#that he does have BPD and it affects his behavior quite a bit

[chaotic-theatrical-weaver]

As a follow-up to my reblog discussing how Elena and Proctor paradoxically use projective identification as a form of self-destruction, I present to you a BPD reading of Proctor because I Have Thoughts. *Ellie Honor Bell rings again.* Under the cut for being long and detailed; please proceed with caution due to the subject matter.

Per Verywell Mind:

To be diagnosed with BPD, the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) indicates that the individual must experience five or more of the nine symptoms of BPD, which are: 

Efforts to avoid abandonment  Emotional instability  Feelings of emptiness  Identity disturbances  Impulsive behaviors  Inappropriate, intense anger  Unstable interpersonal relationships  Suicidal or self-harming behaviors  Transient paranoid or dissociative symptoms

Now, let’s go down the list.

Efforts to avoid abandonment

You could argue that John’s dynamic with Elizabeth looks quite a bit like this, especially if you read her as his designated “favorite person.” She has fearful-avoidant attachment, and by its very nature, she’s not going to admit to him her struggles with feeling unworthy or inferior. If you read her as on the spectrum and masking (this is my reading), she might be withdrawing because it’s getting too difficult to mask and is trying to avoid overstimulation (and might already be at the point where she’s privately melting/shutting down). That article I linked also said that people with BPD tend to exhibit anxious attachment, and another article states that those who have anxious attachment tend to gravitate towards those with avoidant attachment. This does not bode well for them because he takes her avoidance personally, swings from affection to disappointment, and betrays her. He then realizes he’s disappointed her and while he understands that, he can’t take it (see also: the beginning of Act Two and him telling her outright that “I mean to please you”).

Emotional instability

Oh, definitely. I’m not going to elaborate on this one too much because it’s pretty self-evident. However, a good place to start might be how he’s relatively lighthearted at the start of Act Two but is noted to be speaking “with a deep hatred of himself” at the end of the act. The majority of Act Four is also speaking to this (see my next point).

Feelings of emptiness

Throughout the entirety of Act Four, Proctor’s splitting is directed inwards, thus resulting in his despair of ever being able to do anything good anymore and leaving him empty (it should also be noted that I’ve typed him as an Enneagram One, making his core fear of being corrupt, evil, or defective).

Identity disturbances

From the beginning, the commentary related to John’s entry notes that he hates hypocrites but that he also feels like one himself--the struggle of keeping his troubled personal life from encroaching on his respected public image is definitely causing this. Combine this with him seeing himself as only bad and this does not help his sense of identity. His self-image is far from his ideal self, never mind far from how others see him.

Impulsive behaviors

Now obviously there’s the fact that he had an affair with Abigail in the first place, but he keeps being impulsive throughout the play in general (his treatment of Mary, tearing the Deputy Governor’s warrant and screaming at him to get out, etc.) and it’s a common thread for him. Overall, much of the plot happens due to John not thinking things through, trying to fix the consequences as he goes, and ultimately being cornered as his attempts to fix things just go sideways.

Inappropriate, intense anger

Very much so. I don’t see much of a reason to elaborate, especially considering I would have to pull Mary out again and she seems to be behind way too many of my examples. There’s also this stage direction in Act Two when he’s arguing with Elizabeth that states he speaks “with a violent undertone” at one point, so I think that’s saying something.

Unstable interpersonal relationships

This one is most clear with how he relates to Elizabeth and Mary (possibly also Abigail), though he does seem to be separating from his friends in the last two acts as well.

Suicidal or self-harming behaviors

One could argue that his projective identification onto Mary constitutes emotional SH considering that he’s basically creating for himself another reason to feel irredeemable and neither wants to do the work of coming to terms with his “grayness" nor the work of trying to be a lighter shade. We later see this when he tries to confess falsely and confirm what his splitting is telling him, pushing himself more into what he feels is irredeemable territory.

That being said, I do not believe what some other people said that John’s final decision was made because he did not care anymore about surviving or not. While I can see where they are coming from considering the aforementioned feelings of emptiness he experiences throughout the last act, I believe that it’s more that he’s bereft of hope that there is honesty in the town (see also my thoughts on what he means when he proclaims “God is dead”--TL;DR: God cannot be alive in the hearts of dishonest people; everyone, including Proctor himself, has been dishonest; so in his mind, there is no hope for God to be in the town). Feeling God cannot be in him, he prepares to lie, but he finds his hope in the idea that he can still bring the truth to the town and in doing so, bring God. It’s not about hope that things will be over or that he’s leaving a place where there is nothing left for him, it’s about hope that his actions are enough to make the townspeople remember their purpose and work for justice.

I also think that just after confessing falsely, Proctor remembers the last time he made a confession, he was telling the truth, thus reminding him he can do good too and shouldn’t erase that. He’s no longer going to believe the lies his splitting has influenced him to.

Finally, one of his last lines refers to the authorities as “dogs,” and I would say the scorn he expresses there is due to their injustice that they would force him to decide between living a lie or dying honestly without letting him live honestly. 

Overall, there is danger in implying he would not have cared either way, considering that the narrative portrays him as being right in his decision and frames him more as choosing his honesty over his life than it frames him as choosing his death over lying, if that makes sense. I’m not really up to debate people in the notes over this, so please don’t debate me in the notes. I’m a relative optimist and I’d rather you not try to destroy that for me, thank you very much.

Transient paranoid or dissociative symptoms

Not really, but then again, I’ve already shown him as having the other eight, which is more than enough already. (Technically, an individual actor’s portrayal may have him dissociate during at least Act Four and maybe earlier points, but based solely on the text, there is no indication that he experiences this.)

Questions? Comments? I’m down for any of it, barring debate about that second-to-last point. This is definitely an angle I am playing up in my hypothetical production (which might have the chance to actually become a thing--I’m proposing it to my school’s theater director on Thursday). I also feel very compelled to do a character study on this one if I have the time.

#arthur miller #the crucible #classic lit #classic literature #ellie's lit rambles #ellie talks psych

[variantia]

HEADCANON   //   YOON BUM.

Characteristics of borderline personality disorder / emotionally unstable personality disorder that Bum tends to exhibit.

Borderline personality disorder (  BPD   ) / emotionally unstable personality disorder (   EUPD   ) is a mental illness, often something that’s lifelong, which manifests with symptoms of unstable relationships, intense emotional reactions, a warped sense of self, and other long-term patterns that are often harmful or self-destructive.   Bum (   in my interpretation, at least   ) is affected by BPD in several different ways.

There are characteristics or symptoms of BPD that are possibly also explainable by the C-PTSD (   complex post-traumatic stress disorder   ) that he also suffers from, but brief descriptions of characteristics that are probably a result of BPD, which affect Bum in his daily life, are outlined in the bullet points below.   Read on if you think it may help you understand and interact with him more easily, or if you’re simply interested in how his mind works !

