#talking about it w my wife helps but it doesnt really change how i feel overall

[shepherdenjoyer]

Kind of a rhetorical question and more of a vent but how do you get over having an "all or nothing" attitude because it's making it hard for me to not get upset and discouraged when I have to admit to myself that there's no guarantee we'll be able to live with the kind of dogs I'd like to have, mainly because of allergy issues. One notable thing about this is I'm pretty sure shepherds and herding dogs are like a special interest to me, on top of the "normal" interest I have in them if that makes sense, and that's why I struggle with the thought of potentially never having one so much. I know it's a good thing to expand your options and keep an open mind and research different breeds but part of me just doesn't want to because that means accepting that there's no guarantee of anything really, and that's what makes me want to give up the whole thing and stop caring entirely 🥲 even though that makes no sense.

#mine #i know this might sounds silly and immature but if you think so please keep that to yourself especially if you're not autistic yourself #because its hard to explain in the first place #i hate dealing with uncertainty and there's so much of it in this it's so fucking difficult sometimes #i like all dogs but some a lot more. and i dont really find it comparable #and i myself feel kind of stupid for being like this but i guess beating myself up won't help #expanding my options feels like giving up on what i want. but that's just life. but it feels like shit #and another thing is i honestly don't like the feeling of the coat poodles and other non shedding breeds have #so that's fun #im trying to get over all this but every time i try to and try to reason with myself i get upset #talking about it w my wife helps but it doesnt really change how i feel overall #bleh.

[johnmalevolent]

ive been like having visions of how arthur feels about human connection and what it has to do w his griefs (parents wife daughter) and this part just fuels it more. like we know that he's not the type to reach out to ppl HE FUCKING MISSED HER FUNERAL. yk. where a lot of ppl would mourn the dead and console the family left behind. but arthur couldnt bear to see his wife go, especially after what he'd done (or lack thereof) to her. meanwhile daniel was seeking for a connection, and its not unreasonable that daniel being there was part of why arthur didn't attend. but arthur never went to see daniel. he spent his time working and left his daughter to tess. after faroe's death he talked with daniel but then drove him away once again. until parker reached out to him. and we know he's persistent, and it took some time for arthur to finally open up. arthur never reached out to people, people reached out to him. bella was the one who first took a liking to him too.

and then we have john. the resident entity living in arthur's eyes. suddenly arthur loses his privacy (and remember the prison - "that's not for you." "what?" "my thoughts.") and their situation leaves arthur very vulnerable but after some time they open up to each other etc you get it you've listened to the podcast. its like. john isn't just persistent, he's nagging for arthur to tell him stuff. parker intended to help so he knew topics he could touch and the ones he shouldn't, but i doubt john had the same purpose.

anyway that wasnt my visions i talked at the beginning. my visions are very loosely based on canon, setting place in an ending (or part of the story maybe) where john gets his own body. i see your "arthur misses john and they're touchy all the time" or the touch starved arthur things and i love every single one of them with my john shaped heart but consider. arthur who has not had much deep connection in his life, who felt wrong to live with his wife or have a family, who keep his fil miles away, who has gotten "more scars in a few months than [he does] in a lifetime." imagine him being scared of touch but desperate for a connection. he doesnt have a lot of experience of physical intimacy but he's able to open up to people (james, parker). being separated from john changes a Lot of how they interact because they are in a way touchy with each other but also not really?? also arthur was the one to bring it up so cheerfully like "maybe you could get a body of your own!" but you know what happened to everyone around arthur who isn't john. they leave. even john came back (REMEMBER THE MINEEEEES. "john :'( you remenber :'( you have your hand back :'( let me shake it :'(" insane cinema). he feels bad for feeling bad that john has his own body. he doesnt want to feel like he wishes john were less free/confined in his mind still but he does wish that john were still with him. despite john being in front of him listening to him just as he always did. SORRY FOR BEING INSANE ON MAIN I NEED TO FUCK OFF TO A DESERTED ISLAND WITH NO INTERNET SOMEWHERE IF YOU WANT THIS BLOG TO BE NORMAL ABOUT MALEVOLENT. WHICH IS NEVER

#malevolent #Malevolent spoilers #probably like 1% coherent but im not on tumblr to be coherent. i couldve just gone on medium if that was the case #krispeaks #masked

[plan-d-to-i]

(google translate again, yeah)

(I forgot to thank you for the last answer, I really didn't know that the drama used the music of my compatriot, it was a pleasant surprise for me)

I don't know if anyone has asked you this before, but do you think JC was good with WWX as a kid?

I mean not just their childhood, but the time of their training in Gusu.

I really love JC, and I understand perfectly well that he is the most dick in character, but I love him precisely during my studies at Gusu, I can not give any arguments that then JC was directly GOOD to WWX, but he is clearly cared a little about him and even ... worried? at least that moment after the punishment where JC helped WWX get to the room...

Yay - I'm so happy to hear about Stravinsky :)

Hahah loving jc as the dick that he is is the way to do it! go for it. :) also, sorry this was so delayed I wanted to reread the Cloud Recesses arc so it would be fresh in my mind before answering.

In terms of jc the Cloud Recesses arc is perhaps the most 'mellow' we see him aside from the Lotus Pod Extra but for me it's still impossible to find him a worthwhile person. I can already see the faults in his character that I know will only get worse as he grows older. Canonically I don't see how he would have any friends studying in the Cloud Recesses if he didn't come as a package deal w Wei Wuxian. I mean I doubt jiang cheng would have any friends without WWX period. In fact jiang cheng doesn't make any friends over the course of 13 years. He's also unable to find a wife bc of his temperament and behavior...

What we can glean about their relationship in the Cloud Recesses arc (and even the Lotus Pod Extra) is that any time WWX gets a kind word or understanding from someone, jiang cheng scoffs at it. Any time someone shits on WWX, jc is there to agree, to relish the idea of WWX being punished, and shit on him some more. He would be an immensely exhausting person to be around. He doesnt believe in WWX's ideas and ingenuity, (as NHS does for example), he doesn't believe WWX is hurt, he always assumes the worst of him, he doesn't believe LWJ might like WWX. The only thing he ever seems to believe is that WWX will dishonor YunmengJiang and that WWX should be punished. So for a kid who supposedly wants his father's approval so badly he instead constantly acts like his mother's mouthpiece/minion. He reprimands WWX like he's trying to become Madam Yu 2.0. I see jc stans all the time being like oh he had to keep WWX in check bc WWX was such a lOOooose canon, for the good of the Clan!! lol listen JFM didn't give a f...about WWX's behavior (in his letter to LQR) why are you so concerned? JFM would have preferred for jc to try & save his peers in the Xuanwu cave or at least to understand why that was the correct course of action rather than for him to just sit in front of the class in the Cloud Recesses and tell WWX off for giving LQR as good as he got, while actually still breaking the rules himself but eschewing punishment.

salt up here, quotes below :

Even when Nie Huaisang picks up on the fact that WWX is being treated unfairly by LQR, jc dismisses it and piles on WWX instead.

Nie Huaisang said, “Old Man Lan really seems like he’s coming down especially harshly on you. Every time he reprimands someone, it’s always you.” Jiang Cheng grunted. “He deserves it. What kind of answer was that? He can get away with saying that sort of nonsense at home, but he had the nerve to say it to Lan Qiren’s face. He was practically asking for the old man to kill him!”

But does WWX get away with ANYTHING in Lotus Pier? When we know he is punished constantly for EVERYTHING? This is jiang cheng fully being his mother's mouth piece. It's not something WWX would get away with, it's something jc knows JFM wouldn't mind. Which is why he's so pissed off. Which begs the question if JFM would not be upset with WWX's behavior why does jc need to criticize him? Again :

A dark expression shadowed Jiang Cheng’s face, and his voice was filled with anger. “Why are you so proud of yourself? What is there to be proud of?! Is being told to get out some amazing accomplishment? You’re making our entire clan lose face!”

and his glee at the idea that WWX will be punished leaves a bad taste in one's mouth considering how WWX was perpetually punished in Lotus Pier by jiang cheng's mother for... existing.

Jiang Cheng smiled grimly. “Now that you’ve thoroughly offended both Lan Wangji and Lan Qiren, you’re basically dead tomorrow. No one’s going to clean up your corpse either.”

and again

Without the old one, only the young one remained. This would be easy to deal with! Wei Wuxian rolled off the bed and laughed while putting on his boots. “Heaven’s charmed clouds are blessing me with shade.” Jiang Cheng was beside him polishing his sword with loving care when he decided to spill cold water over Wei Wuxian’s head. “Just wait until he gets back. You can’t escape punishment.”

Where others like NHS see value in WWX's thoughts

Nie Huaisang thought for a while. “Actually, I thought what you said was very interesting,” he said, not entirely able to hide his envy and yearning.

jc is always dismissive of WWX's ideas. These are inventions that WWX realizes. Demonic cultivation in the first conversation and The Spirit-Attraction Flag and The Compass of Evil in the second:

“Enough,” Jiang Cheng warned. “Whatever nonsense you spout, you better not head down that sort of dark road.”

-

Changing the topic, Wei Wuxian said, “If only there was something like fishing bait that could draw the water ghosts in. Or, something that could point in the direction they’re hiding, like a compass, that sort of thing.”

“Lower your head and watch the water,” Jiang Cheng said. “You’re letting your fantasies run wild again. Concentrate on looking for water ghosts like you’re supposed to.”

“Hey, mounting swords and flying was also only a fantasy once!” Wei Wuxian said.

He's also a hypocrite. Because even though he berates WWX for misbehaving, he himself breaks the rules. He drinks, he even goads WWX into buying liquor, the only difference is that he doesn't get punished for it, and he doesn't feel like coming forward and getting punished for it :

Naturally, Jiang Cheng was too embarrassed to talk about what Wei Wuxian had been up to. After all, all of them had egged him on to go and buy alcohol, and they all deserved to be punished as well. He could only speak vaguely. “It’s nothing. It’s nothing. It’s not that bad! He can walk. Wei Wuxian, why haven’t you gotten off yet?”

It's no wonder WWX is so impressed by LWJ's integrity in spite of his social status, when he's clearly used to the other dynamic :

“Lan Zhan, I really admire you,” Wei Wuxian said sincerely. “After I told you that you had to punish yourself too, you actually did it. You didn’t let yourself off at all. I can’t argue against that.”

A dynamic which is shown repeating in the Lotus Pod Extra where WWX is the only one to get punished for sunbathing, and which repeats here when Wei Wuxian here stops jiang cheng from confronting Zixuan over YanLi's honor (and jc's) and does it himself.

Zixuan :“Why don’t you ask what about her could make me satisfied?” he said in return.

Suddenly, Jiang Cheng rose. Wei Wuxian pushed him away and stepped between them, smiling coldly. “You think you’re very satisfactory? As though you have the right to be so picky!”

Zixuan: “If she’s unhappy, then let her break off the engagement! I certainly don’t cherish your wonderful disciple-sister. If you cherish her so much, why don’t you take it up with your father? Doesn’t he love you more than his own son?”

After hearing the last sentence, Jiang Cheng’s eyes narrowed, and Wei Wuxian was no longer able to contain his own fury. He flew at Jin Zixuan, his fist raised.

WWX takes the punishment alone. Same way he offers to do when he hurts himself falling from a tree because jc threatened him with dogs. meanwhile jc is gleeful to see him being punished.

[Wei Wuxian] was kneeling on the stretch of pebble road to which Lan Qiren had assigned him when Jiang Cheng walked over from afar and mocked him. “You’re kneeling so obediently.”

“It’s not like you don’t know I have to do this all the time.” Wei Wuxian’s voice filled with schadenfreude. “But this Jin Zixuan guy, there’s no way he hasn’t been pampered and spoiled rotten since birth. No one’s ever forced him to kneel, I’m sure of it. If he doesn’t wind up crying for mommy and daddy today, I’m not named Wei.”....

Wei Wuxian "...It’s a good thing you didn’t do anything.”

“I was going to. If you hadn’t pushed me away, the other side of Jin Zixuan’s face would be hideous too.”

“Stop it. His face is uglier for being lopsided."

WWX is happy to have spared jc from getting into trouble but jc makes the whole thing about himself anyway (like everything else ever) and is upset JFM would rush over for WWX - in his mind. Even though JFM clearly had to rush over to meet with Jin Guangshan not to coddle WWX in any way.

"Jiang Fengmian had never rushed to another clan in less than a day because of him. Regardless of whether what happened was big or small, or good or bad." Never

WWX on the other hand tries to be observant of jc's feelings and reassure him & distract him from his moods :

When Wei Wuxian saw Jiang Cheng’s melancholy expression, he thought he was still upset with what Jin Zixuan said. “You should leave. You don’t need to keep me company any longer. If Lan Wangji comes again, he’ll catch you. If you have time, you should find Jin Zixuan and watch his pitiful kneeling.”

Later in the book after nearly dying in the Xuanwu cave WWX leaves his sick bed to run after jc and comfort him after his mother's rant, even though WWX had to listen to his parents (and himself) being slandered by YZY. jc doesn't spare any thoughts for how other people might be feeling or suffering. His entire perception of the world is centered around himself. To him even WWX's greatest fear doesn't generate empathy, only amusement or later on a form of torture.

From that point onward, they made trouble everywhere together, and if they encountered a dog, Jiang Cheng would always chase it away for him, then enjoy a peal of derisive, unbridled laughter at Wei Wuxian’s expense beneath whichever tree the boy had leapt atop.

he grew up on the streets, often having to fight for food with vicious dogs. After several bites and chases, he gradually became extremely scared of all dogs, no matter the size. Jiang Cheng laughed at him because of this quite a lot of times.

This brings me to the last point. jc's resentment of WWX's interest in Lan Zhan, or in a serious friendship outside of him. I see so many ppl say that bc WWX fought he was kicked out of the Cloud Recesses early... but was he?

Jiang Cheng was somewhat taken aback. “Lan Wangji? What was he doing here? He still has the nerve to come see you again?”

“Yeah, I think his bravery is laudable if he still has the nerve to come see me. His uncle probably told him to check on me and see if I was kneeling properly.”

Jiang Cheng’s instincts were sending him ominous signals. “So were you kneeling properly?”

