’ve gotten that far, babe. He–we–still loved you. Would probably be scared for you–hell, I was when I saw you walking towards me back when you were recruiting me.” Zaeed’s voice softened. Regis raised up and leaned in for a kiss, soft, slow, and sweet.

They maneuvered themselves so that Regis was now on his lap. Regis started kissing down his neck, at the Blue Suns tattoo, mouthing against clean, vanilla scented skin. Zaeed tilted his head back for better access, tangling his fingers in his hair. “Dare I say you’ve gotten even goddamn better at that?”

Regis smirked against his skin, taking a moment to toss his own coat on the couch before working on Zaeed’s. He stilled him, taking it off himself and wrapping his arms underneath him. “Let’s move this to the goddamn bed.”

Zaeed picked up him effortlessly–fuck, he forgot how strong he was–and placed him on the bed, climbing on top of him. Zaeed pinned his arms above his head and he traded places, kissing down Regis’s neck and his tattoo. “You and your damn turtlenecks,” Zaeed said in a low, throaty growl.

“Gives you a challenge,” he teased, nearly gasping out the last word as Zaeed kissed that sensitive spot just underneath his ear.

“You know I like a goddamn challenge,” Zaeed purred, full of warm smoke. “Let me know what you want out of me?”

A question posed as a command. Needing to set boundaries, what they wanted out of this. Regis nodded. “Same as before, mostly. Just don’t put too much pressure on my neck. Not sure if… I ever want to do that again.”

He nodded. “Of course, love. Anything else? Stay with the traffic light system?”

“Yes, but if I want it all to stop and want you to be here with me, take care of me, I’ll say ‘oxygen.’”

Zaeed stayed stoic, but pain flashed behind his eyes. Regis furrowed his eyebrows. “Too much?”

“Don’t like thinking about how you died, but it makes for a good word because of that. Mine is still ‘Suns.’ Not much has changed for me either. Though, I found a new appreciation for being manhandled…” He trailed off with a knowing look in his eye.

“Kaidan’s so good at that, isn’t he?” Regis said with a smile. “Wonder if he’s already back on Horizon.”

“Might be. We can send him a picture or two later.”

“Maybe he can send some in return.”

“That would be so goddamn nice. So, Regis, what do you want out of me?” He asked again, leaning in, his lips brushing against his.

Regis chased after him. “Whatever you want to give.”

“I think I’m going to take care of you. Something nice and slow, soft. Take it easy. Been a while since I”ve been able to appreciate you,” Zaeed said, moving to toy with the hem of Regis’s turtleneck. “How does that sound?”

“I like the sound of that.”

“Good,” Zaeed said, and he surged forward, claiming his mouth once more and tugging off his turtleneck. They broke apart briefly to get rid of the offending garment. Regis reached to take off Zaeed’s shirt, pulling it over his head, taking in the expanse of rough, tattooed skin, his gaze falling back on the new flowers on his hip. Zaeed positioned himself so Regis could get a better look at the ink, tracing it lighty.

“A perfect recreation,” he murmured, looking at his own porcelain flower sleeve.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Zaeed turned to meet his gaze.

Regis responded by kissing down his chest, lightly teasing his nipples, tracing the lines of ink down his chest. Zaeed let out a pleased sigh, a hand tangling in his hair as Regis made his way down, tracing and kissing new scars, new lines of ink, relearning and reacquainting himself with the man in front of him. Before continuing, Regis deftly removed his pants and boxers, tossing them aside. He sat back down on Zaeed's clothed lap, gently grinding into his slowly hardening length.

Zaeed took in the sight with a seductive grin. "I have an idea," he purred. "Turn around for me, back against my chest. Grab the lube and condoms before you do.”

Regis immediately knew where he was going, quickly moving to do what he asked. He leaned over to grab the lube and condoms he stashed in the side table, glancing back to see Zaeed tugging off his boxers, revealing his leaking, hard cock. Regis’s mouth watered, wanting to worship all of Zaeed with everything he has.

He’ll have to promise to take care of him later, taking him apart with his mouth and biotics.

Regis grabbed what he requested and slowly turned around to face Zaeed, his heart pounding with anticipation. He placed the supplies within easy reach and settled himself back against Zaeed's chest.

