#tag.words

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Its a funny thought to wonder how a Finwion Custody Battle over Gil-Galad would go, but consider; everyday elves keep trying to make Gil-Galad king again.

Gil-Galad is dodging various crowns left and right. The die-hard feanorians see that the king who reluctantly took them in after mae&mags died is back and immediately try to swear allegiance anew while Feanor and his sons are on probation (to Elrond’s delight, the little shit). Gil-Galad makes an inspirational speech about the inherent danger of Oaths (think; TedTalk). Unfortunately, that only makes him look more kingly and they might as well have sweared anyway.

All the lords of Gondolin are either trying to remain in Retirement or don’t have enough reputation points. Turgon is distracted with his reembodied wife and rebuilding Gondolin anew. So the Gondolindrim elves keep trying to make Gil-Galad their representative in Finarfin’s high court since he’s obviously of Nolofinwion heritage. Gil-Galad dodges that Kingly Position only because he makes a petition for Egalmoth to become the new head advisor and official representative of Gondolin in Valinor in Turgon’s stead.

The Doriathrim have their own king back (all hail Thingol and his weird tree wife). But they still wanna give back to the king that took them in as refugees. So the Doriathrim try to elect and sell Gil-Galad’s reputation to Thingol. Gil-Galad almost becomes a part of Thingol’s court as a highly-respected advisor and steward. He doesn’t only becomes he throws Elrond to the wolves and books It before the Doriathrim aren’t distracted by their strange, distant prince suddenly appearing.

Even the Avari get in on it as some point. They try to elect Gil-Galad their Noldoran representative in Valinor for all the tribes because he always treated them fairly in Middle-Earth, he doesn’t treat them as second-class citizens, and he doesn’t treat them like savage idiots. Unfortunately, that’s basically being High King of The Avari. Gil-Galad escapes this crown by honorably (panickingly) saying that an elven race should have their own leader from their own people. He encourages the Avari to represent themselves and face discrimination with their heads held high. Gil-Galad doesn’t become king but the Avari see him as a king in his own right nonetheless (which he pretends to not notice).

Anyway, the entire premise is that the universe keeps trying to make Gil-Galad a king or king-adjustant. but Gil keeps dodging every crown and sleeping in Elrond's guestroom (or the couch, during the Doriath Incident)

The end result is that every elven race ends up seeing him as a king anyway, even without people actively, publicly following him.

(Of course, the Feanorians follow him discreetly, but Gil-Galad won’t make a fuss as long as they are quiet about it.)

He thinks the Feanorians will abandon him when Feanor & Co’s probation ends. He is wrong, and Gil-Galad becomes an ambassador for the Feanorian Faction, to Elrond’s delight (little shit).

#silmarillion #tag.words #silm headcanon #elrond and gil galad #gil galad #ereinion gil galad #silm shitpost

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Obsessed with the idea of Maedhros being programmed to react to crying babies.

Like, anyone could hand Maedhros a baby elfling, edain, or anything else humanoid and he’ll just Take The Baby and start cradling it on instinct.

This guy has six (6) younger brothers.

Imagining a scenario where post-angband Maedhros is sleeping (miraculously) but someone’s baby starts crying outside his tent and Maedhros just, shoots straight up immediately like “where is baby. Why is baby crying.” And it’s the most encouraging thing that Mae’s done since Fingon rescued him.

#tag.words #maedhros #post angband maedhros #silmarillion #silm headcanon

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Lmao imagine if a couple wanted to get married in Lindon or Imladris and saw Elrond and was like “sure why not” and just, asked him to witness their vows in place of any actual maiar or valar.

Like the relationship between the elves in the Valar-Only-Mildly-Care Place and the Valar/Maiar themselves has got to still be stiff since elves are stupidly stubborn about holding grudges, so imagine if a couple just went “fuck the valinor glowsticks, Lord Elrond has been feeding us well and sheltering us for over a century. He’s got some ainur blood anyway.”

So they ask Elrond to be witness and he agrees thinking they just want a lord’s blessing or something and then-

“[Elvish Marriage Vows] we swear in the name of Lord Elrond Peredhel and Eru Illuvatar [More Marriage Vows]”

And at this point Elrond just has to roll with it but he bluescreens later while Erestor and Glorfindel laugh at him (Celebrian and or Gil-Galad too if they’re around)

Bonus points if It becomes a tradition in Imladris/Lindon even though he neutrally suggests a vala instead every time like

Elrond, trying not to get smited as soon as he steps foot into Valinor: hey Lady Yavanna is pretty cool though, right?

