#that would do something to your psyche

[itsdefinitely]

i wanna know more about the jerries/jeris

do you want to know the most horrific thing about them?

the lords did nothing to make them the way they are.

yes, the jerry jr was turned into the axeman because of the witchwood, which does what it does because of the lords, but everything leading up to that is just human nature. i see the "girl jeri is nibbly" or "they were influenced by a lord to do the thngs they do" and i need people to understand that that's just. not true. they're just like that. they were taught to be like that by their parents and, more accurately, their church. it's horrifyingly accurate how religion has shaped them into non-functional human beings, who would rather potentially lose their child to the many, many dangers of the literal woods than admit that they had sex outside of marriage.

it's only because it's hatchetfield that jerry jr grew the way he did. there was no lord's intervention in their decision to keep the baby, or to drop out of school to care for him, or to keep him seperated from any other people, or to revolve their lives around the idea that they'd committed a sin and needed to pay by pushing celibacy rather than. i don't know. properly raising their child. it was the way they were taught. the toxic pushing of overexaggerated christian ideals is what molded them. can you imagine being in their place? being a scared teenager and knowing that if you told any of the people you care about most your secret that they would shun you and disown you?

the only people they felt any kind of safe around were each other; of course they're going to be codependent. and even then, they're disgusted by each other for leading them to sin. they're stuck together unwillingly, because without the other, they're alone.

#definitely an ask #and thats not to MENTION what kind of stress they were under when jerry jr started getting less and less human #imagine being completely and utterly alienated from everyone and everything except your parents who pretty much hate each other #and learning one thing: abstinence before marriage #that would do something to your psyche #and im gonna be quickly mentioning my minotaur stuff because im insane #people are terrified of the minotaur purely because he was born the way he was. and he was put in the labyrinth for no fault of his own #in which he THEN became a monster. not because he was one from birth #but because people treated him like one. and youre built by those around you #can you see the connection here #boy jerry #girl jeri #the axeman #abstinence camp #nightmare time 2 #hatchetfield #you guys severely underestimate how unwell i am about them #i keep. trying. to draw. but all my hands want to do is write paragraphs about the jeri/rys #anyway working on an axeman drawing godbless #lets hope this makes sense and im not just pulling words out of my ass #I KEEP FORGETTING HE HAS A NAME OTHER THAN LIL JERRY AND CALLING HIM THE AXEMAN. SORRY LUMBER AXE

[aeide-thea]

i really either need to stop seeking reassurance that insane things i feel are understandable (as distinct from objectively correct! i often know they're not Objectively Correct and that's not generally what i'm seeking reassurance about! more like 'given the set of forces at work on me now and historically, please tell me it's understandable that i'm feeling this way'), or else work out how to avoid/ameliorate the very intense, disproportionate wave of Oh Okay I'm Wrong Then, Time to Feel Rejected and Ashamed and Deeply Miserable About It that i inevitably experience when someone doesn't in fact immediately affirm that my not-objectively-correct feelings are maybe not justified, but reasonable for me to be feeling…

…that's a pretty incomprehensible paragraph but like. i think what it boils down to is like. i know why i have the reactions i have; i know they're not Objectively Fair, which is why i try not to make them anyone else's problem; now the next step is like. feel confident that given the givens i am nonetheless reacting understandably, and, like, give myself a hug about it instead of trying to get other people to? (and then, you know, take a deep breath and try to see the other side of it, except without the whole katabatic-detour-thru-giant-emotional-pit step.)

#like. idk. it's reasonable to seek support but you can't in fact try to get every feeling you have rubber-stamped by someone else #when like. they have their own life and their own shit and aren't emotionally tuned in to your particular frequency at all times #like it's hard because i DO immediately tune in to other people's problems and try to get on board with them emotionally #(like whether that's necessarily totally externally apparent‚ who knows! not trying to pat myself on the back about that unjustifiably!) #(but internally for me that's what's happening) #but like. that level of abnegation is the product of my bad codependent upbringing and not something i get to expect from others. #anyway if anyone with Similar Issues has like. book recs i would in fact listen to them. it's time for me to work on my shit. #the psyche

[elephantbitterhead]

I'm currently sewing a dress & yesterday I realized that I've intentionally made virtually every aspect of the process more difficult (fabric is plaid that needs to be matched, keyhole back changed to invisible zipper, zipper then requires a facing be changed to a lining, added piping to the collar & hem, etc.). I've also decided to bang out a last-minute Xmas sweater that involves carrying 3 colors for most of the knitting. Lots of questions for past me.

