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pisica-de-scris-blog · 5 years

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Ok, so this is my first time posting any of my own work on Tumblr for other people to read. its just one scene from a current WIP novel. It’s still REALLY rough i am just trying to get the first draft of the entire novel done then i will go back and do massive editings for content, writing style ect ect but i wanted to be brave and put something out.

Walking in the front door of the two story house I share with my bestie, her mother and her little sister, ok share is a strong word… walking into the front door of my best friend’s house that I am currently squatting in, thats better, I starting calling out for Tori. “She isn't home” I hear from the living room, I drop my bag and my books by the front door and hop over the couch landing on the cushion next to Vivi, almost knocking the bowl of popcorn off her lap. This obnoxiously smart 12 year old, wears her blond hair in pig tails, to make her self look even younger, mostly to lure innocent bystanders into her web of deceitful cuteness in order gain sympathy or candy. I still haven't figured out if she is just working the angle she was born with, or if she is really an evil genius who brandishes her cuteness like a broadsword. Seriously it doesn't matter the situation, she can get whatever she likes from almost anyone, and if they wont give it to her right out, she will get it by any means necessary, she is ruthless and her petite frame and all around adorableness, makes people underestimate her intelligence. Which is something that I don’t know if that makes me admire her more, or if I am a little afraid of her. Probably both. Defiantly both. One time I saw her con a bunch of teenagers out of about $20 worth of pixie sticks. Do you know how many pixie sticks that is? Hundreds. Meh, mean at least she shared. She, Tori and I went on a 3 day non-stop sugar induced movie marathon. The eventual sugar crash was hard, but worth it. At least until we found out that she recorded Tori and I singing everysong in Grease, loudly and very badly while watching the movie. She hasnt put that video on social media yet, she says she wont. But I see her little evil mind saving it for it’s epic black mail potential. “Where is your wayward sister?” I question stealing a handful of popcorn. “She went for a run, something about overbearing life choices and blah blah blah, I don't know, I tune her out when she starts talking about college and responsibilities and adulting. I mean really I am 12 I don't want to hear about adulting, or choices that impact your whole life. That shit is scary.” “You have no idea kid, but watch the fucking language.” I smirked at her. “Ok so what are we doing until she gets home?” “Well, I finished all my homework for the next few days, really this stuff is too easy. So I was thinking about begging you to order a pizza,breaking out the big puppy dog eyes if I need to” She looked up at me starting to make her eyes really big. “Pizza sounds good, put the puppy dog eyes away” laughing at her antics I grabbed the computer to place the order. “ and then can we maybe binge watch some netflix. Since mom is away do you think we can watch that show with the one main character who has to be slutty or she starves… and has the awesome best friend with epic fashion sense?” “No, you are too young for that show” “But I am really old for my age, I mean you know I am already soo much smarter than anyone else my age, and most ages. So I should be able to handle more mature TV shows too.” Vivi started rambling, getting ready for a fight to watch this show. “Your humility is heart-warming really,but your mother would skin me alive. And then who would order you pizza with pineapple on it, which by the way is gross.” “It is not, but fine.. Hot hunter bros it is then.” As I finish ordering the pies Vivi queues up the show on netflix and hands me a brush, I start absent mindedly running it through her hair as we wait for our dinner. My mind doesn't focus on the tv it keeps running through the events at the parlor. I need to know who those guys where. What they know about my mother, I mean she died in childbirth, and left me alone with an alcoholic father. Or did she? Maybe there are things I don't know. My father never really talked about my mother while sober, but if he was drunk and feeling nostalgic, he would ramble about her. I could sometimes make out some of what he said in between sobs and hiccups before he passed out. He would call her his angel and how she radiated this beautiful light. I always thought that maybe her death is what drove my father mad and it was my fault she died. What if there is more to the story? Maybe she was also in whatever this mafia or gang thing is that Cole is tied up in. I should of questioned Cole before I left. I should of made her tell me what was going on, and how my mother was involved. Instead I ran. Why do I always run before thinking? About 20 minutes into the first episode I notice that it is starting to get dark out, and Tori still hasnt gotten home. I know she drives to well lite parks to run and she tries to stay safe, but I will always worry about her. She watches the news and knows what can happen, so I know she is practical. But she has never had to face any violence. She has never had to fend off an attacker, and she doesn't always realize that being practical and trying to be safe, doesn't really mean she is safe. And the pizza will be here in another 20 and I have seen that girl eat. It’s scary. Just as I am about to call her to check her ETA my phone starts to vibrate Tori’s name popping up on the screen. “Oh my god, why don't people just text, seriously who uses their phone to call anyone anymore. Don't they know they are interrupting my viewing pleasure. How rude!” Vivi grumbles, as she turn the volume on the TV up a few more notches. I can feel the annoyance radiating off of the small blond, so I grab my phone and take it into the kitchen to answer it. “Hey Tori, are you on your way home? I ordered pizza. The small blond and I have started the demon-hunting without you.” I say into the phone. “Really, one would think having the pizza first would help with the demon hunting. I mean you could use the pizza as a very effective bate to lure a poor unsuspecting demon into your trap before you spring and attack him with your no doubt alluring feminine wiles. Now is there a sign up list for demons to volunteer or do I just have to wait for you to find me?” A smooth deep and very male voice spoke over the line. “Who the fuck is this, and why do you have my friends phone.” I could feel the rage in my voice masking over the fear. “Whoa chicka calm down. My name is Murmur. Your friend was in a little car accident, she is fine, but she is staying here tonight with us” I could just hear the smug smile in this assholes voice. That just fueled my rage. Take a deep breath I try to keep my voice calm and quiet, I dont want to worry the small blond before I have to. “Oh, I am sorry, are you a medical professional calling from the hospital to inform me to come pick up my friend?” I ask, my tone dripping with sarcasm. “No? Well then maybe you should give the phone to my friend so she can tell me where to come pick her up. And I swear to god if a single hair on her head is even slightly out of place I will own your ass. Do I make myself clear you arrogant douche nozzel. Now hand her the phone!” Seriously I know life is a bitch, but today it is having puppies. This shit is ridiculous. “Douche nozzel, you know if I had feelings they might almost be hurt. I mean I am trying to do the stand up thing here. I helped rescue a damsel in distress, putting a smudge in my perfectly shiny white knight armor in the process I might add, and then I call her friend so no one worries about her. And this is the thanks I get? Harsh.” Under normal circumstances, I would find his banter amusing if not even a little charming. Today is not a normal circumstance. In fact today, all his witty banter has done is insure that any regret I may of felt about being a tad harsh is just gone. “Give Tori the phone” I growl. “No can do, cupcake. She is being seen by our Medic at the moment, and she is kinda out cold. But I am being assured she is fine and I will have her call you when she is awake. Tootles!” The line went dead, oh hell to the no. Om Sarah breath, inhale, exhale repeat as necessary. Once I am sure I am at least sort of in control of my rage, I calmly grab the phone, and call Tori’s cell. Ok I will be civil, collected, calm and I dare say courteous, so I can find out what happened, where my friend is and get her home. “Aw, sweetheart did you miss me already? Really its cute but its getting a little embarrassing.” The condescending male voice answers “WHO ARE YOU, AND WHERE IS TORI” Well, so much for calm and collected. “I told you, princess. My name is Murmur, and your friend