Elven Couple, exiled thousands of years ago and still frost-bitten: yes, pity there were no flowers in the Grinding Ice, my Lord. Anyways, would you mind being a witness to our wedding ceremony?”

Elrond starts glowing slightly and never lives it down. He goes to Valinor and people still ask him out of tradition or genuine respect and the Valar just have to put a small tapestry of Elrond as a patron of unions or something so they can claim some sort of control over the situation.

Elrond is mortified, and nobody lets him live it down.

#silmarillion #silm headcanons #silm hcs #elrond #elrond peredhel #tag.words #eldritch peredhel #somewhat #elrond is so done #the valar are determined to seem in control #and totally not blinded by this sorta-maia gaining more followers than tulkas #Tulkas the Useless as the middle-earth elves say #is rlly trying not to look offended #he is failing

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Ok but imagine the Noldor trying to have a nice banquet after the entire Finwean Fam has been therapized and released from Mandos. Except Eonwë is the one announcing the names and titles as people arrive (it’s supposed to be a sign of goodwill from the Valor).

All goes well (except when he announces to the entire room that “Fingon Findékano Astaldo Nolofiniwion, Prince of The Noldor and Husband of Maedhros Neylafinwë Maitimo Feanorian” has arrived. In his defense, Eonwë didn’t know secret marriages could last almost four ages). But the Real Drama starts when Elrond arrives.

When Elrond arrives; Eonwë looks at the Peredhel in the entranceway, looks at his magic Scroll of Heritage-Information, and there is a long moment of silence where Eonwë contemplates if he really wants to spend 5 whole minutes announcing Elrond’s heritages.

Eonwë, in the end, decides to take a shortcut. Cuz how wrong could it go? As such, he announced to the Finwean Fam, several courtiers, several politicians, and to the face of Finwe’s actual children that “Elrond, Lord of Imladris Remade, Descendant of Finwë Noldoran and Elwë Singollo, and [Insert Celebrian’s Introduction] has arrived.”

Speculations rise, and whispers are everywhere about what the hell “Descendant of Finwë and Elwë” could mean. (A lovechild, somebody says once jokingly).

Elrond was expecting Earendilion, Neylafinwion, or Kanafinwion, even Peredhel. He was not expecting the first kings of the Noldor and Sindar themselves to be named.

Anyway, the worst part is that because of Mixed Ancestry, Elrond actually does look like a combination of Finwë and Elwë. The lovechild rumors grow.

#silmarillion #silm headcanon #elrond #finweans #elrond peredhel #eonwe #russingon #briefly #fingon #tag.words #finwe #elwe #elwe singollo #thingol #elu thingol #whys this guy got so many names #tag.headcannons

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

I love the idea of Gil-Galad just being A Guy while Elrond and Celebrimbor are insane, actually.

Consider;

Elrond, so pissed that the indoor plants are rattling: Fuck That Courtier 👁️⭐️🗡️

Gil-Galad, wondering if he can still eat his salad if it’s sprouted ominous flowers: Yeah, what a bitch.

And

Celebrimbor, setting a jar on Gil-Galad’s desk: I have discovered a new chemical 😁

The Chemical™️: *eats through the jar, eats through Gil-Galad’s desk, sizzling as it tries to eat through the stone flooring*

Gil-Galad, seeing an Opportunity: can you move the jar a little to the left? That’s where the complaints from Lord Oropher are stacked.

Love the idea of Gil being a regular dude while his alleged cousins are the resident eldritch horror and the mad scientist next door.