#I think this dress may be the project that cures me of sewing with plaids #I really do not enjoy pattern matching or knitting w/3colors #given which one might very reasonably ask why I undertook garments that require them #I do not know #I think pattern matching may be kind of like childbirth #ie if you wait long enough doing it again seems like a good idea #however in my defense I will note that the pattern matches flawlessly across the back zipper #including at the bottom of the zip #as well as at the shoulders & skirt sides #so I may be insane(r) now but at least I got the desired result #re: the sweater the 3rd color is red so if I omitted it that would really kind of kill the Xmas vibe #having written all this out I'm starting to see why my mood has not been great the last few weeks #nothing like spending hours a day doing something you find just a little too challenging #to wear your psyche down to a stubby pencil

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y

[nomaishuttle]

sry its just like rly incredibly annoying how much ppl will like. IDK. yes ik a lot of autistic and adhd ppl who do love music. and sometimes it is bc of their neurodivergence yk. music can be grounding its familiar its reliable and comfortable. i think its fine to say Autistic/ADHD ppl often find comfort in music. but its stupid as fuck to say Therefore enjoying music makes you autistic/adhd.

#like that cant be the only diagnostic criteria... im not at all anti self dx but i am anti just hearing abt something doing 0 research and #being like yep thats so me. yk. #likeee. i have a LOT of issues on the psych industry trust me. i also think in a lot of cases its dangerous to be diagnosed. and in most #cases self dxing even uninformed self dxing isnt harmful its just like. idk. it can be harmful when you use it to spread misinfo #even unknowingly. IDK.... like. i enjoy eating the same foods over and over bc they are safe and reliable. expecting these foods #and then getting something different than what i was expecting is incredibly upsetting. that is bc of my autism but if that was the ONLY #autistic trait i had i wouldnt say i was autistic i would just say that i find comfort in my foods being reliable and i dislike change. #and i think a lot of ppl just feel this need to put a label on every single thing abt them down to like. the way they walk. #like do i do the classic autistic Walking on the balls of my feet yes its true i do do that. but again i wouldnt say i was autistic just bc #of that... sometimes its just a quirk you have. sometimes you just have things you do and you dont need a label to put on them to explain #that thing... its more just like. if you do have that dx or whatever you can look at that thing and be like oh this might be bc of that dx. #and you can kind of bond over that with other ppl. IDKK its complicated and im rambling #again idt its like super harmful to self dx even uninformed its just like. i wish sometimes people would just be like . chill abt labels #its the same thing with sexualities and gender like. sometimes you dont need a hyperspecific word to describe your entire identity sometime #you can just be a person. yk. like i love being bisexual i love the bisexual label and im proud of being bi. i dont feel the need #to look into the specific ratio of who im attracted to or when im attracted to them or whatever to make a more specific label. IDK THO #idk. basically i just think instead of trying to group everybody into these tiny Ultra specific groups of ppl you relate to i think you #should just be like. Oh everybodys a person even if they dont experience everything the exact way i do. idk whatever

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

most of the examples i see of this are in a vacuum harmless but i do find it concerning how often i witness an exchange on the internet that’s like:

some complete fucking rando on social media, potentially a self-branded expert of some kind but probably not even that, like literally just a person with internet access: did you know that actually [information that may or may not be factually accurate, because it’s literally just some person saying stuff on twitter]?

other people: wow this is so helpful, thanks so much for telling me, i had no idea

like even when the thing the person is saying is true i find this concerning. because like, Some Person On Twitter should not be an automatically accepted source on…… anything. like it’s fine to read something like that and be like “oh interesting i’d never heard of this” and then do some more digging. or i mean if it’s not serious it’s also fine to be like “oh huh cool if true” lol. but it stresses me out how many people are wandering around with their default reaction to certain kinds of alleged information, regardless of its provenance, being “thank you for enlightening me, o kind stranger,” and not, “hm, i wonder if there is literally any basis for believing this other than that someone said it was true?”