“I was then,” Wei Wuxian replied. “But I waited for him to walk away a bit, then took a tree branch, lowered my head, and dug out a hole in the dirt near me. It’s the pile right by your foot—there are ant tunnels there. It took me so much effort to find them. Anyway, I waited for him to turn back and see my shoulders shaking. He had to have thought I was crying, so he came back and asked. You should have seen his face when he caught sight of the ant tunnels!

“…” Jiang Cheng said, “Why don’t you just get the hell out and go back to Yunmeng? I bet he never wants to see you again.”

Thus, that evening, Wei Wuxian packed up his things, got the hell out, and went back to Yunmeng with Jiang Fengmian.

Repeatedly throught his stay in the Cloud Recesses even while NHS was observing that LWJ's behavior around WWX was strange and unique, jc was telling WWX he is hated and bothersome. When WWX wanted to apologize to LWJ jc is completely dismissive of it :

“He hates me already? I was thinking of apologizing to him,” Wei Wuxian said.

“Oh, so you want to apologize now? It’s too late!” Jiang Cheng said derisively. “He’s exactly like his uncle. He thinks you’ve been wicked ever since you were an embryo, so it’s beneath his dignity to pay you any attention.”

Later on when WWX mentioned wanting to invite LWJ to Lotus Pier jc categorically says no.

“Jiang Cheng had on a stern expression, “Let’s make this clear. I don’t want him to come, anyhow. Don’t invite him.”

BONUS

jc also always doubts WWX. He suspects him immediately of wrongdoings. He doesn't believe that getting hit with the discipline ruler in Cloud Recesses actually hurt him until LXC confirms that WWX might take more than a few days to heal. He doesn't understand WWX is in actual trouble from the Waterborne abyss and assumes he's fooling around luckily Lan Zhan is there to rescue him:

The disciple’s lower body had already been swallowed by the black whirlpool. It spun faster and faster, and he continued to sink deeper and deeper, as though something hidden beneath the water was pulling down on his legs.

Mounted on Sandu, Jiang Cheng had risen calmly until he was about sixty meters above the whirlpool before he looked down. Filled with displeasure at what he saw, he shouted and dove down. “What are you up to now?!”

The suction force inside Lake Biling grew ever stronger. Wei Wuxian’s sword was optimized for agility, and consequently, its strength happened to fall just short, and they were nearly pulled to the surface of the lake. Wei Wuxian steadied himself and held on to Su She with both hands.

“Someone help! If I can’t pull him up soon, I’ll have to let go!” he shouted.

Suddenly, the back of Wei Wuxian’s collar tightened, and his body was lifted into the air. He twisted his neck and saw Lan Wangji holding him up with one hand.

He maintains this same mindset when he tries to whip LWJ and WWX as they're attempting to leave Lotus Pier after the ancestral hall confrontation when WWX passes out.

Is jc evil in the Cloud Recesses ? No. He's just an annoying, basic, disagreeable asshole who doesn't bring anything positive to someone like WWX. People like jc become obsessed with kind, outgoing, generous people, people who don't set boundaries on what they give and what others take in their friendships. Even though they're dependent on them for their social interactions, because who else would socialize with them willingly, they resent them in equal measure, but at the same time they wouldn't be drawn to another selfish, self centered piece of shit person like themselves.

On a personal note, even Cloud Recesses jiang cheng is someone I would exclude from any personal friend group. Friendship with him is adding a minefield of jealousies and snide comments to every interaction. Things that then others will need to compensate around because he won't compromise or empathize w issues outside of his own concerns.

Translation source : x

#This is long af because I wanted to have one post where I included everything #I’ve bitched about jc’s behavior in the cloud recesses for a long time so it was time to put down the quotes #mdzs #Cloud Recesses #Lan Wangji #Wei Wuxian #Nie Huaisang #jiang cheng

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #sherlock holmes

[sadwentz]

choose your twin: atsumu miya

pairing: atsumu miya x reader

warnings: relationship issues and nsfw implied.

a/n: finally, the collab is out!!! thank you carrie for doing this with me I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE WRITING THIS GOD,,, bruh, this is my masterpiece, i love it sm KJAKSJJASKJ i hope y’all enjoy this!!!! i want to thank my wife who doesnt have tumblr for helping me w this,,, shes the loml and the BEST beta reader i could ask for... tHANK YOU BABY

word count: 2.1k

cyt taglist: @memetabolismm​​ @cuddly-bakugo​​ @wansseul​​ @kuroosbrat​​ @sneezefiction​​ @yusemis​​ @kimimarowo​​ @kairostatue​​

taglist:​ @fryingpanitachi​ @yams046​ @presmiic​ @sushij1ma​ @kingtamakimurder​ @dumbassbrigade​ @badboysdoitbetter2​ @cucktobirama​ @usobad​ @newfriendjen​ @hookedinto-fictionalworlds​ @sanguinekeigo​ @0ikawawa​ @smexygremenem​ @add1ctedtoan1m3​ @wxxnks​ @idiot-juice-enthusiast​ @faitans​ @sanemisthiccbih​ @starlitorchids​ @rureczka​ @ska9r​

WANT ANOTHER DATE? CLICK HERE

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀YOUR CURRENT PICK: ATSUMU MIYA

“i know you’re tired of dating apps for college students!” you growled at the comment, exhausted.

“and this isn't the typical matching you do to me when i am lonely?” you questioned, bokuto raised his eyebrows.

“shut up, y/n, you know what i mean.” rolling your eyes, you covered yourself with the biggest blanket in the bed.

“since i broke up with my ex, you and akaashi have tried to set me up too many times, i don't know what to believe anymore.” you groaned.

“y/n you know you are such a good girl, that’s why this guy it's the one.” he said confidently.

“you’re not allowed to call me good girl, you’re gross,” he gasped and you scoffed, “and how do you know that he is the one? are you… god?” 

he groaned loudly, “god, shut the fuck up, i’m right you’re wrong.”

“you always say that, and you are always mistaken.” you pouted at him and closed your eyes, drifting to sleep ignoring the rest of bokuto’s words.

…

osamu groaned, “yer’ such a pain in the ass, ‘tsumu.”

atsumu chuckled, looking at his body up and down on the large mirror he had on the back of the door of his room. the shirt he was wearing was kind of tight, showing clearly how his every day work-out performed wonders on his upper body. his gaze lowered to his pants, he wasn't sure if wearing those dirty ass sweatpants was the optimal choice, he didn't know if his date was as judgemental as he was, so changing pants was probably the best choice. on his way to his closet, he saw how osamu was scrolling quickly on his phone, paying zero attention to him.

“you’re not helping me today, whatcha’ doing there?” osamu looked at him with disgust, atsumu raised his eyebrows. “why are you looking at me like that?”

“you better not fuck this date up, ‘tsumu.”

“do you happen to know something i don't?”

“yeah, like always.” both glared at each other throwing silent knives.

atsumu finally dressed himself nicely, and osamu didn’t add any other snarky comment for the rest of the morning, letting atsumu breathe peacefully for a few hours. The time for the date was approaching very fast, the weight of his brother's words was making him more nervous every minute that passed by. osamu was supposed to drive him to the place he would meet up with the unknown girl, but he bailed at the last second making him walk there, while claiming that he was the better twin because he had a driver’s license.

his heart was pounding untypically, he was always amazed by how his good looks worked on the female population, but being lowkey threatened by his own brother about going on a date with a woman wasn’t something that always happened. osamu usually didn't care at all about his whole career he had created on his years of being a college student; dominating the feelings of women, wrapping them around his finger only to let them down at the end of the so-called ‘fling’, so his thoughts went to osamu and how he actually called him out about everything else.

people always thought the worst about him when he started a new fling, and usually people were right about it. atsumu had a bad history with women, they always expected more than he could give to them, so he acted like the asshole he was deep down and scared them away. so him agreeing to go on this blind date because his brother’s friend akaashi was involved, probably wasn't a good idea at all knowing akaashi and his friends.

while walking alone on the sidewalk, he was already feeling this date wasn't meant to be, as if he believed in something so foolish as destiny. the place he was set up for his blind date was a small coffee shop not so close to his shared apartment with osamu, but he could manage a thirty-minute walk by himself.

he sent a text to the number akaashi gave him, they weren't really that close, but osamu seemed to trust the guy a lot and at first sight, akaashi keiji looked like a good person overall, so atsumu could try and be nice for once, right?

a minute later, his phone vibrated.

strangerdanger: i’m already here!

atsumu groaned, he was already late.

…

you saw that the coffee shop had booths available as you entered the place, you thought about ordering your drink first, but that was kind of rude, so you decided to sit immediately on the booth that had the biggest window by it, just to have a clear sight of who entered and who was just passing by. 

you arrived ten minutes early, wanting to be there first before your date made an appearance. he shooted you a text five minutes before the hour that was set, saying he was arriving soon and asking where you were.

y/n: i’m already here!

mr. loml: nice, i’m one block away.

y/n: okay! i’m sitting in the booth next to the big window.

you shivered, mixed feelings of being excited and already hating how he arrived just in time. you didn't know what you could expect from this blind date set up by the one and only bokuto koutarou, he said nothing about your date but mentioned how keiji was friends with a guy who had a twin, so you anticipated that maybe the twin mentioned was going to show up to the blind date. you shrugged, well, this was the last time you followed bokuto and akaashi’s words without asking anything else, that blind trust you had in them sometimes did you more wrong than right.

your eyes scanned the sidewalk in front of the coffee shop, waiting and feeling slightly anxious for someone to cross the street and suddenly appear in front of you. fidgeting with your fingers, you decided to concentrate on other things to soothe your nerves, thinking about how the coffee from the shop was excellent and akaashi told you only good things about it.

“hola?”

“excuse me?” you turned your head slowly to the voice by your side.

“are you my date?”

your jaw dropped, this man was hot, like, really hot.

“yes? i don't know, i guess?” atsumu raised an eyebrow, “which twin are you?”

he scoffed, “the better one.”

“uhm, okay.” this was an awkward start, “let’s order our drinks?”

he told you his coffee order and sat in front of you at the other side of the booth as you stood up and walked to the cashier.

atsumu watched you walk away from the table, staring at your ass for a few seconds. observing how you interacted with the barista taking the orders, how you smiled and made cute gestures with your hands when you talked, which by the way, looked very soft.

after you came back with the drinks and handed him his order you felt a little relieved, maybe now you could actually have a normal conversation and forget about that strange first interaction, first impressions weren’t that important… right? 

you discovered that this guy was called ‘atsumu’ and he didn’t talk very fondly about his twin, ‘osamu’. he had dirty blond hair and an undercut that suited him very well, besides, you couldn’t help but look at his shirt, this dude crearly knew how to show off his body, it was a little tight so you could actually see his abs.

he caught you staring at his body and smirked. “do you like what you’re seeing?” your gaze snapped from his lower stomach to his face, you could feel your cheeks getting red and hot. “i’m joking, i know you like it.”

this was another thing that you learned while talking to him, he was a little bit of an asshole. he loved talking about himself and teasing other people.

“yeah sure, you wish.” what he didn’t know was that you could also be like that when you wanted to.

“wow” atsumu was surprised that he was actually having fun on a blind date.

“what?”

“women are not funny.” you stared at him, shocked, and then proceeded to stab his hand with your plastic fork.

“it was a joke!” he rubbed his injured hand.

you chuckled, atsumu could be annoying at times, but you found that kind of charming in a way.

atsumu talked and talked about his time spent in highschool playing volleyball and how his twin brother was the most annoying person on the planet but he loved him anyway. you found yourself staring at him with heart eyes while he ranted on bizarre moments of his life and described the fight he had with his brother about hair colors so other people could distinguish them from each other. you tried to imagine atsumu with grey hair to get a picture of osamu in your head, feeling kind of dumb.

“osamu seems nice, can i meet him?” atsumu’s face suddenly changed and he looked annoyed.

“why?”

“he sounds like the better looking twin.” he gasped and put a hand on his chest dramatically, feeling slightly offended.

“he was the one who set me up with you, so i don’t think you have a chance with him.” he crossed his arms, looking away.

“i just wanted to meet him, not date him.” you snickered, seeing how his face turned pink but his face changed immediately to a cocky smirk.

“oh, so, you want to date me?”

“dude, we are on date right now.”

“nah, sorry, i don’t do dating” that took you for surprise, you blinked dumbfoundedly.

“then why are you here?”

atsumu went on a rant about his love life, how people always expected a lot from him when he dated, wanting him to commit immediately to a relationship when he just wanted to have fun. so, that lowkey sparked a fear of commitment when it came to dating, that's why every time he met a girl he tried to be as clear as possible, stating that he didn’t want to have a full-on relationship with her, it was just a one night stand after all. but the girls, god, the girls seemed to have a fixation on him, every morning after a hook-up the girl would always ask him for a date or more than that, so he ended up being known as a heartbreaker and an asshole to the female population. the whole time you were looking at his huge arms and didn't understand a thing… oops.

“...that's rough, buddy.” you couldn’t think about anything else to say, you didn’t sign up to give therapy to a stranger.

“were you even listening to me?”

“i tried at the beginning, but it was lowkey deep so…” he stared at you, dumbfoundedly, “what i did catch was some stuff about fear of commitment, so listen, i won’t pressure you to anything, i just want to have fun too.” you shrugged.

atsumu was speechless, but he tried to recover immediately and catch you off guard. “well then, your place or my place?”  

“mine.” you didn’t even skip a beat, this was a game for two.

he was the one caught off guard.

...

he got pegged.

atsumu couldn’t believe it either, he just found himself on all fours on your bed, watching expectantly how you, well, did your thing behind him. he did everything in his power to not show how much he was enjoying the whole experience, but you knew by the way he was shuddering.

“you can shower if you want.” you said lazily from the bed. “there’s a clean towel behind the door.”

he nodded and silently walked to the bathroom, with mixed feelings flowing through his chest. he thought your shampoo smelled really nice as he cleaned himself in the shower.

he stepped out of the shower and dressed himself, when he came out of the bathroom you were already with your clothes on preparing yourself a sandwich on the kitchen counter.

without looking at him you said, “well, it was nice meeting you, please say thanks to osamu for setting us up.” he stood there and blinked, not sure about what to do next.

he tried to compose himself, only thinking of how he was getting kicked out, “i can’t do that, it would get to his head and he would never shut up about how great he is.” you chuckled.

