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heckinconfusedparade · 1 year

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Prompt movie Sonic gets a sword

Never let Sonic have an Amazon account. Not even EBay or Wish. He will find a way to impulsively spend his good boy grandma money on random things.

He saw that sword and went “oh that looks cool! Gimmie!” And a week later a package arrives for him on the doorstep while his parents weren’t home.

Sonic unboxes it, his brothers watching in anticipation for whatever their beloved blue bro spent his money and had shipped to their house this time.

The shiny case glistens in the attic light, begging to be opened. Sonic opens the case and finds the most beautiful silver sword, with a royal blue handle and golden linings. He carefully lifts it out of the case.

Tails and Knuckles stare in awe.

“Wait..Sonic? That’s not real, is it?” Tails asks, suddenly concerned.

Sonic laughs “no! I don’t think so!” Knuckles gives it a better look “SONIC THAT IS A REAL SWORD”

“what?? No..” the hedgehog in denial runs his fingertip on the blade, accidentally slicing his glove and a bit of his finger. He’s so glad he didn’t press harder, or that would’ve been a trip to the doctor for sure. He hisses in pain and takes his glove off “..well that hurt!”

Tails rushes to find a first aid kit. Knuckles is inspecting the injury “you stupid hedgehog look what you’ve done! You have to be more careful.”

“Chill out, Knux! I’m not dying!”

Tails returns with some bandages and wipes. Sonic patches himself up.

The sword is put back in its case.

For now.

Knuckles gets a text from his friends asking him to hang out. He goes to the door and puts his shoes on “I am going to meet my friends. Do not do anything stupid.”

“Ok!” Says Tails.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Sonic waves his brother off. Knuckles growls “Sonic I am serious.”

Sonic makes eye contact “yeah, I heard you! It’s gonna be ok.”

Knuckles leaves, unsure. He has a bad feeling.

That feeling was correct.

As soon as he’s out the door, Sonic is taking his sword back out. Tails snaps to look at Sonic “what are you doing?? He said not to do anything stupid!” “He’s not our mom! Or dad!” Sonic says handling his sword with much more care than he was before “hey Tails.. let’s set some things up in the backyard. Let’s see how powerful this thing is.”

Tails jumps at the opportunity for any experiment. He sets up hanging sheets of papers varying in density and toughness. He also sets up a couple dummies who have a clear soft shell protecting them to substitute flesh. Don’t ask where he got these.

Tails also gives Sonic some tougher gloves so he won’t hurt his hand again. Tails gets his clipboard to record his findings.

Sonic swipes at the thin paper. The cut is clean and had no resistance to the blade.

Then the medium density paper. Again, the cut is clean with no resistance. Sonic and Tails look at each other. This is impressive!

Then the dense paper. Clean cut, and very little resistance. Sonic looks towards the dummies. He wonders how this will affect him mentally. Oh well!

He slashes the first dummy. There’s resistance, but the blade cuts through the “flesh” easily. Sonic delivers a few more slashes, nearly beheading the thing, and making its chest look like a bear got to it.

Sonic exhales. So this is what a rage room feels like!

Tails tells Sonic to slash the second dummy while running.

Sonic charges at full speed, seining the blade.

The dummy is cut in half.

The brothers are in shock. “Sonic, you..” “TAILS I KILLED THE DUMMY.” “THATS WAY PAST COOL” “RIGHT??”

“SONIC!”

The brothers look at the gate. Knuckles stands there looking pissed.

Sonic gives a sheepish smile “uhh… h-howdy-doo, Knuckie-poo?”

“Sonic what did I tell you?”

“Not to be stupid? We weren’t being stupid. We were being smart and experimenting.”

Knuckles holds his temples. The sword is now taken away and put back in its case. Knuckles is going to hang onto it.

Tails and Sonic are upset the fun is over, but meh, it was fun while it lasted.

When Tom and Maddie come home, Sonic hands Tom his glove “dad, can you sew the finger back together please?”

“Sure. What happened?”

“I accidentally cut my glove with a sword.”

“you did W H A T-“

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedghog movie #sonic 2 #sonic #movie sonic #miles tails prower #tails the fox #movie tails #knuckles the echidna #movie knuckles #sonic wachowski #tails wachowski #knuckles wachowski

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tr0ubl3d-tr4n53nd3r · 1 year

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Ride the cyclone theroies part one- opening track

Ok so, Consert order.

oceans speech

Carpe Diem. Ocean mentioned it idk

Canada's national anthem

Uranium *tragic fact version*

(Karnacks speech is Penny's solo. Its U-R-A-N-I-A-M where my heart goes now and then!)

Constance's speech

Fall Faire Comes to town

Ocean tells the audience she expects to see some of them there, and they leave, throwing them into Tragic fact

Waiting for the drop happens for most of the roller coaster, but Karnak says nothing. They also don't have the part where they're talking about everything they loved and stuff.

After ARE WE EVER EVER GOING BACK it transitions into fall faire suite, with Karnack talking and no choir song.

(Uranium Suite doesn't exist to me in this headcannon because it SUCKS

(This part is stupid and I don't like it but i drew fan art of it so)

The police assumed that it derailed at the apex of the loop de loop, but there was two of them.

Jane dropped her doll, and the rollercoaster ran over it, beheading the doll and semi derailing the roller coaster.

Because of ricky's crutches, the cart wasn't closed properly, and at the top of the loop ricky started to fall but penny grabbed his crutch. when they started to fall, penny was beheaded, and the cart hit her head. That caused Noel to fall out.

Everyone else stayed in the coaster, which because of penny's head, was falling from slightly further than the apex.

Constance was the one to convince Ocean to get on, and when they died she felt horrible.

Mischa texted Talia that he was gonna get on a rollercoaster and he'd be back soon

Trischna, Astrid, Hank, and Corey were all planning on getting on the cyclone after the main 6, but um- that never happened.

Also trischna, Astrid, Hank, Corey, and Jane were goofing off while everyone else was getting fortunes, which is why they aren't in the concert when Karnak refers to it in the show.

anyway thats it!

#Ride the cyclone

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tis-i-the-nerdy-nerd · 3 years

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anyone here know any good blacksmiths? I need a sword to do.... uhhhh.... normal sword things

#text #text meme #text post #text posts #shit post #shitpost #shit posts #shitposts #sword #swords #no but plz i need a sword #preferably one thats very pointy and sharp #otherwise i cant behead my enemies :(#like I'm not just gonna give them mediocre deaths #it has to be MEANINGFUL

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tillman · 4 years

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i kinda rly wanna learn more about arthuriana stuff bc of ur posts but i have almost no idea where to start 🥺 do u have any recs or links?

YES ill copy and paste my usual answer under the cut real quick cus its . late and im tired . maybe tomorrow ill make a doc explaining this better actually...

sorry to mobile users fr the read more <3

i think the best two starting options involve the same strategy of “pick a knight you like the most and consume all the content you can find on them until you get bored/think of another knight and repeat” and its as simple as “do you want to start with sir gawain or do you not know who you want to start with.”

sir gawain i think is the best starting knight if you wanna go the route of reading as much as u can about one and moving on, since theres a LOT of varied content and hes just in a lot. hes important! anyways the first recommendation i have to start with is Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. its a wonderful piece of poetry about a homoerotic beheading game, getting a movie this summer! its fucking gorgeous and a really good introduction if youve never read this old of texts before. i have a few different links so you can take your pick of what you prefer :-)

heres it in the original middle english, its beautiful and if you get the beat down sounds fucking gorgeous but i understand how hard it is to get through if youve never read through it before.

lou recomends Raffels translation above all others which i kinda have to agree with. heres part one and heres part two of that.

and the other link i have directly on hand atm is tolkiens translation which ive skimmed before and it seems really solid.

if you dont want to start with a short and tender christmas party, consider another text most arthuriana fans will consider a must read. its a bit more intimidating than sgatgks poetry but like. hey. its Sir Malory’s Le Morte D’arthur.

this is more on the level of most of the story things youll find for arthuriana and a good starting point to get an overview of a lot of major plot points and characters that show up time and time again in the legends, all of the major knights are covered through malory’s own spin on them and he tries to cover a lot of older tales in his weird fanfiction.

the text can be weird ESPECIALLY if you arent used to middle english since he …. used some weird as fuck words? even for the time. but thats malory.

