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resignedseraph · 3 years

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So after a fantastic (/s) hour of being broadly triggered by something last night, I decided to start going through the notes I took on the Bible when I was attempting to read the whole thing (I didn’t succeed at that but there’s still a bunch of entries of notes). The interesting thing about that is that for a good half of it, I was still in the cult, and for most of the rest of it, I was still at least mentally in it. I haven’t looked at it for like two years tbh but here is my commentary on some entries

TW for possibly scrupulosity triggering statements and rapture anxiety

4/26/17 Genesis 16

Sarai and Abram definitely weren't perfect. They had slaves, and Sarai was mischievous.

Being mischievous is (implied) sinful?

6/17/17 Exodus 17

Amelek went to fight the Israelites and whenever Moses held up his staff, we won.

I would make a joke about how I am neither Jewish nor several thousand years old so the “we” makes no sense, but honestly it says something about the connections simulated by the cult between different social groups for narrative purposes

8/30/17 Luke 19

If you do what God asks you to, good things generally happen.

8/31/17 Luke 20

It doesn't pay well to question Jesus.

9/1/17 Luke 21

When the end of the world comes, try to persevere through it.

Something about this just... I don’t know. The order and contents are unsettling and kind of tragic to reflect on. I don’t know if that makes sense

9/5/17 Acts 2

Sun turning to darkness, check. Moon turning to blood, maybe??

More rapture anxiety/anticipation here. At the time my class and some of the classes above and below considered that maybe the rapture was soon because of the recent eclipse and blood moon

9/8/17 Acts 5

Sometimes people think Christians are evil because of the story in this chapter about Ananias and Saphira falling dead at the church.

Oh yes, it’s such a leap to make assumptions about people who approve of a deity killing people when they make a somewhat selfish but not actively malicious decision

9/9/17 Acts 6

We are still to care for the poor, just not people who are leeching off of recsources they don't really need.

9/10/17 Acts 7

People are always going to criticize you if you are a Christian.

Can you tell the cult was very pro-capitalism and encouraging of persecution complexes?

9/22/17 Acts 19

God gave Paul power to heal people without even trying. People just had to brush against his clothes to be healed.

Me in 2017: *looked up to Paul as a role model and almost magical figure*

Me now: man fuck Paul

10/8/17 Romans 8

Paul is conpletely convinced, and I am too, that nothing (literally nothing) is able to separate us from Jesus once we’re saved.

I fucking hope there is, sheesh, I’m glad I’m finally away from that bastard

10/13/17 Romans 13

There should be no reason to fear the government if you’ve done nothing wrong because God has appointed people to rule. Rulers don’t just happen by accident.

Fuckin... nationalism babey.... I guess... hhhhhh

Job 9-10

Job keeps complaining that he’s blameless. Then he asks God to kill him now.

Job 11-12

Another of Job’s friends tells him to repent of any sins he had committed and Job would not suffer any more. Job says again that his complaining is justified because he hasn’t done anything wrong, and he asks God to listen to him appeal for his innocence.

I would make a dark joke about how being so angry and upset at God that you ask him to smit you is a mood, but this is just sad. I feel so bad for Job; I doubt he existed but this poor man did nothing to deserve any of that.

Job 42

Job replies saying that he knew nothing compared to God, and took his words back. God scolded Job’s “friends” as well as Elihu and told them to sacrifice 7 bulls and have Job pray for them. Only then would God forgive them. Then God restored Job’s previous possessions and gave him 7 children, which he bestowed inheritance to all of them, even the girls. Job for the win!!

Diversity feminism win! Local man gives his daughters money through his will

1/2/18 Psalm 97-98

God is fair and He made Earth so He will judge people fairly. God is ruler of everything and you really should be on His side or else you’re going to get it.

Just a little conflicting??? I can’t with the fact that these are in the same entry right next to either other

2/19/18 Proverbs 1

Don’t be friends with wicked people because soon you be like them and shoot yourself in the foot by doing it. Listen to wisdom or you will really regret it.