“yeah sure, you know where the door is.” you patted his shoulder on your way back to the bedroom, disappearing after closing the door.

he stood there for a few seconds, then left.

…

blond twin: so, when are you free again?

y/n: huh?

blond twin: y’know, for a second date?

y/n: HUH? i thought you didn’t do dating

y/n: maybe you want to get pegged again?

blond twin: shut up

blond twin: so? time and place?

#atsumu #atsumu miya #haikyuu atsumu miya #haikyuu #hq #haikyuu!! #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x female reader #my fics #collab

[k1llc0re]

pineapple apple peach cherry grapes

TYSMMM FOR THE ASKS SORRY THIS IS SO LONG OMG i actually hoped on my sisters laptopl to put this under a readmore ur welcome <3

🍍  :    how comfortable is my muse in their body?  how do they feel about their height,  weight,  strength,  and body type?  how important is being attractive to them?  

he hasn't been comfortable in his skin since he was a kid. junos a victim of csa and since then there has been a massive MASSIVE disconnect from his entire physical appearance. it distresses him a lot. he doesn't really care about his weight, but he does wish he was taller, he wishes he knew how to get physically stronger to defend himself better (he does have more muscle mass than og juno) and in general he wishes he was much more intimidating or could just protect himself easier. he doesn't want to be considered attracrivr and banks a lot of his appearence on beinf comparable to some kind of dead skunk on the side of the road. the only thing that helped the disconnect was when he went godtier and was fused with his self sprite, ehich was part animal.

🍏  :    how stable is my muse’s physical health?  do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician?  do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication?  how often do they get sick?

(i just guessed which apple) not great :( juno was already pretty sickly to begin with, he has a lot of stromach problems as well as generally neglecting his own bodily needs. growing up he never really developed a need to take care of himself and figured that it'd just go away w time and he still had the same mindset. he actually lost his eye because of his dad sharing the same mindset and as a very little kid he had to have it removed because it got VERY infected and was threatening his life. he HATES THE DOCTORS its something that makes him have panic attacks and freak out. its so easy for them to swap out your meds and kill you... he HATES them. he is sick very often.

🍑  :    how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance?  do they spend a lot of time on their hair,  makeup,  grooming,  and clothing?  is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?  

juno actively makes himself look WORSE most times, he has very little care for his body and tends to pick at things like acne or scars, and ususlly only bathes when it gets bad enough thag it FEELS uncomfortable or john makes him. he wears extremely heavy black eye makeup and black lipstick which is usually smudged to shit, and his hair is ratty and dry and unpleasant. ge doesnt want to seem attractive, that's not how he wants people (especially men) to see him. he doesnt bind often because of his health issues but he has been considering getting top, but for now he also rocks the saggy boobs no bra nipples through wife beater look. he does spend time on his appearence. usually just to make it seem trashier.

🍒  :    how much does my muse value companionship?  do they constantly keep people around them,  or do they prefer to be alone often?  do they have or desire to have many friends?  do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?  

this ones kind of a hard question. juno hates people, but he’s also an extrovert. but he constantly CONSTANTLY is afraid of people, always. he is incredibly lonely, it eats away at him constantly. but the friends he does, the few they are, he is one of the most loyal and dedicated people you’ll ever meet. he keeps them close and is overly clingy because he just so badly wants to keep the few who are willing to stick around. he hates being ignored or alone or having a moment to himself and actively does anything in his power to avoid it. but thjat doesn’t change the fact that he hates new people.

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why? ��do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?

“describe” he wouldn’t. he hates talking about it, almost everything about his childhood makes him bitter, especially the good moments. sawws childhood is much... different than @roygaybiv ‘s i wouldn’t say better, but there were happier moments instead of a consistent monotone tiredness. but it somehow makes him look back on it with much more vitriol. it makes his stomach sick. juno grew up when he was 13, and he was assaulted. even before that, he was already in a lot of adult circles due to him self medicating with alcohol and drugs. he thought he was so cool, so fucking mature because of it, he thought he was invincible because he was best friends with adults instead of his peers. he was very very easily manipulated around then, and after it got bad it he stopped seeing himself as a very very cool kid and instead saw himself as someone who was forced to do and know adult things and was unable or not allowed to do things his peers did.

he doesn’t embrace adulthood, but he wouldn’t go back either. he’s just tired. he wants to pretend none of his childhood happened, that he didn’t know his dad or his brother or anyone and instead just started fresh and new after sburb. he pretends that’s what happened at least.

his childhood formed the entire person he is now, whether he likes it or not. he’s extremely untrusting of everybody who isn’t john or his brother and he is often times overly violent due to it. almost all of his current behaviors stem from that. he’s tired, most of all.

#ooc #csa mentions // #ask to tag // #child abuse // #child neglect // #eye trauma //; #lore. #headcanons.

[ratspberry]

many naruto thoughts head overloading

ok im only like 20 episodes into shippuden and i skipped a Lot of filler in original naruto bc i do not have the patience </3 (i will come back to the filler one day though) and while i love this anime theres so much i wish... was not written how it is

first of all sakura... i love her sm and i just wish her character was given some more care like at this point in shippuden im actually really enjoying the direction shes taken but i heard a lot of her growth is sidelined when sasuke comes back into the picture and thats my biggest issue. im sorry but if youre going to introduce a TRIO of main characters i want to see that main group equally fleshed out. first going all the way back to the beginning i wish that sakura was allowed to fight??? like we KNOW shes super smart and has powerful chakra so even when at that time she wasnt the most skilled fighter (as far as we KNOW at least. given that we barely got to see her fight who knows!) she couldve in the very least played a similar role to that of shikamaru as far as leadership and strategizing. and ok her crush on sasuke should have dissipated a lot more after the chunin exams. even though i do hate to see her spend so much time fawning over sasuke when hes not even particularly kind to her i think a crush in the beginning could still work IF the moment of her cutting her hair (“sasuke likes girls with long hair”) and her battle w ino during the chunin exams were like an eye-opening moment for her when she was like “wtf am i doing i am going to work hard as a ninja to prove that i can do this to MYSELF and MY RIVAL first” (which. ok she does get to this point later and again i love her learning chakra and getting strong as HELL during her training w tsunade but again. i want to see that REMAIN parallel to the enormous power level leaps that sasuke and naruto make. also let sakura and ino have a fun friendship rivalry that has nothing to do w sasuke) . i think it would be better if she naruto and sasuke were just friends who ALL help and motivate each other. and so when sasuke leaves sakura is STILL super fucked up over it and maybe even has a hard time trusting naruto again after he comes back? (but ofc she eventually does bc power of friendship) like IDK loss of one best friend, then almost immediately after your other best friend (who u just learned secretly is sealed w the nine tails and the akatsuki is after him just like orochimaru was after sasuke) leaves you for THREE YEARS??? kind of a salt in the wound moment! also im simply not even going to touch on all the comphet marriages in the end

next im going to talk about rock lee my friend rock lee who i adore. anyways he either should not have foregone the surgery from tsunade or died from it. HEAR ME OUT! this surgery was good in showing how powerful tsunade is as a healer but like? was it necessary? after she brought naruto back to life??? as far as lees characterization his whole thing is that he may not have special jutsu or the same prodigal abilities as his peers but he can still be as powerful or more powerful! and idk i hate when characters have serious life changing stuff done to them and not seeing it fully explored in the story. like ok so we’ve got tsunade telling lee (who cant be older than 12? 13?) theres a 50/50 chance he’ll die in the surgery to heal him. and then guy ENCOURAGES HIM, HIS FAVORITE STUDENT, to go through with the surgery so he could then go on to be a ninja and continue risking his life?????? so i thought that was pretty screwed up. which leads me to the two paths that i think would be interesting to see play out: 1. lee doesnt get the surgery, but continues to train as a ninja. his injuries still exist but lee learns to fight WITH the injuries and creates a really cool badass unique fighting style and goes on to be a great ninja like he dreamed 2. lee dies in surgery. id hate it i would and i dont WANT lee to die but it might be a fuckin wakeup call to all these adult ninjas urging kids into warfare. lee is beloved by all so it would be a good moment of pause for everyone to think like “ummm so the systems that be are kind of majorly fucked up.”

those are the two main ideas i had but heres a few misc things:

-jiraiya can be the author of as many trashy romance novels as he wants but him hitting on younger women and being like a peeping tom and UGH the way he was introduced w narutos ‘sexy jutsu’ is just. not good. take it out.

-let tsunade look her age. like the whole “she uses her chakra to make herself look young”? i dont buy it. i dont care that you just didnt feel like drawing a woman who looks over 20. you will do it anyways bc i said so.

-i dont dislike n/ruhina as much as i dislike s/susaku bc at least its clear theres a mutual respect and admiration there but hinata, like sakura, has so much more potential to be explored. idk if its looked at in filler or later in shippuden (id sure hope so) but i think her parallel to sasuke is kind of interesting? both have intimidating, extremely powerful older brothers (i know neji is technically hinatas cousin or smth but whatever older brother figures. also i know hinatas sister is also supposed to be super powerful but idk her yet) who are held in high esteem by their families and have all this pressure on their shoulders to want to surpass them? given that neji didnt um. do the things itachi did clearly its not the SAME between hinata and sasuke but i feel like examining the hyuga family dynamics would be SO interesting in comparison to sasukes arc. i didnt mind seeing hinata motivated by naruto the first few times but like. there is SO MUCH MORE THERE than JUST hinatas relationship to naruto.

-all of these kids need therapy but ESPECIALLY sasuke like the signs were there. halfway thru the bell test thing SUPER early on sasuke went into a full-fledged “i am an avenger.. i have to kill a certain someone” monologue and given the fact that everyone knows his entire clan was killed and that sasuke is likely VERY traumatized... who thought it was a good idea to let him become a ninja before addressing any of that. my god. like i love kakashi and i know he has his own devestating backstory and that hes a product of the system but why the Fuck would he let sasuke take the chunin exams. give team 7 a year more of training and getting to know each other and give sasuke some time to create bonds and maybe even open up emotionally and begin to heal and then MAYBE we can THINK ab chunin exams.

-asuma and ino apologize to choji for telling him not to eat as much challenge? did asuma not know that chojis clan uses food to replenish their chakra? it would make sense if ino didnt know but chojis teacher?? either way still p fucked, leave choji alone

-speaking of ino i want more of her character tok. why was she not included in that mission to save sasuke that shikamaru, her TEAMMATE, led?? was there an explanation for that?? i feel like her not being there was a missed opportunity for some real growth/bonding between team 10.

-speaking of the last bullet point shikamaru being like “ugh women 🙄” is tired and boring. very misogynistic “i hate my wife” facebook dad humor. cut that shit out

-orochimarus coding and his whole um. intent as a villain is just very. Hm. i dont think i like that very much but im not going to go into it bc im sure its been touched upon a million times

[rainecloud020604]

“All’s well that ends well!”

now i wont lie, this year started off amazing! new friends, new start, hell i got my laptop and was able to be on more. this year became pretty bumpy though through the middle, but hey, i made it!

I have a lot of people to thank for it as well, a lot of people who stayed around and put up with my shit no matter what it was

@elementalgod-aj - okay, first tumblr friend, introduced me to a lot of people i know now on here, got me into roleplaying and refused to let me give up on art. this guy, is solely responsible for me sticking around this hellsite when i thought about quitting a long time ago. He’s very talented, has sooo many amazing ocs you have to dig a bit to really get information on some of them, really fun to talk to as well! I might have a few personal favorites with his ocs but i love them all;3 he makes it worth your nickle talking to him, its rare he doesnt have anything to say and when you need someone to talk to he is willing to listen

@craftyjellyfishcat - she’s awesome, hard to put it into words on how much i appreciate knowing her. always willing to talk and do something. fun to fuck around with sometimes too uwu She has some pretty cool ocs and backgrounds for them, writing skills are like holy shit- where’s more?! art is pretty good too! she’s been there for me several times when i needed it and i cant thank her enough. she deserves a little more love in the art department 

@justadeadlysinsblog - hello thats my daughter Alma i love you and am so very proud of you figuring out who you are and who you want to be!!! it’s been such an honor and blessing helping you with your journey. she’s amazing at art, like holy shit it sooooo clean!!!! colors are beautiful and honestly she knows how to make it look pretty. there is no such thing as “too much purple” in this gals book! she literally is the embodiment of pride and its fun getting mortal souls with her- i mean- nothing! support her or so help me god i’ll steal your kneecaps and toes!!

@flowerrose14 - there sir, thats my wife and i love her. i met her at the beginning of this year/ end of last year and honestly, that changed my life. she’s always there for me, its a blessing being able to talk to her, she’s full of sooo much love!!! it literally oozes out of her messages. She’s my sweet angel who’s helped me so much, with my depression, anxiety, break downs and dissociations as well. its a dream of mine to go live with her, it really is, and imma make it happen! she has such amazing art and the effort she puts into it is shocking sometimes, her ocs and stories have given me the feels and made me attached and thats hard to do. support my girlfriend please! she deserves it!!

@angiewolf09 - i remember i was extremely intimidated by you at first, you are so talented,  with stories and art like holy shit you can do that with a pencil????? and dont get me started on how much of a mastermind you are with connecting things!! its been an honor being your friend and being apart of some of those amazing rps you do uwu

@wazzup-ie - its an honor being your ma uwu you are so talented and have skills i dream of having with art, im so proud of you and how far you have come this year!!! go! support her!!! 

@poiisedaracknos - you are very chill, laidback, fun to talk to and fuck around with. how do you hand???????? you are fucking talented bitch and you know it! such amazing art skills, soi what, no backgrounds for ocs? no problem, you have amazing artwork of them to make up for that! you are my child and im so proud of you, support her!

@mrcucumb3r - Alex you bastard i love you, you are my son. he has such a beautiful art style and honestly im glad that i met you and have been able to be your friend. such interesting characters and ideas that i wish got more attention. follow him and support him or else!!

@k0ncursus - i wish we talked more but the conversations and uno games we have had are amazing and you’re such a blessing and i am so happy you are my friend <3 you wont ever regret talking to her or following her!