I highly recommend, if you can get a copy, Kieth Baines modern retelling of Le Morte, it rewords things to make more sense to those used to a more modern prose and while it takes out some of the nuance of some scenes, its way easier to pick up and read. were working on a full scan of it atm actually but the book of arthur is up in our shared drive :-) ill shove a link down here for u

heres the first bit of baines rendition. honestly if u can find a copy for cheap grab it is a fun time

heres the pdf i use for the full text, warning for how weird its structured? its long paragraphs with no quotes around text but if you have no problems with that go for it. heres book one and heres book two.

from there, theres a ton of different options you can follow, but again i think the least overwhelming way to go about it is pick a knight you like and read whatever seems fun that has them in it !

best choices include gawain again, the marriage of sir gawain and dame ragnelle is fun, l’atre perilleux is so fucking wild and just a fun time, the turke and sir gawain has gawain playing tennis? like what more do you need

lancelot has a decent collection of old stories including the entire vulgate cycle (my favorite piece of arthurian lit, im working on scanning the entire english translation ;-)), lancelot and the hart with the white foot IS SO FUCKING GOOD and i have scans of most of the lancelot compilation works, if you have like 10 bucks to spare, Lancelot and the lord of the distant isles is on amazon for cheap and retells the book of galehaut section of the vulgate and its . so good. please care about galehaut.

tristan as wild as he is is also a really good choice for how popular the Tristan and Isolde legend was in europe. you can find a ton of versions of it, though i prefer the german one by gottfried von strassburg, another amazing one is the povest o’tryschane which is a slavic take on the legend that weirdly throws sections of the vulgate and some italian romances in? i adore it either way.

uhmmm some more off the cuff recommendations include Troyes four romances and also Perceval. as much as i bully troyes knight of the cart, knight of the lion, and knight of the grail are some of my favorite words. skip cliges if youre doing that though it sucks so bad. troyes hated his version of tristan and isolde so much he wrote cliges. that alone should keep you from it. eric and enide is ok but eric sucks SO HARD. i hate that bitch.

more modern but tennysons Idylls of the king? fucking stellar. i recently got a copy and its really gorgeous poetry. kinda like le morte in having a good overview of key events in the texts and some notable characters so this works as a good jumping off point

and finally one i cant really speak on much due to my preference of the romances, but i have many good friends who say the welsh sources are REALLY REALLY good and worth checking out :-) the mabinogion mainly, but a lot of the scattered poetry is really fun!

for finding pdfs for some of the ones i just named, u can check out my doc of whatever sources i have on hand. im missing quiet a few but i got most of the ones i recommend at least io3hewt. heres the link to that. ill post a link to the vulgate when i can finish up scanning the prose merlin !

anyways mwah feel free to msg me if u have questions im insane and like researching this stuff for hours and am willing to find out any information

#exmeowstic

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letbarbieshavedragons · 4 years

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Um no... there was PLENTY of foreshadowing since at least season two that Dany would go "mad". And she's definitely not mad, she's calculated and cunning but not mad. She had showed signs of being villainous since the beginning. Were you paying attention when she would yell about using fire and blood to get what she wants? When she burned people alive for not bowing to her? When she only "freed" slaves when it benefitted her goals to conquer. Her dark turn was obvious from the start.

right so not really sure where this came from lol, but since you actually took the time to come to my asks and you don’t seem snarky or whatever, i guess ill respond.

I’ve never said there wasn’t any foreshadowing. I’ve said there was no character development for it or not near enough consistent or logical build-up, but that’s very different from foreshadowing. foreshadowing at this point is just a fandom buzzword. it’s vague enough that literally anything could be considered foreshadowing, especially in hindsight. so yes there is foreshadowing that Dany is a villain. there is also foreshadowing Jon and Arya and Ned and Sansa and Bran are villains as well. there’s even foreshadowing that Jojen was turned into paste and bran ate him. that word has lost all weight and meaning and it can’t (and never could) prove anything. at best foreshadowing is grounds for conjecture. not proof or a replacement for character arcs. and even then its flimsy.

As for your other points your really cherry-picking the facts here if not just completely distorting the narrative. The Fire and Blood speech was a) a show only event and b) said out of desperation to get sanctuary so she and her people didn’t starve in the desert. she tried being polite and accomodating but they were going to leave them so in a desperate final act, she spit some (metaphorical) fire at them and it worked. so not exactly villain territory. not to mention fire and blood are her family words, of course, she used them. how many times do the starks go on about winter? or the lannisters about debts? this is hardly proof.

As for the burning people for not bowing to her I assume you mean the Tarly’s, which is once again cherry-picking the facts. They were at war. You think Robert or Ned would have let Aerys’ supporters live if they had refused to bend the knee? What about the Umbers if Smalljon had survived the Battle of the Bastards? Rob Stark threatened to hang a man simply for implying he wouldn’t answer his call to war. Jon Snow beheaded a man for disobeying orders even after said man agreed to comply. In ep 1, Ned Stark beheaded a man for simply being scared from his post.

After the Battle of the Bastards, Sansa didn’t even want the Umbers family to keep their lands! In that sense Daenerys comes out more merciful seeing as she not only doesn’t take the Tarly’s lands, I don’t remember her even discussing it. and while i hate to acknowledge anything in s8, she even legitimizes Gendry and returns the Baratheon lands to him saving the house from extinction (even tho Gendry’s father nearly wiped hers to it). And while no this wasn’t done out of the kindness of her heart, it also wasn’t exactly a necessary political move and shows more graciousness than Sansa did in 6. (And I’m not trying to shit on Sansa here, i didn’t actually take issue with her decisions. just pointing out you have to hold everyone to a fair standard here)

The Tarly’s betrayed their liege lord (to side with the usurper that murdered said liege lords and the queen) then murdered them, which by Rob’s own words is grounds for execution. Their liege lords who also happened to be Dany’s allies. If the show had any desire for consistency by s 7 (or really any narrative integrity at all) then there would have been people urging Dany not to offer any clemency in the first place. Daenerys was showing mercy by offering them a chance in the first place. Hell, she even offered them two. Bend the knee or take the black. That’s more than Robb gave. It’s probably more than Ned would have.

With full context her offer was more: you are defeated, agree you will stop trying to kill me and I will forgive you for betraying a murdering your liege lords and my allies a and I won’t kill you in return. Hardly villain territory.

And the “only freed slaves when it benefitted her?” is just completely and categorically false my dude. like i really shouldn’t have to explain this but your ask seems to be in good faith (and not just baiting me) so here we go.

Dany didn’t have to free a single slave. She already had the Unsullied her plan would have worked had she freed them or not. In fact if anything she risked more by freeing them bc she had no way of knowing they would still follow her once free. But she did it anyway. She freed them because it was the right thing to do. So already thats wrong, but i’ll go on.

She gained nothing from freeing the slaves in Yunkai, in fact it was objectively an unstrategic decision, her advisors even tell her not to. the show even makes a point in saying its not the militarily strategic thing to do. she gains nothing from it but dead soldiers, potential catistropohic failure and (if she succeeds) thousands of freedmen she doesn’t really have the resources to support. And considering Yunkai even offered her money and (if i remember correctly) ships to leave them be, she’s washing all that down the drain too. So no, once again she gained nothing from attacking Yunkai, she only stood to lose. The only thing she won was the only thing she wanted, which was the freedom of those in bondage.

And for Meereen, I guess you could say she gained her queenship? Except she didn’t want to stay in Meereen and both the show and the books make it very clear she only does bc she’s afraid what happened in Astapor or Yunkai after she left will happen again in Meereen when she leaves, so she decides to stay long enough to transition the city into a free city, not bc she wanted to be queen of meereen. So even then its very disingenuous to say she freed the slaves in Meereen for personal gain.

like my dude are you for cereal? at least the first two points I can understand from the standpoint of someone who is looking for dark Dany. If you are already convinced Dany is secretly a villain I can at least see how these things would stand out. But this idea that Dany freed slaves for personal gain goes beyond simply assuming the worst of her character and is just a complete distortion of the text.