SPLITTING : Bum often views the world in black and white terms.   People fall into vague categories like good or bad, kind or cruel, just the same to him as people might fall into specific categories like tall or short.   Cognitive behavioral therapy is helping him break these thinking patterns, but it’s a process and he still falls into those things sometimes.   When confronted with two opposing traits existing in the same person, such as a cruel person being kind occasionally, it’s difficult for him to accept that one person can be both.   If that happens, he usually defaults to the first category his mind decided they were.   For this reason, he can appear very stubborn and set in his ways and like he doesn’t want to change, when he does, and his mind just has a lot of difficulty reconciling the positive and negative.

INTENSE OR DISPROPORTIONATE EMOTIONAL REACTIONS : Bum seems to feel or express his emotions in a way that seems like an overreaction to most people.   He’s depressed instead of sad, manic instead of happy, furious instead of irritated ; his emotions frequently jump to the extreme end rather than starting out mild and building up to the extreme.   If someone does something nice for him that is very small, i.e. perhaps letting him go in front of them in a grocery store line, he feels as if it’s a huge gesture that he should be incredibly grateful for, even if it wasn’t that big a deal.   Conversely, if something slightly bad happens, i.e. he’s late for an appointment, he feels as if he’s an inconsiderate person who can’t keep track of time, even if he’s on time on every other occasion.   The medication he’s on is aimed at ‘ turning down ’ his emotions so he doesn’t react as intensely to things that don’t merit an intense reaction, but just as with his therapy, the medication can only do so much, and intense reactions are definitely something he still experiences, just not as often as if he wasn’t on medication.

FEAR OF ABANDONMENT : Bum is terrified of being rejected and left alone, and will go to extreme lengths to keep it from happening.   He, personally, wouldn’t go so far as forcing someone to stay with him, but he will absolutely make promises about being better, being whatever the other person wants him to be, begging them not to leave him alone, to the point of probably accidentally manipulating their emotions.   It’s not a conscious decision to make them feel bad for leaving or not wanting to be in his life anymore, but rather he truly feels like he’s not worth anything on his own.   Predictably, most people don’t enjoy being put in that position, so it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy in that the more he begs and promises, the more most people will want to leave.

UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS : Bum often gets very attached, very quickly, to anyone who shows him kindness.   He has trouble maintaining relationships with other people because he wants all of their attention, and is very sensitive to what he perceives as rejection.   If the other person says that they’re busy and can’t be with him right now, but they will later, all he seems to process is the first part.   He feels as if they don’t care about him or don’t want to make time for him.   This can lead to him treating them with anger, such as giving them the cold shoulder or saying things he doesn’t mean to them.   Once the fight is over, he will usually apologize ... but he often expects an apology from them, too.   It also happens that he seems to move very quickly in a relationship ; saying “   I love you   ” within the first few weeks of a romance, calling someone his best friend after maybe a month, etc., which typically scares a lot of people off.   Dialectical behavioral therapy is helping with improving his relationships, but these issues will almost certainly still crop up from time to time in any relationship he has.

DISSOCIATION : Bum will sometimes ‘   zone out   ’, but in a more extreme way than daydreaming.   His mind and his body experience a disconnect, and when this happens, he seems to be staring off into space.   It takes effort to make him respond, to the point that it might be worrisome to those around him.   This will sometimes happen during extremely negatively emotional moments, where Bum will dissociate completely from himself, his mind’s effort to avoid the physical and emotional pain which comes with strong reactions.   He describes it as a sort of “   empty   ” feeling, like he’s suddenly ceased to exist for a few moments, like his whole being is filled with static, like he has no idea what’s happening to or around him, before he suddenly snaps back to awareness.   He seems numb immediately following an episode of dissociation, but he’s actually often distressed by it and doesn’t like the feeling.

SELF-DESTRUCTIVE OR RECKLESS BEHAVIOR : most of the time, Bum’s self-destruction takes the form of things like self-harm.   His typical method is cutting, usually along his arms, sometimes on his legs.   It’s not something he engages in daily or even weekly, monthly.   It is, however, something that when it happens, he does it several times within a short period.   He may make several cuts a few times a day for several days, then not again for months.   It depends.   Doing this causes his brain to give him a rush of endorphins to combat the pain, and that makes him feel ... good for a moment.   Then he feels guilty that he hurt himself, and wants to feel good again, and it becomes a cycle of addiction to his own hormones.   Again, it’s not a ‘   regular   ’ thing he does, but it does happen.   Other things he does are to engage in risk-taking - things like crossing the street without looking to see if a car is coming that might hit him, or going out in the rain for long enough that he’s almost guaranteed to get sick.   When he comes out on the other side of those things still alive and relatively okay, boom, rush of adrenaline that makes him feel good.   Therapy and medication are helping a lot with these behaviors, but he does still fall into them occasionally, especially when he’s experiencing a lot of stress, needs to feel in control of something, or is attempting to cope with an intense emotion where his healthier coping mechanisms haven’t helped.   He’s attempted suicide in the past because of emotional pain, and still sometimes has those ideations in his head, particularly as intrusive thoughts when things are actually going well for him.

POOR SENSE OF IDENTITY AND SELF-IMAGE : Bum doesn’t truly know how to describe himself to others, and doesn’t think he’s really worth much.   He thinks of himself as having only two big interests (   frogs and sweets   ) and the rest of his personality is simply nothing.   Often he feels like he’s only ‘   interesting   ’ when he’s with someone else.   When asked to pick a few words to describe himself or a few things he enjoys, he will struggle with doing so to the point that he might break down in tears because he feels like he doesn’t know who he is.   He’s working hard on discovering himself, but it’s a long, slow process that involves steps such as trying new things, which is very scary to him.

Bum is a man who has a lot of issues, and even though he’s working on trying to put the pieces of his life together and be healthier, many of the BPD symptoms he experiences will often inform his behavior.   It’s a struggle, but he really is trying.

Patience, understanding, and encouragement, coupled with the willingness to not enable or reinforce his unhealthy behaviors, will go a long way in helping maintain a good relationship with Bum !   Be kind to him, but also be willing to stand firm if the situation calls for it.   Even if it’s hard and upsets him at first, he appreciates those things, because he knows it will help him in the long run.

#bpd tw #self harm tw #suicide tw #suicidal ideation tw #killing stalking tw #that’s just what I think anyway. ( HEADCANON. ) #some days it feels like a wrecking ball is swinging through my ribcage. ( BUM. ) #(( w h e w I've wanted to get this post out for a few days #I've done as much research as I can on BPD / EUPD and I still feel I don't /fully/ understand it #but I I understand it insofar as it affects Bum's behavior and thought processes #it fascinates me to get inside his head so deeply even if there are parts which make me slightly uncomfortable #honestly I just thought I should warn anyone who might be interacting with him on a regular basis #that he does have BPD and it affects his behavior quite a bit #just so anyone who thinks about interacting with him in a more intimate capacity for any kind of relationship #whether romantic or platonic #is aware that these are things that may manifest within that relationship because BPD affects Bum's behavior #ty for reading this tho I know it's really long but !! I have fun getting inside his head it's very interesting #I've always been interested in how the mind works and doing research for Bum is very rewarding #it makes me feel like I have a better understanding of the mind in general <3 ))

[fqirycollective]

How BPD affects us as a system

tw// mentions self harm and unprotected sex in paragraph 5/slide 7, talk of suicide and suicidal tendancies in paragraph 6/slide 8

First off, what is BPD?