#you think someone would do that? just go on the internet and lie? #i thought about this bc i remembered the p*yt*n b**chd**th louisa may alcott thread lol #and how the replies on twitter were so like…. #like it wasn’t even ‘i’d never considered this but now that you mention it you make a good point’ #(which like. He Did Not. but whatever) #like the tone of it was very ‘thank you so much for enlightening me with your expertise’ #with a side of ‘it’s crazy how this objective historical fact was only brought to light by Some Guy On Twitter With A Podcast’ #like there was no awareness of it even *as* an argument being put forth #that’s the element of this that i find a concerning behavior pattern even though in this case it reallt #does not matter that much #like it wasn’t people agreeing with this bad argument. that’s annoying. but it’s different #than people taking something as like empirical fact literally just because the person saying it said that it was #anyway but i was also sort of thinking about this phenomenon re: a mutual’s post on the twitter definition of intrusive thoughts #because i feel like i see this a LOT with psych stuff #where someone will be like ‘hey did you know that [behavior or feeling] is ACTUALLY [term for a symptom]? #and people will be like ‘wow thanks so much for educating me kind stranger’ #like you should really aim to build into your thought process some degree of #‘this sounds interesting but back up. do i have other reasons to believe that it is actually true?’ #nobody’s perfect and i let stuff slide without noticing i’m sure #but many people really seem to think ‘uncritically accepting what someone who seems cool says’ is like the correct approach #it is not!!!! #don’t take my word for it :) use your brain to decide if i am right (i am)

[fagmegumi]

Conversion therapy? In MY emdr with a clueless cis woman ? Its more likely than you think

#this👌🏻close to dropping my therapist forever I swear #i was telling her how my parents have acted my whole life like my body belongs to them and chose all my haircuts and clothes until age 14 #and still act like its a fucking national tragedy every time i change my hair or get a tattoo or something #and how ive had a terror and disgust at the idea of pregnancy since childhood so much so that i used to have nightmares about it at like 5 #and shes like well i need you to carefully consider if your desire to ‘change your body’ and ‘masculinize it’ is truly YOUR desire or if #you just want to make gestures to rebel and reclaim your possession of your body🥺 #like wow youre so smart did you perchance read freud? I never considered the idea that events that have occurred to me might have affected #my identity behaviors and desires! #and like of course theres overlap of course these things are related. but even if its that way even if worst case scenario we do a Psyche #Deep Dive and find out that i was redacted as a kid or whatever. WHAT would that even change about me now!!! #WHY shouldn’t i be able to do things that would materially improve my life by giving me a measure of psychological peace even if i might #not want those things in a hypothetical alternate reality where nothing happened to me . why do i have to be sane and normal in order to #make decisions about my body and my life. #god. we struggling girlies🤪

[quietwingsinthesky]

zachariah is the best character on this show actually

#he's so funny!!!! #also supernatural always coming in with the 'character suddenly says something quiet and devastating and then moves on' #even for him #'Everybody's laughing at me!' (pause and then quieter) 'and they're right to do it.' #zach my man i will dig into your silly little psyche #i mean okay you don't really have to dig he lays it out right there #he was top dog and then failing to grab the winchesters knocked him down. #and like. we know what getting knocked down in heaven means. he knows what it means. #how much can he fail before they toss him right in the chair where he sent castiel once. #no. look. listen to me. i'm not crazy. he's fascinating to me okay. #naomi is fascinating in the later seasons for similar reasons but she has different-ish motives. on the whole she's here for the collective #and zach is certainly serving heaven's interests. zero doubt in that. but like. he is also definitely serving his own. #he wants to be top of the food chain. useful to michael. because that's one of the few positions in heaven that means you get power. #and he takes it out on the people under him! he says it himself! he's petty! #resorts to physical violence to get sam & dean to do what he wants like they are stress balls. #(stands in front of them and goes >:) im gonna fuck ur mom. who else is doing it like him.) #im getting distracted my point is like. zachariah is probably the angel the most aware of the position he's in. #different than his awareness of like. his role in the story like raphael or lucifer or michael. but his role in the system? #he understands that. he knows how to play that game very well to make himself the most powerful respected angel in the room. #heaven cult my beloved. zachariah would sell anyone out for a corn chip and a promotion. #because of course he would. why wouldn't he. him looking around at other angels thinking: well why wouldn't you. i have to get there first. #tl;dr he's so funny. literally smiling every time he's on screen im gonna miss him when he dies. #zachariah spn #spn #(no okay wait not done. all of that there. all his posturing and making sure he's in the top position. #and despite that. joshua walks on screen. says 'scram' and zach Knows he can't do shit about it and leaves. like!!!! #THAT'S IT! THESIS. DOESN'T MATTER HOW HIGH IN THE OFFICE HE IS. ONE SLAP FROM UP TOP AND HE HAS TO BACK OFF!!! #THERE IS NO WINNING THIS GAME! THERE IS ONLY PLAYING IT AS BEST YOU CAN UNTIL SOMEONE FLIPS THE FUCKING BOARD!!!) #now im done <3