@recklessjerry - my mind twin, my buddy, you’ve grown so much and im so proud to have witnessed it this year! you have amazing stories and characters and i love hearing you talk about them. you put so much effort into them and it shows, the easter eggs, the hinting, it makes it such a ride to look into! this guy is worth a follow!

@sherlocktheravencat - its been a long time, i wont lie, but the conversations we have had, its been an honor. i love your characters and your art, the effort that goes into the research honesty pays off. Seeing you on my dash is a privilege really. which is why i wish for others to share such a thing, follow satan Sher, you wont regret it.

@paint-splatterblog - you are so sweet, kind and all around amazing! such a talented soul with art and ocs! she might not post often but when she does its such a treat to look at what she posts! she is worth your follow so follower her please!!

@at-the-mercy-of-the-ocean - General this is lieutenant hugs reporting for duty. you are so very fucking valid and im happy i stumbled across your blog! you make me smile when im having a bad day and im blessed to see you on my dash.your art,,,i love seeing it,,,like i can talk abotu how pleasing to the eye it is to me all day. sending tons of hugs your way! they are worth your time and follow!!

@dearest-starboy​ - a very handsome being uwu can confirm being human tho <w< amazing edits, like how do you do that??? how?? and seeing you on my dash, you seems to always reblog stuff that makes me laugh. a friendly reminder im blessed to know you and that you are very valid go follow them please

@kirakirasilversnow​ - we dont talk much, i’ve been under anon a lot with you cause like,,,im intimidated slightly by your kindness. very valid and you are so sweet and talented!! wish we talked more! edits are jaw dropping with you and they are a beauty to see, like you! support this gal its worth your time 

@cookiie-doe - imma steal your toes if you dont stop acting so valid how dare you! its nice to see you in my notes and on my dash, you are very sweet and supper valid!! she is very much so worth your follow with art and content!! 

@funnierabbit75 - friendo!!! you have been such a blessing to know this year!! such beautiful art and a beautiful voice! she is very talented and deserves so much love and support so please give her that!!

@fizzypopsoda-comics - man i wished we talked more but this guy has got some wicked talent!!!  give them a follow and trust me you wont regret it in the slightest!! i love your art and ocs so much! 

@blogdeepdonutfatality​ - you have such lovely art and ocs!! follow her please!! she is such a blessing to talk to and get to know!!! its been an honor!!

@dreamer-from-elm-street​ - we dont talk often but when we do its something to cherish. such amazing art, anatomy, characters, stories!! follower her and send her love and support!!

@mindytiger​ - i love your art and ocs!! its been such a blessing to see your story grow!! hell, play a role every once and awhile as well! support her and her amazing skills!!

@mocka-mocka​ - you are so talented and deserve more love with your art and ocs! send her love and support and look at how talented she is!!!

@neon-alpha-wolf​ - bro, you are so talented and have grown so much this year! support him and his characters, along with art because he deserves it!!

there are so so so many other lovely people i can tag but theses guys i have the most to say about and want to give a huge thanks to making my 2019 the best year despite the hardships!!! i love you all and thank you for getting me here!!

#rainecloud020604 talk #rainecloud 020604 #rainecloud020604 #shush rainecloud020604 #rainecloud020604 draws shit #digital art #my art #art #artists on tumblr #artwork #persona art #persona #demon #tiny terror! #happy new decade #happy new year #tw: eye strain #(?) #long post

[caprichans]

stray kids as your daycare teachers

note: was feeling absolutely soft last night just thinking about this so consider this done with justice 🥺🤙 

for the softs, listen to angel - chancellor, taeyeon! 

— 𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧

okay firstly, imagine the grins and the laughs he'd flash and sound to all the children once they come to school

 your first day of school teacher who would hug you the instant you were crying because you didn't want to be left by your parents, or greeting you with a bright smile whenever you'd enter the daycare with optimism

the type to sit cross-legged and sing the rubber ducky song to the children :--(( and have the children sing along with him :--(( hend selp thats the softest shit ever

i feel like he'd know how to handle the kids well, being patient with them and he'd be able to help the kids with learning shapes and making new friend

the storyteller 🥺 usually ends with morals so that the kids would learn

animated expressions and lots of shy grinning after storytelling bcs of the times where the kids giving him no reaction

overall a gentle father figure who'd make sure that the kids are taken care of and brought back home safely at the end of the day

BONUS: him actually being a father and bringing his own child home from daycare with the most pleasant of smiles over ice cream on the way home

the rest of the members under the cut!

— 𝐤𝐢𝐦 𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐣𝐢𝐧

pov: youre the single mother who brings their child to daycare and you see this man with a bunch of kids surrounding him, cheering his name, all the while he his eyes down with a grin and his hands wrapped around the children. you feeling in love yet? 

100% cuddle bot like all the kids would be telling him that he’s like a pillow and that he’s all warm and fluffy 

handles all the situations calmly, and makes sure that all the kids are well-behaved are not loitering around the place 

he would sing them to sleep with his god-like vocals within seconds. the kids are feeling fuzzy during nap time? woojin the superdad would come to the rescue and serenade the kids with a soft lullaby to put them to sleep. and probably even me, so does that make me a baby--

very good at animal impressions like omg imagine him chasing the kids around while pretending to be a bear or a tiger and all the kids are jus squealing and laughing at him good bye i love kim woojin everyone

— 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐡𝐨

alright fellas minho may be a sarcastic diva but have u seen the way he takes care of his 3 precious cats??? pure devastation 

im talking about his gentle, soothing voice wrapping all the kids in blankies and caressing their hair to help them sleep when they’re feeling sleepy 

he’s not much of a storyteller, and neither is he an actor, but for the kids, he’ll make exceptions 

ok but hello imagine a cute lil girl waddling up to him and giving him a flower she picked up from the ground. “i picked this flower up from the ground and i wanted to give it to teacher lee because he wooks pweety!” and minho just bursting the softest smiles while telling her thank you 

does he wear it for the rest of the day? yes. does his friends comment about it when he hangs out with them after work? yes. does he take it off? no. 

oh my god guys i cried while doing minhos shit maybe im falling in love idk i should just go ot9. minho as a daycare teacher. period. PERIOD. 

— 𝐬𝐞𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐢𝐧

def one of the most hyper and giddy daycare teachers anyone has ever seen

we been knew changbins a literal babie by heart and soul, so while the kids would be afraid of him at first look bc of his resting bitch face, the moment he introduces himself to the kids his expression totally changes 

“HELLO KIDS I’M TEACHER BINNIE!” 

TEACHER BINNIE CAN YOU HEAR MY HEART BREAKING IN HALF 

would be an exceptionally whiny teacher too, probs would use whining as a discipline method so that the kid would be more aware of how they sound like when theyre whining

a weird method, i know, but if that goes too far, he wouldn’t hesitate to comfort the kid if he starts crying in guilt, and would tell them not to throw such tantrums like that next time 

wait shut up him doing his cringey aegyo to the kids to make them feel happy after they scrape their knee on the ground or when he himself scolds them for doing something wrong damn i love u binnie :--((

— 𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧

i cant even begin to express how this man absolutely adores kids?? like he even said that he would give the kids a piggyback ride after church and that it was one of his fondest memories??? 

hold my beer and let me just cry at how much of a good daycare teacher and a father hwang fonking hyunjin would be hhHhH okok 

would even lift the children up and twirl them around like those movie scenes just so that they can make them laugh 

well he’d be the type to see the children absolutely filled with happiness and laughter so he’d do anything in his willpower to make sure that happens!!!!!

would bring some trinkets and candies to give to them for behaving well today and would say things like “what’s the magic word?” and the kids would chorus with “pwease!” and hyun would just do that lil eye smile of his while saying “very gooood!” while giving them their reward omg hyunjin can u be my daycare teacher 

let me end on a very hyunjin note: him clapping with his hands spread while he sings to them some cute nursery songs that would make the kdis sing along bye im still in love w hwang hyunjin guys its been four days

— 𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐣𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠

another charming daycare teacher with amazing vocals that can woo the kids into stopping what theyre doing or lulling them to sleep stan han jisung

That Daycare Teacher with the sunshine smiles and the honey-like voice that you’d see watching them from the playground i assure you ma’am you’re in good hands here 

maybe you’d even ask him for his number i dont know-- 

would be playing the guitar for the kids and telling them all about his bizarre and adventrous day!

all the kids would point at him and tell him that he looks like a squirrel, and when he tells them that “nooo i’m a quokka!” they’d go “wooka!!” and oof watch jisung burst into uwus i swear he’s very giddy around kids sigh im devastated yet again

— 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱

the kids would fall for felix at first glance excuse you they’d be all over him and screaming his name “its teacher bokkie yay!” and he’d laugh and greet the kids with that smile up there 

they’d play with his adorable frekkies (freckles)! theyd ask him why he’d cover his freckles and when he’d say that he’s “shy to show it to the people”, the kids would deny it and say that its a beautiful natural feature on him 

and wow imagine felix gaining more confidence from what they said and on some occasions he’d keep his face bare so that his freckles would be shown huhu lee felix u cutie 

is a clumsy and stuttery mess as a daycare teacher, fussing about the rowdy kids and carrying their toys while telling them to settle down 

overall felix would jus be so frantic and messy as a daycare teacher and man the way he’d exhale tiredly during lunch and all the other teachers would note how tired he is. still a cutie. 

— 𝐤𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐢𝐧

just saying this myday fanatic would probably have day6 songs piano vers. on full play for the kids to sleep to

but otherwise i dont really see seungmin as a type to be a daycare teacher, bc i can only imagine him as that big brother you’d see waiting by the shed when he’s ready to pick his little sib up 

but if he were to be a daycare teacher, damn he’d be the most gentle one ever, low, comforting voices and little teasing remarks whenever the kid’s in a mischievous mood

tbh the type to just fondly watch over the kids during naptime. like he’s on his desk, scrolling through his phone, and he’d just glance up and smile at all the sleeping children. 

would probably take a few pics and post it on his insta or his story to rant about how his kids are just so adorable when he sleeps 

probs texts his wife “hey when are we having a child” but thats for another time 

— 𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧

the happiest babie daycare teacher to ever step foot within the daycare center

imagine the kids being used to teacher innie’s braces, so when jeongin enters one day telling the kids that he doesnt have braces, he’s all grinning and happier and all the kids are either at awe or whining at how cute he looked without braces on

would def be the type to act as a superhero and “save the kids from the perils of the villain” aka teacher binnie!!!

“oh no! binnie the t-rex is coming after us! let’s run!” and he and the kids are running and squealing while changbin rawrs and chases after them o dang i felt soft just doing this 

the kids would ask him to do aegyo and he’d deny it at first, but since it’s due to the kid’s popular demand, he does it and all the kids clap in joy for his cute charms uwu 

request some imagines! i hope you enjoyed 💖💖

#stray kids imagines #stray kids reactions #stray kids #skz #bang chan #kim woojin #lee minho #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #muki writes #soft hours: OPEN #man its been a while since ive done imagines #hope i did this justice uwu ! #please request some imagines it would be v helpful

[spideyjlaw]

My Avengers Endgame World Premiere experience

this is really long, lota rambling feel free to read skim anything idc, no spoilers bc this was on Monday before I saw the movie :) 