BPD stands for borderline personality disorder, /not/ bipolar disorder. Those are two different disorders and have slight similarities in their names and the disorders themselves. It is characterized by an intense fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, unstable vision of self image, and impulsively doing self-destructive behaviors (among other symptoms, of course).

How does it affect our system?

Once again, how doesn't it? (/lh) Okay but seriously, it affects my life in so many ways. As a symptom holder, it affects my life and emotional state more than it would Lumi's or another alter's who isn't a symptom holder. I think I'll start with with the intense fear of abandonment. It doesn't affect me all the time, as in it only affects me when it comes to my FP (favorite person). Luckily in this case, he knew he was my FP before I even knew. I think it's because he saw how a symptom holder in his system acted towards her FP the same way I do to him. But after he promised he'd never leave me, my fear of abandonment episodes backed off a bit. Unless I feel rejected by him for some reason, then uh. Yeah. (/lh) Each time I have an abandonment fear, we split a bunch of soother fragments.

Next up is the unstable relationships. I'm adding splitting (BPD sense) in on this because when I split, it makes my relationships more unstable. Usually when I split, it's more internal. Everyone else is good, and I'm bad. It's hard to put this into words, especially since I'm not currently splitting, but yeah. When I'm in a BPD episode and it gets bad enough, I'll start splitting and blaming myself. I don't actually know if anyone else experiences splitting this way, but it's how quite a few symptom holders experience it this way. (Pretty sure we have quiet BPD, which is why the splitting is more internal.)

Blaming myself from the splitting leads us to split system-wise as well. I believe this is because it affects my self-estem and my view of self image so much. Parker, another symptom holder, had such a bad self image at one point, he had to be forced into dormancy. There isn't much to this part, to be honest. Our headcount has grown quite a bit due to the depressive symptoms that have grown due to the low self-esteem.

This leads me to the impulsive self-destructive behaviors. This includes impulsive self harm, unprotected sex, reckless driving, gambling, etc. We do a few of these, aided by the impulsiveness of ADHD. After we do these impulsive activities, we often stress a lot of the consequences that follow. Being a polyfragmented system, we split easily. With that stress, it causes our headcount to grow rapidly.

Finally, I'll get to one I didn't mention earlier. Sucidial tendencies, sucidal "threats," and how suicide is highly rated among the BPD community. People with BPD often have suicidal tendencies. I'm not sure about the science behind this, but it's true. People with BPD have a high rate of suicide. People with BPD also often "threat" suicide to avoid abandonment. It's not really a threat, in my opinion. Many people with BPD, including us, would prefer to die than to live without the person we're "threatening." It's not our fault. It's a genuine thing where we'd do anything than live without them.

#did system #osdd system #actually bpd #bpd mood #bpd things #dissociative system #system stuff #did osdd #did alter #did #osdd things #osdd #osdd community #osdd support

[thelightfluxtastic]

30DayTheri 20: Neurodivergence

I see my therianthropy as caused by/a form of neurodivergence, and I’m going to explain why. This is something I have written about before on the old Alt+H gorums, but as I cannot find that post, I will try to rewrite my case, hopefully improving it, rather than copy-paste. Though I will probably cross-post this to the new forums once it’s done. Anyway: Lets start by listing some of the traits that overlap between kin experiences and neurodivergence. Note I use the umbrella term deliberately. While some examples are typically associated with autism, it’s not exclusive (e.g. sensory issues are also present in ADHD, cerebral palsy, and whatever giftedness is). Will link sources whenever I can.

Not making eye contact (therian logic: threat display in many species)

“Improper” facial expressions (grinning also a threat in many animals)

Sensory processing/sensitivity (sensory shifts usually seen as differing attention or sensitivity to stimuli, rather than physically having inhuman senses)

Differences in proprioception and body map (phantom shifts)

Differences in mental state and cognition (mental shifts)

Unusual walking gaits and postures, sitting positions

Feelings of alienation or disconnection from others (autistic and adhd people seeing themselves as “alien”)

Identification with animals more than humans 

This tumblr post covers a lot of these overlaps using hypothetical examples of a person with autism and a person with therianthropy. They seem to do similar things, but for different reasons. For example, “Jeremy likes to sit in strange positions. He does this because it puts pressure on certain parts of his body in ways that feel good and sitting this way helps him stay calm and focused. Jeremy is autistic.George likes to sit in strange positions. He does this because it feels more natural to him to act as though he has four legs and sitting this way reduces the dysphoria he usually experiences when sitting normally. George is a therian.”

That’s all well and good but... can people always tell why they are doing something? The introspection illusion would indicate this is not as reliable as we might hope. I tend to slam my hands down on the nearest surface when I’m excited. Related to handflapping or canine playbows and excited tippy-tapping? Or consider my lifelong chewing behavior- sensory stimming, or dog behavior? And don’t dogs chew for sensory stimulation too?

So is that it? All therians and otherkin are “just [diagnosis]” and mistaking it for something else? Well, no, it’s not that simple. Informal polls have indicated a higher prevalence of neurodivergent diagnoses in otherkin, but it’s not a one-to-one relationship. This scientific research paper found a higher prevalence among therians of self-reporting a diagnosis, and higher scores on the Autism Spectrum Quotient. However, the ASQ is not diagnostic, it merely indicates trends and shared traits that warrant further inspection. The same paper also found Therians were no different from controls on traits like personal growth, purpose and self-acceptance, and that the therian identity may have been protective against some negative effects, like anhedonia.

It can’t be ignored that many therians/otherkin do not have a diagnosis of a neurodivergent condition, even having sought one out (i.e. thus circumventing the issue of just not being able to see a professional). A lot of therians and otherkin consider the possibility of mental illness when first questioning. I literally asked my therapist (whom I was out to about my therianthropy) whether I could have been on the autism specturm, and after going over it with me in detail, she concluded I was at most subclinical, and didn’t meet diagnostic criteria, missing an entire subsection of traits. I know other therians who have had the same experiences- finding that they check the boxes on certain traits, but just don’t-quite’-fit clinical criteria.

Now, as a counselor, I know better than most exactly how much diagnoses are affected by culture, norms, and are ultimately somewhat arbitrary and nebulous. But it should also not ignored that mental illness, regardless of diagnosis, is always defined by causing distress or impairing function- something that doesn’t apply to many cases of nonhuman identity. 

This is why I am specific in saying I believe therianthropy is a form of neurodivergence, rather than a mental illness. I see it as emerging from functions and activity of the brain, of being one of many diverse ways a brain can be wired. Because of this, it overlaps in traits with other forms of neurodivergence (like autism, ADHD and others). It’s another circle on the big Venn diagram. So questioning whether a certain behavior like chewing is an “autism” thing or a “therianthropy” thing is a little bit like asking whether emotional dysregulation is an autism, adhd, bpd, etc. thing. It belongs to all of them and isn’t the defining factor of any. Because modern diagnostic labels are based on clusters of symptoms, these overlaps can result in dual diagnoses, though not always (e.g. if a persons symptoms are mostly in the overlap of autism and adhd, they might be diagnosed with both, whereas another person’s experiences may be much more one than the other, and they only get/need one label). So a person can be a therian and have no other label, be a different form of neurodivergent and not a therian, or both a therian and have another neurodivergent label. And all three of these people would share certain but not all traits and experiences.