Zaeed's hands roamed Regis's body, tracing lines of ink and contours of muscle. "You know, I've missed this," he rumbled. "Feeling your warmth against my skin, knowing you're mine."

“I’ve missed this, too,” Regis agreed, closing his eyes and losing himself in the feeling of Zaeed’s hands roaming down his body, his lips teasing his neck. “I’m yours. Both of yours.”

Zaeed's skilled fingers worked their magic, one hand lightly resting on Regis's neck, exerting just enough pressure to send shivers down his spine, mindful of his earlier warning. A soft touch was good. Regis nodded, whispering, “Green” when Zaeed’s hand stilled, waiting for confirmation.

The other hand moved lower, seeking the heat and need between Regis's legs. “Just enough for a tease,” Zaeed whispered into his ear.

With skilled precision, he took Regis's cock in his hand and began to slowly work it, his rough, scarred hands providing a perfect balance of pleasure and friction. Regis fought the urge to thrust into Zaeed's grasp, knowing that his impatience might lead to an early end. He moaned Zaeed's name, squeezing his eyes shut, surrendering to the sensations as Zaeed masterfully guided him closer and closer to the brink. He was leaking all over his hand, providing the perfect lubricant.

"Just a tease," Regis gasped, echoing Zaeed's words, even as his body ached for release. "The man says. Always such a bastard."

Zaeed's hand stilled, and he whispered a playful warning, "Careful, this bastard is your key to getting what you want."

He’s going to play that game, hm? Regis will gladly join in, remembering back during their days on Omega, cleaning up their messes and getting to know each other beyond the battlefield.

“And what is it I want, exactly?”

Zaeed leaned in, nipping at Regis's earlobe, his voice gravelly and full of desire. “You want me. All of me. And you’re not going to get it unless you play nice, baby.”

“I’ll be nice,” Regis gritted out. “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it.”

"That's what I like to hear," he purred, his voice heavy with desire. “Let’s see if you’re good at listening. Get on your knees, resting on your thighs.” Regis moved into the position, feeling Zaeed settle back behind him. Zaeed's lips found his neck, placing soft kisses along the sensitive skin, removing his hand to grant better access to his tattoos. “Perfect,” he whispered, his approval evident.

With a soft click, Regis heard him open the bottle and coat his fingers with lube, teasing downward until reaching his waiting entrance, teasing his hole in soft, slow circles before pushing a finger in. Regis threw his head back and moaned out his name, hearing him chuckle as he slowly worked him open.

“You’re doing so good, babe,” Zaeed praised, slowly pushing another finger in. “Relax and let go.”

Regis let out a shaky breath, smiling as Zaeed rested his chin on his shoulder, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, distracting him with words as he pushed yet another finger in. “Think you’re ready for me? Tell me what you want.”

Regis wasn’t afraid to beg, to ask for what he wanted. “I want you to fuck me, Zaeed. Hard and fast, slow and soft, whatever you want. Please,” he begged, nearly sobbing when he slowly removed his fingers.

“Now I’m asking what you want. I got you right where I want you,” he said. Regis looked back and watched as Zaeed stroked his cock, keeping his composure steady as he rolled on the condom and slicked up his cock with expertise.

Regis knew exactly what he wanted.

“Fuck me, Zaeed,” Regis said again. “I want it hard.”

Zaeed leaned in for a kiss. “Gladly.” With a single, controlled thrust, he pushed inside, drawing out long moans from the both of them. He stilled once inside, letting Regis adjust to the feeling. So perfect and thick, Zaeed always made him feel so full.

Regis was almost tempted enough to do it, thinking about what Kaidan’s reaction would be back on Horizon, likely about to make good on his promise to smoke Regis’s cigarettes he stole. “Don’t tempt me,” He moaned, pushing back against Zaeed’s thrusts.

Zaeed wrapped one arm around his chest, his hand resting close to Regis’s nipples. The other rested on his thigh, grabbing it tight and wrenching his legs further apart. “Going to have to tell Kaidan all about this,” Zaeed purred into his ear, starting to move his hips in shallow, quick thrusts, working Regis up to more. “Maybe get that drone out of yours, record you moaning his name as I’m the one fucking you, showing him how much we need him here. How does that sound?”

