#that she doesn't Quite feel like she's actually proper friends with that lot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tadc-ragatha · 6 months

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Could you do the gang with a stage magician reader

Circus Crew x Stage Magician Reader

TW: Mentions of sawing people in half (painless), drowning (magic trick), bullying

Type: Headcanons; platonic.

A/N: "Caine, Bubble, and the digital six's reactions to a stage magician reader." I combined the two asks because they were very similar.

Caine

He's so happy. A real stage magician in the digital circus? Incredible! Immediately upon arrival and finding out who you were, he sets you to work showing off all your skills. He just wants to see what level you're at so he can help you to be the best magician in the whole circus!

However, it'll come at the cost of you having to actually do real magic instead of just illusions. The sawing people in half one definitely is traumatising the first time you do it (Kinger assures you he'll be fine). Once you get used to using somewhat-real magic, you actually get to do some pretty mind-bending stuff.

"A human? With skills in circus work? What a wonder!"

Bubble

Bubble doesn't really mind. You were a stage magician? That's good! You must be able to help Caine out then. To be honest, I don't know enough about bubble to say its (or she's? He's? They're?) anything more than just an AI assistant to Caine that is really, really annoying to him.

Either way, it helps out in traumatising you (see: sawing people mentioned in Caine's section).

"Cool!"

Pomni

If you join when Pomni's first there, she's too focused on the exit to care as much. You were a stage magician? That's great! Good for you, genuinely! But would there be any way that could help her get to the exit somehow? Do you know any magic tricks or something? No? Just illusions? Oh, okay.

But if you join when she's started to give up, she does treat you a lot more like a friend. She does admire your tricks a lot either way and is quite impressed by them, she's just too sidetracked with her crisis to focus on you that much. Once she calms down, however, she compliments you on your skills and is interested in learning some herself. She still freaks out when you have to "drown" yourself, though.

"Hey, hey, wait! Get them out of there! Hey!"

Ragatha

Ragatha thinks it's fun that there's a proper circus performer in the circus. Well, maybe you didn't work in circuses exactly, but it's close enough. Ragatha's long given up on finding the exit, and just tries to enjoy her time in the digital world as much as possible. She compliments you on your skills.

She also helps you out when Caine is pushing for you to "run" an activity. Because let's be honest, he'd totally force you to be the lead star of some stuff due to your skills. She also reassures you everything will be fine when your profession forced you to do some less-than-pleasant, honestly traumatising things.

"Don't worry, new stuff. Everything going to be just fine! Kinger won't feel a thing!"

Jax

Jax is absolutely using this to his advantage. Well, when you're friends, of course. When he first meets you, he's really just focused on being a jerk. He'll make fun of you for choosing to try and do "magic" and how you must just miss childhood wonder. He's not that dumb, and can work out (or at least he thinks he can work out) the "deeper meaning" to why you chose your profession.

Once you're friends though, he tries to use it to his advantage. You two will prank the other circus members by getting Ragatha to pull a centipede out of the magician's hat instead of a rabbit, or having an aggressive rabbit be pulled out by Gangle. It's all very fun for him.

"So, you're a magician, hm? Still clinging onto your childhood? To bad you can't go back there--or back home!"

Kinger

He's the "victim" to all your tricks. He's the type to go "no" when asked if he will be the assistant/person performed on when he goes up on stage anyway. In reality, yeah, he doesn't want to do it, but he also knows nobody else will and just does it anyway. He knows it won't hurt.

Outside of shows, Kinger is pretty entranced by some of your tricks. He's very impressed with your never-ending handkerchief one in particular. He asks you to teach him some tricks, perhaps to help fortify his impenetrable fortress or for his acting shows.

"No, I don't really want to do this."

Gangle

Gangle really likes your magic tricks. I imagine she's someone to have two diaries in her room at all times. She writes the day's happenings in one, and keeps a log of everything about herself she remembers in the other. Gangle would happily get a diary for you so you could write down all your tricks!

Your magic tricks always bring a smile to her face. Whenever she's got her comedy mask on, of course. When the tragedy mask is in use, she usually resorts to crying about how much she misses seeing magic shows in the real world. Best to keep it to just the comedy mask times, when she'll thoroughly enjoy it.

"I can feel my memories of the comedy show slipping!"

Zooble

Zooble's cool with it. They know it's all just pretend in the real world, so he's initially not to phased about it. Still, she's impressed with the level of your skill. And when the wacky reality-warping nature of the circus comes into play, you really can do some cool stuff that he enjoys.

To me, Zooble doesn't seem like one that would be very interested in learning all too much about doing magic tricks themself. However, they do enjoy hearing about your shows. It comes with a lot of exciting stories and also gossip, which makes him feel closer connected with the real world.

"So, you're a stage magician? That's cool."

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leothil · 7 months

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fic recs: archive edition

So earlier this week I was lightly complaining about how there are so many good fics I read back in 2021 (the good old 5A days. Christ.) that I never se recommended anymore, and @shitouttabuck asked if I could make a rec post of some of those fics.

Now, I still think of myself as somewhat new in the fandom - I joined within the first episodes of 5A - but it is true that a lot of people I see on my dash nowadays came into it much later. Fandom in general has a big recency bias when it comes to fics, and trying to find older fics can be a daunting project, unless they've ended up on the first page of most kudosed/commented/bookmarked on AO3 or you have a lot of time and patience on your hands. There are currently over 21600 fics in the buddie tag on AO3, so I don't blame anyone for not having the energy to go through all of that.

Side note - calling fics published during or before S5 old feels fucking weird. I already gave some friends crises when I mentioned reccing "older fics (aka 2020-2021 ones)" so all of you who have been here longer than me - I know, trust me, I know. It was yesterday. We are withering away.

There's no way I could fit all fics I want to recommend into one post (I want to keep it kind of short so people actually have a chance to look into all the fics on the list), so I might do this as a weekly thing for a while. I quite enjoyed going back to some of the fics I devoured in my early days of fandom, so this might turn into a proper nostalgia trip for me personally!

Without further ado, some fics published in 2019/2020 that I think you should read:

falling by @elisela Buck and Eddie take a walk up to an overlook and share one of the softest moments I've ever read. 1.3k words, rated G

Work Husband by hideeho (@agentlemuse) Chimney messes with Eddie's phone and changes Buck's contact to "husband." Eddie doesn't change it back, for some reason he can't articulate to himself. 1.4k words, rated T

four a.m. by asgardiun (@kitchenscene) Buck follows the rain up to the roof of the firehouse. Eddie follows Buck. 2.9k words, rated G

Medicine Man by @lovelylittlegrim Buck hits his head at work, and Eddie kisses his forehead to make it better. Buck gets stuck on it and thinks he'd like Eddie to do it again. 4.1k words, rated G

like a revelation by throughfire Maddie watches Buck and Eddie's casual intimacy and is confused by what their relationship status is, until she gets help realizing she doesn't need to be. 5.2k words, rated G

the meaning of the words you see by @florenceandthemachine Nurse!Buck gets a text from an unknown number who thinks it's someone they talked to in a bar, but they keep texting even after clearing up the mistake (and proving it with selfies), and things evolve from there. 8.6k words, rated E

#fic rec #911 fic rec #frida's archive project #it's *really* not as pretentious as that tag sounds but i needed a tag for this #better name suggestions are heartily welcomed #let me know if you end up reading any of these and what you think!#and of course feel free to ask for targeted recommendations if you want to!

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ineedtherapist · 1 year

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Ca we have the crusaders with a touch starved Fem!s/o? She is like and at the same time loves to give affection back!

Eyyyoooo I have some free time today so LET'S FCKING GOOO

This idea is so fcking cute AHAHJAJ

13/12 =I'm sorry cuz I kinda lost idea on polnareff and avdol💀

side note: HELP- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE FR-

Crusaders with a touch starved fem!s/o hcs

Jotaro

"...yare yare daze. C'mere"

Jotaro is crazily good with physical touches. Like bro is Holly son and Joseph grandson. One way or another he definitely carry that genes in him.

This guy is stupidly observant, prob already notice about it but never says a thing.

OMG I HAVEN'T WRITE FOR AGES I'M LOSING MY TOUCH

He's a mysterious typa guy so yes he wouldn't reciprocate that much when in public but I guaranteed you when both him and his s/o are alone he'll initiate the first move.

Doesn't mind his s/o touch him as long as they understand his boundaries.

Actually loves,enjoy N appreciate it especially after having a rough day.

HANDS ON HEAD HANDS ON HEAD HANDS ON HEAD-

and on waist too as a matter of fact.

while laying down.

cuddling.

forehead kissing.

their s/o rambling bout their day

and him listening with occasional 'mmhmm and then?"

yeah. feel a bit too personal ifykyk

When he actually knows how much his s/o love physical contact he'll try to do it subtly but as much as possible and won't say a thing if they do it to him in public. cue to Holly kissing his cheek every morning

Sometimes most of the time Polnareff gonna tease him and his s/o and it kinda went like this :

"Hey joot! ya mind if I borrow ur sweetheart for a sec? I'm having a severe withdrawal symptoms from being single as heck. Now c'mere lov- AAughHhhGhh????!! GODDAMN IT JOTAR- FUCK! I'M GONNA DIE! JOTARO!!!!"

Everytime he did that, Jotaro gonna summon star platinum to hug him instead and well- all of the crew get to see a fcking 20+ yr old scream in absolute agonize and by the end of the "cuddling" sessions his face covered with snot and tears.

Due from that absolutely horrifying scene oldseph keep his words to himself though there are still times where we can actually see quite the scene.

Kakyoin would be a bit embarrassed, not in a bad way just kinda surprised with what's happening in front of him though when he get used to it, he's silently cheering for both of his friends.

Avdol takes pictures of all the little cute scenes and put it in a collection.

Marriage present he will say with a small smile.

Kakyoin

"...yes... I'm free.. r u sure? 'kay then. here- OMPF"

This guy is def as touch starved as his s/o. Worse, unlike his s/o, man doesn't even notice it.

Kakyoin sees physical contacts as an act of professionalism and rarely initiate one unless necessary.

He does it with his parents ofc but again very rarely and mostly on special occasions.

Think about it a lot actually but never voice it out especially if his s/o barely try to show they wants it.

When they did, oh boy it's one hell of a ride.

He'll get awkward at first but gradually warm up and well- get ready cuz you're prob will be in contact with him all the time no matter how big or small.

hand holding? yes. hand on waist while being side by side? yes. resting heads on each other laps? yes. shoulder touching while sitting? yes.

He'll be and look really dejected if his s/o says no w/o a proper reason.

Though he is an introvert and will understand if you needed some space. Just give him a heads-up kay? poor boy think his s/o losing interest in him.

WILL search up in books or online on "how to hug a person" or "101 absolute ways on how to not be a creep when initiating physical contact"

He's embarrassed with pda mainly cuz he's not used to it but he tried to make it up later in private .

He also will try to actually be comfortable and open, letting himself to relish and return the affection.

Is absolutely overjoyed with the fact that his s/o love physical contacts cuz honestly deep down he really wanted to bond and be comfortable with the person he loves and the area he really lacks in are well- human contact.

He's glad his s/o is there to teach him.

Another one that'll summon his stand to make a- *ehem* two adult cry because they're as joot always say "being a pain in the ass"

Olseph

"c'mere babe! it's cuddly wuggly time."

Bro the best and warmest teddy bear ever been alive.

#1 physical contact lover.

Hug and kiss his s/o all the time.

Small simple contacts like hand holding while walking through the streets traveling.

Hands on ur laps.

No I will not elaborate.

SITTING IN HIS LAPS.

That can go two ways and again no I will not elaborate.

Though he would absolutely loves it if his s/o sit on his laps while both him and his s/o relaxing.

A normal sunny day on a porch. Him reading a newspaper with his s/o on his laps snuggling doing whatever they're doing.

Absolutely hyped when he knows how much his s/o wanted to be in physical contact cuz again that's his forte.