#30 Days of Therianthropy #therian #otherkin #neurodivergent #mine

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

Hi, I have a maybe strange problem - I keep having the urge to check the social media of my boyfriend's ex. This is not a jealousy/suspicion thing. For context, she was abusive towards him. I think I am trying to understand how someone can be like this. I have resisted for many months by rationalising that it's unhealthy and a waste of time, but the urge itself persists. How can I stop this urge? I'm not sure exactly why it exists. Thanks :)

I think this is a normal interaction. Is it healthy? That's a good question. Is it a waste of time? Most definitely. But I don't think this is an inherently bad thing that you're doing.

You're in a unique scenario. You are with your partner, you probably think they're pretty awesome, and you've probably heard quite a number of really awful things that this person has done. If this is the first time you've heard of someone being abusive to someone in your immediately sphere of influence, or if this is the worst example of it that you've seen in your personal life, it can be a bit shocking and confusing. How can someone have been SO HORRIBLE to someone I care about so much? Lots of thoughts can run through your head. Is it something my boyfriend did that made her act that way, and maybe I'm missing a red flag? Is she just that horrible of a person in general? If so, what made her so horrible? What is a red flag that I can look for in her behavior so I can see abusive behavior from people in my life in the future?

You said the right word in your message: rationalizing. This is you attempting to rationalize how an abuser can continue on in their life despite the terrible things they've done. You're trying to rationalize how this was even possible. And that's fine, because it means you're thinking critically. And I think everyone does this from time to time when they see something so GALLING that they just can't understand; your brain goes brrr at the very concept about how awful something is.

How can you stop the urge? Again, I don't think there's inherently anything WRONG with scratching this itch. You're not doing anything as long as you're not harassing anyone; if you're just looking on from afar and studying this like a zoologist of abusive exes, then that's not a bad thing. Just make sure you stay uninvolved and don't interact with this ex, and also don't talk about it at all with your partner, because they should have no more contact beyond anything he personally wants to engage in.

That being said, if you believe that your obsessive tendencies to analyze this ex is becoming problematic, then yeah, it's probably best to stop. How do you recognize if you've gone too far?

Are you losing sleep over this? If so, stop.

Are you becoming angry or frustrated over things she is doing? If so, stop.

Is this affecting your mood any time you engage with her? If so, stop.

Do you have better things to do? If so, stop, at least until you're finished with those things.

Another thing you can do is considering writing a small essay for yourself about their behavior, and what you've learned. It's fine to rationalize things in your head. But putting that shit on paper and properly trying to logic the whole thing out can help you put some finality to the "research" you've been doing, and what you've actually learned from the whole thing.

If you want to continue this analysis, just make sure you're setting limits upon yourself. It's fine to be curious, but don't devote time to this stupid person. Because you're a busy bee, and have plenty of things that are way more important to worry about that are not a crappy person from your partner's past. But again, don't feel weird for trying to rationalize things as you're doing.

To show you how to write an essay about your experiences analyzing someone, to show you that what you're doing isn't actually that strange, and mostly for my own selfishness, I'm going to write a brief essay below about a time where I did exactly what you are doing to someone who affected me in a similar way. You don't have to read it if you don't want, but it can show you how obsessive I got over it, and also is an example of how trying to force that shit into words through summary and recollection can help you put the situation to rest so you can move on with your life.

_________

An example from my own life. I wanted to teach in Japan. I applied for the program that would allow me to do so, and almost got in, but I eventually got turned down. I then heard, a year later, that a random person got into the same program, at the time when I would've been hired. They were kicked out of the program summarily after. Why? How did they get into a program I really wanted to get into, yet I didn’t and they did; furthermore, how were they KICKED OUT of the prestigious program I wanted to be apart of? How could they have been so irresponsible?

Turns out that they had extreme schizophrenia and BPD (two major health conditions that are supposed to be taken into account when applying for the program), and while in Japan working at their elementary school, they decided to go off their meds. When they went off their meds, they decided they had a crush on a co-worker, and started dating them. They got into an argument one day, and it upset her. She decided to go to her partner’s house and sit on the porch until he made up with her. He obviously found out about this after he got off of work, and noped the fuck out of there, because he was being actively stalked at his home. The police were called, and the girl called the police "fascists" and accused them of being "pedophiles" and "raping her" because she was sitting in a manner where her full-ass pussy was exposed because she wasn't wearing underwear under her skirt (you can't make this shit up). Obviously, the cops called her job, and she got deported.

I was aghast. Here I am, imminently qualified for this job, but she got it instead, despite her health conditions. Then, not only was she irresponsible in the position, but she literally stalked someone, got reported to police, lost her job, and deported from the country. How could I not get this job but she could? What did she do right that I didn't, because everything I'm seeing, she did many obvious things very wrong.

So, like you, I irrationally followed her on social media. Instead of going home to USA (where apparently her family had disowned her), she went from Japan to Russia, making her way to Moscow, and then to central Europe where she apparently had some friends. This led her to Germany, where she got in trouble with the police for illegal substances and being intoxicated in public. She bounced from Germany to The Netherlands, where she found a place to live. Stayed there a bit, getting high on all manner of drugs, until she apparently got kicked out of her friend's place. She lived homeless for awhile, until the police picked her up, and sent her to a sanatorium. She claimed she was being unlawfully held against her will, even though she was literally ranting and raving on social media about all manner of racist, homophobic, and sexist shit, pooping on the floor, refusing to wear clothing or cooperate with the doctors, clearly off her meds, completely lost to the world, only occasionally having lucid moments during 12+ hour livestreams from her sanatorium.

She was eventually let out and deported, but this time she was forced to go back to her home in Georgia, USA. She was told to report to the local police department, and then to the doctor to renew her medication (which the sanatorium prescribed her). She got to the USA, threw her medication in the trash (she had apparently been faking taking the medication for some time), and went to her friend's house in Atlanta. There, she got in a fight, and got kicked out. She was homeless for a long time, but instead of letting that get her down, she was screaming racist things at black people in the public parks, and somehow attended MomoCon even though she said she was broke and had no money??? She got taken to another sanatorium at some point, was eventually released, and then somehow got inducted into a master's program at the local university (even though she still had no home or money). And that's where I last checked in on her.

What did I learn from that fuckin' wild story? Because you probably lost the point somewhere halfway through, as did I. The reason I got so obsessive about this chick is because I was upset that she got a job and I didn't. So through all that rationalizing I did what did I actually LEARN? 