I could go on about all the times the Starks have done shady or questionable stuff and no one is pointing fingers at them or about how Dany being a “secret” villain this whole time isn’t even the narrative we got (we got a fall from hero to villain further proving that at the very least even dnd thought she was a hero at the start) or that even if Dany is a “secret” villain having another badass blonde villain queen isn’t just redundant in the narrative and an overplayed trope, in general, it’s also not even a better or more subversive arc than just having her be a badass heroic dragon queen who has had to fight for every inch of her respect and power but this is already long enough and I’ve already made posts about these things

#daenerys targaryen #got rant #the anti saga

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mingjue · 4 years

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Uhhhhhhhauugghuaaaauuuhhhhhhh modern jiang cheng receiving zidian

Madam Yu is still like, a prick, but in this version she’s one of those moms who like.......... sometimes you get along very well with her, but she’s still mean/subtly manipulative/etc.. so while jiang cheng loves his mom, he’s still very much intimidated by her bc of the shit she’s done. Also, she’s divorced his dad in this one

Anyways very suddenly she invites him to spend the day with her. Saying she wants to maybe like. See a movie or just go somewhere to chill & then have dinner. and he’s like ???? ......ok

Jiang Cheng obviously tells yanli & wuxian immediately like as soon as she hangs up the call immediately and yanlis like “oh dear be safe” n wuxian “😳😳 🙏 Rest In Peace Brother”

And just he’s already told her yeah that’s fine let’s do it Thursday since I’m off, n madam yu was pretty chipper on the phone so maybe he wasn’t getting beheaded or anything

Reaches the day he’s supposed to meet up with her, he’s texting The Gang the entire way to his moms house to pick her up, and when he gets there she’s. Still in a pretty good mood. She looks nice. She got her hair done . Overall she’s chilling

So he’s more relaxed about it yknow

They end up seeing some movie; madam yu loves making comments during it & she manages to get both of them laughing at some point; then they go to dinner

Then she has like. A more serious tone. Like towards the end of dinner and jiang cheng is getting fucking nervous.

Like is she about to berate him over something. What was the last successful thing wei wuxian has done. Was she gonna scream about that. Surely not in a restaurant

He finally asks like. “........smth wrong mom?” N she quickly says no she’s good n he just gets MORE nervous

Then a few seconds later she digs into her purse and takes out a slim, rectangle box like one u obviously would have jewelry in & THATS when he finally notices. HEY. Mom isn’t wearing ZIDIAN.

So he’s all like . Bonk. & she sighs before explaining hey. I’m giving you zidian. You’ve heard its story a thousand times so I’ll spare you that

Then what surprises him is that she moves on to say she’s very proud of him & what he’s done, & before she’s even finished talking he’s like on the brink of tears bc wow. Praise from a parent. That’s fucking rare

she hands him the box, & he just stares at it for a moment before like. Finally crying. And Madam yu understands but also both of them are bad at consoling Anyone so she awkwardly pats his hand. Starts thinking maybe I should’ve waited until we got home. All that LMAO

anyways, jiang cheng finally gets himself together and opens the box. Typically zidian is shiny, but at this moment it’s even brighter, and he’s not sure if it’s because of the tears, but regardless it looks brand new

He takes it out of the box, puts it on (with a bit of probably unneeded assistance from his mom), and he’s just. “Can we pay for this and head out I am about to cry again.” So they pack up everything n do such KEFMNG

The drive back to madam yus house is tearful, he keeps looking at Zidian on his hand and is just. Really in shock. When there she gives him a hug and a peck on the forehead, then he’s just. Sittin there in the car.

He doesn’t think to update The Gang until he gets to his apartment, so when he looks at his phone he’s been fucking blasted by wuxian.

He explains what happened, that everything was good overall, then sends a picture of him wearing zidian and wuxian is losing his SHIT

“DO YOU THINK THAT THING CAN STILL FORM A WHIP” “JIANG CHENG YOU SHOULD TRY IT SINCE SHE ALWAYS SAID SHE WOULDNT DO IT FOR US BC IT WAS TOO DANGEROUS NOW YOU CAN DO IT”

jiang cheng gets like....... curious...... but he has no idea HOW he would do it anyways. So he’s just like. No. I just got it I don’t want to damage it immediately

And yeah that’s it snggzzz

#Jiang Cheng #this is basically a version ive mixed together in My head but its 100% using untamed zidian #because untamed zidian is actually sexy

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imdoingthismspaintadventure · 5 years

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In which I nerd out about PS and portal windows.

THE GREEN TEXT WAS ATTRACTIVE. NOW VIEW THE RED TEXT AGAIN.

Oh god we’re going back to TG again.

John is 1000% done with all these huge logs.

TG: when the film crew zooms where the presidents at TG: im like if that dudes black ill eat my hat TG: turns out he is, so we're all "damn, director's got gumption" TG: like we'll all flip our shit he aint shining shoes or somethin TG: its called freemancipation. if its not pres-election its god-ascension TG: in bruce almighty. whoops, different bruce from the one i just mentioned EB: aaaaaarrrgh!

Oh my fucking god TG was still going on and on with his reality-shattering godraps. That is amazing.

He is creating the perfect pop culture amalgam in there, too! I said it before but TG, you are a treasure.

TG: cant explain to me why this aint condescension to think ill shit a brick TG: not even he can convey the intention with his quickspun wit TG: rather defray all this tension, sit on his lap while he whittles a splint TG: and some guy eyes what he does and patronizes: i guess negrocity's the mother of invention

I’m having an astral journey reading this.

TG, what in the actual fuck are you talking about??

You are the god of rambling I swear

EB: stop rapping for a second you horse's ass! EB: i have something important to talk about. TG: whats up EB: rose is in trouble and she needs help. i was going to connect to her with sburb but i lost my copy! TG: ok

Horse’s ass is a good insult.

Yeah I guess TG now has to bail her out after the car fuckup

EB: also she lost battery power. if she can get back up and running, she'll need someone with the game to get her out of there before her house burns down. EB: so i think you should use your copy of the game to help her! TG: my copy? TG: thats going to be tough

Oh no what will the shenanigans be this time.

EB: why? TG: i lost it TG: its a stupid story and id rather not talk about it TG: shit be embarrassing yo

Oh fucking hell.

Why are all the copies of this game getting lost so easily??? Take care of your videogames!!

What did you do to lose it, now I’m scared of whatever bullshit sequence of events transpired

EB: i thought you said you had two? TG: well yeah TG: one is my brothers copy EB: ok, well get his then! TG: alright TG: but hes not gonna be happy about that

Is this going to be like a Dad situation where there is an interactive boss? That was really great so I hope it is!

EB: whatever. EB: also you might want to read rose's walkthrough to get up to speed on this. TG: oh man EB: what? TG: nothing really TG: look all im saying is the girl tends to lay it on kinda thick you know? EB: /ROLLS EYES

Embrace the purple prose TG! Let it envelop you in its glorious overwritten radiance!

Ooh we’re back with the purple lady herself!

She needs to find an alternative energy source asap, to help John and be able to stay communicated, before she burns to death!

Your LAPTOP is out of BATTERY POWER. There's only one thing left to do. Time to make your way to that BACKUP GENERATOR.

Yup, figured it would end up being relevant.

Rose: Knit laptop cozy to shield your laptop from the rain.

...really?

Time managment is not really your strong point it seems.

Oh you already had one made!!

The heart octopus is just the best.

I remember her inventory system to be an unholy nightmare.

That would be such a waste of time! Besides, you already knitted one a while ago. You retrieve it from your KNITTING BAG and apply it to your LAPTOP. You captchalogue the LAPTOP PLUS COZY.

Cozy laptop is cozy!

Rose: Equip grimoire to strife specibus.