Tickle his s/o while him and his s/o in bed, just woke up from sleep.

And when his s/o return his gestures?

God.

He definitely make a right choice.

It always a contest between who can give more affection and surprise the others. the hell this is too cute Bye-

Flex in front of the crew all the time and no he doesn't get embarrassed. why would he? his s/o is the happiest things ever happened to him. he'll be damned to give two shits.

Polnareff

"Mon Amour~! can I rest on ur lap? pretty pleaseee"

#2 physical contact lovers.

Also hyped cuz his s/o wanted to be pampered and loves to pamper him back? HELL YEAH

He's extreme. that's for sure.

Zero conscience.

Hug? Kiss? Snuggle? Cuddle? Princess style carry? Name it and he'll be doing just that in a heartbeat.

Once him and his s/o in each other arms, it will took a lot of effort for him to actually let go

The type that surprisingly jealous and won't let his s/o do it to anyone else unless under circumstances.

Get tease a lot but never done anything. Bro confident in his abilities and charm as a man.

Avdol

"yes, I'm free. Of course! Here."

CUTIE AJJSJAJAJA

Ok look like I have every right to fangirl cuz bro so sweet with his s/o.

Avdol is reserved so he doesn't show much of a need or want to be in any literal human contact so it gonna make his s/o a bit nervous.

BUT!

He adores it. He thinks it cute and a symbol of deep trust between two ppl especially coming from someone as special as his s/o.

He reciprocate it whether public or private.

Hand holding. cuz it's sexy u can't change my mind

Very open and accepting in general.

Encourage you and also love to be pamper.

Honestly one of the most loving and normal guy in jjba fr and the crew itself fr.

ahhhh idk what to write but this man is an absolute cutie.

Doesn't get jealous since he trust his s/o.

Actually talk to his s/o about coming to him whenever they're in dire need of human contacts.

Doesn't get teased that bad by the crew. They're just genuinely happy to see avdol and his s/o relationship cuz it have calming and very comforting vibe.

Joseph tease him once in a while but nothing severe.

A bit possessive depending on the circumstances.

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teddybeartoji · 1 month

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"I HUNGER TO COMMIT THE ACT OF TOUCH" HEADCANONS

here are some facts about prince!gojo and knight!reader and sugu and shoko!!!! some of these might've been mentioned in the previous parts but i just wanted to go over them anyway!! also some of these are very random but they feel right so i needed to add them hihihi enjoyy!!

+ the "i hunger to commit the act of touch" masterlist

`♡、THE PRINCE

— a sensitive, sensitive boy; cries easily.

— touch starved out of his mind; his mother kisses his forehead and his cheek and suguru's arms more often than not falls around the prince's shoulders but he needs more.

— very curious; he loves going outside, he loves people staring, he loves learning (dislikes reading though bc that can be a bit boring).

— hates staying inside the castle; has escaped into the forest behind the estate many-many times (usually suguru is the one to bring him back).

— gets cold easily.

— his eyes are also sensitive - the reason why he has to wear a blindfold; he doesn't like it though. so he often goes out into the blinding sun without it and later bares the terrible migraines because of it. he says it's worth it.

— hates his father but adores his mother.

— is actually very devoted to becoming a good king; he loves the town and the people a lot and he wants to take care of them.

— he loves all of the kids in the town aswell; they play ball and have tea-parties together.

— he loves hot cocoa.

— he has brought in a lot of stray cats; they all run around the castle freely and the king hates it (the prince doesn't care).

— the maids and the servants of the castle absolutely love him!!! he takes good care of them!!!! treats them like family and loves joking around with them.

— once fell down some stairs and just laughed it off.

— he's really good with a sword and he likes to fight!! he often spars with suguru and he just thinks it's so exciting and fun.

— he has known suguru almost all his life and he cares for him very deeply (the feeling is mutual).

— the prince has only been taught soft touches all his life so he kind of seeks out action and violence to feel something New.

— also loves shoko a lot a lot a lot. he thinks that she's just so cool and their humor is very similar which sometimes pisses suguru off. which in turn just makes them laugh even more. it's a vicious cycle.

— is absolutely enamored with the knight. they're the fresh breath of air that he's been missing from his royal life and he's determined to keep them in it forever.

— does know how to speak like a proper prince but thinks it's very funny to swear and make dirty jokes.

— despises the smell of alcohol.

— gets attached rather easily. they can't get the knight out of his head for the life of him (he isn't even trying).

— loves flowers of any and every kind; buys them regurarly for his friends and his mother.

— he, of course, has a snow white horse (his name is John?).

— is terribly terribly eager to please. he just wants to be good.

— would gladly get into a real fight just for the thrill of it.

`♡、THE KNIGHT

— rough and scarred hands.

— they used to live in the same town but moved away when they were twelve.

— they know shoko; she was their best friend until they left.

— used to get slashings and beatings from the castle guards because they were hell-bent on taking the blame for just about every other stray kid in the town. they were just trying to protect them...

— just as touch starved as the prince but unlike the latter - they're more afraid to seek it out. let me rephrase - they don't seek it out, quite the opposite - they're more likely to pull away at genuine touch than to accept it.

— but as a protector, it is part of their job to offer their hand to people. a helping hand to pull the prince back onto his feet, a helping hand to wipe the blood from his face, a helping hand to get him onto the horse, a helping hand to keep him from falling - it's just what they're supposed to do. they also need more - just like the prince.

— they're determined that they're scary and that everybody should stay away from their bloody hands and their scarred face (they're wrong).

— confused about their feelings; only being familiar with anger and bitterness - everything else comes as a complete surprise.

— a brutal fighter - blood and guts are nothing new to them. nor are beheadings and dismemberment, slit throats and bashing in faces. if that's what it takes to save a person - they'll do it without a second thought.

— very very good with a sword. they've been carrying that thing around for years now and it feels a bit weird to be without it.

— despite the way they act towards the prince - they do think he's gonna be a great king. they're mostly just jealous.

— loyal to the Cause even though they don't even exactly know what the cause it. is it protecting people? is it running away from them? is it just violence?

— they act tough as shit but inside they just want to be held. well, first they want to get over the fear of being held.

— they can't wait to see shoko again. they might be a bit nervous but ever since seeing the doctor and hearing that she's in fact well and is now living in the castle??? they can't wait to see her little smile.

— they want to hate the prince. but they can't (they're not even trying).

— a big scar running across their eye. it makes them look badass. and hot.

— the armor they wear is a bit rusted but good nonetheless. it has carvings on the front and the back.

— clearly has some sort of authority issues.

— cats really like them. they always come up to them in the town, swirling around between their legs and purring. they always smile back at the kitties.

— loves eating bread.

— picks at their scabs and wounds all the time; shoko always slapped their fingers when she saw them doing it bc that is a really fucking bad thing to do especially with dirty hands... they can't help it though.

— is surprisingly (it's not surprising at all) popular with the brothel ladies. they always seem to try and invite them in and it's one of the few things that actually manages to fluster the knight.

— thinks that the prince acts like a child, like a puppy and no matter how much they try to convince themself that they think he's annoying - it just doesn't work. the prince is the only one who's gotten a smile that big out them anyway.

`♡、SUGURU

— the prince took him in when he was just a kid; convinced the queen that suguru should stay and well who is the queen to say no to her little prince - they've been inseperable ever since.

— trained to be a knight so he can take care of his best friend.

— cares for the prince a lot A Lot (probably a little bit too much).

— the prince and suguru fooled around when they were younger and they got caught once; the prince managed to sway the king with the argument that he was the one who made suguru do it - suguru felt very bad after that incident and tried to distance himself from the prince but it didn't work. the prince was clinging to him like his life depended on it and soon after that everything was almost back to the way it was before.

— very good friends with shoko; they often sit in the tavern together after a long day.

— has a sensitive nose and the prince likes to tease him about it.

— likes sparring with the prince - he's stronger and better but he lets the prince win sometimes because he likes his smile.

— when he does decide to keep his win - straddling the prince while holding the sword to his throat - his own smile shines so bright that the prince thinks he's gonna get a migraine just from that.

— massages the prince's face whenever he has a migraine. his hands are almost magical, he's too good at it.

— all of the cats that the prince has brought in fucking love him.

— he also lives in the castle!!! he has his own room and it's very close to the prince's one. you know.. for safety reasons.

— loves drinking tea.

— sometimes shares a few smokes with shoko but he keeps glancing over his shoulder to make sure that the castle people or the other knights can't see him. the prince always sighs very dramatically when they smoke.

— knows all of the prince's hiding spots in the forest.

— the three of them have gone skinny dipping together (the prince screamed like a little girl when a piece of kelp touched his leg).

— even though he is a knight of the castle, he - just like the others, is not a fan of the king or his ways. they all think that he's a cruel old man and they're all ready to help the prince become a better king.

— he understands the knight like nobody else.

— gets along with the queen really really well and shoko constantly teases him about it by saying that she has a teeny tiny crush on him. suguru always gets flustered by that (he's just very well-mannered okay).

— accidentally once heard the king say that he should cut his hair ("it's not suitable for a knight") and is now more than ever determined to never cut it.

— has a black horse and takes really good care of it!!!!

— likes to read whenever he has a free moment. which isn't too often, so he usually reads during the night in the moonlight.

`♡、SHOKO

— childhood friends with the knight; neither of them had a home and had to take care of each other.

— a doctor took her in and began teaching her so she'd become her apprentice.

— always patched the young knight up after a fight or a beating.

— she was very upset when the knight left.

— around the age of 16/17, a prince with a bloody knee and a teary eyed little soon-to-be-knight knocked on the doctors door - they made her put bandages on his knee and they've been friends ever since.

— now lives in the castle; the prince got her her own room with a little balcony. they all often eat breakfast together there.

— learned how to use a bow just for the fun of it.

— braids the prince's hair when she's bored.

— the cats also love her. there's one that always sleeps in her room and on her bed. she named the cat Horse (suguru has never rolled his eyes so dramatically).

— she misses her childhood friend terribly; she thinks about them a lot.

— mainly lives a very quiet life and doesn't really interact with the other people in the castle. she also fucking hates the king.

— has a big scar on her lower back from her days on the streets. it was the one time where the knight had to patch her up, hence the "ugly" scar. she doesn't think it's ugly though, she quite likes it actually. she flexes it to the prince, calling herself a tougher guy than him. the prince pouts at that every time.

— the only other person she talks to in the castle is one of the maids. she has a scar across her face and shoko thinks she looks beautiful. shoko also thinks it's very funny when she cusses out the prince. shoko likes to play with her hair.

— is surprisingly bad at riding horses. she tried it twice and fucking hated it so she never did it again.

— works at the doctor's office. not full-time because she likes to just Be but she is very interested in blood and guts and wounds so she genuinely loves the job.

— used to be a regular at the brothel but ever since she met the scarred pretty little maid - she hasn't stepped a foot back in there.

#yayayay ihtctaot crumbs!!!!#i am very very sorry to keep all of you waiting for so long..#but i am working on the next part!!#hey guys.. are my daddy issues showing by any chance btw i can't tell #ihtctaot #mickey is daydreaming #angel boy #sugu #shoko #gojo satoru #gojo satoru headcanons #jjk headcanons

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ughgoaway · 5 months

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Potential conflicts for the I love you blurb/fic

1. Annie gets injured at school. Proper injured and has to be taken to hospital. Matty loses it completely, snapping at everything and everyone, including reader. He snaps at her and reader starts to cry (she feels like absolute shit and Matty is clearly not helping) and goes to hide in the bathroom. Once Matty is told that Annie will be alright, he goes and tries to talk to reader, but she's still shaken and doesn't wanna talk to him. He tries to apologise, and in his apology, he says that he loves her.