Ok Ima start Saturday night, this is when I was packing making and painting my posters that said “Thank You Avengers”, I live in California so I didn’t have to fly to this event. At 12am we (my family) we arrive in Los Angeles around 5am. At this time I thought that the premiere was going to be at El Capitan Theatre where it was originally supposed to be. We drive by the theater and we see no one is in line which was weird bc normally there would be people here already so i search and find the location which was switched last min (smh) the drive to the next location wasnt too long but at least i knew i was at the right location bc of the small group of fans and the giant poster that said Avengers Endgame World Premiere. Apparently they changed the location bc they needed a larger screening room and they didnt want tons of fans showing up, there were these girls that were waiting at the El Capitan for 2 hours before they realized something was up. Anyway, we get in line. People who were in charge told the people who stayed over night to go home bc there wasnt going to be a fan area. No one left ofc who would hell no. Then some people went on twitter to talk about it made signs it was confusing but we ended up in a fan area after going through security. We got into the fan area at 12 ish and we had to stand there for another 4 and a half hours before anything exciting happens. Now its around 4pm people are starting to arrive. (THIS IS WHEN THE ACTION STARTS) Benedict Wong then Joe Russo. Not many came all the way down the line, I was the last one on the line before it wrapped around the corner. But I did want to get barricade and able to see action so Im grateful for my spot. Then Anthony Mackie arrives he’s walking to end of the fan area around the small corner but as hes walking right as he gets near me i scream at the top of my lungs, he stops right in front of me and i go “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!ANTHONYYYYY MACKiE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!” he looks at me biggest smile. We had a whole moment together its hard to explain its kinda like a ‘you had to be there moment’ i was the longest person probably a good 20 seconds (which is a long ass time in these times when they are in a rush) he was at and while im screaming and fangirling he air grabs my head to fucking sign my forehead i closed my eyes and accepted it he didnt do it ofc but he was just a fun guy i love him soooo much he signs my posters while saying “There’s no black guy on here” (i did an original 6 themed avengers poster) but he signed than signed my bosslogic poster which he was in. paul rudd comes by hes just a rocking dude i love scott lang sm, he was so sweets v cool guys sm love for him. Then at around 5pm Chris freaking Hemsworth arrives I loose my shit and so does everyone else. Just like Joe, Benedict Wong & Anthony he also went around the corner to make sure they got all of the fans (thank u to all who did this). Ive loved Hemsie for the longest time, i did get teary eyed but i didnt cry (yet) he was just the sweetest I was able to take a crappy photo with him bc i wasnt able to function properly as i took the pic my dumbass was like “iLOvEyoUsOmUCh” its oka cause he has the cutest smile and the bluest eyes oh and i cant stress enough he smelled so good sooooo good normally i hate when guys coat themselves in cologne cause it smells bad, but his didnt, his smelled so good i was so shook like chris drop what cologne u used idc its for guys mama neeeddds. THEN IT hAPPENEd CHRISTOPHER ROBERT EVANS DRIVES BY. Everyone was like “omg is that chris evans?!”  I stand on the barricade to see if i can catch a peak, istg the moment the fucking moment he gets out the car i start to bawl my eyes out. This man who has meant more to me than anyone is over there i couldnt believe i was seeing my favorite human ever. I’ve only sobbed right as i saw my fave once before back in 2016 at the Passengers premiere when I met Jennifer Lawrence. People dont really understand the moment like this person has inspired me so much of course im going to cry and sure judge me for it but they helped me through so much. Anyway he looked soo hot in his blue suit and sunglasses. I kinda calm down bc i didnt know if he was going to come all the way down the line and yk my ass wanted a pic but he was cut half way though the people which was upsetting but again im extremely grateful to be able to see him. Then my main fucking man. Sebastian Stan arrives. see ive met the guy before last year at ace comic con (there was tea w my photo op being really messy and i hated it i got a refund u can read about that on my ace comic con post). anyway i see him. i dont cry im trying to wipe my tears i was more prepared cause ive seen him before it was gonna be ok. I lose my shit the man was wearing a baby blue pastel colored suit. fucking beautiful. iconic. very hot of you mr seb ty. hes walking down and hes getting close. he wasnt to smiley, he was taking pics but he was focused on the fans signing for as many fans as possible. He gets to me and he sees our pics then he looks u so we could take a pic and his smile just transforms you can just see his face just glow up it was the truly the cutest this ive ever experience. then we look up from the pic and hes smiling at me i tell him “I love you so much” i hear him chuckle but as he says something his security guy yells “thank you that enough” so ill be posting the vid of us and any lip readers can help a girl out ill love you forever. I ended up being Sebs last person from the fan area. he truly made my day, week fucking year. then other celebs such as jon favreau, benedict cumberbatch comes by. Jeremy Renner comes by. I shoot my shot and make small talk w Jeremy. I go “Hi Jermey how’s your day going?” he goes “I’m doing really good, how bout you?” he signs my things i excitingly tell him “I’m doing great thank you” then he goes “Thank you honey” and smiles at me. It made me really happy, i could tell he was a bit tired but Jeremy is such a sweetheart he doesnt get the credit he deserves i love him sm, ive always has a little part of my heart for Hawkeye. minutes go by. I see Lizzie Olsen, Danai Gurira, beautiful ofc. then i see fucking Mark Ruffalo hes just standing behind one of the SUVs and the sun is on him. He looked like a confused puppy it was so cute and soft, i love my ruffalo buffalo. I took my moment to scream “iS THat MARK ruFFALO?” i dont think he signed for many fans. Scarjo arrives she doesnt sign for many either she looked beautiful v pretty. a little while passes than the most bitching car comes by and stops where the cars stop until the drop off area clears and they can go. we all knew who ever was in that car he was important. then it was his time to go cause the drop off area was cleared. guess who was in the drivers seat. You guessed right. Robert Downey Jr rolling up in an Audi E-TRON, with his wife Susan Downey in the passenger seat. Truly the Tony Stark entrance. he doesnt sign for many ofc. at this time it was getting later near 6pm almost all celebs and guests are inside where the actual premiere set up is. then Vin Diesel comes in. He was the most fan based guy. even though he was running late he ran (literally speed walking) through the whole line of fans around the corner and everything. he had the biggest smile on. wearing his groot jacket. and if u dont know fast and furious are one of my fave franchises of all time so i was having the best time. then that was the last person and we started heading out. i didnt name all who ive seen since there was just to many and i probably missed some things but i loved my experience. i was able to see all the original avengers irl and that made me really happy. this whole cast means the world to me. ill love them forever 

#:) #ty to the ones who read #i didnt re read it so if there's any typos oh well ig #avengers endgame world premiere #Endgame prem!

[pwnyta]

AGE OF ULTRON BOTHERS ME OK. Like... I ENJOYED IT. I thought it was a fun romp but if I think about it beyond just watching cool fight scenes its fucking irritating.

So Im gonna give my suggestions on how to fix it so it doesnt feel like Whedon disregarded every other movie that he had no part in..

HERE GOES.

First off... this should be a movie that completely cements the Avengers as a team. Ultron should try AND FAIL to put a divide in the Avengers. Loki already broke them up and Whedon absolutely knows that Civil War is coming and its gonna happen again so THIS movie should be one where the Avengers are the most SOLID OF UNITS.

Especially Steve and Tony. Steve distrust of Tony is baseless and obnoxious... it made some sense in the first movie because Tonys attitude in public and thats all Steve got plus Lokis discourse stick adding fuel to the fire... FINE. But its shitty in this movie and makes Cap look like a fucking moronic prick... because REALLY trusting the chick that mind raped you and tried to murder you over your fucking teammate? JANKY and makes you look like an incompetent leader (though the writers would ignore that fact because theyre too scared to let Steve make mistakes... but w/e)

The one area I can see them actually arguing or disagreeing is Tony making Vision after what happens with Ultron. Tony points out hes been making AI for a long ass time without issue and Cap says its not worth it, Tony argues damned if we dont maybe not damned if we do.... scuffle happens, Vision happens, Thor pops in, Stark was right... Cap and Tony have a heart to heart because theyre friends and they make up...

At some point before Wanda and Pietro switch sides, Wanda learns that Tony wasnt the one selling weapons... maybe when Ultron is talking about him learning shit from the internet and deciding humanity should just fuck off (a fair assessment honestly) one of the things he mentions is Tony being carelessness and Stane selling weapons under the table... and it starts sinking in in that moment that shes been attacking a man who had no real part in her parents death, but then Ultrons like Im gonna kill everyone and thats when Wanda and Pietro dip out.

The scene where Clint is talking to Wanda and Pietro should be a reconciliation between them and Tony instead... maybe a conversation about how he understands how it is to be the bad guy and hurt people because of grief... were not so different you and I and all that... and it would sting even harder in Civil War when Tony once again lets his grief consume him and he lashes out at Steve and Bucky.

Wanda getting to have a heart to heart with a character shes wronged most of all and trying to be a better person by helping the fight against Ultron would humanize her more and it would give her losing her brother a lot more of a sting. I think anyways.

CLINT SHOULD HAVE SHIT TO DO. I think Ive said this before but they should have Clint have a family but absolutely not have Clint go to his family home when hes being hunted down by a homicidal fuckin robot....ya know? He brings them to a safe house, the Avengers are still a little awkward and making comments... theres pictures of Clint with his wife and kids and Nat ‘these are agents.‘ ‘...the kids?‘ ‘...smaller agents...‘... at the end of the movie when theyre victorious we see a scene where Clint goes to another home and hes greeted by his wife and kids and were like OMG THEYRE ACTUALLY REAL AND NOT JUST A COVER? IDK what else to do with Clint...

Nat and Bruce woulda been fine but they should been the main source of animosity within the Avengers. Nat manipulated and lied to Bruce to get him into SHIELDs grasp and Bruce almost killed Natasha. Though theyre civil with each other in the end it would be interesting to see their relationship start to fester when theyre in a desperate situation. Maybe they get separated from the group and are forced to confront their negativity toward each other... and dont really make up until near the end of the movie. Natasha continuously thinks she can handle a situation alone (secretly shes afraid that Bruces anger for her will cause the Hulk to lash out at her too and Thor isnt around to stop him no one is... she'd be alone) and does a pretty good job fighting off the bad guys herself, but eventually theyre cornered and Bruce says they need Hulk... and she says no and they argue and Bruce does it anyways and takes out the bots coming after them and when he turns, Nat is clearly scared like she was that first time... Hulk reaches out to her because hes not just a mindless beast and she faces and conquers her fear and they work well together.

Bruce watching Natasha keep him safe and be there for him (maybe theres a point where SHE could save herself and leave Bruce but she doesnt) and she in turn sees that Bruce/Hulk isnt something that she needs to be scared of. EXCELLENT. If they wanna hint a maybe romance after that fine... I prefer it not happen but at least theres some material to work with. Bruce takes off at the end because he still cant deal with what happened earlier in the movie with him ripping apart a city... so hes off to Ragnarok as scheduled.

Thor.......... I dunno. Like Clint its a bit hard to work with him in this movie. He can do what hes doing in the movie I guess? but like... let him have some connection... maybe hes the one who calms Hulk down since Nats not there... but instead of just talking at Hulk hes like 'hey buddy!!' and Hulks like RRAWRRRR and Thor yells at him back and is like 'LOL -PUNCH- lets get going' and Hulk is like '-huff huff- -looks angry-.....k'. IDFK. But itd be cool since Ragnarok they became buddies anyways....

Rhodey should have been in contact with the Avengers in the movie more. There is a scene where hes talking with Tony and Nat over a computer but it was cut... but they should have given him that scene and him updating the Avengers on what hes doing (finding Fury and getting SHIELDs help or w/e) and Whedon not even letting Sam come back for the finally is unforgivable..

but I guess it would really highlight the fact he sidelined the 3 black guys and only let them come in in the end.... but Sam being sent to find Bucky was a shitty way to get rid of him. But it just makes it clear the movies after the Avengers was disregarded- Whedon doesnt know what to do with Sam (whos introd in Cap2), Rhodey is back to being War Machine with no explanation(even though in IM3 hes Iron Patriot), Fury is back with SHIELD (even though SHIELD was dismantled and Fury left)...

Rhodey being Iron Patriot could have been hilarious too... and also gave Steve and Rhodey some kind of connection. Just have him land by Cap in that ridiculous suit and Cap looks at him and he looks at Cap and Tonys like 'Well one of you needs to change...' and then in Civil War when Rhodey is back to War Machine... itd be kind of hilarious. They can even have another running gag where people keep fake mistaking them as the same person and theyre like 'ALRIGHT I FUCKING GET IT' 'LANGUAGE~~'

But youd need the writers to actually care about Rhodey... AND THEY FUCKIN DONT. All of them. Theyre all to blame.

..Where was I...

Also literally ONE scene with Vision and Tony... maybe at the very end... because Tony losing his most consistent/closest confidant and only RDJ looking devastated because he seems to be the only one who cares about Tonys bots/AIs kinda sucks. I mean Whedon admitted that he didnt think JARVIS was all that important didnt he? Garbo.

...IDK what else... but you know what I mean? Im so sick of heroes fighting each other... its cool and sad every once in awhile but literally every movie doesnt have to be that.

Will anyone read my rambling nonsense? Probably not... but I have a lot of feelings. AoU and BvS ...why do you gotta suck so hard.

#Movie tag. #EwimFixIts.

[superemeralds]

my sonic characters: a masterpost

I’ll add more whenever i get new info on characters and so on sakjsak

I used to have more but i gave some of them away so i dont feel like i should mention them here (even if those designs are not in use anymore)

[edit 4/20/2019 (haha) added nexus and links to character tags]

1) Saph the hedgehog

This is Saph. He’s a 18/19 year old disaster gay trans boy.

I change his shoe design literally every single time i draw him. :)

I’ll go in depth about his past later.

Saph is pretty much all over the place and forgets to be considerate of other peoples feelings sometimes. He might come off as very egoistic of self centered, but he does actually care in his own kind of way (even when its. kinda bad bc he gives off wrong signals sometimes and ends up hurting people hes close to)

He’s looked up to Sonic ever since he was small and he collects all of the Sonic comics and video games. His dream is to meet Sonic and win against him in a fight.

Shadow is his big idol in many things so he tries to be edgy sometimes or act tough but he fails miserably most of the time and makes a fool of himself; which he doesn’t really mind because he can take a lot of things with humour (sometimes too much). He also uses white eye liner to imitate shadows marks, and he dyes some parts of his fur white to make the marks he already has extend to look more like shadows.

Shadow was the person that taught him how to control his chaos powers, because he’d always just weakened himself in the past, because he is super unstable. (If it wasnt for Shadow he probably would have died by now.) Shadow also was the one that told Saph to go to Tails for help with the buckles on his wrists and the rings on his ankles. They are made of a material similar to shadows rings (tails tried his best to replicate them) so they would help keep the energy in Saph balanced. Due to his strong affiliation to Chaos Energy, he could technically even turn super; but his body would be unable to hold the immense amount of energy and begin to literally burn down to ash within a few minutes.

He is very gay and in a relationship with Ezra.

He’s on T and has not yet had top op. (his bobbies smol its all muscle >:3€ )

Old pic of him and his bf as humans uwu

2) Red the hedgehog

Red is 25/26 years old and works at GUN as special agent. Sometimes he and Rouge get drunk in her club at night and joke about tearing that organization down (or maybe they are not joking)

he’s pansexual and horny 24/7. He has a girlfriend and is in an open relationship. hes polyam if you didnt guess it askdsajh

he’s blind in the right eye and has a tattoo of a star on his chest

(here’s his gijinka because i just. hes hot. he used to be the one character that had like 30 fangirls on deviantart and each of them would comment “nosebleed” every time i uploaded)

ANYWAYS

Saph and Red. They are brothers.

*WARNING: abusive parents, transphobia, homophobia, violence

When red was a young lad and Saph was still a baby their father snapped and beat Red up with an iron bar, making him blind on his right eye. Red took Saph and ran away from home.(Their mother died at saphs birth)

They lived and still live in a city a litte farther off Empire City.

Red decided to go to an orphanage because he could not possibly take care of an infant. (granted his dad couldnt either but it seemed the best possible solution)

They lived in the orphanage for a few years, but saph very soon showed sighns of being trans and got bullied by the other kids. they would call him gay and tr*nny and kick him until he fell silent to endure his “punishment”.

Red couldn’t take it and decided to run away with Saph again. They lived on the street for a while, but Red was caught by GUN for stealing. Once they found out he had a form of chaos powers (even if weak) they decided to let him slide and hire him as Special Agent.

Red accepted this and uses the money he ears to make sure Saph has a good life. This kinda spoiled Saph a little, but he also deserved it lets be real here.

Red made sure to enable saph to get education (which he totally refuses to acknowledge and take seriously) and physical transition.

*WARNING END*

3) Ellectra “Ellie” the tenrec

[ pardon me being inconsequent with the design omg ]

Ellie is a 20 year old functional asexual demiromantic lesbian who is not interested in dumb boys and would rather talk about science with a pretty girl.

She can manipulate electricity and is called “Daughter of Zeus” by the townsfolk in her home island called Coral Island, which is located near the windsmil isles in Apotos.