Ooh.

That could either result in getting arcane eldritch powers that man was not meant to know... or just a book to bludgeon people to death with.

Both seem worth it.

NOPE

I change my mind this just screams death.

That would be incredibly ill-advised! There are some dark forces you just don't want to mess around with. You understand this better than most. You put the book down.

I like the fact that Rose has an object with such dark and terrible powers even the inventory system and the narrator are advising us to put it as far away as possible from anything resembling a weapon slot.

Was I correct in the eldritch powers thing??

Rose: Recaptchalogue your items!

Oh hello again you terrible, terrible captchalogue system.

You grab the KNITTING BAG and the GRIMOIRE, in that order. It's always a logistical puzzle with your TREE MODUS. The tree AUTO-BALANCES, leaving the KNITTING BAG accesible in the ROOT CARD.

Imagine having one of this in a real videogame.

Seems the kind of move Yoko Taro would do.

................That rithym minigame

Rose: Allocate knitting needles to strife specibus.

Eesh, that seems like a very nasty weapon by necessity.

You feel a lot more comfortable with this as a weapon. You're so handy with those needles, you feel like you could probably use them to filet a sword fish.

Damn, Rose could be fucking deadly with those.

Say goodbye to all the tender spots of flesh in your body.

John has it lucky with his captchalogue thing.

You lose the ROOT CARD in the process, severing the tree. Hey, careful with all that stuff!

Yeah let’s not break the laptop. Or the Necronomicon, Or both.

Rose: Knit plush cuddle-cthulhu to soothe nerves.

Greatest idea so far.

...it’s the actual necronomicon isn’t it.

That would also be a preposterous waste of time!!! Besides, you're quite sure you've never heard of this creature called "Cthulhu" before. There are however many other specimens of the ZOOLOGICALLY DUBIOUS you're familiar with. Such as...

Or this universe’s version of it at least.

Rose: Consult the grimoire.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S FLUTHLU!! WITH A BUNCH OF HORRIFYING BEASTS AROUND IT.

IN THE IMAGINARY CITY STREETS

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU GOT STABBED BY A VERY CHARISMATIC DETECTIVE AND BEHEADED BY A WINDOW PORTAL.

IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE REFERENCE.

FLUTHLU, FOUL PATRICIAN OF MISERY. To hear his mammoth belly gurgle is to know the Epoch of Joy has come to an abrupt end

Oh god, we get to see even greater elder gods now!!

Nrub’yiglith.... is that a reference to Shrub-Niggurath? Seems the most likely one to me.

And NRUB'YIGLITH, SHAMEBEAST KING OF GROTESQUERY, WRITHE-LORD OF THE MOIST BEYONDHOOD. Hearing his melodious chirps and tongue-clicks causes one's bones to explode.

WRITHE-LORD OF THE MOIST BEYONDHOOD!!

These descriptions are fucking amazing.

Oglogoth....Ok, this is definitely Azathoth, the daemon sultan.

Nice!

And of course there's OGLOGOTH, THE DEEP ONE. Whenever he grinds his teeth, all the children of a random galaxy somewhere will frown continuously for a nine thousand year span.

These fucking descriptions.... Holy shit give me 500 of these.

He is the first and smallest of the SMALLER GODS, appointed in servitude of a vile, unfathomable pantheon of MIDDLING GODS which caters to the whims of the NOBLE CIRCLE OF HORRORTERRORS, an omniscient, omnipotent order of the elite few, forever cloaked in the darkness of the FURTHEST RING.

What the fuck???

So in the homestuck universe, Azathoth is just a scrub! There are a whole three tiers above him in power!

The noble circle of horrorterrors, cloaked in the darkness of the furthest ring...

Someone should make a story with all this lore, or use it in a DnD campaign. Some of this is legitimately really good.

OH MY GOD

THE WINDOW PORTALS. THEY ARE OUTLINED HERE AS WELL.

And then there's this strange page containing some rather mysterious notes on summoning procedures. You've never been quite sure what these diagrams are getting at.

.....of course they are the summoning rituals!!

They lead to the imaginary city and if you cut their power while you are outside an eldritch being appears!!

Flutulhu was summoned after a city-wide blackout, so I wonder what would be needed for oglogoth... I was going to say a planet-wide blackout, but the imaginary city is.....all that exists over there, alongside the four realms and the cathedral/brothel/sun and moon/GPI, and all the other cosmology.

Maybe if you were outside a window during the last supermassive black hole?? That is probably the most pitch black you could ever get while in the imaginary world....

#Homestuck #Homestuck liveblog #mspaintadventures #mspaintadventures liveblog #Problem Sleuth #oglogoth

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lokismercedes · 5 years

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A History Lesson and a Date

A Loki x reader one-shot based on the Valentines Day prompts from loki-the-fox:

44: “Yeah nothing says ‘I love you’ more than bouquet that’ll die in two days time.”

46: “My mom gave a rose because she felt sorry for me”

Author: Lokismercedes

Summary: After you and your husband split, your uncle Tony Stark moves you and your 16 year old twin daughters into the compound. A certain raven haired god takes a keen interest in you three and in turn you give him a history lesson about Valentine’s Day.

You had gotten pregnant in high school when you were 16. Even though it was incredibly hard you still managed to finish school and graduate. Your uncle Tony was disappointed to say the least, but he always supported every decision you ever made. Telling him that you wanted to keep the baby (Even after you found out it was twins) was no different. Your mom had kicked you out when you told her, and immediately uncle Tony demanded you move in with him. When you were 20 you met your husband. After a whirlwind of a romance that lasted 6 months he proposed and you said yes, a month later you two were married in a small ceremony that only a few friends and family members attended. Now eleven years later, here you were, living with Uncle Tony again after being kicked out. He truly was a God send and the only family member that didn’t shun you for getting pregnant at sixteen. Today not only marked your humiliation after finding ‘the love of your life’ cheating on you with someone who was ten years younger than you but it also happened to be Valentine’s Day. Now you were never one to really care about this holiday, but you desperately longed for the simplicity your life used to be. You missed living in Tennessee so much, the way everyone in your small town always smiled and waved at each other, and always made small talk whether they knew you or not. That was your favorite part of living in the south: The Southern Hospitality! Living in New York was VASTLY different.

On top of moving to New York with the twins you had recently started going back to school to get your Registered Nursing License. While you were desperately trying to cram a study session in this morning you noticed the girls weren’t in their room, cursing you texted them asking where they were. They both told you they were with the Asguardians in the common room kitchen eating breakfast. You blew out a sigh of relief knowing they were already eating breakfast, and knowing that Happy - Uncle Tony’s assistant - was going to drive them to school so you could worry about studying for your nursing boards. You grabbed your books and notes and grabbed the girls backpacks (They conveniently forgot in your living room of the suit you lived in) and started reading over your notes walking to the elevator to meet up with the girls.

Your boards were coming up in a couple of weeks and you knew the material easily enough, what was worrying you was the fact you also had to do a clinical exam on top of the written exam. You knew there was some things that you really needed to brush up on but the girls were way to wirey and wiggley to use them, you know you could always ask Uncle Tony or Aunt Pepper, but you feel like you have already imposed on them enough, and didn’t want to ask them unless absolutely necessary. As you stepped out of the elevator and into the kitchen of the common room you immediately heard Thors’ booming laugh, and the girls came running at you.

“Thank god we don’t have to run back upstairs to grab them.” Savanna sighed in relief.

“Is Happy here yet?” You ask them.

“Not yet, but we panicked when we couldn’t find our bags.” Dakota piped up. “Oh mom, there’s a bouquet of roses in the kitchen that has your name on the card.” She said as an afterthought.

“WHAT?!” You nearly shouted. “Please tell me they are from you two?” You say.Both girls shook their heads

“Nope, looks like you might have a secret admirer.” Savanna smirked.

“God I hope not.” You mumbled walking into the kitchen. “Morning Odinsonbros” You gave the gods in greeting.