2. Reader starts hanging out with an old friend of her, maybe a high-school friend or something like that. Matty gets jealous but doesn't say anything at first. Then Annie tells him how reader brought her friend to class and he thought them about whatever it is that he does (maybe he's a firefighter or something that kids think is cool). Matty, like the little shit that he is, instead of communicating his discomfort, he starts distancing himself from reader. When she, tired and confused by his antics, approaches him to ask for an explanation, things get heated, and they start going at each other. When Matty suggests that she's cheating on him, she says something like: Are you stupid? Why would I cheat on you if I love you?

both of these are very, very good. I love them!!! I wanna give my thoughts on both, but I only have the energy for one rn, so here that is! and when I come back and add more, I'll reblog this lol <3

(no proofreading, just vibes)

okay, I'm gonna alter the first one a lil' and maybe make it sadder... apologies, but I promise it ends nice <3

I can see Annie falling off a swing at school and breaking her arm. matty gets the phone call and drops EVERYTHING.

he gets to school and the nurses office and sees you sat with Annie and she's sniffling and holding her arm, her eyes red from crying.

matty runs in, and as soon as Annie sees him, she days, "Daddy?" and then bursts into tears, matty actually feels his heart splinter into 1000 pieces and comes rushing over and holding her, shushing her and stroking her head as it rests against his chest.

"What happened?" he says it kind of angrily, but you brush it off just assuming he's stressed.

"Oh, don't worry too much," you can see matty is annoyed at your words, but you still shake it off and contuine. "Annie was just swinging a little too high and fell off the swing. the nurse says her arm might be broken, so you need to take a little trip to a&e. you'll be okay though, won't you Annie?" As you ask you stretch your arm to stroke her head, but matty jerks her away from you, and you shoot your head up to look at him questioningly.

mattys jaw ticks before he sighs and starts angrily whispering, and if Annie wasn't there, you're sure he'd be shouting. "she'll be okay? where were you? aren't you meant to be watching her? " he hissed.

you're a little taken aback and say, "Well, I was on the playground, but I can't be everywhere all at once, you know that"

matty immediately jumps down your throat and says, "It's your job to keep her safe, and look what's happened? just- go away. I'm taking her to a&e now." he sighs angrily and scoffs at the tears brewing in your eyes and walks off.

as soon as the door clicks shut, you start sobbing, sitting down on the chair with your head in your hands. I'm talking like full snot bubbles aggressive crying.

hurting Annie is your worst fucking nightmare, and you felt guilty enough before matty came in here acting like a dick. you try to be mad at him but you can't help but just blame yourself.

it was your fault she fell. it was your fault she's hurt. you're to blame.

cut to hours later, Annie has a new cast and a lollypop in her mouth and quite honestly couldn't be happier. she got to choose the colour (stereotypical pink but she loves it) and all the staff signed it. she got a sticker and her favourite flavour of Lolly, as well as lots of fuss from everyone, so she's pretty chuffed.

she's looking forward to going to school tomorrow and getting everyone to sign her cast and ask lots of questions, "Did it hurt really bad???"No, but that's because my daddy says I'm really brave, so it would probably hurt you"

(she was crying for a good 45 mins from the pain, but he lets her live in delusion)

and once Annie is asleep in bed and matty is sat on the sofa left with only his own thoughts, he realises he was a fucking dick.

he says, "fuck" out loud and hangs his head down, he wants nothing more than to call you but he knows he should wait until he sees you in person. you haven't moved in yet, but you've been together a while so he could just go over to your place and beg for an apology but he can't bring himself to do it.

him and annie show up early to school. He leaves Annie in the library, showing all the librarians her cast and recounting her story. he sneaks off to your room to apologise.

he walks in, you look up and roll your eyes before going back to your work. overnight, you had gone from guilty to pissed off.

matty knew how much you love Annie, and yet he still treated you like you had personally thrown her off the swing.

"Look, I deserve that, I know. I was a dick yesterday, and I'm so sorry. " matty sighs as he walks over and leans on your desk beside you on your chair. you spin around with your arms cross and nod for him to contuine.

"Please forgive me, baby. I'm so sorry. seeing Annie hurt just broke my heart, and"

"And it didn't break mine? God matty you're such a fucking dick. you know I love her."

he waited for you to scream and shout more, just take it out on him, but you stay silent and stare.

matty was stressing out at your silence, so he did what he did best when stressed. He rambled.

"Please, you have to accept my apology. I've been killing myself the whole night. the way I spoke to you was just- awful. inexcusable. I know you love her, I love her too. and I love you so much. but the whole situation got on top of me and-" matty stopped when he felt your hand on his arm, and he finally had the guts to look you in your eyes and he once again saw them brimming with tears.

before he could stutter another apology, you stand up and hug him. Whilst he's confused, he just wraps his arms around you and hugs you.

he feels you mumble against him but can't quite make it out, "what was that, sweetheart?"

you pull back and give him a teary but happy smile and say, "I forgive you. and I love you too"

it's only then that matty realises what he said, and the look on his face has you giggling immediately. you bring your hands up and rest them on his cheeks.

"Love you," you say, making his eyes look at yours.

you see them soften before he says, "Love you too."

more blurbs from this au here :)

#also ross tears up when matty tells him annie broke her arm #“ITS SAD OKAY. SHES HURT.”#the boys all sign it and add some 75 stickers #this is as angsty as i get lol #i am fragile okay #teacher au!#anon!

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bungobble-my-balls · 5 months

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Sigma and Lucy and their connection to Atsushi (+the pattern with people Atsushi wants to help and how Sigma falls into it)

(Or how they all fall into it, and quite literally fall since for some reason there's a repeated pattern of important moments between Kyouka, Lucy and Sigma when it comes to Atsushi and one or both of them falling or jumping from a high ledge)

I've never been able to stop thinking about this so I'm finally making a post on this.

I'm gonna mainly compare chapter 28 and chapter 76, and the events surrounding these chapters that take place on the same day as them and in relation to them.

The chapters show us more on a member of the enemy terrorist organisation that the ADA are currently up against. In the chapter (or around this chapter for Sigma), we see the backstory of a member and bit of their ideology.

This character started out life with no family and no home, being used and abused in their early years.

It's noted that their backstory is similar to Atsushi's, and that they are actually very similar to him.

The character loses their home in this chapter (or implied in this chapter for Lucy), and the only family they had that they desperately clung onto and fought for. Even if it wasn't a proper family, it was all they had. They'd been alone their whole lives and didn't want to be alone again.

The home and family in question are on a floating structure in the sky. This is also where the chapter takes place.

Atsushi says something to this character that affects them. The character ends up helping him just before the two part ways.

This is the last look they give Atsushi before they leave eachother

The character and Atsushi leave eachother by one of them falling. For Chapter 28 it's Atsushi who jumps off leaving Lucy, and they leave with a hopeful interaction of them meeting again. For Chapter 76, it's Sigma who falls leaving Atsushi, with a less hopeful interaction of Atsushi believing Sigma is dead and Sigma letting go believing he would die.

Notably in this chapter, right after Sigma falls Lucy shows up. The last ex-terrorist now friend/ally to Atsushi. And in opposition to both Chapter 28 (where Atsushi jumped away from her) and the scene that just happened (with Atsushi failing to save an enemy) she jumps off a high ledge TOWARDS Atsushi to save him. Lucy was where Sigma currently is, and both her and her bond with Atsushi have grown a lot since then, and this could also be the future for Sigma.

There is a promise for Atsushi to save this character. Unfortunately, he doesn't end up saving them. They also get taken again by their organisation, no longer by any will of their own.

Chapter 76 including these three with notable moments definitely feels to me like a comparison of Lucy and Sigma and their relationship with Atsushi. Sigma's situation is very similar to Lucy's as I've previously shown. Terrorists that have recently suffered loss in regards to their found home and family, that get a connection with Atsushi in this chapter. Unlike with Lucy, Sigma and Atsushi left eachother without hope of seeing the other again or Atsushi being able to help them (for the characters, the story itself does give hope of this happening). Then Lucy shows up, as a reminder of the last enemy he helped that DID turn out OK, and to show how far Lucy has come since then, since she was where Sigma is. It shows that hope might not be lost for Sigma either.

With it already being established that Sigma now wants to become an ADA member, the possibility of seeing Sigma grow like Lucy did and develop a bond with Atsushi like she did gets closer to being canon. There's something there and I'm really looking forward to seeing how Sigma's character could possibly develop after this arc (and when he wakes up because my guy is likely in a coma rn 😔)

The Pattern

I've stated that Lucy being in chapter 76 is important to show the connection Sigma could eventually have with Atsushi, but even though she's not in that chapter it's also important to note Kyouka. In the sky Casino mission to retrieve Sigma, where Sigma and Atsushi meet for the first time, it was specifically Lucy and Kyouka who went with Atsushi.

For both Lucy and Kyouka, there were three notable incidents with Atsushi until they become allied with the ADA permanently.

Kyouka:

- Atsushi saving her from the train

- Atsushi saving her from Akutagawa

- Kyouka escaping the Guild and becoming an official ADA member

Lucy:

- Atsushi beating Lucy

- Atsushi and Lucy's talk on the Whale

- Atsushi and Lucy's meeting in the cafe

The pattern here was there being a first meeting where Atsushi is shown wanting to help the character even though they're an enemy that he just thought against and a terrorist.

The next incident takes place a while after the first and is a pivotal point where its made certain in the story that things will turn out OK for the enemy character. A bond is set between them and Atsushi. -------------------------- After the second incident, things in fact do not turn out OK for the character and the audience was actually led into a false security. Kouyou shows up after to try and take back Kyouka, and the Guild kidnaps Lucy from her room before Atsushi can 'come back and save her'. Now the character is in danger again and their fate is once again up in the air, only now there's more at stake since a bond with Atsushi has already been established and the audience has been given the chance to grow attached to them. Whether or not this character will be able to join 'the side of the light' and have a home and family like they wanted is uncertain again

It's the third incident that sets into stone again that the character does in fact turn out OK. They reunite with Atsushi, and they finally get to live a good life with a home and the freedom to live how they wished to. The character is now connected with the ADA and after this point in the story, no matter what happens to the character their place in the light is never thrown into question again, they belong here.

So I believe this could happen with Sigma. He doesn't follow the exact same process, considering that Sigma is also being helped by Dazai, and could be grouped with Atsushi as someone Dazai saved, but chapter 76 still follows the pattern well enough that I believe this could happen.

We've already had our first incident with their meeting. Despite me comparing this chapter to Lucy and Atsushi's second meeting, for Sigma and Atsushi this still fits into the territory of the first part of the pattern.

(Intetesting note: Unlike with Lucy and Kyouka, after it was established that Atsushi wanted to help the enemy, this was the first time where Atsushi 'failed' to. He jumped from the train with Kyouka, he jumped off the Whale after promising to come back for Lucy, but at the sky Casino it was Sigma who fell instead, and Atsushi stayed thinking that he just saw the last of a now dead man that he failed to help. Then again, it could just be following the pattern and we'll see a more hopeful outcome with their second meeting)

The second incident will likely be them meeting again. It will end more hopefully, with a further bond between Atsushi and Sigma and more hope for Sigma joining the ADA.

If we then follow the pattern, something bad will happen to Sigma to throw this off course, and put into question whether he'll actually be able to join the ADA and get a home.

This will last for some time, until the third part eventually comes where Sigma finally gets to stay with his new home and new life. After this, it should be permanent to the story and Sigma shouldn't have his status as an ADA member/ally put into question or at risk again.