And uhhh that’s why I stayed in the cult mentally for a bit even when I left

3/9/18 Proverbs 19

Because foolish and wicked people only lead to more wickedness, it’s better for a ruler to do away with them in a righteous way.

W h a t d i d y o u j u s t s a y n o w ? 😀

3/21 Ecclesiastes 1

This first thing I have to say is that Solomon is really depressing. He says how he has searched the world and that nothing means anything because history just repeats itself. Wow thanks Solomon for repeating what I already knew in a really depressing way.

Anyway remember that time I had an existential crisis about my life compared to the expanse of human history? Yeah that was like five years before this

4/13 Isaiah 12

When all the punishment is done, people will praise God for relenting and give thanks to Him.

4/14 Isaiah 13

Babylon will fall and God will punish them by the Medes and Persians invading. There will be no pity.

4/15 Isaiah 14

Moab will fall and be obliterated.

4/16 Isaiah 16

Moab will suffer and wander until they’re judged.

4/17 Isaiah 17

A bunch of areas of Israel will be torn apart and laid waste because they have forgotten God.

Well this is just morbid

4/24 Isaiah 24

God will raze Earth and there will be no joy. I don’t want to be alive when that happens.

What do I even put here. I was supposed to be worrying about if I had learned the lyrics to the newest pop song yet at this age, not worrying about whether I wanted to be alive or not during some hypothetical point in time

5/4 (May the Fourth Be With You!) Isaiah 34

God will utterly destroy Edom. It will not be able to be cultivated or recovered and animals will become its citizens.

The whiplash is so stark that this almost becomes funny??? Like not even joking, if I had to pick an excerpt of something I wrote at the time to represent what I was like, it would probably be this

#scrupulosity tw #rapture tw #sin tw #blood mention #murder mention #gosh the warnings needed for the Bible commentary of a middle schooler are much more than you’d think #suicidal ideation tw #just in case here; I’ve never been actually suicidal but it was more of a hypothetical “well if this happens I don’t want to be involved”#sort of thought process at the time #how it was growing up #ex cult #ex fundamentalist #ex evangelical #Esrah talks

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pastabrand · 4 years

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Unpopular PJO/HOO/TOA opinions

This is gonna be wordy but I’m not sorry for it.

Percabeth is hella overrated. It’s nice, but I would prefer other ships over it and some of y’all Percabeth shippers are scary as hell

I love TOA. A lot people don’t like it because it doesn’t include the main 7 and another topic that I’ll mention later but honestly, I could care less. I’m glad that the others aren’t there other than cameos. It means they’re getting a chance to heal after everything and honestly, good for them. People like to cast TOA as an unnecessary spinoff that didn’t need to be included yet it gives y’all the type of character development you scream and beg for in other books. It’s literally the perfect character development trope you crave, yet puts a good spin on it.

Some of you haven’t even READ toa and say you hate it. Like what? How is that supposed to work.

PJO was way better than HOO. TOA sits in the middle of the two.

I love TOA because it shows Apollo’s character growth from one of the most arrogant, cocky, and prideful gods. And even then, he doesn’t go from that to a helpless mortal loving fool, he stays arrogant and prideful but less so. Not to mention more understanding of mortals and demigods live and what they go through. He doesn’t go from one extreme to the other, but one extreme to more of a center balance. It’s more natural that way.

While Jason’s death in TOA was sorta cheap, it goes to show demigods can die at the least expected times. If Jason had died during the war, then it would be “oh, well, that’s what war does. It kills people. Nothing new.” Compared to Jason going about life as normal and one small mission is his end. It’s more impactful and realistic that way. It goes to show that life as a demigod is always dangerous, fighting or not.

Jason’s anger to Percy for not noticing Nico’s feelings towards him is absolute bullshit. Fuck that as a whole. Nico acting cold and hateful towards Percy doesn’t and shouldn’t equal “I like you, notice me please”. The internalized homophobia should be Jason’s focus, not Percy’s lack of attention at Nico’s feelings.