Well, I learned that she's crazy, obviously. And I learned that I was jealous of her for getting the job I thought I deserved, and was watching her ongoing failures in some weird manner of spite. And I was also just flabbergasted, because it was like watching a trainwreck, and I couldn't look away, because I've never seen someone like her bounce around between so many crazy adventures, failing every step along the way, and still somehow succeeding? And how did she get all these prestigious decisions despite being homeless, off her meds, and doing terrible things? Likely because she lied about her qualifications and never got caught in her lies. It was a time.

[wonderfuls-worlds]

Mystic Messenger : Saeran/Ray and his Borderline Personality Disorder

STOP SAYING BULLSHIT ABOUT SAERAN !

Major spoiler about Ray in V's route, careful !

Somes themes might trigger you, be careful too !

I will talk about a mental illness, everyone have DIFFERENT symptoms ! IT IS NOT A GLOBAL VIEW on BPD PEOPLE ! Some borderline won't relate to his !

It’s a VERY PERSONAL article, a lot of you won’t like it, don’t feel force to read it !!

I am quite upset about all the comments about Saeran/Unknown/Ray in Mystic Messenger, all these comments saying "he is so unhealthy, a relationship could have never worked with someone like him anyway", "he is so manipulative, he never really loved us, you shouldn't get attached to much to him because he is fake" etc. STOOOPPPPPPP !!!!

It will be a tad long so you might don't want to read it if you don't know Mystic Messenger ^^'

Why I said that the mental illness of Saeran is the BPD ? Because Saeran's VA confirmed in the talk interview than you can unlock after the doing the secrets endings, but also because he has almost all the symptoms of the BPD (please, first of all remember that every person who have BPD don't have the same symptoms. It's very different for everyone) :

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandon

A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, oftenswinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extremedislike or anger (devaluation)

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse,reckless driving, and binge eating

 Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting

 Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger

Having stress-related paranoid thoughts

Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself fromoutside the body, or losing touch with reality

(source)

And finally... I have the borderline personality disorder. So I will try to make you understand the behaviour of Saeran by telling some of my personal stories.

Let's talk about Saeran now !

The fear of being abandoned (or also "gosh that guy is so toxic!")

Saeran was abandoned by his twin brother, he was left behind while he was suffering and beaten by his biological mother. Rika "took care of him" by actually brainwashing him and telling him that Saeyoung gave up on him and blablabla.

Because of his experience, he became afraid of being abandoned. More of being alone, it's really to be abandoned by someone he loves.

He is so, so afraid of being abandoned that he will makes all the efforts of the world to make us (MC) love him a bit. He is so scared that even when he knows that Rika manipulates him he said he didn't care to be used as long as it made her stay by his side (he said that in a chat of Day 10 | Another Story).

That's how he is desperate to not being abandoned. Some people are saying "he is just fucked up and unhealthy", but that is not it ! He constantly thinks that if he is abandoned, it is HIS FAULT ! He want to be forgiven and to make you stay, he will double his efforts, thinking that it's the way to say sorry, please don't leave me alone! You don't know how hard it is for us, borderline, to try to put things into perspective and realise that it's life that people have to leave some day... it's so hard and painful...

I'll talk a bit personally but now, even if my heart is craving to love someone because I have so much to give, I don't want to be in a relationship because I am scared of myself. I do not trust myself, I will live with paranoids thoughts. I know that if I get too much attached, I will freak out if the person I love cancel an appointment with me, postpone a promise, don't answer to me. Simple things that almost everyone are afraid of right ? But borderline people... it's much more that just being scared. If someone don't text us back soon, it they postpone a meeting, we will think that they HATE us, we did something wrong, they will ABANDON us, but we don't want to be abandoned ! Quick ! We need to make something that will make them happy, anything ! We are so scared to being abandoned that even an imagined abandonment make us having a irational behaviour, make us cry so hard...

That's why Saeran makes so much effort toward you, it's because he is scared you leave him like everyone, but he is so scared that he did something wrong and you actually HATE him. Some of you are pissed off that he needs to be reassure that you won't abandon him...Well that's a bit inhuman to be pissed off by a mental disorder (whatever disorder it is actually)............

Note : people aren't born being borderline...... Saeran developped it through being abandoned, so do I....

The dichotomous thinking (or also "he is crazy and fake")

Saeran can love instantly, you don't know how much love he has in him, he could love you so deeply, unconditionally and intensily, giving you everything you want, but Saeran can changes abruptly his behaviour : he can hates you in a unconditional way. We have that black and white vision.

Personally, it's very hard for me to control that, it's a fight of everyday, I have to measure my words, my actions, thinking carefully to act normaly. I can deeply love you, idealize you and suddently, if you make a mistake toward me, I can reject you totally and completely, I don't expressively show that side because I work on it (unless if we are really intimate and you're my lover, I will low down my guard and let you see my feelings).

For Saeran, his loving side is directed toward us, but hatred to Saeyoung. Of course the drug of Rika didn't fix things.....

Saeran is not fake, his brains runs very quickly, he assimiled things very very quickly and can pass to a second to love and hatred. Saeran is actually splitted : Ray (love) and Unknown (hatred).

Sensitiveness side (or also "he is a crybaby!")

I have also seen cold comments like "he is acting like a fucking baby" "how can he cry so much about little things", and you know what ? I just want to cry too by reading these comments. We, borderline people, are so fucking sensitive. Common people have something called the emotional skin, they have a barrier who can contains some feelings, that's why some people don't cry directly when they experiment, see, read something sad. People have a shield in them. That shield is thick or thin depending to people, but they do have a shield. Borderline people ? They do NOT HAVE THAT SHIELD AT ALL! Yes, Saeran was crying about a plant... Guess what ? When he TOLD his story I had too tears on my eyes. We can cry so easily. Love so easily. Hate so easily. We can cry to anything so so so easily. That's how we are.

My ex told me I was like a child (he was a jerk) but didn't understand a single thing about me, that I could cry easily and that is how I am ! And we should be respected !

The question of the manipulation (or also "he actually is manipulating us!!!!!!")

No, in any case he manipulated you. He did so much efforts to make you happy, he loved you so much because you were the one who opened to him easily, but he never manipulated you. Yes he lied to you. But his affection wasn't fake. Actually it's Rika who ordered to bring MC in Mint Eye.... You aren't being manipulated. And you know what ? He WAS being manipulated by Rika. Like I said, he kinda knew but didn't care as long as he wasn't alone.

I was so heartbroken to see on the net people who categorized borderline people as manipulators last time. But that is so untrue... (guess what, people who wrote that article didn't have the borderline personality disorder).

In all honestly, I was twice being manipulated and lied (my two previous relationships were with jerks....) but I was so in love and scared to being abandoned that I turned a blind eye and still gave them my entire soul and let them manipulated me !Until I decided to open my eyes again and realise that I will be happier alone than being with jerks...

Suicide (major spoil go away!)

At the end of Day 10 (V's route), Saeran decides to kill himself. He was abandoned by his brother, he felt he was abandoned by Rika too because she was going crazy about V, he was abandoned by you. He had no where else to go, so he decided to end his life. I cried for days after clearing V's route, I cried so much about Saeran, that character who had similiar common points with me.