#sigma bsd #lucy maud montgomery #kyouka izumi #atsushi nakajima #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd analysis #bsd meta #Sigmatsu #Atsulucy #Sigmatsulucy #tagging the ships because of course I am but this theory isn't meant to be about the ships #outside of shipping I genuinely think that chapter 76 shows us parallels between Sigma and Lucy and it hints at Sigma forming a bond with-#-Atsushi like Lucy and Kyouka did #ADA Sigma will cure me Asagiri please I'll be so normal about them after he joins (lying)(I will get worse)#meta #analysis #sky duo #sky trio

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ieatsmallorphansnamedtom · 1 year

Note

Everyone asked about other bachelors falling in love, I am waiting for someone to ask how will it be if it's Alex because I love him. But I guess it will still be some while till someone actually ask knowing how he is, so I'll step forward & humbly send my request to you~! Thank you for writing all these headcanons. They are very lovely to read! I love how it enrichen my vision of them. ｡･✰

Alex Falling in Love with the Farmer Headcanons

Hi anon! Sorry if this took too long. I was also waiting for someone to ask for him lol. He's a great bachelor! :D

As I'm fairly certain it's stated in his ten heart cutscene, Alex liked you from the start. He was somewhat aware of it; he did notice he took a physical liking to you, but always assumed it would leave with time. You two just hung out as friends for a while.

It only hit him smack in the face that day he told you about his mother. All of a sudden, it's 'wait, why am I even telling them this?', followed by, 'oh-'. He's sort of just... awkward about it all. Like 'yup. Alright. This is happening.'

After you leave, he goes straight to his grandparents. I mean, they've been together so long, they must know something to help him! He tries to be vague about it, but it comes through anyway. He thinks he's mastered the art of disguise while not-so-subtly dropping in hints like farming every two sentences.

He's quieter, but somehow also manages to show off even more. If that makes any sense. He likes to hear you talk. With his whole backstory thing going on I imagine he's got a lot on his mind, so it's nice to just take a break. Plus, you've always got great stories to tell.

As for the showing off, well... it can be insufferable. He manages to get a bit too in your face at times, but he only means the best. You bet he'll be waiting outside your door at six in the morning ready to do whatever heavy lifting you need. You may or may not use this to your advantage to make him clean up the animal poop.

His feelings for you are fairly obvious. Long stares from across the field, arms over the shoulder - all that stuff. He also gives you lots of compliments. He knows what it's like to be called worthless (and I assume have low self-esteem from it) and he doesn't want you to end up that way. He can tell whenever you're down and goes to lift you back up as best he can.

"Hey farmer! Your farm's looking great. I heard you were feeling down lately, wanna talk about it?"

You get a TON of Evelyn's baked goods. Mostly biscuits, of course, but sometimes you get shortbread or muffins or even a slice of cake! Alex tries his hand at cooking too. He wants to get better to impress you (and his grandmother).

George is super proud. Finally, his (to be honest: quite lonely) grandson is getting a proper friendship (not to throw shade on Haley, but before the farmer moves in, she's not really friendship material)! Evelyn is a bit more clueless to the whole romance thing going on between you two, but once George fills her in on it, she gets to work inviting you over almost every night for dinner.

Speaking of the grandparents trying to get you two closer, Evelyn has randomly mentioned Alex being single. She means no harm, but it's very obvious she's trying to nudge you two together. It's cute, though. And you get a ton of free food whenever she does.

"Oh, hello dear. I just finished making these with Alex," (she did not, in fact, make them with Alex), "we were just talking about any future relationships he might get into."

^ Poor Alex is left dying in the corner.

Alex actually gets a lot more insecure. He's just nervous about messing up in front of you. He doesn't want to risk losing another person he loves. Just seeing you makes his heart all fuzzy - it's crazy.

-~-~-

I hope you liked this, anon! I think Alex is great. He was my first choice when I started my first save file. Sorry if this took a little too long, but I'm glad I got around to it.

#ieatsmallorphansnamedtom #sdv #stardew valley #sdv alex #stardew valley alex #sdv alex x reader #stardew valley alex x reader #sdv x reader #stardew valley x reader #alex sdv #alex stardew #stardew alex #sdv evelyn #stardew valley evelyn #sdv george #stardew valley george

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star-light-shadows · 7 months

Text

A comprehensive explanation of why I think Suselle will likely not happen and Kriselle is the true end-game pairing.

I personally do think there's a pretty strong chance of them falling through in the end. While I do think that they are far from the most interesting pairing possible, it isn't solely because of that. There are a lot of details that to me suggest that they are not truly meant for each other like it may immediately seem. And Noelle's "romantic destiny" may actually fall to someone else.

Starting with major details that strongly suggest the pairing isn't going down without a hitch, Susie is very strongly suggested to only be interested in Noelle as a friend. The character teas tell us that Susie feels equally for Kris, Noelle, and Ralsei, and while you could say that this is before the Ferris wheel ride, even after that in the chapter epilogue, when talking about bringing Ralsei or Noelle to the fair, she says that Kris would obviously be there, not getting/caring about the concept of how dates work. By all means it seems like Susie just wants to have friends. Frankly there's a massive chance with how she's portrayed that she's AroAce.

Even bigger than that, tho, is how Suselle is pretty clearly portrayed parallel to Kris x Ralsei, and there is some pretty damn obvious lore that makes it very clear that Kralsei is not going to turn into a proper end-game pairing, even being describable as a downright weird ship on-par with pseudo-incest. So if Kralsei is seemingly being pushed by the game, but is most likely going to fall apart at some point, I feel it's incredibly likely that Suselle is too.

In fact, while I wouldn't go nearly as far as to say that it's toxic, I think this comparison shows that we shouldn't shy away from acknowledging that some aspects of Suselle as it's been presented may be unconducive to the two being in a proper romantic relationship.

The biggest thing that leads me to think these two aren't end-game material is that there are a lot of details that suggest to me that Noelle's crush on Susie is best described as "misplaced."

The primary target of Noelle's attraction for Susie is very often displayed as being for things that Susie simply isn't beyond the surface. She simps for Susie as a rough and mean bully who slams people into lockers and would push her over before laughing at her. A presentation that Chapter 1 thoroughly establishes as being a defense mechanism, not what Susie is really like. And she's the one person Susie wouldn't bully anyway as a result of the Pencil thing, something Noelle has to be told. Noelle doesn't want/expect Susie to soften up to her at all.

The other half of how her feelings for Susie are presented is basically the part of her that admires Susie for what she wishes she had. Being brave, unafraid to break the rules, generally being strong. And while that's all fine and dandy for a romantic relationship on its own, Romantic feelings that consist of that and thinking they're hot for reasons that aren't actually true, when put together create a situation that can only be described as Noelle having a crush on the IDEA of Susie, rather than who Susie actually is.

Now I don't expect this to turn into something toxic or obsessive, quite the opposite, I expect this to be something Noelle will begin to realize as her crush on Susie begins to actually FADE the closer she gets to Susie. (Something Susie will be totally fine with because she just wants to have friends.)

So who else would be Noelle's romantic interest? Well, I was talking before about me not thinking Suselle is interesting, and while that's still not my main argument, I think it's important to explain a little of why. Noelle and Susie seems painfully bland as a pairing to me mainly because it doesn't feel like it brings anything out of the two characters. Whether romantic or not, the best relationships between two characters are going to bring out the best parts of the two characters. Both in the realistic-romantic-viability sense and in the character-writing sense.

While they might not be romantic, an example of this I'd like to bring up is Susie and Ralsei. Their personalities complement each other perfectly to the point where they bring out each other's best qualities. Susie is snarky and crude and her love language is largely comprised of playful teasing, but is also very empathetic with a big heart. Ralsei is kind and tolerant of others, making him the perfect "victim" for Susie's love language, but is noticeably lacking in empathy. Ralsei makes Susie more open to affection while Susie teaches Ralsei to be more assertive. Ralsei acts as the voice of reason, but in emotionally charged situations Susie makes up for Ralsei's lack of empathy. Plus, Susie is the one Lightner who doesn't see Ralsei's similarity to Asriel, likely being the one person who sees Ralsei as his own person, something Ralsei has been shown to struggle with himself.

Not dissimilar to this, there's one character that consistently brings out the best pieces of Noelle's character. And it's Kris.

Noelle's whole arc in Chapter 2 is about becoming mentally and emotionally stronger, right? Well, while most gravitate to connecting this to Noelle's admiration of Susie, when you look at how this arc actually plays out in the story narratively and mechanically, It's actually Kris that has this affect on Noelle. We see her boldness stat go up as we trek across the Cyber world with just her and Kris. She becomes bolder as a result of fighting alongside Kris and enduring their playful pranks. Noelle may admire Susie for her strength, but being around Kris is what brought that strength out of Noelle. (As well as her playful and goofy side.)

This deep effect Kris has on Noelle is the entire basis of the Snowgrave route, just twisted and warped. So isn't it interesting that this corrupted version of Noelle and Kris's relationship is multiple times characterized as an abusive romantic relationship?

Plus, in the epilogue of the Snowgrave route, despite everything that the player, through Kris, did, she monologues about how she wants to investigate what's going on with Kris, knowing that something is wrong, that the friend she knew would never do what happened, and vowing to figure it out and help Kris. Showing an incredible level of personal dedication.

Kris and Noelle go through a lot of interpersonal development in chapter 2, significantly more than Noelle and Susie do. Kris knew Noelle as a close friend in the past, but they seem to have had some kind of falling out. Despite this falling out and an air of emotional uncertainty around the two, several key moments with Noelle make it explicitly clear that Noelle deeply longs/longed to be close with Kris again.

"Yep! That's right! We're friends!" (It's. . . surprisingly nice just hearing Kris say that.) (Kris hasn't given me a gift like this. . . since we were little kids. . . Are they saying they want things to go back to. . .)

The "dating shoes" dialogue is especially interesting with this context, as it almost makes it seem like there are deep feelings between the two that even They don't understand.

And Kris brings out by far the deepest pieces of Noelle's character, even by her own direct admission. Her conversation with Kris late into Cyber City brings her history with Dess to the table, one of the more narratively interesting parts of her character, and at the end She says

(Kris is the only one who knows how weird I am.) (It's not fair, y'know!? Everyone knows how weird YOU are. Fahahaha.)

Simultaneously saying Kris is the only one who understands her, and that she truly likes Kris's open weirdness, to the point of believing it to be admirable rather than to be ashamed of. (Which honestly is probably something Kris needs to hear.)

While this may be venturing a little into fan-fictiony territory, Kris and Susie are superficially similar enough that I wouldn't doubt that her crush on Susie somehow stemmed off of her feelings for Kris in Kris's absence.

Overall, there's just a lot going on between Kris and Noelle that suggests something deeper than just friendship. Romantic undertones, estranged but longing to be together, bringing out the deepest pieces of each other, knowing each other better than anyone else. . . Unlike her crush on Susie, being based on a defense mechanism, Noelle likes Kris for who Kris is, even more than Kris themselves.

They're practically the perfect couple, only in the making.

Childhood friends to lovers is a common trope, and it's very characteristic of this game's emotional complexity to have two who've drifted apart be the ones destined to be. Not every love story is as simple as "Immediate crushing -> Confession -> Dating."

#deltarune #noelle holiday #noelle deltarune #kris x noelle #noelle x kris #kriselle #kris deltarune #kris dreemurr #anti-suselle

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scruffyssketchbook · 3 months

Note

A random SSEC AU Daisy drawing I did.

I don't have a proper name for this AU yet, the working title is "Polar Opposites."

Basically, the main cast have entirely different personalities:

Blizz: Very smart (well, ok, technically he actually is smart in canon, it just isn't noticeable,) but can be quite rude. He's basically Blizz but if Blizz was more of a meatheaded jock. He's very bitter about the lab. He knows Daisy likes him, but he's not into her. Nonetheless, he does have ONE redeeming trait; as bitter as he is, he still loves his siblings, Vay and Eve.

Vay: Doesn't remember anything from the lab, so he's very happy/cheery. Not dumb, though. He still has a crush on Daisy, but he's not a weirdo that smells his crush's hair. He's actually very shy about it, so he pretends he doesn't have a crush (despite that he knows how noticeable his crush on Daisy is.)

Eve: Instead of wanting to be protected, she likes to be independent and can take care of herself on her own (she's still Icedrop rep, though, plus she still hangs out with Oliver.) She's also quite smart for her age.