[nagitoedit]

still it was sooooooo funny and uncomfortable at the psych appointment because she saw ? somewhere in papers/files that my mom and dad divorced in.... 2015 i think and shes all like "so.... usually divorce causes problems in children... how was that for you was it hard on you...?" acting all nervous/gentle like lmaooooo thats not even the worst part i dont think i cared about the divorce In Comparison to Everything Else. hed been abusive to my mom and generally neglectful not great to us (me and sibling) and theyd been separated for 6 years before the divorce because he kept going to jail for drug related things which he would often steal money from us for it and generally made my moms life hell by like manipulating and emotionally abusing her and hed have violent tantrums where he broke things (there are still holes in the walls and other damage in the house from him) and also sorta ruined our lives a bit and then in 2019 he was accused of some crime and he ran away to escape getting arrested or whatever and i think legally he is classified as a missing person and we dont even know if hes alive or not.

so like the divorce was whatever to me i guess.

#i think abt this sometimes and its just weird to me #like not the psych appointment that was just like 4 days ago. like the dad situation #its uncomfortable to think he might be dead and its also uncomfortable to think about what the hell hes doing if hes Out There #before id actually searched him up on the internet a few times within the past few years wondering if something was found out and i wasnt #told or something. seeing if maybe there was a police report or something or even an obituary or something. but there wasnt #this got more serious than i meant it to be :/ but he was diagnoses with bipolar so the psych think i have that. not sure abt that #but like i kinda want to talk about this or like tell people i know about it mostly bc i just feel like idk i feel like this is something. #like. i think it says things about me i feel like maybe this information would give people a more complete view of me in a way #i guess lawl but also i know its uncomfortable probably and im scared of that. the widespread hate of 'trauma dumping' makes me #feel like i cant tell people things that might be uncomfortable #oh and i guess something else about this is while obviously this has psychological effects but the effects feel more. not mild #but. interwoven. they dont seem as apparent or like they dont stand out as much. like i get more upset about the topic of outdoor cats #than i get upset about this. like for me this was just something that happened i guess. mostly bc i know that basically everyone #has some kind of issues with their parents. or at least most people i know lawl. me befriending people like #OMG youre also fatherless !? so twinning right now #or like other things like crappy parents or divorce or this or that. #but i think thats most people but also maybe i just have a skewed perception lol

[eijiroukiriot]

it’s like every day i flipflop back and forth between “katsuki should say ‘eijirou’ as many times as he can all the time. ‘eijirou come look at this’ ‘jesus christ eijirou it’s 7 a.m.’ ‘eijirou, steak or fish tonight’” and “i need krbk to call each other baby or else i’ll die” 

