#suicide ment cw

[go-to-the-mirror]

Underneath the autism smile is suicidal depression

#doctor who #ninth doctor #landscaping your mind chapter one #he’s blorbo to me #suicide ment #suicide mention #suicide ment tw #suicide ment cw

[mamawasatesttube]

going to bed but thinking about kon and his suicidality as selflessness and how heroism and self-destruction share quite the overlap and how saving the world with his death was heroic but also the culmination of a pattern of passive suicidality he displayed since practically his first day alive. what does it mean when you're so eager and willing to help at any cost to yourself that you assume you will not see yourself grow up? "i don't care what happens to me" is a scary place to be, but "i don't care what happens to me, so long as i can save everyone" is noble and brave, right? so when does heroism become an act of self-destruction? when you truly believe in helping others, but you also think you'll die doing it one day and that isn't enough to stop you... where's the line?

#yes ive been listening to close every door and thinking about kon for days. listen. #''i do not matter / i'm only one person / destroy me completely and throw me away'' #''if my life were important / i would ask 'will i live or die?' / but i know the answers lie / far from this world'' #is this about humility and the knowledge that the singer is just one of many lives and no more important than any of them? #or is it about the singer seeing himself as disposable? #is there even a difference between the two? #why is humility to the point of destruction so praised in martyrs yet frightening to encounter in a loved one? #(perhaps the loved ones of a martyr would say it *was* frightening) #what is heroism if not the pursuit of martyrdom? #like obviously that's not all there is to it but from the kon context (the kontext if you will). #the themes. the motifs. and my agonies. they are all there and real. #suicide ment cw #kon #rimi talks

[arofulboyfriend]

on the future

When I was in my last semester of my associates, one of the classes I had to take was either public speaking or communications. I chose communications because fuck talking to the public.

It was a fun class, and my professor is great, and we still hang out and get lunch together a lot, even though I graduated in 2022 and will be going back to a different college soon.

But something in our textbook has, as dramatic as it may seem, almost haunted me ever since I read it.

It said that once a couple gets married and decides to have children or otherwise fully integrate their lives together, that they are statistically nearly guaranteed to steadily drop their single, non-partnered, not child-rearing friends, and only make friends with other married parents.

And... reading that made me sad. I have no desire to get married even if it's a platonic marriage of convenience, and I will never, ever, have children. But I don't want to live alone, even if one day I do finish my doctorates and get a job that pays me more than enough to do so, because I'm a social, cuddly person. And it didn't make me just sad, it basically confirmed in confident, scientific terms that my worst fear of ending up sad and alone and unsupported were going to come true.

You see, my aroace journey has not been a fun one. I've rushed into relationships romantic and sexual, had sex I hated, dated people I didn't like, and even now am in a relationship I'm not truly ecstatic about, just agreed cause she wanted to label me her boyfriend to feel comfortable things I'd 100% do platonically given half a chance. (She's a great friend and I adore her and she's aware I don't feel romantic feelings towards her, our relationship is fine, it's just not a thing I went into with that goal in mind, if that makes sense.)

All because I have a really deep seated and hard to shake fear of abandonment.

There are many reasons for it, but nearly all my friends from childhood and primary school, of which there weren't a lot to begin with, haven't just faded away or grown apart, they've, from my perspective, deserted me, usually to fulfill and commit solely to a romantic relationship. My best friend when I was 14 ran off one day, saddling me with her roleplay forum, so that she could get married, all because her then-fiance said he didn't want me rping with her, because he said it made him jealous. (Nevermind that she was 26, straight, christian, and I was a girl at the time, and also 14, especially 14.)

Ever since then, and especially when compounded with other abandonment even by less close friends, I've been terrified of being replaced, forgotten, cast aside in favor of someone who will kiss them. Logically, I know the experience I detailed above was far from the norm, I shouldn't have been the best friend of an adult woman over 10 years my senior at all, there's no reason her fiance should have seen a kid as a threat especially over SFW wolf roleplay. But it happened regardless, and I started to notice that it was becoming a pattern.