Bolt: Very calm instead of an anxious mess. Still has the angel and devil sprites, but ignores them. He's also much more confident (you Bolt stans out there happy? l=/)

Flame: Isn't rude to people nor is he a troll, though he's still got a corn addiction. He's MUCH more shy/embarrassed about it though. He doesn't hate/tries to get along with Dawn.

Daisy: She likes Blizz, but Blizz doesn't like her (NOOO BLIZZ HOW COULD YOU T^T) so she hangs out with Vay instead. She's often sad/depressed because of Blizz's bitterness, so she prefers to hang out with Vay (and some other friends.) She actually even has some feelings towards Vay, but is too shy to admit it. She actually doesn't really take care of herself very well, she's not healthy (faded fur colors, her leaves are supposed to look wilted, but I'm not good at that.)

Dusk: Sassy and a smartass. He's kinda narcissistic and sees himself as the best. No one really likes him because of that (except Vay, but that's because he's nice. And Dawn.)

Dawn: She's smart, but more carefree. She likes to hang out with Vay and Daisy. She likes to act silly.

Sunrise: A failed clone of Dawn in an attempt to bring back someone.

Oliver: Eve's best friend/bodyguard. He's very deadpan; he snarks a lot and can be quick to anger. Despite this, he and Eve are friends, as he's at least still polite when he needs to be. Ironically, he's not good with confrontation, so often times, Eve's protected HIM more than he protected her.

????: Dawn tried to get them back. They can't come back. Gone from the pageS of history. Only Dawn and SunRise know they existed, and even then, DAwn gave up. Sunrise does not realize that bringing them back is nigh-impossible.

That's all I got so far. What do you think? (This is the longest post I've ever made, holy shit-)

Oooooooo honestly I’d love to hear more about it!!! (And see the characters drawn) I am curious about Sunrise and ??? And I wanna know about my boi Flame!!! He seems the closest to canon lol

Omg what if Dusk acts like Gojo? I can LITERALLY SEE IT OMG

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floating-in-the-blue · 2 months

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Comments Count

I have 85 works on AO3 and I get a kudos email almost every day. Usually just for one to up to three fics, one kudos each, occasionally for more. Occasionally, there will be several kudos for one fic, usually after I've just published something new.

There's recently been an uptick for kudos on my old Metal Gear Solid fics which I can't quite understand but which obviously makes me happy.

But there's no comments.

There's hardly any comments.

I don't have the time for proper data analysis but I was curious and took a look at the comments I received within the last 250 days (arbitrarily because AO3 shows not the date when you've ceceived a comment but a "X days ago").

There were 79 comments* over those 250 days, across 32 fics, from 30 people.

*I did not count replies to my replies (about four instances), nor one person commenting on three separate chapters of a fic in a single day

That there's so many comments across so many fics at all is largely due to one single person, a dear friend, going through a lot of my fics. She managed to leave 21 comments in those 250 days!! That's almost 27 %, more than a quarter of all the comments in that time frame!!! (you know who you are and you know I love you for this!! 💕)

(how did we meet and become friends? She commented on one of my fics and we started a conversation; now we're tumblr and discord and Xmas card friends!)

38 of the 79 comments were on the date of publication (+ 1-2 days) of a new fic and there were 6 new fics in total (some mere ficlets but nvm), which averages out at about 6 comments per new fic, all on or around the date of publication.

Out of all of those 79 comments, only 13 comments came from people totally unknown to me (and 6 of those 13 were on one single fic in one recently popular and very active fandom).

18 comments were by people unknown to me, which have commented before though (and in total that was just 7 whole people). They might be subscribed to me or follow my tumblr because almost all of those were "date of publication" comments.

All the rest, 48 comments, are from people I personally know and am friends with (now) or at least tumblr acquaintaces with, which are actually just 11 people. And we already know one of them is responsible for 21 comments, which leaves 27 comments for the other 10 people, most of those, again, "date of publication" comments or "saw a reblog of mine on tumblr" comments.

I don't know how comparable my AO3 experience is with others because there's so many factors that play into this.

I don't know where I'm going with this other than me being incredibly grateful for those (tumblr) friends who are still loyally reading my fics (which is mostly 4 people + an assorted variety of guest stars) and I dread the moment they move into other fandoms.

It's putting some numbers to that feeling that if your story doesn't get read on that date of publication (or at least the first few days after), the chances of anyone commenting on it sink dramatically unless you attract the rare unicorn who will not only read and kudos your fics once they discover you but will also leave comments.

It's putting numbers to "the fanfic community only really works if we're a community" because strangers are so much less likely to leave a comment. It's "I know most of these people are writers's themselves" and know the joy of receiving comments. They don't see themselves as "consumers of content".

I am grateful I can get a little serotonin boost in the form of AO3's kudos email almost every day. But at some point, when my brain is not being kind to me and the world, you can't help feeling a little disgruntled at all these people who obviously read your story but didn't stop to say 'thank you.' Didn't say 'I liked this.'

I don't know where I'm going with this but to the people who still comment on my fics:

Thank You!

#ao3 #comment culture #fandom culture #fanficfloat #fandomfloat #yeo has thoughts and numbers and conflicting feelings #save to share if you feel like this is worth sharing #(just in case)#also: I know that there's people who have a much harder time and that I'm lucky that I have friends who comment #this is neither a flex nor a whine #this is just me trying to figure things out with numbers

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gemini526sdumptruck · 3 months

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And now here's a proper introduction for the Emobjects!

I'm gonna be honest, I only still call them that because I don't have a better name xD.

I made these backgrounds, featuring little character symbols I made for each of them! These actually took longer than I anticipated! I didn't feel like making alternate poses for them after that so I decided to just make their bio post now lol.

Let's meet them!

Heartbreaker (She/Her): Heartbreaker is a dark angel who was sent down to Earth by the leader of the dark angels, Timekiller, to deal with some dark creatures (still deciding what) who planned on invading Earth. Realizing she was probably going to be here long term, she figured she needed somewhere to stay and something to do. So she set up a home for herself and decided to somehow enroll into the local high school, everyone would hopefully think she's just a regular teenager. This is where she would meet the rest of the group, who would slowly but surely consider her one of their bunch. Heartbreaker tends to take things extremely seriously, especially her mission. She was also hesitant to warm up to the others, because making friends was absolutely not her goal. But just how the others grew to like her, she came to like them as well. Hearbreaker can be snippy, is very straight to the point, and doesn't take anything from anyone. Her mallet is her primary weapon. It packs a powerful punch, but it's very heavy. Yet you will never catch her without it. Despite her unapproachableness, she is very loyal to the people she can tolerate.

Shady (She/Her): Shady isn't exactly the social type. Unless if she's around her friends or her sister, Shady's first instinct when it comes to conversations is to try and end it as soon as possible. She's a little deadpan and pretty blunt in her speech, too. However, Shady has a passion for creating and writing. Shady likes to sketch things in her sketchbook, writes short poems, and when she's really feeling it, whole stories. She was the first to meet Heartbreaker, and Shady thought she was the coolest object she's every seen. Like she's not imagining things, that girl actually has wings! Shady still isn't the most talkative, but when you get her going on something she's pretty nice to talk to.

Fang (He/Him): Fang is a half vampire, only half because he was turned rather than born that way. However he fully embraces that. Fang is probably the most social of the group. He talks...a lot. One of his favorite things to do is scare people for fun, whether it be pretending to bite them or just generally freaking them out by describing how he lives his unlife. He hangs from ceilings sometimes, he sleeps in coffins (which is how he prefers to sleep), and he even drinks blood (from frogs but he still counts it as blood, blood isn't easy to come by in the object world).

Deathcap (He/Him): Deathcap is snarky and tough. He's generally closed off from other people, and the rest of the group are really the only other people he interacts with genuinely. He can also get pretty aggressive, especially if someone else is dissing him or the rest of the group. If somebody takes a swing at him, he'll likely swing back with an insult of his own. Deathcap is a bit of a metalhead, and if you see him with earbuds, he's probably listening to metal on full volume.

Pinz (He/Him): Pinz is a bit of a strange one. He was found by Fang one day while he was walking through the graveyard. Pinz is a zombie doll thing who before joining the group was just wandering the graveyard aimlessly every night. After Fang befriended Pinz, Pinz got attached to Fang pretty quickly, and started following him everywhere. Fang decided to just introduce Pinz to the rest of the crew, and Pinz has stuck with them ever since. Pinz doesn't have a lot going on in his head, and he doesn't say much. All he's really able to say is his own name, "Pinz". Despite being a literal zombie, Pinz is harmless. He's actually quite friendly, but not a lot of people wanna be around him because of how scary he looks.

Acute (They/She): Acute was a mutual friend of Shady before joining the group. Acute sticks out in comparison to the others, but that doesn't bother them! They're just happy to be included in the group. Acute is excitable and could also be described as hyper. Acute generally just loves to have fun. They find fun in going online and posting whatever random thought is on their mind, visiting the arcade and maybe getting a burger along with it, and they especially like to dance to music on their playlist. (I also still desperately need to give them their own accessory xD)

Radiax (He/Him): Radiax has a passion for science, he's always had one. He definitely teeters on the line of "mad scientist", and he wears that label like a badge of honor. Debatably the smartest of the bunch, Radiax has his own secret lab in the basement of his house. His parents think he's just playing around, but they have no clue just how serious Radiax is about this science stuff. Weird sludge, probably toxic goop, and slime that seems to move all on its own, Radiax knows it all. Classic monster movies and creature features are some of his favorite media, the freakier the better! Radiax himself is intelligent, eccentric, and at times pretty smug, but often has the most "out there" solutions to things (almost all of them involve some kind of weird liquid he made).

I love these guys so so much. I hope they feel more like actual characters now, that was my primary goal here lol.

#oc #original character #object shows #object show #object ocs #object show community #object show oc #object oc #2000s #emo #emocore #scemo #2000s emo #long post #osc #osc art

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yunwnya · 2 months

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so... i don't know where to start or what to call this, but let this be my small thoughts about kouta from tsumigram by @74n5n

i don't promise that there will be some smart thoughts and brilliant theories, because i can't consider myself a theorist, i'm dumb for theories. just some random and messy thoughts because... i like kouta.

it also turned out to be a bit long and not very structured...

so, i'm gonna start with my overall impression on him. kouta gives the impression of a very quiet, non talkative and closed person. he doesn't seem anxious to me, he's just distant.

his poses in the drawings are closed, tense, perhaps weak like he's exhausted. his facial expression is often thoughtful, sad, also tense. sometimes neutral, but there is always some shade of melancholy. he doesn't seem so stressed, he seems very exhausted. as if there's no energy left in him.

that's... all i can say about him at a glance. he's just... a depressed guy who doesn't talk much.

I appreciate your concern, but I don't… want to talk very much. It's not about you, really, you're actually a nice person. Just— just my own problems.

he's not the kind of person you can tell a lot about just by looking at them. he doesn't have a lot of energy and he doesn't draw a lot of attention to himself.

I don't have a lot of friends, I don't get approached too often.

kouta isn't the kind of person who takes responsibility. he doesn't make decisions for himself, he's used to others making decisions for him.

Huh… so you're going to decide on our fates. Well, it can't surprise me.

It’s not surprising that my fate is going to be decided by someone else who I don't even know. So, no questions.

maybe other people just put pressure on him without giving him that opportunity? something like "oh no, i'll do x for you so you can have proper x" or something like that. he's used to having his life controlled by something outside of him, but not by himself. and did he once have that will? if so, whose fault is it that it disappeared? random thought.

i also think that kouta really has depression. he seems very weak, has little energy, death is often mentioned next to him (i'll talk about that later), which may remind of suicidal thoughts, his prisoner color is gray, which may indicate a low mood, he is quite indifferent to everything. he also mentioned in a dialogue with miku that he wakes up every hour (at least that's how it feels like to him).

Miku: Hmph. What are you doing here? Kouta: Have been waking up every hour… Ah, I mean, “every hour” is just what it feels like. I don't quite understand how time passes in this place…

and in the drawings i see bruises under his eyes? it resembles insomnia, sleep problems, which can also be a symptom of depression.

hm… i don't know what else to add. let this be a small intro. and let's move on to his memory reports.