is fine. I will personally make sure she calls you as soon as possible. And since you have no idea where I am, or she is for that matter, and I have disabled the GPS on her phone, you are just going to have to take my word for it. And although I am sure you do a very sexy impersonation of a fire breathing dragon and are so ready to storm the castle to retrieve your wayward friend here, you wouldn't know what castle to storm. So you are just SOL. Sorry Xena, no warrior princess impressions for you today, so put away the circle blade and have a seat, someone will contact you shortly.” Then the line went dead Calmly setting down my phone, so I dont throw it against a wall. I take a few deep breaths to try and get my anger under control. Breath in breath out Breath in, breath out. I start to repeat my mantra, “sun is warm grass is green, sun is warm grass is green…. Fuck this sun is hot grass is fucking dead.” Time to get some help and get shit taken care of, heading back into the living room, I wonder how ethical my favorite small blond is. “Hey, Vivi.. If someone where to turn off the GPS in a cell phone,say Tori’s for example, could you still tell me where it is, or where it was when it was last turned on?” Vivi turned towards me and raised an raising an eyebrow considered my question. “Could I? Yes, I am all knowing and my powers of intellect are indeed beyond measure, will I? Well, its unethical, an invasion of privacy and illegal, so it depends on why and what I get out of it.” “I’ll learn how to play D&D and I will play for at least 2 hours once a month.” I offer knowing how badly she wants to play on a table top and not just with her friends on line. “3 hours twice a week, Tori plays too AND I get to watch the that show with the slutty not a demon chick” she countered. “No, I would let you watch it but your mom would kill me. THen resurrect me just to off me again. But I will agree to 2 hours once a week with me and Tori, and I will take you to buy more figurines.” “Fine, no show. But 3 hours once a week and one weekend a month where we play a long mission, I mean an all nighter with junk food and a lot of caffeine.” “You mean you want to take one netflix binge night and turn it into a D&D night?” “Yes” She nods “Done” We shake on it and she grabs her laptop. “So how long will this take you and your mad hacking skills” “I will have a location before the pizza gets here, and the delivery guy just pulled up.” THe door bell rings and I go to answer the door. Once I am walking back to the living room with the boxes and a roll of paper towels to use as plates, Vivi already has the laptop open and sitting on the table. “She was at fountain head park running in circles, like a crazy person, seriously who runs around a park In Arizona in the summer. A small man made lake does not an oasis make. Still hot, still crazy. Anyway, then she left, or at least her cell phone did and the GPS was turned off in downtown phoenix. Right off central ave, in a really nice area. Looks like its right by those newish condos the ones that look like a massive castle. She probably met some hot rich guy and is off making poor life choices.” “You hacked into the GPS on Tori’s phone and got all of that in two minutes?” I am just stunned. “Ok first off its not like you asked me to hack the pentagon and get nuclear codes, honestly. But no, I didn’t hack anything, mom has us all on a family plan for our phones, and she has some parental control thingys, so I just logged in and looked at the GPS logs, then I used that with google maps and bam info. Common sense, really isn’t a super power ya know.” She grabbed the pizza boxes from me and grabbed her first slice of pineapple pizza and started picking all the pineapple off. “I also went ahead and checked her car’s GPS and emergency system thing. It was also at the park, but it logged a minor accident. The incident report says it was a minor accident no injuries, and only a little cosmetic damage to the car itself. It said owner verbally confirmed no injury and that they had someone who would take the car to get it repaired. It also noted police were not called, and that insurance would not be used because the other party was at fault and is paying for the damages out of pocket. Since the report said owner verbally confirmed I am not overly worried. Tori, isnt dumb and she is a big girl she can take care of herself.” I am not worried.” I hate to admit it, but I think she is right. I did get a call saying she was alright, and as long as I get another call in a few hours I shouldn't start panicking. She probably did find some hot guy and is making poor life choices. It isnt something she does often but it has been known to happen. Plus, she has been super stressed lately maybe it will do her some good. “Fine, if you are soo smart tell me why, for the love of god, you make me order pineapple pizza and then pick all the pineapple off?” “Because I don't like to eat the pineapple, I just want a little pineapple flavor, like pineapple essence pizza, now can we get back to supernatural? Or would you like me to get you the D&D guide, I play the 5th edition.” As we settle on the couch ready to watch a few more episodes and eat our cheesy greasy dinner of awesome, I cant help but to think about Tori and where she is and if she is ok. Most of what Vivi told me matches the story that guy with the weird name said, but its just not really clicking me for me. When I pick up my phone I see a text from a number I dont know. Unknown: Hey warrior princess, I figured you might be a little pissed off with our previous conversation, so I figured I would shoot you a message to assure you, again, that your friend is ok. I would really hate for you to tail spin into an evil plot to hunt me down and murder me. And if I am being completely honest, your cute little threats are pretty sexy, so I was hopeing for a few more of those to hold me over for the night. My god the nerve of this guy. Who the fuck talks like this? Sarah: OMG Douche nozzle, you are disgusting. But why would a text from an unknown number make me feel better about you kidnapping my friend? Unknown: Again the name is Murmur, not douche nozzle, but I will answer to mother fucker. And here, for your piece of mind and spank bank. I cant help a quick laugh as a picture comes through on my phone of a very attractive man who is doing the worse duck lips face I have ever seen in true selfie tradition. Sarah: And what exactly is that picture suppose to prove? How do I even know that is you. You probably googled selfie and just downloaded the pic of the first almost attractive person you saw. Unknown: that is a pic of me I just took #nofilter and what do you mean ALMOST attractive. I will have you know I am considered adorable by some, pretty by most and 100% fuck-able by all. But I sent the pic so if your friend isnt home by tomorrow morning, you know what to look for when you start hunting me down for the maiming. Sarah: I still dont believe its you, you could be starting me on a quest to go hurt some innocent little European model while you are at home, in your moms basement eating nachos and playing World of Warcraft after selling my friend into slavery. Unknown: Ok dollface, what will it take for you to believe that is me. And dont think for a second that I didn't notice you said I looked like a European model, seriously I am blushing over here. Sarah: send me a pic with a fork balancing on your nose. Unknown: … uh ok give me a min. I actually have to get up and find a fork. A few moments go by and my phone chimes with another message. Its a picture of the same man balancing a fork on his nose. I stifle the a laugh and the true ridiculousness of this pic, and I save it to my phone and create a contact for this guy. I need to save his number so I can make sure he gets Tori home. Kidnappy douche nozzle: Believe me now sweetness? Sarah: Well that could be anyone with a fork on their nose Kidnappy douche nozzle: Really, Really? Riddle me this batgirl why would anyone take that pic, except in this specific situation. Sarah: Fine, so the pic is you. But that doesnt mean you have my friend and she is safe or that you are bringing her home. Kidnappy douche nozzle: Well I would take a pic of your friend for you, but she is in my friends bed, and from what I have been told taking pictures of women in bed without their knowelege is frowned upon. Its just past the level of creepy I am willing to go to, even for a feisty thing like you. Now it only seems fair that since I sent you 2 pics you send me atleast one ;) Sarah: Life isnt fair, I am not sending you anything. But you will return my friend in the morning or all hell will break loose and I will kill not only you but everything you have ever even liked. Kidnappy douche nozzle: I will keep you updated on whats going on and when she is headed back home. Sarah: then you may yet survive this. Kidnappy douche nozzle: now kitten, dont make promises you arnt willing to keep.