“And what a glorious morning it is Lady Y/N.” Thor said pulling you into a hug a lung popping hug. Loki nodded in your direction and flashed you a dazzling smile.

“Girls, why didn’t you wake me up, instead of the boys?” You asked.

“Well, mom, we really didn’t want to bother you with today being Valentine’s Day and all.” Savanna spoke up. You rolled your eyes and gave them both a hug and a kiss.

“Beside, Lady Y/N, we were up anyway.” Thor smiled at you. Loki grumbled something into his breakfast indicating Thor was lying, but trying to be polite.

“Guys, I’m fine, makes me feel like you like the boys more than me, you know today really doesn’t mean much to me, never has.” You responded.

“Mom, read the card, I wanna know who sent you flowers.” Savanna urged handing you the card.

“I really don’t.” You grumbled taking the card, worried they may have come from your Soon-to-be-ex-husband. The look of worry must have been on your face because Thor asked what was wrong.

“Nothing really, hoping to hell its not from my ex.” You shrugged.

“Well if they are, can we burn them?” Dakota asked hopeful

“ABSOLUTELY! That’s the best idea I’ve heard this morning!” You beamed at the girls, earning a chuckle from Loki. You placed your notes that you were studying down on the counter and sat next to Loki. You could see him trying to read the card over your shoulder and you smirked.

“Jealous?” You nudged him with your shoulder.

“Hm hardly, just merely curious as to who’s attention you hold” Loki waved his hand nonchalantly.

“HE SPEAKS!” You winked at him, and you swore he blushed a little.You looked down at the card and read it:

Y/N,

Honey, I heard about what happened between you and H/N, and I’m terribly sorry. Here’s a little something to, hopefully, brighten your day a little. Call me when you’re free.

-XOXO Mom

You rolled your eyes, handed the card to Loki so he could read it, grabbed the roses and threw them in the trash can. All four of the people in the kitchen gave you a quizzical look.

“Why did you throw them out? I think its an endearing gesture.” Loki asked

“Too little, too late” You told him.

“Who are they from, mom?” One of the girls asked.

“Nobody important.” You shrugged. Right then Happy walked in to take the girls to school. You noticed Thor give Loki’s shoulder a squeeze and he too made an excuse to leave.

“Now why would you say your mother isn’t important?” Loki moved to take his plate to the sink, then casually leaned againsed the counter and folded his arms across his chest.

“Long story short, she kicked me out when I got pregnant at sixteen, then her and all of her side of the family disowned me.” You shrugged.

“Maybe shes trying to mend her relationship with you. Possibly for the sake of your daughters.” He pondered.

“Hm nice try Mischief, but my mom gave me a rose because she felt sorry for me, since the separation.” You tried to sound indifferent. “She really wasn’t a hands on mother to be honest, we have always had a rocky relationship.” You really wanted this conversation to end. This was actually a very touchy subject to you and you know Loki’s just trying to make you feel better.

“Or, she really does love you, and is trying to finally reach out.” He walked over to you, and you noticed he was picking at his hands

“Riiight, Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a bouquet that will die in two days time.” You quipped back smirking.

“Always the optimistic I see. Stark did tell me a little bit about this midguardian holiday. Can’t say I’m a fan of lovesick couples groping each other in public, whispering childish sentiments, and spending ridiculous amounts of money on stuff thats obviously just going to get tossed in the bin at the end of the day.” He gestured towards where you threw the roses out.

“Actually it only turned romantic around 1375, when the medieval English poet, Geoffrey Chaucer, wrote a poem called “Parliament of Foules.” where he linked the dreaded V-Day with Love. It used to be a pagan celebration called Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, it was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman God of Agriculture. Around A.D. 270 the christian church decided to place St. Valentine’s feast to Christianize the pagan belief.” You told him matter- of- factly. Loki stared at you in shock. “What? I like history and being catholic I specifically like the history of different saints.” You smirked at Loki’s absolutely stunned look.

“What else do you know about this holiday?” He asked genuinely sitting back down motioning for you to join him. “Please enlighten me more about this tediously mundane holiday.”

You sat next to him and faced him. “Um, well, lets see, nobody really knows who St. Valentine really was, there could actually be up words to 15 different people. The one that Roman Catholics seem to really focus on was a Roman Priest in the third century.” Loki was just staring at you while you talked occasionally smirking at the passion for which you spoke. “Technically in my opinion, were celebrating a temple priest that was arrested, beaten, sentenced to death, and eventually beheaded on the 14th of February.”

“What exactly was his crime?” Loki wondered

“He was helping couples wed, you see, when emperor Claudius the second made marriage illegal because he wanted unwed men for his army.” You smiled at the look of disgust on Loki’s face.

“Barbaric!” He exclaimed

“It really is, he was only canonized in 1988, by pope John Paul the second.” You were becoming more and more aware of the way Loki was staring at you, almost like he could see into your soul.

“Lady Y/N, I would love to hear more about this, lets say, over some dinner and maybe wine?” He asked almost shyly, picking at his hands again. You furrowed your brows in confusion.

“Like a date? Loki are you asking me out?” You were sure you heard wrong.

“I suppose I am.” He looked up to finally meet your eyes, he had so much riding on you saying yes. It all clicked into place now, the constant figiting, Thor squeezing his shoulder earlier, he’s always been so good with the twins, that’s why the girls never woke you up this morning! He’s been planning this and they have been helping him! Your heart was racing.

“Tell you what, Mischief, if you convince your brother to check in every now and then with the twins, maybe stay overnight with them, not only will I have dinner with you, but you can help me play nurse-” You started but was interrupted by your Uncle Tony walking in right at that moment and spitting his coffee out. Both you and Loki burst out laughing.

End

#loki-the-fox #riversdayoflove #loki x reader #twin daughters #valentinesday #thor odinson #tony stark #two ocs #Lokismercedes

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asknightqueendany · 5 years

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The Big Five (Bran, Arya, Jon, Dany, Tyrion) who will survive is only something that George R. R. Martin wrote in a letter about the upcoming series in 199-fucking-3. It was supposed to be a trilogy. There was supposed to be a love triangle between Tyrion, Arya and Jon. Also dany wasn’t supposed to have dragons in that outline so STOP using the big 5 to justify that Sansa isn’t an important character! It’s getting old and transparent.

I’m cracking up. Have you people even READ the original outline? No? I highly suggest you check it out before sending me asks on it again. You can see the original photos and transcribed texts HERE.

But let’s go through it because it’s a glorious Friday afternoon and I feel like taking some people down a notch.

The things I seem most about GRRM’s original outline as reasons why it shouldn’t be taken seriously are: 1) it was supposed to be a trilogy and 2) there was supposed to be a love triangle between Jon, Arya, and Tyrion. I don’t know where you got the whole, “Dany wasn’t supposed to have dragons” thing anon because according to the outline, there be dragons:

But let’s take a look at the letter. George states, “There are three major conflicts set in motion in the chapters enclosed. These will form the major plot threads of the trilogy, intertwining each other in what should be a complex but exciting (I hope) narrative tapestry. Each of the conflicts presents a major threat to the peace of my imaginary realm, the Seven Kingdoms, and to the lives of my principal characters.”

The first threat, George says, is the Lannister/Stark conflict.

The second threat is the Dothraki invasion, led by Daenerys in what George thought would be his second novel - A Dance With Dragons.

And the Third and final threat to Westeros would be the Others in his presumed last novel - The Winds of Winter.

Now, right off the bat, George has already used all the book titles, with TWOW in progress. On the show, we’ve already seen the play out and conclusion of the Lannister/Stark war. Daenerys/Dothraki invasion of Westeros has happened in the show. And the Others had begun invading the Seven Kingdoms at the end of Season 7.

So all of what George first said has come to pass, just eight seasons and seven books, not a trilogy.

In AGOT, things George said would happen was that Ned and Cat were doomed (✓), things for the Starks would get worse before they got better (✓), Ned would find out what happened to Jon Arryn (✓), Robert would have an accident and the throne would pass to Joffrey (✓), Ned would be accused of treason (✓), and Ned would help Arya and Catelyn escape to Winterfell (did not happen). HOWEVER - Cat never needed escaping from King’s Landing AND Arya did escape King’s Landing after Ned’s beheading - she just didn’t receive help from him.