Record no.1 ▆▆ going to be a decent person today, ▆▆ leaving as usual. Do that, don't do that; it's pretty annoying, what's so scary? Pain is not scary. ▆▆ not afraid of anything that doesn't involve talking to others — otherwise, ▆▆ freezing in place and feeling like ▆▆ already gone. In the end, ▆ can't find enough strength to make a difference. The attempts ▆▆ gathered so far went in vain; ▆ would like to finish it for all, so that ▆ don't hate anymore, anyone. It's fine, ▆ will wake up soon.

i'm wondering… who is kouta talking about? i already have a couple thoughts on this, but for that i want to look at the record no.2

— What do you want? Not sure, I guess she was pouting. Of course, what else would she be doing. — I don't like that girl. Don't talk to her. — She's the one talking to me. Can't help it. — Do you not care about me? As if it's me who doesn't care! You constantly complain about each other to me. — I'm taking a nap. — It's dangerous to sleep in the train. I might be in a bad mood and not wake you up in time. I'm in a bad mood today, by the way. — Don't care. — Good luck at Kisaragi station. — Thank you very much.

i see some pretty toxic friendships here. definitely jealousy in a friendship isn't something that can be called healthy.

and i see it this way: kouta's friend (girl A) took offense to him for talking to a certain girl (girl B) they both know and she (girl A) doesn't really like.

You constantly complain about each other to me.

↑ says that girl A knows girl B and they both knows kouta. three-way friendship?

and again what i'm seeing here is that they're trying to make a decision for kouta. "don't talk to this girl, i don't like her and i don't care what you think".

and in the phrase "Good luck at Kisaragi station" i see an implicit death wish. in the kusaragi station legend, the woman most likely died in the end.

and first of all, the theme of death again, and secondly, death wishes in a friendship… really, as kouta himself says, it's not the kind of friendship you see in stories on the screen:

I guess it's the closest to friendship I've experienced; though I don't know how they viewed that, and it certainly didn't resemble the friendship seen in stories on the screen.

kouta himself is in no hurry to call it friendship, though. it's the closest to friendship, as he puts it.

A screeching sound and I grip her hand by instinct, maybe getting scared or trying to save her or both; black out, I think the train crashed.

but still, kouta tries to save this friendship? but it seems too late now because "the train crashed". or he's used to this friendship, despite all the toxicity, so he's scared of losing it, so he saves it to keep his comfort zone. this has no particular foundation, just a thought.

so. back to the record no.1… i think he's talking about girl A. but he may also be talking about himself?

"The attempts ▆▆ gathered so far went in vain; ▆ would like to finish it for all, so that ▆ don't hate anymore, anyone."

↑ just reminded me of kouta. i'm not sure this is specifically about him. leaning towards that this is about another person.

that reminded me of him because he said something similar, but here it's more clear that he's talking about himself ↓

I promise, I'll kill either myself or someone else when I get fed up with it.

this part is from record no.3 and for some reason it seems to me that record no.1 and record no.3 are similar. it's like in them kouta is talking about one person but at the same time talking about himself. maybe he's talking about himself but putting it to another person he thinks he's similar?

It's fine. It's fine. We're similar yet different, how to put it.

maybe he's really talking about his friend and himself? but maybe... about three people at once? about the girl A, girl B and kouta himself? but it seems to me that this is all connected with girl A and kouta. i... still need to think, so it's a raw thought.

voice drama. i'm not going to say that kouta is very taciturn, it's obvious. he's pretty hard to talk to, isn't he? but still, i saw a couple things that i found interesting.

Kouta: Not funny… It's a joke to you, but life is seriously unfair… Ego: …I was joking, but I get it. About life being unfair. I mean, ironically, I wouldn't be able to act so leisurely if I still cared. Mhm. You get constantly told, the world is huge and full of fun, there's always something. Though it's all meaningless when you simply can't feel enjoyment as a person. The easiest solution is to keep yourself up with instant pleasures, but, obviously, they fade away in an instant. It becomes worse and worse as you're growing up, too.

kouta says nothing in response. perhaps he agrees with ego's words? he probably does, since he's asking the next question, continues the dialogue. it's unspoken agreement, maybe?

Kouta: Did you have a good childhood? Warden. Kouta: Do you feel like there's something you can come back to? Kouta: Uh, such as… You feel at a loss in university and then remember your childhood dreams. They might be frozen now, but they're still here. Or, you come back to nice memories and find comfort in them again. Kouta: There are also people who didn't have anything from the very start. This kind of unfairness. Not having anything, ever. Kouta: If you had a decent childhood, you can't get it.

perhaps, kouta wants at least some source of positive emotions in his life. he sees memories as something that can soothe and bring joy. he wants to have memories in which he can find solace, since he cannot find solace now. but he has nothing.

perhaps he really was constantly told that life is full of great opportunities — just look around. but he can't feel the pleasure of life. and he doesn't even have any memories that he can grab onto and drink the last juices of positive emotions from them.

maybe it has something to do with the fact that he's not trying to solve something on his own. and it seems to me that his crime looks like something that brought him joy, but began to crumble before his eyes through someone's/his fault. and when he found the strength to fix something on his own, it was too late. his own decision brought nothing but loss, death. but it's just a thought. it's still hard for me to put together what he's talking about and his memories.

it's also interesting how kouta doesn't speak directly about himself, but uses such figures of speech as "there are also people". but it's painfully obvious that he means himself. he really doesn't like to talk about himself, does he?

Kouta: …You remind me of my classmate. Ego: Really? Kouta: No, uh… I don't really remember her, but it was my classmate. Ego: Is she related to your crime? Kouta: … Ego: Your stare is not telling me anything. Kouta: I don't know what “crime” you're talking about.

it seems that kouta's silence is another agreement, because he has already shown such behavior here, right? but he quickly denies it, as before. kouta is quite... protective of himself?

Ego: Now I feel sort of bad for teasing you. Kouta: For sure. People like you only stop when the object of your bullying starts crying. Ego: I'm not a bully! Kouta: Bullying me is the first thing you did once coming to this room.

Kouta: …You remind me of my classmate.

and also the fact that he says that ego bullies him (i'm not sure if he's joking/being sarcastic or not, but kouta doesn't look like someone who will joke about this), and then talks about the similarity with his classmate — this suggests that a certain kouta's classmate also bullied him? or their attitude towards him was perceived as bullying. maybe it was girl A.

i can't be sure that kouta's theme is bullying, so i'm leaning towards the fact that he just felt her attitude towards him as bullying. but who knows? it's still only trial 1. we will see more in the future.

and if the girl A from kouta's memories is his classmate, then perhaps she is really related to his crime.

Kouta: You remind me of someone… Ego: Am I? Kouta: Ah, no… who… Ego: Eh? Kouta: I've just got a weird feeling. Ego: What? Kouta: I don't quite remember who.

it's also interesting that at the beginning of the interrogation, kouta mentions that ego reminded him of someone, and after the bell rings, he says that ego reminds him of his classmate. he really remembered, didn't he? or did he not want to talk at first and pretended that he didn't remember? kouta doesn't want to remember a certain classmate? but maybe he really didn't remember at first. and then remembered. strange to me.

Kouta: I've just got a weird feeling. Ego: What? Kouta: I don't quite remember who. Ego: Is that so. Kouta: …Is this because of MILGRAM? Ego: What? Kouta: The problems with our memories. Ego: Hm-m, maybe. It seems to be the case with most of you. In a different amount, though, everyone has scattered memories. Hotaru-san mentioned the feeling of an obstacle in their head that doesn't let them remember more. Kouta: It gives me a headache, trying to remember… How troublesome.

by the way, it's interesting that kouta doesn't remember, he has a weird feeling, it gives him a headache, trying to remember, and hotaru mentions the feeling of an obstacle in their head that doesn't let them remember more. all prisoners don't remember something in different ways, it causes them different feelings. this is an interesting thing that i noticed, but it doesn't really relate to the topic.

interactions with other prisoners. i'm not going to talk here about how exactly he interacts with others, i just want to point out some things i've noticed.

U-uh, don't scare me like this.

Not that I remember… Please don't shake me.

Duh! Can you people stop suddenly approaching me from behind?!

Ack… No… Uh, please don't shake me.

Just, please don't be too loud when you do…

…Please stop getting so close to me.

P-please don't hit me on my back…

kouta doesn't like physical contact and loud noises? most likely. could he have moments of sensory overload, maybe? i think so. random thought, but let it be.

ah, i've also noticed that kouta is often shaken by others… when we want to wake a sleeping person, we shake them. (eternal) sleep is death. a theme that surrounds kouta. kouta doesn't like to be shaken. kouta doesn't want to wake up? kouta doesn't want to be alive? ah, i guess i'm overthinking this.

i noticed that the theme of death surrounds kouta. even in his dialog with remi:

A lot of people receive nothing but “they were kind to everyone and we never knew they were suffering so much” at their funeral.

funeral. it's interesting that even there are references to death.

in the dialogue with chise, kouta notices that she falls asleep with jacka in her arms. and he doesn't take responsibility, he's just going to tell ego about it, leaving it for her. like, "hey, something happened here, but i really don't want to deal with it, so i'll leave it for you."

She's hugging the rabbit… Hm? Hello there. Uh, but it's bad if Kawai-san keeps on sleeping on a cold floor… Um-m… I could ask someone to bring her to her cell… But she's not on good terms with anyone who could be strong enough. Ahh. I’ll just go ask Warden and leave her to deal with this.

but it's also cute that he cares about chise ^^

let's take a quick look at the illustrations.

his birthday illustration (so cute). it scares the hell out of me that his school photo with a mourning ribbon (moshou) is hanging behind him.

by the way, the same one hangs behind miku in his birthday illustration. i wonder if this is a general concept of birthdays illustrations or if it applies only to these two? we'll see more in the future, i guess. but even if we judge about this as an individual thing, then again… death. it really haunts him.

shameplant: delicate feelings, sensitivity

kouta doesn't seem like someone sensitive at first glance, does he? he's indifferent, most likely.

amaryllis: pride, brilliant beauty, chatter

chatter, huh? kouta isn't chatty at all.

carolina jasmine: sweet whisper, long life

i think i remember from kouta's memories the phrase that "he was only yelled at." and death again… hmm, interesting. i mean, all these oppositions.

as for this illustration there's already very good analysis. i'm not gonna repeat it, but i'll just make a general conclusion: it all has a common concept of death and the shortness of life, what we have already seen in kouta. even the colors in the illustration aren't bright. they're grayish, gloomy.

answers to questions. i'll try to be short... and it seems that new answers to the questions are waiting for us, so… maybe i'll make another post.

perhaps kouta's parents were overprotective. it's not surprising to him that someone else makes decisions for him, that his fate is decided by someone else. maybe it's because of his parents.

it also reminds me of this from record no.2:

— I don't like that girl. Don't talk to her.

controlling thing, you know.

also, because of his parents, he may not like physical contact. it is possible that kouta was physically abused, hmm? but to be honest, i don't see anything that could talk about it, other than his reaction to when others touch him.

but still, his childhood was hardly a good, "decent" thing.

so, as i said, kouta is used to having someone decide something for him. he's an art student, so he can draw, right? just a little.

but when he was asked to draw himself, he just crossed out the drawing. as if he considers his art to be something not good? this make me think that kouta was... forced to go to art college/university? maybe it wasn't solely his decision? even if they didn't force him, they just advised him? like, "hey, you seem to be good at drawing, why don't you go to art college?" and kouta, "hmm, okay…"

but it seems i'm overthinking again... never mind me. it seems that kouta is just not very confident in himself and his drawing abilities, so he decided to cross out the drawing.

hmm, but considering that, maybe kouta really doesn't like to show his feelings. he crossed out the drawing of himself and evasively answered the question of what he thinks about ego.