#wip #newnovel #excerpts from my writing #nanowrimo #nano 2018 #first novel

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noonewasharmedinthisxenarecap · 6 years

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Trilogy Recap: Unchained Heart

Inevitably we come to the end of the trilogy with Unchained Heart. Honestly i don't like this episode. I don't like the way Xena is treated in this episode. I would have liked Xena’s Hercules journey to have ended after the last episode. Alas it didn't. Anyway here we go.

Turns out Ares thinks that Darpheus can help him destroy the world so he is back and inevitably he decides to pick another fight with Xena and Hercules because that worked out so well last time.

Xena is now travelling with Hercules, and Salmoneus is along for the ride. Unfortunately this Xena is not the Xena from the last episode. She has suddenly become submissive and appears happy to let Hercules take the lead. She keeps looking at him almost for approval. Its uncomfortable after seeing her strength in the last episode. This complex, interesting and strong character has suddenly become a second thought. Its disappointing.

Before we get any further, can we talk about this:

SHOULDER ARMOUR. Look at those beauties. They remind me of dragon scales. They are so extra is wonderful. And that 80′s pop princess hairstyle. I’m here for it. I will suffer through this episode just for that. That shoulder armour is glorious.

On our way to find Darpheus we discover that Salmoneus is a quail hunter and Hercules has gender specific views about cooking. Salmoneus has gone off to catch the quail and Xena offers to scout ahead. Hercules then says “Maybe i should do the scouting.” Now i may be reading too much into this but it comes across as Hercules implying that Xena should do the cooking because she is the only woman in the group. Well Xena is having none of it and tells him that he will be doing the cooking. This is probably one of the few moments in the episode where she stands up and takes charge of herself without waiting for approval from Hercules.

While Xena is gone Iolas turns up, hot on the trail of Xena’s army. Hercules decides not to tell Iolas about Xena because, well its not clear why. Instead they cook the quails and sit down to eat. Meanwhile day turns into night and Xena has still not returned. No one notices though. It just shows the disrespect that this show gives Xena. She is such a second thought that they don't take the time to explain why she was gone unnoticed for so long. But she returns in time to save Hercules from being the bad guy. Of course we are then treated some soap opera drama as Iolas refuses to listen to any explanation of why Xena is travelling with Hercules.

“Hyacinth and cinnamon.” That is all.

We are treated to an ambush where Salmoneus freezes causing him to leave the group because he thinks he is a coward and a liability. Xena then goes to run after him before being stopped by Hercules. I like that Xena is the one that wants to go after him. It shows the connection that she has to Salmoneus. He was there when she was alone. He was there when her army turned on her. He was there offering her support and admiration. Salmoneus is extremely important to her redemption and she knows it. Thats why she wants to go after him.

We have a fight scene where Xena saves Iolas, because he is a terrible fighter and regularly needs rescuing. The differences between Xena and Hercules fighting styles are very evident in this fight. Hercules goes out of his way to avoid lethal combat. He will knock the guys out but he will avoid killing them. Then there is Xena, a true warrior and soldier. She doesn't avoid lethal combat. For her killing is just another part of doing business. Its fascinating seeing them fight side by side, one killing and one not. Its likely because Hercules is a straight up hero, while Xena is complex and dark. Experience has clearly shaped their fighting style.

Then we get to the worst part of this episode, the love scene. Xena and Hercules are like teenagers who can't keep their hands to themselves. A few days ago Xena was trying to kill Hercules. The day before Hercules made a point of telling Iolas he wasn't bedding Xena. And yet here we are. Its also in poor taste on Hercules behalf. He knows that Iolas is struggling with the whole Xena thing. He knows that Iolas is worried that she is drawing Hercules in like she did with Iolas. Hercules is a bad friend.

Iolas returns apparently not fazed by the teenagers all loved up near the campfire and we learn that Salmoneus is sitting amongst Darpheus’ army and Iolas automatically thinks the worst. And now we are off to save the world from Darpheus and rescue Salmoneus.

There is nothing hugely interesting about the battle with Darpheus. They save Salmoneus and feed Darpheus to the big dog and the day is saved. Its a typical Hercules ending. The whole episode leads to this final battle and its over in a flash. Its one of the things i find so unsatisfying about Hercules.

Then we have another forced moment between Xena and Hercules where the show clearly wants to paint Xena has this submissive and love driven secondary character. They force this moment where Xena is given the cheesiest, un-Xena like lines:

“You are going to make me cry”

“You unchained my heart”

XWP Xena would be disgusted with they way this Xena is reacting.

Xena then hops on her horse and rides away into her own brilliant tv show. Look how happy she is to be leaving the episode.

Summary

The trilogy builds up this incredible character in The Gauntlet and then seemingly abandons her journey and progress in this episode. The Xena depicted in this episode is emotionally weaker than the one we just left and appears to be almost beyond submissive. Its almost as if she is entirely reliant on Hercules to function. This isn’t the character we just left and it isn’t the character we will meet in the upcoming series. She is an anomaly and a badly drawn one at that.

The Hercules and Xena relationship seems forced and unnatural. The reason she is portrayed as so submissive in this episode is due in large part to the attempt to couple these two strong characters. It doesn’t work and we don’t buy it.

On a whole i find this episode disappointing, lacking and disrespectful of the incredible warrior that we saw in the Gauntlet. Xena was treated like every other woman on the show when she deserved more.

#xena #xena recap #xena rewatch #no one was harmed in the writing of this xena recap #xena warrior princess #xwp #lucy lawless #hercules legendary journeys

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tunaboi888 · 6 years

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tagged by @rodimussprime. Doing this because eh.. why not.. I am bored enough. more under the cut.

last

1. drink - coke

2. phone call - my sister

3. text message - sasha aka my second half

4. song you listened to - bitter content by dodie

5. time you cried - somewhere around last month I think

ever

6. dated someone twice? - nah

7. kissed someone and regretted it - kind of

8. been cheated on - no

9. lost someone special - of course. Everyone has I think.

10. been depressed - oh honey.. my usual state

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - new year 2015-2016 from way too many different drinks and pumpkin soup. Been a habit since then. Fuck the old year, begin the new one with regret.

fave colours

12. pink (elena you fucking piece of **** got me to liking it so much I have my keyboard lights set as a kind of pink stardust. Thanks for that demon)

13. black

14. green/orange/blue listen: all colours are beautiful if you use them right.

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yes! Best coworkers ever!

16. fallen out of love - nope

17. laughed until you cried - I think so

18. found out someone was talking about you - yes

19. met someone who changed you - yep

20. found out who your friends are - sadly yes and happily also yes.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - nah

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - Like 90% though like 70% of them are old classmates I don’t talk to anymore

23. do you have any pets - my cat is with my dad and I so badly want a pet again...

24. do you want to change your name - yes. Very much.

25. what did you do for your last birthday - worked overtime, got yelled at by my chef and cried in the office because it was my last day before changing departments and she made me be late to my own birthday party for which one I needed to catch a train and drive for 2 hours to get there. Worst day of my life but a person changed that and made me realise that every good day I have could be my birthday and I should celebrate one of those instead on dwelling on this birthday. Still was a shit day. Then had sushi dinner with family and close friends.