George says of Sansa: she will wed Joffrey (no) and bear him a son (no), “and when the crunch comes she will choose her husband and child over her parents and siblings, a choice she will later bitterly rue” (✓ - Sansa DOES choose Joffrey over her family in the Riverlands and then again in King’s Landing by going behind Ned’s back to tell Cersei of his plan to send them back to Winterfell and willingly volunteers to write the letter to Robb so that she can still marry Joffrey (not because Cersei made her write it, she did it for Joffrey). Tyrion befriends Sansa (✓) and Arya (no) and becomes disillusioned with his own family (✓).

I’m just going to quote the whole letter from now on because I’m too lazy to type…

“Young Bran will come out of his coma (✓), after a strange prophetic dream (✓), only to discover that he will never walk again (✓). He will turn to magic, at first in the hope of restoring his legs, but later for its own sake (✓). When his father Eddard Stark is executed, Bran will see the shape of doom descending on all of them, but nothing he can say will stop his brother Robb from calling the banners in rebellion (✓) . All the north will be inflamed by war (✓). Robb will win several splendid victories (✓), and maim Joffrey Baratheon on the battlefield (no), but in the end he will not be able to stand against Jaime and Tyrion Lannister and their allies. Robb Stark will die in battle (no), and Tyrion Lannister will besiege and burn Winterfell (no - kinda).” - Winterfell does get besieged and burned, only not by Tyrion, by Theon and Ramsay. And of course, Robb will die during his war against the Lannisters, just not in battle.

“Jon Snow, the bastard, will remain in the far north (✓). He will mature into a ranger of great daring (✓ - kinda), and ultimately will succeed his uncle as the commander of the Night’s Watch(✓ - kinda). When Winterfell burns, Catelyn Stark will be forced to flee north with her son Bran and her daughter Arya (no - kinda). Wounded by Lannister riders, they will seek refuge at the Wall, but the men of the Night’s Watch give up their families when they take the black, and Jon and Benjen will not be able to help, to Jon’s anguish (no). It will lead to a bitter estrangement between Jon and Bran (no). Arya will be more forgiving … until she realizes, with terror, that she has fallen in love with Jon, who is not only her half-brother but a man of the Night’s Watch, sworn to celibacy (no - kinda). Their passion will continue to torment Jon and Arya throughout the trilogy, until the secret of Jon’s true parentage is finally revealed in the last book (no - kinda).” - though Jon isn’t a ranger, he goes on a ranging and is pretty daring. He does become LC but not succeeding Benjen, succeeding Mormont. Bran does flee to the Wall, but to go beyond it. Arya tries to flee North/to the Wall but doesn’t make it. Jon is tormented by a love because of his NW vows of celibacy - Ygritte - and does develop feelings for his kin - Daenerys.

“Abandoned by the Night’s Watch, Catelyn and her children will find their only hope of safety lies even further north, beyond the Wall (no - kinda), where they fall into the hands of Mance Rayder, the King-beyond-the-Wall, and get a dreadful glimpse of the inhuman others as they attack the wildling encampment (no - kinda). Bran’s magic, Arya’s sword Needle, and the savagery of their direwolves will help them survive, but their mother Catelyn will die at the hands of the others (no - kinda).” - as stated, Bran does go beyond the Wall, Jon is the one who falls into the hands of Mance Rayder, Jon does get a glimpse of an Other attack on a wildling encampment (Hardhome), and Bran’s magic and direwolf do save him from the Others (The Door - Hodor).

“Over across the narrow sea, Daenerys Targaryen will discover that her new husband, the Dothraki Khal Drogo, has little interest in invading the Seven Kingdoms, much to her brother’s frustration(✓). When Viserys presses his claims past the point of tact or wisdom, Khal Drogo will finally grow annoyed and kill him out of hand, eliminating the Targaryen pretender and leaving Daenerys as the last of her line (✓). Danerys [sic] will bide her time, but she will not forget (✓). When the moment is right, she will kill her husband (✓) to avenge her brother (no), and then flee with a trusted friend into the wilderness beyond Vaes Dothrak (✓ - kinda). There, hunted by Dothraki bloodriders (✓) [unclear] of her life, she stumbles on a cach***e of dragon’***s eggs (✓ - kinda) [unclear] of a young dragon will give Daenerys the power to bend the Dothraki to her will (✓). Then she begins to plan for her invasion of the Seven Kingdoms (✓). - Daenerys does wander the wilderness beyond Vaes Dothrak (after she hatches her dragons) with her Khalasar in the Red Waste. She does get dragons eggs, just given to her at her wedding instead of stumbling upon them (really, that’s just better storytelling on George’s part. If she had just randomly found them, it would feel too coincidental). Dany did kill Drogo but not to avenge Viserys; it was to put him out of his misery. Dany does use her powers to bend the Dothraki to her will (burning the Khals to become TSWMTW).

“Tyrion Lannister will continue to travel, to plot, and to play the game of thrones (✓), finally removing his nephew Joffrey in disgust at the boy king’s brutality (no - kinda). Jaime Lannister will follow Joffrey on the throne of the Seven Kingdoms (no - kinda), by the simple expedient of killing everyone ahead of him in the line of succession and blaming his brother Tyrion for the murders (no - kinda). Exiled (✓), Tyrion will change sides (✓), making common cause with the surviving Starks to bring his brother down (✓ - kinda), and falling helplessly in love with Arya Stark (✓ - kinda) while he’s at it. His passion is, alas, unreciprocated (✓ - kinda), but no less intense for that, and it will lead to a deadly rivalry between Tyrion and Jon Snow (yet to be seen).” - Joffrey is killed and Tyrion is accused though he wasn’t guilty. Cersei follows her son to the throne after Tommen’s death (which was her fault so she essentially killed him), Tyrion joins Daenerys to bring down Cersei, he falls in love with Dany (according to all of Peter’s interviews about his feelings for Daenerys), as Dany is in love with Jon, it seems Tyrion’s affections are reciprocated, and we don’t yet know if Tyrion and Jon will fight to the death. It’s possible.

So anon, I’d say so far as George’s predictions go for the entire series, he’s gotten it closer to his original outline than not. So please, for the last goddamn time, leave me alone with this bullshit that the Original outline doesn’t mean anything so far as Sansa’s character and I should stop referring to it. Almost everything George predicted he’d write, has come to pass. Perhaps not how he originally thought…but largely, it’s all happened.

Wanna know why Sansa’s a “major character” in the show? Look:

And it’s because of Turner’s strength, Benioff continued, that it made sense to give Sansa a dramatic storyline this season and to use Ramsay’s engagement for that very purpose. In fact, the showrunners first thought about putting Sansa and Ramsay together back when they were writing season 2. “We really wanted Sansa to play a major part this season,” Benioff said. “If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that.

D&D wanted it. It’s not George’s story or George’s plan. Dan and Dave like Sophie’s acting and wanted her to play a more major role. So they gave her that. It has absolutely nothing to do with the series as a whole or the endgame. Sansa is not a main character and she will matter very little to the endgame.