The sad thing, borderline people (again, the symptoms aren't COMMON FOR EVERYONE!) has that tendancy to think about suicide randomly. It's actually my case, happy or sad, whenever I see these rails where I take my train, I think about suicide (DON'T WORRY ! I WILL NEVER DO IT ! AND DO NOT DO IT, YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE !), but you know it's just very random.

7/10 of borderline people think about suicide, and 1/10 actually does it.

Identity crisis (or also "wait, omfg, who he is ? Saeran? Unknown? Ray??!")

BPD can be linked with multiple personalities, it what happened to Saeran. It's the difference I have with him, Saeran splitted in two personalities, Ray and Unknown but I don't have multiple personalities like him.

For me, when I am very borderline, it’s more the dissociative symptom, I just have blank moments and wonder who I am and why I am doing this or this. I often happened to ask to my friends who knew about my mental illness to ask who are they and why we were friends. Why they love me ? Sometimes I don't understand how people can love me, I think that everything is fake, the love I receive is fake and it happened to Saeran too !

He wasn't sure if your affection for him was real sometimes... Sometimes I don't believe in love and run away from people, because I'm scared to be in that vicious circle again : I love someone, but they waren't actually very interested in me (interested just by the unconditional affection I gave to them) and lie to me before abandoning me.

CONCLUSION : Borderline Personality Disorder is a real mental illness.

A lot of you said it's unhealthy to date someone like Ray/a borderline but actually... it's people who made us mentally ill in a way.

And you know, if you love me, I will love you 100000000 more, it's just that I need to be reassured from time to time that I won't being abandoned, I will cry my soul some nights by thinking that I'm not good enough for you and I deserve to be abandoned. Most of the time, I love a lot of people but I refrain myself to be too close to them because I don't want to be abandoned first. Today I'm single, and I want to love and be loved but I don't want to fall for a jerk again who won't love me for who I really am, so I prefer to be alone rather to live again that feeling of chaos, of being abandoned. And do not make promise to me/borderline peeps, I know that people do a lot of promises they can't keep, because if you do that to a borderline, it will just trigger them more... (alias when MC promised to not abandon Ray....). BUT there is hope ! In the secrets endings, Saeran finds the help he needed. in that article "inspirational themes and lessons in Mysme" I wrote that those who have mental illness should accept the affection of their relatives, and the help they need. I do feel very sensitive, but I will always remember my friends who supported me after being broken by two jerks who manipulated me.

According to the secrets endings, Saeran finds his happiness. ;)

Reblog if you can, let’s bring some light and knowledge about Saeran’s illness and the borderline personality disorder !!

#mystic messenger #unknown #saeran #ray #mental illness #borderline personality disorder

[fadingintoastoria]

Natasha Rostova and Borderline Personality Disorder

I’m halfway through reading War and Peace and also a big fan of Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812 and I’m convinced that Natasha has BPD.

To be diagnosed with BPD you have to meet at least 5 of 9 of the following signs/symptoms, which I will list and explain. Since Great Comet is what most people are familiar with right now, I’ll try to give examples from that section of War and Peace, but some examples will be from earlier in the book.

Also, all spellings of character names will be from the Signet Version of War and Peace, which is the version I will be quoting from.

Now let’s get into this.

1. Frantic attempts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

Personally, I think the word choice of “frantic” is a little bit odd, but really the point of this criteria is that a person reacts in extreme ways to the possibility of being abandoned. Natasha does this by saying extreme things at the mere thought of being abandoned. For context, this scene happens just after Prince Andrei proposes to Natasha and then tells her that it will be a year before they can actually get married:

“It’s awful! Oh it’s awful, awful!” Natasha cried suddenly, and again broke into sobs. “I shall die if I have to wait a year! It’s impossible, it’s dreadful!”

She looked into his face and saw his look of compassion and perplexity.

“No, no, I’ll do anything,” she said, instantly checking her tears. “I am so happy!”

And a bit earlier in the chapter - before that scene - when she hasn’t seen Prince Andrei in a while and assumes that she’s been abandoned by him, she also says much more that she clearly doesn’t mean:

At first Natasha listened to her mother, but all at once she interrupted her.

“Stop, Mamma! I’m not even thinking about it, and I don’t want to. He came and then just left off... just left off....”

Her voice trembled and she almost cried again, but recovered herself and went on.

“And I don’t at all want to get married. I’m afraid of him, and anyway, I’ve quite, quite got over it now.”

Maybe this isn’t quite what one might call “frantic,” but there is no denying that she is saying extreme things and showing a definite fear of being abandoned.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

To be fair, the examples I put above could technically fit into this as well. However, I’m going to use a much more specific situation that Great Comet fans are definitely familiar with.

Natasha and her cousin Sonya are extremely close and have been through the entire book up to this point. The point in question being where Sonya, out of concern, reads the letter that Anatol wrote to Natasha. Natasha isn’t even upset when she finds this out. In fact, she “smiled ecstatically” and told Sonya that she couldn’t hide it from her any longer. Throughout their conversation, Natasha shows herself to be affectionate toward her, both verbally and physically.

However, when Sonya expresses doubt at Anatol’s love for Natasha, then Natasha starts to get upset, but not extremely upset, even though she does say that if Sonya were to tell anyone that she would be her enemy. Eventually, the discussion ends in tears.

Later on, Sonya and Natasha go to a dinner party that Anatol is at. Sonya sees the two interact and brings up the subject again to Natasha, showing even more concern this time:

“Natasha, I’m afraid for you!”

“Afraid of what?”

“I’m afraid you are going to your ruin,” said Sonya resolutely, and was herself horrified at what she had said.

Natasha’s face grew angry again.

“Then I’ll go to my ruin. I’ll go to it, and the sooner the better! It’s none of your business. It won’t be you who’ll suffer, but I! Leave me alone, leave me alone. I hate you!”

“Natasha!” gasped Sonya.

“I hate you, hate you! You’re my enemy forever!” And Natasha ran out of the room.

What I think is happening here is something referred to as black-and-white thinking or “splitting.” Basically, someone with this specific symptom of BPD has a hard time seeing people as a whole person with good traits and bad traits, but instead, sees someone as all good or all bad depending on the situation. 

I’ll even argue that her convincing herself that she’s in love with Anatol after only having seen him three times is another thing that points to her having this symptom of BPD.

3. Markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

This is something that I don’t see that strongly in Natasha. She’s described as “full of life” and through the idealistic way she views people (for the most part) and her dramatic word choices, she doesn’t stray from this description too terribly much.

What I will say about this though is that Natasha seems to love people to a fault. She even tells Sonya about Anatol: “The moment I set eyes on him I felt that he was my master and I his slave, and that I could not help loving him. Whatever he bids me to do, I shall do.”

However, this is the exception, not the rule, and I would say that this isn’t a symptom that she has. While the example given could make sense for this criterion, it’s much better explained by the one listed prior to this.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging.

Impulsive behavior is at the very core of Natasha’s entire being.

First off, let’s state the obvious. Trying to elope with someone that she had only seen four times at this point and known for about a week (or even less) is extremely impulsive and definitely could have ended horribly for her.