She studies archeology and gaia mythology/ancient history, which makes it very convenient that she lives nearby an actual gaia temple. (She wants to be like lara croft one day)

At the 2005 black arms invasion her mother got heavily wounded when she tried to protect the town from the aliens and died from the aftermath.

Ever since then Ellie hates Shadow with a burning passion and holds him responsible, because she believed the government propaganda (provided by GUN ofc) that Shadow is One Of The Aliens. If she was ever to meet him she would be FURIOUS and ready to murder (she knows he cant die though).

She tried not to focus too much on that and just. do her cool ancient stuff.

Here are her parents Chion and... the mother i had still not found a good name for.

5) Chion the tenrec

This gentleman is 40+ years old and proud father of Ellie.

Hes also a het ace.

Chion is greek for snow (as far as google translate goes) and he was named that bc of his white nose lmao. its like a snowflake on his black body.

He doesn’t have any elemental powers, but he is naturally very strong and will punch anyone who comes close to his family. He can also use swords and is a skilled swordsman.

He inherited an olive farm from his family and he does keep it going. He makes his money selling olive products he does make himself.

6) Athena the hedgehog

Athena was the daughter of the “major” of the island that the family lived on (coral island), so she was expected to become the new major once he had to retire.

Due to the location of the island and the geographical landmarks on it, many raiders (and also eggman) have great interest in the ruins and mythological places. Athena is not one to give in easily and defended her people and the island from many intruders.

She possessed a less particular (than Ellie), but still fierce power of lightning manipulation. Having used her powers excessively, she sustained severe damage to her arms which showed as lighting shaped scars. She showed them with pride, because they meant she had fought hard to get where she was now.

She was bisexual and married to a tenrec called Chion. She was a year older than him.

The rings Ellie wears on her wrists were her mom’s.

7) Frost the snow leopard

Frost is a 15 year old demiboy who really just wants to have a good time. He hasnt really given his sexuality much thought.

He lives in a small village in Holoska; hes actually even met the werehog. Well he saw him. but he was too afraid to talk to him because holy shit its Sonic The Hedgehog!!!!!!!

He has ice powers!!!!

His insides are like -18°C and he cant eat anything that is hot. He has to eat cooked meals when they are room temperature, or even cooled down to fridge temperatures ( about 6°C).

He basically lives off ice cream and dry meat (if they get fancy food from the city he gets frozen pizza) He thinks of going to the UF for college, but he doesnt really know what he wants to do with his life yet so hes just having fun snowboarding.

8) Mitzu the Cheetah

Mitzu is 22 years old and owns a flower shop/chao garden combo where she takes care of chao, while taking care of flowers and breeding them. Her hydrokinesis powers are very helpful in that!

She loves nature and the outdoors and feeling the grass under her feet, so she doesn’t wear shoes/socks. Ever.

She generally is very free spirited and optimistic!

Shes a big sapphic but shes also okay w being single atm.

Her chao are like children to her and she loves the chao that get left in the garden as much as her own. (ppl leave their chao there when they cant watch over them anymore or if they go for a vacation and cant take them with them or smth)

9) Dan the red panda*

Dan is 17 years old and a big homo.

He has no special powers, except being able to eat and sleep more than the average person.

He’s from a very rich family, but his parents insisted in him finding a wife to like. pass down the heritage but he aint having none of that so his punk ass ran away from home to be his gay self and study art. 

He lives in a tree house a little off a small village in a more rural area in east UF, near station square. let the depression boy be happy...

10) Yoshi the siamese cat

Yoshi is a 20 year old enby kitty who wants to make the world a gayer place!

They are studying fashion design in hope to one day open their own fashion store for queer people! The clothes are made with body differences in mind and they also want to offer a free customization service to fit clothes to every single body type.

They don’t have any special powers as of now but i kinda want to give them a power that could be helpful with their goal Im still thinking about it ...

11) Joel “Spirit” the Husky

Spirit is fresh ripe 14 years old and Sonic the hedgehog is his big big idol. He wants to be JUST like him when he grows up.

It has come to my attention that he is basically the sonic universe Deku and I may or may not be planning to write a fanfiction for that...........

He doesn’t have any special offensive powers, but he has orange blood and he has the ability to read the Chaos Signature of anything he encounters. (called: Chaos Vision)

This means he will immediately know if a person he meets has super powers and he will also know what that power is. He can also guess the emotions of people because they are tied to the kind of chaos energy that surrounds a person.

12) Aurora the Husky

Spirit’s Sister!

Her name is Aurora and she also has Chaos Vision!

She was born blind, but she’s been able to see with her power, so that’s just what the world looks like to her: Darkness with many many colorful lights.

Over time through hard training she was able to perfect her vision and be able to distinguish between a lot of things and even see things that only have very little chaos energy in them!

13) Axel the Axolotl*

I don’t really have much info on them I made them pretty random one day bc i thought. hey. .... what if... axolotl sonic character.

14) Azul the cat

Azul is my sonicsona kinda. He was pmuch my persona b4 i was kin w shadow. 

He’s an edgelord and i guess he’s still technically me; or rather what i want to be. 

He’s already on T and has has top op and he does not crumble away under social anxiety like i do askjdsakjd.

15) ( UNKNWOWN) the Pangolin*

Similar to Axel I didn’t think much about him yet......  

he’s aroace and kinda goofy but he cares for his friends. He can roll up and do spin dashes and homing attacks like sonic, but he obviously doesnt have his super sonic speed.

16) Coal the hedgehog

Coal is one of the newest of my characters; but he’s also one of my oldest. 

You see, Coal is a revamp of a very old crappy fanchild i had back in like 2012.

for reference thats him

New Coal is 27 years old and a gay mess. He can turn into a cloud of smoke and control it at will. He is completely immune to physical attacks. try to stab/shoot him and u ded. hes coming for u.

he steals, but only from rich ppl. hes chaotic neutral tho bc he keeps that shit for himself safhsaljfha he generally just wants to chill and have his peace. 

he loves being an edge lord though he just wants that image for himself, even though he is kinda a softie... hes good at keeping up an act in dangerous situations though and that sometimes scares attackers off (also his powers)

Some gijinka doodles that make his age more justice than sonic style aksjfhaskj

17, 18, 19) The Crew On ARK

old bad art but i never really drew them, i did write about them in my fic about shadows past! (im excluding the black guy from the list because i didnt write him yet and i guess hes not really established yet since i got literally nothing on him)

from left to right

Nia, (that dude), Hikari, (gerald), Theodor

Nia is the daughter of a shamaran professor and a woman who owns a boulongerie in spagonia. She joined the ARK program in hope to make the world a more accepting place.

Hikari is is from an island near chun-nan (japan) and she also joined the program in hope to be able to help make a change for the better. she also enjoys biology and genetics a lot.

Theodor joined purely because of his joy in working on genetics and robotics that immitate life. He’s innitially from the GUN team but was assigned to work with Gerald.

20) Commander Jonathan Williams

old art again sorry sakjfhsakj. He is the father of the current GUN commander! He’s 52 and a total douchebag. He’s kinda mad with power and genuinely believes that putting shadow under pressure to become the ultimate and strongest weapon (stronger than an atomic bomb) was necessary to end the war that was going on at that time.

I cannot spoil too much on what happened to each of these people as it’s spoilers for my fanfic. 

If you want to know more, read here -> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10992156/chapters/24482199

21) Sidus “Nova” the black panther (and 22 Badass the Chao)

You see. The thing with nova is that i recycled him as human/demon character for a story sjkhfkafhsakj but he has shadow powers where he can use all shadows as portals into a shadow dimension that is entirely his own. he can travel through that but it makes him very tired. he likes to store capri suns in there and just take em out whenever he wants. He has a Chao called Badass (pictured below)

his new human/demon design is below

23) Blossom the horned Frog

She is new and I don’t have much info other than that she’s from a jungle area; perhaps in adabat.

She secrets a poisonous slime from her body; yet her spit has healing accelerating properties.

A gene defect lets her never lose her tail.

24) Nexus the demonic sheep hound

nexus is a demonic sheep hound mix?? idk i just didnt want to draw hooves aksfsakhfa

they can manipulate metal and bend it in any shape they want

however they cant make it float n shit like youd think of metal powers like magneto jsfhsakjf they can literally just. shape it like play-doh but with their mind

they wear those gold rings so when theyre in a pinch they can just make a bunch of cool knifes of a sword n be like SURPRISE BITCH IM NOT JUST PRETTY. IM PRETTY DEADLY!

#my characters #shadows logbook

[themagnificentartofshipping]

Im planning on rewatching Once Upon a Time, mostly to watch Emma and Hook fall in love again. Also just to help me realize when exactly I stopped liking certain characters and what has changed in the way i see things now with the series being basically completely over and it being a few years. I might make posts about it, I’m not sure. I’m going to on this, have the opinions i have now prior to rewatching. That will be under the cut because you might not care and some of it is reference for me.

Season 1:Its a great opening for the show. I really enjoyed Regina as the villain and her and Emma’s antagonistic dynamic was great. Emma learning about Henry and their blossoming relationship was the cutest and so great. I also loved the friendship between Emma and Mary Margaret. Had some great quotes. Loved the introduction to the characters and how they are connected to each other. I WILL NEVER GET OVER GRAHAM’S DEATH!!!! It hurt me so much and Regina’s reasoning for killing him was such bullshit. The curse breaking was pretty great. The duality between the Enchanted Forest stories and the Storybrooke ones was very well done and well balanced which i missed in later seasons.

Season 2: I loved this season mostly cause we meet Hook but also because it just continues the storyline nicely. Seeing everyone deal with the aftermath of the curse breaking was good. Emma and the Charmings awkwardly trying to figure out how to do the family thing was endearing. I still liked Regina’s character, the conflict she had in this season made sense and I liked it. Cora was very interesting in this season. Seeing Rumple’s actual reason for using the curse(finding his son) was nice. I got to see more Bae which I liked. Backstory and flashbacks were used well. Seeing Emma’s past was great. The addition of characters in this season felt organic and just fit really well. And Mulan is a queen, i love her so much. Emma being in the enchanted forest. Great set up for the next season and Neverland. I love Belle so seeing more of her was great. I also enjoy the development Hook has from his introduction til the end of this season and his willing to give up revenge to save Henry/help Emma. As much as I hate Neal, I think his addition to this season was necessary to Emma’s storyline as well as Rumple’s and even Hook’s to a degree. So even though he sucks, his character was able to show us different sides and dynamics of other characters that I thought was important. Even though I wish certain things involving him were handled in better ways.

Season 3: This is my favourite season. Both 3A and 3B are amazing. Neverland is great, Everyone trying to work together to save Henry is great. Sassy Hook and Sassy Regina, amazing. Emma taking charge is great. Hook’s belief in Emma. More of Hook’s backstory. That fucking kiss. Hook’s secret. Emma using her magic. Meeting Tink. “I hoping you were dead” Peter Pan was a cool villain. Regina and Rumple’s evil shit not meshing with the Charmings. Hook saving David. Neverland was kind of my life. I’m gonna say it is around the time that I start to have some issues with Snow. I also didnt love that both David and Snow were pushing Emma towards Neal but, I believe they likely didnt know the whole story. Rumple killing himself to kill Pan was fucking epic. Pan being in Henry’s body was a boss twist. Emma and Hook’s goodbye. Mulan being into women, yay!! Her heart being broken boo!!! Belle and Ariel teaming up was chill, I think this season had Belle’s hero flashback and that was great, but I honestly don’t remember when that happened. 3B was amazing. Hook believing Emma was his true love, him going to find her. Zelena was a good villain. Also the Cora flashback was fucking crazy. Neal was an idiot in this season but, whatever. Hook and Henry bonding. Hook’s regret for what he did to Belle and Ariel. Regina and Tink flashback was into it. Outlaw Queen loved. Liked that David and Snow had another baby, didnt like the name. Regina suddenly getting light magic was weird and not totally into. Loved Zelena/Regina showdowns though. The finale was the greatest thing ever. Like everything about it was great. “Someday I’ll stop chasing this woman” “I’d go to the end of the world for her, or time” “We both know i’m his type” Past!hook scene. When they kidnap Marion. When Emma deprived Hook of his dashing rescue. The ball!!! Watching Emma watch her parents meet. David and Hook’s talk. “You traded your ship for me?” “Aye” That fucking kiss!!! Rumple and Belle’s vows were amazing even though there wedding upset me. Like I was really pissed cause this mofo was lying to her again. Regina not getting to be happy w/ Robin sucked but, her bitching to Emma about it was trash. And i forget about how adorable Roland is.

Season 4: I like 4A like alot actually. I know a lot of people aren’t a fan of the frozen arc, but I like it. I love Elsa in this. She has a really great friendship with Emma and I like that their friendship isn't over complicated with connections to her family. Elsa also helps Emma accept her magic which I love and she understands that part of Emma in way no one else does. I kind of wish Elsa could have been on longer so Emma could continue to have her own friendships. I enjoy Emma trying to learn how to control her magic. I dont love Ingrid as a villain but I like her backstory well enough and I like how her involvement gives us a look into Emma’s past/childhood. Killian and Emma trying to have a relationship after the whole epic kiss thing is nice. There date is amazeballs. They are like really in love and become committed to making it work through this season and I love that. I’m not a huge fan of Snow through either half of this season, I felt like she was the person who saw the worst in Emma both presently and in the past. I find it really telling that in 4B we see that she is the one to see the vision of evil!Emma. I think this is the season I stop liking Regina cause her angst is kind of dumb and she’s very pity me about it. I love Belle at the end of 4A when she sends Rumple away, I think it is a very empowering moment where she stands up for herself and is able to stand up to her abuser. I like how 4A has a nice intro to Lily through the things we’ve seen of Emma’s past. 4B I liked significantly less then 4A. The season really putting Snowing in a bad light particularly Snow and I believe it definitely highlights the fact that David’s relationship with Emma is closer and healthier then the one Snow has with Emma. The fact that they gave Emma potential for darkness to another kid is super fucked up. I actually find this whole concept kind of dumb, like I don’t think it was a good storyline, it just dumb. Killian trying to make amends with Belle and succeeding til the point that they are friends is great. Rumple scheming to get Belle back is awful. I find Operation Mongoose pretty awful like I feel that Regina blaming the universe for her not getting a happy ending with Robin is dumb. I think that this idea that a villain can’t get a happy ending might be true when you are still a villain but it isn’t true if you are a reformed villain case in point being Killian his relationship with Emma is great this season and he is an actually villain who has and continued to have a really good redemption arc. So the fact that Regina isnt getting a happy ending and her line of thought is along the lines of the actual villains of this season proves she hasnt had a real redemption arc no matter what the characters in universe seem to believe. I do like Maleficent and Regina friendship. Cruella being a villain with no tragic backstory was refreshing. The introduction of the author was cool. Zelena pretending to be Marion was so fucked up and the fact that she got pregnant means that Robin was sexually assaulted(he consented to sleeping with Marion, not Zelena). I liked Lily being involved but I hate that she was never mentioned again. Henry become the author was pretty great. I really liked how the apprentice was all over this season leading to Merlin's involvement next season. Emma sacrifice herself was an intense moment.