26. what time did you wake up today - around 10 (normally I wake up around 2 on a saturday. What is wrong with me?!)

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - playing Overwatch

28. what is something you cant wait for - london with a friend and visiting online friends there, my new work contract, living on my own instead of in a flat with 4 strangers and being myself sometime in the future.

30. what are you listening to right now - golden slumbers cover by Dodie Clark

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - @clericall lol he is big tom, big doof. love you binch :*

32. something thats getting on your nerves - FUCKING SCREAMING KIDS ON THE TRAIN FFS WHY CAN’T THEY SHUT THE FUCK UP?! Also lying and wrong interpretation/communication

33. most visited website - tumblr, youtube, email site (I get a lot), ao3 and facebook

34. hair colour - dark blonde / brown

35. long or short hair - long but will go short end of the month...

36. do you have a crush on someone - no

37. what do you like about yourself - my compassion for my friends, family and doing good. I like seeing others smile and making someone happy and I think that is quite the cool thing about me.

38. want any piercings? - a helix tbh but idk.. it probably wouldn’t look good.

39. blood type - abcdefg I dunno.. I THINK A

40. nicknames - Sam -> the name I want

41. relationship status - the fuck’s a relationship..?

42. zodiac - taurus

43. pronouns - she/her and him/his

44. fave tv shows - I don’t really watch TV but I guess... Buffy, Xena, X-factor (the mystery one), and a bunch of animes and Netflix stuff

45. tattoos - don’t have any yet since I am very picky with a design and want to create it myself with symbols that mean a lot to me.

46. right or left handed - right-handed

47. ever had surgery - not that I can remember

48. piercings - nope

49. sport - basketball and tennis though I didn’t do both in some time

50. vacation - london next month and besides this only visited cities in my country and been to spain but as a baby so I can’t remember (thanks mom and dad -_-)

51. trainers - ...what?

more general

52. eating - nothing

53. drinking - coke

54. i’m about to watch - probably something on netflix since I am bored and at my dads place (KITTY!)

55. waiting for - tomorrow to visit Sash and end of the month for london!

56. want - to be happy

57. get married - maybe with the right person

58. career - looser media designer

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - both cool

62. older or younger - both~

63. nice arms or stomach - both nice arms are sweet to be embraced by

64. hookup or relationship - stable relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant - a mix of both

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no

67. drank hard liquor - oh honey... do you even know me ;)?

68. lost glasses - yes. but found them again!

69. turned someone down - yes

70. sex on first date - no

71. broken someones heart - no

72. had your heart broken - two times by now.

73. been arrested - no

74. cried when someone died - yes

75. fallen for a friend - yes

do you believe in

76. yourself - hahahahahahahahaha

77. miracles - mmh no

78. love at first sight - nope. Love has to develope I think or else you are in love with the imagie of someone which can hurt you when you find out the true person inside of a beautiful body.

79. santa clause - no

80. kiss on a first date - depends on the date

81. angels - as much as I nearly had fatal accidents, I do believe someone is looking out for me.

other

82. best friend’s name - sasha and oliver

83. eye-color - blue/green/grey

84. fave movie - I have a lot I like but I think... listen.. i am generic. I really love Frozen.

85. fave actor - Lucy Lawless

tagging @llewellyn98 @clericall (do it bois!) @tamsininmypants @aishasauce and @korrainasamisjacket

#tag game #me #about me #why you forsaken me #elli ... lol :DDD

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troublemakerjade-blog · 5 years

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I really should be sleeping

I think its hard for people to let go. Its hard for me to let go. Its hard to go into the unknown. especially when the unknown was always held pain. It was unknown what our abusers would do next. it was unknown if we were going to make it out of that situation.

It has been a hard night for me. It was one of grieving. So lets tell a happy story behind this grief. Growing up, my grandmother was a major nerd. I am talking about having a whole room just for movies *for all those kids out there that were born after dvds came out, this might not be as impressive. If you do not know what a vhs is, please google. While i cry about how old i am.* It was wall to wall VHS. But it was also star trek themed. Yes my grandmother was a major trekie. She raised me on xena and star trek. The amount of star trek stuff my grandmother had accumulated it was insane. Grandma had a spending problem. but that is something I will go into later. It was christmas, I was 7 or 8.Time lines in my life, is hard to keep track of. If you have trauma and a hard time remembering, its not your fault. don’t feel bad, thats a side effect of the trauma. My counseling just told me about it. So back on track, I was gifted a special trilogy. It was star wars. I remember looking at it all weird. While my grandmother raised me on sci-fi, i was more into wizards and vampires. She told me to watch it. to trust her. She gave me Luke, Leia, Han, and Vader action figures. Yeah my grandmother was just that fucking cool. so i started watching the movies. I remember telling her i wanted luke and leia to end up together. I now get the looks my grandparents shared when i started making the action figures kiss. Yeah yeah, i get it. Its incest. But in my defense, i had only watched the first one at that point. So while watching the movies, i fell in love with them. the world was so immersive. those movies still remain to be some of my favorites because of the set designs. I remember my grandma taking me to see the prequels and us talking like jar jar binks. I regret this fully, i assure. It was a dark time that i wish i could bleach from my mind. It was something my grandmother and i shared together. So all this week i keep seeing the new trailer and star wars celebration going on. Something in me just snapped and i realized that i could not call my grandma and ask her what she thought of the new ones. Because even in her old age, she still was a nerd. one of the times i called her, she asked me if i had a zombie survival plan. I got berated by my grandmother for not planning a head and then told that she would trip me to get away from the zombies. Joking of course. She loved the walking dead, she ended a call with me once because it came on.

After this i started thinking about how my future is unknown as of this point. i dont have a angenda and before that would have killed me. I have made progress on accepting the unknown. because I have gotten through my life so far semi in tack. we just have to accept that we will always have to face it at some point.

I m tired. I just wanted to get those thoughts out. Its ok to feel your emotions. you are not weak for feeling them or expressing them. reaching out to a friend for help. It does not make you weak to ask for help. It makes you strong because you know that you can not do this on your own and you are taking a step to get better. Never feel bad for having emotions. i tried to push them aside for so long. but my emotions are what make me strong.

#emotions #Emotional abuse #emotional manipulation #emotion #ptsd #losing a loved one

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morgendaemmerung89 · 7 years

Text

Thanks for the Tag @missartemisholmes

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

Tagging: @a-consulting-criminal @princesse-des-lucioles @kajaono @holmesique @mariowasd

Since this is going to be long, I´ll copy Kim and make a cut. =D

LAST…

Drink: water

Phone call: my boyfriend

Text message: my coworkers (whats app group =D)

Song you listened to: Hey Jude (The beatles)

Time you cried: A few days ago... Was a bit not good that day...

HAVE YOU…

Dated someone twice: No

Kissed someone and regretted it: No.

Been cheated on: Not that I know of

Lost someone special: Yes. My grandfather died 9 years ago!

Been depressed: Lukily I had never depressions! But I had a time, where I think I was really close to it and I am lucky, that I got to heal on my own!

Gotten drunk and thrown up: Only 2 times! I don´t like the taste so much and normally I know my limit. (These days were a little off... )

Made new friends: Yeah. Especially here on tumblr. Otherwise I don´t know if I can call them friends or if they are just people I happen to know and get along...