She says impulsive things too. Things that could easily ruin her relationships with people she truly does care about. She says these things to Sonya, to Pierre, to Marya, to Andrei, to her mother... need I go on?

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

One suicide attempt is not enough to meet this criterion, and as we know, Natasha attempts to poison herself with arsenic after she finds out that Anatol is married.

However, besides this very obvious example, Natasha mentions dying and says she “shall die” very frequently.

She said it to Prince Andrei earlier, in an example already stated.

After her elopement with Anatol is intercepted, Natasha tells Marya Dmitrievena: “Leave me be... what do I... I shall... die.”

Also - after she has already attempted suicide - when talking to Pierre she implies it again saying that “For me all is over,” after Pierre says she has her whole life before her.

These are just a few of the times that she mentions that she shall die or is suicidal. I suppose Tolstoy was the only one who would ever truly know how serious those threats are, but with one suicide attempt and many mentions of death under her belt, I’d say this criterion is definitely met.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (eg intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually only lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

I will consider this criterion not met for the sake of my lack of examples of something definitive to point to for this.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

I don’t think she has this either. She does, in conversation with her brother Nikolai, mention that she feels like this occasionally, her exact words being: “Does it ever happen to you? Do you ever feel as if nothing will ever happen - nothing; that everything good is past? And you feel not so much bored as sad?”

Since that’s the only thing I can definitively point to her implying that she feels empty, I’d say this is more of a passing feeling than a common feeling for her.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.

Well, she blows up at Sonya for one.

Another example that comes to mind for this is this:

Before Natasha had finished singing, fourteen-year-old Petya rushed into the room in great excitement to announce that some mummers had arrived.

Natasha stopped abruptly. 

“Idiot!” she screamed at her brother, and running to a chair, she flung herself into it and broke into such violent sobbing that it was a long while before she could stop.

“It’s nothing, Mamma, really it’s nothing. Only Petya startled me,” she said, trying to smile, but her tears continued to flow, and she was choked by sobs.

Neither Natasha’s anger nor her reactions to events ever really seem to be in proportion to the situation at hand.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Natasha goes into states of “intoxication” at the opera and elsewhere in the book, where she is described as having no idea where or who she is. These states of intoxication describe the state of dissociation so well that I’d say I’m completely confident that this is what she’s experiencing.

So in conclusion, she definitely has at least 5 of the 9 symptoms of borderline personality disorder required for a diagnosis. Let me know what you think of this or if you have any other examples that I haven’t thought of.

#Natasha rostova #borderline personality disorder #bpd #great comet #natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812

[carlie-grace-brown-blog]

understanding the mind of a murderer (not really).

If we could see inside someones brain for answers, would we understand what we saw? Could we see the truth? Would we understand why they decided to take a life, or multiple, or even hundreds? Could we see the last facial expression from the innocent life that was taken? Would we know what they were feeling? 

When we try to understand the minds of people like Dahmer, Bundy, or Ramirez, we simply turn away because it seems so cruel to hold on to something so wrong. The next question i ask would shock most but i feel it should be answered. Could killing another human be just as bad as any other sin? We hear so often from a stereotypical Republican that being gay could quite possibly be the worst sin in the universe. They make suggestions like conversion camps, reading the bible, or they shove “you were not born that way” down your throat. Could it be as bad as Cheating? Lying? Cursing? What about having an abortion?

Now we all know that one isn’t born gay, but we also know that one doesn’t choose to be either (or at least some of us do). If we switch it around and ask questions like “could someone be born a murderer?” or “does one choose to be a murderer?” we immediately have answers. “They have to be guilty, you don’t just go out and kill people for the fun of it”, but that does not answer either question at all. No one could answer these questions unless they truly understood the mind of a killer. 

Could they have done it because they suffered from a mental illness? We all try to know and understand how it must be to suffer from one, but do we understand it enough to know it could drive someone to commit a crime? or at least help feed the intentions of committing a crime?

BPD (BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER): This disease is characterized by impulsive behaviors, intense mood swings, feelings of low self worth, and problems in interpersonal relationships. It has also been diagnosed among some of the U.S.’s most notorious serial killers. What is intresting is, this seems more common among female criminals. The following names belong to a few who suffered from this:

Aileen Wuornos, the woman who inspired the 2003 film “Monster” starring Charlize Theron, confessed to seven murders in Florida. She was also diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.

Jeffrey Dahmer, also known as the “Milwaukee Cannibal,” killed seventeen boys and men between 1978 and 1991. He also struggled with heavy alcohol abuse.

Kristen H. Gilbert killed four patients at a Northampton, Virginia hospital where she worked as a nurse by administering fatal doses of epinephrine to induce cardiac arrest.

ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER: Known in the past as “psychopathy,” this mental disorder is characterized by a total disregard of the feelings of others. People with APD may lie, act out violently, or break the law and show no remorse. WebMD reports that while APD only affects 0.6% of the population, it may affect up to 47% of male inmates and 21% of female inmates. It’s also been diagnosed among three of the most terrible American serial killers:

Ted Bundy, an infamous killer and necrophile, confessed to 30 murders in the 1970s.

John Wayne Gacy, known as the “Killer Clown,” raped and killed 33 boys and young men in the 1970s.

Charles Manson, leader of the “Manson Family” cult and mastermind behind the 1969 murders at the home of Sharon Tate, was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.

SCHIZOPHRENIA: According to WebMD, schizophrenia—a wide-ranging (and often misdiagnosed) mental illness—lists symptoms ranging from hallucination and delusions to emotional flatness and catatonia. It is also known as one of the most common mental disorders diagnosed among criminals, especially serial killers:

David Berkowitz, better known as the “Son of Sam” killed six people in the 1970s claiming that his neighbor’s dog had told him to do it. He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

Ed Gein, gruesome inspiration for fiction’s Norman Bates, Buffalo Bill, and Leatherface, murdered and mutilated his victims often keeping grisly “trophies.”

Richard Chase—”the vampire of Sacramento”—killed six people in California and drank their blood.

David Gonzalez killed four people in 2004 and claimed he’d been inspired by “Nightmare on Elm Street.”

Jared Lee Loughner, convicted of killing six people and wounding 13 including U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords in 2011, was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

James Eagan Holmes, currently on trial for the 2012 “Batman murders” in Aurora, has been diagnosed with schizophrenia by 20 doctors.

Now my next question is for you. If these people are such scary or terrible people, why are we not trying to better understand what could have driven them to commit such a crime? No, this not me trying to excuse anything they have done. I am also not saying that any of it was okay in any way, shape, or form. The things they have done are one of the hardest, most heartbreaking news in any state of our country. 

Could they have committed such a crime out of spite or cheating? In some cases, yes. The most recent just so happened to be in Fredrick, Colorado. The Watts family homicides occurred on August 13th, 2018, when Christopher Watts murdered his pregnant wife Shannan Watts and their daughters Bella, 4, and Celeste, 3 in their home. He then disposed the bodies of his daughters in two oil tanks at his workplace, while burying a shallow grave for his wife Shannan close to the girls.