some people can consider their art to be a reflection of their feelings, and kouta could consider even such a small sketch of himself as something personal, so he crossed it out, as if not wanting to show "himself" to others. and he also didn't want to talk about what he thinks about ego — because she reminds him of his classmate, and this is personal.

i also think that in kouta's life the feeling of control is quite important? this answer of his gave me this idea ↓

he cannot predict the behavior of animals, which means he doesn't know how to behave in accordance with their behavior. it's easier if you know what's going to happen. you know how to react, how to behave, even how you might feel at such a moment. it seems that for kouta, this sense of control is important? at least that's what i thought. well, maybe not that important, but it does matter, i guess...

and last, a little bit of silly and small thoughts (because i want to analyze him from top to bottom):

the 下 (down, below) used in his name reminds me of his behavior. he is "low", he is quiet, he is silent. could possibly refer to his possible relationship with someone — he is "below" someone.

it's been mentioned that if kouta was a macaroon, he would taste like candle wax... i know it's very silly, but still. candle. the candle burns but eventually goes out. it's like the process of life and death, right? again, i see the theme of death even here. candle wax is what's left of the candle after it goes out.

kouta as sanrio character is gudetama, according to this post. "Their name is a play on "gude gude"; used to describe someone with no energy or strength and possibly tama from tamago (egg). Gudetama is hard to motivate and has a negative, defeatist attitude. On its official Twitter account's profile comment, it says that it goes through trouble and murmur every day and that it only does its (tweets?) because "great people" told it to. It believes that some day it will be eaten." this reminds me of kouta's generally tired behavior, as well as the fact that he is used to having decisions made for him.

so…. what can i say in the end?

you watch something crumble, break, but when you find the strength to save it, it's too late, it breaks down to the end. you find joy only in fleeting pleasures that quickly disappear like a burst bubble. you get used to the fact that your life is under someone else's control and you don't try to do something on your own - either because you've never tried, or because you don't have the strength left to live at all.

i can't be sure that i can say anything specific about kouta's crime… but, again, i have the general and pretty raw idea in my head.

i hope it didn't turn out to be completely stupid… and i'm sorry if i was wrong somewhere. but it was very interesting to analyze such a character who doesn't talk much about himself. i'm looking forward to more information about kouta...

#yunatalks #tsumigram #phew i finally did it #i still want to analyze a couple more things #but not today #so that's all i have on my mind so far

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bfiaflbox · 4 months

Text

So this is how it starts - Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Pairing: Matty x original female character

Warnings: drinking, smoking, swearing; mentions of: misoginy, cancer (in the past), infertility

Disclaimer: some of what the ofc is experiencing is rooted in my lived reality, however I lie for plot purposes a lot. I draw inspiration from things that I read somewhere or that actually happened to me or my friends. It's not proof read and English is my second languageso there's either too many commas or not enough commas.

Further disclaimer: yes I know it's not *that* hard to wrap a pan, it's very hard however to make it look nice...

"So you and Matty hit it off last night" it's not a question.

I'm on the phone with Carly after a "call me when you get this" message she sent me at 7am the following Saturday.

"Why would you think that??"

"Adam literally showed me the group chat where Matty called you "fit"" she laughs.

"Fucking hell, that sounds like we're back in year 9" I roll my eyes although she can't see it.

"Don't avoid the subject. What happened after you guys left for the tube station" she makes it sound like a conspiracy.

"We did just that. We went to the tube station and then home"

"I feel like you're leaving out *a lot* of details and one to three major plot points"

"fiiiine" i groan but have to laugh as well "it's ridiculous. Halfway down the road we decided to get another drink. We sat in a bar and talked until we were thrown out and then we went home"

"Liar"

"Not a lie" technically.

"Come oooon, I haven't been on a date in *ages*! I live vicariously through you" I hear Adam saying something in the background that I can't quite make out and they both giggle at something.

"I have to insist that this definitely wasn't a date and it really wasn't that exciting. Anyway, like I said, halfway down the road to the tube station Matty asked if I really wanted to go home or if I was up to get a drink with him. I said yes and so we went to a pub that was kind of crowded but we managed to get a seat at the bar. We talked about ... anything really. He thought it was kind of unfair that I had a pretty much clear Idea of what he does for a living and asked about being a tattoo artist and running a shop and all that. He told me about BJJ, I told him about growing up with five siblings. We got a bit drunk and I think at some point I kind of insulted him as "the queen of juxtaposition" or something, it was good fun...I think. Did I mention that we both were quite drunk? Fuck, I swear I made a proper fool out of myself."

"Yeah, you do that when you're drunk" Carly laughs.

"Thanks, I'm mortified... Well at some point he had to go to the toilet and some bloke thought he could take Matty's seat and chat me up. Next thing I know Matty's having a row with that guy and the bartender threw us out to prevent a pub fight."

"And there I was thinking you were thrown out because they were closing and you stayed that long because the conversation was just sooooo good" Carly interjects in a slightly mocking tone.

"Yeah, well, no. We had a laugh about it and went on to the tube station. Turned out he wasn't planning on taking the tube and just wanted to bring me. But yeah, that was it."

"Have you talked since?

"It's literally been nine hours and nope. I don't even have his number" fucking idiot not getting his number.

"Well that can be arranged, wait a sec"

My phone chimes with a message from Carly who just sent me Matty's contact info.

"Excuse you? You can't just give out personal information like that?!" I'm kind of glad she did though.

"Make it a good story at your guys' wedding and we're even"

////

Do I text or call? Text or call, text or call? I kind of want to hear his voice but I don't want to disturb hin in case he's in the middle of something. But calling is more personal, however, he doesn't even know I have his number and that's super creepy. Fuck, why is this so agonizing. Fuck it, I'll text him.

Me: Hey Matty, this is Hannah from last night. You know, the tall and pretty one :P Carly gave me your number in an act of rebellion against data security, hope you don't mind. Did you get home safe?

His answer comes in a matter of minutes.

Matty: Hello! Tall and pretty indeed. I did get home safe, although I feel like I should be the one asking you this.

Me: We're both alive and well it seems.

Matty: Good. Will you go on another date with me?

Me: What do you mean "another"?

Matty: Avoiding the question!

Me: Not avoiding, clarifying! but yes, I will go on a date with you.

Matty: Another! :)

Me: Seriously, is drunk shit talking and almost getting punched by some bloke your Idea of a date? That wasn't a proper date, my friend.

Matty: Who made you the Master of Proper Dates?

Me: Not you apparently

Matty: Also I would like to clarify that I do martial arts for self defense not to get into fights with random strangers.

Me: yeah keep telling yourself that

Matty: You're sassy, you know that?

Me: yeah, I do sometimes hang out with myself.

Matty: About that date... You free Friday?

Almost one whole week? My heart sinks a tiny little bit.

Me: yes, I'm free Friday.

Matty: Then it's a date. The second one.

Me: Serisously, that's such a weird hill to die on

///

On Sunday he sends me a picture of him in a park with Adam and Baby Hann and captions it: "Is it possible we have a favorite person in common?". I know he's referring to the child but I can't help but reply "I don't like Adam *that* much??" which earns me a bunch of laughing emojis.

///

On Monday I send him a photo of my super messy kitchen after trying to cook a halfway decent meal and caption it with "if one of your future date ideas involves cooking, I'm out" to which he replies: "A woman who doesn't love to cook? you will never make a man happy :P"

///

He calls me on Tuesday evening just as I'm in the middle of wrapping Christmas presents. "What are you up to at the moment?" he asks innocently enough.

"I'm trying to not lose my mind while gift wrapping?"

"For Christmas?? It's only the beginning of December!"

"And I hate Christmas shopping so each year I make one day at the beginning of December designated Christmas-present-day where I get all the gifts I need to get so I can relax for a whole year after that. Except for the part where I need to figure out how to wrap a pan"

"A pan?"

"Yeah you know the cooking thing. It's almost like a pot but..."

"I know what a pan is, woman" he laughs.

"It sounded like you wanted an explanation. I'm not judging, there are a lot of complicated words."

"you're such a menace. I meant why are you giving away pans for Christmas? that's a bit of a... weird gift?" he's still laughing.

„Hey, it's a nice pan and my sister-in-law asked for one, I’m not weird, I promise“

"I can't believe I'm asking this but do you want help wrapping gifts?"

"You mean now?"

"Yeah, I'm still at the studio but that's not too far from where you said you lived"

"Honestly, Matty, that would save my sanity and my evening"

"Cool, then I'm coming over"

"The place is a mess and tiny so don't expect much"

"Seriously, Hannah, you don't cook, you don't clean, what ever are you doing with your time??" his tone is obviously mocking.

"Be nice, I have a pan to hit you with if you get too cheeky"

"Uuuh, maybe I'm into that??"

"Please, don't be?"

We both laugh, I give him my address and we hang up.

An hour later I open the door to an overly excited Matty holding a bottle of red wine and grinning from ear to ear.

He hands me the bottle and adds "It sounded like you could use the moral support"

"Matty, I have to confess something to you" I say in a serious tone.

His expression changes and he furrows his brow. "What is it? Is everything ok?"

"I'm afraid I'm more of a white wine girly" I say with a mocking sad expression and a pout

"Pffffff, I thought you liked that Malbec the other day just fine"

"And I felt like a proper French philosopher drinking it"

"Fucking French philosopher" he laughs.

I lead him into the living room where the epitome of the gift wrapping mess is located and get two glasses from the kitchen. He pours the wine, takes a glass and looks around.

"Cosy" he nods

"Messy" I sigh

"Did you manage to wrap the pan?"

"Not yet"

"Why don't you just put it in a box and wrap that?"

"Thought of that, but I don't have a box that fits the fucking thing"

"Ok teamwork then" He takes a sip of the wine, puts his glass down on the coffee table, claps his hands and goes "what do you need me to hold?"

And that is how Matty and I end up on my living room floor, me giving instructions and cutting tape, him holding the paper in place, until it is finally done and the fucking pan is wrapped in paper.

"You could turn it upside down, draw a face on it and sell it as a duck"

"No more experiments, I'm just happy the fucking thing is wrapped in something"

We drink some more wine and wrap some more gifts although none of them prove to be as challenging as the pan.

"Hey will you help me wrap my gifts... later in December... when I actually manage to get something?" he asks and for a second he seems kind of shy

"Only if there's wine again"

"Just tell me which wine you like"

"Pinot Grigio"

"Whatever that is"

"You're the wine nerd??"

"I never said that!" he laughs.

His phone he had placed on the coffee table, before making himself comfortable on the floor, rings. I instinctively look and see the caller ID says "Denise".

"Oh sorry, I have to get that" he takes the phone and goes to my tiny kitchen.

I try not to follow the conversation which is kind of impossible in my rather small flat. He doesn't say much but I can make out a "looking forward to seeing you tomorrow" and that he ends the call with "love you".

My heart sinks. He has a girlfriend? Of course he has. That was to be expected when I think about it. He's handsome, successful, fills arenas with girls who love him... and on top of that he's funny and lovely. What a fool am I to believe he could ever be interested in me...

Matty comes back in the living room and just says "Sorry 'bout that"

"'s alright" I mumble. Yeah good job hiding your disappointment.

"Actually I probably should get going, it's getting late and you most likely have work tomorrow?"

"I do, yeah... Thanks so much for your help and the wine" I try my best at a fake smile.

"See you Friday?" he asks and I almost answer that no we won't see each other on Friday and that the date is off since he's obviously not single and I don't date men who aren't single, but I also don't want to explain to him that I kind of listened to a private conversation of his so I just choke out a "hmm yeah, see you Friday" before closing the door behind him.

Chapter 3

#matty fic #matty healy #matty healy fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #the1975fanfic #matty healy x oc #Matty x oc #this is how it starts

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acacia-may · 1 month

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Acacia's Definitive Defense of Langris x Finesse

No one asked about this pairing, but I'm going to ramble about them anyway... especially since I realized I don't think I've ever actually written a proper post about them as this has been sitting in my drafts for over a year (A/N: Yikes! Sorry friends. I completely forgot I wrote this until today when I tried to find that post I was absolutely certain I had made about Langris x Finesse only to find it buried in my unposted drafts 😅🙈 But I'm posting it now to coincide with the ship ask game so it kind of works...? Maybe? I have no excuses...).