Season 5A: I didnt like this season, I believe it was an okay idea but executed poorly. I loved Merlin and liked Camelot and evil!King Arthur was interesting. Violet and Henry were cute and I loved seeing Henry’s first relationship. Emma and Hook’s thoughts on a future together were nice. Getting to see Mulan and Ruby again was great. I thought Merida came out of nowhere and i didn’t think she had a reason to be there so, I didn't love her. Belle giving Rumple another chance upset me. Emma made grave errors in judgement but she did do everything for love, so I felt conflicted. Dark hook was sort of entertaining. Emma killing Killian was heartbreaking.Her threatening Gold was badass. Gold lying to Belle again was fucking annoying. Emma going to the underworld to save her mans was great.

Season 5B: I have issues with this Arc on many levels. One being I like greek mythology and because of that I hate when Hades is portrayed as like super evil when he’s really not, he’s stern and stubborn but not evil. He tends not to actually torture people there are other people in the underworld to do that and that only really happens in Tartarus where only the worst of the worst go and though he implements punishments he tends not to be the one who created them, that tends to be the gods that the people in Tartarus actually messed with. So they vastly misrepresented him and I was not a fan of that. And as cute as Zelena and Hades might have been Hades is married and is the only god who doesnt really cheat on his wife so I’m not overtly a fan of that. If we discard everything that is wrong about Hades and the underworld there are other issues I have with this season. Regina is just pretty awful in this season. She tries to force Robin to forgive Zelena as well as let her see his kid when this woman raped him. She also treats Emma like crap like she’s a super hypocrite, the way Regina treats Emma when Hook dies and the way she expects Emma to treat her after Robin dies is ridiculous. Robin’s death is also fucking awful. And Regina blaming Zelena pisses me off but whatever. I thought Liam was kind of dick. And Rumple was even more garbage then I expected. I loved getting to see Milah and I found the flashbacks really good. I enjoy that even with Rumple trying to cause Milah and Emma to hate each other they didn’t. I’m really pissed that Rumple made it impossible for Milah to move on. I wish there was more Milah. Seeing James was fun, like it was hilarious. Cruella and James as a couple was pretty great. Emma and Killian being confirmed true love was amazing. OTP of the gods!!! Emma’s family was very supportive of her. Ruby and Mulan being in an episode was nice and I liked that we had a true love kiss between two women but I would have loved for the first LGBTQ couple on the show to have Mulan be apart of it because I want her to have love so bad. Also I’d rather it be two characters I care about then One character I care about ,Ruby and a character that we barely know, Dorothy. Henry trying to destroy magic was dumb, I understand why he tried, it was just misguided though. He also needs to stop hero worshipping Neal. King Arthur running the underworld is boss. I don’t remember much from the finale other then the destroy magic thing and i know that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was introduced.

Season 6: Wasnt great. I liked Emma and Hook moving in together and the wedding. The musical episode was good. Belle choosing to leave Rumple and having the support of her friends specifically Killian was very moving and empowering. It felt like she was finally done with Rumple which was great and why her getting back with Rumple at the end of the season was so heartbreaking for me. Hyde actually being the good one was cool. Regina using the serum was awful and stupid and I hated it, it was just her trying to take the easy way out of redemption. The wish universe was awful and truthfully nothing in it actually made sense like the timeline has to have totally change for Emma to have met Neal in a universe where the curse didn't occur. Wish!Robin ending up with the Evil half of Regina was ironic and hilarious. The flashbacks were used a lot to add unnecessary drama particular the Hook ones. I found the black fairy to be a let down in terms of villains, especially after basically having the evil queen as the villain. She was also basically Rumple and Regina as one villain but with a lot less character depth to make me care in anyway. Rumple being a saviour was awful and didn't make sense. Belle not getting to raise Gideon sucked. Gideon over all was annoying and I think the writers wanted me to sympathize with him and I just didn't. All the added characters happened way too fast and there was just a bunch of characters that were forgotten.

#once upon a time #my thoughts on the seasons minus 7 #anti rumple #anti regina #i guess anti snow but im not sure #Captain Swan #gonna rewatch #this is really long #I dont expect anyone to read #might not make total sense #anti rumbelle

[wolfwhiteflowers]

how to block a fandom.. ugh sigh  vvv

trying to not be so involved in the fandom or so. idk how. (winter hiatus is gonna be hell) 

everyone’s keep bashing on the show and saying mean stuff. be careful what u wish for.  