Fallen out of love: Not really. To be honest I only had a few crushes I didn´t even date, before my boyfriend.

Laughed until you cried: Plenty of times! I am very emotional in every way.

Found out someone was talking about you: When weren´t they? I just KNEW they were talking as soon as I turned my back towards them!

Met someone who changed you: Yes! Most of them gave me more strength to be myself.

Found out who your friends are: What friends?

Kissed someone from your facebook list: Only my boyfriend

Kissed a stranger: Never!

Drank hard liquor: Yeah, but I hate it and thats why it was more like forcing down one glass and shuddering and “nopeing” a second one =D

Lost glasses/contact lenses: Since I never needed one until lately I never was able lose one

Turned someone down: Since no one ever asked me out except of my boyfriend: No I never turned someone down

Sex on the first date: I wouldn´t! Just not my way!

Broken someone’s heart: Not that I know of...

Had your heart broken: Not really. Maybe a little weakened and hurt...

Been arrested: No

Cried when someone died: Yes.

Fallen for a friend: No.

Kissed on the first date: I didn´t. I only had dates with my boyfriend and we kissed the first time like half a year in? =D

GENERAL

List three favourite colours: magenta, petrol, burgundy

How many facebook friends do you know in real life: Nearly all of them. Went to school with or know each other from mutual friends...

Do you have any pets: Not anymore. I had a hamster (Xena) and a budgie (Nami)

Do you want to change your name: No. It´s good =)

What time did you wake up: Depends on what you call “waking up”.... If you mean “not wandering around like a zombie” then its about half past seven...

What were you watching at midnight last night: The inside of my eyelids...

Name something you cant wait for: Several marvel movies to watch them!

When was the last time you saw your mum: Sunday a week ago.

What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: If I could go back I would never go for learning to be a physiotherapist in another City! It gave me plenty of trouble and nearly gave me depressions...

What are you listening to right now: Crap telly

Have you ever talked to a person called Tom: I don´t remember a Tom... But maybe a customer or so was called Tom, idk...

Something that is getting on your nerves right now: Two of my coworkers... =D

Most visited site: Tumblr! =D (On mobile)

Mole: Yeah, lots. Everywhere =D

Mark/s: A few scars from scratched knees and stuff, but nothing bad.

Childhood dream: I wanted to be a marine biologist, searching for dolphins, but the sea is too far away for lazy “only comfortable at home” me...

Do you have a crush on someone: Well... I´m utterly in love with my boyfriend=)

What do you like about yourself: That I am nearly NEVER rude! I´ve got my fathers patience for wich everyone envies me. (Especially when there is a customer, who is rude or simply too brainless to understand what I am explaining to him for the last hour!)

Piercings: No

Blood type: Err...? I think A positive...

Nickname: Haven´t got one.

Relationship status: taken

Zodiac: virgo

Pronouns: She/Her

Favourite tv show(s): BBC Sherlock (still, even if S4 is... not what I expected to be nice), Naruto, Shadowhunters (Netflix), Doctor Who... (I´m more into movies...)

Tattoo: Yes, two. A Seahorse on my back and a butterfly on my ankle.

Right or left handed: Right

Surgery: My nose last year, after an accident in my childhood where I literally destroyed my nose and 2 teeth.

Hair dyed a different colour: A few times. Red, black, blonde. Had that all, but it was all bit not good, so I am stuck now with my natural hair.

Sport: I was playing tennis as a child and did karate. And I am swimming since my cildhood. The last years were pretty lazy but I started the swimming again this year.

Vacation: I would like to go to the ocean for a while!

Current and all-time best friend name: Again... What friend?

Eye colour: Dark brown.

Favourite movie: Don´t make me cose! All the Marvel and all the Disneymovies. Also I love Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. Theres more, but I have to put an end to that list

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: Depends on who is the person that asks... ;)

Lips or eyes: Eyes! <3 Eyes are beautiful!

Shorter or taller: doesn´t matter!

Nice arms or stomach: Who cares?

Sensitive or loud: Sensitive!!!!!

Hook up or relationship: Depends on the person, but relationships work better for me

Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

Yourself: sort of? Sometimes?

Miracles: Only when something nice happens.

Love at first sight: Not love! Attraction and liking maybe, but love needs time!

Santa Claus: He doesn´t exist where I grew up. So for me it was the “Christkind” and the “Nikolaus” and yes I believed in them the first years ;)

#tag game #questions

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crantzypants · 5 years

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My Opinion on all those fucking Marvel Movies

Iron Man (2008)- movie? everyone really likes this one. everyone believes rdj is the reason why the wacky marvel movie adventure exists now. i honestly can’t remember this one, but hey. 7/10 because wow it started this universe, but also it STARTED A 20+ MOVIE UNIVERSE. PLEASE CHILL MCU.

The Incredible Hulk (2008)- uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh? 0/10? whats this again?

Iron Man 2 (2010)- everyone gave this movie slack but i can’t remember why. which one is this? all these ‘phase one’ movies are so far back who can remember them? 6/10

Thor (2011)- just the opening episode to voltron but as a two hour movie NEXT! 5/10 because hemsworth is chill.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)- i’m laughing. evans...so smol....i fell so bad for the barns man. captain was shown to be an actor turn kickass bitch so 11/10. dont mess with thespians.

Marvel's The Avengers (2012)- oh yes, that movie everyone loved and then turned on. when i think about it i think 10/10 but then i remember its...boring af? so like 4/10

Iron Man 3 (2013)- they gave iron man ptsd and that’s sad but also nice to see this after all the shit that happened. its like seeing past that ‘happily ever after we saved the world’ stuff and i can respect that. there are many iron man suit? right? he tries to give up on being a big man of iron? 8/10 because im not sure what else happened but i like what i remember

Thor: The Dark World (2013)- honest never saw it looked goth af but not my cup of tea. not sure if people liked it or not 3/10

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)- 0/10 because someone suggested the same movie but replacing natasha with clint and there is something way more fun and wild sounding about that.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)- space faring idiots is my jam 9/10 cuz space is cool

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)- -3/10 cuz what happened?

Ant-Man (2015)- uhhhhhhhh there were ants? paul rudd is great though so 7/10

Captain America: Civil War (2016)- all the bastards fight and then cap and iron fight and drag their families into it. marital spats should not include the children. should have been the next avengers film 6/10

Doctor Strange (2016)- sherlock holmes but with magic wizard powers. i dont think anyone saw this one 2/10

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)- space idiots but with daddy issues 7/10

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)- good spider child climbing the walls having adventures and avoiding the fall 11/10 was shockingly good and almost stand alone

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)- strong late 80s/early 90s vibe. got a xena vibe??? 15/10

Black Panther (2018)- the first genuine stand alone thank god cgi that looked actually good wow so cool. 15/10 as well

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)- true story like the day before it came out and until i watched it like a month and a half later i loudly announced ‘wow i hope they kill off half the cast’. they did. that’s both a poor plot twist and poor writing that i could call it with such accuracy. would be 0/10 but is -6/10 because the half of the cast they killed were the characters/franchises i actually enjoyed they killed black panther/guardians/spiderman and ruined thor ragnaroks shit. horrible, bad, its no good

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)- i only remember the kid giving the dad a ‘worlds best grandma’ mug and thats very good indeed. 6/10