Same for Leo about Calypso. Not to mention they both shove the blame onto Percy like its his fault when it really isn’t. Having your memory forcefully wiped mere months after a war isn’t gonna help when remembering stuff like that. Not to mention the Gods are bums who will try to do as little as possible and leave the rest to demigods. It leads to one sided anger and unnecessary confusion and guilt on the other side. Bad writing on Rick’s part tbh.

People need to stop acting like Jason didn’t die. That’s clinging into a ghost and not letting it move on. I hate to be the one who says it, but Jason is canonically dead and acting like he isn’t won’t change shit. It’s gonna lead to unhealthy habits in the future, trust me. You can’t write a fic post TOA then be like “oh yeah, Jason’s alive because I want him to :)))” because that isn’t how life works sweetheart.

People also need to stop pretending TOA doesn’t exist. You might not like it but you have to acknowledge that it is actually there and it follows the PJO/HOO timeline.

Paul was just a card to give Sally a nice man to lean on when it wasn’t necessary.

Percy should’ve been wayyyy more suspicious of Paul when he was first introduced. 6 years of abuse from a “father figure” isn’t just gonna go away because “oh he’s nice.” Guess what? Gabe was nice at first canoncially (even if it was for a very short amount of time).

Percy. Has. Serious. Anger. Issues. He’s sassy and stuff, sure, but he’s also got some severe anger problems that he both inherited from Poseidon and developed and festered over time from living with Gabe for 6 years.

Percy is the type to act like Hades or Apollo, attack a lesser being(s) because he can’t go after the big shot without fear of punishment. I wouldn’t be surprised if some his expulsions were from beating up various kids and/or teachers.

For the first half of TLT, Percy did not like Camp Half-Blood or consider it his “home” other than Grover and Luke. The camp treated him like shit because he was a noobie at first and then because he was a son of the Big Three. He hated Poseidon for his lack of care and lack of help when he and his mom were abused under Gabe. Had Luke talked to him during that time period and/or Kronos spoke to him in dreams, he would’ve joined the Titans. His loyalty for the camp didn’t form until near the end of TLT.

Nico and Percy basically had somewhat personality switches. Nico was an excitable, happy, laid back, and naive kid while Percy was a quiet, angry, and irritable kid. Nico’s switch came from Bianca’s death while Percy’s was more gradual. In the end, Nico became the quiet, irritable kid and Percy became the more happy, laid back kid.

Stop ignoring the fact that Nico, a literal 14-year-old, traversed into Tartarus. Alone. There’s always fics of Percy and Annabeth recovering or suffering from the after affects of the fall and war while Nico is relatively normal. The boy is not and has not been okay. His life has been one shitshow to the next ever since he was ten.

Both Percy and Nico have incredibly dark sides to their powers that they seemingly enjoyed that was fueled by anger. Percy with Achlys and Nico with Bryce. Percy admitted to liking torturing the goddess and Nico, though more subtly, seemed amused by Bryce and his attempts to justify his crimes and then frantic attempts to stay alive. Bryce literally says “I’m Bryce Lawrence! I am alive!” And Nico casually responds with “Who are you?” as he turns Bryce into a souless husk of a person. You cannot tell me that he wouldn’t have tilted his head innocently and cracked a small smile at that.

Piper’s portrayal as a Native American. Do I even need to go into that?

Percy. Liked. Luke. The boy knew the son of Hermes for what? 1 week? 2? Yet considered him to be a friend, possibly a close one at that. It probably went the same route Nico’s crush did. Hero adoration to actual romantic feelings but godspeed. Not because he just wanted to like a boy, but because, other than Chiron, Luke treated him with kindness, patience, and understanding as a male figure, something Percy didn’t really have growing up. Not to mention Luke helped Percy when no one else would. As a 12 year old, those type of feelings were bound to develop.

People who make the characters treat Percy and Leo as dumb, oblivious, or one dimensional sassy bois™️. Percy and Leo would be offended and/or defensive of such a thing because of childhood trauma. How many years do you think they can to endure that when they were younger from people they were supposed to trust or respect? You seriously can’t think they would be fine with it because their friends. Maybe a reference once or twice, but constantly? Absolutely not. Old habits die hard.