#tag.words #gil galad #ereinion gil galad #elrond #elrond peredhel #celebrimbor #lindon tolkien #silm shitpost #or #silm headcanon #either one #eldritch peredhel

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Got a Celebrimbor headcanon this time, brainrot bless my nonexistent soul

I like the idea that Celebrimbor inherited Feanor’s Glare™️ because it’s a funny image to think of his father and uncles seeing him after being reembodied and at one point getting a Scalding Glare™️ and immediately getting war flashbacks from their first lives l’mao like-

Curufin, trying to Be A Dad: Tyelpë no

Celebrimbor, who spent thousands of years without Adult Supervision™️ in Endorë: *Glares Exactly Like Feanor*

Curufin, immediately yanked into 5 different flashbacks at once: i think i need to sit down *collapses into a chair*

Also funny to think of Gil-Galad and Elrond being completely unaffected by Feanor glaring at them cuz they got used to Celebrimbor glaring at them while sleep-deprived and covered in forge soot. They just can’t take a Feanor Glare™️ seriously anymore

#silmarillion #celebrimbor #tyelperinquar #curufin #elrond #elrond peredhel #gil galad #ereinion gil galad #silmarillion headcanon #silm headcanons #tag.words

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Ok but consider those “Maeglin Finds and Lives With The Feanorians” fics but Baby! Maeglin was taught all their names by badass “balls of steel” Aredhel, so he thinks their nicknames are their actual names.

So Maeglin, upon meeting the Lord of Himring, is timid and respectful but confidently calls Maedhros One-Handed, Famed Kinslayer, “Lord Neylo”.

#silmarillion #silmarillion headcanons #silm headcanons #tag.words #maeglin #maeglin lomion #feanorians

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Ok but consider; The Valar lie about Maglor being in Mandos.

So let's say Maglor is in middle-earth getting therapy Hobbit-Style. He’s living his best life in The Shire healing from his trauma.

But on the other side of that damn ocean, his concerned, reembodied family (minus Feanor, stubborn ass spirit of fire) are told that he is healing in Mandos. The Valar are thinking it’s fiiiine because he is healing and will probably come to Valinor eventually, right? So what’s the harm?

Meanwhile, the reembodied Sons of Feanor are getting suspicious, and Finrod keeps looking at Maedhros with his “I Know Something They Don’t” look (Maedhros knows every look on his baby cousins’ faces. He babysat every finwean child until Maeglin was begotten. Maedhros Can Tell Something Is Afoot.)

A brief interlude for @dreamingthroughthenoise and @cuarthol ‘s joint Finrod Headcanon; whereas Finrod is the one who created the Sea Longing via trying to get Maglor to come home. Read more about that at your own delight.

Interlude over; So The Valar starts to Sweat because now people are asking questions Galadriel is whispering schemes to her brothers and Finrod is whispering right back (Orodreth is stuck between them happily, the sap). Then the Arafinweans start scheming with the Feanorians and you know the Nolofinweans (*cough* Fingon & Aredhel *cough*) are gonna go kicking down doors to invite themselves into The Scheming.

Before long, the entire finwean fam is Scheming and playing the “I’m sleeping over at the Feanorians’ house” and “I’m sleeping over at the Nolofinweans’ house” game with their parents (Except the Arafinweans, whose parents have long since given up trying to keep track of their children).

Anyway at the end of it all, even Ulmo is in on The Scheming, which helps when the finweans go on a treasure hunt for their last family member in Middle-Earth. The hobbits throw a huge goodbye party. Gandalf is there.

#tag.words #maglor #finweans #finrod #Maedhros #hobbit healing #silm headcanons #in honor of those Maglor Lives In The Shire fics #valar #sons of feanor

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

No, but you know what’s a stab in the heart? All those Skin Condition-Having Caranthir Headcanons existed at the same time as Maedhros’ recovery from Thangorodrim.

Like, Caranthir has had to deal with the Looks from these elves since birth. He is well aware of the difference in how he is treated compared to his ruggedly handsome or sharply beautiful brothers. He knows.

Maedhros does not know. None of his cousins really know.

Except, now Maedhros does.

He is scarred and disfigured, abominable by all beauty standards. Maedhros is no longer “normal-looking” and so now he gets the Looks. He is noticing this.

Fingon is also noticing this. He is angry and betrayed about it. Fingon is fucking seething.

All the finweans notice at some point during Maedhros’ recovery but they all think the elves will get used to it, and that it’ll get better with time.

And here comes Caranthir, in his long-sleeved outfit, and he says “I’m sorry. It doesn’t get better.”

Cue several realizations, Fingon and Celegorm each breaking a chair, and Maedhros feeling Emotions because That’s His Baby Brother Damn It.

They get it now, as much as anyone not Caranthir or Maedhros can get it.

Anyway, I saw a post by @mascula-sappho about Maedhros and ableism connecting to his reputation as a monster and had Thoughts, Angst Thoughts.