Chris Watts had been having an affair with a woman named Nichol Kessinger since the beginning of July 2018. Apparently he thought that arguments between him and Shannan were heated enough to turn him into a cold blooded killer. He then made an explanation on who murdered his two innocent daughters, by saying it was Shannan who smothered them in their sleep because she was upset from an argument they were having. Watts pleaded guilty to nine charges, according to prosecutors: five counts of first-degree murder, one count of unlawful termination of pregnancy and three counts of tampering with a dead body. In pleading guilty, Watts essentially admitted his earlier explanation was a lie.

That case is something we can all understand right? A unhappy married couple, a cheating husband wanting to start a new life, spiteful and heated in every argument that had occurred. Those are some pretty large red flags if you ask me. SO, in some cases we understand why. We can see what led someone to kill another. But, what about the few we can not understand? 

We choose to do research till the end of time on the human brain, how to better understand it. We could ask ourselves thousands of questions about this topic and we would still never fully understand why these things happen. We may not ever fully understand every murderer and why they have committed a crime, but at least they get to say they are a little bit more interesting than Chris Watts (who lets just say is a little to easy to figure out). 

[psychic888841-blog]

10 Biggest Psychic Sleuths History

An addictive relationship just isn't a pleasent thing to deal with, though hundreds of thousands of persons are in bad relationships that are no good for them. A contented home will be the world for its members. But a query comes to our thoughts that what is the which means of a happy family or the best way to preserve folks of the home cheerful? All these quires may be getting answered after some finest relationship recommendation from professionals in this subject. LTK: For those who're already friends with this particular person, it's possible you'll worry that you'll break the friendship by disclosing your feelings. However, you may't go on hanging out with the individual whenever you need extra from her. One of many first issues you are able to do is decide if she has similar feelings for you. Take note of her physique language (smiling, laughing and touching you more) especially any changes in the best way she acts round you. If you suspect that your good friend is crushing on you then you may both wait till she makes a transfer or be daring and let her know the way you're feeling. Experience has proven that when using the Script you can proceed a lot quicker in all areas when healing or changing adverse emotions, when you first course of and resolve: A) The emotions that preserve me from liking myself; B) The sentiments that maintain me from loving myself; C) The sentiments that hold me from accepting myself; D) The emotions that hold me from trusting myself.

You want someone who has the same thoughts frame as you. Even when the two of you had been introduced up in numerous cultures, it could actually nonetheless work. First, you might want to study their personality, habits, and their overall demeanor. If something does not meet your expectations, it's a good idea to maneuver on till you find someone who does. Do not accept someone who isn't going to treat you right or somebody who is not going to agree with you very often. You're just setting yourself up for failure in a relationship. As a result of Christians' understanding and apply of New Testament prescriptions naturally and inevitably evolve together with the society and culture of which they're an element, at any given time in historical past Christians have always selectively adopted dictates of the New Testomony. This is why Christian girls not feel morally constrained to follow Paul's directives to leave their hair uncut, to keep their heads coated in church, or to all the time stay quiet in church. It is also why the Bible is now not used to justify the merciless establishment of slavery, or to disclaim girls the precise to vote. My husband has BPD. It's definitely been quite a chaotic curler coaster experience residing with him. He has toned down a bit over the previous few years although. I lately learn that the hormone adjustments that occur round mid-life tends to calm the BPD associated chemistry. He says he really has a tough time understanding his earlier thoughts and behaviors now. I completely know what he means. It is rather chaotic, confusing and generally harmful for all who're close to them. True Psychics. Get Best Reading from Top Personal Accurate, Gifted Psychic. Go Now!Attempt to understand what is going on in his life to see what external elements could also be affecting the wedding. This can be stress elements at work, or perhaps a state of affairs where he is surrounded by young, attractive ladies who look as much as him and perhaps even flirt with him.

[empresspilaf-blog]

11, 20 and 30!

BPD Questions Answers!11: Is there anything you do that helps keep you grounded?I've seriously been thinking about how I can answer this and I've got nothin'. I'm not a very "grounded" person, at all. I'm all over the place. Nothing really calms me down, other than completing a freak-out. I'm still trying to figure out how to keep myself from freaking out in the first place. Lately my moods have been very sporadic. Especially today, I was a mess. My anxiety has been bad, too. And the OCD ritual/tic-like behaviors. It seems like it all flares up at once, and I'm just sitting there like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 20: How do you usually express yourself?Hmm well I've always been described as a very "unique" person when it comes to how I dress haha. The past couple years, though, since gaining a lot of weight, I mostly exist in jeans/leggings and big sweatshirts. But when I feel bold, I do crazy things with my makeup! I think my BPD really shines through with my closet lol. Ever since high school, my style has changed frequently, even daily. Sometimes I'm goth, sometimes I want to be a pin up girl. Other times I'm like a scene kid, or even a hippie. Or maybe I wear sweats because I'm lazy, but the next day I'm in heels and a dress and I spent hours on my hair and makeup. This does prove problematic, though, when it comes to things like my hair. For example, I just cut my bangs in the Bettie Page style and dyed it super dark. But I already want to have blonde victory rolls. And a red perm. I need a wig collection haha. I also impulsively got a tattoo once. On the side of my right foot, it says "there's still time to change the road you're on" which is a quote from Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven". I still love the song, and the quote is still meaningful to me. But the place I got it is terrible. Tattoos there rub off. After a year I had to have it re-done, which hurt sooooo bad. It's already a sensitive area. I never have bled from a tattoo before, but I did quite a bit with that. It's already rubbing a bit, and that was only like 8 months ago. I don't think things through, or I (cue OCD) overthink them.30: What is your “safe place” when you are upset? (This can also be a person.)Either Alex, my boyfriend, my dog, Mae Mae, or my mom. I can tell Alex and Mae anything, but I do have trouble opening up to my mom at times. But I always feel better after I do. Sleep also is a place where I hide, but it's not necessarily a healthy space? I say this because when I'm stressed or upset, my dreams can be scary and just make things worse. And if I sleep too much (which I always do) I wake up sore as hell (bad spine issues, scoliosis and a straight neck) and groggy and even more depressed. When I'm dissociating I usually force myself to sleep. Everything just feels so meh that I just don't want to exist. But at this point in my life, I'm not really likely to attempt suicide. I just try to sleep forever. I witnessed the funeral of a very dear friend's boyfriend who had committed suicide a few years ago. It shook me so hard. The "no one cares, no one would miss me" feelings just aren't true. Literally the entire (large) church was packed. I'm pretty sure most of their high school was there. I watched his mother who was on tranquilizers because of her extreme grief try to wake up her deceased son. I had been where he was, I have attempted suicide. I thought no one would care, as he likely did. But I'm sure if he saw all of those people in that church that were grieving the loss of his life, he likely would not have done what he did. Seeing the affect that his death had on his family made me realize that nothing I could ever go through could be horrible enough to cause my family that pain. I'M SO SORRY THAT WAS SO LONG OMGThat was the most "me" post ever hahaI get off on tangents so easily, I apologize!!!