Solangelo seemed forced to me. I dunno, Nico’s whole confession felt like a ruse to get him set up with Will right away. I felt as though there wasn’t any real “connection” between the two prior to them getting together. It all felt rushed and out of place for the setting they were in. I’ve never understood it nor liked it and usually try to avoid it. That and Caleo seemed like a way to put all the characters in relationships so that they were “happy”, portraying that they needed to be with someone to achieve their happiness. Leo and Nico would’ve been better off single and learning to love themselves before loving someone else. Same applies to Sally.

Nico and Thalia would never get along because Thalia would be a reminder of what Nico lost (Bianca) and how easily how she could be replaced.

Demeter kids need more respect. I feel like that’s what Meg is for. To show that they can also technically be considered “Big Three” material because, if you forgot, Demeter is a child of Kronos as well. That means Demeter’s kids are cousins with the Big Three kids as well.

Aphrodite’s kids also need more respect. Aphrodite in the PJO universe is literally older than all gods, as she was born from Uranus’ gentials in the ocean and arose from there. Their powers could be exapanded wayyy more if they were focused on more.

Not to mention Poseidon kids could possibly gain attibutes of what would be considered Aphrodite’s powers since she was born from the ocean and vice versa. The possibilities are endless there.

That’s all I could think of for now! Lemme know what you guys think though.

#percy jackson #pjo #pjo fanfic #heros of olympus #trials of apollo #toa #hoo #unpopular thoughts