#idk if it's obvious from the every piece of content i've made in the last 6 months but i've like been stuck on this one #and not to like accidentally peek a little deep into my psyche but it might be bc for the brief time i had a gf last year #we dove like REALLY hard and heavy into the pet names #i did not enjoy being in a relationship with her (largely bc it was so affectionate so fast) but. i did like the affection #and honestly thinking back on the times where we did call each other 'baby' specifically it felt like so much bigger than 'babe' #which is probably why it sounds so gross to some people but the more time goes by and the more i think abt what an actual good #relationship would look like to me. the more i feel like being able to say 'baby' and not have it be cringe would be a factor #which is why i've been so stuck on making things that make krbk say baby. as stupid as it is #i really do love bkg saying eijirou and think that's the more in character option anyway #sometimes your krbk has just gotta be a little self indulgent though you know? #and other times it can be realistic and so so good #if this fic i started last month ever does see the light of day....and it might bc i do like the premise #it'll maybe be the most realistic take on bkg as a part of krbk that i've ever written #not to keep rambling but also thinking back on the way i've written bkg over the years i really do think his character lends itself to #a lot of levels of realistic vs indulgent #weird wording but i'll explain #in canon he's so analytical and thoughtful at heart you know? but he's also 16 and brash and impulsive and plain dumb sometimes #once again thinking about how i didn't actually like him that much on my first watch until the latter half of s2 #where his characterization starts to become a little more day-to-day instead of really heavy digging into HIS psyche #so he just shows up over and over again to get mad about something stupid and it's endearing #like 'who is this guy' #so you can write a bkg who's very out of his element and hotheaded and thinks of himself differently than he actually comes off #or you could write a bkg (like the bkg as of late) who's very in control and calculating and doesn't let his guard down #neither side is technically inaccurate but it can be hard to strike a balance bc those things sound very out of sync with each other #so within krbk you can write a very 'actions speak louder than words' bkg who is kinda neutral-cold most of the time #or you can write the goofier 'i won at romance and i'm gonna rub it in your faces' easily swept off his feet fandom favorite bkg #which can be very good #and if anything the fact that he really does keep his guard so high up so often makes you WANT to write him being sappy #especially when he's grown up #have i ever mentioned that like the stock photo of krbk in my mind has aged up?

[fantrollology]

sometimes when I see the tags y’all leave on peoples art im like this is why i could not be an arts major

#I got As in all my English classes in college but that bar was soooo low at my school #ur ppls ability to clearly verbalize what u liked about a thing and Why Something Good #I’m like howd u do that #i can’t do dat #spec speaks #I should b asleep I betray myself again #lmfao I remember when my college prof was like #have u considered an English minor? #no sir I haven’t I think you’re just psyched one of your students knows how to write a single comprehensible sentence #some of the stuff I peer reviewed in uni would give u English majors a heart attack

[icannotgetoverbirds]

I really needed to read this post, especially since it helped me realize something. I've really been trying to give myself a support needs label because I thought it would make me feel more valid, and maybe neurotypical people would take me more seriously when I tell them my limitations. I didn't really understand that that's what I was hoping for, I just felt like it would help me somehow.

Truth be told, the biggest reason I've been struggling with this is because I hadn't understood a vital concept of disability activism enough to put it to words - if a disabled person says they cannot do something, an abled person's job is not to reassure them that they can, but to mind their damn business at bare minimum. It'd be even better if they'd support the disabled person through the alternative way they do things instead of trying to force them to do things the 'normal' (abled) way.

As notabled-noodle put it, you're allowed to be low support needs and still need support, and low support doesn't mean no support.

Low support doesn't mean 'put in a little elbow grease and you'll pass as neurotypical in no time,' and it certainly doesn't mean 'if you need support you're Not Trying Hard Enough', and I really needed to remind myself that not only is this true, but it's important for the abled people around me to understand as well.

The thing that I was trying to fix wasn't my own understanding of my needs but others' understandings of my limitations, and I was going about it in a way that could be harmful to others by misusing terms that really aren't meant for me.

What I wanted was for people to understand and believe my limitations, and so I was trying to label myself as a higher level of support needs in hopes that maybe some of those needs would be met.

A decent example of this that happened just recently - I confessed to my mom that I don't think I'll ever be able to drive, and then happily shared my alternative plan (public transportation until I can move somewhere rural, then riding on horseback) that would work with my needs.

Rather than celebrating with me that I'd found a tool towards independence and the life I want, she seemed disappointed that I'd given up on driving, even after I explained to her that I'd be a damn road hazard if I got a license, and that pretty much the only time I'd be able to drive safely would be at/around noon.

It really rubbed me the wrong way, and I couldn't put my finger on why until I read the post. She doesn't understand that certain tasks that are essential to modern life are beyond me, like driving. She believes with her whole heart that if I just tried hard enough, I could drive just like everybody else. And she thinks this is a good thing to believe, to hope that I can, in this aspect, function like a neurotypical.

She sees it as a respectful and kind way to view me, and I can't blame her, because that's what we're all fed growing up. Inspiration porn about how no wall that a disability puts up is insurmountable and every mountain is worth climbing.