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mrsparklesparkle · 6 years

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[im into freedom of information but not freedom to harm. this ties into the whole "free speech means hate speech" fiasco]

what this means is not "i support hate speech", for anyone having difficulty reading either the text or the intent. what this means is "i believe speech can harm, and therefore the mode and supposed necessity of conveying information are factors in how any given piece of information should be freely spoken" (so, "thinking realistically about outcomes ie how we affect others as well as ourselves, before speaking" would be more of a thing, an onus on the free speaker, if i had my way, not Not Speaking)

a transphobe can discuss their hatred, AND SHOULD, without furthering their transphobic agenda. its the difference between someone being in a position to change because they recognize the position they're in, and someone wandering around in ss cosplay screaming about not being replaced and fuck the fags. the information is the same--that persons a nazi--but the same information is conveyed differently. for any effective change to occur they can't be treated the same, unless you're willing and able to deal with transphobia by killing every transphobe, or everyone who's too transphobic, according to...who? me? maybe im just an asshole and that's the only reason why anyone mistreats me--thats what everyone who mistreats me claims. that its not transphobia, or whorephobia, or schizophobia, etc. they're just mad that im an asshole: im oppressing them somehow. my way of holding myself together upset them somehow and that's not them being hateful but ME being hateful to them. except what if i dispute that?

so is it me, the one to choose who's transphobic enough for the chopping block?

didn't they end up beheading robespierre? what goes around comes around, or maybe rolls across the ground. and as ive been often times reminded in the same breath as i'm called a classist community-destabilizer-invader, many oppressed people are transphobic to cope uwu

and since im the nicest trans schizo ex escort you're likely to meet, i just reply "you're setting yourself up to fail when you mimic the people you're uniting against". and that's me being an asshole apparently because i should know my place, and not speak over people, and being told to shut up isnt transphobia or whorephobia or anything else, because that's not happening 😉

the "fiasco" i refer to is the difficulty other people have with conceptualizing the impact of their words and what they actually mean to accomplish by speaking, in terms of their personal goals. most people want to have a good life, but ultimately act at odds with that goal, due to misinformation and the antisocial habits developed based on that incomplete understanding of cause and effect

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trendingnewsb · 6 years

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The NFLs plan to protect America from witches | Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

The NFLs cheerleader problem shows exactly whats wrong with the leagues management: They insist on being the self-appointed guardians of Americas mythological vision of itself

Witches, man. Just when you thought we were safe from their malignant influence on Americas virtue, the NFL has proven we are still in real danger from their dark powers. It is fortunate for our countrys moral fiber that the NFL has kept current in their reading, channeling Heinrich Kramers 1487 tome, Malleus Maleficarum (The Hammer of Witches), which was the go-to DIY text in many countries for conducting witch trials and public executions. As a result, an estimated 40,000 to 50,000 witches were put to death, about 80% of which were females. Why so many women? Kramer explains that its because a woman is more carnal than man, as is clear in connection with many filthy carnal acts. He believed that the sexual desire men felt when looking at a woman who was not their wife was due to the vixen casting magic spells to tempt them. As punishment, these sexual sirens must be, if not beheaded, drowned, or hanged, at least fired from their cheerleading jobs.

Bailey Davis, the 22-year-old former New Orleans Saints cheerleader, was recently fired for violating team social media rules by posting an Instagram photo of herself in one-piece lingerie that shows as much skin as a one-piece swimsuit in a Nordstroms ad, and a lot less than their cheerleading outfits. She has since filed a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission for gender discrimination. When she spoke to a representative from the Saints human resources department, he complained that in her photo she had a dirty face (clear proof she was casting her spell compelling virtuous men to filthy carnal acts) and that hed never allow his granddaughters to post something like that.

Grandpas pompous Lord Tywin Lannister response encapsulates exactly whats wrong with NFL management: They insist on being the self-appointed guardians of Americas mythological vision of itself. Malt shops on every corner, Pat Boone crooning on the jukebox, and modestly dressed virgins sitting around with knees clamped together waiting to be asked to prom. This 1950s, Father Knows Best soundstage fantasy doesnt stop with paternalistic and puritanical gender stereotypes, but also promotes simplistic notions about race and patriotism. The NFLs anachronistic fancies arent just a misguided attempt to pander to what they think their traditionalist fans want, but also projects the hard-core conservative values of the mostly rich, white one-percenters who own the teams. We must live in their Disneyland or else.

These powerful Citizen Kanes isolated from contemporary American culture by wealth and self-importance still think of the country as it appears in old-fashioned Archie comics, where teen hijinks rule the day, not the current version in the TV series Riverdale, where Archie has sex with Ms Grundy. Where the Parkland students single-handedly lead a nationwide political revolution. Where young girls and women launch #MeToo and #TimesUp movements that topple high-powered gropers in business and government perhaps even a president.

In their Pleasantville fantasy, athletes still Shut up and dribble (or, in their case, Shut up and tackle). Thats because the majority of those athletes who speak up or kneel down in the real world are people of color calling attention to profound life-and-death inequities across the country, daily humiliating and life-threatening inequities that most these owners never have to face and therefore have no personal stake in. Attempts to silence players who refuse to accept their assigned roles fits right in with owners smarmy manipulation of the women cheerleaders through discriminatory Jane Crow laws.

The country would be outraged if a teams rules stated that if a black player was eating at a restaurant and a white player walked in, the black player would have to leave the restaurant. Yet, those are the rules for Saints cheerleaders, who must leave a restaurant they are eating at if a Saints player arrives. We would be equally outraged if a company demanded that office personnel address top executives only with hello and youre wonderful. Yet the Saints cheerleaders are restricted to saying only hello and great game to players. Other restrictions about weight, makeup, body hair, tampon use and forbidding sweatpants in public make it seem as if the Saints watched The Handmaids Tale and thought, They just dont go far enough. In other words, shut up and jiggle.

These highly trained and skilled women are being told that the NFL just wants to protect them from sexual predators, particularly NFL players. Like the grumpy grandpa in human resources who wouldnt allow his granddaughters to post photos he doesnt approve of, the NFL wants to be their (creepy? pimpy?) daddy. These are adult women who should be permitted to make their own decisions about who they contact and who they dont, especially since the players have no such restrictions. A cheerleader poses in modest lingerie and shes fired; a player knocks out his wife on video and is suspended for two games. Boys will be boys, but girls must be what the NFL tells them to be.

For necessary movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp to thrive, Americans have to recognize that how we treat females in high-profile entertainment contributes to the detrimental perception that walls them in and diminishes their contribution to society. Less pay communicates less value. Forcing rules that treat them like children demeans their intellect. Yet, the NFL doesnt mind exploiting the sensual attributes of these women for financial gain. Because nothing says wholesome family entertainment than lithe young women in skimpy shorts and plunging tops doing the splits. Im sure 13-year-old Jimmy and his leering father are watching their energetic performance thinking only the purest of thoughts. So, this moral umbrage over an Instagram photo is the height of hypocrisy.

The NFL continues doddering down the path to cultural irrelevancy. Ticket sales are down, television audiences are smaller, fear of concussions is causing more parents are keeping their kids from playing football, and four states are considering banning tackle football for players under 12. Instead of embracing the real world, team owners mistakenly think they can hold on to their fan base by holding back the hands of progress. Apparently, they never watched Getting Straight (1970), set in the days of nationwide tumultuous student protests. In it, grad student Harry Bailey (played by Elliott Gould), with angry students rioting all around them, warns his frightened and oblivious professors, Let go! Stop trying to hold back the hands of the clock. Itll tear your arms out!

This article was amended on 6 April 2018 to correct a paragraph mentioning Lord Tywin Lannister. The original version referenced Lord Tyrion Lannister.

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/apr/06/the-nfls-plan-to-protect-america-from-witches

from Viral News HQ https://ift.tt/2HiSyKF via Viral News HQ

#IFTTT #Viral News HQ

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happyloudmers · 7 years

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Writing meme ask: Taliith and valaste: 51

“What the hell are you wearing?” asked by @neshtasplace

Under the cut!

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It was a surprisingly cold evening on Eyevea. Since its reclaiming from the vile mad god by Valaste, it had adapted the typical warm climet of the Altmeri summerset Isles, but even the Altmer were not blessed enough to escape the cold touch of winter.

Valaste closed the window, shuddering from a gust of wind as she did, and decided to finish work for the night. She was already 4 days and 9 hours ahead of schedule anyway, so she saw no harm in it. She was the mistress of incubelula after all.

With a flick of her wrist, she lit the end of her staff as she held it close, and walked up her way up the library stairs towards the bedroom. As she worked her way up, she could hear the typical impish laughter of her wife. This could be caused by anything ranging from funny books about guars, to drawing shalidor on fire in ancient texts by him. Taliith was such a kind and amusing woman, and Valaste was never bored that much was for sure she thought to herself with a smile.