So, I panicked, relentlessly pursued a boy who ended up abusing me, pursued a girl who assaulted me, forced myself to be sexually available to my partner, all for the security I was told a romantic sexual relationship was supposed to have that they wouldn't leave me if I was just good enough. For already obvious reasons, it didn't work, and I lost friends, and then I graduated high school and didn't speak to anyone except 2 people, who ARE still my friends, ever again.

So ever since then I've been wary. A bit more cagey with my trust. My current roommate flirted with me a week after we'd met and had spent that week texting for hours a day, and I snapped at him in a blind panic that I had done something to lead him on, and oh god, this nice boy I want to be friends with is going to leave me.

And he didn't? And now I live with him? And we're still friends, even as the nature of our relationship has changed?

And he introduced me to his other friends! And I'm dating one! And another got me into cosplay! And they accepted my best friend without batting an eye! And we've all been together since just before the pandemic hit, and we're each others confidants and homies hand in beautiful hand together.

But... while I had been able to safely ignore it for nearly 4 years, since the breakup with my ex boyfriend and only sexual/romantic partner since, the fear came back, and stronger, despite all the therapy and self help and building of my self confidence, and then I read that paragraph and panicked.

Because my friends and I are in our mid 20s, and while three of us are aroace, the other five aren't, and they want to form relationships and build families - my roommate wants to do so as fast as possible so he can get citizenship and stop worrying about the status of daca.

And I don't know what I'll do if I lose this group. I remember that stupid fucking paragraph on a single page on a textbook written for and by a small public college in the midwest, and I panic. What if they all get married, move out, have kids, and decide the rest of us aren't worth the effort to stay in touch? What if my roommate kicks me out before I'm ready, to go settle with a fiance? What if, and how will I survive it? The first experience already nearly killed me.

But I was relaying these fears to my grandma last night when she stopped me and asked me how many people in my family have gotten married.

Well... you and grandpa, nano and pops, nano and uncle frank, pops and eleanor, mom and dad, mom and ex step dad, mom and step dad...

I have a much bigger family than that.

My paternal aunt is partnered for 30 years and never intends to marry him. They live separately.

My dad has never remarried and has had unrelated, unromantic, unsexual roommates.

My two maternal great aunts have never been married and never dated and live together.

My half brother is still single with no plans to marry.

My unrelated uncle never married or partnered.

My unrelated aunt never remarried after getting divorced.

If wikipedia is accurate, my cousin hasn't remarried since 1997, and was only married for 7 years.

All my life, I've been fed the idea that damn near everyone settles down, marries, has kids, and this is the natural order of things, and what I must do too. I didn't realize until I laid it out that more of my family have been happily single and/or unmarried for most if not all of their lives than have been the opposite.

What the paragraph failed to mention, and what I failed to realize until last night, was that that statistic can only be even mostly accurate to a time that has already come and gone. It can only be accurate to the generations that birthed the rest of us, and even then, still has another few decades to go before anything will be confirmed.

The rest of us? The rest of us that put the internet's global spotlight on the next generation of the queer community? We're already breaking that trend wide open and proving the statistic wrong and outdated. We're actively choosing to reject the institutions of marriage and of home ownership among a world that ruined both for us. We're prioritizing friendship and shared love over exclusive romances, we're building and supporting communities and challenging the biases of white colonial rule and the relationship to marriage to 2.5 kids and a dog is little more than a soundbite of scorn and mockery.

So... maybe it won't happen, that thing I fear the most. Maybe I can continue to live with my friends, and come home to a lively house or set of apartments each day. Maybe, even if they marry and have 2.5 kids, it'll be a set of goblins we share. Maybe I've found my personal fulfillment, I just have to wait and find out.

I hope I have.

I'll try and hold onto that.

#seren yaps #sex ment cw #abuse ment cw #assault ment cw #suicide ment cw

[coulsonlives]

#i hate how accurate this is someone hug me #antis #censorship #fandom #ao3 #flame wars #meme #suicide ment cw #minors #purity culture #puritanism #satanic panic #sals #ship and let ship #kinktomato #ykinmkato #anti anti

[moonlitkilljoy]

@giftober 2022 | day 11: vehicles

The Venture Bros. Season 4, Episode 14 "Assisted Suicide"

#suicide mention #suicide ment cw #vbros #venture bros #the venture bros #brock samson #shore leave #hank venture #sgt hatred #seargent hatred #(tagging hatred for blacklist ^^ and not taggin d/r o because he's not talking here or anything) #gif #gifset #bennys gifsets #short and sweet one for today <3 #thought about doing a different scene about adrienne but i don't have too much extra time on my hands so i just went for this one :-) #also i adore this episode so fjkgdlkg bonus points for that

[carbonateddelusion]

tough party?