I don't want to risk my sanity and spend my life climbing mountains to function like a neurotypical when I can make do with tools that allow me to spend my time doing things I enjoy. I shouldn't have to do that to be seen as someone who works hard - there are plenty of other things I could be working hard on.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything that I can do to convince her that this mountain is not worth climbing. The view at the top isn't even worth it, and everything that I'd need that I could get from climbing it is available elsewhere or replaceable with something that works just as well. She'd probably just be disappointed in me for 'limiting myself' when what I'm doing is setting myself free.

Just. Believe disabled people when they tell you they can't do something, okay?

#byrd chirps #just. thoughts #tw ableism #i think? #well-intentioned ableism but ableism nonetheless #i guess the scenario in my mind was #'if i can get my psychiatrist on board with labeling me as mid support needs or higher maybe my mom will take me seriously' #'when i say i can't do something' #which like. i shouldn't have to do that! #i shouldn't have to misuse a label in order for abled people to understand that low support needs doesn't mean disability lite! #'i'm just disappointed that you'd limit yourself like that' #MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU HAMMER NAILS WITH YOUR PALM BECAUSE TO USE A HAMMER WOULD BE LIMITING YOUR POTENTIAL??? #tw caps #hghhhhh #now that i finally understand what's been bothering me about this it makes me want to scream #ugh the only way i can convince her is if i talk to my psych and tell him about the visual snow syndrome #and then maybe he can get through to her that driving ISN'T FUCKING SAFE FOR ME OR ANYONE ELSE ON THE ROAD WITH ME #byrd writes a goddamn essay #byrd SCREAMS #i can't just stop being autistic whenever it inconveniences you! #or me! #i can't just go neurotypical mode to drive! i can't turn off my sensory processing disorder! #I have incredibly poor night vision *especially* with regards to motion and lights #and i'd be a very distracted driver in the mornings and evenings unless we're out in the middle of an empty flat space with no goddamn tree #*trees #god forbid i hit a speed bump too hard #GOD FORBID SOMEONE HONK AT ME #I'd really rather not have to pull over and be stranded during rush hour because somebody's pissed off at traffic! #that's not fucking safe! #ugh

[extramachine]

for god's sake can people remember that mixed race people exist??? sometimes there isn't even an "other" option for ethnicity

#having to select 'other' is still garbage bc it's still unclear whether I was even considered as a possibility but #at least it's something #shoutout to when I was applying to colleges and they forced me to pick an ethnicity #like. pick your main ethnicity. just do it. it's fine. not a loaded question at all. #i also had to do that for psych evaluations! fun! #so now sometimes i can wonder if i would have been considered more or less autistic if they put me down as white

[awkward-teabag]

It sure would be nice if lists of suggestions to make money weren't filled with things that were difficult for untreated ADHD, didn't hinge on one being an extrovert, or become a fucking influencer/streamer.

#there's also ones that basically say to give your data to amazon or google #or do uber/lyft #not that i expected much but was hoping something would be there that wasn't pain #so back to waiting for a psych eval that could happen next week #or next year #or maybe two years

[voulezloux]

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#i promise i’m not going to turn into one of those ppl who constantly rants about their ex partner #but i’m mad at myself for not reading his responses to my breakup text prior to me going to therapy #BECAUSE #homeboy said he KNEW he shouldn’t have asked me to open the relationship #and that with the distance he felt like he was running out of options???? #MY BROTHER IN CHRIST???? #HOMEBOY????? #MY DUDE MY GUY MY PAL????? #you chose asking to open the relationship OVER COMMUNICATING TO YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND ABOUT YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS???? #like homie has admitted that he’s not the sharpest knife in the kitchen #but he skipped over COMMUNICATING???? TO??? HIS??? BOYFRIEND??? #to asking something from me that would only benefit him #because i cannot and will not do polyam #i have trauma from an ex from being treated badly in a polyam relationship #and it’s not for me #i don’t care if you are polyam #i just can’t personally do it #but he already knew this too!!! he knew i had trauma from a previous relationship!!! #and he STILL chose asking for an open relationship over fucking communicating to me #thank god i have psych tomorrow bc i’m just #livid #like he’s a trans man #but hes got the mindset of a cis man