As she got to the door and opened it, She could see Taliith laying on the bed, clothes thrown to all across the circular tower room, wearing the most exquisite white and gold undergarments ever, and looking at herself in Valaste’s hand mirror.

“What in atherius are you wearing my dearie! Iv’e never known you to wear anything that decorative!” Valaste spoke with a clear shock and visible interest.

Taliith put the mirror down and looked at her wife and grinned “Well, usually after I save townspeople from certain daedric doom and they give me money for some reason, even when I tell them not to, I give it away or save it. But today, as I was beheading a titan whilst I was still on fire I thought, why not spend it towards improving the visual pleasure my kind and smart wife gets from looking at me!”

Valaste walked towards her wife and sat next to her, putting an arm around the excitable Taliith before speaking “I don't know what’s more worth asking about from that story, why you were on fire or how you managed to put up with clothes shopping. you hate shopping”

Taliith burried her head into Valaste’s long arms and made a happy purring sound before replying “When am I not on fire really. I cant die so might as well make use of it! And the thought of seeing your face blushing was all the motivation I needed to keep civil amongst the crowds of mer in skywatch today. Thats why I was laughing just now, I was so excited to see if you liked my new undergarments!”

Valaste could clearly see her wife was very proud of herself, And Valaste was proud of her too. She started to undress as she threw the both of them onto the bedsheets, and before they got started she couldnt help but get her ownback. “You do look so adorable when you smile dearie, it soothes my beanpole bookmer soul you know”

Taliith was now the one blushing, and as she saw Valaste’s smug smile they both began to laugh before kissing, and suddenly Valaste didn't feel cold any longer. She enjoyed the nights where it was just the two of them, free from work and duties. She used to live for the guild, but now she lived for the happiness she felt with her wife, and sharing the love back with her.

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tillman · 4 years

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what should i read 4 arthurian legend idk where to start

ok hold on lemme find one of my other answers to this ask for u :-) im too tired to write out the whole thing rn

yunder the cut . rip mobile users LOL

heres it in the original middle english, its beautiful and if you get the beat down sounds fucking gorgeous but i understand how hard it is to get through if youve never read through it before.

lou recomends Raffels translation above all others which i kinda have to agree with. heres part one and heres part two of that.

and the other link i have directly on hand atm is tolkiens translation which ive skimmed before and it seems really solid.

the text can be weird ESPECIALLY if you arent used to middle english since he …. used some weird as fuck words? even for the time. but thats malory.

heres the first bit of baines rendition. honestly if u can find a copy for cheap grab it is a fun time

from there, theres a ton of different options you can follow, but again i think the least overwhelming way to go about it is pick a knight you like and read whatever seems fun that has them in it !

lancelot has a decent collection of old stories including the entire vulgate cycle (my favorite piece of arthurian lit, im working on scanning the entire english translation ;-)), lancelot and the hart with the white foot, though i havent been able to find a FULL translation, is wonderful and with that the lancelot collection of old stories is a lot of fun the dutch loved him, if you have like 10 bucks to spare, Lancelot and the lord of the distant isles is on amazon for cheap and retells the book of galehaut section of the vulgate and its . so good. please care about galehaut.

anyways mwah feel free to msg me if u have questions im insane and like researching this stuff for hours and am willing to find out any information

#Anonymous

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tillman · 4 years

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do u have any arthurian legend book recommendations? ive been wanting to get into it but have no idea where to start i just think knight sexy

LOL Yes of course i do. i love answering this ask.

people will tell u different ways to start but they r wrong. i am sexy and know a lot and thus am right (sarcasm ive seen a lot of starting positions in the legends this list is just from my personal experiences with whats easiest and most engaging :-))

also dear lord this got long so im throwing it under a read more sorry

heres it in the original middle english, its beautiful and if you get the beat down sounds fucking gorgeous but i understand how hard it is to get through if youve never read through it before.

lou recomends Raffels translation above all others which i kinda have to agree with. heres part one and heres part two of that.

and the other link i have directly on hand atm is tolkiens translation which ive skimmed before and it seems really solid.

the text can be weird ESPECIALLY if you arent used to middle english since he .... used some weird as fuck words? even for the time. but thats malory.

heres the first bit of baines rendition. honestly if u can find a copy for cheap grab it is a fun time

from there, theres a ton of different options you can follow, but again i think the least overwhelming way to go about it is pick a knight you like and read whatever seems fun that has them in it !

lancelot has a decent collection of old stories including the entire vulgate cycle (my favorite piece of arthurian lit, im working on scanning the entire english translation ;-)), lancelot and the hart with the white foot, though i havent been able to find a FULL translation, is wonderful and with that the lancelot collection of old stories is a lot of fun the dutch loved him, if you have like 10 bucks to spare, Lancelot and the lord of the distant isles is on amazon for cheap and retells the book of galehaut section of the vulgate and its . so good. please care about galehaut.

more modern but ive only heard good about lord tennyson’s Idylls of the king...

#i have. a lot to say . about old books . im so sorry #Anonymous

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tillman · 5 years

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If one wished to get in Arthurian legends, where would one start? Is there a specific piece of literature/myth to read, or if not, what would you recommend reading? :0

OH DAMN thats a hard question there is . a LOT. i guess it depends on what you like the most? i tend to prefer the romances and dramas just cus im ... like this . my names valentine for a reason . but there is the more chivalry/battle/more knightly side too! the way i got into it was fixating on lancelot for a good like . month . and reading as many tales as i could get my grubby hands on with him in it and that led to me reading a bunch of tales with tristan(tristam?) in them, which led me to malory’s le mort d’arthur which . is the main like BIG tale people like to reference.

if u dont have like.. a favorite like me u can always start with something like le mort d’arthur! theres modern retellings of it that are WAYYY easier to read than the actual 14th century text LMAO. it has a lot of info about most of the major players youll see in any arthurian legend like arthurs rise to fame, kay being shoved in the court, a bit of lancelots tale (at least the copy i have cut like . most of it ??? *SHAKES* YOU CANT REFERENCE THE JOYOUS GARD WITHOUT EXPLAINIGN HOW LANCELOT FREED IT FROM THE EVIL WIZARD, MALORY!!!!!!), like all you would ever need to know about tristan, gawain and his 4 weirdo brothers, mordred, guenevere, ect. its really interesting from just a fun chivalrous romp to also see like.. the culture of the time.

from there i would just see what you like. i can recommend a lot of the romances (tristan and isuelt by gottfried, while not finished, is a BLAST i really love it - lancelot and the lord of the distant isles is amazing and i think my favorite modern rendition of a legend ive read so far cus i cant . find any copies of the vulgate cycle atm.... sad, the book of gareth is a part of le mort d’arthur but i think my favorite bit ? its very fun i really love gareth hes cute) and im still working through the more combat whatever tales rn (gawain and the green knight is kinda slapping? oh gawain sir i adore you but please stop beheading random women and knights you have young impressionable brothers and gaheris is already a freak)

uhmmmmmmm yeah . in short i think the best way to get through All Of This lore is to pick a knight of the round table and branch out from there. starting with something like malory’s le mort d’arthur or even something like pyles more modern king arthur and his knights is pretty good for getting an introduction of some of the main characters/stories. if u ever wanna know more about a knight i . know too much .

i think if ur going the one knight and branching route u wanna go with a Major knight, no palomides or torres even if theyre funny as fuck. Tristan (though hes.. not really a member of the round table tbh. he just loves his wife.), Lancelot, Gawain, Mordred, uhhh even Perceval or Galahad if you care more about the grail stuff are pretty good choices!

ok i hope any of this made sense sorry i just started infodumping and didnt stop but lemme know if u need help finding a pdf or wanna know more about a certain knight/tale whatever i am always willing to talk about arthurian legends :-)

#i kinda got into it by picking up as many books of legends from the used book store i could find #and just going ham and reading the most interesting ones :-)!!!#theres no real set order just do what looks sexiest.#also god i love palomides what a weirdo.#will people stop falling in love with isolde.#zasvid

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