#doodle #doodles #my oc #oc: jack #oc: edgar #alas. lovebirds. #jack in the 80s #edgar in the 80s #jack's edgar #suicide cw #suicide ment cw #suicide threat cw #sui ment cw #sui cw #ask to tag #i rlly like how edgar looks ngl #or. came out #Youtube

[wildmelon]

i wrote this like two months ago when i finished, but im posting it now for my own record lol.

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING FOR CRITICAL ROLE CAMPAIGN 1

scrambled critical role thoughts and opinions after finishing c1:

oh boy i cried through vax's goodbye scene in the last episode, but holy shit i fucking sobbed through his appearance in dalen's closet. how the fuck was liam so perfect at playing an altered version of vax that was still him at heart. every interaction was perfect. cannot describe how i felt when he addressed scanlan, how the fuck could he come up with such a perfect ingenious opener, i was in tears immediately.

i would not have believed you if you told me when i started that scanlan and grog would have been my favorites at the end of the campaign. (well maybe a little bc i am a confirmed travis stan but seriously i didn't anticipate the level of depth, comedy, and heart he brought to grog). grog's kevdak speech is a campaign highlight for me-- no, a 2023 highlight.

i obviously found scanlan somewhat annoying but funny if often outdated. i kind of just wrote it off as something i'd ignore but sam really made a comeback like damn, i was very happy and surprised when he apologized to pike.

scanlan leaving discourse is old news but for me personally it reminded me of myself in really dark times and the ways poor mental health can make you kinda self-centered. not mad about how any of it went down or how it was resolved, and i love how his and vex's relationship became a highlight for me after his return.

i honestly loved the super high emotional stakes of VM, felt like someone was always mad at someone else, i'm a sucker for inter-party conflict and intense emotional scenes. these guys have so much angst and i love it.

i really enjoyed the tight pacing and goal-oriented episodes. i tend to get stressed out when there's too many broad choices about what to do next in any sort of media lol. this campaign also rly showed me how much i love watching high-level play.

i don't fuck with percy??????? lmfao i don't hate him or anything, i literally can't put it any way besides idfw that man. 😭 he's an interesting character ofc and i do like his friendship with keyleth

keyleth was my fave for most of the campaign. her growth was so rewarding to watch, she made me laugh so many times, i love seeing her become a leader, just adore her and she's such a comfort character to me. bought myself a simple ring with "I have passed through fire" engraved on the inside to celebrate my didn't-kill-myself-aversary this year bc that letter was exactly what i needed to hear 😭

kiki and vax never interested me thatttt much UNTIL they became eternally star-crossed lovers jfc. that is my catnip. tbh it's interesting to me that VM is held up by some as having superior romance to TMN, but i didn't find any of VM's romance super compelling.

since it's been a couple months since i finished, i can add that vex is who i've thought most about since i finished?? i always liked her, loved the grey hunt, adored her relationship with vax, but didn't know i had strong feelings until after i'd finished watching. funny how that happens.

the mighty nein start out fucked up and end up pretty good, while vox machina start out pretty cool and then get super fucked up 😭 much as i love outcasts finding family, it was really fun to watch all these archetypal fantasy Cool Guys just go through so much emotional damage lmao.