#also if any of yall have a skin condition then you know what i mean by Looks #as someone who had a skin thing since birth i’m saying that you dont talk about the Looks unless with someone else Like You #or maybe thats just me and my trauma #but still #if you know you know #caranthir #maedhros #fingon #skin condition #caranthir headcanon #silm headcanons #tag.words #thangorodrim #sons of feanor

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

You know what would really kill you with either tears or laughter?

All those “Unhealthy Kidnap Dads” fics but with M&M surviving via Divine Peredhel Intervention. So now M&M, who are codependently attached to each other in despair and love in equal measure, have to live confined in an apartment or something within Lindon.

And of course, the elves have to keep an eye on The Kinslayers™️, right? And Gil-Galad is demanding at least a status report once a week about The Kinslayers™️

Anyway so M&M, as is their way, are still doing their unhealthy bullshit to each other and the Lindon Elves are slowly but surely starting to intervene whenever a despairing Maedhros snarls at a hopeful Maglor, or an angry Maglor throws a wine glass at a solemn Maedhros.

Eventually, the Lindon Elves are straight up like “We need an actual mental health professional before we put these two grown-ass elves in time-out”.

And Gil-Galad, of course, is being harassed daily by Elrond about the difference between Sickness and Evil, until he just grants Elrond’s request for a mind healer (or the closest thing they have to one at the time).

Anyway, the summarized concept of this is that M&M makes the Lindon Elves see them as people not because they wish to die, but because they so obviously live in despair.

#silmarillion #silm headcanon #silm headcanons #maedhros #maglor #elrond #gil-galad #lindon #tolkien lindon #tag.words #kidnap fam #kidnap dads #dysfunctional kidnap dads dynamic but make it from an outside perspective

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

I use this celebrimbor concept in my gil-galad fic but Celebrimbor isn’t the mc so it’s not expanded upon, but also, I wanna talk about it.

So, as a concept; Celebrimbor makes fake plants.

It’s mostly a crack headcanon because Celebrimbor is an Inventor (*cough* mad scientist *cough*) and Inventors always make practical stuff that looks normal. Like, Celebrimbor opens the inside of a fake plant in front of Galadriel (who didn’t notice the fake plant was so…mechanical), and now Galadriel doesn’t trust any of the fake plants in Eregion. Are they all decorative? Do they all have secret compartments? Who knows! (Celebrimbor refuses to tell her which are decorative-fake and which are hidden-knife-fake)

It escalates to the point where Gil-Galad gets gifted a Fake Plant and after tugging on a rubber leaf (per the instruction manual), the whole pot opens to reveal an ornate set of well-made daggers.

Elrond also gets gifts inside Fake Plants. Narvi, too, who thinks it’s hilarious.

At one point, Celebrimbor discovers a way to make the fake plant leaves sway in the wind without the stiffness of rubber, and a new type of silicone that feels leafy to the touch if prepared properly. Galadriel’s paranoia grows as the Fake Plants get more realistic.

Love the idea of Celebrimbor and the classic “Inventor Makes Hidden Compartment Inside Harmless Things” trope. I think it’s just the right amount of harmless, accidentally threatening, and Mad Scientist to fit Celebrimbor’s character.

#tag.words #celebrimbor #galadriel #gil galad #fake plants #silmarilllion #silm headcanon

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Headcannon that teen-young adult maedhros used to babysit for various exhausted parents all the time and gained some automatic habits because of that

And in beleriand/idk not valinor he gained a bonus trait of Making Sure Parents With Small Children Are Protected During Raids

This was a handy habit until he accidentally treats Maglor like a civilian parent during a raid in Elrond & Elros’ childhood

Maglor’s offended shriek of “DO I LOOK LIKE A DAMSEL TO YOU!” Echoed for miles (he also never let maedhros live it down, the little shit)

#silmarillion #maedhros #maglor #maglor is dramatic abt it for weeks #maedhros is wondering when he started identifying parents as Anyone With A Child On Their Hip #tag.words

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Ok but wouldn’t it be funny if

Arwen, newly arrived in Valinor after faking her and Aragorn’s death and squirreling themselves away on a ship: of course i have proof i am who i say i am! I know the family technique.

Arwen, making the rivers jump to her command via a Song of Power: see? I am clearly Elrond Peredhel’s daughter and of Luthien’s line.