Captain Marvel (2019)- wish i had watched but its good? it sounds like? it pissed off many man babies, boring children step off. would let brie punch me 7/10 although would probably be higher if i watched

#i was uh bored #and thought wow marvel sucks #its not great #it really isnt #oh well #personal opinion #marvel #mcu #whatever

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forsakendrifter · 5 years

Text

Get to know me

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My love

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Both lol outgoing in public tho

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Shes next to me

4. Are you easy to get along with? Ehh

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yep

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Grouchy

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yess

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? No one lol

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends who im talking to

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My wuvs

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Good night

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Rather be clean bandit

Home dolly parton

Take it easy the eagles

Me you and the good Lord dolly parton

Jolene dolly parton

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Noo

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yea more miracles than luck

15. What good thing happened this summer? I got through the hardest class in my masters degree

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? YESSS

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I honestly do... more like other galaxies. It would make sense..but I do believe God created them too

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No

19. Do you like bubble baths? Yea

20. Do you like your neighbors? Noooo

21. What are you bad habits? Im a slob and a procrastinator

22. Where would you like to travel? Ireland

23. Do you have trust issues? Yess

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Reading at night

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My stomach 😣

26. What do you do when you wake up? Cuss hahaha

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Darker

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My love and my mom

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No? Honestly i don't give a shit

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yess

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?..dude it's my every day style

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Scarlet Johansson Katie McGrath. And idk who else

33. Spell your name with your chin. KCVe6jly

34. Do you play sports? What sports? martial artsss

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Without t.v.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Well that was awkward haha

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Ironically (and yea mushy lol) my love

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Walmart 🤣 game stores, gamestop, and target

40. What do you want to do after high school? Dude im in my 20a

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Ehhh

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Im tired

43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Outer space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? The feeling of having to pee

46. What are you paranoid about? EVERYTHING my future not being loved my career

47. Have you ever been high? No

48. Have you ever been drunk? Currently drunk right now

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else? When i was in an abusive relationship 5 years ago

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My stomach to be thinner

53. Favourite makeup brand? Maybaline

54. Favourite store? Gamestop

55. Favourite blog? Dont have one

56. Favourite colour? Black or red

57. Favourite food? Pizza

58. Last thing you ate? Mexicannn

59. First thing you ate this morning? Granola bar

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Hell yea. I'm a world champ in tkd

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Bad grades

62. Been arrested? For what? Not yet lmao

63. Ever been in love? Yesss

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Too long to type but i was 15 he was 16. He drooled and i was still trying to figure things out lol

65. Are you hungry right now? Yes

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Dude i only have 3 and they arw my real life friends too

67. Facebook or Twitter? Either

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Twitter

69. Are you watching tv right now? No

70. Names of your bestfriends? My wuv and brad

71. Craving something? What? Fooooood

72. What colour are your towels? Uhh different colors? Mainly brown

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Normally 2-3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? ..hehe yes

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Like 10

75. Favourite animal? Doggos

76. What colour is your underwear? Grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Chocolate, birthday cake , or superman

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Grey

80. What colour pants? Grey shorts

81. Favourite tv show? Xena and golden girls

82. Favourite movie? Ths mummy

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Originallll

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Gretchen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dori

87. First person you talked to today? My mom

88. Last person you talked to today? My love

89. Name a person you hate? No one lol

90. Name a person you love? My wuv

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? YYES

92. In a fight with someone? Nope

93. How many sweatpants do you have? Dude its like 75% of my wardrobe

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Like 20

95. Last movie you watched? The nun

96. Favourite actress? Sandra bullok or lucy lawless

97. Favourite actor? Brandon Frazier

98. Do you tan a lot? No

99. Have any pets? 4 fur babies

100. How are you feeling? Sleepy

101. Do you type fast? I try lol

102. Do you regret anything from your past? A lot..

103. Can you spell well? Hell no

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? 2 people

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? N9pe

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes

108. What should you be doing? Sleeping

109. Is something irritating you right now? No ...which is odd

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes

111. Do you have trust issues? Yes.. i thought this was asked already?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My wuv

113. What was your childhood nickname? Kc

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes

115. Do you play the Wii? A long time ago. Guitar hero was my jam

116. Are you listening to music right now? No

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes especially home made

118. Do you like Chinese food? HELL YES

119. Favourite book? Lord of the rings series

120. Are you afraid of the dark? No i have bi polar disorder.. im scarier

121. Are you mean? Im a real asshole

122. Is cheating ever okay? To get out of an abusive relationship. Thats it

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? HAHAHAHAHAHAAH

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Depends

125. Do you believe in true love? Yess

126. Are you currently bored? Yes.. thats why im doing this

127. What makes you happy? My love, books, tkd, dnd, and mtg

128. Would you change your name? No

129. What your zodiac sign? LEOOOO

130. Do you like subway? Yes

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Uhh oh well his loss

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? My wuv

133. Favourite lyrics right now? Jolene?

134. Can you count to one million?no

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? "Im resting my wisdom tooth " as i fell asleep

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed

137. How tall are you? 5'6

138. Curly or Straight hair? Curly :/

139. Brunette or Blonde? In tge middle?

140. Summer or Winter? Falll

141. Night or Day? Night

142. Favourite month? August

143. Are you a vegetarian? NOO

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk

145. Tea or Coffee? Tea

146. Was today a good day? Yes

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote? "Work hard in silence let success be your noise"

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? It's dark and my books across the room im not getting up lol

0 notes

blinkerstone · 7 years

Note

hiya! this is for the date ask game thingy: i'm a trans boy, 16 years old, about 5'7 or 170 cm tall. i have grey/greenish/blueish eyes and black/dark blue hair. my biggest interests are in art, music and video games. oh and i also really love dc comics!! my ideal date would be somewhere nice and relaxing, like an aquarium or a park in the summer ! i'd also be totally down for some video games or drawing and music listening after that!!

tbh i have no idea who this is but u sound super cute!! take me to the fucken aquarium….ill probably cry as soon as i see a whale cause god damn aquatic mammals steal my heart but thats cool. crying is Healthy or smthif we play video games the only thing ill beat you at is smash bros melee. any other game im really bad at but melee im fuckin xena

#answered asks #thank u for sendin an ask in love

0 notes

noonewasharmedinthisxenarecap · 6 years

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Season One: Dreamworker

Next up, Episode three Dreamworker.

In my opinion this episode is one of the standouts for this season. It is highly relevant to Xena’s redemption arc. Having an episode like so early in her story is perfect because we are treated to a visual representation of Xena’s internal struggle between the light and dark side of her being. It is also a good outing for season one Gabrielle and is an important step in the mentoring relationship between Xena and Gabrielle.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Lets dive in and see what we are dealing with.

We open on Gabrielle role playing with a sword. Not that kind of role playing get your mind out of the gutter. It seems so unnatural seeing this version of Gabby with a sword, or any weapon really.

It really looks like a young peasant girl play fighting with her fellow village kids. She is not a warrior and she is not a fighter. It is important set up for the rest of her journey throughout this episode. Gabby may have skills but this isn't and shouldn't be one of them.

Xena comes along and scolds her for playing with her sword. Its not a toy. We learn through this exchange that gabby is frustrated by the fact that Xena won't teach her to fight with a sword. Gabby was under the impression that if she travelled with xena she would learn to be xena. Unfortunately xena has other ideas. Gabby wants to be able to defend herself and we get this little gem from Xena:

“Don’t confuse defending yourself with using a weapon. When you pull a sword, you have to be ready to kill.”