Anyways, dear goodness do I have thoughts about this ship. I’m not sure I can even wrangle them all, but I am going to try my best.

I’m sure it’s pretty clear from my blog that I have a deep love for my spatial mage boys and want good things for them which is one of the main reasons why I have a lot of concerns about the whole House Vaude soap opera. A friend of mine (irl) and I once discussed that plotline for literally 6 hours so I could go on and on about this for ages, but I have tried my best to be brief. That didn't really happen so I apologize in advance for all of the rambling.

I've tried to keep the focus of this post on Langris and Finesse's relationship, so please check out this post if you want to hear my many thoughts on the House Vaude succession drama as whole and in general. To keep things organized, I've divided this discussion into 2 main subsections for clarity under the cut!

(Warnings: Black Clover spoilers and discussion of some heavier topics such as childhood trauma and abuse. Arranged marriage is also mentioned)

Why I Think Langris and Finesse Genuinely Love Each Other (not necessarily in a romantic way but definitely in a selfless care and concern kind of way)

One of my most basic premises for my personal interpretation of Langris' character really comes down to the fact that I think what Langris actually wants more than anything else is unconditional love and to be accepted for who he is (rather than what he does/his accomplishments). He wants to have people who love him, a family—but he'd never admit this because he is convinced he'll never get it. He is convinced that love needs to be earned and he can't earn it, and his relationship with Lady Finesse is a perfect example of this, I think.

It hurts Langris that she is just the kindest person ever and she doesn't like/love him (or such is the reality in Langris' mind anyway given the fact that he has carried around that one time she complimented Finral as "she hates me" for literal years in the canon. But I digress). Langris doesn't like games he can't see a possibility of winning. He closes himself off from love and building meaningful relationships because he doesn't think he'll "win" people's love in the end. He's very cynical and jaded in this way, but more than that, he's wounded. It comes from a place of being denied love without strings attached, without conditions for his entire life and of being told his by his parents that love has to be earned and being convinced that he can't earn it, that nothing he does will ever be good enough and that he will never deserve the love he so desperately craves. And in that way, it comes from a fear of being hurt and rejected. When you care about someone, you give them the power to hurt you—and Langris doesn't want that kind of vulnerability. So I think he just completely counts himself out of the running when it comes to Finesse and defers to his brother—assuming (probably correctly) that she’d choose Finral if she was given a choice between the two of them.

All of that said, he can't quite stop himself from caring for her with a genuine love and respect (not necessarily in a romantic sense but he does care for her)—it’s just sealed off somewhere and not something he really thinks about or allows himself to feel (let alone label) until his brother "declaring war" on him brings all of that to the surface and he kind of has to reconcile how much he wants to be the Head of House Vaude (what he’s worked for his entire life) with how much he wants Lady Finesse to be happy. I love how in that scene there is actually a moment (at least in the anime) in which "the camera" turns and we're watching the scene unfold from Langris' eyes/perspective immediately before he gets involved and tells Finral to clean up his act.

(A/N: If you listen very carefully you can hear the sound of Langris' entire world falling apart...)

Okay, bad jokes aside, this is a huge moment for Langris. It takes him all of five seconds to decide that Lady Finesse's happiness is far more important to him than House Vaude, than his title, his future, his own dreams and aspirations that he has worked for literally his entire life and, ultimately, is more important than everything he has looked to for his own self-worth and fulfillment up unto that point (which causes him to have a bit of an existential crisis as he tries to figure out who he is without those things, without being the next Head of House Vaude, but I digress again). It is an incredible act of love to set aside what someone wants for themselves in order to make another person happy—to choose what is best for another person even at great personal sacrifice. Regardless of how you want to qualify that love (romantic or platonic), it does not diminish the gravity of Langris' sacrifice and the willingness he shows to choose Finesse's happiness over the things that are (seemingly) the most important to him in the world.

Up until this point, Langris is this incredibly goal-oriented character who is set on becoming the best, the strongest, and eventually the head of House Vaude which comes off as self-interested and a little ruthless in his willingness to do whatever it takes to achieve his goals, but suddenly, here he is, ready to give all of that up so that Lady Finesse can have the chance to be happy. It's almost like he is saying (honestly, far louder and clearer than any words possibly could), "I love you more than all of that."

Why else would he be helping his brother take over as heir to House Vaude when that actually seems to be something Langris wants for himself? (I know the poll I ran examined some different ideas and interpretations but that's always been my personal take on it). It’s almost like in that moment, Langris has realized that he can’t make Lady Finesse happy (even if he wants to), but he thinks that Finral can so he wants to make Finral into the best he can be for her.

Once Langris is reasonably sure that Finral is at a place that he can make Finesse happy and has become a man "worthy of her," I could definitely see him stepping aside so that his brother could take over their House and marry her—purely out of concern for Finesse’s happiness, and there is something incredibly selfless and very beautiful about that.

I think Finesse's side of things is much more practical. The fact of the matter is that Finesse is royalty in a medieval society where she will inevitably be married off for a political alliance and/or to produce children, and she has probably always known that she needs to marry out of duty/responsibility, so I can’t really see her as that much of a hopeless romantic given the circumstances. If she allows herself anything, it is the hope that she will get to spend her life with someone who does care for her and who she can be content with. I don't think throughout most of Finesse's life and certainly not throughout this whole arranged marriage business that anyone has ever really asked her what she wanted or ever really cared about her wishes before, but Langris seems to have a genuine interest in her wishes and her happiness more so than anyone else. And I think she does care for him (again, not necessarily in a romantic way but it is a genuine care and concern of at least friendship).

As I discussed in this post, when Langris has all that elf-business and the King threatens to dissolve the betrothal and punish the Vaudes, it is Finesse who comes to their defense rather than taking what is quite possibly her only chance at an "out." And it is an informed, free choice on her part. I love her line in the English dub that she "knows Lord Langris and has no misgivings about him" and therefore essentially begs her uncle not to "judge him too harshly." I think there is something very strong and very courageous in her decision to believe in the good in Langris even when he is at his worst, and her concern is truly and completely focused on what is best for him. I'm especially thinking of that moment when she begs him to stop before he does something he will regret. She's worried about him: his hurt and his guilt. She really wants what's best for him, and it's this love for him and this belief in him that really brings out the best in Langris.

My absolute favorite thing about this ship (besides how selfless they are towards each other) is really that Finesse has this way of bringing out this softer, gentler side of Langris that, I think, very few people have actually seen. Langris himself is so insistent on hiding this (probably a learned response from growing up in an environment where any hint of emotion and any sensitivity is viewed as a weakness), but really he has such a deep capacity for love and given the opportunity would be fiercely loyal.

Langris may not care about a lot of people, but the ones he chooses to care about he will love forever. He's just such a tsun about it, I think, so it can be very hard for anyone (and especially for those with preconceived notions of him as a snotty stick-in-the-mud) to see that he's really very sweet and awkward as heck about his feelings. Langris' love might be quiet—it's not very flashy and usually shows itself in doing little, everyday things for the people he loves—but still waters run very, very deep and he has shown that he would do just about anything to protect the people he loves most and make them happy, no matter what that means for himself. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that he would die for Finesse if it came down to it.

Ultimately, I can imagine a lot of different outcomes for this relationship (some of which never, ever cross over into that romantic place). I really just want them both to be happy whether that means they end up together or not, but yes, I could see them happy with each other in a romantic sense under very specific circumstances since they do have such a selfless love for each other (but I think that is probably a discussion for another time because this is already super, super long so I'm cutting myself off in favor of the next section...).

Why I personally think Langris rather than Finral is better suited for Finesse

As much I don't like pitting ships against each other, I don't think it's avoidable in this case since she is going to be in arranged marriage with one of them. To paraphrase a favorite musical of mine, it's not a matter of "if" but which one. And I think it's best for me to just start off by saying that while I do genuinely like and appreciate Finesse and Finral as a ship as well, I personally think that Langris and Finesse are better suited for one another in the long term.

I will admit upfront that this is in part because of my own personal experiences of having a chronic illness (and needless to say that is a personal bias that colors my opinions, so please just keep that in mind), but I think it's important to talk about the fact that Finesse is chronically ill because it's not something I've ever really seen discussed when talking about ships for her and I really think it should be taken into account. Like Finesse, I have been sick for most of my life, and I can really relate to the kind of difficulties and limitations that Finesse likely experiences due to being chronically ill and the realities of the less active and much more slower-paced life she would lead and, by proxy, the life anyone who married her would have to lead. Again, I am not saying that I don’t like or couldn’t imagine her & Finral together (I do genuinely like that ship too), but I almost think Langris is better suited for her in that he actually wants (or seems to want) the slower-paced life they’d probably have together. For instance, there are likely to be frequent situations that would arise in which Finesse is too ill or too tired to go out and her husband would then be “forced” to stay home with her. With Langris, I think, there would never really need to be much of that feeling of guilt on Finesse’s part or the fear that she is taking away something from Langris or being a burden, because Langris isn’t super sociable and would just want to stay home anyway. In fact, let’s be honest here, he’d probably, actually feel kind of relieved that he has gotten out of unwanted socializing. Whereas Finral is a much more lively and sociable person (rather than an "old soul" like Langris), and though Finral would never, ever want Finesse to feel like a burden or to feel guilty about being sick, I could imagine there is more of that feeling (at least from Finesse’s side) that he has given up a lot more to be with her since his active social life would drastically change as soon as they married.

There's also the matter of the panic Finral would probably have whenever Finesse was ill or having a flare of symptoms. Of course, Langris would be worried as well, but I think because of his personality, he is better able to shelve that and help in a crisis rather than Finral who gets really worked up and then just sort of shuts down. Obviously this is something that can be learned over time, but I just worry that it would be a constant source of stress for Finral which would ultimately make Finesse very worried about him and upset that he is upset on her account. I think Finesse would have a lot of fear that the life she could give a lively, busy, & social person like Finral would be holding him back in some way. The question there is really: will what Finral wants out of life ever gel with the limitations Finesse has to live with? Whereas I don't think that question is as much of an issue with Langris since he is an old soul and incredibly steady, very unlike his more restless, adventurous, and high-energy brother.

I think Langris and Finesse are alike in this way. Though they have many differences in their personalities (and a really nice balance there), they have a lot of similarities in worldview and their attitudes towards life and their life goals—being more traditional, formal, and proper ‘old souls.' Whereas I think she and Finral have more similarities in personality (despite him being much more lively), they’re both incredibly kind, gentle & easy-going people who aren’t particularly ambitious and often make decisions based on what will make other people happy and "keep the peace." But worldview wise he seems much more modern and less traditional than her which I could see causing some tensions since I think they want different things out of life, in a way. It’s almost more important to be alike in life goals/worldview than personality, I think.

I also think Finesse and Langris share common interests and genuinely enjoy each other's company (as we get these glimpses of in the anime where they're just having a quiet, comfortable tea parties together for instance). Even if it started off as an obligation to spend time together because of this arranged marriage they were going to be in, I like to think that eventually Langris and Finesse actually became fairly good friends and came to genuinely enjoy each other's company. I guess it’s a bit unfair to Finral to bring this up since we haven’t seen him spend a lot of time with Finesse so we can't say that they don’t enjoy each other’s company but I just don’t see them having the same shared interests that she would have with Langris.

There is a lot more I could say about these two and their relationship, but I think that's enough ramblings for now. If you read this all the way through to the end, bless you. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Cheers!! 💖

#i love them so so so much #langris vaude #finesse calmreich #langris vaude x finesse calmreich #finesse calmreich x langris vaude #finesse x langris #langris x finesse #i can't believe i never posted this (what is wrong with me?)

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