“Maybe after,” Zaeed murmured, picking up the pace. His lips found Regis's neck, leaving biting kisses, marks to show off later. “We can send him a picture like the two of you did. Teasing me with what you had.” He punctuated his statement with a hard and deep thrust. “So goddamn cruel of you.”

Regis choked out a moan, moving to grab his leaking, throbbing cock, desperate for release, but Zaeed batted his hand away, replacing it with his. “I’m going to get you off,” he said, stroking his dick lightly, a firm grip made all the better with his calloused, rough hands. “When I say so. When I do.”

Regis could barely think, much less speak, all at mercy to Zaeed. Every roll of his hips, every bite against his neck, every scratching tease against his nipples brought him closer and closer to release.

But it wasn’t enough.

Zaeed whispered, pausing his thrusts for a moment. “You said you wanted it hard? I can make it rougher for you.” Regis whined at the loss.

“Remember the last night we shared… you rode me, and before you came on my cock, I pushed you face down into the bed on Kaidan’s orders.”

“How much?” Regis groaned, tears filling his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath.

Regis remembered, the night haunting his fantasies and dreams long after. Kaidan loved to watch them, not always participating directly but making the scene his in every way with every order he made.

"Yes," he moaned, his voice shaking with need. "Do it, Zaeed. Make it rough."

Zaeed didn’t respond. Instead, he pulled out of him and pushed Regis against the bed, putting his weight on top of him, grabbing a fist full of hair and pulling just enough for it to burn, to bring tears to his eyes. “Regis?” He asked, his voice low. Another affirmation, another check in.

“He loves it when you yank on his curls,” Kaidan said from the armchair, legs crossed and fully clothed, a direct contrast to Zaeed and Regis on the bed. “Oh, he might complain that you’re messing up his routine, screwing up all his time and effort. Don’t listen.” He wanted to argue with Kaidan, to bite back for revealing all his secrets. He couldn't. Zaeed had stuck his fingers in his mouth, to lick and suck on as he was getting prepped, likely keeping him from being mouthy. His cock twitched at their words, betraying how much he enjoyed behind an outsider to their conversation. “I’ll keep that in mind. He likes to fight, doesn’t he?” “He does. And I love that about him. It’s all talk to rile us up. He’ll submit in the end. It’s his favorite thing.” “That I figured out right from the goddamn beginning.”

“Green,” he replied, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets. “Fuck me.” He punctuated the reply with a pulse of his corona, letting it surround him in a wave of purple, his fingers ready to twitch and send it careening towards Zaeed.

Zaeed pushed back inside with one swift thrust, setting a hard, brutal pace, keeping Regis’s head pulled back with his grip on his hair, the other resting possessively on his thigh. All Regis could do was surrender to the intense pleasure, letting out a stream of grunts, moans, whines, and writhing beneath Zaeed's warm, heavy body. The pain from his hair being pulled and the pleasure of being fucked and filled was a delicious sensation, one that Regis didn’t want to ever end.

Every forceful thrust drove them further toward the brink, and Regis knew he was teetering on the edge and his release was rapidly approaching. Zaeed had to be close too, his grunts slowly being turned into vocal moans. “Goddamn, you feel so good. I’m getting close, love.”

In response, Regis could only whimper and moan, unable to form coherent words, barely able to think beyond the haze of pleasure. “Please,” he choked out between sobs, grinding up against the soft, silky sheets. His corona flashed with every thrust, his control waning, his biotics betraying how close he was to letting go.

“Wrap those biotics around me,” he ordered, his thrusts losing their rhythm and becoming more erratic. Regis gripped the sheets tighter, threatening to tear, raising one shaky hand to force the barrier outward, enveloping both him and Zaeed into pulsing waves of violet. Without warning, Zaeed cried out Regis's name as he found his release, his hips slowing as warmth filled the condom inside him.

Regis couldn't hold back any longer. He let go, channeling his biotics to intensify the pleasure, sending shockwaves of ecstasy down to his throbbing cock. He came with a shuddering release, moaning loudly as he painted his chest and the sheets beneath him with his come, trembling with his release.

Zaeed collapsed on top of him, his weight a pleasant, grounding sensation as he pulled out of him. Regis stayed where he was, feeling his come and sweat drying on him, the room suddenly cold.