#critical role #vox machina spoilers #cr c1 spoilers #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #suicide ment cw #suicide mention #lush.talk

[ieiripedia]

𝐼. ⸻ general.

name. shoko ieiri alias(es). sho-sho, sho-chan gender. cisgender female, she/her age. 29 years old in current canon spoken / known language(s). fluent in japanese, jsl ( japanese sign language ) and english. full professional proficiency in french, hangul and asl ( american sign language ). conversational proficiency in mandarin and tagalog sexual preference. biromantic bisexual with a slight preference for femme presenting individuals occupation(s). trauma surgeon / healer for all sorcerers within japan

𝐼𝐼. ⸻ appearance.

eye color. very light brown, close to hazel hair color. brown height. 5'6 / 168cm notable marks. a small dimple under her right eye. a series of thinly raised scars darting diagonally across her back, the kind that whips leave. a nearly completely faded tattoo of a heart, with a crack down the middle ( roughly an inch / two pt. five cm ) on the left side of her waist

𝐼𝐼𝐼. ⸻ favorite.

color. green. song. 恋は月の蔭に ( behind the moon shadow ) by lamp food. chirashi zushi, sobameshi, agemochi drink. manabito ginjo sake, orange ramune, genmaicha tea

𝐼𝑉. ⸻ have they …

passed university. yes! she has her doctorate, even if she cheated a little bit had sex. yes had sex in public. nope gotten pregnant / someone else pregnant. no kissed a boy. yes kissed a girl. yes gotten tattoos. just the one gotten piercings. no, but she's considered it been in love. the best friends of our childhoods are the loves of our lives, and they break our hearts in worse ways stayed up for more than 24 hours. far too often to count

𝑉. ⸻ are they …

a virgin. nope a cuddler. surprisingly, yes a kisser. only if she really likes you! scared easily. not at all jealous easily. she's very familiar with envy, but she's gotta be head over heels to get jealous ( it doesn't happen much ) trustworthy. only if she trusts you dominant. for one night stands / first times, yes submissive. handwave-y. if she's able to relax with you, then yes, but it's typically a no in love. that's between her and whomever she might be in love with single. verse dependent

𝑉𝐼. ⸻ random questions.

have they harmed themselves. technically yes, but only as a means of testing her abilities. in the name of science, yknow? thought of suicide. nope attempted suicide. no wanted to kill someone. absolutely have / had a job. unfortunately have any fears. as a child, she was terrified she'd never make her dream come true. now she's mostly disgruntled by the concept of ending up alone

𝑉𝐼𝐼. ⸻ family.

sibling(s). one, shota — passed away in 1995. no one outside of the ieiri clan knows of him parent(s). michiko ieiri — somewhere in awaji. they haven't spoken since shoko moved to kobe to be with her grandparents. she doesn't know anything about her biological father. children. rei ayanami ( @primordyalsoul ) adopted daughter, though the distinction isn't important to shoko. all that matters is she'd do anything to ensure rei's happiness. significant other. @kusattainu, fiancé. she'd die for them, but it's not like that. pet(s). had a betta fish named squirmy while in med school. he died while shoko was away on assignment in kyoto.

#T: ANALYSIS #suicide ment cw #self harm ment cw

[finncomet]

*walks to u on the lava but little feet away and makes sure he doesn’t do anything about ending his life or something* u okay dude ur not going there right?? Look bestie I’m struggling too but u can’t let ur emptiness and depression or wutever u having win. Cuz everyone from my world loves to see you everyday cuz ur just a good friend to everyone. Some antics are stupid cuz they haven’t watched you well. We need you to stay friend. Dont make me sad best friend. I want to hang with u til ur okay.

☄️ He blinks in surprised. "Oh. I wasn't planning on jumping in... and I doubt I'd actually die even if I did." Wouldn't be the first time he'd taken a swim in a volcano. Though Jake had been there to pull him out last time.

"I appreciate the concern, though. You're sweet." 🦋

#finn post #finn to face #itsjoeyxl #ask #suicide ment cw

[secondsonaym]

re: a certain ask i got

i would appreciate it if you didn't do that, even if it's a fictional character, that is suicide baiting and can make several people uncomfortable.

#suicide ment cw

[greenbeanapologist]

i love to think natsuo has been permabanned on bnha's twitter equivalent for publically suicide baiting endeavor every time he tweets,

#he dropped this 👑 #todoroki natsuo #suicide ment cw

[mamawasatesttube]

You successfully convinced me to read superboy 98!! Look at the boy!!

And like. Wow the very first issue really had his plan be to fly as far up as he could before passing out to knock out the person choking him, at a time where his invinsiblity was concentration based...