Simple words of wisdom from someone who really knows. Xena took her first life at about the same age as gabby when defending her village by taking up arms against its invader. There was no turning back from that and she wants to spare Gabby that loss of innocence. Plus Xena knows that Gabby isn't ready to kill. She wants to teach gabby but not how to kill; she wants to teach her to survive. Weapons do not necessarily equal survival. This is the first time we really see Xena offering some real training and wisdom. Her first step as a true mentor.

We are then treated to Xena’s rules of survival:

Xena: “All right. The rules of survival. Number one. If you can run, run. Number two. If you can’t run-- surrender, and then run. Number three. If you’re outnumbered, let them fight each other, while you run. Number four--”

Gabby “Wait-- More running?”

Xena: “No. Four is where you talk your way out of it, and I know you can do that. It’s wisdom before weapons, Gabrielle. The moment you pick up a sword, you become a target. And the moment you kill--”

Gabrielle: “The moment you kill-- What?”

Xena: “Everything changes. Everything.”

The most important lesson that Xena could teach Gabrielle as this point in their journey together. Don't be so quick to lose your innocence because there are no take backs.

And yet despite Xena, the one in this friendship with all the experience imparting some life saving wisdom, Gabby ignores it all. They are attacked and while Xena is fending off the bad guys Gabby decides to not only pick up a sword but also to do Xena’s war cry drawing attention to herself. And then they come for her. Of course, teaching her a valuable lesson about following Xena’s advice.

Or so we think.

Into town we go and its super creepy with its lack of women and people salivating at gabby’s innocence. Xena goes to get some necessities and Gabby decides to go and scope out a sword because you know thats working out so well today. Xena meets the creepy and inhospitable shopkeeper and a blind mystic who is being poorly treated. Someone get that man a discrimination lawyer pronto. Meanwhile Gabby is trying out different swords pretending she is some amazing warrior, but alas she can't lift most of them. Enter the breast dagger:

Gabrielle: “You mean, it’s designed to pierce the breast into the heart of your enemy.”

Careful Gabrielle, your inexperience is showing. Of course its designed to fit snuggly between a woman’s breasts. Seems really uncomfortable to me. That blade rubbing against your breasts. No Thanks. Also what if you have a small bust? No breast dagger for you.

Gabby walks out breast dagger inlace, chest pushed out and Xena immediately knows something is up. She is pretty sure that Gabby’s bust didn't stick out so much earlier. And then the dagger falls out and I'm not sure how that happened but it did and Xena is equal parts disappointed and unconvinced at Gabby’s attempt to lighten the mood. Gabby clearly learned nothing from the earlier attack and decided ignoring Xena’s advice was a good idea. Xena confiscates the dagger and “pockets” it:

Gabrielle: “Its not like your breasts aren't dangerous enough.”

Admittedly i giggled at that line.

Then Xena turns around and suddenly she is alone and Gabby is gone. Just like that. But Xena being Xena she noticed what we all noticed, something is off about this village and that creepy ass shopkeeper. Xena goes off to do what she does best, intimidate people into giving her information.

We learn from the shopkeeper that every year the mystics come down to the village and take a young maiden to be the bride of Morpheus. Thats why the village sends all its young women away until after the Solstice. I have so many Questions:

1. Surely this town relies on travellers, how has no one heard about how travelling women are abducted from this town every year

2. Why would Morpheus target this village? If there is something special about the girls here surely taking travellers would defeat the purpose of targeting this village?

3. Why don't the mystics just follow the girls to the river and take them from there? Why do they need to take them from inside the village.

Seems like too much stupid for my liking.

Gabrielle being innocent is the unlucky winner of the Morpheus marriage stakes and has been whisked away to her probable doom. Xena decides that she needs to save Gabby so goes off to find the blind old man because he used to be a mystic and we finally get into the heart of the episode.

FYI this episode has so many candles its a damn fire hazard. Just imagine every scene in the real world with an entire candle shop of lit candles and you can already picture the atmosphere.

At the temple of Morpheus, Gabrielle has changed into her virginal white and we are told that she will need to face a series of tests to determine if she is the perfect bride for Morpheus. Its becomes clear that the point of this whole affair is to take Gabby’s blood innocence. That is the real bride. Gabby is a smart arse despite being held captive, and its one of the reasons i love season one gabby.

Meanwhile Xena is told by blind mystic that the only way to save Gabby is to enter the “dreamscape” Morpheus realm. He says it will take months for her to break through until hefts Xena’s arm muscles and decides, nope will only take this beast of a woman days. But still probably too long to save Gabby. Xena decides she has no choice but to try anyway.

Xena needs to be unconscious to enter the dreamscape but don't worry the blind guy who couldn't get the shopkeeper to sell him a halter for his horse is going to guard her. Cant say I'm confident. But don't worry he is a gentleman.

From here, the focus is on Xena and her internal struggle so i don't want to spend too much time on Gabby’s journey. In her first challenge, she is given a sword that breaks almost immediately, because if you want her to lose her blood innocence definitely give her a sword that wouldn't kill anyone. She manages to trick the goons into killing each other by putting Xena’s rules of survival to good use. She employs a similar tactic in the second challenge and manages to avoid killing anyone.The second challenge has an awesome 1970′s Doctor Who set (i use awesome in the ironic sense) and a fiery pit. Fiery pits are a staple in gabby’s journey over the next few years. After two challenges, Gabby doesn't kill anyone and talks her way out of everything.

Back to Xena because her journey is much more interesting. She enters the dreamscape which is a bluish misty set of tunnels from what i can tell. She has had a change of uniform and we are treated to our first set of chinese inspired fashion:

Purple to match the atmosphere, really cumbersome long sleeves. She looks like she is wearing pjs. I don't hate it.

Xena’s dreamscape plays on her past and her conscience. She will face a number of challenges intended to screw with her mind and to distract her from her purpose. She is about to face a difficult and distressing journey.

First challenge: She is surrounded by an army, her army. They have taken another village at her orders. She is feared and obeyed. Lucy plays the unease so perfectly. This was her life, the life she left behind. This isn't the Xena she is now or wants to be. They cheer her name and you can tell that every chant hits her like a knife. She doesn't want this.

We then enter a burnt out village. A throwback to the Gauntlet and the beginning of the end of dark Xena. There is a woman wailing in the background, unseen but definitely heard. The first villager she meets reminds her that this village was destroyed in her name. Xena did this. Then he reminds her that he is just one of millions on faceless victims. She doesn't know his name and she says it “I’m sorry” We aren't meant to think that the apology is just because she wants to get past this without a fight. She is sorry she doesn't know his name. But it feels much more than that. Like she is apologising for the village, for her past for the millions of faceless lives she has left in her wake. She is truly sorry. More and more names are thrown at her and you can see it weighing on her heart. Up to this point she has not had to face her past head on. She may have had to stare down rumours and stories but these are the faces of her past. Each and every one of them is a reminder of the evils she has perpetrated against the world. As they crowd her you can see the fear in her face, in her voice.:

Xena: “No, I left this behind me.”