Zaeed rolled off of him. Regis watched him dispose of the condom, tossing it in the bin by his bed. He settled down back beside him, reaching for the box of tissues on his night stand. “Let me clean you up, babe,” he murmured, careful to not sit in the wet spot.

Regis rolled over, feeling utterly wrecked, whining as Zaeed slowly wiped off the drying come on his chest and on his oversensitive cock, his body aching with every movement. “I might need more than that,” he groaned, feeling content and sated.

“Wasn’t too rough, was I?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.

“It was exactly what I wanted. Love you,” Regis said, reaching up to caress his face, fingers gently touching the scar around his white eye. “But not the brightest idea I’ve had with our mission coming up.”

“Probably not,” he chuckled, tossing the dirty tissues in the bin. “I love you, too. I missed this.”

“Me too.” Regis closed his eyes. “Still want to send Kaidan that picture?”

Zaeed activated his omnitool with a gleam in his eye. “Of course.”

Regis settled against Zaeed's chest, knowing that they must look thoroughly debauched after their evening together. His frizzed, sweaty hair framed his face, bite marks and scratches adorning their bodies. Zaeed took the picture with a smirk on his face, sending it to their private chat.

Regis’s own omnitool pinged with the message.

ZM: Payback is a bitch. We’re missing you already. [Image Attachment]

They settled in their afterglow, knowing they should get up and trade out the sheets and get a little cleaned up before tomorrow, but neither wanted to move just yet. The conversation he had with Aria and later Miranda weighed heavily on his mind even after all the distractions he tried to do to set it aside for now.

Their omnitools pinged. They shared a look, Zaeed moving in to peck Regis on the lips before he opened the message.

KA: Payback is a bitch, huh? Here’s another view to remember while we're apart. Glad you two are making it together, it’s a beautiful sight. [Image Attachment]

The photo was a picture of him on a balcony on what must be Horizon, sitting out in the late-night air. He was shirtless, and the picture showed him smoking a cigarette, looking impossibly handsome and relaxed.

“He made good on his promise to smoke my damn Astras,” Regis said, shaking his head.

“That he did,” Zaeed said, staring fondly at the photo before turning off his omnitool. “Want to vid call him?”

Regis nodded. “Not that I want to ruin what’s going on here, but I need to tell him. Hopefully Hackett and his team can figure out what they want to do with her next.”

Regis pressed the request to call and Kaidan answered it right away, the stub of a cigarette between his fingers.

He took them in and his smiling face immediately morphed into one of concern. “What’s wrong?” he asked, putting out the cigarette in a nearby ashtray.

“T’Soni brought my body to Cerberus,” Regis said after taking a deep breath. “Aria confirmed it, as well as Lawson.”

Kaidan covered his mouth with his hand, looking away from the screen. “Fuck. This whole goddamn time, she knew where you were, she knew where your body was and gave it to them!” His hands were balled into fists. “I’m so glad now that Vik was able to give me that footage so we were able to keep an eye on her, but I never anticipated this.” His voice was laced with venom.

Kaidan didn’t have the same reservations about T’Soni the way Regis and even Ashley did, but he wasn’t quick to trust her either. No one was, not when they were so close to pinning down Saren, not when they had no time to integrate her into the crew.

Not when they all saw his violent reaction against a mind meld.

“Does this mean she has your dog tags?” he asked, motioning to his own against his chest.

“That’s my working theory. I hate to say it, but I trust that Lawson wasn’t lying to me when she said Cerberus never retrieved them.” Zaeed’s arms tightened around him.

“Yeah, I read through all those reports. Gave them to Hackett as well. I also talked about them with Vik,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair. “You were missing armor and other parts, but most notably your whole damn chest piece was gone.”

“I didn’t like the implications of that either, but one way or another, I’m going to find out what happened to them.”

“I’ll contact Hackett and see what Wren thinks and you can go from there. Illium is in your territory, right?”

“More or less,” he shrugged. “I have some freedoms, believe it or not.”

“Probably to try and get our goddamn guard down,” Zaeed muttered, pressing a kiss into Regis’s hair.

“Still, it works in our favor. You heard what she said earlier. I’m able to do as a please to some extent,” Regis said. “I’ve come to an understanding with Lawson,” he amended for Kaidan’s benefit.