Like it's a smart plan but boy howdy were you not kidding about him being passively suicidal!! He really was not considering his own safety at all!! Issue One!!! Somebody give him a hug I swear to god

YEAH I SURE WAS NOT KIDDING 😭 he is only little and he has absolutely no self preservation instincts. PLEASE give him a hug he needs one soooo bad. and it only ! gets ! worse !

#answers #cas-and-their-refusal-to-write #the end of knockout arc breaks my heartttt my god #suicide ment cw

[anglerfishenthusiast]

i know this is just the grim reality of being an adult and more so a person with an actual life but every single time i think about the fact i have a proper Weekend and that i have to go back to work on monday i get like physically sick. it like twists my stomach. not to be like "the exact thing i was concerned would come with getting a job is that it would tank my will to live" but um

#im really supposed to live a whole life like this? brother it is not looking good #lemon squeezy.txt #suicide ment cw

[moonlitkilljoy]

@giftober 2022 | day 13: fashion

The Venture Bros. Season 4, Episode 14 "Assisted Suicide"

#suicide mention #suicide ment cw #vbros #venture bros #the venture bros #dr. orpheus #dr orpheus #byron orpheus #pete white #billy quizboy #billy whalen #gif #gifset #bennys gifsets #once again gifing one of my all time favorite episodes <33 #actually i think i included this exact clip in that one compilation i made glfkjgdflkj #i'm nothing if not predictable <3 #this might be stretching the prompt just a little but thats okay gjdgljfkdlgj #once again we get to see my blatant overuse of em dashes on display #i'm still catching up on the days i missed if it's not too obvious (it is) #n e way have a lovely day/night if you're reading this ^^

[carbonateddelusion]

Edgar (bonus if they're truths he would not be willing to tell me himself)

use any amount of edgars as you want for the question

hum

I'll do M.Eddie because I feel like it

he would absolutely KILL to be anybody else. he hates his life so much. he loves being able to help people, but GOD he hates all the attention on him. and people love him as someone he isn't. as if he had enough of a hard time socializing, he just HAD to toss reaching celebrity godhood to that. he's very deeply unhappy. he doesn't ENJOY killing people. he hates it, but he thinks it's a necessary evil. normal Edgar is the kind of person who doesn't like watching horror movies because the blood effects make him upset, so I'm sure you can draw some conclusions here.

he wishes that he'd never started down this road in the first place, although he'd loathe to admit it. it's... Eddie, so of course there's that nagging voice telling him that the good he's done is worth it, but he wants so, so badly to go back. and he's very ashamed of it. he originally wanted a husband, some kids, and enough money to take care of them all on his own; but once he had a goal in mind, he'd committed himself to pushing through and becoming this idol of a person so he can expand his reach to help even more people.

he's secretly suicidal and he definitely needs some kind of therapy and medication. getting to stay at home is his only reprieve from masking, but even then he still puts on another, albeit lighter, mask when he speaks to the people who work to keep his home well-maintained.

he'd be envious of normal Edgar. extremely envious. he doesn't care about the trauma; he wants his manic pixie dream boyfriend, even if their relationship turns sour. he craves Isaac and Noah's presence by his side. but most of all, he wants his kids. he's still the same kid that took baby dolls and feather dusters and played pretend as a stay-at-home dad.

he feels like whatever is left of his original, actual, genuine personality is too meager or corrupted to be worth anything to other people. they don't like that version of him. that's the version that was slapped on the hands with rulers, ruthlessly bullied by his peers for being "different", and forced to repeat prayers over and over and over until "sinful" thoughts left his mind. they didn't like him then; why would they like him now?

#sui ment cw #suicide ment cw #oc ramblings #my oc #oc: m.edgar

[redlegend-a]

‘People need to respect the rangers that clean up after people that go into the forest too. It’s a suicide spot. It’s colloquially known as the ‘forest of the dead’ It’s not a joke. It’s a chronic problem. There are people whose remains I still haven’t found stuck in there. You’ll find shoes in the hollows of trees that pokémon nest in. It’s horrifying, and sad. Been like that for over twenty years.’

#dash commentary #suicide ment cw