it’s gonna be fine. it’s just a show, u can do whatever with it, quit it, not take it seriously, or just #anti-

~~~~~~

i guess when a show is old and changing..or there’s a big fandom on online, there’s more fandom wank than I’m used to think there was before(the 1% theory). I’m more on the unpopular opinion-side (I always do). More bitter people and I feel like they’re missing out on some cool stuff that is still there, but they’re too bitter and impatient to see it. Fandom...internet places...people are generally negative? (people don’t like grey angsty arcs) Anyways, i just wanna focus on the positive stuff when i go online or to think. I understand some just wanna chat and rant, and some have other different reasons why they go online etc.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok so i think u just limit to a lot of fandom things. some rules..? this is hard to do. just don’t go on it so much.

-***most of the time, people/fan don’t need the fandom. Fandom is just on the side. I feel like being part of the fandom is like being part of a group or family and just helping people out. It’s like you’re just making up extra time to help/squee/argue people. Idk ..I can not be part of the fandom. //Fandom seems to care about being right, shipping, fave’s attention. Not much on analyzing on story. People suck. -Give a F*ck budget, money, time, energy.

-****try to avoid places where u see people’s opinions(comments/posts) all the time or just view it in short time. (also avoid negative rude people ect. -only read on positive people’s) It’s hard because fan forum sites, there’s great convo/analyzing/meta discussion in there that u sometimes don’t see in it like tumblr. But, lately i see people hate-watching commenting. (like “ofc, showrunner does this.” “i hope rating goes down so my fave actor can have a better job opportunity, or show it in showrunner’s face my ship is better than the notp and the spotlight.” ..really a lot of fans say the same things in any fandom. is it even true? )

-kinda..avoid stans...shipper stans. they only care about a ship. ok that’s kinda harsh..but yeah they’re most likely to be bitter because the show focus on other characters/ships too. Also, skim past the dramatic/jealous-like posts. 

-..idk why, but people like to compare all the time. criticize and judge quickly. like ok....why not both (fave ships)? Why compare faves? Good thing the show is just focusing on everyone..ok. Oh, and the whole this character is “weak” ok ..so say it to a disabled veteran or an abused wife. sigh. I don’t want to see a show with perfect strong superheroes. BORING! This show is not a boring video game. idk..some people don’t think ...critically or long-term.. like come on..this show, most shows are about characters and them being strong emotionally and physically in their challenges. Also, another thing, idk why fans focus on what the writers are saying but not thinking on the other characters too. Like if the show focus on a character apologizing to another character. That character who apologized= fandom hates him/her. But this other character who is a dick but the show doesn’t address it and doesn’t redeem him/her = fandom doesn’t care or notice it. Another is that fandom don’t like complex character...female characters blah blah. Idk what’s my point here. fandom popularity? so just know that sometimes fandom is just so immature, annoying and rude. So, try to avoid it.

-not a lot of people are overall-fans, so...there’s more wank for me to see it. same with being a multi-shipper, i see more wank too. Like me shipping c@ryl and r!chonne. boy, i see hate on all of them on per character. (because people who don’t like c@ryl are not r!chonners...but they may also ship r!chonne. idk why it’s c ship vs. r ship. it’s just ABD/C shippers.)

-oh, thing about generalizing. People love to generalize. sigh. I should try not to be so sensitive in the fandom or I’m so caught up in fandom wank. i should not take it seriously when people generalize...anyways people generalize things and that always create drama/fandom wank. omg. ugh. Sometimes, these people are ones that just plain assholes. So, block them. Sometimes, it’s just they said it wrong and/or thought it wrong. So, idk. Try to say “IMO,...” “Some shippers...”

-idk if it’s accurate...but my theory or what i heard..is that the show is the showrunner’s/writer’s show. It’s not mine and it’s not the fans’ show. Everyone’s have different likes and wants. Writers can’t please everyone. I heard that it’s good that the showrunner’s stick to what s/he wants because it’s their story and it’s not giving fanservice to please different types of people all the time.If they keep pleasing other people, it makes the show inconsistent and frustrating. Criticisms is ok but I think showrunners know and see it and they decide what to do with it. 

- ratings. ok so that’s hard to handle. it’s just part of being a tv fan. it’s all show business kind of thing. just be realistic. show’s gonna end someday. hopefully there will be a good conclusion and how the writers want it to go for the show. nothing’s goes fair and perfect on shows. (like there’s actors leaving or canceling) I don’t believe in those theories on changing writer’s minds on character/ships and stuff.

-putting words into actor’s/writer’s mouth. i hate that. These fans are obviously biased and ..like entitled-fans. (kinda like bad irl shippers too) This annoys so much. No one knows what the actors/writers are really thinking. That’s their personal life and they have their own personal opinions. so, saying this actor wants to leave because the show sucks, character is not focused as much, or they hate their co-stars. It’s soooo dumb and so rude. u don’t know them. what if the actor wants to leave because of sick family or just want to change careers or whatever. I just would rather have the facts and actor’s statement to say what really is going on. I don’t wanna theorize on biased-rumors. I also..just not into actor’s life. Like I’m not into idolizing actors/other performers etc., because I just don’t know them fully and ..it always end up disappointing..(like omg she smokes? omg she’s a drunk driver? omg she got married to that guy eew why?). So, idolize ..a little. My point is..idk just skim past the entitled fans...

-i like this advice from someone, ... go to #showedits Maybe even go to #showspoilers.( Well to look at overall of the show and gifsets. but there’s still wank, so idk.)

-i feel like idk what to think about the show because i feel like I’m worried about the fans’s feelings/thoughts and wonder what’s their reactions will be this time after an ep aired. I’m so caught up on fandom that idk what i myself like on the show or think what’s right. ....So I take a moment to myself and think on what I like and don’t like in an episode. Write out your feels! ...don’t need to have the fandom anyway.

-always ask, do i still trust the writers? Does my fave characters still in-character and I understand where the story or season’s story is going? Do I still like it?// Just know what kind of show it is. it’s just a show on that day to watch. maybe not get so invested next time. Or, to quit the show, find a spot in the show and say that’s my finale ep of the show for me. ..and there’s fanfictions. just make one up in ur head, an ending, and then move on. These are all fictional stories, you can do whatever with it.

-if ya wanna rant negative. imo, i like to just write it out and tag it #anti- and put it under ‘keep reading’. idk, deal with it, on what the show is, realistically. grieve it. it’s ok to quit a show. /////sometimes, when im confused of the plot and get mad at the writers, sometimes it’s best to wait it out...sometimes the writers already know about the “problem/drama of the plot” and they make sense later on.

-focus on what u like about the show. Do fan art! look at fan art, read fanfiction, and fan videos! Write it out on what u like and speculate. get it out of ur chest.

-during hiatus, there’s more fandom wank. sometimes, just wait a day, the wank is not there anymore. so, do fan art, or just go look into another show and stuff. take a break.

-having unpopular opinions. oh well. what the majority say isn’t always right. idk just shrug and be proud of ur thoughts or crack ship. if it’s like unpopular opinion on the show’s writing, then keep in mind, and maybe the show isn’t for you and that’s ok. *it’s all what the writers want to do. The majority doesn’t know and change the story atm. This part seems to be the hardest..cos u can see majority’s opinions all the time and everywhere. Usually negative sigh. So my tumblr dashboard ..is all mostly one fandom-fans. eh. so i see a lot.  Just keep scrolling and know ..that person from that fandom, probably complain about something. 

-most importantly, I tell myself, “do i still like the show? Do I still wanna watch and see how it goes?” Then if yes, then so it is. It’s all about me..if I still like the show. My time, money, care.

-tired of negative talk of anything. sigh. idk. (why do they repeat the same thing and say it 25,375 times? nothing’s changed. it doesnt help me or u. just deal w/ur crap feels now and get it over with.) (some say it’s bad writing when it’s just something they don’t like. something minor. complain easily. basically..it’s just that it’s the writers’s show or they forget it’s a season-long arc.) i guess go elsewhere . fanart.

#wolfwhiteflowers #*fandom #all about trusting the writers #*fandom wank

[mercenarypark]

medic hcs

Em made a big hc post for heavy a few days ago [here] and ive been meaning 2 finally do the same w/ medic bcause im gay

note: while i try to be brief about the details, this post is about a gay jewish man in Germany during wwii. to set aside any initial worries, no, he is never kept in the camps- as a jewish person myself it sickens me deep in my stomach to even think of that possibility. but there’s still mentions of n/zism and antisemitism, as one would expect.

also, a fair amount of the details of my medic hcs for his childhood are based on the german side of my family, primarily my grandfather and his father. while i still only know a little about my family history[tm], details like medic’s last name, how his family were able to lay low, etc, are based on the little bits and pieces ive heard from my grandmother #antisemitism #nazism #homophobia #transphobia #satanism #long post #text heavy #tf2 #gore text #medical abuse #malpractice #experimentation mention 

-Medic was born roughly around 1925- he’s in his early 40s around when the game takes place- to the name [redacted] Reichstein. the Reichsteins were reviled in their little town as mad doctors, which was at least somewhat true- they certainly weren’t shy to experimentation on body parts and [willing] subjects. but a good part of the hatred for them stemmed from Good Old Antisemitism, focusing their hate on the fact that they were an openly jewish family and saying that that must be influencing their occasionally morally dubious behavior

-for the longest time, though, people tolerated them- they were the only doctors around, after all. but as time went on, the disgusted glances turned to hate speech, turned to violent threats, and eventually, to violent actions.

-medic’s father, who had long since been debating on moving, finally packed the family up[against his wife’s wishes], and within a night, their home and lab were deserted.

-his father could tell that something terrible was coming. he brought down an ultimatum- they would have to abandon everything jewish about themselves in order to survive. medic was young, still, and didn’t fully understand the severity of why his father seemed so adamant that they never mention holidays they once celebrated, why their old family photos were torn and burned, why his mother was constantly reprimanded when her Yiddish roots showed through her accent

-medic’s father pulled a few favors, and before they moved into a new city, the family name was changed to Reich- a more acceptable, more German name. Reichstein could raise eyebrows, lead to questioning about jewish roots, but there have always been many Reichs in Germany.

-that’s also when Medic got his birthname changed to Ludwig, and he and his mother had to fight like hell for that. his father argued that the last thing they needed was another target on their back- if anyone found out that his son “wasn’t really a boy”, then that would bring the entire family under scrutiny and into danger.

-ludwig refused to take no for an answer. ludwig had always been someone who would rather die than pretend that he’s something he’s not, and this was one of the first signs of that. while he didnt fully understand his connection to judaism, yet, and thus didnt fight to keep it at the time; he DID understand that he wasn’t a girl, and by God did he refuse to pretend otherwise.

-eventually his father relented, though he never once forgot and throughout medic’s childhood, he would bring up how risky it was, how medic was potentially endangering them all.

-to clarify: his father DID technically accept his son being transgender, but he wanted him to repress it, ignore it, force it down and never bring it up, much like their jewish heritage. ludwig refused, and his father never liked that. [when ludwig grew older and became both openly gay AND became a practicing jew again, his father nearly had a fucking heart attack]

-ludwig was heavily isolated for most of his childhood after they moved, partially due to the war’s beginning, partially because his father was afraid of his son giving something away. he was homeschooled by his mother, and rarely left the house, instead spending most of his time playing with the family’s cockatoo, or in his father’s operating room, learning human anatomy

-this isolation[alongside his autism, and veritable cocktail of mental illnesses] helped contribute to medic’s general inability to understand how to interact with people- he is oblivious at the best of times, has no concept of personal space, rarely catches social cues, and has Awful attachment issues. he is overly affectionate with anyone he is even vaguely friendly with, he tends to ramble and talk about uncomfortably personal things without realizing its a bad thing, etc, etc, he is a mess and a half

-he does understand bits and pieces- for example, if he’s physically affectionate with someone, they tend to tense up, and try to get away from him, which means he’s doing something wrong. the problem is that he doesnt understand WHAT he’s doing wrong, or why it’s wrong[answer: he’s covered in blood and bird shit and holding at least one[1] human liver]

-speaking of physical affection, the first time engineer affectionately puts a hand on medic’s shoulder medic fucking freaks out because aside from his parents, NO ONE. no one has ever initiated Friendly Physical Contact with him. usually because theyre freaked out by him in some way. he has no idea how to cope with the fact that someone might actually think of him in a friendly manner to the point of expressing that physically [aside from sexually, which is a whole other story and a half]

-but im getting ahead of myself. the first time ludwig killed a man was when he was 17. a nazi soldier paid an unexpected visit to the Reichs. ludwig, scared for his family’s sake and overwhelmed with a boiling hatred for nazis that had simmered for all of his childhood, killed the man

-his father reacted violently, ranting that now they were doomed, but his mother helped ludwig destroy the body and evidence. by the grace of God, no other nazi followed up that visit- the soldier hadn’t told anyone where he was going, and there had been no witnesses to his visit. and germany was so chaotic at the time, that eventually the man's death was attributed to a previously unnoticed casualty in battle

-that was the first man ludwig killed, and also the first of many, many nazis. he spent a good stretch of his adult life hunting down nazis who had gone under the radar, trying to hide their past ties while still keeping the same disgusting views.

-as ive mentioned, in medical school, ludwig not only became openly gay, but returned to his jewish roots. no longer under his father's roof, and now that the war was over, medic saw no reason to hide aspects of himself any longer. and God help everyone who felt otherwise. especially once the most violently hateful dissenters, began to mysteriously disappear.

-throughout his adult life medic has had Multiple short term, non-serious relationships [including more than his fair share of one night stands], and maybe two serious relationships prior to heavy. neither of those ended well, citing ludwigs mental Fuckery as a big issue. speaking of, his mental fuckery has helped him get into at least a couple abusive relationships, which i wont detail beyond "he survived and healed".

-while he is Jewish, he is the kind of jew who criticizes god every step of the way. at least part of this is due to having to survive during the Shoah.

-the Shoah definitely fucked his mind up. the constant fear for his parents and himself, and the burning hatred for the nazis and everyone who agreed with them or stood back and let them take over, and just overall a horrible sense of helplessness, definitely contributed to a lot of his future mental fuckery, and to his feelings about God. as an adult, and as a doctor, he took the feeling of helplessness he had as a teenager, and flipped it around dramatically- if god didnt help him then, he’d have to become better than god. he would bring retribution where others didnt, and bring power and life to those god would not help.

-he sold his soul to satan sometime around his mid-30s. [this is a sentence that sounds really fucking weird if u dont know much about tf2.] there are a few reasons behind that, but im only gonna talk about one:

-as i've said, medic spent a lot of time murdering nazis who had tried to go into hiding. that's difficult when theyre trying very, very hard to cover up their past. medic struck a deal with satan- in exchange for the names, aliases, and locations of ex-nazis in hiding, he would kill them and send them straight to hell. his soul was just to sweeten the deal.

-ludwig does a Lot of experiments on captured and dead nazis, especially the painful ones. the ol' "removing a patient's skeleton" story was of a nazi officer medic had caught, and medical licence or not, ludwig would do it again in an instant

-medic's flock of homing pigeons, stolen from a wedding van, are like family to him. the original, stolen generation had more pretentious names, as named by their previous owner- mostly well known scientists and philosophers[Archimedes, Newton, Nietzsche, etc]. most of the pigeons he named himself have biblical, jewish names [Mordecai, Elijah, Rebecca, etc]

-ludwig is absolutely never prim, proper, or orderly. if he is wearing a coat that DOESNT have blood and bird shit on it, wait 5 minutes and check again

-he has a tendency to hyperfocus on something and forget things like "humans need food and water to live". heavy usually helps him remember

-medic snores. loudly. and it sounds fucking awful. heavy is, sadly, a very light sleeper. it takes a loooong time for him to finally be able to sleep through medic's snoring, and it winds up being one of the only things he actually CAN sleep through. god help you if you step on a creaky board halfway down the hall, though, because heavy will wake up in an Instant

-if tf2 were in modern times, ludwig's music taste would include a Lot of kesha, klezmer music, black metal, and so on. its varied, is what im saying

-medic, pyro, and soldier all get along surprisingly well together, because they all have a case of "same brain? same brain!", all of them have issues dealing with other people and have problems with processing/understanding things, have trouble w/ psychotic episodes and the like, overall their minds are all wired oddly but somehow they can understand /each other/

-scout accidentally becomes medic's unofficial adopted daughter and thats a whole post and a half on its own. suffice to say medic would do anything for her

-engie, demo, and medic are all Science Gays

-medic also does his best to help demo with his Absolutely Massive Amounts of Trauma and Self Loathing, by at least being a supportive shoulder to lean on when demo tries to drink himself unconscious to forget it all. hes absolutely terrible most of the time at actually saying anything to help, but he can be a good presence, and he has birds. birds help anything

-he has a very casual fling going with spy, since early on in their time at the base. its usually in a state of "on-again off-again", with the latter usually having something to do with how spy acts with scout.

-obviously theres a lot i could say about heavy and medic's relationship, but to put it briefly- theres a loooong time where both of them are "i dont understand social interaction" gays.

-medic is the "i literally dont understand how to act around people im attracted to or that me being extremely overaffectionate around you is due to the fact that im falling in love with you, i dont catch your vague hints towards the fact that you feel the same about me because you literally need to hit me over the head with something in order to get me to catch onto it" gay

-heavy is the "i have spent so many years repressing so much of myself and keeping quiet and not drawing attention to myself, that i physically cannot bring myself to be up front about the fact that im attracted to you. im also afraid of misintepreting signals and i am instead going to assume your over-affectionate attitude is platonic and i am misreading things" gay

-eventually they figure things out and its good and soft and gay

ok its 3 AM and ive been writing on this for at least an hour and a half and i told Em i would go to bed by now dhgfkhhj 

#captain's log #ask to tag / #reblog if u want idc / #im tired hfglghjkhjh #tf2 posts

[cake-of-awesome]

bad

i really need to talk better

i also need to understand myself and my feelings better

dad came in wanting to talk about what my doctor wanted to ask

earlier this week i had a bone density test done. i think it was a follow up test, maybe for the cancer study i was in 10 years ago? im not really sure. the clinic called the house for w/e reason on tuesday and just today i finally called them back mainly due to forgetting and also because i hate phone calls. during the exchange i never really figured out why they called or what the whole deal was, just that i needed to call the hospital in the event i never hear my results from the test? i dont really know or understand and at the time i didnt really care to ask because i was hungry and wanted to get lunch and i always will do whatever it takes to just make a conversation on there as short as possible due to phone anxiety. i didnt even talk to any doctors two receptionists.

i told my dad i didnt know what it was about, just that i should call childrens if i dont get my results back. dad didnt like that answer, he had this skeptical look on his face. im not sure what to make of that like if he was worried somethings up and i have cancer cells in my bones or what but he quickly changed the topic to ask if anything else was going on because i had this deer in a headlights look, i didnt really know what to say so he went on to ask if i was still planning on seeing a doctor about my depression

im supposed to be seeing another counselor on monday, im hoping the meeting goes good and i can finally have a regular therapist to deal with this depression anxiety tornado of whatever thats been going on

i told him that yeah im still going to do that on monday and then he just, asked me if i was sure i was depressed

i mean? really?

to be perfectly honest i’m not sure i am depressed. but then agaim im not sure about basically everything at this point.

im not sure im ace. im not sure im a girl. im not sure i enjoy reading or writing or doing art or anything. im not sure i want to exist. im not sure about a lot of things and im not feeling anything either. is that a sign of depression?

various people have pointed out that i sound depressed for a few years now is that a valid sign? or just bullshit?

i have scars (subtle sure but still there) from burns and scratches i did to myself. does that count as self harm? is that a sign of depression? i’ve also caught myself idealizing my own death several times these past few weeks. is that depression? i mean im never going to act on those thoughts. but then again the main reason is because im just too tired.

like i honestly dont know

and of course i never said any of those things because at the time it was too on the spot. all i could mumble out was that movies arent ejnoyable as an example and i feel like it didnt really translate well enough since later on he said maybe im not enjoying movies much because my thinking is too clouded with all the art stuff i learned in college to appreciate it for what it is

the conversation turned pretty one sided at that point

dad just said that the feelings im having arent unique and that my entire generation in general has these issues and mostly said its due to the internet because my generation spends all their time online to be social which isnt the same as actually getting out and seeing people and hanging out there and that what im feeling is partly to blame due to all i do is go to work and then come home and dont do anything else inbetween

yeah, i agree with him, obviously social media interactions dont equal actual hugs and meet ups and the like, of course not.

but at the same time the reason i dont do anything when im home is because i dont have the will to do anything. im so tired and so exhausted. and unless im being invited to something or find a reason to get up i just wont leave my room sometimes.... and i dont think its laziness?

i mean back in college this was an issue too. thats when i started to scratch at myself as a way to self harm. there were several times i would just lock myself in a public restroom or hide out in some trees and wait out an anxiety attack because i didnt want my friends or roommates to ask questions. and whenever i came back from going to club meetings and hang outs in the city or whatever i found myself feeling exhausted and terrible. 

like okay, one, i had stress from being away from home and having so much school work certainly didnt help anything but this was also the most social i ever got and was working with such a wide circle of people and doing things that i *loved* which were good things?

im really lost right now. dad is right i am isolated now that im here which doesnt help anything. maybe im not depressed maybe its all in my head. maybe my problem isnt that im not feeling anything but i dont have anyone to hang out with because i dont make friends or deep personal connections with people who are in my area.

but maybe the reason i dont do that is because im so anxious all the time. maybe im so tired all the time is for those same reasons. maybe the reason i dont feel anything is because im too tired to process anything. maybe i do feel and have emotions like anger fear and crying but only at precise moments that trigger them into a hurricane. maybe what i need is help to deal with this anxiety thats eating me alive so that im drowning in nothing.

maybe thats my problem. in which case i still need help. i cant live my life in this perpetual state of saying whatever the hell without processing whats going on or even caring about it. or freezing up and unable to say what i mean because i dont know what i mean or am thinking in the first place. 

i am so damned tired

it took so much effort to convince myself i needed to speak up, and then to go through with the act, and find the doctors and everything and now being questioned like this, even if it was out of concern or similar motiviations, this is just my worst fear confirmed

im already filled with confusion and self doubt about every other aspect there is i dont need another reason to doubt my own mental statei already spent probably 3? 4 years? convinced this was all in my head?

i dont even know why he asked this, his own sister has depression and his wife, my mom had it too when i was born? im not sure if he was asking out of concern or wariness because he doesnt want me to get addicted on opiodes or what

i dont even WANT medication. im so afraid at the idea that once im medicated i’ll actually go through with it. right now the only thing im taking is some vitamin d supplements and thats it. i dont want to take anything else. not until im out of the house and living somewhere where i dont know where the key to the gun cabinet and gunshells are located.

.

.

.

i think the worst part is at the end of the talk he said that if i ever wanted to talk about anything i could always come to him. he doesnt even realize how conflicting that is to say after asking if im sure i have depression. and im not even sure how to even broach that topic myself

i am so tired

#whispers #bad #self harm #suicide #had a talk with dad and its a rant about that