Arafinwe, who damn well knows Maglor used that technique against rebellious baby cousins and various unfortunate Silmaril-thieving kin: oh you are definitely Elrond’s

#tag.words #silmarillion #tolkien #arwen #lady arwen #arwen undomiel #kidnap fam #maglor teaching itty bitty elrond his techniques #and elrond teaching itty biity arwen those same songs of power #nobody knowing except galadriel just how many Family Techniques #and Family Heirlooms #are actually feanorian and not doriathrim #until the peredhel fam sail to valinor and celebrian is cooking one of feanors experimental bread recipes #and elrond is debating just like maedhros in his youth #and the twins are sparring using the Ambarussa’s swords #and arwen is calling the river to her command #just #the peredhel fam having feanorian undertones without completely realizing #arafinwe #finarfin #finarfin is so done

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Ok but wouldn’t it be funny if Elros put out a decree or something that if Maglor Feanorian is found, he is to be brought relatively unharmed to the king?

And then his descendants keep up the tradition, at first cuz they’re like “that’s the elf that raised dad/granddad/great grandfather/our ancestor”

But then the decree gets increasingly more vague as time goes on until its just “if you see a dark-haired, depressed elf that sings really good bring them to the king’s family”

Then The Fall of Numenor happens and it becomes a Dúnedain tradition to keep an eye out for a bedraggled elf singer with the self-esteem of a smashed coconut

It’s even funnier if Elrond is fully aware of this decree-turned-tradition and is the one encouraging it and keeping it going throughout generations like

Baby Dúnedain, pointing at a painting of Maglor & Maedhros Feanorian: who’a they?

Elrond, fostering another of his brother’s descendants: how about i tell you story about the time my brother and i rode mattress down the stairs, crashing straight into our atar, and afterwards you can learn about our family’s very special tradition

#silmarillion #elros #elros tar minyatur #maglor #elrond #elrond peredhel #cutscene to Maglor running away from numenorians for thousands of years #and then the Dúnedain #they catch him eventually in a hilarious game of #How Many Nets Do We Have To Wrap Around This Elf Until He Cant Break Out Anymore #silm headcanons #elros headcanons #tag.words

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Enough Snooty Not-Fun Turgon, where are the Lawful Little Shit Turgon believers.

Turgon “I’m gonna make my HIDDEN CITY a GLARING, UNNATURAL WHITE” Nolofinwion

Turgon “god gave me permission, so bye bitches” Nolofinwion

Turgon “I didn’t kill Eöl, it was gravity” Nolofinwion

Turgon “I came for Findarato, fuck the rest of y’all.” Nolofinwion

Turgon “Nirnaeth: AND ITS TURGON WITH THE STEEL CHAIR” Nolofinwion

I just want to see more of Turgon being a bitch and serving absolute cunt

#this isn’t a call out post #i just think Turgon has more use as A Bitch then as that boring side character guy #y’know? #better a bitch than a bore #turgon #nolofineans #silm headcanon #tag.words

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Something something Adult Elrond wanting his daughter to stay with him and be safe and alive even if she may be unhappy, and manipulating his daughter into making a huge decision to fit that by not telling her his entire Vision

Something something Tiny Elrond and Tiny Elros being somewhat-forced to listen to Maglor & Maedhros, because the brothers wanted them to be safe and alive even if not happy

Something something generational trauma and Adult Elrond accidentally treating his children like he and his brother were treated as children sometimes

Something something Arwen knowing how much her dad loves her and loves him back anyways, even though she had to break free time of his safety eventually to go her own path.

Something something Arwen being less Luthien-Reborn and more reflection of her uncle Elros (who broke his fathers’ rules more than his brother ever did)

Something something Elrond being more Maglor than Thingol, and Celebrian more Maedhros than Melian

M&M letting the twins go in the end for their own safety. Elrond letting his daughter go in the end for her own happiness.

#silmarillion #tolkien #elrond #arwen #maglor #maedhros #peredhel fam #kidnap fam #kidnap dads #generational trauma x3 for elrond ksksk #Celebrian being tortured and then being too distant (across the ocean) to rlly parent and keep her co-parent in line #something about maedhros letting primary caretaking fall on maglor without rlly checking in on them #history repeating itself but not how you think #tag.words #peredhal fam + kidnap fam #silm #silm meta #ig