“Is that wise?” Kaidan asked, though no judgment laced his tone.

“I think she’s tired of putting on a show as well. We have similar goals for now, and honestly, I want her to be an ally only for the stuff she did to bring me back,” Regis admitted. “You know how easy it is now to access my port? Send a signal and it’s ready to be accessed.”

Kaidan nodded. “I get it. Trying to get her to defect?”

“You’re damn right. She’s wasted here.”

“We’re already preparing to have a whole ship full of people defecting whenever you’re done with your mission. You sure do like convincing people of your opinion,” Kaidan chuckled, eyeing them up and down. “Seems like the two of you had fun.”

“We wanted to recreate that last night we shared. Missed you and your goddamn orders,” Zaeed said, wrapping a possessive arm over Regis.

“You know how we love following orders, Kaidan," Regis quipped playfully.

“Oh?” Kaidan replied, leaning forward, a grin slowly forming on his face.

Zaeed joined in, his voice a low, suggestive purr. "We thought it'd be a nice little reminder of you while we're apart."

“I’ll keep that in mind on these lonely nights,” he said, stretching out in the chair, spreading his legs and moving his hand up his thigh. “Thought I wore you out today. Should’ve remembered you were never satisfied after one quick fuck with a long stretch without it…” he trailed off.

“Should’ve made the brass give you more time,” Regis teased. “It was enough, love,” he emphasized. “I would’ve been happy with just a chat and you gave me more than that.”

“I know,” he said. “Wish I was able to worship you both the way you deserve.” He let out a yawn. “Probably time for me to go. Got a colony to take care of.”

Regis pressed his hand against the screen, and Kaidan mirrored the action. Zaeed placed his hand over Regis’s, and with one last longing look, Kaidan ended the call.

“Be seeing you, Kaid. We won’t be goddamn strangers,” Zaeed said. “Be safe out there.”

“Same to you. Love you both.”

Regis shut off his omnitool with a sigh, looking up at Zaeed. They shared another kiss, seeking out comfort from each other.

After a few minutes of soft teasing, Regis finally broke apart, resting his forehead against Zaeed’s. “Want to get cleaned up real quick?”

Zaeed barked out a laugh. “Gotta make it quick, or else we’ll get even dirtier than when we started.”

“Tempting.”

“Oh, really?” He asked, throwing the sheets off of him and getting up from the bed. “Tell me more.”

“I can think of a few things. Sucking you off in the shower, letting you fuck my throat until you come. Or maybe we can switch roles, let you pleasure me for a while,” Regis said, following behind his lover.

“Insatiable.”

“Says you.”

“I’ll give you that. We’re all terrible.”

“It’s why we work so well together.”

“The only reason why?” Zaeed teased, leaning in the bathroom doorway.

Regis kissed him. “It helps. Now get your ass in there and get the water warm. I’ll switch out the sheets.”

“Yes, sir,” he chuckled, heading into the bathroom. Regis rolled his eyes and got busy, tossing the soiled sheets into a bin and replacing the ones on his bed. Wasn’t the cleanest and nicest work he’s ever done, but it’ll do for now.

He joined Zaeed in the shower, gently touching his shoulder before grabbing his preferred products. They shared some heated glances and light teases, but never went any further than that, enjoying the time they had together and wanting to get some sleep after getting all cleaned up.

After drying off, slipping on some comfortable pants, and finishing their routines–and oh how Regis loved the domesticity of getting ready for bed with him–they got back under the covers in the fresh set of bedding.

Regis hoped that the convict recruitment would go well. Of course, it probably won’t, but he’ll at least have a new ally by his side. Maybe. He still has to figure out what to do with the krogan and how he wants to evaluate Vakarian.

Zaeed settled against his chest, and Regis wrapped an arm around him, smiling as they got comfortable. Regis was usually the little spoon, but he was happy to oblige the other position at any time.

He looked forward to working with Miranda and getting to know her more, to see if she’ll be willing to join the Alliance or leave Cerberus after this mess. Always planning for something.

T’Soni’s consequences can wait for now. He has a mission to complete.

#mass effect #mass effect fanfiction #cleric's writing #regis shepard #this took me ages to figure out and the ending is a bit meh #but yay it's done

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