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bisexualidiot · 7 years

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All of the others too

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?Atlanta, she’s my straight college gf 2. Are you outgoing or shy?Shy 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?Rhys cause we haven’t seen each other in almost 4 months 4. Are you easy to get along with?Probably not 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I don’t know tbh 6. What kind of people are you attracted to?I don’t have a type, but I always go for really complicated people that’ll never feel the same about me  7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Probably not  8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?Luke cause I never finished downloading the update and he’s gonna kill me tomorrow  9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Nope 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?I haven’t really had one in a while, but I guess the one with Kiara and Louise  11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?I don’t text but it’s “I’m sorry you feel that way"  12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Tokyo ~ The WombatsThe Mack ~ NevadaCocoon ~ Catfish and the BottlemenSpace ~ Ally HillsAlphabet Boy ~ Melanie Martinez 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Ye 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Not anymore 15. What good thing happened this summer?Hosted the best house party and my friends still bring it up for being class 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?I don’t think so 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Ofc 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?Actually yes 19. Do you like bubble baths?Yee 20. Do you like your neighbors?Yes they’re pretty great, although the old woman on one side is in hospital but I hope she recovers cause she’s old af 21. What are you bad habits?Overthinking, losing my temper, trusting people, never saying no 22. Where would you like to travel?Everywhere 23. Do you have trust issues?Aha yes extreme ones 24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Walking 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?All of it? But my stomach probs 26. What do you do when you wake up?Lay in bed until I’m late to college and then get up  27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?Darker, I’m pretty pale  28. Who are you most comfortable around?Rhys 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Ye 30. Do you ever want to get married?Yes definitely  31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?Yepppp 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?Hayley Kiyoko and Zendaya 33. Spell your name with your chin.No 34. Do you play sports? What sports?Sadly no but I’m hoping to go into rugby  35. Would you rather live without TV or music?Without the TV 100% 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Yep 37. What do you say during awkward silences?I usually laugh awkwardly  38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Doesn’t exist  39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?I don’t like shopping  40. What do you want to do after high school?Uni  41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Not everyone but I always give them so  42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m really really low cause I talk all the time or I’m around people I’m not comfortable with  43. Do you smile at strangers?Yep 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Space  45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?My alarm 46. What are you paranoid about?Everything? But that I’ll never amount to anything, that everyone I love will leave and that no one will miss me  47. Have you ever been high?Na but my friends call me a druggy 48. Have you ever been drunk?Yep spend every moment drunk  49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Ofc50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Grey 51. Ever wished you were someone else?Every day 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?Weight, I wanna be skinny  53. Favourite makeup brand?Don’t use makeup  54. Favourite store?Game 55. Favourite blog?My own?  56. Favourite colour?Blue  57. Favourite food? Tiramisu  58. Last thing you ate?A plain wrap dipped in humus  59. First thing you ate this morning?Alpro mousse thing  60. Ever won a competition? For what?Nope I don’t think so 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Na 62. Been arrested? For what?Not officially but my mum called the police on me 63. Ever been in love? I don’t know anymore  64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?I was gaming at his house and he kissed me? It’s a really shit story  65. Are you hungry right now?I always am 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?I mean no, I value my friends equally  67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr  69. Are you watching tv right now?Na 70. Names of your bestfriends? Rhys, Kiara, Louise, Kate, Tamar and Luke 71. Craving something? What?Death 72. What colour are your towels?I have loads? 72. How many pillows do you sleep with?Two 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Nope 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Quite a few 75. Favourite animal?Wolf 76. What colour is your underwear?Not wearing any  77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Uhh probably vanilla but only if it’s Joes ice cream 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Bubblegum or coffee 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?White and black baseball tee 80. What colour pants?Not on 81. Favourite tv show?The Goldbergs atm 82. Favourite movie?‘The Other Woman’ and ‘Me, Earl and the Dying Girl’ and 'Perks of being a wallflower’ 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean Girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Mean Girls 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Caddie 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Dory  87. First person you talked to today?Dana on sc but Jake in person  88. Last person you talked to today?Abbie 89. Name a person you hate?Myself 90. Name a person you love?Atlanta  91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Yes  92. In a fight with someone?Kinda I dunno 93. How many sweatpants do you have?Two or three  94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Millions  95. Last movie you watched?The new huntsman film  96. Favourite actress?Emma Watson maybe 97. Favourite actor?Don’t think I have one  98. Do you tan a lot?Quite a bit  99. Have any pets?Four cats and a dog  100. How are you feeling?Not the best  101. Do you type fast?Sometimes  102. Do you regret anything from your past?Oh fuck yes 103. Can you spell well?Mostly ye 104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Yeah 105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yep 106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Yep 107. Have you ever been on a horse?Yep 108. What should you be doing?Sleeping  109. Is something irritating you right now?Myself  110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Ye 111. Do you have trust issues?Ahaha ridiculously so 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?Abbie on FaceTime like weeks ago  113. What was your childhood nickname?Al or Ali baba 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?I travel a lot  115. Do you play the Wii?Used to 116. Are you listening to music right now?Yep 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Hate soup  118. Do you like Chinese food?Yeee 119. Favourite book?The Kite Runner 120. Are you afraid of the dark?Kinda 121. Are you mean?Probably  122. Is cheating ever okay?Fuck no. No no no.  123. Can you keep white shoes clean?No 124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Used to  125. Do you believe in true love?Used to, not sure anymore  126. Are you currently bored?Yep that’s why I’m doing these  127. What makes you happy?Hiking, nature, friends, photography, sunsets and travel  128. Would you change your name?Probably not 129. What your zodiac sign?Aries  130. Do you like subway?Mmmm ye 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?He’s gay  132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?No clue  133. Favourite lyrics right now?Don’t have one  134. Can you count to one million?Ye 135. Dumbest lie you ever told?Haha can’t say it on here  136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Closed  137. How tall are you?5'11 138. Curly or Straight hair?I have curly hair but I prefer it straight  139. Brunette or Blonde?Brunette 140. Summer or Winter?Winter 141. Night or Day?Night 142. Favourite month?October 143. Are you a vegetarian?I was for 14 years  144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?All 145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee 146. Was today a good day?No  147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers atm 148. What’s your favourite quote?Don’t have one  149. Do you believe in ghosts?Ye 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first lineI ain’t doing that

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