Thats the point Xena, you can't leave this behind. It will forever be with you. Its your conscience reminding you that you did this. This was you and you need to make amends for it. You can't ignore your past and you certainly can't change it. You did this. You can see the realisation in her face. I did this. These are my victims.

Xena: “You’re using the past of a Xena long dead! I’m not her anymore!”

You may not be here anymore Xena but the past is not dead. Not for you and not yet. Morpheus now knows how to hit Xena. Xena needs to believe that because she has changed, what she did in the past is someone else. Something she can leave behind. Morpheus is about to give her the greatest gift of all.

The crowd disappears and she runs to the next area where again she is met with a single man. Her last kill. Then we meet that catalyst for everything in her life, her first kill. Im impressed that despite all her years of killing, Xena still remembers his name. You never forget your first i guess. They taunt her. You were once like gabrielle, an innocent. Now look at you, a life of death and destruction in your path. This is what awaits Gabrielle. She will soon be like you. Xena then realises she can take control and uses the dreamscape to her advantage. I think this scene says a lot about where Xena is in her journey. When its about her she is filled with fear, resentment and an impossible need to forget. She loses control over her surroundings when the focus is on herself. But when they start talking about gabrielle and the fact that gabrielle could possibly be faced with a similar challenge in the future, then she has the ability to take control of her surrounding. Xena is able to put aside everything to save her friend, but is not yet in a position to put it aside to save her own soul.

The final challenge in Xena’s journey is of course the most important. Morpheus takes heed of the emotions Xena has shown throughout the dreamscape and jumps on the one thing that Xena has not yet figured out, what to do with the two parts of her soul. Xena thinks she can push the darkness away and treat her past like the past of someone else, another Xena. Morpheus uses that to his advantage but in doing so ultimately loses the battle.

Xena’s next challenge is....

Dark Xena.

I need to say straight up, its very clear that Lucy has a lot of fun playing evil xena. That evil, joyful laugh and the facial expressions as she taunts our xena. there is a lot of joy and letting go in the performance. Sometime i think Lucy is more suited to Evil Xena than our Xena. Its a chance to tap into that dark side of the soul and let it flourish, particularly when our Xena is working so hard not to let it out at all.

This exchange between the two Xena’s is important. Its really where Morpheus gets it wrong.

Evil Xena: “You can’t go through that door until you have the key. And you can’t go through life trying to deny that I’m the real you. We were so happy all those years. Don’t you remember? Putting fear into all. Pushing aside those who stood in our way. Taking what we wanted. Ah, those were the days.”

Xena: “That wasn’t me. That was never who I really was.”

Evil Xena: “Oh. Well, let me ask you this. Back then, didn’t it feel right? Everything we did felt right. If felt-- good”

Xena: “But it wasn’t.”

Evil Xena: “Oh, how would you know? You think this goody-goody act of yours is going to last? There’s no glory in being a hero-- ask around. You’re weak without me, Xena. But the fire is still there. Join me.”

This exchange really shows how naive Xena is about the ease in which she can move beyond her past. She wants to forget the past. That wasn't me, thats not who i truly was. Its not who i am. This is the true me. I will fight for good, i will be good and i can pretend that i was never bad. But we have talked about this before. In Sins of the Past, Xena rescues her buried armour and fights because she knows thats who she is. She knows that she can't truly leave the past behind her and instead she should embrace her strengths and use them to save others. This Xena in this episode appears to have forgotten that moment. Over the last few weeks she has acted like SOP is the awakening of the true her and she can leave everything else behind. She is convinced that she has almost been reborn and that means, carving off her past and focusing only on the present and the future. That was always going to hold her back.

She decides that she needs to kill the past, and that means killing her darkness. She is so very wrong.

There is a nicely shot battle between the two Xena’s. Of course they are well matched but Evil Xena always seems to get a slight apprehend. And thats because our Xena is trying to block that part of herself that comes from her past deeds. She is trying not to tap into that dark part of herself and is putting so much energy into that that she can't battle to her all potential. She needs to let go. Stop trying to be something you are not. Stop holding back. Then finally we reach the key, Morpheus final misstep:

Evil Xena: “No, no, my sister. You can’t leave. You still haven’t found the key. You take for granted all your gifts and talents-- me. Everything you are today came from me. Every spark of noble quality that made you a great leader-- me. The strength that made men tremble at your name-- it all came from me! You understand?”

Xena: “I understand. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t exist. Whether I like it or not, you’re the key. You’re the key. There’s only one way out of this Dreamscape-- you!”

Finally Xena realises that she can't ignore her past, she can't ignore the darkness, she can't pretend that was a different person. Suddenly she realises, without the dark i wouldn't be Xena. Without the dark i wouldn't be standing here today, i wouldn't have met Gabrielle, i wouldn't have the opportunity to do good in the world. I’m a warrior because of my darkness, i have these skills because of the darkness. I can't ignore it anymore. It is a part of me. I need to embrace it, and use it but not give in to it. Together, my light and my dark are the essence of who i am. I will used my darkness and my past to inspire the good i will do in my future. In this moment we see the merge of the two parts of her soul and she can finally be the Xena she needs to be.

Its a massive step towards her redemption journey. Redemption is meaningless if you pretend that was someone else. If you recognise that you screwed up, its going to make your redemption more meaningful and interesting. I love this episode because of Xena’s journey to understanding. Its important and interesting.

Our Xena defeats Evil Xena by throwing her into a rock. This will come back in later episode. This throwing your soul into a rock thing is apparently really popular. This final win oversleep allows Xena to break trough the dreamscape and save Gabby from being forced to protect herself by taking a life.

Xena wins, the blind guy is not blind anymore and he gets his job back at the temple of Morpheus and promises to turn the place around. We find out that the bad guy has been punished to live out his own dreamscape. Seems like a really extreme punishment if you ask me but its not my religion.

We then see gabby and Xena sitting by the lake and we get our He-Man-esque moral of the week moment. Xena throws a stone into the lake and imparts some more wisdom.

Xena: “See how calm the surface of the water is. That was me once. And then-- The water ripples and churns; that’s what I became.”

Gabrielle: “But if we sit here long enough it will go back to being still again. It will go back to being calm.”

Xena: “But the stone’s still under there. It’s now part of the lake. It might look as it did before, but it’s forever changed. Come on-- let’s go.”

I feel like this is for Xena more than Gabby. She realised throughout this episode that her past has changed her and she can never go back. All she can do is recognise it, embrace it and use it so inspire her.

Summary

Even though its only been three episodes, it has been a massive journey from Sins of the Past to this episode. At the beginning of SOP, Xena is turning her back on her life because she was afraid her dark side would pop up. Xena thought she would struggle to keep it hidden and that it was a curse she needed to put behind her. Here she realises that she can't turn her back on her past. Her darkness made her, it is her but she controls it. If can't take over if she doesn't let it. Its such an important moment in her journey towards redemption.

TL;DR: Gabby decides she needs a sword. Xena says no. Gabby is abducted by mystics and they try to make her kill people but she decides to listen to Xena’s advice. Xena enters a dreamworld faces her demons and accepts her past in time to save Gabby. Finishes with a He-man Moral of the Week.

*Screencaps taken/borrowed from http://www.angelbacchae.com.

*Script extracts taken/borrowed from www.whoosh.org.

#xena #xwp #xena warrior princess #xena rewatch #xena recap #dreamworker #no one was harmed in the writing of this xena recap

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